Hey everyone! I had no idea this video I made for a college project would get the kind of attention it would. Thank you all so much for the nice comments, I'm glad that I've been able to speak to people who didn't feel seen! Thanks to everyones nice and supportive comments, I want to give a try at another video like this. Maybe something art related, or even more lgbtq+ related things. Again, thank you everyone for your amazing supportive comments ❤❤
Thank you too for making this video and sharing your perspective, I think that those awful judgements are not an entire community thing because: 1) I am a trans masc person and I think you're valid 2) There are bad apples in every community unfortunately.. I also think that I heard a similar experience on TH-cam, from the youtube channel named JAMIEvstheVOID edit: sorry I remembered it wrong but you're not the only one, you are not alone I really did hear something like that but heck even I did like dresses when I didn't know it was only for girls!
As a woman, I wanna be feminine! But... I don't wanna be a girlie girl girl. I wanna wear girlie things SOMETIMES but I don't want to be a girl in that way. That's why I use she/they! It makes me feel like I don't have to be all sunshine and rainbows and I can be more androgynous at times!
Have you ever watched Ezra Butler's videos? He's a trans man, and he does "grwm as a trans man who wears whatever he wants" videos sometimes. I love when he does one with a skirt or puts on lipstick. He serves as a great example to the trans community. Also, off topic, I am living for the cavetown instrumental music in the background ❤️❤️❤️
@willcomeback11 i havent watched him before but I'll deffo give his stuff a watch!! And thank you!! I figured cavetown was an appropriate song to have I'm the back of this video lolol
You know, as a trans girl, I somewhat relate to this but not fully. I don't enjoy masculine clothing, just not my taste. However, I don't absolutely hate boyhood, its just my body, voice, etc. makes me want to curl up into a ball and rock back and forth. Y'know?
Boyhood is fire. Just not comfortable with the body I have. It actually feels like my inner self is androgynous. And I hate how my body doesn’t match that. Like the hair. Don’t even get me started on the hair
I genuinely thought I was the only one feeling like that. I… loved being a girl, just like you described it. I loved my pink toys and dresses and being my „daddy’s little girl“. Until I didn’t. I loved it. To a point. And that’s when puberty began. I loved being a GIRL but I hate being a WOMAN, if that makes any sense at all. Periods and boobs I didn’t even know I minded them until I felt gender euphoria for the very first time. I cut my hair without any… deeper meaning, but when people started referring to me as a guy I LOVED it, and that’s the moment I realised that I actually DO mind boobs and periods, I just wasn’t… aware at that time.
Trans people are always pushed to prove that they are so definitely 100% the gender they say they are. Most of my trans friends and me do agree that we want to fight this narrative, but it's hard because the second you admit to liking something that's stereotypically seen as a "not the gender you say you are" thing, people question you and "if you like X, then why do you think you are Y?" So much so that I sometimes even find myself leaving out parts of my story that might make people take me less seriously, while I truly don't think that's right. I think it's so important that people make video's like this. You really hit the nail on the head and said what needed to be said.
I struggle with this so much that for the longest time I was going stealth. I didn't let my closest friends know that I was trans, so that I could be the cisgender queer guy who likes to wear croptops and colored nails to parties. Being openly trans and doing that just feels like something that would give me dysphoria.
one thing a lot of people get wrong is gender identity ≠ gender expression, i'm a trans woman, but i love a lot of boyish things, i don't like wearing skirts or dresses or typically feminine clothes too much and sometimes my parents say that cursed thing "If you want to be a girl, why do you like XYZ things?" though i feel being a boyish girl is more accepted than being a girly boy, specially while being trans. Often times trans people feel they should act a certain way to "prove" their gender, and that's just plain stupid, do whatever makes you feel like yourself. Yap session over lol, this video is great! You should have way more subscribers
I understand this. I was a girly kid. I loved the idea of being a princess and liked the thought of marrying cute boys. I wore nothing but dresses and leggings and skirts and when I was little I thought the difference between boys and girls was only hair length so I kept my hair as long as possible so I could be seen as pretty. But eventually it felt like an act. When I was around ten years old I didn’t feel it anymore. I liked tomboy characters and cutting my hair short, I liked violence and swords and really wished I could pee standing up. I wore baggy sweatshirts and sweatpants because I hated the idea of growing into a woman. That’s what womanhood was to me. A fantasy. This fictional thing I liked to role play as as a kid. Because it did make me happy but over time I grew more and more out of that ideal… and then I found Kuromi. At thirteen years old I found a pretty but boyish girl character who I related to on a deeper level, I started dressing feminine again because I wanted to be like her and more importantly I realized exactly who I am: a feminine boy. That’s why I liked dressing up my little brother because I wanted to relate. That’s why I liked feminine things but hated the idea of growing into a woman. That’s why it was always a costume and not a gender. I will never be a woman, but that little girl I was will always be a part of me. I am very much a trans man but I also love feminine things, just not the body and role that comes with it in adulthood. I can always understand another trans guy when they say they were a girl when they were a child but a man now because I lived that. Childhood doesn’t have a gender. I was just a feminine child.
yesyesyes i get this very much!!! it wasnt so much "i dont feel like a girl" but instead when i tried to make myself a boy in my mirror it was like "oh. oh so this is me? i get it now." important to mention that i always really enjoyed feminine things until like the age of 9. i still liked them, but i felt the urge to hide it. back then, it was because i simply didnt like it, now theres a bit more dysphoria involved. i still dont like wearing dresses or pink, but i love them on others anyway.
YES YOU DON'T NEED DYSPHORIA TO BE TRANS, it's, you know, EUPHORIA because you felt better as a boy, but you still never hated it when you thought you were a girl, it was more kind of neutral rather than negative
@@vayianos i mean you do have to have some dysphoria to be trans imo. You don't have to be super masculine, or hate being a girl, but you should have some discomfort surrounding pronouns, name, body, etc. The only reason transgender makes sense, and other things like trans race or trans age don't, is because gender dysphoria is a proven thing that has existed for years. Otherwise how is the trans community any different than trans racial or trans age? Are those valid too? Gender incongruence, our mental condition, is what makes us valid compared to stuff like that. We have actual proof that our minds function differently.
@@vayianos anyway, no offense I support your self discovery, I just wanted to point out the flaws in that way of thinking. As a trans nonbinary person myself.
This is a very important video to make, so preach! We have to convince not only the cishets, but often a lot of the trans community that there isn’t one way to be trans! You don’t have to have dysphoria about everything (or anything!), you don’t have to be or have acted a certain way when young, or act a certain way now! The idea that it’s not up to you how someone else lives is very prominent in the trans community, but sometimes we focus so hard on other people judging us we don’t realize the harm we’re causing. Very good video, Ava approved
Im glad youtube randomly recommended this video to me, bc I'm almost exactly the same. I adored being a girl, and wearing dresses and playing princesses and i would constantly reject anything masculine. Then i became a teenager and i did a complete 180, and im still figuring things out today honestly; i still love feminine things, but they make me so uncomfortable sometimes it's frustrating, and im still not sure abt my gender, i question it almost every day, but part of me wants to be a man, so im just trying to figure out what that means to me (and if it's truly what i want). Thank you for sharing honestly, it's nice to know other ppl with the same experience :]
I feel this so much, people often tell me you can't be trans and still want to be feminine, but I gotta prove them wrong, im gonna be a pretty boy and they can't stop me!! I hope you find comfort in all of us coming and commenting on your video, it makes me happy to see so many people like me here :)
When I came out as trans, my familys biggest argument was how much I would wear skirts and dresses I mean, my dad made a list of reasons on why he knew I wasn't trans and it was stupid stuff like how I liked a bunch of typically feminine things. I relate to this video so much. Thank you. Knowing I'm not the only one who feels like this helps more than you can imagine
I relate to your experience, I think the best way I can explain is that I liked being a girl but I HATE being a woman. I like feminine things but the thought of being seen as a woman makes me want to hurl. I guess thats why puberty sucked. I’m hoping I can get on T when I’m 18 so hopefully one day I can wear pretty things without being seen as a woman.
Before I was a tomboy. I called myself "half boy half girl", I was always like that. But what I struggle with now is that I want to be a girl so bad. I currently do wear pink and pretty things and I love being a girl. I feel so pretty and I have so much fun as a girl, but I know that's not me. I know when I look in the mirror, I'll still feel off. When I feel my hair touch my shoulders and rub against my back it'll feel wrong. I'll always be a phantom of myself like this but at the same time if I try and force myself to like "boy things" and wear baggy clothes and throw at all my pretty pink clothes that'll also be denying myself. I feel like two forces of femininity and masculinity are constantly tugging at me, and while I know gender wise I'm a man, expressing myself as a woman is just so... nice? Cause even if I transition and wear these things, it won't be the same. And at the same time, it doesn't feel like it'll matter anyway? Cause even if I transition I'll always be a "trans man".
Maybe you could be demi girl (partially girl), demi people can also feel like the opposite gender, and it's not necessarily always 50% girl 50% boy you can adjust how you like! Or be bigender (male and female), you can also be bigender flux the difference is that your genders fluctuate between each other randomly This is just from what I've seen in your experience, you don't necessarily have to be this stuff, good luck finding yourself tho :)
thank you for making this! i’ve always doubted whether i’m really trans or not because i just don’t fit anybody else’s experiences. i didn’t act like a boy when i was little. i didn’t hate “girl” clothes. i only started feeling the way i do when i was around 9 or 10. i’ve been feeling so invalid, so i really appreciate seeing a bunch of people like me here!
As a trans man, thank you. I also loved wear “girly” things as a kid, heck, I was obsessed with this green tutu I had! But in the end, I found out I was a boy. I don’t regret ever wearing that tutu as much as I did, because I LOVED it. And it made me happy. It made me so, so, so happy. I’ve never had an off feeling about myself, it just randomly clicked in middle school I wasn’t a girl. Thank you for making this video 🩵
MtF here, i can also kind of relate. I've never _loved_ being a guy or anything, and im definitely much more comfortable as a girl, but I don't really have all that much dysphoria. I'm fine with not looking 100% feminine at all times. Although i do wanna get on e and do all that stuff eventually, im already pretty as i am, or least i like to think so xd. I wanna do cosplays as a guy eventually for some of my fav characters. In terms of the trans community: Yes, theres bad people, but thats just kind of a natural consequence of being in a big community. Maybe I just haven't had enough contact with people, but at least i feel that the popular opinion is that you dont need to only do stuff that ""fits"" your gender to qualify as being trans. There's idiots out there, definitely, but thats just kind of what happens at this size. At least for me, it doesn't make me think any less of our community.
I deffo can see that. My issues with the community and fitting in is a lot of people I've had contact with almost "baby" other trans people, or talk shit about them when they don't fit the status quo. It's not the norm and a lot of people are accepting, but especially IRL it's hard to come across people who are decent about it 😭 I do agree tho, there are always the shit bags in a community that ruin it
So glad TH-cam recommended me this! I'm a trans NB fella, going by they/he pronouns (planning to start HRT soon hopefully if all goes well). I used to get scared that I was "faking" and avoided using make up and wearing skirts. Now I'm at a point where I do not care as much. I love throwing glitter at my face and dressing in pink. I do not mind looking feminine. I don't wear skirts very often, but I at least don't absolutely hate the idea, or fear how I am perceived as much anymore (I still do absolutely feel it, but to a lesser extent). I was a very feminine kid, I loved wearing dresses, and was into MLP, LPS and all the things a "typical girl," would like. Although funnily enough hated the idea of wearing make up for a while lol. Although I never truly felt like a "girl." It's so weird and hard to explain to people, who are so confined to the gender norms. I feel like my style is very fluid, but my gender identity is very much still NB and not fluid. I've tried all pronouns before, but did not like still going by she/her pronouns at all and being called a girl. So I get it. I just like slaying and wearing what I like ✨✨✨ Thank you for making this video 💜
i sort of relate to this, the only “sign” that i showed as a child was always having my hair short and that’s about it. i’ve felt excluded from the trans community and felt like i wasn’t valid cus i wasn’t a tomboy or whatever. it dosent matter if you showed “signs” or not, you can still be valid if you wore dresses and makeup and had long hair and heels or if you had short hair and played in the mud or played with tractors. that’s what you were told was the right thing so of course your going to find interest in it. you are valid.
