I can’t even say how much I love the fact that us millennials are refusing to carry this trauma on to our babies, let’s continue this conversation and televise it everywhere!
These parents will never acknowledge that they are toxic.They can never be wrong no matter how you convince them or talk them .The best thing is to get financial independency when you are older and move out and love them from a distance.
Funny enough all this ‘respecting our elders’ and where has it led Nigeria? Where is Nigeria today and other countries in Africa now? Is Nigeria not so-called governed by these ‘elders’ who dare call themselves honorables?
@@missy.j4523 dont mind them they only know when to say respect your elders when it suits them, buhari that is older than 70% of nigerians, when the so called elderly ones see younger ones disrespecting and insulting him they wont rebuke the younger ones instead they will join them to insult buhari , they are nothing but bunch of hyprocrites that only play the age card when it suits them
And then they ask why you hardly talk to them and are withdrawn only to criticize you and defend themselves for it only to reinforce the alienation and original problems most of which are the parents' fault. That makes them hypocritical and continue to live in denial (because they don't know how and don't want to) and unfortunately be the same people behind the very problems that you have had addressed as well as make you struggle more than you should have had.
I grew up in a toxic family dynamic, it espouses something called C-PTSD. I was exposed to trauma for over 12 years in my life. I have to unlearn so much nonsense! Perfectionism, anxiety, low self-esteem. OMG. It was a nightmare. My mom will still pretend that our family was normal. The dynamic was so toxic!
oh my god are you me??? i'm looking for a support group or something because this really feels overwhelming sometimes. it's like nobody around me understands just nonstop gaslighting.
Me too is just that my father is very toxic annoying always disturbs me he doesn’t understand jokes and takes it for stubbornness and still thinks I’m a child he always annoys me with the fact he’s older than me and always acts as if he’s always right and you can never become successful without being good in academics when gamers TH-camrs and influencers are making more money than him every year
Cursing is big in the African culture ànd not just cursing as in swearing but cursing as in speaking ill over your life, it doesn't get more toxic than that
African parents are the worst (especially nigerian parents) when it comes to parenting, their children becomes their best investment, can you imagine being beaten by your parents and you won’t be able to retaliate? That sounds dehumanising. Respect is earned, not forced, but Nigerian parents turn to twist that upside down. I wish I had the power to change the African parenting style and change their mindset towards parenting. We need to drop some highly traditional values and norms for the better of Africa!🌍
We are conditioned to believe our extended “family” is “all” we have, and no one really cares to explain how toxic and corrupt our siblings or parents could be. When your social status changes, your “family” perception of you changes as well. The “guilt” seed was planted in you as a child. Don’t you remember all the stories you were told of men who failed because of their lack of “generosity”? But we are human, therefore we are vain! We believe our good deeds will be advertised and we will be “blessed” in return! The healing starts when you disconnect from them! Completely! Only those who loves you will remain.
Omg facts. Your family can be your own poison. I’ve disconnected from so many of these so called “aunties” and people in the family that are full of shit and perpetuate abuse
Found myself laughing throughout the video, then I realized that my laughter is just a defence mechanism against facing the real feelings of this topic
My mom told me to go back to my partner when I come back home after I was abused when I told her that am not happy and I don't wanna be killed then I was told by my own mom just go back to his house even if he beats u he still gives u money. I ask my mom are u going to say same word's if I arrived in a coffin? Then she just kept quiet. Am hurt till this date 😭
With all do respect, but F your mother. Maybe she was abused and is bitter about it and wants you to suffer like she did. I've noticed that pattern with some elders. They want the younger generation to struggle, because they didn't have a way out. Either way it is no excuse. I'm glad you told her off. They are the type to be shocked when their child is dead and in a coffin. Crying about it, like woah how could this happen? As if everyone wasn't aware that person was being abused and everyone just decided to be silent. My mom and auntie are African but they always said if a man puts his hands on you, just know it will never stop no matter how much he says sorry. Just leave, before you are six feet under. Recently, a pastor's wife was killed from being beat to death. My auntie's friend got stabbed to death by her partner. Run while you still can miss, your life is very important.
I'm happy to hear more Africans speaking out. Part of the toxic upbringing was fear of being cursed by our parents if we dare stood up to out them ie never say anything negative about your parents because bad luck will befall you. Let's step out of that unfounded fear and speak out so that we can heal!
Toxic is not part of their vocabulary for them its doesn't exist . I remember sometime it's was so bad at home that I wanted somebody in my family to die so that they would forget about my grades and now thinking back at those times I was like damn I must be crazy.
