"LIVING WITH AFRICAN PARENTS IS HARD!" | Just Seen A… S1 Ep2
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 ก.ย. 2024
- Welcome to ‘Just Seen A’..
The viral content show where we get real and discuss the buzzworthy posts you’ve just seen online…
In each episode, you’ll see a different group of individuals read trending posts across social media. In this episode our participants discuss what life is like growing up in a African household!
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I also feel like African households instill a real fear in authority. When I started work, I realised I really feared managers etc, which turned into fear to speak up, share opinions, ideas etc...because I was scared of being wrong. This kind of hindered my career a bit.
It actually made me the exact opposite. I challenge authority and don't trust authority because of the distrust their parenting instilled in me.
@fleur3370 I can relate
Yesssssss this happened to me!! It can 100% hinder you.
@@Michael-it5zzyea man that hard parenting produces either or. I kind of feel it’s better that you were able to challenge authority. I’m sure that came with its own challenges as well but mannn to me it feels like freedom to be able to speak up and not feel afraid or stuck or shameful of myself to do so. It’s necessary af to be able to do so. I literally feared my family thinking they would do something drastic to me if I didn’t listen well into my 20s. Looking at it That’s insane. It affected my ability to deal with people in social settings. I didn’t trust people because it was hard for me to speak up. It affected my relationship with myself and others. All this I had to work through. I learned many hard lessons. But I’m doing better now.
Same here
It was not discipline it's abuse
Yet they will never acknowledge they are toxic.
No your just white washed, adhering to this soft trauma/abuse white people culture, your ideologically and mentally colonised
@@afrochris7310 there is nothing like whitewashed, don't you understand that they is no thing such as acting "white" or acting "black" it is a social construct.
I agree
It's both.
They *KNEW* what they were doing, they were just too proud to acknowledge what they did.
Thank you, lol this is why I’m so angry and everyone says stuff like they didn’t know.
@@Memomommy Yes, it's really important to get out of a toxic family environment !! It got passed on to America and the Caribbean,too. All 400+ plus years and counting.
A lot of these kids have Stockholm Syndrome, as do I. We feel this deep urge to defend our broken parents. Obviously, if they didn't like they way they were raised, they would have went to great lenths to prevent their kids rom experiencing these weird traumas, but the truth is that they were too weak to shield us, and instead, repeated the cycle. Africans pride themselves on education, there were books they could have read about good parenting techniques, ect. They simply and WILLINGLY CHOSE to pass their shitty traumas down to us like some kind of valuable family heirloom and its disgusting, no matter how much we love them.
More like mentally unstrable
Wordd
I wish I understood why we laugh when we talk about childhood abuse that parents put us through ? It’s been made into a joke for years
It’s a coping mechanism
Yeah quite a few people do say this
It’s taboo to be so open about it (in Africa) but we are getting there
Laughter is the best medicine. You are truly over something, when you can laugh about it
I hear the human body does strange things to make us feel calm in tense situations
Passing down generational trauma is real.
Apparently it deffo does happen !
When she said the Bible says stuff like “they’re your gods on Earth “ I immediately said see that’s the problem right there. Most of our parents used the Bible as a weapon against their children to justify their toxic behavior. They take the “Honor thy father and thy mother “ commandment to the EXTREME. I don’t even think they realize their expectations are a form of idolatry. I grew up believing that God hated me and I wasn’t good enough for Him. I carried that heavy burden into my adult life until I began to pray and seek His face for myself! I will always honor and love my parents they are special to me but I will not allow them to overstep their place in my life. So many chains have been broken and i can rest assure that the only one I must seek to please is my HEAVENLY father! All praise to the Most High for removing the veil from my eyes. So that He can use me for His glory and His alone! ❤️🙌🏽 Jeremiah 29:11
Amen‼️‼️‼️
gaslighting classical psychopathic behavior let all the other violence is
First of all, the bible doesn't say that.
Yeah that's what's crazy, the Bible doesn't tell us to treat them like God on earth and if anything it especially tells us to not tolerate evil, or let evil rule our lives. Not calling our parents downright evil, but abuse and trauma are a form of evil. It does say to honor our parents but honor doesn't mean obey their every word, it's just about being respectful and you can be respectful and disagree. African parents think disagreement is automatic disrespect because they want you to be enmeshed with them
It does not say that
I think African parents need to understand the world is changing. there needs to be a new mindset
I just feel like everyone was holding back. We cant idealize our parents. Even one person who spoke about the connection with her sister. The sibling cell mate is REAL. The world is hard enough, having to dedicate large amounts of our time to unlearn and unpack all the trauma we have experienced in childhood (or even adulthood for some of us) AND a world that doesn’t accept us IS EXHAUSTING. Loved the commentary but I have to say it.
