As someone who was raised by a single mom after my dad ditched us absolutely NTA. I can't even imagine being this disloyal to the one parent who actually took care of me. If the daughter wants to constantly set herself up for pain like a moron that's on her. Op did her part and should continue to protect her own feelings.
You missed the whole point of the story. The daughter was threatening physical harm to the stepmom and half brother. The parents never actually spoke about anything at all. The claim that he asked for the mom not to be there might have been false from the beginning. So zero communication between parents, zero confrontation regarding visitation because OMG we get to be best friends and let me fill in my empty life with you, zero forcing the child to go therapy and family support to understand all that happened, etc. What you are talking about is basically giving someone an ice pack to put on a swelling head while they have internal bleeding. But yeah as a parent she is TA. Then they sent this broken soul out there to continue their damage for generations to come.
Ngl, OP's daughter sounds like a psycho. Ik she got daddy issues but dang, threatening her dad's wife and kid, then lashing out at her mom who did nothing wrong?
My thoughts exactly. I think she only wants her dad because he gives 0 cares about her. If he was there for her, he would have taken him for granted too. Stalking and threatening is messed up and nothing justifies it
I think in her head, it's the mother's fault for not being better because since the mom was a "horrible person" the dad had no other choise that cut his daugher, and more likely they would have a bond and she wouldn't have make those threats, but Bev knows deep down that her mom wasn't at fault, she's in a fantasyland and it might take her a long road to get better. The only think I'm afraid it's that if Op's life gets better and Bev finds out, she might get angry and attack her mom
@robertnoble6661 okay, smart-ass. Does having daddy issues justify stalking and threatening people? You want to look smart, but you didn't even use your brain.
Story 1 op did well not showing up to her daughter's graduation. It's sad how that daughter takes for granted her mother. Story 2 wow that sister is the worst telling her niece her mother's SA was her being a 304 it's just disgusting. Op was to lenient and soft with the daughter's punishment. Story 3 good for this man to kick her to the curb after breaking his boundaries, she clearly doesn't respect him and without it there's no love. Sadly instead of telling her the truth he went the spineless simp charming white knight doormat route. She will never change her ways and won't learn her lesson
S3. She ditched her fiancé for her ex boyfriend? She's cheating. "Cutting him off has nothing to do with you." Would she had cut contact if he didn't call of the wedding? lol
S2: OP was 100% right for grounding the daughter. Even if what OP's Sister said was true, and she'd been a rebellious teen who got pregnant at 15, that was a completely unacceptable way to speak to and treat your mother out of the blue. Though, not the shit on OP, there is probably some underlying problem's in their relationship if her daughter was THAT quick to turn on her.
Story 3: OP is in for a rude awakening. He couldn't even be honest that he felt pressured to be friends with her and he thinks he'll be able to just slowly phase out of her life. Good luck with that
You completely disrespected me in every possible way.When I asked you not to and now that you're crying because of the consequences of your own actions let me come and comfort you and tell you how everything is in my fault and not yours because i'm such a loser...... That's literally story number three summed up in a nutshell
Story one: how much ya wanna bet that the father didn't lie when he said the daughter was threatening abs stalking him, but the mom will still choose to believe the daughter
Wtf is wrong with the daughter? The dad is a major POS and the mom needs to give her a real reality check. This is just awful! Edit: And stop enabling her emotional abuse of you, OP, Jesus!
