I was terrified of turning 30. No job, no partner, no money. Just didn't feel grown up enough for the big 3. From the first day in my 30s I've been totally happy though. Half a year later I finished my bar exam, got a job where I met my now husband and now at 34 I'm pregnant with our second child. Life circumstances can change so quickly, it's ridiculous sometimes.
I’m so glad to read your message. I’m 29 and I’m medical school after a career change. I hadn’t thought about how shit not being financially secure at this age would be like! Reading your message gives me hope xx
Dragon Fly what a rude comment! You sound like you’re projecting your own insecurities onto her. Truth is, societal influence or not, many women DO want partnership and children. It’s biological and we shouldn’t feel ashamed by those who are over 30 & single for doing those things.
@@valenaz86 hey, please be kind to yourself. You deserve all what your heart desires and there is a right time for everyone. I believe there are blessings in disguise and maybe the Universe sends us these dark and depressive years to prepare us for something bigger than we even can think of! You never know how life can change and I really really do believe all can change. I am turning 29 soon and have no job for 2 years, just broke up with a partner and live with my mom, but I believe that everything happens for a reason and there are good times awaiting for me and you and everyone else who have been struggling for too long! All the best!
I'm 23, turning 24 this year - I've never had a relationship, sex or even a first kiss, not started my career yet, honestly not done most of the things 'young people' are 'meant' to do, like partying and travelling the world. BUT those things aren't for me, and that's fine - I HAVE got a degree, worked, got my finances straight, got a healthy diet and exercise routine, written a novella, marched in protests, made amazing friendships, loved my family, and worked hard on my mental health. Even though my time isn't infinite, I'm on top of what matters to me right now, and the future is full of mystery and potential!
That last sentence... man oh man, do I wish I'd felt the same at 23, but I can relate at 27, and I'm so happy that you feel it now. It's a kind of security in yourself that no one can take away from you.
Oh man, the thought of my parents aging just makes me want to cry. I wish I was way closer to them when they were younger and I was a teenager, but instead I spent countless hours on the phone with friends:/
Watching your videos after turning 30, 4 months ago. My skin changed literally over night, and I keep staring at myself in the mirror. I wasted 8 years married to a man who didn't want me, married at 21, and I feel very bitter about it now. Getting older feels a lot harder now than it probably should. I so badly want to have a big family and that's part of why I married so early. TH-cam was so kind to shell out videos that said "women in their 30s now want to commit suicide because of getting older" and that didn't help. Glad I found you
It varies so much. I'm 47 and have not gotten any greys yet. My sister was almost completely grey by 25. I have none and have never colored my hair. Wrinkles...I started active anti-aging skin care and daily sunblock as a teenager. I am not even getting fine lines around my eyes, no signs of crow's feet. Tummy area and breast...I have and nursed 5 kids...that's life. I've stayed small and in shape, but the belly will never look the same, especially after twins. I married the right guy at 18...best choice ever, but never thought I would be widowed at 41. Grateful we started our life together young though.
I am almost 51 and have no greys yet either. I do have some wrinkles now but they aren't that bad. It definitely varies from person to person ...genes, life choices, stress ... all have an effect!
Sorry to hear about your loss. I think you made the right choice of getting married early and getting the family before the career. You will have so many children and grand children to take care of you when that time comes. People often forget that we have children because of two primary reasons: first, to keep the civilization running and letting the next generation take care of maintaining the utilities and produce the food we need when we get older and second, to have somebody take care of us personally when we get sick and/or old. We need children to survive both on personal and societal level. If you flip this logic, not having children is creating a burden on the society, since other people's children will have to make sure you have food and are taken care of when old. It's just how the nature works. I am also 47 and have just one son. We had him when we were in our 30's and as the result my wife did not want to have more, since she was too tired and her career interfered in this too. You are much stronger and durable when you are in your 20's and that's when you should have children. After 30 having a child is a serious effort and you are not young anymore (meaning not in your prime anymore). My wife got pregnant with great difficulties after 30. Fertility drop after 30 is real and can be as much as 20%. 28 is not peak fertility for women, it is prime for men. For women peak fertility is between 18 and 23. After that it levels and towards the end of 20's it starts to drop sadly. That's the biological wall and it usually is around 25 or so.
@@szobione Unfortunately there are many people with children and grandchildren who don't care for them when they are older. Having children is no guarantee of care.
Girls, after a long term relationship I met my new partner at age 33. We had a long distance relationship (me in Germany, he in Italy) and met only once a month. When I was 37 we decided to try to have a child. It didn't seem to make sense to move together (leaving country is not easy) without having a family. We had only one weekend a month and that makes timing a little difficult. But, I got pregnant on the first try and, after an easy pregnancy, had my child at 38, natural birth. Our beautiful daughter will be 14 this year and we are a happy family. Until I was 30 I was convinced that I will never have children and I never imagined to leave my country. But I did.
Your a beautiful young girl, 30 is soooo young . I'm 56 and believe me, you don't really seriously age till over 45, especially if you don't drink booze or smoke and you eat well. I understand the 30 thing I felt like that too, God I want a baby I'm 30, I'm older my time is running out. But by 32 that passes. Visualise your baby, see it happening, don't even think about it not happening. I did and I had my daughter at 41 unplanned and it all turned out fantastic . I know 30 can really feel like scary-ish but it will all be grand. Great videos you look fantastic xx
Loving my 30s more then my 20s. I got healthier, better sex life, and became an overall better person. Not to say that can’t happen in your 20s too. Or 40s or 50s. But, honestly I feel like you start to really know yourself better in your 30s.
I'm 30 and I waisted my 20 working a job I didn't like and led me to mental health issues. Last year, at 29 I quit that job and went back to university. I'm doing great at that, it's hard but I'm working on my future, because even if I'm already in my 30s, I hope my life will be long and full of beautiful experiences. I don't have my own family yet (not even a boyfriend) but I still hope it will be possible for me.
Marta Ballarani I love that you’re owning your life, you deserve greatness! Visualise what you want and act like it’s already your reality. The universe will take care of the rest. Best of luck with university Marta, you’ve got this ♥️
Marta Ballarani Same here. Personally I wish I focused more on starting a family in my 20s (not early 20s but mid/late). I’m 31 and like you I focused on job stuff in my 20s which did not make me happy. Now I’m 31 and wish I had a family. That being said I had a lot of other stuff going on which made that difficult (mental health issues here as well) and I’ve always been a late bloomer. And there’s still time of course so I hope it’s possible for me as well, but yeah. I do think there’s a lot of pressure for us to go to school and find careers, when we have less time than men do for having kids.
I'm 33 and did similar when I was 27 (back to school). Our bioclock is so unfair, because of the pressure of time for family-starting. I relate. In many ways this is the best decade of my life, but I wish I could turn the clock back and not feel under the gun.
@@kimmybrandt everything is harder for us women, and yes that sounds cliche, but it's true. We're always trying our best to "complete" our role but yet we never seem to fully achieve what we're supposed to. I think a lot of other women are in our same position, I often feel a complete failure, but then again I refuse to give up on myself. I still feel like a teenager (I know I'm not) but I want to push through and hope for the best. I believe we'll be good. I wish you the best.
I’m 32 and have had 12 years of two toxic relationships. All I’ve ever wanted is a family of my own. 8 months single and I’ve finally met someone! Thanks for this video Mel, I don’t feel so alone in my worries.
I turned 25 last year and had two people tell me, "Enjoy this year, it's all downhill from here." But honestly, everything has felt downhill since my teenage years. Mental health issues, 2 chronic illness diagnosis last year, unable to go to college and interact socially, no relationships. Looking at another year of being sick. I really just can't wait for my 30s. I have this feeling they will be amazing - it's when my life will finally get started, when I will finally be healed, when I can finally pursue things to their fullest. I have this weird complex of being both afraid of getting older and really excited. I hate change but also have this "hidden" adventurous side that has been begging to be freed for the last 10 years. I'm anxious to see what this decade brings!
I’m turning 25 this year and I’ve started looking at getting older as a blessing because not everyone has that opportunity! Although of course, even though the brain knows that, there’s always anxieties that come with getting older as well. Just wanted to say that I LOVED this video, Melanie! You’re one of my favorite people on youtube ever 💖
Rose Hi Rose, We don’t know each other personally but I can say that suicide is never the right answer. Please don’t do it. It’s a permanent decision that will hurt not only you but the people who love you. Success looks different for everybody at different times in their life and that’s why we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others around us. I’m really not qualified to give professional advice but as person to person, I think you’re doing great - post grad is a really difficult time to transition into and lots of people struggle. It’s a time for trial and error and if you find that you don’t like your career, you can always change it! You’re not alone and have achieved so much already! Be kinder to yourself and your heart. I encourage you to talk to somebody about how you’re feeling or call a suicide prevention hotline if you feel more comfortable talking to somebody else.
*RE: the fertility chat part of the video* - anyone who ignored my wording around fertility/feels worried that I don't understand the latest research on this, please replay what I actually said before commenting. THIS is the consensus on modern research: "While 35 doesn't actually represent a hard stop for your fertile years, your fertility IS at its peak between your late teens and late 20s & declines gradually throughout your adult life. The downward sloping line between age and fertility DOES steepen in the mid-30s. At age 30, your chance of natural pregnancy is about twenty per cent each month and your chance of pregnancy with IVF is about forty two percent each time you try, by 40, those chances drop to about five per cent and twenty per cent, respectively. Additionally, your chances of genetic abnormality (resulting in no pregnancy/miscarriage/genetic disorders for the baby) increases from 25% to 60-80% *in the same decade*." And when I discuss the whole biological clock thing in this video, I'm kind of covering NOT wanting to be a 60 year old with a teenager on top of other things I forgot to touch on (didn't want the video to be an hour long)...but as I said, you CAN get pregnant in the 30s and 40s, it can be harder and we should all be open to adoption as there are so many kids in the world without parents. Please don't panic lol, my fear AS I SAID is related to the fact that my doctor is sending me for more tests thinking I have PCOS which absolutely makes things more difficult xxxxxxxxxxx
I do understand this so i am not one of those people but still just commenting and hope you be healthy with the pcos and stuff. I ve only got temporary amenorrhea so idk about how hard it is but still.😊 I m 21 but feeling old eversince i got 12 and it worsened at 18(felt like i ve been alive forever like 500 idk how thats possible) 😅...probably cuz of psychological stress though ...and how people expect a lot from you but actually treat you like you know nothing/or infantalize you just because they are older and you are younger no matter how old you are ..😔 I also think saggy chest happens even to below 18 ppl if when you remove the bra so (i had that at 16) so i guess it can happen before 30 too.😥 Got amenorrhea(no or skipped periods at 16 too so i guess i dont have to wair for age to gimme insecurities(tho i hav less cuz i already decided since 12 (ik sounds lot less of a age to think about marriage at but ppl kept talking about my marriage since 10 so i had to give em an answer lol) that if i dont find someone i like or relationships dont work out in future i d adopt kids)as marriages arent a 100% possibility.😅 I also knew that i dont want to change surnames changed at marriage so we both should want to change surnames to a single decided surname which is from neither party to avoid the whole (i want a boy to carry family name or any other unfairness)😊 I didnt wanna seperate from my parents so i knew i wanted a person who d agree with staying in same house like a joint family and i d have to make that happen.😄 I knew i had to communicate a lot before starting any sort of relationship at all and i decided all this by thinking and researching from 10-16yrs of age so i feel any age of person below 30/20(idk about below 10 tho possibly if they have delveloped that much critical thinking which is quite rare) can realize,research,understand and decide what they want as long as the do decide to look at what marriage is realistically. 😊 I do admit that such people are less because while ppl in my school were dating at 12 and less -16 and thinking they d marry the same person thy r dating just cuz thy love each other similar to hollywood movies i knew thats not gonna happen as reality is quite different so not everyone realizes everything at the same age because its social/environmental/parental conditioning that plays a role. Than just age alone.😔 I ve got stretchmarks at different places since 16(possibly less since i didnt notice em)😯 And i feel like i ve had wrinkles since after 16 on my hands and other places feet tho thy may not be noticeable to people.😅. Also ik ppl with premature grey hair (my classmate had grey hair at 13) and i feel like i ve got Premature wrinkles and well my hair do fall out too if stress gets more or i do something wrong ever since i was a child since.😐 We also change appearances not just couple of years but including months if we do something different with our diet,bodycare.😑 You get cavities and your teeth may still fall out even before 20 (my teeth would have cuz i ve got 4 cavities n one root canal by 18)😭 that hurts. But i see you and many other 30+yos who ve got good skin and you look beautiful obviously with your effort when i dont see 30-/20- ppl as beautiful as them despite the care. I dont wish to compare but is real.😱 Feminists: people who dont talk about physical issues just because they are taboos arent they more like anti-feminists? Because feminist means equal treatment to both genders it should have no ban on not talking about your physical/psychological issues they arent feminists more like pseudofeminists who think they are feminists but they arent. 😑😨 so i doubt its all easy just cuz we are below 30. 😣😅 Well for sex drives idk lol i am an ace and also idk how to measure it.😐 I dont necessarily think you NEED to date a lot just to know what qualities you want in a person and what kind of people you know are toxic for you 😌..if someone just researches a bit about healthy/toxic relationships,relationship abuse/councilling/boundaries/safety/health,relationship/sex education and more. 😇 for eg. I knew right after just meeting toxic people that i wouldnt want such ppl in my life even as friends let alone relationship, and as i found good people i knew i d want em as aquaintainces and friends even though i didnt want to be in relationship with them we can seperate good and bad qualities from people we meet and regardless of what relationship we want we would like as good qualities as possible in people for eg. I met physical/verbal/psychological/sexual assaulter/abuser/bully, toxic/negative/unkind /unreasonable/presumptuous/ passive aggressive/hostile people ever since childhood till getting as old as 21(despite people infantalizing me). And all this gave me a pretty good idea that almost all relationships require similar kind of people to be a better relationship eg. You would want your colleague,classmate,teacher,parent,friend to be understanding,kind,patient,relatable,friendly,loyal,caring,comfortable and alot more and not any of toxic abusers i mentioned above.though critera less closer relationships like. colleagues,and teachers may require less of those qualities as compulsion we would like our close relationships to have similar traits.😊 You searched for whether someones a match for you from all your aquaintainces after marriage while i am still searching for ppl worth being in realtionship with because if i get into a relationship 😅 i Do want a possibilitiy of marriage not a casual relationship or easily breakable one and since i already knw which kind of ppl i dont want in my life and which kind i do as friends or as lovers ik easily which i cant be with And wouldnt work out even if i was in a relationship with them.😄 And i d also have to discuss things about living,surname change,after marriage with them because these are rare things here including other necessary things i d have to discuss n check with them from consent,their understanding of. Healthy vs abusive relationships,establishing ccommunication and more.i feel it takes more time to know someone than Just start a relationship because you. Are attracted to them/or from. physical affection.. 😊because i wish to start a relationship through verbal communication And only then move to physical Affection because verbal communication gives you an direct idea of whether relationship d continue or no and even gives you an Option to communicate to. get over those hurdles than finding out later that it wont work out.it also wont cause consent issues that cause abuse. 😣 nor will it waste the time and effort put in a relationship if you already knw what u want and what you Dont along with the red flags.😨 Because communication and meeting with people and people near em reveals a lot more about them than physical affection. 😃 I seriously wish relationship(all not just romantic)/sex education was taught in schools so ppl dont hav to rely on luck of social conditioning for it. People who make topics tabooos when communucation is necessary are quite narrow minded which hurts them and others too its sad to see and they pseudo-feminists definitely shouldnt call themselves feminists(who actually support these conversations) because it makes actual feminists be misunderstood.😬😠 its sad they treat yyou that way. I also dont feel that all people below 30 feel the need for performance due to 18+ stuff because no everyone watches 18+ stuff and for people who have or do accidentally or willingly many of them do realize that 18+ industry is just like movie version of 18+ but fake n unrealistic hence its humanly not possible lot of 18+stars,and articles explain it for people who dont watch it in documentaries and blogs that lot of things actually need props and arent real.😅 Also i d think instead of being best in just one thing its better if both people get to have the best relationship they have ever had in their lifetimes which is what d keep the relationship together as sex is quite small part of life regardless of the drive because whats needed after the spark gets usual and habituated to is mutual understanding,care,space,comforting,communication,helping each Other and more.😊 My mom lost her 1st tooth after 50 approx i think and my dad hasnt lost any at 63 and my dad started dyeing due to white hair at 35 but my mom started at 40.😅 tho for you its at 30. So i guess all things that are generalized have a lots and of exceptions. Especially because realistic things get the least exposure while most flashy or a bit more commmon things get a lot of exposure so even though general exceptions are everywhere we tend to notice lot of generalizations alone.😃 Ik this is long 😓 but topic was quite Deep so just had to explain.😊 Stuff above is just my experiene which may b a bit different from yours but in no way does our opinions being different(idek. If thy r Different tho cuz you didnt say it happens to all but just in case) negate our experiences.. also only opinion i have different is that many things that are caused by ageing also happen without us ageing and sometimes may not happen. Despite ageing to all people since everyone just has different situations and body types. 😃 Obviously you didnt say it happens to all but just giving an optimistic possibility of exceptions for everyone and myself(well i ve gone through premature ageing since 12-16 n faced some of things you did before so not that i can b optimistic but for others)😄 I hope you stay healthy.😊💙💚
Pretty sure the best time is age 25/26 for the best chance for mother and baby :-) The body physically reaches its peak at 25 as does brain development. Great time to have children. Also, by then you would have some adult life experience, and some sort of idea of how children need to be raised.
