Father Time: Kendrick Lamar and Masculinity
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 มิ.ย. 2024
- Kendrick Lamar's record "Father Time" is a heartwrenching commentary on the ways traditional ideas of masculinity, enforced by our patriarchal hegemony, break our spirits and our societies. How can we examine this song and learn from it to improve the world we live in?
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edited by danae o.!
hooks, bell, 1952-2021. The Will to Change : Men, Masculinity, and Love. New York :Atria Books, 2004.
A Day in Ghana with Kendrick Lamar • A Day in Ghana with Ke...
FD Signifier - Connecting the Manosphere • Connecting the Manosphere
FD Signifier - Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers Reaction • Pre and Post Kendrick ...
CDC - Excessive Alcohol Use is a Risk to Men's Health
Very Well Mind - What Are Daddy Issues? www.verywellmind.com/what-are...
Wong, Y. J., Ho, M.-H. R., Wang, S.-Y., & Miller, I. S. K. (2017). Meta-analyses of the relationship between conformity to masculine norms and mental health-related outcomes. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 64(1), 80-93. doi.org/10.1037/cou0000176
00:00 - intro
06:24 - “Father Time” and bell hooks
39:19 - conclusion - บันเทิง
![อาจารย์ยอด : ลุงแว่วเล่าเรื่องผี [ผี]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Fd2Qsy4dqpM/mqdefault.jpg)
what's your favorite kendrick song?
Alright.
The whole Untitled Unmastered album is one of my favorites of all albums ever, but untitled 2, untitled 5, or untitled 7 are the cream of the crop. If i had to choose I'd say 5 takes the cake
It’s hard to choose. As of now, imma go with Savior😭💯
ELEMENT.
bich im in the club
It took me a while to compose this comment because I wasn't trying to write a book in here 😂. I'm a woman so I can really only talk about my "tough love" Black father from that perspective (I do have a brother, his account is similar but still with its differences.) My dad was born in 1944 so he was raised under respectability politics at one of its heaviest times. He wasn't physically violent nor did he raise his voice much, but he was quite stern and lacking in warmth (I remember being hugged by him once when I was a toddler). He had 3 daughters, 1 son and was married 4 times. On paper I came from a broken home and was fatherless (I hate that generalization so much I can't even tell you). But that's so far from what my life actually looked and felt like. My dad was very present and big on education. His children got all the typical lectures minority kids get; you have to be twice as smart, work twice as hard, always behave and be law-abiding, etc. Simultaneously, my father gave this lesson - "Never look for nor even trust praise coming from others. It isn't real, they don't mean it and will snatch it back in the same breathe they gave it." He said this all the time, like ALL the time. He told us directly and indirectly, constantly, that the world would never be happy with us and did not care to see us succeed. Therefore we must be self-sustaining and only look to ourselves for a sense of worth. No amount of good behavior will change the stigma of our skin so don't wear yourself out trying to impress. In today's climate I'm sure this reads abusive to a degree. That instead of the daily reminders that we aren't valued in our society, my father should have showered us with more positive words, more affection. Perhaps but, I realized in my adulthood, as I discovered more about his own upbringing, that he wasn't repeating the cycle from his parents. His divergence may have been slight in some eyes but I view it as pretty mindful and remarkable. My father had this life long internal struggle of feeling pride as a Black man while still feeling the need to be accepted by non-Blacks. He had a great deal of internalized racism that he not only never managed to overcome until the very end of his life (and I mean it, in his last months he was quite a different person), he also did his best not to pass it on to his children. He wanted us to pull validation from within instead of seeking it from others. Were his methods the greatest? Probably not. My very thick and high boundaries are definitely a direct result of his rearing. But he still did the best he could with the tools he had and now I have even better tools because of it. I hate people trying to analyze my childhood so I don't go into much detail about my father often. I think some people have a trauma kink and they just want you to sit in loathing at your parents. What good would that do me tho? I find it much more healthy and progressive to actually understand what my father was working with in trying to raise his children.
the last three lines you wrote here are sticking with me. i want to tweet them out bc i find them that powerful lol
@@elliotsangestevez 😊😊💜
I have yet to see the actual video so I don't have the full context of what gave rise to your comment.
But for one thing, I think the ability to view the way our parents raise us with compassion is (more often than not) a great skill to have.