I think its more about respect for their parents and family that could be watching I feel they were being open enough and remine being respectful at the same time...we are all human learning on this forever revolving Earth 🌍
Thank you for watching and sharing Daniella!
@@infinity_spirittypical African thing. They hide everything.
Yo sibling cell mate IS REALL, when my sibling left the house (they’re older than me) I really felt like I was enduring this shit all alone. Still am as an adult child in an African household🙃
But yeah I was thinking the same, they’re speaking pretty positively and I’m like they’re either holding back or they actually didn’t have it that bad
@@charlottedomingos9437 oh man, they definitely holding backing. I had social isolation, negative judgements and erratic yelling saying "stupid" Idiot". They always thinking they know everything and financial using the government to get by. parent s Giving more money and support and help to the extended family in Nigeria than your own family. There reasoning is because we live in a first world country. so Someone else (the govt) might do it.
seeing the future of the children as a monetary investment that the parent will cash in as retirement. the wont put in the work to raise you properly.
It's great when they say sorry, but apparently they can't remember anything that I accused them of. It's the sorry if you feel like I hurt you, not sorry that I hurt you. The lies and gaslighting has lead me to drop them out of my life. I can't always apologise for people who won't even acknowledge what exactly they did wrong and think I just wanted a western upbringing. Kmt.
Western upbringings can be just like yours, though the style is different. Abuse is STILL abuse !! Your reaction is valid,a lot of people had to escape and go no - contact just to keep their sanity ! It's SO common. I'm sorry that happened to you ! With these narcissist parents, they will claim they don't remember the incidents,or tell me you it didn't happen, you deserved it, all to deflect your trying to get them to account for and stop that behavior. Good for you that you got away. That needs to happen more often ! Escaping and ending the cycle. Those two things right there.
The gaslighting is right! My dad tried to kill my mom when I was 12 years old, she still told me it wasnt that bad. He tried to kill you maam. They really need to hold onto a certain ideal that wasn't there
I dealt with the same thing. I was shocked to hear them say they don’t even remember doing it but then apologizing. That’s just wild to me. The gaslighting is wild
@TropicalCrumpet that's because they're not really sorry, it's lip service. One of the ladies on the video said her parents apologized by saying: "I'm sorry about how I treated you, I thought I was doing the right thing" that's not an apology, it's a form of justification.
This!! The we didn't even know you was feeling this way. Or 9 out of 10 times we don't even know you're angry about something. Or I can't recall doing this to you. Like it's been all my fault that you can't communicate and parent like a normal human being. We're sorry if you feel we did anything to you that hurt you, isn't going to cut it for me. Growing up in a religious cult combined with culture from Africa at home but living like an European does something to your brain overtime. I'm 40 now with 3 children and one on the way and i decided to go no contact after seeing and experiencing the dynamics in our family again. I don't need that kind of negativity in my life, or want to subject my kids to a family like that. I want peace for me and the family i'm building.
NOPE. Abuse is abuse - none of that "I thought I was doing what was right" bullshit. Some African parents are the proudest on earth and will never be truly sorry. Leave them in your orbit at your own risk.
You took the words right out of my mouth! That's not an apology, that's an excuse, they're simply justifying themselves, it's a form of gaslighting.
A lot of these kids have Stockholm Syndrome, as do I. We feel this deep urge to defend our emotionally broken parents. Obviously, if they didn't like they way they were raised, they would have went to great lenths to prevent their kids rom experiencing these weird traumas, but the truth is that they were too weak to shield us, and instead, repeated the cycle. This gets even deeper when you think about how much Africans pride themselves on education, there were books they could have read about good parenting techniques, ect. They simply and WILLINGLY CHOSE to pass their shitty traumas down to us like some kind of valuable family heirloom and its disgusting, no matter how much we love them.
💯
Thanks, I was thinking the same thing. And let's be honest some black caretakers are not just broken they are psychopaths.
I think your willingly being dodgy when you say things like this. This is conversation you need to have with your family instead of talking about it in a public setting first. Most of us dont realize that our parents most times got it way worse. Some of our parents come from big families where they were the black sheep some were not raised directly by their parents and most of our parents grew up navigating a newly free war torn country who then come to the uk or the states or different parts of europe and dealt with racism that was much more potent than what we see today. They spent the most of their lives figuring shit out as they went along and still suceed in ways people still dont understand
@@apollo105 Dang, Apollo, I can totally understand your perspective.