It can be hard even for women in their 20 so it can be harder for some women but not necessarily in general because it doesn’t only depend on age as I said some women in their 20s can try over and over again with no luck
In my teenage years I was so convinced that I won't live to be 20 (I was very depressed and suicidal), that when I did turn 20 I've had a complete mental breakdown. Now, when I recently turned 25, I was almost ecstatic, so proud of myself. Like, I did it. I survived. And now every year feels like the greatest achievement of my life.
I have always thought time was a friend, and in the end, it will always be better to be 80 at some point than not. I have also known people saying that getting older made them happier than they used to be at the "prime of their life" or called so... As a 25 year old, I think this perspective is very reassuring, seeing that every age brings its own treasure
It’s nice to know that I’m not the only 25 year old feeling like this .. at the start I was so stressed about everything when turning 25 .. “ why haven’t I had kids yet and married yet ? Why am I still stuck not knowing what I want to do? Time is ticking and I’m wasting away” I’m slowly getting better and slowly very slowly becoming less afraid of time and living in the moment. I think we all go through this transition period but no one talks about it ❤️
@@GeekyC It is so weird but for me turning 25 was really about "Now you are an adult and you should take action over your own life; you are too old to linger on things that don't bring value to your life". It is not some much about what had been accomplished or not but being fully aware about your choices in life that matter the most to me (In which condition do I wanna have kids ? Or get married ?)
I started watching you when I was 13 and I'm turning 20 this year. It's crazy how it's already been 7 years and I feel like we've been on this path of growth together. Even then, you were kind of a big sister figure to me as I struggled with an eating disorder and I still see you the same way but through different eyes. You're just one of the strongest and most amazing women on the internet and I have learned so much from you.
I'm turning 23 this year in July, and I'm already starting to feel older. Not physically but the pressure of getting my shit together is weighing on me heavy already. I just started University at 22 when a lot of my friends have already graduated, and although I don't necessarily feel very behind (because a lot of people at my Uni started late as well) I just don't see my future, as in I really can't picture how it's going to be. Seeing my parents get older has also been really difficult, I think that's one of the hardest parts for me.
You're likely much better off starting uni later. So many people start fresh out of high school when they have no idea what they want out of life and end up deep in debt with a degree that's either useless or one they dont want anymore. Going in later with a bit more life experience and sense of self is a much better idea.
Puff Ball as someone who started and finished college earlier than most, i agree with you 100% . if i could go back and change one thing, i would not waste so much time and money trying to get thru college asap and think about what i want more
I want my childhood back tho ....like i m 21 but still feel 500 due to psychological pressure that comes with work+studies since 12...i feel life before 7th grade gave me a lot of time and i wish i had the info to utilize time then but as ik it cant come back i can only make up for it. While people still infantalizing me.. Tho i feel That i more miss the time that i had with my parents as i lost the time because of going to hostel. Tho i doubt people can be free off insecurities 100% at any age though we r humans with positives n neegative thoughts which is what life makes beautiful and also makes us feel fulfilled once we have conquered the problem,insecurity n negativity.
Cheers from a 25 year old constantly freaking out to have my youth unlived and unaccomplished. This video encourages me to be more grateful for what I have. This is so important. Thank you ♥️
I recently turned 22 and I go through these phases where I one day think of myself as having my whole life in front of me and other days where I feel like I have already wasted so many years being negative and stressing around. So even at my age, I am so happy to hear your thoughts on the matter of ageing xx
You are so well spoken and I love listening how passionate you are when you speak. Your words are so insightful and definitely gave me some peace with how I’ve been feeling lately.
Im just 17, but I feel like I've grown a lot the past 2 years, mainly reading a lot about philosophy and just seeing life as something much more valuable and magical, and I've come with peace to anything that my future might be. I know that I'd like to be an architect and a writer, to live near my friends and family, to do art and eventually (after 30) adopt. Honestly, your videos are so calming and they always make me feel better. Hope that you get to accomplish all your goals
You're awesome! Thankyou for being so open, I'm 30 tomorrow and was literally freaking out coz I'm single and still studying in uni. You've covered a lot of topics. Very helpful. Thankyou and God bless :)
Yes on the spirituality vid!!!! Strangely I don't fear ageing at all. Like, at all. But I also work as a hospice nurse so certainly that shapes my perception. I mean I daily see 102 year old that sure, does not look like she's in her twenties. And sometimes forgets everything, but she's living her life! Her memories, bossing around others and National Geographic specials on telly - she enjoyes it like she's ten. I'm 25 right now and the only two things I fear are pain and regret, nothing else.
Yep I’m a palliative np with some hospice on the side. 60s are young for me. I’m 29. I definitely don’t feel old. I don’t want to have regrets like some people I treat do.
Bre Thinks most of it revolves around family. An example, a man whose power of attorney was his son that he’d only seen 4 times. He had very few people in his life at all. When confronted with the state of his health, he was more distraught than most people I’ve seen. He was so alone and wanted time to make up for things. On the flip side, I have an elderly lady who stayed with a man she didn’t love. He passed away and she struggled, but it seemed to be more about conflicting emotions as she saw him as a burden when he was alive. Multiple people have told me they regret being ungrateful to their parents and to cherish them. My grandma married at 16 and never finished high school. That was her biggest regret. Not saving money also is actually a huge one. This for more practical reasons as healthcare is outrageous in the US. What I don’t hear is wanting to travel more or regretting not achieving something. However, many times those are some things that come up that people are most proud of, so maybe they just don’t share that with me. The people who are most accepting of their death are the ones with good support systems. Less complicated relationships.
@@amateurastronomer9752 from my experience the most commonly mentioned things are not mending relationships that could've been saved, being married or with someone that was treating them badly and worrying so much, because all of the stuff seem meaningless in hindsight. Never heard anyone mention money, but I'm from Poland, not USA. Also lots of patients are confused and not at all there, so they aren't aware of their situation. And good chunk of them are happy with their life and wouldn't want to change anything, they just want to tell their stories. PLEASE EVERYONE WHO READS THIS, CONSIDER VOLUNTEERING AT YOUR LOCAL HOSPICE.
BABE. the timing of this video was so perfect for me. I’m going through a bit of a post-relapse rut right now just wishing time away, but I’m going to start rewatching your ‘in my 20s’ series and start getting back in control of my life, you’ve been such an inspiration to me since I discovered your channel, thank you for giving us all a friendly push when we need it x
Thank you for this video. I'm new to your channel and I'm glad that I saw this today. I turned 31 in September. I spent my 20s in toxic relationships and then a marriage at 27. My marriage ended up being the most toxic relationship of my life and I completely lost who I was. In 2018 I moved across the country and divorced him. I started over with absolutely nothing and no job. Last year I got a job in luxury sales and I had the most successful financial year of my life in 2019. I am now living in my dream apartment downtown. I have found independence and freedom but I still struggle with trusting again to start a new relationship. I related so much to what you are looking for in a partner, confident, loyal, funny, good sex life, etc. It's been hard to put myself out there again. I do hope that I can meet my life partner this year. I have so much love to give and I would love to find a partner that reciprocates that. I think your 30s are an absolutely beautiful time in life. Every decade of your life is beautiful. We just have to remember to appreciate what we have when we have it.
I believe you can age, without seeming old. Too many focus on the outward appearance, but for me, I believe the key is keeping that spark in your heart. Accepting your age and being happy is very youthful. Run, or walk your own race and don't compare yourself to others.
I had a elderly gentleman tell me the other day that "You have to be strong to be able to get old, because it's a lot harder then what you think." and it kinda blew me away, I haven't stopped thinking about it. I has kind of inspired me to improve who I am and be strong when I get old but I want to be beautiful, I'm trying to look after my skin and to eat and be healthy. I want to be strong mentally and physically and spiritually and not just when I'm older but now, So I can enjoy my time on this earth and not waste time. There's not a lot of it.
This video was everything I needed to hear. I'm 27 and think about eeeeevery single thing you just said. Especially fear oflosing loved ones and fear of death... No one really talks about that and it drives me insane thinking about it. Thank you so much for this video x
This is a great discussion to open up! I'm 21 and I really want to make the most of my 20s. I have to say this, though- regardless of your age time is not a guarantee. Even if you do everything "right" and "to plan" life throws curveballs. The best you can do is make the most of the life you find yourself living right now. Plan for the future, yes. But the future is a hope not a promise.
I just turned 22 and will finish my Bachelors degree this spring. Still living at home, no job yet... and most of my twenties still in front of me. The potential and expectations are so high but so are the pressure to succeed and the fear of failure. Let's see what this decade holds for me... :)
I think that is the sad part about being young- we do not appreciate it and waste our youth with self abuse But, we have a choice to stop going that now and just learn to love ourselves and make the best of it all Beauty, and self worth are not age dependent, nor have an expectation date You look gorgeous, I hope you know and treasure that
This vid is _juuuuust_ under 30 mins. I see what you did there, Murph😊 Such good stuff here, I certainly feel so thankful to be growing up along side some of the best of em and you’re definitely one!! Thank you and lots of love to you on this and all your trips around the sun 😘
Such a lovely chat and important discussion. I'm really hitting my mid twenties and just now cognizant of thinking, oh my I'm an actual adult now, what does this look like? It can be overwhelming but just keeping up with your day to day things and knowing the long terms goals makes it more manageable.
As you get older you will look at this video and think you are a child. I am 47 and love the confidence of being this age. The older you get the less you care about what other people think, it’s liberating! Fountain of youth? Stay away from alcohol, sugar and cigarettes, sun in moderation. Exercise everyday and increase good quality protein and healthy fats. Don’t go vegan, you will age in dog years. Stay passionate about whatever you do!
Loved this Melanie. Ageing is pretty scary when you think about it but you’ve hit the nail on the head with everything you’ve said (hey that rhymes). I’d love to see a full video of your take on the world and how you were saying that everything is made up of energy. All that stuff really fascinated me so I’d love that. Fab video 👏🏻👏🏻❤️❤️
I loved this video Melanie! These topics are on my mind at the moment, as I am also suffering from PCOS and getting married to my same-sex partner. I also had a family friend pass away a couple of days ago, and I do feel like death is a more palpable reality these days. I always try to think that ageing is a privilege, and that wrinkles and other signs of ageing are testaments to the joy of watching your loved ones grow and building a life filled with love. Much love to you, I hope that your ovary-related problem gets fixed. There is always a solution, no matter what. xx
I turned 30 late last year and I suddenly found myself worried about children. My entire life I've been stringently, firmly childfree. Then I recently had some pain in my pelvis and discharge that was unusual, so I went to the GYN. Turns out I might have a (very small) fibroid in my uterus. It sent me into this sudden headspace of, "Wait, I might be infertile? I physically might not be able to have a kid?" and suddenly I wanted to have a kid. I'm still exploring that knee-jerk reaction, but coming up against some kind of physical barrier to something you thought you could do or have before - whether the barrier be aging or ovarian problems or what have you - always fucks with your head a bit. As for wrinkles and grays - yup, me too. I suddenly have fine lines under my eyes and gray hairs on the top of my head and I'm like, "?!". I'm with you, though - I'd rather age gracefully. Did you know filler can migrate under your skin and there's a chance it could damage your nerves, or affect your eyesight? The risk just isn't worth it to me at this point in my life. Your health gets more and more precious as you get older; I just can't see myself risking an aspect of it for vanity when we're all going to be old and wrinkly one day anyway (if we're lucky). I spent my 20s building my career, moving around to different states and cities, and doing a ton of travel. I've been traveling around the world for a year and a half straight at this point while working remotely and God, I love my life. I feel like I didn't waste my 20s either. I have a great partner who I can see myself marrying - he's Northern Irish! We met in Portugal and have been inseparable ever since. It resonated with me so much when you said we all have agency in our lives. I wish more people would wake up to how much control they have over their lives if only they'd just reach out and grab it. Just because something is hard and scary and will take work doesn't mean it's impossible. I also became way, way more confident in myself as I got older and accomplished more and learned more and did more. I love and appreciate my body and my appearance way more, too, and my fucks bucket is also nearly empty. Yay for that at least!