😂 yh man ,the grades is my current disregard but nobody ever helped me with my work .I remember when my gran helped me with my schoolwork in gr2 (2015) but when I moved back home with my parents I had no help and I'm currently in gr8 (14) in my first year of high school and am losing badly .Anyway ... Keep well bro/sis ✊🏽.
@V A but I literally have no where to go to. I'm stuck with them. I just finished secondary School and I didn't reach my cut off for my course. I don't know how I'll save myself
I’m sick and tired of getting shouted at for breathing. My mum told me to check if there’s deals for Pizza Hut and I checked and found one and told her then she was like “sort it out with someone else bc I’m busy” so I was like “ok sorry” then she was like “YOU ONLY THINK ABOUT YOURSELF. DO YOU WANT TO KILL ME” proper loud in front of the builders. Like damn. Calm yourself
I'm sorry you're going through that, I can certaintly relate. The logic is always nowhere to be found with them. They want you to be like a maid who will do whatever they want whenever they want it and exactly how they want it irregardless of how you're feeling or what you're doing in that moment.
It’s the selfishness and thinking the world revolves around them if you even care about your self for a bit it is selfish and their point of view you are naturally evil and need to be fixed
My Dad called me right now and I told him I'm depressed ... The next thing that came out of his mouth YOU ARE STUPID literally without asking in a proper manner to find what's wrong with me. Which triggered anger in me because hes been this way for the past 27 years making it impossible to talk to him about your problems. We got into a heated argument and he just disowned me... I'm kinda relieved. God will see us through , everybody going through tough times because of thier parents specifically African parents. Edit: and don't get me wrong, I'm 27 years old, so maybe I should move..... When you are not financially independent, you are not considered an adult in African society.
@@chunkymonkey170 In essence, my mental health has improved since he was not the sort of man who used to spend time with me, give me advise, or do anything extra for me; the only times he would contact me were when he needed my aid or was verbally assaulting me... So there was never that connection from the start, to the point where if I found out he died today, I wouldn't feel the grief I would have felt if he had brought me much closer. I don't wish death on him, but I hope he lives long enough to see the man I will soon become. Have faith and trust in yourself.... You are not alone yourself.
My sister's daughter ran away from home twice and second time stayed with me. She is back home now and have not heard from her or seen her since she went back. My two cousins that stayed with my cousins ran away too and never went back and have no clue where they are. I am currently not talking to my family anymore and took myself out of the family whatsapp group. I am going to get more therapy soon. We are damaged people due to family. Choose your friends and partners carefully because that is you only choice - we did not pick who we are related to.
Do you know any friends or supportive relatives that you can stay with, until you can get your own place ? That or maybe agencies that help with housing and other things ?
Not only have my parents been toxic, but they brought so many toxic people in my life For example being forced to accept their friend’s children as your “cousins” no matter how they treat you that you end up becoming blind to what actual genuine and true friendship is
I’m living the consequences now at 30 years old man I have no social skills I grow up isolated even a small school ceremony that happens once a year was no no
If God is made the center of children’s education, the result will be way different. Our parents are victims too, they don’t know any better. Those who realize it ask for forgiveness like my dad who told me he loves me for the 1st and only time so far when I was 32. Let’s do better. I’m strict but I also know how to play with children and listen to them. Balance is key. May God help us !
When it comes to arguments, african parents act like pigeons playing chess: they get on the board, get rid of the pawns (your opinions) and shit on the chess board and fly away thinking they've won the argument.
Ikr my dad will tell me not to argue with him saying that I should listen to him that my opinions don’t matter because he’s older than me I hate it when he does that shit fuck him
Wow I just chuckled throughout the video, perhaps it's a coping mechanism I don't know. My African parents are toxic asf they even used the bible to justify their toxicity, being raised as Jehovah's Witnesses was really traumatic and dreadful I can't believe I survived.
As a Christian I can confirm the Bible doesn’t support their toxicity their the Bible said don’t provoke your children to anger which is what their not doing
It hurts to the core… the injustice and abuse that is perpetuated in the name of “I am your parents.” This is not different from what Africans cry out the colonizers did to them. Misusing what is perceived as an advantage, such as title, age, skin color to exploit and abuse others who are thought to be less than. God places such emphasis on parenting… but when humility isn’t regarded as the key attitude to adopt (the higher serves the lower), chaos, strife, resentment, abuse, rebellion, injustice become the norm…
You should always respect your parents but when they dictate and lower your freedom around them it's bad .You can't have emotion talks as a teen with most Africa parents because they won't get you .This is coming from a 14 year old but atleast I can speak to my gran she is very good at understanding kids and doesn't even have a degree.
