Rick is an intellectual, & it's quite delightful. You can tell immediately if you listen to one of his podcasts or read his books. He connects w the classics & has amazing recall & clarity of technical information. Rare nowadays--he pulls from a variety of disciplines & weaves things together. Always a fun ride!
I'm doing a lot of this work in the re-parenting from C-PTSD, learning to live as a child raised in healthy authenticity. I'm doing what I love, then training those inclinations. It's like waves of change which I actually find comforting.
Letting go has been a big struggle throughout my life. I’ve heard “just let it go” but never really understood how…that is until now. I am so grateful to you both. So clear, warm, understanding and supportive
“We most often get trapped by our strengths rather than weaknesses…” oooooh wow. Thanks, I felt that. Not the only thing in this helpful convo of course.
45:03 pleaaaase do an episode on self trust and being ok in yourself regardless of circumstances. I have really severe anxiety and have struggled with this all my life - focusing too much on outcomes, needing things to be a certain way, scarcity mindset, etc. when things aren’t the way I want it beat myself up and tell myself its because I’m not good enough. I often feel scared and not safe in my body. Would love to hear your thoughts on how to be ok with yourself and the way things are.
@@ForrestHanson I second this, I've found that fear of disappointment and past humiliation (due to my choices) has really hampered my ability to trust my decision-making/commitment. I tend to be very hard on myself, yet I feel I'm not getting anywhere! An episode on self-trust would be really appreciated!
Great episode. Today I decided to work in my art journal while I listened. I sketched and wrote notes that resonated with me about rumination and letting go. Thanks for another good one. 🎉
This was really well done, thank you. "The brain doesn't want to" is so simple, and yet profound. I've been struggling with this as my inability to let go and the illogical behavior of others has been deeply confusing. Really loved this.
Spectacular episode. It just so happens that last week I made a giant mind map listing out all the benefits of rumination! Now I'm turning it over to map out the costs on the other side. Even just acknowledging all those benefits was extrordinarly helpful. I've known for a long time that it's my parts (one in particular) trying bravely to protect me in the best way she knows how. Yet writing them all down was extremely therapeutic.
It’s like you’re in my brain trying to work out what episode I need to hear at exactly the right moment 😂 listening to your conversations brings me a real sense of comfort:)
This is so timely for me. I'm really good friends with someone and developed feelings for them and he said no (kindly), and i really want to keep the friendship. Thank you for this
Hey Forrest, Rick, I really needed this. I've been ruminating over something for the last few months and have been finding it very hard to let go of it. My impulsive reaction was to push back or avoid thinking about it, as if it wasn't a part of me, and I started forming an identity that ran away from certain aspects of my life. This episode gave me an alternative way to approach it and design a different identity, to move towards something instead of running away in fear. Thanks a lot! ❤ I made a thread about this for my Twitter and Threads feed, and I'll be sharing this in my newsletter with my subscribers as well. Thanks for everything you do.
