Tired of the complainers in your life? Ready to set some healthy boundaries with them with ease? Get started today sarahpacaro.podia.com/boundary-busters
Complaints are fine. Telling me “I don’t want you to fix it, I just want you to listen to me…” That is something else. 1. What does this really mean? 2. Can/should I fix this? Context: Coworkers, neighbors, parents, my business partners.
I feel like some people’s entire identity revolves around complaining, particularly when they have the ability to remove from their lives the very things they are complaining about.
OMG! First i found out on another channel, chronic complaining is abusive and now i find out it ties in with toxicity and narcissism, which makes the whole puzzle fit.
how do you deal?? because I am about to quit a really good job due to this chic who cannot stop herself from complaining and she fills the silence with her ailments - it's so draining!!! I am trying to find help because my boss just tells me to ignore her - kinda hard when there's only 3 of us in the office.
Chronic complainer I know complains about their job incessantly. Once I ask what’s your plan then that person continues to give all the reasons why their not in a position to change what happens on the job. The minute I give this person a chance to vent frustration this person goes on and on. It’s exhausting and i noticed it triggers anxiety and anxiousness in me. I am at the end of my rope. I choose me and stop lending my ear from now on.
Too many people receive what they desire from their complaining (closeness to others and someone to listen) and are blind to seeing there are far better ways to receive that without negativity. The best thing you can do for you and them is put your part in allowing it to an end. ✨
The reason I watched your video is because I have an older sister who complains all the time. Mainly when she goes out to eat with friends or family, she will complain about the meal 99% of the time and I'm trying to figure out why. You made a couple of good points, first that it's a "form of control" which makes sense because she lives in my other sisters basement and does not have much of a life, so she does not feel in control. And second that it's an "empathy thing" she wants people to feel sorry for her. I understand now, thank you.
The most important relationship to clear the complaining with is ourselves. Others will be others. Our personal internal relationship with our own complaining thoughts and energy impacts our experience with others. Whether it affects us or simply keeps on rolling.
@Sarah Pacaro the thing about complaining is of course there's a right to complain if you've been genuinely disrespect and not listened to and a time when you shouldn't complain because you haven't got your own way even when you're in the wrong meaning you disrespected other people's boundaries or just having a bad day and want to give someone a hard time for no reason
OMG!! I terminated my relationship really on the core principle of complaining all the time about work. I tried to ask, what is your solution to the issue. And that only aggravated her. At one point towards the end. Went to see her and I knew, there would be a complaint. Sure enough, she stated complaining about her business partner about how crazy she is, etc. I asked one question and she blew up on me and said, I just want you to listen, I am not going to tell you anything anymore. But, what she doesn’t understand is that I have heard the same complaints about the same situation. I thought I was going crazy. I mean, everything was a complaint. Go out and eat, complain, have friends over, complain and talk about them one they left. My mom is this, my sisters this, complain, complain, complain. I couldn’t deal with it any longer and after 6 years. I had to stop the investment. I think therapy can help but I was a fixer and fortunately, got into therapy to help myself improve and I realized, this was an unhealthy issue. I was unhealthy for not having boundaries. Now, I don’t need to deal with it any longer.
She blame you and manipulate your the problem. Women rule the justice system a blindfolded woman.what can possibly go wrong 😑 I prefer a rooster 🐓 over women or ppl any day.
My husband complains in an attempt to guilt/shame me and my kids into doing things differently to suit him, but it doesn’t create guilt or shame , it just frustrates and annoys us.
I am dealing with this too. The never ending judgements and criticisms and when you give into it the goal posts move or when they met the request; the request changes as he suddenly decides it’s not good enough. I realize he doesn’t want resolve. Nobody will ever meet his unreasonable expectations that change once you reach it. His extreme attachment style he has been diagnosed with runs his life. I’m focusing on positivity; being grateful and having gratitude. Life is a gift 🎁 and I can’t connect in this way anymore. What I have recently come to understand is the attachment style is so extreme that it’s more than the attachment style alone. I now believe this could be something more towards a personality disorder. I no longer jump; agree; or conform to his every whim and desires. I just want peace and joy and there are so many things that just don’t need to be focused on. Their father did this and raged on them 95% of the time. I left and eventually found myself with another. ( he doesn’t rage ) but it was draining. I stopped absorbing it; choosing my own opinions on things and that it’s okay I feel differently about a situation or incident. Sometimes I don’t see things as a situation or issue but he makes several life stuff as problems or issues. Sad thing is he feels he’s good and doesn’t need therapy anymore ( I asked him to go and was very insistent) yet I can see he doesn’t go past a certain point. I truly enjoy and am grateful for therapy and I can’t imagine not going. I’m highly empathic and he isn’t very at all. We are two totally different people. He’s not the person he showed up as for first 2.5 years. 5 years in found out who he is and so many betrayals. At his age I don’t believe he will change much in the way of connection with others and feeling joy.
I and my brother and his gf live together in my Moms house, and all they do is complain so much so that I exit the room and go to my room. Hardly anything good comes from their mouths, and its always someone elses fault. When they come in a room and see me, here we go complain complain complain, this person did this and this contraption doesnt work and yada yada yada and now I have gotten to a point in the last 2 years I say "yep" or nothing and just leave the room. I walk away. They are toxic.
I'm dealing with this right now . The person is so toxic . I'm going to start saying oh , that must be really difficult . What is your plan to help yourself move through it ?
Great video! I'm definitely a complainer but was given a great opportunity to really see it when I met someone who is quite similar to me. I asked my self, "oh my god do I do this to people?" and yeah I do. It annoys me a lot to interact with this sort of person, but I'm sure other people come to the same conclusion when they speak to me.
It’s very healthy of you to recognize it. I have caught myself complaining and see people retracting and then I stop and change my mindset. It’s working.
i had a roommate thatvwas a chrinic complainer so i started not caring about anything they would complain about no matter how big or small and id tell them to their face "i dont cares go whine to somebody who does cause youre wasting your air get over it"
My sister tends to complain a lot about her relationship whenever she's going through a rough patch with her partner. I've always been there to help her by listening and giving her advice, but unfortunately, it seems like she never takes it into account. Eventually, everything gets sorted out, and she acts like nothing has ever happened. It's frustrating because she vents her negative energy on me, and I'm tired of it. I've reached a point where I feel like I can't take it anymore, and I've decided to back off. It's incredibly draining to deal with someone who complains without making any effort to change their situation. I've been in a similar situation before with my ex-partner, who was also a chronic complainer and toxic for me. I protect my peace now and notice patterns and ignore.
My "friend" is a constant complainer and she never shuts up, you can barely get a word in. I feel like I have been barfed on, any time I have to spend time with her. The really sad part is that she won't do anything about her situation. Ugh
Omg Im the fixer the empath the codependent!! I am slowing this by not answering late calls and getting off when the samo complaints start up again. I'm upgrading babysteps. I refuse to hear the same complaints when they're not problems and Ive already given it much empathizing.
I see a lot of this behavior on social media. They whine/complain who is supporting them, and who isn't. I've always felt that publicly keeping "tabs" on who supports you, should be beneath you. That mindset is unbecoming and beneath you, especially if YOU are already sure of your capabilities. Your tribe is going to find you, but you can't publicly have a pity-party about why so & so didn't come to your event, or didn't buy your product/services: you should be above that.
