@@carultch so all human relations are just a means to an end? In other words, they are all based on using another? If not, then why is marriage like this?
I adore men, particularly my boyfriend ... but having been married, one husband is quite enough trouble. 5 would drive me crazy. At the very least, I'd have to have my own bathroom.
@@alphabogeyman7462 She just LIVED with people who do EXACTLY that without violence, and you are saying what she saw with her own eyes is impossible. Because it goes against your preconceived notions. That is the worst possible attitude a human being can have towards the world. p.s. I know a woman in my town who effectively (not legally) has two husbands (they all share a homestead and have rules and systems in place to manage jealousy).
Great talk. Too bad so many people/cultures can't understand that it should be about what works for the individuals. Everyone is different and that's okay.
Looking at the comments, and considering what our media in the US generally teaches people, I am very supportive of more flexibility and less shame directed upon people simply searching to fulfill others with their love and thus enjoy life in a way that encourages and uplifts others to enjoy theirs also.
The vast majority of consenting human adults cross culturally define marriage as monogamous and that is no accident. Every species evolved a system that suits their biology and environment.
Kimberly, we are all human, created by one Being (Jehovah God). Who knows best what marriage is, because He authored and created it. We are not animals of ignorance.
@@lisacrowe1773 hate to break it to you, but there is no god... And even if there was: that you think that the God that you believe in said that marriage is between a men and a woman doesn't give you the right to force that believes on someone else.
As you have no right Alina to force your belief of no god. I believe you are correct, there is no god. Only "THE" God with a capital "G" as you have differentiated yourself. The heavens declare His glory as well as the marriage He authored for it declares His glory in the conception of a miracle (baby), Obviously you believe in this one and only LIVING God, for you made the distinction and left the proof behind with your usage of lower and later capital letter "G". A clock doesn't evolve out of nothing and neither did the earth and all it contains! There is a master Creator! 👑 God Almighty who reigns forever more.
I'm a guy in a long term polyandrous relationship and it's awesome. Similar to these folks, I often work far from home for extended stretches and it's comforting to know that home base is safe and sound and that my lady partner is not alone.
@@roberttraverso7352 Cheating is lying to your partner. Everyone in my situation is very aware of what's happening and the 'other man' is an awesome friend of mine. There is no betrayal happening, we're all very happy with the arrangement. Not for everyone to be sure, but there's more than one way to live, fortunately.
I just finished 26 months of service as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Dadeldhura, Nepal (Far West Region) and was surprised and delighted with how peaceful I observed people living in "marriages" that were often open and flexible. I came to Nepal in an open relationship and got engaged halfway through my service. After 2 years abroad I realized how much I don't understand monogamy and how crazy it is to assume that "marriage" has to mean "monogamy". Like she said in the movie...for some families it works very well...but that's the person's choice. As long as all parties involved are happy...why ask questions, or place judgement?
Sarah Anderson it is interesting. People's bedrooms or homes should be their business. Hope you are well taken care of and still content where you are now. I work with a man from Tibet in the US. He is a very calm, kind person and has the strongest work ethic. Family is very important to him. This woman helps me understand him and his society a little better.
The difference is they're doing this out of practicality in their will to survive, and not for pleasure. The men and women also don't commit adultery so they manage to stay in the marriage.
@@jullenettearteta9217 Well, pleasure can still be a part of a successful relationship. And, even if adultery happens, sometimes people do stay together.
This was mentioned before to some extent, but unlike Western thought, such marriages are more - functional... a solution to societal problem - limited land resources, etc. It seems that the goal of Western marriage is centered around the goal of - happiness and the wife / husband as a kind of status symbol and/or means to self-actualization. If such a system would even be considered in Western society, a HUGE paradigm shift would have to occur in the perceived purpose of marriage.
@@jopodevine Well maybe it should be, but the evidence suggest otherwise. Many families with children divorce and there are many single parent household (never married.)
It's amazing the amount of ignorant people on here making such stupid and rude comments. This is about a lecture on cultural anthropology and the polyandry culture of Nepal.
not the polyandry culture of Nepal in general.. just polyandry culture of a small village in a rural part of Nepal.. rest of country follows the strict rule of monogamy.. interestingly a certain caste group in Nepal believe that it's okay to kill his wife's lover.. or if the wife doesn't bear a son for him its okay to marry another woman (polygyny).. rest of the Nepal is still too patriarchal ..
@@watchgoose True, That is the curse of political correctness... You can speak freely, So long as your words line up with the ideas being pushes by the elites mega social media... All others are called rude, bullies, bigots, or prejudice.... Among other colorful adjectives...
Love this woman. She is smart. Been a marriage counselor for years. I agree with her. There is something seriously wrong with marriage in our society. I could write a book here. For some, not all, polyamory is the best pattern. Mating, any pattern, would work better in a small group of emotionally bonded people --- the group we evolved to live in. However, beginning about ten thousand years ago, male hierarchy wiped out the small human group and replaced it. Now with any pattern, we are all living alone and lonely, among disconnected masses of disconnected strangers.
Really? Why were vows created? And why have women always been rated as 2nd class within the purview of those vows? Why, until very recently - and still often, today - have women been considered as property, even within the confines of "Christian marriage'? "Vows" have always been about social control, mediated through proclamations of those vows made in front of peers who have been enculturated to the same beliefs. That's all "vows" are. They are culturally malleable, and anyone who has been around, like this lecturer, is trying to point that out. Personally, I like monogamous couplings, but 'keeping vows' isn't all there is to it; there is a larger world that impacts whether it is easy or difficult to maintain those vows - economic, environmental, financial and opportunity-based.
Interesting. Having lived in Nepal for 9 years, for caring lengths of time, I have had experience with this subject. The personalities of the different cultures come into play, and there is no one solution to the question of marriage and relationships. I enjoyed listening to this talk!
It makes sense why many places would outlaw polyandry and polygamy. Marriage is one method by which power (wealth/affluence/land/etc.) can be attained. So consolidation of that much power could potentially threaten institutional authority
The reference is not to ISIS (Islamic State in Iraq and Syria), also known as ISIL (Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant). The reference is to Isis, the most powerful goddess in the Egyptian religion. They changed their name to Adara recently. Adara is a star whose name means "maidens" in Arabic.
Yeah The US is... hectic, to say the least Our politics are a giant tangled mess and the social standards are extremely biased, prejudiced, and obsolete yet extremely solidified in the society Basically this country is a mess ._.
I really need 5 husbands ... my life would be so much easier lol ... I think one in each state ... California, Nevada, Arizona, New York, and Colorado... YAY what an awesome idea ! Lets see ... I need a lawyer, a doctor, an engineer, a stay at home dad, and a mechanic.
Wouldn't be great if we let consenting adults have whatever type of relationship they desired. For myself I would not want multiple wives because I would have multiple mother-in-laws.
@@jessicamoses2547 Excuse me... I was Mormon and you can do marraige by proxy for dead people in the temple. I never said they practiced polygamy in present day not sure who's post you are commenting on. Please learn English so we can have a conversation that makes sense. Thank you.
@@jessicamoses2547 What I said was a factual statement not an opinion. Mormons go to temples to do many things and one of them is marry dead people by proxy. I wasn't saying that it was bad, good, or anything in between I was just making an ironic statement that was based strictly on the facts.
Polyandry makes sense for older women whose sexual appetites and capacities increase as older men's decrease. Also marriages with small children suffer sexually because of the energy drain on the woman. A polyandrous set up could mean more and better sex for everyone.
Except reproductive quality decreases in women, not to mention polyandry is a terrible reproductive deal for this reason among others. This mating system is quite fundamentally only reserved for the lesser societies.
Sin makes life miserable...lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh and the pride of life. Sin has lured a lot of people and cultures into idolatry and adultery. Moral weakness became a lifestyle. Immoral has become normal. God is love and all relationships start with Him, that is why we need to repent to make life meaningful, fulfilling and complete...
I agree with this woman on the idea that we should not immediately react in a negative way towards open relationships, and that we should instead stay open-minded and tolerant. I mean of course respect other people's choices, but also to personnally stay open to the idea that we could maybe one day have a desire to try an open relationship, so that if it does happen (maybe it won't), we don't just fight this desire without even considering it. But I don't like how she explains what she saw, she says it like the west is all wrong and those people are all right. We must see the whole picture. The current system in the west is monogamy. The thing that is good in the west is that we promote marriages were both the husband and wife are in love and are choosing to be together freely. The problem is that a lot of people don't accept when someone chooses to have another type of relationship. It is a general problem, it doesn't only affect marriage, we kinda lack tolerance sometimes. There is also a bit of hypocrisy, some people would gladly have open relationships but won't say it. I generalize of course, the situation varies largely from country to country. Those people seem to be more free when it comes to relationships, there are more options available, but they also sometimes marry out of necessity, and not out of personal desire
I really like how flexible and open they are to different forms of marriage. Different strokes for different folks. So long as everyone involved is of age and genuinely had a choice in the matter (e.g. no coercion, guilt-tripping, brainwashing, looming threat of being shunned if they didn't conform to the group, etc) then whatever floats someone's boat should be no one's business but theirs. I personally can't imagine myself in a poly relationship, but if that's genuinely what you want and makes you (and your spouses) happy, have at it my dude.