Haven't even made it a minute in yet... And I'm excited to listen to this!! This is spot on topic for me, thank you!! I think I'm somewhere in the middle of shadow work (noticing, building compassion for, and integrating my shadow consciously as a welcome part of me), and somewhere in the middle of "the dark night of the soul" process, trimming fruitless vines off, purifying through intense heat and pressure, and the -ashes- portion of the Phoenix evolution. Pretty sure, not positive that's where I am. It's hard to tell, when you're IN it. This - letting go - topic is perfect!! Also, the episode you did recently with Miss Elizabeth on disorganized/fearful attachment... That was much needed as well! Thank you to both of you... It's extremely rare for me to come across someone who's experienced these attachment dynamics and as such, it is so extremely valuable, validating, and using the IFS lens to view things through was ideal to pursue integration. My parts are still pretty scattered and are not all communicating yet. Hard, slow work to do on ones own Thank you, thank you ❤❤❤ *big hugs to you and Elizabeth both*. That was extremely brave of her to feel open to sharing. I'm grateful, from the bottom of my heart! I hadn't considered that the relationship I have with my mom might be considered "enmeshment"... But now it totally makes sense!!! Mom trained me to meet her emotional needs, her friendship needs, her advice needs, even her need to show off new projects she's working on/new things she's proud of having bought. Question for ponderment: So, fearful avoidant/disorganized attachment with my mom. Mom displays covert narcissistic traits (no official diagnosis... Just my careful observation and analysis over a long period of time). Within the narcissistic family dynamics and typical roles, she enmeshed and relied on me, but at the same time, I played the narcissists family role of "scapegoat". Oldest bro is the "golden child" (I'm happy for him, and envious, but I dont blame him... He was "trained" just like I was. Love him, he just never experienced mom the way I did), middle bro was amazing, not sure what to call his role. the survival strategy he developed, since he tended to lose important things often, not wear his seatbelt, just a kind of careless, way laid back kind of guy, his self protection strategy was to use humor. His humor smoothed over any bumps, impressed and amused extended family (giving him more value in moms eyes, since he made her look good). Middle bro was the main and pretty much only witness of mom's rage directed right at me specifically over the years. I think this created a huge sense of unresolved guilt for him, contributing at least in part to his later addiction to heroin. I miss him. Wish I could have told him, it wasn't his fault. We were both kids, and indeed, it would have been bad for him if he had tried to stand up for me, to her. Sweet guy. He would come to check on me and hug me afterwards, once she was done raging and left me alone. "Don't tell Mom.." he'd say. "no, I won't. I'm just glad you're here."🤫🫂♥️ But why would, in theory, a covert narcissistic tendencied mother enmesh with the scapegoat? Is this typical? The mom's like "I need you to soothe me and reassure me, but then when I'm pissed off, you're definitely going to be the one I target as the source of my troubles" ?? To throw this in for consideration, my mom and were doing family counseling to "work out our issues" (that's the covert narcissistic part... where are wanted to appear as if she was trying to work things out, as if she was willing to change. Ha!) and the counselor that saw us both individually, and then together, told me (in confidence) when Mom wasn't there, that my mom has borderline personality disorder. I wonder if that has something to do with Mom enmeshing with the scapegoat? Idk. I can't quite make sense of this. Seems contradictory. Thx again!! 💚🌟💯✨
This episode is so spot on Forrest and Rick! I will definitely be forwarding to clients of mine! Love your continuous effort on helping others. Very grateful!
I’d be very interested to hear Rick talk about his perspective on aging. Anytime that’s ever come up in any of your videos it’s been what’s most interesting to me, as I am in my 60s.
I'm leaving a comment for the algorithm and I'll edit later with mu reflections. This has been wonderful since I've been ruminating *hard* after being broken up with by a person I was envisioning a whole future with.
✨44:17✨Love it!! Developing a faith in yourself that you are the kind of person that can deal with change. This episode reminds me of Lauren Daigle’s song ‘New’ when she sings “cos old habits die, when you wanna live, I don’t see the old you, I just see the new”
Is the ruminating (continued chewing of the cud 🐮😅) linked to an attachment wound? Are people who have access to a secure attachment less likely to fall into rumination? Also (just as important 😂), what is that philodendron growing on?🌿👀 Is that a sort of trellis, or a moss pole deal? Mine loved a moss pole but I did not, so it is taking a break with the growing accessories at the moment. The heartleaf philodendron in the back looks very full and happy! 😊💚
I stopped listening for a while. There was one moment where I was triggered when your dad told you “way to rally” you weren’t feeling well and you had never missed a podcast and even though you were feeling sick, you did the podcast. I know this is my stuff but I thought, I wish I would’ve heard your dad say it’s OK to miss a day. To take care of yourself is more important and make sure you’re well. I remember wanting to write something in the comments and give you that permission to take time off for yourself to get better, but those of us that follow you would be grateful for your health and to know that you would follow advice. I’m sure you would give others. Then I listened to one more podcast and heard another similar comment from your father and I couldn’t listen again so I’m just being brutally honest and then again I know it’s my trigger not the truth, but I just hope that you don’t feel so pushed to do this work that you don’t make yourself the priority. I look forward to listening to this one. It’s definitely something I need to hear.