When someone complains to me it doesn't stress me. It helps me cope better with things that I'm dissatisfied with. It's actually a way for me to build my empathy up for others circumstances. People are not able to change their situations in most cases. Many don't have the resources, many can't hold down jobs due to barriers, either mentally or physically and it can be overwhelming and frustrating. I'm just helping others view this from other angles
It really comes down to how frequent the complaining is. Someone complaining every now and then doesn't bother me at all, but someone complaining multiple times a day gets annoying real fast.
My husband is a constant complainer and today put the cherry on top. I am very happy positive person. I’m in the medical field, so I hear complaints basically all day from patience, valid complaints. I can’t take it anymore. I think I’m going to divorce him because my eyes are so heavy from being so exhausted from listening to him that I don’t think I could take another day.
It was very interesting to learn that complaining can be a form of bonding with others or a manipulative control tactic. Taking that information from Sarah into account, the way forward for fixers seems to be to understand the difference, spot when we're being reeled in and make a quick exit if needed. I will think about complainers differently from now on. 🎉
That sounds like heaven to me. There's a time and a place for complaining, but if you're doing it all the time then nobody's gonna like you except for other miserable people.
I work two jobs at 60 hours per week. Of course I am not doing enough. She stays home and complains and she has it SOO hard I have no CHOICE but to empathize.
I am the co-dependent in my more dysfunctional relationships. I use up all of my energy trying to make sure everyone else is comfortable and taken care of, and then I find myself complaining about how those people are driving me crazy. I have to remember that I trained them to complain to me in order to get attention. Sigh. It's a lesson that I have to keep relearning over and over because I forget!! Ugh!
My older sister(by 4 years) is a chronic complainer and grumbler. She doesn’t listen to any advice I nor anyone else Gives her she constantly wants to be listened to because according to her she has the worst life possible(she’s an engineer with good pay) and I am a Stay at home mom. I feel emotionally exhausted from dealing with her constant complains than I do with my kids. I moved overseas and got married but when we speak over phone calls about 3 times a week each phone call lasts for at-least 40 mins which is essentially just her complaining about being single, being a single parent, not having a life companion, nobody loving her, me having a great life, my mother, my brothers, her ex. Everything in her life is “wrong” according to her. She wants a better life but does nothing to work towards that nor does she make better life choices. I am exhausted and we don’t even live in the same continent. I never thought of constant grumbling as a tool of control
Give her less time on the phone, 3 times a week is excessive for that amount of time for a stressful event, reduce it slowly on your terms, its not your fault
my SO complains alot. When I call them out on it they get offended and say they don't complain that much. Lately, I have been going thru some very stressful times with my dad and friend having Cancer and it seems like he is complaining even more, or I don't have the patience or willingness to listen anymore.
There's much for that. We're programmed to defend ourselves because when we feel wounds, it connects to old pains and negative unconscious beliefs about ourselves. The ability to hold space for others is because we've got that space within ourselves. Without that space, there's limits to what we can give. Clearing our own stuff out makes room for us to have patience and willingness for others.
@@sarahpacaroI am not clearing out any of my stuff to make room for a complainer! There is no room in life for a complainer! When it gets to the toxic point there is NO empathy for a complainer!
I just want to admit. I have a issue w/complaining Im guilty! This is not cute. Im taking accountability, and im gonna change, 4 the better. Thank you for this video,it is helpful! What a blessing this video is! Thank you.
Complaining is not always bad. This is an area where we really need to be careful regarding what we mean about complaining. There is complaining where you are appreciative and there's complaining where you are so self entitled. If we live in housing or an apartment building or a house and we are appreciative of where we live, but there's no heat or hot water, no cooling system working, lack of electricity etc . . .we file a letter of complaint. If we live in an area we love so much that we have done great service to but there are street thugs comitting crimes, selling drugs and people terrorizing the neighborhood, we go to the authorities and register . . . a complaint!!! Why?? Because we do not want to see an area or anything we care about come to destruction. If on the other hand we whine about the extra stuff we do not have yet and do not appreciate what we have and are always demanding more with a spoiled spirit of entitlement, then we are in the wrong. I believe that the connotation of complaining here is of the latter meaning, not the former!!!!
When they complain irritability takes onset. Dissatisfaction wirh self and life takes onset. In the long run relationships having nothing to do with the constant complainer fail or become distant because the victim allows themselves to be a complainer unconsciously
It took me awhile to realize that a sibling's way to tell me to "fix" something for her, or at least just give her attention or validation, is by announcing that she has a "problem" and just waiting for me to jump in and save her or feel bad for her. We share a place and I realized this after noticing that she wouldn't greet or acknowledge me, she'd just launch into whatever was bothering or troubling her. No, "Hi, good morning, how are you?" But more like "there's a problem with the sink in the batxhroom". Once I caught on to this, I just keep the interaction brief, say as little as possible, and find a way to change the topic or exit the interaction, which I won't even call a conversation because she's not genuinely interested in what I think or feel, she just wants a co sign on feeling like a victim, and my credit score has been dinged one to many times that way lol.
Sarah you are brilliant, In any social interaction always reflect on your feelings, because if you truly an empath and don’t know how people can abuse this good nature, you will attract unnecessary negative people! My thing is to find people who are naturally good and are HAPPY AND KNOW HOW/WHEN TO LOVE). Many couples have casual complaining which is normal in an extended period relationship but what I noticed that some knowingly abuse this, as a form of control, bec the other does not know the psychology behind the interaction. It’s very subtle and very effective to the unbeknown party that it’s being used on! I was googling TH-cam to see if anyone talked about it and you came up ! 👌 Great work, totally agree lasting relationships are the ones that are nurturing not complicated .
Relative complains and ask me for help/questions on complex health issues - hears the answer in depth broken down and then get irritated and says I already know that (total lie) and does NOTHING to start to rectify the problem, stuck in a loop of hope and anxiety guessing For instance I mentioned 2 days ago about blood tests and records to compare levels of tests etc over time, i have been saying this for maybe over 3 years, they wont even get print outs to help themselves, 1 phone call, thats all it takes.. why? I said you are guessing everything you are doing, you are blind guessing, guessing and getting no where, and the health is declining They refuse to accept help, I offered before and was abused, I will only help if they ask for my help on my terms
My ex was DEFINITELY a complainer… Despite my best efforts, she always seemed to find something to complain about. Ultimately dumped me because I couldn’t see her due to a major car repair 🙄.
I know a lady that complained she was rude, gossip about people even gossip about a disabled child. People ignored her. She talked loud and complained to her mother over the phone. No one like her. She was crying in her room. You can’t be negative and mean and expect a good life. She don’t want no one tell her business but you can’t discuss or gossip about people. It karma.
Yikes! That what I’m going through. I actually start taking note of all the complaints and tallying them daily. I gamefy it now and don’t take personal. It’s not about me. It’s really my partner’s immaturity and irritability like a petulant child. I use gray rock to protect myself, then the person breaks down and cry, then accepts responsibility. This happens nearly every day for the past two years since my partner was diagnosed to manic depression, anxiety disorder, PTSD, personality disorder. She was doing great when she was on the meds. I literally fell in love with her again, but she hates the stigma of meds. I saw signed of this long before our marriage and thought it was just immaturity. I now know it’s mental illness.
My friend is always complaining about me. She always criticizes me for being too loud and then assumes I'm depressed when I'm quiet because of her. She complains about my friends and even criticized my brother in front of me. She said she would have a tantrum if she didn't get her way, which put me off guard. I don't know how to end things with her.
my favourite thing is all the people complaining in the comments about the people in their lives who complain too much. I also complain a lot AND complain about other people complaining to me too much without acting on it, which seems to be the general consensus in the comments, it spreads to you if you're around it enough, but it's so hard to know what's a normal every day complaint of something bad happening to someone where you want to be empathetic to them and hear them out, or when you're encouraging it by listening. Like what's a normal level of complaining and when is it chronic or overall a net negative?
