@@babyboasty6033 I agree. I'd go so far as to say trad girlfriend is an oxymoron. The whole idea of traditional is that a woman is a wife. Trad girlfriend is another term for sugar baby in most cases.
Not all men are abusive but anything can happen. They may lose their jobs, fall ill, or go into an accident. I know one girl who had to bring her kids to move back to live with her parents after her husband was fired and couldn't find another job because he caused some drama. Now that's because her parents can and agree to support her. If they can't then everything will be so much more difficult
True my grandma is a disabled woman who was born in 1951 and my grandpa took care of her because it was hard for her to find work that could/will support her disabilities. My grandpa was a good man but then he got terminal cancer. My grandma lost her husband and the man that took care of the bills. She was lucky to be born in a year that widows got support from the government but they stopt doing that if your born after a certain year. Now if your a workless widow you probably will end on the streets
Its might not even be about abuse. But the inherent power imbalance of relying on the favour of a man for your survival. Especially as the woman ages and becomes less physically desirable to their partners.
@@ehansaluja1413there is no problem with women wanting to be trad wives the problem is with men expecting working women to be trad wives not contributing one bit with kids or house while she doesn't have the time to bathe herself and burns herself to the ground That's the problem
I’m a stay at home wife and love my life. I however sell items of FB marketplace and makes crafts that I sell to the community. It’s just important to have a bit of your own money and some skills. Not only in case if your husband leaves you for whatever reason, you never know what could happen in life.
This is what most men are looking for. A supportive woman who can help make ends meet with a side or part time job. We don't want a childas a partner, we want an agreeable and mature partner
@Samiya Masih one of my best friends is 35, she never had a serious relationship, she doesn't have a job, a lot of debts and has to share an apartment for the summer until she can find another one, she financially depends on her parents who can be pretty abusive sometimes. While I, as a stay at home mum, have the ability to find a job more easily than her when my children will start school as I can work in warehouses or as a cleaner. I guess I could also get back to work in an office but I would rather not because I don't like it. Sometimes it depends on what you have done when you were young and single. But I agree that being a stay at home girlfriend with no income whatsoever and having never worked before is silly and dangerous.
In Arabian countries when men and women marry men are obligated to give dowry for her security incase they divorce and also the states have to provide for women after that, women can however also work and remarry again.
The three basic rules my mother instilled in me: always have your own key to your apartment, your own money and a plan B to leave a potentially dangerous situation (at that age it was "designated driver got drunk", but it can apply to pretty much everything). That served me well for several decades.
Best is to think more deeply to avoid getting into any dangerous situation, ergo choosing your mate carefuly, not based on look or status but on his personnality.
@@juliajs1752 Some people always get in trouble and some seem to avoid all the problems. Strangly, I have never gotten in any trouble, never dated any toxic person. This is called self-awareness. I am not saying it's all the victim's fault, but most of the time, the victim could have avoided the situation if they were more aware, just like I don't walk at night near the train or subway station because I know I might get mugged. And if one day I get mugged, yeah sure I will be the victim, but I could have avoided it to happen if I were a little more careful.
@@juliajs1752 Then get mugged and cry and blame the culprit. Meanwhile I will enjoy my mug-free life. I hope you won't teach your daughter "you are a strong independant girl, you can wear a mini-skirt if you want to even when walking alone at night because that's your freedom and people should respect it." because guess what... some people are trash and they won't care about your rights. Then your daughter will get raped and you will blame society, while you could have protected your daughter by telling her to not do that. You cannot change society, there will always be bad people in the world. The only thing you have power over, is your own decisions, so make smart ones and avoid trouble.
I'm a very traditional woman but I've also been a realist and went to university and still earn my own living despite being happily married. I learned the hard way....my mother was a child bride and we were both the victims to a man who kept us in dire poverty....we had no means of escaping despite the fact my father beat my mum and kept us terrified. Tradeife is not glam....id fear being that dependent....ladies please, have a backup plan....always!
Same here! My mum is a nutritionist and comes from a very wealthy family and my dad is self made millionaire so for the first few years of my childhood and their marriage he set up the bad high. By that I mean we lived in Dubai, go to a hotel every month, etc. Eventually she left her job because she was raising the there of us, guess what happened? Moved back to our country, lived in a very poor neighborhood, my dad only agreeing on paying our food and bills (no clothes, if sth broke in the house he wouldn’t fix it, etc…) To this day my mum lives with the regret of giving up her job and trusting a man with her life and ours !!
I'm the opposite, my mom used to work, she never had time for me. As a grown up, I only visit her so she can see her grand son, I got no relation with her. The problem is that you mom picked the wrong guy, no the traditional model.
My mother was a stay-at-home mother for most of my parents' marriage. My father wouldn't allow her to work full-time because it would hurt his pride. Well, not only did he leave her for another woman, but he stole her inheritance that she had put in their joint bank account! She had a really shitty lawyer who didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground and it all financially and emotionally devastated her and she never recovered.
So the problem is a shitty lawyer and an irresponsible father. Do you think these things go away as long as you have a job? On the flip side, you probably wouldn’t even be born if your mom chose to dedicate her life to her career.
my grandmother, who was born in the 1930s and was married for over 50 years, always told me she only had one advice for me: never, ever be financially dependent on a man.
I hear this a lot. Newer generations overomanticize elder couples of 50 year marriages without knowing the uncensored full story which I have had the privilege to hear behind closed doors. They fall into the generation of trad family church goers when divorce was taboo and women working was even more taboo. If they had the same privileges as the younger generations do now, trust me... they'd leave their husbands too and be self reliant financially, but they couldnt then and they were trapped in those marriages. But because they couldn't leave, they advice their daughters and granddaughters to be more independent and everything they wish they could've done, they instill in their daughters.
@@CitySlickerBallKicker What are you talking about, woman divorced constantly, if you get divorced you get half of what the man owns because its LITERALLY a payback for beeing a stay at home mom who didnt spend time on their career. The biggest is lie is you woman acting that if you are independent youll work a dream job you love and be a boss b*tch, when in fact youll work a job you hate for hours you hate and a pay you hate. And the woman body is not meant to work like that for 40 years, the woman who have worked for 40 hours, even in easy office jobs, are absolutly depleted and riddled with health issues when they retire, im old enough to see this happen to my grandma, my mom and my aunts. Working a 9 to 5 for a job you hate for 40 years will destroy you.
It is not simply a matter of man or woman, one shouldn't be reliant on any other person financially. Gay or lesbian couples will face the same issues in case of separation: good luck to the one that has relinquished control of the finances to the other, that's all I can say.
It’s not even necessarily about abuse - he could fall out of love with you and ask for a divorce 20 years down the road when you least expect it and you’re left with nothing in your bank account. Then you’re forced to rely on alimony payments which are often not enough. This recently happened to a friend of my moms and it left her needing to learn independence when she’s 50 years old, instead of when she was younger and would have had much more time and resources to develop her career and financial assets
No fault divorce means the woman (or man) can leave at any time for any reason. But 80% of the time its women. Why? The consequences of divorce. Men lose half of everything they own, and custody of their kids, and must pay recurring alimony and child support. That's one hell of a deal for women and one reason among many why marriage rates have plummeted.
@tannman8521 If you don't do it properly, then yes. You're supposed to use a lawyer to draft one, not scribble on a piece of paper. Judges can't throw out proper prenups.
@@FTBASTAR not entirely true. I know men personally who had theirs written by an expensive lawyer. Divorce court is very biased against men. There are many appeals that can get the most seemingly airtight prenup nullified. Lack of voluntary consent, improper drafting, Unconscionability, Non-disclosure of assets, Change in circumstances, etc...
Also the ‘stay at home GIRLFRIEND’ is so cringe, it means you didn’t get the level of commitment as wife, and you’re doing all the wifely duties. Not fair, very dangerous financially, and it sets up false expectations for men to think they don’t gotta commit cause they’ll get all the benefits of a wife with less work. You also get NO alimony if you break up, and it can honestly be such a waste of your 20s get married before you move in. Period
My dad demanded my mom not only work full time, but be a full time housewife too plus she had another job on the weekend. Her college degree in his eyes was 'worthless' and she was 'worthless' because her income was $40k under his. He told me growing up that it was my job as a female to 'be a slave' to whoever I married and if I don't get married, I was to live at home and work full time and hand over my salary to him so he could stay at home and 'finally relax'. He also read a lot of Gor books and wanted a 1950's home lifestyle. He felt robbed of that growing up because his dad died from drunk driving when he was young and his mom worked full time. Later when I was older I saw SO many of my friend's moms who were stay at home and 'tradwifes' suddenly faced with a divorce as their husband cheated on them or slept with much younger women. They were given the option of putting up with the cheating or leave. In some cases divorce papers were served without warning and all of a sudden they are in their 40's with ZERO marketable skills. Having the work at Walmart or McDonald's to get by all of a sudden and lose out from the spouses retirement in the divorce because the husband controlled ALL the finances. Terrible. But at the same time I have several members of my extended family that made the TradWife thing work and now in their 70's they are still happily married. So I've seen both ends. The secret though - my relatives who stayed happily married as TradWives - they all had a degree in something (education, nursing, mathematics, etc...) and had some work experience prior to starting a family, got married in their early 20's. Many would work semi-part time when their kids were in school since they weren't catering to child rearing 24/7, but nothing solid, just enough to bring in some spending cash and keep skills up.
I really feel like being out of the marketplace for too long is very dangerous. Even if you don't make as much money as your husband, at least you are part of the workforce.
Been there (stay-at-home -fiancee) done that. Never again. Having one person (the man) control accounts, home ownership, etc. is not a flex--especially when he begins to under value you, resent you and sneak out to lunch with a female co-worker while you are at _his_ place figuring out dinner. It took me until my late 20's after doing this to finish grad school and get my career. Ya'll do what ya'll want though. I'm a black woman, so it absolutely is a thing for some of us.
Thank you for sharing. But the man shouldnt do that. My mom is SAHM but she is entitled to my dad money and manage all my dad income, she even had name on deeds. Dont be SAHM if the man control the money😢
It is, and I wasn't even a girl raised to be a traditionalist and somehow ended up with this experience. It's a matrix and fantasy because one thing I learned is this, the marriages around me (including my own betrothment) where the woman's place was believed to be in the home, all had at least one partner being unfaithful. After a while, I did not see any point in me staying home anymore since I had not had a child. I went back into career mode and that is what ended things. I'm glad too all these years later. Men or a man will NEVER come first in my life again. It's some shady, low-down, evil s&&& that goes down in these arrangements and all the women online saying "but it's relaxing and I prefer the upkeep of my home" or "I'm better when I'm just folding laundry because I have a problem thinking and am neurodivergent" are overlooking a lot of their male partner's disrespect, infidelity, and mismanagement of money. Aside from the fact that many women that are neurodivergent excel in their careers (using that term is a cop-out), these women are delusional. Some women do stay home when their tykes are little and growing up and that is beautiful, but nothing about that even is glamorous, stress-free or hands-off or a situation in which you don't have to think and make difficult decisions. I also recognize that being single, having a career and living the way I do, I can't do every single thing alone, so I buy time back. I pay someone to shop for groceries and have them delivered if I feel like I don't want to. I pay someone to clean for me too. I am not opposed to marriage or being in a relationship, but I am not playing this silly game of man leads ever again.
It's not about being dependent. It's about how much you care about others, especially if you have children. I'm going to be forward, but only SAHM's are full-time moms. Working moms are part-time or hobby moms by choice or by force. It doesn't change the fact that most housewives are found in the upper class, upper middle class, and then lower middle class. Clearly, most of them received an education and still chose to be housewives. It's generally a choice that many women still find appetizing. It's a vocation or a calling. Remember that some women view certain careers or paid jobs with disgust as well even if it involves a calling.
Man not coming homes while living with his mistress Beating and abusing u when u ask about him whats going on U literally begging for even smaller amounts of money like food and basic necessities. Left with nothing she files for divorce at the end Well most men do to their homely wives when they reaches 38-40 for younger chicks As she had nothing to offer him as he married off her just becoz of her beautiful body.
My great grandfather came to Brazil from Italy in 1890, started a family and acquired land, he was a coffee producer, he had 10 children, of these, 6 were women, and he raised them to be independent, they all had their own horses, weapons, obviously they knew shoot and learned to manage the lands they were going to inherit. He said that a woman has to have her money, her transport and her gun. He was the best!!!
@@Mentis-definancial freedom is great, regardless if you're men or women. Not sure why anyone wants to give up on that tbh. If you don't earn money, you'll feel worthless, being dependant on other people, etc.
My mom died when I was a kid and my dad raise me and my brother by himself. He always stressed to us both that we had to be independent financially, because of his own experience losing his wife so early. I think nothing would disapoint him more than seeing any of his children become a stay-at-home whatever.
Being a stay at home girlfriend seems extra dangerous because there is no chance of alimony if you break up. I think it’s more wise to have at least a part time job if you’re not married, and especially if you don’t have kids yet.
Having children is financially risky too. The destroy your carreer and many employers don't want mothers because they are not as reliable as a childfree woman.
@@jasonberry7687 If men were smart, they would go for women who had their own money, women who they could build with financially. Oh well, each to their own.
I was a TRADWIFE....LADIES GET YOUR OWN MONEY. Don't leave yourselves vulnerable. Listen to this good advice 🙏 Make sure you take care of yourself financially
Speaking of financial independence: Get a prenup ladies. My sister just lost 50% of HER retirement fund to her manchild ex husband who could never hold a job for more than a month during their five year marriage. Protect your social security, your retirement, your savings from the person you marry.
Lmao women won’t get prenups hate to break it to you but women are the ones who benefit the most out of divorces. Still good on your ex brother in law for fuckin her over.
@ArtedeJerie coworkers aren't really friends in most cases, though. If they're really friends, the friendship won't end when you leave even to work somewhere else.
A lot of these stay at home girlfriends journal and will include quick shots of them writing down "their thoughts and goals" in their journals as apart of their aesthetic videos. One creator on TikTok actually paused the videos as they quickly panned over their journals and read them out loud. All of the journals said something along the lines of them being unhappy or uncertain in their professional life and a lack of close friends. It was very dystopian. They were selling this stay at home fantasy while journaling down how lonely and uncertain it made them. Honestly I don't feel bad for their women. They're grifters, except their grift isn't selling wealth or fast fashion it's selling a "soft life" that's actually leaving them unfulfilled.
I'm a man with a 'trad wife', and I agree with a lot of what you've said. I think the big issues with this lifestyle boil down to the man's leadership in my opinion. For example, my wife wanted to be a stay at home mom her whole life. I actually got a job with tuition benefits in order for her to finish her undergrad degree completely free. She did school for about a year and was very unhappy. We came to discover she was doing her degree out of obligation towards me. Once we discovered this she quit school all together. However, I never want her to be in a situation where she isn't provided for. This is where we decided to get term life insurance. That being said, if I was to pass away she would receive enough money to live the exact same lifestyle without my biweekly paychecks. I might be in the minority here, but the point I'm getting at is this: 1. My wife chose the lifestyle, I always have and always will give her the option to enter the workforce. 2. My wife and I both have done a lot of research on financial education and she knows just as much as me about budgeting, investing, and so on. She actually ran point on the buying of our house, which was the biggest purchase we've ever made. That's just how much I trust her capabilities. 3. I think the biggest issue you brought up is that many of these women are girlfriends, and not wives. Marriage gives my wife legal protections. We don't view divorce as an option, but should that ever change for her, she could leave me and walk away with half of our joined assets. This truly does mean what's mine is hers and keeps me in check from being some misogynistic jerk who uses my job as a manipulative club against my wife during moments of disagreement. So i would encourage all women wanting the trad wife lifestyle to do so in marriage and you and your partner should have contingency plans for things like unexpected death. If your man isn't already providing you those securities, kindly challenge him to do so. Happy to dialogue more about this. I know I'm a bit old school, and I hope that doesn't offend people. I guess I fully acknowledge that men not being stable is a lot of what has lead to women trusting in their own abilities alone. I try to challenge men to do better. thanks for the video, I plan to watch more!
My husband and I are in the same boat. I worked and lived independently for many years and have stepped back to care for our children and my grandmother. I also handle the finances and paperwork (taxes, insurance, government, legal, etc). I'm a lot happier but it wouldn't work if we didn't have trust, mutual respect, and equal say in decision making.
It is almost like the secret to doing this successfully is not picking crappy men who would abuse the situation and who are in it for the longterm. Who knew?
@@Gumblethebear Yes.... But... Even if you don't pick a crappy guy (they don't come with signs on them letting you know) - something like half of all marriages end in divorce. The ones that don't - a lot of people are ot happy. Without protections for the one staying home (also working but not getting anything to put on the resume should they need to resume working) - women could easily end up screwed. Like the OP said - something could happen to the husband - even if he's the nicest person, stuff happens. The wife needs some form of security.
