I thought mine could’ve been autistic, bipolar, or even OCD. After 21 years he is a textbook Narcissist. Didn’t even know what a Narcissist was. It makes so much sense now. Understanding helps so much. Right.
@@reneestesnetwork The type that gaslights you are ones that ignore your questions and manipulate, and use you. They lie all the time and I only care about themselves. They will pretend to love you, but they only love their no good selves.
I think more people need to be made aware of trauma. How it affects you in the future in ways you never expected. Trauma was a joke growing up. It was a just get over it! For 50 years I did until I was hospitalized with chest pain. Guess what I had ptsd . Trauma is no joke and because of it . I spent most of my life feeling I deserved it. Treated like crap for years. Narcissist parent to narcissistic husband to now a narcissistic boyfriend for 7 years yesterday! Didn’t know what a narcissist was until last year. I’m releasing my trauma and freeing my self.
I’m 39 years old and same thing. I had a narcissistic mother and had no clue until a few months ago!!!! Once you know there’s no going back. I’ve been manipulated my whole life!!! By her and two of my three relationships. I’m free from her and current relationship. Once I had knowledge of what was happening I knew I deserved better. I’m in therapy and thanking god I’m an empath and not a narcissist!!!!!!!!
Trauma is not reason to abuse and im talking about the Narcissistic abuser. They claim trauma. Understanding trauma is not going to fix the one that is abusing you or fix you. The abusers bring baggage into a relationship which consists of major problems they never fixed or faced and never worked on. Narcissistic abusers are looking for a slave, someone to use, to abuse, exploit to control, Abusers should know they will be resented, kicked out, left, hated or worse than all of the above when you bring this baggage into a relationship.
@elizabethevans7198 I don't get it. I've made peace that I've been abused and it never haunts me. It's changing our ways and understanding why we attract these assholes. Yeah, the one that puts on an act but has been concealing some type of monster inside. Where after a year of marriage Freddy Kruger jumps out and I thought I was supposed to kick Freddy Kruger ass after being provoked and provoked and provoked, how did I know that I wasn't supposed to do that when Freddy Kruger is a man and im 5'3 woman and I get mind fckd and abused against my own will which was not consensual? That's no different than a rapist or child molester. This psycho did all this shit and got in my face and im supposed to run? I know im a girl but that's not reason to think I cant hold my own. Whoever thinks it's ok for a man to do this and not get their ass kicked? Well, your in fantasy land if you do Whoever doesn't understand being me as a victim is the abuser or one that hasn't been in an abusive relationship with a full-blown narcissist psychopathic and sadistic abuser. These people that pull this abusive crap should be careful cause I ain't taking it. BTW, he can kiss my ass!
It’s not a relationship when one person is doing all the work, compromising, changes, you name it and the other just does and says whatever they want without regards to the other.
It took me too many years to figure this out but I stopped trying to smooth everything over . I quit that 33 yr marriage. He refused to divorce - so he had time to steal all our assets . 4 lawyers later - and him “bribing 3 of them’… I finally got a divorce after he demanded I destroy my claim to divorce him.he demanded it was written that he was divorcing me. Told our friends and kids everything was my fault,’. Now he has all the assets and $ he took most offshore.yes, he’s charmingly doling out his attention. Yep, he buys off everyone and they love it. Guess what, I am happier without all the BS . I am totally OK.it was worth getting out !
ONE WAY i used to think about my marriage to my narcissistic, now-ex is, “I meant NO MORE to him than any random stranger: grocery store cashier; waitress; coworker; acquaintance; neighbor; etc. Zero! He had NO CAPACITY to love/value one person (e.g., a spouse) over ANOTHER!!” Yet, the crazy (ironic) thing IS…Is that a narcissist values THEMSELF over ALL others!
Dr Ramani is truly a expert on narcissism and toxic people. She is a blessing and a wonderful person. Dr Ramani explains and helps understand such a truly complex and abusive pattern that has devastated many people. Have to remember that there is where on the spectrum is the person.
No more toxic relationships. I’m exploring the things like where do I really want to live. Things I want to do. I’m one who googles how to fix this & how to do things to make life easier. I love to read & learn new things. It gives me such a wonderful feeling of accomplishment. I love being independent, but not to the point I am afraid of asking for help when I need it. I have so much to look forward to. I’m excited to embrace this journey. ❤
Thank you so much. I have become disabled with PTSD from abuse and assault - I am 65 and my life or I should say my love was dedicated to 3 narcissistic relationships in my younger years i could move on and regrow thru therapy - the last was a supervisor and hostile work environment - it took its final blow on my mental health and my age. But I am in therapy and so resonate with what you are saying. As a young woman I wish I had been educated on this, however my mother was the first so CPTSD has shaped a lot of the other - I just thank you for helping others recognize the danger of our society. Thank you
Such great information...my adult daughter is married to a NPD guy...he's filed for divorce...I'm thrilled! It's almost over and she can move on with our 7 year old grandson!
Also, if she isn't very self aware of the fact she picked an NPD and why she's attracted to that - she will simply do it again. Same man, different body. Most NPDs don't file for divorce - they like to keep their victims.
It’s odd for men to file let alone a narc they don’t give up their possession unless they have another plan and attack… I feel for the child they have no ability to truly love they use ppl as tools
Unfortunately those people do not let go, they are sadistic for years to come. And the children become the battleground and turned against the abused parent. She will need all the help you can give her. Best wishes.
You described my husband to a T! I knew for years there was something wrong with him! Unpredictable! I just never knew how to get out! Love your videos. They have helped me so much…I have to live here and just avoid him. But I have learned to keep busy and exercise. I walk a lot and it lifts my mood so much. I learned this from watching videos like this. I feel good mentally Sometimes I walk 2-3 hours and listen to music or listen to videos like this. Thank you and others for all the wonderful videos!
It's mind blowing to me to hear you say that narcissism and the repercussions of that type of relationship isn't focused on or even taught in the academics of mental health!! I feel this desperately needs to be changed!! As a survivor of several horrible abusive relationships I can tell you what damage it does to have a therapist say they don't want to talk about a label or even that person! Sometimes, the abused need justification to move forward in healing!!
Thanks for discussing narcissism. There is a difference between selfishness and narcissism . The narcissist wants to be more controlling. The trauma bond is a concept that I haven’t heard before.
In my experience selfishness is just the beginning. Unchecked selfishness turns to narcissistic behaviour patterns over time. Recognizing the attempts to secure a trauma bond may differentiate between selfishness and ill intent however you are unlikely to differentiate between based just on their responses. You must use your intuition to their intent. Whether or not you love your dog, when it holds the intent to bite, you will *NEVER* be comfortable in their presence.
Trauma Bonding,years ago was called Stockholm Syndrome in which POW's were subjected to constant intermittent reinforcement,creating the thinking " You know,it was pretty good for a while,maybe we can back to that." It's akin to having an addiction.