I am taking care of my mom, i am getting caught up in fixing the situation, and I become irritated and frustrated it's continuous. My anxiety is getting to the point of chest pain, irritability, and frustration.
I know a friend who complains a lot! I usually have zero tolerance for bullshit so I always call her out on it. I also don't believe her half the time. Complains are excuses. But I've seen a non romantic man around her act like her puppet! Willing to go to great lengths to serve her! It was astonishing how he didn't find her annoying or ingenuine. It's clear she is using him.
Complaining is a way to establish an identity that tou expect the other to share and join; it's a way to establish an "us" as opposed to "them". Its like outlining the belonging to a social "tribe". At work it is used in one of its aspects, that is as a way to shiftily group together and antagonize the concept of authority. Complaining is then weaponized as a way to create persecutory identities of the smart ones who are "against" (the company, the management, the government and so on and so forth...). it's like an "entry test" to clock the enemy you should not trust. Its an act of dominance.
My husband constantly complains about our sons wife. He doesnt like anything she does. She is a nice person with OCD issues. He isnt very understanding at all and the problem is they, my don and his family live with us. Every little thing id an issue and its making me the middle man/ woman. Im tired of hearing his complaints. He is a controller also. He wont get help but im ready to shut down and force him to.
I’ve been trying to defend a woman who makes videos on youtube. A group of people there complain about her all the time. I can understand if something is happening in the video deserves to be complained about but all comments they make are negative. Some of their complaints are irrational and have nothing to back it up with. They also insult and bully daily. They really want to ruin her. They go after anyone who makes a positive comment. I really don’t want to give up but they are sooo irrational. It’s more than complaining with them. They have a mission to ruin people and drive caring people away.
That's where true self power comes in. When you have that, you can't be ruined by an energy that's the opposite of it. Those who experience false power by trying to bring others down will never succeed with those who are truly connected to their own personal power. Truth and positivity always rise.
The co-worker complainer is very toxic. It pulls the work environment down fast. I’ve prayed for the Lords peace to return to keep a fight from breaking out after that co-worker came in so toxic. It worked, but he needs help!
Damn literally my dad. Sucks my mom has to deal with him. And it would kind of ruin the family if things fell apart but it’s so toxic while it’s together hard to explain 😭 I just wish he would be willing to improve or change It’s hard not to pick up these complaining habits
Generally what it means when we say "I wish X would change" is that we feel disempowered around them and if we could get them to change we'd have more a feeling of control. It often comes back to our own experience with our own personal power and where we're at with it. When we're uncomfortable with someone else's way of being, is normally a question of comfort with our own. Other peoples way of being, when it triggers us, teaches us, that there's more healing to do within ourselves. If we could "get them to change" we'd feel at ease within ourselves, which is in its own perspective, a means of the very manipulation and control we're uncomfortable with when around them. Knowing we can't ever change another, what can we, about ourselves that's completely okay with another's way of being that's not the way we'd choose to be.
In law, a Complaint is made by an aggrieved person to an Authority seeking action. So there are 3 elements: 1. Aggrieved individual 2. Authority having power 3. Prayer for action Now, abuse of process is when one of these ingredients is misrepresented. But remember always, manipulation is a tool for the one not in power so we have to also empathise with them.
I think my 63 yr old partner has ADHD and if ONE thing goes wrong then everything is AWFUL. This is so exhausting. He is an expert at noticing what is WRONG. He is always a victim....this is how he sees himself and it sucks for me to see him like this. Ugh. So I have to "allow" him to "just be"? He goes on and on and on and ON...I have left the house many times just to get AWAY from him and get some peace..and this helps me calm down but if it's dark outside then I will NOT leave and so I have to endure this negativity which is depressing and horrible for ME I'm getting worn out .....agh........
I think we are referring to some people who complain about a relationship all the time. I'm talking about people who get upset in case of a disagreement on a trivial childlike topic & then while you have already moved over that topic, they still bring it up but this time connect it to how imperfect the relationship is. Two ppl r not suppose to b alike😊l
I have a friend who complains about his GF but he will not leave her alone. She lazy and doesnt work so why cant he just move on and find less stressful relationships
Then he's experiencing benefit from it (complaining often allows for connection - through the listener of the complaint). We're all programmed and wired for connection so getting it through way of complaint has a secondary gain. He's getting what he needs and what he benefits from. When the eyes and mind are opened up to much healthier ways of experiencing the very connection we desire, everything changes.
This is the single most annoying habit. My wife complains constantly, what bothers me alot is her constant need for help. Believe me I do the bulk of the chores inside and out. I do them and move on...but it just encourages her constant complaints Truly, she is lazy, imo....she asks for things easily done for herself but will try to get me to do them. I don't know what to do about this. It simply uses up my extremely limited free time. Kids are adult, she doesn't work .
The only time I’m ever complaining is when I’m at work or when I’m watching a movie or show and a scene bothers me because of how it was made or the presentation wasn’t right lol
I had a very bad run in with a team member at work. I'm a man .She's a woman. I new the company. 3months. This employee..seems constantly bird dog my work habits all about the facilities. In areas. Somewhat still in training. Being productive in what ever assigned. Yet . This lady keeps finding fault in my actions about the facility while keeping busy..and minding my business. Constantly watching and correcting when nothing has occurred. . Until..I had enough. Of the childish .And told the individual stop over watching me and creating drama. To draw attention... Companies policies nearly ties my hands. It's apparent the controllers or controller uses drama to to gain attention in view of team members to cause more of scene in front of management or clerk. Nothing verbal or physical occurred. Just a open brief conversation to stop following and being sneaky and correcting of what I'm not doing wrong. Basically finding fault and the complaining to floor clerk while in equipment.. What drama.. and her fellow Co workers colluding..folks are constantly leaving company due to training metrics is lax. And trainer doesn't want to train. Total setup. Decent company. Great product. Basically you get persecuted for speaking your opinion. And viewed as the bad guy. And your the good one.. Absolutely ridiculous to what has happened to the work environments and respect amongst folks...sad.
A common theme with my husband is money uts non stop. I'm working and doing an internship and when I come home its why do we have no money and goes on and on. Then I had enough and said I dont know why and I don't care. He got mad and said I don't care about his feelings. He has been complaining about this for atleast 10 years of course I'm tired of hearing about it. His job is super easy he even says this all the time but when he actually has to go in the office he gets upset he had to actually work. I'm almost finished with school to make more money while his doing nothing to make more money which he always complains about.
Would I be right in saying that he isn’t great at managing money? My wife is the same complaining about not having enough money while spending money foolishly.