@@jenniferbyrne2980 I don't know, nearly all the split up couples I've ever seen looked like they had a sign on them that said "Ignoring the obvious". Also, marriage does come with protection for the spouse who isn't working. As far as something happening, that's for insurance. Good men would have thought all of this out. 50% of marriages end in divorce because of women. They initiate nearly all of divorces. You want a successful marriage, pick well and stick to it.
I once practiced as a Realtor and I will never forget one desperate client I had. She was a woman between 40-50 with two special needs kids and hadn't worked for the nearly 35 years she was married. Her husband decided to divorce her and cut off all communications and all the finances she had access to. She was stuck fighting for alimony (no guarantee even if she won the case because he declared bankruptcy), frantically selling everything in the 4000+sqft house and find a place to rent which met the county housing budget before her kids started school again. Finding a landlord that accepts a renter like that was impossible. Never ever ever give up your financial independence.
I have a stay at home mom & growing up I used to think it didn't mean much and I would never do this. But after my dad explained the way that my mom manages the household allows him to make enough money for the both of them and the whole family, it made me see the whole housewife thing as a teamwork arrangement. That being said, my mom did work for a few years even after getting married so I would definitely look into finding your identity - financially and personally - before settling down and never working again.
Definitely important to be a team, but also good for the partner who isn't working an "official" job to keep their financial options open since they're in a much more vulnerable position
Going to college, working a few jobs for the experience, and building up my professional skills was very valuable to me as a backup plan, but I’m definitely happier and feel more secure now that I’m a stay-at-home mom. My advice: have hobbies and social obligations each week that get you out of the house, never stop learning and growing as a person, aim to take care of yourself just as well as you take care of your kids and husband, and get that ring before you finally quit your job.
@@Elisabetta.10980 Choices have consequences. Warning someone about them or trying to help someone make the right choice is not imposing anything. If you want to be at the mercy of a man go right ahead! Nobody is stopping you! Just don't come begging for taxpayer money when you are old and don't have a pension, when the man dumps you for a younger woman or if he starts beating you and you have to just take it because you have no money to live somewhere else.
I will never forget the day my dad shouted at my mum for buying a handbag with his ‘money”. My mum since then works and our lives as a family improved greatly . My dad was financially and emotionally abusive . I will never ever depend on a man fully
My *dad* was bad -> I will never depend on a *man* Not resolving your childhood traumas and projecting your abusive dad on every men... Hmm... Good luck with life !
@@PierrickYAH you missed the point. Think a little bit. Its never a good plan to depend on anyone 100% for everything you need. Only a child can do that, cause they are children. Grown women DO NOT HAVE TO DO THAT.
But you know you can be a traditional wife and still make some money on the side. A lot of traditional wives have a lot of free time (especially those who don't have kids yet and those with kids in school). You can work at home or start a small business at home or maybe even a part time job. Since you are not the breadwinner and some of this work is unofficial and you don't need to pay taxes on it, you can have a lot of money to spare.
When 9/11 happen my mother who work at city hall had to talk to wife after wife sobbing because they knew nothing about taxes or budget ” he took care of me so well . I never ask about anything . I don't even know how to pay our ______ bill ” my mom come home traumatize Even if your partner is truly lovely .....life is not always . Having a little bit of money understand how the world works outside of your husband is in my opinion your husband duty after all I would want my partner to be able to survive without me why wouldn't your husband( or partner) not want the same for to you ?
Oh wow - thanks for sharing this story. I can't begin to imagine how traumatic that must've been for your mom. And you're totally right - you never know where life may go. I think sometimes people equate this argument of financial protection with 'don't trust your partner', but it's not really that. Both people in a relationship should know how the household's finances are run, and ideally both of them should have a level of financial protection in case the worst happens.
Can agree, a healthy balance would be nice for those scary moments. Have also heard at times fathers not being familiar with their child's education & the work needed to sign them up for school, parent meets up and so forth due to the mother taking/being pushed that responsibility alone.
Please don't assume that Trad wives don't know how to run budgets and balance books. This video is Cara's imagination of how Trad wives must be. Many trad wives hold valid quals, actually are even in charge of the households finances and yes do the taxes LOL. They aren't all air heads in poodle skirts. Quite often it's simply families with children and it's cheaper to have a home maker than pay for day care, some of us have children with disabilities, large properties to manage, portfolios to manage etc. We aren't all 20' year olds vacuuming our boyfriends bedrooms. Sure there are stay at home women just like you describe, but I know MANY working women like this too who have more debt than most trad wives.
@@alyssajenaway3781 Some videos I’ve seen on this subject mention tradwifes do not make their own income. They instead help around the house, cleaning, cooking, and as you mentioned, doing taxes. The problem in modern corporate society is none of these are seen as valuable skills. Some employers, if you haven’t seen the inside of an office within the last 15-20 years, HR will not even look at your resume , because they do not think you will bring anything valuable to the company. So, good luck finding someone who is willing to hire you, especially so if you are applying for places that pay more than minimum wage. Tradwife life sounds like an awesome life of luxury, but if you lose your spouse to a tragic life event, or he decides he doesn’t want to provide for you or be in your life anymore, and you got 5-6 kids on your plate, it sets you up for failure.
I married my high school sweetheart and when we had kids, I made enough to pay for our needs, but not much more. She stayed home, partly because we thought it would be best for the kids, but also because since the United States makes no investment in families, despite the pro-family political rhetoric of both parties, daycare is freakin' expensive. The tight budget, but moreso, the lack of financial independence on her part put a huge strain on our marriage. Ultimately, she resented me, and we ended up divorced. There was, obviously, more than one reason for this, but I know a huge part of it was money. We both went back to school after the divorce, and both have a lot more income now. When we last spoke of this, she told me "I'll never be financially dependent on a man again." Likewise, I'll never let a woman be financially dependent on me again, no matter how much money I have. It's a recipe for disaster, and I'd never recommend it to anyone. If it works for you, good on 'ya... but make no mistake, you're playing a dangerous game.
Do you have any thoughts on what your ex-wife could’ve done to prevent this once you already had kids? I feel like that’s where a lot of things go wrong, it takes so much investment to get someone to financial independence in the first place, even more with kids involved
@@AlexisBii I dunno... We talked about her going back to school several times, but it never happened for various reasons. It's tough with little kids, but I've known people to do it.
It sounds like a lot more was going on than just financial dependence. I've been "financially dependent" on my husband for 20 years. We're living a great life. I depend on him, and he depends on me.
Another thing is that these SAHG are often influencers with a social media following so they can still make some income. This is compared to some other SAHG or tradwives who don't have a social media following and therefore don't have any work experience or savings. Its just a risky thing to do, especially if something happens to the breadwinner or they break up. I've seen it happen to my grandmother and mom who rely on their husband to financially support them. No judgement to those who do this but it just puts you in a vulnerable position financially, mentally and emotionally. That's why financially literacy for women is so important.
100%! So many women of past generations have shared how difficult it can be when you rely financially on one person. It's a vulnerable place to be, not just for the woman but for the whole family. I'm glad these influencers are able to diversify their income through these videos, but I worry about others who aren't doing that.
It's so hard to grasp the concept of putting yourself into a situation with all the disadvantages that the tradwife/stay at home wives even nowadays still faced but without the only one secure characteristic of it: marriage, the only legal thing that can kind of support you is your partner died or leave you. Being a SAHG sounds surreal to me. And from the male pov, they are getting a house maid with whom have intimate relationships without the compromise of legal binding. It's just a win from every side.
@@thefinancialfreedomgirl you just have to find the right men and even after that for stay at home wife divorce law are pretty strong in this country so you really don't have that much of a problem And 70 percent of divorce are initiated by women it is men who are afraid of divorce and don't what to get marry state one reason for a men to get marry just Mary for our family
@@thefinancialfreedomgirl men play that risk to when they get marriage to get cut in half and 18 year of child support why can't a women make that sacrifice by trusting us why get married if you don't have that level for trust in him If we can make that sacrifice why can't you
@@vladimir.putinn_007 trusting men is a broad statement. That's like saying, why don't you "trust all humans".... trust is earned, and if a man is disloyal or a misogynist, there's nothing to trust in him. Same goes for women. I think if a man wants a trad wife, and a woman chooses to be a trad wife, there are a lot of risks to both, if the situation turns sour.
Well it's most likely going to be the woman breaking up with the man. Men rarely break up with women and if so it's usually (of course there are many exceptions) for a good reason. No it's not smart to be a stay at home girlfriend and not save any money. But you being broken up with and having no money is similar to living paycheck to paycheck and being fired. If you are in your early 20s you can recover from both situations maybe even fairly quickly. I don't see why someone who is 40 or 30 would choose to do this because it's very dangerous as a girlfriend. Anyway, women also benefit from being SAHG and it's hypocritical to pretend they don't. Some women don't want to work and since many of these girlfriends don't have kids (or have kids in school) they don't have much to do at home . All you do is cook, clean , do laundry and if you have a kid maybe take care of them when they aren't in school and have no financial burden. That's not a lot of work and many people prefer it to regular jobs.
Having seen a few videos on TikTok of the blonde ’25 year old stay at home girlfriend’ (I don’t know her handle/name), she has half a million followers and seems to show quite a few brands, she probably makes more money than her boyfriend. That being said, I am pretty sure she is influencing many younger women into making the poor financial decision of being dependent on a partner rather than furthering education or career skills, which is a really risky move.
The most important lesson I've learned is always, ALWAYS have the financial ability to support yourself. I learned that the hard way and honestly, if I were married, escape would have been a lot harder.
when women, they tend to get much of the man's resources when there is a divorce and its been that way for a long time now, so this whole video is absurd.
Another point this is important to note is none of these people are actually stay-at home gf/wife's because they are all influencers who are earning by selling this lifestyle and proly have all their finances sorted and so their unpaid work that they are doing for their bf/husband is not really unpaid. What is sad is younger women might actually try to replicate this aesthetics and get attracted to how easy and glamorous their life looks without understanding the way this can go down in the future for them.
My husband works very hard for us, I am a stay at home wife / mama with two kiddos. We don’t earn any other money besides what my Husband brings in. It’s the most amazing life, he works hard to provide and I cook, clean take care of the children, we have such a beautiful balanced life together and it’s really wonderful to not have to be the one making money. I am fully able to focus on the family and the home which is my aim to create a peaceful lovely home for my family ♥️
I often wonder how these "Tradwife" women would react if their husband can't work for any reason, what happens if they divorce, can't have children naturally or the man tells his wife that she might have to get a job because a single income is no longer viable and both have to work?
They always give the same excuse “look for a good man who won’t do that”. Like everyone that’s been in a dv situation was actively searching for a partner that was going to abuse them 🙄🙄
Or the man leaves you for another women because he’s tired of his predictable tradwife. Having an education & work experience is the best thing to do for oneself.
Generally they have protections under the law. Child support, alimony, etc. If the man leaves them. Yes, they may have to scale back for a while, but they are still more valuable on the relationship market than an "independent woman", and are likely to find a better partner because of what they learned from their first marriage. In the case of the man losing his job, she sticks by him and supports him in his hour of need. They make sacrifices together, and they come out of the hardship stronger because of it. That's why it's "for better or for worse". There will always be another job. Women who would leave a man simply because he lost his has no business being in ant serious relationship, let alone a marriage.
I was a stay at home mom for 18 years. When I saw that the economy was going to sh!t and everything from gas to eggs was sky rocketing, I went back to work. I mean, it's not rocket science, if she's not a gold digging skankface then it won't bother her to go back to work.
I grew up with a stay at home mom. Though I am thankful for my mom raising me I saw first hand what it means to not have any financial freedoms. My mom struggles to find a jobs now that we are all adults. She has to get my father permission to us payement cards. I also saw first hand at what happens when you have one parent work. My father would come home angery and over stressed. They’re marriage wasn’t happy growing up. It’s not the life I wish my kids to witness.
I'm sorry you had to witness that growing up :( I can't imagine the frustration your mom must feel having to ask permission for cards, or the stress your dad had being the sole breadwinner Thanks for sharing btw ❤️
I'll give another perspective. My mom has been a #tradwife since she got married, only doing some substitute teaching and side businesses when her kids were old enough. She volunteered in hospitals, was very active in her church and and had a great relationship with my dad. I never saw them fight, she was NEVER abused and still misses him to this day. Dad worked 10-12hr a day sometimes and treated Mom with respect. Marry a good man, and be a good wife and don't nag. I can't imagine how messed up I'd be if my Mom was never around. Don't give your kids a broken home and absentee parents.
@@rhadiem That's amazing for your mom, though I don't think it negates anything said in the video, as your mom did nearly everything I recommend (good for her! that's awesome!). She still worked (sub teacher), pursued entrepreneurship, and volunteered for additional experience. All those things help protect a stay-at-home partner if financial situations change.
Totally agree with Cara here. My dad made pretty good money from his business whereas my mom doesn't have a slightest clue how the working world actually works. There was a big disconnect in their communication. Also wide power imbalance in their marriagre, which sadly ended up in divorce. So I purposefully looked for a wife who has a career. Thank God I found one. If my time is up before her I know she can carry on to take care of our kids financially.
just because your parents executed the concept incorrectly does not mean it is a bad way of living. it sounds like your father treated your mother like another child. the money he makes should be both of their equally. she should have learned the working world works, and communication is very important in any relationship.
I transfer 25% of my wage in my wife's account so that she can have her own money to spend. She doesn't have to get a job to be independent. We love and trust each other.
My first husband actually sabatoged every job I got. Yep, major red flag but we were already married so I felt trapped when things progressed to extreme physical violence. He also maxed out all my credit cards with the promise to repay them. Which he did, 3 years later once my credit was utterly destroyed. He passed away unexpectedly at 27, leaving me alone with an infant. We had been separated for 6 months due to his violence by this point (he had multiple felonies pending at the time of his death) so his family actually tried to cut me and our daughter completely out of our rightful inheritance. It took almost 4 years of endless court dates to finally convinced his grandfather that he wasn't legally allowed to leave me high and dry while he "repurposed" my husband's portfolio, which included a significant number of investments and a business. In that way, I'm supposed to feel lucky. My daughter growing up never remembering her father is a "blessing." Yeah....my family is twisted. However, my current husband would never lay a hand on me out of anything but love or a playful wrestle. My daughter and I also have significant nest eggs, that cannot be touched by my current husband in the event of divorce, due to the wealth being inherited (this varies by state.) I don't think he would treat me differently if this wasn't the case, but it does allow me the financial freedom to be a stay at home mom, and not have to worry about what might happen in the future. Stay at home girlfriends are something I really don't understand. What happens when he decides he wants a new 23 year old play thing and the only thing on your resume is an unpaid internship and a series of retail jobs from 5+ years ago.
@@faychel8383 Actually he left me a hefty life insurance policy, the family business, land, his remaining 2 trusts that he hadn't yet inherited and 3 homes. So get fucked. His Grandfather got involved and took me to court and split things up between myself and our daughter. I'm still very comfortable, married to my first true love, we reunited 6 years after my first husband passed. He adopted my daughter and I have my own savings account that is safe if he ever does something stupid and tries to divorce me, because it's all inherited wealth so he can't touch it. But thanks for your input. You sound like a top quality individual yourself.
@@andlaurawaslike either he left you all that you listed off or you survived just fine on your own. And why give him three opportunities to max out your credit cards? If he owned 3 homes, had a family business, etc, then you wrote something that reads like you chose not to leave a crappy guy because of the money. Either way idk why you write paragraphs trying to emphasize how destitute and helpless you were left. But you either were very intelligent to succeed as you have or you weren’t left destitute to begin with. If the grandfather didn’t try to take it from you to have himself idk why it’s a problem he wanted half in your daughters name. It still sounds like he was wealthy, had abusive red flags, and you stayed even after getting pregnant, and who knows if you would’ve left if he didn’t die. At what point in this story are you not a victim of a man but a victim of your choices?
