stop denying women their autonomy.
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 พ.ค. 2024
- it's true that women can internalize gendered norms, but don't we still retain agency? Get CuriosityStream AND Nebula for less than $15 per year (26% off!) curiositystream.com/olisunvia
✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: i'd love to hear what you all have to say *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
TIMESTAMPS:
0:00 choice feminism & stay-at-home gfs
7:00 what is autonomy?
8:52 content-based autonomy
9:52 skill-based autonomy
11:05 procedure-based autonomy
12:13 the tension between personal autonomy & feminine socialization
18:16 improving adaptive preferences theory
23:14 sponsor
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SOURCES:
Alice Cappelle. "The death of feminism and the future of activism." • The death of feminism ...
Frye, M. (1983). "Oppression." www.victorkumar.org/uploads/6/... (not sure if this is the complete article because i can't find the original)
Khader, S. (2012). "Must Theorising about Adaptive Preferences Deny Women's Agency?" doi-org.myaccess.library.utor...
Meyers, D. (1987). "Personal Autonomy and the Paradox of Feminine Socialization." DOI:10.5840/JPHIL198784117
Nussbaum, M. (1998). "Public Philosophy and International Feminism." www.jstor.org/stable/10.1086/...
Stolijar, N. (2000). "Autonomy and the Feminist Intuition." In Relational Autonomy, Feminist Perspectives on Autonomy, Agency & The Social Self.
Tran, N.T. (2012). "Woman as Nation: Tradition and Modernity Narratives in Vietnamese Histories." DOI: 10.1111/j.1468-0424.2012.01689.x
Tee Noir. "Masculinity, Submission & a Black Woman's Place." • Masculinity, Submissio...
"Nussbaum, 'Adaptive Preferences and Women's Options.'"
tags: feminism, feminist, stay at home girlfriend, stay at home mom, domestic housewife, patriarchy, oppression, feminist philosophy, gender norms, misogyny, girlboss, billie eilish, jesse rutherford, social commentary, internet analysis, video essay, analysis video, philosophy, movie film tv show, tiktok, shanspeare, jordan theresa, cj the x, tiffany ferg, alice cappelle, contrapoints, philosophy tube, madisyn brown, chad chad, sisyphus 55, tara mooknee, beauty standards, choice feminism
It’s very simple. “I want to be a housewife”=ok. “Women should be housewives”=not ok. “I want to work in an office”=ok. “Women should work in an office”=not ok.
this!!!!!!!!! best way to put it
You worded it so simply and easy to understand that I don’t get how there are still so many people of both genders who think they exclusively “know what’s best for all women,” this should be such an easy concept to understand, for anyone
And way more simple. "I REALLY would like to be * any thing she wants * (a real desire not a fake desire created by society)"= ok. "I'm being forced to do it (physically or mentally)"= not ok
@@l.v1843 No one except the individual can say what their real desire is. Best we can do is try to create a society with positive freedoms that maximize true choice. But for an individual, whatever their choice is should be treated as perfectly valid. If they later realize that they were coerced into it, that’s valid too. And even if someone made a decision under the pretext of coercion, that isn’t anything against them. They aren’t holding back feminism or anything like that. Sometimes you just have to work with the cards you’re dealt. Focus on the game, not the person.
even an individual can be so mentally manipulated that starts to think they have a desire but they realize is false bc they literally never felt enthusiasm for it and realize society maked them feel like that was something they needed to do creating false desires, is a real thing, ask any psychologist or sociologist. I didn't assumed what a real desire is and i'm never gonna do it, you understood nothing, you saying "nobody can tell someone their desire is not real" bro, i'm not doing it! lol i'm saying there's fake desires in general, is just facts, but i'm not saying to someone "hey your desire is fake" BC I DON'T KNOW, the fact that i know that some ppl fake c4ncer to make money doesn't mean i'm gonna assume everyone fakes it wtf, of course i don't do that with nobody, i just know that exists and that's it but i'm not gonna assume that someone is faking desires or anything, i just know that exists period and we need to say it bc a lot of ppl suffer that. And obviously any desire is perfectly valid, when did i said the opposite? omg, that's why you can read "i want * any desire she has *= ok. lol you just have to read, but some "desires" are not even real desires that's why i said it, bc is not a desire lol. You lost me when you said "feminism" this is not about this, if you think my comment was abour that you don't still understand it so i'm not gonna argue something that only exists in your mind and i even didn't talked about. So i repeat: And way more simple. "I want to be * any thing she wants *"= ok. "I'm being forced to do something"= not ok. I NEVER thought in a million years a comment like that wouldn't sound fine to someone....is crazy how some minds work, is so simple lol
People need to stop disrespecting housewives. It's still a hard job and I got respect for any woman in that position.
A housewife is different than a stay at home girlfriend
Well its not that they dont get respect. That's the point they r respect therefore we want the best for them. And they live in slavery, being married to misogynistic men wtf is that life now?
@@Salsaandketchup girl I don’t live in slavery you sound stupid… seriously understand that your mentality is stupid. I live a wonderful life at 20 I have a 4 bedroom 2 bathroom home with a beautiful son and an amazing husband who I adore. I am a housewife it’s extremely hard work but I love it. I get to be home raising my son not being away from him while come other woman raises him. I’m loved and get everything and anything I want and need. What do you have again?? I’m happy I chose this life for myself and my life is great so what we’re you saying about misogyny again??
@@Salsaandketchup But there are woman who choose to be housewives though or want to be one
@@Salsaandketchup What about women who do that because this is what they find fulfillment in and whose husbands go along with it out of love? Why do you think that two people serving each other _out of love_ is misogynistic in any way?
I am disabled and struggle with holding down a job and leading an independant adult life. i feel like being a housewife is a sustainable life model for me because while it's incredibly diffiuclt for me to maintain a routine that includes working, doing housework makes me feel accomplished and useful. it makes me feel like im actually contributing to life.
If you love doing housework, go for it! It's awesome that you've found something you love.
However if you really feel that when you're not doing housework you're not contributing to life at all... that's a problem. The world is big, there's a lot more you can do than you think! You could take up art, start a blog/website to give advice, read/write to review books/movies/other sort of media, or even philosophize!
You can make the world a better place and accomplish something just by just sharing your ideas and individuality with the world. For example, I've always liked learning languages and now I'm a translator! it's meaningful work that I feel like I'm putting a unique spin on which is reflected in my work.
You don't need a routine or even need to do 'work' to contribute to life: you're alive, and you're not a bad person. It's two very simple things, but they matter a lot more than you think! Nevertheless, please consider finding a new and fun hobby. If you enjoy it, you'll find meaning in it eventually. It might even lead to a job!
Similar here. I struggle a lot with routine and memory, so a job is kinda hard especially with schooling. I'd be perfectly fine being a housewife if my husband can support us both.
That’s one thing I feel isn’t taken into consideration enough, the fact that not everyone can hold down a traditional job.
I am also a stay at home wife with health issues and sometimes it feels as if you need to be more productive for society to appreciate you, but I think the tradwife trend is a romanticised and overcorrection to this problem.
i wish as a man i have this option but i don’t. would do homemaking myself for sure if i could
A lot of these people need to understand that "I submit to my partner" and "I fulfill my partner's needs because it makes me feel good to do nice and helpful things for them" are two entirely different concepts.
💯💯💯 THIS !
exactly
Which is why we gotta stop letting people willfully ignorant of consent control the conversation.
It's hard to find anyone with that mindset these days.
Actually you just described a form of submission lol.
I think "the submit to my partner" you used may intend abuse submission or maybe even a dom/sub life?
Honestly, things would be a lot easier if we all agreed that telling a *complete stranger* something along the lines of "you don't actually know what you want" is incredibly invasive and strange.
Very, very true.
I get this about forgiveness and helping others even if they don't return the favour. It makes me feel strong - I am not controlled by people who try to hurt me and I can contribute to the world. It's nice to be thanked for it, but I honestly don't NEED it. And then people say 'that's letting yourself be exploited.' If I were helping people I didn't WANT to help and not getting any joy from it, then I would be being exploited of course, but how do these people know how it affects me? I can say directly 'helping others and not holding grudges makes me very happy and free and not afraid to live life to the fullest, whether anyone is grateful or not.' But some people simply refuse to believe my experience of my own emotions and mental health, and insist they know better than I do what would make ME happy!
I think a lot of people forget different things make different people happy, and we shouldn't want to force everyone to be the same.
Exactly!
Western liberals pretending women are ostracized for doing what they're expected to do: free domestic labour, is so ridiculously predictable. Something hurting your feelings isn't anti feminist, but I guess this is what hyper individualism does, rots the brain.
How? There are tons of people... especially young people, who don't know thier ass from a whole in the ground.
@@doomguy8324 It's actually very very easy to simply not tell someone how to live their life and mind your business
I'm a feminist and I would NEVER criticize another woman for wanting to be a traditional girlfriend / wife, feminism is about respecting women as human being with individual desires, hobbies and aspirations. The goal here is that even as a stay at home mom you are not being "used" as an object, your partner respects you and doesn't expect everything from you.
Then you must not be a true feminist. If any woman I know EVER stooped so low as to be a stay at home or "traditional" wife or girlfriend, I would do everything in my power to ruin her life permanently.
@@roguedragon9992 what the fuck is wrong with you, lmao
Shhh.
@@Deepstatedebatewhy?
либфем?
Don't only enable choice, enable them to make a good choice. In other words, give them all the knowledge and mental health support to make their own decisions. Then give them the tools to make a choice, that includes ensuring that the person is having the safety required for choice. Both women and men need that.
100% agree and personally I'd also add that we also should strive to make it a place where a person can have all those possibilities, tools and opportunity to choose and self-determinedly decide what and why they want this and then also not being judged for doing one over another, as if one is THE right or valid thing to do as a woman, as a xyz...
@@cinnamonroll96exactly!!!
No, choice has nothing to do with good or bad. Once you restrict options by telling them they’re bad, it’s no longer a choice
Its pretty idiotic if it takes people this long to figure that out.
That sounds nice, but in practice, I don't see how that would work out.
to me, doing things in the house that typically fill the role of "housewife" or "stay at home girlfriend" isn't about serving a man and doing his every bidding (granted the relationship isn't toxic or abusive) it's doing something sweet for your loved one and making them feel nice, which makes you also feel nice as a result
Yes
And that's great, I feel the same way. But at the same time, you won't always be in that state of mind and things can go wrong. When that is the case you need an arrangement that works on the pragmatic level as well.
“Women should choose how they want to live!”
“Ok then, I choose to stay at home and take care of my family”
“No wait… not like that!”
WELL YOU SEE THEY ARE BEING BRAINWASHED BUT THESE SUCKERS STILL NEED OUR RESPECT
Ugh, yes, I hate that attitude from society/feminists.
Not all ppl think like that, do whatever makes you happy whether it’s working or being a sahm :)
Or this one:
"Women should be financially independent, being boss of their own body and not be led by a man."
"OK, I choose to be a sex worker, milking money from men and get rich."
"NOOOOO!!! Internalized misogeny!"
@@ouwebrood497
Who calls sex work internalized misogyny? If anything I see feminist push for a more positive view for sex work.
