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I love how this is like sarcastic therapy. I feel like it's sometimes annoying to have someone try and make you LEARN FROM THEIR SUCCESSES. In these videos he makes people LEARN FROM MISTAKES, which is a nice therapeutic change.
If you want to lose friends just get saved. Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light. th-cam.com/video/PpylUDKrHek/w-d-xo.html
I feel like it's because it's more "reachable" yk like, if people keep telling you what you have to success you just think "ugh, I'll never get to that point" but if they tell you what to avoid, you might think "hmm.. I can avoid it and do something else/ "better" instead" Especially if you realise it by yourself. Sometimes our dumb selves don't want to follow others but if we realise the problems by ourselves, we actually have a kind of source of motivation coming from us?
I too relate Donno if I must be happy or sad bout this. I have always been an extrovert and used to have atleast one or two close friends with me throughout high school & pre-uni But now, here I am in 2nd semester of BTech, with no close friends nor a single kind soul to share anything with. I feel so helpless and lost
the meaning 00:14 #1 Talk about others 01:24 #2 Talk about other people traits positively 02:15 #3 try to contribute 02:54 #4 optimism is important 03:49 #5 Be open-minded 04:28 #6 Dont have a large ego 05:08 #8 Allow yourself to take criticism 07:48 #9 stop Being flakey 08:50 #10 dont be afraid to take initiative
I have a question for the no 3! What if they make you not want to learn anymore, make yourself limited. People generally see others as static, but we change all the time.
The pandemic became a reason for me to disappear, and eventually I moved away from everyone I know. I was just so exhausted, burnt out really and didn't want to deal with always being in-demand. The problem is that I developed all of these traits in the video because of exhaustion, and I feel guilt and shame for it now and the irreparable damage that I have done to some relationships in my life. I wish I had had the insight at the time to just say "You know what, I love you but I really need some time away to just focus on myself". I would then have given people the option to opt out or be supportive and give me some space. Instead I gave them nothing, no explanations, no honesty I just withdrew, and I regret that. And ironically, I am still just as exhausted.
The big thing missing from this video is any observation on health. Better Ideas assumes that everyone has normal energy levels, but we don't. If you're exhausted, unhappy, or mildly unwell, you just cannot generate the happy energy you need to keep up with other happy, energetic people. If this is the problem for you don't beat yourself up about it. Try to address the health problem, then find people who will accept you at the energy level you can maintain. Watching this video just made me think of how hard it is to be social if you've got a problem (chronic fatigue, in my case). I didn't have any of these traits before I became ill, but illness and isolation can make being normal quite difficult. I feel for you. Hope it all gets better.
Heres The List Boys 1. Talk about others and do not boast about yourself 2. Talk about others in a positive light 3. Be usefull 4. Be possitive 5. Be open minded 6. Have no ego be confident not arogant 8. Take critism and learn from mistakes 9. Show up to things you say you are going to 10. Assume innituitive and take action
Honestly I needed this video because I’m a bad situation of losing connection with my friends and family. I’ve been doing all these steps and now I realize what NOT to do! Thank you
I'm a pessimist pretending to be an optimist or actually no. I'm a pessimist but don't spew out the filth. I wonder how is everyone supposed to be so optimistic and outgoing and cheering others when nobody ever was cheering me at all. I don't get it. How can you know a taste of something without ever tasting it?
The problem is that we support a culture that indoctrinates us into these modalities of behavior. Self interest and self fulfillment set on blast, the absolute need for comfort, and resilience that is so thin, a paper lantern would be jealous
I think that was the intent of the video. He single handedly called everyone’s flaws out in one video and showed why they’re toxic. No one is perfect and we can take steps to fix some of these traits. I for sure aligned the most with pessimism. I was way worse when I was younger, but I tend to always get sucked into the negative side of things and habit of complaining. I need to work on tolerating stress better. 😅
Great vid - it's so spot-on. Another trait is that when you do finally make it out for a meet-up, foreshadow it with constant reservations about the meet-up (not feeling 100%, don't want a "mad one", later in the month would have been better but I'll do me best, etc). The result being that your friends get the distinct vibe that you begrudge having to give them a couple of hours of your life and that you are somehow doing them a favour. And so the fun is already sapped out of the occasion before it's even begun 👍
I meet like 80% of this video's criteria, why are people still coming over? WHYYY? The only thing I don't do is talk about myself constantly because I'm too lazy to systematically point out my obvious superiority.
Strangely, people tend to not do what you tell them to do. So by telling us to be negative, talk about ourselves, etc., the way this is presented really puts it into perspective. Thank you Better Ideas, this was great.
It creates a great example of what not to follow as by my observation people find the "inspirational" trope to be too much work or a grand goal whereas videos like this gives us a reason to not sink as low and gives "I realllyyy don't want to be that guy" vibes. Visual representation of negative reinforcement basically (i think? Correct me guys if I'm wrong).
It really drives home the fact that because stuff like this is usually painted in a bad way, you don't want to be a shitty person in general, so you tend to avoid this kind of behavior too. Of course, no one is perfect and we all have flaws of ourselves one way or another. But we can at least slowly develop a habit of being a better person.
Brilliantly applied concept! Some of these made me reconsider my own tendencies and decisions. Specifically the initiative part starting my own things and inviting people.
On the ego thing, I also have a problem. Ego isn't actually thinking about you're perfect! People who hate themselves can also have a big ego, because they think they're more important than they are in others lives. I've dealt with this a lot. I have low self esteem, and in a way it gives me a big ego, because I tend to overcare and think others think about me a lot more than they do.
People with a big ego who are not secretly insecure are rarer than people with a big ego who mean it and actually think highly of themselves. True narcissism is rare; most people with big egos are often depressed, or just have a generally low self-esteem. Whether it's a coping mechanism or their true genuine feelings of self-worth, people with big egos need to fix their attitude, because people will never help you if you act like a jerk.
I feel you on the ego bit. And its never really like you lash put horribly or put people down, its always trying so hard to establish yourself and feel unique. And that never really happens you know? You become so consumed with standing out that you dont realize how agonizing it is to try and stay afloat like that
You just helped me figure out what my problem is. I've always been a bit socially anxious, feeling like people are always watching and judging my every move. Always being afraid to take a step forward, because I'll get "judged" or "made fun of." Always afraid of asking directions from strangers, since they might think I'm stupid and clueless. Afraid that all the mistakes I do is being noticed by everyone, and that they're secretly laughing at me. Because of my fear, I tend to assume the worst that could happen.
"Claim that your a realist even though your really a pessimist" fucking nailed it! I have family that does this and i just recently got done telling them that expecting the worst and expecting people to let you down constantly is PESSIMISM!! That shit felt so good to get off my chest! Thank you for yet another awesome video and they keep getting better! Good shit dude!
In my experience, expecting the worst and assuming that people will let you down is seeing into the future with 99% accuracy (the 1% is when they let me down in such a way that I couldn’t even imagine it)
Thanks for making this video! After watching this, I realised that some of the points you made are actions I have done in the past and still mostly do. Thanks, I will try to work on my personality and mend some of the friendships I have made! This was actually a big help in making me realise a few of the flaws I had/have when talking to friends, well not to the extent of the video but at times I am indeed pessimistic.
00:14 #1 Talk about yourself 01:24 #2 Talk about other people negatively 02:15 #3 Be useless 02:54 #4 Be a pessimist 03:49 #5 Be close-minded 04:28 #6 Develop a large ego 05:08 #8(7) Don't take criticism 07:48 #9 Be flakey 08:50 #10 Never take initiative 11:01 Outro - Borrow money and waste it
How to make your social insecurity worse 1. Have mediocre friends who are negative, pessimistic, and don't bother to include you in plans 2. Figure that it's because you're not good enough -- after all, you've contributed to your own lack of friends in the past, and you're certainly not perfect 3. Become a people-pleaser since it's your only hope of success 4. Your mediocre friends are still mediocre 5. It's your fault.... double-down on becoming a people-pleaser Narcissism and low self-worth are just two sides of the same coin. It's hard to break out of it and truly believe that there's nothing exceptional about you. People can and will let you down. People can and will come through for you.
If you have "mediocre" friends, maybe it's because you can't bring much value to "high quality" people. If YOU are positive, optimistic, and include others in plans, you will have something to offer and form better friendships with psychologically healthier people.
Something that makes people's social lives difficult is rather than sitting in the middle of social and anti social, or perceptively positive or negative behavior, there is a tendency to jump on either side of the see saw without touching the middle. Negativity is a foundation for life. All foundations of all things are negative in nature, either subtracting space, or dividing mass to create a solid plane to build something positive on. If you pay attention to the universe, its darker than it is light, so you have to follow the pattern. The darkness is essential, because Spirit cannot create light except in an incomprehensible darkness. As much as we want order to reign, we are only building order out of chaos
@@udarue they're more than thoughts. They're facts of nature. If you dont acknowledge symbolic laws of nature, you dont have premise on which to communicate, since things only exist in relation to each other. Meaning is created by two things having a relationship. Whether that's magnetic poles, chemical reactions, or human sexuality. It is all based on symbols, because symbols are the true Word of God. When God said let there be light, it wasn't an actual event, because time isn't linear. It is a symbol of how light can only exist in a darkness incomprehensible. God is a donut. You cannot perceive the inner part, because it is actually nothing; a symbol of sacrifice, to give up the heart of oneself to make creation possible. This is what Jesus/Yeshua symbolized, whether you can fit infinity inside of a human being or not, the spirit of a human is the same as the spirit of God. We are only meaningful in the relation of our sacrifices, compromises, and shared values. Because reality is symbolic, humans are nothing but a vehicle for consciousness, for a sliver of God, and only exist within integrated ideas. These ideas are often used to deceive people - especially the notion that there is an essentially true version of ME, but thats not true since I exist infinitely as a manifestation of spirit, across an infinite number of realities branching out of the Tree of Life. However, the message of Adam and Eve is also about light and darkness, because while in the Garden, they were ignorant to everything, and allowed to be that way - only when consuming the results of ignorance, or the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, do we get to grow. Even if we want to see Lucifer as evil, in a mythological, symbolic sense, we were set free in one way - it is this loose freedom that allowed us to be enslaved. We were enslaved by our desire to have a Self, which is why we separate from one another. While light can diffuse, refract, reflect and split into beams, it all descends from the same source, and despite the differences that light causes us to perceive, we are all infinite nothing(chaos/soul) generating a platform for order just by existing. The will is the result of this subtractive pattern - just as how peoples personalities are always propped up on an unconquered trauma, a negative event which fuels their values. The negative event I choose to fuel my values with is this observable nothing/chaos itself. Because when we search hard for meaning, we lose it. When we focus on winning against others, we lose ourselves. When we obsess with identifying narcissism, we become ignorantly narcissistic, and when we think in terms of lack, we become destitute. This is the "Abomination of Desolation" standing in the Holy place, spoken of through Daniel the prophet. Our spirits have become desolate because we have chosen to abandon the presence of God/infinity and therefore do not recieve the abundance inherent to our wills. I don't personally care about having friends, because I rarely see people being friends to themselves. People will do whatever they can to avoid facing and understanding the negative influences in their lives, and because of this, they have no frame of reference for whats actually righteous. I am a friend to everyone I know, I help everyone and I always want to know how people are doing. But I also don't live beyond my means. I understand that the limit of all freedom is the truth itself, which is why I had to leave a lot of my friends behind. I love them, but I can't be with them because they don't understand who they are and remain in the same cycles that we originally related on. I won't slow down in the marathon for my buddies, but I will be standing there at the finish line with water bottles and lawn chairs.