I would want marriage and relationship configurations to be flexible. If a whole bunch of people fall in love, great! As long as everyone is consenting. If later they feel this isn’t working for them, yes I believe in loyalty and trying to work it out, but they shouldn’t be fearful of shame for leaving. Marriage shouldn’t be a requirement for lifelong commitment either. Only if the people in it want it to be. I wish for compersion rather than jealousy, flexibility rather than rigidity, love rather than rules.
Well miss McKay you needed not to have travelled and excerted yourself but just could have come to india and read the epic called mahabharatham. These are the holy books of the revered vedic people. In this text you will LEARN ABOUT not just one BUT 2 powerful women who are celebrated for FEMALE polyandry. One is Kundhi devi (the mother of pandavar)and the other is droupathy(the wife and the daughter in law of kundhi devi). These two women are celebrated for their polyandry as GODDESSES. THANK YOU.
I'd be really interested in how lgbt people are accepted or not in that culture, because a lot of it seems like practicality and family and business based, and not even meant to be love based.
It would seem the talk this lady provided was simply to "redefine western marriage" based on non-relational circumstances. The Nepalese lady simply said "without my husbands' I would not survive". It would seem her main driver is economic rather than desirable. The young woman we work in Africa say the same thing about their economic plight, they turn to selling themselves in a desperate need to survive. We dont say "Wow thats wonderful, you just have a wonderful way of living, it really works", we help them see that life is full of a lot more than their current problems and full of potential. Kimber might be an Anthroplogist but I would certainly not take her advice on socieology.
Wow! Interesting and thank you for the perspective in shining a wider light into the world where the only real difference is the location. Elizabeth Taylor at the age of 16 was found in similar straights that she had to be the aggressor to a thirty something man that later would become a elected President. So, does might make right, or just money?
I think you've made a mistake in understanding what the Nepali woman said. She said "WE are totally dependent on my husbands' skill for OUR living" Not just my own but OUR survival. The fact that she pointed out that they have very little land to distribute is absolutely correct. Imagine 3 brothers marrying 3 different wives have 3 sons each. Within just one generation that little piece of land will need to be divided 9 ways. But if 3 brothers have just one wife and she has a son from each of her husbands, and those sons go on to marry the same girl and so on and so forth, they won't need to divide the land for any generation. Also, these societies don't tend to have a high growth rate as the rate of reproduction is limited by women. Secondly, ancient Indian texts like Mahabharat (it was written 4000-3000 years ago and has been an oral tradition for far longer than that) mentions Polyandry for pretty much the same reasons as listed by this woman and also for same geographical locations in India and Nepal, basically hilly areas where there is an acute shortage of agricultural land. Thirdly, as an Indian I have met and talked with many Nepalese men and women. And trust me when I say this, these are hardy men and women. Many Nepali men come to India for work and while they are away their women hold the fort down. These women are no shrinking violets. They may be poor, the may be illiterate but they are strong, in character and physically. They don't choose to have multiple husbands because this means easier life for them, they have multiple husbands because this has ensured their survival for atleast the last 4000 years since the times of Mahabharat.
Let us ask ourselves why we've so narrowly defined rules surrounding crossing the road. In this instance, the narrow definition has everything to do with your best outcome of health and prosperity. Makes you wonder why marriage is also so narrowly defined and prevalent in one particular mode, hmm.
While a flexible marriage system is certainly interesting and less oppressive, it would probably lead to chaos in a large society if marriages are no longer secured units and partners are free to enter or leave. Environmental and practical considerations aside, psychologically most humans want to own one or more partners but rarely do any want to be owned as one of the many partners. This unbalance makes both polygamy and polyandry hard to work on a large scale, unless we kill off most men or most women. Just my personal opinion.
People are free to enter and leave marriage as they like in lots of western countries....not sure what this argument is. Breaking up exists. No fault divorce exists. Also, is chaos always bad?
Completely disagree. Men and women are made for each other. 1 man & 1 woman. I’m old enough to remember when this agreed upon by even the most liberal in the public sphere. Barack Obama ran on this in his first term. People should have the freedom to do what they want, but not all ideas and relationships have equal merit. (Now for the hate mail 😎)
what happens when marriages divorce, separation, a death and then they remarry? When kids are born out of 'wedlock' and the parent marries someone else? I'd assume the same thing would happen.
Stephanie Nunyabizness it is a set system right so there would probably be a solution that is most common? Of course there could be some variations. In my culture, the most likely parent to my children if me and my husband were to die would be my brother and his wife. If we divorce we would have shared custody if both of us are able to provide.
All marriages should allowed as long as it's not a marriage to children, can't marry anybody when already married, etc. You should be able to marry 1,3, or, 5, etc. consenting partner(s), etc.
*_If One Could Shift the World's Culture & Help with the Rising Population Growth, what would one do or charge?_* *What is your answer to the "?"* *My Answer :* Polyandry as the new norm 29.5%; straight-monogamy being like 20% of the population, gay / lesbian-monogamy being like 5-10% of the population, polygyny being like 1-3% of the population and about 37% staying single. Then switch to a more Matriarchal Society.
This is amazing and I agree with it. I think the way we look at marriage and relationships in general is too narrow minded. One of the reasons for this is because of religion. Christianity put in place this law that you can only be monogamous. And that's fine for some but what if that's not suited to other people. I feel that humans are so much more flexible than that. I feel that man kind has so much love to share. Why does it have to be limited to two people at a time? Why does so much negativity and shame how to put on the people who divorce because their marriage isn't successful? I feel as if marriage is an ownership not a relationship based on love and or companionship in which people love and care for each other.
@@chuckhiggins15 You or anyone really has no idea what god truly said. You only know what a man said in the bible has said what he THINKS, or so called "KNOWS" god said. To me, too many men just talking with their ego trying to be gods "mouthpiece" elevating themselves saying they "had a vision" blah blah blah. If I know men, thats exactly what one would do even back in the bible days. Men never change. Some good advice covered over with made up stuff. Think for yourself and TRUE love and you get love like the speaker was talking about not a closed minded "god" (man's idea) from the bible love.
@@MsAnchovey I agree. The bible was written by Jews. It is also full of multiple wives. If anyone ever talks to God I hope they ask much more important questions than this
Drivers' licensee expire, fishing licences do the same. My electrical licences must be renewed every 2 years. My daughter's nursing license same again. I would make the bloody marriage licence the same.
Are you kidding ? ! ? ! ? My $35 marriage licence has been good for the last 45 years. Should be good for at least 45 more. The best bargain ever! My dog had to have his renewed every year at a cost of $40.
I mean the whole concept of marriage is "forever", why marry if it's not supposed to be forever, just stay in a relationship and don't get married? And there's always divorce if the marriage doesn't work anymore.
It's possible to find a woman in need you wouldn't HAVE to marry, Lots of free pu--Y out there, Dancing is a good start Look at dancing with the stars. Try it buddy, take dance lessons.
All I know is that God created one Adam and one Eve as partner or help. This is why idolatry and adultery is a sin. Having many spouses is not God's idea of having a wholemsome relationship....
I find it interesting how angry some of the male comments are. Patriarchy has served some men well while it hasn’t served all of them. Of course it would be scary for some to have to share their women or have women who desire more than one man. This talk is just a suggested challenge of status quo and an anthropological discussion, not a hateful video. If women were more equal and capable of having what men have in this world war would happen less and more children would be treated well and educated. People should do what’s best for the people they love. If men and women want to do this they should be able to. Women only marry men in polygamous situations for support and money, not because they prefer it. It’s similar in these cases as well and should be treated as such.
Why it will make angry? It's just thing which mostly western women want to sleep around and don't want normal monogamous relationship. Not every men took advantage to have multiple wife.Some men loved only one woman in whole life. Don't take advantage of history to justify hoeness and your moral less life.
I have a boyfriend and a fience and we are very happy. I am so happy to see things like this being talked about, Love is love, if a relationship can be happy and loving with multiple people in it, why cant that be ok too?
Michael P You could also argue the prevalence of cheating is due to self-deception about their true desires and not having the character to ask for what they want and move on if their partner isn’t willing
It is amazing to be able to talk about this! "Normally" people can adapt easily to what is right for them unless the are afraid and though we are getting more accepting these days of people making their own choices.... we do have our own opinions that we try to hide. I'm not sure sometimes which direction we are headed.... forward or backwards????????