I live in Iran. This video made me cry. You might ask why, and it's simple. I'm so tired of being portrayed as being unconscious and stupid and brainwashed. The fact that some western feminists simplify our problems is just sad, and kind of ironic.💔
sorry but what do you mean? I am confused
@@eehan1769 I understand. I mean over-simplifying feminism in the middle east, for example, is actually a very short-sighted view on what is actually going on here. As it was mentioned in the video, it's not like women here don't have critical thinking or have zero understanding of what is actually beneficial for them. They just have a looooot on their plates that their life becomes more of a choice between bad and worse.
@@melofy-vibes Thank you for this.
"...between bad and worse" hits hard.
I feel you girl💔🚶🏾♀️
well yeah i mean theres not much you can do about your country being run by extremists and dictators. women in iran must have to struggle so hard, more than i will ever be able to understand. i dont think anyone thinks that middle eastern women "cant think for themselves", your beliefs and such are a product of the society you live in. speaking as an australian, it would seem like women in middle eastern countries are oppressed in a way (because of the men in power)? am i wrong ? please correct me if i am
The problem is... We no longer live in a society where we are forced to just stay home and have kids.
I myself feel far more pressured to have a big career, otherwise I'm not good enough.
Yup, I feel like if i decide to be a housewife I will be considered a failure or a parasite :/
I used to feel like this, but have made peace with the fact other people might judge me. I read as much as I can and know that I am not unintelligent. I work hard for my family and am proud of the work I do. Not having a full-time career also gives me flexibility to do hobbies that bring me joy, like writing and baking.
this is a very good point. Thanks for sharing
Yes, women are pressured to be perfect from all angles, to be a perfect wife and mother and also have self realization career. Too bad that where I live it's practically impossible to have career if you aren't incredibly smart, basically a perfect diamond of a person, or if you have parents who help you gain connections. Otherwise not even good education and knowledge of language can help you. I don't think that bashing housewives is good idea because this position is already unsafe and even women see you as parasite even though you do a ton of work of different kinds like nanny, personal assistant, manager, cook, cleaning team etc. And also emotional labor of being unpaid psychologist for kids and husband.
I see a problem with girlboss feminism because it excludes less fortunate women who's lives are not "all stars alligned" so they got themselves a career. Many women work on their jobs, they hate or just don't feel moral fulfillment from those jobs(I am one of them), there are women who lose all their ambition and dreams because this is man's world and man would be choosen over woman. Those women are not losers or parasites, they do a lot. So better thing is to be inclusive and not bash others just because they aren't perfect like you
@@DuchessTheAristocatwell, to be fair, this is between you and your partner
The others are not really that relevant in this conversation
it's so crazy to me that in a lot of feminist circles we are still blaming and criticising other women for being themselves when there are much bigger problems at hand. i truly believe that a 'feminist' lifestyle is not any one lifestyle, it's just having the freedom to choose for yourself.
Exactly. 🙌🏻
I’ve always leaned towards stereotypical feminine things even when other options have been offered because those things make me happy. I also once took this test to see if I embody more feminine or masculine traits and my result was pretty in between despite how my gender expression has always been feminine. I guess the point I’m trying to make is humans are multi faceted, complicated beings and social constructs are confusing things because they’re not set in stone for all of time and depending on your background can be incredibly different.
being a feminist its callign yourself a feminist, there is nothing to it, just a sad cry for making MENs socialist ideas into ¨female version¨
Exactly
You gotta address small scale problems as well as large scale problems simultaneously yo.
As well as accept that sometimes those attempts to help will be clumsy or misinformed.
Like we gotta address the big stuff, like right wing religious extremists trying to strip rights away from women and the children us women protect.
But also gotta call out friends and acquaintances when they do things like try to brush off abusive behavior from spouses or don't take personal responsibility for how their irresponsible behavior affects themselves and others.
There is nothing wrong with staying at home taking care of the family but I hear too many people saying this is the only way for women to be happy. I am happiest when I am out and about most of the day, my home is for sleeping.
It's especially sad when you find out that the reality is that stay at home wives apply for divorce more than most. A lot of stats that disprove that the traditional way of life is happiest for women is hidden. Modern women are more depressed than before and our main cause of depression is literally children yet the media that supports this lifestyle twists the stats to say that women are more depressed than ever because we have no children. I wish people would stop trying to put women in a box, we can like different things.
@@natasharules770 It's actually the opposite. The more succesful a woman becomes, more chances she'll divorce her man. Modern woman are more depressed than before because everyone is more depressed than before. It's because we have our physical needs met that we strive for our mental meets being met, which is hard. There's also lack of meaning in life for both men and women, which causes depression majority of the time.
Kids give meaning to life. It's not the only one, but it's one of the biggest ones. Your biggest cause of depression isn't children. If you got kids with someone you love, there's no way they cause you depression. If they do, something is horribly wrong with you.
Good luck finding meaning. Don't stop.
Yeah, i agree. Another aspect to consider if one wants to do that is financial security beyond a monthly income. I see so many women end up in poverty because their husbands were the breadwinners, paid into their own retirement accounts and when the relationship failed the women stand there, x years out of the workforce and basically screwed.
@@krulak292 Well, there are many people who would not be a good fit as parents, even ones who work with children. To say that raising a child is extremely stressful would be an understatement, and not to mention the sleepless nights, having no money, and having basically no time outside of taking care and raising the child besides for work.
People can also have hereditary issues that are big enough to not want to pass them onto the child, even if it’s not a guarantee that the kid will have them.
Personally, I wouldn’t say “someone who doesn’t want to have children and just wants to live with their partner has something wrong with them”. There are a ton of different reasons that are understandable.
@@krulak292 having a kid would make me worst. I already know I would not make a good parent, I’d stress and beat up myself more than I already do on a daily basis. Might just walk off a bridge if it becomes all too much and now I’ve left a scarred child behind to continue the cycle. Honestly considering getting my tubes tied, plus mental issues run in my family with both my parents suffering from something that contributed to me. They only had me and I’m positive my mother didn’t even want a child, considering she’s Currently pretending I’m dead.
I am a law student and am disgusted by the belief many women have here, that not having big career goals is in some way anti-feminist. Feminism is about choice and freedom, not about who can girl boss their way to being as much like a traditionally successful man in a capitalistic society.
Edit: My comment has nothing to do with mens rights or men at all. Choose another comment if u want to discuss these things
Essentially, women that order other women to be a 'girl boss' not only limit the freedom of other women, but also internalize patriarchy, like the ultimate woman is an archaic man with lipstick.
@@ouwebrood497 well said
You said it. You said it. God bless you. I am just a dude, going to school, sick and tired of certain groups of women so desperately trying to make “them-problems” to “me-problems” or in any way blaming their discontentment in life on me, just because I am a male, instead of taking ownership for their contentment and shutting the fuck up, just like everyone who does well does.
@@i.ak.1684 This wasnt my point. You sound like u have anger towards women.
@@kiraanastasiaandersen1145 Sounds like she has anger toward herself as well. lol.
- I want to stay home and be with my children.
- HOW DARE YOU OPPRESS YOURSELF
Lady, just because you can't imagine wanting to spend your life as a homemaker, doesn't mean other women can't authentically desire it
Take a chill pill 😂
Exactly!! Like not everyone wants to work for a boss and have a big career. It’s called having freedom of choice. Women can do whatever they want including be a house wife if they want. Every woman is different we aren’t all going to have the same desires.
@@Athena_208agreed 👍
The women who attack housewives are women who wouldn't be good mothers/wives themselves. It's jealousy because they don't have the capabilities to raise a healthy happy family.
Only if you are able to support yourself and your children if something were to happen. (death, end of relationship)
Video is a lot of words for "be an adult"
i think the thing that is the most insane about all of this is the idea of "stay at home girlfriend" is an actual real thing and people are against it not because someone wants to isolate themselve at home but bc "actually you should get a job" like the only reason you are a real human is if you work for someone and anything else is a wrong choice, society seems to just be rotten to its core lol
I find it odd that we've been told "we can have it all! We can keep the house clean, raise children, and work 40+ hours a week at a Girl Boss job!" Does that not sound insane to anyone else? If a woman wants to smash it in her career, amazing! If a woman wants to be a stay at home mother, incredible! If a woman wants to be a homemaker, wonderful! It should be the woman's choice. But we shouldn't HAVE to do it all.
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the econmomy is forcing women to work nothing else. women out number men in college and soon will out earn men and there will be no men left for them to date since women only date up or across and almost never down unless its for money.
You just said can not have to
You don't have to do it all. You choose to..
@@dieseltu1035 Yes you do. Women are forced to work in our modern corporatist capitalism for an absurd amount of hours per week while barely surviving and many would prefer to just have a part time job and engage in other stimulating hobbies
My mom is a stay at home mom and it's really interesting because she is a feminist and has a completely different relationship with her role as a homemaker than what is often portrayed in the media. First of all, my parents absolutely adore each other and have been married for almost thirty years. My dad respects the hell out of my mom and they always make the big decisions for the household together as equal partners, so there is no anxiety around him leaving her. But most importantly, she sees being a housewife as a regular job. She takes care of the house while my dad luckily makes enough money to support her and us kids. He then helps her out with any leftover chores or parenting once he's done with work for the day. The end result is that they both have more free time to enjoy their lives and spend time with their hobbies, friends, kids, and each other. Couple this with the fact that my mom has never thrived in a typical work environment and it becomes clear that she has more freedom to pursue her own passions and goals as a housewife. I do think it is important to be critical of institutionalized gender roles, but the insistence on over simplifying all traditionally female roles as inherently oppressive excludes and condescends to many different women who have found their own niche in the system.
!!!!
Thank you SO much for this comment. My husband and I have a very similar dynamic and I couldn’t be happier with our set up.
How can a traditional gender role be a niche exactly?
honestly this is the perfect life imo
unfortunately most women wouldnt let a man have a life like this
@@beganitdidnt6535 what?
I think there's a distinction to be made between "this is not the most feminist desire" and "this desire is not authentic". We will never know what a person would desire had they been born in a more egalitarian world, so we will never know which desires are authentic or not, leaving aside the issue of whether a desire can ever be inauthentic. But we can evaluate a decision based on its contribution to feminist progress, which is what the first lady you showed was saying, it seems.
If you make a decision based on progressing the feminist agenda, that's not autonomy or critical thinking, it's sheep mentality. Just gotta do what's right for yourself, your loved ones and your tribe. The patriarchy or the feminist ideal should be irrelevant.
my parents have always pushed my sister and i to pursue our careers and have financial autonomy. in this materialistic world, money is what will keep you *alive* and *secure* , so i plead with all my sisters out there - regardless, of your situation either as working or stay-in, please be monetarily independent. i cannot stress how much it'll save your lives
Your parent was right, mine does the same to me and I'm grateful them for that.
The point isn’t about safety, it’s about what YOU want and being able to choose that, regardless of what the outcome is going to be
I think domestic life is frowned upon for the wrong reasons. People tend to look at the ego aspect and the "omg being submissive" thing, but I sort of look at it and am weary of it due to its lack of security. You build zero professional skills while being a homemaker (usually) and you're at least mostly reliant on your spouse to earn income. What if they die or you split up, especially if not legally wed? And older women often talk about giving their "best years" to a man, only for the relationship to end in shambles. What if you wake up at 40+, are divorced, and have no real resume to speak of?