Learn to build strength from overcoming pressure, mainly pressure to conform. To society, to rules , to friends , to family , to life as well as death, whatever comes your way. Expose your weaknesses and pressure points rather than hide them. This process of transformation from depending on others to becoming someone people can depend on is the key to maturity and the single most valuable information I've encountered. " It's not about you hard you can hit, but how hard you can get hit and keep going " , as well as " Do not pray for an easy life but for the strength to endure a difficult one. "
It's kind of a shame that some of these things happen unintentionally because of social anxiety. I feel like a lot of people don't mean to flake out for example, and a cycle of not wanting to go out can emerge.
That is the point. Social anxiety sucks but dying alone sucks more, people need to consciously push through that. Most of the people who get together probably didn't want to leave their houses too as well. The only thing I can think of when I go out with friends is I want to go home and rest.
I have to flake out on work parties because no matter how many times I tell people I don't drink alcohol, they always end up "forgetting" then start buying shots and other drinks. Obviously they expect me to drink it because they bought it for me. Then when I tell people I don't drink they almost get weird with me.
Question. How did you go about changing yourself and was it difficult? I’m in a same situation right now and sometimes I’m not even aware that I’m doing these things.
I would love if this was made into a small film, having a character like this and watching him lose everyone. Having a scene of an uncomfortable brunch would be so good.
I used to be a massive people-pleaser until I started to feel trapped by this and got resentful, then I literally began to enact a lot of these behaviours and eventually did lose most of my friends 😅 No joke, I’m actually happy with the result because now I feel like I have the freedom to develop more healthy friendships in the future
Thank you so much for this tutorial! I promise I shall follow in your footsteps the best I can. Seems like one of my friends has already watched this video 3 years before it came out too! But seriously I sadly show some of these aspects and probably is why I don't have too big of a friend group (not to mention some other aspects of myself). But I'm also surprised that someone I know (who I'm starting to question is truly a friend of mine) shows practically every point in this video and has been since I first met him, though not only does he still have close friends, but a literal circle of them that constantly surrounds him even with the things he does ie: - Once dated a girl in his friend group, for the entirety of the relationship insulted her and 'lectured' her on things she shouldn't do with friends and would only ever go anywhere with her when he wants to (I've been told by the girl he had never gone out with her when she asked, he also sometimes forces her if everything she said was correct). They ended up breaking up because of her 'neediness' and 'clinginess'. - Still constantly insults his closest friends, whether it be politics which usually doesn't even affect us (ie. if you don't follow his exact radical left views or his current hatred for all things anti-west ie. Russians and Chinese people (which includes the entire ethnicity might I add) and sticks to his opinions unless ONE PERSON (which aren't even his parents, but a young radical leftist German dude that my friend has only met via discord calls who, MIGHT I ADD HAS ONCE PUBLICALLY LOOKED FOR CP IN A PUBLIC CHAT ROOM)) to even the smallest daily things like at one point if tea was good or bad. When people bring up good points or state their opinion, it is almost always rebutted with "Well, your opinion is wrong and you are wrong." followed by unrelated reasons and personal insults. Though some people have gotten fed up and have left his group, even more, returned and are still with him to this day. - See's himself as a God, for example in the Discord chat stated above, he has at one point unironically changed his name and pfp make himself seem like a god and for a month straight, acted like one (amplified everything said above plus everything in the video), not only online but in real life too (well the cause was some girl I believe is a closet neo-nazi putting him on a pedestal once). -Any criticism is usually 'taken into account' and is then thrown into the trash and spat on. This is always followed by behind-the-back insults until he is confronted. Unless the criticism is given by the German said above, it would enter one ear and pass straight through the other. If criticism is unwanted, he usually will wither silently stare down the critic or tell them to "Fuck off" when in a bad mood. there's way more but this is a comment section, not Microsoft word, so I'll leave it here.
There are several conversation styles. It's okay if people talk about themselves, since you are your only point of reference anyways. If people constantly expect you to ask them questions, and in return, do never show any interest in you, its just the reverse from "all people hate me because im selfish" to "All people love me because im an empty page they can project themselves on.". I like conversations where people share what they know and lived through. They don't need to be asked, and honestly playing together doesn't mean to command each others next move, but to move along, and move together. The take from this video is simplistic in that regard. Lets take his grandpa example. A "my grandpa died." B "oh my grandpa is in perfect health, im so happy" The main offense here isn't that person B talked about themselves, the real issue is the unemphatic and unrelated response. Instead of mirroring grief and sharing similar experiences to connect, he simply shifted to "oh everything great in my life". That's the issue. Sure, you could ask questions like: "How are you dealing with it?" "Can I help you?" "What would you tell him if he were here right now?" But this can also be perceived as invasive. A story about your own loss can help others to feel understood, and maybe even find new ways to look at their loss in the light of possible recovery. I genuinely hate it how people try to shove their way to do things down everyone throat, and then guilt-trip them for being not like them. It's what narcissists do all the time, and its the "blissful" unawareness of their own flaws that expresses it through that. Ironically, they can verbalize it, and display understanding, but they never understand it. Would be funny if it weren't so fucked up.
Take each thing he says and step-by-step change what you do, but only work on one thing at a time. Eventually, you'll eliminate these mistakes and you'll keep your friends.
bruh, that bit you made on the first point is literally how any conversations with my mom go. it doesn't matter what you try to talk about with her, she always finds a way to make it about herself
5:30 this can be a classic seen of a comedy movie...apart From that you have helped me a lot I have watched all your videos in order from the first one from like 5-6 years ago and I am at thus video and I am commenting for the first time.Your work has changed so many things in my life and for that I am eternally thankful
I have my own success story. Live in a town where the only thing that anyone gives a shit about is football, while you yourself absolutely cannot understand the big deal about football whatsoever. Ta-da!
@@extrashotofespresso_ I've heard people say that before. Yet when others do present an idea of doing something together, their answer is "Nah." Or if they do agree to it (because they never say "Yes" -- they just "agree to it"), they act unresponsive and disinterested the whole time. I also struggle with not having enough real friends, so I'm not doubting your experience. But I find it odd that there are so many lonely people out there, but they all say they can't find anyone. What about one another?
It’s actually very important to learn to be alone. Your current life may require a complete turnaround, and sometimes it means losing all your friends. It’s really important to be 100% honest with yourself. ✌️
you have a good point. I kicked my ex out of the house many years ago and I learned to enjoy my independence and being alone. I still actually prefer that because I've conditioned myself to it. Balance is important though, have a choice amount of family/friends that I share my time with when I'm not at home. Life situations can be sudden though, deaths, illness, etc. one must be prepared
We all catch ourselves doing a couple of these things at times, myself included. It can be hard to change the way you act and think, even the things you do consciously. If you're like me and struggle with being an egotistical asshole at times, you can and will get better, you just have to put in the effort.
These negative how-tos are honestly really great because many of us have an aversion to the things said in self-improvement videos and in this case you end up doing a self audit as you’re saying “that sounds like a bad idea” and in the end it becomes positive
The loss of friends is inevitable, be it due to a change in life circumstances, distance, or simply the passage of time tied to mortality. A lot of friendships end up being situational as well (i.e. school, work, clubs, etc.) which is not a bad thing per se. Once the environment changes, the friendships often but not always go along with it. I try to keep in mind that friendships are meant to be enjoyed while they last, as nothing lasts forever and everything must end someday. Just enjoy the time that you've spent together, the good memories, and such. And when you meet new people later in life and you click, give it a chance. Cheers.
I’ve been a pessimist for the longest time now and I’m just now realizing. I’ve never understood why I can’t keep friendships, until now. I know my self esteem is pretty bad so I isolate myself, because being alone is comforting. All my life I was surrounded by family members who would always make me feel bad about myself and it’s affected me quite a bit now that I’m older. I’ve learned from them and now I’m like them, and they constantly ask why I’m like this? Most of the times I don’t like speaking, I feel like it’s a waste of time. Although I don’t intend to be this way I can’t help it. I often think I have autism mostly because I don’t seem to think clearly. I feel as if I’m stuck in this foggy brain all the time. And you know what, I did it again. I’m writing all these excuses just to prove I’m not a bad person even though I know I am. Or is it just my negative mindset? I don’t know.
