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im not trans by any means but me dressing slightly girly or femboy like because its fun and expresses my self doesnt mean i have to identify as a woman

i have the same feeling. i just feel numb being a girl, just...nothing. it was okay. but being a boy, just *felt* better. i liked dresses. i still like dresses! i like feminine stuff, it just feels better being a boy. i always felt so disconnected from every other trans person because, i didn't care about being feminine. i didn't care when i had to wear those cute flowy indian dresses whenever my family members had weddings. i just wish i could do that while being a boy, because if i did these, these as a outed trans guy, people would just...question me. i want to be myself. i don't assign roles like "mAsCuLinE" or "FeMiNe". I'm just...a guy. a regular, trans boy trying to be here. if i ever get outed as a trans guy i will try to be the more same person as i was before. being trans does not change your personality, clothes, or interests. saying otherwise is falling into gender stereotypes and i just hate it when people tell me im not something that i am because i wore a slightly different piece of fabric. its clothes. not a sign that says "LOOK HERE THIS IS A FAKE TRANS GUY". i just want to change my body, not who i am

This is super insightful as a trans guy myself. Gender is way more complicated than a lot of people think. Encouraged Imposter syndrome and -interestingly enough- as very strict binary some of our community live by can be incredibly discouraging.

I feel so good in skirts, and makeup, and cute tops. I have bows for my hair and adore Hello Kitty. But i wanna enjoy these things as a guy. I think i get very invalidated because i CANT transition due to heart issues. I cant afford top surgery and sometimes i dont WANT to get top surgery. But I'd kill to have bottom surgery cause my bottom dysphoria is SO BAD. It feels off my experience compared to other trans men and I feel awful every time I'm reminded that ky experience is uncommon. Uff. Theres my vent i guess. Anyway, i completely feel you. I was a girly girl as a kid, loved girlhood, still love girly things, just dont want to ve a girl. A woman, more so I guess. Great video.

oh yeah. I'm completely comfortable in my masculine body. but deep inside I know what I am, a girl. I could live in this body forever, what matters to me is what's inside.

I totally feel the same. I like wearing makeup and being "feminine", but I hate how that makes people see me as a girl when I'm not. I always used to be called a girly girl, and I now know it wasn't the girly part that bothered me, but the girl part.

For me I’m still a teen, but I will never get the body I want. I wish I was born a boy, I wish I could be naturally tall, wider build, and have a lower voice. But I don’t want to be a boy, I wish I was mtnb, the euphoria I could have had would have made me feel on top of the world. But again I will never get to be me right, if that makes sense

There's no "right" or "wrong" way to be transgender; the only requirement is that the gender you identify with is not the same as what you were assigned at birth. As an MtF myself, I went through a similar experience where I was okay with being a boy but I dislike the idea of being a man, but different experiences don't make me, you, or anyone else who has felt like that, "less trans"

trust me, even as someone whos had a pretty stereotypical trans experience, that feeling of being excluded from the broader trans community never really goes away.

We had the same thing man 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

wait this is a thing other people feel, i feel so happy thank you

I think I know what this is. Gender isn't just man, woman, or nonbinary. Gender also has two other categories. Boy/girl. I think your younger years you may have identified more as a girl and as you got older didn't like leaving girlhood behind to become a woman. Therefore, being a trans man is you now. This is because gender isn't always a static thing. It can change over time or as you grow older through different stages of your life. Girl/boy are fundamentally their own separate gender constructs in society from woman/man, respectively. I hope this was insightful and helpful info. You are trans if you feel like you are. No one can decide that for you. That's not how self identity works. But it is an unfortunate reality that some people define what it is to be trans differently as it pertains to themselves, and they struggle to empathize with others or see things from another person's perspective.

a name like Tobias makes me think of some dirty blonde kid who scrapes his knees when he fall off his skateboard like so goofy ah

I relate to this quite well. Its not that i hated boyhood as a kid, I just didn't know the possibility that i was a girl even existed or would be accepted by other people. I'd never want to go back now, but i didn't despise it.

i dont feel like i want a die enough to be trans

my entire identity is built on suffering

pls fix audio mixing its very overwhelming

i sort of relate to this, the only “sign” that i showed as a child was always having my hair short and that’s about it. i’ve felt excluded from the trans community and felt like i wasn’t valid cus i wasn’t a tomboy or whatever. it dosent matter if you showed “signs” or not, you can still be valid if you wore dresses and makeup and had long hair and heels or if you had short hair and played in the mud or played with tractors. that’s what you were told was the right thing so of course your going to find interest in it. you are valid.