@Michael-it5zz not trying to be a dick but im sure you understand because i know where we come from. I went to therapy over it. Not just any therapist but one who truly understood where i was coming from. I realized i wasn't as angry at my parents as much as i was angry at the fact that it wasn't reinforced in places where i spent the majority of my time. To date, I've maybe had one teacher who really made sure i understood i was in a unique position. Ill never forget when she made us do an assignment where we had to find out the meaning of our names and i swear for a month and a half whenever i got in trouble she would take that paper out of her desk and read the meaning of my name out loud in front of the entire class. This was over 20 years ago but it plays fresh in my head everyday. We are one of the first generations to be free again in a long time. Im not saying everything has been perfect because it hasn't, but id rather show the world exactly who we are instead of some instances that i didn't appreciate growing up. We are so much more than that and i can assure we will be the ones to show the world the kings and Queens we really are
So many people do not understand that getting hit as a child was abuse disguised as discipline and love. That is it plain and simple.
If it worked and was discipline why did they have to keep hitting and yelling over and over again if it's such a "good method" it's not discipline it's stupidity it's abuse idc for all the people who say I turned out fine I went through it and I certainly didn't turn out fine basically had to reparent myself and teach myself healthy thinking
I'm sorry you went through that hitting and yelling from your parents, it's not okay, I know what being hit and yelled at feels like, I started having anger issues from it as I got older and some undiagnosed PTSD
@@natemorgan1996 So true,so true !! Good to see these people here talking about this terrible problem. Just because something is " traditional" or a custom, if it's abuse,it's simply wrong ! And it DOES cause PTSD, even babies can have it from abuse. It should be outlawed everywhere. Strictness is used an a cover for abuse,too. They'll say that they are just strict. Trauma therapy is often needed to recover.
@@JulieSevelson-nb9nj you are absolutely right, have you ever went through that?
Listen to their arguments and reasoning do they sound like people who are fine?
Being an African child, the expectations are very very high. Which gives me fear of failure when I am not where I need to be. I appreciate being from Africa.
I couldn't care less about being African.
@Tendai Mhiripiri so true. I only like the food and music but I hate our African mentality. We are so brainwashed. These parents cause nothing but trauma on their kids.
@@redbluegreenwhite13same
@@redbluegreenwhite13Change is possible now, because people are talking about this and question all this.
@queenofpeaceandlove1413 yeah but fear of failure also sniffles growth and innovation sometimes
I feel like we’re building the generation of amazing self aware and mature parents
1000000% things we love to see !
For the girl in the pink,I’m sorry if that’s how your parents used it against you but nowhere in the Bible does it say our parents are our gods on earth. Also if you realize the same way you realized later why they were strict is the same way God tells us not to do certain things, yet even God doesn’t control us. He isn’t strict because He has given us free will. God is the perfect example of a healthy parents. He tells us what not to do because He knows the dangers behind it but He’ll let you find out for yourself if you refuse to listen.
Thank you for watching and sharing your thoughts Remi!
Yet it says spare the rod and spoil the child? Then why is part of the commandments to honour your parents so your day may be long on earth, the only commandment with a promise. This your progressive preaching about how the bible teaches parents to relate with kids should be in a church amongst Christians not to the victims
Mmmm well said.
Yes I’ve been saying, God himself who is Almighty and powerful doesn’t control but gives us free will‼️‼️👏🏾 it’s so weird that as human beings we feel like have a right to control other human beings when God hasn’t even given us that authority.
The Bible not only talks about honoring parents but also teaches about parents not provoking their children so that they don’t get discouraged. Which means those commandments assume both parties are part of God’s family. The commandments are for the elect, not unbelievers.
Wow their parents apologized😅😅 my parents are still abusive and I’m 22 😂😂😂
Hopefully, you will get away from those people. You should not ever be mistreated !! Can you leave on your own ? If not, maybe your friends can help you escape ? Abuse is NEVER okay or normal. Regardless of who's doing this.
man i want to get out of my house. They kkep inviting the african extended fam to stay over the summer . I hate it.
I tried confronting them and they insulted me. I'm so done with them
I’m still waiting for an apology and I’m 31🤣
I’m 21. And my parents haven’t stopped either.
I’m African Caribbean born in the U.K. I’m NC with one parent as the abuse went too far. In order to continue a relationship with my other parent, I had to accept that ‘You don’t know what you don’t know’. Instilling boundaries and being firm is necessary. Their apology also helped. I broke the cycle with my children. Be kind to yourself.