Totally agree with you! I really don't mind serving my loved ones, it's a way of showing my love for them, but I also don't see myself as a housewife, because I would have to give up my dreams. Take for instance my mom, when she got married to my dad he told her to quit her job, now she is a widow, after my dad died (9 years ago) and me and my simblings got old, she stayed without purpose, because she don't need to take care of anybody. She has income because of my dad insurence, but her days are very empty, because she don't have hobbies, neither goals, and because she hasn't worked for so long and has bipolarity it's very hard to get a job, so she feels traped in being a "housewife" even though she hates domestic tasks.
I do want to marry someday, but it will be an equal partnership in which we both do home tasks and work, helping each other conquer it's goals instead of making one give up of them.
Agree! It's also a lot harder to leave an abusive situation if you have no money of your own. Having a big employment gap or no work experience can make it really hard to support yourself & start over. That's what I'm wary of. I know too many women around my mom's age who have shit husbands but can't do anything about it because they have no way of supporting themselves at this point. The cost of living is so high! I'd encourage anyone who want to be a homemaker (regardless of gender) to at least have a contingency plan, like a separate bank account, maybe develop some skills like volunteering, build your credit, etc.
@@HidInMistProductions Yes! Working from home is an option too, especially these days, but I know things get hectic with kids running around.
@@gummy5862 That's a great point! I WFH and there's no way I could look after kids while working or attending virtual meetings, but if the hypothetical kids were in school, it could work. I get a lot of housework done over my lunch break too. It's great.
@@HidInMistProductions Can I ask what type of work you do from home? It is my dream to work from home some day, but most employers in my country require us to come to offices.
“ if y’all break up “ is such a valid point tho, one partner can not 100% depend on the other for money. That’s putting your livelihood onto someone else, that’s just survival 1O1.
*survival under capitalism 101
So much this! I mean she’ll probably b alright coz she’s very pretty and can leverage that for money on social media which will b fine for as long as she retains those looks however if gets sick or in an accident she’s screwed!
yeah, marriage acts as a contract in a house-spouse situation but a long term dating partner had no legal obligation to financially support you.
either way, financial abuse is real and incredibly scary
As someone who has a stay at home mom I often wonder what exactly would happened if my dad (the breadwinner) passed away, like would our family be able to stay afloat. I think in any situation we should be prepared to take care of ourselves and children if we have any and that’s why I think completely dedicating yourself to wife hood or motherhood is dangerous.
@@araiksims6322 exactly, I’ve heard about stories of people not being able to get divorced or breakup because they were dependant on their significant other, which led to prolong normalisation of abuse and/or a loveless relationship/marriage. I would never in my life advise someone to be a housewife, it’s dangerous especially if you don’t have a wealthy family, but they can do what they want.
Making your entire identity and self worth being a caregiver is for sure instilled in women because of social expectations seen in other women they grew up with/admired. Therefore, this does become a “true” value because of environmental factors. These values can either stay the same throughout life if you continue to gain fulfillment, but also can definitely change as you grow and gain life experience (hence how women who may hate marriage and motherhood come to be).
If you are only given one path of possibility, you will naturally make it your whole life. However, if you are presented with other option and like those more, go for it. If you don’t, then you are content. However, the water becomes murky when you’re pressured by external factors to choose one specific path rather than feeling a freedom to consider other options.
Choosing traditional motherhood, without being convinced that to not choose it makes you worthless, is a true value and is your choice. That’s feminism: the goal for patriarchal pressures to no longer hold any power of whether you choose one path or the other.
While the gender aspect is true it’s hard for any individual to really understand how much there choice is influenced by their environment (the system, patriarchy, whatever you want to call it). It’s absurd for us to make this judgment as I’m unsure if free will even exists
True feminism represents the freedom of women to choose their own career paths. If that's being a doctor, a tech worker, an engineer or a SAHM, that's her decision. I don't understand why people who claim to be feminists say that women deserve a choice and then take that choice away when it goes against what they want. You can't be a feminist without supporting the women who choose to be a SAHM
the thought process should literally be "you want to do that? ok." or "as long as you know what you're doing/getting into." it shouldn't be "actually it's not *really* your choice." feminism is about supporting women being able to make choices, not dictating them what they should and shouldn't do because that is one other form of oppression in a way.
This is such a great video. I'm from Iran and I witnessed this first hand.
My mom is a financially independent woman and was supporting her entire family in her 20s (which was very rare at the time and still kind of is). But because she was single, people kept talking crap about her and she finally got married and had children at 32.
My sister often criticizes her for it and says she ruined her life by getting married.
But what my mom reminds us is that although she lost a lot of autonomy, she was able to gain the respect of her small town traditional society, use the support of a man in situations where the patriarchy literally doesn't accept the opinion of a woman, AND have children who are so independent they can't even imagine giving in to societal pressure.
She says, "I chose to have children and now they are so intelligent that they are teaching me new things and changing my worldview. I might have had better choices but I'm not unhappy with the one I made. You go on and make better choices now."
Change doesn't happen overnight, and progress is subjective to the situation you are in.
Western femenists just refuse to see the whole picture.
what a beautiful story! thank you for sharing
@@TheStitchWitchPodcast
Man some people don't know how to mind their business....your mom is really awesome for supporting her family.
This comment doesnt make much sense. Western feminism in itself wouldnt blame your mother for marrying as she got ridiculed by people around her influenced by a conserative patriarchal system?? You even say your mother had different desires. Of course she isnt automatically going to dislike her children or the idea of taking Care of you. While an important not often talked about perspective that sheds light to a nuance, it doesnt change the fact that it's true that this is restrictive. Nor does feminism expect change over night in completely other heavily traditional countries. At this point you guys are making things up.
@@huhs112 Not every woman who chooses to be a housewife/stay at home mom is the sad little lamb that White feminists assume her to be, maybe some of them are oppressed but it’s just weird and judgmental to assume all of them are. That’s the point of the whole video.
As a stay-at-home wife without kids, married to a man 9 years older than me.... thank you. So many people (mostly women) assume that I am brainwashed, or in an abusive relationship and try to "save" me from it. I wanted this life because I knew what it entailed. I've been happily married to my husband for 10 years, I supported him domestically/emotionally through college. He now has two Bachelor's degrees, and we moved to Hawaii. This was made possible because difficult choices were made to make him the front-running priority of our marriage early on. He has a better paying job now, and I'll be starting my own college classes within the next year. Not every quiet, submissive wife is abused; some of us are playing the long game.
Good luck with your studies! Now it's his turn to fully support you :3
Something I think people forget is that there is alot of paper work and domestic work that you just dont have time for when you work full time. Not to mention you are basically your own boss when you do domestic work
Not every woman can trust a man like you have. Seen too many women burned to be able to myself.
That's awesome for you guys! Best of luck in your studies.
Ok but you understand that women believe a relationship with that age gap is abusive because MOST of them with that age gap are. You realize that, right? Men over 25 are overwhelmingly responsible for teen pregnancy, and age gap relationships with women being in their teens and 20s are overwhelmingly sexually coercive. Glad youre not in a shit situation, but youre speaking for a minority.
My mom was stay at home up until i was 18. Im 25 now. Recently i watched the house for them while my folks were on sabbatical. Holy hell i have so much respect for what she did for 18 years.
She chose to do it as she didnt want to have nannies or anyone else taking care of us kids. I have so so so much resoect and appreciation for all shes done for me.
But since all of us have moved out she's starting to work again and is moving her way up at the company she works for.
The problem was never house wives. It was the way men treated them. Its about having a choice.
It’s official. TikTok enhances problems
Nah. Humans enhance problems.
Based
and twitter
@@ana_mika29 naah, more like twitter creates them out of thin air
yes it does! i had to take a break from tiktok because i understood how problematic and heavy it was becoming. it has an incredible amount of misinformation and just straight up creates doubts and insecurities in people that wouldn’t exist otherwise. i do believe tiktok to be the worst social media to exist (followed closely by twitter ofc)
A stay-at-home *girlfriend* is a totally insane idea. Don't invest in a man/woman and give up your career while you are just the girlfriend/boyfriend. That's just straight up dangerous. You don't get alimony after a break-up.
True. If she was a stay at home wife. I'd get that. But she is a girlfriend. What will she do if he oneday decides to kick her out?
@@erenssister.5535 What "if" this what if that, what if he doesn't?
@@croma4158 my two cents is that in that specific situation, it'd turn okay. But, it's sort of like giving your dog chocolate (albeit not exactly the same, but y'know) The dog could turn out unaffected by the amount or you could find it's corpse the next day. It's just a generally bad idea because you don't know what will happen.
Fr never understood why people could invest so much Into a relationship just for it to not work out when you still young
@@croma4158 what if he does? At least in divorce you can still get alimony. But what happens if he breaks up? She cannot sue him for alimony
As a husband, this is intriguing to me. My wife is an amazing nurse and is pursuing her passion. I'm extremely proud of her for that and we diligently try to split the responsibilities of home life. We don't have kids yet but she's explicitly expressed her feelings on not being a stay at home mom. I support her decision too. She also doesn't like the idea of a baby sitter or public schools and I've offered to be a stay at home dad but she's told me that if she must be working then i too must work. I don't know how to find a happy medium and i am also worried that she doesn't actually want kids but would get pregnant to fulfill my deaire to be a father. We're in our thirties now and have been married for a while and lately my desire to be a father has grown exponentially. I don't know what to do.
Sounds like a tricky situation. So your partner wants a) to have a child b) to work full time c) for you to work full time and d) for you not to rely on services such as a baby sitter or daycare to help raise the child?
That sounds almost impossible to fulfil, has she expressed ideas of how that could work?
Good luck, I want to be a father one day too
Divorce her, get a younger stay at home wife. Simple. A good father knows that his children need to be raised by a good mother.
Divorce her pls
Sparing time to properly raise your child is *extremely* important, i can't stress that enough. IF you are financially able to not work and dedicate yourself wholly to raising them, at least for the first decade of their life, i'd say that it is most desirable that you do so.
Moreover, if you are ready and willing to do that now, i think you should consider if you would heavily regret letting this opportunity pass by. Regardless of the answer, that should be thought through and discussed with your partner; yes, it would be bad for her to feel forced to live a certain kind of life she doesn't want to, and that absolutely should never happen, but that also shouldn't happen the other way around. We only live once.
Divorce
Thank you for this video, your work has helped me to expand my mind. The idea that people make choices for very real, material reasons (even if I disagree with the content of their decision) is something that’s easy to forget
my two cents- you don’t need to have big career goals, or even want to work, but every adult should have their own source of income! It doesn’t need to be big, but we all need a plan b
Yes true
nicely put ☺️
I think in an ideal world yes, but what if you have a disability that prevents you from working completely
@@iReaSc Well then…. you can’t work. Not much you can do about that, you’ll inherently have to rely on other people.
@@iReaSc in some countries they actually provide for you your needs
As others have stated, the notion of being a stay at home girlfriend seems incredibly risky because of the lack of legal protection the position holds in case of a breakup (as opposed to being a stay at home wife). HOWEVER, I think we can have that discussion without calling these women bad feminists or accuse them of brainwashing.
My sis is a stay at home girlfriend. The relationship has lasted 10 years and they have 3 kids together. He threatens to dump her constantly to make her to agree to his decisions. He will get full custody of their kids since everything is in his name. She only has health insurance since she served in the military. His life insurance does not include her as a beneficiary. If something happened to him, everything goes to his parents. She would be homeless and probably have to give custody up to the grandparents. The relationship gives him full power over her since she has no legal protection.
