Don't Let A Boyfriend Manage Your Money.
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 มิ.ย. 2024
- No more men managing our money, please 🙄 Get 25% off on Paired premium! Start your 7-day free trial by clicking the link here: www.paired.com/cara25
🎥 More about this video:
Too many times now I have seen people - primarily women - defer to their male partners (whether it's their boyfriend or husband) for financial advice and management. "Oh, I'm just not good at that money stuff." or "He knows what he's doing so I leave it to him." NOOOO. We've got to stop this. Stop letting your boyfriend manage your money. In this video, I talk about the importance of knowing your own financial situation, why for women especially you should know how to manage your own money, and the risks involved in financial dependence.
Want more videos on money, media, society, and intentional living? Be sure to subscribe for more video essays!
🔍 Resources mentioned:
Ramit Sethi's Channel: / @ramitsethi
Racial History of American Swimming Pools: www.npr.org/2008/05/06/902136...
Confidence Gap: www.forbes.com/sites/naomicah...
TedX Talk: • Chimamanda Ngozi Adich...
Women better at investing: www.forbes.com/sites/timmaure...
Longer life expectancies for women: www.prb.org/resources/around-...
UBS report on women's finances: www.ubs.com/content/dam/Wealt...
LGBTQ domestic labor split: www.bbc.com/worklife/article/...
💌 Want to support the channel? Here are a few ways!:
- One-time donation: www.buymeacoffee.com/cara.nicole
- Join my Patreon: patreon.com/thefinancialfreed...
- My Etsy (budget spreadsheets!): www.etsy.com/shop/FinancialFr...
🎥 Check out some of my other videos! 🎥
- The Dangers of Stay at Home Girlfriend & TradWife Culture: • The Dangers of 'Stay a...
- How Existential Dread Is Ruining Your Personal Finance: • How Existential Dread ...
- How Company Loyalty Keeps You Poor: • How Company Loyalty Ke...
- How Designer Brands Keep You Poor: • How Designer Brands Ke...
Time Stamps:
00:00 Gender stereotypes around money
01:51 Paired Segment
03:04 History of our stereotypes
04:50 The infantilization of women
06:19 The confidence gap
07:17 The single story problem
08:08 Why does this even matter?
09:58 "Brain off" in relationship
10:50 Women financially solo stats
12:00 This doesn't help anyone
13:34 Bottom line
Keywords for some sweet, sweet metadata:
Personal finance, money management, couples finances, relationships, boyfriend, girlfriend, marriage, tradwife, stay at home girlfriend, social media, pop culture, financial education, domestic labor, womens finances, financial independence, video essay, video analysis, financial boundaries, saving money, spending money, influencer, JJJreact
![แฟนแนวใด๋ - ยูริ โตเกียวมิวสิค [OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO ]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/4_XVMuhhbsU/mqdefault.jpg)
By the way, get 25% off on Paired premium! Start your 7-day free trial by clicking the link here: www.paired.com/cara25
Thank you all for watching!!! I'm really proud of how this video turned out, and I'm excited to hear what you all think!
Why is a trust-fund girl, that's basically been given everything she has on a silver spoon, telling other people how to manage finances?
LMAO..."financial freedom girl"...as if being an influencer on TH-cam is somehow pulling yourself up financially.
What an odd video considering it’s far more common for the wife to controlling all the money her man makes
But women only care about women as always
@@nobodythenobody9779 As I mention in the video, women do typically manage more of this household budget but not long term financial decision making. This is backed up by a wealth of research that you can find in the video.
@@thefinancialfreedomgirl men have the right to manage the money they make, men work longer hours and bring in more money
Also if you look at Russia, Japan, China, India or a tun of other countries you would know it’s expect of men to go work and just hand over their money to their wife
Interesting you only view it as an issue when it’s on women tho
@@nobodythenobody9779 I think you agree with the thesis of my video more than you realize.
* me with no boyfriend and pretty much no money * okay, youve convinced me
Laughed out loud. I'm in the same situation
Lmaoooo yess. I will not let my imaginary bf manage my imaginary money 😂😂
lol fr
😢😮
I don't think I could trust anyone with my money
Male here. If both partners don't have equal importance and knowledge in finances and housework, then there's a problem with the relationship. To both guys and girls, expect your partner to at least learn how to do this. It's a way healthier relationship.
Exactly this. When my father passed away, my mom had no idea about any of their finances, and there were lots of surprises. IMO it's fine if one partner wants to delegate the day to day management of the finances, but both partners should be aware of what's going on.
@@TenOfZero1Yup. This. I am a SAHM, and so my work experience is increasingly irrelevant if something happens to my husband and I have to step up. We have been planning life insurance and funds for me accordingly so I can go back to school for a minimum of certifying courses in the event of an emergency, medical or terminal.
This is something I see rarely talked about in tradwife content. It’s like… your husband may be perfectly loyal and loving and there be no financial abuse, but sudden deaths from car accidents, cancer coming up, or life altering complications (like paralysis or brain injury that affects the ability to be self sufficient) have happened to many a wife.
But you got no issue with all the women controlling their man’s money ?
Why make everything so gender specific when it isn’t
@@nobodythenobody9779 You should read comments before replying to them. And it is a gender specific issue in too many parts of the world.
@@Ashinle In too many parts of the world it is expected that men work and give their pay check to women
But ofc for someone reason that isn’t seen as an issue
Sexisem
My husband use to get so angry at how little money we had. I told him to do the bills for awhile and tell me how much money I could spend on groceries. He found out really quick that he was spending way more money than I. Now I also work and put a hefty amount into retirement. He has cut back his spending. Things are looking good.
