I remember when I got lost at the beach and a cop was helping me find my parents. I asked him, "Do you think we'll find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide." - Rodney Dangerfield.
"I'm getting old. My doctor asked me for a urine sample, a stool sample and a semen sample. So I left my underwear and went home."--Rodney Dangerfield.
@@gmill7414 "Traffic is so bad. Why the other day this woman cut me off, so I gave her the finger. At the light she rolled down her window and said: "You can take that finger and shove it where the sun don't shine." So I said "OK, pull over!"
@@gmill7414 "The other day at my doctor's office he told me he wanted a urine specimen, a stool sample and a semen sample. So I left my underwear and went home."
Rodney was one of the if not the greatest of the old "vaudevillian style" comics, and even more amazingly, made it acceptable if not even "cool" long after it went out of style with his performances, movies, etc. RIP Rodney, you were one of the all-timers.
They were wheeling Rodney into the hospital once and a reporter asked: "How long will you be in the hospital Rodney?" Rodney said: "if all goes well, a week to ten days... if not, about an hour and a half."
Rodney is like super Dave in the way he walks out, hasn’t even opened his mouth and is just sitting there giving a look and people are laughing. You always hear one or two guys like DYING
Rodney Dangerfield would rehearse his new material in either his club or other small clubs relentlessly until he felt got the timing perfect. A master at his craft.
@@mervyncodrington3611 Oddly, Rodney only appeared on Letterman once. It was kind of chaotic, not exactly a great set. At that time, Letterman's show was considered very college student in appeal, so maybe Rodney thought it wasn't his crowd. I'm guessing. He lived in NY, where his club was, and only one appearance, while dozens on the Tonight show in LA. Though it could also have been strategic, as he would have wanted to save his material for the higher-rated Tonight Show.
"I once dated a girl and things started to get hot. She told me "I doesn't do this normally." I told her, "Its OK, I'm a little weird myself."--Rodney Dangerfield.
"When I'm in Vegas I meet the most interesting people. Why just the other day I was in a casino bathroom at the urinal and who comes up next to me? Shaquille O'Neal. Yeah, he said: "Whew! I just made it." I said to him: Hey Shaq, can you do me a favor? Make another one just like it for me... only in white."--Rodney Dangerfield
Late night hosts are not funny, interesting, edgy like they used to be. Dave was great and everyone bashing him these days are sad people with no lives. Was he a saint, hell no, he was real and honest and entertaining.
Never heard Rodney do some of those jokes. They were funny. Here are some of my favorites. My wifes is selfish when I make love to her she calls out her own name My doctor told me I had 6 months to live. I asked him could I get a second opinion. He said yea you're ugly too. My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend I told my son about the birds and bees. He told me about his mother and the butcher. I was so poor as a kid my rich aunt died and the will said I owed her $20. When a teen, a girl told me to come over there's nobody home. I went over there was nobody home. Someone stole my wife's car. I asked her what he looked like. She said I did better than that - I got the tag number. Abe Lincoln said all men are created equal. He never went to a nude beach
"Why I know I'm getting old. My doctor asked me for a urine sample, a stool sample and a semen sample. So I left my underwear and went home."--Rodney Dangerfield
"Traffic is terrible. Why just the other day I was cut off by a woman in traffic and I gave her the finger. She told me: "You can shove that finger where the sun don't shine." So I said: "Ok, pull over."'--Rodney Dangerfield
I remember when I got lost at the beach and a cop was helping me find my parents. I asked him, "Do you think we'll find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide." - Rodney Dangerfield.
"I'm getting old. My doctor asked me for a urine sample, a stool sample and a semen sample. So I left my underwear and went home."--Rodney Dangerfield.
😂😂😂
I still use that joke.
"I know I'm ugly. When my dog humps my leg it closes its eyes."--Rodney Dangerfield.
An all timer
"At Christmas, we were so poor, we couldn't even afford tinsel. We just waited for Grandpa to sneeze."
@@gmill7414 "Traffic is so bad. Why the other day this woman cut me off, so I gave her the finger. At the light she rolled down her window and said: "You can take that finger and shove it where the sun don't shine." So I said "OK, pull over!"
@@gmill7414 "The doctor told me to go home and baby myself. So I breast fed my wife, took a leak in my pants and cried for 2 hours."
@@gmill7414 "The other day at my doctor's office he told me he wanted a urine specimen, a stool sample and a semen sample. So I left my underwear and went home."
Years ago my wife and I saw Rodney at the MGM Grand in Vegas . It was no stop laughter. He was by far the funniest comedian I’ve ever seen.
He was one of a kind and helped many young comedians through the years
Dr Boombatz was a good doctor. Kept Rodney alive until 82 considering his lifestyle.
He was sooo respected as a man. Always clean and never a unkind word ever came out of his mouth. R.I.P Rodney your well missed.
"It's lonely at the top! Especially when there's nobody on the bottom."--Rodney Dangerfield.