I have the same problems and was raised by family who were abusive and made me feel worthless. It’s like it affects how you see everything with negativity. 😞 your not alone
@@Cam70868 hey it feels good to know that others relate to me. It’s been a year since I’ve written this and alot has changed, my life is so much better now that I’ve started therapy and medication. My life truly turned upside down, and I no longer seem to live in negativity. There are times where it feels as if it’s the end of the world for me but I learned to navigate my feelings and thoughts. I’ve met so many new people that I can enjoy talking to and being with, I’m even in a relationship with someone, which I would’ve never imagined. They make me want to be a better person, i wanna progress mentally, emotionally and physically. I just want you to know that it’s never too late to want to get better, it will get better for you :)
How to be miserable your entire life actually resonated with me the most because I could identify things that I was actually 100% doing wrong instead of stuff that I should be doing. Just had more impact when it hit me right on the nose.
How to lose all of your friends in life: 1. Talk almost exclusively about yourself 2. Talk about other people (in the most negative light possible) 3. Be useless. Never extend your hand to help another person. 4. Be a pessimist. 5. Be close minded. Assume you are always right and everyone else is wrong. 6. Develop a large ego. 7. ? 8. Don't take criticism. 9. Be flaky 10. Never assume initiative. Always wait around for other people to come up with things to invite you to. Never have your own ideas.
Extend your hand to help and one day feel like you're being used. So much for being useful without it ever being reciprocated. I know how to help. Since I was a child I helped my deaf parents translate, went out and helped my friends as well. Left exhausted and alone and realized that nobody ever looked after me, even my own parents. Recipe to resent people and never wanting to help.
This is exactly my biological grandmother who died this year. She passed with only one drug addict son in her life.. who she gave half of her pain medicine to every month and most of her ss money to enabling his drug use. Then when she needed a ride to a grocery store or something he wouldn’t come. The reason she didn’t have a vehicle is because he pawned the title years ago and didn’t pay it.
ive been doing this for at least a good part of my life. the reason why i steered my friends a little further away from me is that i didn't want a lot of company and having to handle with a lot of unnecessary stuff (ie drama and fiasco's) so in turn i made sure that i made people subtly steer themselves away from me. i hate having problems, so i became the problem so that i don't have problems. (i have friends i do my best to maintain a healthy relationship with, i just don't want to entertain everyone. i cant refuse them outright, as gossip travels as fast as how wide the web goes.)
Ive just suddenly left people coz of mental trauma probably. When i feel ppl are getting to close to me i just ditch em. I had a break down aswell and now i have 0 friends
Same here. I had a group of Friends that were always involved in dramas and problems, and i dont like the way they have to have fun, so i started to do what you did. I dont want problems.
Same everyone, the TH-cam algorithm is surprisingly wholesome with this sarcastic video! Long story short, I used to be part of a friend group that drinks a lot. But so much drama and infighting made me question whether I should stay. For the sake of my mental and physical health, I just quit. Probably the best decision I ever made, now I’m happy being an introvert.
Having the skits to show real examples is crucial for this kind of topic because some people (like me) don't see themselves doing the things in the video until it's pointed out like this.
As a guy in my late 30s , all I have left is friends that I have known since Childhood. These people are like brothers to me and I can count them on one hand. We all live in different states and get to see each other maybe once a year. Which works out as marriage and kids takes up a lot of time. Honestly not sure I want to make new friends. But I am always kind and respectful to all I meet. Just build the best version of you and things will be ok.
I'm the opposite I have no friends from childhood, middle school, high school and college. Mainly because my dad would constantly move us around for no real reason, which in turn made it really hard to make new friends in school years that already had their friendship groups settled.
Ngl, I did a lot of these, and back then I didn't realize how anti-social it was. Didn't even think I was king-shit or anything, I just had this idea that it was okay to have "true friends" other than the superficial aquintances and with those "true friends" it would be normal to just be completely honest about what I wanted to do and what I didn't care about, which was just me being egocentric. Tbh I often draw blanks talking with people and catch myself refering to myself in that unempathetic way. And I hate myself for it as I'm doing it, but I came up short at guessing what they might be thinking. Worst thing ever is I did have a phonecall with a BS excuse to miss out on a drink with 4 guys... very oof remembering that and how they clearly knew I was bullshitting my reason for staying in. So yeah... I've been way too avoidant. My world is way too "me". Will I ever truly change. The notion to stop doing things that violates your own conscience are words to live by, and something I sadly "allowed" myself to do.
You can always change! Just takes practice & mindfulness. Try to become aware of those instinctual negative reactions and and do as much as you can to stop them in their tracks before acting on them. It takes a lot of conscious thought-work and energy, but it essentially trains your brain to re-wire itself over an extended period of time. It will feel painful to go against your instincts for a bit, but the more you push through the easier it gets! It also helps not to tie your identity into these kinds of habits - you’re not being “un-true to yourself”, you’re just shaking off an old, unhelpful habit. And to take it a step further, try not to be harsh on yourself for acting the way you have up until this point - that negativity just sends you into a negative spiral. The habit of monologuing when you’re not sure what else to say, focusing on yourself and not on others, etc served a purpose for you at some point in your life. Your brain was trying to help you in conversation, or preserve your sense of self when others maybe didn’t treat you well and you weren’t sure what else to do. But obviously you are now at a point where you feel these habits aren’t helping you reach your goals anymore, so it’s time to let them go, and all of that is okay. You got this! :)
me too bro i feel you… i didn’t mean to be cocky or whatever but man i feel so bad and embarrassed now… i was generally just excited withwhat was going on in my life that i wanted to tell everyone around me! ughh here i go again
I'm introverted and don't want to make more friends, but this was a great way to highlight my biggest flaws so I can consciously work on them (complaining, being critical, and backstabbing). Thank you for making this hilarious and informative video.
It takes a big person to realize that about themselves! I’m rooting for you! I have to work on not interrupting and not making everything about myself. Sometimes we don’t realize it until we’re called out, and I love how this video is almost like a wake up call haha.
You may not be introverted because the way the world is today it's not a bad thing to stay in your own lane and be quiet. Fitting in with the crowd isn't good. You can still value companionships and other things as well.
This really inspired me. I’ve been losing my fight in my life, and this motivated me to go outside today and be brave and ignore my anxieties. Thanks man
I love how you were giving advice on how to lose friends While You were also telling us basically what not to to do to lose friends . This is an awesome helpful vid!
I get that this is satire, and it was really well done, but I saw a lot of my past behaviors in this. I was pessimistic, couldn't take criticism, and would judge other people to friends. I am also a drug addict in recovery, and am working on a lot of these behaviors so that I can be a better person to those around me and so that I can more fully enjoy life. Wish someone taught me this when I was younger. Good video tho!
This was actually hard to watch at times. That being said, a good reminder. We could all could stand to check ourselves every now and then. Thanks for another good video!
I love your use of reverse psychology. I realize that I can be flaky, not always giving with my personal gifts and used to be talk too much about myself, but I try. And I realise that I have cut out people who in fact did call themself a “realist” and I couldn’t handle their negativity anymore
I went through some really hard times and have lost most all my friends and acquaintances. A lot of what your saying is true but it’s difficult to change when you naturally don’t find others interesting and always see negativity and demise no matter where you look. I’ll just need to get use to being alone and accept fate
I can't even imagine that you described what really happened to me during past few years. Lost all my friends because of exactly this behavior. Thanks for this kind of self digging, you articulate a lot of what is going on with me subconsciously. Thanks man!
Theres a big difference between talking to someone and talking at them. When two people talk at each other at the same time..neither one could careless what the other is saying. I've seen this happen in bars many times.
I caught a part of myself in the first part of the video. I realize I have a hard time bringing conversation to others rather than to myself. It's something I gotta pay more mind to. Thanks for helping me come to that realization.
Man, some of these are scary relatable. I've been talking about myself too much without realizing it until my sister commented on it. I realized I did it because it was the easiest way to keep a conversation going, talking about how I can relate to a certain topic.
I have actually had too many friends for a point. Not in a healthy "I'm cool way" but in a "everyone says hi when I'm out but never invites me to anything or thinks about me." I never ever talked about myself. I wasn't doing anything with myself. In a way I was living vicariously through other people in an unhealthy way. If I had a potential romantic relationship I hyper fixated on it. I focused on helping other people than myself. I cut my friend group down intentionally to less than 20 people. I'm so much happier and I have relationships that count.
I respect everything you wrote and the decisions you made, even if it seems tough at 1st. The reality is the older you get the more difficult it is to keep up relationships with more than a handful of friends. I recently found it best to cut one of my closest friends off because I realized he was very immature and had Sociopathic behavior, and at 42 years old...nope. I'm done. Good luck to you, and I agree keep the 'relationships that count', the ones that mean everything to you
This was me for a long while. I was incredibly depressed, life wasn't letting up with the blows. The mistake I made was not leaning on my friends for support. Instead I became withdrawn and nasty. I got lucky that I cultivated a group of the kindest people, so I didn't lose any, but I wouldn't have blamed them if they left.
3:45 when I was in depression I was actually doing that but was mostly criticizing myself. My friends were turned off by this until one of my friends finally told me what it is. That's when I realize I have to keep my pessimism to myself.
Kinda. But when you never get friendly words is their fault, not yours for bejng depressed, they dont know how to understand a bad phase, they seem to not care so much about your feelings.. What they want? To be friends only in the good times while with money and drinking booze!? I dont need friends for that..
I've come to a realization that a pessimistic outlook is buried in ones DNA, has to be. I've tried to force myself to be more positive, to very limited results. I always default to expecting the worst out of the world. If you expect the worst outcome, anything better than that is a plus as far as I'm concerned. But yes, always best to keep that pessimism to yourself. No one wants to hear it.
@@pagodebregaeforro2803 A counter point to this is just not knowing how to respond. From my experience with a close friend they'd get depressed/upset easily and were very pessimistic. me and others would try to help with kind words and generally try to comfort them during these times but their pessimism shoots down every attempt, sometimes it even made them feel worse so I just defaulted to not saying anything at all since saying something at best would do nothing to help and at worst would hurt them more than they already are.