Additionally, from what you explained I also think that your father absolutely had a great point about not seeking validation from others and instead finding validation and worth from within yourself.
Sure, he got that point across sounding like a misanthrope/pessimist more than anything... Which is kind of sad. But he absolutely wasn't wrong that if you're able to do so getting your validation and sense of worth from your own self absolutely is a very good, healthy and stable source to derive that sense of worth and validation from.
"My worth is not determined by how other people view me. Especially not others who are bullies and/or bigots." Great thing to learn for any child - regardless of skin colour or cultural background!
yea parents are not perfect there is no way to know how to raise kids perfectly and is especially tough for us minorities but that doesnt mean they cant teach you love and respect
This was exactly how I was feeling
This is so beautiful and wonderfully conscious. I think was important that u included the disclaimer that you couldn’t speak on certain issues because you’re not experienced in them. The idea of Kendrick not wanting to go to therapy definitely overlaps w black people patronizing therapy as a whole, not just men.
That feedback loop also literally goes back to slavery!!!! Black parents would beat their children so that the masters wouldn’t beat them!! Wow I really loved this video lol
@@infinityb33 so you think white slave parents didnt do that? its about men, not color. yea today, the beating at least, is more present in black communities I believe. but every boy in this world get taught that shit usually
LMAO, I didn't say that. What would "white slave parents" have to do with Kendrick...@@m.l.2871
There is no such thing as "toxic masculinity." Anyone who uses that term is either a girl who has little to no male friends or some left-wing nutjob who takes the media too seriously
Fun fact about 14:40
In the original manga, Seto Kaiba was meant to be a one-off "villain of the week" character intended to represent really toxic attitudes in trading card game communities. After he and the card game were more incorporated into the plot due to their popularity, his toxicity kept being examined giving him an extremely abusive upbringing by an adoptive father who instilled on him a philosophy where winning is everything, even in life.
So of course, after the anime adaptation gave him even more protagonism, he became *the* YGO character unironically exalted by dudebros for a long time
i grew up in a household where my parents had to work hard all the time. we barely had family time when we were kids, me and my brother. i barely see them physically, and when me and my brother do see them, we get scolded for no reason. we never said i love yous, we never hugged each other. i grew up thinking that i am stupid because my parents always found something wrong about us. they expect us to be perfect. they expect us to be everything, to perform at our best even when we're not equipped enough to do it, and i think this affected me to this day. i am 23 years old and i just graduated from college. all my life i feared rejection and i refused to experience anything. i always have my parents at the back of my head, in an unhealthy way. i keep thinking, if i do this what will they say about me? if do that will they support me? they never agreed with anything i wanted in my life and this is why i grew up rebelling and despising their presence. they never taught me how to be "entitled", to speak. i always have a repressed opinion when i face authority, yet i try to mold myself to not be a fucking sheep. i never attended any therapy sessions, i just really reflect a lot about my life and how to resolve my problems. i keep thinking that theyre the source of my problem. i am convincing myself that they are, and if maybe i leave them i will improve. they hold me down; i am in shackles.
listening to kendrick and sampha sing this song hits right at home. early morning wake up, practicing on day offs, tough love, bottled up emotions, all of these things describe my childhood. while i know that these qualities are essential for success (except bottling emotions of course lol), it has took a toll on my mental health. i think that their approach didnt convince me enough on the importance of these things, instead i did it to avoid being scolded, to be safe. they didnt teach me how to be disciplined, they taught me how to avoid confrontation (which i am trying to work on). just to be clear, they didn't physically abuse me or anything. their words hurt me even til now. i lost trust on myself and i blame it on them. no, i don't hate them. i just don't like them, and i think that i have evolved into a person detached from their presence and i feel that i am beyond them. they tried their best. but i just wish they tried to listen to me.
it is so refreshing to hear someone battling the same battles you face, me for 23 years now. that's why kendrick and cudi are my favorite artists of all time. i hold them close to my heart and i hope god watches and guides them everyday.
Thank you so much for making this video. I've sat here with my girlfriend, tears streaming down my face as we watch this because everything I've been struggling with these last few months, the hypocrisy and conflicted feelings about masculinity have been expressed and explained articulately. I felt like nothing I did would bring me peace. I need help because I'm struggling? Oh oh, not a real man. Oh wait, you're struggling? Not a real man. Push my girlfriend away and go "monk mode"? Yes, surely distancing yourself from the person you want to spend your life with to avoid sharing your struggles and not being seen as a "real man" is going to make the relationship a lot better than communicating about what you're going through to not fight each other.
