I think the fear of death, and the lack of conversations around it is one of the big things that holds us as a collective back from evolving spiritually. I'm really glad there's someone like Heather working towards breaking down those barriers.
I think the best way to get to really know someone is by having a conversation about death... it really highlights all their philosophies and just how they perceive life in general.
It’s wild to hear that 1 in 4 college students experiences a death related loss every year. We never really talk about grief on campuses, and this is something that definitely needs more attention
What she said about children asking all kinds of questions about death just as they would any other topic really struck me, because she's 100% correct. Children aren't born with any biases and certainly no taboos. It's only because of the way they're educated that they might be negatively influenced towards thinking and feeling certain ways about death, or anything else really. If only we could just give children the facts, unemotionally, teach them how to think critically and then let them form their own opinions.
I have always thought the more uncomfortable we are talking about something - the more we need to talk about it. Discomfort is a chance to understand and grow and make peace with.
This talk is wonderful. Generally, acceptance of death is usually talked about in a spiritual context. Whether in context of acceptance of death or ‘avoiding it’ with afterlife or reincarnation, it is all around spirituality and openness to a greater energy. I believe we need to talk about actual death, that it impacts us in real, everyday life. When it is so existential it gives shadows and pockets in the mind where death anxiety can hide and be avoided. Grief would be very different if we lived in a world where acceptance was the norm.
I've always been fascinated with cultures that celebrate death for this exact reason - to be able to celebrate and talk openly would bring so much connection to our communities
I'm actually a little surprised to hear that talking about death is such an issue for some people! I didn't realise I was the exception in terms of how my parents navigated me through learning about death
I'll never forget seeing my first dead bird, I was quite a bit older, like 11 - and walking home from school with just a friend... We both cried, then laughed and came up with a little song for the bird as we walked the rest of the way home.
I am getting to know Dr. Sevaty-Seib through her journal articles. I needed to have a voice when reading those articles, so I looked up for a video about her. Now, I have a voice when reading those journals. Thank you for this presentation, Dr. Servaty-Seib.
I think she has a very sweet voice and it's nice when you're familiar with an authors voice, so you can hear what they've written as if they are saying it directly to you!
Couldn't agree more with Heather, it's time we start moving away from the 'so sad grieve grieve' narrative and talk about how we can still carry people in our hearts and have conversations with them in our minds.
The child antidote is so true, my little nephew does this all the time and brings my sister dead animals home all the time and wants to ask questions. Very good talk!
Using fear to motivate has never been something I'm fond of, but to have a better understanding of how finite everything is would be so beneficial for all of us. We need to appreciate what we do have instead of blinded by conditioning.
I think I have a healthy attitude towards death and talking about it, but my first experience of it was with stray kittens that lived in our backyard, and my parents were pretty capable of talking about it. This talk makes me think there's a connection there.
Excellent! Great insights and I can tell it is just the tip of your iceberg. Have you read the Toltec goal of every interaction or action being your very last on Earth so you are "truly in the moment?" Extremely well done presentation.
Such a complex topic... there's so much we don't understand about death, and I think that stems from our misunderstandings about consciousness in general.
I remember the first time I tried to have a conversation about death with a friend of mine and he just... couldn't. This is an incredibly intelligent person, both practically and emotionally and he just refused to have the conversation because of how terrified by death he is. It was so weird.
I've always found that any conversation that causes discomfort, if you keep at it, it's a lot easier and a lot more fulfilling. Thank you Heather for this one
I'm seeing more and more people wanting to have this discussion and I'm all for it but I dare say for those of us from a culture where such things have always been seen as scary or finite - we are starting to look to it with open arms, perhaps this says something about how we collectively feel about the state of the world.
This is such an interesting topic! Just the whole process of how our perceptions of death are shaped is really fascinating and not something I've thought about before.
I think it's interesting that we ascribe different levels of sadness to different kinds of death - we're more sad when a friend dies suddenly than when they die from an illness that was expected, but it's all just death
Thank you Donald. There is such uniqueness to each loss experience. I so agree that it is not about ascribing levels--there are key qualitative differences.
We have been conditioned to believe that we can control just about everything and the fact we can't control things like this, I think it makes it a difficult conversation for some - we don't like the unknown.