@@akaeluchristabel4115 I hope your parents change for the better and for a better future for you .Hopefully you are learning from your torrid situation and will treat your kids and guide your kids the way you would prefer.May God bless you and your family ♥️
Just do your things and Keep your mouth shut while respecting them. They will slowly come to you and speak. Also, try to speak some bad stories of yours while laughing all together. They will feel like they missed something and will be unconsciously more open and understanding.
No one has talked down to me and abused me worst than my own Grandmother. Even as a 32 yo man today she threatened to punch me. Since a boy she has kicked me with belts, hangers, than things like side tables, and he bad and evil mentality with feminism led to the death of my mother. Feminisms, Toxic women and parenting has destroyed my family for 5 generations. A bunch of weak toxic selfish people who never take accountability do the evils they've done. They better hope hell isn't real because if it is they'll be burning for lifetimes.
That's terrible what was done to you by your grandmother !! That's not normal. The cycle ends with you and your generation. That will help Africa a lot, to end abuse as a tradition. You need to move in with friends and not live with her anymore.
I miss my Jehovah's witness teacher she was my real mother figure I could ask questions and express myself I think this is were I learnt to remain curious but with my biological mother she was hell on earth ☺️🤣
momo why you had 10 babies knowing you can not even feed and educate 1. african moma, i have you to live of my kids in the future. african must stop havibg childre like if they were amazon orders.
Very good topic .. my parents are jamaican born like African parent the discipline was exactly the same. Looking back on me been disciplined I can laugh and tell storys but for other it would be a different story different. I do think some parents a toxic no fault of their own because they are following what their parent did. My question is how did these acts of disciplines come about? Was it slavery? If not how did our ancestors discipline?
@@KiRetteCouture slavery wasn’t just transatlantic. Africans on the continent definitely did experience slavery / and especially colonialism in which the white man eould encourage parents to abuse the child who didn’t adopt their religion ect. Hence why Africa is full of Christianity and Islam instead of traditional religion.
@@Topg1Slavery made it worse for sure,but it did come from Africa first. Even so, in this day and age, people can forge new traditions and say ' NO' to abusive behavior. There's hope, because people are finally asking questions, and there is a movement against abuse in the Black Diaspora. It's a small start, but it's a start. There's a saying, " Raising our skills, not our hands, with our children.". Please look up " Don't Beat Black Kids, by Asaadah Kirkland. And Dr. Stacey Patton. Her book, " Spare the Kids'.
I believe religion is a core fa tor to these toxic upbringings as well (Eg: discrimination with divorce... so two ppl stay together despite physical abuse going on, to save face and reputation. This is form of pride tbh. Someone could end up dead in this situation)
they are Narcissistic due to their upbringing a narcissist does not love a narcissist cannot see, acknowledge have no awareness does not take advice just control let us discuss Narcissistic Personality disorder otherwise we will be talking forever
Its time we address things and call things for what they are, we saw these things long time but it seems to be "Western problems", and many peope died due to depression
I'll like to throw in my hat here. What he didnt mention are the parents who recognise the society was terrible and moved half way across the world to escape it. Only to do the exact same thing to their kids in the new location. Even down to the finacial abuse. I grew up with these type of parents and when I confronted them about it, it was like they were teaching me Toxic African class 101.
My ex boyfriends Ugandan mother didn’t want us together and told him she would take her like if he married me. She then swallowed a bottle of pills to prove it. He ended the relationship she survived and once out of the hospital introduced him to a woman and threatened to try again to take her life if he didn’t marry her so he married her. American women don’t understand these drastic cultural differences but if you can’t stand up to your mother or she’s very toxic please leave us alone.
This is rather unfortunate but quite common. I'm just hoping and praying as a millennial do be and do something different. I'm sorry you were put through this.
I experienced something similar but my husband chose to marry me instead although I know it affects him but I told him it’s like they want to control you and your relationship family life career money I’m wow this is ridiculous and like I told my husband I was thinking about how I thought they were so family oriented but it’s all a facade and they love to control what people see and think and it’s all about there happiness and not about genuine love and happiness
Don’t they will never understand sure that’s what their parents did to them but they are educated now about how this stuff can really affect mental health in the future but they don’t care
The western kids are loved and adored. They’re out here either kfillling themselves because they can’t deal with any hardship or they’re all complaining about mental health issues and can’t stop being dependent on mom and dad. There might some improvements of parenting that needs to happen, but don’t import the western way. It’s tragic. I live in US, it’s down right tragic what happened to the kids here who have been mostly ADORED senselessly
American parents are often drug addicts and alcoholics ! The kids who are loved and valued don't kill themselves. By the way, America has the highest rates of child abuse among modern countries. America is hardly a role model for anyone.