You need to make sure that you have the man by the balls, unless he ever decides he's done with you, you can still get his money. There's nothing too underhanded or devious when it comes to love.
@@Sammy2phones you don't understand how custody works. Someone only gets full custody if they're seen as an unsafe and incompetent parent. And since they have children, they should be involved with each other's families. She should be able to stay somewhere if she's homeless. Does she have no friends?
@@halcyonzenith4411 this sounded incredibly satirical.
@@beefortebrea9386 Impressive deduction.
Feminism isn’t about giving careers to every single woman. Feminism is about giving women freedom. This means freedom to live our lives happily in any way we want, so long as it suits us. This includes being stay-at-home moms, housewives, etc. As long as we are happy in the position we choose for ourselves, whether it be a nuclear physicist or a housewife, then why does it matter? I myself do not want to be reduced to a “servant” for my future spouse, but I fully recognize that other women DO want that, and they have the freedom to do so. Neither side should be saying what a woman “should” do.
Thank you, your video essays always make me reflect and i learn so much 😊
This reminds me of something my teacher did. One time, we were painting stuff in class, and later, some people had to clean the paint palettes. My friend (who I'll call AAABatteries) and I wanted to clean the palettes. My teacher proceeded to get mad at *US* for *WANTING* to clean the palettes. Nobody asked us to clean them. We wanted to because it's pretty fun watching the water in the sink turn different colours, and an excuse to get out of class for 15-20 minutes. We wanted to do it on our own terms. She said that "We were doing a traditionally woman's job," and that "The men were dirtying and we were cleaning," Even though both of the paint palettes that we *did* end up getting to clean were the ones that me and AAABatteries used. 💀💀💀
I think it’s just really funny that you used AAABatteries as a pseudonym for your friend. But that’s just really weird response from your teacher
Sometimes they have many prejudices
@@fuzzydays5699 lots of teachers these days do not like male students! AGENDA!
I like how writing "my friend" takes less time but instead you just wanted to call her AAA batteries
I love how you clarified you were gonna use the nickname AAABateries, just to use it once.
I’ve been married for 18 years, 15 of those as a SAHM. When I was younger, I saw the abuse my mom saw as a forced housewife and didn’t want that for myself. When I did have children, I chose to stay home care for my children thinking I’d go to work when they’re older as my husband and I didn’t want other people raising our children. I didn’t expect to love it as much as I did. I love seeing my kids grow and doing things to make my husband happy. I realized having a supportive husband makes a world of difference. My dad was a jerk. I did eventually go back to work, sorta. I have a small part time job that still gives me plenty of time for my family because I still want to care for my family but still make a little money for extras and to pad our savings. A lot of people over the years gave me grief, thinking my husband uses me or controls me, but nothing could be further from the truth. We have a solid partnership and are able to give our kids the secure and happy home we didn’t have as kids. The most important thing is to do what is best for you and your family.
I don’t understand where people get the notion that if your a SAHM your being controlled smh
you have a happy and supportive family, that’s sooo great. I wish you nothing but the best 😭😭❤
@@whoishim2998 My dad treated my mom like a servant, so I see why some might think that, but this was always from people who don’t know us, which was weird. People also thought I was a mooch who spent all my husband’s money and controlled him so 🤷♀️ People are weird…lol.
It's definitely about the guy you marry. That makes the difference.
This story makes me so happy. You sound like you have an amazing family ❤️
why i feel like stay at home is critisised is cause once if everything goes downhill its very hard for her to get into outside world and earn
Honestly I think a lot of this comes from the way people look at Stay at home parents. Many people devalue all the work that goes into taking care of a family/house. There’s a reason nannies and maids are expensive. “You’re brainwashed if you wanna stay at home because no self respecting person would ever wanna take care of the home instead of focusing on their career. Obviously I’m better than people who stay at home because I’m not brainwashed.” You can be a SAH parter while also having friends, and hobbies. It’s the smug attitude of assuming you’re better than everyone else because being a SAH partner isn’t what you like. Cool, doesn’t mean working or being career driven is what others want.
I think there’s not an discussion about women being socially pressured into going to college to get a high paying job either, because we certainly are. I would never accuse or imply that a woman who goes to college is brainwashed or anti-feminist. College isn’t for me but I would be lying if I said there wasn’t a massive pressure from society to get a degree. People need to be aware that just because one option is deemed anti-feminist doesn’t mean the other option is automatically feminist.
At this point I feel like we all need to get off of social media 😒
agreed
And I did it 😌
@@Miki5k.7 good for u
Fr😯🫤
Exactlt what i was thinking...
I remember reading from quote of a housewife in the 50's and how she felt incredibly unsatisfied. She was basically restrained to house basically so of course she would feel bored. The husband wouldn't even be home for a good chunk of the day.
Your compassion is inspiring
For the waiting til marriage thing, it isn’t always just because “it’s more pure”, it’s because many of us would rather not risk kids without being settled. Sex is also a very bonding thing. And it just feels better to have it with someone you’re now more sure of staying with, instead of doing it before hand and being physically attached as well as mentally.
This isn’t the case for everyone, not everyone has to do it. However I’m a little tired of always seeing “it’s just because you’d think it’s more pure”. And I understand you most likely didn’t mean it that way so sorry for the rant
can I just say I fking love ur points bc it's exactly why I'm waiting till marriage
@@riorio745 same for me haha
This!
Took the words straight out of my mouth
I mean yeah waiting for marriage because you either don't want to risk kids or your health, or for you it's a very bonding thing, or because of your religion and beliefs or because you simply don't feel the need to have sex is all okay like those are choices that you make and it's all okay
I feel like the thing issued in the video is "saving yourself for marriage" which is usually not based on the above, but on the purity thing, the fact that you know "men prefer virgins" and all of the bizzare "facts" about women (like the "vaginas are getting loose if woman has sex with different men" and stuff like this)
so I feel like that was the intention behind the words
I think the issue with the stay at home gf (or bf) is that there is inherently less stability in the setup than the traditional stay at home wife or husband. There's a common sentiment that marriage isn't necessary to prove your love, but people seem to ignore that marriage isn't just having a wedding, it is a social and legal contract stating you and your partner will take care of each other. A boyfriend has no legal requirement to care for a stay at home girlfriend. If you are in a long-term partnership, then you can safely determine whether having a SAHP is right for you.
But seeing very young women talk about being a stay at home girlfriend; they have no safety in this arrangement. Unless they are being given money that they can keep in a personal bank account, there is no alimony they can claim if they break up with their boyfriend. The problem is not wanting to be a homemaker, it is the fact that young women are putting themselves in a very precarious position with seemingly no backup plan.
Why will they break up stats says that 70% to 80% of time women leave not men.
I agree
Just sign the contract if you're gonna stay together.
@@mriduldas4845 that doesn't change anything
Yeah. I'd imagine alimony would be much harder if you aren't married. It can be hard even if you are.
@@mriduldas4845 does say the reasonings why though?
Absolutely love your videos! 🥰You can tell there is a lot of work behind them.
This internalised patriarchal pressure affects everyone, in society there is very little free will. Everything has rules, be it enforced law or simply cultural. Your free will is effectively false
I've never been career minded, and I do consider myself a femenist. Having a career and giving up my life for a company would never make me happy. I've never had a passion that can be translated into a job, and I think that's okay. I think the next step should be making sure humans don't have to constantly work, but be able to live for themselves, rather than for a career. Our worth as women shouldn't be determined by our male partners, but it also shouldn't be tied to career and ambition either. Careers shouldn't be the end goal of existance.
I agree
THANK YOU
Thank you so much for this.
I've always been like you, and it feels very lonely sometimes... because apparently to adhere to the ideal modern, feminist (which I too consider myself to be) woman you MUST have a career, or actively seek for one, work for it, for the hustle, to the point of exhaustion, otherwise you're just a submissive 50s housewife who is the property of a man, doomed to fall if your partner decides to cut you out, without self worth or self love, setting yourself for future failure. While I'm not denying that situations like this exist, it doesn't always have to be that way. We are not all automatically victims, this mindset is very dangerous imho.
I'm a stay at home wife, I manage all things house related, from cleaning to budgeting to cooking. I also have my private life, personal moments of self care, I go out in the world and enjoy life, I write because it's what I want to do and hopefully one day I will have success with my writinga. I love what I do, I love the idea of having a home to take care of, I love being of service to my husband, and this doesn't mean being submissive AT ALL. I'm most likely to be the one to wear the pants at home, not him lol.
My husband is out most of the day because of work. He has his job, I have mine at home, the simple fact that his is in the outside world doesn't make his job better or worse.
Just because homemaking is not considered a job, or a set of skills, doesn't mean shit.
Me and my husband are not rich, but we have good food on the table, a lovely puppy and a house full of love and warmth.
This lifestyle is a privilege, I'm perfectly aware I'm lucky asf, we are not the most privileged (we often live under the 1k€/monthly line) but still, I gotta acknowledge it.
Once again, the blame is shifted entirely on women (or whatever person regardless of their gender) choosing this path for whatever reason, while it should be directed at our society and politicians who disregards homemaking and taking it for granted. How about being officially recognized as workers with a salary by our governments? So we can pay taxes and all the other shenanigans?
Sorry for the long rant, but I feel like this needs to be said.
Men have figured this out long time ago. Only a small percentage of people find their true purpose in work. Not everyone can be an astronaut or racecar driver. Most jobs are just jobs. A job or career in the end in the most cases is just a means to an end. Men mostly work their ass off to because money attracts women and it makes them be able to have a family in the end. They don't do it because they really like calculating some machine parts on a computer or whatever (there are some nerds out there whose calling this is, but that's a minority)...
But many modern women still don't get it, they think the jobs have inherent meaning in it self but later in life they will realize that it's actually kinda meaningless in itself unless you landed that dream career.
Men do all this to get women it's simple as that. A man doesn't need a big lifestyle or a lot of money for himself. If money wouldn't attract women, most men would just live in a 1 room apartment and I don't know work 3 days a week and going after their hobbies for the rest of the time.
And thats what feminists dont seem to get at all. Men dont do this to gain power or control over women, its about access to women. Why do men earn more than women? Because they have extreme selection pressure behind their jobs, but for a women the job doesnt determine if she gets chosen as a mate, so women can be more relaxed on the job front. For men its get successfull or die alone basicly.
just live happy and avoid controversy and live with wise decision. I hope have nice day for you!
I literally don’t care what other women do (unless they’re my role models). Build a career, take care of your family, travel, stay at home, whatever. But I absolutely can’t stand hearing stuff like “Staying at home and being a full time mother is my purpose. As is every woman’s”🤮
Just because it makes you happy, doesn’t mean it will make me happy.
I don't think people who say that are actually happy. I think it is the opposite. People who try to limit or suppress others do it because they trigger their insecurities.
@@Krissy_K888 Generally I would agree. But with some of these I feel like they’re genuinely happy with what they’re doing and just can’t wrap their mind around the idea that it’s not the same for every other woman on the planet. And it’s annoying cause some men will be like “see, even women admit that it’s in their best interest.”🙄
Wdym by "unless they're my role models"🤨
May not make you happy, but it is your purpose.
@@inkubator320 Well then I care in a positive way :)
Im a trans man, idk if i really get a say in this, ive done farm work practically my whole life, and then moved to factory work when i was old enough to get an actual job.