@@faychel8383 He struggled with addiction, yes. We all have our flaws. It so happens I met him when he had just blown his first trust fund and had 3 years to go until he reached his next. We actually worked together (shocker - college educated, please try to control yourself.) You seem determined to scold me and tell me I pick shitty men. Why is that? Why can't it be that he was sober for most of our relationship, including our marriage? Why can't it be that he didn't turn abusive until he got his second trust installment and suddenly morphed into an abusive addict who I had never known before? Should I have left him the first time I noticed he was drinking nightly? By the time he got the money I was already pregnant and we had been married for a few years. I did not know about the trusts. Why would I? I knew when his grandfather passed away he would take over one of the businesses that his Dad had left to him, when his own father passed due to alcoholism when my husband was barely 16. That is why he always told me he didn't drink. He didn't want to turn out like his father. That was all I knew. And it isn't a business you would think would even be very profitable, it looks more like a hobby until you see behind the scenes, which I did not, until after his passing. He knew he was struggling. He went to rehab, detox, inpatient, outpatient, instate, out of state, tried sober living. I don't know why any of this is necessary just to get some random asshole to stop telling me what a horrible human being I am on the internet. I'm glad that life has blessed you with no such hardships. But to say that I chose a rich abusive piece of shit and let him beat me and knock me up because I'm some sort of masochistic gold digger? I'm sorry but that simply isn't true. My current husband is a wonderful man, who happens to be brilliant as well. Did I marry him for his money? Obviously not. There goes the gold digger theory. I married him for the same reason I married my first husband, because of his mind. If I am not mentally challenged by someone I become bored regardless of how black their amex might be or how many shiny objects they wave in front of me. Life isn't about that. Well, maybe it is for you I don't know. We are all here for a different purpose. I failed my first assignment. I thought I had chosen a wonderful, kind loving man. While that remains true, I was 100% unprepared and unequipped to cope with the speed and voracity with which his addiction came on. Let alone being 4mos pregnant when the spiral started. I did everything in my power to help him, to save him, to get back the man I pledged to love in sickness or in health. Then finally, I made the most difficult of decisions and left him for the safety of myself but more importantly our child. I discovered all of this other inheritance info after he passed. He didn't leave a will and I spent over 5 years in probate court trying to sort everything out as a result. All he had left was our joint checking account, his current living residence, and our daughter's college fund in place. The rest I found out about months after his death. My entire point, was that if we had not been legally wed, I would have been left in a much different situation financially, therefore the stay at home girlfriend makes no sense to me. It took my husband 18 months to completely destroy what we spent over 5 years building together. (Oh and my credit cards? I didn't know they were maxed out until long after he had done the damage. I never used them. But that's ancient history anyway by this point. We all do incredibly stupid shit in our early 20s, like let our significant other use a credit card, not even thinking they would save the number.) So there, have at it, tear my life choices to shreds once more. He died almost 15 years ago, sober, hit by a drunk driver in the most twisted sick sense of irony. I am not the same person I was then. It took me 6 years to even trust a man after he died, and that man was someone I had met when I was 18. I could never even go on a date with a stranger. I married someone I know, because of what happened last time. Judge me all you want, but I think it's normal and socially acceptable to assume someone isn't going to wake up one day, after 5 years, and turn into a completely different person. But you never know, so I married my first love who I had known for 14 years just to be safe. So far so good. But do we ever really know a person? Do we ever really know what someone is capable of or might be hiding? Nope and if you think otherwise you're a fool. Thanks for making all kinds of assumptions about me just to make yourself feel good by "negging some gold digging slut" on the internet. Happy New Year.
But these situations put women in a vulnerable situation no matter the Man u choose in a perfect world all men would be good but unfortunately we don’t live in a perfect world
I'm a stay-at-home girlfriend, but I agree with your views about the dangers of that culture. I'm unfortunately disabled enough for all jobs I'm capable of working at to never want to hire me, while also not disabled enough to get disability pay. I'm in a bit of a bind there, but luckily my boyfriend is one of the good ones who still treats me as an equal. I'll try to take your advice about finding some form of income I can bring in, because I've had a few nightmares about what would happen to me if he wasn't around anymore.
Omg please This is exactly my situation too! I'm so happy I found your comment. My bf is amazing and so sweet with me too. Good thing is we kind of also live with his family too and his dad is a stay at home dad because of his disabilities. And they do all like me. But yea I'm disabled enough to not be able to work, but not enough for disability basically. Its really tough and I do worry sometimes about the bad side that could happen. But my bf and I have already talked about it and it's okay and he likes being able to provide too. I worked at the same place with him, that's how we'd met. I'd gotten fired for health issues though :( once again and it hurt a lot but my bf and his family took me in and I greatly love and appreciate them for understanding my situation.
I would never depend on a man like this. And I’m married. Because any man can leave just as easily as he came and you need to have things of your own financially! My mom struggled immensely after my dad had affairs and divorced her. I spent my young adult life determined not to be treated the way she was. Everyone needs to have an IRA/retirement, investments, their own checking and savings. I have all of this separate from my spouse and am still learning to do even more.
as a career woman in the field of mathematics, i feel most of the guys who like the SAHG/trad wife trend don't even know what it really is. they're putting the "trad wife/girlfriend" on a pedestal unnecessarily, and not seeing it as an actual role of a real human being who needs him to support her, can drool in her sleep, can even fart once in a while, if not all the time, you know, like a human does. it's that 1950s hot blonde woman image they're imagining when they think of the "trad wife", and this can become a weird fetish lmao because of this, it can encourage a man with a trad wife using her as his ego booster, by looking down on her and only seeing himself as the one who fights/grows thick skin/is tough, while he sees her as a walking bunny who has rainbows and daisies around her. you wanna talk REAL tradition? my mother is a traditional, stay at home wife way before this stupid trend even existed lol and let me say, this role requires compromise, self control and real thick skin. in the past, it was the stay at home wives who suffered and fought so much more than their husbands did. they were the true heroes. it was because they were taken advantage of so much that the feminism movement even started historically in the first place.
LOVE this comment - thanks for sharing, and I completely agree. I think that there is a bit of a fetishization of the "tradwife" image and men can sometimes see a woman who is financially dependent on them as a status symbol/ego boost, rather than the full scope of humanness, compromise, and difficulty of the dynamic
WOW.. I'm sorry your parents spilled all that on you. That's a lot. Feminists love to assume their way is the only way. I never see/hear "TRAD" Wives crap on feminists like feminists do them. It was jealousy in the 1950's and it's jealousy today. You're mad at us because we love our lives and we aren't miserable and lonely. It's easy to act like wives and mothers are stupid weak females who can't support themselves and NEED men to function and survive. What else do you have? I guess all those 1950's mothers and wives rolled over and died when their husbands left them. Get over yourselves. No TRAD wife is losing sleep over what females with jobs think.
@@dragomania-fn1rq you're clearly a triggered guy and it shows. But put that aside: I'm curious to know how you concluded i talk to zero men, based on what i wrote.
@@dragomania-fn1rq claiming im wrong about every aspect of what men want or like, even though it was you who completely twisted the meaning of what I wrote in the first place. Saying it's my dating life not yours, but you're the one who even brought up my dating life in the first place 😂 why do you care, get a life
If the partner stays at home with the children and "yours" is the only income of the family. That builds up a lot of pressure for you as a man to succeed. Because if you fail, you drag the whole family down with you. I know how it is because my wife stayed at home for 8 years and it was quite an "exciting" episode financially.
The epitome of privilege to have never experienced abuse in their lives to the point it enables them to this “what could possibly go wrong” ignorant delusion
Be mad feminist trash. LOL Why are you worrying about what they do if they are happy? See that's the problem with feminists. They tell women to do what they want, until what they want isn't what you approve of. You're a joke.
Stuff going wrong, they just hide it and never talk about it until they get to the other side. All these women on Tiktok now sharing the nightmares they lived. They are those women (former tradwives, pickmes, etc.).
@@TijuanaK What percentage of tradwives end up like that? We can see a lot of something portrayed, and it clouds our judgement of how actually common it is. Take de transitioning for instance. The right would have you think there's a ton of regretful people detransing. It looks like a lot because they are portraying it a lot. If that makes sense?
@@douglasmatthews2334 detransitioning is not related to this. There are plenty of people coming out about it who aren't on the right. Many are just people telling their stories and should have the right to do so without being shammed. We don't know the percent as statistics are not taken on this issue but one sad story is too many and we should not be cruel and unkind to these people.
True and I feel like not a lot of support is given to those who detransition either, people who were their friends may not associate with them anymore, having children is unlikely, and I can't even imagine what trying to date for them must be like. I'm afraid many take their own lives without even telling their stories, my heart goes out to those people and I hope that they can find their happiness.
I cannot fathom how young girls believe that their dream is tied up with making someone else's a reality! ONLY WORK for your boyfriend or PARTNER IF 50% of his/her SALARY goes directly to YOUR BANK ACCOUNT! Get it ! Your grandmothers and mothers didn't break their back so you can go 200 years back !
I'm not a tradwife but I was a victim of financial abuse by my mother. She sabotaged my education and my work by intentionally teaching me things wrong so I would never leave her. It's very damaging to your self-esteem. She used to complain about how worthless I was not having a job... Which is a common trope among stories involving the husbands of tradwives complaining about their wives spending all of their money. BTW, hello, I found your channel through the algorithms. :) Edit: My mother had a successful career that my father destroyed because he wanted to force her into being a tradwife. I find it ironic that she would in turn sabotage me most of my life the same way my father sabotaged her.
I’m so sorry to hear this. I was sabotaged this way too by one of my parents but God pulled me right out of it despite my never having completed college. Today I run my own business and haven’t clocked in since 2016!
Your father did a good job 👍 , many women tend to change after marriage and suddenly adopt feminist mindset since they have secured the traditional man aka benefits of traditionalism and Feminism is not something a real man will tolerate.
I think it’s smart to not financially depend on ANYONE else. Being a tradwife really brings some people genuine happiness but it’s definitely smart to save up personal money from a side job in a separate account.
Ok “stay at home girlfriend” - no, don’t play the wife until you have the ring. If you want to be a trad wife after you’re both committed to each other, then fine. But stay at home girlfriend?? He can leave you with nothing when he gets bored. Smarten up women!
A stay-at-home-girlfriend is a disposable sidepiece. If he wanted to marry you, he would. He wouldn't make you playact as a wife until you're 30, then dump you for a younger model.
I wanted to be a stay at home trad wife but after watching this video & reading comments i feel its wise to at least have a part time job for financial stability and job security. Ive been highly independent from a young age even helping my single mom pay bills and that was/is extremely rewarding to me. Im also very opinionated so i feel id loose myself if i had to be less outspoken due to power imbalances..Thank you for your insights everyone :)
Having had a SAHD for my kids for a bit in the past, I think that being a stay at home parent is a wonderful thing to do and so incredibly beneficial to your kids if you can afford it. Where it stops is that you should not be staying home to take care of a grown man/woman who can do things for themself- aka a stay at home gf or a tradwife before kids. Work to support yourselves, but it’s okay to take time off work to raise your own children if you would like and can afford to.
Now my Mom wasn’t a SAHM 100% of the time and although I never saw my Dad lay a hand on her, he was still financially abusive towards her. Like he purposely jeopardized job opportunities for her. Take the car when she really needed it to be independent, which got her messed up. When my mom did work, He’d take her income tax and use it to pay off his car notes. My dad was very selfish with his money too. Like usually parents look at their kids as investments so they can succeed in life however my dad would only invest in himself. Like he’d often buy top of the line, expensive cars that would get repo’d that could’ve been used for after school activities or a good education. There were days that the water or lights were cut off because of the car note was top priority. I saw this first hand so it alarms me when women look at this lifestyle and think it’s an ideal lifestyle but trust me that shit also hurts kids too.
I applaud your work on this it is SADLY and depressingly unpopular so when the incels and their pick me associates find this if they haven’t already they will destroy you to help secure that their narrative is the better one. Please stay strong. I’m like actually worried. This message is important and you created it in good faith in no way talking down about SAHMs despite those that I’m sure have come on here like “HEY YOU ARE A B!!!!” thank you for your work on this. Please keep it up
I like the balanced perspective, i think the success of a trad marriage/sahw really depends on the level of trust and knowing who you married. I personally think it's great for women to have some form of financial independence, which doesn't necessarily mean having a full-time job
I am a stay at home dad and I feel a lot of what you are warning about here. Nearly 0 money is made by me and I do all the standard stay at home things like cook clean and care for the kids. I get to be the target of all of my wife's frustrations at work i.e. when she has a bad day at work it is taken out on me. Recently in the same day she told me I was going over budget on food so I can not have spending money until that is brought back in control. and she in the same day spent over $500 on equipment to take a motorcycle safety class because she might want to buy herself a motorcycle for a couple grand. I went over budget by $30. She has also started changing they way we talk about money from "our money" to "My money". Being the male I have the addition that there is basically no way I can hope to get my children if we split. On the up side when she hits I don't get hurt and she only does that rarely. I don't know why I am venting here but i stumbled here and your video made me feel something. I mean just lost she cheated on me with someone who videotaped it and posted it online and when i confronted her with it she just said it wasn't her. Maybe just wanted to say when you can not only get your home money and earning potential taken it hurts but all that plus loss of children, in a dark place.
Omg bro she's abusive! That is literal financial, physical and emotional abuse. You are valuable and you deserve better. Have you sought marital counseling? It may help. You should be appreciated for who you are and what you do.
This is so fucked up and sad 😢 I’m sorry you’re going though this, it’s not fair. Is there anyway you can maybe try work something out to try and get out that situation? Man I hope everything works out and karma bites her in the ass hard
First of all I am so so sorry, that’s not fair or okay at all. But you might want to look into the custody thing more. It does depend where you live but the good news for you is that in many places the women get custody thing is a misconception and oversimplifies it. In most divorces a deal is made out of court and a lot of the time both parents agree to the mother having custody. If it goes to court judges are actually often very favourable towards fathers, courts typically hold higher standards for mothers and men seeking custody who have other factors in their favour get it about 70% of the time. You’re the primary caregiver and in most places that is absolutely in your favour! Be careful of course, I know you’re in an unsafe and really difficult situation and I know how often courts go against the parent being mistreated. But I just want you to know there might be more hope than it seems! Plan your moves carefully and don’t give up!! You and your kids deserve better. I’m wishing you the best
Not to mention that every divorce (and often break-up) started off with the feeling that this is an amazing person and I will be with them forever. What will you do as a trad gf/wife if your man decides he doesn't want to be with you anymore? Or if you notice that your love has withered away?
I lost my dad to lung cancer recently and I cannot be thankful enough that my mom is financially independent and have a solid source of income. It was a huge loss to our family, and I loved that you brought up partner's death in the video. Its important to remember that you could lose your partner any time, and its good to have a backup plan.
I wonder if a relationship might stay healthy if a girlfriend has her own job and CAN leave and CAN push back, and DOES speak her mind, but might go unhealthy if the girlfriend FEELS she can't push back, and compromises and becomes a doormat. Personally I don't think you can have a healthy relationship with any large power inbalance.
When my boyfriend of 3 years started hinting he didn't want me to work, I pushed back respectfully and clearly. He had student debt, I was debt free. I had even offered to lay out a plan to help him pay off his debt, which he never acknowledged. He was a firm believer in being the head of the household, the primary decision maker, and I was the "advisor" to his position as "king." Those were the words he used. He was so stuck on needing me to be a certain way, only being friends with certain people he approved of, even going so far as to make me think I needed therapy. Needless to say, when he started laying all of the blame for our relationship's issues on me, I ended it. Looking back, he had a need for control in every aspect of his life, and I was blind to the way that had weaseled its way into our relationship. So now I probably do need therapy, because of him.
I’m all for the Stay At Home Mother/Wife lifestyle but not the SAHG lifestyle. I love the idea of dedicating yourself to the upkeep, maintenance, and well-being of the home and family as it can be incredibly rewarding (especially if you are family oriented) provided you as a woman have built for yourself a comfortable safety net in the event things go south. I also think the time for you do that, as a woman, is during the girlfriend stage and prior by doing things such as pursuing school/education, employment or entrepreneurship and enriching yourself as person by travelling, having hobbies or indulging in other life-changing experiences. I think such exposes you to the skills and qualities you need to survive in this harsh world, even as a SAHM/W in the business of running a home.
I have almost the same opinion as you, the difference is I don’t really like the stay at home wives, either. I have respect for stay at home mothers but not anywhere near as much towards wives with no children. (obviously excluding those with disabilities or various health conditions)
Everyone can do what they want but honestly, nobody has to stay at the house to maintain 24/7, especially when kids aren't involved. I don't see what's appealing about supporting a full grown adult, man or woman
Are they sawing all clothes? Are they making pillows, blankets, ECT? Are they producing flour and everything food connected? They are not traditional wives - they are partners of wealthy people.
This is a huge topic and it’s awesome your bringing awareness! I feel I can’t even comment on the “submit” to your male partner stuff because I struggle to wrap my mind around that… Female employment can help challenge gender norms and promote gender equality, but the mindset that some have that women need to work can also be damaging to women and can also serve the economy by supplying underpaid labour
This reminds me of how my grandmother was a trad wife because my great grandmother had told her that getting an education is useless and to only focus on how to clean her home and cook well for my grandfather. Eventually my grandparents got divorced and my grandmother had no education to rely on in order to find a long-term career so to this day she cleans homes for a living even though she should have retired around 20 years ago. Today, she always reminds me to continue studying and always encouraged my education, i just wish she was able to do the same when she was my age
That girl with her nostalgic video about homemakers is missing that it was only true for YT privileged women and often they relied on the labor of working class women (often of color)
These women could also just have jobs which they aren't telling us about. Are there really that many really rich men who are going to support women who they aren't married to who they will be having kids with?
