Oh my gosh! That social worker was way out of line! I cannot believe she said that. I would have been so upset! You are not the one who is in the wrong here. We actually refused to transport because it was too much for us to handle. We insisted on having a transport to drive our kiddos and had to put our foot down. They listened and got us people to transport. Good foster parents are treated terribly in the system. My husband and I use the term that we're treated like "glorified babysitters." It's so sad. They act like we get no say so and it's like what the heck.... we are the ones caring for these kiddos everyday. We know them and we know what they need just like any one of our other children. We also were told by our own agency that if we were ever hoping for adoption then we were rooting for the biological parents to fail. We were like what!? Haven't they already failed by getting their children taken away in the first place? That sounds harsh but it's the truth. It's not fair to these kids. I'm all for bio parents changing their lives and getting their children back but let's be real, most don't and it's at the expense of these children's wellbeing that we're waiting around for this. It's not okay and those of us who just want to help these babies by giving them a stable and loving home should not be shamed for hoping for the best outcome for these children. Ohhh girl, I could go on all day about all this! I better stop my rant now! Lol
I just found your videos and wow, I feel like (sadly) we have insanely similar stories. We’ve been viewed the same for raising legitimate concerns. Our current case has been so traumatic for even us and our bio kids. Thank you, I have been feeling honestly so lonely & kind of crazy. We are a homeschooling family as well. We took a school age child and it has been very hard.
Oh Abbey, I am so sorry to hear it has been a hard journey for you! If you ever want to chat more feel free to shoot me an email: chantel@anintentionallife.me I know it can be hard to talk on social media because of privacy and such.
It seems the system places so much effort toward reunification with birth family, at the expense of the child, that there's little support or advocacy for the foster parents. It's so sad how these children are bounced around and pulled from good foster homes all in the effort of reunification with a family who doesn't sound as if they are completely ready to have the children. No wonder there's such a shortage of good foster parents...the heart can only take so much! Prayers for the children and for you.
You are right Tammy, it's totally reunification at all costs, birth family (even relatives the kids have never seen before and have had run ins with child protection themselves) are considered a better home option than foster families that the kids have been with for years and are attached to. It's one of my biggest struggles with the system. I wish the emphasis could be placed on the kids.
Oh my goodness. My heart is just breaking for these kids. Continuing to pray for them. And you, of course! This is so much strain on you and your family, I’m sure. And dealing with social workers who aren’t being communicative and blame all the issues on you is so frustrating. I can’t imagine. But I’m so thankful that R2 & BB8 have you in their lives to love them and care for them in all the trauma and back and forth.
Wow, I relate to what you are going through. It was our first long term placements, they were with us for only 6 months. Everything that we thought would happen, didn’t. Parents charged turned into reunification of family. Every worker said this was the hardest case they have ever been involved with. We were told they would be with us for another year. A week before court we were told they might go home, they ended up leaving 6 hours after court was finished. They left Dec 2020. We took a break after. Then we needed to be there for our adult children so the break was going to be longer. After 4 months the agency called us to find out if we were going to put our house on hold or continue. We were going to continue but for many roller coaster reasons they decided to put us on a hold. We have a year to open our home up, or go through the whole application process again if and when we wanted to start fostering again. We have to decide before April 2021 if we continue. I want to, I feel a little more prepared and understand more of this system. However, I just don’t know. We are still so knew to this. We had a super hard case and we were taken advantage of by all of the accommodations that we made. It is such a hard system. With the kids suffering because of this system. I get it, it just sucks. But God! He is asking us to do the hard, to trust in Him. Without knowing where we will end up. It’s overwhelming… I appreciate your honesty and helping me see we aren’t alone on this roller coaster. God bless you and yours!
Hi Chantel, so sorry that that woman said that maybe you shouldn't foster....you are doing so so much for these kids. Sometimes you have to wonder if the employees really know how much it takes to be a foster parent, or if they have just worked from the office. It's hard.
Wow thats crazy she said you shouldn't be fostering. Thats not right there isn't enough foster parents as it is so why tell a foster parent that. I'm sorry you had to go though that. Please don't quit fostering you may get another social worker that really cares. That makes it a lot better.
Thankfully prior to this month we've worked with some really great social workers, it's amazing how you don't always notice how great they are until you get a not-so-great one . . .
I'm so sorry to hear that your situation is so similar to so many in my life who are current or former foster parents. My in-laws were foster parents for 40 years and faced many difficulties throughout that time with a broken system. Friends now in this situation seem to be struggling even more as regulations and newer objectives (like a strong focus on reunification or kincare) along with an underfunded and extremely stretched system place them in difficult circumstances. We've had a few walk away from fostering as a result of the system. I can empathize with your frustrations and think the social worker certainly should not have said what she did. On the other hand I would encourage you to be praying for your social workers. I also have friends who are social workers and the stress level and trauma they experience along with not being able to talk to people about their work is a significant concern. They also don't have a lot of control over the process and have to quickly pivot and adapt to biological and foster families' situations. The turnover of social workers is also very high so you have inexperienced workers, uninformed workers as they step into established cases, and workers with overwhelming caseloads picking up the slack. I don't envy their position in a very broken system.