Honestly this is such an amazing video, I’m a 16 year old trans guy and came out at 9, which is when I got the “puberty talk” and all the gender aspects really started to come into play and make me stressed. But as a kid I was not specifically “boyish” or “girly”. I liked Star Wars and super hero’s and ran around with my shirt off. But I’d also wear rainbow sequin shirts and love my long hair and watch princess movies. As a kid I don’t think I ever fully thought about being a “girl”, I was just a kid. I definitely thought because I wasn’t distressed about this as a kid that I wasn’t ACTUALLY trans. But I’ve realized my parents just let me be me, and didn’t typically FORCE me to be a girly girly, so I could explore and be whoever I wanted to be. Thanks for the video you’re awesome! 🏳️⚧️🩵
That's almost word for word how I feel! I'm Trans-masc Nonbinary, I love wearing long skirts and feeling pretty. I'm currently fem presenting [Though I don't like people seeing me as a girl, I'd rather be this mysterious unknowable gender that confuses people] until I find a way to comfortably be more masc/androgynous. I was around 12 I think, when I learned about the community, I was a very strong ally for a month or so, then realized that I didn't identify as a girl. There was never any discomfort with my identity before that, as far as I know. Going through puberty was probably the reason. Relatable video! Glad to know there's others in the community that had the same experience.
You're not alone Tobias; I did not fully dislike acting my assigned gender, nor do I think I have to achieve complete stereotypical femininity to be trans. I like having the chance to grow a moustache, wear whatever makes me comfortable that day, or doing and enjoying stuff regardless of its gendered connotation. I miss not worrying about the things I worry now that I know I'm trans, and I hope this whiplash dysphoria ends up flattening a bit over the years, but for now, all I want is to figure out what actually fits me instead of relying on a stereotype. Thanks for this video, I needed it. Much love
nonbinary transmasc here, i wanted to thank you for making this video. while i can't relate to the beginning of the video, the trans community makes me feel very alienated, because of the judgement and how different their experiences are from mine, to the point i start hating being trans because I'm not trans the way everyone else is. all that aside, thanks for the video, good work. despite our different experiences, it made me feel seen
For me I definitely had those moments as a kid where I felt "wrong", but I still adored being a girl, I miss it. I loved dress up, then puberty hit, that's when the dysphoria hit. This video was so relatable, it's so similar to my experience as a trans person.
I’ve just started transitioning and I’m transfem so I haven’t experienced this but I did enjoy being a boy growing up. As a teenager I went from boy to woman (not as in transitioning just how I felt inside)
God im so happy i found this video. Im trans (FtM) and with my time with being a girl, im going to be honest, ive also never hated it, nor did i even care in the first place, all i wanted was to be a wild kid having fun, and its what ive done during my entire time experiencing girlhood, id play swords with the neighbors, id make mud cakes and tea parties with water and green leaves id find outside, id play around in the grass with my dog and spin in my dresses outside, and also uh, accidentally leave my barbies outside in a rainy day lol. I absolutely LOVED dolls, and especifically my little pony figures, but because of the standards in the trans community, i had to give all my quote on quote '' girly things '' away. I miss my dolls, and i miss my mlp figures oh so much. I wish i didnt care as much for it even if im not one to want to dress girly, i have particullarly girly interests. And in a way the trans community kinda created a barrier between me and the things i liked the most as a kid, pressured me into giving my dolls and figures away because it wasnt '' masculine. '' nowadays, i dont hate myself for having fun as a kid, and i see these memories in a positive outlook more than anything, and i honestly kinda miss it. Im glad im not the only one.
I am a trans woman, and I relate to allot of what you said. I didn't grow up trying on girls clothes till I realized I was trans around 24. People like Blair White held me back. We need more voices like yours.
Thank you for making this video. I've had a weird experience growing up trans, as a child I loved pink ponies and princesses, but I'd also play in the dirt and catch bugs and a lot of my friends were boys. I didn't cry or throw tantrums or even feel uncomfortable when i was called a girl, in fact as a kid I'd be more weirded out being compared to boys. If anything I'd say dysphoria only really started to show up in middle school, when puberty and expectations based on gender started to show up. All this to say, you're not alone in being the "minority" so to speak with trans experiences. (Ironic how there's a minority for a minority, isnt it?) In the future I hope our community is more open minded about the experiences of others, not just the ones with a common narrative. I'd say this video is a good start.
Thank you so much, I'm so happy that I'm not alone in this feeling. The same thing happened to me when I figured out my transness when puberty started. I genuinely hope when people find this video they gain that open mindedness. Thank you again, I'm really happy I'm not alone in this issue 😊
This hit home. I’m a trans girl but so much of mainstream transfem culture is strongly tied to internet, gaming, and programming circles to the point that I felt completely alone with my unrelated hobbies and had nobody who would understand me. I’ve heard so many jokes about “every trans woman does this” and “every trans woman does that” that I found myself able to relate to trans men more because they’re the ones who care about what I care about, but they could never understand the way I experience gender… and living that way is exhausting.
I'm not trans but I watch quite a few trans creators and part of what you're describing sounds pretty similar to what Abigail Thorn (Philosophy Tube) talked about in her coming out video, specifically the part about it feeling like you're supposed to fit this narrative of always knowing you wanted to be (insert X gender) even as a child.
I relate to this, as I am a genderfluid. Sometimes I feel like a girl but don’t want to be feminine, or I feel like a boy and I don’t want to be masculine. Boys can be pretty princesses/pretty princes. And girls can be as masculine as they want! Also the memory thing is really relatable, I loved being a girl but as I grew up I changed out of that as I grew. But it was so fun to be a princess as a kid!
When i was little i loved being fem but when i found out about being trans i did research and i want to be masc now (i also loved spinny dresses like i would wanted to have makeup and have heels) but i dont want that anymore
first off love the cavetown in the back secondly im so happy I came across this video. I feel that I really needed it. I feel the same way. I know im trans and im proud of that but sometimes its hard to tell people that im trans when knowing that I am different than every other trans person ive met/seen. I like being feminine but mostly, i never hated being a girl. I loved it. and there are times that I wished I never realized im trans bc it has caused me a lot of pain. I miss being a girl a lot. I really do and I thought that maybe I am just different but I am trans, no matter if I was unhappy being a girl or not. Thank you btw your awesome :)
there are people in the queer community that try to inforce binary experiences and exclude anyone outside of that norm, but don’t listen to them. as someone with an unorthodox identity i know what it feels like, but just know there are people out there that WILL accept you for who you are!!!
I'm not trans, i identify as a cis girl, but for the same reasons that you've explained, for a period of my life i tought i was. When i was little i didn't liked sterotypical feminine things, playing with dolls and things like that, and so that really cofused me when i realized that a lot of transmasculine people went trought the same thing. I tought it was a sign, or something like that. It's good to remember that not everyone goes trought the same exact experiences and that we are all different. Thanks for the video, it was very insightful.
I'm a freshman right now, and I'm only out at school and to my therapist. But I often feel like im not a real trans man because I like girly things. And that's no fun. I find myself hating who I used to be "for not realizing sooner" and I just being a baby in the community. I have to keep reminding myself all the things you said in this video. Thank you .
Some people never hated to be a guy/girl. They just liked opposite better, it’s not disphoria that signs transgenderism. It’s euphoria, if u like being a boy more or. It’s alright. 8 bil gender theory still exist :)
Hi Toby, Ripley here!! oh my god I've only watched this video finally at 2 am while working on my assignment but this video is actually so well put together and so very moving. Genuinely amazing, and the music choices are SO GOOD. I agree so much with everything you've said. I've moved away from labels in recent because it's gotten so hard to know what exactly I am anymore. The pressure of labeling every part of yourself to fit in and "earn" respect is overwhelming. More people should know they can go with the flow! In the end I'm certainly not a cis woman. Instead, some evil butch-thing.
man this video was relatable. While I didn't LOVE girlhood, I still liked it and a lot of stuff like playing with dolls was fun. Because I never threw fits about it or anything is why my family thinks I'm a fake and just have ROGD. All of these things make it to where I feel like I have to be as manly as possible when I'm at school, even though I'm really not that kind of guy. If i'm being completely honest, everytime I see a transmasc person who's dressing however they want (be it wearing skirts or just something other than baggy clothes and hoodies) at my school I sort of internally judge them, and I know it's wrong but I've never really tried to address it. I do realize though that it's just enforcing the same standards my mother has on me, and I'm really just jealous of these people. As a minor I'm completely banned from anything gender affirming, I'm not even allowed to cut my hair too short because they know I'm trans (forcefully outed btw). I feel like if I want to prove myself as a real transgender and not be completely disregarded by my caretakers I have to reject every single feminine thing before me and even restrict my bisexuality to only liking girls. However, I literally just can't bring myself to do those things so I feel like a failure. it's almost like I'm taking out my self hatred on others, like to bring my transness up I have to put down people I see below me, and that's really messed up. I think this video is really good, and it really made me think about these internal thoughts and emotions and how I don't really want to feel these things anymore.
Thank you. seriously, thank you SO much for making this. I've always felt this way as well, like.. I loved being a little girl. I loved it, and if I could choose to feel like one, I would. But I can't, 'cause every time I get called 'she' or anything feminine i feel sick. Thank you for sharing your experience, it feels so refreshing to be able to identify and feel with another trans person in this way. 💗💗
As an AMAB person who is still not sure on my identity, I relate to this. I only ever started exploring my gender in college, and even years after graduating I feel like I can't possibly be trans bc when I was young I really enjoyed being a boy. I enjoy presenting feminine but at the same time I don't know how much of the internal pushback i get in my head is my mind telling me something isn't right vs an internalized shame around the idea that, even though I want to be more feminine, I'm actually just "tricking myself" and that those desires arent valid.
I think you're very brave to make a video like this. Its hard to talk any sort of negative about a community you're a part of. You are definitely allowed to feel however you want. Being different is something to be proud of, not something to feel shameful for. If others dont like it, then thats their problem and if they try to make it your problem, then they arent worth your time. Also, in your next video, maybe talk about your mom, i bet she's just as cool as you are. 😁
I’m genderfluid, which makes being trans so hard. I felt ‘yucky’ being called ‘girl’ because of the ‘girly girl’ option ‘being so close’, so I called myself a tomboy. I identified as a tomboy. I had long hair, loved pink, etc. But I knew inside I was ‘tomboy’… as far as I knew from the words and language I had at the time. I remember being 4. I wore a cheap grass skirt, made of that stuff in the bottom of an Easter basket. But I was topless. I said I was ‘dancing like a girl AND a boy!’ Because in the imagery I know, guys had trunks and *no shirt* while girls had a top and *grass skirt*. By all accounts, to the world, I was a pretty girl who just liked dirt and mud. But I knew how I felt inside, well, to a degree. I love the dresses when they fit right. I love bright makeup and nail polish because it made me feel like me. But I stop and feel ‘yucky’ when I remember, that’s a ‘girl’ thing. People online tell me that I’m just a girl who is uncomfortable with misogyny, which is why I only feel ‘comfortable’ perceiving myself as a guy in some occasions. Or that I am just being creepy when I get overly giddy over mlm relationships because that’s what I want. I want to be a boy with a boyfriend. But people tell me I’m just being weird towards mlm relationships in the same way straight men are weird with wlw relationships. I see guys with a ‘soft guy’ aesthetic or a femboy aesthetic, and I want it. But I feel sick because I know if I tried… it’ll only come out wrong. My chest looks wrong in a hoodie, and my dress only makes me ‘girly’. I find it funny. Because the moments I feel confident in my gender, I gravitate towards pink. My favorite colors are dandelion yellow and royal purple. But I still gravitate towards pink. When I was little and confident in my own idea of my identity, I told myself I loved pink like guys love pink, which was the only way I could disassociate pink with femininity. But as I got older and I saw lines between man and woman, I stopped liking pink. But nowadays, when I feel confident and forget about gender, I gravitate towards pink, forgetting it’s ‘girly’ and just seeing it as ‘cute’. Can’t a guy like cute and soft?
