My husband is the same and feels overwhelmed with conversations where everyone is butting in and cutting each other off. For some it's the way of the world, for others it's pure chaos.
Oh I feel like the odd man out now - I actually struggled with punctuality for much of my life. Could be a combination of executive functioning issues, and fear/anxiety of leaving my safe space and facing a busy world of people. I hated that about myself though and didn’t know why I struggled with it so much. I’m better now with the help of my Tiimo app and just the knowledge that I’m autistic. Having the diagnosis has reduced how much I feel like a failure at life. There are things I struggle with, sure, but I’m not alone and it has a name and hearing how others cope has been really helpful. 10,000 words thing though? Totally me! Thanks for another good video Paul 🙂
Haha, don't worry about that! As the Autistic Outsider, it's good company to have. At least once answers came your way, things made more sense! And have coping mechanisms in the form of apps too. Plus...home is sooo much better than whatever is going on outside of it 😂
Hi Paul, I am also a complete time freak which drives my wife mad, but I often will remind her of times that this has helped out such as driving to the airport and being caught in traffic, and would have meant a missed flight. I’m always the first person to arrive at work. I think for me being early helps me to get my mind in a good place as I would not be able to process things as easily if I turned up bang on time or a bit late.
Hi Jason, I relate to that completely. Outside of unforseen circumstances, I won't be late...at all! I also get to where I need to be earlier, the only time that varies is meetings/interviews etc. I'm close by but won't be there as I don't like the small talk the waiting can do whilst waiting for a designated time. Chances are I'll be in Costa munching a cake.
@@AdultwithAutism I definitely understand about the issues with interviews and meetings these can make me feel physically sick due to the amount of anxiety this can cause, when I think about this I think it is the reason that I have been working for the same company for the past 18 years as I don't like interviews, and also why I won't go to the doctor's as my mind tends to go blank on me and everything I want to say appears to vanish from my mind. when I went to my GP the last time about 5 years ago to try and get them to send me for a ASD assessment, I spent a couple of days before the appointment writing out the reason's that I wanted to go for this, if I hadn't done this I know that I would not have been able to convey my reasons for wanting this done and they would of fobbed me off with something like OH you have a bit of depression and anxiety take one of these tables twice a day.on this particular day I was prepared for any eventuality as after 42 year's I wanted to find some answers to feeling out of sync with everything.
I've started writing my appointments too for the same reason you mention. I get anxious for the short appointment, what if I don't say what I need, what if I don't get my point across etc. Interviews however...I've handed my notice in so I've got to get through some!
@@AdultwithAutism good luck with your interviews, I'm sure you will be fine,you always come across brilliantly in your videos which I'm sure you can do with the interviews 👍
Same boat. Same era, always never fit. Someone who is also on the spectrum. Dm'd me and said they weren't being mean..but they suspected i was on it. And i looked into and cried knowing..what it was. Didnt help in a great way, but a niceness in a way to know. Oh this is why im not belonging/fitting.
Nobody suggested to me, but I saw I wasn’t belonging and didn’t know why. Exhaustion was crippling as I got older. I had no idea it was from masking “normalcy” for everyone else.
I loved what you said about oversharing and it made me chuckle. Refreshing point of view! I've been accused of oversharing often. The reverse of oversharing is small talk. Based on your view, if I have to listen a lot to small talk (and I have, my entire life, very politely), the least the neurotypical world can do is indulge my oversharing. It's usually special interests that I overshare. The other problem is people who are impatient for you to get to the point! These folks don't want any details or backstory or nuance. They want results without process and are the ones who do sloppy or superficial work. I'm always anxious about time and am usually early. That makes it worse when people are late, though. I do see it as a sign of respect.
The impatience you speak of it the reason I do videos for as long as I do and won't edit them often. I also don't place a large number of chapters in, as I'm here for those who are looking to listen, not those looking for the answer without figuring it out along the way. Patience is most certainly a virtue.
Another great video Paul! The feeling out of sink is excellent! I have felt like that my whole life as well. I am definitely an over sharer. Especially about my special interests. And I am always on time! Actually I am always early! I have a couple of friends who are habitually late and even though I know they will be late I am still there early and still miffed😂. For work I am always at least an hour early! In 35 years I was late once when a truck full of magazines crashed on the freeway. It was 35 years ago and I remember it now🙃. Love the questions videos!