I can relate to it. It took me a lifetime to realize that friends do not want 'truth' (my well researched truth, lol) they just want somebody to make them feel better.
I remember I had this friend (we ain’t friends anymore😹), and when he would tell me his problems, I would listen, empathize, and if he sounded like he needed it, I would give him advice (not that he ever took it). The few times I opened up to him, guess how he responded? “It sounds like a you problem” or he would literally say “You’re boring me” or straight up ignore me. I started to notice more and more toxic signs about him and stuck around bc he would have random kind moments sprinkled in and he was going thru a rough time. I think the biggest red flag was when I saw how negatively he treated his so-called best friend from high school and he would always hide in the corner playing on his phone when he would meet up with his other friends. When I would hangout with both him and his best friend, she would end up opening up to me more bc I showed that I cared. I left the guy after I’d had enough and I think she distanced himself from him too, and tbh it’s probably for the best. Who knows, maybe the guy was depressed and that really sucks, but I’m not a therapist or his family and I can’t read his mind :/
Wow, I literally feel like I know who you’re talking about. A guy I know is the same way, lol. Robotics in high school. Also, I had a friend, and she wouldn’t let me talk about my problems because each one she found triggering (meanwhile, she would tell me she would end her life… I would be rude if I said I found that triggering). She eventually said rude things about me, I didn’t think I was being rude, though I know sometimes over text things can appear that way. She probably said rude things behind my back too, that’s typical of her. During our conversations she would talk about how bad her ex-friends were. I just got tired of her. Life is about growing, and she wanted me to be a perfect person (in her eyes). I love debate, that’s my favorite thing do, and she used that against me (if I recall correctly, she never said she didn’t want to debate with me). Mind you, while she was insulting me, I never insulted her once. What I learned from her is that I should not have done things she wanted if she wasn’t willing to do those things in return. I hated talking to her about how she wanted to end her life. I hated talking to her in general. But I did it and didn’t show that. And then when I want to do something I want, nope. After she said rude things about me, I just cancelled my phone service bc she was the only reason I still had it and I wanted to save money. Money isn’t tight, I just like money. I realize now that friendships are just not worth it. They end one way or another. Like this, or through one person dying. Plus I have severe social anxiety, so talking is an issue (though I take meds for it).
@@drews7192 good choice on cutting her off sorry you had such an ass of a "friend" but when your thinking of friendships don't just think of how it'll end, think more so of "if you enjoy being with that person", death is inevitable for everyone and every living thing but you shouldn't let that stop you from making some awesome memories and enjoying yourself possibly with people you wouldn't have considered being friends with when you first meet. you just got to find people who you vibe with also social anxiety sucks I don't know how bad it is for you but if you do have someone you honestly feel 100% comfortable it can help having them around sometimes in social settings.
I have been like that friend too, and I'm aware of the behavior now. I have never received proper emotional support from my parents so comforting people was never my thing, and I would make people more upset about it if I tried to. Even though I cared, I didn't know how to show it, or I would say nothing and freeze, or I would start downplaying those issues. I'm observing my friends on how to become better at it and re-parent myself so I won't do the same mistake again. This video was an eye-opener
Number 10 is probably my biggest weakness when it comes to trying to keep friends. I’ve lost so many if not all of mine because of my poor communication and lack of initiative. It’s a shame because the people I’ve encountered over the years I love them deeply and still think about them and the conversations we had to this day.
I just don’t understand. If you have friends you enjoy being with, then you want to see them right? What’s the thing that keeps you from taking initiative? I’m just curious as I really like to take initiative to meet up with friends.
*“You’ll watch an entire Netflix series even when the first episodes are slow just because someone told you that ‘it gets better’, but what if you looked at your goals like that and watched your life get better instead?”* Love from a small TH-camr💙
Honestly, this video felt as if someone just threw me a bucket full of ice-cold water. The fact that I know I have some of these traits (especially being pessimistic but calling myself a "realist") and they're reflected in the way I interact with people is sad, however, I'm thankful I came across this video, it really put me on my place and definitely will make me reflect and think about how do I really behave around others.
haha same man! I think these examples on how to lose friends, everyone's done one time or another. It's just important that we (me included) learn to be just genuinely nicer friends!
I love how this is like sarcastic therapy. I feel like it's sometimes annoying to have someone try and make you LEARN FROM THEIR SUCCESSES. In these videos he makes people LEARN FROM MISTAKES, which is a nice therapeutic change.
I love that vibe ...and the process
If you want to lose friends just get saved.
Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light.
th-cam.com/video/PpylUDKrHek/w-d-xo.html
I feel like it's because it's more "reachable" yk like, if people keep telling you what you have to success you just think "ugh, I'll never get to that point" but if they tell you what to avoid, you might think "hmm.. I can avoid it and do something else/ "better" instead"
Especially if you realise it by yourself. Sometimes our dumb selves don't want to follow others but if we realise the problems by ourselves, we actually have a kind of source of motivation coming from us?
Yes it's a good way of hitting the message home
"Sarcastic therapy".......love it, haha!
People without friends: I'm 4 parallel universes ahead of you
@Mikaa He's an animal?
THIS VIDEO WAS UPLOADED 14 MINUTES AGO, HOW TF ARE YOU SO FAST?????
@Mikaa they had the speedrun world record
Just Some Guy without a Mustache yo i see you in all the vids im watching
@@fivr. maybe he gave his account to multiple people. Just like that guy *OwO*
You can't lose friends if you have no friends. Modern problems require modern solutions.
That's sad but funny 🤣
You're witnessing a master at work.
i relate
I too relate
Donno if I must be happy or sad bout this.
I have always been an extrovert and used to have atleast one or two close friends with me throughout high school & pre-uni
But now, here I am in 2nd semester of BTech, with no close friends nor a single kind soul to share anything with.
I feel so helpless and lost
😂❤
the meaning
00:14 #1 Talk about others
01:24 #2 Talk about other people traits positively
02:15 #3 try to contribute
02:54 #4 optimism is important
03:49 #5 Be open-minded
04:28 #6 Dont have a large ego
05:08 #8 Allow yourself to take criticism
07:48 #9 stop Being flakey
08:50 #10 dont be afraid to take initiative
criticism is not racism right
@@kolex3713 huh?
#11 You shoot your coom on their wall during a party
First one should be learn to listen
I have a question for the no 3! What if they make you not want to learn anymore, make yourself limited. People generally see others as static, but we change all the time.
The biggest mistake you can make in your life isn't procrastinating, being stuck, or feeling tired. It's talking to Joey about grandpas.
Nice to see you here, Cole! Big fan👋
😂😂🤪
A collab with Joey would be awesome :)
You had me in the first half. Not gonna lie. 😆
Cole i love your videos!!!
Easiest way to “lose” your friends is stay on your own grind and not answer any texts or calls
Thanks God I'm save, because I don't get any.
@@_jn0298 not anymore
Lol I’ve been accidentally doing this. Can confirm people become angry.
Can't answer any, when i don't get any :)
My friend will keep calling and texting, they don't give up. I'm lucky.
The pandemic became a reason for me to disappear, and eventually I moved away from everyone I know.
I was just so exhausted, burnt out really and didn't want to deal with always being in-demand. The problem is that I developed all of these traits in the video because of exhaustion, and I feel guilt and shame for it now and the irreparable damage that I have done to some relationships in my life. I wish I had had the insight at the time to just say "You know what, I love you but I really need some time away to just focus on myself". I would then have given people the option to opt out or be supportive and give me some space. Instead I gave them nothing, no explanations, no honesty I just withdrew, and I regret that. And ironically, I am still just as exhausted.
The big thing missing from this video is any observation on health. Better Ideas assumes that everyone has normal energy levels, but we don't. If you're exhausted, unhappy, or mildly unwell, you just cannot generate the happy energy you need to keep up with other happy, energetic people. If this is the problem for you don't beat yourself up about it. Try to address the health problem, then find people who will accept you at the energy level you can maintain.
Watching this video just made me think of how hard it is to be social if you've got a problem (chronic fatigue, in my case). I didn't have any of these traits before I became ill, but illness and isolation can make being normal quite difficult. I feel for you. Hope it all gets better.
I lost all of my friends few years ago, one by one and I'm still learning how to live without friends.
You and me both!
I bet mostly of them were just a waste of time, you can have just 2-3 real friends in your life.
Same here
Yep here too 😪
Heres The List Boys
1. Talk about others and do not boast about yourself
2. Talk about others in a positive light
3. Be usefull
4. Be possitive
5. Be open minded
6. Have no ego be confident not arogant
8. Take critism and learn from mistakes
9. Show up to things you say you are going to
10. Assume innituitive and take action
where's number 7 🖐🏻💀
7. Be open about your flaws
@@alksonalex186 tyyyyyy💕💕✨
Bruh how can I lose my friends by doing that??
@@EJ-kc9ud oh no, this is things you DO to keep your friends. it says that in the video-👁👄👁
FINALLY. I have been way to popular I needed this
😂
😂😂😂🤪
😂
TOO GAWDDAMMIT
Mee too xddddddd
Literally if there were more therapists like this I think people would be so much happier.
You can't please everyone so you've got to please yourself.
Honestly I needed this video because I’m a bad situation of losing connection with my friends and family. I’ve been doing all these steps and now I realize what NOT to do! Thank you
A blessing in disguise
I feel you. Been doing a lot of the same things. But it's all about improvement right?
@@hankatten1421 it sure is my friend
I'm a pessimist pretending to be an optimist or actually no. I'm a pessimist but don't spew out the filth. I wonder how is everyone supposed to be so optimistic and outgoing and cheering others when nobody ever was cheering me at all. I don't get it. How can you know a taste of something without ever tasting it?
Exactly.. it totally hit the point ..
The problem is, we all have all of these traits at varying levels throughout our entire lives
Doesn’t hurt to realize that you’re doing these things and how they affect others
The problem is that we support a culture that indoctrinates us into these modalities of behavior.
