Are Men Okay?
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 พ.ย. 2022
- Let's talk about masculinity, TikTok, self-help and 'strength.' Why do TH-camrs like Hamza, writers like Jordan Peterson and rappers like Drake all seem compelled by a type of male self-empowerment that ultimately reinforces self-destructive gender roles? Why do men so often seek to be 'dominant' in the face of insecurity and nihilism?
video has been edited to remove a section where i was inaccurate about socrates' status as a former warrior. thanks to those in the comments for correcting this!
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edited by danae o.!
My father was a prime example of a 'strong' man. After he passed, my mother told us all the ways he had suffered and how he never had a choice but to be a strong man because of the abuse he endured from his family to make him into one. It was devastating for me as the youngest who never got to build a good relationship with him because he had already hardened to the point of no return by then. It's why I'm so passionate about getting help for young men in this world that we live in. Great video 👍
My elementary school gym teacher would always say “we exercise so our bodies will become hard, but we want our insides to stay soft” (among other healthy lessons). Looking back on how much he was able to incorporate emotional intelligence into a simple gym class - and how he was absolutely a role model for a lot of my young male classmates - I think was incredible and I’m so grateful for him
I saw one of these guys mad that a guy and a girl were hugging and they both had sweatshirts with the title "embrace masculinity and femininity".
my problem with the "strong men --> goot times/weak men --> bad times" chart is that it assumes there is a cycle composed of these two opposing "times", when history has shown there are always bad times and good times happening simultaneously to different groups of people, even within the same society. there was never a time when everyone was prospering. things are always going bad for someone.
I feel like masculinity is going through a crisis because it’s essentially been defined in Western society as “not being like women” and “able to dominate women” for a long time, which necessitates that emotional self-mutilation that bell hooks described. There were individual men who rejected that but it was still like this overall. But women got sick of it and are opting to be alone rather than be with a man that’s like that (see that Rise of Lonely Single Men article). So now men as a whole are faced with the choice to either double down (see: incels and the manosphere) or to redefine masculinity entirely in a way that’s more respectful to other people and more healthy/realistic for men themselves. I really hope more men can find a way to do the latter.
i’m a trans man who’s been hanging out in male-dominated spaces more and more as i get further into my transition. One thing i’ve learned by doing that is that a very good amount of men (like over half in my experience), when it’s brought up, will admit to being tired of other men, the expectations of masculinity, the lack of emotional intimacy in male friendships, etc. like our collective relationship to gender is working out for next to no one at this point, but we as individuals have no idea how to address it.
Funny enough I accidentally encountered one of those videos while pulling an all-nighter. Couldn’t even tell if it was ironic or not 😭
Also a very heteronormative thought, that relationships need one "strong" and one "weak/emotional" individual. Of course there's nothing wrong with balancing each other out but 1. It doesn't have to be that extreme and 2. It doesn't have to be that way at all. Intimate relationships can be formed with two or more people equally willing to open up to each other and support each other. No need for these strict categories. 🌼
I believe the biggest issue among men today is a lack of individual purpose and the desire to meet the expectations of others. Men are still expected to remain traditional in a non traditional world that has contradicting messages for them. Also men’s issues aren’t really heard; rather, they are ignored and replaced with assumptions of what their issues may be
I do empathise a lot with men. I was raised in an environment that forced me to grow up as an emotionally repressed female. Obviously it's not entirely the same but I think I get it somewhat. Even when I was reading Pride & Prejudice as a teen, I was identifying with Mr. Darcy 😂 To this day I feel nauseated when I push myself to be vulnerable with my friends. I used to drink a lot to make myself be open with them... I really appreciate your message, it's okay not to be strong, to be a mess. It's hard to believe in this when you weren't raised that way.
"If you are a weak, submissive feminine man you will only attract dominating masculine women" ohhhh noooooooo that SUCKS whatever will I doooooo
I am very thankful for my dad, because he taught me very early on that it's okay to be emotionally vulnerable. I remember being 6 or 7 years old, sitting on the porch and crying about something, don't really remember what, I think I was worried about my pet who got hurt or something. A couple of minutes later dad came out and hugged me. In that situation, my mother would say something like "men shouldn't cry, get a hold of yourself", but dad simply hugged me and told me it's gonna be fine. he didn't judge or even shame me, he actually praised me and said "you have a kind heart, that's a good thing". I'd like to think I still do
Talking about your feelings is a strength.
It's worth mentioning that while various figures in fiction are idolized or are the type to be idolized as icons of traditional, physically strong masculinity, several of them in reality are or have become very nuanced representations of masculinity, some of which examine and even critique the limits and (ironically) weaknesses of the "strong, emotionally invulnerable" guy model. This includes characters like Kratos in the more recent God of War games, Arthur Morgan in Red Dead Redemption 2, and yes, Batman in various media.
Strength of character, strength of mind. I mean there's all this focus on being strong and not weak, but not a bunch of focus on having integrity, being kind, being vulnerable, which I perceive as actual strengths. If a man has integrity, can be vulnerable, and is genuinely kind to me, I see him as being "strong", regardless of how physically strong he is. If he's a good father, if he treats all people with respect, if he has good character. Like in my mind physical strength means nothing if the guy is a total jerk and treats people poorly, and has no moral compass. You know?
"Uplifting yourself shouldn't come with putting other people down. Uplifting yourself should come with uplifting others, whether or not they're like you, or they're different from you." - Elliot Sang.
Watching this video made me understand a particular fear that I have for my 11-year-old nephew, on a better scale. My fear revolves around his personality, emotional intelligence and character being changed due to peer pressure and being told that he isn’t manly enough.
I think the one point all these channels are spot on with (because it's a very basic concept) is that experiencing
“if you are a feminine man you will only attract masculine women”
I'm a 50 yr old man, who has had strong ACTING men around me all my life. I deeply appreciate your content. This is stuff that needs to be said about the manosphere culture on TH-cam. This toxic culture just serves to feed the patriarchical oppression we all live under.