A lot of guys act like grocery bills are part of the wife's own allowance, not a shared bill
That was a good thing to do, letting him sit down and figure it out helped him discover it, see his own faults, recognize your contributions, and probably made your combined finances more intentional.
My ex-boyfriend was like this. He left the finances mostly up to me, but if he saw that we didn't have as much in the bank as he thought we should, I caught all the shit for it. He was clueless as to how much he was pissing away on things he didn't need and would quickly lose interest in. Seriously- the apartment was full of supplies for his failed hobbies, and the kitchen cabinets were full of expensive supplements he never took.
And god forbid I spent money on anything _I_ wanted... I'd be treated to an interrogation on how much I really needed it, and a lecture about how we need to save as much money as possible.
I thought getting separate bank accounts would solve the issue, but it didn't. He still spent recklessly, and I still got interrogated and lectured.
@@AngryReptileKeeper😢😢😢😢
Dying inside after seeing those tiktoks saying their partners are “finance bros” 😭 I too am dating one of those men, and I’d be out the door if he even suggested managing my money. No matter how much I love or trust my partner, financial abuse is a common form of DV and being in control of my money is an incredibly important part of my emotional and physical security.
I find it so sexist women act like women don’t this stuff
When it’s more common amount women to be controlling over money, there are entire cultures about it
like?@@nobodythenobody9779
Well said. I got so much secondhand embarrassment seeing those tiktoks.
@@wPleasur3 wow you are so mature, why do women feel so threatened by men saying you do the same things you complain about
Mhm! I completely trust my boyfriend, and this has nothing to do with a fear of DV with me, but money is my thing. I get so anxious about it, and love financial literacy. So naturally, no one will ever be controlling my finances because it is so a big part of me
Having my (now ex) boyfriend manage my money literally destroyed our relationship. He kept saying he was just trying to help, but it was just another way for him to control me.
Got the urge to leave a comment before even watching the video. I'm from Kazakhstan and here, all of the finances are managed by the wife. We think that since the wife does all the housework, raises the children, and works full time, she should also manage the money because she knows what groceries to buy to make dinner out of, what clothes to buy for the kids, etc. The husband typically gives his salary over to the wife and then gets an allowance to spend on small things like taking a taxi to work instead of a bus (if the family doesn't have a car) or going out to a restaurant for an office party. So it's kind of wild to me that it's the opposite in the US. Here, we think that women are more practical with finances while men can impulse buy stuff or even gamble it away when he has kids at home needing to be fed.
It used to work this way in the West as well - I watched a video talking about masculinity and men were not considered consumers, because wives traditionally did all the purchasing
@@PinkCatsy I see, thanks for the insight! It's still like this over here. Speaking from my experience growing up in a middle class family where both my parents earned about the same. Maybe things are different in families where the husband is the main breadwinner.
It seems like the more equal opportunities that citizens of USSR had, had influenced the handling of finances in eastern european and other post USSR contries' families. At least thats what I see in Russia. It amazes me sometimes, how little freedom women in US had at the same time as when my grandma managed the whole team at a factory
It’s wild to me that you think the person that dosnt work should manage the money
It’s wild to me that you are gonna have a tun of women defending this double standard
It’s wild to me you base this stuff on gender
@@nobodythenobody9779 I said this in relation to a two-income household, so both the husband and the wife work. Also, what double standard? The wife literally does everything around the house AND has a full-time job, and you don't think she should manage the finances? And IN MY EXPERIENCE, I do think that men tend to be more impulsive with their purchases (like buying an Xbox or something like that) and are more likely to have a gambling addiction (that's similar to Cara's point about men being overly confident when investing compared to women and then losing a bunch of money long-term).
Gen X female here and I’ve seen some of my friends have rude awakenings when there was a divorce or a partner died. Discovering a mound of debt is bad. On the other hand, suddenly dealing with a lot of money has its own challenges, the estate/probate process means you have to get up to speed quickly.
As a Chinese, I grow up in a household where all finances goes to the mother/wife of the household on the basis that the wife/mother takes care of the kids and have a better understanding on what needs to be spend at home as well as making sure the husband/father didn’t spend the money recklessly such as gambling, buying random gifts for kids, or borrowing money to friends. However, when it comes to larger investments or payments, both sides sat down and talk. I also believe that by having all your finance taken care of by your partner, you are crippling your financial independence in the relationship and become dependent. Therefore, I found this topic be mind boggling.
I brought up the topic of money on the first date with my girlfriend haha
Turns out she thought it was very open and refreshing how honest I was about my finances which helped her open up as well.
Now we talk about money all the time. We even started investing. =)
woohoo that's amazing!
I like this.
My boyfriend and I talked openly about our finances and spending habits back when we were still just friends. So we started off on that foot, and it makes things so much less stressful. Huge difference from my last relationship.
When I was in the military, my boyfriend at the time used his GTC (government travel card, used ONLY for necessary expenses like lodging, gas and food) to buy airpods. I could not take him seriously after that.
oh nooo not the airpods
Well the military spends multiple trillions of dollars a year on unnecessary things so I actually respect his choice.
@@magnolia2 Doesn't seem so bad when you look at it that way
@@magnolia2 it's stealing from your taxes, nothing to respect here
In Japan the norm is the wife managing household income and the husband gets monthly allowance
yeah this is hugely culturally dependent and we have to go into these videos it's all from an American or English perspective. The management is the same for China traditionally as well, including other more traditional places like Italy.
