Story 2: She says she earns over $100 an hour and later says she works 14 days in a row, 13 hours a day. If she's two weeks on, two weeks off, she makes over $18k a month. Pay for the damn maid, who cares
In the last story, it seems they wanted to cut the relationship with OP since she would be the birth mom in their eyes, so they picked up a fight with her
The guy who’s sleeping with his dead wife’s twin sister…. Is so incredibly disturbing to me. He’s using her as a substitute wife… I also think it’s a disgrace to his wife’s memory.
yeah :/ i was also a lil disturbed at the twin wanting to be with their sister's partner...? icky to me, i get that everyone grieves and copes differently, but it seems REAL messy :S
“the majority of the comments are concerned about how this will affect my daughter” like???? no shit????? you literally replaced her mother with a fucking clone????????,,??? ccc?czvdvdhxudb?,,?????
@@zyouri121 grieving is an interesting reason to fall in bed with a twin sibling. Therapy would offer better coping mechanisms but hey, I guess that is just me.
@@zyouri121 I don't have to be mentally sound to not sleep with my brother-in-law, though. Like, I can understand that he misses his wife and his brain somehow tries coping by pushing what he feels for his late wife onto this other person who is "so much like" his late wife. But for the sil to not turn him down and remind him that she's not his late wife is... Very odd. Neither seem in their right minds, but she's caring for her late sister's children and then betrays her late sister like this. (this soon I do see it as betrayal -she's barely cold in her grave and you're sleeping with her husband?)
So for the open relationship story, I'd like to point out that not only is he breaking at least one of the rules he and his wife set up, he's also broken the only rule that he and the woman that he's sleeping with have. Which was that she didn't want anything serious. As much as he may try to deny it, he seems to have some pretty serious feelings for her.
I’m solo polyamorous. I’d like to just add that trying out new relationship styles can be as eye opening as they are messy. It seems like neither wife or OP did much research or regular check-ins/therapy to help give the tools to handle such a drastic change. 🤦🏾♀️ Wife only knew she wanted to keep emotional connection between the two of them but didn’t indicate how to do that. Most societies raise us with monogamous mindsets so OP did whatever felt good/normal. Then fell for his sex partner without realizing it. And then when considering their return to monogamy he realizes he’s actually polyamorous. This is good for him individually but probably bad for their marriage. Unless wifey is down with poly lifestyle in the end..
@@Taewills Yeah, it really doesn't feel like they discussed it much at all. They just had these particular set of boundaries, one of which ended up broken. I don't think OP or the wife are bad people. Just maybe their lifestyles don't suit one another since OP not only seems like he might be poly, but developed an emotional connection with the sex partner. I mean, that clearly became more than "just" sex for him.
If they wanted to swing, they should have agreed to that... Poly usually involves more than just sex... Especially, since the wife is "more successful" that means she can keep it casual...if he's only met one person and he was not into poly to begin with, of course he's going to behave like a monogamous person and form a relationship...
@@cynicalvixen9290 Swinging is different so I don’t know why you’re mentioning that bc no one in this story talked about having an interest in that activity.
@@Taewills I was just referring to the fact that they didn't want actual attachments to happen... Swinging would have been a better fit if it was just about spicy
I think the reason for the “gold dress” is wild! Saying it’s equating the OP to being first prize or whatever is crazy. I think the bride is the only one who would see it that way and it’s because of her deep seated hatred for OP. Third OPs wife sounds like her issue was with the amount of emotional effort he put into the gift.. which kinda makes it sound like he’s never done that for his wife?
During childbirth, nurses will kick out anyone the mother doesn’t want to be present in the room or are obviously a nuisance to her. So the sister and her husband in this case would be kicked out anyway. Labor and childbirth are not pretty and you’re in your most vulnerable state. The only person I wanted near me was my husband. It needs to be someone who is your rock. OP’s sister ain’t it.
I cannot believe someone doing this really great thing for you, putting their life on the line, would do this. Honestly I wouldn't even sign the baby over.