In the first story, that mother really infuriates me to no end. You know damn well that you did the right thing by not going to the graduation, yet you tell her that if you could do it again, you would have went. Why?!! 18 years of never telling her no, and you are surprised she turned out this way?! She takes you for granted because you act like her lap dog, she could beat you or say the worst things to you, do things you tell her not to do, but you will always give in and tell her how much you lo0o0ve her and your there for her and she faces no consequences for her actions whatsoever. And that's exactly what happened at the end of the story as well- she calls you the worst things ever, completely disrespects you, throws and breaks things, then she leaves and you call and call like a desperate and pathetic fool, and you get told that she wants to be left alone and what do you do? You tell her you lo0o0ve her and your always there when she wants to talk!!! What the hell is wrong with you?! Why the hell are you there when she wants to talk after how she treated you? You teach people how to treat you !!! And you taught her that she can do whatever she wants to you and you will always remain right there at her feet. At what point is she going to face the consequences for her actions? At what point are you going to say you know what, if you are going to treat me like that and disrespect me, good luck paying for college on your own, I hope you have somebody else to buy your clothing, pay for your car insurance and cell phone, and someone else to spend the holidays with, because you absolutely will not be in my life or home ever again until you learn how to speak to me with respect. You set boundaries and you stick to them, you don't make yourself her fking lap dog that she can abuse and disrespect and you will always be there just hoping to get some love back one day. How pathetic. You made that monster yourself and now you are going to have to live with it. What a fool
God, that first OP's daughter has some deep seated issues and truth be told (I know single parenting is hard, I get it) she was failed by OP and the ex. OP never saying "no" to her daughter I think really warped her perception of how their relationship worked, but also gave the daughter a gross sense of entitlement she (Bev) doesn't know how to deal with. The ex sounds like a shit communicator whose response to a hard situations seems to be ghosting and avoidance. Depending on how long the girl has been acting like this, her behavior and issues *could* have been caught before this extreme blow-up point. The only one I can't really blame is the therapist bc, truthfully, if the daughter had been good about hiding this behavior, there's no way they could have told OP about it.
Story 1: So the father provided text convo's and other assorted proof and the OP still does not believe her little angel is a monster? It's only a matter of time before the daughter ends up in prison or worse.
Story 3 he was invited before to Exbf parties and that last one he wasn't invite, what changed? Well... you were about to get married! Your ex best friend was jelous bc it was completely serious now! He probably tried to conquer her back during the party. Now she is emotionally manipulating you.
Never go to Reddit when it comes to children they some soft ah ppl that think u have to coddle ur kid there entire life. That’s probably what happened with the first story sounds like girl was coddled way too much and never received any punishment
I could never be in a relationship with a woman who still in contact with her ex or still friends with them that is a major red flag it's not controlling if you want your significant other not to be in any sort of contact with their ex it's a f****** boundary.
S1 obviously communicate much better with better therapy for both. The relationship can be found again. Cutting ties might be the only option temporarily. S2 just stay on with nc with these toxic people that you've the mental health care to protect. S3 kinda both nta in some places. But still you've communicate better it could have ended better without having some hurt feelings 😮 but clearly respect 🙏 isn't clear in any of these stories. At the end respect should have been on top 😊
3rd Story: My god the OP is such a doormat. I mean he literally backtrack 3 times. 1st: Break up with but do not intent to harm her feelings. Well ex disrespected you like you said but grow some spine will you. Ex clearly do not care about your feelings why should you reciprocate back. 2nd: Told ex the break up is not her fault because there is some internal "demon" in him and is not her fault. Ex clearly chose to be with her ex boyfriend when OP asked not to. She made her decision so she can lie in the bed she just made. Ex boyfriend will probably uninvited OP because he can sleep with her and send picture to OP. Just to rub salt into the wound. 3rd: Told ex that they cannot friends then ex cried again OP backtrack. OP sure can be easily manipulated when ex faked cries. Lmao... OP need to grow up and do things for himself not the feelings of others.
God i hate dudes like the one in story 3 she disrespect u and instead of making clearly why the relationship is over he go talk to her about how it's not her fault it literally defeats the purpose of her learning from why certain things are not acceptable in relationship
Bro I think he has a savior complex because telling her that everything she did was fine just because she couldn’t handle the consequences of her own actions(like boo hoo) and telling her everything she did was acceptable is just setting her up for failure in her later relationships because she’s gonna think what she did was totally fine
Okay like sure everybody is going to be upset that they got dumped before they were gonna get married and start crying but a lot of people go through that, and they get over it, it’s like oh wow she’s crying because she got broken up with right before she was about to get married this behavior is very concerning!
This guy sounds like the type of person to just drop any disagreement or argument just because they started crying and put on the blame on themselves,”Oh you punched me in the face, oh my god you poor thing I shouldn’t have pushed you to that point I’m just weak”
I'm sorry, but the assholes in the first story are the daughter and dad. I get that parents are supposed to love unconditionally, but they're people too. I had no contact with my sperm donor, but even if I were in the daughter's position and had intermittent contact with him, it wouldn't have crossed my mind to invite him over the people who have had my six over the years. I get that she's 18 and not fully developed mentally, but if she hasn't gotten that treating people like that by now isn't right then she's going to struggle with relationships. You also can't teach someone that actions have consequences and that no one's going to clean up their messes if you don't hold them accountable and are constantly cleaning up after them. It's not a matter of nature versus nurture, because both are equally important and sometimes a good parent has a shitty kid.