Wow, thank you for sharing 🖤
Can relate as an African American, many of our parents are toxic and cruel too.
Cry more black Americans
@@Elizabethblack212centuries of oppression, brutalization and economic sanctioning has effect on parenting in ways that we have yet to truly understand.
❤
@Taylordessalines it's still not an excuse for abuse.
@@edmundsishange3608 It's not an excuse but cause of such behavior.
This is so interesting, I saw it on tiktok and immediately looked it up. I didn't grow up in an African household, I'm latina, but I think there's so many similarities. It was very comforting, thank you for this amazing content 💗
same saw this on tiktok too
Things we love to see 🙌🏾
Thank you for the kind words ❤️
Arab here and the overlaps are ridiculous! REally really appreciate everyone partaking in this. so much to learn from and to reflect upon.
Thank you for watching Sabi🙌🏾
My ass is an ONLY CHILD in a strict Nigerian household. Low-key felt/feel imprisoned sometimes
I told my mom recently I wish we had a better relationship and she said I should’ve cleaned the house more so safe to say I’m no contact with her
Oh damn
I wish my parents also put themselves first and allowed themselves to be fulfilled in their own growth(mentally, physically and spiritually ) coz that maybe could have turned things around for me and my siblings. But then since I'm older and better thanks to therapy and continued healing.
Thank you for watching !
Absolutely LOVE this. Any kind of platform that allows those of us who were raised by that traumatic environment to speak and express is a form of therapy. So many African kids are walking around with functional depression and anxiety with roots that lead to our parents. One of my favorite quotes is, “While we are not responsible for the trauma we have went through, we are responsible for fixing it” it can be so annoying though. It’s like someone breaking my pipes at my house but then I have to fix it… like huh? I didn’t cause this problem. But I truly believe this is how we break generational curses and change our culture for the better. I refuse to be like them. REFUSE.
Thank you for the kind comments ! 🙏🏾
Good for you, I'm looking. People need to stop this abuse,it's barbaric. Dictators and violent army generals all had terrible childhoods ! This need to be remembered. And unfortunately,churches tell parents they can abuse children,and God approves of it. America brought that to your countries.
18:00 heavily agree on that point of how our parents could’ve placed more significance on developing our creativeness!!
Yh, my brother had a talent of drawing ✍🏾 my father never supported him. Always put him down.
As a teen who grew up in a African household u find it so interesting and validating to hear other people’s view/ experiences.
It’s almost as if people have lived the same life !
I use to get beat for everything as a child now grown an I'm Child free an happy af i won't be carrying on my family bloodline to much trauma an toxicity.
Watching this video just made me recollect all the trauma my dad has put me through fr. The tough test part is that when you complain they never see it as anything .
This is all so true it’s crazy. My parents raised me in a militant house and they are Nigerian. I feel like this is why I ended up going to the naval academy because the fact that it’s felt almost at home. The structure and obeying orders with or without a clue of what it is for was so common to me
adjusting to the navy/ academy life was easy because it was more or less like being at home. I honestly feel like they prepared me more for the military then for life itself.
Will you raise your kids the same way??
@@belle3055 ohh no never yes I will discipline them but I will also treat them with some sense if independence. They will be able to talk to me because I will not teach life through tough love and complete discipline like my parents did.
Discipline is actually training,rather than the abuse kids are often subjected to. Learning skills is discipline, not beatings and verbal abuse and controlling behavior.
So sad watching this because everyone is in denial. It’s not strict or discipline - it is ABUSE ABUSE ABUSE.
I felt the same way, the scars of trauma are too deep hence the denial, they are trying to justify their parents' behaviour
Ok so this is what BKChat wanted to be!! Intelligent and articulate discussions from a wide range of individuals from the diaspora. Bravo 👏🏾 👏🏾👏🏾
If there is even ONE “body count” episode IS2FG…..
LOL throwback to BK chat. That show really showed me how ghetto the UK can be 😂
I recentally had a real talk with my parents and my father apologised for beating me as a child as it was how he was raised.
But do you know what I realised in that moment?
I realised that my parents were two people who knowingly went to another country where they knew this behaviour would get you arrested. My father was a teacher so he knew this was not acceptable.
And yet, when he came home, there was apparently no such law.
That wasnt culture. That was a choice.
I generally wanted to ask him 'If I didnt squeal on you and have you labelled for life. Would you even think you did anything wrong?'. But I held my tongue.
It must be so hard at times ! I think we want to do an episode like this but from the parents perspective, do you think it would be useful ?
@@MakeItCommonI would love to see that but I think it would better if you did an episode where people talked about why they dont speak to their African parents anymore. People like me are told too often that the fact that somebody is blood makes up for the abuse.