I’m so glad I’m not the only one. I always feel super insecure and I’ve never brought it up because I’m afraid of people not seeing me as male. But I miss being a girl sometimes. I wish I could just go back I wish it was that easy but I also don’t ?? Because I’m a guy. Idk. It’s hard to describe but you did it perfectly 🫶
this is actually so right. i’m so confused and conflicted about my gender. im so so happy that i’m not alone. i have this skirt that i got a few years ago from a thrift store, its really pretty and flowy and nice and i love it so much but i fell like if i wear it people will see me as a girl and id hate that. and when i was a kid the only thing id wear were pink tutus or shirts with little plastic gems on them. i played with dolls and i hated football. i’m so confused. i wish i could be happy with my gender:(( your video is really comforting. thank you alot!!!
this video is SO GOOD. it really shows a side of the trans community that people tend to overlook either out of fear or ignorance. i'm non-binary, but lean more towards male than anything. growing up, i loved barbie dolls and princesses. i constantly wore those cheap Disney princess costumes and carried around polly pockets and barbie dolls. but i also loved monster trucks, and video games, and play-fighting with my brother - i had a collection of hot wheels that i cherished, i was a big fan of spiderman, i loved dragons and wolves and sports. i was such a mixed bag of "boyish" and "girlish" things, that oftentimes i was excluded from both groups. other little girls wouldn't let me play dolls with them because i wanted to include my cool monster truck toy or spiderman figure. other little boys wouldn't let me play tag with them because i was decked out in princess costumes. stuff like that - i kind of knew from the start that i didn't fit in either category despite really wanting to, that i had to either choose one or constantly be rejected by peers. i loved both sides of it, i wanted both, but i didn't feel like i was either of them. so what i wanted to dress like Cinderella while racing hot wheels on tracks, so what i wanted to play dollhouse with toy cars and superhero figures!! i was such a confusing kid to people because growing up in a conservative strict-gender role town made even parents concerned about me. coming to realize that i don't identify as female, and instead as a nonbinary trans masc person both made sense and didn't at the same time. i always felt excluded because, like you, i really did enjoy girly things - i still love wearing dresses and skirts. i love the color pink, and bows, and makeup, and hell, i still collect dolls and stuffed animals. but i don't feel like a girl. i feel masculine in a more gender neutral way, which i KNOW doesn't make sense to a lot of people, but it makes sense to me. i just wish that the trans community, or lgbtq community in general, would stop putting people in boxes - they're barely any different from the ones who hate us. like you, i don't hate the community; but i wish it would love *me* so i can love it.
dude, i feel all of this. i am an opposite end of the spectrum, as an AMAB trans-feminine femboy. i did what i did originally as a little experiment to see where i lie on my gender expression, and i still want to carry myself as a woman in public, but i also like being called he/they and a guy online, when i consent to it. it's therapeutic to not have to confine myself to my identity i tried so hard to carve out for myself, what with an immaculately trained femme voice and being blessed by taking _very well_ to estrogen, since i still get objectified a lot, and sometimes trying to relate to other trans-women is really hard to do, and feel like i have more in common with enby trans-men than i do with binary trans-women. i love my body and what it's become, hate my body hair, still love wearing feminine clothes as well as masculine, but in situations where people can just see my thighs and hear my masc voice, i love it.
Thank you so much for voicing your opinions and creating this video. This helped me verbalise my own experiences regarding being trans, as I feel the exact same way. I’ll definitely be sending this to my parents, too, as this will likely help them get a better understanding of my emotions and hopefully realise I’m not just going through a phase. Also, Tobias is a superb name, wonderful choice dude.
I was a little girl once, and I do remember not having a problem with it at all back then because in my childhood I wasn't pushed to be "girly" or "act like a girl". I was a quiet and lonely child so most of my time was spent watching cartoons, drawing and reading books over being sorted into a specific gender role (i.e. I had no friends to play dolls/sports with). Of course I did feel uncomfortable when an extended family member would say stuff like "you're growing into a nice young lady" or suggest we go "shopping", but those were rare occassions and I atributed that discomfort to the fact that I didn't see them very often. So my childhood was pretty gender neutral I think. I liked dresses and that my mom braided my hair when I went to school, and when I came back home I watched Ben 10 and played trucks with my brother. That's why I only started to question my gender when puberty hit, and my body started to change. But not because I was uncomfortable with my body, rather I was uncomfortable with what that meant to other people. Mysoginy played a huge part in my transition, because the moment I started showing signs of being a "woman" I started getting told to "act like a lady" and ditch my more masculine interests and traits, and when I refused to I was scoffed at by family. I was catcalled at 14 years old by a gross old man on the street and I wanted to cry, I didn't want to be a woman if that was what I was going to have to put up with when I grew up, so I resented womanhood and femininity and tried to push it as far away from me as possible. That led to getting called a boy by my friends. At first it was teasing, then it was more like the type of bullying only 15 year old boys know how to do. It was supposed to offend me, it was supposed to make me feel belittled, but my autistic ass took it as an invitation to be "one of the boys". But then again, I would still be excluded from their videogame play sessions or when they went paintballing because I was still a girl. I saw once that the trans experience is not always "I feel trapped in my own body", more like "I am trapped in the idea you have of me". I didn't understand why I could have the same interests as a boy and act like a boy and speak like a boy- but because of my genitals I was still left out of the things boys did. I only came out to myself in 2022 as transmasc because I tried so hard to make myself a girl, to just be a tomboy and suck it up but it never worked. I often wonder if things would've been different if I didn't experience mysoginy or if i wasn't autistic.
it feels so good that someone shares a similar experience. i sometimes deal with the feeling that i’m “not trans enough” because i’ve always resonated with femininity throughout my life. i hate having to live up to a standard to be respected for who i am, it’s so exhausting. but there’s comfort in knowing that none of us are alone, and despite everyone’s experience being different there’s always going to be someone who gets it. i’m also a robin btw! i chose that name when i was 14 or 15 because of rockin’ robin (the song) :) i also go by many other names like kasper and xenith but there’s something special about that name that i’ve held dear for years.
As a trans masc I can relate, I never felt dysphoria- I like dressing feminine, I like cosplaying female characters, but because of that I don’t feel like I’m truly trans, I like Wearing dresses and skirts but I don’t wanna be seen as a girl,
Wow I feel this so much. I am afab and love feminine stuff and dress relatively feminine most of the time but I absolutely love the idea of being seen as a guy. I haven’t told anyone but I might tell my parents soon. I don’t know 100% what labels I use but I’m pretty sure I am genderfluid/nonbinary.
This is said so well but I’m the complete opposite, I used to be a tomboy and hating skirts and dresses but now I love dressing feminine and feeling pretty but I know I,ll be misgendered if wear pretty things
See, I get this a lot. In my case, I loved being feminine when I was younger, but it was never being a girl, it was being feminine. I still love femininity, but I don’t like being perceived as a girl. I wanna wear skirts, but in the same way a feminine cis guy would wear a skirt. I never quite saw myself as a girl or a guy when I was little entirely because in all honesty I just didn’t care. I liked having my hair long and I liked wearing dresses and I liked pretty makeup and I liked my Barbies, but at the same time I didn’t feel like I was any different from the other kids. I also liked playing with my brothers sonic plushies and dinosaur toys. I was friends with as many guys as girls. I liked the strong tough Disney princesses. To me, it wasn’t really until puberty hit that I realized guys and girls were “supposed to be different”.
ive had a similar experience, i realized i was trans when puberty hit. before that i just kinda vibed in dresses and skirts i would still considerer myself a feminine guy, i hate it when ppl try to overcompensate because they themselves aren't secure with their gender identity and let that influence how they judge other (trans) ppl... let trans men/masc ppl be feminine smh my head great video!!
I’m genderqueer and, while I don’t entirely relate to this, I do get the feeling of being excluded from the rest of the trans community or feeling that way because “I’m not trans in the same way they are, so there must be something wrong”. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t trans at all, or at least trans in a more simplistic, binary way, because it’s a huge burden to feel like a massive question mark all the time and somehow that’s YOUR fault, they tell you. People act like trans individuals who just happen to be GNC too owe them something extra, but we deserve to be treated the same as everyone else. The double standards are ridiculous. Happy trans awareness week, dude. This was beautiful :)
You can not do your transition wrong. It is your journey. I completely hear where you're coming from, and as transfemme i even partially relate! I get not relating to the intense dysphoria others have felt, but it doesn't make us any less valid. We just have a different story to tell. ❤
I dunno why this was recommended to me, but it's a great video. When I was in middle school, I experienced just about every sign that people on the internet would have interpreted as me being trans. And they often did, because for every person that was telling me I wasn't trans, there was another person hell bent on convincing me I was. Since then I've grown incredibly comfortable with my identity as a man, but I've also become much more comfortable with doing/taking part in traditionally "feminine" things. I paint my nails, I put on makeup from time to time, I wear whatever clothes I want, most of my friends are women/femme presenting, and I'm glad that this was how I turned out. I couldn't imagine it going any other way. Despite being bisexual, it's insane to me how exclusionary and sanctimonious the LGBT community can be. I don't wish that feeling upon anyone, because that was one of the worst periods of my life, due in large part to people trying to tell me who I was, but not for the sake of helping me figure out my identity, it was just so they could feel as though it was some form of validation or acceptance of the community as a whole. Just because people are obsessed with wanting you to categorize yourself into some form of preferable group for them doesn't mean you have to, and trying to "help" can sometimes do more harm than good when it gets to that point.
Exactly! I'm so sorry you've experienced these issues, but they are same issues I have experienced myself. When I first had any thoughts of being trans I had friends who were insistent on giving me a label, and kind f-ed me up in the long run for my trans identity. It drives me crazy. But I am happy that you enjoyed the video, and that your comfortable in who you are now.
Thank you for this! I hated being called a boy as a kid and seeing most people saying they always wanted to be a boy made me feel like I wasn’t trans because I in the past didn’t want to be seen as a guy
yay, someone feels similar! trans girl here, sometimes i do wish i was just a cis guy, i also remember the times when i was younger and liking boy things, and not liking girl things, and i definitely was always like “I’m a boy!” but even still, there were signs, like i wasn’t happy with the way i was treated compared to how girls were treated my age, i didn’t like how girls had more clothing options than boys, but it was more like i didn’t like the disparity between the two genders, but i generally leave out the parts of me always playing with toy trains and cars, but instead focus on my dislike of sports, wanting to wear girl clothes, or wanting to give birth or whatever, not necessarily meaning those are exclusive to one gender, but they are stereotypes types people think of. But there wasn’t really an off feeling, not really till like the pandemic where i basically got two years to myself of just being able to think for myself and nothing else did i really weigh the options in my head
I get this. I don’t want to act feminine, nor masculine but I wanted to look like and be seen as a girl. Though my situation is a little different, I totally understand where you are coming from.
I experience a phenomenon I like to call "alternate dimension girl" - where I, AMAB, feel like I identify as a girl but in a very specific way that is on a different branch of gender, like the imaginary number "i". It's like I am a woman on a different gender spectrum which is why I struggle to identify with other women or even most trans women.
i honestly feel this vid tbh like i hated being a girl as a kid and i hated wearing overly girly things but i had girly likes and hobbies i guess. like i hate sports but i love crocheting and drawing and learning about cute animals lol, even the "less cute" animals. i also am kind of effeminate AND strictly gay while being a strictly he/him binary trans guy. but i love wearing basic dudes clothes with maybe flowers or butterflies on my hoodies or shirts sometimes. but i hate actually looking like a girl even though im growing my hair out again to my shoulders i mean i guess now that ive been on testosterone for a little over a week i can start wearing whatever now. i wont ever wear skirts or dresses but ill stick to my cute designs thank you very much anyway like yeah i fit the complete standard as to what a trans man is. im on T, i even have blockers past 18, i shop in the mens section only, i wear boxers, i want top surgery, i have a very male name, i only use he/him... the only thing missing is bottom surgery, and i guess the overly macho masculine hobbies like idfk driving a truck or hunting. and wearing hypermasculine clothes but oh well who cares like i don't really care about what kind of trans guy i am, i forget im trans. im just a shorter guy who likes wearing whatev and doing whatev. who cares if its "girly". i dont plan on becoming muscular. i dont care about sports or football. i dont care about even being attracted to women. im just a guy and i think not really feeling connected to the trans community helps kind of become more self confident ive had a trans guy try to convince me im actually non-binary just because i want longer hair like wtf
This video popped up in my recommended feed randomly, and I don’t think I've ever watched a video that made me feel more seen. I struggled with my identity for years, and I'm still struggling with it, not just because a label doesn’t feel right but because the amount of trans influencers out there that describe the ftm experience as "hating being a girl" or the mtf experience as "hating being a boy." To find a video from a fellow trans man that feels how I feel has absolutely made my day. I hope you have a wonderful day or night :3 And, to anyone reading this, you're not less valid because you're gnc, you're not faking it, you are you and you deserve love
Ive always thought of myself as not girl but ive never had this feling to be masculine. Its not even an enby thing or fluid thing. I love wearing make up and having dresses but i LOVE my pirate coat and i love my short hair and the 4 dark hair on my lips i have that i have before T I love my cute cat girl ears and i love my pink jacket that got me through my girl puberty and im going to love the little girl whos still playing highschool with her friends and being the boy character for them cus we were too awkward to ask a boy to play with us.
i feel that i can really understand everything you're saying absolutely perfectly and that's upsetting. i wish you could love it too. i hope you'll be able to someday soon when the people who are supposed to stand with you begin to take the time to understand you. much love from a trans girl that feels familiar with the words you said.