Its really cool how you share your story ...i got temporary amenorrhea since 15 so obv possibility of kids is less and now 21 and its on and off as long as i sleep...but for me possibility of kids n marriage before that too was like. 60%possible-40%not possible so it wasnt that much of a shock as i knew about the adopting option(dont call me strange for thinking about possible adoption at 12 yo its cuz ppl were discussing my marriage since 10 and i was annoyed cuz i knew that. Not everyone marries and thy should deserve a great life regardless)...😊
I'm 33 and from Japan. I've been watching your videos for many years(on and off honestly)😃 I had a lot of life changes including marriage, too. I think we sometimes need to step back and see what's happened, what is going on and where you're going. So that was really interesting✨ Congratulations on your engagement🥳
I love your style of videos. It's not like you sit there claiming to have all the secrets on how not to age, but I think it's just the fact that you open up conversations and by expressing your views it provides so much comfort. I'm not sure if that made sense - but this video made me feel a little more excited, comfortable, relieved with where I'm at. It's easy to freak out seeing all the engagements and babies and job promotions around you. It's good to get some perspective and re-focus on yourself and your timeline
I needed this video, thank you! I'm single and turning 30 next year. I went to TH-cam for encouragement for "finding love after 30" and stumbled upon a bunch of videos that had BRUTAL comments. A bunch of men saying terrible things about women aging. Your video and this comment section is what I was looking for!
Yeah the internet is a very odd place, most of these men are also single and unmarried themselves but maybe because they feel like losers next to their married friends and want to feel like they're doing better than someone else in life so they turn to abusing women that are in the same age and same situation as them but by talking about biological clocks and losing value unlike men that "don't lose value" they may be able to console themselves. They then proceed to brag about dating women who were born when the men were 30. The men in happy marriages/single hood aren't on TH-cam bragging though. The Internet is a cesspit and it won't do your mental health any good thinking all of these comments are from sane people. Hope your life is going as you want it!
It's really smart of you to be aware of your fertility, and acknowledge that the timing might not be perfect, but that it's good enough. I had a suspicion I might struggle, and after a candid conversation my GP had with me (which some people would deem as her over-stepping her boundary, but that I was very thankful for) we decided to start trying. I was 30 then, and now I'm 32 next month with no pregnancies to date, so I admire that you are also taking charge of this for yourself. Well done!
I am only 3 minutes in and just wanted to say thank you for making this video. For me, I’m classified as ‘middle aged’ despite being 28 thanks to my health. I probably won’t make it to even 60. So turning 30 in a year and a half is terrifying to be honest. I’m losing so much precious time thanks to debilitating chronic pain. I’m hoping that finding the right medication and treatment gives me a bit more time but I’ve also accepted that I have an expiration date. Okay, back to the video. You’re amazing. I feel like we would be great friends. 💜
Thank you for talking about fertility. I have PCOS and now have been diagnosed with osteoarthritis and arthritis in my pelvis, coccyx and my lower spine. I’ve now found out I can’t have anymore children which absolutely broke me but I know I’m lucky that I had my son at 17 despite it not being how I pictured my life going. I now have an incredible 10 year old who is brilliant and I’m surrounded by children I get to love. It’s hard knowing I can’t have a child with my partner and just recently had a miscarriage thanks to being accidentally behind in my depo shot but it just reminded me that it could be worse. Maybe I can adopt one day if my health gets better. Sending so much love. Thank you again. 💜
Jes Pearl one thing I always remind myself is that nobody has a guarantee of old age in life...I’ve known young people to die, I’ve almost lost people (my dad, only early 50s) so all any of us can do is SEIZE THE DAY! None of us should be on our deathbeds thinking ‘I wish I hadn’t spent all those years worrying about this’ 💚
Thank you for recommending that TED Talk Melanie! I am 26 and that is exactly how I have been feeling for the past 2 years but haven't quite been able to express it. Starting therapy soon, trying to work out some childhood trauma so that I can have the future I want and relationships I want.
I'm 26 and currently doing my masters abroad. I've been married for almost 2 years and while focusing on my studies, I've been dependent on him financially. This really lowered my self esteem even though he has always been sweet and supportive. This year I've started feeling like I'm aging because I feel that I need more time to myself to get out and do things. I need more charging time so to say. Sometimes I feel like I'm behind when I compare myself to my peers who make good money already, but I try to accept myself and my life story as it is. Aging scares me and what'll happen to my body after birth terrifies me, so it's encouraging to hear you talk about these things.
I’m 29 and I gave birth last year. My body looks great, there’s nothing to be scared of if you take the time and take care of your body while still pregnant. If you do that then you don’t have anything to worry about.
Thank you. I've found myself reflecting on these topics lately (I'm about to be 29) and hearing you makes me feel like I'm not alone. I've been struggling and needed this positive, non-cookie cutter discussion.
I love this conversation being started, but it does scare me. I do care about how I look, ever since I became a teenager I’ve been one of those people who looked 3-5 years younger than I actually am and to be honest, it makes me happy, so what will happen when it stops, you know? I don’t want my confidence to be rooted in how young I look and it’s something that I need to work on. My health is something that I’m more concerned about. Going to the doctor is expensive and right now it’s too expensive. I hope it’s something that I can do very very soon. As for happy things, I got married at 24, am 26 now and am very very happy with it!💛 I love doing just regular life things like grocery shopping and watching movies with my husband💛
its so sad how society conditions us into thinking looking younger = better. All because the patriarchal society creepily idolizes youth in women. Its not true, imo women in their 40s/50s are the hottest. Not that it matters, and not that your appearance has any part in your worth.
I appreciate how open and honest you were in this video! I'm currently 32 and I remember almost instantly having more confidence when I turned 30 than I ever had in my twenties. It wasn't actually that instant but upon reflection, the majority of my teens and twenties were spent thinking I wasn't good enough, not attractive enough, etc. The list goes on....It's really not a productive way to live and while I wish I could have embraced myself sooner (when my hair was purely one color and my cheeks were fuller, etc.). Dwelling on past mistakes is not productive, at least I gained something out of it in the long run. Also TRUE on the sex being way better now.
I'm turning 27 this april and also finally getting my degree in April. I still party quite a lot, hang out with younger people, have barely any savings, just got out of a long-term relationship, etc. I've accepted that my path isn't like other people my age and that it took my longer to get where I am right now. I am waayyy more confident in my body that I used to hate, I don't feel the need to put make up on or dress really nice whenever I leave the house, I'm mentally way more stable, I'm in general more comfortable in life, I live in a nice apartment in a great city, and so much more. I'm very nervous about the next phase in my life (once I have my degree) but also super excited. I loved this video. I always love to hear your thoughts on things, even when I don't fully agree
I haven’t even started the video yet and already reading the comments I know I’m going to love it and relate so hard. I’m 25 about to turn 26 in April and I’m TERRIFIED. Due to my mental health I’ve become reliant on my fiancé and Nan .. I can’t go out alone or do the most simple things. I spend my days in my home not going outside for about a month at a time and I just feel like I’m counting down the hours until my life is over. Most of my life I’ve always felt like I’m just floating in the world .. I don’t stick to anything and stay there. And I hate it. But recently I’ve been feeling something and I hope it grows. I want to try and go out and find myself and love myself and do things for me. I don’t know what but I just have this inner feeling that I have to do it. Ageing scared me because of the obvious .. I’m scared of dying .. I’m scared of my now 10 year partner dying before me and me being alone .. I’m scared of losing my nan .. but I’m slowly very slowly accepting that it’s life. My fiancé isn’t ready for kids yet .. but I have a tiny urge to have them now .. because of my age I think I need to have them now which is stupid. Just thank you Mel .. you have given a voice to many people who clearly face these anxiety’s with life and it’s SOO reassuring to know I’m not alone thanks you. So much love to you for this. I know after I finish watching this I’m going to feel so reassured ❤️❤️
Geeky Carlys I just want to say I’ve felt the same way you have the last year. Just like I was floating and counting down the days haha. I think for me it stems from fear of not living a full life but my anxiety holds me back from living that life.
It's really nice watching this knowing 2 years later you have the lovely house and the 1.5 little kiddies! Defenitely warms my heart, I feel like I've just flicked back a couple of chapters and stepped back in time for a moment :)
I'm 30, and I find people are completely shocked when I say that because I feel like people in their 20s expect to instantly turn 50-60 when they hit 30! like, I have a few crows-feet if you look at me real hard but I look pretty much the same as I did at 25. I see people saying things like "that Actor doesn't /look/ old enough to be playing 30" or "that video game character didn't age enough to look 30" like fam, what do you think 30 looks like? Lol. the changes between being 25 and being 30 for me have mostly been mental. I'm a lot calmer then I was, I'm a lot less mad about what other people are up to. I don't feel the need to snoop on people I don't like anymore. I'm a lot more careful about my space, I clean more then I used to. I may have a grey hair or two if i look (my hair is presently pink though, hard to tell) but I think kids in their late teens early 20s worrying about looking old at 30 should know you're gunna be just fine!
This was much needed❤️ I’m turning 25 next month and I have so much anxiety about my 30s. I’m still in school , I don’t own my own home yet, and just feel behind with life experiences. Not to mention I want kids but I am in no way mentally ready for that yet haha. This comment was nice to hear.
Ienzo Kozolka Me too! I’m 31 and people constantly think I’m in my early 20s. Which is pretty good given the fact that I partied a lot in my 20s, lol. However I did avoid the sun and I take good care of myself now. The changes have mostly been mental for me as well; I’m far less impulsive and much more mature, and way more confident. But in many ways I’m the same. So yes, all you 20 somethings- don’t freak out. Just be sure to take good care of yourself. Avoid the sun or wear sunscreen (VERY important!), eat somewhat healthy, have a skincare routine (doesn’t have to be anything crazy) and you’ll be good. :) Not to say aging doesn’t happen and I don’t worry about it, but it’s best not to freak out about it, especially at 30.
I am in my late teens,but i really love this videos and i have learned sooo much from your 20s videos about skincare, food and so on. I really enjoy your channel and i hope you keep making videos on these topics that not a lot a people talk about. Sending love
you have soooo much time to get it together, there’s a lot of pressure for us to have it all together at an early age but take your time. your journey is only yours, don’t compare yourself to anyone and focus on yourself!
I'm 23 but I feel the exact same. For me, it's a lot to do with lacking agency. I know that shouldn't be an excuse, but I don't feel I have control of my surroundings or my life. I'm waiting to save up enough to have more control over my life. Renting is so expensive and so many people of our age group can't do the things that older people could do at our age e.g. save up for a house while having those holidays. We don't have the funds for those 'markers' of adulthood, like permanent jobs, not living at home or traveling. It's a waiting game. I'm waiting to be in my job for a reasonable amount of time to then progress, I'm waiting for a better job to save more and I'm waiting for those savings to be able to do more fun and independent things. This makes me feel 50 and old before my time, despite the contradiction of not doing the 'adult' things.
It probably sounds cliche at this point, but you really do have a lot of time ahead of you! I'm speaking from an American perspective, so I don't know how much it'll resonate when I say any of this, but I think it's easy to feel like that at 19 because society expects you to have some idea of what you want by the time you're 17 or 18, maybe even earlier (I could go on whole tangents about how we idolize musical prodigies, teenage Olympians, college athletes, etc.). That was my experience, at least. But the way it actually panned out, my life didn't really start taking the shape I wanted it to until I was 24 or 25. But now that I'm actually on a path I want to be on... it's not that the fear of having wasted my time has totally gone away, but I'm better at shifting my perspective back to the things I'm working on now and why they excite me. I'm better at looking forward instead of back. I think a lot of it comes down to just running with the decisions you feel are right for you -- not so much for who you'll be decades down the road, but for who you'll be in a few months to a few years. And eventually, you start making those decisions with more and more certainty in who you are, and more and more openness to who you could become. Sorry for the wall of text, lol -- hang in there, friend! You'll sort everything out.
Im 19 as well, at times my feelings do resonate with yours. My friends often reprimand me ( all in good nature 🤣) for not being more outgoing, and this makes me feel as if i could be enjoying life better had i been any different. But the truth is, you have to find what works best for you which will eventually lead you to things you enjoy most. I see everyday as an opportunity for introspection- things i can do, things i can change not for the sake of my peers but for the longevity of my own happiness.
have been following you since the video "why im not vegan anymore" and i find it so inspiring how much you have seem to grown as a person, how much authenticity you have gained!!! really really impressive! and it is so lovely to see you so much happier!!! love
This has been such a fascinating and comforting video for me at I feel like a key point in my life. I'm turning 21 this week and facing dropping out of college a second time and dealing with feelings surrounding that, of failure and just feeling like college isn't the right place for me at least for right now, and to me it honestly feels like if I don't have everything in my life sorted by the time I'm 22-25 then I never will. But the conversations I've heard recently about your 30s being your best years, and how it really is okay that you can spend your 20s figuring it out has been helping. I've had such a hard time transitioning into adulthood because I feel as if I didn't have a fair shot at enjoying my teen years because of family problems and mental health issues, that then coming out of that at the same time as having a lot more responsibility thrust upon me has been extremely difficult. I've also been slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm actaully not v ambitious, I want a simpler life than my family wants for me and that has been pushed on me my whole life and I think it's okay now. I've had dreams for the last couple years of returning to where I was born out west in america, and just this week I realized that I don't want to wait anymore to achieve it, so I started seriously planning and doing research and by the time I'm 23 I hope to be in a much better place in my life and living where I want to live. It's so easy to get caught up waiting for your life to begin, and putting things off because you're not where you want to be, and you're absolutely right, if you really want something you have to just start. My sister is turning 30 this year, and getting married and she bought a house, and she has been invaluable to me, helping me navigate my young adulthood and reassuring me that your 20s isn't the be all and end all of your life. This video has just come at an important part of my life and a lot of what you said has resonated with me so much, I really love these sorts of videos you've been doing and I appreciate so much the insight and experience of women who are older than me. I think it's so important for every girl to have some older sister or older women friends to help them through their life bc the best advice I ever get is from them. Sorry for rambling, this just means a lot to me and I think about these sorts of things very often now.
I'm turning 28 in Feb and so much of what you have touched on I can relate to! I definitely felt moved by your comments on friendship, having recently had to come to terms with losing a friend I've know for almost decade because she simply doesn't care anymore. Having the courage to assert myself and then to let go and move on has been a challenge and still is hard to accept but a valuable lesson at that. I plan to hopefully start a family in the next 5 years but not before I travel to Japan for a new job I've been offered, not before I get engaged to the love of my life who I've been dating for 4 years and definitely not before I have my first family pet! :) Thank you for this video Melanie, I would love to hear your views on the universe because so far it sounds like I'm talking to a mirror.