Loved this video, bravo! I think that if they get education could change point of view about considering being single too :-) Flexibility marriage into modern Occidental societies for me is about to find the right connection each other, being free and able to stand in a sane relation with others.
ONE WHO SEEKS THE OLD MENTOR AND THE YOUNG MENTOR BLENDS THEIR WISDOM TO GATHER FROM BOTH POOLS AND THEN BECOMES THE NEW MENTOR, LIFE IS ALL ABOUT SHARING ALL.
It would make sense that polyandry is rare among humans. A woman can only get pregnant by one man. Even if a woman can get pregnant by men instead of a man, then that would be very rare.
This is very sad. As the wife said they are limited in their options due to economical reasons. This is not about cultural differences but survival and poverty.
What a lovely talk Kimber Mckay.- I think that you are providing here with a very realistic and sensible optional template. Half the married population think and behave diametrically different to the other half ---50% successful marriages and 50% failures---, so why not consider different though responsibly organised predetermined options.
Very interesting and a refreshing look at the definition of marriage/relationships in contrast with our 'own' world that has been dictated by religion for many centuries and which is now our typical norm
After 10 TED talks, I can save everyone 3 hrs - don't get married and go into SMED core education. Get a job making above US avg salary, distinguish your personal time, stay fit, read weekly and find something (hobby, club or sport) that makes you happy. Daniel's TED talk - the end. Interesting fact: I watched 10 TED talks in a row always clicking on the first recommended TED Talks video. 6 from men about renewable energy, psychological tricks for motivation, reading and one about criminal code. 4 from women re-defining marriage - 2 from the approach of downplaying monogamy and one was just a general open deal.
I'm not sure how well these loosely defined marriage relationships would translate to western societies that have strict laws, and where wealth and possessions are a large part of marriages. In fact, most might describe this stuff as "interesting but irrelevant". Legal arrangements like marriage are not flexible, and would be difficult to legally define if they were. Surely those for which conventional monogamous marriage is not satisfying are still able to have relationships in the manner of their choosing, they just don't fit in with conventional legal arrangements. That's OK. Their possessions and wealth are no longer part of the equation, although common-law marriage recognition might interfere with this in some circumstances. Also, who has legal responsibility for children if parent relationships are fluid? I'm guessing that in their society, polyandry of brothers suggests the brothers share responsibility, particularly if there is no way of confirming which is the biological father, and if genetic survival is what matters, maybe it doesn't matter which brother is the father?
WOW, WHAT AN ENLIGHTENED AND COHERENT WAY OF LIFE AND BEING ! WE HAVE A LOT TO LEARN FROM THESE PEOPLE ON THE DIFFERENT WAYS OF BEING IN RELATIONSHIPS !
I am concerned about the entity of consanguinity among those villagers, i mean: polygamy in a 300 members village could mean a high degree of consanguinity which lead to low genetical variability and an overall less ability of survival, with the accumulation of genetic deseases.
I mean marriage in the West has only taken the Nuclear Family shape since mid-century. It's no wonder that social and economic shifts are causing equal changes in how marriage is defined ever since. Just coming from a queer perspective and who grew up in a strictly monogamous household, yet saw that marriage fall apart due to its foundation in patriarchal judeo-christian ideals, the ideals DID NOT fit my family and our needs. Despite not being really into polyamory myself, i see it as a reasonable and adaptive solution to socioeconomic issues in the west today. Can't afford rent on two incomes anymore! Though it is recieving pushback and scrutiny, I like the openness that is being explored around familial systems and marriage nowadays.
For the most part, marriage has been the bedrock for survival of these communities in many ways so the topic of jealousy is minimal but outside the circumstance of survival, it would be more monogamous largely due to the amount of time spent under an urban roof. If all the people in Nepal's northwestern Himalayan district of Humla are given supermarkets and office jobs like in Boston I am not sure the polyandry will thrive. Most things in life are rather conditional.
Speaking as someone who grew up in a rural area: that's not how it works. You don't need to put any effort into attracting someone when there's no competition. There are less than a thousand people total in one of these villages, and going to another village is basically impossible. There wouldn't really be a question about who each woman is going to marry.
The woman becomes a vehicle to bare children. It gets complicated because if the mix of men can only get fulfilment through the one woman, society and the environment has to be structured to support it as such. The religion or culture must preach the overwhelming power of women over men. In my opinion, testerone levels must be messed or none of this works ( reduction in men and augment in women). The question becomes, is a testosterone reduced passive male really a man? Is a testosterone enhanced aggressive female really a woman? What it is to be a man? What it is to be a woman? Let the cards fall as they will, everyone believes what they want, legislating these gender definitions will be very helpful to anarchy and kaos.
i can see that because of the geographical reasons that having many husbands have its benefits, but why isn't there a type that women get to choose husbands she loves instead of getting her husband brothers?
It is good to know that free speech is practised in Americas. However, these speeches are less likely to change the deep-rooted ideas about marriage. I see a lot of negative comments and a few appreciations. As Timber Mckay suggests, I believe, the marriage configuration template has to be pluralised.
That's probably the reason it is traditionally brothers. So at least some part of their DNA becomes their legacy, even if it is indirect. The truth is, you don't really know who the father is anyway, without DNA testing. Marriage doesn't guarantee fidelity, and you never know who or what your wife is doing when your back is turned, regardless of whether she is your wife, fiancee, girlfriend, or whatever you call her.
It is comical how an agrarian society on the opposite side of the world gives us license to say all marriages are historical. In reality, those “marriages” are arrangements to survive and are hardly related to the idea of romantic love in Western marriages. Yet, we will ignore those differences to claim marriage is historical which of course allows us to redefine it how we wish
So many problems would be resolved if we weren't so narrow in our culture: loneliness, interpersonal conflict (2 people arguing in a vacuum isn't effective) men and women understanding that love isn't about sacrificing happiness.
Different cultures/groups have rules, norms or "templates" that address the specific geographic, economic and societal needs of that group. However, you can not take templates that work for an isolated village in the mountains of Nepal, or East African tribe and infer that those could be applied to a completely different society. If Kimber's goal was to bring awareness to or garner acceptance of human's amazing ability to adapt to their situation, I would be all for it. But, she went further and (IMO) suggested that the west's current template should be broadened to include multiple-partner marriages. As an anthropologist, she should respect our society's templates.
Ghost marriage is mentioned in numerous religious text in Sanatan-Hinduism, in Epic Mahabharata the Kaurav's ancestor Bichitrabirya died even before putting a heir so his two wives were ghost married to a sage who happens to be Bichitrabirya's half-brother from his mother side and through marriage there came two sons who continued the lineages...
i think that polyandry wouldnt work in America it its near to impossible to find one man who can commit to a life long partnership let alone two or more
ibewcountry women usually are not the ones in this country abandoning their families. i have been divorced twice. the first husband started the divorce and the second one got violent. i have always been loyal to my family. my husbands never recipricated my loyalty.
meg nemo So, why is lifelong commitment being taken as a given if one spouse isn’t? You’re still letting a bias of what marriage is affect your argument.
Paternity uncertainty. While it is interesting that it was never brought up in this video, it's "apparent absence" in this ted talk would, in my prediction, not be reflected in a similar video about a society as complex and large as ours implementing a similar system Atleast it wouldn't be honest if its noticed otherwise
I think these polyandrous societies tend to also be matrilineal (not necessarily matriarchal). So inheritance passes through the mother, and therefore paternity is not very relevant.
@Gioia Grazia Fatherhood is a crucial fact in determining the future outcome of your genes/lineage, and it can be proven with a test so it is most certainly not 'made up', if as a male your seed is not created into a child you are a genetic dead end as far as the species is concerned. So yeah, for a man, biologically speaking, fatherhood is the most important part of existence.
@@WordsofHarmony I'd say women also see men as objects, and by a larger margin considering how many women immediately opt for the sexiest guys they find on tinder.
''There is a way that seems right to man, but the end do always end in death ,destruction and miseries for mankind. Whatever template we can think of, is usually short-sighted and we can see such manifestations all around us even as we are wallowing in it..........
ok so I'm from India and I've been to Nepal recently. Im into any "cultural anthropology" stuff but I've asked a lot many people in Nepal and a majority of em expressed shock when they heard about "polyandry' / 'polygamy'. One of em did tell me that yes there's a certain tribe that practices this kind of relationship. But for em this wasn't a 'normal'. Not sure if these people featured in these videos are being honest or just repeating what they were told to do so for the sake of her research / Tedx talk. O btw all those who think it's such indigenous tribes from some part of Asia who do 'polyamory' or polyandry' or polygamy stuff and these things are still new to western society, I got to point out that 9 out of 10 videos that I saw on polygamy / polyandry / polyamory were uploaded by a European or an American. I really couldn't understand what was the whole objective of this woman speaking on this topic. I've been following Tedx talks for quite some time and every other video that I've watched came with a certain moral in it. So what was she intending to say here? Have 5 husbands and that'd make your life better? That too in an age where people can't even have one successful relationship with one person.