The hardest thing for me to realize is that this person didn’t care about me. At all. He could pretend for a while when it was useful but it was always only about him. I think that’s why narcissists are such liars. The truth has no worth to them.
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient..
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
Thank you for opening a door for me today. I have been procrastinating with my house & the outside as well. I lost myself & now I’m seeing why I’ve been procrastinating. I’m going to start in her room. Most of her things are still here. She left a mess when she went off to College . I started & she wanted me to leave it just as it was. I feel if I pack her things up & clean, I will be able to do everything elseI need to do. Her room is a reminder of the pain from her not helping & doing her part when she was here. OMG !! It broke my heart. I’m looking forward to having everything back together & finished. I’m going to really enjoy the things I’ve wanted to do. I completely lost interest in things I enjoyed & life in general. It took this podcast today to see it. Thank you ! Thank You !! Thank You !!
I left a narcissistic woman more borderline after 5 years I walked away , it was extremely draining, every thing was my fault she never took any accountability and 6 months after the breakup she married some guy and had a baby in less than a year and she had another one months after , she did have a son from a previous relationship he and I were close and he’ll call me time to time saying that he missed me I felt so bad because I left , it’s been 3 years since I left and I was able to see him again he’s a young teenager now and he invited me to his baseball game his mom wasn’t there just his father in which he and I always got along great , her son told me that his mom and the new guy always fight and that the new guy is always sleeping on the couch , he has 2 babies from her and you know what I kind of feel sorry for the dude I know what he’s going through I can only imagine with 2 babies with her oh my , she was so bossy , I know this dude can never relax
This is good info on toxic abuse. I have experienced it and what is worrisome is that a narcisst is not capable of a close, healthy, and emotionally available relationship. There's ways to cope and live with one, but the relationship will never be what you wished it would be. Narcissism is hard to heal from and they need to recognize it in themselves and seek therapy and work on it for years.
I narrowed his abuse down to a 3 week cycle in the end. I discarded him knowing he was a narcissist but made the fatal mistake of forgiving him from afar and he hoovered me and got revenge. Never go back.
Since I learned about hoovering from Dr. Ramani, I went completely no contact. 8 years later he is still attempting to hoover me back…I stay strong and never respond to him. Btw, my ex was officially diagnosed as NPD by the military. Psychopathy runs deep in this person.
Love Dr Ramani who has helped me over the years. I don’t think I could have made it without her. I tried 3 different therapists. The last one I stayed for about 6 sessions. She never heard of Dr Ramani, nor any of the current views, takes or ways to help those who are suffering from narcissistic abuse. It’s been very rough and rougher😢
I have forever gotten into arguments about the lack of care for others which accompanies success … on the other hand … have you met a successful person whom doesn’t resemble the model of a narcissist? I havn’t and wonder if it is an active choice to play the role or whether success crafts the individual?
My late FIL developed the therapy to treat PTSD in veterans.The Minneapolis VA would not allow him to use the therapy inside the VA,so he ended up using one of the small outbuildings on the VA's grounds. He was very passionate about his work,but the VA tied his hands whenever he had a suggesstion or recommended,and I am certain this is what lead to his heart attack and subsequent death. He was an incredibly personable,kind sharing information via dual,miss him.❤
My two favorite clinicians yaaay!!!! thank you so much for having Dr Ramani she is a gem 💎 excited to listen to this convo. Also as someone from a cultural background where narcissism is celebrated she has opened my eyes to a lot and how to live healthy .
I love these conversations and what Dr Ramani brings to the table. I am a clinical psychologist who has had a personal journey with narcs and I can so deeply resonate. Also I so agree with the disability bit. We are talking about complex humans and we cannot put them in boxes. Even the psychometric tests are so flawed on so many levels. Culture, timing, sample size etc matter but we don't give that importance at all. A diagnosis sticks for life and hence we hv to be super sensitive about dishing out these. Thank you for ur podcasts Dr Rangan. God bless both you and Dr Ramani.
Narcissists cannot READ people! They do not understand the display of emotions in others because they are emotionally disregulated people. They do not even understand what emotions are in themselves so how can they understand emotions in others? They are however very adapt at recognizing SUPPLY and will absolutely pretend to understand in order to get it. They have learned through observing others what signs of certain emotions are (yelling, crying, sighing) and may have their feelers out to draw in someone at an opportune time, but knowing about emotions and how they affect you is not in their repertoire. They do not possess the emotional maturity in order to do that.
@maxsheerin8219 They absolutely do have emotions, I never said they didn't! I said they are emotionally disregulated people, they cannot understand (or regulate) their emotions therefore they cannot understand emotions in others and so they cannot "read" people. Narcissist expert Sam Vaknin has already stated as much in his lectures
Growing up with a narcissist mother took me decades until I realized that it was not ME that was wrong and to blame. But at least it instinctively prevented me from ever engaging in a relationship or friendship with a narcissist.
Same... like other person replying, i did not realise at all, only since 3 years, i'm not young anymore, and very ill. Realising all the (almost all?) is related to the never ending pressure & being ugly duckling, worthless... you name it. Thanks to dr Ramani & other good doctors, i've realised what really was happening, 'shocking' does not cover it... my partner cannot understand (it's not surprising), he keeps visiting, i'm taking 'nc' now, i cannot anymore. You realised it good & married good, gosh! (good for you!) kind regards from Belgium
When are people going to LEARN to STOP being CO DEPENDANT and learn to LIVE ON YOUR OWN without the DRAMA?! You DONT need anyone else to be HAPPY in fact your better off being YOUR OWN BOSS. Have a blessed one 🙏
I had never heard of narcissism thirty years ago. I thought my narcissistic husband was just a difficult person due to childhood trauma. I made excuses for his horrible behavior for decades. I found Dr. Ramani's videos, and it was a lightbulb moment for me. Now, I'm planning my escape.
@annjohnson8437 yup. Me as well. And the guilt! And the helpful people " maybe you could say it differently" etc. Thanks to Dr Ramini (and nearly 3 decades of trying a kinds of ways to "communicate", I DGAF anymore. He can make hiz insulting ridiculous statements about me, my motives, my life, my past, etc etc etcetera and I need to not care. Aha! I havexa new idea!,this week J shall make like,a duck and quack (internally at least) as I let the abuse slip off like,water off a duck's back.
It’s not Okay. Unfortunately I witnessed his parents and siblings constantly telling him “It’s Okay, CB. It’s Okay, You’re Okay. G, it’s okay it JUST CB.”!!! I would see all the horror and eyes shifting and everyone with the expression of “Here we go, who’s going to get the verbal wrath.” And no one wanted to be on the receiving end of it, including his parents. I’ve never heard any of my friends or family ever say to their parents, “Are you F’n Stupid?!!” Ridiculous and abusive behavior.