Story 1: First that dress is beautiful and perfectly appropriate for a wedding. Second, I'm getting serious abuser red flags from the bride in that story. One of the first things an abusive partner will do is try to isolate their partner from their friends. This lady manipulated and lie about OP to do just that. I really hope that guy sees the light and gets the hell out fast.
Haha, heard you mention about asexual being used wrong. In story 3 it was used incorrectly. You're thinking of aromantic, not asexual. Asexual means a person who does not experiencesexual attraction (has nothing to do with whether or not the person has sex). Aromantic means a person does not experience romantic attraction (but may still enter relationships). But there's also a spectrum for each depending on the person. It's both a simple and complex topic and can definitely be a rabbit hole if you're not familiar with the terms. Mix ups happen a lot for those outside of the community because of it.
Story 3: Whatever I have with my partner is some word that keeps me from having to admit that I did anything wrong here. 😂😂😂 Why are men...just... Broooo
Story 3: you guys were abolutely right about OP, it was very clear to me that he was in denial of his feelings. That commenter was just trying to blame the woman in the situation, which is typical
Especially since he’s like: it’s not an emotional relationship but if my wife asked me to end it I would leave her. But but but I love my wife more than anything and I’ll never leave her… unless I have to end this other relationship lol
I don’t think comments were just trying to blame the woman, as stories with the genders swapped have the exact same “Well they opened it so what did they expect to happen” comments. However I 100% believe there is some truth to that line, if you’re not polyamorous then you cannot love more than one person the same way at the same time. So it’s never shocking to me when the person asked about opening the relationship eventually falls out of love with their original/asking partner and starts to feel more with the side partner. It quite literally bound to happen if you aren’t poly, no amount of rules will stop that, which is why monogamous people shouldn’t even try it. It’s always going to end messy.
@@BbiBbii how do you even know if you’re polyamorous or not if you don’t ever even think about it? She asked, he agreed. How was his wife to know that he wasn’t if he was so open to it? If you’re not poly, and you don’t want to be, that’s fine. I’m monogamous and very happy with that. If my partner asked, I’d have to either end the relationship or not open it. I mean, why do people agree to things and then be like, well, YOU asked me to make a choice so now you’ll have to suffer because I wasn’t deceptive when I chose.
@@tabathaalshalhoub1653 I have no idea how to explain that, you just know. The same way you know if you’re straight or not. For example, I am monogamous and bisexual, though I would have zero clue how to tell you how I know that. I just know cause it feels right. Now “how was his wife to know he wasn’t if he agreed to open it” I’ve noticed married people or in general anyone in love does stupid stuff for their partners & will absolutely TRY something if their partner tells them it’s something they need. I’ve been told for more people it can be pretty hard to leave someone. Note: also I’d hope if you’re married or been with someone for years you’d know basic stuff about them, everything about their sexuality included since we’re in 2024. Now the a question could be “Well he tried and fell for someone else so he should break it off?” Of course he wouldn’t want to close the relationship now that he has the connection with someone else, and lost some with this wife. The SECOND you ask a monogamous person to open the relationship you lose part of their love, respect, trust, etc. the relationship WILL NEVER be the same. Op saying at this point he’s leave his wife if she asked to close everything really proves that. Now with this whole genre of Reddit story I notice nine times out of ten the partner asking to open the relationship already has someone in mind, meaning it was never about polyamory and more about getting technical permission to cheat, as poly will NEVER WORK if both people aren’t poly. That’s why the asking partner in these types of stories get little sympathy from me. Honestly there are very little situations where I would feel bad for the partner asking their monogamous partner to try polygamy, it’s rare to see someone ask PURELY for polygamy sake & not because they already have someone in mind. Which in my mind is shady. The only way polygamy works is if you’re honest about it from the absolute beginning stages of the relationship, you cannot wait years and randomly spring that question onto your unsuspecting partner as it can cause very obvious problems. All that said I don’t like anyone in the story but I especially have no sympathy for the wife, as she was the asking party.