I was taught much more about finances and wise spending/saving habits growing up than my husband was. So when we got married, I was the one who cared about keeping track of everything (and already had the habit of doing so), and it was a battle to convince him it was important.
Now he knows to keep receipts for me and has a general understanding of how our budget is set up, but I am the one who records and manages it all. It will probably be a few more years before he is as invested in it as I am, but we're trying.
Teaching financial literacy to children is soo important. We need to see more of it in schools. It's harder to teach those good habits to adults.
That's awesome that you were taught so much about finances growing up and that now your husband is getting to learn as well! Sounds like fantastic partnership :)
And yes, would love to see more financial education in schools - such a useful skillset to have
I feel like, and this is just from personal experience, that people who grew up where people spoke candidly about money are better at managing it than people who have never talked about it. My mom was very open about where we spend, how we save, and how we can build up enough to do really nice things. I had a lot of friends who never had those conversations with their parents, and when we went out, they spent their entire bank account, and I only bought the stuff I REALLY wanted.
Great point! I'm so glad my parents taught me about money.
Your point is huge. My parents didn't talk about this very much either, but when I was getting ready for marriage, the advice my dad gave me at that time really stuck. Parents aren't always proud of the decisions they've made, but hard-learned lessons from mistakes are just as valuable to pass down to your kids. The sooner they learn, the sooner they can benefit from your experience, good or bad.
I agree!! At least in my experience, my parents' openness with money helped ensure I'm thinking about my spending, saving, and investing. Talking about money with others can feel so weird sometimes, but I think it's largely beneficial.
@@toddtaylor7204and what is the advice he gave you?
On the flip side, I am careful with money because my mom never managed her money.
My dad? Never was in my life.
I was so worried that I decided to actually learn about money and while I can still.do better in terms of my investments, I am with my fiance who is also candid with money and careful too
A few years ago in my distant family the man died over night all of a sudden and her wife didnt even know what their pincode was and how to get money at the bank machine, that was so eye opening for me, that right now I even think you should have separate bank accounts. I mean you love each other dearly right now but what if it is changing and you dont have access to money at all because you partner was always handling it and now you hate each othee or he is dead or whatever...
"I even think you should have separate bank accounts."
I can't stress this enough. I did the shared bank account thing with my ex. Never again.
Male spouse here. I go through the process of inputting things for our budget. My wife hates that tedious part and I also have a banking background and am faster at 10 key. If I have a question on where a purchase should go, I discuss with her to make sure I’m not assuming. But in regards to how we should set up our budget, how much should be allocated where, what issues are we running into, that’s all done as a team. It’s very important that both parties are involved, and I want her involved because things are better when we’re doing it together anyway.
You sound like a dream spouse to have! 💖 More partners need to aspire to be like you and your spouse. 🙌
What an odd video considering it’s far more common for the wife to controlling all the money her man makes
But women only care about women as always
@@nobodythenobody9779what an odd comment considering it's not the 1950s anymore. Are you a time traveler? It's 2023 over here.
@@douae5857 you need to have your head buried in the sand to not notice it’s still going on, just because main stream media ignores sexisem against men didn’t mean it didn’t exsist
@@nobodythenobody9779 Yeah you don’t sound toxic at all…😂
Yes!! It is concerning how many aunts I have that are reaching an old age and still know nothing about investing! They rely completely on their husbands, when it is likely they will far outlive them. It's concerning to see women of my generation following that pattern
Funny thing is in my relationship I'm the one who's good with money, I would never let my partner manage my finances, but also, I wouldn't let anyone else have complete power over my money. I was raised seeing my mom suffer financial abuse and it opened my eyes at a pretty early stage of my life.
Male here. A good relationship is based on respect. Respect for yourself, and also for the partner. Each partner managing their own money is essential for both forms of respect.
My wife tasks me to do the implementations of managing money, but she gets the final say on whether my plan can proceed or not. She understands an overall picture, but she doesn't want to get too deep with technical details. So I generally do the ground work, and present her with summaries. She calls out if something doesn't make sense, or if she thinks I made an error. It works out pretty well so far.
Beautiful teamwork
You know this is interesting because in Italy it's the woman who "manages" the finances of the family. Not only phisically but they also pull the strings when an important purchase has to be made. They are wiser, and over all good investors. In a documentary that I watched about older times in Italy, the sons gave their whole paychecks to their mommas, obviously its not like this anymore, but i feel like we havent completely lost this way of thinking and seeing the female role model money wise
This is so interesting, thank you for sharing!
Do you believe women are wiser and better investors? Or is that a statement others hold and you are simply referencing it? Because, obviously, if you hold that viewpoint, it's sexist and condescending. Just like saying men are wiser...just sexist and cynical.
@@nette9836 I can't speak for OP, but at least when I've referenced women being "better" investors, I'm referencing specific studies - just like I say in my video though, I don't think there is any natural or inherent difference in men or women's ability to invest/handle finances. The studies that have been conducted on the topic reference female investors' typically lower risk profiles and increased patience rate as the contributors to better investment returns. But those elements can be internalized by anyone, regardless of gender.
@@nette9836 In some specific areas (like "people investing on the market") it might turn out that women are better investors because of lower general risk-taking tendencies (that doesn't even have to be biological, but it is a difference we currently notice), they might be less likely to invest in some fad stocks or crypto or whatever current pump and dump scheme is, and instead just use index funds. However that probably hinders them in other places so I would guess it kinda flattens out, with the difference in a specific country hindering on which gender tends to be more educated on the topic.