Moral? That every culture is different, and we can learn from them all. If you talk to the rural people rather than tour guides and hotel staff you get a whole different viewpoint on a society. Your western-acculturated acquaintances pretend that there is no polyandrous societies in Nepal because they are ashamed of it. They want to be modern and Western, and you ask them about something that is traditional and not part of the lifestyle they want and of course they'll lie to you. Talk to a farmer who lives out in the middle of nowhere and you'll hear a different story. As she said in her talk, 70% of the villages that they surveyed in their area had polyandrous families. Oh, and poly societies didn't **used** to be foreign to European society, just the Church massacred them all out of existence.
It is practiced here in the U.S., these woman go as West-Pac Widows, and they are very loyal to their husbands, when they are home because the Eagle flies on the 1st. like clockwork.
the point the woman was trying to make, is "look different people are living healthy fine lives in a very different system". its trying to give people perspective. literally the first few minutes is about how she always thought marriage meant monogamy and how that changed after she met these ppl. there is no moral or agenda, just perspective, since most ppl assume that the things they know are fundamental universal ideas.
So when they transition from polyandry, who gets the children? Or how do they decide how to split them up? Children are very important in agricultural societies.
Actully polyandrous marriages happen precisely to address the question of children and how property gets divided. Lets say if 3 brothers marry 3 different women and have 3 surviving sons each, within a generation a small piece of land will need to be divided 9 ways. But if 3 brothers marry 1 woman and she has 3 surviving sons (it's possible that she got pregnant more than that but only a few children survived, the daughters leave the family while the sons stay). The next generation of 3 or 4 brothers can again marry just one woman without the need to divide up the land and work the same way their fathers did. The children all belong to the same woman, she cares for them and therefore nothing gets divided.
shweta gupta: I understood that. What I was questioning was when they transition away from the polyandrous arrangement. She spoke about that happening.
individuals decide to be happy together. Religions expect marriage. While the average US marriage is about 7.2 years I have been with my woman 8.5. So happy heathens over here. Its a shame that so many cultures seem to demand marriage as if it creates a better result despite all the facts showing it doesn't. Then again, if your sky daddy claims you deserve to burn for eternity for not going to a courthouse and signing some documents I guess thats on you. Well done to the other cultures Christians would consider primitive yet are socially better advanced than us.
Wow. Someone who came from a broken home who later in life tries to justify the idea of rethinking the traditional marriage concept. That's new. Seriously though, if you want to try a polyamorous lifestyle, by all means go ahead and try it. But don't come crying to me when it doesn't work out the way that you had envisioned, unless you're also going to give me the book and movie rights.
lisa beijne My 10-year-old daughter’s best friend lives a few doors down the street from us. Her parents are going through a divorce right now. So the next time she comes over to our house crying her eyes out, I should say, “Why are you crying over such an unnecessary social construct? Your parents don’t need to be married in order for you to have a healthy view of relationships.”.........Yup. That’ll make her feel better. ......Clearly you’re a moron.
The real question is can 1 woman satisfy 5 men daily. I highly doubt this seriously, most can’t even satisfy 1 to their liking let alone 5. How is this fair to them?
I am grateful for her presentation as it has affirmed some of my feelings, and at times frustrations with our society, and it's imposed rule of monogamy as marriage. I first began to look at marriage differently after I took a socio-anthropology course in college. This only further reinforced what learned.
Think polygamous relations are the coming thing? Type in "What Love is This?". A channel dealing with Mormon polygamy. Mormon polygamy is unlike anything you imagine.
Are you talking about healthy relationships or the toxic, unhealthy ones that the media loves to shove in our faces? If it's healthy, then what's the issue? If it's unhealthy, then yeah, that's not a good thing, but nor is a monogamous domestic abuse situation.
I agree with everything she says... But the US’s laws about adulterous actions (in certain states) would have to be rewritten and obviously the majority of people aren’t appropriately open minded and it would cause problems in action. Good concept for a clean slate.
My best guess is the vast majority of or planet is mognomis based on health issue for instance inbreeding and othere health issues. I wonder how these people eyesight is.
I dont think the vast majority of the planet is monogamous at all. There is much divorce affairs and many religions including in America that have more than 1 wife
Most marriages around the world are not for LOVE they are for SURVIVAL
Marriage is single client prostitution.
Fortunately mine is for love.
@Esmour Mayne Ok, substantiate your opinion and change my mind.
@@carultch 😂
@@carultch so all human relations are just a means to an end? In other words, they are all based on using another? If not, then why is marriage like this?
I adore men, particularly my boyfriend ... but having been married, one husband is quite enough trouble. 5 would drive me crazy.
At the very least, I'd have to have my own bathroom.
redheadinNC lol 😂
The truth is 5 men can't share one woman without an outbreak of violence.
@@alphabogeyman7462 She just LIVED with people who do EXACTLY that without violence, and you are saying what she saw with her own eyes is impossible. Because it goes against your preconceived notions. That is the worst possible attitude a human being can have towards the world. p.s. I know a woman in my town who effectively (not legally) has two husbands (they all share a homestead and have rules and systems in place to manage jealousy).
@@alphabogeyman7462 I would totally be down for that. I would take my 1/5 of time.
@@zacharyb2723 I don't see how I can stomach another guy going at my lady without getting angry.
Great talk. Too bad so many people/cultures can't understand that it should be about what works for the individuals. Everyone is different and that's okay.
Looking at the comments, and considering what our media in the US generally teaches people, I am very supportive of more flexibility and less shame directed upon people simply searching to fulfill others with their love and thus enjoy life in a way that encourages and uplifts others to enjoy theirs also.
If you're very rich or very poor you can have multiple lovers. Situational flexibility.
Great talk, marriage should be defined by the consenting adults getting married. Everyone is different.
Not sure if I could survive a 2nd wife.
The vast majority of consenting human adults cross culturally define marriage as monogamous and that is no accident. Every species evolved a system that suits their biology and environment.
Kimberly, we are all human, created by one Being (Jehovah God). Who knows best what marriage is, because He authored and created it. We are not animals of ignorance.
@@lisacrowe1773 hate to break it to you, but there is no god... And even if there was: that you think that the God that you believe in said that marriage is between a men and a woman doesn't give you the right to force that believes on someone else.
As you have no right Alina to force your belief of no god. I believe you are correct, there is no god. Only "THE" God with a capital "G" as you have differentiated yourself. The heavens declare His glory as well as the marriage He authored for it declares His glory in the conception of a miracle (baby), Obviously you believe in this one and only LIVING God, for you made the distinction and left the proof behind with your usage of lower and later capital letter "G". A clock doesn't evolve out of nothing and neither did the earth and all it contains! There is a master Creator! 👑 God Almighty who reigns forever more.
I'm a guy in a long term polyandrous relationship and it's awesome. Similar to these folks, I often work far from home for extended stretches and it's comforting to know that home base is safe and sound and that my lady partner is not alone.
While cheating on you with another man. Cold comfort.
@@roberttraverso7352 Cheating is lying to your partner. Everyone in my situation is very aware of what's happening and the 'other man' is an awesome friend of mine. There is no betrayal happening, we're all very happy with the arrangement. Not for everyone to be sure, but there's more than one way to live, fortunately.
@@DscntnuousMgntic So you know your wife is betraying your marriage vows and your human emotion of jealousy is not working. Better you than me.
Are you monogamous?
@@DscntnuousMgntic Enjoy being a guest on Maury's show. Because polyandry causes paternity disputes.
I just finished 26 months of service as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Dadeldhura, Nepal (Far West Region) and was surprised and delighted with how peaceful I observed people living in "marriages" that were often open and flexible. I came to Nepal in an open relationship and got engaged halfway through my service. After 2 years abroad I realized how much I don't understand monogamy and how crazy it is to assume that "marriage" has to mean "monogamy". Like she said in the movie...for some families it works very well...but that's the person's choice. As long as all parties involved are happy...why ask questions, or place judgement?
Sarah Anderson it is interesting. People's bedrooms or homes should be their business. Hope you are well taken care of and still content where you are now. I work with a man from Tibet in the US. He is a very calm, kind person and has the strongest work ethic. Family is very important to him. This woman helps me understand him and his society a little better.
That's exactly the bar/club mentality, happy, happy, happy... even in the parking lot.
The difference is they're doing this out of practicality in their will to survive, and not for pleasure. The men and women also don't commit adultery so they manage to stay in the marriage.
@@jullenettearteta9217 Well, pleasure can still be a part of a successful relationship. And, even if adultery happens, sometimes people do stay together.
True..... if it works for you... go for it...
But five husbands is not for me....lol
with children... to much 4 me....