First Story - that dress is absolutely fine. what is going on with the bride. I feel like the bride acted like that because she doesn't like OP already and is probably going to use this to fully push her out of Dan's life. First Story - I feel bad for Dan who really is just caught in the middle of a really unfortunate situation. I think OP handled this perfectly and I hope OP can keep her friendship with Dan and that Dan and his wife can work on things. Second Story - OPs husband is dumb in my humble opinion. OP and her family had a discussion and found a compromise that works for them. Third Story - OP broke the rules that he and his wife made together for their open relationship to work. OP is in the wrong for that but feelings are strange things. OP should be honest with his wife and himself. OP needs to have a serious conversation with his wife because it's not fair for either of them to not be honest. Fourth Story - get therapy OP please. this may be helping you cope but it may hurt you both in the end. there's such things as unhealthy coping mechanisms and this sounds like that. I can't imagine losing a spouse and the other parent of my child but this doesn't sound healthy. go to grief counseling, see a therapist, get the help you need. Fifth Story - OPs comfort while giving birth is more important than the BIL's feelings. OP experienced a terrible trauma that she's STILL healing from. OPs sister is a *words I can't say on TH-cam* I can't imagine experiencing something like OP did and to have my sister disregard that for her husband's stupid feelings. OP should see her sister saying she'll stop talking to her as a blessing. OP needs to focus on her peace of mind and her healing process. OPs sister and the sister's husband are absolute devils.
For the second to last story, I think it’s not healthy. They’re both consenting adults but since she’s a twin sister he’s pretending that his wife is still alive. That’s not healthy or fair to her or his deceased wife
I think they both need grief counseling of some sort. I get they could see it as helping themselves then and now but long term will likely cause issues.
The husband in story 2 is definitely insecure about his wife being the breadwinner. Studies sadly show that in hetero marriages where the wife is the breadwinner, the husband still doesn’t do an equal share of housework and is more likely to cheat.
The first OP needs to tell her friend that his wife kicked her out. Story 2: that husband just wants his wife to cater to him. He’s trying to make her his little house wife while also wanting her to do the same amount of work she already does.
Story 1, I feel like that new wife is just trying to make any and every excuse to try and distance her husband from OP. Being dramatic as hell to try and get the husband to drop OP.
Story 5 - I dont need anymore than the first 2 sentences - if you give the gift of surrogacy, which is also the sacrifice of your body - you get what you want in the delivery room (short of forcing someone else to be there against their will). If there is a trauma involved? So help me, no one should even ask twice, let along pushing on very clear boundaries. Literally, what more do they want? The entitlement is astounding. And they don't seem to truly appreciate what OP is going through for them. Also, it doen't sound like a good idea that those people are going to be parents.
All three of you are great, but Sean is THE MOST entertaining to listen, I'm sorry 😅 I love listening to Sean's reactions while I work, he says everything I think lol 😂
With the surrogate story, there is a lot of legal things to consider. What type of surrogate is she? Just a uterus is gestational. Egg plus uterus (sometimes called a traditional surrogate or a few other terms) Only egg is a donor. Also is the egg from op's sister? Which would make the intended mom the biological mom? Another factor is the country that this takes place in. In the US, which state also plays a BIG role. Do all 3 adults live in the same state? Some states make surrogacy in any form illegal. Some states have it as partially legal. Some require the person with the uterus to be referred to as the birth mother regardless of genetics, and then make the bio parents actually adopt the baby with all of the normal legal adoption hoops. Which can take years. Regardless, the person who is carrying the baby is a human. And a human in the hospital has the right to privacy regarding who is in the room. (My state took away my rights to my internal organ and choices I can make regarding it, but I still have a call over who sees my external genitalia during the traumatic process of childbirth... until the next law passes, that is) Easy answer, if op intends to continue with the surrogacy as planned, just let the nurses know who op wants in the room. And who she does not want. If she changes her mind, she can kick her sister out. After the repeated confrontations and bullying tactics, I would change hospitals and not tell anyone when I went into labor. No one is automatically entitled to a vagina viewing. Gtfo.