Hey Bryan, funny you day that, I was thinking of more things a as a sign of undiagnosed Autism in adults...and you saying about the magazines on the freeway, I've got down that some memories never lose strength or emotion not matter how long ago they were. You've just confirmed it 😂
❤ Thank you for sharing your answers to these questions. I found the answer to the third question very helpful. I do not know if I am on autism spectrum or not, but I do have an ADHD diagnosis and found similar experiences at my workplace. The advice of avoiding being the attacker feels so spot on. Again, I am super happy to find your videos and learn from your experiences.
Paul ❤️ I am a huge oversharer, always have been. People have used my vulnerability at a large cost but I still overshare. That’s on them not me. And time 😂 I am always early, never late, however the other people have never been on time. Just makes me want to pop a top off. The frustration is real. I’m grateful for your videos they make me feel like I e found someone that understands which is rare where I live. ❤️🙏❤️ Much love for you!
The problem with over sharing is the rumination and regret. I knew some chronically late people. First I noticed the selfishness then I noticed how they tried to fit in too much into one day. They couldn’t possibly have done all the stuff on their list so they simply disappointed people who were waiting for them. I don’t like it. Being on time is a matter of discipline and it’s polite.
I definitely walk away from some moment of oversharing and feel regretful, mainly in work situations as I don't have politics in me...if something is wrong, it's wrong, the excuses aren't my area of interest, I care about fixing the parts that are broken. But because I call out the source of the problem, it's like I say what others already know, but no one will say it...so because I say it, I am then the bad guy.
Often I overshare for the exact same reason! I don't want them to think they have power over me or that I don't know that they know. I'm a late person [with the adhd time blindness] I think it's because i don't have a routine for leaving the house, I have thought about getting together a to go bag, but once we get together I want to spend hours hanging out. My boyfriend has said he thinks he's spent years waiting on me. I do feel terrible, and guilt,and shame every time, and it makes leaving the house stressful for everyone. I though don't mind when others are late. A lot of the time I also have anxiety if in public about parking and what to expect to wear because I hate being uncomfortable/ cold/hot/hungry. Thank you for your waffling, welcome to mine!
I worked with a guy exactly like that with lateness, and he had a 'to go' bag for working away that just lived in his car. Clothes that were only for working away, and wearing in the evening...he also had signs EVERYWHERE. Not to remind him, but to settle him if that makes sense? The inside of the 'to go' bag, or suitcase for him, there was a list of exactly what goes into it before it's allowed to be closed and put in the car. A sign on the sun visor letting him know what else he needs, but only once the case is in the car (phone, wallet, keys etc). People thought he was an odd guy, but I was enamoured with his process and would bombard him with questions because I'm a sucker for structure!
I'm the same with lateness!!! 😭 The. Same. Unfortunately my best friend has ADHD time blindness and so I have to put up with her lateness all. The. Time
Being late... OMG you are so right. If a person can be consistently late, they can be consistently on time. I find it really disrespectful when people are late, sometimes they don't even apologize! My friends always know that I'll be early and wait in the car so I'm sure I'm not late! I live in a highly populated area so you never know what the traffic will be. If I'm not on time it must mean that I'm unconscious at a hospital. LOL
Like you I dislike lateness as well. Though not so much 10 or so minutes late, really late! Had a friend who would be 45 mins to 1 1/5 hours late! Did it back to her and she cracked it big time though I felt satisfied :D
In general people shouldn't do to others what they wouldn't want done to themselves. 1st time she was late we'd arranged to meet in the city at noon, takes almost an hour by train to get there so I leave at 11. She texts after 11 saying she's running late can we meet at 1. I'm already on the train!
