My Teenager is Lying
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- www.barbsteinberg.com
Why is your daughter lying? How can you get her to lie less? Watch this video to learn how to have these tough conversations and how to respond to reduce lying and increase honesty with a close connection.
My name is Barb Steinberg, LMSW. I am a teen girl expert and speaker, a teen life coach and parent coach who transforms the lives of adolescent girls and the adults who care about them with practical strategies, insight, compassion and humor.
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My teen girl always lies. It makes me crazy. Lies over everything.
I have the same situation even with things we are ok with. For example meeting with a guy. We explained her that we prefer the true and that it is ok if she meets with a guy that she like we just want to know to ensure it is safe. 😢 it is so difficult and make me so sad that she doesn’t trust us to tell us the truth😢
Do you constantly yell or scream at your child?
@@kingofkings69ner I don’t ever yell. Never. I’m too quiet and maybe that’s the problem. I’m too easy going.
I’ve tried over and over, the cost of lying the consequences. He doesn’t seem to care at all, he only cares about he feels. Doesn’t matter what I’ve tried, he still does it all the time. I do talk to him about how it makes others feel, he just hangs his head and feels bad for himself about everything. I don’t know what to do anymore.
This is the same for my situation. I don’t understand it!
I understand completely my 14 year old boy does it for the stupidest reasons, I took the phone, the internet, and the game. all he does now is come into the family room and watch tv with us. Sucks for him🥱 They do it because they think they have rights over who pays the mortgage, health insurance, etc. Parents always have the upper hand because we pay everything.
Lying 🤥 causes huge rifts in relationships. It is sad 😔 when someone lies but it is worse when they don't fess up to it or try to make you feel crazy. 😕
Thanks for bringing the message home so well and loaded with kindness. Not easy to practice but worth it.
I’m glad you found the video helpful.
It amazes me how much parents forget that their children are people and that everybody does it. Thank you for clearing that up.
I do wish I hadn't lied about my mental health issues as a teen.
I don't think my daughter cares. Caught her in a lie last night. The hallway smelled like grape vape. She was like we're burning candles and putting on perfume. She doesn't have grape flavored anything.
In the same situation with our 16 yo son...the lies keep piling up and it's even to the point where he's told mom "idgaf I'll just do what I have to do" revolving around seeing his girlfriend while grounded for other bad choices (vaping/alcohol) but even with these discussions he continues to lie to do what he wants. It feels impossible right now 😔
Ugh so annoying! I get it!
@@SEEKANDDESTROY717 he's at the point you just gotta let it go. If he's responsible enough to get away with it life continues peacefully. If not hell get a DUI and learn the hard way. Sounds like he's in real love, sounds like he's got nerves of steel. As out of line as "IDGAF I do what I gotta do" is that's a statement from a kid that the world will NOT eat alive. You've raised a man, most parents of boys raise overgrown children. Good job. EXCELLENT JOB!
Our milleneal and younger generations did not/will not come into the world you did. Parents deny this like Kennedy denied inhaling while simultaneously watching TH-cam on pocket sized super computers. If parents do this imagine what boomer bosses do?
Getting promotions and raises and keeping your job doesn't work by hanging your head and yes sir no sir anymore. In fact they rarely fire they antagonize you into quiting so as to save on unemployment.
You keep your job by "doing what you gotta do"
You keep your blood sugar from bottoming out by "'IDGAF' Im eating your a d***" ("no I'm not I do this to everyone") "ok so your a d*** to everyone" (taking about key holders not salaried managers)
You get raises by "your wrong I know how to do it better" (and then actually doing it better)
You get promotions by 90% asking and 10% earning and during the wait it's "ok whatever you say hahahahah" calculating how expensive the managers mistake was and informing there supervisor. (Warning: you'll need some experience and certification classes to do this one correctly)
And you avoid being killed by exhaustion by being good enough to still elicit a "h*** yeah ****** is here" but causing enough problems to get your boss mad enough to cut you down to just shy of full time. (It's not like most states offer decent benefits anyway)
Anyway your kid may have a hard knock or two ahead of him. But seems like you have him strong enough to take a knock and smart enough to learn from it.