My girlfriend wants to work, doesnt want to be a housewife, wabts both of us to raise our kids when we decide to have them. And i said ok. And then i told her that i make enough right now that if she were to change her mind, if she wanted to be a stay at home wife, she could. She could continue with her job if she wanted to. I honestly wouldnt even be mad if she made more than me, because she wants to and her job enables her to do so.
She thought at first that i wanted her to be a housewife, and when her father confronted me about it, i told him no, id actually rather her be able to have her own source of income and be able to contribute to the bills and everything.
I think shes afraid of feeling (or being) inferior. But she's not. We are equal, and i really hope she understands that
The main issue with SAHM/SAHW is that they hail this lifestyle as the only natural calling a woman can have, the only way to happiness, the only way to raise good children, to be good to your husband, etc.
All of them saying how noble it is to be a homemaker; it's a choice, much like any other in this world. There are plenty of women out there changing the lives of others for the better: doctors, teachers, social worker, the list can go on. Let's stop pretending like staying at home is some sacrificial service; it's a choice & you should never have to justify it nor present it in a holier than thou light to feel better about yourself.
I am a "stay at home girlfriend" but not by choice really. I got burn-out by my work, toxic family, grief (lost my Mother to cancer) plus my emotional disregulation and anxiety got worse and worse... Staying at home and doing mundane daily things helped me setle and work on my health. But I get the "when you break up whot will hapen to you?" that gives me anxiety
This might be a rude question but do you think a stay at home wife / girlfriend is a good lifestyle for someone easily bothered by work and stress especially from bullying?
Don’t know if this was addressed in the video, but in the scenario where you’re a stay at home girlfriend/wife and are left with no income after a breakup, what stops the girlfriend from getting a job after the breakup? Seems like a direct solution to that problem
@@adettessubs444 Yes
"when" damn
@@basiicbid8032 it depends on how long you have been out of the workforce for. A large resume gap wont do you any favours
I'm a very feminine woman, and also a lesbian. I would absolutely LOVE to be a stay at home gf or wife, i love traditional feminine things such as sewing, knitting, cooking, etc. I'm also a feminist. It was very hard coming to terms with the fact that i do actually love pink and Disney princesses and that there wasn't anything wrong with that. I tried for most of my teenage years to be the "not like other girls" girl, especially because none of the other lesbians i knew were into high femmes. One even said they weren't "real lesbians' if they comformed to gender roles. I love being a woman and i love women. I hate working. I love house chores. I'm a traditional woman and i now know this is valid.
I just want to ask a question. Why is it important to label yourself so much? Why can't u just be u? I'm sorry it's just that I read what u wrote and u label yourself so many things. No disrespect
@@the98themperoroftheholybri33 that's what i was thinking. lmao. this is no way invalidating the OP, but a "traditional woman" is one who submits to their brother/father/husband and who is straight...
@@samcarmen well a traditional woman is a woman who gets married to 1 man and has children, as Jesus said "be fruitful and multiply" which homosexuality directly defies
As you should
@@the98themperoroftheholybri33 yeah
This is an excellent video, just wanted to share a few of my thoughts :)
- I think it's important that all decisions from everyone on the planet are not made in a vacuum- societal expectations, class, gender roles, religion, etc have an effect on every choice we all make, thus (in my opinion) making a choice that is completely autonomous largely impossible. However, it is often women who are given the most slack for making choices that appear to be in line with societal expectations and gender roles.
- I think feminism is going in an odd direction, where many are realising that corporate "girlboss" feminism may not be truly liberating us so much as it is merely encouraging difficult beauty standards and conformation to capitalism and neoliberalism. Thus, movements such as tradwives and stay-at-home girlfriends are a form of regressive backlash to this- recognising the lack of fulfillment that comes from conforming to capitalist demands, but choosing regression to former standards for women, as opposed to engaging in critique against corporate feminism
- Whilst being a stay-at-home girlfriend isn't necessarily an issue if it's what you choose and makes you happy, promoting it and glamourising it online on apps like TikTok is dangerous for young women- it promotes a lifestyle with no financial freedom, that revolves around staying at home, somewhat isolated, and dedicating life to looking after a man. This could be the blueprint for a very abusive and harmful relationship, which young girls are idolising due to what they see online.
- In terms of how to "help" women in the third world who experience gendered oppression and violence, I think we in the West could firstly consider looking at the colonial origins of the violent economies that exist in these countries, that put such gendered structures into place. I think that with permission and backing from grassroots gender rights organisations in these countries, powerful countries should be economically assisting in dismantling gendered oppression. (I do recognise that there are political implications when it comes to foreign aid, and this is more easily said than done, but it's a starting point)
Just my opinions, I'm extremely open to debate :)
I can see both sides of the argument, however, like all things, nuance is necessary. Let’s say the woman is already informed about the consequences first. It then would be similar to investing your life savings on a high risk stock market.
In both cases, you decided accept the risk of getting 0 returns for all the time/money/work you put in.
That will 100% be on YOU.
The REAL problem is whether that choice was informed or not. If it was due to social pressure from living in a backward country like Iran, Saudi or Afghanistan where you’d be threatened with death if you don’t (i.e female financial autonomy is illegal), or if you were brainwashed from birth by being raised in a religious orthodox cult saying you’ll be damned to hell if you don’t (i.e you were made to believe female financial autonomy is a sin in itself) then it’s no longer a choice.
But if you have full knowledge of the consequences, and were fully able to choose either option without being forced to only accept one due to the above reasons, and still CHOSE to be a stay at home girlfriend with no financial safety net, then you aren’t brainwashed but CHOSE to accept that risk.
It’s ok to promote that choice in that case only. You can still say it’s a bad decision and shouldn’t be promoted, but then it becomes a matter of personal preference……almost like people preferred to smoke and drink in a way.
this is the best video essay ever made. i keep coming back to it.
My mother was a house wife in the late 60s early 1970s, she never wanted to get married, she hated being a mother and we suffered greatly because of this. We were neglected, ignored, verbally abused, physically abused. My dad worked all day and believed women have natural "instincts" and love being moms, he didn't understand why mom hated us so much.
Her generation was told that's all women can do and was expected no matter what. I'm so tired of people thinking woman were made for men, like we're farm equipment or some sh/t.
Giving a woman the choice to not be a house wife is a life saver for people me and my husband, his mom was the same way my mom was.. If woman want to be a housewife then she should be able to choose, not be told that's all we were made for.
your mother being forced into the position does NOT give her the right to subject you into verbal and physical abuse
@@mediterraneanmapping9657 it’s obviously not a right but a CONSEQUENCE of imposing gender roles on people
@@mediterraneanmapping9657 They aren’t defending their mother’s actions, they’re giving an example of how being forced into a role you don’t want will cause harm to the people around you
The problem isn’t society it’s your bitch mom
@@tagcut8648Oh I’m sure many more emotionally neglectful mothers exist. We as a society need to learn to be able to recognize these patterns.
My mom and grandma both are housewives. I wanted to be like them. I learned cooking, cleaning ,managing house chores just to be like them. After college I wanted to get married. Both of them told me not to. I was upset but I realized they were not happy at all. No emotional or mental support from their husband's. Income that comes in should only be spent on the house (food, cleaning supplies etc). My mom suffers from an eye infection but can't get it checked cuz it's a waste of money according to my father. My grandmother can't buy cloths for herself my mom buys it for her etc. So being financial independent is needed no matter what. I still want to get married but only after I have extra money for myself. I am in the process of paying for my mom's surgery.
I hope you’re able to become a stay at home mother and or wife once you find a person who you can trust and who will treat you like you deserve to be treated.
@@gen_e.sisings thanks for the well wishes 🥰 but seeing how men are treating women in my own family after years of being unaware of it. I doubt I'll find someone.Father already complaining that I have too many expectations for a husband. I don't wanna depend on anyone I've seen the consequences.
I hope you find someone who will let u achive ur dream let u live a happy life. and good luck with ur moms surgery hope it goes well
Right! I'm sorry to hear that story but i think those stay at home women in the commets are not telling the whole story and risks of being a stay at home women. My mom was a stay at home and like yours she told me not to be one becouse one day she discovered my father was cheating and she had to stay with him becouse she didnt had a job. She depended on him
@@kushikookiechu5027 Mans role is to support wife; Cook, clean manage finances. And work. But I would prefer if she mainly worked I will still earn a large amount but I want her to work.
finally, a video where i learned somethig new. also something that i was thinking myself. good work
I’m quiet admirable of your intelligence and patience of all the material you’ve displayed. Although that cannot be denied though, I have to say the over analyzing of things along side very intricate, intriguing and intellectually delicate arguments have exhausted me as a woman. I just want to live my life however I’m feeling in the moment. I know I’m constantly growing and opening my mind to differences of lifestyles other women choose for themselves alongside with doing my best to respect anyone’s choice because I am only human am I right. As I do hate the patriarchy yes very much, sometimes I do wonder how my burnout feelings would be viewed if it didn’t existed. I feel as woman we have been pushed to each extreme of emotion, perception etc, and we are at a standpoint with ourselves constantly. At this point for myself because then I can truly help other women heal, I am aiming for my version of peace the accommodates all facets of feminity and women hood. It may sound like peaches and cream, which I know reality isn’t. Though I hope people see once you attract what’s needed for you, those formations of each other we have grow slowly but surely and we see we can settle our differences and respect each others womanly autonomy after all. I guess all we can really trust is that a woman is truly, aware of herself. And even if one is, many still refute against her very aware notions. I feel the media is giving all of us anxiety and a scurry to pick and be certain. I do not know how to be a woman, I just am one. And I feel her presence and pressure all the time.
It’s 100% a woman’s prerogative if she wants to be a housewife/SAHM. The problem is when this is the expectation/default for all women, or when people point out women who are happy and say “If they can find fulfillment staying at home then you can too, there’s no point in you getting a career.” It’s about having the freedom to choose and having equal opportunity.
I presume with this thinking that I 21 year old woman that chooses to experiment with fentanyl is also making a valid choice.
Or do you think that 21 year old have a strong tendency to make stupid life choices they later regret and cannot reverse?
@@PGHEngineer this is so stupid you know the risk presumably someone fucking warned you its now up to you to decide yes mate it is a valid choice you you know the danger and you someone will have warned you about it if you talked about it to someone after that it’s all you even if you are 21
@@PGHEngineer That is the stupidest argument I have ever heard. Are you a troll?
Ok, mission accomplished, women have equal opportunity in careers and education. In fact, more women are in college than men.
It’s not a default, it’s actually nearly impossible. A woman takes herself out of the market to be a mother, in healing and caregiving. This means the business is paying someone not to work and likely work less or not at all. A single workaholic woman or a man produces more and has more potential to be reliable. We increasingly have less involvement in our children’s lives and less opportunity to be parents. Thats why the state is so hostile towards men, because when it isn’t, women stop breeding despite an increase in sex workers.
I’m a Bangladeshi woman and my mom who grew up in that same society fought that system and has her post doctorate. She pushed me to do the same, and to follow my ambitions all the way to the US. While she is the root of a lot of trauma for me, she gave me the opportunities not many women get in Bangladesh.
opportunity is subjective what you perceive as freedom is what others may perceive as slavery. your mum imposed her way of thinking and living onto you thus you bought into it so you now you believe those who bought into any ideology not similar of what your forcefully
@@wilkasa6414I would think being forced to not work and being forced to stay at home regardless of your own interest is the exact opposite of freedom. She was given the freedom to choose and she chose this. You don't need to tell other people what they think or feel just because you have an insight from two sentences.