The sister probably regretted wasting her youth and not starting her own family while she could have, so now that she's 35 and childless, she wanted to steal her sister's daughter to make up for it
S1: make adult decisions get adult consequences. I dont believe that you ever gave her consequences prior to this. The updates show a psychiatric problem that has the potential to cause harm to herself or others, and you are just letting go. This girl is doesnt have either parent.
Story 1: being unappreciative and entitled can often be a result of unconditional love. She says she disciplined the daughter, but given how psycho she had gotten without the mother noticing it, I don't entirely believe it.
Yeah, it became pretty obvious during the post that she only ever acted as an enabler, and never as a parent. Never saying no, never enforcing consequences, and always going back to the daughter after she was thrown aside for a man who didn't want anything to do with the daughter's psychotic behavior. I think the crazy behavior is just as much OP's fault as the dad's
Tbh, it sounds like the dad in story 1 did try to be there for his daughter in some capacity but the daughter isnt willing to respect his boundaries. Like what was she brazenly saying about her dads wife and other members of his family.
Story 1) Sounds like OP should have dependened on the men in her family and focused on a new relationship. Story 2) Let's say she did "willingly have sex". The daughter still was way in the wrong. The weak punishment is so dumb. I'd call your local crisis center and have her volunteer two weeks to woman who she looks down on. If she sees victims of DV, SA or poverty and still thinks they are evil I'd reevaluate your relationship with your daughter.
Story 1: Bev should just off herself for being stupid with her actions. Op should just give up on her daughter no amount of therapy is helping that lost cause.
Story 1: OP and the father are the AH. You cannot hold it against your daughter, she’s a teenager, she isn’t fully developed yet. What I mean by that is that she needs to be the bigger person.
How in the hell do you expect someone to learn about consequences when you refuse to hold them accountable it it is not holding grudges its holding them accountable accountable for shitty behavior. How is OP the AH trying to teach someone not to treat your only loving parent like disposable tissue paper
@@UnrealityMatrix except that’s bad parenting I feel sorry for you’re children. As a parent you’re supposed to uplift your children not cast them down.
@@Chuckakhan You uplift your children when they do the right thing (appreciate the people who are consistent) you correct them when they do the wrong thing (either through positive reinforcement or negative reinforcement whichever works best) and when you no longer have the ability to influence their decisions and they still choose the wrong thing you let them experience their consequences. OP did all of this and more she did everything right moreover she didn't throw her daughter away she skipped one graduation she still supports her and attempts to make her better. OP's daughter is an adult now she has gone on to college imagine if she treats her friends the same way she treats her mother. This what it means to not learn from your mistakes. Considering OP stated this was a pattern of behavior. You tried to bessmirch my character by implying that by advocating that children and teenagers also need to learn accountability I would be doing my children a disservice. I will be different from you I will wish you well. I hope you never have to teach your children hard lessons I hope yours are receptive to your parenting style and are still able to become functional adults. You after all know your children best
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As someone who was raised by a single mom after my dad ditched us absolutely NTA. I can't even imagine being this disloyal to the one parent who actually took care of me. If the daughter wants to constantly set herself up for pain like a moron that's on her. Op did her part and should continue to protect her own feelings.
You missed the whole point of the story. The daughter was threatening physical harm to the stepmom and half brother. The parents never actually spoke about anything at all. The claim that he asked for the mom not to be there might have been false from the beginning. So zero communication between parents, zero confrontation regarding visitation because OMG we get to be best friends and let me fill in my empty life with you, zero forcing the child to go therapy and family support to understand all that happened, etc. What you are talking about is basically giving someone an ice pack to put on a swelling head while they have internal bleeding. But yeah as a parent she is TA. Then they sent this broken soul out there to continue their damage for generations to come.
Ngl, OP's daughter sounds like a psycho. Ik she got daddy issues but dang, threatening her dad's wife and kid, then lashing out at her mom who did nothing wrong?