Oooo, that wouldn't have sat well with me. Lateness in the day is even harder for me to wrap my head around as I don't know how you can fall behind when you've not been up too long 😂
Regarding oversharing: over the years I’ve noticed A LOT of people just don’t care. Time and time again, I’ve always had people cut me off or literally start talking to someone else when I was talking. And they accuse us Autistic people for not understanding social cues…😔
I typically don't overshare, as I feel like I am just insignificant, so that other person won't care anyway and I am unnecessarily taking that person's valuable time. With people close to me on the other hand, I overshare a lot. The most frustrating people are late professionals, like electricians, roofers or estate agents.. how long does it take to text "will be late x amount of time"..
I know that feeling. I know mine comes from not being listened to when it's important. So I end up talking less if I won't be heard, feeling insignificant! Any type of lateness outside of genuine unforeseen reasons really bothers me as its avoidable with better planning. So I share the pain!
That what they did in our school. If your different your a SPED kid. Being late. Im a weirdo about being late. But from what I see is my sis had ADHD and is never on time for anything. She has tine blindness. She trys SO hard but her brain doesnt work that way. and it makes me sad to see her struggle. (But tell them that the time to meet is earlier then it actually is.) When im late it's because of my diagnosis of DID. Theres Nothing i can do about that. But it hardly effects me lateness, but when it does man i hate it
I cannot tell you the struggle I have at accepting time blindness as a real thing. I watched a documentary on it and someone on it said time blindness has a simple sure...set your clocks forward an hour. That way you will never be late. The same dude said that if people are only late with time blindness, they don't have time blindness. So many people kicked off about that statement, but it is very true.
“Needing ten thousand words to say a ten word sentence”. Yes. And people really have a problem with that 😢
They really do. But if I didn't feel pressured when I get limited windows to speak, maybe I'd relax a bit more to find the words I need. The joys eh!
My husband is the same and feels overwhelmed with conversations where everyone is butting in and cutting each other off. For some it's the way of the world, for others it's pure chaos.
Oh I feel like the odd man out now - I actually struggled with punctuality for much of my life. Could be a combination of executive functioning issues, and fear/anxiety of leaving my safe space and facing a busy world of people. I hated that about myself though and didn’t know why I struggled with it so much. I’m better now with the help of my Tiimo app and just the knowledge that I’m autistic. Having the diagnosis has reduced how much I feel like a failure at life. There are things I struggle with, sure, but I’m not alone and it has a name and hearing how others cope has been really helpful. 10,000 words thing though? Totally me! Thanks for another good video Paul 🙂
Haha, don't worry about that! As the Autistic Outsider, it's good company to have. At least once answers came your way, things made more sense! And have coping mechanisms in the form of apps too. Plus...home is sooo much better than whatever is going on outside of it 😂
Hi Paul, I am also a complete time freak which drives my wife mad, but I often will remind her of times that this has helped out such as driving to the airport and being caught in traffic, and would have meant a missed flight. I’m always the first person to arrive at work. I think for me being early helps me to get my mind in a good place as I would not be able to process things as easily if I turned up bang on time or a bit late.
Hi Jason, I relate to that completely. Outside of unforseen circumstances, I won't be late...at all!
I also get to where I need to be earlier, the only time that varies is meetings/interviews etc. I'm close by but won't be there as I don't like the small talk the waiting can do whilst waiting for a designated time.
Chances are I'll be in Costa munching a cake.
@@AdultwithAutism I definitely understand about the issues with interviews and meetings these can make me feel physically sick due to the amount of anxiety this can cause, when I think about this I think it is the reason that I have been working for the same company for the past 18 years as I don't like interviews, and also why I won't go to the doctor's as my mind tends to go blank on me and everything I want to say appears to vanish from my mind. when I went to my GP the last time about 5 years ago to try and get them to send me for a ASD assessment, I spent a couple of days before the appointment writing out the reason's that I wanted to go for this, if I hadn't done this I know that I would not have been able to convey my reasons for wanting this done and they would of fobbed me off with something like OH you have a bit of depression and anxiety take one of these tables twice a day.on this particular day I was prepared for any eventuality as after 42 year's I wanted to find some answers to feeling out of sync with everything.
I've started writing my appointments too for the same reason you mention. I get anxious for the short appointment, what if I don't say what I need, what if I don't get my point across etc.
Interviews however...I've handed my notice in so I've got to get through some!