Yes, you are totally right, Marcie, the workers have way too much on their plates! I think the whole foster system needs to redone, and not the way it's going now with more emphasis placed on reunification at all costs, but I don't see that happening.
Chantel, how heartbreaking. ♥️😨😰😭 said a prayer for wisdom for you and over the children. I honestly had no idea what what it’s like, so I appreciate you sharing. I have a friend in Oregon who fosters and I’ve heard a little, but wow. 🥺♥️ Thank you for opening your home.
We can relate to all you are sharing. The unnecessary trauma induced on the children but "so called adults" that are supposed to do right by them, is maddening. Praying you are always able to keep your motivation for the kids despite the system. 🙏💕
Chantel, I pray that the Lord will give you and your husband wisdom about caring for foster children. You have a lot of His love to give to these little people. Praying also for the broken system and caseworkers.
That's heartbreaking, I'm so sorry 😔 I don't know if I fully understand the foster system in the USA, in my country a child can't be temporarily with another family other then their own. So if they can't live with their parents, the social workers try to find another family member. If that's not an option, the children are transfered to a house, living with other children in the same situation, where the parents can visit them. While they live there, their parents go through some social program to try to solve the problems that took the children away from them (lack of resources, drugs, alcohol, etc). A child can only go to another family if it's impossible to bring them back to their parents or other family member. But then it also must be a permanent family, they must be officially adopted.
I'm actually up in Canada but our foster care system is pretty similar to the US, though, I would say even more emphasis is put on birth families here, which sounds good in theory except when it ends up not being good for the children.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. And I know you must deal with worry about the toll it takes on your own children as well. I think I would have had a fit and demanded a supervisor the minute that worker said those words, I am horrified she said that to you. It’s absolutely wrong. Praying for peace and wisdom for you all. I’m so angry for you!
Yeah, to say I was shocked would be an understatement . . . I didn't want to report her because I feel like we've started off on the wrong foot since she's only been the worker during this crazy time but I am glad it came up pretty naturally in a conversation with a supervisor, hopefully she won't be saying things like that to other foster families.
My heart breaks for the children! My only comfort being that I know that God loves the children more than my heart (and I love children dearly). My prayers go out to the children and to you and your husband. May God give you of his peace. And don't forget some self-care and boundaries because it is not wrong to stand up and say that it is a crazy schedule. You are amazing and tough! "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" ❤️
I would not accept a child for a 'weekend' with no placement papers etc. Although hospitals have to treat emergencies, you wouldn't have anything to get a child treated for something minor. There's no record that a child who just went home is again out of home. And, because the system IS so messed up, you have a child in your care with no documentation if someone accused you of kidnapping etc. Get the transport set up with the supervisor who is helpful. One way and times and they need to do something if visits are short. Your pickup time if set based around homeschooling.
Yes, we wouldn't have accepted her if it was a child unknown to us but she'd been with us for the previous 9 months and had only been back with birth family for one week. It's been a few weeks since she's been back with family and I haven't even heard a word from their social worker. So much for that grocery voucher she promised . . .
In all of this, at least the kids were "bounce" only between the birth parents and you. I can't imagine the trauma for kids changing houses every time, for weeks,months or weekend. Pray for all foster kids.
Children shouldn’t be moved unless absolutely necessary. This is poorly handled. I’d like to think the worker is “just” burned out, but they shouldn’t be moved unless they are being reunified, have relative placements, or the foster parents directly asks for them to be moved, barring any other possible major benefits to move. That’s it. Consistency should be number 1 priority while in the system.
Going through the first steps of the process but I work full time. How are they expecting you to do the daily tasks to keep your household functioning if you have to drop everything to meet all these expectations. I don’t see the average persons job being that accommodating
My husband and I were foster parents to over 50 children. It is ESSENTIAL to keep a notebook and take notes of EVERY single call.