Interesting talk on this subject, turned thirty last year and felt (weirdly) more panicked about turning 25. Just have to say - sadly, not every one get more financially secure when 30, especially in this economic climate.
Emma Lindvall more often than not though people at 30 are far more comfortable than at 21, just by statistics & in my experience (everyone I’ve known...there are a couple who haven’t done much to change their paths re: work and others who haven’t been able to, but still, it’s something most 20 year olds can look forward to as we all should be working through our 20s) x
@@melaniemurphyofficial That's true - that that doesn't mean you have economic freedom, or even have enough to save some. Just did a quick google on Ireland (I'm from Sweden) and according to figures from last spring one in six lived in poverty. And like you say, housing prices play a part of that as well.
I'm 24. This really made me reflect and analyse my behaviour so far. I think you're such a funny, honest, thoughtful and kind person. Your reflections are spot on, you're so mature and inspirational. Xx
This video was so great ! Also I would be very very interested in hearing you talk more in details about picturing yourself with a family but not imagining making children as you said, because I feel the same way and I'd gladly hear you on that subject Your spiritual life and thoughts about the world and the energy would also make an interesting video !
I never had any strong female role models/ positive lady vibes growing up (I still don't in real life) but youtubers like Melanie have legitimately become that for me. it's weird to think about, but feelin pretty grateful rn :')
It sounds trivial in all the other things mentioned but the acne side of things is so painfully relatable. I had acne from 11 until now at 29 and it's finally starting to fade from drinking more water and wearing no make-up...so now my 30's are prob gonna bring a barrel load of wrinkles, giving me no time to enjoy my normal, non-orangey, non-cakey face?? arggh! We spend our adolescence behind so many different masks - turns out mine was made from 5 layers of Maybelline powder :D
I turned 20 3 months ago and omg this video put my mind at ease actually because when nobody talks about this kind of stuff you just don't know and that made me kinda anxious but this video was gold 👌 thanks Mel 💚💚
I found this video so motivational and reassuring. I'm 21 and due to mental illness that started becoming a problem in my early teens, I constantly feel like I'm behind everyone else my age and that a chunk of my youth has been wasted. Theres so much pressure to be doing well in your 20's as they're meant to be your 'best years', but that's really not the case for most. I'm still so young and have the potential to take my life in any direction I want. That should be an exiting thing and I shouldn't be stressing that I'm not there yet, I should take the time to enjoy and appreciate the journey!
Fantastic Video Melanie I am currently 55 and I have told my boy's that I am going to age disgracefully and become even more inappropriate as I get older , Lol It's all about attitude, and yes things change as you age and I've noticed some big changes in my body now and my skin , and some times you sigh , the big plus is i now feel more Empowered , have gained much more wisdom , and experienced loads of different thing some pleasurable and others Not so all have shaped who I am today and will keep shaping me moving forward on this Journey called My Life. and at the end of it I'm going to know i have No regrets cause i always lived my best life i could because i show myself compassion and Kindness and empathy, ps having a mortgage is still stressful at any age .💚
i saw one of your videos and just fell in love instantly with who you are and im now binge watching your videos. Can i just say thank you? Im in my twenties and i want to know a lot of the content you put out there and im just gratefull that you did. I honestly feel like im looking at myself 15 years from now, and idk just how calm and wise you are it gives me peace of mind, thank you for putting all this info out there, i really wanted to hear and needed to hear all of what you saied
I just turned 32 and in some ways I feel much wiser and calmer, while in other ways I feel just as lost as I was when I was a teenager, specially when it comes to my career path. Then babies... I´m married to a fabulous man and I know for sure I want to spend my life with him, with or without babies but we are still struggling to decide if we want them or not. And yes that biological clock is going crazy pushing me to make a decision. Thanks for your video and for talking about this subjects.
OH girl! I love your thoughts and accent! Please make a video how you see and experience the world and this whole 'existing' thing, because I feel your thoughts are so close to mines. Thank you!
As a 23 year old that is traveling the world, partied a lot, etc. I can honestly say I am so excited about being 80 and reflecting on my youth. Maybe that will change when I am 30. Life is a beautiful thing, and each individual goes through a different life journey
I want to recommend an Adam Ruins Everything episode about the myths we believe about childbirth and fertility as you age into your 30s and how many of them are vastly overblown. Such as, it just isn't true that it's a lot harder to get pregnant and give birth in your 30s and 40s. It's like less than a percent harder (can't remember the exact number). And that means nothing. Although there can be individual issues that hinder fertility and child-bearing ability, it has little to do with being in your 30s and 40s. The information where we've gotten our misconception is from one study done in the 1800s out of a small sampling of French women. And there's a lot more addressed in the episode, too. It's an excellent, fully sourced, and informative video, and a great show all around.
DB Thanks for the video rec! It’s good to see experts challenging each other to bring the truth out. It seems like Adam Ruins Everything, which does use doctors and studies as their sources, and the doctor you linked are pretty in line with each other! The bottom line is it isn’t a drop off and there’s no reason to stress about it if you’re in good health.
@@Argastic I think the key is past tense, datED. Never heard of it lasting.. Cus it's probably awkward once the feelings come into play. Just sounds weird af to me.
I been watching your videos for years, when I started college. Now I’m on my mid 20s. We are all aging all the time. I needed to watch this video. Life is scary to me, the emotions that come with it. Loosing people and sicknesses. I’m scared. I haven’t lived yet, I’m just alive. I want to live though.
Omg AWWW, seeing you be like 🤞🏻😆🤞🏻 hoping for babies in the future in JANUARY and then seeing your recent videos IN THE SAME YEAR with your precious baby boy is so wholesome omg.
I am 33 this year; I still haven’t met ‘my person’ and am nowhere near to starting a family, despite how much I want it. This was not laziness in my 20s or some such; it just hasn’t happened yet for me. I had a huge ovarian cancer health scare last year; I had to have 75cm of cysts removed from my ovaries. Thankfully, they were benign. But I am now left with a scar that looks like a C-section and I still have no babies. I find this very hard. As soon as I’m healed, I’d love to start trying for a family, but, because I have neither the partner or the means, I am stuck. We live in a very different society these days and we just have to navigate it as best we can.
you're so right...all we can do is to live and to love...you are still young and your body has shown you how tough it is! :) If you'd love to meet somebody, put yourself out there and you'll be way more likely to experience the 'right place right time' thing that happens to so many of us! xxx
Bless you. You are such beacon of light and produce worthwhile content for such a waste age range of viewers. I went through a difficult break-up last year and am only just a month post-op now, so chose to take myself away from the dating sphere (as I'm not a fan anyway, really). But, as soon as I'm fit and feeling healthy again, I know I have to put myself out there, because I don't want my baby years to pass me by either. Much love to you. xx
I’m turning 30 next month and I am basically starting life over from scratch. I was a musician for most of my 20s and had a lot of fun and am proud of what I accomplished...but I also got addicted to drugs. I got clean when I was 25 but then got chronic health issues that basically stole my late twenties from me. I was close to recovery in 2019 and then my brother died. Next thing you know it’s a new decade and I have no degree,no career prospects (I’m in the adult industry so there’s a time limit on how lucrative things are) I don’t even have a drivers license lol. BUT the point of sharing my sob story is that it’s not too late to start over!! I am taking classes at a community college, I have creative projects, and I focus on my health and being there for my family. I’m glad that I’ve lived an unconventional life despite the heartache and I’ve come out on the other side with time to start over and be a normal person someday. 30 is still young, the only thing I really worry about is the fertility aspect😱.
Thnx for sharing your story. I got a bit startled at the "normal person" part at the end there, as that seems like the kind of language that leads to wanting to be impossible to attain things. (And I kind of struggle with it.)
thank you. thank you. thank you. I discovered your channel a few months ago and I'm so glad I did. I'm 19, graduated this summer and spent the last months trying to figure out what I want. I was putting so much pressure on myself to meet expectations of others that I thought my parents/relatives wouldn't be happy with what I wanted to study. I spent my time avoiding thinking about my future from September til December last year because I was so scared (still am) of making a wrong decision. I finally found something I could actually see myself ending up in a few weeks ago. I'm finally excited about my future again and in my heart everything feels so right. I'm still really scared of changes in my life and losing people I really appreciate, but at the same time I know that I have to do something and have to take risks, since I was so unhappy the last months. I feel like I didn't do most of the things young adults/teenagers are expected to have experienced and after I graduated I just felt completely lost, because to me it looked like everyone had a plan and a drive and I was just lacking this. I'm so glad I didn't push myself into doing things/studying things that didn't feel right to me. Anyways I know that I#m going to watch this video again in a few years and it'll help me even more than it did now.
I'll be turning 33 in a few days and I've never dated or been officially in a relationship and I'm a virgin too. However, I go to work and come home and do whatever needs to be done. I've just accepted how my life has turned out and that is all you can do because there is no point in thinking about what if!
I suffer from trichotillomania and watching you pull that hair out felt so bizarre! Had to comment on it haha. But anyway, thanks so much for being this open. These topics can be very diffucult to grasp and you do a great job explaining everything and making us feel less lonely in our struggles. Sending much love xxx
I'm almost 27 and don't want children, people are shocked by this and ask how my boyfriend feels about it, obviously we've discussed it and are on the same page, I also get judged for not wanting to get married. Again were both happy as we are, we've been together 5 and a half years, have just bought a house and picture getting old and grey together regardless. My main concern is I'm from Australia and he's English, I've accepted that I'm here now as I couldn't leave him to go back but I worry about my aging family back home and how much of my life they miss out on. Money probably stresses me more now than when I was 20, I have enough and I've always been good/borderline hoarder with my money but I'm at a point where I feel like I should be stashing it away and making a huge pile for later in life when really I should just enjoy it. I definitely feel like sex has changed in the last year or 2. It used to be all hot and heavy and as often as possible. Now my sex drive is far lower but it's more meaningful/better when it does happen. I'm very self conscious due to weight gain/health etc but thankfully I have a great partner that's always interested and excited by me regardless. What a long comment... oops.
It's so weird the energy that you're emanating, the presence you generate. It feels so peaceful. It's kinda strange that this video give me more motivation to carry out what i want to do than all those self help books and motivational speeches. Definitely want to hear more of your opinion on religious subject. Thank you for sharing all these amazing infos!
I feel like we have so little time of real youth. Our bones stop growing at 21 and four years later we start having wrinkles. Most of us have 4-5 years of weird teenage stage, then a few more of i-can-drink-now-and-don’t-really-have-any-responsibilities and then we start aging. And the process of accepting that continues till we die basically, because we won’t stop changing. So ideally 40-50 years of “ok, that’s fine, everyone has to go through this”. If middle age starts at 35 this should mean we look/feel the best then, not that in another 35 we’ll end up as raisins 🤷♀️
I needed this video! I’ve tried to have conversations with people about my next 5 year plan. I’m 25 and am looking forward to 30 but I felt like I needed a bit of insight and guidance. Thank you Mel. You feel like this sister I wish I had. ❤️
I was terrified of turning 30. No job, no partner, no money. Just didn't feel grown up enough for the big 3. From the first day in my 30s I've been totally happy though. Half a year later I finished my bar exam, got a job where I met my now husband and now at 34 I'm pregnant with our second child. Life circumstances can change so quickly, it's ridiculous sometimes.
I’m so glad to read your message. I’m 29 and I’m medical school after a career change. I hadn’t thought about how shit not being financially secure at this age would be like! Reading your message gives me hope xx
i hope you had kids and got married because you wanted to not because you thought you have to seem like you have achieved things.
Dragon Fly what a rude comment! You sound like you’re projecting your own insecurities onto her. Truth is, societal influence or not, many women DO want partnership and children. It’s biological and we shouldn’t feel ashamed by those who are over 30 & single for doing those things.
33 with no stable job no kids no partner, I feel so fucking lonely and sad
@@valenaz86 hey, please be kind to yourself. You deserve all what your heart desires and there is a right time for everyone. I believe there are blessings in disguise and maybe the Universe sends us these dark and depressive years to prepare us for something bigger than we even can think of! You never know how life can change and I really really do believe all can change. I am turning 29 soon and have no job for 2 years, just broke up with a partner and live with my mom, but I believe that everything happens for a reason and there are good times awaiting for me and you and everyone else who have been struggling for too long! All the best!
I'm 23, turning 24 this year - I've never had a relationship, sex or even a first kiss, not started my career yet, honestly not done most of the things 'young people' are 'meant' to do, like partying and travelling the world. BUT those things aren't for me, and that's fine - I HAVE got a degree, worked, got my finances straight, got a healthy diet and exercise routine, written a novella, marched in protests, made amazing friendships, loved my family, and worked hard on my mental health. Even though my time isn't infinite, I'm on top of what matters to me right now, and the future is full of mystery and potential!
Elise Collins 👏🏻 love this!
I'm also in my early 20s and I appreciate this so much!
You do you gurll💪🏽❤️
That last sentence... man oh man, do I wish I'd felt the same at 23, but I can relate at 27, and I'm so happy that you feel it now. It's a kind of security in yourself that no one can take away from you.
You're me.
Could you touch on watching your parents aging? That’s been one of the toughest things for me growing older.
I touched on it near the end - it's a big fear of mine, but I do need to talk more about that in another video! x
Oh man, the thought of my parents aging just makes me want to cry. I wish I was way closer to them when they were younger and I was a teenager, but instead I spent countless hours on the phone with friends:/
Monicamcs yeah I did the same sadly, or being a bit of an asshole to them. Ugh.
Melanie Murphy yes I would love a video dedicated to that 🥰
@@averageadventurers7451 Same
Watching your videos after turning 30, 4 months ago. My skin changed literally over night, and I keep staring at myself in the mirror. I wasted 8 years married to a man who didn't want me, married at 21, and I feel very bitter about it now. Getting older feels a lot harder now than it probably should. I so badly want to have a big family and that's part of why I married so early. TH-cam was so kind to shell out videos that said "women in their 30s now want to commit suicide because of getting older" and that didn't help. Glad I found you
I didn't get with my husband until I was in my late twenties and now age 34 I have two children...YOU HAVE SO MUCH TIME
It varies so much. I'm 47 and have not gotten any greys yet. My sister was almost completely grey by 25. I have none and have never colored my hair. Wrinkles...I started active anti-aging skin care and daily sunblock as a teenager. I am not even getting fine lines around my eyes, no signs of crow's feet. Tummy area and breast...I have and nursed 5 kids...that's life. I've stayed small and in shape, but the belly will never look the same, especially after twins. I married the right guy at 18...best choice ever, but never thought I would be widowed at 41. Grateful we started our life together young though.