This label isn't peculiar to Africans, or African parents stop this misrepresentation, please, by the way I live 'abroad', so maybe I have seen a little.
I can’t even say how much I love the fact that us millennials are refusing to carry this trauma on to our babies, let’s continue this conversation and televise it everywhere!
Millennials?? You mean Gen Z because Millennials are also parents and have this toxic mentality too
PREACH ….. A BIG AMEN.
@@coconuttreeslet’s hope that they will listen
These parents will never acknowledge that they are toxic.They can never be wrong no matter how you convince them or talk them .The best thing is to get financial independency when you are older and move out and love them from a distance.
Exactly my plan.
Me too. cause she complains every time. I mean she is always right and never wrong.
And she brings this africa culture things.
It's stupidity I swear I know what it's like
African parents live in an ignorant bubble. Going no contact maybe the solution.
@@Duke_Frm_Da_175th It's certainly emotional un-intelligence.
You have to respect me because I’m older than you. Age is a big deal to the African. 😂.
I hate when they do that shit. It's ridiculous
Funny enough all this ‘respecting our elders’ and where has it led Nigeria? Where is Nigeria today and other countries in Africa now? Is Nigeria not so-called governed by these ‘elders’ who dare call themselves honorables?
@@missy.j4523 its totally bullshit if you ask me, respect is earned not given or owed, you know?
@@natemorgan1996 I definitely agree with what you are saying.
@@missy.j4523 dont mind them they only know when to say respect your elders when it suits them, buhari that is older than 70% of nigerians, when the so called elderly ones see younger ones disrespecting and insulting him they wont rebuke the younger ones instead they will join them to insult buhari , they are nothing but bunch of hyprocrites that only play the age card when it suits them
It seems like toxic parents don’t help their kids through problems they get mad at them for having them
Yh for real
@B1Chronixx yea as a parent you must guide your children and get them to understand the logic behind the lessons they teach
And then they ask why you hardly talk to them and are withdrawn only to criticize you and defend themselves for it only to reinforce the alienation and original problems most of which are the parents' fault. That makes them hypocritical and continue to live in denial (because they don't know how and don't want to) and unfortunately be the same people behind the very problems that you have had addressed as well as make you struggle more than you should have had.
Wow what a weird generation…cant live up to expectations so now parents are toxic
This point is underrated. They don't guide you and just expect you to figure it out even when very young.
This is not talked about often enough, i only see it as skits and jokes, when there are people actually going through hell.
THIS^
@@ncxymj8182 fr, its now become the norm. Smh
@@Parentingwiththefutureinmind lovely, i was thinking of doing same later on ill give yours a watch.
Facts
Thank u
Omg, I always used to love being at school instead of home because I just wanted to get away from home and the chaos of it all!
I always like it when my dad isn’t around because he’s very toxic my mom is also toxic but not that toxic
Emotionally immature parents - that is AFRICAN PARENTS
I grew up in a toxic family dynamic, it espouses something called C-PTSD. I was exposed to trauma for over 12 years in my life. I have to unlearn so much nonsense! Perfectionism, anxiety, low self-esteem. OMG. It was a nightmare. My mom will still pretend that our family was normal. The dynamic was so toxic!
oh my god are you me??? i'm looking for a support group or something because this really feels overwhelming sometimes. it's like nobody around me understands just nonstop gaslighting.
Me too is just that my father is very toxic annoying always disturbs me he doesn’t understand jokes and takes it for stubbornness and still thinks I’m a child he always annoys me with the fact he’s older than me and always acts as if he’s always right and you can never become successful without being good in academics when gamers TH-camrs and influencers are making more money than him every year
And they like cursing their kids for no reason
This is so true and very sad indeed. 😔. Very sad indeed.
Exactly the way I know more curse words in my language than actual sentences is beyond me..
Cursing is big in the African culture ànd not just cursing as in swearing but cursing as in speaking ill over your life, it doesn't get more toxic than that
God will curse them for cursing their children.
@@brainbomb.amen
African parents are the worst (especially nigerian parents) when it comes to parenting, their children becomes their best investment, can you imagine being beaten by your parents and you won’t be able to retaliate? That sounds dehumanising. Respect is earned, not forced, but Nigerian parents turn to twist that upside down. I wish I had the power to change the African parenting style and change their mindset towards parenting.