@@thefinancialfreedomgirl The good old nature vs nurture debate.
That point about women in hetero relationships outliving their partners by decades which is why they should be an active participant in the household finances is SUCH an important point. While both my parents were involved in and communicated regularly about the state of our family's finances, it was mainly my mom leading the charge. Due to her role, after my father died she was able to access all of his bank accounts and their joint accounts with ease and knew *exactly* where she stood financially. I cannot tell you how much easier it made the entire process of closing out his accounts, transferring benefits over to her, etc. His death was totally unexpected and we were all grieving heavily. Not having to worry about financial logistics during that time was such a godsend.
A small thing that’s not that important but I’ve thought of a lot regarding my parents: if you have separate bank accounts it’s easier to surprise your significant other with gifts. My parents have the same bank account and get texts when money is spent, so they have to do a lot more to surprise the other with Christmas gifts
my mom has always been the one to manage the finances when it comes to my parents. for the most part it’s worked out fine, but there are key moments where my mom will try to explain to my dad why they need to cut back, and he just won’t understand. it really is hard for it to click in his head when he never touches the money lol and before my mom, my grandmother was the one who would handle his finances 🤣
This was my grandparents. It got bad once my grandma got dementia. My grandpa had no idea how banks work
I read an australian finance book and one thing couples do is have monthly finance meetings. Just like the couple did in the tv show.
Except its a date night. Go out and bring both financial papers.
Ive been an accountant for over 20 years. When I first started, there were many women, particularly older women who left everything to their husbands. Now there has definitely been a shift. I deal with many couples and would say that number if women who take at least equal and up to full control is now closer to even. There are also many couples where neither partner has any clue what they are doing 😂
I could never turn a blind eye to what was happening to my money. Retirement goals are really important to me.
Growing up, my mom was adamant that all of her children learned how to make a budget, save, and make investing decisions, so for the longest time it didn't occur to me that this was an uncommon skill set that wasn't widely taught. She was particularly adamant about me learning financial literacy as a woman because she trying to teach me how to protect myself and avoid financial abuse, exactly like you talked about in your stay at home GF/tradwife video. It wasn't until my best friend told me that she actually called my mom to ask for help with what I thought were basic financial literacy skills that I realized how lucky I was to have her teach me that as young as I was.
Your mom sounds like an awesome teacher and role model in that regard :) how amazing!
I don’t understand unmarried people letting their partner manage their money. Seems like a recipe for disaster. Even if you are married, you should be engaged in your finances.
I personally have found that (while stressful) it can also be super fun to be in charge of the money! I like being able to see how the decisions I make impact my finances and it weirdly makes me feel more connected to my past self who has helped me (for better or worse) get to my current financial situation and think more about my future self and what she would want from my financial decisions today
i like the kayak metaphor for both partners being familiar w/ their finances.
Agree with having each partner having some financial education and having skin in the game. It can become a power imbalance that can lead to one partner having power over the other, even if subconsciously. It may sway one's decision making because of that power whether they want to admit it or not.
My grandparents always told me I was bad with money… never thought it might be a sexist thing. I knew nothing about money but have done tons of learning on the subject and now I manage our money as a stay at home mom. My husband is always in the loop but I am the one that researches and budgets.
It's just so silly to hear men say this stuff--because studies have shown in fact that men will spend money to treat themselves too, and when they do, they actually spend more.
On top of that, one way society has bound the idea of "women in the home, men handle the finances" is how as children, girls are rarely taught about finances and investing--boys are way more likely to get those conversations though. Additionally, if a man is handling your money, that's considered a financially abusive relationship and it's genuinely a form of domestic violence!
Glad you made this video to make people more aware of this stuff :) love the content!
Boys are only more likely to get conversations about finance if they ask about it or read about it. No man worth his salt has ever entered into marriage without the added stress of knowing his worth and value in the relationship entirely disappears if he does not provide consistently. There might be a dad or other mentor to give advice, but the subject usually comes up because he reaches out with questions as he should. Girls and women should also learn everything they can and learn to practice good money management. A woman who values money and truly delivers responsibly with it is GOLD.
I'm going to reverse one of your last statements though, to see if you meant it the way you said it. Consider this reversal: "Additionally, if a woman is handling your money, that's considered a financially abusive relationship and it's genuinely a form of domestic violence!" I think that statement could have been better qualified, don't you? Is a woman considered abusive or violent when she handles money that a man earned?
@@toddtaylor7204if a man is handling all your money, it could very well be. same for a woman, but please watch the video we're talking about rn thanks
Domestic violence? No it's not . Domestic violence means physical beating .
What do you mean the man handling "your" finances ? It's not your if you are married . Infact you need his permission before spending it . The woman's money is actually of the man . The man's money is half his cut for fun and half for family survival.
That's how it is
@@toddtaylor7204that's a manipulation tactic modern women use . Men don't really care now a days call it abusive all you want we will always look out for ourselves
You might want to read up on the matter. I’ve worked in this field and there are multiple kinds of abuse besides physical abuse. They didn’t phrase things precisely, but someone controlling your finances is financial abuse. People who have shared finances can come to a range of ways of working together on them, and things like illness or disability can sadly limit someone’s capacity to be involved, but one person being in total control isn’t okay. Neither is your idea that all the woman’s money belongs to the man but the man gets to keep half his money to himself without any consideration for the family that he chose to have. That’s selfish. If two people decide to have a family they both share equal responsibility for that family, the man is no less responsible.