Dr Raman has been my guiding light over my years of transitioning out. Didn’t even brush my teeth and I wondered If I was the narcissist in my marriage when watching these videos but then I realised a narcissist would never think this. I was feeling like a truck had run me over. Completely done. Family & Friends gone. Never again will I let anyone in my life now. I have a Dog which is amazing I get up out of bed every day all day walking now 💞🐾💞
It never really even crossed my mind that my Dad was a narcissist. Like I was overreacting. But the more I learn the more obvious it becomes. Like the “nice” stages. From 8 yo when my parents divorced that was the cycle of my dad and I’s relationship. A good cycle of about a month or two and then no contact because of another “episode” as my mom called him. And my mom would always say “well you know he picks at people, he wants a rise out of them” and she was right but I still internalized it so much. Like if I was just better at controlling my emotions my dad wouldn’t have lost control of his… At 8. It’s very hard to come to terms with. I feel like I can’t trust any of my opinions or conceptualization of my past. It makes me very angry now when I hear examples of people saying they were gaslit because they sound so sure of it. And now I know that when you’ve been gaslit, you literally have no idea. Logically you know it’s true, but you can’t actually feel that. I hope those of us actually going through that are okay.
Six minutes in and I hear the word "soup". Reminds me to check the ingredients prior to consumption. Simply from listening to the first six minutes I'm hearing about bad behavior and bad words and appreciating what a lot is contained here for examination. Word soup is on the menu as an alternative to word salad? Listen and learn? Hopefully. Who said let those with ears hear? Let me get my glasses so I can see to adjust my hearing aid! Good Friday! (commenting 9/20/2024) Thank you to Dr. Catterjee and to Dr. Ramani and TH-cam for the video.
My x used to say to me that it’s how I interpret his words and actions. It was always me who was given that responsibility when in fact those are how words and actions, not mine.
I know what I want. I want a simple life. I don’t need all the material things in life. I have my little farm, animals, & I enjoy all the wildlife , that live here. The things that are important to me is making a difference in someone else’s life, as well as the rescue work I’ve done for animals. Now, it’s time for me to be part of projects, like helping people in need & other things I love. Family has always been important part of my life. However, I’m looking at the fact, I’m a late in life child. Most of my family have passed. My half sister is a narcissist & I’ve always loved her children as my own. Problem is, they are all very unhealthy. Even as a very young child, I felt I didn’t fit in. I understand why now. Yes, I understand it now. Yes, I’ve made some bad choices, especially in men. I see how all of it has not only affected me, but my children. Father’s have a huge roll in their children’s life. When they aren’t willing to work with you for the sake of your children & their families want either, there is a huge problem. I’ve done the best I could do. My youngest told me crying how sorry she was she talked to me & treated me. She said, “Mom, I just wanted my Dad’s love & attention.” I said, you think I don’t know this ??? Yes, I do understand this. I thought maybe things would change. Absolutely not !!! I can’t fix them or anyone else. They all know who was always there for them. Now, they can figure it all out on their own. I’m finished with being used ! They can ask their Dad & ex & whoever. They have reaped what they have dished out ! I don’t mean this ugly, but they haven’t ever lifted 1 finger !! They never thought I would walk away, wrong !! I’m putting an end to it, no more of this treatment. There are people who will love & appreciate the person I am. Now !! On with my life !! I’m looking forward to it ! ❤
@@jerinpeter1390 I found some information online, about Borderline with Narcissistic Personality disorder. Info is out there if you Google around enough. Of course everyone is a little narcissistic, but if one's self centeredness is too strong, at some point one's narcissism becomes a personality issue. Good luck on googling for those two disorders together. I think Dr. Ramani talks about the two together on a video, somewhere. All I can do is work on myself and hopefully not get drawn into relationships, or friendships with BPD or NPD people. Good vibes out to you.
You might want to add into the mix Fearful Avoidant attachment because it can be almost identical behavior to BPD.... from my comfortable, armchair Psychologist chair 😂
My mother has this, it's the reason people with bpd get such stigma it's the ones who have narcissism too.. pure evil. It is an absolute miracle I am alive today.
Ok. Just got out of such a relationship described. But I realized that I was recreating this relationship because I still was trauma-bonded to my father. Once I released the original trauma bond I wasn't able to maintain the relationship with the current guy who even looked a little like my father. I'm currently undergoing hypnotherapy with EMDR, EFT. Very effective.
I don’t think the word narcissism has lost its potency. I think we’re simply uncovering that there’s a lot of different types of narcissism out there not just flat out bully behavior, but covert narcissism is real thing and I think it’s more common than we think.
So what I get from this is.. we don't know anything for sure. Whether we're being lovebombed by a narc or its genuine butterflies. Having been in a relationship with one.. I prefer now to follow my own course. It's tricky, and not worth trying.
Good grief - this is spot on. Even your 'example sentences' are exactly what came out my ex mouth. He kept saying I was gaslighting him ... really!? Get far far away.
I had a DAd that ws narcissist, so when i married a narcissist,, it seemed like a normal life,,, i was married for 64 years then he passed away.. I see some of the important partts of life i missed and & its so sad... I really need some pro help ,, I seek the right way,, I seek love in daily life,, i seek alot of things,,, many things are still a problem,,, If God were not in my life,, they would be bigger,, He is my refuge... If you are in a narcissist related life,,, seek help,,.. dont wait//...
Has anyone listened to this and imagined how if sounds through the lense of BEING a narcissist? I'm pretty sure a lot of them are probably fans of Dr Ramani and are convinced they're not in any way at fault for any of their long history of interpersonal problems. There is no shortage in people who never practice any form of introspection who never take any responsibility for the drama they seemingly "attract".
I am new to this channel and so glad I found it. Doctors Ramani and Chatterjee have so much wisdom. Thank you for sharing this time and these thoughts with us.
With one for many years, now separated for at least 4 or 5 thank God 🙏. I am the guardian of my heart ❤ and I ask God for help, support and protection from 🙏🏼 from him every day. 🎉🎉 Love the Lord ❤❤
Damn... I can relate with some of the patterns discussed here. In the last days I noticed them more and more on an aunt of mine... And then came with a realization that maybe she's a narcissist.
If “No Contact” possible the best is “Radical Acceptance” and “Grey rock” ( do not defend yourself to the narc, do not explain, do not engage, and do not take insults personally ) With some practice peace is possible. Karma is real. God is good ❤
When we decided to separate.. although he'd already been cheating. He said to me, " Dont worry, you'll find someone, you're better looking now than you were"
6:03 so good to finally hear a professional admit that women will immediately call an ex-boyfriend a narcissist. It's more than unpleasant to be called narcissist because it's Society we will forgive a murderer who's paid his debt to society before we would ever forgive a narcissist
It's really difficult to distinguish, the difference between Borderline Personality Disorder & Narcissistic Personality Disorder. What's the core difference?
I decided now after dating creepers since 2014..I do not need to rely and have a person make me feel crappy! Freedom after divorce and just dating. No thanks. Single and happy now ❤ Thank you for your info Too many narcissistic idiots😊
I have found this conversation so interesting. Good questions that I have always been thinking about . The answers are so helpful, so good to understand what I have been stuck with. It's certainly a very good question and answers explanations. I am finding so many answers. A great team.