We need to drop some highly traditional values and norms for the better of Africa!🌍
I know 🥺🥺
Ghanaian parents are also very Bad
It’s the truth. Too much authoritative parenting. It messes up the children
True
Have u meet Kenyan parents very toxic
We are conditioned to believe our extended “family” is “all” we have, and no one really cares to explain how toxic and corrupt our siblings or parents could be. When your social status changes, your “family” perception of you changes as well. The “guilt” seed was planted in you as a child. Don’t you remember all the stories you were told of men who failed because of their lack of “generosity”? But we are human, therefore we are vain! We believe our good deeds will be advertised and we will be “blessed” in return! The healing starts when you disconnect from them! Completely! Only those who loves you will remain.
Omg facts. Your family can be your own poison. I’ve disconnected from so many of these so called “aunties” and people in the family that are full of shit and perpetuate abuse
Profound
Found myself laughing throughout the video, then I realized that my laughter is just a defence mechanism against facing the real feelings of this topic
My sister is like that ignorant but eventually she will stop hiding it
My mom told me to go back to my partner when I come back home after I was abused when I told her that am not happy and I don't wanna be killed then I was told by my own mom just go back to his house even if he beats u he still gives u money. I ask my mom are u going to say same word's if I arrived in a coffin? Then she just kept quiet.
Am hurt till this date 😭
African mothers never cease to surprise me.
With all do respect, but F your mother. Maybe she was abused and is bitter about it and wants you to suffer like she did. I've noticed that pattern with some elders. They want the younger generation to struggle, because they didn't have a way out. Either way it is no excuse. I'm glad you told her off. They are the type to be shocked when their child is dead and in a coffin. Crying about it, like woah how could this happen? As if everyone wasn't aware that person was being abused and everyone just decided to be silent. My mom and auntie are African but they always said if a man puts his hands on you, just know it will never stop no matter how much he says sorry. Just leave, before you are six feet under. Recently, a pastor's wife was killed from being beat to death. My auntie's friend got stabbed to death by her partner. Run while you still can miss, your life is very important.
@@eventplanner461 they are just consumed by grudges and revenge that's why they want the little generation to suffer
no contact is key
Sorry dear. Sending you love
Bring back this speaker. He was spot on with his discussion on parenting skills.
I'm happy to hear more Africans speaking out. Part of the toxic upbringing was fear of being cursed by our parents if we dare stood up to out them ie never say anything negative about your parents because bad luck will befall you. Let's step out of that unfounded fear and speak out so that we can heal!
yes!!! screw that idiotic belief which does nothing but protect abusers from EARNED criticism!!!!!!
@@trapsenpai 100%
You can add African American parents to this list as well.
I have one of each! One African American and one Ghanaian, it's too much toxicity!😫
@sluglifedonb402Yes,when people admit it, this is fact. But this can change though. #Don'tBeatBlackKids.❤
Toxic is not part of their vocabulary for them its doesn't exist . I remember sometime it's was so bad at home that I wanted somebody in my family to die so that they would forget about my grades and now thinking back at those times I was like damn I must be crazy.
😂 yh man ,the grades is my current disregard but nobody ever helped me with my work .I remember when my gran helped me with my schoolwork in gr2 (2015) but when I moved back home with my parents I had no help and I'm currently in gr8 (14) in my first year of high school and am losing badly .Anyway ... Keep well bro/sis ✊🏽.
@@leof.n.abrahams8260 study with friends if you got no help or can't understand things. It's very helpful.
Exactly. But if you try to educate them, another problem.
@@christngouf2251 sure...if she wasn’t toxic enough to never have friends over or go to my friends house.
I'm really tired and I wish someone would save me from my toxic family
@V A but I literally have no where to go to. I'm stuck with them. I just finished secondary School and I didn't reach my cut off for my course. I don't know how I'll save myself
@V A tnx for everything
I was literally dieing inside
I read it all and felt better
You are not alone ... There will be way out someday and believe you are not stupid , you are genius in a special way
Exactly me too...
@@akaeluchristabel4115Are there any agencies or organizations that work with youth, who could help with this ?