This. I honestly relate to this as someone who is fem but none gender conforming, like I’m not trans enough or I’m not doing it right. Something to remember is that even if our experiences are not a lot like others, we are not any less trans. We are apart of the transgender community and the people who don’t want to accept that are fuckheads. Good luck being you fellow trans friend 🤍
This video means a lot to me, I mean, I’ve been struggling with my identity for years, and like, it sucks! Yeah! I realised I might be trans years ago, like, in 2022. And it was hard, I cried at first because I didn’t know how to react, and then I never really went anywhere with it, because yeah! I didn’t hate being a boy! I didn’t abhor it or want those memories to be completely gone! I did like parts of it, sometimes I do think back on it and think about whether I’m going the right way! And I had doubts, of course, it’s a big thing, but at the same time, I want to be a girl, I know I do, I often have this feeling that I’m just off, or “weird” and it’s a struggle, and then dysphoria, and all of that. But it’s just like… there’s no “right way” to be you, you just have to figure it out, and that’s hard, but you need to stop thinking about others journeys when you think about your own, because yeah! There’s never gonna be two of the exact same journeys. Sorry, this probably made no sense whatsoever, basically this video just like means a lot at the moment, so thank you lol
This is 100% real, my best friend Ollie was super girly and loved being a girl and turns out he was trans at the end of 5th grade and they go by every thingy but she/her/hers now but he had long hair and wore dresses and love fashion and pink and Sanrio but he changed at 10 years old
Society has a certain image of trans men. For me, when I don’t resonate with other trans people I get such crippling self doubt. It almost ruins my euphoria, it nearly everything good about being trans. It is so frustrating because I don’t feel valid as a trans person. This video was so helpful, thank you for making it❤
I'm a trans man who loved being feminine as a child and I loved pastel pink too, but even as a young child I did feel kinda off in ways which I chalk up to be dysphoria I am also a trans man who LOVES poofy dresses, but am afraid to be even slightly feminine because people would think of me as a "trender" and dysphoria I don't think I could handle it 😔 If I can ever grow a beard when (or if I'm able) to medically transition, and get top surgery, I would LOVE to dress the way I used to, but I feel like there'd still be that voice in the back of my mind of people telling me that I'm "not a real trans man", which is very disheartening.
My experience has been different, and I can confirm that it's very strange to not see anything similar to what I feel. Thanks for this video. Also Lemon Boy goes hard 🔥🔥🔥
I am 22 and i came out a year ago, and I feel you so much. I often find myself to be sad that I never explored my girlhood like I could’ve if I was a girl. I never did, because it scared me so much and being seen as a girl pained me so much. But wearing pretty dresses and going to the beach, wearing red lipstick. It feels like grieving someone I was so close to being, but never was.
I feel the same! I hate she/her (or some "feminine" words used for me) but i loved being that little girl. I loved being in the dresses my mom or grandmothers gave me. i feel sad that i don't feel like that in dresses now.
hello! so I'm 14 anddd I'm trans since I was 12, I just tried to deny that a bit cuz I didn't want to and yeah. I've been struggling with it because I've never showed it when I was small, and everyone and everything is just making me feel like this is a phase and I'm just confused etc. But it's not that because, I feel a guy. I wish I was born as a guy, had a guy childhood, had a guy body, had also guy friends (because I don't have males in my class) and I just wasn't a girl. Ofc I'm not saying someday I may change my mind, maybe one day I'll find out I'm demiboy (it's an example) also since I'm young. but I don't want to define myself as a girl and I don't want anyone to tell me I am one. I came out to my parents some months ago, and at first they were understanding, but after a while they started kind of trying to change my mind? I don't know, it hurts me so much because they keep calling me princess or stuff even tho I told em I'm a guy my mother often seems like she's trying to highlight that I'm a girl. Like for example once I cut my hair short but they still looked pretty feminine and I was having dysphoria and went to my mum and told her I was sad bc my hair weren't boyish enough. and now I asked her I wanted to cut em shorter and she went on a website for women haircuts for giving me inspos... even tho I KEEP SHOWING HER MALE PICTURES FOR MY HAIR. I tried talking to her, but the last time I did she proved me in ANY WAY that I wasn't trans and that I can't use male pronouns cuz this is only convincing me more that I am trans and I'm not etc etc... so I'm asking, please answer honestly. Am I not valid? Is this just a phase? Or is it okay to change gender (due to involuntary experience ofc) in the time? Because I don't know anymore. I have two theories: the first one is that, I've always been a very obedient person, and since everyone told me I was a girl, I just was okay with it, and now that I'm growing up I don't feel like that anymore, or I simply always felt a guy but I didn't understand it and still liked feminine stuff (sometimes I like wearing that stuff). I feel a guy and I suffer for it, but I see a lot of friends that I have that are like 11-12 that one day they say that they feel trans and I don't know, it looks like a trend or something and this makes me suffer and I feel like I'm not valid or something:[
Someone put it into words. I've spent years feeling like I'm "less trans" because I enjoyed being a girl as a child, I was happy as a girl. I wore dresses and I played with dolls and I would only play pretend as girl characters. Then, when I was around eleven, that stopped feeling right. It doesn't mean I'm any less trans, but I relate to the experience of feeling as such. Your video was really inspiring and struck a chord with me, and I thank you for that. Have a wonderful day, and please remember you are valid no matter how your experiences look. :)
i relate to this as an agender lesbian HEAVILY. i hate being seen and labelled as a girl, but when it comes to my sexuality i cannot describe it better than lesbianism. its such an innate sense of femininity that feels revolting yet necessary for my happiness, and growth as a person ! i dont like the idea of being seen as a woman, but when i was little i loved playing dress up with cool skirts and dresses i got at op shops, and i loved trying on makeup. as soon as i started becoming aware of my gender (or lack there of lol) i immediately shut all of that down and started dressing as masculine as i could, i felt like i was trying to cover up something and hide it. now that im older, ive adapted my style to something im really happy with, im big into punk and metal and atp i just wear whatever i want. i wanna wear a skirt over some cool pants, and paint my nails thats because I like doing it and it makes ME happy! if i wear a dress with a pink KISS graphic, studded shirt sleeves and camo pants and i do up my deathhawk with neon pink hair dye, a belief that i am not myself when that is all i authentically am is all a desperate reach for control. for once it doesnt matter what other people think of me, because the way i see myself is higher than their ideals. im not gonna water myself down just so they think im a hard pill to swallow, they can choke
I had exactly this, if you asked me when I was anything under 10 if I wanted to look like a boy I would strongly disagree and go back to playing barbies with my best friend. Now I have realised I’m trans I also feel excluded in a sense that 1 I’m a really young trans person and all the other trans ppl I see are usually 16+. 2 I did love the feminine childhood and I wouldn’t want to change it if I could, 3 I don’t feel dysphoria the same way lots of trans ppl do, as long as I’m not going out or seeing anyone I don’t have to be masculine, I can just be a feminine as I want around my family and it’s fine. And it’s sad that I feel like these are all unusual for a trans person. Can’t I “just be”
This is a really great and important video dude, I don't have anything that deep to say but you could call me a caveman with how I just discovered fire.
This perfectly describes how I feel and I feel alone as well everything I like is so feminine and I feel like by acknowledging that and expressing that I risk being seen as more of a girl and I hate it, I absolutely love this video.🧡
Thanks for making this as it really needed to be said. I’m 29 and am just now in the process of coming out as nb/transmasc. The fact that it took me so friggin long to figure out that I was trans in my conscious mind made me question the validity of my transness. However, everyone’s journey is different so why should I needlessly invalidate my own experience like that? I believe there can be an almost “secondhand dysphoria” that some trans people can feel sometimes, like for example if a trans man sees another man wearing makeup and thinks he’s less of a man for it, that very well may be his own internalized transphobia and dysphoria projected onto that man. I honestly wish people talked about this more as I feel it’s an important first step in working through these feelings. You are very young and I believe you will find your people and your community who embrace you wholeheartedly:) embracing yourself is always the first step in doing that and you seem to be doing a great job. Also love love love the baby pics, they remind me of me as a kid!! Cheers :)
I 100% agree. Growing up transmasc is a very, interesting and unfortunate journey. It's interesting because there's so many aspects of my childhood that have shaped the way I am today, that separating myself from it would be leaving out key factors about myself. And I was raised feminine. Dresses, makeup, dolls, MLP, flowers, unicorns, kittens, sparkles, etc. I even still do to this day, because it's fun. Despite this, I never related to the other girls my age. As I grew, I found interest in more masculine things. Videogames, Pokemon, outdoors, dirt, whatever. But I didn't fit in with the boys either. I often felt like my own little fella, like I belonged on the outskirts of social groups rather than in them. I never felt like my body was the "wrong" one, or that I needed to physically change myself to feel better, I was already happy with who I was, but I didn't think any of who I was related to me being a girl. It was just... Me. I grew up calling myself a girl solely because that's what everyone called me. I didn't have any other way to label myself. Come my teen years, I find the term "nonbinary", and that was it. I had found it. I had found a label that works for me. Granted, after I discovered this, I found myself wanting to present myself for masculine in my expression. I wanted shorter hair, I wanted a flat chest and deeper voice, and perchance some facial hair. However, despite this, I never felt displeased, discomforted, or even disgusted with my body. Never once did I feel a detachment from my body. I never viewed my physical self that way because I didn't think it mattered. And then, I enter some trans spaces. Telling people how growing up I never experienced traditional gender dysphoria, I was told I was faking being trans. And this, broke me. I thought for the longest time that I had finally found my people, the rejects, the outcasts, the group for me, only to be excluded. The trans community, or at least *certain* sections of it, made me feel like my trans identity wasn't good enough to be considered trans. That's when the dysphoria really hit me. The feeling that who I am isn't valid enough because I wasn't constantly hurting over my physical self. Completely ignoring the actual person I was presenting, they focused solely on my body and my feelings towards that. I have a burning hatred for people who apply strict gender norms onto trans people because more often than not, those trans people absolutely will not be able to live up to those standards. I certainly didn't. I wasn't "girly" enough for the girls, but because i'm afab, I'm not "manly" enough for the guys. I feel like I can never win. Like my specific experience with being trans is suddenly wrong, or bad, solely because I don't hate being feminine, or don't hate what I grew up with. It's tiring.
Elder millennial trans guy reporting in to let you know that you're heard and resonated with!--thank you for sharing everything, here! What I can tell you from my experience is that growing older gave me a lot of time to find euphoria in all of the parts of me, even the parts that used to bring me grief. Time gave me a lot of patience with myself (and with people around me) and a lot of grace to experience joy on my terms. It's also taught me the wisdom to hand-pick my community--but judging by the comments you're getting here, if looks like that community is picking you. (:
I do relate! I've just come to find I'm bigenderflux, part woman, part undefined but not lack of gender. I liked being a girl for the most part. There were some small signs that I might not have been one completely, but puberty wasn't devastating. In fact, it was exciting for me. And I've never disliked my body, not even in a dysmorphic way. However, when I'm perceived as 'other', I feel euphoric! It's a complicated mess and I may learn more about myself later on.
Unfortunately, me being Genderfluid. People keep rendering me off as a cis male which makes me feel sad since I’m not a cis male. I’m genderfluid (assigned male at birth).
Hey everyone! I had no idea this video I made for a college project would get the kind of attention it would. Thank you all so much for the nice comments, I'm glad that I've been able to speak to people who didn't feel seen!
Thanks to everyones nice and supportive comments, I want to give a try at another video like this. Maybe something art related, or even more lgbtq+ related things.
Again, thank you everyone for your amazing supportive comments ❤❤
Thank you too for making this video and sharing your perspective, I think that those awful judgements are not an entire community thing because:
1) I am a trans masc person and I think you're valid
2) There are bad apples in every community unfortunately..
I also think that I heard a similar experience on TH-cam, from the youtube channel named JAMIEvstheVOID
edit: sorry I remembered it wrong but you're not the only one, you are not alone I really did hear something like that but heck even I did like dresses when I didn't know it was only for girls!
I’m so glad someone feels the same. I love being feminine. But I don’t wanna be seen as a girl.
@@aidend9 exactly! I'm so happy that other people can relate to this, i never seen any people talk about it
I feel the same too but opposite, I like masculinity (tomboy style) but I'd hate to be a boy again. (I'm a tgirl)
im a trans girl and this is pretty much what i am like, however i also love feminine stuff.
i feel timilar as a lesbian girl. i love being masculine I just dont't wanna be seen socially as a man
As a woman, I wanna be feminine! But... I don't wanna be a girlie girl girl. I wanna wear girlie things SOMETIMES but I don't want to be a girl in that way. That's why I use she/they! It makes me feel like I don't have to be all sunshine and rainbows and I can be more androgynous at times!