@@NormieNeko being able to hire help is not wrong but it's often advertised (now) like anyone can and did do it which isn't true at all. Plus relying on working class women and then passing it off as being a good housewife is disingenuous. So called financial independence is an interesting way to look at something that has saved millions from possibly abusive and loveless marriages for survival or because of societal pressure. Minority women working for white SAHW and mothers were not really that financially independent (because of low salaries bc of racism) then and a lot of them now are still paid very low wages (if at all) so as to keep them working for the rich people who benefit a lot often from their labour.
Furthermore, I think it’s important for your partner to inspire you and want you to be the best version of yourself. If he is happy with you just being a stay at home girlfriend then I don’t think it’s the right person for you long-term because he is benefitting and you are not.
"if your partner dies you will be screwed" That is bad planning on the husband. As soon as my wife moved in with me, 500k in term life insurance was purchased and 100k in whole life. Submitting to a man requires you finding a man who is worth submitting too. Who is willing and able to SUPPORT THEIR WIFE financially and emotionally. Men can lead their households. But they have to be leaders, not bosses.
Hi Cara! I discovered your channel tonight and I've been binge-watching them. You have tons of great advice and I just subscribed. When I was a teen I dreamed of getting married and being a stay-at-home mom. That didn't happen. I wound up being a single mom and worked my rear off to take care of my son. I also remember my grandmother once told me to never rely on anyone to take care of you but yourself and I've taken that advice very seriously. When I married my husband (at 47) 6 years ago, he kindly offered me the opportunity to not work any more. As stressful as my job is, I declined because I not only love making my own money, but I do understand that if, God forbid something should happen to him, or our relationship, I wouldn't be able to care for myself financially and I think that is a dangerous situation to put yourself in. But you're also losing experience and skills you may need for a job later on. Great video!
Wanted to chime in here: As a male partner in a relationship with kids, I find it very comforting to have a female partner who is equally invested in earning money and managing money. This gives me a sparring partner to do financial planning where all cards lie on the table. Financial security for the children and partner is managed through testaments and otherwise we never pooled our resources except for a small pool of money we chip into each month. If any of us goes out of work, any one of us can take up the slack. I furthermore know that if I bite the dust, or the relationship would take a turn for the worse, that our children will have someone to rely on. I think this is the best mature way to think about money. I am very skeptical about "stay-at-home-whatever" being a sustainable option in the modern world.
As a homemaker for 21 years who you pick as a husband is important. While II don't work his income our income, I still plan financially and save for myself and he understands the importance of that. You have to be smart about what you're doing and plan for the future!
Another important and understated reality: the most DANGEROUS position that a survivor of DV is in is not when they’re still in the relationship, but when they make attempts to leave or separate themselves from the abuser. We have seen this in pop culture cases like the Nicole Simpson case. She was separated from OJ when she was killed, and I think regardless of anything else, we can depend on the evidence gathered to pin down who did it. It’s especially important to take that into consideration when entering a relationship where the man is going to have power over finances. Thank you for making this video. This trend disturbs me and I think you explained the issues with it so eloquently (and honestly nicer than I could have).
@@douglasmatthews2334 It just makes it easier for them to get away with it / harder for the woman to escape, because it puts her at a financial disadvantage, in addition to the physical disadvantage.
Just discovered your channel today and I am obsessed! I especially love how you not only critique BUT ALSO offer solutions and alternatives for people (in this case) who want to be a homemaker and have financial independence too.
In case of divorce of breakup, going back to the work market would be extremely hard. Imagine going for your first job in 10 years, you have a slim chance of being chosen over other equally or more qualified people with a full CV. This is something to think about. The advices from the video are really good !
My mom ended up trapped with my dad as he became increasingly emotionally abusive in his later years and I think its owing to the trauma of being his punching bag that this whole trad wife culture has me freaked out as a boy too, If you weren't able to guess (how many women would actually use an anime pfp of a character from that show? not many.) Sorry TH-cam turned on you for having completely valid concerns, 1,800 thumbs down because the scumbags are in control of this platform compaared to the 830 of us who stand with you. Solidarity Cara.
Thank you for actually mentioning death in these situations-most of the time people talk about divorce/breakup, but never talk about what if he dies. I always think to each her own, but get life insurance if you're going to do that.
It's such an interesting topic to hear about and so important to talk about. Reads like dystopian fiction to me as my grandmom was a licensed accountant and managed the families money for decades and now the other women in the family continue on. My father is so garbage with money that once my mother asked to separate he didn't even have any savings to afford a new place to leave ...after 30 yrs of working in a profession! What an idiot. The female side of the family had to loan him almost a 100k so he wouldn't take on too much debt. This is so important to talk about and I'm just very grateful that thanks to my family, it reads more as a dystopian novel than reality to me.
Had a friend tell me, “you should marry a rich guy!” My immediate response was nah, too much work. That’s a job 24/7. I’ll stick with my 9-5, thanks! I get to go home at night and don’t have to sleep with my boss
Number one: Being a “stay at home girlfriend” is a ridiculous notion. I don’t feel sorry for these girls if the relationship breaks up because they have acted in a very ignorant way….Self-indulgent but at the same time allowing themselves to be used by men who was taking total advantage of them. I personally don’t think any young woman who enters a “live together” relationship whether she has a career or not, is being smart. Secondly: A wife who stays home in order to run a household and take care of the children she brings into the world is contributing to an orderly and secure environment for those she most deeply cares about. She wields a lot of power in the universe. There is one caveat, however. It is imperative that the stay at home wife receive an education prior to marriage that is valuable in the career world should the marriage not survive.
I’m a stay at home wife and also the CEO of my household. My husband deposits his pay check and I have control of the finance, how we invest and what he are saving for. We work as a team and have safeguards in place in the event he looses his job or passes away. And he has our broker on speed dial in the event I die
I agree with many points in this video… stay at home girlfriends (especially ones who don’t have any side income) cut off their income-earning options so early on in life that it would be hard for them to get back into it-that terrifies me. When I was younger, my dad (sole-income-earner) started a business which failed and left us in staggering amounts of debt. My stay at home mom had to step back into the workforce with dad in order to make ends meet. I saw how hard it was for her to get a job with her work experience from years ago and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. So the financial risk is real even if you’re with a kind partner who would never dream of abusing or leaving you; life happens, lay offs happen, death happens, hurricanes happen. Stay at home girlfriends just represent a higher financial vulnerability to me. When I retire in the future, my plan is to have a investment portfolio that can bring in enough income independently regardless of what my partner’s finances are. I’m going to reduce this vulnerability as much as I can.
My advice to my nieces is this; if you can get it like that, go for it. But never neglect to improve your self, and make sure you have your $$$ stash. Because weather you like it or not you're always gonna be doing some man's bidding, boss, boyfriend, or husband. I got tired of being under paid and passed over even after I put myself through college. I'm 60 and a stay at home gf lol....my baby sister is herculean, like my mom does it all, and the other one is a unicorn with a job and a boss. Value your self and land on your feet girls.
Being a housewife and homeschooling mom was one of the best decisions I made for my family. I’m in control of my time and I get to invest in my children and household. I am also able to dig into my own passions and take care of my health. I have a degree and work experience that I use in home with my family. There are things you can put in place to protect you and the household just in case. Ex: disability insurance, life insurance etc. I do not recommend stay at home girlfriend though.
It is interesting that all those "trad wives" are extremely young and beautiful, you never ever see one over age of 30, and all of them actually do make money online on marketing and presentations so they are not really honest about that. Also, housewife, which is a real thing, is not glamourous as they present it. It's hard work every single day, it's not making a smoothie, or making bread from scratch while wearing a full face of make up and fancy clothes. It's vacuuming, it's ironing, it's cleaning, it's making snacks and dealing with children and more often than not, you do not have time to make bread or cereals from scratch, you are tired and disheveled and your work is never-ending! It's not glamour and pretty clothes and doing only chores that look good on camera. Nothing about it is real. These women are nothing like real traditional wives who worked their asses off and had hard lives, these are privileged women married to men with lots of money to support them living stylish life that can make additional money on social media and also please insecure men who want the same (but never will have it because they are NOT RICH!). Life is never a 24hour glamour and style whatever you do, whatever you chose you will always have tough days, doubts, challenges, and therefor it's very wrong trying to push any particular lifestyle onto others. Everyone has the right to chose how they want to live.
Thank you for this video! I had a time in my life where I really wanted to be a SAHG, but looking back now I can see that this was mainly caused by me feeling lost in a capitalist world and not being able to imagine that I could find a place in there. Being a SAHG kind of brings you into the position of feeling free from the pressure to succeed in the capitalist world. But I kind of think that’s an illusion, you still do work (household, etc.), but now a kind that isn’t giving you any official job experience or career options and also isn’t recognised as real world. It is not a true escape at all. Now that I am actually working and being happy in a job I can’t imagine being a SAHG anymore. My wish was just fuelled by my fear of not being able to survive in a job, not because my goals actually aligned with being one.
My mom used to work and have her own money, before she decided to retired and be stay at home wife, raising 3 kids. For me, that’s such a powerful movement from a women having a stable career, and decided to fully commit to raising a 3 kids as a stay at home. And now my nephew, is raise by a working parents,
This is how Steve Jobs and Jeff Bezos made their grift... relied on the women in their lives, then dumped them. Except in McKenzie Scott's case, she literally helped build Amazon. Ladies, don't depend on someone else and don't build with them cause they're taking you for granted. Edit: Guys, if you want a woman at home, consider allowing her to at least have a part time job or give her some kind of cash to invest. I have a job and earn, but I trade stocks too.
I watched this ages ago and found it to sent it to some of my friends after a conversation about coquette/tradwife stuff they were getting really into, they really liked it and said they had a lot to think about
My mother is a housewife and she has never told me also to become one. In fact she has always told me that she will not let me get till I become independent. Same goes for all my aunts and every housewife I know.
I'm a sahm but now my kids are a bit older starting to work part time again. I worked 11 years. Sahg is super unwise but sahm makes sense because quality childcare is not affordable.
This was a really interesting video to watch from my perspective. I'm a disabled stay at home wife and while I do bring in some income through government disability support, it's nowhere near enough to survive off of and I can only minimally contribute to bills. This video definitely raised some questions in my life about my financial independence and financial literacy. I've never really thought about what would happen if my partner was just suddenly no longer there whether it be due to death or separation, I'm so dependent on him that I honestly don't know what I'd do. Thankfully I've been looking at starting up a small jewellery making business that I can run from home so I should be gaining more independence soon!
I think it’s great when a man provides for you. But I have always felt like you should have your own financial stability and what a man adds is just the extra. You will feel better knowing that you are choosing to be with a man from a place of freedom and love. Rather than it being because you are financially dependent and have no other choice but to follow what he does for your survival
Why are so many widowed men so lost when their wife dies? Because they married their mother who babies them, did everything for them, cooked, cleaned, grocery shopped, etc. -- my mom step sister recently found herself in a terrible financial situation. She never worked and her husband recently passed suddenly around 63 years old. She has no social security herself and their only source of income suddenly was gone. In her mid 60s, she’s looking at having to sell her house and staring down the possibility of being in poverty and homeless in her senior years. But as a gay guy, this isn’t a women’s issue anymore - so many of my gay friends are falling into this “stay at home boyfriend” mindtrap as well.
That's the point of saving your money. And you know very damn well she was not trapped in some enclosed environment isolated from the world. And so it was bad that She depended on her Husband? Or was it bad that she had no money? Or was is bad that she Raised her kids to not be trashy people. Of anything I see 2 wins and one lost. The only problem is that it comes down to is weather he was abusive...
"It's about building ourselves up as teammates who are able to tackle life and money together" This is SUCH a key takeaway! I'm really curious to know about some of the upbringings of women who subscribe to the tradwife or stay at home girlfriend role. Maybe they're more likely to have grown up with a mother who served that role?
I think there’s a major difference between stay at home “girlfriend” and having a wife who stays home for the sake of raising a family
Trad girlfriend is lazy
@@babyboasty6033 I agree. I'd go so far as to say trad girlfriend is an oxymoron. The whole idea of traditional is that a woman is a wife. Trad girlfriend is another term for sugar baby in most cases.
Agree
Wife raising kids is the best.
nah, being childfree is the best :D @@danielfm123
Not all men are abusive but anything can happen. They may lose their jobs, fall ill, or go into an accident. I know one girl who had to bring her kids to move back to live with her parents after her husband was fired and couldn't find another job because he caused some drama. Now that's because her parents can and agree to support her. If they can't then everything will be so much more difficult
True my grandma is a disabled woman who was born in 1951 and my grandpa took care of her because it was hard for her to find work that could/will support her disabilities. My grandpa was a good man but then he got terminal cancer. My grandma lost her husband and the man that took care of the bills. She was lucky to be born in a year that widows got support from the government but they stopt doing that if your born after a certain year. Now if your a workless widow you probably will end on the streets
Its might not even be about abuse. But the inherent power imbalance of relying on the favour of a man for your survival. Especially as the woman ages and becomes less physically desirable to their partners.
@@juliaboskamp9666thats horrible im glad there was a safety net for her.
Feminists to women: Do whatever makes you happy?
Tradwives: I want to be a traditional housewife.
Feminists. 😡
@@ehansaluja1413there is no problem with women wanting to be trad wives the problem is with men expecting working women to be trad wives not contributing one bit with kids or house while she doesn't have the time to bathe herself and burns herself to the ground
That's the problem
I’m a stay at home wife and love my life. I however sell items of FB marketplace and makes crafts that I sell to the community. It’s just important to have a bit of your own money and some skills. Not only in case if your husband leaves you for whatever reason, you never know what could happen in life.
This is what most men are looking for. A supportive woman who can help make ends meet with a side or part time job. We don't want a childas a partner, we want an agreeable and mature partner
@@samiyamasih1452 I can do both of those things and more, but thanks!!
@Samiya Masih one of my best friends is 35, she never had a serious relationship, she doesn't have a job, a lot of debts and has to share an apartment for the summer until she can find another one, she financially depends on her parents who can be pretty abusive sometimes. While I, as a stay at home mum, have the ability to find a job more easily than her when my children will start school as I can work in warehouses or as a cleaner. I guess I could also get back to work in an office but I would rather not because I don't like it. Sometimes it depends on what you have done when you were young and single. But I agree that being a stay at home girlfriend with no income whatsoever and having never worked before is silly and dangerous.
In Arabian countries when men and women marry men are obligated to give dowry for her security incase they divorce and also the states have to provide for women after that, women can however also work and remarry again.
@@SirSwashspeak for yourself
The three basic rules my mother instilled in me: always have your own key to your apartment, your own money and a plan B to leave a potentially dangerous situation (at that age it was "designated driver got drunk", but it can apply to pretty much everything). That served me well for several decades.
Best is to think more deeply to avoid getting into any dangerous situation, ergo choosing your mate carefuly, not based on look or status but on his personnality.
@@abeurakadabeura Thanks for the victim-blaming, I guess. Maybe don't talk about things you have no idea about.
@@juliajs1752 Some people always get in trouble and some seem to avoid all the problems. Strangly, I have never gotten in any trouble, never dated any toxic person.
This is called self-awareness.
I am not saying it's all the victim's fault, but most of the time, the victim could have avoided the situation if they were more aware, just like I don't walk at night near the train or subway station because I know I might get mugged.
And if one day I get mugged, yeah sure I will be the victim, but I could have avoided it to happen if I were a little more careful.
@@abeurakadabeura Still victim blaming.
@@juliajs1752 Then get mugged and cry and blame the culprit. Meanwhile I will enjoy my mug-free life.
I hope you won't teach your daughter "you are a strong independant girl, you can wear a mini-skirt if you want to even when walking alone at night because that's your freedom and people should respect it." because guess what... some people are trash and they won't care about your rights.
Then your daughter will get raped and you will blame society, while you could have protected your daughter by telling her to not do that.
You cannot change society, there will always be bad people in the world. The only thing you have power over, is your own decisions, so make smart ones and avoid trouble.
I was raised by two working parents and my mum always says "there is nothing more powerful than a woman with her own money."
Love this ❤
there’s “nothing”?? your momma’s wrong
No man cares about you money. At all.
Your mother gave you WISDOM. Pay no mind to these misogynistic males and women in the comments.
@@TijuanaKHer mother set her up to fail. The economy isn't going to get any better and every woman isn't going to become a 6 figure entrepreneur.
I'm a very traditional woman but I've also been a realist and went to university and still earn my own living despite being happily married. I learned the hard way....my mother was a child bride and we were both the victims to a man who kept us in dire poverty....we had no means of escaping despite the fact my father beat my mum and kept us terrified. Tradeife is not glam....id fear being that dependent....ladies please, have a backup plan....always!