I would prefer just to carry on and not think about such things. I should, I know I should... I haven't even written a will which I know is very short-sighted of me. I can't imagine what my children will have to deal with.
I remember as a child that I would actively avoid thinking about this subject because of the spiral of fear that would consume me if I did - I wonder had there been a way to have a healthy conversation about the end of life, I might have been able to put that brain power to better use instead of living in such fear.
I believe death scares the adults, but children really want to understand why and how come it happens, we should allow this to be a good conversation, so they don't fear it of be scared of it. as adults we become extremely anxious when it brought up. death it random but going to happen no matter what please explain and encourage grief, even though we have no control over it can be easing your mind if you're except and understand death.
I think people get so caught up in death being this terrible, sad thing because it's perceived as FINAL when really what we should be striving to teach and learn about is how our energy is eternal! That's science backed as well, energy can't be destroyed. So where does ours go???
I really don't agree with the part about losing all things because of death. We definitely don't lose everything they mean to us or the roles they play in our lives. Our relationship actually stays exactly the same as what it was at the moment they died.
I can't help but wonder when and how these taboos started? I mean from a historical standpoint a lot of ancient cultures understood that death was a natural part of life, and I doubt they had the same kind of difficulties around talking about either of those things
I don't think people really understand death and so they don't want to talk about it because there's this subconscious attachment of grief before a thing even happens. We need to realise it's not sad for the person who dies, and maybe a lot of the grieving process is based around unwarranted guilt.
Death is something that’s always felt so taboo to talk about, but it makes sense that we need a healthy amount of death anxiety. It’s kind of like a wake-up call to really think about what matters
mmmm- I was very afraid of death as a child. I often asked my parents when they were going to die. Or is she talking about really little children, like 3?
Thank you Julian. I was referring to quite young children--such as three. Around five children truly do start to ask about who will care for them if their parents were to die. So critical for those conversations to be taken seriously and respected. Children (as you were!) are so insightful and know they they are not able to care for themselves.
I think the fear of death, and the lack of conversations around it is one of the big things that holds us as a collective back from evolving spiritually. I'm really glad there's someone like Heather working towards breaking down those barriers.
yep I agree
Great comment. I agree.
I think the best way to get to really know someone is by having a conversation about death... it really highlights all their philosophies and just how they perceive life in general.
I never thought about how kids aren't really afraid of death. It's like they just see it as another part of life, which is pretty refreshing in a way!
It’s wild to hear that 1 in 4 college students experiences a death related loss every year. We never really talk about grief on campuses, and this is something that definitely needs more attention
Loved the Keanu Reeves quote! It really resonated with me because it’s true - grief changes, but it doesn’t go away.
I'm so glad someone is putting all this stuff out there, it doesn't make sense for death to be so feared when it's the most natural thing after death.
This seems like such a clever way of shifting the perception around death
What she said about children asking all kinds of questions about death just as they would any other topic really struck me, because she's 100% correct. Children aren't born with any biases and certainly no taboos. It's only because of the way they're educated that they might be negatively influenced towards thinking and feeling certain ways about death, or anything else really. If only we could just give children the facts, unemotionally, teach them how to think critically and then let them form their own opinions.
I could not agree more. Thank you Talis.
I have always thought the more uncomfortable we are talking about something - the more we need to talk about it. Discomfort is a chance to understand and grow and make peace with.
This talk is wonderful. Generally, acceptance of death is usually talked about in a spiritual context. Whether in context of acceptance of death or ‘avoiding it’ with afterlife or reincarnation, it is all around spirituality and openness to a greater energy. I believe we need to talk about actual death, that it impacts us in real, everyday life. When it is so existential it gives shadows and pockets in the mind where death anxiety can hide and be avoided. Grief would be very different if we lived in a world where acceptance was the norm.
Thank you Brand. Well put.
There are benefits to talking about ANYTHING but this one is super important. Communication is always key.
Oh Heather, how much you have grown in the last twenty five plus years. I always knew you were special and now I know I was right. You go girl.
9:33: “Grief is a reflection of love and attachment”. This is one of the most beautiful explanations of grief I have ever heard.
Death is the ultimate out of control situation- yes! In our world where we are so in control of so many elements of our life, death is unavoidable.
I've always been fascinated with cultures that celebrate death for this exact reason - to be able to celebrate and talk openly would bring so much connection to our communities
There's no right or wrong in these instances, just feeling it out and doing what we can to support those that are grieving.