Betsy/BA BF so delighted that you got to have a beautiful life with him while he was with us 💚💚💚💚💚
I am almost 51 and have no greys yet either. I do have some wrinkles now but they aren't that bad. It definitely varies from person to person ...genes, life choices, stress ... all have an effect!
Your sister would be on trend these days with grey hair at 25, since people color them grey these days.
Sorry to hear about your loss. I think you made the right choice of getting married early and getting the family before the career. You will have so many children and grand children to take care of you when that time comes. People often forget that we have children because of two primary reasons: first, to keep the civilization running and letting the next generation take care of maintaining the utilities and produce the food we need when we get older and second, to have somebody take care of us personally when we get sick and/or old. We need children to survive both on personal and societal level. If you flip this logic, not having children is creating a burden on the society, since other people's children will have to make sure you have food and are taken care of when old. It's just how the nature works. I am also 47 and have just one son. We had him when we were in our 30's and as the result my wife did not want to have more, since she was too tired and her career interfered in this too. You are much stronger and durable when you are in your 20's and that's when you should have children. After 30 having a child is a serious effort and you are not young anymore (meaning not in your prime anymore). My wife got pregnant with great difficulties after 30. Fertility drop after 30 is real and can be as much as 20%. 28 is not peak fertility for women, it is prime for men. For women peak fertility is between 18 and 23. After that it levels and towards the end of 20's it starts to drop sadly. That's the biological wall and it usually is around 25 or so.
@@szobione Unfortunately there are many people with children and grandchildren who don't care for them when they are older. Having children is no guarantee of care.
Girls, after a long term relationship I met my new partner at age 33. We had a long distance relationship (me in Germany, he in Italy) and met only once a month. When I was 37 we decided to try to have a child. It didn't seem to make sense to move together (leaving country is not easy) without having a family. We had only one weekend a month and that makes timing a little difficult. But, I got pregnant on the first try and, after an easy pregnancy, had my child at 38, natural birth. Our beautiful daughter will be 14 this year and we are a happy family. Until I was 30 I was convinced that I will never have children and I never imagined to leave my country. But I did.
Wow such a hopeful and encouraging story! Thank you for sharing!
That gives me hope I'm just 26 almost 27
At 37 you are way past having children. Don't bring damaged kids to this world.
Your a beautiful young girl, 30 is soooo young . I'm 56 and believe me, you don't really seriously age till over 45, especially if you don't drink booze or smoke and you eat well. I understand the 30 thing I felt like that too, God I want a baby I'm 30, I'm older my time is running out. But by 32 that passes. Visualise your baby, see it happening, don't even think about it not happening. I did and I had my daughter at 41 unplanned and it all turned out fantastic . I know 30 can really feel like scary-ish but it will all be grand. Great videos you look fantastic xx
Bond O'Neill 🥰💚 wise words! Xxxx
Exceptions don't make the rule. Ppoor advise to women to wait until 30+ to settlr down, they become damaged goods, with all baggage, STD, toxic, 304s.
@@arturoreynoso5920 facts
Loving my 30s more then my 20s. I got healthier, better sex life, and became an overall better person. Not to say that can’t happen in your 20s too. Or 40s or 50s. But, honestly I feel like you start to really know yourself better in your 30s.
It’s not happening at 40 or 50 get real
I'm 30 and I waisted my 20 working a job I didn't like and led me to mental health issues. Last year, at 29 I quit that job and went back to university. I'm doing great at that, it's hard but I'm working on my future, because even if I'm already in my 30s, I hope my life will be long and full of beautiful experiences.
I don't have my own family yet (not even a boyfriend) but I still hope it will be possible for me.
Everything is possible , its never to late to grow and everyone deserves love❤️❤️
Marta Ballarani I love that you’re owning your life, you deserve greatness! Visualise what you want and act like it’s already your reality. The universe will take care of the rest. Best of luck with university Marta, you’ve got this ♥️
Marta Ballarani Same here. Personally I wish I focused more on starting a family in my 20s (not early 20s but mid/late). I’m 31 and like you I focused on job stuff in my 20s which did not make me happy. Now I’m 31 and wish I had a family. That being said I had a lot of other stuff going on which made that difficult (mental health issues here as well) and I’ve always been a late bloomer. And there’s still time of course so I hope it’s possible for me as well, but yeah. I do think there’s a lot of pressure for us to go to school and find careers, when we have less time than men do for having kids.
I'm 33 and did similar when I was 27 (back to school). Our bioclock is so unfair, because of the pressure of time for family-starting. I relate. In many ways this is the best decade of my life, but I wish I could turn the clock back and not feel under the gun.
@@kimmybrandt everything is harder for us women, and yes that sounds cliche, but it's true. We're always trying our best to "complete" our role but yet we never seem to fully achieve what we're supposed to.
I think a lot of other women are in our same position, I often feel a complete failure, but then again I refuse to give up on myself. I still feel like a teenager (I know I'm not) but I want to push through and hope for the best.
I believe we'll be good. I wish you the best.
I’m 32 and have had 12 years of two toxic relationships. All I’ve ever wanted is a family of my own. 8 months single and I’ve finally met someone! Thanks for this video Mel, I don’t feel so alone in my worries.
This gives me so much hope xxx
I turned 25 last year and had two people tell me, "Enjoy this year, it's all downhill from here." But honestly, everything has felt downhill since my teenage years. Mental health issues, 2 chronic illness diagnosis last year, unable to go to college and interact socially, no relationships. Looking at another year of being sick. I really just can't wait for my 30s. I have this feeling they will be amazing - it's when my life will finally get started, when I will finally be healed, when I can finally pursue things to their fullest. I have this weird complex of being both afraid of getting older and really excited. I hate change but also have this "hidden" adventurous side that has been begging to be freed for the last 10 years. I'm anxious to see what this decade brings!
the 20s can be so, SO hard and you're right to be optimistic about the future! :)
its only all downhill if you think it will be. If you think you are old, you will biologically become old. Its scientifically proven.
People who say that stuff are projecting their own lives onto you.
I’m turning 25 this year and I’ve started looking at getting older as a blessing because not everyone has that opportunity! Although of course, even though the brain knows that, there’s always anxieties that come with getting older as well. Just wanted to say that I LOVED this video, Melanie! You’re one of my favorite people on youtube ever 💖
Rose Hi Rose,
We don’t know each other personally but I can say that suicide is never the right answer. Please don’t do it. It’s a permanent decision that will hurt not only you but the people who love you. Success looks different for everybody at different times in their life and that’s why we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others around us. I’m really not qualified to give professional advice but as person to person, I think you’re doing great - post grad is a really difficult time to transition into and lots of people struggle. It’s a time for trial and error and if you find that you don’t like your career, you can always change it! You’re not alone and have achieved so much already! Be kinder to yourself and your heart. I encourage you to talk to somebody about how you’re feeling or call a suicide prevention hotline if you feel more comfortable talking to somebody else.
*RE: the fertility chat part of the video* - anyone who ignored my wording around fertility/feels worried that I don't understand the latest research on this, please replay what I actually said before commenting. THIS is the consensus on modern research: "While 35 doesn't actually represent a hard stop for your fertile years, your fertility IS at its peak between your late teens and late 20s & declines gradually throughout your adult life. The downward sloping line between age and fertility DOES steepen in the mid-30s. At age 30, your chance of natural pregnancy is about twenty per cent each month and your chance of pregnancy with IVF is about forty two percent each time you try, by 40, those chances drop to about five per cent and twenty per cent, respectively. Additionally, your chances of genetic abnormality (resulting in no pregnancy/miscarriage/genetic disorders for the baby) increases from 25% to 60-80% *in the same decade*." And when I discuss the whole biological clock thing in this video, I'm kind of covering NOT wanting to be a 60 year old with a teenager on top of other things I forgot to touch on (didn't want the video to be an hour long)...but as I said, you CAN get pregnant in the 30s and 40s, it can be harder and we should all be open to adoption as there are so many kids in the world without parents. Please don't panic lol, my fear AS I SAID is related to the fact that my doctor is sending me for more tests thinking I have PCOS which absolutely makes things more difficult xxxxxxxxxxx
I do understand this so i am not one of those people but still just commenting and hope you be
healthy with the pcos and stuff. I ve only got temporary amenorrhea so idk about how hard it is but still.😊
I m 21 but feeling old eversince i got 12 and it worsened at 18(felt like i ve been alive
forever like 500 idk how thats possible) 😅...probably cuz of
psychological stress though ...and how people expect a lot from you but actually treat you like you know nothing/or
infantalize you just because they are older and you are younger no matter how old you are ..😔
I also think saggy chest happens even to below 18 ppl if when you remove the bra so (i had that at 16) so i guess it can happen before 30 too.😥
Got amenorrhea(no or skipped periods at 16 too so i guess i dont have to wair for age to gimme insecurities(tho i hav
less cuz i already decided since 12 (ik sounds lot less of a age to think about marriage at but ppl kept talking about my marriage since 10 so i had to give em an
answer lol) that if i dont find someone i like or relationships dont work out in future i d
adopt kids)as marriages arent a 100% possibility.😅
I also knew that i dont want to change surnames changed at
marriage so we both should want to change surnames to a
single decided surname which is from neither party to avoid the whole (i want a boy to carry family name or any other unfairness)😊
I didnt wanna seperate from my parents so i knew i wanted a person who d agree with staying in same house like a joint family and i d have to make that happen.😄
I knew i had to communicate a lot before starting any sort of relationship at all and i decided all this by thinking and researching from 10-16yrs of age so i feel any age of person
below 30/20(idk about below 10 tho possibly if they have delveloped that much critical thinking which is quite rare)
can realize,research,understand and decide what they want as long as the do decide to look at what marriage is realistically. 😊
I do admit that such people are less because while ppl in my school were dating at 12 and less -16 and thinking they d
marry the same person thy r dating just cuz thy love each other similar to hollywood movies i knew thats not gonna happen as reality is quite
different so not everyone realizes everything at the same age because its social/environmental/parental
conditioning that plays a role. Than just age alone.😔
I ve got stretchmarks at different places since 16(possibly less since i didnt notice em)😯
And i feel like i ve had wrinkles since after 16 on my hands and other places feet tho thy may not be noticeable to people.😅.
Also ik ppl with premature grey hair (my classmate had grey hair at 13) and i feel like i ve got Premature wrinkles and well
my hair do fall out too if stress gets more or i do something wrong ever since i was a child since.😐
We also change appearances not just couple of years but including months if we do
something different with our diet,bodycare.😑
You get cavities and your teeth may still fall out even before 20 (my teeth would have cuz i ve got 4 cavities n one root canal by 18)😭 that hurts.
But i see you and many other 30+yos who ve got good skin and you look beautiful obviously with your effort when
i dont see 30-/20- ppl as beautiful as them despite the care. I dont wish to compare but is real.😱
Feminists: people who dont talk about physical issues just because they are taboos arent they more like anti-feminists?
Because feminist means equal treatment to both genders it should have no ban on not
talking about your physical/psychological issues they arent feminists more like
pseudofeminists who think they are feminists but they arent. 😑😨
so i doubt its all easy just cuz we are below 30. 😣😅
Well for sex drives idk lol i am an ace and also idk how to measure it.😐
I dont necessarily think you NEED to date a lot just to know what qualities you want in a
person and what kind of people you know are toxic for you 😌..if someone just researches a bit
about healthy/toxic relationships,relationship abuse/councilling/boundaries/safety/health,relationship/sex education and more. 😇
for eg. I knew right after just meeting toxic people that i wouldnt want such ppl in my
life even as friends let alone relationship, and as i found good people i knew i d want em as aquaintainces and friends even though i didnt want to be
in relationship with them we can seperate good and bad qualities from people we meet
and regardless of what relationship we want we would like as good qualities as possible in people for eg. I met
physical/verbal/psychological/sexual assaulter/abuser/bully, toxic/negative/unkind
/unreasonable/presumptuous/ passive aggressive/hostile people ever since childhood till getting
as old as 21(despite people infantalizing me). And all this gave me a pretty good idea that almost all relationships require similar kind of people to be a better relationship eg. You would want your colleague,classmate,teacher,parent,friend to be understanding,kind,patient,relatable,friendly,loyal,caring,comfortable and alot more
and not any of toxic abusers i mentioned above.though critera less closer relationships like.
colleagues,and teachers may require less of those qualities as compulsion we would like our close relationships to have similar traits.😊
You searched for whether someones a match for you from all your aquaintainces after marriage while i am still
searching for ppl worth being in realtionship with because if i get into a relationship 😅 i Do want a possibilitiy of marriage not a casual relationship or
easily breakable one and since i already knw which kind of ppl i dont want in my life and which kind i do as friends or as lovers ik easily which i cant be with And wouldnt work out even if i was in a relationship with them.😄
And i d also have to discuss things about living,surname change,after marriage with them because these are rare things here including other
necessary things i d have to discuss n check with them from consent,their understanding of. Healthy vs abusive
relationships,establishing ccommunication and more.i feel it takes more time to know someone than Just start a
relationship because you. Are attracted to them/or from. physical affection.. 😊because i wish to start a relationship through verbal communication
And only then move to physical Affection because verbal communication gives you an direct idea of whether
relationship d continue or no and even gives you an Option to communicate to. get over
those hurdles than finding out later that it wont work out.it also wont cause consent
issues that cause abuse. 😣 nor will it waste the time and effort put in a relationship if you already knw what u want and what you
Dont along with the red flags.😨 Because communication and meeting with people and people near em reveals a lot more about them than physical affection. 😃
I seriously wish relationship(all not just romantic)/sex education was taught in schools so ppl dont hav to rely on luck of social conditioning for it.
People who make topics tabooos when communucation is necessary are quite narrow minded which hurts them and others too its sad to see and they pseudo-feminists definitely
shouldnt call themselves feminists(who actually support these conversations) because it makes actual feminists be misunderstood.😬😠 its sad they treat yyou that way.
I also dont feel that all people below 30 feel the need for performance due to 18+ stuff because no everyone watches
18+ stuff and for people who have or do accidentally or willingly many of them do
realize that 18+ industry is just like movie version of 18+ but fake n unrealistic hence its humanly not possible lot of
18+stars,and articles explain it for people who dont watch it in documentaries and blogs that lot of things actually need props and arent real.😅
Also i d think instead of being best in just one thing its better if both people get to have the best relationship they have ever had in their lifetimes which is
what d keep the relationship together as sex is quite small part of life regardless of the drive because whats needed
after the spark gets usual and habituated to is mutual understanding,care,space,comforting,communication,helping each Other and more.😊
My mom lost her 1st tooth after 50 approx i think and my dad hasnt lost any at 63 and my
dad started dyeing due to white hair at 35 but my mom started at 40.😅 tho for you its at 30.