I’m sick and tired of getting shouted at for breathing. My mum told me to check if there’s deals for Pizza Hut and I checked and found one and told her then she was like “sort it out with someone else bc I’m busy” so I was like “ok sorry” then she was like “YOU ONLY THINK ABOUT YOURSELF. DO YOU WANT TO KILL ME” proper loud in front of the builders. Like damn. Calm yourself
I'm sorry you're going through that, I can certaintly relate. The logic is always nowhere to be found with them. They want you to be like a maid who will do whatever they want whenever they want it and exactly how they want it irregardless of how you're feeling or what you're doing in that moment.
no contact is key
It’s the selfishness and thinking the world revolves around them if you even care about your self for a bit it is selfish and their point of view you are naturally evil and need to be fixed
So sick and tired off their do you want to kill me. Or kill me and rest. Very emotionally manipulative
EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE
I'm afraid this problem is a worldwide phenomenon :( Celebrating 10 years of no contact to my toxic mother this year. Best decision of my life.
How did you do it !!! Because everyone keep on saying she your mother
🥂 to you! Going on 8 next year ... best healthcare decision I've ever made
no contact is key @@Playwarzonemobile
It’s mostly parents of color African Americans have this issue too and Asians as well
@@Playwarzonemobilehow did u do it? Just do it. Why listen to those people ? Were they there to help u when u were being abused?
My Dad called me right now and I told him I'm depressed ... The next thing that came out of his mouth YOU ARE STUPID literally without asking in a proper manner to find what's wrong with me. Which triggered anger in me because hes been this way for the past 27 years making it impossible to talk to him about your problems. We got into a heated argument and he just disowned me... I'm kinda relieved. God will see us through , everybody going through tough times because of thier parents specifically African parents.
Edit: and don't get me wrong, I'm 27 years old, so maybe I should move..... When you are not financially independent, you are not considered an adult in African society.
Hi scratchella tutorials, can I ask since your dad cut off contact with you have you found your mental health has improved of declined??
going no contact is key to recovery
@@chunkymonkey170 In essence, my mental health has improved since he was not the sort of man who used to spend time with me, give me advise, or do anything extra for me; the only times he would contact me were when he needed my aid or was verbally assaulting me... So there was never that connection from the start, to the point where if I found out he died today, I wouldn't feel the grief I would have felt if he had brought me much closer. I don't wish death on him, but I hope he lives long enough to see the man I will soon become. Have faith and trust in yourself.... You are not alone yourself.
My sister Had the Same Problem my mum told her its from the devil ..the devil ist controlling U.
It’s just sad because alot of them lack empathy and a lot of African men hide their emotions. My dad is the same way too
Spirit of PRIDE
And for some reason they tell us not to be proud when their the most proud people we know
My sister's daughter ran away from home twice and second time stayed with me. She is back home now and have not heard from her or seen her since she went back.
My two cousins that stayed with my cousins ran away too and never went back and have no clue where they are.
I am currently not talking to my family anymore and took myself out of the family whatsapp group.
I am going to get more therapy soon.
We are damaged people due to family.
Choose your friends and partners carefully because that is you only choice - we did not pick who we are related to.
Am really down financially I want to leave my home am depressed
It is well
Do you know any friends or supportive relatives that you can stay with, until you can get your own place ? That or maybe agencies that help with housing and other things ?
Not only have my parents been toxic, but they brought so many toxic people in my life
For example being forced to accept their friend’s children as your “cousins” no matter how they treat you that you end up becoming blind to what actual genuine and true friendship is
Yeah and you end up no trusting ppl
God will eventually judge them and their parents
I’m living the consequences now at 30 years old man I have no social skills I grow up isolated even a small school ceremony that happens once a year was no no
My mom is toxic asf
Yes I know the feeling…
Mine too 😭😭😭
Me too and my father is emotionally absent and a narcissists
They can go to hell with all their toxicity.
If God is made the center of children’s education, the result will be way different. Our parents are victims too, they don’t know any better. Those who realize it ask for forgiveness like my dad who told me he loves me for the 1st and only time so far when I was 32.
Let’s do better. I’m strict but I also know how to play with children and listen to them. Balance is key. May God help us !
My dad has never told me he loves me directly
Shook. Accuracy. Great advice and points
And here I thought us blacks here in the diaspora had it bad.. YIKES!!
These parents get avoided like the plague because they ARE the plague.
When it comes to arguments, african parents act like pigeons playing chess: they get on the board, get rid of the pawns (your opinions) and shit on the chess board and fly away thinking they've won the argument.
wow , this analogy is top tier .
Ikr my dad will tell me not to argue with him saying that I should listen to him that my opinions don’t matter because he’s older than me I hate it when he does that shit fuck him
You nailed it!