My sister loves her husband, and she does most of the work. I think her husband is a Narcassit. I listen to her. I don't try and fix her. I just listen. It helps reduce her stress. No one wants people to fix their problems. I was married in a similar relationship, so I got it. I, however, never did the you never help out, etc, it doesn't help. I knew I would never change him, so we divorced. It was bad I made it sound easy. Yes, you want the other person to change. I disagree with it is manipulation but frustration and exhaustion. One person can only do so much. Should her husband be able to go on vacation and have a blast, yes. However, if the other spouse is complaining this much, there is a valid reason. They are being taken advantage of, and it is not ok. I told my daughter never do in the beginning of a relationship what you don't want to be doing in 10 yrs. Do you always wanna do all the cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, taking care of the kids, and having a full-time job. I explained when he says I've cheated because you have changed. The fact is you have changed because you have set up a narrative that is not sustainable. Now a loving caring husband will see the struggle and help out, but a Narcassit will not. So I do not believe this wife is being manipulative by stating her frustrations. She is slowly breaking on the inside. As a friend, you need to say I hear your frustrations and anger are valid. I don't believe you can change another person. Just know I love you, and I can't listen to you complain all the time. It is bringing me down. If you wanna go have fun and get your mind off of things, I'm there. If you ever decide to divorce him, I'll hold your hand, and then I'll listen to your fears. Just know you may lose this friend, but at least you are being a good friend. As well as taking care of your own mental health. We always think the other person's problems are so easy to fix, but in fact, they aren't. Maybe it was easy for you to divorce, and for her, there are other reasons. Maybe she really loves the idea of a happy marriage and doesn't wanna give up on that. Maybe she has 4 small kids and a job that pays little. Just be kind❤
This is a very interesting perspective however on a spiritual level no one can make you feel anything and as you put it if someone makes you feel guilty it's not that making you feel guilty it's guilt coming up from your past it could be from this present situation however it's coming up because it wants to be released.. I work with clients and couples all the time and if I was to say to Susie don't make your husband feel guilty that's next to Impossible it's saying to the husband when you feel guilty where is that guilt coming from let's acknowledge your feelings accept them and lovingly release them because otherwise we would have to control how Susie behaves to be careful not to make her husband feel guilty and now you just have a bunch of people walking around on eggshells.
Every behavior has a benefit and serves a purpose. What need and want is being met by the complaining? That's the purpose. The needs and mets are being received through way of complaint. There's MANY other more emotionally intelligent ways to receive needs and mets through a different means, but most people don't do the work to do anything about creating or being part of the change they desire.
My oldest sister seems I'm the target. I decided no response and walk away instead of arguing she just going to put the blame on me. There 3 other people who live in the house as well My nephew who is supposed to be her main caretaker since she is legal blind. He is also a drug addiction, and doesn't have any income. Then a nother gentleman who was released from prison just a few months ago. He is looking for work and since he moved has helped get the repairs around the house done. Next is a young lady that was friends with my oldest daughter and recently got out of an Abusive relationship. She helps around the house and helps one of my sister's friends. She is also a addict. I'm a recovering method addict and will admit I've slipped up a couple of times and called my sponsor back in Colorado. I live in Texas
My cousin's wife complains non stop about money. It's been going on for years, and years and whining how cursed she is. Now she is manipulating my Extreme low income mother into feeling sorry for her and getting freebie stuff from her, including a $200 puppy out of her for free. She has no limits and acts entitled and is trys to control all those around her into feeling sorry for her. 40 year old woman with no shame or dignity. 🤦🙄
"invoking guilt" But the wife-husband example was not appreciable. Husbands should not want to "get away". That's immature, irresponsible and selfish. I don't blame the wife for manipulating the situation and outcome. Manipulation is the preferred tool of someone not in power. The powerful simply order, they don't need to tip toe.
@@stever507 I can.... But its important to remember it's not a gender issue. There's internal beliefs every human has that runs and impacts them. It's a spiritual battle, not a gender one.
My wife learnt it from her grandfather. Incessant complaints and moans, sometimes it is like being in the ocean being battered by one wave after another, damned if I do, damned if I don't. God sometimes I wish I could just vanish.
I know someone who nags about everything all the time why IS this like this y IS the window half closed y is the curtin half way closed y is the sky blu y is oxygen what we breathe y does sneakers have shoelaces y do people blink im just tryna get yall to c its just unnecessary pointless pure ignorance the person iM talking ABOUT is so miserable and judgemental talks about everyone smiles IN people face just mad at life calls themselves a Christian but judge peopE dnt know HOW YOU CAN just be a negative peron all the time no break thats just who this person is so SAD
I feel like this is very black and white thinking. I don't believe expressing your feelings is always manipulative. The other person can just put up a boundary
@@sarahpacaro What do you do if the person that’s complaining all the time is your mother and you’re stuck with her and you can’t really just cut her out of your life
@@emilyvay6369 you always have choices. Gray rocking is a great technique for dealing with these types of personalities as they really just enjoy others being a sounding board for their complaints. The biggest difference in how it impacts you however, are within your own internal beliefs you have about yourself due to interactions with people who constantly complain. But gray rocking is a powerful technique to keep their energy where it belongs. With them.
I think everyone needs to walk in someone's moccasins before they judge complainers. Also people need to be treated and compensated equally in this world to alleviate this problem. There are valid reasons people have to complain
Lol oh go away! Clearly you are the complainer and this struck a nerve because I'm pretty sure if u had the life sucked out of you by a serial complainer, who doesnt do anything to help themselves and just dominate your time and use you as nothing more than a sounding board, you would be of the same opinion so go play devil's advocate elsewhere 😂
Trauma bonding is rescuing, enabling, constantly saving each other. Chronic fear of abandonments, keeping the score and using intimate knowledge against another and an emotional addiction to fear. And complaining can contain those elements.
All my partner does is complain so much it makes me so mean because i always feel like everything is my fault because i can’t make him happy ever, and then he just yells at me when i stick up for myself 😢 I want him to leave but he won’t and when i leave he follows 😢 we have kids and he was abused as a child, i don’t know what to do anymore. Anything that makes me happy he hates and wants to take away. He hates my cats and hits them 😢
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Tired of the complainers in your life? Ready to set some healthy boundaries with them with ease? Get started today sarahpacaro.podia.com/boundary-busters
He's used our kids against me they've not respected or talked to me.
My wife is a chronic complainer. EVERY little thing. Yet, she does absolutely NOTHING to resolve any issues.
Complaints are fine. Telling me “I don’t want you to fix it, I just want you to listen to me…” That is something else.
1. What does this really mean?
2. Can/should I fix this?
Context: Coworkers, neighbors, parents, my business partners.
@@OwlTeaGames are you the wife?
My husband is exactly the same way, I have to hide because it's constant and exhausting
@@yvonnevalentine16 I feel your pain. I do not even respond anymore. I just look at her. SMH.
Say bye bye
I didn’t even know it was a form of manipulation and control! Thank you for sharing this knowledge.
Right….I didn’t know either this was a form of manipulation and control. This is great awareness.
I feel like some people’s entire identity revolves around complaining, particularly when they have the ability to remove from their lives the very things they are complaining about.
Sadly, yes. We're an external representation of our internal beliefs. And that just shows what theirs are.
OMG! First i found out on another channel, chronic complaining is abusive and now i find out it ties in with toxicity and narcissism, which makes the whole puzzle fit.
Where can I find that video about chronic complaining being abusive?
I have a coworker who complains ALL the TIME and then she gets upset when I ignore her 😂
That's the best thing you can do. And know it's got nothing to do with you.
😂😂😂 check out completely 😂
how do you deal?? because I am about to quit a really good job due to this chic who cannot stop herself from complaining and she fills the silence with her ailments - it's so draining!!! I am trying to find help because my boss just tells me to ignore her - kinda hard when there's only 3 of us in the office.
Me too i've been working with this dude and every little thing he complains.even in same house we live he complains.
OMG I’m in the middle of a blow out with that same woman!!!