This, it's the gaslighting, criticism, and the trapping that's so hard. He won't talk now he's shut completely down emotionally. I tried to set goals with him first then I had to set boundaries when those the simple goal of planning a couples counseling session hasn't been set. I feel like I'm going crazy and I'm at my tipping point. He doesn't even tell me he loves me. 😔
You’re not crazy, IT’S NOT YOU! I’ve been through similar things. They get you where they want you and then keep you there to control you. Breadcrumb by being ‘nice’ to you for a bit then are horrible to you the rest of the time. It’s no way to live.
Facebook is too overwhelming for me. It's so fake and all those strangers scare me. I had to shut my account. I am an introvert. Thank you. 🙏♥♥♥♥♥♥🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹😎
Dr Ram, l never knew the sign, but God is the one that removed me from Narsissist in my social circle. Now thank you l am still your student, always at your feet. I recognise one, l run off automatically.
It's tough, especially after 21 years! I'm 62 and walked! I couldn't see wasting another moment of getting gaslit, lovebombed, ridiculed, discarded, repeat, etc... He couldn't do enough for me when it was good, it was great. However, I'd rather be alone than in his misery every other week!! It's been 7 weeks, and it hurts my heart. Especially when I'm the one who left! These videos and therapy are a godsend. You have to resist the vulnerability, it's essential to healing!
My friends didn't get it, but l changed my wardrobe completely and gave away the clothes that l wore out with him. I changed my bedroom furniture. Got rid of everything that reminded me of him and everything he got for me. It worked so much.
Is it hard because you have fear of sickness and aging? She's beautifully confident and I want to be that way regardless of how I look some day. Centering being objectified and perceived really doesn't lead you to your best life long-term, especially when it makes you comment insensitively to others.
Ill suggest a better method for self-orienting as the one described here can easily lead to fragile egos. Think about when you were very young...your earliest memory. From there, think about a time about every 5 years from then right up to the present, all the while paying attention to how it felt to be you and especially the part of it that doesn't change. This helps get in touch with your most authentic self, not your "identity" in terms of job, status, beliefs, etc. This is a much healthier and stabilizing practice and only takes a minute.
Dr. Rangan, I was told that too by the therapist. I got the: They aren't here, or I don't know him" Who says that? That's so ridiculous for a therapist to say. Some can't recognize abuse and can't recognize a narcissist and no matter how much detail you put in this, they have nothing to offer, it leaves you frustrated. This is a big problem in the mental health field.
I’m going through the end of the relationship where they call me crazy and make it out to everyone I am (all his ex’s are crazy btw) and I’m trying Not to give narcissistic supply. It’s hard to need closure and realise I won’t get it.
Visually it presents as confidence which society sees as a good thing. The best method I’ve found when getting to know someone the first time is to tell them no for something they clearly want or were looking forward to and then grab some popcorn and watch how they react. It’s saved me from entering some toxic relationships.
Gaslight example: caught my ex fiance on snapchat speaking with 5 other girls. 1st he lied denied it. Then said it wasn't him snapchat was broken. I was so starved for love I argued with him instead of leaving immediately. I even told him we can work Thru it. Then he turned it on me and said I shouldn't be checking his phone.
When a toxic relationship is happening. There are two toxic people, not just one. Neither admit they jave a problems "themselves". There is nothing more revolting to a partner than someone "begging, pleading, screaming, crying, manipulating, obeying". I dont even think the narc gets off on ut. Its jusy their way, as yours, is yours. Taking responsibility for the part you playe or played with a narc is the first step to healing. Its is not the fault of the marc that you too had red flags, as we all do. It isnt the faulti of the narc if you arehurting and choosing to stay. .Iike WTAF 🤷♀️ He makes me miserable and isruining my life. And I love him 🤦♀️ jesus wept. Act like adult.
The Narcissist word rescued me. Couldn’t understand my husband’s toxic behaviours for over 15 years. It all made sense once I discovered ‘Narcissism’.
The Narcissist word enlightened me as I finally understood what my ex-friend is and why he made me suffer SO MUCH!!!
Me either 11 years I am just now knowing what a narcissists is and they are monsters. I'm in the middle of leaving mines. I want out and go in peace
I thought mine could’ve been autistic, bipolar, or even OCD. After 21 years he is a textbook Narcissist. Didn’t even know what a Narcissist was. It makes so much sense now. Understanding helps so much. Right.
Same here. It was like "bingo"!
I became immune to his gaslighting. And my answer evolved to “your validation and agreement isn’t necessary in order to make it true.”
Well said!!!
I have a similar phrase from the other angle "Just because you say, doesn't make it so."
Great response.
I’m posting on my network my journey through the relationship with the now ex. Married to Madness Navigating ASPD.
@@reneestesnetwork
The type that gaslights you are ones that ignore your questions and manipulate, and use you. They lie all the time and I only care about themselves. They will pretend to love you, but they only love their no good selves.
I think more people need to be made aware of trauma. How it affects you in the future in ways you never expected. Trauma was a joke growing up. It was a just get over it! For 50 years I did until I was hospitalized with chest pain. Guess what I had ptsd . Trauma is no joke and because of it . I spent most of my life feeling I deserved it. Treated like crap for years. Narcissist parent to narcissistic husband to now a narcissistic boyfriend for 7 years yesterday! Didn’t know what a narcissist was until last year. I’m releasing my trauma and freeing my self.
Good for you! Knowledge is power ❤🎉
I’m 39 years old and same thing. I had a narcissistic mother and had no clue until a few months ago!!!! Once you know there’s no going back. I’ve been manipulated my whole life!!! By her and two of my three relationships. I’m free from her and current relationship. Once I had knowledge of what was happening I knew I deserved better. I’m in therapy and thanking god I’m an empath and not a narcissist!!!!!!!!
No contact works great., #boundaries will give you peace of mind. Start a campaign. You will have a new life.😊💕
Trauma is not reason to abuse and im talking about the Narcissistic abuser. They claim trauma. Understanding trauma is not going to fix the one that is abusing you or fix you. The abusers bring baggage into a relationship which consists of major problems they never fixed or faced and never worked on. Narcissistic abusers are looking for a slave, someone to use, to abuse, exploit to control, Abusers should know they will be resented, kicked out, left, hated or worse than all of the above when you bring this baggage into a relationship.
@elizabethevans7198
I don't get it. I've made peace that I've been abused and it never haunts me. It's changing our ways and understanding why we attract these assholes. Yeah, the one that puts on an act but has been concealing some type of monster inside.