Self interest and self fulfillment set on blast, the absolute need for comfort, and resilience that is so thin, a paper lantern would be jealous
Of course. Doing any things sparingly doesn’t make you a bad person…just a person. Doing it way too often does.
I think that was the intent of the video. He single handedly called everyone’s flaws out in one video and showed why they’re toxic. No one is perfect and we can take steps to fix some of these traits. I for sure aligned the most with pessimism. I was way worse when I was younger, but I tend to always get sucked into the negative side of things and habit of complaining. I need to work on tolerating stress better. 😅
Yeah
Great vid - it's so spot-on. Another trait is that when you do finally make it out for a meet-up, foreshadow it with constant reservations about the meet-up (not feeling 100%, don't want a "mad one", later in the month would have been better but I'll do me best, etc). The result being that your friends get the distinct vibe that you begrudge having to give them a couple of hours of your life and that you are somehow doing them a favour. And so the fun is already sapped out of the occasion before it's even begun 👍
I thought this was gonna be a deep dive into how this guy lost his actual friends, but this was way funnier than I expected
wow that would be a really sad video lool
I meet like 80% of this video's criteria, why are people still coming over? WHYYY? The only thing I don't do is talk about myself constantly because I'm too lazy to systematically point out my obvious superiority.
@@hellriser8955 I'm just gonna pretend that this is satire.
same. i did not know what to expect
@@blokvader8283 Nope.
Strangely, people tend to not do what you tell them to do. So by telling us to be negative, talk about ourselves, etc., the way this is presented really puts it into perspective. Thank you Better Ideas, this was great.
It creates a great example of what not to follow as by my observation people find the "inspirational" trope to be too much work or a grand goal whereas videos like this gives us a reason to not sink as low and gives "I realllyyy don't want to be that guy" vibes. Visual representation of negative reinforcement basically (i think? Correct me guys if I'm wrong).
@@blacklight1104 the part where you said "I really dont want to be that guy", that was perfect way to explain it
Yeah most people are this bad generally too
It really drives home the fact that because stuff like this is usually painted in a bad way, you don't want to be a shitty person in general, so you tend to avoid this kind of behavior too. Of course, no one is perfect and we all have flaws of ourselves one way or another. But we can at least slowly develop a habit of being a better person.
@@blacklight1104 I don't want to be that guy but I am
I love everything you’re doing. Really gives me some motivation when I most need it.
But these videos are some of my favorite.
Brilliantly applied concept! Some of these made me reconsider my own tendencies and decisions. Specifically the initiative part starting my own things and inviting people.
On the ego thing, I also have a problem. Ego isn't actually thinking about you're perfect! People who hate themselves can also have a big ego, because they think they're more important than they are in others lives. I've dealt with this a lot. I have low self esteem, and in a way it gives me a big ego, because I tend to overcare and think others think about me a lot more than they do.
People with a big ego who are not secretly insecure are rarer than people with a big ego who mean it and actually think highly of themselves. True narcissism is rare; most people with big egos are often depressed, or just have a generally low self-esteem.
Whether it's a coping mechanism or their true genuine feelings of self-worth, people with big egos need to fix their attitude, because people will never help you if you act like a jerk.
I feel you on the ego bit. And its never really like you lash put horribly or put people down, its always trying so hard to establish yourself and feel unique. And that never really happens you know? You become so consumed with standing out that you dont realize how agonizing it is to try and stay afloat like that
You just helped me figure out what my problem is. I've always been a bit socially anxious, feeling like people are always watching and judging my every move. Always being afraid to take a step forward, because I'll get "judged" or "made fun of." Always afraid of asking directions from strangers, since they might think I'm stupid and clueless. Afraid that all the mistakes I do is being noticed by everyone, and that they're secretly laughing at me. Because of my fear, I tend to assume the worst that could happen.
@@noahboddie3482 Reminds me of people with weird gender pronouns haha
@@odylan5796 Makes you sound like a very unlikeable person if I'm honest
"Claim that your a realist even though your really a pessimist" fucking nailed it! I have family that does this and i just recently got done telling them that expecting the worst and expecting people to let you down constantly is PESSIMISM!! That shit felt so good to get off my chest!
Thank you for yet another awesome video and they keep getting better! Good shit dude!
*you're
Yo I got some family doing that shit too, and they act like that and their shit don't stink.
@@romeohio19 I love you
I always expect the worse so I'm prepared. Don't know if that's pessimism but it saved me countless times.
In my experience, expecting the worst and assuming that people will let you down is seeing into the future with 99% accuracy (the 1% is when they let me down in such a way that I couldn’t even imagine it)
I've struggled with pessimism. Another one not on the list is brutal honesty. People hate when you constantly speak your mind.
People hate when you see through their bullshit
Thanks for making this video! After watching this, I realised that some of the points you made are actions I have done in the past and still mostly do. Thanks, I will try to work on my personality and mend some of the friendships I have made! This was actually a big help in making me realise a few of the flaws I had/have when talking to friends, well not to the extent of the video but at times I am indeed pessimistic.
00:14 #1 Talk about yourself
01:24 #2 Talk about other people negatively
02:15 #3 Be useless
02:54 #4 Be a pessimist
03:49 #5 Be close-minded
04:28 #6 Develop a large ego
05:08 #8(7) Don't take criticism
07:48 #9 Be flakey
08:50 #10 Never take initiative
11:01 Outro - Borrow money and waste it
MVP
Already taking the advice and being useful
#saved
Why do I feel like people like this actually have more friends, people get rewarded for being toxic
Fuck, pretty much nailed it.
How to make your social insecurity worse
1. Have mediocre friends who are negative, pessimistic, and don't bother to include you in plans
2. Figure that it's because you're not good enough -- after all, you've contributed to your own lack of friends in the past, and you're certainly not perfect
3. Become a people-pleaser since it's your only hope of success
4. Your mediocre friends are still mediocre
5. It's your fault.... double-down on becoming a people-pleaser
Narcissism and low self-worth are just two sides of the same coin. It's hard to break out of it and truly believe that there's nothing exceptional about you. People can and will let you down. People can and will come through for you.
If you have "mediocre" friends, maybe it's because you can't bring much value to "high quality" people. If YOU are positive, optimistic, and include others in plans, you will have something to offer and form better friendships with psychologically healthier people.
Something that makes people's social lives difficult is rather than sitting in the middle of social and anti social, or perceptively positive or negative behavior, there is a tendency to jump on either side of the see saw without touching the middle.
Negativity is a foundation for life. All foundations of all things are negative in nature, either subtracting space, or dividing mass to create a solid plane to build something positive on. If you pay attention to the universe, its darker than it is light, so you have to follow the pattern. The darkness is essential, because Spirit cannot create light except in an incomprehensible darkness. As much as we want order to reign, we are only building order out of chaos
@@ahhthatsjustgrand6502 deep and wise thoughts
@@udarue they're more than thoughts. They're facts of nature. If you dont acknowledge symbolic laws of nature, you dont have premise on which to communicate, since things only exist in relation to each other. Meaning is created by two things having a relationship. Whether that's magnetic poles, chemical reactions, or human sexuality.
It is all based on symbols, because symbols are the true Word of God.
When God said let there be light, it wasn't an actual event, because time isn't linear. It is a symbol of how light can only exist in a darkness incomprehensible.
God is a donut. You cannot perceive the inner part, because it is actually nothing; a symbol of sacrifice, to give up the heart of oneself to make creation possible.
This is what Jesus/Yeshua symbolized, whether you can fit infinity inside of a human being or not, the spirit of a human is the same as the spirit of God.
We are only meaningful in the relation of our sacrifices, compromises, and shared values.
Because reality is symbolic, humans are nothing but a vehicle for consciousness, for a sliver of God, and only exist within integrated ideas.
These ideas are often used to deceive people - especially the notion that there is an essentially true version of ME, but thats not true since I exist infinitely as a manifestation of spirit, across an infinite number of realities branching out of the Tree of Life.
However, the message of Adam and Eve is also about light and darkness, because while in the Garden, they were ignorant to everything, and allowed to be that way - only when consuming the results of ignorance, or the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, do we get to grow.
Even if we want to see Lucifer as evil, in a mythological, symbolic sense, we were set free in one way - it is this loose freedom that allowed us to be enslaved. We were enslaved by our desire to have a Self, which is why we separate from one another. While light can diffuse, refract, reflect and split into beams, it all descends from the same source, and despite the differences that light causes us to perceive, we are all infinite nothing(chaos/soul) generating a platform for order just by existing. The will is the result of this subtractive pattern - just as how peoples personalities are always propped up on an unconquered trauma, a negative event which fuels their values.
The negative event I choose to fuel my values with is this observable nothing/chaos itself. Because when we search hard for meaning, we lose it.
When we focus on winning against others, we lose ourselves.
When we obsess with identifying narcissism, we become ignorantly narcissistic, and when we think in terms of lack, we become destitute.
This is the "Abomination of Desolation" standing in the Holy place, spoken of through Daniel the prophet.
Our spirits have become desolate because we have chosen to abandon the presence of God/infinity and therefore do not recieve the abundance inherent to our wills.
I don't personally care about having friends, because I rarely see people being friends to themselves. People will do whatever they can to avoid facing and understanding the negative influences in their lives, and because of this, they have no frame of reference for whats actually righteous.
I am a friend to everyone I know, I help everyone and I always want to know how people are doing. But I also don't live beyond my means. I understand that the limit of all freedom is the truth itself, which is why I had to leave a lot of my friends behind. I love them, but I can't be with them because they don't understand who they are and remain in the same cycles that we originally related on.
I won't slow down in the marathon for my buddies, but I will be standing there at the finish line with water bottles and lawn chairs.
Learn to build strength from overcoming pressure, mainly pressure to conform. To society, to rules , to friends , to family , to life as well as death, whatever comes your way. Expose your weaknesses and pressure points rather than hide them.
