3 Covert Tactics a
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ก.ย. 2024
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I have been in the discarding phase for the last 25 years by my husband’s mother. 🤣
I died my hair she died hers I bought SUV so did she I made Jelly she did. It’s creepy and whenever my father in law would come around she would grab his hand like she was so insecure. Like wow.
Thank you so much for this video. I resonated with everything that you said. I have a very sadistic mother in law. It’s been a long journey of pinpointing what I’ve been dealing with. Everything I wore was insulted, my cooking was compared to nursing home food meanwhile in front of my husband she would praise me. She told me not to have anymore children because I can’t “beat” her. She also would stare almost like a grimace and if I questioned it she would laugh at me. It’s been hell and honestly I don’t know what to do. It’s hard to see behind the mask while everyone else around her doesn’t see it.
Theyll actually creep up on you and just stand there without you noticing. Then when you do notice, they still stand there not saying anything and you can feel a heavy stress
YES! I have experienced it that way also! Thanks for sharing.
Yes they do that
Wow!!! The "look" is real! I and my husband would be on the couch watching television, something in a language my mil doesn't even know but she sits by my husband, facing us, not the tv, just looking at us, not the tv, but us, and gives very nasty looks with flaring nostrils, contemptuously clutched lips, and weird head bobs even when we were quiet and just watching tv. It is indeed very difficult to describe the stare/ look, just fills you up with stress cuz the whole time one feels like the person staring has numerous negative thoughts going on in their head and you can't really enjoy anything around you. Happens whenever we are trying to have any kind of experience, she has to tag along for literally everything and if we say that we want to do this by ourselves, there is always crying and manipulating. Husband is catching on to these tactics but I feel extremely bad for him especially because he is such a kind soul and coming to terms with the fact that your mother is manipulative and the love she claims to have for you is not pure is not an easy task.
Oh 100%!
Your insight is spot on, different and focused on malignantly narcissistic MIL’s, something I have been needing for 36 years. The abuse from my toxic MIL was traumatic, prolific, extreme. Please speak to when the NarcMom WANTS your baby/ child to replace the kid that grew up and married or lived with their own partner. Mine forbade me to breastfeed. I did anyway. She bought all bottle feeding supplies and snuck formula into my infant behind my back. She tried to sneak my child into a church for a covert baptism when I refused to baptize my child into HER religion, not mine. She told me whenever my husband was in the other room, “ I’m going to get that baby. You have no idea how much I worry about him when he is home with you.”
She destroyed my confidence, and told everyone I was a bad mother. She was an alcoholic, a liar, and she even accused me of sexually abusing my infant son. But y’know what? SHE was the one who got him naked every single time he was at her home throughout his infancy and toddlerhood. My god, I was so beaten down by her, I wasn’t fully functioning anymore. Gosh, I would love to be able to share the details with you offline, because she was a very scary SuperNarcissist.
MIL notices everything my hair, my clothes, shoes, makeup, every little thing. At first I thought that was sweet but when it came to a point where she started getting obsessive about everything I do or wear it became burdensome. She was all over me giving me all love and attention and before I know it she was undermining my marriage. Now I keep my distance as I became her target for her dramatic acts and uses my husband to do the dirty work for her to make me feel small and hurt me.
One of the red flags I saw was when my husband proposed, I felt a little jealousy when she saw my ring, then preparing for the wedding she acted like she was the one getting married - she wanted me to pick the venues she likes, how much food and wine etc. At our wedding party we had a sax player because my husband and I enjoy listening to it and 6 months after the wedding on MIL’s wedding anniversary she threw a big party, invited all family and friends and hired a sax player. One thing I noticed is that every milestone in our marriage she made sure there was chaos - from the wedding, birth of my first child, purchase of our first home - in all these events I was made to feel miserable
Yes!! Mine now points out any little thing about me. "What's that line on your face?" It was my makeup. Or "look at that butt! Let me see it. It really sticks out in this dress." Or "I love your new hair color. The last one just really wasn't good." It's all these backhanded compliments and criticisms that really gets under our skin.
She also was extremely jealous when we got engaged.
And she knows I have an intense fear of spiders and sent my son (who also doesn't like spiders) her 5 year old grandson, a giant realistic walking tarantula toy for Christmas. She sent it to our house and tells ME to open it before I even knew what it was. I was furious and so was my husband. And she knows I have an intense fear of spiders, too.