@@AdultwithAutism good luck with your interviews, I'm sure you will be fine,you always come across brilliantly in your videos which I'm sure you can do with the interviews 👍
Cheers Jason, I'll give it a good bash...the mortgage depends on it 😂
Same boat. Same era, always never fit. Someone who is also on the spectrum. Dm'd me and said they weren't being mean..but they suspected i was on it. And i looked into and cried knowing..what it was. Didnt help in a great way, but a niceness in a way to know. Oh this is why im not belonging/fitting.
Nobody suggested to me, but I saw I wasn’t belonging and didn’t know why. Exhaustion was crippling as I got older. I had no idea it was from masking “normalcy” for everyone else.
I loved what you said about oversharing and it made me chuckle. Refreshing point of view! I've been accused of oversharing often. The reverse of oversharing is small talk. Based on your view, if I have to listen a lot to small talk (and I have, my entire life, very politely), the least the neurotypical world can do is indulge my oversharing. It's usually special interests that I overshare. The other problem is people who are impatient for you to get to the point! These folks don't want any details or backstory or nuance. They want results without process and are the ones who do sloppy or superficial work.
I'm always anxious about time and am usually early. That makes it worse when people are late, though. I do see it as a sign of respect.
The impatience you speak of it the reason I do videos for as long as I do and won't edit them often. I also don't place a large number of chapters in, as I'm here for those who are looking to listen, not those looking for the answer without figuring it out along the way.
Patience is most certainly a virtue.
hey Paul fantastic video as usual, i really love your doing the three questions a very good concept
Thanks Gemma. I'm never saying my advice or point of view is the right one, but will answer most things if people want an Autism perspective 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism absolutely !!
Another great video Paul! The feeling out of sink is excellent! I have felt like that my whole life as well. I am definitely an over sharer. Especially about my special interests. And I am always on time! Actually I am always early! I have a couple of friends who are habitually late and even though I know they will be late I am still there early and still miffed😂. For work I am always at least an hour early! In 35 years I was late once when a truck full of magazines crashed on the freeway. It was 35 years ago and I remember it now🙃. Love the questions videos!
Hey Bryan, funny you day that, I was thinking of more things a as a sign of undiagnosed Autism in adults...and you saying about the magazines on the freeway, I've got down that some memories never lose strength or emotion not matter how long ago they were. You've just confirmed it 😂
❤ Thank you for sharing your answers to these questions.
I found the answer to the third question very helpful.
I do not know if I am on autism spectrum or not, but I do have an ADHD diagnosis and found similar experiences at my workplace.
The advice of avoiding being the attacker feels so spot on.
Again, I am super happy to find your videos and learn from your experiences.
I'm glad you like the videos.
Paul ❤️ I am a huge oversharer, always have been. People have used my vulnerability at a large cost but I still overshare. That’s on them not me. And time 😂 I am always early, never late, however the other people have never been on time. Just makes me want to pop a top off. The frustration is real. I’m grateful for your videos they make me feel like I e found someone that understands which is rare where I live. ❤️🙏❤️ Much love for you!
Thank you, and really glad you found them too. And exactly that...if people use your vulnerability, then that's their issue 👍🏻
The problem with over sharing is the rumination and regret.
I knew some chronically late people. First I noticed the selfishness then I noticed how they tried to fit in too much into one day. They couldn’t possibly have done all the stuff on their list so they simply disappointed people who were waiting for them. I don’t like it. Being on time is a matter of discipline and it’s polite.
I definitely walk away from some moment of oversharing and feel regretful, mainly in work situations as I don't have politics in me...if something is wrong, it's wrong, the excuses aren't my area of interest, I care about fixing the parts that are broken. But because I call out the source of the problem, it's like I say what others already know, but no one will say it...so because I say it, I am then the bad guy.
Often I overshare for the exact same reason! I don't want them to think they have power over me or that I don't know that they know.
I'm a late person [with the adhd time blindness] I think it's because i don't have a routine for leaving the house, I have thought about getting together a to go bag, but once we get together I want to spend hours hanging out. My boyfriend has said he thinks he's spent years waiting on me. I do feel terrible, and guilt,and shame every time, and it makes leaving the house stressful for everyone. I though don't mind when others are late. A lot of the time I also have anxiety if in public about parking and what to expect to wear because I hate being uncomfortable/ cold/hot/hungry.