Chronic complainer I know complains about their job incessantly. Once I ask what’s your plan then that person continues to give all the reasons why their not in a position to change what happens on the job. The minute I give this person a chance to vent frustration this person goes on and on. It’s exhausting and i noticed it triggers anxiety and anxiousness in me. I am at the end of my rope. I choose me and stop lending my ear from now on.
Too many people receive what they desire from their complaining (closeness to others and someone to listen) and are blind to seeing there are far better ways to receive that without negativity. The best thing you can do for you and them is put your part in allowing it to an end. ✨
Complainers are like 🧛♀️ vampires🧛♂️ they drain the energy out of ya
Amen
The reason I watched your video is because I have an older sister who complains all the time. Mainly when she goes out to eat with friends or family, she will complain about the meal 99% of the time and I'm trying to figure out why. You made a couple of good points, first that it's a "form of control" which makes sense because she lives in my other sisters basement and does not have much of a life, so she does not feel in control. And second that it's an "empathy thing" she wants people to feel sorry for her. I understand now, thank you.
You don't have to necessarily have any type of relationship with a constant complainer just a brief interaction is draining enough
The most important relationship to clear the complaining with is ourselves. Others will be others. Our personal internal relationship with our own complaining thoughts and energy impacts our experience with others. Whether it affects us or simply keeps on rolling.
@Sarah Pacaro the thing about complaining is of course there's a right to complain if you've been genuinely disrespect and not listened to and a time when you shouldn't complain because you haven't got your own way even when you're in the wrong meaning you disrespected other people's boundaries or just having a bad day and want to give someone a hard time for no reason
Omg ….this!!!
OMG!! I terminated my relationship really on the core principle of complaining all the time about work. I tried to ask, what is your solution to the issue. And that only aggravated her. At one point towards the end. Went to see her and I knew, there would be a complaint. Sure enough, she stated complaining about her business partner about how crazy she is, etc. I asked one question and she blew up on me and said, I just want you to listen, I am not going to tell you anything anymore. But, what she doesn’t understand is that I have heard the same complaints about the same situation. I thought I was going crazy. I mean, everything was a complaint. Go out and eat, complain, have friends over, complain and talk about them one they left. My mom is this, my sisters this, complain, complain, complain. I couldn’t deal with it any longer and after 6 years. I had to stop the investment. I think therapy can help but I was a fixer and fortunately, got into therapy to help myself improve and I realized, this was an unhealthy issue. I was unhealthy for not having boundaries. Now, I don’t need to deal with it any longer.
She blame you and manipulate your the problem. Women rule the justice system a blindfolded woman.what can possibly go wrong 😑 I prefer a rooster 🐓 over women or ppl any day.
My husband complains in an attempt to guilt/shame me and my kids into doing things differently to suit him, but it doesn’t create guilt or shame , it just frustrates and annoys us.
I am dealing with this too. The never ending judgements and criticisms and when you give into it the goal posts move or when they met the request; the request changes as he suddenly decides it’s not good enough. I realize he doesn’t want resolve. Nobody will ever meet his unreasonable expectations that change once you reach it. His extreme attachment style he has been diagnosed with runs his life. I’m focusing on positivity; being grateful and having gratitude. Life is a gift 🎁 and I can’t connect in this way anymore. What I have recently come to understand is the attachment style is so extreme that it’s more than the attachment style alone. I now believe this could be something more towards a personality disorder. I no longer jump; agree; or conform to his every whim and desires. I just want peace and joy and there are so many things that just don’t need to be focused on. Their father did this and raged on them 95% of the time. I left and eventually found myself with another. ( he doesn’t rage ) but it was draining. I stopped absorbing it; choosing my own opinions on things and that it’s okay I feel differently about a situation or incident. Sometimes I don’t see things as a situation or issue but he makes several life stuff as problems or issues. Sad thing is he feels he’s good and doesn’t need therapy anymore ( I asked him to go and was very insistent) yet I can see he doesn’t go past a certain point. I truly enjoy and am grateful for therapy and I can’t imagine not going. I’m highly empathic and he isn’t very at all. We are two totally different people. He’s not the person he showed up as for first 2.5 years. 5 years in found out who he is and so many betrayals. At his age I don’t believe he will change much in the way of connection with others and feeling joy.
My ex was a Narcissist he complained 24/7, about absolutely everything. Absolutely exhausting !!
My parents are nonstop complaining and negative. So draining!! Both are controlling!
Who do you say you are separate from them?
I and my brother and his gf live together in my Moms house, and all they do is complain so much so that I exit the room and go to my room. Hardly anything good comes from their mouths, and its always someone elses fault. When they come in a room and see me, here we go complain complain complain, this person did this and this contraption doesnt work and yada yada yada and now I have gotten to a point in the last 2 years I say "yep" or nothing and just leave the room. I walk away. They are toxic.
Some people truly need to vent but at some point we all as humans need to draw the line because it can turn toxic ❤
I'm dealing with this right now . The person is so toxic . I'm going to start saying oh , that must be really difficult . What is your plan to help yourself move through it ?
Great video! I'm definitely a complainer but was given a great opportunity to really see it when I met someone who is quite similar to me. I asked my self, "oh my god do I do this to people?" and yeah I do. It annoys me a lot to interact with this sort of person, but I'm sure other people come to the same conclusion when they speak to me.
It’s very healthy of you to recognize it. I have caught myself complaining and see people retracting and then I stop and change my mindset. It’s working.
i had a roommate thatvwas a chrinic complainer so i started not caring about anything they would complain about no matter how big or small and id tell them to their face "i dont cares go whine to somebody who does cause youre wasting your air get over it"
My sister tends to complain a lot about her relationship whenever she's going through a rough patch with her partner. I've always been there to help her by listening and giving her advice, but unfortunately, it seems like she never takes it into account. Eventually, everything gets sorted out, and she acts like nothing has ever happened. It's frustrating because she vents her negative energy on me, and I'm tired of it. I've reached a point where I feel like I can't take it anymore, and I've decided to back off. It's incredibly draining to deal with someone who complains without making any effort to change their situation. I've been in a similar situation before with my ex-partner, who was also a chronic complainer and toxic for me. I protect my peace now and notice patterns and ignore.
My "friend" is a constant complainer and she never shuts up, you can barely get a word in. I feel like I have been barfed on, any time I have to spend time with her. The really sad part is that she won't do anything about her situation. Ugh
Omg Im the fixer the empath the codependent!! I am slowing this by not answering late calls and getting off when the samo complaints start up again. I'm upgrading babysteps. I refuse to hear the same complaints when they're not problems and Ive already given it much empathizing.
Yes!
Complaining seems like a form of passive aggressiveness 🤔
It most certainly is
I see a lot of this behavior on social media. They whine/complain who is supporting them, and who isn't. I've always felt that publicly keeping "tabs" on who supports you, should be beneath you. That mindset is unbecoming and beneath you, especially if YOU are already sure of your capabilities. Your tribe is going to find you, but you can't publicly have a pity-party about why so & so didn't come to your event, or didn't buy your product/services: you should be above that.
When someone complains to me it doesn't stress me. It helps me cope better with things that I'm dissatisfied with. It's actually a way for me to build my empathy up for others circumstances. People are not able to change their situations in most cases. Many don't have the resources, many can't hold down jobs due to barriers, either mentally or physically and it can be overwhelming and frustrating. I'm just helping others view this from other angles
It really comes down to how frequent the complaining is. Someone complaining every now and then doesn't bother me at all, but someone complaining multiple times a day gets annoying real fast.