Where after a year of marriage Freddy Kruger jumps out and I thought I was supposed to kick Freddy Kruger ass after being provoked and provoked and provoked, how did I know that I wasn't supposed to do that when Freddy Kruger is a man and im 5'3 woman and I get mind fckd and abused against my own will which was not consensual? That's no different than a rapist or child molester. This psycho did all this shit and got in my face and im supposed to run? I know im a girl but that's not reason to think
I cant hold my own. Whoever thinks it's ok for a man to do this and not get their ass kicked? Well, your in fantasy land if you do
Whoever doesn't understand being me as a victim is the abuser or one that hasn't been in an abusive relationship with a full-blown narcissist psychopathic and sadistic abuser. These people that pull this abusive crap should be careful cause I ain't taking it. BTW, he can kiss my ass!
It’s not a relationship when one person is doing all the work, compromising, changes, you name it and the other just does and says whatever they want without regards to the other.
It's better to cut your losses while you're at it. No matter how many years you spent.
You are right, they don’t change.
Most people don't know what they've gotten into until it's too late, and it's hard to leave
It took me too many years to figure this out but I stopped trying to smooth everything over . I quit that 33 yr marriage. He refused to divorce - so he had time to steal all our assets . 4 lawyers later - and him “bribing 3 of them’… I finally got a divorce after he demanded I destroy my claim to divorce him.he demanded it was written that he was divorcing me. Told our friends and kids everything was my fault,’. Now he has all the assets and $ he took most offshore.yes, he’s charmingly doling out his attention.
Yep, he buys off everyone and they love it. Guess what, I am happier without all the BS . I am totally OK.it was worth getting out !
She is a gem..Beautiful brain..Simply beautiful!
Dr Ramani is really good on narcissistic abuse.
She’s a woman so she knows best
The best!❤
Agreed, so is Dr. Vaknin, a professor and diagnosed NPD himself.
@@TH-eb5ro Really Dr Vaknin is lovely
Dr Ramani is the best
This woman is an EXPERT on Narcissism.
ONE WAY i used to think about my marriage to my narcissistic, now-ex is, “I meant NO MORE to him than any random stranger: grocery store cashier; waitress; coworker; acquaintance; neighbor; etc. Zero! He had NO CAPACITY to love/value one person (e.g., a spouse) over ANOTHER!!” Yet, the crazy (ironic) thing IS…Is that a narcissist values THEMSELF over ALL others!
Exactly right
My ex told me there are only two things he wants from me: 1) Sex and 2) Supper😮
That’s how I view things now. Like discarding an appliance.
That is exactly 💯 right ✅️
I can relate to this…
So sorry my dear
Dr. Ramani's videos have been helping me a lot over the past year
Dr Ramani is truly a expert on narcissism and toxic people. She is a blessing and a wonderful person. Dr Ramani explains and helps understand such a truly complex and abusive pattern that has devastated many people. Have to remember that there is where on the spectrum is the person.
No more toxic relationships. I’m exploring the things like where do I really want to live. Things I want to do. I’m one who googles how to fix this & how to do things to make life easier. I love to read & learn new things. It gives me such a wonderful feeling of accomplishment. I love being independent, but not to the point I am afraid of asking for help when I need it. I have so much to look forward to. I’m excited to embrace this journey. ❤
Me too !
Thank you so much. I have become disabled with PTSD from abuse and assault - I am 65 and my life or I should say my love was dedicated to 3 narcissistic relationships in my younger years i could move on and regrow thru therapy - the last was a supervisor and hostile work environment - it took its final blow on my mental health and my age. But I am in therapy and so resonate with what you are saying. As a young woman I wish I had been educated on this, however my mother was the first so CPTSD has shaped a lot of the other - I just thank you for helping others recognize the danger of our society. Thank you
Such great information...my adult daughter is married to a NPD guy...he's filed for divorce...I'm thrilled! It's almost over and she can move on with our 7 year old grandson!
If you're son in-law is truly a narc, he will not let her move on.
Also, if she isn't very self aware of the fact she picked an NPD and why she's attracted to that - she will simply do it again. Same man, different body. Most NPDs don't file for divorce - they like to keep their victims.
I hope so for her! But I fear it won’t truly over as long as he has shared custody over their child…
It’s odd for men to file let alone a narc they don’t give up their possession unless they have another plan and attack… I feel for the child they have no ability to truly love they use ppl as tools
Unfortunately those people do not let go, they are sadistic for years to come. And the children become the battleground and turned against the abused parent. She will need all the help you can give her. Best wishes.
You described my husband to a T! I knew for years there was something wrong with him! Unpredictable! I just never knew how to get out! Love your videos. They have helped me so much…I have to live here and just avoid him. But I have learned to keep busy and exercise. I walk a lot and it lifts my mood so much. I learned this from watching videos like this. I feel good mentally Sometimes I walk 2-3 hours and listen to music or listen to videos like this. Thank you and others for all the wonderful videos!
She is bang on! Control,control. If you've been there,U Recognize
It's mind blowing to me to hear you say that narcissism and the repercussions of that type of relationship isn't focused on or even taught in the academics of mental health!! I feel this desperately needs to be changed!! As a survivor of several horrible abusive relationships I can tell you what damage it does to have a therapist say they don't want to talk about a label or even that person! Sometimes, the abused need justification to move forward in healing!!
Yea. Nobody wants to hear it. They want u to talk about nice things
Thanks for discussing narcissism. There is a difference between selfishness and narcissism . The narcissist wants to be more controlling. The trauma bond is a concept that I haven’t heard before.
In my experience selfishness is just the beginning. Unchecked selfishness turns to narcissistic behaviour patterns over time. Recognizing the attempts to secure a trauma bond may differentiate between selfishness and ill intent however you are unlikely to differentiate between based just on their responses. You must use your intuition to their intent. Whether or not you love your dog, when it holds the intent to bite, you will *NEVER* be comfortable in their presence.
@@CamStubbs good points! Thanks.
Trauma Bonding,years ago was called Stockholm Syndrome in which POW's were subjected to constant intermittent reinforcement,creating the thinking " You know,it was pretty good for a while,maybe we can back to that."
It's akin to having an addiction.
The hardest thing for me to realize is that this person didn’t care about me. At all. He could pretend for a while when it was useful but it was always only about him. I think that’s why narcissists are such liars. The truth has no worth to them.
Dr Ramani explains this soo well. I feel heard, made sense of, held and protected. This is a person that just gets it! Keep it up! shake up world ❤
Chronically be doubted including themselves 😢-you nailed it
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient..
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.
You wont regret it
Bots
Dr. Ramani has taught me everything I know. I now have to the tools to not only heal, but to recognize these things in other people very quickly!
Thank you for opening a door for me today. I have been procrastinating with my house & the outside as well. I lost myself & now I’m seeing why I’ve been procrastinating. I’m going to start in her room. Most of her things are still here. She left a mess when she went off to College . I started & she wanted me to leave it just as it was. I feel if I pack her things up & clean, I will be able to do everything elseI need to do. Her room is a reminder of the pain from her not helping & doing her part when she was here. OMG !! It broke my heart. I’m looking forward to having everything back together & finished. I’m going to really enjoy the things I’ve wanted to do. I completely lost interest in things I enjoyed & life in general. It took this podcast today to see it. Thank you ! Thank You !! Thank You !!