@@The_Bean if i don't need to tell ppl about blah blah then you should take ur own advice and shut the fxuk up! Mr beanhead thinking you're someone important to reply to me. Check urself before ur brain utters a thoughts towards my ish u just read. Get off my dxck darg u suck too much kmt
Are you sylheti?
@@wilkasa6414an educated woman can choose to be a SAHM. an uneducated woman cannot enter a career requiring education. it's pretty clear what opportunity and freedom is in this situation.
Always enjoy your videos! Here is my 1.5 cents.
What percentage of the choices we make are bad for us, good for us, and great for us? What choices do we make to succumb to the outside pressures that affect our mental capacity and fortitude? How often do we enjoy sitting in those things for the pity, attention, self-indulgence, holding onto blame, (or whichever your poison is) verses what is the actual amount the environment or 'the other' placing on us? What is even determining the right amount?
I'm the self indulgent type. Comes from my guilt and catholic upbringing. I now ask the question though once I see that I've sat in a feeling too long (or when it feels longer than it should stick around). There is a point where the environment has engaged my feelings, and there is the point (hours, days, or weeks later) that I reconcile, understand, and draw a line.
It is very easy just to blame that environment/the other (and yes there is blame from self and from outside, acute and chronic, huge and small, constant or fluctuating). A lot of cases demand it and a lot of cases sometimes you to stand up against it.
Final thought from above:
How often do we blame the environment/'the other' for the bad choices we made for ourselves and the accumulation of negative consequences that happen from it or taking the easy road or selling out?
Blaming a bigger power or a whole group for one thing, and then tacking on the bad decisions yourself had made to get more support (while watering down a movement).
“I know what’s better for you because I am a better more enlightened person, and if you don’t do it, I hope you feel guilty and bad about doing what it is you only *think* you want”
And the misogyny these kinds of women spew is insane. They wish harm, abuse, and neglect to stay at home wives, or other women in those positions. They call them bimbos and dishwashers and bitches, and to shame a woman in that position is not the feminist take they think it is
Western liberals pretending women are ostracized for doing what they're expected to do: free domestic labour with zero legal security, is so ridiculously predictable. Something hurting their feelings isn't anti feminist, but I guess this is what hyper individualism does, rots the brain.Also influencers who have financial stability and an upper class western comfortable life telling regular kids that the housewife lifestyle comes with no risks... is actually fucked up. It does, and the feminice and poverty rates can testify
The issues abound by the people thinking this. It also pertetuates that SAH Partners contribute NOTHING and there's no value found in their work.
tbh LMAO some people are in fact more enlightened than others, sorry to break it for you ):
unironically yes if u are promoting a lifestyle that makes people in a vulnerable position and dependent on other people to live financially and unable to make a living on their own
I have no problems AT ALL with stay-at-home parents/spouses. What irks me is when they make out like it's the only noble way to live and that women like me (seeking an education and career with zero children on the horizon) are kidding ourselves with delusions of grandeur.
Exactly, I see more of these Tradwives criticizing women than feminists criticizing housewives, in fact I’ve never stumbled upon any post where a feminist belittles a house wife or a stay at home mom. But twitter and instagram is full of these Christian tradwives talking shit about us women who want careers, they make it seem like we’re just playing pretend and career women aren’t properly taking care of their kids or husbands.
Their definition of taking care of your home and husband is becoming a slave to kids and husband without a life of their own, without having self-care time, their own hobbies and maybe a life outside home socializing with other people.
You’re only delusional if you think your way is the way for others
But do people who work and whatnot not do the same ? They’re called “girlboss” and whatever else while it’s shamed upon to be a stay at home since they’ll claim you’re brain washed or have stupidity it goes both ways I suppose
@@bigstinky8079'no non abusive husband wants a traditional wife' lol
' no normal woman wants a traditional husband ' 😂😂😅
Ridiculous
@@bigstinky8079the propoganda clearly worked well on this one
how is there internalized misogyny in wanting to save yourself for marriage?
It's not
I mostly agree with the video; staying at home for a partner is a personal choice, and we should let people decide what they want to do. But one important point that wasn't mentioned in the video is that staying at home *before* marriage is quite an unsafe idea. Most relationships statistically end in a break up. If you get married and one partner stays at home, if it ends in divorce, at least you will have a safeguard: alimony. Alimony is a core function of marriage, insurance that the stay-at-home partner's finances won't end in shambles if the marriages in divorce. If someone chooses to be a stay-at-home girlfriend and the relationship breaks up, the woman will have a long period of unemployment on her resume that will make it difficult to find employment and support herself. It is simply a bad financial idea to commit to staying at home before marriage.
I agree with you on almost everything but being a stay at home wife is very different from a stay at home gf
If a non married couple is staying together it's the same as stay at home wife
@@anikatasnimsaba I’m not sure what country you are referring too, but in regards to the US, it is drastically different in regards to legal and financial benefits from a wife to a girlfriend if the relationship or marriage fails. Here only maybe 10 states still acknowledge common law marriages in some form, where in most laws in these states you would need to be grandfathered in by a certain cut off date or living together for a very long time to even be considered for any legal financial protections. Alternatively the wife has legal financial protections and the possibilities of alimony/spouse support to help her stay afloat.
@@teamwhit2you519 There should be no drastically difference in regards to legal and financial benefits. Heck, abolish marriage already, recognize every kind of domestic partnerships in stead, be it gay, straight, 2 people, 4 people... whatever.
In Canada, after three years (one year if the couple has a child together) of cohabitation, the only difference is that when you break up you don't have the additional legal cost of obtaining a divorce... In all other respects, common law spouses have the same rights and obligations upon the breakdown of a relationship.
Don't know about your country but many countries consider long term living together couples as married and receive benefits and ect. My mom and her then bf received same benefits so they didn't hurry to marry. They only got married 12 years later
Using women from third world countries to support western choice feminism is insane they have completely different experiences and needs. Choosing to be a housewife is not on the same level as choosing to have a better quality of life???
its because there are no real arguments to choice feminism and she definitely cant find any
They somehow can't wrap their head around the fact that the feminism they hate so much is what gave them the rights they have. To even CHOOSE a man in the way they desire and not be sold to one like cattle, as MANY women and soon to be housewives are.
@@keye1200
Feminism was the reason why I are even allowed to vote, have a job and autonomy over who u marry. Dunking on feminism altogether will do u no good. Try to separate first and second wave feminism from third wave feminism.
India has its own take on feminism, which improves women’s quality of life and combats both skin colour and caste discrimination! It also allows women to be themselves.
@@SlapstickGenius23 bruh indian households definitely do not consists of feminists who totally support women with everything
I love these videos.
I find motherhood to be the most selfless job out there, so long as shes raising her kids right and giving them everything they need I can't think of a more beneficial job for society. I think fathers play their role too, they're also important to a childs development. I wish society could switch back to the nuclear family structure because what we have rn is terrible.
Joey B once said: "They convinced women that taking care of your family is slavery yet working for someone in an office job for 8 hours isn't."
To those bashing me in the comment section: I'm an Anti-Feminist. I believe women are better off being mothers and fostering the next generation of children and lead society that way. I know this will get me even more heat for such a conservative opinion but to give you clarity on why I am what I am, go watch a documentary called Europa: The Last Battle. By all means use discernment watching it as just most of it is factual. If you won't watch it then it's your loss.
Sorry, not sorry. Have a good day.
BASED
well one would be for pay so...
@@anywallsocket I think the point he is trying to make is the following. The 8hr/5d per week schedule was originally meant to well accommodate for a family after the war. Women got into labour due to men going to war and additional workers being needed. When men came back and peace was a thing instead of accommodating society to benefit the people and society themselves, we lwft everything the same which devaluated the worker and made possible the progressive ever more aggressive dehumanization of workers across almost all levels in society.
The problem isn't whether she DECIDES to work at home or at an office. The problem is that companies do not pay anyone enough and try to cut corners on every possible opportunity to screw worked because they are basically infinite for them.
@@anywallsocket my boyfriend and I are both very fortunate with our income. When we get married do you think the only proper course of action is hiring another woman to take care of our kids, instead of me having the incredibly rewarding experience of doing it myself?
Atleast after the 8hours I GET MONEY 💀 unlike my mom who works 24/7 and gets paid with nothing
I feel like I had an opposite experience of “indoctrination”. I was raised to think that being a housewife is oppressive, climbing the corporate ladder is the best choice, and bring a STEM degree is the only way to not waste my brain. When I saw how some women worked in the home, homeschooled their children, and had time to get out and pursue hobbies and relax with their family, it felt freeing. And I sacrifice a lot to be a housewife. And I’m so much happier now than when I worked, even though my budget is tighter. Maybe I’ll work again someday. But I’m happiest now. I have Purpose in my housework, relationships, and serving my community.
Very similar to my experience! To me the hilarious part is people often argue that being a housewife or stay at home parent is devaluing and oppressive because you work very hard, aren't rewarded for it, and have no free time... what, like most careers aren't also like that? Many many people end up in a role that they have little autonomy in, work hours that exhaust them, and aren't paid enough for comfort. There's definitely a double standard there. I also think the way people view intelligent women (with "potential") choosing the SAHM/housewife route is that it's a sad, disappointing thing; she could have been so much more! Rarely is this how we view men in the same position, which is either a) they're lazy, or more commonly, b) they've somehow won at life, it's to be celebrated.
Just make sure you're doing it for people who appreciate you too. Never let yourself be taken for granted. I don't know if this sounds rude but it happens a lot. I hope you have a good life
@@JemimaDoesASMR that's actually what feminism is about. Respect. A woman being SAHM or a working one dosen't change a lot of the respect she's receiving. She constantly gets disrespected by the society
Working is overrated honestly
@@shakira7301 I guess you live like a human. Men get disrespected for different things as I am sure women do. Being short, not muscular or not earning a lot gets you easily disrespected among men and women too. It's just the way society is now-a-days. Everyone wants the best and if they can't have it then they don't want whatever they got. People aren't grateful for what they have and let others who piss all over them affect them. There will always be shitty people, find some good ones and keep them. Especially if you find a good partner. Life is hard as it is by yourself, getting an extra person who respects you and will be by your side definitely helps. Anyways, just letting you know so you don't feel alone, everyone gets disrespected if you aren't top of your class/company/community, not by everyone but there will always be someone who thinks they are better
i feel like if everyone just said "look, i don't care what you do" we would be better off
If a woman wants to be a housewife that's great, and that's a beautiful thing that should be respected.
If a woman wants a career and wants to make a difference in the world, that's also great and should be respected.
Stuff like this is why I'm proud to break the mold society has given so much. I'm a trans woman, which is already heresy by the patriarchy's standards, but I'm also very, very feminine, I enjoy video games, engineering, science, and the like, but I also love makeup and putting together cute outfits, and I'd love to juat be working my own projects and taking care of the house if my boyfriend is able to make enough money for the both of us. The only thing I wouldn't want in that scenario is kids.