Both of my exes made less money than me, and both of them were worse at managing money than me. They were both somewhat reckless spenders and often wouldn’t put money towards things they needed (e.g., one ex lost his glasses, and more than a year later, he still hadn’t bought new ones because he “didn’t want to pay for them.” Meanwhile, he’d gone on 2 international vacations in that time period). They also both had issues/insecurities regarding the fact that I made more than them. I’d never have let either of them handle my finances for me!!
When I see men in the gun culture spend 4,000 dollars on a rifle it does scream financially literate. I watched her consumerism video and there are a lot of parallels in gun marketing.
Do you mean illiterate?
Guns hold value though
I think a point to mention is that a boyfriend is not a husband. I would never surrender financial independence to someone who is not even fully committed to me and who can very easily up and leave with no repercussions
Don't let a husband do it either
If you want to see both genders with screwed up finances, just watch some videos by Caleb Hammer. He does financial help stuff with people who are deep in debt either through stupidity or been through some tragic events. Yeah, financial illiteracy is a universal problem, not a gender problem
I agree. However supposingly enough, even some people watching him don't see it. Whenever he has a single woman there, there are misogynistic comments relating her financial struggles to the fact that it's a woman - "she won't change, because she can always start onlyfans", "her bf will bail her out", "there would be always someone supporting her (in context, because she's a woman), so why change", "she just need to find a rich guy". Of course since I'm not the one writing them, and situations are different etc., my examples are a very weak representation (visible lack of creativity), but I hope they help illustrate my point. Under videos about guys, all comments are about the specific guy and his specific flaws or situation, but women get those generic "all women X so she X" comments (usually playing into "all women can get rich on onlyfans", "all women want is get a rich guy and be supported or even spoiled financially", "all women can at any point get a guy to sponsor them", all three takes ridiculous). There is often just a few of them and usually hidden in comments-to-comments, but it's noticeable (and there are sometimes random other misogynistic comments like one under the Caleb-Twitch expert girl-Zuko video, where someone claimed that "you know that she would still choose that stupid and broke guy over smart and nice Caleb just because he's handsome", playing into the "nice guys finish last" mentality, which is double funny considering his fellow misogynists would say "you know she'd choose rich Caleb over this broke guy because women are materialistic like that").
It's probably because some redpill/alpha/sigma male spheres include "financial" or investment "advice", so yt suggest it more to the rightwing/inceldom users. In comparison, I don't see those types of comments under weight loss related videos or psychological videos, though there is no other yt channel with similar formula so of course it's not a true one-to-one comparison.
I used to watch him but he is too shaming and condescending for me.
@@pisceanbeauty2503 That's fair. If you like the style of his videos (i.e., conducting a financial audit), but want someone who doesn't shame their guests, I came across Romain Faure's channel the other day. He's basically Caleb lite. More chill and empathetic toward people's financial problems.
It depends case-by-case. It is absolutely fine when a woman delegates finances to her husband or vice versa. But it is just not okay at all when someone takes control of the family’s money without the other party’s full consent
I grew up with the mindset that my money is my money and no one else gets to touch it. I'll listen to advice, talk with friends and the occasional advisor, but I always get the final say in what happens to it. Thankfully my partner and I share the same mindset. We are also very transparent with each other about our spending habits and financial situation.
Me, a cis married man: “You got it Cara”
Whats cis?
@@zena8846cisgender
@@zena8846it means you’re not trans. You Identify with the gender you were born with. But it‘s kinda used for a „basic male“ also
@@applejuice2843 So if ''cis male" nd ''male" has the same meaning, why is a cis added to it??
@@zena8846its nonsense
i never realised how much my experience as a child changed my view until this video! i had no idea it was 'normal' for the man to handle money! my mother and other women in families around me have always handled money. women run the home so they run the money that keeps the home running in our view.
Cara I loveee your videos! There aren't many channels like yours, which consist the intersection between topics! Keep it up :)
Thank you so much!
These videos provide a very important service.
00:10 Your edit is genuinely hilarious LOOOL
Thanks for such an insightful video! I do believe that educating finances at a younger age is so important later down the line. There shouldn't be a difference between men doing finances and women doing finances, it's more about complementing each other and figuring it out together :) Definitely will be teaching my students a bit about financial literacy as a math teacher haha
Really enjoy watching your content, looking forward to more 😆
thank you so much! I was having fun making the wonky edits 😂
I love your content so much!
thank you so much!
So interesting.. i feel the opposite in my relationship. I'm more Type A, hence I'm the saver and budgeter.. and my husband is more chilled out about money. Now I'm asking him to take over a bit so he can get a more real look into what our monthly income/spending looks like. This way he won't feel like I'm "in charge" and that he has to check with me before purchasing something- he'll already know what the budget looks like. I can't handle the stress that comes with doing it alone.
Male here. I grew up in a family where mom usually managed the budget for household expenses, while anything like the house, car and other big purchases/ expenses were handled by him. This dynamic worked for them and still does to this day. That said, there have been times where they've needed to check each other because they both made big unnecessary purchases at times😅.
My point is, people are bound to make financial mistakes no matter their sex. There are some women out there that should not touch money but the same can definitely be said about men as well. .
That's why it is important to cultivate financial literacy and discipline so that you don't make impulse buys.
Enjoyed the video, food for thought. My grandad dealt with all the money in his marriage so we definitely need to move away from that mindset for the reasons you mentioned.
As a man I’m trying to find the right way to discuss typically ‘male’ topics like money without being patronising or mansplaining. My wife is keen to learn about finances and I want her to know I can handle stuff but I’m absolutely no expert so let’s learn together.