Have you ever watched Ezra Butler's videos? He's a trans man, and he does "grwm as a trans man who wears whatever he wants" videos sometimes. I love when he does one with a skirt or puts on lipstick. He serves as a great example to the trans community.
Also, off topic, I am living for the cavetown instrumental music in the background ❤️❤️❤️
@willcomeback11 i havent watched him before but I'll deffo give his stuff a watch!!
And thank you!! I figured cavetown was an appropriate song to have I'm the back of this video lolol
You know, as a trans girl, I somewhat relate to this but not fully. I don't enjoy masculine clothing, just not my taste. However, I don't absolutely hate boyhood, its just my body, voice, etc. makes me want to curl up into a ball and rock back and forth. Y'know?
Holy shit... Someone else gets it
Do you need a hug? 🫂
Holy shit... Someone else gets it
Boyhood is fire. Just not comfortable with the body I have. It actually feels like my inner self is androgynous. And I hate how my body doesn’t match that. Like the hair. Don’t even get me started on the hair
holy shit someone gets it
Thanks for being TRANSparent about this ;)
@@richardavelino7383 amazing pun omg
LOLLLLLL
the dad joke must be made.
@@fezcrystal9 dad joke.. transparent.. PARENT.
TRANS PARENT
I genuinely thought I was the only one feeling like that.
I… loved being a girl, just like you described it. I loved my pink toys and dresses and being my „daddy’s little girl“. Until I didn’t.
I loved it. To a point. And that’s when puberty began. I loved being a GIRL but I hate being a WOMAN, if that makes any sense at all. Periods and boobs I didn’t even know I minded them until I felt gender euphoria for the very first time.
I cut my hair without any… deeper meaning, but when people started referring to me as a guy I LOVED it, and that’s the moment I realised that I actually DO mind boobs and periods, I just wasn’t… aware at that time.
wait this is so real lol
Trans people are always pushed to prove that they are so definitely 100% the gender they say they are. Most of my trans friends and me do agree that we want to fight this narrative, but it's hard because the second you admit to liking something that's stereotypically seen as a "not the gender you say you are" thing, people question you and "if you like X, then why do you think you are Y?" So much so that I sometimes even find myself leaving out parts of my story that might make people take me less seriously, while I truly don't think that's right. I think it's so important that people make video's like this. You really hit the nail on the head and said what needed to be said.
I struggle with this so much that for the longest time I was going stealth. I didn't let my closest friends know that I was trans, so that I could be the cisgender queer guy who likes to wear croptops and colored nails to parties. Being openly trans and doing that just feels like something that would give me dysphoria.
one thing a lot of people get wrong is gender identity ≠ gender expression, i'm a trans woman, but i love a lot of boyish things, i don't like wearing skirts or dresses or typically feminine clothes too much and sometimes my parents say that cursed thing "If you want to be a girl, why do you like XYZ things?" though i feel being a boyish girl is more accepted than being a girly boy, specially while being trans. Often times trans people feel they should act a certain way to "prove" their gender, and that's just plain stupid, do whatever makes you feel like yourself. Yap session over lol, this video is great! You should have way more subscribers
“Do whatever makes you feel like yourself” new daily affirmation to myself 🥹
I understand this. I was a girly kid. I loved the idea of being a princess and liked the thought of marrying cute boys. I wore nothing but dresses and leggings and skirts and when I was little I thought the difference between boys and girls was only hair length so I kept my hair as long as possible so I could be seen as pretty. But eventually it felt like an act. When I was around ten years old I didn’t feel it anymore. I liked tomboy characters and cutting my hair short, I liked violence and swords and really wished I could pee standing up. I wore baggy sweatshirts and sweatpants because I hated the idea of growing into a woman. That’s what womanhood was to me. A fantasy. This fictional thing I liked to role play as as a kid. Because it did make me happy but over time I grew more and more out of that ideal… and then I found Kuromi. At thirteen years old I found a pretty but boyish girl character who I related to on a deeper level, I started dressing feminine again because I wanted to be like her and more importantly I realized exactly who I am: a feminine boy. That’s why I liked dressing up my little brother because I wanted to relate. That’s why I liked feminine things but hated the idea of growing into a woman. That’s why it was always a costume and not a gender. I will never be a woman, but that little girl I was will always be a part of me. I am very much a trans man but I also love feminine things, just not the body and role that comes with it in adulthood. I can always understand another trans guy when they say they were a girl when they were a child but a man now because I lived that. Childhood doesn’t have a gender. I was just a feminine child.
This is genuinely helping me find words for what I've been feeling!! Yes, it feels like fun roleplay, but I don't want to roleplay all the time
You get it
It's probably not a universal experience, but "childhood doesn't have a gender" is so real to me.
yesyesyes i get this very much!!! it wasnt so much "i dont feel like a girl" but instead when i tried to make myself a boy in my mirror it was like "oh. oh so this is me? i get it now." important to mention that i always really enjoyed feminine things until like the age of 9. i still liked them, but i felt the urge to hide it. back then, it was because i simply didnt like it, now theres a bit more dysphoria involved. i still dont like wearing dresses or pink, but i love them on others anyway.
YES YOU DON'T NEED DYSPHORIA TO BE TRANS, it's, you know, EUPHORIA because you felt better as a boy, but you still never hated it when you thought you were a girl, it was more kind of neutral rather than negative
@@vayianos i mean you do have to have some dysphoria to be trans imo. You don't have to be super masculine, or hate being a girl, but you should have some discomfort surrounding pronouns, name, body, etc.
The only reason transgender makes sense, and other things like trans race or trans age don't, is because gender dysphoria is a proven thing that has existed for years.
Otherwise how is the trans community any different than trans racial or trans age? Are those valid too? Gender incongruence, our mental condition, is what makes us valid compared to stuff like that. We have actual proof that our minds function differently.
@@vayianos anyway, no offense I support your self discovery, I just wanted to point out the flaws in that way of thinking. As a trans nonbinary person myself.
This is a very important video to make, so preach!
We have to convince not only the cishets, but often a lot of the trans community that there isn’t one way to be trans! You don’t have to have dysphoria about everything (or anything!), you don’t have to be or have acted a certain way when young, or act a certain way now! The idea that it’s not up to you how someone else lives is very prominent in the trans community, but sometimes we focus so hard on other people judging us we don’t realize the harm we’re causing.
Very good video, Ava approved
Im glad youtube randomly recommended this video to me, bc I'm almost exactly the same. I adored being a girl, and wearing dresses and playing princesses and i would constantly reject anything masculine. Then i became a teenager and i did a complete 180, and im still figuring things out today honestly; i still love feminine things, but they make me so uncomfortable sometimes it's frustrating, and im still not sure abt my gender, i question it almost every day, but part of me wants to be a man, so im just trying to figure out what that means to me (and if it's truly what i want). Thank you for sharing honestly, it's nice to know other ppl with the same experience :]
I feel this so much, people often tell me you can't be trans and still want to be feminine, but I gotta prove them wrong, im gonna be a pretty boy and they can't stop me!!
I hope you find comfort in all of us coming and commenting on your video, it makes me happy to see so many people like me here :)
@@eebyisshort Yessss, prove them wrong!!! And I really do, it makes me so happy to know I'm not totally alone in this 😭
When I came out as trans, my familys biggest argument was how much I would wear skirts and dresses I mean, my dad made a list of reasons on why he knew I wasn't trans and it was stupid stuff like how I liked a bunch of typically feminine things. I relate to this video so much. Thank you. Knowing I'm not the only one who feels like this helps more than you can imagine
I relate to your experience, I think the best way I can explain is that I liked being a girl but I HATE being a woman. I like feminine things but the thought of being seen as a woman makes me want to hurl. I guess thats why puberty sucked. I’m hoping I can get on T when I’m 18 so hopefully one day I can wear pretty things without being seen as a woman.
Before I was a tomboy. I called myself "half boy half girl", I was always like that. But what I struggle with now is that I want to be a girl so bad. I currently do wear pink and pretty things and I love being a girl. I feel so pretty and I have so much fun as a girl, but I know that's not me. I know when I look in the mirror, I'll still feel off. When I feel my hair touch my shoulders and rub against my back it'll feel wrong. I'll always be a phantom of myself like this but at the same time if I try and force myself to like "boy things" and wear baggy clothes and throw at all my pretty pink clothes that'll also be denying myself. I feel like two forces of femininity and masculinity are constantly tugging at me, and while I know gender wise I'm a man, expressing myself as a woman is just so... nice? Cause even if I transition and wear these things, it won't be the same. And at the same time, it doesn't feel like it'll matter anyway? Cause even if I transition I'll always be a "trans man".
Maybe you could be demi girl (partially girl), demi people can also feel like the opposite gender, and it's not necessarily always 50% girl 50% boy you can adjust how you like! Or be bigender (male and female), you can also be bigender flux the difference is that your genders fluctuate between each other randomly
This is just from what I've seen in your experience, you don't necessarily have to be this stuff, good luck finding yourself tho :)
I think you’re a bigender man and woman
thank you for making this! i’ve always doubted whether i’m really trans or not because i just don’t fit anybody else’s experiences. i didn’t act like a boy when i was little. i didn’t hate “girl” clothes. i only started feeling the way i do when i was around 9 or 10. i’ve been feeling so invalid, so i really appreciate seeing a bunch of people like me here!
As a trans man, thank you. I also loved wear “girly” things as a kid, heck, I was obsessed with this green tutu I had! But in the end, I found out I was a boy. I don’t regret ever wearing that tutu as much as I did, because I LOVED it. And it made me happy. It made me so, so, so happy. I’ve never had an off feeling about myself, it just randomly clicked in middle school I wasn’t a girl. Thank you for making this video 🩵
MtF here, i can also kind of relate. I've never _loved_ being a guy or anything, and im definitely much more comfortable as a girl, but I don't really have all that much dysphoria. I'm fine with not looking 100% feminine at all times. Although i do wanna get on e and do all that stuff eventually, im already pretty as i am, or least i like to think so xd. I wanna do cosplays as a guy eventually for some of my fav characters. In terms of the trans community: Yes, theres bad people, but thats just kind of a natural consequence of being in a big community. Maybe I just haven't had enough contact with people, but at least i feel that the popular opinion is that you dont need to only do stuff that ""fits"" your gender to qualify as being trans. There's idiots out there, definitely, but thats just kind of what happens at this size. At least for me, it doesn't make me think any less of our community.
I deffo can see that. My issues with the community and fitting in is a lot of people I've had contact with almost "baby" other trans people, or talk shit about them when they don't fit the status quo. It's not the norm and a lot of people are accepting, but especially IRL it's hard to come across people who are decent about it 😭 I do agree tho, there are always the shit bags in a community that ruin it
So glad TH-cam recommended me this! I'm a trans NB fella, going by they/he pronouns (planning to start HRT soon hopefully if all goes well). I used to get scared that I was "faking" and avoided using make up and wearing skirts. Now I'm at a point where I do not care as much. I love throwing glitter at my face and dressing in pink. I do not mind looking feminine. I don't wear skirts very often, but I at least don't absolutely hate the idea, or fear how I am perceived as much anymore (I still do absolutely feel it, but to a lesser extent). I was a very feminine kid, I loved wearing dresses, and was into MLP, LPS and all the things a "typical girl," would like. Although funnily enough hated the idea of wearing make up for a while lol. Although I never truly felt like a "girl." It's so weird and hard to explain to people, who are so confined to the gender norms.
I feel like my style is very fluid, but my gender identity is very much still NB and not fluid. I've tried all pronouns before, but did not like still going by she/her pronouns at all and being called a girl. So I get it. I just like slaying and wearing what I like ✨✨✨
Thank you for making this video 💜
i sort of relate to this, the only “sign” that i showed as a child was always having my hair short and that’s about it. i’ve felt excluded from the trans community and felt like i wasn’t valid cus i wasn’t a tomboy or whatever. it dosent matter if you showed “signs” or not, you can still be valid if you wore dresses and makeup and had long hair and heels or if you had short hair and played in the mud or played with tractors. that’s what you were told was the right thing so of course your going to find interest in it. you are valid.
Honestly this is such an amazing video, I’m a 16 year old trans guy and came out at 9, which is when I got the “puberty talk” and all the gender aspects really started to come into play and make me stressed. But as a kid I was not specifically “boyish” or “girly”. I liked Star Wars and super hero’s and ran around with my shirt off. But I’d also wear rainbow sequin shirts and love my long hair and watch princess movies. As a kid I don’t think I ever fully thought about being a “girl”, I was just a kid. I definitely thought because I wasn’t distressed about this as a kid that I wasn’t ACTUALLY trans. But I’ve realized my parents just let me be me, and didn’t typically FORCE me to be a girly girly, so I could explore and be whoever I wanted to be. Thanks for the video you’re awesome! 🏳️⚧️🩵
Crazy how we still try to put people into boxes, when we’re supposed to be so accepting. We need to be more understanding.