I worked in weddings and event/bridal styling for 6 years, have done HUNDREDS of weddings. There is no universal rule about not wearing “gold” to an (American) wedding. Seeing her dress from attendance, the bride clearly has it out for OP, it’s not about her dress. That should’ve been perfectly socially acceptable.
At the start I was thinking maybe if its a really shiny GOLD gold or a dress with a lot of rhinestones or sequines (that catch the light and draws attention) or maybe it clashed with the color scheme (making her stand out). But no! It fits warm earthy tones perfectly fine and its not too bling-y. Bride absolutely has it out for OP.
Story 3: He's not wrong. By all means, the wife has every right to be upset and hurt. That's her husband. The husband is either emotionally invested in the other relationship. My opinion, though, is that he's not wrong. She asked for the open relationship. She seems perfectly fine with the guys she's been with. She then realised that he was happier outside and she wanted all that from him They should've fixed it together without opening the relationship. E should be honest with her though about wanting the "more than lovers with his new lady. No one wins here
How is he not wrong? It seems like he’s using “she suggested it” to defer blame away from him. I can suggest eating takeout for dinner but that doesn’t mean it’s my fault when the delivery person brings the food and my husband wanted to cook dinner. HE AGREED. If he didn’t want an open relationship (and he absolutely does) then it was on him to say no. He can’t say “she wanted this and we agreed on rules and now she’s mad I broke the rules because she suggested it!” If I ask to play monopoly and then get mad at my partner for cheating, how is it my fault for the cheating?! Because I wanted to play?! Make it make sense.
I wonder if he’s pretending that it’s his wife if they’re identical. The only thing they’re doing is not processing the loss of wife/sister and developing feelings for each other by continuing. Then they end up missing each other too
Story 3 - sounds like OP went straight into an emotional relationship, not a physical one - which seems to be the opposite of the type of open relationship that they were aiming for. Or that OP's partner was aiming for anyway. They definitely didn't talk about it enough, but it also seems like OP broke the rules right out of the gate.
Story 4 - Ok, sometimes there is loss and people come in to help - friends, family, etc. - and the two people involved grieve and move forward together, seeing each other as individuals and forming a new relationship not overshadowed by the person they lost. OP's situation is not that. This is a very unhealth situation, like 5 different powder kegs stacked on top of each other and at least one will explode and set off all the others.
So with story 3: I THINK I get why the OP is lost. I only just figured out that I am AROMANTIC on top of asexual - but also I have a person in my life that, for all intents and purposes, I would consider my “soulmate” and whom I care for deeply. I DO NOT have romantic feelings for them, but instead they and I share a PLATONIC bond. Platonic love, as a concept, has become fairly misunderstood - the name comes from Plato who described a pure love between souls that was divorced from any kind of sexual or romantic desire. It’s not a way of describing people who are “just friends”, it’s a super deep connection that for people, and I think OP falls into this camp, sometimes is confusing because they can FEEL there’s no romance behind it but ALSO it’s not “just a friendship” So, my guess? I may be wrong but I think OP may be Aro and has developed a platonic bond with the other partner. The fact that he says “it’s not love” and “there’s no emotional connection” suggests to me that maybe he’s checking in with himself that he’s not developing a ROMANCE, and because that isn’t what the bond is (it’s more likely platonic) he is completely lost and is also confusing everyone else. In any case the fact the bond is so deep to him that he would leave his wife speaks volumes… and I think the situation has definitely opened up everyone for a lot of potentially painful self reflection. Also, to the guys: as an AroAce I very much appreciate you trying; I know you’re always looking to learn. It all comes with practice, and both of you already practice so much of what you take from listener’s feedback in every episode that it is genuinely heartwarming. Thank you so much❤
I thought the same that he can be aromantic heteresexual but he has/had romantic feelings for his wife, or maybe he wrote it like that but he simply can't see difference and bc "he loves his wife" he thinks that is what romantic feeling is 🤔 sooo... hard. He could simply fall in platonic love, like you said, there is bond that bloomed but then why to say he would leave his wife when she would want to close marrige, bc platonic love could be without sex, it is strong connection it dosen't mean it was to be sexual too, can but it isn't nessesery... 🤔 (But then I'm sure wife wouldn't want this 'friendship' to still go do there would be problem). I think the worst is that the another women wasen't looking for serious partner. It looks like he isn't looking clearly at the situation he is in, and that he dosen't know himself...