This has really sent me down a path of analyzing my 'regular' conversations and just how seldom they are anything of substance
I'm actually a little surprised to hear that talking about death is such an issue for some people! I didn't realise I was the exception in terms of how my parents navigated me through learning about death
Well, it is still hgard for me to discuss it
I'll never forget seeing my first dead bird, I was quite a bit older, like 11 - and walking home from school with just a friend... We both cried, then laughed and came up with a little song for the bird as we walked the rest of the way home.
I am getting to know Dr. Sevaty-Seib through her journal articles. I needed to have a voice when reading those articles, so I looked up for a video about her. Now, I have a voice when reading those journals. Thank you for this presentation, Dr. Servaty-Seib.
All the best to you in your work Gabriela!
I think she has a very sweet voice and it's nice when you're familiar with an authors voice, so you can hear what they've written as if they are saying it directly to you!
Couldn't agree more with Heather, it's time we start moving away from the 'so sad grieve grieve' narrative and talk about how we can still carry people in our hearts and have conversations with them in our minds.
The child antidote is so true, my little nephew does this all the time and brings my sister dead animals home all the time and wants to ask questions. Very good talk!
Thank you Sue. It is pretty amazing how open children are to talking about death and to asking important questions.
I get what she's saying, we don't just avoid the topic we completely shut it down and that does mess with how we grieve.
Plenty of benefits as laid out by Heather - it's one of the few things we can count on in life, might as well be able to discuss it freely.
'there is no recovery or closure in grief' - absolutely.
Exactly. How could their be recovery of an experience that is natural--grief is truly not a sickness.
Using fear to motivate has never been something I'm fond of, but to have a better understanding of how finite everything is would be so beneficial for all of us. We need to appreciate what we do have instead of blinded by conditioning.
I think I have a healthy attitude towards death and talking about it, but my first experience of it was with stray kittens that lived in our backyard, and my parents were pretty capable of talking about it. This talk makes me think there's a connection there.
Some of us believe death takes us back to where we came from and are looking forward to that.
I'm looking forward to going back to where all the other good boys are 😅
Thank you George. It is critical to remain open to--and honoring of--all beliefs related to death.
Thank you Heather for opening up this dialogue, not an easy subject to broach.
Excellent! Great insights and I can tell it is just the tip of your iceberg. Have you read the Toltec goal of every interaction or action being your very last on Earth so you are "truly in the moment?" Extremely well done presentation.
yes in the moment.
I'm also passionate about breaking down those taboos! I see death as the next adventure and I wish more people would too!
I love the realness here. I have always wanted to be able to discuss things such openly, helps ease my mind so very much
Truly so glad that you found the talk helpful.
Truly appreciate that you found the talk helpful.
It's so important to initiate conversations around death, and this talk gives some really amazing points/perspective as to why
Acceptance of the one thing we can count on to happen in our lives.
There's so much positive change that would come out of embracing these ideas! I hope a lot of people get around to watching this.
it can be scary to deal with this topic head-on. this is a really insightful talk.
So true Kathy. Moving through--rather than denying--the scariness is important for so many reasons.
Such a complex topic... there's so much we don't understand about death, and I think that stems from our misunderstandings about consciousness in general.
Great point.
This is a really great talk given from someone with a very healthy perspective.
I remember the first time I tried to have a conversation about death with a friend of mine and he just... couldn't. This is an incredibly intelligent person, both practically and emotionally and he just refused to have the conversation because of how terrified by death he is. It was so weird.
My cat got hit by a car, on my birthday. I was 6. It definitely made for an unhappy conversation but one I'm grateful for in the long run,
I've always found that any conversation that causes discomfort, if you keep at it, it's a lot easier and a lot more fulfilling. Thank you Heather for this one
Completely agree--moving toward discomfort is often at the core of learning.
I still can't totally get my head around the concept of death
A much needed discussion!
Always been a firm believer things that make us uncomfortable should be faced head on, it's the only way to grow.
So well said.
Needed this, thank you Heather!
Yes! I am all for this. If we can change the perspective here, I feel it would open up a world of possibilities in how we see other things.
The more we are able to face things that we find confronting, the more acceptance that follows suit.