This process of transformation from depending on others to becoming someone people can depend on is the key to maturity and the single most valuable information I've encountered.
" It's not about you hard you can hit, but how hard you can get hit and keep going " , as well as " Do not pray for an easy life but for the strength to endure a difficult one. "
Thank you! It really worked! Finally that everlasting „you are my friend, blabla“ has come to an end. Great tutorial
it feels much clearer to be told what not to than what to, i feel like i'm guilty of a few of these myself, had me self reflect
It's kind of a shame that some of these things happen unintentionally because of social anxiety. I feel like a lot of people don't mean to flake out for example, and a cycle of not wanting to go out can emerge.
Flaking sucks for everyone. People have to adjust plans because of you and you can just _feel_ your reputation worsening with your friends.
That is the point. Social anxiety sucks but dying alone sucks more, people need to consciously push through that. Most of the people who get together probably didn't want to leave their houses too as well.
The only thing I can think of when I go out with friends is I want to go home and rest.
It happens intentionally if you have social anxiety. It's just that your brain is making sure the wrong thing happens.
@@jakkankyou are going to die alone in any case, so it doesn’t matter
I have to flake out on work parties because no matter how many times I tell people I don't drink alcohol, they always end up "forgetting" then start buying shots and other drinks. Obviously they expect me to drink it because they bought it for me. Then when I tell people I don't drink they almost get weird with me.
As an introvert with social anxiety ,i have done most of the things you said. (Except criticism , pessimism)
And yes,this works .
Punctuation should have a space after it, not before or both.
Introvert is NOT social anxiety
@@gumbum1988 they said introvert with social anxiety
Question. How did you go about changing yourself and was it difficult? I’m in a same situation right now and sometimes I’m not even aware that I’m doing these things.
@@matturner6890 you're a good guy just shut up no one asked
I would love if this was made into a small film, having a character like this and watching him lose everyone. Having a scene of an uncomfortable brunch would be so good.
I need to do the exact opposite of these steps. Being lonely sucks
I used to be a massive people-pleaser until I started to feel trapped by this and got resentful, then I literally began to enact a lot of these behaviours and eventually did lose most of my friends 😅 No joke, I’m actually happy with the result because now I feel like I have the freedom to develop more healthy friendships in the future
I know exactly what you're talking about
I want to do the Same
@@thesmartone6601 you got strength in your butt. pull it out, and do it. :)
❤
Without friends, who would be there to tell you about all your shortcomings and flaws??
Thank you so much for this tutorial! I promise I shall follow in your footsteps the best I can. Seems like one of my friends has already watched this video 3 years before it came out too!
But seriously I sadly show some of these aspects and probably is why I don't have too big of a friend group (not to mention some other aspects of myself). But I'm also surprised that someone I know (who I'm starting to question is truly a friend of mine) shows practically every point in this video and has been since I first met him, though not only does he still have close friends, but a literal circle of them that constantly surrounds him even with the things he does ie:
- Once dated a girl in his friend group, for the entirety of the relationship insulted her and 'lectured' her on things she shouldn't do with friends and would only ever go anywhere with her when he wants to (I've been told by the girl he had never gone out with her when she asked, he also sometimes forces her if everything she said was correct). They ended up breaking up because of her 'neediness' and 'clinginess'.
- Still constantly insults his closest friends, whether it be politics which usually doesn't even affect us (ie. if you don't follow his exact radical left views or his current hatred for all things anti-west ie. Russians and Chinese people (which includes the entire ethnicity might I add) and sticks to his opinions unless ONE PERSON (which aren't even his parents, but a young radical leftist German dude that my friend has only met via discord calls who, MIGHT I ADD HAS ONCE PUBLICALLY LOOKED FOR CP IN A PUBLIC CHAT ROOM)) to even the smallest daily things like at one point if tea was good or bad. When people bring up good points or state their opinion, it is almost always rebutted with "Well, your opinion is wrong and you are wrong." followed by unrelated reasons and personal insults. Though some people have gotten fed up and have left his group, even more, returned and are still with him to this day.
- See's himself as a God, for example in the Discord chat stated above, he has at one point unironically changed his name and pfp make himself seem like a god and for a month straight, acted like one (amplified everything said above plus everything in the video), not only online but in real life too (well the cause was some girl I believe is a closet neo-nazi putting him on a pedestal once).
-Any criticism is usually 'taken into account' and is then thrown into the trash and spat on. This is always followed by behind-the-back insults until he is confronted. Unless the criticism is given by the German said above, it would enter one ear and pass straight through the other. If criticism is unwanted, he usually will wither silently stare down the critic or tell them to "Fuck off" when in a bad mood.
there's way more but this is a comment section, not Microsoft word, so I'll leave it here.
It's depressing the fact that i don't want to lose people but i usually make these mistakes when socializing with them.
Yeah don’t blame yourself, watching this with social anxiety was just a slap in the face.
@@deimos6809 just know that you're also trying your best to be considerate and people will notice that too.
There are several conversation styles. It's okay if people talk about themselves, since you are your only point of reference anyways.
If people constantly expect you to ask them questions, and in return, do never show any interest in you,
its just the reverse from "all people hate me because im selfish" to "All people love me because im an empty page they can project themselves on.".
I like conversations where people share what they know and lived through. They don't need to be asked,
and honestly playing together doesn't mean to command each others next move, but to move along, and move together.
The take from this video is simplistic in that regard. Lets take his grandpa example.
A "my grandpa died."
B "oh my grandpa is in perfect health, im so happy"
The main offense here isn't that person B talked about themselves,
the real issue is the unemphatic and unrelated response.
Instead of mirroring grief and sharing similar experiences to connect,
he simply shifted to "oh everything great in my life". That's the issue.
Sure, you could ask questions like:
"How are you dealing with it?"
"Can I help you?"
"What would you tell him if he were here right now?"
But this can also be perceived as invasive.
A story about your own loss can help others to feel understood, and maybe even find new ways to look at their loss in the light of possible recovery.
I genuinely hate it how people try to shove their way to do things down everyone throat, and then guilt-trip them for being not like them.
It's what narcissists do all the time, and its the "blissful" unawareness of their own flaws that expresses it through that.
Ironically, they can verbalize it, and display understanding, but they never understand it.
Would be funny if it weren't so fucked up.
Take each thing he says and step-by-step change what you do, but only work on one thing at a time. Eventually, you'll eliminate these mistakes and you'll keep your friends.
You too you were watching this thinking "omg that's litteraly me"
I tend to be like this, its like i have some giant hidden arrogance. But now i know why im lonely, thank you for putting light on this man!
This is the person I become when people treat me like shit and I don't regret it 😎 it's better to be alone than surrounded by people that hate you. 💯
bruh, that bit you made on the first point is literally how any conversations with my mom go. it doesn't matter what you try to talk about with her, she always finds a way to make it about herself
Same with my mom. And she always is the hero of any story. And then she wonders why i dont want to be in touch more than have to.
Get rid of her
Well that'll be a crime then wouldn't it?
Ah I see, taking the fine advice of the video by complaining about others
dude… send her this video
Anti-motivational videos to motivate us. Joey here is ahead of the youtube game.
I am not able to understand, what point is he trying to make?
@@ROTHSTEIN01 he’s saying these things are the reasons why you might not have friends. So do the opposite.
Creative gotta give credit
5:30 this can be a classic seen of a comedy movie...apart From that you have helped me a lot I have watched all your videos in order from the first one from like 5-6 years ago and I am at thus video and I am commenting for the first time.Your work has changed so many things in my life and for that I am eternally thankful
I’ve used this so much, thank you. I’m the pinnacle of a social outcast now!
Or just take my approach and have none to begin with. Then you can’t lose any!!
We're living in 2021 and my man is out there living in 3021
I have my own success story. Live in a town where the only thing that anyone gives a shit about is football, while you yourself absolutely cannot understand the big deal about football whatsoever. Ta-da!
Sounds like a miserable life
@@cirogarcia9951 as someone who is currently experiencing this in my 20s, it is lol.
@@extrashotofespresso_ I've heard people say that before. Yet when others do present an idea of doing something together, their answer is "Nah."
Or if they do agree to it (because they never say "Yes" -- they just "agree to it"), they act unresponsive and disinterested the whole time.
I also struggle with not having enough real friends, so I'm not doubting your experience. But I find it odd that there are so many lonely people out there, but they all say they can't find anyone. What about one another?
Me with no friends:
"I dont have that weakness"
I love how this so perfectly sums up one of my teachers.
It’s actually very important to learn to be alone.
Your current life may require a complete turnaround,
and sometimes it means losing all your friends.
It’s really important to be 100% honest with yourself. ✌️
you have a good point. I kicked my ex out of the house many years ago and I learned to enjoy my independence and being alone. I still actually prefer that because I've conditioned myself to it. Balance is important though, have a choice amount of family/friends that I share my time with when I'm not at home.
Life situations can be sudden though, deaths, illness, etc. one must be prepared
Agreed, so true
We all catch ourselves doing a couple of these things at times, myself included. It can be hard to change the way you act and think, even the things you do consciously. If you're like me and struggle with being an egotistical asshole at times, you can and will get better, you just have to put in the effort.
Underrated comment.
You can always be too nice and make people walk all over you. There should always be a balance be self aware.
These negative how-tos are honestly really great because many of us have an aversion to the things said in self-improvement videos and in this case you end up doing a self audit as you’re saying “that sounds like a bad idea” and in the end it becomes positive
WARNING I am the unprettiest human YTer worldwide. Take the hint, dear ben
The loss of friends is inevitable, be it due to a change in life circumstances, distance, or simply the passage of time tied to mortality. A lot of friendships end up being situational as well (i.e. school, work, clubs, etc.) which is not a bad thing per se. Once the environment changes, the friendships often but not always go along with it. I try to keep in mind that friendships are meant to be enjoyed while they last, as nothing lasts forever and everything must end someday. Just enjoy the time that you've spent together, the good memories, and such. And when you meet new people later in life and you click, give it a chance. Cheers.