Ps some of these misogynistic comments are gross
Why not find more TH-cam videos of women discussing finance?
Even stay-at-home moms managing the finances is a very normal concept to me. If you're married and do your finances jointly it doesn't matter who manages the finances, though personally, I'd like it'd be a team effort unless my partner doesn't want to. And even if I'd be the "money person" my partner would know what's going on.
Outside of marriage, my partner isn't touching my finances lol.
My grandma stayed at home and my grandpa worked. He worked so hard to provide for the family and my grandma controlled the money and that was how he liked it. He didn't want to hurt super hard just to try and figure out bills.
My step father passed recently and he handled literally all of the finances for my mom. She’s missed near every payment and had her water shut off for a bit. I think it’s a very dangerous mindset to be so hands off.
In my parent's case it's the other way around. My mom knows and does all the money things, my dad doesn't know anything about it. I myself am single so I have to manage my own money but I also would never let another person tell me what to do with my own money. I worked for it myself, I decide what to do with it.
Since I never had a partner/was never someone's girlfriend, cannot really tell from my own experience about finances management in relationship, but - my childhood and growing up period taught me that open and proper COMMUNICATION is the absolute key between partners. I've had none of it between my parents and none of my parents was keen on saving money/starting to do it and to set an example. On the other hand, I am from rather poor family, so there wasn't much to save. Still, there was no sentiment to teach us the importance of budgeting etc.
I left family home at 19, finished uni and stayed in the city, hell bent on finding a job and TO SAVE. Basically I'm doing the exact opposite of what I saw while being in family home - and self-budgeting now is the focal point of managing my finances.
My ex partner has a disability and I was left to deal with financial issues. I realised Is was starting to be financially abusive because of how I was seeing my dad treat mum. I got out of this relationship Oct 11th. I hated the person I was being.
I’m having counselling sessions, to prevent this from happening again.
Good luck! I’m glad you realised things were going in a bad direction and that you’re taking steps to address it
@@EmL-kg5gn she found a place and will move out soon. Community work is my life, we all slip up. However I’m proud of how I handles it.
Neither half should let money out of the piggy bank unless its according to the agreed program.
I’m terrible at self control. So my boyfriend has been helping me with that. But never shaming me when I do spend. It’s so much easier when there’s no shame, but lots of future to look forward to ◡̈
I'm a guy and I used to have a big spending addiction. Even recently I have strayed off the path in regards to spending, and i'll be making sure that I can get it back on track for the new year.
You need to go on a cash diet lol
I think this is a cultural thing too. Where I live women manage the household finances more often than their male spouses. I also study japanese history and it's mostly wifes who managed the household and therefore the money
Lol my mom is chasing my dad about doing their taxes right now (obviously overdue even after an extension), when she is the sole earner! She doesn’t even know how to do her own taxes. Sheesh.
I love your vids. I never grew up with a good financial influence and I’m really paying for it as an adult, your vids have helped me a ton!!
Also, I hope this doesn’t come across as weird but you and Aubrey Plaza look so alike!
thank you on both fronts!! so glad my videos have been helpful for you and hahaha love me some Aubrey plaza so thanks 🤩
Great video ❤
Thank you!!
Woman goes on a shopping spree at Sephora and spends $200 = bad with finances
Man, who already owns a perfectly fine car, buys 50k new car model that he can’t afford = great investment
Just because it’s traditionally a “womanly” object, it doesn’t mean that it’s a worse purchase than a traditionally “male thing”. I think that that’s also where the myth of women being bad at finances comes from. Even thought they are both splurges, “womanly” things are considered unessential and a waste of money, while “manly” things are not considered the same.
No one on earth should manage my money, not even my parents or daughter whom I love the most
I’m a male in my 40s and I still struggle to understand how money works. This is one reason I try to work with my partner as much as possible on money matters. If we both have different pieces to the same puzzle there’s a much better chance we’ll get to see the full picture at some point. I need help with things sometimes that my partner is really good at and that’s okay.
I'm going to sound like a grandpa here, but if the two parties aren't married, then each should be managing their own finances. Now, when they get married, if one partner is stronger in finance and takes the lead of the joint household funds, sure. Lean into your strengths. But both parties at that point still should be involved in the money and know exactly where all the money is and where it's going.
Something I learned as I studied finance was that a lot of the dudes we assume know a lot are actually just extremely overconfident.
I would love to see a video of the finance of being single, and how that has become almost an unaffordable luxury
Agreed! I can't speak for any other countries, but America is truly not set up for single people to survive, much less thrive financially.
I believe, outside the notion of gender, anyone can learn how to manage finances and investing. Personally, I am very passionate about finance and investing (safely) and my gf is not knowledgeable/passionate about it, which is completely fine. While I do not manage her finances, I do plan on managing our investments if we get married since she doesn't understand roth, 401k, HSA, and index funds (and other savvier investments like fixed income, etc), which will really help us as we both head towards retirement. Saving money is one thing, investing is another. She knows how to budget, but doesn't really understand what to do with the money whereas I study a lot about it and invest safely. Obviously, before I manage her investments, I'll have to teach her what X, Y, Z is, as well as risk, and if she's comfortable with it.
NOTI GANG FOR MINIMALISM AND INTENTIONAL LIVING LET'S GOO
Stop letting “anyone in general” manage your money,
This stereotype of male vs. female money management is so weird and foreign to me.
In my country in 2023 98% of citizens own bank accounts, and it is equal for both genders. Safe to assume that only the elderly (like living during WWII elderly) do not have bank accounts. There is negative pay gap in 6 out of 16 regions of country. Women have better results in investing. It is also quite a norm to have separate finances for couples.