So i guess all things that are generalized have a lots and of exceptions. Especially because realistic things get the least exposure while most flashy or a bit more commmon
things get a lot of exposure so even though general exceptions are everywhere we tend to notice lot of generalizations alone.😃
Ik this is long 😓 but topic was quite Deep so just had to explain.😊
Stuff above is just my experiene which may b a bit different from yours but in no way does
our opinions being different(idek. If thy r Different tho cuz you didnt say it happens to all but just in case) negate our experiences.. also only opinion i have different is that many things that are caused by ageing also happen without us ageing and
sometimes may not happen. Despite ageing to all people since everyone just has different situations and body
types. 😃 Obviously you didnt say it happens to all but just giving an optimistic possibility of exceptions for everyone and myself(well i ve gone through premature ageing since 12-16 n faced some of things you did before so not that i can b optimistic but for others)😄
I hope you stay healthy.😊💙💚
Pretty sure the best time is age 25/26 for the best chance for mother and baby :-) The body physically reaches its peak at 25 as does brain development. Great time to have children. Also, by then you would have some adult life experience, and some sort of idea of how children need to be raised.
Katrina Maree Brain is not fully developed until 30 not 25
It can be hard even for women in their 20 so it can be harder for some women but not necessarily in general because it doesn’t only depend on age as I said some women in their 20s can try over and over again with no luck
In my teenage years I was so convinced that I won't live to be 20 (I was very depressed and suicidal), that when I did turn 20 I've had a complete mental breakdown. Now, when I recently turned 25, I was almost ecstatic, so proud of myself. Like, I did it. I survived. And now every year feels like the greatest achievement of my life.
best.comment.ever. I'm SO proud of you!
This is EXACTLY my experience. Exactly. Thank you 💕
I have always thought time was a friend, and in the end, it will always be better to be 80 at some point than not. I have also known people saying that getting older made them happier than they used to be at the "prime of their life" or called so... As a 25 year old, I think this perspective is very reassuring, seeing that every age brings its own treasure
It’s nice to know that I’m not the only 25 year old feeling like this .. at the start I was so stressed about everything when turning 25 .. “ why haven’t I had kids yet and married yet ? Why am I still stuck not knowing what I want to do? Time is ticking and I’m wasting away” I’m slowly getting better and slowly very slowly becoming less afraid of time and living in the moment. I think we all go through this transition period but no one talks about it ❤️
@@GeekyC It is so weird but for me turning 25 was really about "Now you are an adult and you should take action over your own life; you are too old to linger on things that don't bring value to your life". It is not some much about what had been accomplished or not but being fully aware about your choices in life that matter the most to me (In which condition do I wanna have kids ? Or get married ?)
I'm 24 and turning 25 in april and I feel like I've done absolutely nothing productive in my life. I feel stressed out.
I started watching you when I was 13 and I'm turning 20 this year. It's crazy how it's already been 7 years and I feel like we've been on this path of growth together. Even then, you were kind of a big sister figure to me as I struggled with an eating disorder and I still see you the same way but through different eyes. You're just one of the strongest and most amazing women on the internet and I have learned so much from you.
I'm turning 23 this year in July, and I'm already starting to feel older. Not physically but the pressure of getting my shit together is weighing on me heavy already. I just started University at 22 when a lot of my friends have already graduated, and although I don't necessarily feel very behind (because a lot of people at my Uni started late as well) I just don't see my future, as in I really can't picture how it's going to be. Seeing my parents get older has also been really difficult, I think that's one of the hardest parts for me.
You're likely much better off starting uni later. So many people start fresh out of high school when they have no idea what they want out of life and end up deep in debt with a degree that's either useless or one they dont want anymore. Going in later with a bit more life experience and sense of self is a much better idea.
Puff Ball as someone who started and finished college earlier than most, i agree with you 100% . if i could go back and change one thing, i would not waste so much time and money trying to get thru college asap and think about what i want more
I feel that, I felt so insecure in my 20's that I feel I want those years back. However I would't be like this if I didn't struggle those years.
Susan Figer IG. dream_learn_create THIS 💚
I want my childhood back tho ....like i m 21 but still feel
500 due to psychological pressure that comes with work+studies since 12...i feel life before 7th grade gave me a lot
of time and i wish i had the info to utilize time then but as ik it cant come back i can only make up for it. While people still infantalizing me..
Tho i feel That i more miss the time that i had with my parents as i lost the time because of going to hostel.
Tho i doubt people can be free off insecurities 100% at any age though we r humans with
positives n neegative thoughts which is what life makes beautiful and also makes us feel fulfilled once we have conquered the problem,insecurity n negativity.
Cheers from a 25 year old constantly freaking out to have my youth unlived and unaccomplished. This video encourages me to be more grateful for what I have. This is so important. Thank you ♥️
I recently turned 22 and I go through these phases where I one day think of myself as having my whole life in front of me and other days where I feel like I have already wasted so many years being negative and stressing around. So even at my age, I am so happy to hear your thoughts on the matter of ageing xx
You are so well spoken and I love listening how passionate you are when you speak. Your words are so insightful and definitely gave me some peace with how I’ve been feeling lately.
I love all the content you've been putting up recently, especially everything related to skin care
Im just 17, but I feel like I've grown a lot the past 2 years, mainly reading a lot about philosophy and just seeing life as something much more valuable and magical, and I've come with peace to anything that my future might be. I know that I'd like to be an architect and a writer, to live near my friends and family, to do art and eventually (after 30) adopt. Honestly, your videos are so calming and they always make me feel better. Hope that you get to accomplish all your goals
You're awesome! Thankyou for being so open, I'm 30 tomorrow and was literally freaking out coz I'm single and still studying in uni. You've covered a lot of topics. Very helpful. Thankyou and God bless :)
Yes on the spirituality vid!!!! Strangely I don't fear ageing at all. Like, at all. But I also work as a hospice nurse so certainly that shapes my perception. I mean I daily see 102 year old that sure, does not look like she's in her twenties. And sometimes forgets everything, but she's living her life! Her memories, bossing around others and National Geographic specials on telly - she enjoyes it like she's ten. I'm 25 right now and the only two things I fear are pain and regret, nothing else.
Yep I’m a palliative np with some hospice on the side. 60s are young for me. I’m 29. I definitely don’t feel old. I don’t want to have regrets like some people I treat do.
Nikki Dedmond Do you mind sharing some of the common regrets you hear?
Bre Thinks most of it revolves around family. An example, a man whose power of attorney was his son that he’d only seen 4 times. He had very few people in his life at all. When confronted with the state of his health, he was more distraught than most people I’ve seen. He was so alone and wanted time to make up for things.
On the flip side, I have an elderly lady who stayed with a man she didn’t love. He passed away and she struggled, but it seemed to be more about conflicting emotions as she saw him as a burden when he was alive.
Multiple people have told me they regret being ungrateful to their parents and to cherish them.
My grandma married at 16 and never finished high school. That was her biggest regret.
Not saving money also is actually a huge one. This for more practical reasons as healthcare is outrageous in the US.
What I don’t hear is wanting to travel more or regretting not achieving something. However, many times those are some things that come up that people are most proud of, so maybe they just don’t share that with me.
The people who are most accepting of their death are the ones with good support systems. Less complicated relationships.
@@amateurastronomer9752 from my experience the most commonly mentioned things are not mending relationships that could've been saved, being married or with someone that was treating them badly and worrying so much, because all of the stuff seem meaningless in hindsight. Never heard anyone mention money, but I'm from Poland, not USA. Also lots of patients are confused and not at all there, so they aren't aware of their situation. And good chunk of them are happy with their life and wouldn't want to change anything, they just want to tell their stories. PLEASE EVERYONE WHO READS THIS, CONSIDER VOLUNTEERING AT YOUR LOCAL HOSPICE.
Nikki Dedmond Wow all of that is super interesting. Thanks for sharing!
BABE. the timing of this video was so perfect for me. I’m going through a bit of a post-relapse rut right now just wishing time away, but I’m going to start rewatching your ‘in my 20s’ series and start getting back in control of my life, you’ve been such an inspiration to me since I discovered your channel, thank you for giving us all a friendly push when we need it x
Thank you for this video. I'm new to your channel and I'm glad that I saw this today. I turned 31 in September. I spent my 20s in toxic relationships and then a marriage at 27. My marriage ended up being the most toxic relationship of my life and I completely lost who I was. In 2018 I moved across the country and divorced him. I started over with absolutely nothing and no job. Last year I got a job in luxury sales and I had the most successful financial year of my life in 2019. I am now living in my dream apartment downtown. I have found independence and freedom but I still struggle with trusting again to start a new relationship. I related so much to what you are looking for in a partner, confident, loyal, funny, good sex life, etc. It's been hard to put myself out there again. I do hope that I can meet my life partner this year. I have so much love to give and I would love to find a partner that reciprocates that. I think your 30s are an absolutely beautiful time in life. Every decade of your life is beautiful. We just have to remember to appreciate what we have when we have it.
I believe you can age, without seeming old. Too many focus on the outward appearance, but for me, I believe the key is keeping that spark in your heart. Accepting your age and being happy is very youthful. Run, or walk your own race and don't compare yourself to others.
I had a elderly gentleman tell me the other day that "You have to be strong to be able to get old, because it's a lot harder then what you think." and it kinda blew me away, I haven't stopped thinking about it. I has kind of inspired me to improve who I am and be strong when I get old but I want to be beautiful, I'm trying to look after my skin and to eat and be healthy. I want to be strong mentally and physically and spiritually and not just when I'm older but now, So I can enjoy my time on this earth and not waste time. There's not a lot of it.
This video was everything I needed to hear. I'm 27 and think about eeeeevery single thing you just said. Especially fear oflosing loved ones and fear of death... No one really talks about that and it drives me insane thinking about it.
Thank you so much for this video x
This is a great discussion to open up! I'm 21 and I really want to make the most of my 20s. I have to say this, though- regardless of your age time is not a guarantee. Even if you do everything "right" and "to plan" life throws curveballs. The best you can do is make the most of the life you find yourself living right now. Plan for the future, yes. But the future is a hope not a promise.
Phoebe Jane Miller this 👏🏻
I just turned 22 and will finish my Bachelors degree this spring. Still living at home, no job yet... and most of my twenties still in front of me. The potential and expectations are so high but so are the pressure to succeed and the fear of failure.
Let's see what this decade holds for me... :)
I just got out of class and seeing your video made me so happy!! I hope you have an awesome week Melanie 🤍
I'd love to hear you talk about spirituality - we have very similar beliefs I think!
I would love that too!
I'm 21 and I needed this. The future doesn't seem so bad.
Same here. Just turned 21 and I already get so scared
Just turned 30 and it hit me VERY hard. I'm super grateful for this video. It helped a lot.
I think that is the sad part about being young- we do not appreciate it and waste our youth with self abuse
But, we have a choice to stop going that now and just learn to love ourselves and make the best of it all
Beauty, and self worth are not age dependent, nor have an expectation date
You look gorgeous, I hope you know and treasure that
The older I get the more the quote "youth is wasted on the young" is resonating with me
xcobmi I totally agree!
Okay i def wanna see a video about your spirituality, meditation and beliefs about the universe. pretty please!
This vid is _juuuuust_ under 30 mins.
I see what you did there, Murph😊
Such good stuff here, I certainly feel so thankful to be growing up along side some of the best of em and you’re definitely one!! Thank you and lots of love to you on this and all your trips around the sun 😘
Such a lovely chat and important discussion. I'm really hitting my mid twenties and just now cognizant of thinking, oh my I'm an actual adult now, what does this look like? It can be overwhelming but just keeping up with your day to day things and knowing the long terms goals makes it more manageable.
As you get older you will look at this video and think you are a child. I am 47 and love the confidence of being this age. The older you get the less you care about what other people think, it’s liberating! Fountain of youth? Stay away from alcohol, sugar and cigarettes, sun in moderation. Exercise everyday and increase good quality protein and healthy fats. Don’t go vegan, you will age in dog years. Stay passionate about whatever you do!
blanchetv 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚
Loved this Melanie. Ageing is pretty scary when you think about it but you’ve hit the nail on the head with everything you’ve said (hey that rhymes). I’d love to see a full video of your take on the world and how you were saying that everything is made up of energy. All that stuff really fascinated me so I’d love that. Fab video 👏🏻👏🏻❤️❤️
I loved this video Melanie! These topics are on my mind at the moment, as I am also suffering from PCOS and getting married to my same-sex partner. I also had a family friend pass away a couple of days ago, and I do feel like death is a more palpable reality these days. I always try to think that ageing is a privilege, and that wrinkles and other signs of ageing are testaments to the joy of watching your loved ones grow and building a life filled with love. Much love to you, I hope that your ovary-related problem gets fixed. There is always a solution, no matter what. xx
TalkThruTheNight beautiful attitude ❤️❤️❤️
Wow literally your videos on aging and becoming 30 are such a life saver to me
I turned 30 late last year and I suddenly found myself worried about children. My entire life I've been stringently, firmly childfree. Then I recently had some pain in my pelvis and discharge that was unusual, so I went to the GYN. Turns out I might have a (very small) fibroid in my uterus. It sent me into this sudden headspace of, "Wait, I might be infertile? I physically might not be able to have a kid?" and suddenly I wanted to have a kid. I'm still exploring that knee-jerk reaction, but coming up against some kind of physical barrier to something you thought you could do or have before - whether the barrier be aging or ovarian problems or what have you - always fucks with your head a bit.
As for wrinkles and grays - yup, me too. I suddenly have fine lines under my eyes and gray hairs on the top of my head and I'm like, "?!". I'm with you, though - I'd rather age gracefully. Did you know filler can migrate under your skin and there's a chance it could damage your nerves, or affect your eyesight? The risk just isn't worth it to me at this point in my life. Your health gets more and more precious as you get older; I just can't see myself risking an aspect of it for vanity when we're all going to be old and wrinkly one day anyway (if we're lucky).
I spent my 20s building my career, moving around to different states and cities, and doing a ton of travel. I've been traveling around the world for a year and a half straight at this point while working remotely and God, I love my life. I feel like I didn't waste my 20s either. I have a great partner who I can see myself marrying - he's Northern Irish! We met in Portugal and have been inseparable ever since.
It resonated with me so much when you said we all have agency in our lives. I wish more people would wake up to how much control they have over their lives if only they'd just reach out and grab it. Just because something is hard and scary and will take work doesn't mean it's impossible.
I also became way, way more confident in myself as I got older and accomplished more and learned more and did more. I love and appreciate my body and my appearance way more, too, and my fucks bucket is also nearly empty. Yay for that at least!