This was mentioned before to some extent, but unlike Western thought, such marriages are more - functional... a solution to societal problem - limited land resources, etc. It seems that the goal of Western marriage is centered around the goal of - happiness and the wife / husband as a kind of status symbol and/or means to self-actualization.
If such a system would even be considered in Western society, a HUGE paradigm shift would have to occur in the perceived purpose of marriage.
Monogamy is not just limited to Western society but is most prevalent in most successful societies our species with few atypical exceptions.
The goal of western marriage isn't centered around happiness, it's centered around raising children.
@@jopodevine Well maybe it should be, but the evidence suggest otherwise. Many families with children divorce and there are many single parent household (never married.)
It's more than a paradigm shift. You'd have to go back to living in a mainly rural environment.
In the Amazon women have 2 husbands 1 old and wise 1 young and well not wise. 1 stays home 1 goes hunting. Best of both worlds
I have never heard of that,but oh well.
@@arturoacosta6583
You're insane
Yes
It's amazing the amount of ignorant people on here making such stupid and rude comments. This is about a lecture on cultural anthropology and the polyandry culture of Nepal.
not the polyandry culture of Nepal in general.. just polyandry culture of a small village in a rural part of Nepal.. rest of country follows the strict rule of monogamy.. interestingly a certain caste group in Nepal believe that it's okay to kill his wife's lover.. or if the wife doesn't bear a son for him its okay to marry another woman (polygyny).. rest of the Nepal is still too patriarchal ..
susan c
Thank you for filling us in
just because someone has an opinion different from yours doesn't make them rude.
@@watchgoose
True,
That is the curse of political correctness...
You can speak freely, So long as your words line up with the ideas being pushes by the elites mega social media...
All others are called rude, bullies, bigots, or prejudice....
Among other colorful adjectives...
Love this woman. She is smart. Been a marriage counselor for years. I agree with her. There is something seriously wrong with marriage in our society. I could write a book here. For some, not all, polyamory is the best pattern. Mating, any pattern, would work better in a small group of emotionally bonded people --- the group we evolved to live in. However, beginning about ten thousand years ago, male hierarchy wiped out the small human group and replaced it. Now with any pattern, we are all living alone and lonely, among disconnected masses of disconnected strangers.
What's wrong with marriage in our society is that people aren't attending to their vows, said before God and a company of people.
watchgoose Well said. The above video and comments are just excuses to be unfaithful.
watchgoose small minded are we?
Really? Why were vows created? And why have women always been rated as 2nd class within the purview of those vows? Why, until very recently - and still often, today - have women been considered as property, even within the confines of "Christian marriage'? "Vows" have always been about social control, mediated through proclamations of those vows made in front of peers who have been enculturated to the same beliefs. That's all "vows" are. They are culturally malleable, and anyone who has been around, like this lecturer, is trying to point that out.
Personally, I like monogamous couplings, but 'keeping vows' isn't all there is to it; there is a larger world that impacts whether it is easy or difficult to maintain those vows - economic, environmental, financial and opportunity-based.
@@chuckhiggins15 ya wished.
Interesting. Having lived in Nepal for 9 years, for caring lengths of time, I have had experience with this subject. The personalities of the different cultures come into play, and there is no one solution to the question of marriage and relationships. I enjoyed listening to this talk!
Varying lengths of time
It makes sense why many places would outlaw polyandry and polygamy. Marriage is one method by which power (wealth/affluence/land/etc.) can be attained. So consolidation of that much power could potentially threaten institutional authority
Lol. The societies where polygamy is present are the most violent/poorest.
Institutional authority should be threatened and altered when that authority no longer serves its constituents.
He or she is. Guiltly or not.... Husband cheats Wife cheats. Let's just live us some lives judgment should rain if you feel bad not when you love!
makes sense
The ISIS foundation? That name didn’t age well
JiP the Chip Archer had the same issue 😂
There is possibility a reason for that.
ISIS is another organization that believes in one man many wives.
The reference is not to ISIS (Islamic State in Iraq and Syria), also known as ISIL (Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant). The reference is to Isis, the most powerful goddess in the Egyptian religion. They changed their name to Adara recently. Adara is a star whose name means "maidens" in Arabic.
Also the river Isis in Oxford. There used to be a car called the Morris Isis. This was built in Oxford.
I am all 5 of my wife's men. The police man, the pilot, the military man, the Zorro, and Me. 👍😉
🙌🏽🌈
Reference to multiple peronalities?
@@historychannel2317 yeah, kind of. Whatever her fetish, I aim to please her.
What a breath of fresh air it would be for our country to experience the kind of tolerance those Nepalese villagers enjoy and share with each other.
Think the other way around.... There wife can't excuse so many times for headache...
LOL! Well a woman married to numerous husbands has to learn that is not acceptable, except on rare occasions.
This "tolerance" is not even accepted by the rest of Nepal, which has evolved as monogamous like the majority of the human race.
@@roberttraverso7352 yeah, monogamy has "evolved" so successfully 😂
Yeah
The US is... hectic, to say the least
Our politics are a giant tangled mess and the social standards are extremely biased, prejudiced, and obsolete yet extremely solidified in the society
Basically this country is a mess ._.
Why are we always trying to westernize other cultures?
I know like shame on us.... We are so wrong....
How is this trying to westernize them? She was just trying to understand them. (Although I'm not saying there haven't been plenty of other examples.)
5 Spades is a full house poker.
5 husbands? sign me up! But I would be the only wife!!!!
I'll be one of the 5!
😂
I think Its about responsibility. I think its hard to Responsible for 1 husband, but for 5 husband I think it's even harder..
Amazing! My Utopia: a world where people can love (with honesty) anyway they feel like and are accepted by others. Embrace the difference! :)
I really need 5 husbands ... my life would be so much easier lol ... I think one in each state ... California, Nevada, Arizona, New York, and Colorado... YAY what an awesome idea ! Lets see ... I need a lawyer, a doctor, an engineer, a stay at home dad, and a mechanic.
Nailed it
sorted.😂
what the hill you are talking about you are not an animal to deal with five husband and with who you will going to make love
Yaaaasssss!! I need to work on making this happen for myself.
Ivana Chuljak-Cribb amen!
Wouldn't be great if we let consenting adults have whatever type of relationship they desired. For myself I would not want multiple wives because I would have multiple mother-in-laws.
😂
That's actually very funny brother.
Mormons ... It's okay to marry ghosts, but not two men ...
You seem to be uninformed. While they practiced polygamy over 150 years ago, they no longer do, and certainly don't get married to dead people.
@@jessicamoses2547 Excuse me... I was Mormon and you can do marraige by proxy for dead people in the temple. I never said they practiced polygamy in present day not sure who's post you are commenting on. Please learn English so we can have a conversation that makes sense. Thank you.
@@jessicamoses2547 What I said was a factual statement not an opinion. Mormons go to temples to do many things and one of them is marry dead people by proxy. I wasn't saying that it was bad, good, or anything in between I was just making an ironic statement that was based strictly on the facts.
🤣
Jessica Moses I think they still do especially in Utah. Mormons also force minors to marry old men and they tell them that God said so
Polyandry makes sense for older women whose sexual appetites and capacities increase as older men's decrease. Also marriages with small children suffer sexually because of the energy drain on the woman. A polyandrous set up could mean more and better sex for everyone.
Barb Thornell hi
Hi back Navin. I haven't been on here in awhile...
Except reproductive quality decreases in women, not to mention polyandry is a terrible reproductive deal for this reason among others. This mating system is quite fundamentally only reserved for the lesser societies.
you are so hot women
Navin Nair ha!
Sin makes life miserable...lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh and the pride of life. Sin has lured a lot of people and cultures into idolatry and adultery. Moral weakness became a lifestyle. Immoral has become normal. God is love and all relationships start with Him, that is why we need to repent to make life meaningful, fulfilling and complete...
I would like to stay single.
I agree with this woman on the idea that we should not immediately react in a negative way towards open relationships, and that we should instead stay open-minded and tolerant. I mean of course respect other people's choices, but also to personnally stay open to the idea that we could maybe one day have a desire to try an open relationship, so that if it does happen (maybe it won't), we don't just fight this desire without even considering it. But I don't like how she explains what she saw, she says it like the west is all wrong and those people are all right. We must see the whole picture. The current system in the west is monogamy. The thing that is good in the west is that we promote marriages were both the husband and wife are in love and are choosing to be together freely. The problem is that a lot of people don't accept when someone chooses to have another type of relationship. It is a general problem, it doesn't only affect marriage, we kinda lack tolerance sometimes. There is also a bit of hypocrisy, some people would gladly have open relationships but won't say it. I generalize of course, the situation varies largely from country to country. Those people seem to be more free when it comes to relationships, there are more options available, but they also sometimes marry out of necessity, and not out of personal desire
5 husbands sounds great: one dad for each child(ren), and more resources, help and the like.