My husband is a constant complainer and today put the cherry on top. I am very happy positive person. I’m in the medical field, so I hear complaints basically all day from patience, valid complaints. I can’t take it anymore. I think I’m going to divorce him because my eyes are so heavy from being so exhausted from listening to him that I don’t think I could take another day.
I’m sorry to hear that. Have you had a chance to speak to him about him maybe going to a counsellor?
It was very interesting to learn that complaining can be a form of bonding with others or a manipulative control tactic.
Taking that information from Sarah into account, the way forward for fixers seems to be to understand the difference, spot when we're being reeled in and make a quick exit if needed.
I will think about complainers differently from now on. 🎉
I'm sick of meeting people who never complain and expect people to read their minds and only voice their complaints behind people's backs.
That sounds like heaven to me. There's a time and a place for complaining, but if you're doing it all the time then nobody's gonna like you except for other miserable people.
I work two jobs at 60 hours per week. Of course I am not doing enough. She stays home and complains and she has it SOO hard I have no CHOICE but to empathize.
I am the co-dependent in my more dysfunctional relationships. I use up all of my energy trying to make sure everyone else is comfortable and taken care of, and then I find myself complaining about how those people are driving me crazy. I have to remember that I trained them to complain to me in order to get attention. Sigh. It's a lesson that I have to keep relearning over and over because I forget!! Ugh!
My older sister(by 4 years) is a chronic complainer and grumbler. She doesn’t listen to any advice I nor anyone else
Gives her she constantly wants to be listened to because according to her she has the worst life possible(she’s an engineer with good pay) and I am a Stay at home mom. I feel emotionally exhausted from dealing with her constant complains than I do with my kids.
I moved overseas and got married but when we speak over phone calls about 3 times a week each phone call lasts for at-least 40 mins which is essentially just her complaining about being single, being a single parent, not having a life companion, nobody loving her, me having a great life, my mother, my brothers, her ex. Everything in her life is “wrong” according to her. She wants a better life but does nothing to work towards that nor does she make better life choices. I am exhausted and we don’t even live in the same continent.
I never thought of constant grumbling as a tool of control
Give her less time on the phone, 3 times a week is excessive for that amount of time for a stressful event, reduce it slowly on your terms, its not your fault
my SO complains alot. When I call them out on it they get offended and say they don't complain that much. Lately, I have been going thru some very stressful times with my dad and friend having Cancer and it seems like he is complaining even more, or I don't have the patience or willingness to listen anymore.
There's much for that. We're programmed to defend ourselves because when we feel wounds, it connects to old pains and negative unconscious beliefs about ourselves. The ability to hold space for others is because we've got that space within ourselves. Without that space, there's limits to what we can give. Clearing our own stuff out makes room for us to have patience and willingness for others.
Same situation
@@sarahpacaroI am not clearing out any of my stuff to make room for a complainer! There is no room in life for a complainer! When it gets to the toxic point there is NO empathy for a complainer!
I just want to admit. I have a issue w/complaining Im guilty! This is not cute. Im taking accountability, and im gonna change, 4 the better. Thank you for this video,it is helpful! What a blessing this video is! Thank you.
Complaining is not always bad. This is an area where we really need to be careful regarding what we mean about complaining. There is complaining where you are appreciative and there's complaining where you are so self entitled. If we live in housing or an apartment building or a house and we are appreciative of where we live, but there's no heat or hot water, no cooling system working, lack of electricity etc . . .we file a letter of complaint. If we live in an area we love so much that we have done great service to but there are street thugs comitting crimes, selling drugs and people terrorizing the neighborhood, we go to the authorities and register . . . a complaint!!! Why?? Because we do not want to see an area or anything we care about come to destruction. If on the other hand we whine about the extra stuff we do not have yet and do not appreciate what we have and are always demanding more with a spoiled spirit of entitlement, then we are in the wrong. I believe that the connotation of complaining here is of the latter meaning, not the former!!!!
When they complain irritability takes onset. Dissatisfaction wirh self and life takes onset. In the long run relationships having nothing to do with the constant complainer fail or become distant because the victim allows themselves to be a complainer unconsciously
It took me awhile to realize that a sibling's way to tell me to "fix" something for her, or at least just give her attention or validation, is by announcing that she has a "problem" and just waiting for me to jump in and save her or feel bad for her. We share a place and I realized this after noticing that she wouldn't greet or acknowledge me, she'd just launch into whatever was bothering or troubling her. No, "Hi, good morning, how are you?" But more like "there's a problem with the sink in the batxhroom". Once I caught on to this, I just keep the interaction brief, say as little as possible, and find a way to change the topic or exit the interaction, which I won't even call a conversation because she's not genuinely interested in what I think or feel, she just wants a co sign on feeling like a victim, and my credit score has been dinged one to many times that way lol.
Sarah you are brilliant, In any social interaction always reflect on your feelings, because if you truly an empath and don’t know how people can abuse this good nature, you will attract unnecessary negative people! My thing is to find people who are naturally good and are HAPPY AND KNOW HOW/WHEN TO LOVE). Many couples have casual complaining which is normal in an extended period relationship but what I noticed that some knowingly abuse this, as a form of control, bec the other does not know the psychology behind the interaction. It’s very subtle and very effective to the unbeknown party that it’s being used on! I was googling TH-cam to see if anyone talked about it and you came up ! 👌 Great work, totally agree lasting relationships are the ones that are nurturing not complicated .
Relative complains and ask me for help/questions on complex health issues - hears the answer in depth broken down and then get irritated and says I already know that (total lie) and does NOTHING to start to rectify the problem, stuck in a loop of hope and anxiety guessing
For instance I mentioned 2 days ago about blood tests and records to compare levels of tests etc over time, i have been saying this for maybe over 3 years, they wont even get print outs to help themselves, 1 phone call, thats all it takes.. why?
I said you are guessing everything you are doing, you are blind guessing, guessing and getting no where, and the health is declining
They refuse to accept help, I offered before and was abused, I will only help if they ask for my help on my terms
I think some people love to complain more than they want to find solutions to their problems.
@@aiminghigh3162 they dont to learn, seems like harder work learning than all the stress each day. No more. Thats it
i just like the way you explain everything it seems just right no matter what the situation is,thank you for all the advice
My ex was DEFINITELY a complainer… Despite my best efforts, she always seemed to find something to complain about. Ultimately dumped me because I couldn’t see her due to a major car repair 🙄.
Wooooow
@@Tazmanian_mmayeah
I know a lady that complained she was rude, gossip about people even gossip about a disabled child. People ignored her. She talked loud and complained to her mother over the phone. No one like her. She was crying in her room. You can’t be negative and mean and expect a good life. She don’t want no one tell her business but you can’t discuss or gossip about people. It karma.
Yikes! That what I’m going through. I actually start taking note of all the complaints and tallying them daily. I gamefy it now and don’t take personal. It’s not about me. It’s really my partner’s immaturity and irritability like a petulant child. I use gray rock to protect myself, then the person breaks down and cry, then accepts responsibility. This happens nearly every day for the past two years since my partner was diagnosed to manic depression, anxiety disorder, PTSD, personality disorder. She was doing great when she was on the meds. I literally fell in love with her again, but she hates the stigma of meds. I saw signed of this long before our marriage and thought it was just immaturity. I now know it’s mental illness.
My friend is always complaining about me. She always criticizes me for being too loud and then assumes I'm depressed when I'm quiet because of her. She complains about my friends and even criticized my brother in front of me. She said she would have a tantrum if she didn't get her way, which put me off guard. I don't know how to end things with her.
my favourite thing is all the people complaining in the comments about the people in their lives who complain too much.