And honestly? I love living the way I do. I love having fun, enjoying the wonders and intricacies of life, not abiding by the patriarchal rules laid out for me based on the genitals i had at birth. The fact that some people seriously call themselves feminists while not allowing women their own bodily autonomy is just baffling. Women are PEOPLE. People are allowed to do what they want, whether they fit into archaic, pointless gender roles or not. True feminism is allowing anyone to do whatever they want, regardless of gender roles. Things like allowing men to wear makeup, and allowing women to become engineers. By saying that a feminist can't do or be anything traditionally feminine, you're only feeding the patriarchy more. Because by doing that, you're enforcing that there are gender roles.
Anything that women do, it will be criticized, even by women themselves. It is a sad reality. I go by the belief that as long as you are happy, not hurting anyone and not forcing anyone to follow you, whatever you do is fine.
Finally something I can agree I don't like to be housewife thing and I don't think it's bad if someone wants it go for it but why this video is only about how feminist (I m not feminist or something) thinks it's a bad thing but there r so many women who insult those women who don't want to be housewife
and anything that men do also is criticized. people sometimes just suck
@@baconfacegamer792 yeah! I just don't get it, of it's not hurting anybody why should other people care??
i already have too many problems to deal with, me being a woman just rubs salt on the wound
Same with Dudes. No matter what they do/want. Women and other Dudes criticize it. Wanting a Family and spend time with them and less time spend for meaningless Jobs/Work. Sexist and/or lazy.
I feel like something like AP can be said for anything. If you live in a society at all, your choices will probably never be your absolute true desire. Interesting video though
Yeah, the patriarchy pressures you to "want" certain things no matter what gender you are so it is important to point out that this is looking at it through the framework of how women are oppressed. The same things could be said for, say, capitalism more broadly, as much as that was created hand in hand with the oppression of women.
@@tequilasunset4651 sure but no system will exist that doesn't pressure its individuals to act a certain way. Whereas capitalism tries to essentially buy you off to act in a certain manner, communism and fascism would just kill you for acting counter to the cultural norm.
i agree! any person who has ever entered the world will be thrashed down with so many pressures/expectations.
@@Myname-cb9ru didnt say the answer is some total break, those aren't the "3 options" - fascism works hand in hand with capitalism, and Id argue the most equal societies are the ones where capitalism has been shaped to approach what communism is in theory.
Or at least, you can never be sure if your preference is true or adaptive.
"being confined into the house limits social interactions with others and impides her opportunities to do other activities" 9:20~
Specially in car dependent suburbs, having walkable neighborhoods allow people to interact with other a lot more and have more options for activities, even the children can interact with others more.
Maybe if we hadn't started building cities for the car instead of for people, this problem wouldn't have become so prevalent
Loved the video! Procedure autonomy ftwi
I come from a small town in the uk called hull and one of our icons are the head scarf revolutionarys they was mothers some of which was stay at home mums who was sick of losing husbands brothers and sons to a unsafe fishing industry they succeeded and made the fishing industry more safe this was in 68 if i remember correctly. My point is even house wifes can change the world
It’s crazy that complete strangers think its ok to come up to someone and tell them what they want and what’s they should
I know this is about women’s choice when it comes to working or staying at home but I need to speak on something I didn’t have a choice with. I was a victim of SA and I was blackmailed by a guy friend at 21. When I called the police and reported this, the police told me “ boys will be boys “ and asked “ if it’s not a sex thing we did “. They also said they didn’t have any evidence and no proof that he blackmailed me since I withdrew the money from my bank myself. I also opened up to my mother about this and she started blaming me by asking why I invited him to my room ? Ironic she asked this when she herself didn’t protect me when I was m word by her boyfriend at 15. Her boyfriend at the time told me not to tell anyone and I was afraid my mother would choose him and kick me out. So many women have internalized misogyny and will protect men by any means necessary even when men prey on children or assault women.
that is awful i’m so sorry you had to deal with this
I‘m really sorry to hear that such terrible things happened to you.
However I do not believe that men are protected by society whatsoever the opposite is true. Slogans like „Belive all women“ exists because women are believed to be victims of crime more often than men which really isn’t the case.
Also men are more severely punished for the same crimes than women are.
So Men are not protected by society at all
That is so bad for you. You have unlucky situation, is there anyone help you after that?
actually they not protect men but they just letting bad people enter their live. I a man and I really see many bad thoughts of man about life and their partners and girls. they even talk in front of me and teasing to understand them, is there somebody you can as for help; neighbors or relatives?
I hope she broke to him of never let the same kind of partner. In my country there is case of step fathers hurt their partner's kids. Well not because they just became men but they live in asshole life and hunting girls who don't want to be single.
Its better to stay away on them do not let them hurt you . Because that partners had a hard time of being alone.
The world is unpredictable of what life you can choose but for personally I just pray myself and family. I hope this comment help you. In experience family could support you but also they could destroy you. The only one who can bend the fate of our condition is ourselves to to decide and move from all this mess.
I am so so sorry that you have to deal with that! Can I help you in any way?
Have you read any evolutionary psychology & evolutionary biology that at a minimum points into a general preference innate to "gender roles " ?
Absolutely every woman that i know has their life ordered around family & social function as their highest priority .
The way you've described the "overly subversive" mindset that can't accept the cishetpatriarchal norms is the way my (MTF22, egg cracked last year) gender dysphoria manifested, actually. I couldn't comprehend how and why would a girl be with a guy, who is so much uglier and otherwise worse than her. I had layers and layers of cope that resulted in pre-cracking me seeking homosexual relations and yet being disappointed when the physical attraction wasn't there on my end... because in my mind the normal and expected thing was "boys are supposed to be with boys, girls are supposed to be with girls, that's the only way for things to be equal and healthy"
I resolved only some of my issues. Transition helped a lot, I am now in a happy transbian relationship. A transbian relationship where... I play the role of "the man" of the relationship... which eeever so slightly causes a cognitive dissonance.
???
@@duckfacemcgee3271 what? What questions do you have?
Women care about looks, but not as heavily (generally) as men. So if a 5/10 guy gets 8-9/10 girl, most likely he has qualities to make up for it. Like financial security. But other than that, the rest of your comment is a bit convoluted so I'm a little confused. From what i can gather, you transitioned from male to presenting as a woman, but are now in a Relationship with a woman, and you've assumed more of a masculine role, causing you to feel some cognitive dissonance. Seems rough. I hope you're making the right choices for yourself. Goodluck.
@@cosmo588 it's not about presentation, it is about the base biology behind it. I just perceive men to be inherently uglier, so estrogen is a blessing from the gods for me. It is very hard for me to comprehend why cis women tolerate their ugly boyfriends, considering most of them are far, far from being rich.
Do you feel nonbinary would have been more helpful to you? These gendered conceptions of self and sexual relations that are so structured seem so harmful to those of us that don’t fit within those definitions and paradigms. As if I’m not really a woman because I don’t want to submit?
But for the topic of "stay at home girlfriends", i am genuinely worried about them, because really, what are they going to do once they break up?
Depends on how long their "relationship" was. If long, then a girl is lost.
I agree, but if she has a backup plan and emergency fund then I think it’s ok
@@whimsicaldaffodil3752 emergency fund wouldn't really help her in the long term unless she already has qualification for a real jobs.
@@atishayritulpatwa7235 emergency fund for her expenses until she can find a job
yeah like marriage is more than just a love declaration, its an actual contract that you have to sign?? so if your spouse who supports everything financially decides they want to go (or the stay at home spouse) then there's agreements on how money has to be divided etc, which you dont get what just being dating partners???
Thank you for this video. I'm chronically ill and have ASD, working is physically and mentally painful. I kept having burnouts because I couldn't keep up. I'm now creating art, learning how to code and support my husband. We're together for 13 years and he can supports us both and he's happy when I'm happy. If I'm able to work, I'll work.
People act like choosing to be a housewife is an issue and not reliable when you break up. Sure, it's a risk, but in this economy and seeing how a lot of educated people have no jobs and have trouble finding them, quit because of horrible work ethics, randomly fired after being there for years.... Work is a privilege, especially if you're able-bodied.
I'm happy I'm able to live and do the best I can.
This. I'm also disabled and a Homemaker by circumstance. Did I originally choose it, nah. Maybe not. But the assertion that because I grew to appreciated it and the significant number of skills AND labor that actually go into it daily (after being literally indoctrinated by Radical Feminism to hate it and find it oppressive, boring, and "weak" non-work that effectively makes me no better than a live-in maid) I'm "brainwashed into loving my oppression" and all that nonsense has ground my gears since I actively started calling myself a Homemaker.
For some people work is a privilege. For others, staying at home is; some people can't stand the idea of literally slaving away for a faceless corporation that treats you like a disposable number and doesn't even give you a living wage (rather than a family that at least seems to appreciate your efforts, and where you can see the direct effect / result of your labors)- while others have the complete opposite experiences with both / on both ends. Neither is better. Neither is worse. Neither is certainly "more Feminist". But we all deserve the fucking choice to pick which one makes the most sense to us and suits us best if we're able- and certainly the right to derive ENJOYMENT from whatever we end up with (or pick) without being accused of shit like it "being inauthentic" or us "being brainwashed".
Are both of you mentally challenged too? Clearly the argument against choice feminism isn’t targeted towards those with disabilities or long term conditions
this is why the "skill based autonomy" is an inherintly ableist concept to me, because it would imply that none of that is an autonous choice
Bruh, as a single mom, I’d love a stay at home partner right now. I’d shower them with all the things for keeping our space nice and helping with the seven hundred million things it seems need to be constantly done around a home.
A big concept in the community services sector is "dignity of risk" which recognises that respecting an individual's ability to make their own decisions, even though sometimes they may make the wrong decision, helps them to achieve self-determination and own the decision making process. After all, when you make a decision for someone and their life gets worse, they are going to lose faith in you and their chances of improving their quality of life.
I have no interest in being a stay-at-home anything because I've been career focused ever since I was a child, it brings purpose into my life. But hey that's just what floats my boat, and there's nothing wrong with being anything else
@@Milosevicav2 I say this with kindness, but think you should talk to a therapist
@@Milosevicav2 huh? wanting to be financially independent is 'greedy'?
@@viishahb that’s a fucking serbian or montanegran likely case balkan people are very conservative and very patriarchal
@@Milosevicav2 Exhibit A: The attempted brainwashing of women into caring, loving, selfless, motherly roles.
@@Milosevicav2 you need to see someone.
I'm finishing up a internship as a psychology student in a school. The amount of teenagers who don't know that THEY are supposed to choose what THEY want out of their own lives and only then formulate a plan is ridiculously large. Keep in mind I have been doing this for only one year and it already amazes me how much people don't think about their future.
I generally don't really care what they choose unless it is really unsafe for them. I focus on the why. And they generally have no idea how to answer that because they don't know what they value.
Um this is because they’re literally children. Your job is to help them, if they knew what they were doing you wouldn’t have a job lol. Irrelevant to this video
hi um i’m one of those teenagers,,,, wth do i dooooo
@@tayyyysvers short answer. Figure out what you want to actually do with your life. What should it look like? What do you value? What are your goals. Specify all of them and make a plan for it. If you can't do it on your own, ask for help with a psychologist. Maybe at school they have one.