I’ve been a pessimist for the longest time now and I’m just now realizing. I’ve never understood why I can’t keep friendships, until now. I know my self esteem is pretty bad so I isolate myself, because being alone is comforting. All my life I was surrounded by family members who would always make me feel bad about myself and it’s affected me quite a bit now that I’m older. I’ve learned from them and now I’m like them, and they constantly ask why I’m like this? Most of the times I don’t like speaking, I feel like it’s a waste of time. Although I don’t intend to be this way I can’t help it. I often think I have autism mostly because I don’t seem to think clearly. I feel as if I’m stuck in this foggy brain all the time. And you know what, I did it again. I’m writing all these excuses just to prove I’m not a bad person even though I know I am.
Or is it just my negative mindset? I don’t know.
Because you are surrounded by toxic people who emotionally manipulate you. Key signs are guilt tripping you to do things for them.
I have the same problems and was raised by family who were abusive and made me feel worthless. It’s like it affects how you see everything with negativity. 😞 your not alone
@@Cam70868 hey it feels good to know that others relate to me. It’s been a year since I’ve written this and alot has changed, my life is so much better now that I’ve started therapy and medication. My life truly turned upside down, and I no longer seem to live in negativity. There are times where it feels as if it’s the end of the world for me but I learned to navigate my feelings and thoughts. I’ve met so many new people that I can enjoy talking to and being with, I’m even in a relationship with someone, which I would’ve never imagined. They make me want to be a better person, i wanna progress mentally, emotionally and physically. I just want you to know that it’s never too late to want to get better, it will get better for you :)
How to be miserable your entire life actually resonated with me the most because I could identify things that I was actually 100% doing wrong instead of stuff that I should be doing. Just had more impact when it hit me right on the nose.
yes i am also in the humble group and seing space for improvement how to keep friends. first points hard to imagine someone does not sometime do 😒
How to lose all of your friends in life:
1. Talk almost exclusively about yourself
2. Talk about other people (in the most negative light possible)
3. Be useless. Never extend your hand to help another person.
4. Be a pessimist.
5. Be close minded. Assume you are always right and everyone else is wrong.
6. Develop a large ego.
7. ?
8. Don't take criticism.
9. Be flaky
10. Never assume initiative. Always wait around for other people to come up with things to invite you to. Never have your own ideas.
7 = have no flaws, if you have one, hide it.
Damn looks like I'm doing pretty well haha
Don't answer questions, ask questions.
Thank you I screenshot the list 🙈😂
Extend your hand to help and one day feel like you're being used. So much for being useful without it ever being reciprocated. I know how to help. Since I was a child I helped my deaf parents translate, went out and helped my friends as well. Left exhausted and alone and realized that nobody ever looked after me, even my own parents. Recipe to resent people and never wanting to help.
This is exactly my biological grandmother who died this year. She passed with only one drug addict son in her life.. who she gave half of her pain medicine to every month and most of her ss money to enabling his drug use. Then when she needed a ride to a grocery store or something he wouldn’t come. The reason she didn’t have a vehicle is because he pawned the title years ago and didn’t pay it.
I’ve listened to this multiple times, and now it’s in my recommended again, just in time.
ive been doing this for at least a good part of my life. the reason why i steered my friends a little further away from me is that i didn't want a lot of company and having to handle with a lot of unnecessary stuff (ie drama and fiasco's) so in turn i made sure that i made people subtly steer themselves away from me.
i hate having problems, so i became the problem so that i don't have problems.
(i have friends i do my best to maintain a healthy relationship with, i just don't want to entertain everyone. i cant refuse them outright, as gossip travels as fast as how wide the web goes.)
Ive just suddenly left people coz of mental trauma probably. When i feel ppl are getting to close to me i just ditch em. I had a break down aswell and now i have 0 friends
Same here. I had a group of Friends that were always involved in dramas and problems, and i dont like the way they have to have fun, so i started to do what you did.
I dont want problems.
Same everyone, the TH-cam algorithm is surprisingly wholesome with this sarcastic video! Long story short, I used to be part of a friend group that drinks a lot. But so much drama and infighting made me question whether I should stay. For the sake of my mental and physical health, I just quit. Probably the best decision I ever made, now I’m happy being an introvert.
Cope
Hello, I'm the Meme Bot. I might not be sentient, but I do appreciate a good video
love the little skits in between and the way this whole video was written in general, amazing work as always
The skits brought some of it home to me.. I used to or do some of these. Pessimism is one of the easiest to fall into for me
Having the skits to show real examples is crucial for this kind of topic because some people (like me) don't see themselves doing the things in the video until it's pointed out like this.
@@OhWaker 💯 percent agree with that. Saw myself in a few of these 😬
This is such a well put together video. Number 2 I think is something I need to work on more.
As a guy in my late 30s , all I have left is friends that I have known since Childhood. These people are like brothers to me and I can count them on one hand. We all live in different states and get to see each other maybe once a year. Which works out as marriage and kids takes up a lot of time. Honestly not sure I want to make new friends. But I am always kind and respectful to all I meet. Just build the best version of you and things will be ok.
Wife and kids are the root of the problem.
I'm the opposite I have no friends from childhood, middle school, high school and college.
Mainly because my dad would constantly move us around for no real reason, which in turn made it really hard to make new friends in school years that already had their friendship groups settled.
Ngl, I did a lot of these, and back then I didn't realize how anti-social it was. Didn't even think I was king-shit or anything, I just had this idea that it was okay to have "true friends" other than the superficial aquintances and with those "true friends" it would be normal to just be completely honest about what I wanted to do and what I didn't care about, which was just me being egocentric. Tbh I often draw blanks talking with people and catch myself refering to myself in that unempathetic way. And I hate myself for it as I'm doing it, but I came up short at guessing what they might be thinking. Worst thing ever is I did have a phonecall with a BS excuse to miss out on a drink with 4 guys... very oof remembering that and how they clearly knew I was bullshitting my reason for staying in.
So yeah... I've been way too avoidant. My world is way too "me". Will I ever truly change. The notion to stop doing things that violates your own conscience are words to live by, and something I sadly "allowed" myself to do.
You can always change! Just takes practice & mindfulness. Try to become aware of those instinctual negative reactions and and do as much as you can to stop them in their tracks before acting on them. It takes a lot of conscious thought-work and energy, but it essentially trains your brain to re-wire itself over an extended period of time.
It will feel painful to go against your instincts for a bit, but the more you push through the easier it gets! It also helps not to tie your identity into these kinds of habits - you’re not being “un-true to yourself”, you’re just shaking off an old, unhelpful habit.
And to take it a step further, try not to be harsh on yourself for acting the way you have up until this point - that negativity just sends you into a negative spiral. The habit of monologuing when you’re not sure what else to say, focusing on yourself and not on others, etc served a purpose for you at some point in your life. Your brain was trying to help you in conversation, or preserve your sense of self when others maybe didn’t treat you well and you weren’t sure what else to do. But obviously you are now at a point where you feel these habits aren’t helping you reach your goals anymore, so it’s time to let them go, and all of that is okay.
You got this! :)
@@eckey03 Thank you for the encouraging words. I definitely feel like trying.
@@linkenski best of luck to you, friend :)
me too bro i feel you… i didn’t mean to be cocky or whatever but man i feel so bad and embarrassed now… i was generally just excited withwhat was going on in my life that i wanted to tell everyone around me! ughh here i go again
Oh yeah, you'll change. Just keep working
"you're not a monkey, this isn't the circus
Always keep your gifts and talent to yourself" xD
Talking about someone that they don’t even know is a good one because that keeps the focus on you
Made me really take a good look at myself and my relationships. Good vid
I'm introverted and don't want to make more friends, but this was a great way to highlight my biggest flaws so I can consciously work on them (complaining, being critical, and backstabbing). Thank you for making this hilarious and informative video.
It takes a big person to realize that about themselves! I’m rooting for you! I have to work on not interrupting and not making everything about myself. Sometimes we don’t realize it until we’re called out, and I love how this video is almost like a wake up call haha.
@@eslamedneney2084 no
You may not be introverted because the way the world is today it's not a bad thing to stay in your own lane and be quiet. Fitting in with the crowd isn't good. You can still value companionships and other things as well.
So edgy
@@moneymaykerhustlersarcastic
This really inspired me. I’ve been losing my fight in my life, and this motivated me to go outside today and be brave and ignore my anxieties. Thanks man
as someone with no friends I see this as a absolutely win
Thanks, man. I've been trying to get rid of these people around me for awhile now. Good advice.
I love how you were giving advice on how to lose friends
While
You were also telling us basically what not to to do to lose friends . This is an awesome helpful vid!
That’s the point brother
@@Legalnamejeff I know and it's brilliant!😁
@@Legalnamejeff thats the point of the comment to state that the video was well put....
LOSE*
I get that this is satire, and it was really well done, but I saw a lot of my past behaviors in this. I was pessimistic, couldn't take criticism, and would judge other people to friends. I am also a drug addict in recovery, and am working on a lot of these behaviors so that I can be a better person to those around me and so that I can more fully enjoy life. Wish someone taught me this when I was younger. Good video tho!
This was actually hard to watch at times. That being said, a good reminder. We could
all could stand to check ourselves every now and then. Thanks for another good video!
perfectly explained and amazing execution
The most honest Self improvement channel in youtube
Why?
Lol
A staring role on To Catch a Predator should be able to speedrun this video
Starring
@@cashtatum6158 While that - starring - is surely what's intended, a "staring" role is certainly in that vein.
@@Ejexion who’s staring
@Samsung Concepts why is he staring at it thought he was starring in it
Just constantly fart and poop your pants.