Wow I just chuckled throughout the video, perhaps it's a coping mechanism I don't know. My African parents are toxic asf they even used the bible to justify their toxicity, being raised as Jehovah's Witnesses was really traumatic and dreadful I can't believe I survived.
As a Christian I can confirm the Bible doesn’t support their toxicity their the Bible said don’t provoke your children to anger which is what their not doing
Theres not one point he raised that is not facts. The part when he opens up the childs first bully! Hopefully the cultural belief will change in time
It hurts to the core… the injustice and abuse that is perpetuated in the name of “I am your parents.” This is not different from what Africans cry out the colonizers did to them. Misusing what is perceived as an advantage, such as title, age, skin color to exploit and abuse others who are thought to be less than.
God places such emphasis on parenting… but when humility isn’t regarded as the key attitude to adopt (the higher serves the lower), chaos, strife, resentment, abuse, rebellion, injustice become the norm…
I think we internalized somethings from colonialism and slavery. In black Jamaican culture, our families do similar things.
I wonder what God has to say about African parents
Start parenting course. For parents and even can start from school. TV and social media can play a role too.
africans do a parenting course. let me know when the trumpet sounds becasue thats wehn they will attend
Now we are talking, upgrading from colonial issues, to everyday struggles in African homes, thanks..
Oh ofc u don’t want your massa to be catching heat and getting held accountable
Femi is speaking the gospel!
You should always respect your parents but when they dictate and lower your freedom around them it's bad .You can't have emotion talks as a teen with most Africa parents because they won't get you .This is coming from a 14 year old but atleast I can speak to my gran she is very good at understanding kids and doesn't even have a degree.
I'm 17 and suicidal because of my toxic parents 🙂im really not seeing essence of life
@@akaeluchristabel4115 I hope your parents change for the better and for a better future for you .Hopefully you are learning from your torrid situation and will treat your kids and guide your kids the way you would prefer.May God bless you and your family ♥️
@@leodinho2346 amen 🤝🙏tnx for caring
Hope they change sha
Just do your things and Keep your mouth shut while respecting them. They will slowly come to you and speak. Also, try to speak some bad stories of yours while laughing all together. They will feel like they missed something and will be unconsciously more open and understanding.
@@akaeluchristabel4115 girl same and my white friends just don’t get it it’s lonely
No one has talked down to me and abused me worst than my own Grandmother. Even as a 32 yo man today she threatened to punch me. Since a boy she has kicked me with belts, hangers, than things like side tables, and he bad and evil mentality with feminism led to the death of my mother. Feminisms, Toxic women and parenting has destroyed my family for 5 generations. A bunch of weak toxic selfish people who never take accountability do the evils they've done.
They better hope hell isn't real because if it is they'll be burning for lifetimes.
You gotta stand up for yourself let go of her bring charges against her,.
going no contact is key to recovery
I’m sorry this happen to you. There are free mental health hotlines for you to talk
That's terrible what was done to you by your grandmother !! That's not normal. The cycle ends with you and your generation. That will help Africa a lot, to end abuse as a tradition. You need to move in with friends and not live with her anymore.
I'm sorry about what happened to you but please don't mix it in with feminism. Abuse is abuse. Feminism is equality of men and women.
Amazing topic and amazing answers.
Nice to know it’s not just me going trough it 😩
I miss my Jehovah's witness teacher she was my real mother figure I could ask questions and express myself I think this is were I learnt to remain curious but with my biological mother she was hell on earth ☺️🤣
Lol. I am a Jehovah witness. Good to see u like my religion
Femi you should have continued on you brough up such good points !
momo why you had 10 babies knowing you can not even feed and educate 1.
african moma, i have you to live of my kids in the future.
african must stop havibg childre like if they were amazon orders.
African parents are lost people who think they are going the right way
Exactly 😂
Very good topic .. my parents are jamaican born like African parent the discipline was exactly the same. Looking back on me been disciplined I can laugh and tell storys but for other it would be a different story different. I do think some parents a toxic no fault of their own because they are following what their parent did. My question is how did these acts of disciplines come about? Was it slavery? If not how did our ancestors discipline?
Africans were not enslaved so it can't be that. We have cultures and traditions that encourage these things.
I think for us Jamaicans it comes from slavery.
@@KiRetteCouture slavery wasn’t just transatlantic. Africans on the continent definitely did experience slavery / and especially colonialism in which the white man eould encourage parents to abuse the child who didn’t adopt their religion ect.
Hence why Africa is full of Christianity and Islam instead of traditional religion.