Yes that's great
I really like how flexible and open they are to different forms of marriage. Different strokes for different folks. So long as everyone involved is of age and genuinely had a choice in the matter (e.g. no coercion, guilt-tripping, brainwashing, looming threat of being shunned if they didn't conform to the group, etc) then whatever floats someone's boat should be no one's business but theirs. I personally can't imagine myself in a poly relationship, but if that's genuinely what you want and makes you (and your spouses) happy, have at it my dude.
PaddySnuffles That is how I felt watching this too.
To me marrying more than 1 person is weird but as long as no one is hurt or abused and everyone consents to it im fine with it
I would want marriage and relationship configurations to be flexible. If a whole bunch of people fall in love, great! As long as everyone is consenting. If later they feel this isn’t working for them, yes I believe in loyalty and trying to work it out, but they shouldn’t be fearful of shame for leaving. Marriage shouldn’t be a requirement for lifelong commitment either. Only if the people in it want it to be. I wish for compersion rather than jealousy, flexibility rather than rigidity, love rather than rules.
But there are limited number of men. So if a women has 5 men that means four women do not have a man. What would those four women do ?
Well miss McKay you needed not to have travelled and excerted yourself but just could have come to india and read the epic called mahabharatham. These are the holy books of the revered vedic people. In this text you will LEARN ABOUT not just one BUT 2 powerful women who are celebrated for FEMALE polyandry. One is Kundhi devi (the mother of pandavar)and the other is droupathy(the wife and the daughter in law of kundhi devi). These two women are celebrated for their polyandry as GODDESSES. THANK YOU.
I'd be really interested in how lgbt people are accepted or not in that culture, because a lot of it seems like practicality and family and business based, and not even meant to be love based.
It would seem the talk this lady provided was simply to "redefine western marriage" based on non-relational circumstances. The Nepalese lady simply said "without my husbands' I would not survive". It would seem her main driver is economic rather than desirable. The young woman we work in Africa say the same thing about their economic plight, they turn to selling themselves in a desperate need to survive. We dont say "Wow thats wonderful, you just have a wonderful way of living, it really works", we help them see that life is full of a lot more than their current problems and full of potential. Kimber might be an Anthroplogist but I would certainly not take her advice on socieology.
Wow! Interesting and thank you for the perspective in shining a wider light into the world where the only real difference is the location. Elizabeth Taylor at the age of 16 was found in similar straights that she had to be the aggressor to a thirty something man that later would become a elected President. So, does might make right, or just money?
I think you've made a mistake in understanding what the Nepali woman said. She said "WE are totally dependent on my husbands' skill for OUR living" Not just my own but OUR survival. The fact that she pointed out that they have very little land to distribute is absolutely correct. Imagine 3 brothers marrying 3 different wives have 3 sons each. Within just one generation that little piece of land will need to be divided 9 ways. But if 3 brothers have just one wife and she has a son from each of her husbands, and those sons go on to marry the same girl and so on and so forth, they won't need to divide the land for any generation. Also, these societies don't tend to have a high growth rate as the rate of reproduction is limited by women.
Secondly, ancient Indian texts like Mahabharat (it was written 4000-3000 years ago and has been an oral tradition for far longer than that) mentions Polyandry for pretty much the same reasons as listed by this woman and also for same geographical locations in India and Nepal, basically hilly areas where there is an acute shortage of agricultural land.
Thirdly, as an Indian I have met and talked with many Nepalese men and women. And trust me when I say this, these are hardy men and women. Many Nepali men come to India for work and while they are away their women hold the fort down. These women are no shrinking violets. They may be poor, the may be illiterate but they are strong, in character and physically. They don't choose to have multiple husbands because this means easier life for them, they have multiple husbands because this has ensured their survival for atleast the last 4000 years since the times of Mahabharat.
Allan Hutton - I don't believe she was offering any advice
Let us ask ourselves why we've so narrowly defined rules surrounding crossing the road.
In this instance, the narrow definition has everything to do with your best outcome of health and prosperity.
Makes you wonder why marriage is also so narrowly defined and prevalent in one particular mode, hmm.
This lacks nuance. Please expand if possible.
I don't even want to put up with my current husband anymore and I definitely don't want more than 1 of them.
Lol Marriage can be hard
While a flexible marriage system is certainly interesting and less oppressive, it would probably lead to chaos in a large society if marriages are no longer secured units and partners are free to enter or leave. Environmental and practical considerations aside, psychologically most humans want to own one or more partners but rarely do any want to be owned as one of the many partners. This unbalance makes both polygamy and polyandry hard to work on a large scale, unless we kill off most men or most women. Just my personal opinion.
People are free to enter and leave marriage as they like in lots of western countries....not sure what this argument is. Breaking up exists. No fault divorce exists. Also, is chaos always bad?
Completely disagree. Men and women are made for each other. 1 man & 1 woman. I’m old enough to remember when this agreed upon by even the most liberal in the public sphere. Barack Obama ran on this in his first term. People should have the freedom to do what they want, but not all ideas and relationships have equal merit. (Now for the hate mail 😎)
Such a great talk! But what happens with the children if they go from multiple husbands to monogamy?
what happens when marriages divorce, separation, a death and then they remarry? When kids are born out of 'wedlock' and the parent marries someone else? I'd assume the same thing would happen.
Stephanie Nunyabizness it is a set system right so there would probably be a solution that is most common? Of course there could be some variations. In my culture, the most likely parent to my children if me and my husband were to die would be my brother and his wife. If we divorce we would have shared custody if both of us are able to provide.
@@jojomojo6569 in case of suuuch things there will be more people to help figure it out, not less
All marriages should allowed as long as it's not a marriage to children, can't marry anybody when already married, etc. You should be able to marry 1,3, or, 5, etc. consenting partner(s), etc.
*_If One Could Shift the World's Culture & Help with the Rising Population Growth, what would one do or charge?_*
*What is your answer to the "?"*
*My Answer :* Polyandry as the new norm 29.5%; straight-monogamy being like 20% of the population, gay / lesbian-monogamy being like 5-10% of the population, polygyny being like 1-3% of the population and about 37% staying single. Then switch to a more Matriarchal Society.
Well, population growth isn’t that big of an issue any more
I got lost at 29.5%.
Better enforced condoms.
This is amazing and I agree with it. I think the way we look at marriage and relationships in general is too narrow minded. One of the reasons for this is because of religion. Christianity put in place this law that you can only be monogamous. And that's fine for some but what if that's not suited to other people. I feel that humans are so much more flexible than that. I feel that man kind has so much love to share. Why does it have to be limited to two people at a time? Why does so much negativity and shame how to put on the people who divorce because their marriage isn't successful? I feel as if marriage is an ownership not a relationship based on love and or companionship in which people love and care for each other.
Dandelions in the wind I don't think that Christian always limit life monogamy
GOD said one at a time.
@@chuckhiggins15
You or anyone really has no idea what god truly said. You only know what a man said in the bible has said what he THINKS, or so called "KNOWS" god said. To me, too many men just talking with their ego trying to be gods "mouthpiece" elevating themselves saying they "had a vision" blah blah blah. If I know men, thats exactly what one would do even back in the bible days. Men never change. Some good advice covered over with made up stuff. Think for yourself and TRUE love and you get love like the speaker was talking about not a closed minded "god" (man's idea) from the bible love.
You don't understand marriage.
@@MsAnchovey I agree. The bible was written by Jews. It is also full of multiple wives. If anyone ever talks to God I hope they ask much more important questions than this
Drivers' licensee expire, fishing licences do the same. My electrical licences must be renewed every 2 years. My daughter's nursing license same again. I would make the bloody marriage licence the same.
Are you kidding ? ! ? ! ? My $35 marriage licence has been good for the last 45 years. Should be good for at least 45 more. The best bargain ever! My dog had to have his renewed every year at a cost of $40.
Isn't that the point of divorce ? Being able to put an end to an union if it doesnt work anymore ?
I mean the whole concept of marriage is "forever", why marry if it's not supposed to be forever, just stay in a relationship and don't get married? And there's always divorce if the marriage doesn't work anymore.
58, never married, & simply happier after trying to use this complicated method :) .
It's possible to find a woman in need you wouldn't HAVE to marry, Lots of free pu--Y out there, Dancing is a good start Look at dancing with the stars. Try it buddy, take dance lessons.
@@chuckhiggins15Most people do not marry just for pu--Y.
@@sonjak8265 what is pu-Y?
@@clairebearie87 google it
All I know is that God created one Adam and one Eve as partner or help. This is why idolatry and adultery is a sin. Having many spouses is not God's idea of having a wholemsome relationship....