That's almost word for word how I feel! I'm Trans-masc Nonbinary, I love wearing long skirts and feeling pretty. I'm currently fem presenting [Though I don't like people seeing me as a girl, I'd rather be this mysterious unknowable gender that confuses people] until I find a way to comfortably be more masc/androgynous. I was around 12 I think, when I learned about the community, I was a very strong ally for a month or so, then realized that I didn't identify as a girl. There was never any discomfort with my identity before that, as far as I know. Going through puberty was probably the reason. Relatable video! Glad to know there's others in the community that had the same experience.
You're not alone Tobias; I did not fully dislike acting my assigned gender, nor do I think I have to achieve complete stereotypical femininity to be trans. I like having the chance to grow a moustache, wear whatever makes me comfortable that day, or doing and enjoying stuff regardless of its gendered connotation. I miss not worrying about the things I worry now that I know I'm trans, and I hope this whiplash dysphoria ends up flattening a bit over the years, but for now, all I want is to figure out what actually fits me instead of relying on a stereotype. Thanks for this video, I needed it. Much love
nonbinary transmasc here, i wanted to thank you for making this video. while i can't relate to the beginning of the video, the trans community makes me feel very alienated, because of the judgement and how different their experiences are from mine, to the point i start hating being trans because I'm not trans the way everyone else is. all that aside, thanks for the video, good work. despite our different experiences, it made me feel seen
For me I definitely had those moments as a kid where I felt "wrong", but I still adored being a girl, I miss it. I loved dress up, then puberty hit, that's when the dysphoria hit. This video was so relatable, it's so similar to my experience as a trans person.
I’ve just started transitioning and I’m transfem so I haven’t experienced this but I did enjoy being a boy growing up. As a teenager I went from boy to woman (not as in transitioning just how I felt inside)
God im so happy i found this video.
Im trans (FtM) and with my time with being a girl, im going to be honest, ive also never hated it, nor did i even care in the first place, all i wanted was to be a wild kid having fun, and its what ive done during my entire time experiencing girlhood, id play swords with the neighbors, id make mud cakes and tea parties with water and green leaves id find outside, id play around in the grass with my dog and spin in my dresses outside, and also uh, accidentally leave my barbies outside in a rainy day lol. I absolutely LOVED dolls, and especifically my little pony figures, but because of the standards in the trans community, i had to give all my quote on quote '' girly things '' away. I miss my dolls, and i miss my mlp figures oh so much. I wish i didnt care as much for it even if im not one to want to dress girly, i have particullarly girly interests. And in a way the trans community kinda created a barrier between me and the things i liked the most as a kid, pressured me into giving my dolls and figures away because it wasnt '' masculine. ''
nowadays, i dont hate myself for having fun as a kid, and i see these memories in a positive outlook more than anything, and i honestly kinda miss it. Im glad im not the only one.
I am a trans woman, and I relate to allot of what you said. I didn't grow up trying on girls clothes till I realized I was trans around 24. People like Blair White held me back. We need more voices like yours.
Thank you for making this video. I've had a weird experience growing up trans, as a child I loved pink ponies and princesses, but I'd also play in the dirt and catch bugs and a lot of my friends were boys. I didn't cry or throw tantrums or even feel uncomfortable when i was called a girl, in fact as a kid I'd be more weirded out being compared to boys. If anything I'd say dysphoria only really started to show up in middle school, when puberty and expectations based on gender started to show up. All this to say, you're not alone in being the "minority" so to speak with trans experiences. (Ironic how there's a minority for a minority, isnt it?) In the future I hope our community is more open minded about the experiences of others, not just the ones with a common narrative. I'd say this video is a good start.
Thank you so much, I'm so happy that I'm not alone in this feeling. The same thing happened to me when I figured out my transness when puberty started. I genuinely hope when people find this video they gain that open mindedness. Thank you again, I'm really happy I'm not alone in this issue 😊
This hit home. I’m a trans girl but so much of mainstream transfem culture is strongly tied to internet, gaming, and programming circles to the point that I felt completely alone with my unrelated hobbies and had nobody who would understand me. I’ve heard so many jokes about “every trans woman does this” and “every trans woman does that” that I found myself able to relate to trans men more because they’re the ones who care about what I care about, but they could never understand the way I experience gender… and living that way is exhausting.
I'm not trans but I watch quite a few trans creators and part of what you're describing sounds pretty similar to what Abigail Thorn (Philosophy Tube) talked about in her coming out video, specifically the part about it feeling like you're supposed to fit this narrative of always knowing you wanted to be (insert X gender) even as a child.
I relate to this, as I am a genderfluid. Sometimes I feel like a girl but don’t want to be feminine, or I feel like a boy and I don’t want to be masculine. Boys can be pretty princesses/pretty princes. And girls can be as masculine as they want!
Also the memory thing is really relatable, I loved being a girl but as I grew up I changed out of that as I grew. But it was so fun to be a princess as a kid!
When i was little i loved being fem but when i found out about being trans i did research and i want to be masc now (i also loved spinny dresses like i would wanted to have makeup and have heels) but i dont want that anymore
first off love the cavetown in the back
secondly im so happy I came across this video. I feel that I really needed it. I feel the same way. I know im trans and im proud of that but sometimes its hard to tell people that im trans when knowing that I am different than every other trans person ive met/seen. I like being feminine but mostly, i never hated being a girl. I loved it. and there are times that I wished I never realized im trans bc it has caused me a lot of pain. I miss being a girl a lot. I really do and I thought that maybe I am just different but I am trans, no matter if I was unhappy being a girl or not. Thank you btw your awesome :)
there are people in the queer community that try to inforce binary experiences and exclude anyone outside of that norm, but don’t listen to them. as someone with an unorthodox identity i know what it feels like, but just know there are people out there that WILL accept you for who you are!!!
I'm not trans, i identify as a cis girl, but for the same reasons that you've explained, for a period of my life i tought i was. When i was little i didn't liked sterotypical feminine things, playing with dolls and things like that, and so that really cofused me when i realized that a lot of transmasculine people went trought the same thing. I tought it was a sign, or something like that. It's good to remember that not everyone goes trought the same exact experiences and that we are all different. Thanks for the video, it was very insightful.
I'm a freshman right now, and I'm only out at school and to my therapist. But I often feel like im not a real trans man because I like girly things. And that's no fun. I find myself hating who I used to be "for not realizing sooner" and I just being a baby in the community. I have to keep reminding myself all the things you said in this video. Thank you .
Some people never hated to be a guy/girl. They just liked opposite better, it’s not disphoria that signs transgenderism. It’s euphoria, if u like being a boy more or. It’s alright. 8 bil gender theory still exist :)
thank you! i feel you. especially as an intersex trans man the isolating feeling as though you were somehow wrong or not "trans enough" is so real
Hi Toby, Ripley here!! oh my god I've only watched this video finally at 2 am while working on my assignment but this video is actually so well put together and so very moving. Genuinely amazing, and the music choices are SO GOOD. I agree so much with everything you've said. I've moved away from labels in recent because it's gotten so hard to know what exactly I am anymore. The pressure of labeling every part of yourself to fit in and "earn" respect is overwhelming. More people should know they can go with the flow! In the end I'm certainly not a cis woman. Instead, some evil butch-thing.
man this video was relatable. While I didn't LOVE girlhood, I still liked it and a lot of stuff like playing with dolls was fun. Because I never threw fits about it or anything is why my family thinks I'm a fake and just have ROGD. All of these things make it to where I feel like I have to be as manly as possible when I'm at school, even though I'm really not that kind of guy. If i'm being completely honest, everytime I see a transmasc person who's dressing however they want (be it wearing skirts or just something other than baggy clothes and hoodies) at my school I sort of internally judge them, and I know it's wrong but I've never really tried to address it. I do realize though that it's just enforcing the same standards my mother has on me, and I'm really just jealous of these people. As a minor I'm completely banned from anything gender affirming, I'm not even allowed to cut my hair too short because they know I'm trans (forcefully outed btw). I feel like if I want to prove myself as a real transgender and not be completely disregarded by my caretakers I have to reject every single feminine thing before me and even restrict my bisexuality to only liking girls. However, I literally just can't bring myself to do those things so I feel like a failure. it's almost like I'm taking out my self hatred on others, like to bring my transness up I have to put down people I see below me, and that's really messed up. I think this video is really good, and it really made me think about these internal thoughts and emotions and how I don't really want to feel these things anymore.
Thank you. seriously, thank you SO much for making this. I've always felt this way as well, like.. I loved being a little girl. I loved it, and if I could choose to feel like one, I would. But I can't, 'cause every time I get called 'she' or anything feminine i feel sick. Thank you for sharing your experience, it feels so refreshing to be able to identify and feel with another trans person in this way. 💗💗
As an AMAB person who is still not sure on my identity, I relate to this. I only ever started exploring my gender in college, and even years after graduating I feel like I can't possibly be trans bc when I was young I really enjoyed being a boy. I enjoy presenting feminine but at the same time I don't know how much of the internal pushback i get in my head is my mind telling me something isn't right vs an internalized shame around the idea that, even though I want to be more feminine, I'm actually just "tricking myself" and that those desires arent valid.
I think you're very brave to make a video like this. Its hard to talk any sort of negative about a community you're a part of. You are definitely allowed to feel however you want. Being different is something to be proud of, not something to feel shameful for. If others dont like it, then thats their problem and if they try to make it your problem, then they arent worth your time.
Also, in your next video, maybe talk about your mom, i bet she's just as cool as you are. 😁
I’m genderfluid, which makes being trans so hard.
I felt ‘yucky’ being called ‘girl’ because of the ‘girly girl’ option ‘being so close’, so I called myself a tomboy. I identified as a tomboy. I had long hair, loved pink, etc. But I knew inside I was ‘tomboy’… as far as I knew from the words and language I had at the time.
I remember being 4. I wore a cheap grass skirt, made of that stuff in the bottom of an Easter basket. But I was topless. I said I was ‘dancing like a girl AND a boy!’ Because in the imagery I know, guys had trunks and *no shirt* while girls had a top and *grass skirt*.
By all accounts, to the world, I was a pretty girl who just liked dirt and mud. But I knew how I felt inside, well, to a degree.
I love the dresses when they fit right. I love bright makeup and nail polish because it made me feel like me. But I stop and feel ‘yucky’ when I remember, that’s a ‘girl’ thing.
People online tell me that I’m just a girl who is uncomfortable with misogyny, which is why I only feel ‘comfortable’ perceiving myself as a guy in some occasions. Or that I am just being creepy when I get overly giddy over mlm relationships because that’s what I want. I want to be a boy with a boyfriend. But people tell me I’m just being weird towards mlm relationships in the same way straight men are weird with wlw relationships.
I see guys with a ‘soft guy’ aesthetic or a femboy aesthetic, and I want it. But I feel sick because I know if I tried… it’ll only come out wrong. My chest looks wrong in a hoodie, and my dress only makes me ‘girly’.
I find it funny. Because the moments I feel confident in my gender, I gravitate towards pink. My favorite colors are dandelion yellow and royal purple. But I still gravitate towards pink. When I was little and confident in my own idea of my identity, I told myself I loved pink like guys love pink, which was the only way I could disassociate pink with femininity. But as I got older and I saw lines between man and woman, I stopped liking pink. But nowadays, when I feel confident and forget about gender, I gravitate towards pink, forgetting it’s ‘girly’ and just seeing it as ‘cute’. Can’t a guy like cute and soft?
I’m so glad I’m not the only one.
I always feel super insecure and I’ve never brought it up because I’m afraid of people not seeing me as male.