Hey, I get that, and I appreciate where you're coming from. But I think it's important to draw a key distinction here. I showed up to work that day because I wanted to - doing so was consistent with my goals and values, and I'm proud that I did! It was mildly uncomfortable, but I was aiming for a bigger target than maximizing my comfort. Rick knew that, so he gave me some positive reinforcement. Here's the thing: if I had said "hey, I'm under the weather today and I'm going to pass on recording," he ALSO would have supported me. I know this because he's done that plenty; we've rescheduled more than one recording because one of us hasn't felt good. The validation would have been there either way, because he trusts me to make the right decision for myself and wants to signal that he has my back.
It's not quite clicking with me. I feel like there's a step missing between appreciating why the rumination is here (moving in to it) and getting the feeling of being the maker of it (choosing it). The benefits and costs are clear, but It still feels imposed instead of something I create and can possibly choose to stop creating. What am I missing?
The brain ruminates when it feels or realizes it's alone. When it actually is, alone. Certain types of people tend toward isolation, a protection meant to temporarily keep us from harm. Once this little brain is allowed to coregulate with another, suddenly the ruminations stop. This is why having a higher power (god) or at least a very wide view of life is so important. If I'm never alone, truly, rumination will never take me over.
Rick is an intellectual, & it's quite delightful. You can tell immediately if you listen to one of his podcasts or read his books. He connects w the classics & has amazing recall & clarity of technical information. Rare nowadays--he pulls from a variety of disciplines & weaves things together. Always a fun ride!
I'm doing a lot of this work in the re-parenting from C-PTSD, learning to live as a child raised in healthy authenticity. I'm doing what I love, then training those inclinations. It's like waves of change which I actually find comforting.
Letting go has been a big struggle throughout my life. I’ve heard “just let it go” but never really understood how…that is until now. I am so grateful to you both. So clear, warm, understanding and supportive
“We most often get trapped by our strengths rather than weaknesses…” oooooh wow. Thanks, I felt that. Not the only thing in this helpful convo of course.
45:03 pleaaaase do an episode on self trust and being ok in yourself regardless of circumstances. I have really severe anxiety and have struggled with this all my life - focusing too much on outcomes, needing things to be a certain way, scarcity mindset, etc. when things aren’t the way I want it beat myself up and tell myself its because I’m not good enough. I often feel scared and not safe in my body. Would love to hear your thoughts on how to be ok with yourself and the way things are.
This is pretty much our next scheduled recording!
@@ForrestHanson I second this, I've found that fear of disappointment and past humiliation (due to my choices) has really hampered my ability to trust my decision-making/commitment. I tend to be very hard on myself, yet I feel I'm not getting anywhere!
An episode on self-trust would be really appreciated!
@@thelouisjohnson I have the same problem
Great episode. Today I decided to work in my art journal while I listened. I sketched and wrote notes that resonated with me about rumination and letting go. Thanks for another good one. 🎉
This was really well done, thank you. "The brain doesn't want to" is so simple, and yet profound. I've been struggling with this as my inability to let go and the illogical behavior of others has been deeply confusing.
Really loved this.
I've been struggling with this one lately. Think you for covering this one. Letting go is hard for me
Beautiful. I cried involuntarily when Rick talked about choice. Going take a break before I listen to the rest ...
Spectacular episode. It just so happens that last week I made a giant mind map listing out all the benefits of rumination! Now I'm turning it over to map out the costs on the other side. Even just acknowledging all those benefits was extrordinarly helpful. I've known for a long time that it's my parts (one in particular) trying bravely to protect me in the best way she knows how. Yet writing them all down was extremely therapeutic.
It’s like you’re in my brain trying to work out what episode I need to hear at exactly the right moment 😂 listening to your conversations brings me a real sense of comfort:)
Gentle regard for ourselves in whatever it is we’re working through. You two brilliantly express your ideas with compassion and ease.
Thank you!!!