It seems, with all African families, there’s this unspoken rule to never tell “outsiders” that your parents beat you.
You’re correct… African parents come to western countries and instantly know the law when it comes to physical punishment and they fear it.
Can relate!! many of our parents are toxic and cruel too.
As a Therapist this episode was very enlightening to see. It seems that many of the panel have already been on that journey of self discovery and reflection in order to have the ability to speak so openly about their experiences. I know that many people are not quite there yet but it's a great discussion to support them along their way.
One of the things I would love to see explored further would be about forgiveness. How many of the panel have forgiven their parents and what did that journey look like?
Really well done on bringing light to this topic. I hope that it continues to open up more conversations which ultimately are geared towards healing and living a life of fulfilment.
Thank you so much for sharing Jannelle!
Sorry to hear about some experiences. It's worth also looking at things from your parents' perspective. It's tough being an immigrant, often having to balance a culture shock with raising children and handling responsibilities back home. They were often going through all this without therapy. Parenting is not an exact science. Regardless of culture, there'll be issues. The main thing is to learn and do better when it's your turn.
Thanks for sharing Ngum!
Parent's perspective described here is all about abuse and the need to stop it. Abuse fines with the customs in the country they are from. Abuse is often LEGAL where they are from.b
There is never an excuse from abuse. You are gaslighting.
@@EvaElyse I don't think you understand the meaning of that word. People just don't behave a certain way for no reason. It doesn't make their behaviour right but it's worth exploring why they do the things they do.
You are probably one of those that abused their kids. Stop with those lame excuses.
Being the 4th child from 5 siblings total 6 of us to my late mother, I was groomed very early on to be the umbrella of the family. And it's really difficult and distracted me while I was going to college and the military. So I took care of the family for many years and that brought me to neglected and of not selflove or care for myself . Now after my mother passed away, I realized I was not selflove myself first. Now, I selflove myself and teaching selflove and boundaries to my kids not going through what I went through as a child. I love my late mother so much and my father, yet, I wish I could have been in the U.S along time ago. But my mother's family in Africa didn't want me to join my father to the U.S. I am thankful and God has been real in my life. Now I put myself first.
4:50 The Bible says this in Ephesians, chapter 6, verses 2-4 "2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise:
3 “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”
4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord."
Rather than children just blindly being obedient to their parents, it's important for the parents not to provoke their children to wrath/anger and anything that is not from the Lord. Have a blessed day!
It’s crazy how understanding we are still
Its about learning from our mistakes as well as others (our parents). There is no blueprint to being parents, siblings, friends we all do the best with what we know. So if you know better do better, you have a choice be the same or different to the people you fear.
Thank you for sharing 🙌🏾
Blueprint?
Abuse is not ok.
The blueprint is the Bible
The comment I was looking for. Thank you
Dope episode!
It makes me wonder what our kids will say about us
Thanks for watching Phil !
I think we will hear more cases of neglect. I dont neccesarily think we will be better, I think we will have a diffrent kind of problem which is more about cultural identity and how to connect with it
@@fantasticmaannope, we will be friendly at least our kids will have a shoulder to cry on
@@fantasticmaan I was instantly thinking of how internet addiction and current work culture with the pressure to succeed or come across as some what successful might lead to neglect.
I have the cultural identity problem already although idk. I’m British with family in Nigeria I only just met in the last few years and family in Sierra Love that I don’t know at all. I don’t know my native families languages. But then isn’t it the same for African Americans though they have had a few generations of this? Also I wonder how mixed race people see their cultural identity.
@@belle3055 Maybe that’s you but that’s not everyone and it’s also probably not easy to do if someone isn’t mentally healthy.
The Bible never calls your parents your gods on earth.
The trauma my parents caused me and my siblings. They have done the most awful things. I cant wait to get outts here
Thanks everyone for your collective imputes. I really appreciate. I was born in Sierra Leone . My late father from Phenix City, Alabama. He was in the Peace Corps that was how he went to Sierra Leone and met my late mother who was a social worker in Sierra Leone and it was a difficult environment. Then at 16yrs, after my father not being in my life for years., he finally brought me to the States, there I completed my High school then, joined the US Navy. I served 14 honorable years and now a disabled veteran with my 4 kids. Being through domestic violence and narcissist abuse. Which as a codependent due to my childhood of not given love. But now, I am healed and working on myself with selflove and believing in the Lord Jesus in my journey of life. Thanks so much. Best wishes. ❤️
I had a single ,illiterate, proud, and judgmental parent. In her mind America had everything figured out for us so she didn’t need to do anything. She provided food and shelter and that was it. My siblings and I had figure life out on our own. It sucked ; i have lots of anger and resentment towards her. She now lives with me as she can’t support herself. I hate having her around me but she would be a real burden on my other siblings. I’m not coping too well. 2023 is the last year she lives with me. I’m releasing her on to the siblings who can’t see what a shitty parent she was . Your children are not your retirement, or a nursing home.