I love your use of reverse psychology. I realize that I can be flaky, not always giving with my personal gifts and used to be talk too much about myself, but I try. And I realise that I have cut out people who in fact did call themself a “realist” and I couldn’t handle their negativity anymore
I went through some really hard times and have lost most all my friends and acquaintances. A lot of what your saying is true but it’s difficult to change when you naturally don’t find others interesting and always see negativity and demise no matter where you look. I’ll just need to get use to being alone and accept fate
The billboard skit HAHAHAHAHA
PADDY
My life as a designer (both in Joey's position and his friend's. lol)
Very interesting way of portraying the message. Good job! :)
plot twist: the video is actually serious
@@Acat-ji2un Well it is serious. These are indeed all great ways to lose friends.
This video inspired me a lot. I'll be doing all your tips, man. Hopefully, I'll lose all my friends, soon. Wish me luck guys.
Heck yeah! This is just what I needed. Thanks man!
I can't even imagine that you described what really happened to me during past few years. Lost all my friends because of exactly this behavior. Thanks for this kind of self digging, you articulate a lot of what is going on with me subconsciously.
Thanks man!
Man you’re so awesome for being able to admit faults like this. Seriously, good on you.
If you have no friends to start off with, you lose nobody. 🤐
Fun fact: People who say this in comments section have the most number of friends.
How wrong you are. You came up with that from just a comment? pfftt
Plus you don't need to work on any of your flaws and you can continue to be egocentric to benefit yourself.
@@Dignified245 ikr
you probably have friends
Theres a big difference between talking to someone and talking at them.
When two people talk at each other at the same time..neither one could careless what the other is saying.
I've seen this happen in bars many times.
I caught a part of myself in the first part of the video. I realize I have a hard time bringing conversation to others rather than to myself. It's something I gotta pay more mind to. Thanks for helping me come to that realization.
Man, some of these are scary relatable. I've been talking about myself too much without realizing it until my sister commented on it. I realized I did it because it was the easiest way to keep a conversation going, talking about how I can relate to a certain topic.
I have actually had too many friends for a point. Not in a healthy "I'm cool way" but in a "everyone says hi when I'm out but never invites me to anything or thinks about me."
I never ever talked about myself. I wasn't doing anything with myself. In a way I was living vicariously through other people in an unhealthy way. If I had a potential romantic relationship I hyper fixated on it. I focused on helping other people than myself. I cut my friend group down intentionally to less than 20 people. I'm so much happier and I have relationships that count.
I respect everything you wrote and the decisions you made, even if it seems tough at 1st. The reality is the older you get the more difficult it is to keep up relationships with more than a handful of friends. I recently found it best to cut one of my closest friends off because I realized he was very immature and had Sociopathic behavior, and at 42 years old...nope. I'm done. Good luck to you, and I agree keep the 'relationships that count', the ones that mean everything to you
Thank you for this information 🖤
This was me for a long while. I was incredibly depressed, life wasn't letting up with the blows. The mistake I made was not leaning on my friends for support. Instead I became withdrawn and nasty. I got lucky that I cultivated a group of the kindest people, so I didn't lose any, but I wouldn't have blamed them if they left.
3:45 when I was in depression I was actually doing that but was mostly criticizing myself. My friends were turned off by this until one of my friends finally told me what it is. That's when I realize I have to keep my pessimism to myself.
Kinda. But when you never get friendly words is their fault, not yours for bejng depressed, they dont know how to understand a bad phase, they seem to not care so much about your feelings..
What they want? To be friends only in the good times while with money and drinking booze!? I dont need friends for that..
I've come to a realization that a pessimistic outlook is buried in ones DNA, has to be.
I've tried to force myself to be more positive, to very limited results. I always default to expecting the worst out of the world.
If you expect the worst outcome, anything better than that is a plus as far as I'm concerned.
But yes, always best to keep that pessimism to yourself. No one wants to hear it.
@@pagodebregaeforro2803 A counter point to this is just not knowing how to respond. From my experience with a close friend they'd get depressed/upset easily and were very pessimistic. me and others would try to help with kind words and generally try to comfort them during these times but their pessimism shoots down every attempt, sometimes it even made them feel worse so I just defaulted to not saying anything at all since saying something at best would do nothing to help and at worst would hurt them more than they already are.
I need a prequel called “how to make friends in life”… so far it’s been a real struggle lol
He already did, that was the point of this video imo, just do the opposite of what he’s saying, basically care for others and don’t complain
Join a club of some sort boardgames, d&d, tennis, cars.. Whatever you like you'll meet like minded people who could be your new best friends.
@@1simo93521 they don’t exist, this isn’t high school or college
@@PresidentFlip I literally run three clubs on Facebook for people in my city and have made dozens of friends...
@@1simo93521 yeah but the types of people who frequent those are usually weirdos, at least where I live
This feels like its a message to one of his close friends because they act like this
Thanks for the tips man appreciate it
I have been doing 4th and 10th point unironically. Pessimist, which call himself realist. I have never had friends. Thanks Joey!
I can relate to it. It took me a lifetime to realize that friends do not want 'truth' (my well researched truth, lol) they just want somebody to make them feel better.
@@BetwixtDandD true, friends want your support first, truth (helpful not condescending) second.
@@BetwixtDandD Your username rhymes, where'd you come up with that?
Well now you know why you didn't have friends.
@@Samuel115s Nah, there are more factors, which I already knew, but it's good to know that there are even more additional factors.
I remember I had this friend (we ain’t friends anymore😹), and when he would tell me his problems, I would listen, empathize, and if he sounded like he needed it, I would give him advice (not that he ever took it). The few times I opened up to him, guess how he responded? “It sounds like a you problem” or he would literally say “You’re boring me” or straight up ignore me. I started to notice more and more toxic signs about him and stuck around bc he would have random kind moments sprinkled in and he was going thru a rough time. I think the biggest red flag was when I saw how negatively he treated his so-called best friend from high school and he would always hide in the corner playing on his phone when he would meet up with his other friends. When I would hangout with both him and his best friend, she would end up opening up to me more bc I showed that I cared. I left the guy after I’d had enough and I think she distanced himself from him too, and tbh it’s probably for the best. Who knows, maybe the guy was depressed and that really sucks, but I’m not a therapist or his family and I can’t read his mind :/
Good choice 👌
Wow, I literally feel like I know who you’re talking about. A guy I know is the same way, lol. Robotics in high school.
Also, I had a friend, and she wouldn’t let me talk about my problems because each one she found triggering (meanwhile, she would tell me she would end her life… I would be rude if I said I found that triggering).
She eventually said rude things about me, I didn’t think I was being rude, though I know sometimes over text things can appear that way. She probably said rude things behind my back too, that’s typical of her. During our conversations she would talk about how bad her ex-friends were.
I just got tired of her. Life is about growing, and she wanted me to be a perfect person (in her eyes). I love debate, that’s my favorite thing do, and she used that against me (if I recall correctly, she never said she didn’t want to debate with me).
Mind you, while she was insulting me, I never insulted her once.
What I learned from her is that I should not have done things she wanted if she wasn’t willing to do those things in return. I hated talking to her about how she wanted to end her life. I hated talking to her in general. But I did it and didn’t show that. And then when I want to do something I want, nope.
After she said rude things about me, I just cancelled my phone service bc she was the only reason I still had it and I wanted to save money. Money isn’t tight, I just like money. I realize now that friendships are just not worth it. They end one way or another. Like this, or through one person dying. Plus I have severe social anxiety, so talking is an issue (though I take meds for it).
@@drews7192 good choice on cutting her off sorry you had such an ass of a "friend" but when your thinking of friendships don't just think of how it'll end, think more so of "if you enjoy being with that person",
death is inevitable for everyone and every living thing but you shouldn't let that stop you from making some awesome memories and enjoying yourself possibly with people you wouldn't have considered being friends with when you first meet. you just got to find people who you vibe with
also social anxiety sucks I don't know how bad it is for you but if you do have someone you honestly feel 100% comfortable it can help having them around sometimes in social settings.
I have been like that friend too, and I'm aware of the behavior now. I have never received proper emotional support from my parents so comforting people was never my thing, and I would make people more upset about it if I tried to. Even though I cared, I didn't know how to show it, or I would say nothing and freeze, or I would start downplaying those issues. I'm observing my friends on how to become better at it and re-parent myself so I won't do the same mistake again. This video was an eye-opener
I’m either doing all these things or become a people pleaser. No in between😞
Thank you for the life-saving skills!
Number 10 is probably my biggest weakness when it comes to trying to keep friends. I’ve lost so many if not all of mine because of my poor communication and lack of initiative. It’s a shame because the people I’ve encountered over the years I love them deeply and still think about them and the conversations we had to this day.
I feel you
Initiative doesn't have to be planning a big event though - could just be suggesting going for drinks?
@@al_5655 that still feels like a big thing ngl
Then How about picking up the phone and call them? Tell them that you miss them
I just don’t understand. If you have friends you enjoy being with, then you want to see them right? What’s the thing that keeps you from taking initiative? I’m just curious as I really like to take initiative to meet up with friends.
*“You’ll watch an entire Netflix series even when the first episodes are slow just because someone told you that ‘it gets better’, but what if you looked at your goals like that and watched your life get better instead?”*
Love from a small TH-camr💙
good quote tbh i like this
Lol ironic bc if i dont like the first few episodes i dont watch it😳
i dont watch netflix or stuff at all that often, except for some random movie in tv or youtube
Obviously, cuz watching a series takes way less effort them creating life and goals hhhhhhhh
Ugh..some of these I can relate too - time to improve. Thanks for the video!
"How to lose all your friends in life"
already done it, was in bucket list for a while
Honestly, this video felt as if someone just threw me a bucket full of ice-cold water. The fact that I know I have some of these traits (especially being pessimistic but calling myself a "realist") and they're reflected in the way I interact with people is sad, however, I'm thankful I came across this video, it really put me on my place and definitely will make me reflect and think about how do I really behave around others.
Sometimes I’m afraid of clicking on your videos because I know I’ll get called out
haha same man! I think these examples on how to lose friends, everyone's done one time or another. It's just important that we (me included) learn to be just genuinely nicer friends!
Hahaha me too.
I love how i unconsciously do all these things and wonder why all my friends are gone
I needed this ❤