@@magdalenagabrowska8169 Yeah, I think he was thinking more along the lines of “my wife won’t want me to see the person I have this bond with anymore” rather than him worrying about not being able to hook up with her anymore like you mentioned! I definitely think you’re right too that he has no real idea what’s going on and he potentially crossed the line into a “serious relationship” with the other partner who didn’t want that. I personally am not sure about if that’s what happened here technically - because when people mention “serious relationships” they are usually talking about entering into a romantic commitment type of thing (I think?)… but this is potentially platonic plus sexual and so there isn’t an expectation for that partner to uphold the usual romantic ideals? It all depends on what she understood that phrase to mean I suppose, and if she was expecting to be able to disentangle from OP completely when need be. Because at this point it seems he wants her in his life still, even if not as a romantic partner, and that he would exit his commitment to his wife if it meant losing the partner. It’s all very confusing and I hope they all can figure it out - especially since it sounds like we won’t be hearing from OP again : (
I think he and his wife can save the marriage if she’s open to allowing him to explore exactly what he wants & feels. I’m solo polyamorous and felt like I related to OP’s story a lot in terms of having one partner fulfilling the romantic/ sexual desires, while another is so deep it’s indescribable. I’m very curious now….
@@Taewills That is another great perspective. I don’t have that much knowledge on Polyamory, but I DO know that partners don’t need to have the exact same kind of relationship with each other, and that different partners can fill different niches for one another. It sounds like the OP DID have some fairly positive views while his wife explored (talking about it being flattering) and that the only reason divorce even crossed his mind was because someone brought up the possibility of him being asked to cut off the other partner - who seems to now hold a high degree of importance to him as well.
@@timburtonluver28 If they saw individual therapists as well as a sex therapist then I think they can move forward. Ofc they should stop everything they’re doing for some introspection, and guidance but it’s totally doable.
To me, having a rule that your partner can't hang out with the gender they're attracted to shows a lack of trust. It always gives me the vibe that either the partner can't be trusted (and at that point, just break up. A cheater will cheat, regardless of what rules you put in place) or the partner making the rule doesn't trust their partner to hang out with men/women without cheating. With the fourth one, I don't think he's the asshole, but he's definitely not using healthy coping mechanisms. I think he needs to seek mental health help because he's using her as a replacement for his wife and the sister is fully aware of that from the sounds of things. Both need to find healthy coping mechanisms because this is not moving on, this is pretending his wife is still alive through the sister.
For the twin thing... I originally heard about this kind of situation on an episode of the TV show The Irrational (crime show based on behavioural psychology and it's so good - highly recommend). There's actually something called s3xual beareavement that can happen during grief as a response to stress chemicals etc (gives comfort and closeness, body seeking oxytocin, only thing that feels good during depression, etc). As odd as it seems, it's actually really normal! It just isn't talked about very often. Not necessarily something that's always with someone related to the lost loved one, but isn't necessarily that surprising all things considered.
For the 3rd story I think what Sean (I think that’s how you spell it) meant was Aromantic not Asexual. As an AroAce person aromantic is when someone has little to no romantic interest in people. I do believe the op in the 3rd story isn’t aromatic though.