But I miss being a girl sometimes. I wish I could just go back I wish it was that easy but I also don’t ?? Because I’m a guy. Idk. It’s hard to describe but you did it perfectly 🫶
this is actually so right. i’m so confused and conflicted about my gender. im so so happy that i’m not alone. i have this skirt that i got a few years ago from a thrift store, its really pretty and flowy and nice and i love it so much but i fell like if i wear it people will see me as a girl and id hate that. and when i was a kid the only thing id wear were pink tutus or shirts with little plastic gems on them. i played with dolls and i hated football. i’m so confused. i wish i could be happy with my gender:(( your video is really comforting. thank you alot!!!
this video is SO GOOD. it really shows a side of the trans community that people tend to overlook either out of fear or ignorance.
i'm non-binary, but lean more towards male than anything. growing up, i loved barbie dolls and princesses. i constantly wore those cheap Disney princess costumes and carried around polly pockets and barbie dolls.
but i also loved monster trucks, and video games, and play-fighting with my brother - i had a collection of hot wheels that i cherished, i was a big fan of spiderman, i loved dragons and wolves and sports.
i was such a mixed bag of "boyish" and "girlish" things, that oftentimes i was excluded from both groups. other little girls wouldn't let me play dolls with them because i wanted to include my cool monster truck toy or spiderman figure. other little boys wouldn't let me play tag with them because i was decked out in princess costumes.
stuff like that - i kind of knew from the start that i didn't fit in either category despite really wanting to, that i had to either choose one or constantly be rejected by peers. i loved both sides of it, i wanted both, but i didn't feel like i was either of them.
so what i wanted to dress like Cinderella while racing hot wheels on tracks, so what i wanted to play dollhouse with toy cars and superhero figures!! i was such a confusing kid to people because growing up in a conservative strict-gender role town made even parents concerned about me.
coming to realize that i don't identify as female, and instead as a nonbinary trans masc person both made sense and didn't at the same time. i always felt excluded because, like you, i really did enjoy girly things - i still love wearing dresses and skirts. i love the color pink, and bows, and makeup, and hell, i still collect dolls and stuffed animals.
but i don't feel like a girl. i feel masculine in a more gender neutral way, which i KNOW doesn't make sense to a lot of people, but it makes sense to me.
i just wish that the trans community, or lgbtq community in general, would stop putting people in boxes - they're barely any different from the ones who hate us.
like you, i don't hate the community; but i wish it would love *me* so i can love it.
dude, i feel all of this. i am an opposite end of the spectrum, as an AMAB trans-feminine femboy. i did what i did originally as a little experiment to see where i lie on my gender expression, and i still want to carry myself as a woman in public, but i also like being called he/they and a guy online, when i consent to it. it's therapeutic to not have to confine myself to my identity i tried so hard to carve out for myself, what with an immaculately trained femme voice and being blessed by taking _very well_ to estrogen, since i still get objectified a lot, and sometimes trying to relate to other trans-women is really hard to do, and feel like i have more in common with enby trans-men than i do with binary trans-women. i love my body and what it's become, hate my body hair, still love wearing feminine clothes as well as masculine, but in situations where people can just see my thighs and hear my masc voice, i love it.
Thank you so much for voicing your opinions and creating this video. This helped me verbalise my own experiences regarding being trans, as I feel the exact same way. I’ll definitely be sending this to my parents, too, as this will likely help them get a better understanding of my emotions and hopefully realise I’m not just going through a phase.
Also, Tobias is a superb name, wonderful choice dude.
I was a little girl once, and I do remember not having a problem with it at all back then because in my childhood I wasn't pushed to be "girly" or "act like a girl". I was a quiet and lonely child so most of my time was spent watching cartoons, drawing and reading books over being sorted into a specific gender role (i.e. I had no friends to play dolls/sports with). Of course I did feel uncomfortable when an extended family member would say stuff like "you're growing into a nice young lady" or suggest we go "shopping", but those were rare occassions and I atributed that discomfort to the fact that I didn't see them very often. So my childhood was pretty gender neutral I think. I liked dresses and that my mom braided my hair when I went to school, and when I came back home I watched Ben 10 and played trucks with my brother. That's why I only started to question my gender when puberty hit, and my body started to change. But not because I was uncomfortable with my body, rather I was uncomfortable with what that meant to other people.
Mysoginy played a huge part in my transition, because the moment I started showing signs of being a "woman" I started getting told to "act like a lady" and ditch my more masculine interests and traits, and when I refused to I was scoffed at by family. I was catcalled at 14 years old by a gross old man on the street and I wanted to cry, I didn't want to be a woman if that was what I was going to have to put up with when I grew up, so I resented womanhood and femininity and tried to push it as far away from me as possible. That led to getting called a boy by my friends. At first it was teasing, then it was more like the type of bullying only 15 year old boys know how to do. It was supposed to offend me, it was supposed to make me feel belittled, but my autistic ass took it as an invitation to be "one of the boys". But then again, I would still be excluded from their videogame play sessions or when they went paintballing because I was still a girl.
I saw once that the trans experience is not always "I feel trapped in my own body", more like "I am trapped in the idea you have of me". I didn't understand why I could have the same interests as a boy and act like a boy and speak like a boy- but because of my genitals I was still left out of the things boys did. I only came out to myself in 2022 as transmasc because I tried so hard to make myself a girl, to just be a tomboy and suck it up but it never worked. I often wonder if things would've been different if I didn't experience mysoginy or if i wasn't autistic.
You dropped this king 👑
You've put to words a struggle so many of us have, I thank you
it feels so good that someone shares a similar experience. i sometimes deal with the feeling that i’m “not trans enough” because i’ve always resonated with femininity throughout my life. i hate having to live up to a standard to be respected for who i am, it’s so exhausting. but there’s comfort in knowing that none of us are alone, and despite everyone’s experience being different there’s always going to be someone who gets it.
i’m also a robin btw! i chose that name when i was 14 or 15 because of rockin’ robin (the song) :) i also go by many other names like kasper and xenith but there’s something special about that name that i’ve held dear for years.
@invad3rxenith omg that's so cool! I chose my username for the same reason, that's so awesome!!
As a trans masc I can relate, I never felt dysphoria- I like dressing feminine, I like cosplaying female characters, but because of that I don’t feel like I’m truly trans,
I like Wearing dresses and skirts but I don’t wanna be seen as a girl,
Wow I feel this so much. I am afab and love feminine stuff and dress relatively feminine most of the time but I absolutely love the idea of being seen as a guy. I haven’t told anyone but I might tell my parents soon. I don’t know 100% what labels I use but I’m pretty sure I am genderfluid/nonbinary.
This is said so well but I’m the complete opposite, I used to be a tomboy and hating skirts and dresses but now I love dressing feminine and feeling pretty but I know I,ll be misgendered if wear pretty things
See, I get this a lot. In my case, I loved being feminine when I was younger, but it was never being a girl, it was being feminine. I still love femininity, but I don’t like being perceived as a girl. I wanna wear skirts, but in the same way a feminine cis guy would wear a skirt. I never quite saw myself as a girl or a guy when I was little entirely because in all honesty I just didn’t care. I liked having my hair long and I liked wearing dresses and I liked pretty makeup and I liked my Barbies, but at the same time I didn’t feel like I was any different from the other kids. I also liked playing with my brothers sonic plushies and dinosaur toys. I was friends with as many guys as girls. I liked the strong tough Disney princesses. To me, it wasn’t really until puberty hit that I realized guys and girls were “supposed to be different”.
ive had a similar experience, i realized i was trans when puberty hit. before that i just kinda vibed in dresses and skirts
i would still considerer myself a feminine guy, i hate it when ppl try to overcompensate because they themselves aren't secure with their gender identity and let that influence how they judge other (trans) ppl... let trans men/masc ppl be feminine smh my head
great video!!
I’m genderqueer and, while I don’t entirely relate to this, I do get the feeling of being excluded from the rest of the trans community or feeling that way because “I’m not trans in the same way they are, so there must be something wrong”. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t trans at all, or at least trans in a more simplistic, binary way, because it’s a huge burden to feel like a massive question mark all the time and somehow that’s YOUR fault, they tell you. People act like trans individuals who just happen to be GNC too owe them something extra, but we deserve to be treated the same as everyone else. The double standards are ridiculous. Happy trans awareness week, dude. This was beautiful :)
You can not do your transition wrong. It is your journey.
I completely hear where you're coming from, and as transfemme i even partially relate! I get not relating to the intense dysphoria others have felt, but it doesn't make us any less valid. We just have a different story to tell. ❤
I dunno why this was recommended to me, but it's a great video. When I was in middle school, I experienced just about every sign that people on the internet would have interpreted as me being trans. And they often did, because for every person that was telling me I wasn't trans, there was another person hell bent on convincing me I was. Since then I've grown incredibly comfortable with my identity as a man, but I've also become much more comfortable with doing/taking part in traditionally "feminine" things. I paint my nails, I put on makeup from time to time, I wear whatever clothes I want, most of my friends are women/femme presenting, and I'm glad that this was how I turned out. I couldn't imagine it going any other way. Despite being bisexual, it's insane to me how exclusionary and sanctimonious the LGBT community can be. I don't wish that feeling upon anyone, because that was one of the worst periods of my life, due in large part to people trying to tell me who I was, but not for the sake of helping me figure out my identity, it was just so they could feel as though it was some form of validation or acceptance of the community as a whole. Just because people are obsessed with wanting you to categorize yourself into some form of preferable group for them doesn't mean you have to, and trying to "help" can sometimes do more harm than good when it gets to that point.
Exactly! I'm so sorry you've experienced these issues, but they are same issues I have experienced myself. When I first had any thoughts of being trans I had friends who were insistent on giving me a label, and kind f-ed me up in the long run for my trans identity. It drives me crazy. But I am happy that you enjoyed the video, and that your comfortable in who you are now.
Thank you for this! I hated being called a boy as a kid and seeing most people saying they always wanted to be a boy made me feel like I wasn’t trans because I in the past didn’t want to be seen as a guy
yay, someone feels similar! trans girl here, sometimes i do wish i was just a cis guy, i also remember the times when i was younger and liking boy things, and not liking girl things, and i definitely was always like “I’m a boy!” but even still, there were signs, like i wasn’t happy with the way i was treated compared to how girls were treated my age, i didn’t like how girls had more clothing options than boys, but it was more like i didn’t like the disparity between the two genders, but i generally leave out the parts of me always playing with toy trains and cars, but instead focus on my dislike of sports, wanting to wear girl clothes, or wanting to give birth or whatever, not necessarily meaning those are exclusive to one gender, but they are stereotypes types people think of. But there wasn’t really an off feeling, not really till like the pandemic where i basically got two years to myself of just being able to think for myself and nothing else did i really weigh the options in my head
I get this. I don’t want to act feminine, nor masculine but I wanted to look like and be seen as a girl. Though my situation is a little different, I totally understand where you are coming from.
I experience a phenomenon I like to call "alternate dimension girl" - where I, AMAB, feel like I identify as a girl but in a very specific way that is on a different branch of gender, like the imaginary number "i". It's like I am a woman on a different gender spectrum which is why I struggle to identify with other women or even most trans women.
i honestly feel this vid tbh like i hated being a girl as a kid and i hated wearing overly girly things but i had girly likes and hobbies i guess. like i hate sports but i love crocheting and drawing and learning about cute animals lol, even the "less cute" animals.
i also am kind of effeminate AND strictly gay while being a strictly he/him binary trans guy. but i love wearing basic dudes clothes with maybe flowers or butterflies on my hoodies or shirts sometimes. but i hate actually looking like a girl even though im growing my hair out again to my shoulders
i mean i guess now that ive been on testosterone for a little over a week i can start wearing whatever now. i wont ever wear skirts or dresses but ill stick to my cute designs thank you very much
anyway like yeah i fit the complete standard as to what a trans man is. im on T, i even have blockers past 18, i shop in the mens section only, i wear boxers, i want top surgery, i have a very male name, i only use he/him... the only thing missing is bottom surgery, and i guess the overly macho masculine hobbies like idfk driving a truck or hunting. and wearing hypermasculine clothes but oh well who cares
like i don't really care about what kind of trans guy i am, i forget im trans. im just a shorter guy who likes wearing whatev and doing whatev. who cares if its "girly". i dont plan on becoming muscular. i dont care about sports or football. i dont care about even being attracted to women. im just a guy
and i think not really feeling connected to the trans community helps kind of become more self confident
ive had a trans guy try to convince me im actually non-binary just because i want longer hair like wtf
This video popped up in my recommended feed randomly, and I don’t think I've ever watched a video that made me feel more seen. I struggled with my identity for years, and I'm still struggling with it, not just because a label doesn’t feel right but because the amount of trans influencers out there that describe the ftm experience as "hating being a girl" or the mtf experience as "hating being a boy." To find a video from a fellow trans man that feels how I feel has absolutely made my day.
I hope you have a wonderful day or night :3
And, to anyone reading this, you're not less valid because you're gnc, you're not faking it, you are you and you deserve love
this resonates with me so hard as someone who isn’t exactly sure (of anything for that matter) atp 😭
Ive always thought of myself as not girl but ive never had this feling to be masculine. Its not even an enby thing or fluid thing. I love wearing make up and having dresses but i LOVE my pirate coat and i love my short hair and the 4 dark hair on my lips i have that i have before T I love my cute cat girl ears and i love my pink jacket that got me through my girl puberty and im going to love the little girl whos still playing highschool with her friends and being the boy character for them cus we were too awkward to ask a boy to play with us.