My thoughts exactly. I think she only wants her dad because he gives 0 cares about her. If he was there for her, he would have taken him for granted too. Stalking and threatening is messed up and nothing justifies it
I think in her head, it's the mother's fault for not being better because since the mom was a "horrible person" the dad had no other choise that cut his daugher, and more likely they would have a bond and she wouldn't have make those threats, but Bev knows deep down that her mom wasn't at fault, she's in a fantasyland and it might take her a long road to get better. The only think I'm afraid it's that if Op's life gets better and Bev finds out, she might get angry and attack her mom
She has daddy issue, her dad abandoned her dum dum
@robertnoble6661 okay, smart-ass. Does having daddy issues justify stalking and threatening people? You want to look smart, but you didn't even use your brain.
@@robertnoble6661 Does having daddy issues and being abandoned justify threatening and stalking people?
Story 1 op did well not showing up to her daughter's graduation. It's sad how that daughter takes for granted her mother. Story 2 wow that sister is the worst telling her niece her mother's SA was her being a 304 it's just disgusting. Op was to lenient and soft with the daughter's punishment. Story 3 good for this man to kick her to the curb after breaking his boundaries, she clearly doesn't respect him and without it there's no love. Sadly instead of telling her the truth he went the spineless simp charming white knight doormat route. She will never change her ways and won't learn her lesson
S3. She ditched her fiancé for her ex boyfriend? She's cheating. "Cutting him off has nothing to do with you." Would she had cut contact if he didn't call of the wedding? lol
Story1: op didn't ruin the daughter graduation. The daughter did.
3rd story literally took 2 steps 1 step back cant believe it I get you feel bad but it’s not your responsibility to make her feel better about herself
He was probably afraid that she would harm herself. That would make him feel more guilty.
S3: is in the right path to get cheated in the future
S2: OP was 100% right for grounding the daughter. Even if what OP's Sister said was true, and she'd been a rebellious teen who got pregnant at 15, that was a completely unacceptable way to speak to and treat your mother out of the blue.
Though, not the shit on OP, there is probably some underlying problem's in their relationship if her daughter was THAT quick to turn on her.
Story 3: OP is in for a rude awakening. He couldn't even be honest that he felt pressured to be friends with her and he thinks he'll be able to just slowly phase out of her life. Good luck with that
Classic simp charming white knight doormat behavior
Dude thinks he invented the "it's not you, it's me"
and its not fair for either of them. he needs to learn to be upfront because THIS is the beginning of a codependent relationship.
dude is almost completely spineless x.x
You completely disrespected me in every possible way.When I asked you not to and now that you're crying because of the consequences of your own actions let me come and comfort you and tell you how everything is in my fault and not yours because i'm such a loser...... That's literally story number three summed up in a nutshell
Last story: how was it not her fault? How is it OPs demons? He set a boundary and she ignored it. Also the crying thing is so manipulative. Just wow
Story one: how much ya wanna bet that the father didn't lie when he said the daughter was threatening abs stalking him, but the mom will still choose to believe the daughter
Look out for future news articles about Bev's arrest for murder.
Wtf is wrong with the daughter? The dad is a major POS and the mom needs to give her a real reality check. This is just awful!
Edit: And stop enabling her emotional abuse of you, OP, Jesus!
In the first story, that mother really infuriates me to no end. You know damn well that you did the right thing by not going to the graduation, yet you tell her that if you could do it again, you would have went. Why?!! 18 years of never telling her no, and you are surprised she turned out this way?! She takes you for granted because you act like her lap dog, she could beat you or say the worst things to you, do things you tell her not to do, but you will always give in and tell her how much you lo0o0ve her and your there for her and she faces no consequences for her actions whatsoever.