Thank you for your waffling, welcome to mine!
I worked with a guy exactly like that with lateness, and he had a 'to go' bag for working away that just lived in his car. Clothes that were only for working away, and wearing in the evening...he also had signs EVERYWHERE. Not to remind him, but to settle him if that makes sense? The inside of the 'to go' bag, or suitcase for him, there was a list of exactly what goes into it before it's allowed to be closed and put in the car. A sign on the sun visor letting him know what else he needs, but only once the case is in the car (phone, wallet, keys etc).
People thought he was an odd guy, but I was enamoured with his process and would bombard him with questions because I'm a sucker for structure!
Or when they show up late and act as if it is normal (which it is for them) no excuse given, just late habitually.
That is much worse than someone who at least acknowledges their lateness.
I'm the same with lateness!!! 😭 The. Same.
Unfortunately my best friend has ADHD time blindness and so I have to put up with her lateness all. The. Time
Ive never heard of that! But at least they have a reason! 😂
Yup. Been there. Punctuality is paramount! 🙂
Being late... OMG you are so right. If a person can be consistently late, they can be consistently on time. I find it really disrespectful when people are late, sometimes they don't even apologize! My friends always know that I'll be early and wait in the car so I'm sure I'm not late! I live in a highly populated area so you never know what the traffic will be. If I'm not on time it must mean that I'm unconscious at a hospital. LOL
Absolutely! If someone is always 10 minutes late, then why can't they always leave 10 minutes earlier! 👍🏼
Was confused watching this video then I realised the chapters in this vid have the same titles as your previous video.
Hi, someone let me know and I changed them. No idea why it didn't save? Should be done now. But thanks for letting me know. Appreciated.
Like you I dislike lateness as well. Though not so much 10 or so minutes late, really late! Had a friend who would be 45 mins to 1 1/5 hours late! Did it back to her and she cracked it big time though I felt satisfied :D
Haha, if they don't like it done to themselves, then they shouldn't do it to others! But that's a LONG wait! Rather just rearrange! 😂
In general people shouldn't do to others what they wouldn't want done to themselves. 1st time she was late we'd arranged to meet in the city at noon, takes almost an hour by train to get there so I leave at 11. She texts after 11 saying she's running late can we meet at 1. I'm already on the train!
Oooo, that wouldn't have sat well with me. Lateness in the day is even harder for me to wrap my head around as I don't know how you can fall behind when you've not been up too long 😂
Regarding oversharing: over the years I’ve noticed A LOT of people just don’t care. Time and time again, I’ve always had people cut me off or literally start talking to someone else when I was talking. And they accuse us Autistic people for not understanding social cues…😔
True. If we share, it's too much. If we don't open up, there is something wrong with us. Can't win in some circles!
I typically don't overshare, as I feel like I am just insignificant, so that other person won't care anyway and I am unnecessarily taking that person's valuable time. With people close to me on the other hand, I overshare a lot.
The most frustrating people are late professionals, like electricians, roofers or estate agents.. how long does it take to text "will be late x amount of time"..
I know that feeling. I know mine comes from not being listened to when it's important. So I end up talking less if I won't be heard, feeling insignificant!
Any type of lateness outside of genuine unforeseen reasons really bothers me as its avoidable with better planning. So I share the pain!
That what they did in our school. If your different your a SPED kid.
Being late. Im a weirdo about being late. But from what I see is my sis had ADHD and is never on time for anything. She has tine blindness. She trys SO hard but her brain doesnt work that way. and it makes me sad to see her struggle. (But tell them that the time to meet is earlier then it actually is.)
When im late it's because of my diagnosis of DID. Theres Nothing i can do about that. But it hardly effects me lateness, but when it does man i hate it
I cannot tell you the struggle I have at accepting time blindness as a real thing. I watched a documentary on it and someone on it said time blindness has a simple sure...set your clocks forward an hour. That way you will never be late. The same dude said that if people are only late with time blindness, they don't have time blindness. So many people kicked off about that statement, but it is very true.