1:21 I literally bailed my boyfriend out of creidt card debt from my spare savings (it's complicated, and I've told him it'll never happena again), I hate this notion of women not being good with money. In my anecdotal experience, it's always the boys who suck with money.
When I had to moved states to live with my boyfriend cause it was a long distance relationship. I actually had to learn on my own what’s worth the price and what’s not. How much money do I need to spend vs what I want. I learned I could live off a 100 a week if it was only needs and a little of wants. It was super hard at first but it was worth it cause I had over a thousand saved up to move states and didn’t have to worry for about a month about what all I needed until I got a job. No matter what my boyfriend says, he isn’t good with money just as I’m not. I’ve watched what he spends his money on. I budget my own and he budget his own.
I was always happy to give solicited advice to girlfriends on money, but the couple of times they asked me to invest FOR them, I declined and referred them to someone I trusted. I'm your boyfriend, not your broker.
actually quite shocked because, as a French gal, i have been taught that guys may earn money, but that women, as they deal with generally with all the house stuff, they deal with the budget too🙃, as they are the ones to know the price of life. Just watched a french journalistic article about inflation saying that generally women will know the price of everything needed by the family and how it evolves, and men would know inflation only by the price of gazoline.😂 it is a civilization difference i did not suspect until now. thank you😅
yes, women are typically more involved in the household budget! Maybe I didn’t make it clear enough in the video, but I mentioned that that’s the case for women’s typical financial involvement, but women tend to be less involved in long-term financial pieces, such as investing in retirement and that’s where I’d like to see more women get involved
@@thefinancialfreedomgirl thank you for the clarification. Other difference here, our retirement plans are from the government, automatically taken from your salary, same thing with most of the taxes too. So generally responsible men will only "play" with the extra money left when everything else is payed. French people rarely take risk with their extra money though, investing into real estate, gold or keeping it into a good old bank account for difficult days. 1 reason France as a country can still borrow to the international bank, is that all french people savings all together are still higher that the country's debt.👍
I work in financial planning and actively enjoy "the money stuff" and while I (a cis woman) am happy to be the team leader in our financial situation I still consistently push back when my partner (NB) wants me to just "handle all the money". Not because I can't, but because I love them and want to make sure that should anything happen (breakup, death, incapacity, etc) they will still be ok without me there to make all the decisions.
Wasn't sure about the thesis when it got into talking about sexist stereotypes, but big agree with the conclusion. The biggest issue cited in divorces is finances. For pre-marital relationships, your finances should be entirely separate because you shouldn't even be living together. When you're married, every aspect of finances should be shared. No even moderately expensive purchase should be made before your spouse is consulted. Being able to trust your spouse is great until you realize you're $40,000 in debt because someone bought something they couldn't afford or made a stupid gamble.
You should definitely live together before getting married. It's an important test of compatibility
@xant8344 Cohabitation correlates to much higher rates of divorce (as does number of premarital sexual partners). And, if the relationship fails before you get married, you need to navigate a breakup while still having to put up with each other until someone moves out. If you got the apartment together, you need to figure out which person *is* moving out. If the breakup's messy, you could have a bunch of your stuff go missing or broken, and proving it was yours in a suit will be tough because you lived in the same place.
Cohabitation is a terrible idea. You don't need to live with someone to know of you're compatible, you figure that out through shared values, interests and personality traits (people should be comparable in orderliness so one person isn't always cleaning up the other's mess).
This is so interesting, the stereotypes are the other way around in my country: men are careless and reckless in terms of spending while women are calculated and meticulous in budgeting haha
In my personal experience, it's interesting to note that most often it's the younger women in het relationships who're all "but you're supposed to be a team / it proves that you love him / if you don't leave him do it it means you don't trust him". But this BS is tiring; it's time to grow up, and it's much better to take responsibility when you're 20 than when you're 50. Especially after we see things like our mothers becoming suddenly widowed with 0 clue about how to manage even something as simple as budgeting for their grocery shopping.
Being romantically involved doesn't mean that we have to give up all personal liability to our partner. It's not a compromise like "you do the dishwashing, I iron the clothes". It's much more important and deeper than that. Being a team doesn't equal one being subservient to the other. (And let's be honest: ANY partner who invokes the tired excuse of "but if you really looooooved meeeee, you would let me handle it" is a walking red flag and something anyone should being wary of because, hello, manipulation technique ahoy.)
Interesting - I didn't this was an actual thing as nearly all of my male acquaintances and family members have their assets/finances managed by their wives. I just can't even imagine my wife controlling the family finances much less mine. I have a coworker from another country tell me that it is common for mothers and then wives to manage the family finances in many Asian countries. This always felt so bizarre to me. I am glad I stumbled across this video.
Sadly in my household this is very much the case. I’ve always been a numbers guy and had a budget system in place long before our relationship, but I don’t want to be the only active partner. How do I get my wife to engage without getting into an argument about it? I’ve done a lot research on the topic including this channel, but I don’t want to come across as a know it all. All this being said she has become better in the last half year so maybe we are going in the right direction.
I'm the same with my husband. We still have a ways to go as well, but I think one important step I took was to make sure he knew why I was doing it (wanting financial stability/freedom, being prepared for emergency expenses, etc.). And it also really helped our conversations when I would ask how he felt about the spending limits I had set for certain categories. It did mean that spending went up in some areas and down in others, but it also eased the tension by getting rid of the "I can't have fun because my wife said it's a waste of money" feeling.