@@ninoissad6954 To be fair, Christianity touch the continent of Africa (Ethiopia) before the European. The way Christianity is practiced is European.
@@Topg1Slavery made it worse for sure,but it did come from Africa first. Even so, in this day and age, people can forge new traditions and say ' NO' to abusive behavior. There's hope, because people are finally asking questions, and there is a movement against abuse in the Black Diaspora. It's a small start, but it's a start. There's a saying, " Raising our skills, not our hands, with our children.". Please look up " Don't Beat Black Kids, by Asaadah Kirkland. And Dr. Stacey Patton. Her book, " Spare the Kids'.
My dad will say dont talk , dont argue just obey 😅😅😅 and my mum will quote from bible , ep 6:1 😂😂😂
I hate it when they do that even the Bible doesn’t encourage this nonsense
U can add Caribbean parenting to this as well
Carrie an parents have African decent
This is excellent. I would like to hear more from this speaker.
Such an important topic.
Am so happy this thing is comming to light.
I believe religion is a core fa tor to these toxic upbringings as well
(Eg: discrimination with divorce... so two ppl stay together despite physical abuse going on, to save face and reputation. This is form of pride tbh. Someone could end up dead in this situation)
God doesn’t even support their behavior because in those Bible times parents where not abusive but I wonder what God has to say about African parents
they are Narcissistic due to their upbringing a narcissist does not love
a narcissist cannot see, acknowledge have no awareness does not take advice just control
let us discuss Narcissistic Personality disorder otherwise we will be talking forever
🎯🎯🎯
very sad
Its time we address things and call things for what they are, we saw these things long time but it seems to be "Western problems", and many peope died due to depression
I'll like to throw in my hat here.
What he didnt mention are the parents who recognise the society was terrible and moved half way across the world to escape it. Only to do the exact same thing to their kids in the new location. Even down to the finacial abuse.
I grew up with these type of parents and when I confronted them about it, it was like they were teaching me Toxic African class 101.
My ex boyfriends Ugandan mother didn’t want us together and told him she would take her like if he married me. She then swallowed a bottle of pills to prove it. He ended the relationship she survived and once out of the hospital introduced him to a woman and threatened to try again to take her life if he didn’t marry her so he married her. American women don’t understand these drastic cultural differences but if you can’t stand up to your mother or she’s very toxic please leave us alone.
This is rather unfortunate but quite common.
I'm just hoping and praying as a millennial do be and do something different.
I'm sorry you were put through this.
I experienced something similar but my husband chose to marry me instead although I know it affects him but I told him it’s like they want to control you and your relationship family life career money I’m wow this is ridiculous and like I told my husband I was thinking about how I thought they were so family oriented but it’s all a facade and they love to control what people see and think and it’s all about there happiness and not about genuine love and happiness
They believe they are always right, when u do something wrong they threating u by saying "i will pronounce a curse on you😭😭😭😭😭.
Pls i need help
Wow!!
I want to send this to them. Should i or
No they will kill you 😭
@@jayyrnx I'm just Soo tired. Like Evry thing needs to be my foult. I literally hate them.
@@Lookii459 ya it's like everything is our fault even if they are the ones that did it
Don’t they will never understand sure that’s what their parents did to them but they are educated now about how this stuff can really affect mental health in the future but they don’t care
@@ValdaShallmizhili 😕
The western kids are loved and adored. They’re out here either kfillling themselves because they can’t deal with any hardship or they’re all complaining about mental health issues and can’t stop being dependent on mom and dad. There might some improvements of parenting that needs to happen, but don’t import the western way. It’s tragic. I live in US, it’s down right tragic what happened to the kids here who have been mostly ADORED senselessly
American parents are often drug addicts and alcoholics ! The kids who are loved and valued don't kill themselves. By the way, America has the highest rates of child abuse among modern countries. America is hardly a role model for anyone.
Oh yes it's a disaster, children unruly
Toxic parenting, toxic masculinity, toxic pooping and so on. All this intellent people that make no sense. Parents are not your friend.
What are you saying exactly?? That fixing parenting is okay?
7:38 ✊🏿
MMM
They don't appreciate you period lol
This label isn't peculiar to Africans, or African parents stop this misrepresentation, please, by the way I live 'abroad', so maybe I have seen a little.
Most African parents aren't toxic but raise their children with morals, religion and culture
Just another way of saying theyre toxic 🙄
Please don’t have children.
You’re only going to repeat that cycle.
That’s the same as toxicity my sister is just like you hope God opens the both of you guys eyes
Complete one-sided nonsense