I appreciate you dealing with MILs! I've been no contact for about a year. 1. The Stare. Oh yes! She would get this dark blank pissed off look in her eyes, then come out with some kind of insult or complaint. She would sometimes do it when she could get me alone, or her classic move was just as we were walking out the door. She did not like that I was leaving with her golden child son. 2. Jealousy...100%. I married her first born. Her 1st husband (my husband's father) passed at a youngish age, and I have the kind of relationship she lost. 3. She lied about me to try to turn my daughter against me, and drove my daughter to tears when she didn't buy it and stuck up for me. When I finally decided to cut her off, a therapist I spoke to directed me to look into BPD, but I keep coming back to vulnerable/covert narcissism. Keep these videos coming!
Sameeee 😅
I appreciate you sharing your story 🙏 I'm no contact 5 months now. Also married her first son/boyfriend.
How are you now?
Has she tried to come back?
My ex passed away 3 months after we split up after a long illness. My soon to be ex MIL deliberately left me out of the funeral to make me look like the un-caring wife ( we were not legally divorced when he passed away!). Then she had the nerve to tell me that she had to get a loan to finish paying for the funeral, but she didn't want to bother me with that! I thought OMG you ruined my marriage on purpose and then try to guilt me about the loan she had to get to pay for the funeral! 🤯 Mind blowing! CRAZY
So sorry you had to go through that..these narc MILs are evil. I see and hear you and you didn’t deserve that 🤍
Oh yah my mil does this! Friends with random people I know on Facebook, she doesn't even know them. Sending messages to my best friend, asking to hang out with our friends with us etc. It's sickening.
We are all learning more from you guys on here. I hear experiences that seem exactly 💯 what happened with us in the beginning. He got counseling and I have been through counseling from youth. Now he sees 👀 and she doesn't have the power, we have to lock our room door when she visits. She will sneak and creep in our things!
Mine had fat transfer to lips and didn't research much bc when she gains weight, her lips get huge!! Like no seams to lips now. Eek! Lol
Mine would come up and peer into our windows if we tried to have time without her. She had a stroke and it got a million times worse. My partner could no longer take care of her anymore when dementia set in. She couldn't hold her masks in place and started to unravel. She was hiding knives all over her house. We just put her in a alzheimer unit and I finally have my life back. She helped break us up years ago, so when we got back together I already knew and set boundaries, which made her crazier.
She mimics my outfits, after I'm done getting ready. Hilarious...
She can't compete with me bc my exotic look of being Native. Hahaha
I know exactly what you mean. Creepy creatures from another planet.
The stares!! Omgoodness. I’m a grown child of a covert narcissist mother, and I’m only just beginning to understand what has really been going on. I’ve always thought I was the problem and that I was crazy. Thank you for sharing. Every single one of these is on point. I made the mistake of trying to explain in depth to my best friend of 20 years about my narcissist mother and how hard it is to spot, and our friendship ended shortly after! My mom had her wrapped around her finger and they hardly ever spent time together... The creepy staring tho 😂 that one hits home like no other.
My mother did the same
Yep, I lost EVERYONE .. even my now-grown children. She even abused me through work .. my ex wife and I are both teachers, and even a student from her school who moved to my school told me he 'knew' I had cheated on her (I hadnt) .. his parents had told him!!!
I have gone through everything you have mentioned and that was the covered part of her game . It got worse a lot worse , my husband gifted me Jewellery set before marriage which is part of our ceremony which was the norm in our tradition (Middle Eastern background) and she bought the exact same set for her self As if she was the bride ! these are little things I’m mentioning. As we where preparing our home the family’s on both sides gift the bride and groom important items for the home to give the newlyweds a easer start in life . Well she was adamant wanting our fridge she made a big seen about it relentless disregard of what anyone thought she wanted it ,so my husband being her scapegoat son just gave up and gave her the new fridge . Luckily my family member gifted us another fridge so that went past then our wedding day boy oh boy it was a disaster my narc MIL Made it all about her . She made my husband take of the colour of his tie and dressed him in what she chose even thou my husband and I had gotten her approval before hand about the colour I wanted because nothing was aloud to happen until it ran by her . Theses are some of the things she did it was control and power we feared her greatly not understanding what she was. Her and her flying monkeys used religion against us and the power that she is the MOTHER ! It’s a whole lot of pain and living in the fog being around these abusive dynamics . Now after decades of abusive we are finally free
I am so happy to hear you are free and away from that pain and abusive people. Especially using religion in order to abuse it is so sick and evil. My ex and his family were also Middle Eastern
She will focus on what you value the most and go after that. It is disgusting.