I find it interesting how angry some of the male comments are. Patriarchy has served some men well while it hasn’t served all of them. Of course it would be scary for some to have to share their women or have women who desire more than one man. This talk is just a suggested challenge of status quo and an anthropological discussion, not a hateful video. If women were more equal and capable of having what men have in this world war would happen less and more children would be treated well and educated. People should do what’s best for the people they love. If men and women want to do this they should be able to. Women only marry men in polygamous situations for support and money, not because they prefer it. It’s similar in these cases as well and should be treated as such.
Why it will make angry? It's just thing which mostly western women want to sleep around and don't want normal monogamous relationship. Not every men took advantage to have multiple wife.Some men loved only one woman in whole life. Don't take advantage of history to justify hoeness and your moral less life.
Are you insinuating that (unlike tibetan women) us ladies in the western world never marry for support and money? HA HA HA
I have a boyfriend and a fience and we are very happy. I am so happy to see things like this being talked about, Love is love, if a relationship can be happy and loving with multiple people in it, why cant that be ok too?
Emily Beale :as-long-as-it-is-based-on-(e)qality, meaning, if-your-partners-can-have-al(so)-mates on the side, why-not, yes? :just-many-people-cannot-keep-up-with-one-partner, so-for-these/us-a-monogamous-(de)al-is-perhaps-the-better-choice, if-at-all.😂
because its far less successful and most of the people in the relationship deceive themselves.
AMADEUS have you ever taken English in school?
watchgoose :"yes".
Michael P You could also argue the prevalence of cheating is due to self-deception about their true desires and not having the character to ask for what they want and move on if their partner isn’t willing
It is amazing to be able to talk about this! "Normally" people can adapt easily to what is right for them unless the are afraid and though we are getting more accepting these days of people making their own choices.... we do have our own opinions that we try to hide. I'm not sure sometimes which direction we are headed.... forward or backwards????????
Loved this video, bravo! I think that if they get education could change point of view about considering being single too :-) Flexibility marriage into modern Occidental societies for me is about to find the right connection each other, being free and able to stand in a sane relation with others.
I ADORE my husband's brother.
So you want to cheat on your husband with his own brother. Not something to proclaim proudly.
😂
And as a chemistry nerd...I like your user name too
@@roberttraverso7352 They didn't really say that, besides the point of this video is explaining polyamory.
@@roberttraverso7352 she didn't say she wanted to sleep with the brother she just likes him which is better then not liking your inlaws
@Who Knows An amazing go for it three some in the family.
So, marital freedom is...a woman could potentially have a husband plus his brother/s until she doesn't? Hmmm. Not a divorce lawyer in sight.
ONE WHO SEEKS THE OLD MENTOR AND THE YOUNG MENTOR BLENDS THEIR WISDOM TO GATHER FROM BOTH POOLS AND THEN BECOMES THE NEW MENTOR, LIFE IS ALL ABOUT SHARING ALL.
By that reasoning each man should have multiple wives.
No husbands are better.
Having multiple wives in many Islamic cultures are looked down upon by so many people. But when it's multiple husbands it's progressive?? What!!
Because they worship a patriarchal god
Agree with the Himalayan way of life and marriage.
It would make sense that polyandry is rare among humans. A woman can only get pregnant by one man. Even if a woman can get pregnant by men instead of a man, then that would be very rare.
This is very sad. As the wife said they are limited in their options due to economical reasons. This is not about cultural differences but survival and poverty.
What a lovely talk Kimber Mckay.- I think that you are providing here with a very realistic and sensible optional template. Half the married population think and behave diametrically different to the other half ---50% successful marriages and 50% failures---, so why not consider different though responsibly organised predetermined options.
Very interesting and a refreshing look at the definition of marriage/relationships in contrast with our 'own' world that has been dictated by religion for many centuries and which is now our typical norm
Yes yes yes. Very wefreshing. Bweth of fwesh air to see little bwown peoples married multiple times. I love it. Makes me and all wetards a happy 😃
I have none ... and I feel safer that way.
After 10 TED talks, I can save everyone 3 hrs - don't get married and go into SMED core education. Get a job making above US avg salary, distinguish your personal time, stay fit, read weekly and find something (hobby, club or sport) that makes you happy. Daniel's TED talk - the end.
Interesting fact: I watched 10 TED talks in a row always clicking on the first recommended TED Talks video. 6 from men about renewable energy, psychological tricks for motivation, reading and one about criminal code. 4 from women re-defining marriage - 2 from the approach of downplaying monogamy and one was just a general open deal.
I'm not sure how well these loosely defined marriage relationships would translate to western societies that have strict laws, and where wealth and possessions are a large part of marriages. In fact, most might describe this stuff as "interesting but irrelevant". Legal arrangements like marriage are not flexible, and would be difficult to legally define if they were. Surely those for which conventional monogamous marriage is not satisfying are still able to have relationships in the manner of their choosing, they just don't fit in with conventional legal arrangements. That's OK. Their possessions and wealth are no longer part of the equation, although common-law marriage recognition might interfere with this in some circumstances. Also, who has legal responsibility for children if parent relationships are fluid? I'm guessing that in their society, polyandry of brothers suggests the brothers share responsibility, particularly if there is no way of confirming which is the biological father, and if genetic survival is what matters, maybe it doesn't matter which brother is the father?
WOW, WHAT AN ENLIGHTENED AND COHERENT WAY OF LIFE AND BEING ! WE HAVE A LOT TO LEARN FROM THESE PEOPLE ON THE DIFFERENT WAYS OF BEING IN RELATIONSHIPS !
Are there more men than women? Are there extra unmarried women?
I am concerned about the entity of consanguinity among those villagers, i mean: polygamy in a 300 members village could mean a high degree of consanguinity which lead to low genetical variability and an overall less ability of survival, with the accumulation of genetic deseases.
I mean marriage in the West has only taken the Nuclear Family shape since mid-century. It's no wonder that social and economic shifts are causing equal changes in how marriage is defined ever since. Just coming from a queer perspective and who grew up in a strictly monogamous household, yet saw that marriage fall apart due to its foundation in patriarchal judeo-christian ideals, the ideals DID NOT fit my family and our needs. Despite not being really into polyamory myself, i see it as a reasonable and adaptive solution to socioeconomic issues in the west today. Can't afford rent on two incomes anymore! Though it is recieving pushback and scrutiny, I like the openness that is being explored around familial systems and marriage nowadays.
I can't keep 1😂😂
For the most part, marriage has been the bedrock for survival of these communities in many ways so the topic of jealousy is minimal but outside the circumstance of survival, it would be more monogamous largely due to the amount of time spent under an urban roof. If all the people in Nepal's northwestern Himalayan district of Humla are given supermarkets and office jobs like in Boston I am not sure the polyandry will thrive. Most things in life are rather conditional.
A way of controlling women and treating them as property and birthing factories. That's the real truth of marriage.
It’s a great idea. Lowers child production. Makes women work harder to attract the right set of brothers
So are the children brothers/sisters/cousins/kids? The kids is if goats were involved.
Speaking as someone who grew up in a rural area: that's not how it works. You don't need to put any effort into attracting someone when there's no competition. There are less than a thousand people total in one of these villages, and going to another village is basically impossible. There wouldn't really be a question about who each woman is going to marry.
Its NOT about the adults being married, its about what is best for the children.
The woman becomes a vehicle to bare children. It gets complicated because if the mix of men can only get fulfilment through the one woman, society and the environment has to be structured to support it as such. The religion or culture must preach the overwhelming power of women over men. In my opinion, testerone levels must be messed or none of this works ( reduction in men and augment in women). The question becomes, is a testosterone reduced passive male really a man? Is a testosterone enhanced aggressive female really a woman? What it is to be a man? What it is to be a woman? Let the cards fall as they will, everyone believes what they want, legislating these gender definitions will be very helpful to anarchy and kaos.
i can see that because of the geographical reasons that having many husbands have its benefits, but why isn't there a type that women get to choose husbands she loves instead of getting her husband brothers?
sophiayu86 there is its shown in the reindeer people (I don't know their actual name) where a woman chooses her husbands
Because they've nowhere to go. They live in same house..!
It is good to know that free speech is practised in Americas. However, these speeches are less likely to change the deep-rooted ideas about marriage. I see a lot of negative comments and a few appreciations. As Timber Mckay suggests, I believe, the marriage configuration template has to be pluralised.
I hate the word "has to be", I'd prefer should, could, or may.
If both are local how do they know who the father is? Does it have to be brothers?
That's probably the reason it is traditionally brothers. So at least some part of their DNA becomes their legacy, even if it is indirect.
The truth is, you don't really know who the father is anyway, without DNA testing. Marriage doesn't guarantee fidelity, and you never know who or what your wife is doing when your back is turned, regardless of whether she is your wife, fiancee, girlfriend, or whatever you call her.
Wow. So well said!
Ok with me.