Same here! My mum is a nutritionist and comes from a very wealthy family and my dad is self made millionaire so for the first few years of my childhood and their marriage he set up the bad high. By that I mean we lived in Dubai, go to a hotel every month, etc. Eventually she left her job because she was raising the there of us, guess what happened? Moved back to our country, lived in a very poor neighborhood, my dad only agreeing on paying our food and bills (no clothes, if sth broke in the house he wouldn’t fix it, etc…) To this day my mum lives with the regret of giving up her job and trusting a man with her life and ours !!
@@dorratrojette when I moved out when I was young my mom said to me "always your own job, always your own bank account"
I'm the opposite, my mom used to work, she never had time for me.
As a grown up, I only visit her so she can see her grand son, I got no relation with her.
The problem is that you mom picked the wrong guy, no the traditional model.
So who raises your kids and clean is your house when you’re out working tell me
@@MGS.037 I don't have children and I spend a couple of hours each day cleaning my home
My mother was a stay-at-home mother for most of my parents' marriage. My father wouldn't allow her to work full-time because it would hurt his pride. Well, not only did he leave her for another woman, but he stole her inheritance that she had put in their joint bank account! She had a really shitty lawyer who didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground and it all financially and emotionally devastated her and she never recovered.
Feminists to women: Do whatever makes you happy?
Tradwives: I want to be a traditional housewife.
Feminists. 😡
So the problem is a shitty lawyer and an irresponsible father. Do you think these things go away as long as you have a job? On the flip side, you probably wouldn’t even be born if your mom chose to dedicate her life to her career.
@@jokerpilled2535 Fine with me. She would have been much happier if she never married my father and had me. I heard that often from both parents.
@@NenaMataHari if your parents said that then screw both their happiness and focus on your own.
@@ehansaluja1413Did you not watch the video???
my grandmother, who was born in the 1930s and was married for over 50 years, always told me she only had one advice for me: never, ever be financially dependent on a man.
I hear this a lot. Newer generations overomanticize elder couples of 50 year marriages without knowing the uncensored full story which I have had the privilege to hear behind closed doors. They fall into the generation of trad family church goers when divorce was taboo and women working was even more taboo. If they had the same privileges as the younger generations do now, trust me... they'd leave their husbands too and be self reliant financially, but they couldnt then and they were trapped in those marriages. But because they couldn't leave, they advice their daughters and granddaughters to be more independent and everything they wish they could've done, they instill in their daughters.
She was married for 50 years. You're lucky to be married for 5 years.
@@CitySlickerBallKicker What are you talking about, woman divorced constantly, if you get divorced you get half of what the man owns because its LITERALLY a payback for beeing a stay at home mom who didnt spend time on their career.
The biggest is lie is you woman acting that if you are independent youll work a dream job you love and be a boss b*tch, when in fact youll work a job you hate for hours you hate and a pay you hate. And the woman body is not meant to work like that for 40 years, the woman who have worked for 40 hours, even in easy office jobs, are absolutly depleted and riddled with health issues when they retire, im old enough to see this happen to my grandma, my mom and my aunts. Working a 9 to 5 for a job you hate for 40 years will destroy you.
@@Nguyen12121maybe cause she couldn’t divorce due to having to be financially dependent and reliant entirely on a man, crazy how that correlates!!
It is not simply a matter of man or woman, one shouldn't be reliant on any other person financially. Gay or lesbian couples will face the same issues in case of separation: good luck to the one that has relinquished control of the finances to the other, that's all I can say.
It’s not even necessarily about abuse - he could fall out of love with you and ask for a divorce 20 years down the road when you least expect it and you’re left with nothing in your bank account. Then you’re forced to rely on alimony payments which are often not enough. This recently happened to a friend of my moms and it left her needing to learn independence when she’s 50 years old, instead of when she was younger and would have had much more time and resources to develop her career and financial assets
No fault divorce means the woman (or man) can leave at any time for any reason. But 80% of the time its women. Why? The consequences of divorce. Men lose half of everything they own, and custody of their kids, and must pay recurring alimony and child support. That's one hell of a deal for women and one reason among many why marriage rates have plummeted.
Facts, men do not want divorce it's mostly women. This is why men fear marriage. Prenup all the way.
@@FTBASTAR prenups are usually thrown out.
@tannman8521 If you don't do it properly, then yes. You're supposed to use a lawyer to draft one, not scribble on a piece of paper. Judges can't throw out proper prenups.
@@FTBASTAR not entirely true. I know men personally who had theirs written by an expensive lawyer. Divorce court is very biased against men. There are many appeals that can get the most seemingly airtight prenup nullified.
Lack of voluntary consent, improper drafting, Unconscionability, Non-disclosure of assets, Change in circumstances, etc...
Also the ‘stay at home GIRLFRIEND’ is so cringe, it means you didn’t get the level of commitment as wife, and you’re doing all the wifely duties. Not fair, very dangerous financially, and it sets up false expectations for men to think they don’t gotta commit cause they’ll get all the benefits of a wife with less work.
You also get NO alimony if you break up, and it can honestly be such a waste of your 20s get married before you move in. Period
Boyfriends don't/shoudln't get husband privileges.
@@KimHmrslike what?
wrong, the biggest waste of a girl's 20s is not being with the right guy and not having kids, that's IT!!
@@AliciaGonzalez-pk3mw girl wtf are you even saying? Being a trad wife is horrible. Most women are happy to be making their own income.
@@AliciaGonzalez-pk3mware you even a woman? 😂😂 I just can tell by the way you write you are a man
My dad demanded my mom not only work full time, but be a full time housewife too plus she had another job on the weekend. Her college degree in his eyes was 'worthless' and she was 'worthless' because her income was $40k under his. He told me growing up that it was my job as a female to 'be a slave' to whoever I married and if I don't get married, I was to live at home and work full time and hand over my salary to him so he could stay at home and 'finally relax'. He also read a lot of Gor books and wanted a 1950's home lifestyle. He felt robbed of that growing up because his dad died from drunk driving when he was young and his mom worked full time.
Later when I was older I saw SO many of my friend's moms who were stay at home and 'tradwifes' suddenly faced with a divorce as their husband cheated on them or slept with much younger women. They were given the option of putting up with the cheating or leave. In some cases divorce papers were served without warning and all of a sudden they are in their 40's with ZERO marketable skills. Having the work at Walmart or McDonald's to get by all of a sudden and lose out from the spouses retirement in the divorce because the husband controlled ALL the finances. Terrible.
But at the same time I have several members of my extended family that made the TradWife thing work and now in their 70's they are still happily married. So I've seen both ends.
The secret though - my relatives who stayed happily married as TradWives - they all had a degree in something (education, nursing, mathematics, etc...) and had some work experience prior to starting a family, got married in their early 20's. Many would work semi-part time when their kids were in school since they weren't catering to child rearing 24/7, but nothing solid, just enough to bring in some spending cash and keep skills up.
I really feel like being out of the marketplace for too long is very dangerous. Even if you don't make as much money as your husband, at least you are part of the workforce.
@Redsilas77 your father sounds like a horrible person, I'm disgusted by the degrading things he used to tell you
Yuck! I'd forgotten about the Gor books. That's still a common fantasy scenario in some online communities.
Feel free to not answer this question, but what did you do? Did you leave your dad or did you stay?
@@byte_girl Probably left, she seems worthless
Been there (stay-at-home -fiancee) done that. Never again. Having one person (the man) control accounts, home ownership, etc. is not a flex--especially when he begins to under value you, resent you and sneak out to lunch with a female co-worker while you are at _his_ place figuring out dinner. It took me until my late 20's after doing this to finish grad school and get my career.
Ya'll do what ya'll want though. I'm a black woman, so it absolutely is a thing for some of us.
Thanks for sharing your story, and I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Hope you're doing well these days!
wow, horrible experience. I hope you are healing x
its always about color, isnt it?
Thank you for sharing. But the man shouldnt do that. My mom is SAHM but she is entitled to my dad money and manage all my dad income, she even had name on deeds. Dont be SAHM if the man control the money😢
cool, not every man is your ex and or a black man.
I'll always choose my education and career over being a homemaker. I've always HATED being dependent on people. It sounds awful in my opinion.
It is, and I wasn't even a girl raised to be a traditionalist and somehow ended up with this experience. It's a matrix and fantasy because one thing I learned is this, the marriages around me (including my own betrothment) where the woman's place was believed to be in the home, all had at least one partner being unfaithful. After a while, I did not see any point in me staying home anymore since I had not had a child. I went back into career mode and that is what ended things. I'm glad too all these years later. Men or a man will NEVER come first in my life again.
It's some shady, low-down, evil s&&& that goes down in these arrangements and all the women online saying "but it's relaxing and I prefer the upkeep of my home" or "I'm better when I'm just folding laundry because I have a problem thinking and am neurodivergent" are overlooking a lot of their male partner's disrespect, infidelity, and mismanagement of money. Aside from the fact that many women that are neurodivergent excel in their careers (using that term is a cop-out), these women are delusional. Some women do stay home when their tykes are little and growing up and that is beautiful, but nothing about that even is glamorous, stress-free or hands-off or a situation in which you don't have to think and make difficult decisions.
I also recognize that being single, having a career and living the way I do, I can't do every single thing alone, so I buy time back. I pay someone to shop for groceries and have them delivered if I feel like I don't want to. I pay someone to clean for me too. I am not opposed to marriage or being in a relationship, but I am not playing this silly game of man leads ever again.
It's not about being dependent. It's about how much you care about others, especially if you have children. I'm going to be forward, but only SAHM's are full-time moms. Working moms are part-time or hobby moms by choice or by force. It doesn't change the fact that most housewives are found in the upper class, upper middle class, and then lower middle class. Clearly, most of them received an education and still chose to be housewives. It's generally a choice that many women still find appetizing. It's a vocation or a calling. Remember that some women view certain careers or paid jobs with disgust as well even if it involves a calling.
As a SAHM sending children to daycare or public school wounds awful, it’s all about priorities.
Man not coming homes while living with his mistress
Beating and abusing u when u ask about him whats going on
U literally begging for even smaller amounts of money like food and basic necessities.
Left with nothing she files for divorce at the end
Well most men do to their homely wives when they reaches 38-40 for younger chicks
As she had nothing to offer him as he married off her just becoz of her beautiful body.
There’s a reason why so many abusers try to financially isolate their victims
My great grandfather came to Brazil from Italy in 1890, started a family and acquired land, he was a coffee producer, he had 10 children, of these, 6 were women, and he raised them to be independent, they all had their own horses, weapons, obviously they knew shoot and learned to manage the lands they were going to inherit. He said that a woman has to have her money, her transport and her gun. He was the best!!!
Amazing ❤! Thanks for sharing. We need more Men to empower women.
@@Mentis-definancial freedom is great, regardless if you're men or women. Not sure why anyone wants to give up on that tbh.
If you don't earn money, you'll feel worthless, being dependant on other people, etc.
@@Mentis-de which "world" are you talking about?
@@nath6374or maybe you just have two different experiences 🤷🏻♀️
My mom died when I was a kid and my dad raise me and my brother by himself. He always stressed to us both that we had to be independent financially, because of his own experience losing his wife so early. I think nothing would disapoint him more than seeing any of his children become a stay-at-home whatever.
Being a stay at home girlfriend seems extra dangerous because there is no chance of alimony if you break up. I think it’s more wise to have at least a part time job if you’re not married, and especially if you don’t have kids yet.
Yeah I think unless you're independently wealthy somehow, it's good to have at least a part time job in these SAHG situations!
Having children is financially risky too. The destroy your carreer and many employers don't want mothers because they are not as reliable as a childfree woman.
@@jasonberry7687 If you want a traditional wife who stay home... You should have absolutely no issues with alimony.
@@jasonberry7687 If men were smart, they would go for women who had their own money, women who they could build with financially. Oh well, each to their own.
Imagine going into a relationship with the intent of breaking up, of course you'll break up.
I was a TRADWIFE....LADIES GET YOUR OWN MONEY. Don't leave yourselves vulnerable. Listen to this good advice 🙏
Make sure you take care of yourself financially
"Words of wisdom" from a bonafide 394......you can't make this up....
@@gomahklawm4446how many slaves do you own?
Or.. hear me out.... get a good husband
I can say with certainty that you did not behave like a tradwife.
So true!
Speaking of financial independence: Get a prenup ladies. My sister just lost 50% of HER retirement fund to her manchild ex husband who could never hold a job for more than a month during their five year marriage.
Protect your social security, your retirement, your savings from the person you marry.
Lmao women won’t get prenups hate to break it to you but women are the ones who benefit the most out of divorces. Still good on your ex brother in law for fuckin her over.
@@AnonYmous-jo5ecwhat? Most women take everything from the man bc they cheat, abuse etc
The woman carries your children, y all dont do sh*t
@@selrox879 Both the man and woman needed each other so that child could be born
@@selrox879 Women cheat more, though.
@@selrox879 There is also the thing that is "fake accusations"
My husband gave me the option to not work - it was the most boring 3 months of my life & now I know the trad wife / stay at home mum life is not me.
I also only lasted 3 months too
You can get hobbies
@@ojyochan I have a million hobbies but that doesn’t replace friends
@ArtedeJerie coworkers aren't really friends in most cases, though. If they're really friends, the friendship won't end when you leave even to work somewhere else.
@@ojyochan it’s still better to interact with more than just your boyfriend or husband
A lot of these stay at home girlfriends journal and will include quick shots of them writing down "their thoughts and goals" in their journals as apart of their aesthetic videos. One creator on TikTok actually paused the videos as they quickly panned over their journals and read them out loud.
All of the journals said something along the lines of them being unhappy or uncertain in their professional life and a lack of close friends. It was very dystopian. They were selling this stay at home fantasy while journaling down how lonely and uncertain it made them. Honestly I don't feel bad for their women. They're grifters, except their grift isn't selling wealth or fast fashion it's selling a "soft life" that's actually leaving them unfulfilled.
Wow that’s really really interesting do u have a link? I wanna take a look
I'd love to see that as well
not having a social life has nothing to do with them staying at home and watching the children
@@marvin2678that’s true but those influencers are clearly lazy and unhappy with themselves
@@marvin2678 read what you wrote again, your "logic" is backwards not having social life which is USUALLY absent if you are stay at home!
I'm a man with a 'trad wife', and I agree with a lot of what you've said. I think the big issues with this lifestyle boil down to the man's leadership in my opinion. For example, my wife wanted to be a stay at home mom her whole life. I actually got a job with tuition benefits in order for her to finish her undergrad degree completely free. She did school for about a year and was very unhappy. We came to discover she was doing her degree out of obligation towards me. Once we discovered this she quit school all together. However, I never want her to be in a situation where she isn't provided for. This is where we decided to get term life insurance. That being said, if I was to pass away she would receive enough money to live the exact same lifestyle without my biweekly paychecks. I might be in the minority here, but the point I'm getting at is this: 1. My wife chose the lifestyle, I always have and always will give her the option to enter the workforce. 2. My wife and I both have done a lot of research on financial education and she knows just as much as me about budgeting, investing, and so on. She actually ran point on the buying of our house, which was the biggest purchase we've ever made. That's just how much I trust her capabilities. 3. I think the biggest issue you brought up is that many of these women are girlfriends, and not wives. Marriage gives my wife legal protections. We don't view divorce as an option, but should that ever change for her, she could leave me and walk away with half of our joined assets. This truly does mean what's mine is hers and keeps me in check from being some misogynistic jerk who uses my job as a manipulative club against my wife during moments of disagreement. So i would encourage all women wanting the trad wife lifestyle to do so in marriage and you and your partner should have contingency plans for things like unexpected death. If your man isn't already providing you those securities, kindly challenge him to do so.
Happy to dialogue more about this. I know I'm a bit old school, and I hope that doesn't offend people. I guess I fully acknowledge that men not being stable is a lot of what has lead to women trusting in their own abilities alone. I try to challenge men to do better. thanks for the video, I plan to watch more!
My husband and I are in the same boat. I worked and lived independently for many years and have stepped back to care for our children and my grandmother. I also handle the finances and paperwork (taxes, insurance, government, legal, etc). I'm a lot happier but it wouldn't work if we didn't have trust, mutual respect, and equal say in decision making.
It is almost like the secret to doing this successfully is not picking crappy men who would abuse the situation and who are in it for the longterm.
Who knew?
@@Gumblethebear Yes.... But... Even if you don't pick a crappy guy (they don't come with signs on them letting you know) - something like half of all marriages end in divorce. The ones that don't - a lot of people are ot happy. Without protections for the one staying home (also working but not getting anything to put on the resume should they need to resume working) - women could easily end up screwed. Like the OP said - something could happen to the husband - even if he's the nicest person, stuff happens. The wife needs some form of security.