Great
I left a narcissistic woman more borderline after 5 years I walked away , it was extremely draining, every thing was my fault she never took any accountability and 6 months after the breakup she married some guy and had a baby in less than a year and she had another one months after , she did have a son from a previous relationship he and I were close and he’ll call me time to time saying that he missed me I felt so bad because I left , it’s been 3 years since I left and I was able to see him again he’s a young teenager now and he invited me to his baseball game his mom wasn’t there just his father in which he and I always got along great , her son told me that his mom and the new guy always fight and that the new guy is always sleeping on the couch , he has 2 babies from her and you know what I kind of feel sorry for the dude I know what he’s going through I can only imagine with 2 babies with her oh my , she was so bossy , I know this dude can never relax
Wow. That guy has a ball and chain now.
This is good info on toxic abuse. I have experienced it and what is worrisome is that a narcisst is not capable of a close, healthy, and emotionally available relationship. There's ways to cope and live with one, but the relationship will never be what you wished it would be. Narcissism is hard to heal from and they need to recognize it in themselves and seek therapy and work on it for years.
I narrowed his abuse down to a 3 week cycle in the end. I discarded him knowing he was a narcissist but made the fatal mistake of forgiving him from afar and he hoovered me and got revenge. Never go back.
So you broke up..... they hoovered you back... to break up with you?
@@fbustoz yes. This is a tactic they use sadly.
Since I learned about hoovering from Dr. Ramani, I went completely no contact. 8 years later he is still attempting to hoover me back…I stay strong and never respond to him. Btw, my ex was officially diagnosed as NPD by the military. Psychopathy runs deep in this person.
Don't go back. Cut your losses. Don't seek revenge. Give it to God. It only gets worse if kids are involved.
Love Dr Ramani who has helped me over the years. I don’t think I could have made it without her. I tried 3 different therapists. The last one I stayed for about 6 sessions. She never heard of Dr Ramani, nor any of the current views, takes or ways to help those who are suffering from narcissistic abuse. It’s been very rough and rougher😢
That was a really interesting point i hadn't thought of. We only speak negatively about unsuccessful narcissism
I have forever gotten into arguments about the lack of care for others which accompanies success … on the other hand … have you met a successful person whom doesn’t resemble the model of a narcissist?
I havn’t and wonder if it is an active choice to play the role or whether success crafts the individual?
I have seen successful nonnarcissts and 'successful' narcissists in action. True strength is found in the former.
Can I hit the like button a million times?❤
My late FIL developed the therapy to treat PTSD in veterans.The Minneapolis VA would not allow him to use the therapy inside the VA,so he ended up using one of the small outbuildings on the VA's grounds.
He was very passionate about his work,but the VA tied his hands whenever he had a suggesstion or recommended,and I am certain this is what lead to his heart attack and subsequent death.
He was an incredibly personable,kind sharing information via dual,miss him.❤
The government isn't into growth, change, doing things better. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Any department of any government is full of narcissists. Power and manipulation being the operative words.
As a vet who suffers from ptsd I can tell you w every fiber of my being…the va is evil
My two favorite clinicians yaaay!!!! thank you so much for having Dr Ramani she is a gem 💎 excited to listen to this convo. Also as someone from a cultural background where narcissism is celebrated she has opened my eyes to a lot and how to live healthy .
I love these conversations and what Dr Ramani brings to the table. I am a clinical psychologist who has had a personal journey with narcs and I can so deeply resonate. Also I so agree with the disability bit. We are talking about complex humans and we cannot put them in boxes. Even the psychometric tests are so flawed on so many levels. Culture, timing, sample size etc matter but we don't give that importance at all. A diagnosis sticks for life and hence we hv to be super sensitive about dishing out these.
Thank you for ur podcasts Dr Rangan. God bless both you and Dr Ramani.
Indeed, however all those deemed truly narcissistic are real aholes, damaging to their partner and children beyond belief
Narcissists cannot READ people! They do not understand the display of emotions in others because they are emotionally disregulated people. They do not even understand what emotions are in themselves so how can they understand emotions in others? They are however very adapt at recognizing SUPPLY and will absolutely pretend to understand in order to get it. They have learned through observing others what signs of certain emotions are (yelling, crying, sighing) and may have their feelers out to draw in someone at an opportune time, but knowing about emotions and how they affect you is not in their repertoire. They do not possess the emotional maturity in order to do that.
What you are describing here is "psychopathy "not narcassim". Narcissistic absolutely do have feelings and emotions.
@maxsheerin8219
They absolutely do have emotions, I never said they didn't! I said they are emotionally disregulated people, they cannot understand (or regulate) their emotions therefore they cannot understand emotions in others and so they cannot "read" people. Narcissist expert Sam Vaknin has already stated as much in his lectures
@bluecrystal3900 oh they know alright.
@@maxsheerin8219
Who knows what? You don't seem to know what you're talking about
@bluecrystal3900 cool story.
I’ve encountered many narcissists and I realized that I cannot be gaslighted. I never believed the lies.
Wow ,how???
Growing up with a narcissist mother took me decades until I realized that it was not ME that was wrong and to blame. But at least it instinctively prevented me from ever engaging in a relationship or friendship with a narcissist.
I did the opposite unfortunately… I married a man just like my narcissistic mother 😮!!
Same... like other person replying, i did not realise at all, only since 3 years, i'm not young anymore, and very ill. Realising all the (almost all?) is related to the never ending pressure & being ugly duckling, worthless... you name it. Thanks to dr Ramani & other good doctors, i've realised what really was happening, 'shocking' does not cover it... my partner cannot understand (it's not surprising), he keeps visiting, i'm taking 'nc' now, i cannot anymore. You realised it good & married good, gosh! (good for you!) kind regards from Belgium
Hot cold hot cold eventually just becomes cold
There’s something wrong but you can’t put your finger on it
When are people going to LEARN to STOP being CO DEPENDANT and learn to LIVE ON YOUR OWN without the DRAMA?! You DONT need anyone else to be HAPPY in fact your better off being YOUR OWN BOSS. Have a blessed one 🙏
All the obvious signs were there, but I ignored them.
To save yourself
In your own mind that is
I had never heard of narcissism thirty years ago. I thought my narcissistic husband was just a difficult person due to childhood trauma. I made excuses for his horrible behavior for decades. I found Dr. Ramani's videos, and it was a lightbulb moment for me. Now, I'm planning my escape.
@annjohnson8437 yup. Me as well. And the guilt! And the helpful people " maybe you could say it differently" etc. Thanks to Dr Ramini (and nearly 3 decades of trying a kinds of ways to "communicate", I DGAF anymore. He can make hiz insulting ridiculous statements about me, my motives, my life, my past, etc etc etcetera and I need to not care. Aha! I havexa new idea!,this week J shall make like,a duck and quack (internally at least) as I let the abuse slip off like,water off a duck's back.
We all do!!