It is comical how an agrarian society on the opposite side of the world gives us license to say all marriages are historical. In reality, those “marriages” are arrangements to survive and are hardly related to the idea of romantic love in Western marriages. Yet, we will ignore those differences to claim marriage is historical which of course allows us to redefine it how we wish
So it was a matter of survival for the children then. How was conflict between husbands resolved? .
So many problems would be resolved if we weren't so narrow in our culture: loneliness, interpersonal conflict (2 people arguing in a vacuum isn't effective) men and women understanding that love isn't about sacrificing happiness.
Different cultures/groups have rules, norms or "templates" that address the specific geographic, economic and societal needs of that group. However, you can not take templates that work for an isolated village in the mountains of Nepal, or East African tribe and infer that those could be applied to a completely different society. If Kimber's goal was to bring awareness to or garner acceptance of human's amazing ability to adapt to their situation, I would be all for it. But, she went further and (IMO) suggested that the west's current template should be broadened to include multiple-partner marriages. As an anthropologist, she should respect our society's templates.
The answer to her question would depend on the environment that those people are living in.........
Ghost marriage is mentioned in numerous religious text in Sanatan-Hinduism, in Epic Mahabharata the Kaurav's ancestor Bichitrabirya died even before putting a heir so his two wives were ghost married to a sage who happens to be Bichitrabirya's half-brother from his mother side and through marriage there came two sons who continued the lineages...
i think that polyandry wouldnt work in America it its near to impossible to find one man who can commit to a life long partnership let alone two or more
Also impossible to find one woman who can commit to a life long partnership.
ibewcountry women usually are not the ones in this country abandoning their families. i have been divorced twice. the first husband started the divorce and the second one got violent. i have always been loyal to my family. my husbands never recipricated my loyalty.
Very sorry meg, I wish you lots of luck and happiness in the future.
Aw Meg, got to give more better BJ's.
meg nemo So, why is lifelong commitment being taken as a given if one spouse isn’t? You’re still letting a bias of what marriage is affect your argument.
Paternity uncertainty. While it is interesting that it was never brought up in this video, it's "apparent absence" in this ted talk would, in my prediction, not be reflected in a similar video about a society as complex and large as ours implementing a similar system Atleast it wouldn't be honest if its noticed otherwise
carl marks the west is too narcissistic and men see women as objects
I think these polyandrous societies tend to also be matrilineal (not necessarily matriarchal). So inheritance passes through the mother, and therefore paternity is not very relevant.
@Gioia Grazia Fatherhood is a crucial fact in determining the future outcome of your genes/lineage, and it can be proven with a test so it is most certainly not 'made up', if as a male your seed is not created into a child you are a genetic dead end as far as the species is concerned. So yeah, for a man, biologically speaking, fatherhood is the most important part of existence.
@@WordsofHarmony I'd say women also see men as objects, and by a larger margin considering how many women immediately opt for the sexiest guys they find on tinder.
Thanks 😊
''There is a way that seems right to man, but the end do always end in death ,destruction and miseries for mankind. Whatever template we can think of, is usually short-sighted and we can see such manifestations all around us even as we are wallowing in it..........
Contemporarily, i think it would be more valuable to western society to reevaluate how we do divorce, rather than marriage.
ok so I'm from India and I've been to Nepal recently. Im into any "cultural anthropology" stuff but I've asked a lot many people in Nepal and a majority of em expressed shock when they heard about "polyandry' / 'polygamy'. One of em did tell me that yes there's a certain tribe that practices this kind of relationship. But for em this wasn't a 'normal'.
Not sure if these people featured in these videos are being honest or just repeating what they were told to do so for the sake of her research / Tedx talk.
O btw all those who think it's such indigenous tribes from some part of Asia who do 'polyamory' or polyandry' or polygamy stuff and these things are still new to western society, I got to point out that 9 out of 10 videos that I saw on polygamy / polyandry / polyamory were uploaded by a European or an American.
I really couldn't understand what was the whole objective of this woman speaking on this topic.
I've been following Tedx talks for quite some time and every other video that I've watched came with a certain moral in it.
So what was she intending to say here? Have 5 husbands and that'd make your life better? That too in an age where people can't even have one successful relationship with one person.
Moral? That every culture is different, and we can learn from them all.
If you talk to the rural people rather than tour guides and hotel staff you get a whole different viewpoint on a society. Your western-acculturated acquaintances pretend that there is no polyandrous societies in Nepal because they are ashamed of it. They want to be modern and Western, and you ask them about something that is traditional and not part of the lifestyle they want and of course they'll lie to you. Talk to a farmer who lives out in the middle of nowhere and you'll hear a different story. As she said in her talk, 70% of the villages that they surveyed in their area had polyandrous families.
Oh, and poly societies didn't **used** to be foreign to European society, just the Church massacred them all out of existence.
It is practiced here in the U.S., these woman go as West-Pac Widows, and they are very loyal to their husbands, when they are home because the Eagle flies on the 1st. like clockwork.
Correction, the Eagle now uses direct deposit.
the point the woman was trying to make, is "look different people are living healthy fine lives in a very different system". its trying to give people perspective. literally the first few minutes is about how she always thought marriage meant monogamy and how that changed after she met these ppl. there is no moral or agenda, just perspective, since most ppl assume that the things they know are fundamental universal ideas.
Burooj Ahanger -- "Perspective" is the perfect term. And yours is insightful.
So when they transition from polyandry, who gets the children? Or how do they decide how to split them up? Children are very important in agricultural societies.
Actully polyandrous marriages happen precisely to address the question of children and how property gets divided. Lets say if 3 brothers marry 3 different women and have 3 surviving sons each, within a generation a small piece of land will need to be divided 9 ways. But if 3 brothers marry 1 woman and she has 3 surviving sons (it's possible that she got pregnant more than that but only a few children survived, the daughters leave the family while the sons stay). The next generation of 3 or 4 brothers can again marry just one woman without the need to divide up the land and work the same way their fathers did. The children all belong to the same woman, she cares for them and therefore nothing gets divided.
shweta gupta: I understood that. What I was questioning was when they transition away from the polyandrous arrangement. She spoke about that happening.
By Data ten they stay with their mother
individuals decide to be happy together. Religions expect marriage. While the average US marriage is about 7.2 years I have been with my woman 8.5. So happy heathens over here. Its a shame that so many cultures seem to demand marriage as if it creates a better result despite all the facts showing it doesn't. Then again, if your sky daddy claims you deserve to burn for eternity for not going to a courthouse and signing some documents I guess thats on you. Well done to the other cultures Christians would consider primitive yet are socially better advanced than us.
Wow. Someone who came from a broken home who later in life tries to justify the idea of rethinking the traditional marriage concept. That's new.
Seriously though, if you want to try a polyamorous lifestyle, by all means go ahead and try it. But don't come crying to me when it doesn't work out the way that you had envisioned, unless you're also going to give me the book and movie rights.
The 'broken home' concept is created by ppl who believe that you need 2 married parents.
lisa beijne My 10-year-old daughter’s best friend lives a few doors down the street from us. Her parents are going through a divorce right now. So the next time she comes over to our house crying her eyes out, I should say, “Why are you crying over such an unnecessary social construct? Your parents don’t need to be married in order for you to have a healthy view of relationships.”.........Yup. That’ll make her feel better.
......Clearly you’re a moron.
The real question is can 1 woman satisfy 5 men daily. I highly doubt this seriously, most can’t even satisfy 1 to their liking let alone 5. How is this fair to them?
I am grateful for her presentation as it has affirmed some of my feelings, and at times frustrations with our society, and it's imposed rule of monogamy as marriage. I first began to look at marriage differently after I took a socio-anthropology course in college. This only further reinforced what learned.
The Creator who made us also gets to make the rules.
Fred Bowers big surprise “education “ deceived you.
Think polygamous relations are the coming thing? Type in "What Love is This?". A channel dealing with Mormon polygamy. Mormon polygamy is unlike anything you imagine.
Is it going to hurt?
Are you talking about healthy relationships or the toxic, unhealthy ones that the media loves to shove in our faces? If it's healthy, then what's the issue? If it's unhealthy, then yeah, that's not a good thing, but nor is a monogamous domestic abuse situation.
I guess five twos are as good as one ten. George Carlin was a pioneer.
I agree with everything she says... But the US’s laws about adulterous actions (in certain states) would have to be rewritten and obviously the majority of people aren’t appropriately open minded and it would cause problems in action. Good concept for a clean slate.
Clean slate? Or cult?
My best guess is the vast majority of or planet is mognomis based on health issue for instance inbreeding and othere health issues. I wonder how these people eyesight is.
I dont think the vast majority of the planet is monogamous at all. There is much divorce affairs and many religions including in America that have more than 1 wife
Why would anyone need one or more spouses? That’s incredibly wrong.
oh its about Nepal