@@jenniferbyrne2980 I don't know, nearly all the split up couples I've ever seen looked like they had a sign on them that said "Ignoring the obvious". Also, marriage does come with protection for the spouse who isn't working. As far as something happening, that's for insurance. Good men would have thought all of this out.
50% of marriages end in divorce because of women. They initiate nearly all of divorces. You want a successful marriage, pick well and stick to it.
@@jenniferbyrne2980 70% of divorces are initiated by a woman
I once practiced as a Realtor and I will never forget one desperate client I had. She was a woman between 40-50 with two special needs kids and hadn't worked for the nearly 35 years she was married. Her husband decided to divorce her and cut off all communications and all the finances she had access to. She was stuck fighting for alimony (no guarantee even if she won the case because he declared bankruptcy), frantically selling everything in the 4000+sqft house and find a place to rent which met the county housing budget before her kids started school again. Finding a landlord that accepts a renter like that was impossible. Never ever ever give up your financial independence.
I have a stay at home mom & growing up I used to think it didn't mean much and I would never do this. But after my dad explained the way that my mom manages the household allows him to make enough money for the both of them and the whole family, it made me see the whole housewife thing as a teamwork arrangement. That being said, my mom did work for a few years even after getting married so I would definitely look into finding your identity - financially and personally - before settling down and never working again.
Definitely important to be a team, but also good for the partner who isn't working an "official" job to keep their financial options open since they're in a much more vulnerable position
Makes me so sad how little appreciation there is for all the unpaid hours of work that our moms did and still do...
@@thefinancialfreedomgirl How many women pay the bills, most women who get alimony during divorce are working women
@@thefinancialfreedomgirl you're a loser. women get half and then some when they get left.
@@jenniferbyrne2980
Why is it unappreciated? My husband and children appreciate everything I do.
Going to college, working a few jobs for the experience, and building up my professional skills was very valuable to me as a backup plan, but I’m definitely happier and feel more secure now that I’m a stay-at-home mom.
My advice: have hobbies and social obligations each week that get you out of the house, never stop learning and growing as a person, aim to take care of yourself just as well as you take care of your kids and husband, and get that ring before you finally quit your job.
Get married, not just engaged before you quit your job.
My grandmother, who was born in the 1920's, would slap all these girls in the face and tell them to build their own careers now.
Why is that? Is it because she saw how bad it was to be a trad wife or because she had a career of her own and saw that she made the right choice?
Amen!
Not every woman wants a career. Stop trying to impose to others what you think! Feminism should be about free choice!
@@Elisabetta.10980 Choices have consequences. Warning someone about them or trying to help someone make the right choice is not imposing anything. If you want to be at the mercy of a man go right ahead! Nobody is stopping you! Just don't come begging for taxpayer money when you are old and don't have a pension, when the man dumps you for a younger woman or if he starts beating you and you have to just take it because you have no money to live somewhere else.
@@AndreiPopescuwow you have some deep connection issues w men
I will never forget the day my dad shouted at my mum for buying a handbag with his ‘money”. My mum since then works and our lives as a family improved greatly . My dad was financially and emotionally abusive . I will never ever depend on a man fully
@@Evaisgalaxy because of a fucking handbag....no wonder women contantly asks "where are all the good men gone" XD
My *dad* was bad -> I will never depend on a *man*
Not resolving your childhood traumas and projecting your abusive dad on every men... Hmm... Good luck with life !
@@PierrickYAH you missed the point. Think a little bit. Its never a good plan to depend on anyone 100% for everything you need. Only a child can do that, cause they are children. Grown women DO NOT HAVE TO DO THAT.
@@voguehaven5154 Yup, that's why single moms went from 25% 50 years ago to 75% today. Independent woman!
But you know you can be a traditional wife and still make some money on the side. A lot of traditional wives have a lot of free time (especially those who don't have kids yet and those with kids in school). You can work at home or start a small business at home or maybe even a part time job. Since you are not the breadwinner and some of this work is unofficial and you don't need to pay taxes on it, you can have a lot of money to spare.
When 9/11 happen my mother who work at city hall had to talk to wife after wife sobbing because they knew nothing about taxes or budget ” he took care of me so well . I never ask about anything . I don't even know how to pay our ______ bill ” my mom come home traumatize
Even if your partner is truly lovely .....life is not always . Having a little bit of money understand how the world works outside of your husband is in my opinion your husband duty after all I would want my partner to be able to survive without me why wouldn't your husband( or partner) not want the same for to you ?
Oh wow - thanks for sharing this story. I can't begin to imagine how traumatic that must've been for your mom.
And you're totally right - you never know where life may go. I think sometimes people equate this argument of financial protection with 'don't trust your partner', but it's not really that. Both people in a relationship should know how the household's finances are run, and ideally both of them should have a level of financial protection in case the worst happens.
Can agree, a healthy balance would be nice for those scary moments.
Have also heard at times fathers not being familiar with their child's education & the work needed to sign them up for school, parent meets up and so forth due to the mother taking/being pushed that responsibility alone.
Men died. Women most affected. 🤣 just delusional.
Please don't assume that Trad wives don't know how to run budgets and balance books. This video is Cara's imagination of how Trad wives must be. Many trad wives hold valid quals, actually are even in charge of the households finances and yes do the taxes LOL. They aren't all air heads in poodle skirts. Quite often it's simply families with children and it's cheaper to have a home maker than pay for day care, some of us have children with disabilities, large properties to manage, portfolios to manage etc. We aren't all 20' year olds vacuuming our boyfriends bedrooms. Sure there are stay at home women just like you describe, but I know MANY working women like this too who have more debt than most trad wives.
@@alyssajenaway3781
Some videos I’ve seen on this subject mention tradwifes do not make their own income. They instead help around the house, cleaning, cooking, and as you mentioned, doing taxes.
The problem in modern corporate society is none of these are seen as valuable skills. Some employers, if you haven’t seen the inside of an office within the last 15-20 years, HR will not even look at your resume , because they do not think you will bring anything valuable to the company.
So, good luck finding someone who is willing to hire you, especially so if you are applying for places that pay more than minimum wage.
Tradwife life sounds like an awesome life of luxury, but if you lose your spouse to a tragic life event, or he decides he doesn’t want to provide for you or be in your life anymore, and you got 5-6 kids on your plate, it sets you up for failure.
I married my high school sweetheart and when we had kids, I made enough to pay for our needs, but not much more. She stayed home, partly because we thought it would be best for the kids, but also because since the United States makes no investment in families, despite the pro-family political rhetoric of both parties, daycare is freakin' expensive.
The tight budget, but moreso, the lack of financial independence on her part put a huge strain on our marriage. Ultimately, she resented me, and we ended up divorced. There was, obviously, more than one reason for this, but I know a huge part of it was money.
We both went back to school after the divorce, and both have a lot more income now. When we last spoke of this, she told me "I'll never be financially dependent on a man again." Likewise, I'll never let a woman be financially dependent on me again, no matter how much money I have. It's a recipe for disaster, and I'd never recommend it to anyone.
If it works for you, good on 'ya... but make no mistake, you're playing a dangerous game.
Do you have any thoughts on what your ex-wife could’ve done to prevent this once you already had kids? I feel like that’s where a lot of things go wrong, it takes so much investment to get someone to financial independence in the first place, even more with kids involved
@@AlexisBii I dunno... We talked about her going back to school several times, but it never happened for various reasons. It's tough with little kids, but I've known people to do it.
It sounds like a lot more was going on than just financial dependence. I've been "financially dependent" on my husband for 20 years. We're living a great life. I depend on him, and he depends on me.
@@erikastanger7848 I literally said in that post "There was, obviously, more than one reason for this..."
The term stay at home girlfriend absolutely SENDS me
True lol
Another thing is that these SAHG are often influencers with a social media following so they can still make some income. This is compared to some other SAHG or tradwives who don't have a social media following and therefore don't have any work experience or savings. Its just a risky thing to do, especially if something happens to the breadwinner or they break up. I've seen it happen to my grandmother and mom who rely on their husband to financially support them. No judgement to those who do this but it just puts you in a vulnerable position financially, mentally and emotionally. That's why financially literacy for women is so important.
100%! So many women of past generations have shared how difficult it can be when you rely financially on one person. It's a vulnerable place to be, not just for the woman but for the whole family. I'm glad these influencers are able to diversify their income through these videos, but I worry about others who aren't doing that.
It's so hard to grasp the concept of putting yourself into a situation with all the disadvantages that the tradwife/stay at home wives even nowadays still faced but without the only one secure characteristic of it: marriage, the only legal thing that can kind of support you is your partner died or leave you.
Being a SAHG sounds surreal to me. And from the male pov, they are getting a house maid with whom have intimate relationships without the compromise of legal binding. It's just a win from every side.
Oh yeah from the man's side it seems like a great deal!
@@thefinancialfreedomgirl you just have to find the right men and even after that for stay at home wife divorce law are pretty strong in this country so you really don't have that much of a problem
And 70 percent of divorce are initiated by women it is men who are afraid of divorce and don't what to get marry state one reason for a men to get marry just Mary for our family
@@thefinancialfreedomgirl men play that risk to when they get marriage to get cut in half and 18 year of child support why can't a women make that sacrifice by trusting us why get married if you don't have that level for trust in him
If we can make that sacrifice why can't you
@@vladimir.putinn_007 trusting men is a broad statement. That's like saying, why don't you "trust all humans".... trust is earned, and if a man is disloyal or a misogynist, there's nothing to trust in him. Same goes for women.
I think if a man wants a trad wife, and a woman chooses to be a trad wife, there are a lot of risks to both, if the situation turns sour.
Well it's most likely going to be the woman breaking up with the man. Men rarely break up with women and if so it's usually (of course there are many exceptions) for a good reason.
No it's not smart to be a stay at home girlfriend and not save any money. But you being broken up with and having no money is similar to living paycheck to paycheck and being fired. If you are in your early 20s you can recover from both situations maybe even fairly quickly. I don't see why someone who is 40 or 30 would choose to do this because it's very dangerous as a girlfriend.
Anyway, women also benefit from being SAHG and it's hypocritical to pretend they don't. Some women don't want to work and since many of these girlfriends don't have kids (or have kids in school) they don't have much to do at home . All you do is cook, clean , do laundry and if you have a kid maybe take care of them when they aren't in school and have no financial burden. That's not a lot of work and many people prefer it to regular jobs.
The ironic thing is that actual “traditionalists” don’t boast about the way that they live their lives on social media.
Everything is done for clout today...Birthday surprises, proposals, valentines surprises, cooking for her man...
Raised in a feminist way and always having had to work, I‘m proud to be able provide for my family. You never know what happens in your life!
Having seen a few videos on TikTok of the blonde ’25 year old stay at home girlfriend’ (I don’t know her handle/name), she has half a million followers and seems to show quite a few brands, she probably makes more money than her boyfriend. That being said, I am pretty sure she is influencing many younger women into making the poor financial decision of being dependent on a partner rather than furthering education or career skills, which is a really risky move.
The most important lesson I've learned is always, ALWAYS have the financial ability to support yourself. I learned that the hard way and honestly, if I were married, escape would have been a lot harder.
when women, they tend to get much of the man's resources when there is a divorce and its been that way for a long time now, so this whole video is absurd.
Another point this is important to note is none of these people are actually stay-at home gf/wife's because they are all influencers who are earning by selling this lifestyle and proly have all their finances sorted and so their unpaid work that they are doing for their bf/husband is not really unpaid. What is sad is younger women might actually try to replicate this aesthetics and get attracted to how easy and glamorous their life looks without understanding the way this can go down in the future for them.
It would be likely many have another job which they aren't posting on line or something else they may do from home..
THIS!
My husband works very hard for us, I am a stay at home wife / mama with two kiddos. We don’t earn any other money besides what my Husband brings in. It’s the most amazing life, he works hard to provide and I cook, clean take care of the children, we have such a beautiful balanced life together and it’s really wonderful to not have to be the one making money. I am fully able to focus on the family and the home which is my aim to create a peaceful lovely home for my family ♥️
I often wonder how these "Tradwife" women would react if their husband can't work for any reason, what happens if they divorce, can't have children naturally or the man tells his wife that she might have to get a job because a single income is no longer viable and both have to work?
They always give the same excuse “look for a good man who won’t do that”. Like everyone that’s been in a dv situation was actively searching for a partner that was going to abuse them 🙄🙄
Also it's giving ableism
Or the man leaves you for another women because he’s tired of his predictable tradwife. Having an education & work experience is the best thing to do for oneself.
Generally they have protections under the law. Child support, alimony, etc. If the man leaves them. Yes, they may have to scale back for a while, but they are still more valuable on the relationship market than an "independent woman", and are likely to find a better partner because of what they learned from their first marriage.
In the case of the man losing his job, she sticks by him and supports him in his hour of need. They make sacrifices together, and they come out of the hardship stronger because of it. That's why it's "for better or for worse". There will always be another job. Women who would leave a man simply because he lost his has no business being in ant serious relationship, let alone a marriage.
I was a stay at home mom for 18 years. When I saw that the economy was going to sh!t and everything from gas to eggs was sky rocketing, I went back to work. I mean, it's not rocket science, if she's not a gold digging skankface then it won't bother her to go back to work.
I grew up with a stay at home mom. Though I am thankful for my mom raising me I saw first hand what it means to not have any financial freedoms. My mom struggles to find a jobs now that we are all adults. She has to get my father permission to us payement cards. I also saw first hand at what happens when you have one parent work. My father would come home angery and over stressed. They’re marriage wasn’t happy growing up. It’s not the life I wish my kids to witness.
I'm sorry you had to witness that growing up :( I can't imagine the frustration your mom must feel having to ask permission for cards, or the stress your dad had being the sole breadwinner
Thanks for sharing btw ❤️
I kinda wish unpaid domestic labor was given the same weight as volunteer work and unpaid internships on resumes.
I'll give another perspective. My mom has been a #tradwife since she got married, only doing some substitute teaching and side businesses when her kids were old enough. She volunteered in hospitals, was very active in her church and and had a great relationship with my dad. I never saw them fight, she was NEVER abused and still misses him to this day. Dad worked 10-12hr a day sometimes and treated Mom with respect. Marry a good man, and be a good wife and don't nag. I can't imagine how messed up I'd be if my Mom was never around. Don't give your kids a broken home and absentee parents.
@@rhadiem That's amazing for your mom, though I don't think it negates anything said in the video, as your mom did nearly everything I recommend (good for her! that's awesome!). She still worked (sub teacher), pursued entrepreneurship, and volunteered for additional experience. All those things help protect a stay-at-home partner if financial situations change.
I’m a tradwife but I altso take care of the familiys finances. The house and the car is under my name, if we get divorced I get everything.
Totally agree with Cara here. My dad made pretty good money from his business whereas my mom doesn't have a slightest clue how the working world actually works. There was a big disconnect in their communication. Also wide power imbalance in their marriagre, which sadly ended up in divorce. So I purposefully looked for a wife who has a career. Thank God I found one. If my time is up before her I know she can carry on to take care of our kids financially.
just because your parents executed the concept incorrectly does not mean it is a bad way of living. it sounds like your father treated your mother like another child. the money he makes should be both of their equally. she should have learned the working world works, and communication is very important in any relationship.
I transfer 25% of my wage in my wife's account so that she can have her own money to spend. She doesn't have to get a job to be independent. We love and trust each other.
@@FunAlltime247 why don't you guys share one account?
@@crobeastness she can always access to my account.
@@FunAlltime247 I'm just asking because I'm not used to seeing married couples have separate accounts.
My first husband actually sabatoged every job I got. Yep, major red flag but we were already married so I felt trapped when things progressed to extreme physical violence. He also maxed out all my credit cards with the promise to repay them. Which he did, 3 years later once my credit was utterly destroyed.
He passed away unexpectedly at 27, leaving me alone with an infant. We had been separated for 6 months due to his violence by this point (he had multiple felonies pending at the time of his death) so his family actually tried to cut me and our daughter completely out of our rightful inheritance.
It took almost 4 years of endless court dates to finally convinced his grandfather that he wasn't legally allowed to leave me high and dry while he "repurposed" my husband's portfolio, which included a significant number of investments and a business.
In that way, I'm supposed to feel lucky. My daughter growing up never remembering her father is a "blessing." Yeah....my family is twisted.
However, my current husband would never lay a hand on me out of anything but love or a playful wrestle. My daughter and I also have significant nest eggs, that cannot be touched by my current husband in the event of divorce, due to the wealth being inherited (this varies by state.) I don't think he would treat me differently if this wasn't the case, but it does allow me the financial freedom to be a stay at home mom, and not have to worry about what might happen in the future.
Stay at home girlfriends are something I really don't understand. What happens when he decides he wants a new 23 year old play thing and the only thing on your resume is an unpaid internship and a series of retail jobs from 5+ years ago.
You picked low quality men and low quality men don’t leave a widow with a decent life insurance policy.