But I couldn't do that until I reconciled with my dad and told him that I was struggling and needed help. Despite him saying he wouldn't help me to toughen me up, he saw the pain I was in and gave a helping hand and that little act gave me the love I was longing for satisfying the little boy inside me that felt unloved and acted out in the world because of that hurt.
Which allowed me to start improving my life out of self love rather than as a form of trying to get love. Which led to me doing things I would normally need to be reminded to do without that need (I was acting from the locus of "Let's get this grass mowed and listen to a podcast" rather than "Okay dad, I'll go mow the lawn to make you happy so you can get off my case and maybe tell me good job") and for the first time in a while, I heard him tell me he was proud of me. On my face I didn't let it show how much that meant to me, but deep down inside, I felt tranquil and like I had the capacity and space now to cultivate a garden within myself where I can put happiness/peace/love because I removed the weeds of the trauma/toxic masculinity I held harbored inside, rather than trying to force them to grow in that area before the necessary work of preparing the fields was done.
Thank you Elliot, F.D Signifier, and Sisyphus 55 personally for the life changing content y'all have put out. Not to put a label on or even attempt to pigeonhole it, but the way y'all inform us empowers us to deconstruct the many lies we've been led to believe and for me more importantly, it has given me the confidence I lost trying to adhere to a certain image or way of being and self-flagellating myself for failing thus being less likely to want try again, instilling a sense of helplessness that when combined with the constant bombardment of "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" creates a feeling of hopelessness in my situation.
Again thank you so much. I feel like I have had some light shined into my eyes helping me regain my vision and see things for what they really are.
PS: Funny thing, as I watched the video I fought the tears I was losing the battle to because I was watching it with my girlfriend, despite the whole video being about toxic masculinity and how guys are taught not to show emotions, I was doing my best to do exactly that. That's when I laughed and for the first time felt free.
"I got daddy issues"
*"that's on me"*
I looked at that as a multi-entendre;
not only the explanation you gave, but also
a. "That's on me" as an emphasis Black people, especially young, urbanized men say to validate the truth and/or severity of a statement, such as "that's on my mama" or "on my hood!" or "on God!" Basically saying " I got daddy issues, that's undeniable"
b. Literally saying the essence of daddy issues is **ON** him; it can be easily seen especially by those with the trained, conscious eye. Maybe coming to terms with how easy it is to see upon reflection and research 💯
Bro your videos are very insightful, I think you'll be even bigger on TH-cam one day
the messiah has spoken!
I grew up without a father and I’m still this way it’s true we should change the world for the better but that means people have to give up their power and sacrifice for that to happen no one is willing to do that and those who do are at the bottom when your at the top you can’t see it that way which is why the system must stay or must be completely destroyed and restarted but what can guarantee that it won’t go back to that system again
thank you for these thoughts i found them profound
@@elliotsangestevez no problem I know that our masculinity can be toxic as men sometimes but I understand the importance of having a thick skin and moving with a certain sense of selfishness but for men to be fixed so do our counter part because we all have issues and I believe when a man and women have the right mindset and can truly trust eachother it creates a beautiful life and other life we are broken because we were broken by our government it prays on us being divided and I used to be those men who were angry at women for some of the out of pocket stuff they do but I realized I don’t completely understand what a woman has to go through her struggles and as a man you gotta realize that the same way women don’t understand our struggles we need to heal as a people from within without blaming the otherside remember what real love is or make sure we create and embody it to better ourselves and only then can we help eachother
This is so well worded. Especially the end, about how we approach conversations. Early twenties i used to think the "haha i hate men" jokes were funny but now that I've grown (and especially, as bell hooks knew decades earlier than me, realized that patriarchy hurts men as well) the way i approach these conversations has taken a complete 180. To be fair though if someone calls me a fatherless wh0r3 ima still have some choice words lolol.