I imagine had she been a better parent and treated you with love, that you wouldn't mind caring for her at this time. I do understand I'm a black American and my mother wasn't the greatest parent, nor was she active in my life. I had two boy siblings and being the only girl was a bit tough. My mom always played me and my oldest brother against each other. She also catered to my oldest brother and seemed to nit really like me too much. She also lied a lot and was a Narcissistic manipulator. In 2021, she was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and I was her primary caretaker. Even the son that she favored the most, did nothing and he lived 2 minutes away from her. When I asked him to help me with her, he flat out told me NO!
I missed lots of work caring for her, which was equally hard on me financially. There was no one to take care of me, to help me financially. I cried often because - to see her go thru what she was going thru and me having to be the one to do all of everything for her, knowing how she really felt about me. She has since passed away and I hosted her funeral and neither one of my brothers were there! That was very hurtful. Now in the aftermath of her passing, I still struggle with alot of things that she did and didn't do as a parent. I sought therapy and I came to realize that my mother was jealous of me and that she too had experienced a lot of trauma in her childhood by her mom and absent father. She never processed it well and didn't break the cycle. I honestly wish that we would have a better relationship. I tried all of the time but to no avail. And even with that, I wish that I could have done more, to take her places and to see her smile more. She loved me according to how she was loved. Which is no excuse by any means. Either she didn't know how to break the cycle or she choose not to break it. I believe it was both. My mother passed away sad, unhappy and heartbroken. And that mad me sad too!Guess what, that cycle broke with me!
My daughter was raised with love, care, laughter and constant support all of her life, thru school, thru college, now she's married and has her own daughter and I continually tell her how proud I am of her, lift her up, go over and help her around the house, keep my granddaughter often too. I simply refused to do to her what my mother did and didn't do. All that you can do is pray for your mother- create boundaries with her, be firm but respectful. Even do something nice for her, if you can. If it nothing but taking her out to a nice restaurant and opening all doors for her, buy her flowers for the grocery store and maybe have a talk with her and ask her about her upbringing and maybe she will share with you and you'll understand why she's the way she is. Not that her behavior is any excuse but, get her to talk with you. That could be healing for the both of you.
Love this. I have to show my mom. That I didn't want to live in fear.
Thanks for watching Shonny 🙌🏾
She’s not going to care and will guilt trip you and gaslight you
As a BA woman the last answer to “in 3 words how would you describe an African Household” is how I view my African friends families.
Yall were nice tbh. We tend to minimize the trauma our parents gave us i for one know that i do. It must come from the fear of labeling our parents abusers/gaslighters ect.
I've noticed most people are like that, we tip toe around this issue, I don't, I call a spade a spade, abuse is abuse.
This was very interesting to listen especially as an immigrant mum with 2 kids I can identify with all what they are saying
Well done guys
Thank you so much for watching Ama!
I loved this! Came from Tiktok and it was definitely worth my time...Thanks🙏
Thank you for watching Ayile !
Thanks for your insight.
Since I was a kid I knew my mother had a hard life. Her beloved parents sent her away to live with her uncle in the capital city when she was 7. Her uncle was strict and a switch or belt stayed in his hand. Although the man had money ,he had 8 biological children and plenty of mouths to feed. She never directly told me but I heard stories from relatives of how hard life was . Her mom died when she was 18. She had kids young; 6 of them with 4 men that didn’t stick around to help her. I know the sacrifices she had to make . But she just wasn’t there as a mother, a women, a parent to her 4 girls and 2 boys. She was present but at the same time totally absent. The resentment in my heart will never be healed; I just need to be far away from her. Something’s can’t be “fixed” and that’s okay.
Starting @15:33 that's it for me! The WHY in anything is the lesson. How to do & why to do... or not!
this deserves more views! especially with all the views on Tiktok
i see a lot of people have terrible experience with African parents in the comments. I think a bible verse like this one will be an example of how we should treat our children: Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.
Watch benayah israel
Bruh the Bible is the reason why the got raised like that in the first place
@@urbanlegendd6646 I don't understand what you mean? Are parents not allowed to instruct and discipline and treat them the right way?