@@faychel8383 Actually he left me a hefty life insurance policy, the family business, land, his remaining 2 trusts that he hadn't yet inherited and 3 homes. So get fucked. His Grandfather got involved and took me to court and split things up between myself and our daughter. I'm still very comfortable, married to my first true love, we reunited 6 years after my first husband passed. He adopted my daughter and I have my own savings account that is safe if he ever does something stupid and tries to divorce me, because it's all inherited wealth so he can't touch it. But thanks for your input. You sound like a top quality individual yourself.
@@andlaurawaslike either he left you all that you listed off or you survived just fine on your own. And why give him three opportunities to max out your credit cards? If he owned 3 homes, had a family business, etc, then you wrote something that reads like you chose not to leave a crappy guy because of the money. Either way idk why you write paragraphs trying to emphasize how destitute and helpless you were left. But you either were very intelligent to succeed as you have or you weren’t left destitute to begin with. If the grandfather didn’t try to take it from you to have himself idk why it’s a problem he wanted half in your daughters name. It still sounds like he was wealthy, had abusive red flags, and you stayed even after getting pregnant, and who knows if you would’ve left if he didn’t die. At what point in this story are you not a victim of a man but a victim of your choices?
@@faychel8383 He struggled with addiction, yes. We all have our flaws. It so happens I met him when he had just blown his first trust fund and had 3 years to go until he reached his next. We actually worked together (shocker - college educated, please try to control yourself.) You seem determined to scold me and tell me I pick shitty men. Why is that? Why can't it be that he was sober for most of our relationship, including our marriage? Why can't it be that he didn't turn abusive until he got his second trust installment and suddenly morphed into an abusive addict who I had never known before? Should I have left him the first time I noticed he was drinking nightly? By the time he got the money I was already pregnant and we had been married for a few years. I did not know about the trusts. Why would I? I knew when his grandfather passed away he would take over one of the businesses that his Dad had left to him, when his own father passed due to alcoholism when my husband was barely 16. That is why he always told me he didn't drink. He didn't want to turn out like his father. That was all I knew. And it isn't a business you would think would even be very profitable, it looks more like a hobby until you see behind the scenes, which I did not, until after his passing. He knew he was struggling. He went to rehab, detox, inpatient, outpatient, instate, out of state, tried sober living. I don't know why any of this is necessary just to get some random asshole to stop telling me what a horrible human being I am on the internet. I'm glad that life has blessed you with no such hardships. But to say that I chose a rich abusive piece of shit and let him beat me and knock me up because I'm some sort of masochistic gold digger? I'm sorry but that simply isn't true. My current husband is a wonderful man, who happens to be brilliant as well. Did I marry him for his money? Obviously not. There goes the gold digger theory. I married him for the same reason I married my first husband, because of his mind. If I am not mentally challenged by someone I become bored regardless of how black their amex might be or how many shiny objects they wave in front of me. Life isn't about that. Well, maybe it is for you I don't know. We are all here for a different purpose. I failed my first assignment. I thought I had chosen a wonderful, kind loving man. While that remains true, I was 100% unprepared and unequipped to cope with the speed and voracity with which his addiction came on. Let alone being 4mos pregnant when the spiral started. I did everything in my power to help him, to save him, to get back the man I pledged to love in sickness or in health. Then finally, I made the most difficult of decisions and left him for the safety of myself but more importantly our child. I discovered all of this other inheritance info after he passed. He didn't leave a will and I spent over 5 years in probate court trying to sort everything out as a result. All he had left was our joint checking account, his current living residence, and our daughter's college fund in place. The rest I found out about months after his death. My entire point, was that if we had not been legally wed, I would have been left in a much different situation financially, therefore the stay at home girlfriend makes no sense to me. It took my husband 18 months to completely destroy what we spent over 5 years building together. (Oh and my credit cards? I didn't know they were maxed out until long after he had done the damage. I never used them. But that's ancient history anyway by this point. We all do incredibly stupid shit in our early 20s, like let our significant other use a credit card, not even thinking they would save the number.) So there, have at it, tear my life choices to shreds once more. He died almost 15 years ago, sober, hit by a drunk driver in the most twisted sick sense of irony. I am not the same person I was then. It took me 6 years to even trust a man after he died, and that man was someone I had met when I was 18. I could never even go on a date with a stranger. I married someone I know, because of what happened last time. Judge me all you want, but I think it's normal and socially acceptable to assume someone isn't going to wake up one day, after 5 years, and turn into a completely different person. But you never know, so I married my first love who I had known for 14 years just to be safe. So far so good. But do we ever really know a person? Do we ever really know what someone is capable of or might be hiding? Nope and if you think otherwise you're a fool. Thanks for making all kinds of assumptions about me just to make yourself feel good by "negging some gold digging slut" on the internet. Happy New Year.
But these situations put women in a vulnerable situation no matter the Man u choose in a perfect world all men would be good but unfortunately we don’t live in a perfect world
I'm a stay-at-home girlfriend, but I agree with your views about the dangers of that culture. I'm unfortunately disabled enough for all jobs I'm capable of working at to never want to hire me, while also not disabled enough to get disability pay. I'm in a bit of a bind there, but luckily my boyfriend is one of the good ones who still treats me as an equal. I'll try to take your advice about finding some form of income I can bring in, because I've had a few nightmares about what would happen to me if he wasn't around anymore.
,🙏❤❤
Omg please This is exactly my situation too! I'm so happy I found your comment. My bf is amazing and so sweet with me too. Good thing is we kind of also live with his family too and his dad is a stay at home dad because of his disabilities. And they do all like me. But yea I'm disabled enough to not be able to work, but not enough for disability basically. Its really tough and I do worry sometimes about the bad side that could happen. But my bf and I have already talked about it and it's okay and he likes being able to provide too. I worked at the same place with him, that's how we'd met. I'd gotten fired for health issues though :( once again and it hurt a lot but my bf and his family took me in and I greatly love and appreciate them for understanding my situation.
Im so glad you guys have good people in your life, wishing you all the best ❤
@solsthrash2603 aww thank you so much 🤗 wishing you the very best back!
I make crafts and sell them on etsy! :)
I would never depend on a man like this. And I’m married. Because any man can leave just as easily as he came and you need to have things of your own financially! My mom struggled immensely after my dad had affairs and divorced her. I spent my young adult life determined not to be treated the way she was. Everyone needs to have an IRA/retirement, investments, their own checking and savings. I have all of this separate from my spouse and am still learning to do even more.
I have non problem staying at home to raise/educate our children, there are other ways to have financial security aside from a job/career.
@@wendymtzc Good luck and god speed, baby cakes.
as a career woman in the field of mathematics, i feel most of the guys who like the SAHG/trad wife trend don't even know what it really is.
they're putting the "trad wife/girlfriend" on a pedestal unnecessarily, and not seeing it as an actual role of a real human being who needs him to support her, can drool in her sleep, can even fart once in a while, if not all the time, you know, like a human does. it's that 1950s hot blonde woman image they're imagining when they think of the "trad wife", and this can become a weird fetish lmao
because of this, it can encourage a man with a trad wife using her as his ego booster, by looking down on her and only seeing himself as the one who fights/grows thick skin/is tough, while he sees her as a walking bunny who has rainbows and daisies around her.
you wanna talk REAL tradition? my mother is a traditional, stay at home wife way before this stupid trend even existed lol and let me say, this role requires compromise, self control and real thick skin. in the past, it was the stay at home wives who suffered and fought so much more than their husbands did. they were the true heroes. it was because they were taken advantage of so much that the feminism movement even started historically in the first place.
LOVE this comment - thanks for sharing, and I completely agree. I think that there is a bit of a fetishization of the "tradwife" image and men can sometimes see a woman who is financially dependent on them as a status symbol/ego boost, rather than the full scope of humanness, compromise, and difficulty of the dynamic
WOW.. I'm sorry your parents spilled all that on you. That's a lot.
Feminists love to assume their way is the only way. I never see/hear "TRAD" Wives crap on feminists like feminists do them. It was jealousy in the 1950's and it's jealousy today. You're mad at us because we love our lives and we aren't miserable and lonely. It's easy to act like wives and mothers are stupid weak females who can't support themselves and NEED men to function and survive. What else do you have? I guess all those 1950's mothers and wives rolled over and died when their husbands left them. Get over yourselves. No TRAD wife is losing sleep over what females with jobs think.
Except this is not how most men think. Stop analyzing men from a woman's perspective when you clearly don't understand how our brains work.
@@dragomania-fn1rq you're clearly a triggered guy and it shows. But put that aside: I'm curious to know how you concluded i talk to zero men, based on what i wrote.
@@dragomania-fn1rq claiming im wrong about every aspect of what men want or like, even though it was you who completely twisted the meaning of what I wrote in the first place.
Saying it's my dating life not yours, but you're the one who even brought up my dating life in the first place 😂 why do you care, get a life
If the partner stays at home with the children and "yours" is the only income of the family. That builds up a lot of pressure for you as a man to succeed. Because if you fail, you drag the whole family down with you. I know how it is because my wife stayed at home for 8 years and it was quite an "exciting" episode financially.
The epitome of privilege to have never experienced abuse in their lives to the point it enables them to this “what could possibly go wrong” ignorant delusion
Be mad feminist trash. LOL Why are you worrying about what they do if they are happy? See that's the problem with feminists. They tell women to do what they want, until what they want isn't what you approve of. You're a joke.
Stuff going wrong, they just hide it and never talk about it until they get to the other side. All these women on Tiktok now sharing the nightmares they lived. They are those women (former tradwives, pickmes, etc.).
@@TijuanaK What percentage of tradwives end up like that? We can see a lot of something portrayed, and it clouds our judgement of how actually common it is. Take de transitioning for instance. The right would have you think there's a ton of regretful people detransing. It looks like a lot because they are portraying it a lot. If that makes sense?
@@douglasmatthews2334 detransitioning is not related to this. There are plenty of people coming out about it who aren't on the right. Many are just people telling their stories and should have the right to do so without being shammed. We don't know the percent as statistics are not taken on this issue but one sad story is too many and we should not be cruel and unkind to these people.
True and I feel like not a lot of support is given to those who detransition either, people who were their friends may not associate with them anymore, having children is unlikely, and I can't even imagine what trying to date for them must be like. I'm afraid many take their own lives without even telling their stories, my heart goes out to those people and I hope that they can find their happiness.
I cannot fathom how young girls believe that their dream is tied up with making someone else's a reality! ONLY WORK for your boyfriend or PARTNER IF 50% of his/her SALARY goes directly to YOUR BANK ACCOUNT! Get it !
Your grandmothers and mothers didn't break their back so you can go 200 years back !
I'm not a tradwife but I was a victim of financial abuse by my mother. She sabotaged my education and my work by intentionally teaching me things wrong so I would never leave her. It's very damaging to your self-esteem. She used to complain about how worthless I was not having a job... Which is a common trope among stories involving the husbands of tradwives complaining about their wives spending all of their money.
BTW, hello, I found your channel through the algorithms. :)
Edit: My mother had a successful career that my father destroyed because he wanted to force her into being a tradwife. I find it ironic that she would in turn sabotage me most of my life the same way my father sabotaged her.
I’m so sorry to hear this. I was sabotaged this way too by one of my parents but God pulled me right out of it despite my never having completed college. Today I run my own business and haven’t clocked in since 2016!
Your father did a good job 👍 , many women tend to change after marriage and suddenly adopt feminist mindset since they have secured the traditional man aka benefits of traditionalism and Feminism is not something a real man will tolerate.
@@JusticeBajaj Your are so pathetic lol
I think it’s smart to not financially depend on ANYONE else. Being a tradwife really brings some people genuine happiness but it’s definitely smart to save up personal money from a side job in a separate account.
Ok “stay at home girlfriend” - no, don’t play the wife until you have the ring. If you want to be a trad wife after you’re both committed to each other, then fine. But stay at home girlfriend?? He can leave you with nothing when he gets bored. Smarten up women!
A stay-at-home-girlfriend is a disposable sidepiece. If he wanted to marry you, he would. He wouldn't make you playact as a wife until you're 30, then dump you for a younger model.
I wanted to be a stay at home trad wife but after watching this video & reading comments i feel its wise to at least have a part time job for financial stability and job security. Ive been highly independent from a young age even helping my single mom pay bills and that was/is extremely rewarding to me. Im also very opinionated so i feel id loose myself if i had to be less outspoken due to power imbalances..Thank you for your insights everyone :)
Having had a SAHD for my kids for a bit in the past, I think that being a stay at home parent is a wonderful thing to do and so incredibly beneficial to your kids if you can afford it. Where it stops is that you should not be staying home to take care of a grown man/woman who can do things for themself- aka a stay at home gf or a tradwife before kids. Work to support yourselves, but it’s okay to take time off work to raise your own children if you would like and can afford to.
Thank you for inspiring women to be financially educated
Now my Mom wasn’t a SAHM 100% of the time and although I never saw my Dad lay a hand on her, he was still financially abusive towards her. Like he purposely jeopardized job opportunities for her. Take the car when she really needed it to be independent, which got her messed up. When my mom did work, He’d take her income tax and use it to pay off his car notes. My dad was very selfish with his money too. Like usually parents look at their kids as investments so they can succeed in life however my dad would only invest in himself. Like he’d often buy top of the line, expensive cars that would get repo’d that could’ve been used for after school activities or a good education. There were days that the water or lights were cut off because of the car note was top priority. I saw this first hand so it alarms me when women look at this lifestyle and think it’s an ideal lifestyle but trust me that shit also hurts kids too.
Oh wow, that's awful :( I'm so sorry that you and your mom had to go through that.
People are horrible in general
Yup....I agree with her points...but what matters is your partner and sometimes you don't know their true colors until it's too late.
I applaud your work on this it is SADLY and depressingly unpopular so when the incels and their pick me associates find this if they haven’t already they will destroy you to help secure that their narrative is the better one. Please stay strong. I’m like actually worried. This message is important and you created it in good faith in no way talking down about SAHMs despite those that I’m sure have come on here like “HEY YOU ARE A B!!!!” thank you for your work on this. Please keep it up
the most recent comments are already pretty nauseating, especially from men convinced they know women
I like the balanced perspective, i think the success of a trad marriage/sahw really depends on the level of trust and knowing who you married. I personally think it's great for women to have some form of financial independence, which doesn't necessarily mean having a full-time job
I am a stay at home dad and I feel a lot of what you are warning about here. Nearly 0 money is made by me and I do all the standard stay at home things like cook clean and care for the kids. I get to be the target of all of my wife's frustrations at work i.e. when she has a bad day at work it is taken out on me. Recently in the same day she told me I was going over budget on food so I can not have spending money until that is brought back in control. and she in the same day spent over $500 on equipment to take a motorcycle safety class because she might want to buy herself a motorcycle for a couple grand. I went over budget by $30. She has also started changing they way we talk about money from "our money" to "My money". Being the male I have the addition that there is basically no way I can hope to get my children if we split. On the up side when she hits I don't get hurt and she only does that rarely. I don't know why I am venting here but i stumbled here and your video made me feel something. I mean just lost she cheated on me with someone who videotaped it and posted it online and when i confronted her with it she just said it wasn't her. Maybe just wanted to say when you can not only get your home money and earning potential taken it hurts but all that plus loss of children, in a dark place.
Omg bro she's abusive! That is literal financial, physical and emotional abuse. You are valuable and you deserve better. Have you sought marital counseling? It may help. You should be appreciated for who you are and what you do.
This is so fucked up and sad 😢 I’m sorry you’re going though this, it’s not fair. Is there anyway you can maybe try work something out to try and get out that situation? Man I hope everything works out and karma bites her in the ass hard
You should save the video in case you get divorced you can say she committed adultery. Check your states laws maybe it’ll help with getting custody
First of all I am so so sorry, that’s not fair or okay at all. But you might want to look into the custody thing more. It does depend where you live but the good news for you is that in many places the women get custody thing is a misconception and oversimplifies it. In most divorces a deal is made out of court and a lot of the time both parents agree to the mother having custody. If it goes to court judges are actually often very favourable towards fathers, courts typically hold higher standards for mothers and men seeking custody who have other factors in their favour get it about 70% of the time. You’re the primary caregiver and in most places that is absolutely in your favour! Be careful of course, I know you’re in an unsafe and really difficult situation and I know how often courts go against the parent being mistreated. But I just want you to know there might be more hope than it seems! Plan your moves carefully and don’t give up!! You and your kids deserve better. I’m wishing you the best
This is why no one should depend on another person financially.
Not to mention that every divorce (and often break-up) started off with the feeling that this is an amazing person and I will be with them forever.
What will you do as a trad gf/wife if your man decides he doesn't want to be with you anymore? Or if you notice that your love has withered away?