I'm seeing more and more people wanting to have this discussion and I'm all for it but I dare say for those of us from a culture where such things have always been seen as scary or finite - we are starting to look to it with open arms, perhaps this says something about how we collectively feel about the state of the world.
This is such an interesting talk! Definitely sharing.
This is such an interesting topic! Just the whole process of how our perceptions of death are shaped is really fascinating and not something I've thought about before.
I think it's interesting that we ascribe different levels of sadness to different kinds of death - we're more sad when a friend dies suddenly than when they die from an illness that was expected, but it's all just death
Thank you Donald. There is such uniqueness to each loss experience. I so agree that it is not about ascribing levels--there are key qualitative differences.
Wow. WOW. Yep. This struck something within me. Sharing!
I am all for facing that which terrifies us!
Thank you for bringing awareness to this subject Heather!
I'd never heard of thanatology before, what an interesting field of study!
We have been conditioned to believe that we can control just about everything and the fact we can't control things like this, I think it makes it a difficult conversation for some - we don't like the unknown.
Thank you Heather, I love getting to hear you speak. You are Amazing.
Wish I had seen this before my dad died, thank you Heather.
Thank you Aliona--so glad that you found the talk helpful.
Heather has a great insight into this topic. fascinating to listen to and that Keanu Reeves quote is great
That quote is truly my favorite--it speaks to the reality of grief on so many levels.
@@heatherservaty-seib1814 thank you
Confronting but the truth!
This is real talk.
I would prefer just to carry on and not think about such things. I should, I know I should... I haven't even written a will which I know is very short-sighted of me. I can't imagine what my children will have to deal with.
"the societal yuck" is such a great term probably with quite a few applications!
Well done, Heather!
I remember as a child that I would actively avoid thinking about this subject because of the spiral of fear that would consume me if I did - I wonder had there been a way to have a healthy conversation about the end of life, I might have been able to put that brain power to better use instead of living in such fear.
Such an important question Carl. Thank you for sharing.
I don't agree that people who dies are "lost to us". We carry them with us in our hearts.
4:41PM 11-28-24 THUR
I believe death scares the adults, but children really want to understand why and how come it happens, we should allow this to be a good conversation, so they don't fear it of be scared of it. as adults we become extremely anxious when it brought up. death it random but going to happen no matter what please explain and encourage grief, even though we have no control over it can be easing your mind if you're except and understand death.
Thank you Angela. I could not agree more.
I think people get so caught up in death being this terrible, sad thing because it's perceived as FINAL when really what we should be striving to teach and learn about is how our energy is eternal! That's science backed as well, energy can't be destroyed. So where does ours go???
yes thats truth
I really don't agree with the part about losing all things because of death. We definitely don't lose everything they mean to us or the roles they play in our lives. Our relationship actually stays exactly the same as what it was at the moment they died.
I can't help but wonder when and how these taboos started? I mean from a historical standpoint a lot of ancient cultures understood that death was a natural part of life, and I doubt they had the same kind of difficulties around talking about either of those things
Great question Randi--thanks for sharing.
"A one in one chance of dying" Wow that was such an unexpected and excellent joke.
Still hard for me to discuss this, hard to even watch the talk.
Wish I saw this before I lost my Nana!
Truly hope it was helpful Pierre!
Kids are definitely curious, and then they find out how finite it is and they're frightened. I remember it clearly still.. Haha
Still tough to talk about.
I don't think people really understand death and so they don't want to talk about it because there's this subconscious attachment of grief before a thing even happens. We need to realise it's not sad for the person who dies, and maybe a lot of the grieving process is based around unwarranted guilt.
"The societal yuck" lol I love this term, will be applying it to many other topics.
Could not agree more! I use the concept often--for topic s beyond death as well.
Death is something that’s always felt so taboo to talk about, but it makes sense that we need a healthy amount of death anxiety. It’s kind of like a wake-up call to really think about what matters
mmmm- I was very afraid of death as a child. I often asked my parents when they were going to die. Or is she talking about really little children, like 3?
Thank you Julian. I was referring to quite young children--such as three. Around five children truly do start to ask about who will care for them if their parents were to die. So critical for those conversations to be taken seriously and respected. Children (as you were!) are so insightful and know they they are not able to care for themselves.
Hahaha! Loved the shout out to the avengers
Why not everything but money?