Y’all getting apologies ??? I wish
Ikr!
Sigh 😔
Here from tiktok! Excited to watch 👏🏽
Thanks for watching Mycah!
I do wish my parents would have split up long time ago….the trauma !!!!
It’s so hard at times !
This is wonderful conversations.
Thanks for the kind words Alfie !
I mean yeah there’s things I wouldn’t do like the slaps and things I didn’t like but I was never seriously hurt. I appreciate what my parents did because it shown me what I should do different if I chose to have kids. It built my character and my sense of justice as I can’t stand being done injustice.
I forgive and love them still but would be nice to get an apology though. They’re not bad people, I can laugh, talk to them and they did things to make me happy. They were brought up by the struggles and the cycle of I guess trauma (can’t find another word) them and their parents went through. I’ll be the one to break the cycle and lead that change for the better.
There’s a lesson to be learned in every past
Yes,lessons learned, yet not passed down.
I appreciate how your guests addressed this.
Thank you for the kind words! Let us know if there are other topics you would be interested in us filming !
i'm glad we're talking about this
So important 🙌🏾
Three words to describe growing up in an African household: painful, confusing, sad
African parents are wicked and they are abusers. These kids should have called police on them .
Yes, it's often the case. So it's great to see this being talked about,as well as challenged !
@memod6642 Unfortunately the Police are also "African"
Insightful
Thanks for watching Marilyn !
When I turned into a legal adult my Caribbean mother asked if I was going to drop her like so and so did to their toxic parents. I think about that question a lot. 🧐
How can I be a part of these conversations?!! I migrated from Nigeria at 8 and still feel unsettled. Harsh translations from ajebutta in Naija to pako in America. I have so much to share through my life experiences
Ngl… I can’t really blame my parents for a strict upbringing.
It was frustrating, it was infuriating but I’ve grown to understand how crucial it was for me (as a man).
They did what they could and were trying to figure it out themselves (despite their pride to admit it).
Think about how hard it was for them back in 80s/90s to survive, provide and raise a family. It wasn’t always rosy for them! Never forget, in the UK… It wasn’t always cool to be African until 2015 thereabout. They had to navigate through all the bullcrap and try to raise their legacies.
It was challenging, somewhat controlling, strict, insightful etc… but how much of that training has been useful to help prepare for the outside world (and yes, it’s not perfect).
You can’t tell African parents you have mental health issues, because it doesn’t “exist” so you have to get on with it. That is brutal but on the flip side, you become a diligent, go getting SOB!
Look at some of the youths today… you’d wish they had that upbringing.
When you have kids…you will give your parents some grace and be grateful for having had them as your parents.
@tolubakare_ love that!
A friend of mine lived downstairs from an African family.He would tell me about the screams ,and crying of the children at the hands of their parents.I
Please make the set look like jubilee middle ground. I feel like when the cast can see each other the conversation and understating towards each other will flow and just be better then turning their backs to each other. Really enjoyed this conversation💕
Thanks for the comment we really appreciate it! We were sort of testing a seating arrangement! Will take this into consideration next time we film !
NOW THIS IS SOME REAL SHIT
Thank you for watching Katrina 🙏🏾
You need to use a compressor on the audio. There are very ese piercing moments that it could resolve by restricting those sharp peaks
Thanks for the feedback! We will take this into account🫱🏾🫲🏿
Lol..I did used to ask my kids....what do you mean you are trying to figure it out..lol. there is no time in Africa to figure it out......u r supposed to know u want to be a doctor at 5 years old😂. Now I do let them figure it out...
I pray Christ can be represented properly to the sister in pink. Many people stray away from the faith because someone misrepresents Him to them 😢
I need to go on this show because I would have been perfect in an African household I was in honors band tennis volleyball Christian club in my school , my mom used to do drugs and she never cared about my future because she was jealous of everything I was doing BY MYSELF , so she never helped me go to school get driver license anything , currently she brings my little sister to strip clubs and my 25 year old little sister is currently pregnant by a 53 year old man she met from the club who already has 8 other children, I have always been rejected for being smart witty , yet my obersexualized relatives with the nice bodies were always praised , it’s confusing and backwards asf in America
First generation immigrants were given life by reaaaaaal badman dem. They are unmatched brave,loving,selfless,strong and passionate. Beyond grateful for my parents. Sad when we’re not able to fulfill the goals and exact future they mapped out for us. This our journey tho. The love and appreciation for them is unwavering tho even when they think we are too big headed and can’t stand us or vice versa. 🇬🇭
i love this vid, so relatable
Thank you for watching 🙌🏾
Why is the panel only two males?