Here is just one of many examples: When my MIL visited my husband and I in London she clearly had jet lag (which she denies because she is perfect) and overheard an argument outside, not ours, so decided to enter our room without knocking to help us I guess?
My Mil has always commented on my looks like as if that’s all she valued about me, could care less about what I really have to say or think or feel always just superficial and surface level
You 100% described my narcissistic mother-in-law. I relate to this so much.
1-Appreance ✔️ You are short
2-Evil stare ✔️ like i am the 💩
3- I recognized her attitude and set boundaries. She is nothing doing with my friends.
The ignoring, it's so clear but nobody else notices. My ex sat next to me at a birthday party, all her friends and childrens' mothers, looked at me and scouted over 2 inches away from me .. I was supposed to know it .. but nobody else knew, they just thought she was sitting next to me
I wear hair clips in my hair and my mother in law is bald...she wore a wig just to wear a hair clip 😂 so gross
They use this tactic of devaluing with your appearance,
Reply to such things is not abiding to them what ever they say and reply that’s your perception it has nothing to do with me
Narcissists transfer themselves onto their victims.
Thank you for this channel, It does help.💜
Thank you. I am glad it is helping 🙏🏽
Def experienced the creepy stare from her.
Lady your mother in law is not jealous of you , she stares because she can’t get over her son choosing you.
Just had this with my mother in law a few times telling me that she didn't like my boots and that I should buy new ones.. she didn't like my swimming costume and that I should get one that she likes.. It's disgusting.
I've experienced a few different types. Covert, overt, physically violent, emotionally abusive. The manipulations...
I’m so sorry 😢
Don't feed the monster. If anyone stops talking to you based on gossip then 😉 you might want to reconsider the quality of that relationship. Be loyal to your future not your past you're not going in that direction. Do a conflict cleanse of your life and keep no one who does not show you with their actions and their words that they mean you ❤️🩹 well
Thankyou so much for this 🙏 its comforting to know that others understand me. I felt very lonely at times but thankfully I am about 5 months no contact with the covert narc mil. I'm starting to feel more relaxed.
I wanted to ask if I may for your opinion or suggestions. 🙏
My husband is starting to wakeup and wants to have a conversation with his parents( his mother/the boss).
It sounds like he wants to let them know the reason why we have not brought our children around them.
I prefer not to but I told my husband that out of respect for him I will go to support him ( so I can keep him focused bc of all the gaslighting that has happened to him his mind goes blank around his parents.)
What do you suggest is the best way for me to present myself? Are there things I should/shouldn't do, say/shouldn't say?
Thankyou 🙏
thank you for sharing and your kind words depending on how narcissistic she is she will definitely try to manipulate the situation and play mind games to convince your son it is your fault ..if he is woke enough he will set firm boundaries and not get drawn into the manipulation. If both of you decide to go in my opinion, I would not get overt with statements, keep it simple and do not get specific with details while also setting firm boundaries. There more than likely will be backlash and guilt-tripping, if you're going to be around her then grey rock and do not show emotions she can play off of
Extremely damaging
OK so I'm literally just seeing this in my life. I've had narc experience before but now this has shown up. I need to find some strategies for dealing with this. Anyone point me in that direction please? It's like a complete head mess. I want to be able to salvage my relationship in this but not get damaged.
My ex-fiance's mother used to comment a lot about my appearance and sometimes I trully believe she saw me as a pretty, tall manekin that made her look better (look what a daughter in law I have!). Basicaly all she was saying about me was my look. I remember when my ex was choosing an apartment and I tried to add my opinions, my MIL said- but you are gonna to look like a catalog model here on that chair! I felt like an object honestly...
And I have a question to all here. Because English is not my first language so maybe I misinterpretate sth or am too sensitive. Would you feel offended if someone would call you: next nomination? Because my first meeting with MIL looked this way- she told me what she didn't like about my ex's previous girlfriend and she said- "and now you are his next nomination"
Yes
Querer ser bem vista a todo custo
Gosta agradar
Ser boazinha
Sonsa santa
Passar boa imagem
Se preocupa muito com que outros vão pensar
Vaidosa
Querer ser exemplo
Quer ser posta no pedestal
Ser diplomática em público
Para tentar converter as pessoas dela para o teu lado para ganhar simpatia e apoio
There is no God.
I'm so sorry you had to go through this 💔 😔 🫂
Hugs 🫂 back ♥️