Oh my gosh! That social worker was way out of line! I cannot believe she said that. I would have been so upset! You are not the one who is in the wrong here. We actually refused to transport because it was too much for us to handle. We insisted on having a transport to drive our kiddos and had to put our foot down. They listened and got us people to transport. Good foster parents are treated terribly in the system. My husband and I use the term that we're treated like "glorified babysitters." It's so sad. They act like we get no say so and it's like what the heck.... we are the ones caring for these kiddos everyday. We know them and we know what they need just like any one of our other children. We also were told by our own agency that if we were ever hoping for adoption then we were rooting for the biological parents to fail. We were like what!? Haven't they already failed by getting their children taken away in the first place? That sounds harsh but it's the truth. It's not fair to these kids. I'm all for bio parents changing their lives and getting their children back but let's be real, most don't and it's at the expense of these children's wellbeing that we're waiting around for this. It's not okay and those of us who just want to help these babies by giving them a stable and loving home should not be shamed for hoping for the best outcome for these children. Ohhh girl, I could go on all day about all this! I better stop my rant now! Lol
I actually appreciate this rant, Leisa, it helps to know we aren't the only ones who have been in this position!
My blood is boiling! You WERE NOT OUT OF LINE. The system is so broken and that social worker...whew! 😡 Will be praying for you!
Yeah, it's so hard to see these kids caught up in such a broken system. I wish the system would advocate for them.
I just found your videos and wow, I feel like (sadly) we have insanely similar stories. We’ve been viewed the same for raising legitimate concerns. Our current case has been so traumatic for even us and our bio kids. Thank you, I have been feeling honestly so lonely & kind of crazy. We are a homeschooling family as well. We took a school age child and it has been very hard.
Oh Abbey, I am so sorry to hear it has been a hard journey for you! If you ever want to chat more feel free to shoot me an email: chantel@anintentionallife.me I know it can be hard to talk on social media because of privacy and such.
It seems the system places so much effort toward reunification with birth family, at the expense of the child, that there's little support or advocacy for the foster parents. It's so sad how these children are bounced around and pulled from good foster homes all in the effort of reunification with a family who doesn't sound as if they are completely ready to have the children. No wonder there's such a shortage of good foster parents...the heart can only take so much! Prayers for the children and for you.
You are right Tammy, it's totally reunification at all costs, birth family (even relatives the kids have never seen before and have had run ins with child protection themselves) are considered a better home option than foster families that the kids have been with for years and are attached to. It's one of my biggest struggles with the system. I wish the emphasis could be placed on the kids.
Oh my goodness. My heart is just breaking for these kids. Continuing to pray for them. And you, of course! This is so much strain on you and your family, I’m sure. And dealing with social workers who aren’t being communicative and blame all the issues on you is so frustrating. I can’t imagine. But I’m so thankful that R2 & BB8 have you in their lives to love them and care for them in all the trauma and back and forth.
Thanks so much for your prayers, Tiffany!
I relate to all of this sooooooo much. Sending love and encouragement! You are not put of one at all.
Chantel, I'm so sorry. Your family is amazing for doing all this! The system is so broken. I'm glad you have a good supervisor to support you. ❤️
I'm glad we found someone to help advocate for us!
Wow, I relate to what you are going through. It was our first long term placements, they were with us for only 6 months. Everything that we thought would happen, didn’t. Parents charged turned into reunification of family. Every worker said this was the hardest case they have ever been involved with. We were told they would be with us for another year. A week before court we were told they might go home, they ended up leaving 6 hours after court was finished. They left Dec 2020. We took a break after. Then we needed to be there for our adult children so the break was going to be longer. After 4 months the agency called us to find out if we were going to put our house on hold or continue. We were going to continue but for many roller coaster reasons they decided to put us on a hold. We have a year to open our home up, or go through the whole application process again if and when we wanted to start fostering again. We have to decide before April 2021 if we continue. I want to, I feel a little more prepared and understand more of this system. However, I just don’t know. We are still so knew to this. We had a super hard case and we were taken advantage of by all of the accommodations that we made. It is such a hard system. With the kids suffering because of this system. I get it, it just sucks. But God! He is asking us to do the hard, to trust in Him. Without knowing where we will end up. It’s overwhelming… I appreciate your honesty and helping me see we aren’t alone on this roller coaster. God bless you and yours!
Thanks for sharing your story! I'll be praying for you as you guys make your decision in the next few months, it's not an easy one!
Hi Chantel, so sorry that that woman said that maybe you shouldn't foster....you are doing so so much for these kids. Sometimes you have to wonder if the employees really know how much it takes to be a foster parent, or if they have just worked from the office. It's hard.
Yeah, I'm sure their jobs are difficult but she seemed a little out of the loop . . .
Wow thats crazy she said you shouldn't be fostering. Thats not right there isn't enough foster parents as it is so why tell a foster parent that. I'm sorry you had to go though that. Please don't quit fostering you may get another social worker that really cares. That makes it a lot better.
Thankfully prior to this month we've worked with some really great social workers, it's amazing how you don't always notice how great they are until you get a not-so-great one . . .