Agoraphobication I loved this! Thanks for sharing ❤️
Its really cool how you share your story ...i got temporary amenorrhea since 15 so obv possibility of kids is less and
now 21 and its on and off as long as i sleep...but for me possibility of kids n marriage before that too was like.
60%possible-40%not possible so it wasnt that much of a shock as i knew about the
adopting option(dont call me strange for thinking about possible adoption at 12 yo its
cuz ppl were discussing my marriage since 10 and i was annoyed cuz i knew that. Not
everyone marries and thy should deserve a great life regardless)...😊
I just turned 33, A lot of what you said hit home big time! Thank you so much for this video and your candidness
I'm 33 and from Japan. I've been watching your videos for many years(on and off honestly)😃
I had a lot of life changes including marriage, too. I think we sometimes need to step back and see what's happened, what is going on and where you're going. So that was really interesting✨
Congratulations on your engagement🥳
I love your style of videos. It's not like you sit there claiming to have all the secrets on how not to age, but I think it's just the fact that you open up conversations and by expressing your views it provides so much comfort. I'm not sure if that made sense - but this video made me feel a little more excited, comfortable, relieved with where I'm at. It's easy to freak out seeing all the engagements and babies and job promotions around you. It's good to get some perspective and re-focus on yourself and your timeline
Caitlin Thistleton ☺️💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚
I needed this video, thank you! I'm single and turning 30 next year. I went to TH-cam for encouragement for "finding love after 30" and stumbled upon a bunch of videos that had BRUTAL comments. A bunch of men saying terrible things about women aging. Your video and this comment section is what I was looking for!
Yeah the internet is a very odd place, most of these men are also single and unmarried themselves but maybe because they feel like losers next to their married friends and want to feel like they're doing better than someone else in life so they turn to abusing women that are in the same age and same situation as them but by talking about biological clocks and losing value unlike men that "don't lose value" they may be able to console themselves. They then proceed to brag about dating women who were born when the men were 30. The men in happy marriages/single hood aren't on TH-cam bragging though. The Internet is a cesspit and it won't do your mental health any good thinking all of these comments are from sane people.
Hope your life is going as you want it!
It's really smart of you to be aware of your fertility, and acknowledge that the timing might not be perfect, but that it's good enough. I had a suspicion I might struggle, and after a candid conversation my GP had with me (which some people would deem as her over-stepping her boundary, but that I was very thankful for) we decided to start trying. I was 30 then, and now I'm 32 next month with no pregnancies to date, so I admire that you are also taking charge of this for yourself. Well done!
I am only 3 minutes in and just wanted to say thank you for making this video. For me, I’m classified as ‘middle aged’ despite being 28 thanks to my health. I probably won’t make it to even 60. So turning 30 in a year and a half is terrifying to be honest. I’m losing so much precious time thanks to debilitating chronic pain. I’m hoping that finding the right medication and treatment gives me a bit more time but I’ve also accepted that I have an expiration date. Okay, back to the video. You’re amazing. I feel like we would be great friends. 💜
Thank you for talking about fertility. I have PCOS and now have been diagnosed with osteoarthritis and arthritis in my pelvis, coccyx and my lower spine. I’ve now found out I can’t have anymore children which absolutely broke me but I know I’m lucky that I had my son at 17 despite it not being how I pictured my life going. I now have an incredible 10 year old who is brilliant and I’m surrounded by children I get to love. It’s hard knowing I can’t have a child with my partner and just recently had a miscarriage thanks to being accidentally behind in my depo shot but it just reminded me that it could be worse. Maybe I can adopt one day if my health gets better. Sending so much love. Thank you again. 💜
Jes Pearl one thing I always remind myself is that nobody has a guarantee of old age in life...I’ve known young people to die, I’ve almost lost people (my dad, only early 50s) so all any of us can do is SEIZE THE DAY! None of us should be on our deathbeds thinking ‘I wish I hadn’t spent all those years worrying about this’ 💚
Thank you for recommending that TED Talk Melanie! I am 26 and that is exactly how I have been feeling for the past 2 years but haven't quite been able to express it. Starting therapy soon, trying to work out some childhood trauma so that I can have the future I want and relationships I want.
I'm 26 and currently doing my masters abroad. I've been married for almost 2 years and while focusing on my studies, I've been dependent on him financially. This really lowered my self esteem even though he has always been sweet and supportive. This year I've started feeling like I'm aging because I feel that I need more time to myself to get out and do things. I need more charging time so to say. Sometimes I feel like I'm behind when I compare myself to my peers who make good money already, but I try to accept myself and my life story as it is. Aging scares me and what'll happen to my body after birth terrifies me, so it's encouraging to hear you talk about these things.
Özge Dilara Uçar kinda like that High School Musical song lol...’we’re all in this together’ 🥰💚
I’m 29 and I gave birth last year. My body looks great, there’s nothing to be scared of if you take the time and take care of your body while still pregnant. If you do that then you don’t have anything to worry about.
@@HollywoodingNews that's nice to hear! Thank you so much! 💚
Thank you. I've found myself reflecting on these topics lately (I'm about to be 29) and hearing you makes me feel like I'm not alone. I've been struggling and needed this positive, non-cookie cutter discussion.
I love this conversation being started, but it does scare me. I do care about how I look, ever since I became a teenager I’ve been one of those people who looked 3-5 years younger than I actually am and to be honest, it makes me happy, so what will happen when it stops, you know? I don’t want my confidence to be rooted in how young I look and it’s something that I need to work on. My health is something that I’m more concerned about. Going to the doctor is expensive and right now it’s too expensive. I hope it’s something that I can do very very soon. As for happy things, I got married at 24, am 26 now and am very very happy with it!💛 I love doing just regular life things like grocery shopping and watching movies with my husband💛
its so sad how society conditions us into thinking looking younger = better. All because the patriarchal society creepily idolizes youth in women. Its not true, imo women in their 40s/50s are the hottest. Not that it matters, and not that your appearance has any part in your worth.
I appreciate how open and honest you were in this video! I'm currently 32 and I remember almost instantly having more confidence when I turned 30 than I ever had in my twenties. It wasn't actually that instant but upon reflection, the majority of my teens and twenties were spent thinking I wasn't good enough, not attractive enough, etc. The list goes on....It's really not a productive way to live and while I wish I could have embraced myself sooner (when my hair was purely one color and my cheeks were fuller, etc.). Dwelling on past mistakes is not productive, at least I gained something out of it in the long run. Also TRUE on the sex being way better now.
I'm turning 27 this april and also finally getting my degree in April. I still party quite a lot, hang out with younger people, have barely any savings, just got out of a long-term relationship, etc. I've accepted that my path isn't like other people my age and that it took my longer to get where I am right now.
I am waayyy more confident in my body that I used to hate, I don't feel the need to put make up on or dress really nice whenever I leave the house, I'm mentally way more stable, I'm in general more comfortable in life, I live in a nice apartment in a great city, and so much more.
I'm very nervous about the next phase in my life (once I have my degree) but also super excited.
I loved this video. I always love to hear your thoughts on things, even when I don't fully agree
totally agree, I am the same way. Not everyone isnt meant to live this way.
I love the honesty here!! In my late 20s and had these kinds of worries. So glad to find an older youtuber
I haven’t even started the video yet and already reading the comments I know I’m going to love it and relate so hard. I’m 25 about to turn 26 in April and I’m TERRIFIED. Due to my mental health I’ve become reliant on my fiancé and Nan .. I can’t go out alone or do the most simple things. I spend my days in my home not going outside for about a month at a time and I just feel like I’m counting down the hours until my life is over. Most of my life I’ve always felt like I’m just floating in the world .. I don’t stick to anything and stay there. And I hate it. But recently I’ve been feeling something and I hope it grows. I want to try and go out and find myself and love myself and do things for me. I don’t know what but I just have this inner feeling that I have to do it. Ageing scared me because of the obvious .. I’m scared of dying .. I’m scared of my now 10 year partner dying before me and me being alone .. I’m scared of losing my nan .. but I’m slowly very slowly accepting that it’s life. My fiancé isn’t ready for kids yet .. but I have a tiny urge to have them now .. because of my age I think I need to have them now which is stupid.
Just thank you Mel .. you have given a voice to many people who clearly face these anxiety’s with life and it’s SOO reassuring to know I’m not alone thanks you. So much love to you for this. I know after I finish watching this I’m going to feel so reassured ❤️❤️
Geeky Carlys I just want to say I’ve felt the same way you have the last year. Just like I was floating and counting down the days haha. I think for me it stems from fear of not living a full life but my anxiety holds me back from living that life.
@@kickinitwithjess I have that now and I'm 27. I need to figure out how to not feel like a floater.
Be glad you have a fiancé and supportive family - that makes it easier and you will get on track with whatever you feel you'd like to be doing:)
It's really nice watching this knowing 2 years later you have the lovely house and the 1.5 little kiddies! Defenitely warms my heart, I feel like I've just flicked back a couple of chapters and stepped back in time for a moment :)
I'm 30, and I find people are completely shocked when I say that because I feel like people in their 20s expect to instantly turn 50-60 when they hit 30! like, I have a few crows-feet if you look at me real hard but I look pretty much the same as I did at 25. I see people saying things like "that Actor doesn't /look/ old enough to be playing 30" or "that video game character didn't age enough to look 30" like fam, what do you think 30 looks like? Lol.
the changes between being 25 and being 30 for me have mostly been mental. I'm a lot calmer then I was, I'm a lot less mad about what other people are up to. I don't feel the need to snoop on people I don't like anymore. I'm a lot more careful about my space, I clean more then I used to. I may have a grey hair or two if i look (my hair is presently pink though, hard to tell) but I think kids in their late teens early 20s worrying about looking old at 30 should know you're gunna be just fine!
OMG yes ! I’m 25 and I dread turning 30 as I think “ oh crap it’s over “ which is stupid 🤣
Exactly! It's like people in their 20s think 30s is the new 90s. Whut?
This was much needed❤️ I’m turning 25 next month and I have so much anxiety about my 30s. I’m still in school , I don’t own my own home yet, and just feel behind with life experiences. Not to mention I want kids but I am in no way mentally ready for that yet haha. This comment was nice to hear.
Ienzo Kozolka Me too! I’m 31 and people constantly think I’m in my early 20s. Which is pretty good given the fact that I partied a lot in my 20s, lol. However I did avoid the sun and I take good care of myself now. The changes have mostly been mental for me as well; I’m far less impulsive and much more mature, and way more confident. But in many ways I’m the same.
So yes, all you 20 somethings- don’t freak out. Just be sure to take good care of yourself. Avoid the sun or wear sunscreen (VERY important!), eat somewhat healthy, have a skincare routine (doesn’t have to be anything crazy) and you’ll be good. :) Not to say aging doesn’t happen and I don’t worry about it, but it’s best not to freak out about it, especially at 30.
Ienzo Kozolka AMEN SISTER AMEN!
I am in my late teens,but i really love this videos and i have learned sooo much from your 20s videos about skincare, food and so on. I really enjoy your channel and i hope you keep making videos on these topics that not a lot a people talk about. Sending love
I'm 19, but I feel like 50 who has let life go without living it to it's full potential
I’m 25 and I feel like this also .. your not alone .. many of us are going through this but sadly don’t talk about it ❤️
you have soooo much time to get it together, there’s a lot of pressure for us to have it all together at an early age but take your time. your journey is only yours, don’t compare yourself to anyone and focus on yourself!
I'm 23 but I feel the exact same. For me, it's a lot to do with lacking agency. I know that shouldn't be an excuse, but I don't feel I have control of my surroundings or my life. I'm waiting to save up enough to have more control over my life. Renting is so expensive and so many people of our age group can't do the things that older people could do at our age e.g. save up for a house while having those holidays. We don't have the funds for those 'markers' of adulthood, like permanent jobs, not living at home or traveling. It's a waiting game. I'm waiting to be in my job for a reasonable amount of time to then progress, I'm waiting for a better job to save more and I'm waiting for those savings to be able to do more fun and independent things. This makes me feel 50 and old before my time, despite the contradiction of not doing the 'adult' things.
It probably sounds cliche at this point, but you really do have a lot of time ahead of you! I'm speaking from an American perspective, so I don't know how much it'll resonate when I say any of this, but I think it's easy to feel like that at 19 because society expects you to have some idea of what you want by the time you're 17 or 18, maybe even earlier (I could go on whole tangents about how we idolize musical prodigies, teenage Olympians, college athletes, etc.). That was my experience, at least. But the way it actually panned out, my life didn't really start taking the shape I wanted it to until I was 24 or 25. But now that I'm actually on a path I want to be on... it's not that the fear of having wasted my time has totally gone away, but I'm better at shifting my perspective back to the things I'm working on now and why they excite me. I'm better at looking forward instead of back. I think a lot of it comes down to just running with the decisions you feel are right for you -- not so much for who you'll be decades down the road, but for who you'll be in a few months to a few years. And eventually, you start making those decisions with more and more certainty in who you are, and more and more openness to who you could become.
Sorry for the wall of text, lol -- hang in there, friend! You'll sort everything out.
Im 19 as well, at times my feelings do resonate with yours. My friends often reprimand me ( all in good nature 🤣) for not being more outgoing, and this makes me feel as if i could be enjoying life better had i been any different. But the truth is, you have to find what works best for you which will eventually lead you to things you enjoy most.
I see everyday as an opportunity for introspection- things i can do, things i can change not for the sake of my peers but for the longevity of my own happiness.
have been following you since the video "why im not vegan anymore" and i find it so inspiring how much you have seem to grown as a person, how much authenticity you have gained!!! really really impressive! and it is so lovely to see you so much happier!!! love
This has been such a fascinating and comforting video for me at I feel like a key point in my life. I'm turning 21 this week and facing dropping out of college a second time and dealing with feelings surrounding that, of failure and just feeling like college isn't the right place for me at least for right now, and to me it honestly feels like if I don't have everything in my life sorted by the time I'm 22-25 then I never will. But the conversations I've heard recently about your 30s being your best years, and how it really is okay that you can spend your 20s figuring it out has been helping. I've had such a hard time transitioning into adulthood because I feel as if I didn't have a fair shot at enjoying my teen years because of family problems and mental health issues, that then coming out of that at the same time as having a lot more responsibility thrust upon me has been extremely difficult. I've also been slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm actaully not v ambitious, I want a simpler life than my family wants for me and that has been pushed on me my whole life and I think it's okay now. I've had dreams for the last couple years of returning to where I was born out west in america, and just this week I realized that I don't want to wait anymore to achieve it, so I started seriously planning and doing research and by the time I'm 23 I hope to be in a much better place in my life and living where I want to live. It's so easy to get caught up waiting for your life to begin, and putting things off because you're not where you want to be, and you're absolutely right, if you really want something you have to just start. My sister is turning 30 this year, and getting married and she bought a house, and she has been invaluable to me, helping me navigate my young adulthood and reassuring me that your 20s isn't the be all and end all of your life. This video has just come at an important part of my life and a lot of what you said has resonated with me so much, I really love these sorts of videos you've been doing and I appreciate so much the insight and experience of women who are older than me. I think it's so important for every girl to have some older sister or older women friends to help them through their life bc the best advice I ever get is from them. Sorry for rambling, this just means a lot to me and I think about these sorts of things very often now.