And by the way you strike me as an otherwise awesome parent but shame on you for separating young love. Grounded is parental house arrest if you want him to stop sneaking out let her come visit even jail and real house arrest allows that
@@SEEKANDDESTROY717 what YOU do is pat your self on the back for raising a loyal lover that takes no s***
I will definitely try these strategies with my daughter
Great! Good luck, John!
@BarbSteinbergLMSW thank you, I'm letting my daughter sleep for another hour and then speak to her and her boyfriend , I wanted to do the comparison with letting teens stay outt late till 5 am should I do that
Thank you
You are most welcome!!
This doesnt acknowledge the lack of actual honesty that is happening with kids. They dont care because they know there is almost nothing parents can legally do to stop the lies.
Yes, teenagers know that parents cannot control what they say and therefore cannot control whether they lie or not. And the decades that I’ve been doing this work I would say the vast majority of teenagers actually really do care that they’re lying to their parents and they don’t want to. So the question for parents to ask is why is my child lying to me? What is she afraid of? Then see if we can address her fears so that she can possibly be more open and honest with us.
Dear Barb, I appreciate a lot your videos, they are really helpful. I am having a lot of problems with my 16 yo daughter to the point that her step dad and I are considering sending her with the grandparents, who live in another country 15 hour away, for a few months, I don’t want that because I love her and I want her with me but I am about to collapse. I really don’t know what to do to enforce the rules at home (go back home to the time agreed and let us know with who and where she is going, no lies), we can not ground her because she doesn’t follow the action. Could you please talk about what type of consequences that works for teenager that doesn’t follow any instruction? Or another strategy to promote following some basic rules at home? I have talked to her explaining how we feel and how much this affect our mental health and she said to understand but she is still doing it again. When I asked why did you do this her reply is “because I was having fun and didn’t want to come back” 😢 it is so painful to know. Please help.
Hi Gloria, thank you for your comment. I’m sorry that you are struggling with your daughter right now. I can hear how painful it is for you. This is a big question that involves a thorough answer… One that is hard to write in a single comment. My answer would be individually based on your daughter’s personality and your relationship with her. I would recommend a one on one parent coaching session with me. You can fill out the contact form on my website: barbsteinberg.com. I would also recommend the book “Positive Discipline for teenagers” by Nelsen and Lot.
Recently my daughter passed away and I inherited 2 teenagers, so my life and theirs suddenly changed. my granddaughter has learning disabilities and is challenged when choosing a college for a career. she has now enrolled in hairdressing and has had a couple of part-time jobs which she told me she had been fired from for no reason. today I met with a former boss who told me she quit. I felt really angry as I have been trying to boost her morale thinking she was feeling depressed about losing her job. I don't know how to approach her without her flying off in a temper. she is on medication for depression and anxiety. We are all still greaving on top of everything else I am an senior and struggling.
You can find excuses for lying til the cows come home. Emd of the day lying is a huge problem and they only do it because it works.
Am sorry I don’t understand how can a parent act angelic when the child is lying and they know they are in bad company and that’s driving the lying and other bad habits
My son is grounded, but while on winter break we allowed him to play the video game for an hour all he had to do was ask, we caught him playing the game without permission when all he had to do was ask! I feel I may have overreacted and broke the game!
Ask him why he was afraid to ask you. Usually it’s because they want to get their way and they don’t want to hear no. So maybe there’s a compromise there. What will he need so that he can be more honest with you? Great question to ask him and discuss.
So insightful and a much appreciated perspective that is definitely not so sonethibg I originally considered.
So glad to hear it!
I'm a seventeen-year-old autistic kid and I am trying to find out why I'm lying and why mom reacts the way she does when I do. As an autistic person, I genuinely don't understand a lot about human emotion and reaction, watching these help me get a better understanding.
Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. I’m glad to hear that the video was helpful.