I'm so sorry to hear that your situation is so similar to so many in my life who are current or former foster parents. My in-laws were foster parents for 40 years and faced many difficulties throughout that time with a broken system. Friends now in this situation seem to be struggling even more as regulations and newer objectives (like a strong focus on reunification or kincare) along with an underfunded and extremely stretched system place them in difficult circumstances. We've had a few walk away from fostering as a result of the system. I can empathize with your frustrations and think the social worker certainly should not have said what she did. On the other hand I would encourage you to be praying for your social workers. I also have friends who are social workers and the stress level and trauma they experience along with not being able to talk to people about their work is a significant concern. They also don't have a lot of control over the process and have to quickly pivot and adapt to biological and foster families' situations. The turnover of social workers is also very high so you have inexperienced workers, uninformed workers as they step into established cases, and workers with overwhelming caseloads picking up the slack. I don't envy their position in a very broken system.
Yes, you are totally right, Marcie, the workers have way too much on their plates! I think the whole foster system needs to redone, and not the way it's going now with more emphasis placed on reunification at all costs, but I don't see that happening.
Chantel, how heartbreaking. ♥️😨😰😭 said a prayer for wisdom for you and over the children. I honestly had no idea what what it’s like, so I appreciate you sharing. I have a friend in Oregon who fosters and I’ve heard a little, but wow. 🥺♥️ Thank you for opening your home.
Thanks for your prayers Amy!
There are no words...Praying🙏
Thanks for your prayers!
We can relate to all you are sharing. The unnecessary trauma induced on the children but "so called adults" that are supposed to do right by them, is maddening. Praying you are always able to keep your motivation for the kids despite the system. 🙏💕
Thanks so much for your prayers, I'm sorry your experience has been similar.
Chantel, I pray that the Lord will give you and your husband wisdom about caring for foster children. You have a lot of His love to give to these little people. Praying also for the broken system and caseworkers.
Thank you for your prayers, Maria!
@@ChantelKlassen ❤
I feel you. The system is so broken
That's heartbreaking, I'm so sorry 😔 I don't know if I fully understand the foster system in the USA, in my country a child can't be temporarily with another family other then their own. So if they can't live with their parents, the social workers try to find another family member. If that's not an option, the children are transfered to a house, living with other children in the same situation, where the parents can visit them. While they live there, their parents go through some social program to try to solve the problems that took the children away from them (lack of resources, drugs, alcohol, etc). A child can only go to another family if it's impossible to bring them back to their parents or other family member. But then it also must be a permanent family, they must be officially adopted.
I'm actually up in Canada but our foster care system is pretty similar to the US, though, I would say even more emphasis is put on birth families here, which sounds good in theory except when it ends up not being good for the children.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. And I know you must deal with worry about the toll it takes on your own children as well. I think I would have had a fit and demanded a supervisor the minute that worker said those words, I am horrified she said that to you. It’s absolutely wrong. Praying for peace and wisdom for you all. I’m so angry for you!
Yeah, to say I was shocked would be an understatement . . . I didn't want to report her because I feel like we've started off on the wrong foot since she's only been the worker during this crazy time but I am glad it came up pretty naturally in a conversation with a supervisor, hopefully she won't be saying things like that to other foster families.
Will continue praying 🙏
Thank you!
My heart breaks for the children! My only comfort being that I know that God loves the children more than my heart (and I love children dearly). My prayers go out to the children and to you and your husband. May God give you of his peace.
And don't forget some self-care and boundaries because it is not wrong to stand up and say that it is a crazy schedule. You are amazing and tough! "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" ❤️
Thank you! 💕
I would not accept a child for a 'weekend' with no placement papers etc. Although hospitals have to treat emergencies, you wouldn't have anything to get a child treated for something minor. There's no record that a child who just went home is again out of home. And, because the system IS so messed up, you have a child in your care with no documentation if someone accused you of kidnapping etc. Get the transport set up with the supervisor who is helpful. One way and times and they need to do something if visits are short. Your pickup time if set based around homeschooling.
Yes, we wouldn't have accepted her if it was a child unknown to us but she'd been with us for the previous 9 months and had only been back with birth family for one week. It's been a few weeks since she's been back with family and I haven't even heard a word from their social worker. So much for that grocery voucher she promised . . .
In all of this, at least the kids were "bounce" only between the birth parents and you. I can't imagine the trauma for kids changing houses every time, for weeks,months or weekend. Pray for all foster kids.
Children shouldn’t be moved unless absolutely necessary. This is poorly handled. I’d like to think the worker is “just” burned out, but they shouldn’t be moved unless they are being reunified, have relative placements, or the foster parents directly asks for them to be moved, barring any other possible major benefits to move. That’s it. Consistency should be number 1 priority while in the system.
Going through the first steps of the process but I work full time. How are they expecting you to do the daily tasks to keep your household functioning if you have to drop everything to meet all these expectations. I don’t see the average persons job being that accommodating
Kids are always so down on the list.... we have all these grandeur ideas for our country, but kids are always on the lower end of things
Sad but true.