I also complain a lot AND complain about other people complaining to me too much without acting on it, which seems to be the general consensus in the comments, it spreads to you if you're around it enough, but it's so hard to know what's a normal every day complaint of something bad happening to someone where you want to be empathetic to them and hear them out, or when you're encouraging it by listening.
Like what's a normal level of complaining and when is it chronic or overall a net negative?
My wife has been teaching my kids to wine to get things. I now tell my kids stop wining or stop talking.
What comes to the out comes from withIn it has no specific look but a specific feeling. Before you judge a book read it.🧠💎
I am taking care of my mom, i am getting caught up in fixing the situation, and I become irritated and frustrated it's continuous. My anxiety is getting to the point of chest pain, irritability, and frustration.
Helpful! Thanks…❤
You should do those videos that put people to sleep, you voice is so sweet!
My mother in law always complains about everything and she always gripping ugh
I know a friend who complains a lot! I usually have zero tolerance for bullshit so I always call her out on it. I also don't believe her half the time. Complains are excuses. But I've seen a non romantic man around her act like her puppet! Willing to go to great lengths to serve her! It was astonishing how he didn't find her annoying or ingenuine. It's clear she is using him.
Fascinating topic
Complaining is a way to establish an identity that tou expect the other to share and join; it's a way to establish an "us" as opposed to "them". Its like outlining the belonging to a social "tribe". At work it is used in one of its aspects, that is as a way to shiftily group together and antagonize the concept of authority. Complaining is then weaponized as a way to create persecutory identities of the smart ones who are "against" (the company, the management, the government and so on and so forth...). it's like an "entry test" to clock the enemy you should not trust. Its an act of dominance.
Question:
When I’m at my families and my significant other gets home from work I feel pressured to go home otherwise her mood would be off
My husband constantly complains about our sons wife. He doesnt like anything she does. She is a nice person with OCD issues. He isnt very understanding at all and the problem is they, my don and his family live with us. Every little thing id an issue and its making me the middle man/ woman. Im tired of hearing his complaints. He is a controller also. He wont get help but im ready to shut down and force him to.
This is very, very good information. THX
Thank you
I’ve been trying to defend a woman who makes videos on youtube. A group of people there complain about her all the time. I can understand if something is happening in the video deserves to be complained about but all comments they make are negative. Some of their complaints are irrational and have nothing to back it up with. They also insult and bully daily. They really want to ruin her. They go after anyone who makes a positive comment. I really don’t want to give up but they are sooo irrational. It’s more than complaining with them. They have a mission to ruin people and drive caring people away.
That's where true self power comes in. When you have that, you can't be ruined by an energy that's the opposite of it. Those who experience false power by trying to bring others down will never succeed with those who are truly connected to their own personal power. Truth and positivity always rise.
@@sarahpacaro Thank You❤️
The co-worker complainer is very toxic. It pulls the work environment down fast. I’ve prayed for the Lords peace to return to keep a fight from breaking out after that co-worker came in so toxic. It worked, but he needs help!
Damn literally my dad. Sucks my mom has to deal with him. And it would kind of ruin the family if things fell apart but it’s so toxic while it’s together hard to explain 😭 I just wish he would be willing to improve or change
It’s hard not to pick up these complaining habits
Generally what it means when we say "I wish X would change" is that we feel disempowered around them and if we could get them to change we'd have more a feeling of control. It often comes back to our own experience with our own personal power and where we're at with it. When we're uncomfortable with someone else's way of being, is normally a question of comfort with our own. Other peoples way of being, when it triggers us, teaches us, that there's more healing to do within ourselves. If we could "get them to change" we'd feel at ease within ourselves, which is in its own perspective, a means of the very manipulation and control we're uncomfortable with when around them. Knowing we can't ever change another, what can we, about ourselves that's completely okay with another's way of being that's not the way we'd choose to be.
In law, a Complaint is made by an aggrieved person to an Authority seeking action.
So there are 3 elements:
1. Aggrieved individual
2. Authority having power
3. Prayer for action
Now, abuse of process is when one of these ingredients is misrepresented.
But remember always, manipulation is a tool for the one not in power so we have to also empathise with them.
I think my 63 yr old partner has ADHD and if ONE thing goes wrong then everything is AWFUL. This is so exhausting. He is an expert at noticing what is WRONG.
He is always a victim....this is how he sees himself and it sucks for me to see him like this. Ugh. So I have to "allow" him to "just be"? He goes on and on and on and ON...I have left the house many times just to get AWAY from him and get some peace..and this helps me calm down but if it's dark outside then I will NOT leave and so I have to endure this negativity which is depressing and horrible for ME I'm getting worn out .....agh........
Thank you...excellant insight
I think we are referring to some people who complain about a relationship all the time. I'm talking about people who get upset in case of a disagreement on a trivial childlike topic & then while you have already moved over that topic, they still bring it up but this time connect it to how imperfect the relationship is. Two ppl r not suppose to b alike😊l
I have a friend who complains about his GF but he will not leave her alone. She lazy and doesnt work so why cant he just move on and find less stressful relationships
Then he's experiencing benefit from it (complaining often allows for connection - through the listener of the complaint). We're all programmed and wired for connection so getting it through way of complaint has a secondary gain. He's getting what he needs and what he benefits from. When the eyes and mind are opened up to much healthier ways of experiencing the very connection we desire, everything changes.
This is the single most annoying habit.
My wife complains constantly, what bothers me alot is her constant need for help.
Believe me I do the bulk of the chores inside and out.
I do them and move on...but it just encourages her constant complaints
Truly, she is lazy, imo....she asks for things easily done for herself but will try to get me to do them.
I don't know what to do about this. It simply uses up my extremely limited free time.
Kids are adult, she doesn't work .
Complainers don't hang out with people who refuse to deal with their pettiness.
So true!
The only time I’m ever complaining is when I’m at work or when I’m watching a movie or show and a scene bothers me because of how it was made or the presentation wasn’t right lol
I think people who complain are in pain
I had a very bad run in with a team member at work. I'm a man .She's a woman. I new the company. 3months. This employee..seems constantly bird dog my work habits all about the facilities. In areas. Somewhat still in training. Being productive in what ever assigned. Yet . This lady keeps finding fault in my actions about the facility while keeping busy..and minding my business. Constantly watching and correcting when nothing has occurred. . Until..I had enough. Of the childish .And told the individual stop over watching me and creating drama. To draw attention... Companies policies nearly ties my hands. It's apparent the controllers or controller uses drama to to gain attention in view of team members to cause more of scene in front of management or clerk. Nothing verbal or physical occurred. Just a open brief conversation to stop following and being sneaky and correcting of what I'm not doing wrong. Basically finding fault and the complaining to floor clerk while in equipment.. What drama.. and her fellow Co workers colluding..folks are constantly leaving company due to training metrics is lax. And trainer doesn't want to train. Total setup. Decent company. Great product. Basically you get persecuted for speaking your opinion. And viewed as the bad guy. And your the good one..
Absolutely ridiculous to what has happened to the work environments and respect amongst folks...sad.
People that complain love the qttention,a friend of mine can't stop moaning about his problems but I'd rather keep mines yo myself.