I'm the surrogate situation... The sister was wrong for not discussing the stipulation with her husband before they accepted this GIFT... And it is a selfless gift... Women die in childbirth every day, not to mention the changes to her body and emotions... The person giving birth should absolutely have all the say in the world in the conditions under which she delivers the baby... The selfishness of the sister and her fiance is insane... And let's talk about the 6 year engagement... Makes you wonder about the stability there
Story 3: If I was giving a verdict on Reddit, I'd say no one sucks here. I get that he and his wife agreed not to get emotionally attached to partners outside their marriage, but also I don't think you REALLY can control that? Getting attached and developing feelings are extremely human things to do and I can't really bring myself to judge him for it. The relationship between him and his wife was clearly not doing well and opening the marriage was just a wrong move to try and fix things. Like Josh said, they should've tried therapy first. I think an open relationship can improve a relationship for some people, but it requires A LOT of communication and the "core" relationship to be on a healthy ground before bringing in other people.
i think he's the asshole because he developed feelings and didn't cut it off, knowing what he agreed to. it wasn't his fault for initially getting attached but it's completely on him for continuing the relationship, know he was only supposed to have sexual relations.
OP isn't the asshole for simply developing feelings. He's the asshole for not immediately telling his wife and breaking contact with her. Use a monogamous relationship, for example. You aren't the asshole for being into another person, but you'd be the asshole if you pursued a relationship with them. That's essentially what OP is doing. He's breaking his partner's trust and their agreement.
@@brett8259I agree he’s not an asshole at all bc he didn’t even realize his feelings until after his post 😅. Monogamous love is indoctrinated into most modern societies worldwide. OP was just doing what felt good without any direction as to how to do ethical non-monogamy. There were boundaries, sure. But not a lot of communication/research/ therapy (sex or otherwise) outside of that. I think it’s a good thing he realized that he’s actually polyamorous and can (does) love multiple people simultaneously. Unfortunately it sounds like his wife is better at compartmentalization & only wanted sexual connections outside of their marriage.
For the poly story, I feel like if you start dabbling in poly you need to make room for the possibility of emotional connections forming. To demand that that *not* happen is like telling someone who is fostering kittens for the first time to not get too attached. It’s extremely difficult to do and many simply can’t without some feelings developing. I can believe the husband has an emotional connection to the third person because when you start getting to know someone, you start caring for them as a friend. I also believe the third when she says she doesn’t want a serious relationship. OP is trying to make the third feel valued in a way she likely hasn’t before and it is commendable in a vacuum. Quite honestly it was naive of the husband and wife to open up their relationship and not expect one or the other to care deeply for a partner. It doesn’t negate the feelings the OP has for his wife and kid.
This is why I as a poly person don't have rules like that. Rules are no family and no people who abused the other in the past. I also don't experience jealousy which helps. Though both my partners do mildly but we always talking abe communicating. Being non monogamous involves way more communication.
I went to a wedding where the grooms 84 year old grandma was his "best man" and it was the cutest shit EVER she wore a lil matching tux to all the groomsmen and walked the flower girl down ON HER WALKER🤣🤣🤣 non traditional is fine that whole situation lacks communication WILDLY
Story 4: It's f-ed up if they get married and have kids bcs essentially the 3 yo daughter will be both a cousin and a sister (sorry, don't know how the expression goes, English is not my mother tongue)
Around 36:50 Its odd to me that when people open up a marriage ..... One of the two people get hooked on the plus people they choose?... Its a bit difficult to pin point to me, YES I know the wife opened up relationship. ....and there IS a rule saying "dont get emotionally attatchedor try to" but like... She has sex a with a lot of men and he looks for a few women, mm....idk They agreed no emotion but also i dont get personally how you can pick a favorite frick buddy and not get attatched He broke rules sure But I feel like theres a lot missing context wise OR The rules should have been more specific Also yes dude is kind of slow for not realizing thats an "emotional " relationship ... getting to know someone enough to get a special gift. It kind of annoys me though when dumb strsght people open up their relaionship then dont expect this to happen smh. If the roles were reversed i feel people would be quicker to judge But its hilsriously ironic to me husband was hesitant then when he was convinced to do so he found someone he likes better
With story #2. The thing that really gets me, is the fact the husband and the kids are home making messes during the time she is working. If they were doing their part, as they should since she isn't contributing to the mess, it should be clean and a maid is not needed. But when she is home, she gets to choose if she wants to clean or hire someone to do it for her. She makes enough money. They are comfortable and not struggling in the least. If they were struggling financially, then he might have an argument. Regardless, the house is getting cleaned. Like others have said, he probably feels emasculated. That's a him problem and he should seek some therapy so he can realize this issue and learn from it, because it seems besides this issue they are happy.