I lost my dad to lung cancer recently and I cannot be thankful enough that my mom is financially independent and have a solid source of income. It was a huge loss to our family, and I loved that you brought up partner's death in the video.
Its important to remember that you could lose your partner any time, and its good to have a backup plan.
I wonder if a relationship might stay healthy if a girlfriend has her own job and CAN leave and CAN push back, and DOES speak her mind, but might go unhealthy if the girlfriend FEELS she can't push back, and compromises and becomes a doormat. Personally I don't think you can have a healthy relationship with any large power inbalance.
When my boyfriend of 3 years started hinting he didn't want me to work, I pushed back respectfully and clearly. He had student debt, I was debt free. I had even offered to lay out a plan to help him pay off his debt, which he never acknowledged. He was a firm believer in being the head of the household, the primary decision maker, and I was the "advisor" to his position as "king." Those were the words he used. He was so stuck on needing me to be a certain way, only being friends with certain people he approved of, even going so far as to make me think I needed therapy. Needless to say, when he started laying all of the blame for our relationship's issues on me, I ended it. Looking back, he had a need for control in every aspect of his life, and I was blind to the way that had weaseled its way into our relationship. So now I probably do need therapy, because of him.
I’m all for the Stay At Home Mother/Wife lifestyle but not the SAHG lifestyle. I love the idea of dedicating yourself to the upkeep, maintenance, and well-being of the home and family as it can be incredibly rewarding (especially if you are family oriented) provided you as a woman have built for yourself a comfortable safety net in the event things go south. I also think the time for you do that, as a woman, is during the girlfriend stage and prior by doing things such as pursuing school/education, employment or entrepreneurship and enriching yourself as person by travelling, having hobbies or indulging in other life-changing experiences. I think such exposes you to the skills and qualities you need to survive in this harsh world, even as a SAHM/W in the business of running a home.
I can't find any reason to become a mother nowadays when life has so much jo offer for women.
@@CordeliaWagner I mean some girls are about that? I don't get it either but meh, none of my business, couldn't be further from my expectations
Yes agreed, the safety net also gives you autonomy and the ability to step out of the relationship in case it’s not for you
I have almost the same opinion as you, the difference is I don’t really like the stay at home wives, either. I have respect for stay at home mothers but not anywhere near as much towards wives with no children. (obviously excluding those with disabilities or various health conditions)
Everyone can do what they want but honestly, nobody has to stay at the house to maintain 24/7, especially when kids aren't involved.
I don't see what's appealing about supporting a full grown adult, man or woman
Are they sawing all clothes? Are they making pillows, blankets, ECT? Are they producing flour and everything food connected? They are not traditional wives - they are partners of wealthy people.
This is a huge topic and it’s awesome your bringing awareness! I feel I can’t even comment on the “submit” to your male partner stuff because I struggle to wrap my mind around that… Female employment can help challenge gender norms and promote gender equality, but the mindset that some have that women need to work can also be damaging to women and can also serve the economy by supplying underpaid labour
Really good video, I heavily agreed with “The Feminine Mystique”, especially when she Betty Friedan mentioned how it was a “comfortable labour camp”
This reminds me of how my grandmother was a trad wife because my great grandmother had told her that getting an education is useless and to only focus on how to clean her home and cook well for my grandfather. Eventually my grandparents got divorced and my grandmother had no education to rely on in order to find a long-term career so to this day she cleans homes for a living even though she should have retired around 20 years ago.
Today, she always reminds me to continue studying and always encouraged my education, i just wish she was able to do the same when she was my age
That girl with her nostalgic video about homemakers is missing that it was only true for YT privileged women and often they relied on the labor of working class women (often of color)
So, so true! That reality is such a misrepresentation on multiple levels
These women could also just have jobs which they aren't telling us about. Are there really that many really rich men who are going to support women who they aren't married to who they will be having kids with?
There's nothing wrong with that, lol. At least it provides the so-called financial independence for working class minorities.
@@NormieNeko being able to hire help is not wrong but it's often advertised (now) like anyone can and did do it which isn't true at all.
Plus relying on working class women and then passing it off as being a good housewife is disingenuous.
So called financial independence is an interesting way to look at something that has saved millions from possibly abusive and loveless marriages for survival or because of societal pressure.
Minority women working for white SAHW and mothers were not really that financially independent (because of low salaries bc of racism) then and a lot of them now are still paid very low wages (if at all) so as to keep them working for the rich people who benefit a lot often from their labour.
Furthermore, I think it’s important for your partner to inspire you and want you to be the best version of yourself. If he is happy with you just being a stay at home girlfriend then I don’t think it’s the right person for you long-term because he is benefitting and you are not.
"if your partner dies you will be screwed"
That is bad planning on the husband. As soon as my wife moved in with me, 500k in term life insurance was purchased and 100k in whole life.
Submitting to a man requires you finding a man who is worth submitting too. Who is willing and able to SUPPORT THEIR WIFE financially and emotionally.
Men can lead their households. But they have to be leaders, not bosses.
100% agree.
That stuff is expensive...most people cant afford this
Hi Cara! I discovered your channel tonight and I've been binge-watching them. You have tons of great advice and I just subscribed. When I was a teen I dreamed of getting married and being a stay-at-home mom. That didn't happen. I wound up being a single mom and worked my rear off to take care of my son. I also remember my grandmother once told me to never rely on anyone to take care of you but yourself and I've taken that advice very seriously. When I married my husband (at 47) 6 years ago, he kindly offered me the opportunity to not work any more. As stressful as my job is, I declined because I not only love making my own money, but I do understand that if, God forbid something should happen to him, or our relationship, I wouldn't be able to care for myself financially and I think that is a dangerous situation to put yourself in. But you're also losing experience and skills you may need for a job later on. Great video!
Wanted to chime in here: As a male partner in a relationship with kids, I find it very comforting to have a female partner who is equally invested in earning money and managing money. This gives me a sparring partner to do financial planning where all cards lie on the table. Financial security for the children and partner is managed through testaments and otherwise we never pooled our resources except for a small pool of money we chip into each month. If any of us goes out of work, any one of us can take up the slack. I furthermore know that if I bite the dust, or the relationship would take a turn for the worse, that our children will have someone to rely on. I think this is the best mature way to think about money. I am very skeptical about "stay-at-home-whatever" being a sustainable option in the modern world.
Only weak men want "stay at homes". Real men aren't afraid their wives will leave them if they have money of their own. :)
As a homemaker for 21 years who you pick as a husband is important. While II don't work his income our income, I still plan financially and save for myself and he understands the importance of that. You have to be smart about what you're doing and plan for the future!
I can’t believe stay at home girlfriend is a thing! Like why?! Stay at home mom, sure, cuz of the kids. But why should a girlfriend stay at home?
Another important and understated reality: the most DANGEROUS position that a survivor of DV is in is not when they’re still in the relationship, but when they make attempts to leave or separate themselves from the abuser. We have seen this in pop culture cases like the Nicole Simpson case. She was separated from OJ when she was killed, and I think regardless of anything else, we can depend on the evidence gathered to pin down who did it. It’s especially important to take that into consideration when entering a relationship where the man is going to have power over finances.
Thank you for making this video. This trend disturbs me and I think you explained the issues with it so eloquently (and honestly nicer than I could have).
Thank you so much ❤️
How would a man having control of the finances make him more prone to be abusive?
@@douglasmatthews2334 It just makes it easier for them to get away with it / harder for the woman to escape, because it puts her at a financial disadvantage, in addition to the physical disadvantage.
@@douglasmatthews2334you’re not asking this question in good faith. The answer is obvious and you know it. ❤
@@jenniferbyrne2980 Man y'all really think the very worst of men don't you?
Just discovered your channel today and I am obsessed! I especially love how you not only critique BUT ALSO offer solutions and alternatives for people (in this case) who want to be a homemaker and have financial independence too.
In case of divorce of breakup, going back to the work market would be extremely hard. Imagine going for your first job in 10 years, you have a slim chance of being chosen over other equally or more qualified people with a full CV. This is something to think about. The advices from the video are really good !
My mom ended up trapped with my dad as he became increasingly emotionally abusive in his later years and I think its owing to the trauma of being his punching bag that this whole trad wife culture has me freaked out as a boy too, If you weren't able to guess (how many women would actually use an anime pfp of a character from that show? not many.) Sorry TH-cam turned on you for having completely valid concerns, 1,800 thumbs down because the scumbags are in control of this platform compaared to the 830 of us who stand with you.
Solidarity Cara.
Thank you for actually mentioning death in these situations-most of the time people talk about divorce/breakup, but never talk about what if he dies. I always think to each her own, but get life insurance if you're going to do that.
It's such an interesting topic to hear about and so important to talk about. Reads like dystopian fiction to me as my grandmom was a licensed accountant and managed the families money for decades and now the other women in the family continue on. My father is so garbage with money that once my mother asked to separate he didn't even have any savings to afford a new place to leave ...after 30 yrs of working in a profession! What an idiot. The female side of the family had to loan him almost a 100k so he wouldn't take on too much debt. This is so important to talk about and I'm just very grateful that thanks to my family, it reads more as a dystopian novel than reality to me.
Had a friend tell me, “you should marry a rich guy!” My immediate response was nah, too much work. That’s a job 24/7. I’ll stick with my 9-5, thanks! I get to go home at night and don’t have to sleep with my boss
EXTREMELY dangerous trends, specially in this climate of civil rights backlash
💯🎯 This. Quite frankly, we're going backwards thanks to the ignorance, wishful thinking, and in many cases, outright wickedness of some loud people.
I can’t imagine asking my husband for money for feminine hygiene products and not being able to pay for that with my own money
Imagine haviang so much priviledge that you complain about having THE OPTION of not working
I love your balanced view on this. Not condemning anything. Just making sure women know the risk and I appreciate the tips.
Thank you :) I really appreciate it!
Number one: Being a “stay at home girlfriend” is a ridiculous notion. I don’t feel sorry for these girls if the relationship breaks up because they have acted in a very ignorant way….Self-indulgent but at the same time allowing themselves to be used by men who was taking total advantage of them. I personally don’t think any young woman who enters a “live together” relationship whether she has a career or not, is being smart.
Secondly: A wife who stays home in order to run a household and take care of the children she brings into the world is contributing to an orderly and secure environment for those she most deeply cares about. She wields a lot of power in the universe. There is one caveat, however. It is imperative that the stay at home wife receive an education prior to marriage that is valuable in the career world should the marriage not survive.
I’m a stay at home wife and also the CEO of my household. My husband deposits his pay check and I have control of the finance, how we invest and what he are saving for. We work as a team and have safeguards in place in the event he looses his job or passes away. And he has our broker on speed dial in the event I die
I agree with many points in this video… stay at home girlfriends (especially ones who don’t have any side income) cut off their income-earning options so early on in life that it would be hard for them to get back into it-that terrifies me.
When I was younger, my dad (sole-income-earner) started a business which failed and left us in staggering amounts of debt. My stay at home mom had to step back into the workforce with dad in order to make ends meet. I saw how hard it was for her to get a job with her work experience from years ago and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. So the financial risk is real even if you’re with a kind partner who would never dream of abusing or leaving you; life happens, lay offs happen, death happens, hurricanes happen. Stay at home girlfriends just represent a higher financial vulnerability to me.
When I retire in the future, my plan is to have a investment portfolio that can bring in enough income independently regardless of what my partner’s finances are. I’m going to reduce this vulnerability as much as I can.
My advice to my nieces is this; if you can get it like that, go for it. But never neglect to improve your self, and make sure you have your $$$ stash. Because weather you like it or not you're always gonna be doing some man's bidding, boss, boyfriend, or husband. I got tired of being under paid and passed over even after I put myself through college. I'm 60 and a stay at home gf lol....my baby sister is herculean, like my mom does it all, and the other one is a unicorn with a job and a boss. Value your self and land on your feet girls.
Being a housewife and homeschooling mom was one of the best decisions I made for my family. I’m in control of my time and I get to invest in my children and household. I am also able to dig into my own passions and take care of my health. I have a degree and work experience that I use in home with my family. There are things you can put in place to protect you and the household just in case. Ex: disability insurance, life insurance etc. I do not recommend stay at home girlfriend though.
It is interesting that all those "trad wives" are extremely young and beautiful, you never ever see one over age of 30, and all of them actually do make money online on marketing and presentations so they are not really honest about that. Also, housewife, which is a real thing, is not glamourous as they present it. It's hard work every single day, it's not making a smoothie, or making bread from scratch while wearing a full face of make up and fancy clothes. It's vacuuming, it's ironing, it's cleaning, it's making snacks and dealing with children and more often than not, you do not have time to make bread or cereals from scratch, you are tired and disheveled and your work is never-ending! It's not glamour and pretty clothes and doing only chores that look good on camera. Nothing about it is real. These women are nothing like real traditional wives who worked their asses off and had hard lives, these are privileged women married to men with lots of money to support them living stylish life that can make additional money on social media and also please insecure men who want the same (but never will have it because they are NOT RICH!). Life is never a 24hour glamour and style whatever you do, whatever you chose you will always have tough days, doubts, challenges, and therefor it's very wrong trying to push any particular lifestyle onto others. Everyone has the right to chose how they want to live.
Thank you for this video! I had a time in my life where I really wanted to be a SAHG, but looking back now I can see that this was mainly caused by me feeling lost in a capitalist world and not being able to imagine that I could find a place in there.
Being a SAHG kind of brings you into the position of feeling free from the pressure to succeed in the capitalist world. But I kind of think that’s an illusion, you still do work (household, etc.), but now a kind that isn’t giving you any official job experience or career options and also isn’t recognised as real world. It is not a true escape at all.
Now that I am actually working and being happy in a job I can’t imagine being a SAHG anymore. My wish was just fuelled by my fear of not being able to survive in a job, not because my goals actually aligned with being one.
My mom used to work and have her own money, before she decided to retired and be stay at home wife, raising 3 kids. For me, that’s such a powerful movement from a women having a stable career, and decided to fully commit to raising a 3 kids as a stay at home. And now my nephew, is raise by a working parents,
This is how Steve Jobs and Jeff Bezos made their grift... relied on the women in their lives, then dumped them. Except in McKenzie Scott's case, she literally helped build Amazon.
Ladies, don't depend on someone else and don't build with them cause they're taking you for granted.
Edit: Guys, if you want a woman at home, consider allowing her to at least have a part time job or give her some kind of cash to invest. I have a job and earn, but I trade stocks too.
Real feminism is respecting those who want to work away from home, but also respecting those who choose to be stay at home mothers as well.
I watched this ages ago and found it to sent it to some of my friends after a conversation about coquette/tradwife stuff they were getting really into, they really liked it and said they had a lot to think about
My mother is a housewife and she has never told me also to become one. In fact she has always told me that she will not let me get till I become independent. Same goes for all my aunts and every housewife I know.
stay at home MOTHER makes sense. A girlfriend or a wife without kids....should probably be working.
I'm a sahm but now my kids are a bit older starting to work part time again. I worked 11 years. Sahg is super unwise but sahm makes sense because quality childcare is not affordable.
This was a really interesting video to watch from my perspective. I'm a disabled stay at home wife and while I do bring in some income through government disability support, it's nowhere near enough to survive off of and I can only minimally contribute to bills. This video definitely raised some questions in my life about my financial independence and financial literacy. I've never really thought about what would happen if my partner was just suddenly no longer there whether it be due to death or separation, I'm so dependent on him that I honestly don't know what I'd do. Thankfully I've been looking at starting up a small jewellery making business that I can run from home so I should be gaining more independence soon!
I think it’s great when a man provides for you. But I have always felt like you should have your own financial stability and what a man adds is just the extra.
You will feel better knowing that you are choosing to be with a man from a place of freedom and love. Rather than it being because you are financially dependent and have no other choice but to follow what he does for your survival
Why are so many widowed men so lost when their wife dies? Because they married their mother who babies them, did everything for them, cooked, cleaned, grocery shopped, etc. -- my mom step sister recently found herself in a terrible financial situation. She never worked and her husband recently passed suddenly around 63 years old. She has no social security herself and their only source of income suddenly was gone. In her mid 60s, she’s looking at having to sell her house and staring down the possibility of being in poverty and homeless in her senior years. But as a gay guy, this isn’t a women’s issue anymore - so many of my gay friends are falling into this “stay at home boyfriend” mindtrap as well.
That's the point of saving your money. And you know very damn well she was not trapped in some enclosed environment isolated from the world. And so it was bad that She depended on her Husband? Or was it bad that she had no money? Or was is bad that she Raised her kids to not be trashy people. Of anything I see 2 wins and one lost. The only problem is that it comes down to is weather he was abusive...
"It's about building ourselves up as teammates who are able to tackle life and money together"
This is SUCH a key takeaway! I'm really curious to know about some of the upbringings of women who subscribe to the tradwife or stay at home girlfriend role. Maybe they're more likely to have grown up with a mother who served that role?