In life it's often the little things that make us happy, but major financial goals can become the enemy to those small comforts and joys. Saw a lady on an episode of the Dave Ramsey show, who said her husband won her over with the budget when he promised that their budget would still allow her to pick up the soda and bag of chips that she liked everyday. Sounds like the husband was some kind of genius. People dread budgets in part because they don't perceive any room for happiness in it. Usually one half of the couple will want to maximize debt payoff or savings, while the other half will want to maximize the comforts and joys they can get along the way.
The money I earn I handle. I extremely cautious with money. It is not that I don’t spend money, it is that I will think a lot of it before I spend it. Do I really need it?
If my partner wants to invest in something I’m up for talking about and I decide on my own if I want to spend some of My saving in it as well not. I life after the motto: Don’t calculate with money you don’t have, don’t spend money you can’t afford to lose. It helps me a lot with my finances.
I would also add that the stereotype of women spending money frivolously also has to do with the devaluing of anything that women find value in, especially if it is something marketed towards women. Men don’t get the same criticism for spending thousands of dollars on unnecessary technology, video games, stocks, etc. because those things are believed to be of “more value” than anything women find of value. There’s a lot more to it and a lot of your points addressed this inherent and ingrained sexism within discussions of finances. (Also side note: woke up at 2 am to my phone playing true crime and it freaked me out so much, I turned on one of your videos. I feel much better. Lol)
I have the opposite situation - trying to involve my husband in building budget and create investing strategy. He is completely okay with a situation, where i manage all our money by myself. That's bad for two reasons. 1. Because two heads with two parallel researches are always better than one.2. And that's also bad, because of a pressure of responsibility for family wealth on one person:(
Interestingly in Japan women control the family finances. Traditionally men will go out to work, come home and give all the money to their wife's who then give them an allowance to buy things with. Furthermore you have "mrs watanabe" the stereotypical Japanese housewife speculator, who's investments were strong enough to affect international markets.
You're missing the "my partner and I fight over money" point. I am a SAHM of 3. I did all the finances in my previous relationship bc my ex husband didn't want to be involved. I had a whole life of managing money but my second partner refused to take any of my advice bc he had a business degree... but he never ran a household. We fought, constantly. So I gave up and said well either he will be right and we will be fine or we will go bankrupt, bc I was tired of fighting. We now have 100k credit card debt. I was right. But yanno, I don't have a business degree so obviously I didn't know how to run a households finances. Now he feels bad he didn't involve me.
Could you do a video about male partners refusing to work and women and parents doing all?
People always say it doesn’t matter if you trust the other person but that’s not true. If you both have so much trust in each other, then why don’t you both want each other’s input in a significant aspect of how you organise your life together?? It’s saying one thing and doing another.
I don’t care about wealth, if I have enough to live on and have a small treat now and then I’m perfectly content and in principle I wouldn’t care if money as a concept disappeared tomorrow. But I, and most others, live in societies that require us to use and understand money. And we all live in a world where certain financial systems have been imposed on every country, regardless of their own cultures around wealth or money. Money is tangled up in so many things that are inherently parts of our lives. Food, clothing, housing, health, childcare, work, education, politics, holidays, presents, charity, religion, transport, international relations, public services, in many places it’s legally part of people’s responsibilities to others in the nuclear family. If you care about any of those things you need to understand money.
My husband leaves it all to me: he won't talk about finances. Years ago I was in a relationship with a female: she had complete control of finances etc.
I’m a dude who doesn’t have a boyfriend. But I’ll do my best. Thanks Cara.
Great content as always!
In my experience it's not that women aren't good with money, rather they don't take an interest in managing money. My wife is plenty capable but she's simply not interested. One of the perks of being in a relationship i suppose.
Most women in my family is objectively better with money than their men. Of the ones who aren't, their men are either no better with it, or they're worse.
I, myself, would never let my boyfriend manage my money. Not because I don't trust him or because he's bad with money, but because I'm not about to take the risk of letting another individual have that kind of power over me.
Between my husband and I I am the one who is charge of finances because I found it more interesting. Don't get me wrong he does keep track of it a bit, but not the same way I do.
I must have come from non traditional gender roles. My grandma's managed their money and my mother was the financial guru in the family. The men were not clueless but the ladies definitely had huge roles to play, both in the day to day and in long term investing. I was the primary breadwinner for many years after marriage so I handled everything. Now that our kids need more attention, I'm letting my husband do more. But I stay in the loop. I think that even if you're not hands on, you still need to know what's going on.
Wow i love your videos and was just now searching for videos on financial abuse, so to find out that you just made a video about it is serendipitous!
Here's a depressing thing: not caring about understanding, knowing and dealing with financial stuff, having financially literacy generally, is that besides opening yourself up for financial abuse from your partner as well as from other people, if your partner dies before you, your grieving process will be sooo much harder to handle, as you will have to learn and deal with so much new stuff all of the sudden, precisely when you're at your lowest.
That's why, imo, even tho it's OK if people in a relationship have each certain tasks they only deal with, it's a good idea that the other still understands what it entails and how to do it, just in case at one point or another the other can't help.
ETA: Lol, nevermind, you addressed this exact point later in the video 😅
After my parents got married, my mom took over the finances (she was an accountant), my dad was terrible at paying things on time. My dad admits that mom raised the kids and kept the house in order.
I would like to know how much money you have in your index fund, is it more or less than 10 million dollars?
The topic is strange for me. In my country women often manage the family money. Maybe not in the relationship but in the marriage