I'm turning 28 in Feb and so much of what you have touched on I can relate to! I definitely felt moved by your comments on friendship, having recently had to come to terms with losing a friend I've know for almost decade because she simply doesn't care anymore. Having the courage to assert myself and then to let go and move on has been a challenge and still is hard to accept but a valuable lesson at that. I plan to hopefully start a family in the next 5 years but not before I travel to Japan for a new job I've been offered, not before I get engaged to the love of my life who I've been dating for 4 years and definitely not before I have my first family pet! :) Thank you for this video Melanie, I would love to hear your views on the universe because so far it sounds like I'm talking to a mirror.
Vicibii hii
Interesting talk on this subject, turned thirty last year and felt (weirdly) more panicked about turning 25. Just have to say - sadly, not every one get more financially secure when 30, especially in this economic climate.
Emma Lindvall more often than not though people at 30 are far more comfortable than at 21, just by statistics & in my experience (everyone I’ve known...there are a couple who haven’t done much to change their paths re: work and others who haven’t been able to, but still, it’s something most 20 year olds can look forward to as we all should be working through our 20s) x
@@melaniemurphyofficial That's true - that that doesn't mean you have economic freedom, or even have enough to save some. Just did a quick google on Ireland (I'm from Sweden) and according to figures from last spring one in six lived in poverty. And like you say, housing prices play a part of that as well.
I'm 24. This really made me reflect and analyse my behaviour so far. I think you're such a funny, honest, thoughtful and kind person. Your reflections are spot on, you're so mature and inspirational. Xx
Julia moll hii
This video was so great ! Also I would be very very interested in hearing you talk more in details about picturing yourself with a family but not imagining making children as you said, because I feel the same way and I'd gladly hear you on that subject
Your spiritual life and thoughts about the world and the energy would also make an interesting video !
I never had any strong female role models/ positive lady vibes growing up (I still don't in real life) but youtubers like Melanie have legitimately become that for me. it's weird to think about, but feelin pretty grateful rn :')
It sounds trivial in all the other things mentioned but the acne side of things is so painfully relatable. I had acne from 11 until now at 29 and it's finally starting to fade from drinking more water and wearing no make-up...so now my 30's are prob gonna bring a barrel load of wrinkles, giving me no time to enjoy my normal, non-orangey, non-cakey face?? arggh! We spend our adolescence behind so many different masks - turns out mine was made from 5 layers of Maybelline powder :D
Oh my goodness the stress of money when you're fresh out of uni and trying to figure out what you're doing! Thank you for bringing this up Melanie xx
I turned 20 3 months ago and omg this video put my mind at ease actually because when nobody talks about this kind of stuff you just don't know and that made me kinda anxious but this video was gold 👌 thanks Mel 💚💚
Sarah Ruwalder 🥰 exactly why I made it! xxxxx
I found this video so motivational and reassuring. I'm 21 and due to mental illness that started becoming a problem in my early teens, I constantly feel like I'm behind everyone else my age and that a chunk of my youth has been wasted. Theres so much pressure to be doing well in your 20's as they're meant to be your 'best years', but that's really not the case for most. I'm still so young and have the potential to take my life in any direction I want. That should be an exiting thing and I shouldn't be stressing that I'm not there yet, I should take the time to enjoy and appreciate the journey!
Fantastic Video Melanie I am currently 55 and I have told my boy's that I am going to age disgracefully and become even more inappropriate as I get older , Lol It's all about attitude, and yes things change as you age and I've noticed some big changes in my body now and my skin , and some times you sigh , the big plus is i now feel more Empowered , have gained much more wisdom , and experienced loads of different thing some pleasurable and others Not so all have shaped who I am today and will keep shaping me moving forward on this Journey called My Life. and at the end of it I'm going to know i have No regrets cause i always lived my best life i could because i show myself compassion and Kindness and empathy, ps having a mortgage is still stressful at any age .💚
i saw one of your videos and just fell in love instantly with who you are and im now binge watching your videos. Can i just say thank you? Im in my twenties and i want to know a lot of the content you put out there and im just gratefull that you did. I honestly feel like im looking at myself 15 years from now, and idk just how calm and wise you are it gives me peace of mind, thank you for putting all this info out there, i really wanted to hear and needed to hear all of what you saied
this is SUCH an encouraging comment and I really want to thank you for taking the time to send it as you have me smiling at 9am! :)
@@melaniemurphyofficial you re so sweet! Thank you for taking the time to answer, that's so kind, i hope the pregnancy is going well! ❤❤
I just turned 32 and in some ways I feel much wiser and calmer, while in other ways I feel just as lost as I was when I was a teenager, specially when it comes to my career path. Then babies... I´m married to a fabulous man and I know for sure I want to spend my life with him, with or without babies but we are still struggling to decide if we want them or not. And yes that biological clock is going crazy pushing me to make a decision. Thanks for your video and for talking about this subjects.
OH girl! I love your thoughts and accent! Please make a video how you see and experience the world and this whole 'existing' thing, because I feel your thoughts are so close to mines.
Thank you!
As a 23 year old that is traveling the world, partied a lot, etc. I can honestly say I am so excited about being 80 and reflecting on my youth. Maybe that will change when I am 30. Life is a beautiful thing, and each individual goes through a different life journey
U are so positive gal... I just loved this video... Please upload more video's like this..... :)
I want to recommend an Adam Ruins Everything episode about the myths we believe about childbirth and fertility as you age into your 30s and how many of them are vastly overblown. Such as, it just isn't true that it's a lot harder to get pregnant and give birth in your 30s and 40s. It's like less than a percent harder (can't remember the exact number). And that means nothing. Although there can be individual issues that hinder fertility and child-bearing ability, it has little to do with being in your 30s and 40s. The information where we've gotten our misconception is from one study done in the 1800s out of a small sampling of French women. And there's a lot more addressed in the episode, too. It's an excellent, fully sourced, and informative video, and a great show all around.
Thank you for posting this! I hope many, many people (and Melanie) see it.
Thanks for this! I looked it up and it was interesting. There's also a useful response video from a doctor: th-cam.com/video/zL3F4bZUhvU/w-d-xo.html
I will check it out, thank you! As a 29 yr old who isn't ready for kids yet, but want them, that is reassuring!
DB Thanks for the video rec! It’s good to see experts challenging each other to bring the truth out. It seems like Adam Ruins Everything, which does use doctors and studies as their sources, and the doctor you linked are pretty in line with each other! The bottom line is it isn’t a drop off and there’s no reason to stress about it if you’re in good health.
Melanie, I absolutely love your channel and all the diverse and real topics you talk about. You have inspired me in so many different ways
Oh my god you dated a couple? Would loveee to hear about ur experience with that thats so interesting
Jodie Marie it was VERY interesting 😂😂😂💚
I would love to hear about that as well
Sounds f***ed up 😄
@@jolie08 Only if you are closed-minded.
@@Argastic I think the key is past tense, datED. Never heard of it lasting.. Cus it's probably awkward once the feelings come into play. Just sounds weird af to me.
I been watching your videos for years, when I started college. Now I’m on my mid 20s. We are all aging all the time. I needed to watch this video. Life is scary to me, the emotions that come with it. Loosing people and sicknesses. I’m scared. I haven’t lived yet, I’m just alive. I want to live though.
I enjoyed it, very informative! You are beauty and brains :)
Omg AWWW, seeing you be like 🤞🏻😆🤞🏻 hoping for babies in the future in JANUARY and then seeing your recent videos IN THE SAME YEAR with your precious baby boy is so wholesome omg.
I am 33 this year; I still haven’t met ‘my person’ and am nowhere near to starting a family, despite how much I want it. This was not laziness in my 20s or some such; it just hasn’t happened yet for me.
I had a huge ovarian cancer health scare last year; I had to have 75cm of cysts removed from my ovaries. Thankfully, they were benign. But I am now left with a scar that looks like a C-section and I still have no babies. I find this very hard. As soon as I’m healed, I’d love to start trying for a family, but, because I have neither the partner or the means, I am stuck. We live in a very different society these days and we just have to navigate it as best we can.
you're so right...all we can do is to live and to love...you are still young and your body has shown you how tough it is! :) If you'd love to meet somebody, put yourself out there and you'll be way more likely to experience the 'right place right time' thing that happens to so many of us! xxx
Bless you. You are such beacon of light and produce worthwhile content for such a waste age range of viewers. I went through a difficult break-up last year and am only just a month post-op now, so chose to take myself away from the dating sphere (as I'm not a fan anyway, really). But, as soon as I'm fit and feeling healthy again, I know I have to put myself out there, because I don't want my baby years to pass me by either. Much love to you. xx
Thank you SO MUCH for this video. Not only for the video itself but because you started the conversation about it. ❤️
Nicole Kidman was at her hottest in her 30's and looked weird af at 21...food for thought.
Surgery ?
Rare occasion lol and money.
@@chihirohel9090 30's isn't old lol.
@@chihirohel9090 but she may have had work to improve her previously odd appearance.
@@marvinguzman924 some people look better in their 30's.
I’m 20. Thank you for this. You are someone I look up to so much, you’re so raw and real and I love it xxx
I’m turning 30 next month and I am basically starting life over from scratch. I was a musician for most of my 20s and had a lot of fun and am proud of what I accomplished...but I also got addicted to drugs. I got clean when I was 25 but then got chronic health issues that basically stole my late twenties from me. I was close to recovery in 2019 and then my brother died. Next thing you know it’s a new decade and I have no degree,no career prospects (I’m in the adult industry so there’s a time limit on how lucrative things are) I don’t even have a drivers license lol.
BUT the point of sharing my sob story is that it’s not too late to start over!! I am taking classes at a community college, I have creative projects, and I focus on my health and being there for my family. I’m glad that I’ve lived an unconventional life despite the heartache and I’ve come out on the other side with time to start over and be a normal person someday. 30 is still young, the only thing I really worry about is the fertility aspect😱.
Thnx for sharing your story. I got a bit startled at the "normal person" part at the end there, as that seems like the kind of language that leads to wanting to be impossible to attain things. (And I kind of struggle with it.)
I can relate... I dont even have a driver's license at 24. It's like my biggest insecurity. 😅😅
thank you. thank you. thank you.
I discovered your channel a few months ago and I'm so glad I did. I'm 19, graduated this summer and spent the last months trying to figure out what I want. I was putting so much pressure on myself to meet expectations of others that I thought my parents/relatives wouldn't be happy with what I wanted to study. I spent my time avoiding thinking about my future from September til December last year because I was so scared (still am) of making a wrong decision. I finally found something I could actually see myself ending up in a few weeks ago. I'm finally excited about my future again and in my heart everything feels so right. I'm still really scared of changes in my life and losing people I really appreciate, but at the same time I know that I have to do something and have to take risks, since I was so unhappy the last months. I feel like I didn't do most of the things young adults/teenagers are expected to have experienced and after I graduated I just felt completely lost, because to me it looked like everyone had a plan and a drive and I was just lacking this. I'm so glad I didn't push myself into doing things/studying things that didn't feel right to me. Anyways I know that I#m going to watch this video again in a few years and it'll help me even more than it did now.
I'll be turning 33 in a few days and I've never dated or been officially in a relationship and I'm a virgin too. However, I go to work and come home and do whatever needs to be done. I've just accepted how my life has turned out and that is all you can do because there is no point in thinking about what if!
Thank you for sharing all this! You inspire me to feel better in my own skin :)
And yes, definitely let’s talk about the universe in the next video ✨
Is it just me who spends half the video just watching melanie's eyebrows???
HLouis Bli 😂😂😂😂😂
Lol, I stare at her eye shadow at the creases
They're just so darn expressive and cute!
literally same
If by "eyebrows", you mean "loud eyeshadow", then yes
I suffer from trichotillomania and watching you pull that hair out felt so bizarre! Had to comment on it haha. But anyway, thanks so much for being this open. These topics can be very diffucult to grasp and you do a great job explaining everything and making us feel less lonely in our struggles. Sending much love xxx
I'm almost 27 and don't want children, people are shocked by this and ask how my boyfriend feels about it, obviously we've discussed it and are on the same page, I also get judged for not wanting to get married. Again were both happy as we are, we've been together 5 and a half years, have just bought a house and picture getting old and grey together regardless. My main concern is I'm from Australia and he's English, I've accepted that I'm here now as I couldn't leave him to go back but I worry about my aging family back home and how much of my life they miss out on.
Money probably stresses me more now than when I was 20, I have enough and I've always been good/borderline hoarder with my money but I'm at a point where I feel like I should be stashing it away and making a huge pile for later in life when really I should just enjoy it. I definitely feel like sex has changed in the last year or 2. It used to be all hot and heavy and as often as possible. Now my sex drive is far lower but it's more meaningful/better when it does happen. I'm very self conscious due to weight gain/health etc but thankfully I have a great partner that's always interested and excited by me regardless.
What a long comment... oops.
JeSSiMKah thank you so much for sharing it! I really love learning more about you all...it makes this whole TH-cam thing far more meaningful to me 💚
@@melaniemurphyofficial thank you for reading and replying and for sharing first! Loving your content recently 💚😊
It's so weird the energy that you're emanating, the presence you generate. It feels so peaceful. It's kinda strange that this video give me more motivation to carry out what i want to do than all those self help books and motivational speeches. Definitely want to hear more of your opinion on religious subject. Thank you for sharing all these amazing infos!
I feel like we have so little time of real youth. Our bones stop growing at 21 and four years later we start having wrinkles. Most of us have 4-5 years of weird teenage stage, then a few more of i-can-drink-now-and-don’t-really-have-any-responsibilities and then we start aging. And the process of accepting that continues till we die basically, because we won’t stop changing. So ideally 40-50 years of “ok, that’s fine, everyone has to go through this”. If middle age starts at 35 this should mean we look/feel the best then, not that in another 35 we’ll end up as raisins 🤷♀️
literally was just thinking about this today. like you should hit your prime at 45-50 technically
I needed this video! I’ve tried to have conversations with people about my next 5 year plan. I’m 25 and am looking forward to 30 but I felt like I needed a bit of insight and guidance. Thank you Mel. You feel like this sister I wish I had. ❤️