This video is so relatable because as a kid I’d don’t hate being a girl, I still was feminine. It just wasn’t me

Weird how some marginalized groups marginalize their own community. Kinda like the Ace “Debate”. I’m a bit of an outsider tbh, but it’s weird

im a trans woman, and i feel almost the exact same way. i enjoy dressing fem on some days, and i enjoy dressing masc on other days. ive also thought a lot about being gender fluid, but ive never gone through with it cause i still absolutely despise being called a man. i wish it were easier to just express myself however i want on any given day, but its unfortunately not always that easy with out a lot of people asking questions they really shouldnt be.

The three stages i had watching this video: oh *oh.* *OH.*

I’ve been having a dilemma; I desperately want to look and act like a guy, so much so that I would go to extreme measures to appear more masculine I hate wearing anything tight or feminine because it makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable, like I’m not supposed to be there wearing whatever it is I get extremely jealous of masculine features, or men in general, because I wish that I looked more masculine than I do, and I get very self conscious about my body and shape And I don’t feel like she/her pronouns fit me But at the same time, I’m hesitant to use any other pronouns for myself, despite how they may feel more appropriate. Idk if this is a “I grew up with homo/transphobia so I’m scared of letting me be me” thing or a “I’m not trans or genderfluid or snything, I’m just going through a weird couple-year-long phase” thing.

background music that feels like 7 different cavetown songs at the same time, I love it dearly

I don't really know what I am (probably non-binary maybe trans, I'm not sure), but for me it's always been "I wish" and "I feel like" but never "I am". I've always believed myself 100% to be a boy, and it feels like lying to call myself anything else. But I'm disappointed to say what I am. I don't like the fact that I am, and I wish I could be able to confidently say that I'm not. I want to make it so that I'm not because I don't feel like I am and I don't feel like I should be.

i relate to this so much.. also i can’t believe this was for school!! this is amazing!!! :D

I would also like to point out. Jamie Dodger is very good about making sure his audience know the trans experience is not cookie cutter. Though i know hearing all the time that "i experienced this when i was a kid" gets old just know everyone has a unique and valid experience

this makes me feel less excluded .. i thought i was one of the only people like this

Something that helped me even realize i was trans in general was that, there is no "amount of suffering" you need to be trans. I was a body builder and was in the army before i came out. Some of it was over exaggerating my masculinity but some of it was because its what i liked to do. Im a trans woman but i definitely identify as a tomboy. I like you HATE the idea of being seen or labeled as the sex i was assigned at birth. I know who i am and that is that i am a girl. I think most trans people who are also in therapy get over the "i must be exactly like the cis' idea of what a man or woman is". Being trans to me is accepting your TRUE self regardless of "gender norms". Im sorry you cant love the trans community, not everyone can, but there are spaces that are more accepting and more mature than what your describing. I hope you find one. ❤️

Yuh you're chilling, I didn't realize I was trans til I was 12, and I enjoyed being a girl up until that point. In retrospect it was obviously puberty that ended up bothering me, and all the changes and associations with it. It's all patriarchal and transmed brainrot fr. IDK if you want to be on hormones, but T really helped me become comfortable enough in my masculinity to try more feminine things again and it's been lovely.

This perfectly describes how I feel and I feel alone as well everything I like is so feminine and I feel like by acknowledging that and expressing that I risk being seen as more of a girl and I hate it, I absolutely love this video.🧡

i feel u im bigender (im she/him) i never felt weird abt being a girl i like being a girl you know but like i felt like a guy but i enjoy girly stuff tbh, the only reason why im bigender is because i feel wrong saying im just male cuz i feel like a girl? But im not a girl? i just feel like a dude that likes being a girl i dunno if what i wrote made any sense

yea no i can't relate to this whole "extreme gender dysphoria when young" either. i also look back on myself then and be ok with it. i hate feeling alienated and this is something i dont relate to. for me, most of my feelings of not belonging came from how many people talked about bottom surgery when i didn't relate to wanting it. no matter what things you don't relate to, you are always valid to be taht way.

So I’ve felt like this ALOT recently caus I want to be called he/him but not be trans. I loved being a litter girl and playing with my hair but I never loved makeup but have always loved princesses and dresses and jewelry and pretty, long hair and beautiful clothes and all of my girly friends and playing with Barbie’s and all the things that I little girl likes to do. I loved to put hair clips in my now late fathers hair and pretend he had long hair and play pretend and do little recitals of ballet with my ballet class or make up funny songs or use my moms makeup and end up looking like a clown, and I miss that. I was super girly and silly and cute and pretty but or some reason I barely had any friends. I wasn’t that I was annoying, or ugly, or weird. I just didn’t relate to the other girls. I did all of the same things and played with the same toys but I don’t know how they saw something in me that I didn’t even see, that I was different, that I wasn’t a true “girl”. I would still hang out with just my little friend group of two very gay and fem boys, and my weirdo bestie and watch tmnt or paw patrol but I always felt like I could never fit into the cat agony of “normal”. I hated that feeling. I know I’m kinda ranting but I’ve been so depressed abt this and seeing all these people having a similar experience to me is literally amazing and just scrolling thru these comments for like a minuet I already feel like my whole,e body has relaxed and given its self a break. If you’ve read this far Tysm I’m so great full for you all have a great one!💙💗🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🐈‍⬛🐾