A common theme with my husband is money uts non stop. I'm working and doing an internship and when I come home its why do we have no money and goes on and on. Then I had enough and said I dont know why and I don't care. He got mad and said I don't care about his feelings. He has been complaining about this for atleast 10 years of course I'm tired of hearing about it. His job is super easy he even says this all the time but when he actually has to go in the office he gets upset he had to actually work. I'm almost finished with school to make more money while his doing nothing to make more money which he always complains about.
Would I be right in saying that he isn’t great at managing money? My wife is the same complaining about not having enough money while spending money foolishly.
True thanks
Narcissism at its finest.
My sister loves her husband, and she does most of the work. I think her husband is a Narcassit. I listen to her. I don't try and fix her. I just listen. It helps reduce her stress. No one wants people to fix their problems. I was married in a similar relationship, so I got it. I, however, never did the you never help out, etc, it doesn't help. I knew I would never change him, so we divorced. It was bad I made it sound easy. Yes, you want the other person to change. I disagree with it is manipulation but frustration and exhaustion. One person can only do so much. Should her husband be able to go on vacation and have a blast, yes. However, if the other spouse is complaining this much, there is a valid reason. They are being taken advantage of, and it is not ok. I told my daughter never do in the beginning of a relationship what you don't want to be doing in 10 yrs. Do you always wanna do all the cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, taking care of the kids, and having a full-time job. I explained when he says I've cheated because you have changed. The fact is you have changed because you have set up a narrative that is not sustainable. Now a loving caring husband will see the struggle and help out, but a Narcassit will not. So I do not believe this wife is being manipulative by stating her frustrations. She is slowly breaking on the inside. As a friend, you need to say I hear your frustrations and anger are valid. I don't believe you can change another person. Just know I love you, and I can't listen to you complain all the time. It is bringing me down. If you wanna go have fun and get your mind off of things, I'm there. If you ever decide to divorce him, I'll hold your hand, and then I'll listen to your fears. Just know you may lose this friend, but at least you are being a good friend. As well as taking care of your own mental health. We always think the other person's problems are so easy to fix, but in fact, they aren't. Maybe it was easy for you to divorce, and for her, there are other reasons. Maybe she really loves the idea of a happy marriage and doesn't wanna give up on that. Maybe she has 4 small kids and a job that pays little. Just be kind❤
This is a very interesting perspective however on a spiritual level no one can make you feel anything and as you put it if someone makes you feel guilty it's not that making you feel guilty it's guilt coming up from your past it could be from this present situation however it's coming up because it wants to be released.. I work with clients and couples all the time and if I was to say to Susie don't make your husband feel guilty that's next to Impossible it's saying to the husband when you feel guilty where is that guilt coming from let's acknowledge your feelings accept them and lovingly release them because otherwise we would have to control how Susie behaves to be careful not to make her husband feel guilty and now you just have a bunch of people walking around on eggshells.
What about the people who 'complain'because theyre not getting their needs & wants met?
Every behavior has a benefit and serves a purpose. What need and want is being met by the complaining? That's the purpose. The needs and mets are being received through way of complaint. There's MANY other more emotionally intelligent ways to receive needs and mets through a different means, but most people don't do the work to do anything about creating or being part of the change they desire.
My oldest sister seems I'm the target. I decided no response and walk away instead of arguing she just going to put the blame on me. There 3 other people who live in the house as well My nephew who is supposed to be her main caretaker since she is legal blind. He is also a drug addiction, and doesn't have any income. Then a nother gentleman who was released from prison just a few months ago. He is looking for work and since he moved has helped get the repairs around the house done. Next is a young lady that was friends with my oldest daughter and recently got out of an Abusive relationship. She helps around the house and helps one of my sister's friends. She is also a addict. I'm a recovering method addict and will admit I've slipped up a couple of times and called my sponsor back in Colorado. I live in Texas
A wonderful explanation thank you so much ✌️❣️🤗
You're very welcome 🤗
Cant imagine why a working woman who does all the household labor and child-rearing would have reason to "complain" 🙄
What a terrible example to use
My cousin's wife complains non stop about money. It's been going on for years, and years and whining how cursed she is. Now she is manipulating my Extreme low income mother into feeling sorry for her and getting freebie stuff from her, including a $200 puppy out of her for free. She has no limits and acts entitled and is trys to control all those around her into feeling sorry for her. 40 year old woman with no shame or dignity. 🤦🙄
"invoking guilt"
But the wife-husband example was not appreciable. Husbands should not want to "get away". That's immature, irresponsible and selfish. I don't blame the wife for manipulating the situation and outcome. Manipulation is the preferred tool of someone not in power. The powerful simply order, they don't need to tip toe.
Sure
I work in an office with mainly women, so you can just imagine all the psychological warfare I see.
@@stever507 I can.... But its important to remember it's not a gender issue. There's internal beliefs every human has that runs and impacts them. It's a spiritual battle, not a gender one.
I just stop talking and move on
My wife learnt it from her grandfather. Incessant complaints and moans, sometimes it is like being in the ocean being battered by one wave after another, damned if I do, damned if I don't. God sometimes I wish I could just vanish.
It's more the internal personal beliefs we have about ourselves that make more of an impact than anything else.
I know someone who nags about everything all the time why IS this like this y IS the window half closed y is the curtin half way closed y is the sky blu y is oxygen what we breathe y does sneakers have shoelaces y do people blink im just tryna get yall to c its just unnecessary pointless pure ignorance the person iM talking ABOUT is so miserable and judgemental talks about everyone smiles IN people face just mad at life calls themselves a Christian but judge peopE dnt know HOW YOU CAN just be a negative peron all the time no break thats just who this person is so SAD
I feel like this is very black and white thinking. I don't believe expressing your feelings is always manipulative. The other person can just put up a boundary
What if your mom
What do you mean what if your mom?
@@sarahpacaro What do you do if the person that’s complaining all the time is your mother and you’re stuck with her and you can’t really just cut her out of your life
@@emilyvay6369 you always have choices. Gray rocking is a great technique for dealing with these types of personalities as they really just enjoy others being a sounding board for their complaints. The biggest difference in how it impacts you however, are within your own internal beliefs you have about yourself due to interactions with people who constantly complain. But gray rocking is a powerful technique to keep their energy where it belongs. With them.
Sooo annoying
And do the same thing over and over again I think part of it had to do with the oujia board
JESUS - THIS IS THE WAY! (As in follow Jesus and do not overcomplicate things)
Absolutely nothing to resolve problems that just nag
I think everyone needs to walk in someone's moccasins before they judge complainers. Also people need to be treated and compensated equally in this world to alleviate this problem. There are valid reasons people have to complain
Lol oh go away! Clearly you are the complainer and this struck a nerve because I'm pretty sure if u had the life sucked out of you by a serial complainer, who doesnt do anything to help themselves and just dominate your time and use you as nothing more than a sounding board, you would be of the same opinion so go play devil's advocate elsewhere 😂
Is this trauma bonding?
Trauma bonding is rescuing, enabling, constantly saving each other. Chronic fear of abandonments, keeping the score and using intimate knowledge against another and an emotional addiction to fear. And complaining can contain those elements.
O know someone nags all day about any amd everything it's so
All my partner does is complain so much it makes me so mean because i always feel like everything is my fault because i can’t make him happy ever, and then he just yells at me when i stick up for myself 😢 I want him to leave but he won’t and when i leave he follows 😢 we have kids and he was abused as a child, i don’t know what to do anymore. Anything that makes me happy he hates and wants to take away. He hates my cats and hits them 😢
Take him to a counselor if you can. Try yoga.
Call Babylon (police)
I don't believe it.