When I ask questions if I should do this and that to plan out my future (in general), everyone js says I still have time and don't need to worry much and that I shouldn't bother
@@g4merboie789. I am one of these teenagers too but i graduate this year and omg my only goal is a scientific field, good job with money ofc, I don’t wanna be in college specifically for more than 6 years tbh
Still dk though💔
the problem I see with the stay-at-home girlfriend is the fact that if they ever decide to break up, she would have no income. Marrying the person you are dating and being a stay-at-home wife is the better option because if you ever divorce you will at least get half of the money while staying at home girlfriend, the man can cheat at any time and then dump you, leaving you with not a single penny because there is no legal contract binding them. If they broke up and she was still a stay-at-home girlfriend in her 30s, it's extremely hard to find a job with a stable income without going to college or etc. I don't think its the fact about the jobs those people were criticizing, it was the fact that if she doesn't marry him, she won't end up with any money and would be on the streets with nothing. Also, once the person has a stable income and becomes sick or ill there is no income anymore she will have to end up supporting herself in the first place. Finding a job with no money and no experience is extremely hard. Also, the fact inflation and things are starting to cost more, it's hard to only rely on one person working, you must have 2 parents working to support children if you have them.
Yes and if we believe that women like this are not simple-minded beings, then we can understand that these consequences were part of the decision making process.
There is no longer a culture of job security and lifelong dedication to a single career or company. Many people in the workforce can easily have their lives completely upended. I'm one of them. Unexpected illness not only left me unable to work, but entirely unable to get back into the line of work I was doing.
People may earn tons of money but lose it all in risky investments - see FTX scenario the past week. People swear up and down in the security of cryptocurrencies and that it will guarantee wealth.
Nothing in this world is a guarantee and I'd rather not preach to others about decisions they have made, especially if I don't know whether or not they have weighed the benefits and risks already.
Assuming the worst out of people is silly. If you live off your boyfriends income and you love each other enough to make that work I’m sure there’s some trust between them, he won’t just cheat and abuse her and dumb her and leave her homeless, you know why ?
Because most people aren’t that bad, and girls can make their own decisions, they’re not that naive (unless you think women are too dumb to know who they’re getting in bed with).
If you’re not religious and you need a lifetime legal contract in order to trust them you’re a very weird person.
@@Tonysopranoyafinook they said that sentence you quoted because it means the girlfriend wouldn’t be stuck with nothing. not that you should marry someone for money, but you’re less secure in having any funds if someone is really in need of them. “women don’t care about men” how about we say men don’t care about women? that men only objectify and sexualise women? see how much you’d get your undies in a twist. i’m sorry but love still exists and i guess you can’t see it
But nobody knows if they have a partner that will cheat on them later, because how can they possibly know?
It is just reality that thete are men who cheat or abuse their partner, and if the woman has no job or education she becomes more depended on him and is less likely to leave.
I think the availability of work from home jobs and freelancing really changes this. Plus people can gain skills and then choose to stay home later. Especially if you plan and save up money.
Autonomy in life for either sex is simply role models.
What's my parents, friends, strangers and social media personalities doing.
Then we make a choice join one of those paths or go a completely different way we've dreamed up based on our experiences.
❤❤❤I love your channel!
So happy to have found it!
There are far too many nonsense, repetitive channels that regurgitate the same pop culture bs of the day, in my opinion.
Scarier still, too many doc style channels that do no research of their own and simply regurgitate the source material in their own vocals. I would say, "in their own voice," but that might imply a different perspective.
It was the videos saying the movie The Lion King was plagiarized from an anime called Simba that really shocked me into awareness of how prevalent this type of sloppy content creation is.
It was the amazingly researched upload from YMS that opened my eyes.
Even a well respected news source and a fairly known author cited a few unaccredited youtube channels as sources and hadn't bothered to research anything... they were all so obviously wrong it was disturbing.
To this day, I believe there are many videos made on the topic.
And only YMS version was actually researched and source cited.
Its frightening.
Theres nothing wrong with being a housewife. Theres also nothing wrong with not being a housewife. My problem is that a lot of times, theres a household chores inequity. Women are expected to clean, cook, watch the children and even their husband 24/7 while having no time for themselves. The husband comes home and just naps or has fun. The woman doesn't have a day off. Even working woman face this kind of trouble. And the husband doesn't ever help, in fact the woman is mostly even judged for not doing enough or laying around. Problem with todays inflation and cost of everything, is that most men cant support a household on one pay. So the women work too, but when coming home she works even more while he doesnt. And depending on a man, who can just decide to leave one day and you are left with no work experience or money is horrible. Always have money on the side or atleast have a side income.
This has all been well documented. It was particularly stark during the pandemic when women were the ones who had to leave their jobs to be full time caretakers. As always there rises the question- why always women?
@@katara2021 Well I have the answer, because the women are usually married to men who makes more money than them and they actually like staying at home. It was documented that a lot of them did not even want to go back to work after that.
@@maatonne Yes "happy" . Subjective opinion is hard to factually document. Did you ever think too investigate why women earn less? and I'm not referring to pay gap. It's really not this simple.
I know women with horrible, selfish , patriarchal husbands who are very unhappy and projecting on others but still say they happy with their marriage and take pride in it. Women don’t even want to face their truth sadly because it feels that they have failed if they do.
@@angeld7268The only relevant thing you mentioned is about women earning less. But at the same time it is not that relevant since women just marry men who make more money than them in general. So it is not about them earning less, since even if they are rich themselves they still want a richer man. This is statistically proven.
@@maatonne "statistically proven" is an oxymoron. "Statistics have shown this" is better. Especially when you're discussing the pay gap, etc. Which came first the chicken or the egg? Usually if you can solve it analytically, there are deeper issues and they're very complicated to represent, especially since society and it's interactions don't converge to a value.
I was a stay at home mom thinking it was my choice. But few years ago I found out my husband was cheating and worst I found myself in the position to have nowhere to go. I couldn t leave because I wasn t financialy independent. But I decided to change my life and I will never go back to being submised to a man, never!!!
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women think just because a man cheats that it means he doesn't love her anymore 🙄
@@mohamedadan6678 You’re insane
@@mohamedadan6678 He may very well still feel affection for her but that’s not the same thing as being loyal or monogamous is it? And loyalty and monogamy are non negotiable for many, hence the breakups
@@mohamedadan6678 he may still love her, but he doesn't *respect* her and that's the biggest difference. If you don't respect your woman, she doesn't owe you anymore of her time.
I say this as a feministic woman, What’s another problem is that these ‘traditional’ men & women will also have a huge problem with stay at home dads..heck they even shame men who want to equally participate in child care or want to become a primary parent lol..
Men’s Rights Activists are honest when they say men face absurd amounts of discrimination when it comes to parenting because these people make them feel inferior for wanting to be with their kids..
Tbh, It’s just better to have a work from home job if you’re a stay at home parent..that way you are contributing atleast something to the family’s economic stability at the same time people or your parents In-laws can’t disrespect you for staying at home..
House keeping is today relatively easy than it used to be with all the technology..the work-home balance isn’t going to overwhelm you..
People don’t consider that a lot of the reasons people might stay at home is because of the work load we are expected to handle right now. Honestly wish me or my bf could afford to have one of us at home long term. He’s in between jobs right now and it’s helped so much having someone do the chores or cooking while I’m at work. We can actually focus on our relationship and I can take on more difficult home projects. Not to mention home cooked meals instead of microwave and a clean house which is so hard to achieve nowadays. And I get people talking about financial dependence which is fair but you don’t know someone’s situation. They may have a plan b, but they’re not gonna air it out on tik tok lol
as long as your spouse is a GENUINELY good guy, who you have no doubts about loves you and respects you and won't drop your ass, being a stay at home mom is awesome. i am one, and i treat raising my kids like it's my "job" (in a good way.. i don't just lounge around doing nothing like some people apparently think SAHMs do lol). i challenge myself, read up on how to educate my kids take them into nature all the time... i try my best to be as intentional as i can. and once i stopped hating the house work and just saw it as a way to keep my mind clear too... i don't mind it at all. my husband helps too, and he's the chef of our family and prefers to cook. anyway, it isn't un empowering by any means as long as u aren't being abused.
I agree
I wouldn't mind being a housewife, but how are you 100% sure your husband won't leave you one day or die? I've heard so many stories of marriages that fall apart, and then the wife is left with nothing.
@@smartaleks314 this is the thing, you have to be VERY aware of your external circumstances. who is your support? do you have family who are there for you and capable of helping? do you have a degree? did u see any red flags to put you on edge about your husband's faithfulness? does he have life insurance? being a stay at home mom is an amazing sacrifice and job to do for your children. but you also have to be smart, and take stock of your circumstances and be wise about that choice. if you do not trust public school and also do not trust your life situation to home school, apply for every single scholarship you can, and find any sort of government assistance you can to help pay for a charter or private school!
bruh if a girl stayed at home for me greeted me when i got back
id drop everything
unfortunately only the top percent of men will live a life like this
these guys i refer to as "the chosen"
@@beganitdidnt6535 my husband works really hard for my family and cares for us so much! it is my joy to help him out too. we are in a weird time in the world where nobody wants to accept traditional roles and respect each other in them. it's not for everyone, but it certainly is tried and true for many.
As someone who doesn't want to get married or have children and wants to pursue my career, you do whatever you're comfortable with as long as the relationship you're in isn't abusive and you have some kind of plan B (like being able to stay at a friend's/family member's house if things go south and having your own savings).
@@cameronelliott9709no they are just being realistic most relationships especially in today's cultures don't end up in a happy marriage for life situatio, they end up in divorce. She just advices for people who want to focus on their relationships and building a family to do so with other plans in mind so if things don't workout they know they have something or someone else to help. Same goes for a career try to have a plan b if things don't workout, or atleast do good research to know if it's a good fit for you. Rather be safe than sorry.
@@cameronelliott9709 Considering today's norms, yes it's completely essential.
As someone who wants to get married and be as perfect of a housewife as I can be, you should be very careful about following a career. The majority of jobs will abuse you just as badly as any abusive man, leaving you feeling empty without anyone to support you. You will be underpaid, mistreated, and fired over the smallest of mistakes. Both traditional lives and modern lives can be extremely dangerous if you do not take care of yourself.
@@nyxnightmare3542 I know, and obviously I will take care of myself
And I'm a guy, btw
skill based autonomy is inherently ableist, because it implies disabled/neurodivirgent people cannot act autonomously (for example not being able to accurately recognize/categorize ones emotions because of neurodivergency, would imply they cannot make autonomous choices)
Live your life- you do you. You’re an adult, you’re perfectly entitled to make your own choices. But I would not recommend being a stay-at-home girlfriend because you have no legal protections and quite possibly no financial safety net.
On the flip side I’m a young man and my dream has always been to be a stay at home dad. Sometimes I feel embarrassed to say that when dating because the woman usually assumes I want to be a bum. I am still career driven so I can provide for my (future) family. I am career driven to be family driven lol. But unfortunately for me some ladies interpret stay at home dad as freeloader or bum as if I wouldn’t try to accumulate as much wealth as possible before having kids to ensure that I can live my dream. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
That's sweet and honestly I don't see it being any different from being stay at home mom. Sucks that they understand your intentions wrong.
My boyfriends dad is stay at home, there is hope
that is so attractive, and all I want in a partner
Fucking soyboy, man up
Thats fine honestly, doesn´t matter if you are a man or a woman, if thats what you want and make an effort to be the best househusband/wife is all great.