Pardon if this feels intrusive, but as I heard you describe how you feel about girlhood, I thought "this person might benefit from doing Drag". I'm not officially making the suggestion, but it just came to my head 😅. Feeling a strong pull to girlhood, but being male strictly speaking, and liking feminine stuff a lot... It reminded me of Drag queens a little. Anyway, leaving that thought aside, it's just nice to see that you know so clearly who you are :) And that you can articulate your thoughts well.

YES

Someone put it into words. I've spent years feeling like I'm "less trans" because I enjoyed being a girl as a child, I was happy as a girl. I wore dresses and I played with dolls and I would only play pretend as girl characters. Then, when I was around eleven, that stopped feeling right. It doesn't mean I'm any less trans, but I relate to the experience of feeling as such. Your video was really inspiring and struck a chord with me, and I thank you for that. Have a wonderful day, and please remember you are valid no matter how your experiences look. :)

If you can be a cis and still want to have things considered to be "the other gender's," then you can do the same while being trans. I'm a trans girl, and I'm extremely happy with my identity and all of the things that come with it, but that doesn't mean I don't sometimes want to do things considered masculine. The same goes for anyone, trans or cis.

i didn't think i would find anyone else who feels this way too! my gender is more complicated than just "boy" so maybe that makes my experience different, but i don't remember being dysphoric at all until i was like 12. and im still really attached to things that make me more "feminine", like jewelery or my high pitched voice. thank you for sharing your experience, it means so much to see that im not alone

This is so beautiful and touching. I just want to say something that I thought throughout the video. Girlhood is ultimately better than womanhood. Girlhood is when you’re exploring the world and soaking up the colors and beauty of everything around you whether it’s the rain or the sun or the stars or the grass or a simple breeze in your hair girlhood is somehow whimsical. Womanhood on the other hand is when you are experiencing changes in your body, changes in yourself. Others around you are changing too. Your peers physically and mentally change, and it can affect your life through the choices you make and many other ways. Yet, perhaps neither is better than the other, and both are equal. I’ll never know. I’m wishing you the best, you have my support along with the support of many others, you are heard.

While I'm going to transition and in the process probably leave behind a bunch of things about myself that are seen as my "more masculine side", I'm not gonna let my gender dictate what I like doing and neither do I let other people's gender dictate what I expect them to do. We didn't come out as trans just to then perpetuate gender stereotypes.

ive felt lately like. so many people are saying being nonbinary is antithetical to tranfeminists and transsexual goals. (even if i also identify as transsexual) and that no matter where you started in my life, people will always see transneutral people as trans men. or you're told transfem and transmasc are the only two options. that i am a gender traitor for transitioning, that i need to be a man to make it in life, that i need to be a woman to be loved by the community... my trans man brother telling me i have to pick one if i want to get anywhere in transition. nobody will help me transition unless i let myself get misgendered in both directions. not even the doctors i have to search across the country for someone who wants to do the surgery i want, when i cant even find someone to give me hormones. people say non-binary folks are accepted but i cant agree. there is no word for a gender neutral gender, non-binary is just an umbrella term. there's no gender neutral word for most honorifics, familial terms, ect. and the gender neutral words that have been invented have immediately become the new Cringe Thing. ive been out for almost 10 years now and have not gotten anywhere on transition. im not sure i will ever be ALLOWED to have a body that is truly mine i will always be a joke to the world. i wish i could just go to sleep and wake up in a different one.

i guess i should have talked about this sooner so people wouldn't feel alone, lol! i'm glad you did it first! i'm a trans guy and i literally never dress masculine. for sure i like it sometimes, but 90% of the time, i dress as feminine as possible! sometimes, i even wish to pass as female sometimes but im always a boy. its really fulfilling to realize that im me. i'm not scared of being mistaken as anything anymore, cause i know who i am!

I wasn't necessarily the girliest kid growing up but I've never really related to narrative I've heard from most trans people online. I didn't "always feel like something was wrong" or refuse to dresses or anything pink, my childhood friends were all girls, i was happy playing dolls or dress up. This is one of the main it took me years to come to terms with my identity and still haven't had the courage to come out to some people in my life even if i know they'd be supportive. I've just always been terrified of being wrong. "If i didn't 'feel like a boy' before learning about trans people who knows if I'm really not just copying the character on tv or the people online". But turns out trans people can have a lot of different experiences and i might have just wasted half my teen years overthinking it. So thank you for making this video and making people like me feel seen. (Also sorry for the ginormous paragraph)

After finding out I was trans (17, I had gone through a good 7-9 years of questioning) and sometimes I hate being trans. I too loved being a girl, but when I had hit puberty, everything changed. My nana told me that all I wanted to be was a boy. But I still wore girly things. I wore those high waisted black skirts, those black chokers, kuromi sweaters. I wore knee socks, lots and lots of patterened knee socks. But now that I’ve officially come out as trans, I’ve stopped wearing skirts and anything hello kitty related. I’ve stopped wearing chokers and I’ve stopped wearing certain colors.