It’s not Okay. Unfortunately I witnessed his parents and siblings constantly telling him “It’s Okay, CB. It’s Okay, You’re Okay. G, it’s okay it JUST CB.”!!! I would see all the horror and eyes shifting and everyone with the expression of “Here we go, who’s going to get the verbal wrath.” And no one wanted to be on the receiving end of it, including his parents. I’ve never heard any of my friends or family ever say to their parents, “Are you F’n Stupid?!!” Ridiculous and abusive behavior.
Melded two separate interview extremely effectively.
Dr Raman has been my guiding light over my years of transitioning out.
Didn’t even brush my teeth and I wondered If I was the narcissist in my marriage when watching these videos but then I realised a narcissist would never think this.
I was feeling like a truck had run me over. Completely done. Family & Friends gone.
Never again will I let anyone in my life now.
I have a Dog which is amazing
I get up out of bed every day all day walking now 💞🐾💞
Yes ! Boundaries are most important. You are so right. Disengage !!
It never really even crossed my mind that my Dad was a narcissist. Like I was overreacting. But the more I learn the more obvious it becomes. Like the “nice” stages. From 8 yo when my parents divorced that was the cycle of my dad and I’s relationship. A good cycle of about a month or two and then no contact because of another “episode” as my mom called him. And my mom would always say “well you know he picks at people, he wants a rise out of them” and she was right but I still internalized it so much. Like if I was just better at controlling my emotions my dad wouldn’t have lost control of his…
At 8.
It’s very hard to come to terms with. I feel like I can’t trust any of my opinions or conceptualization of my past.
It makes me very angry now when I hear examples of people saying they were gaslit because they sound so sure of it. And now I know that when you’ve been gaslit, you literally have no idea. Logically you know it’s true, but you can’t actually feel that.
I hope those of us actually going through that are okay.
Six minutes in and I hear the word "soup". Reminds me to check the ingredients prior to consumption. Simply from listening to the first six minutes I'm hearing about bad behavior and bad words and appreciating what a lot is contained here for examination. Word soup is on the menu as an alternative to word salad? Listen and learn? Hopefully. Who said let those with ears hear? Let me get my glasses so I can see to adjust my hearing aid! Good Friday! (commenting 9/20/2024) Thank you to Dr. Catterjee and to Dr. Ramani and TH-cam for the video.
Excellent discussion. I want to read Dr. Rama I’d book. A lot of great advice, here.
Probably one of the best interviews I’ve watched with Dr Ramani! Lots of insights thank you two❤
Thank you for being thrutful about this situation.
This is a great no nonsense message.
My x used to say to me that it’s how I interpret his words and actions. It was always me who was given that responsibility when in fact those are how words and actions, not mine.
I know what I want. I want a simple life. I don’t need all the material things in life. I have my little farm, animals, & I enjoy all the wildlife , that live here. The things that are important to me is making a difference in someone else’s life, as well as the rescue work I’ve done for animals. Now, it’s time for me to be part of projects, like helping people in need & other things I love. Family has always been important part of my life. However, I’m looking at the fact, I’m a late in life child. Most of my family have passed. My half sister is a narcissist & I’ve always loved her children as my own. Problem is, they are all very unhealthy. Even as a very young child, I felt I didn’t fit in. I understand why now. Yes, I understand it now. Yes, I’ve made some bad choices, especially in men. I see how all of it has not only affected me, but my children. Father’s have a huge roll in their children’s life. When they aren’t willing to work with you for the sake of your children & their families want either, there is a huge problem. I’ve done the best I could do. My youngest told me crying how sorry she was she talked to me & treated me. She said, “Mom, I just wanted my Dad’s love & attention.” I said, you think I don’t know this ??? Yes, I do understand this. I thought maybe things would change. Absolutely not !!! I can’t fix them or anyone else. They all know who was always there for them. Now, they can figure it all out on their own. I’m finished with being used ! They can ask their Dad & ex & whoever. They have reaped what they have dished out ! I don’t mean this ugly, but they haven’t ever lifted 1 finger !! They never thought I would walk away, wrong !! I’m putting an end to it, no more of this treatment. There are people who will love & appreciate the person I am. Now !! On with my life !! I’m looking forward to it ! ❤
I would like to hear about a Borderline Personality Disorder with Narcissism.
Me too. Not many talk about them. And how they hide behind those personalities!
@@jerinpeter1390 I found some information online, about Borderline with Narcissistic Personality disorder. Info is out there if you Google around enough. Of course everyone is a little narcissistic, but if one's self centeredness is too strong, at some point one's narcissism becomes a personality issue. Good luck on googling for those two disorders together. I think Dr. Ramani talks about the two together on a video, somewhere. All I can do is work on myself and hopefully not get drawn into relationships, or friendships with BPD or NPD people. Good vibes out to you.
You might want to add into the mix Fearful Avoidant attachment because it can be almost identical behavior to BPD.... from my comfortable, armchair Psychologist chair 😂
My mother has this, it's the reason people with bpd get such stigma it's the ones who have narcissism too.. pure evil. It is an absolute miracle I am alive today.
Ok. Just got out of such a relationship described. But I realized that I was recreating this relationship because I still was trauma-bonded to my father. Once I released the original trauma bond I wasn't able to maintain the relationship with the current guy who even looked a little like my father. I'm currently undergoing hypnotherapy with EMDR, EFT. Very effective.
Wow cool good for you
I don’t think the word narcissism has lost its potency. I think we’re simply uncovering that there’s a lot of different types of narcissism out there not just flat out bully behavior, but covert narcissism is real thing and I think it’s more common than we think.
Indeed and there's an awful lot of them
Your positive mindset is truly infectious!...
So what I get from this is.. we don't know anything for sure. Whether we're being lovebombed by a narc or its genuine butterflies. Having been in a relationship with one.. I prefer now to follow my own course. It's tricky, and not worth trying.
Brilliant interview, so educational, this has been a fun Friday night, a big thank you to you both.
Good grief - this is spot on. Even your 'example sentences' are exactly what came out my ex mouth. He kept saying I was gaslighting him ... really!? Get far far away.
I had a DAd that ws narcissist, so when i married a narcissist,, it seemed like a normal life,,, i was married for 64 years then he passed away.. I see some of the important partts of life i missed and & its so sad... I really need some pro help ,, I seek the right way,, I seek love in daily life,, i seek alot of things,,, many things are still a problem,,, If God were not in my life,, they would be bigger,, He is my refuge... If you are in a narcissist related life,,, seek help,,.. dont wait//...
Has anyone listened to this and imagined how if sounds through the lense of BEING a narcissist? I'm pretty sure a lot of them are probably fans of Dr Ramani and are convinced they're not in any way at fault for any of their long history of interpersonal problems. There is no shortage in people who never practice any form of introspection who never take any responsibility for the drama they seemingly "attract".
I am new to this channel and so glad I found it. Doctors Ramani and Chatterjee have so much wisdom. Thank you for sharing this time and these thoughts with us.