This is so timely for me. I'm really good friends with someone and developed feelings for them and he said no (kindly), and i really want to keep the friendship. Thank you for this
Hey Forrest, Rick, I really needed this. I've been ruminating over something for the last few months and have been finding it very hard to let go of it. My impulsive reaction was to push back or avoid thinking about it, as if it wasn't a part of me, and I started forming an identity that ran away from certain aspects of my life.
This episode gave me an alternative way to approach it and design a different identity, to move towards something instead of running away in fear. Thanks a lot! ❤
I made a thread about this for my Twitter and Threads feed, and I'll be sharing this in my newsletter with my subscribers as well. Thanks for everything you do.
Would love to hear more about self-trust!
Thank you. I truly needed to hear this tonight. What a blessing. 🙏
Haven't even made it a minute in yet... And I'm excited to listen to this!! This is spot on topic for me, thank you!! I think I'm somewhere in the middle of shadow work (noticing, building compassion for, and integrating my shadow consciously as a welcome part of me), and somewhere in the middle of "the dark night of the soul" process, trimming fruitless vines off, purifying through intense heat and pressure, and the -ashes- portion of the Phoenix evolution. Pretty sure, not positive that's where I am. It's hard to tell, when you're IN it. This - letting go - topic is perfect!!
Also, the episode you did recently with Miss Elizabeth on disorganized/fearful attachment... That was much needed as well! Thank you to both of you... It's extremely rare for me to come across someone who's experienced these attachment dynamics and as such, it is so extremely valuable, validating, and using the IFS lens to view things through was ideal to pursue integration. My parts are still pretty scattered and are not all communicating yet. Hard, slow work to do on ones own Thank you, thank you ❤❤❤ *big hugs to you and Elizabeth both*. That was extremely brave of her to feel open to sharing. I'm grateful, from the bottom of my heart! I hadn't considered that the relationship I have with my mom might be considered "enmeshment"... But now it totally makes sense!!!
Mom trained me to meet her emotional needs, her friendship needs, her advice needs, even her need to show off new projects she's working on/new things she's proud of having bought.
Question for ponderment:
So, fearful avoidant/disorganized attachment with my mom.
Mom displays covert narcissistic traits (no official diagnosis... Just my careful observation and analysis over a long period of time).
Within the narcissistic family dynamics and typical roles, she enmeshed and relied on me, but at the same time, I played the narcissists family role of "scapegoat".
Oldest bro is the "golden child" (I'm happy for him, and envious, but I dont blame him... He was "trained" just like I was. Love him, he just never experienced mom the way I did),
middle bro was amazing, not sure what to call his role. the survival strategy he developed, since he tended to lose important things often, not wear his seatbelt, just a kind of careless, way laid back kind of guy, his self protection strategy was to use humor. His humor smoothed over any bumps, impressed and amused extended family (giving him more value in moms eyes, since he made her look good). Middle bro was the main and pretty much only witness of mom's rage directed right at me specifically over the years. I think this created a huge sense of unresolved guilt for him, contributing at least in part to his later addiction to heroin. I miss him. Wish I could have told him, it wasn't his fault. We were both kids, and indeed, it would have been bad for him if he had tried to stand up for me, to her. Sweet guy. He would come to check on me and hug me afterwards, once she was done raging and left me alone. "Don't tell Mom.." he'd say. "no, I won't. I'm just glad you're here."🤫🫂♥️
But why would, in theory, a covert narcissistic tendencied mother enmesh with the scapegoat? Is this typical?
The mom's like "I need you to soothe me and reassure me, but then when I'm pissed off, you're definitely going to be the one I target as the source of my troubles" ??
To throw this in for consideration, my mom and were doing family counseling to "work out our issues" (that's the covert narcissistic part... where are wanted to appear as if she was trying to work things out, as if she was willing to change. Ha!) and the counselor that saw us both individually, and then together, told me (in confidence) when Mom wasn't there, that my mom has borderline personality disorder. I wonder if that has something to do with Mom enmeshing with the scapegoat? Idk. I can't quite make sense of this. Seems contradictory.