This hit home. I’m a trans girl but so much of mainstream transfem culture is strongly tied to internet, gaming, and programming circles to the point that I felt completely alone with my unrelated hobbies and had nobody who would understand me. I’ve heard so many jokes about “every trans woman does this” and “every trans woman does that” that I found myself able to relate to trans men more because they’re the ones who care about what I care about, but they could never understand the way I experience gender… and living that way is exhausting.

As a nonbinary person, It’s nice to see someone talking about this. I didn’t hate being feminine, I LOVED pink and dresses and played with barbies and did everything considered “girly”. To me, gender was just “oh ok you have short hair and usually wear blue and green and i have long hair and i usually wear pink and purple”. However when I started thinking about gender past puberty or even during puberty, that’s when I started to feel off about gender. What do you mean I have to bleed out every month and my chest will grow and after this I can have kids?” It didn’t help that I was asexual. Neither did all the weird things the boys around that age said about girls. My thought process eventually became “well I don’t want more than half of these things so maybe .. i’m just overreacting and being immature! Yeah!” Eventually I started trying new pronouns and it felt a little better. In conclusion, I would be fine being a little girl, but I did not want to be a woman by any means. Whenever I presented myself with the choice of “if you could wake up one morning, would you want to be male or female?” It usually was male. But then I realized even though I liked being male more than female, it didn’t exactly fit right with me either. It was like trying on a shirt and you only were given two options, one being told that you had to wear because it was closer to your size, but that one is too small for you, and not very comfortable, so you try the other one. The other is too large for you, while more comfortable, it still doesn’t fit right. However as you’re about to settle for the larger one you walk past a donated bin and spot another shirt. When you put it on, you realize it fits perfectly. You tell people that you think that shirt fits but they deny it, insisting that it’s not your size or that “a few years ago you were wearing the first shirt, this is just a trend!”

Fellow trans guy here, this is a WONDERFUL video and great discussion! Ya better get that A skdjfnksdf The expectations within the trans community are HIGH, I would say higher than the expectations of cis folks... Because the majority of us feel like we need to meet and exceed the "standards" to pass in the eyes of others. We're social creatures, ultimately we want to fit in by instinct... But I will never understand the idea of imposing "I need to fit in" onto other trans folks. A lot of people overlook the fact that SO MANY gendered things are entirely based on social expectations... Social expectations that, in the grand scheme of things, are relatively new! Men have worn what would be called dresses now for CENTURIES. High heels were to help cavalry keep their feet in the stirrups of their horses' saddles, THEN became men's fashion, THEN became women's fashion. EVERYONE of nobility wore makeup in many cultures. Pink used to be the masculine color, while blue was the feminine one. The list goes on! All in all, from one trans guy to another... Do what makes YOU happy and comfortable in your own skin. People are going to judge you regardless, that's the human experience, so why not make yourself feel good? Do things you like. Life's too short not to have fun. (Also, video tip: The music in the intro is a tad loud, making it hard to hear you clearly; that could be because I have sensory processing issues, but it's worth nothing for future reference if you plan to make more content like this... Which... Please do! You're clearly insightful and have a way with words. Well constructed video, all in all.)

Similar here. I'm NB and sometimes refer to myself as "trans-masc" due to similarities between myself and some trans people, particularly trans men. However, I don't fully like referring to myself that way, and I NEVER refer to myself as just trans because I don't view the trans community as one that would welcome me. Due to the community's toxicity, especially online, I often actively choose not to refer to myself as part of it.

I didn't feel "wrong" in adolescence. Before I came out, I embraced my 'masculinity'. I loved being a boy, I loved dressing up like a little cowboy & emulating the (honestly, trashy) rural culture I was raised in. Puberty changed that for me, the disconnect between my childhood and my teenagehood/adulthood makes it feel like two completely separate lives that I've lived. I don't disown my childhood because of that, but at the same time I'm grateful I came out when I did? I also came out at 15, hit 4 years last summer. My first step was to hyperfeminize myself (and unfortunately subscribe to a lot of transmed ideals), but as I became more secure in my identity, I became so much more comfortable simply *being* (masc or fem), and existing with others without judgement. Don't let individuals disconnect you from the broader community. We aren't cohesive. There's more of us who're similary-minded out there than you'd think ❤️