"I'm getting old. Now I have to sleep with 2 girls at a time. Yeah, so when I fall asleep they have each other to talk to."--Rodney Dangerfield.
my new dating profile headline
Lucky enough to have seen RODNEY in the 80's; a true highlight !
Carson loved him. And Rodney had a lot of respect for him. I love watching him on Johnny!!!!!
Me 2 he had Carson laughing his ass off !
Rodney was one of the if not the greatest of the old "vaudevillian style" comics, and even more amazingly, made it acceptable if not even "cool" long after it went out of style with his performances, movies, etc. RIP Rodney, you were one of the all-timers.
This brought tears to my eyes right after I laughed so hard what a great man and great jokes I miss him so much
They were wheeling Rodney into the hospital once and a reporter asked: "How long will you be in the hospital Rodney?" Rodney said: "if all goes well, a week to ten days... if not, about an hour and a half."
People sometimes called Dave an asshole, but he could really be a kind and decent person.
"With girls I can hold my own. Which is what they usually tell me to do."--Rodney Dangerfield.
Rodney was one of a kind. He is missed.
That is one great comedian who I still miss but thankfully we have some videos of him my you Rest in peace Rodney Dangerfield
Wow 19 years since we lost Rodney
This was when the lateshow was worth watching
I'll take 82-93 at NBC. Much more edgy than the CBS days.
"I get no respect. I found out my inflatable doll is a lesbian."--Rodney Dangerfield.
Haaaaaa
Rodney got no respect - except from everyone else in the same business who did the same thing he did, half as successfully, and half as long.
O
Rodney was the funniest comic ever.
Laughter at its best. R.I.P., a true comedian.
Rodney is like super Dave in the way he walks out, hasn’t even opened his mouth and is just sitting there giving a look and people are laughing. You always hear one or two guys like DYING
Stealing pens from a bank had me!!!
Even though he’s not with us he’s still making everyone laugh!
Even with the terrible delivery he killed it. What a crowd!
"I get no respect. I went to a nude beach and they told me to park in the handicap section."--Rodney Dangerfield.
When I come home, the parrot says, “Quick, out the window.”
"My wife is a terrible cook...How is toast supposed to have bones in it?"-Rodney Dangerfield
"I don't think meatloaf should glow in the dark. "
@gjm1953 "my wife asked me to take out the garbage," I said You cooked it you take it out!
"I get no respect. I made a donation at a sperm bank. They had to get the woman drunk to use it."--Rodney Dangerfield.
We all miss Rodney!
"Girls think I'm Don Juan, but after one I'm done."--Rodney Dangerfield.
Rodney was a legend. Wish the Academy had shown him more love for his role in _Natural Born Killers_ .
"Thanks for the upload; it was wonderful!"
"My doctor told me to go home and baby myself. So I breast fed my wife, took a leak in my pants and cried for 2 hours."--Rodney Dangerfield.
Even as bad as David delivered those jokes, I laughed out loud.
I think Dave was very concerned about not appearing to be doing a Rodney imitation.
No one has ever made me me laugh like Rodney. Thank you
I miss Rodney so much !!!!!
Easy Money is one of my favorite movies. It is absolutely insane
R.I.P Rodney. I hope that you are finally getting the respect you so richly deserve.
"I went to a bar. The bartender said, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me naked pictures of my wife!"-Rodney Dangerfield
Thanks for uploading this.
"I'm gettin' old. I went to a sperm bank...they thought it was a holdup!"--Rodney Dangerfield.
"when i was born the doctor had to give me a slap...i later found out the nurse got in a few also !" - Rodney Dangerfield...Brilliant comedian
Rodney Dangerfield would rehearse his new material in either his club or other small clubs relentlessly until he felt got the timing perfect. A master at his craft.
“My wife is such a bad cook, the flies in our neighborhood got together and fixed the holes in our screens.”
"...when I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother."
I love the ones when he was born …. th-cam.com/video/SPhXJXK21SQ/w-d-xo.html
My wife had a mirror installed on our bedroom ceiling. Yeah, she said she likes to watch herself laugh.
My wife’s cooking is so bad we pray after we eat..
Simply The BEST!! The nobody's home one always makes me laugh.
20 years ago in autumn.
Rodney Dangerfield was a highly skilled artist in the concise use of English grammar, and he made people laugh.
Beautiful human being.
The line are still funny even when not told with his rapid fire style.
Rodney killed without being there.
@@mervyncodrington3611 Oddly, Rodney only appeared on Letterman once. It was kind of chaotic, not exactly a great set. At that time, Letterman's show was considered very college student in appeal, so maybe Rodney thought it wasn't his crowd. I'm guessing. He lived in NY, where his club was, and only one appearance, while dozens on the Tonight show in LA. Though it could also have been strategic, as he would have wanted to save his material for the higher-rated Tonight Show.
OMG 😂🤣 Thanks for posting this!
R.I.P THEY don't make them like u no more good job Dave 😄😄😄
When I was born, the doctor walked into the waiting room. My father asked if it’s a boy or a girl. The doctor said, “Close”.