Thanks for bein’ this real this Episode
With one for many years, now separated for at least 4 or 5 thank God 🙏. I am the guardian of my heart ❤ and I ask God for help, support and protection from 🙏🏼 from him every day. 🎉🎉 Love the Lord ❤❤
Damn... I can relate with some of the patterns discussed here. In the last days I noticed them more and more on an aunt of mine... And then came with a realization that maybe she's a narcissist.
If “No Contact” possible the best is “Radical Acceptance” and “Grey rock” ( do not defend yourself to the narc, do not explain, do not engage, and do not take insults personally ) With some practice peace is possible. Karma is real. God is good ❤
When we decided to separate.. although he'd already been cheating. He said to me, " Dont worry, you'll find someone, you're better looking now than you were"
6:03 so good to finally hear a professional admit that women will immediately call an ex-boyfriend a narcissist. It's more than unpleasant to be called narcissist because it's Society we will forgive a murderer who's paid his debt to society before we would ever forgive a narcissist
It's really difficult to distinguish, the difference between Borderline Personality Disorder & Narcissistic Personality Disorder. What's the core difference?
People with bpd usually have genuine compassion and empathy and don't have to fake it like narcs, narcs can have empathy but it's usually selective
"...but don't tell anyone because (they) don't want anyone to know." I wasn't supposed to know, then...
I decided now after dating creepers since 2014..I do not need to rely and have a person make me feel crappy! Freedom after divorce and just dating. No thanks. Single and happy now ❤ Thank you for your info
Too many narcissistic idiots😊
I have found this conversation so interesting.
Good questions that I have always been thinking about . The answers are so helpful, so good to understand what I have been stuck with.
It's certainly a very good question and answers explanations.
I am finding so many answers.
A great team.
This video has inspired me to set new health goals!...
Also look at Vaknin - he is one of the originals in bringing awareness
I don’t know why they don’t acknowledge him - he explains it precisely
And the way he says ‘introject’ like every four words 😂
You have helped me so much and I listen to you all the time. Thank you.
This, it's the gaslighting, criticism, and the trapping that's so hard. He won't talk now he's shut completely down emotionally. I tried to set goals with him first then I had to set boundaries when those the simple goal of planning a couples counseling session hasn't been set. I feel like I'm going crazy and I'm at my tipping point. He doesn't even tell me he loves me. 😔
You’re not crazy, IT’S NOT YOU! I’ve been through similar things. They get you where they want you and then keep you there to control you. Breadcrumb by being ‘nice’ to you for a bit then are horrible to you the rest of the time. It’s no way to live.
A 10:02 A PERFECT DESCRIPTION. OF WHAT WOMEN HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH FOR CENTURIES ...
This is a good healthy talk.
Unfortunately so many people have narcissist traits that it's not easy to see who would actually be diagnosed as such. My mother most definitely is.
Facebook is too overwhelming for me. It's so fake and all those strangers scare me. I had to shut my account. I am an introvert. Thank you. 🙏♥♥♥♥♥♥🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹😎
Dr Ram, l never knew the sign, but God is the one that removed me from Narsissist in my social circle. Now thank you l am still your student, always at your feet. I recognise one, l run off automatically.
The frightening thing is how many in the comments must be narcissists themselves and claiming they're the victims of abuse.
So how do you HEAL after leaving a narcissist?
It's tough, especially after 21 years! I'm 62 and walked! I couldn't see wasting another moment of getting gaslit, lovebombed, ridiculed, discarded, repeat, etc...
He couldn't do enough for me when it was good, it was great. However, I'd rather be alone than in his misery every other week!!
It's been 7 weeks, and it hurts my heart. Especially when I'm the one who left! These videos and therapy are a godsend. You have to resist the vulnerability, it's essential to healing!
My friends didn't get it, but l changed my wardrobe completely and gave away the clothes that l wore out with him. I changed my bedroom furniture. Got rid of everything that reminded me of him and everything he got for me. It worked so much.
i really appreciate Dr Ramani and all the information she provides. its just difficult to look at the top of her head while doing so.
Is it hard because you have fear of sickness and aging? She's beautifully confident and I want to be that way regardless of how I look some day. Centering being objectified and perceived really doesn't lead you to your best life long-term, especially when it makes you comment insensitively to others.
Ill suggest a better method for self-orienting as the one described here can easily lead to fragile egos. Think about when you were very young...your earliest memory. From there, think about a time about every 5 years from then right up to the present, all the while paying attention to how it felt to be you and especially the part of it that doesn't change. This helps get in touch with your most authentic self, not your "identity" in terms of job, status, beliefs, etc. This is a much healthier and stabilizing practice and only takes a minute.
The questions are taking forever to end.
The NEED A FIX, EXACTLY.
Spot on live this and it’s pure Hell get out education yourself and make a plan get out
This is so helpful!
lol, i was also warned against doing six classes, and I still did it huzzah!
Dr. Rangan,
I was told that too by the therapist. I got the: They aren't here, or I don't know him"
Who says that? That's so ridiculous for a therapist to say. Some can't recognize abuse and can't recognize a narcissist and no matter how much detail you put in this, they have nothing to offer, it leaves you frustrated. This is a big problem in the mental health field.
I’m going through the end of the relationship where they call me crazy and make it out to everyone I am (all his ex’s are crazy btw) and I’m trying Not to give narcissistic supply. It’s hard to need closure and realise I won’t get it.
They are so disordered and exhausting!
Love this conversation, tgank you sp much 🙏🏼💖
First one notices the selfishness
15:39 “supply” is self-esteem juice
Thats what " for better or for worse " mean
Question… Is it possible to ‘somewhat’ Identify‘narcissistic warning signs’ by the visual?
Such as photos? Body language? Mannerisms? 🤔🤔🤔
Visually it presents as confidence which society sees as a good thing. The best method I’ve found when getting to know someone the first time is to tell them no for something they clearly want or were looking forward to and then grab some popcorn and watch how they react. It’s saved me from entering some toxic relationships.
Bravo!
Walking on eggshells
Gaslight example: caught my ex fiance on snapchat speaking with 5 other girls. 1st he lied denied it. Then said it wasn't him snapchat was broken. I was so starved for love I argued with him instead of leaving immediately. I even told him we can work Thru it. Then he turned it on me and said I shouldn't be checking his phone.
When a toxic relationship is happening. There are two toxic people, not just one.
Neither admit they jave a problems "themselves".
There is nothing more revolting to a partner than someone "begging, pleading, screaming, crying, manipulating, obeying". I dont even think the narc gets off on ut. Its jusy their way, as yours, is yours.
Taking responsibility for the part you playe or played with a narc is the first step to healing.
Its is not the fault of the marc that you too had red flags, as we all do.
It isnt the faulti of the narc if you arehurting and choosing to stay. .Iike WTAF 🤷♀️ He makes me miserable and isruining my life. And I love him 🤦♀️ jesus wept. Act like adult.
Thank you both!