Story 1 - I doubt there is anything OP could have worn that would have avoided that confrontation. Even if she wore a potato sack, she would have gotten yelled at for not looking nice enough at their wedding. I dont think partners need to be friends (or even like) each others friends. But it is a legit issue if they outright hate and act on that hate against a close friend. Friendships are important relationships too, is the partner really 'the one' if they are driving away true friendships? I think not. It's skirting close to a compatibility issue imo, not as big a deal as different financial goals or kids/no kids, but heading into that territory.
The fact that Dan thought she would change and accept his bestie is a girl after marriage is wild on his part...if there's an issue on something that big, marriage usually makes them double down after they think you are stuck
I think 3 people wore gold to my wedding actually 😂 they all looked lovely I guess it depends on the dress because a normal gold dress bride is crazy but if it looks like a gold wedding dress i get it😂
I’m gonna get eaten up for this but I find it so weird to say certain colors at weddings are not appropriate. In my opinion, wearing red to a wedding isn’t a bad thing… it’s not white. And in story #1 that is an orange dress like what is wrong with that? I don’t know man but as long as people don’t wear white I think any other color is fine. It is just stupid to think certain colors are inappropriate (other than white) lol
I would love love love to see you guys do some bridezilla stories! I think that your reactions would be so entertaining to see, especially to some of the nuttier stories, they make the gold dress story look like a walk in the park!
Sister giving her sis a kid- Last story Wow at the ridiculous thing she only asled no men be in the room, asks for no money , If the sister giving birth told the hospital no men in my room i think they too would honor it and keep him out especially if it stressed her out and the baby Its insane how controlled the one sis is going back on her word and letting him yell at her pregnant sis like that then agree
Story 2: not only he is not paying, but still wants to cut this but he has the audacity to say that his wife-op will clean when the cleaning lady didn't come to the house... and op is manipulative? Jesus
50:40 I say the guys fucked up for having swx with his wifes twin sister.... Yes its consensual sure. HOWEVER BOTH of them were having grief sex, they were both vonerable, and he had kids with her sister who passed so it feels kind of incest ish due to the fact shes his kids aunt, if they had more kids that would be complicated and not like they probably remebered to use protection in that "heat of the moment". **ALSO** 🚩 saying he uses sex with his sister in law /his kids aunt to not kill himself while he has a young daughter to take care of is HUGE RED FLAG BEHAVIOR ! This is codepending on someone else to replace your grief with doses of serotonin he gets from sex. 🚩 Its not like he said he realized he had siblings for both sisters and just fell for her too which id still ve iffy on with the relations thing but dude literally said himself "it helps him forget what happened" Hes replacing his wife with her in my opinion to not face his guilt. Sure thats a lot of sudden guilt to deal with but he needs to book emergency therapy or call a suicide hotline if he is having these feelings not seeking out the vagina of the sister of who you were married to..... Think about it, "just because you can doesnt mean you should " Also the fact they are hiding the reltionship shows they dont want it to stop but know others would probably be against it . Revound grieving sex is a thing , and im sad to even hear that guy is going through it but he needs a therpaist to talk to.