And that's exactly what happened at the end of the story as well- she calls you the worst things ever, completely disrespects you, throws and breaks things, then she leaves and you call and call like a desperate and pathetic fool, and you get told that she wants to be left alone and what do you do? You tell her you lo0o0ve her and your always there when she wants to talk!!! What the hell is wrong with you?! Why the hell are you there when she wants to talk after how she treated you? You teach people how to treat you !!! And you taught her that she can do whatever she wants to you and you will always remain right there at her feet. At what point is she going to face the consequences for her actions? At what point are you going to say you know what, if you are going to treat me like that and disrespect me, good luck paying for college on your own, I hope you have somebody else to buy your clothing, pay for your car insurance and cell phone, and someone else to spend the holidays with, because you absolutely will not be in my life or home ever again until you learn how to speak to me with respect. You set boundaries and you stick to them, you don't make yourself her fking lap dog that she can abuse and disrespect and you will always be there just hoping to get some love back one day. How pathetic. You made that monster yourself and now you are going to have to live with it. What a fool
God, that first OP's daughter has some deep seated issues and truth be told (I know single parenting is hard, I get it) she was failed by OP and the ex.
OP never saying "no" to her daughter I think really warped her perception of how their relationship worked, but also gave the daughter a gross sense of entitlement she (Bev) doesn't know how to deal with.
The ex sounds like a shit communicator whose response to a hard situations seems to be ghosting and avoidance. Depending on how long the girl has been acting like this, her behavior and issues *could* have been caught before this extreme blow-up point.
The only one I can't really blame is the therapist bc, truthfully, if the daughter had been good about hiding this behavior, there's no way they could have told OP about it.
For once, it doesn’t look like either mom or dad are the problem.
It really seems like Bev is the problem.
Edit: Story 3: Spineless.
Same. She seems obsessed with her dad. Threatening her dad's family is crazyyyyy.
Story 1: So the father provided text convo's and other assorted proof and the OP still does not believe her little angel is a monster? It's only a matter of time before the daughter ends up in prison or worse.
Last story needs to grow a spine.
Story 3 he was invited before to Exbf parties and that last one he wasn't invite, what changed? Well... you were about to get married! Your ex best friend was jelous bc it was completely serious now! He probably tried to conquer her back during the party. Now she is emotionally manipulating you.
Never go to Reddit when it comes to children they some soft ah ppl that think u have to coddle ur kid there entire life. That’s probably what happened with the first story sounds like girl was coddled way too much and never received any punishment
Last story: he was an idiot. She was clearly in the wrong, and he shouldn't have walked it back.
I could never be in a relationship with a woman who still in contact with her ex or still friends with them that is a major red flag it's not controlling if you want your significant other not to be in any sort of contact with their ex it's a f****** boundary.
S1 obviously communicate much better with better therapy for both. The relationship can be found again. Cutting ties might be the only option temporarily. S2 just stay on with nc with these toxic people that you've the mental health care to protect. S3 kinda both nta in some places. But still you've communicate better it could have ended better without having some hurt feelings 😮 but clearly respect 🙏 isn't clear in any of these stories. At the end respect should have been on top 😊
3rd Story: My god the OP is such a doormat. I mean he literally backtrack 3 times.
1st: Break up with but do not intent to harm her feelings. Well ex disrespected you like you said but grow some spine will you. Ex clearly do not care about your feelings why should you reciprocate back.
2nd: Told ex the break up is not her fault because there is some internal "demon" in him and is not her fault. Ex clearly chose to be with her ex boyfriend when OP asked not to. She made her decision so she can lie in the bed she just made. Ex boyfriend will probably uninvited OP because he can sleep with her and send picture to OP. Just to rub salt into the wound.
3rd: Told ex that they cannot friends then ex cried again OP backtrack. OP sure can be easily manipulated when ex faked cries. Lmao...
OP need to grow up and do things for himself not the feelings of others.
God i hate dudes like the one in story 3 she disrespect u and instead of making clearly why the relationship is over he go talk to her about how it's not her fault it literally defeats the purpose of her learning from why certain things are not acceptable in relationship
Bro I think he has a savior complex because telling her that everything she did was fine just because she couldn’t handle the consequences of her own actions(like boo hoo) and telling her everything she did was acceptable is just setting her up for failure in her later relationships because she’s gonna think what she did was totally fine
Okay like sure everybody is going to be upset that they got dumped before they were gonna get married and start crying but a lot of people go through that, and they get over it, it’s like oh wow she’s crying because she got broken up with right before she was about to get married this behavior is very concerning!