Thx again!! 💚🌟💯✨
It's always a grounding experience listening, thanks fellas. :)
Perfect timing thank you❤
This episode is so spot on Forrest and Rick! I will definitely be forwarding to clients of mine! Love your continuous effort on helping others. Very grateful!
I love the "fertile ground" metaphor, absolutely brilliant! Thank you so much for this video!🙏❤️
So so helpful- this discussion is GOLD. Thank you!
" ...if I could just understand it!" 🧠🤯🧘♀️🙏
I’d be very interested to hear Rick talk about his perspective on aging. Anytime that’s ever come up in any of your videos it’s been what’s most interesting to me, as I am in my 60s.
What a special, helpful episode. So much to take away & apply IRL!
Thank you…
Your hair looks really good Forrest...love it❤
Beautiful episode...and so encouraging. Thank you.
Thank you, both :) I'm excited for this one!
Great episode: enlightening! 😊
Love the new background! Praying for Forest
“Amor Fati” comes to mind ❤
Great episode! ❤
I'm leaving a comment for the algorithm and I'll edit later with mu reflections. This has been wonderful since I've been ruminating *hard* after being broken up with by a person I was envisioning a whole future with.
great ep!
✨44:17✨Love it!! Developing a faith in yourself that you are the kind of person that can deal with change.
This episode reminds me of Lauren Daigle’s song ‘New’ when she sings “cos old habits die, when you wanna live, I don’t see the old you, I just see the new”
Thanks!
Is the ruminating (continued chewing of the cud 🐮😅) linked to an attachment wound? Are people who have access to a secure attachment less likely to fall into rumination?
Also (just as important 😂), what is that philodendron growing on?🌿👀 Is that a sort of trellis, or a moss pole deal? Mine loved a moss pole but I did not, so it is taking a break with the growing accessories at the moment. The heartleaf philodendron in the back looks very full and happy! 😊💚
Only took until 2:12 for Rick's first "brrruup" 🙂
Interesting, fluid.
"... and it's like that in the brain. All kinds of weird shit is in the basement. The brain is a zoo!"
The F you was so healing
I stopped listening for a while.
There was one moment where I was triggered when your dad told you “way to rally” you weren’t feeling well and you had never missed a podcast and even though you were feeling sick, you did the podcast.
I know this is my stuff but I thought, I wish I would’ve heard your dad say it’s OK to miss a day.
To take care of yourself is more important and make sure you’re well.
I remember wanting to write something in the comments and give you that permission to take time off for yourself to get better, but those of us that follow you would be grateful for your health and to know that you would follow advice. I’m sure you would give others.
Then I listened to one more podcast and heard another similar comment from your father and I couldn’t listen again so I’m just being brutally honest and then again I know it’s my trigger not the truth, but I just hope that you don’t feel so pushed to do this work that you don’t make yourself the priority.
I look forward to listening to this one. It’s definitely something I need to hear.
Hey, I get that, and I appreciate where you're coming from. But I think it's important to draw a key distinction here. I showed up to work that day because I wanted to - doing so was consistent with my goals and values, and I'm proud that I did! It was mildly uncomfortable, but I was aiming for a bigger target than maximizing my comfort. Rick knew that, so he gave me some positive reinforcement.
Here's the thing: if I had said "hey, I'm under the weather today and I'm going to pass on recording," he ALSO would have supported me. I know this because he's done that plenty; we've rescheduled more than one recording because one of us hasn't felt good. The validation would have been there either way, because he trusts me to make the right decision for myself and wants to signal that he has my back.
7:48 identity shift
❤
It's not quite clicking with me. I feel like there's a step missing between appreciating why the rumination is here (moving in to it) and getting the feeling of being the maker of it (choosing it). The benefits and costs are clear, but It still feels imposed instead of something I create and can possibly choose to stop creating. What am I missing?
The brain ruminates when it feels or realizes it's alone. When it actually is, alone. Certain types of people tend toward isolation, a protection meant to temporarily keep us from harm. Once this little brain is allowed to coregulate with another, suddenly the ruminations stop. This is why having a higher power (god) or at least a very wide view of life is so important. If I'm never alone, truly, rumination will never take me over.