Nice job including FD Signifier, his takes on black masculinity are always a valid source when talking about this stuff. And really good decision with letting kendricks lyrics play at choice parts, his words are still important even when he says the n slur, and that was a nice touch :)
PS i love that shirt on you
I've been thinking a lot on toxic masculinity, and fathers building their sons to "train" them for the bullying they'll face in the world, and I find it boils down to one reasonable, but ultimately incomplete, idea: pain is the problem. The whole approach is based in the belief that pain is a problem that needs to be solved, the father can't fix the source of the pain, so he must attack his son's sensitivity so they cannot feel or notice the pain. Calling someone sensitive is the most common insult to check someone's masculinity for a reason. The emotional component of toxic masculinity demands you kill your sensitivity and blind yourself because vulnerability is the enemy, and vulnerability is the enemy because pain is the problem. This all ignores one crucial thing, pain is important and temporary. You need pain like you need sight or hearing. It is the sense that alerts you to suffering. Toxic masculinity shows men to ignore pain while still suffering. Being hurt for showing vulnerability is the fault of the person or system who hurt you, not you. Living with integrity requires you to maintain your sensitivity, allow yourself to be vulnerable, and leave situations where that sensitivity is punished too much to bear.
This is absolutely wrong. Masculinty tells you that service and self sacrifice to reach a certain place is more important than your feelings. That your feelings are something you can cultivate. Man decline not because they are ignore pain or because they are not vulnerable but because they often serve the wrong things. Micheal jordan loved his father. His love for his father's turned into love for winnings. And his love for winning lead to certain sacrificees but also certain accomplishments. But it burned him out.
Love, love FD Signifier! Kendrick Lamar is one of the most honest, compelling artists out there. I legit feel like it's an honor to be living and consuming culture and music in the same time as he. Great video as yoosh, Elliot 🤎
Love this. I love how many of your videos include The Will to Change- that book was life changing for me as a woman and got me through some really hard times so I adore hearing men actually talk about it as well. It definitely gives me hope :) great video- I listened to this album because of this video and it was awesome so thanks for that too! :D
I loved seeing Renata Flores there! Interesting vídeo, thank you!
This is THE best video on TH-cam such high quality analysis for such a high quality song
Your channel is a blessing. Much appreciation for your content!
Just wanted to say thank you for making this because it led me to start reading The Will to Change and work on my own problems that Kendrick highlights in the song.
This is such an interesting topic. I really enjoyed this. Thanks.
Have just discovered your channel and so far i have to admit - it is really good! Especially this video: it's structure, pace and informational density are amazing, helps you focus on the narrative.
I am a 19 year old male and have grown up in a non-english speaking country. I have been engaging with such type of content, like addressing social issues: on social media, through mass media and art, for a long period of time and have found it weird and confusing to try and relate to them, to stay in touch.
However, watching both sides of the debate has been really entertaing, informative and even beneficial in some ways.
P.S. just a summary of my overall thoughts. Hope yall people find a compromise!
nice shirt😄
thank you tanktopbot i am a fan of tanktops myself
great video, keep going!!
i don't know how i got here, but I'm glad I did
this video was so interesting and the way you express yourself is very mindful and educated, great job
thank you so much
This is an amazing video. Thank you.
Thank you for this
Such a well composed and put together video
Phenomenal Video. Appreciate U 🎉✨🤞🏾
Its not to indoctrinate boys into the patriarchy, its literally for survival. We have the luxury in America to live knowing we'll have food and shelter. We don't have to fight and kill to survive at the moment. But if society crumbles, everything becomes darwinian, feeling pain and denying feelings are essential to push through the hell of warring with the elements and or other men just to live.
amazing!!!!! kendrick and bell hocks… such a smart connection!!
This video is so good and as a Kendrick Lamar fan, I approve👏🏾‼️
P.S. - F.D. Signifier’s videos on Kendrick’s album and the manosphere are so good. Great references for this video.
this is such a great video
As someone who isn't a native English speaker (Hi from Germany), thank you for your analysis. It helps to see the layers I missed out on, because I'm not yet super versed in the language. :)
Commenting 4 teh algorithm cuz Ur vedioz deserve 2 'BE' famous! :3
w for making this video
great video interesting and entertaining
Love kdot so much
Love the bright pink ❤❤ kisses from Brazil
you dont need to be black to relate to the song..
Man up
Do you think masculinity is bad? am not talking about toxic masculinity i mean masculinity as a hole
I be honest when I was weak nobody respected me now that I am getting more masculine I get respected
My man said TOXIC masculinity, not masculinity as a whole. Just that small sect that goes too far
echo chamber from chat gpt.
This is rubbish.