Please this is the realest thing I’ve ever heard. I never felt that off, I enjoyed being feminine as a kid, I don’t want to be seen as a woman.
i feel that i can really understand everything you're saying absolutely perfectly and that's upsetting. i wish you could love it too. i hope you'll be able to someday soon when the people who are supposed to stand with you begin to take the time to understand you. much love from a trans girl that feels familiar with the words you said.
@R3DGF thank you, I've slowly been finding my people but it's such a process. I hope you find yourself and your people too ❤️❤️
This. I honestly relate to this as someone who is fem but none gender conforming, like I’m not trans enough or I’m not doing it right.
Something to remember is that even if our experiences are not a lot like others, we are not any less trans. We are apart of the transgender community and the people who don’t want to accept that are fuckheads. Good luck being you fellow trans friend 🤍
This video means a lot to me, I mean, I’ve been struggling with my identity for years, and like, it sucks! Yeah! I realised I might be trans years ago, like, in 2022. And it was hard, I cried at first because I didn’t know how to react, and then I never really went anywhere with it, because yeah! I didn’t hate being a boy! I didn’t abhor it or want those memories to be completely gone! I did like parts of it, sometimes I do think back on it and think about whether I’m going the right way! And I had doubts, of course, it’s a big thing, but at the same time, I want to be a girl, I know I do, I often have this feeling that I’m just off, or “weird” and it’s a struggle, and then dysphoria, and all of that. But it’s just like… there’s no “right way” to be you, you just have to figure it out, and that’s hard, but you need to stop thinking about others journeys when you think about your own, because yeah! There’s never gonna be two of the exact same journeys.
Sorry, this probably made no sense whatsoever, basically this video just like means a lot at the moment, so thank you lol
I would absolutely wear dresses/skirts and make up if i wouldn't be seen as a girly thing for me to do. I just want to be pretty
This is 100% real, my best friend Ollie was super girly and loved being a girl and turns out he was trans at the end of 5th grade and they go by every thingy but she/her/hers now but he had long hair and wore dresses and love fashion and pink and Sanrio but he changed at 10 years old
Society has a certain image of trans men. For me, when I don’t resonate with other trans people I get such crippling self doubt. It almost ruins my euphoria, it nearly everything good about being trans. It is so frustrating because I don’t feel valid as a trans person. This video was so helpful, thank you for making it❤
I'm a trans man who loved being feminine as a child and I loved pastel pink too, but even as a young child I did feel kinda off in ways which I chalk up to be dysphoria
I am also a trans man who LOVES poofy dresses, but am afraid to be even slightly feminine because people would think of me as a "trender" and dysphoria I don't think I could handle it 😔 If I can ever grow a beard when (or if I'm able) to medically transition, and get top surgery, I would LOVE to dress the way I used to, but I feel like there'd still be that voice in the back of my mind of people telling me that I'm "not a real trans man", which is very disheartening.
Just let people live. Sad how people in the community can’t learn that. Hope your doing ok ❤
My experience has been different, and I can confirm that it's very strange to not see anything similar to what I feel. Thanks for this video. Also Lemon Boy goes hard 🔥🔥🔥
I am 22 and i came out a year ago, and I feel you so much. I often find myself to be sad that I never explored my girlhood like I could’ve if I was a girl. I never did, because it scared me so much and being seen as a girl pained me so much. But wearing pretty dresses and going to the beach, wearing red lipstick. It feels like grieving someone I was so close to being, but never was.
Thank you for being clear or TRANSPARENT in this.
I feel the same! I hate she/her (or some "feminine" words used for me) but i loved being that little girl. I loved being in the dresses my mom or grandmothers gave me. i feel sad that i don't feel like that in dresses now.
hello! so I'm 14 anddd I'm trans since I was 12, I just tried to deny that a bit cuz I didn't want to and yeah. I've been struggling with it because I've never showed it when I was small, and everyone and everything is just making me feel like this is a phase and I'm just confused etc. But it's not that because, I feel a guy. I wish I was born as a guy, had a guy childhood, had a guy body, had also guy friends (because I don't have males in my class) and I just wasn't a girl.
Ofc I'm not saying someday I may change my mind, maybe one day I'll find out I'm demiboy (it's an example) also since I'm young. but I don't want to define myself as a girl and I don't want anyone to tell me I am one.
I came out to my parents some months ago, and at first they were understanding, but after a while they started kind of trying to change my mind? I don't know, it hurts me so much because they keep calling me princess or stuff even tho I told em I'm a guy my mother often seems like she's trying to highlight that I'm a girl. Like for example once I cut my hair short but they still looked pretty feminine and I was having dysphoria and went to my mum and told her I was sad bc my hair weren't boyish enough. and now I asked her I wanted to cut em shorter and she went on a website for women haircuts for giving me inspos... even tho I KEEP SHOWING HER MALE PICTURES FOR MY HAIR. I tried talking to her, but the last time I did she proved me in ANY WAY that I wasn't trans and that I can't use male pronouns cuz this is only convincing me more that I am trans and I'm not etc etc... so I'm asking, please answer honestly. Am I not valid? Is this just a phase? Or is it okay to change gender (due to involuntary experience ofc) in the time? Because I don't know anymore. I have two theories: the first one is that, I've always been a very obedient person, and since everyone told me I was a girl, I just was okay with it, and now that I'm growing up I don't feel like that anymore, or I simply always felt a guy but I didn't understand it and still liked feminine stuff (sometimes I like wearing that stuff). I feel a guy and I suffer for it, but I see a lot of friends that I have that are like 11-12 that one day they say that they feel trans and I don't know, it looks like a trend or something and this makes me suffer and I feel like I'm not valid or something:[
Someone put it into words.
I've spent years feeling like I'm "less trans" because I enjoyed being a girl as a child, I was happy as a girl. I wore dresses and I played with dolls and I would only play pretend as girl characters. Then, when I was around eleven, that stopped feeling right. It doesn't mean I'm any less trans, but I relate to the experience of feeling as such. Your video was really inspiring and struck a chord with me, and I thank you for that.
Have a wonderful day, and please remember you are valid no matter how your experiences look. :)
That’s my exact experience lol
THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING!
i relate to this as an agender lesbian HEAVILY. i hate being seen and labelled as a girl, but when it comes to my sexuality i cannot describe it better than lesbianism. its such an innate sense of femininity that feels revolting yet necessary for my happiness, and growth as a person !
i dont like the idea of being seen as a woman, but when i was little i loved playing dress up with cool skirts and dresses i got at op shops, and i loved trying on makeup. as soon as i started becoming aware of my gender (or lack there of lol) i immediately shut all of that down and started dressing as masculine as i could, i felt like i was trying to cover up something and hide it. now that im older, ive adapted my style to something im really happy with, im big into punk and metal and atp i just wear whatever i want. i wanna wear a skirt over some cool pants, and paint my nails thats because I like doing it and it makes ME happy! if i wear a dress with a pink KISS graphic, studded shirt sleeves and camo pants and i do up my deathhawk with neon pink hair dye, a belief that i am not myself when that is all i authentically am is all a desperate reach for control. for once it doesnt matter what other people think of me, because the way i see myself is higher than their ideals.
im not gonna water myself down just so they think im a hard pill to swallow, they can choke
I had exactly this, if you asked me when I was anything under 10 if I wanted to look like a boy I would strongly disagree and go back to playing barbies with my best friend. Now I have realised I’m trans I also feel excluded in a sense that 1 I’m a really young trans person and all the other trans ppl I see are usually 16+. 2 I did love the feminine childhood and I wouldn’t want to change it if I could, 3 I don’t feel dysphoria the same way lots of trans ppl do, as long as I’m not going out or seeing anyone I don’t have to be masculine, I can just be a feminine as I want around my family and it’s fine. And it’s sad that I feel like these are all unusual for a trans person. Can’t I “just be”
This is a really great and important video dude, I don't have anything that deep to say but you could call me a caveman with how I just discovered fire.
I feel very similar and it’s so comforting to know someone feels the same way
This perfectly describes how I feel and I feel alone as well everything I like is so feminine and I feel like by acknowledging that and expressing that I risk being seen as more of a girl and I hate it, I absolutely love this video.🧡
I am SO happy to find someone I relate to, tysm for this video, it makes me feel happier about myself
THANKYOUTYANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU THIS IS WHAT IRV ALWAYS FELT THANKYOU
Yeah, i also feel weird sometimes in this community because I'm pre-hrt. It makes me feel libe I did not belong. Thanks for sharing your experience ✨
Thanks for making this as it really needed to be said. I’m 29 and am just now in the process of coming out as nb/transmasc. The fact that it took me so friggin long to figure out that I was trans in my conscious mind made me question the validity of my transness. However, everyone’s journey is different so why should I needlessly invalidate my own experience like that? I believe there can be an almost “secondhand dysphoria” that some trans people can feel sometimes, like for example if a trans man sees another man wearing makeup and thinks he’s less of a man for it, that very well may be his own internalized transphobia and dysphoria projected onto that man. I honestly wish people talked about this more as I feel it’s an important first step in working through these feelings. You are very young and I believe you will find your people and your community who embrace you wholeheartedly:) embracing yourself is always the first step in doing that and you seem to be doing a great job. Also love love love the baby pics, they remind me of me as a kid!! Cheers :)
I 100% agree. Growing up transmasc is a very, interesting and unfortunate journey. It's interesting because there's so many aspects of my childhood that have shaped the way I am today, that separating myself from it would be leaving out key factors about myself. And I was raised feminine. Dresses, makeup, dolls, MLP, flowers, unicorns, kittens, sparkles, etc. I even still do to this day, because it's fun. Despite this, I never related to the other girls my age. As I grew, I found interest in more masculine things. Videogames, Pokemon, outdoors, dirt, whatever. But I didn't fit in with the boys either. I often felt like my own little fella, like I belonged on the outskirts of social groups rather than in them. I never felt like my body was the "wrong" one, or that I needed to physically change myself to feel better, I was already happy with who I was, but I didn't think any of who I was related to me being a girl. It was just... Me. I grew up calling myself a girl solely because that's what everyone called me. I didn't have any other way to label myself. Come my teen years, I find the term "nonbinary", and that was it. I had found it. I had found a label that works for me. Granted, after I discovered this, I found myself wanting to present myself for masculine in my expression. I wanted shorter hair, I wanted a flat chest and deeper voice, and perchance some facial hair. However, despite this, I never felt displeased, discomforted, or even disgusted with my body. Never once did I feel a detachment from my body. I never viewed my physical self that way because I didn't think it mattered. And then, I enter some trans spaces. Telling people how growing up I never experienced traditional gender dysphoria, I was told I was faking being trans. And this, broke me. I thought for the longest time that I had finally found my people, the rejects, the outcasts, the group for me, only to be excluded. The trans community, or at least *certain* sections of it, made me feel like my trans identity wasn't good enough to be considered trans. That's when the dysphoria really hit me. The feeling that who I am isn't valid enough because I wasn't constantly hurting over my physical self. Completely ignoring the actual person I was presenting, they focused solely on my body and my feelings towards that.
I have a burning hatred for people who apply strict gender norms onto trans people because more often than not, those trans people absolutely will not be able to live up to those standards. I certainly didn't. I wasn't "girly" enough for the girls, but because i'm afab, I'm not "manly" enough for the guys. I feel like I can never win. Like my specific experience with being trans is suddenly wrong, or bad, solely because I don't hate being feminine, or don't hate what I grew up with. It's tiring.
Elder millennial trans guy reporting in to let you know that you're heard and resonated with!--thank you for sharing everything, here!
What I can tell you from my experience is that growing older gave me a lot of time to find euphoria in all of the parts of me, even the parts that used to bring me grief. Time gave me a lot of patience with myself (and with people around me) and a lot of grace to experience joy on my terms. It's also taught me the wisdom to hand-pick my community--but judging by the comments you're getting here, if looks like that community is picking you. (:
I do relate! I've just come to find I'm bigenderflux, part woman, part undefined but not lack of gender. I liked being a girl for the most part. There were some small signs that I might not have been one completely, but puberty wasn't devastating. In fact, it was exciting for me. And I've never disliked my body, not even in a dysmorphic way. However, when I'm perceived as 'other', I feel euphoric! It's a complicated mess and I may learn more about myself later on.
Unfortunately, me being Genderfluid. People keep rendering me off as a cis male which makes me feel sad since I’m not a cis male. I’m genderfluid (assigned male at birth).