I know African women have a totally different testimony than the African men in the home. I mean, most of them have the abuse story but then you have those sons that were praised and had no chores. So, it would’ve made sense to have more men. To see if the trauma is consistent in different ways or if one gender doesn’t even remember trauma but possibly favoritism.
11:09Excellent discussion. Represent 🇳🇬 🇨🇩.
Thank for watching !
"Doing what I thought was right for you" is a shitty excuse and sounds more like a justification, not an apology, parents must fully own the harm they've caused. I understand there's no perfect parent, there's no perfect anybody after all and parents are obviously allowed to make mistakes but to repeatedly hit a child for years and come back later to say you thought it was right is nothing but a rubbish excuse, they knew it was wrong but they couldn't resist it, they couldn't resist being in a position of power which allowed them to do as they please.
African households are sad has an African and a woman our mums be trying to compare themselves to us
I had to convince myself that my parents were doing the best for what they knew and who they were at THAT time. I just figured that what they went through was WAY worse because it was olden times when everybody could lay hands on a child if they were misbehaving in public.
Y’all will be told “ I wish I never brought y’all here to be destroyed by western culture”.
I don't think the bible ever said they were gods on earth. It says to honour them. It also says that they should not push us into anger.
It’s 2024 man leave that Bible alone lol
@@urbanlegendd6646 you can't leave the Word of God alone because God is alive. Bow yourself in humility and holy fear for God. And may the good Lord make this real to you. You need God, Jesus Christ.
my african psrents waited till hisghschool to tell me i was adopted no support no counseling no anything just threw it on me then acted supprised when i acted “off the rails”
these people just sound brainwashed
My opnion is so far from this. Brought up in Africa and now living in west. I gave all the credit for my sucess to my parents. I am forever greatful to them. I will never say there way of discipline abuse. Neglect is abuse. They literally gave up there life for there kids ..love them forever.
I wish u brought some African parents on the channel too
We are literally planning on filming a episode with African parents 🥲 casting is proving quite difficult
@@MakeItCommon perfectttt that’s gonna be great lemme subscribe, I understand what you mean tho
I doubt that. African parents don’t want to feel exposed or feel like taking any accountability.
Yes for sure Hispanic
Not her interrupting the other girl and getting annoyed when the guy interrupts her
they only wanna apologise when the pearly gates are near. sorry,but people know exactly what they are doing. hence the parents can name it for what it is, "sorry i abused you." what if they didnt have the chance to apologise? our behaviours and choices are conscious decisions we always know what we are doing.
I realised my parents are human and it dawned on me. Parents are human beings too. Perfect in the Imperfections. Imperfect humans just like you and i. They can make mistakes too. They ain't always right. They've got their shit to deal with too. Most of them had childhood trauma too.
It's not about hating one's parents here. It's discussing a tradition that is toxic and needs to stop. Being human doesn't mean you have an "abuse children free card, " it means you are human. Perfection is often expected by abusive parents anyway. Too many cultures around the world validate the " right" to abuse, period. That's why the young adults in this video are talking about this as a problem that must be dealt with.
Yep Eritrean here same with our parents!
Wow the sibling cell mate, being sneaky. 🙏🏾
It's easier said than done to raise a child
100%
Some people shouldn’t have children… my mother included
Where are the parents we should’ve have some
We want to do a episode with just parents soon!
@@MakeItCommon that would be great. Can you also try to do one that’s mixed plz!?
Where in the Bible does it say that our parents are our Gods on earth? I thank God my parents were not like this however I often wonder if my Mum regrets not being more authoritarian when we speak freely and openly to her about our concerns…
There is no that scripture in the Bible. In fact, God hates idolatry. He would hate it even we ever worshipped our parents or any created thing. We worship God only.
You need to do a video about people who were raped or sexually abused by their parents so they can speak the truth! This seemed sugar coated!
Atleast ya'll have a mom and a dad 😂
Everything is subjective perspective, some say discipline some say abuse…. Who’s right?
Thank you for watching !
There's a major difference between abuse and discipline. But it's popular to call abuse " discipline." America has a HUGE problem with this one thing- our crime and violence rates are through the roof,thanks to the above! This is what must be changed and reversed. Up until recent years, abuse was normalized and seen as a " right.". With eight billion people on the planet, this must end yesterday !
Those who call abuse out, THEY are the ones who are right.
@@JulieSevelson-nb9nj major difference according to who? I’ve seen some take issue with a parent pulling a moaning child out the toy shop because the “grab was to harsh and the drag looked aggressive”