This guy sounds like the type of person to just drop any disagreement or argument just because they started crying and put on the blame on themselves,”Oh you punched me in the face, oh my god you poor thing I shouldn’t have pushed you to that point I’m just weak”
Can't wait for the, "HELP! I CAN'T ESCAPE MY MANIPULATIVE EX!" update.
Story 3: op is utterly sp1nel3ss
Op in story 1 should've just ditched her daughter
I'm sorry, but the assholes in the first story are the daughter and dad. I get that parents are supposed to love unconditionally, but they're people too. I had no contact with my sperm donor, but even if I were in the daughter's position and had intermittent contact with him, it wouldn't have crossed my mind to invite him over the people who have had my six over the years. I get that she's 18 and not fully developed mentally, but if she hasn't gotten that treating people like that by now isn't right then she's going to struggle with relationships. You also can't teach someone that actions have consequences and that no one's going to clean up their messes if you don't hold them accountable and are constantly cleaning up after them. It's not a matter of nature versus nurture, because both are equally important and sometimes a good parent has a shitty kid.
The sister probably regretted wasting her youth and not starting her own family while she could have, so now that she's 35 and childless, she wanted to steal her sister's daughter to make up for it
S1: make adult decisions get adult consequences. I dont believe that you ever gave her consequences prior to this.
The updates show a psychiatric problem that has the potential to cause harm to herself or others, and you are just letting go. This girl is doesnt have either parent.
OP3 is a serial enabler
Story 1: being unappreciative and entitled can often be a result of unconditional love. She says she disciplined the daughter, but given how psycho she had gotten without the mother noticing it, I don't entirely believe it.
Next she will throw you out of her wedding shamelessly nta
Story 1 OP is a doormat and creator of her monster of a daughter.
Yeah, it became pretty obvious during the post that she only ever acted as an enabler, and never as a parent. Never saying no, never enforcing consequences, and always going back to the daughter after she was thrown aside for a man who didn't want anything to do with the daughter's psychotic behavior. I think the crazy behavior is just as much OP's fault as the dad's
Nta, she has to live with her choices
Story 3 OPcis a spineless coward. It WAS her fault
3rd story OP sucks ass
Tbh, it sounds like the dad in story 1 did try to be there for his daughter in some capacity but the daughter isnt willing to respect his boundaries. Like what was she brazenly saying about her dads wife and other members of his family.
Story 1) Sounds like OP should have dependened on the men in her family and focused on a new relationship.
Story 2) Let's say she did "willingly have sex". The daughter still was way in the wrong. The weak punishment is so dumb. I'd call your local crisis center and have her volunteer two weeks to woman who she looks down on. If she sees victims of DV, SA or poverty and still thinks they are evil I'd reevaluate your relationship with your daughter.
I *tried* to empathize with story 3's OP but unfortunately I'm a vertebrate.
Story 1: Bev should just off herself for being stupid with her actions. Op should just give up on her daughter no amount of therapy is helping that lost cause.
Story 1: OP and the father are the AH. You cannot hold it against your daughter, she’s a teenager, she isn’t fully developed yet. What I mean by that is that she needs to be the bigger person.
How in the hell do you expect someone to learn about consequences when you refuse to hold them accountable it it is not holding grudges its holding them accountable accountable for shitty behavior. How is OP the AH trying to teach someone not to treat your only loving parent like disposable tissue paper
@@UnrealityMatrix except that’s bad parenting I feel sorry for you’re children. As a parent you’re supposed to uplift your children not cast them down.
@@Chuckakhan You uplift your children when they do the right thing (appreciate the people who are consistent) you correct them when they do the wrong thing (either through positive reinforcement or negative reinforcement whichever works best) and when you no longer have the ability to influence their decisions and they still choose the wrong thing you let them experience their consequences. OP did all of this and more she did everything right moreover she didn't throw her daughter away she skipped one graduation she still supports her and attempts to make her better. OP's daughter is an adult now she has gone on to college imagine if she treats her friends the same way she treats her mother. This what it means to not learn from your mistakes. Considering OP stated this was a pattern of behavior.
You tried to bessmirch my character by implying that by advocating that children and teenagers also need to learn accountability I would be doing my children a disservice. I will be different from you I will wish you well. I hope you never have to teach your children hard lessons I hope yours are receptive to your parenting style and are still able to become functional adults. You after all know your children best
The last story is so pathetic
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