God Bless Rodney, You are Sorely missed.....
This is David Letterman at his funniest.... reading Rodney jokes.
We were so poor, we couldn’t afford tinsel for the Christmas tree. We just waited for my uncle to sneeze.
"I told the bartender, 'Make me a zombie,' he said, 'Too late, God already beat me to it!'" 😁🤭
"I went to a wedding at a nude beach. It was easy to see who the best man was!"
--Rodney ✌️😎
I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slap me, handed me to the nurse and she got a few shots in.
"I once dated a girl and things started to get hot. She told me "I doesn't do this normally." I told her, "Its OK, I'm a little weird myself."--Rodney Dangerfield.
Two legends talking about a third.
"Even my dog is giving me trouble. I got a female dog you know. I tried to mate her. She wants 50 biscuits."
"Why I know I'm ugly. When my dog humps my leg it has to close its eyes."--Rodney Dangerfield.
My feet smelled so bad, my Podiatrist became a proctologist.
great one liner comedians are rare, Rodney, Mitch Hedberg ... rare
Very unique talent who stood out.
Rodney Was Fannier and Kinder than All you Guys on Talk shows put together, My honest opinion
"Fannier"!? Now THAT'S funny...
Rest In Peace Rodney ✨😂✨
There's something about Rodney's personality, attitude, delivery, and expressions, that makes his jokes much funnier. 🤷🤔
"When I'm in Vegas I meet the most interesting people. Why just the other day I was in a casino bathroom at the urinal and who comes up next to me? Shaquille O'Neal. Yeah, he said: "Whew! I just made it." I said to him: Hey Shaq, can you do me a favor? Make another one just like it for me... only in white."--Rodney Dangerfield
Fought for the West!
I have the same Dr
Late night hosts are not funny, interesting, edgy like they used to be. Dave was great and everyone bashing him these days are sad people with no lives. Was he a saint, hell no, he was real and honest and entertaining.
Always loved Rodney, poor show here...ugh
One of a kind
I am big fans of him rip 🙏 🪦 😌 ☹️ 😔 😢 🙏 🪦 😌 ☹️ 😔 😢 🙏 🪦 😌 ☹️ 😔
My wife can't do nothing right ya know? I mean last week we went to the ballet.... She forgot the sandwiches.
Rodney dangerfield was a true genius.
"I'm not a well-built guy. When I went to a nude beach they had me park in handicap parking."--Rodney Dangerfield
Dave skipping that one joke is hilarious I’d love to know what that was, probably it was one rodney had said a lot
"The Bible says,love thy neighbor as thyself..what,I gotta jerk him off too?"
Even when Dave read the jokes you could hear Rodney and it was Funny!😅
Dr Vinny boombatz sounds like a Don Rickles character lol, but I guess it's a rodney quote!
Hahaha it’s like when frank sinatra, and don rickles we’re on Johnny Carson, and rickles would do his usual “bambino says hello” stuff to frank 😂😂
@@Aidanhatesyouall No, it's nothing like that.
My neighborhood I grew up in was tough! How tough? At Easter they used to serve Broken Leg of Lamb!
Never heard Rodney do some of those jokes. They were funny.
Here are some of my favorites.
My wifes is selfish when I make love to her she calls out her own name
My doctor told me I had 6 months to live. I asked him could I get a second opinion. He said yea you're ugly too.
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend
I told my son about the birds and bees. He told me about his mother and the butcher.
I was so poor as a kid my rich aunt died and the will said I owed her $20.
When a teen, a girl told me to come over there's nobody home. I went over there was nobody home.
Someone stole my wife's car. I asked her what he looked like. She said I did better than that - I got the tag number.
Abe Lincoln said all men are created equal. He never went to a nude beach
David reading the jokes had nothing on Rodney delivering them
that was the point, he gave them no delivery at all so the audience would laugh at the joke and not an impression
I was so ugly my proctologist stuck his finger, in my mouth.
"Why I know I'm getting old. My doctor asked me for a urine sample, a stool sample and a semen sample. So I left my underwear and went home."--Rodney Dangerfield
“But I’ll tell you one thing, when my wife does have sex, she screams! Oooo… especially when I walk in on her.”
I Swear I get no Respect. I was so ugly growing up, my mother used to feed me with a slingshot!
My wife and I like to smoke after sex.
I’ve had the same pack since 1974.
But my wife, she’s up to 3 packs a day!
I was so ugly, when I was born the Doctor smacked me, then the nurses got their shots in, afterwards.
1981
me and my wife fight about sex and money! SHE CHARGES ME TO MUCH !!!!! SEEN HIM NEW YEARS EVE MIDNIGHT SHOW
"Traffic is terrible. Why just the other day I was cut off by a woman in traffic and I gave her the finger. She told me: "You can shove that finger where the sun don't shine." So I said: "Ok, pull over."'--Rodney Dangerfield
☮️