It is called aromantic what you tried to say (not having romantic connections in relationships) not asexual (not feeling sexual needs), but person aromantic would be like that to all partners - to wife too (and I wrote all this very basic, there is all areas of grey and full spectrum to look at ), so yeah he simply wasen't seeing that he formed bond with this girl, witch is sad for few reasons, but most important he said She didn't want relationship, maybe he is in this partnership with him bc he is married and have family, maybe it makes for her it safe... But he w dosen't see this all one that he let his emotions go, two he and his wife are not in good place, three the girl-partner dosen't want more (at least that was said)...
I need to be a pipe fitter because her overtime PERWEEK is $3,750. If pipe fitters are hourly and if she's doing 13 hour days... 5 (days) x 13 (hours)= 65 65 - 40 = 25 25 x 150 (overtime rate)= $3,750. 40 x 100 (regular rate)= $4,000. $7,750 a W E E K. Her flipping overtime amount is $15,000 per month... so she's bringing home nearly $31,000 a M O N T H. Hell, I'd have the lawn taken care of, the maid, and a cook.
With the story of the husband grieving with his wife’s twin. That’s sooo complicated. In the short run, I’m sure feels better than the grief but in the long run..probably super unhealthy. Especially if they were identical twins. For you & your kid. And in my opinion not worth the crap it will stir up once you start feeling better. But sounds like both sides know why they’re falling into bed together & they are 2 grown adults.Sooo….🤷🏻♀ As for the last story. They DEFINITELY should have made & signed a contract 1st. Cuz even without being family, that kind of thing can get messy. But this girl is doing this HUGE favor for you! She is taking 9months out of her life to give you something you couldn’t have without her. She is growing a whole human life for you & putting herself & her body thru not only carrying this baby but then labor to help you out! And without compensation! And her ONLY request is to not have your husband in the room as she is pushing out an entire human is completely reasonable & letting you get off easy! Even without the completely valid reason she has for it! Aaaand she let you know this & you agreed to it even BEFORE she got pregnant!! And I understand wanting to be there for the actual birth of your kid. But these are special circumstances & it was her ONLY request for doing this MASSIVE thing for you! You should be kissing her feet & going out of your way to make her feel as safe & comfortable as possible! Thankfully (& hopefully a nurse or someone will let her know) I believe the medical staff, regardless of the fact that they are the parents, will kick them out of the room if the sister (surrogate) doesn’t want them in the room. I mean, why put more stress on the woman who is bringing life into this world FOR YOU!? ug! Makes me so mad🤦🏻♀🤬
Hey I don’t know if you’ll read this… but as an explanation: Asexuality- an umbrella term for people who don’t feel sexual attraction. Like imagine someone you aren’t sexually attracted to- its like that, but for every person. It has nothing to do with romantic attraction or relationships. It’s actually a misconception that no asexual person wants sex though, it’s a scale. It goes from sex favorable (people who might have sex just because they like the feeling/like the emotinal intamcy with their partner/don’t mind it. But can’t feel sexual attraction themselves) to sex repulsed (people who do not want to have sex at all and who may even feel disgusted at the idea of doing it. Not to be confused with people who hold purtian ideas of sex, personally I fall somewhat in this category, but I think people can do whatever as long as its the and doesn’t involve me.). There’s also the grey area of sex neutral which is anything inbetween. The thing you are mistaking as being asexual is aromanticism , which is lack of romantic attraction. That also falls on a similar scale to asexuality. It’s a common mistake, so not your fault, but they are completely separate idenitys. It’s common for people to be both Aro and Ace (often shortened to Aroace), but you can be one and not the other. There are plenty of happy Ace people in romantic relationships, and Aro people who have sex lives or platonoic life partners (this type of relationship isn’t actually only an Aro thing but it’s called a Queer Platonic relationship, or QPR, and is basically a non-romantic relationship that goes over the boundaries of normal ‘friendship’ stuff. Friends who get married for example!) Again, not your fault for not knowing, but I thought you might like to know the proper terminology- or at least be corrected. Love the podcast :)
As a person with over 10 years of polyamory experience, that is absolutely not polyamory. Yall were correct to call out that seeing someone for a year and expecting to have Zero emotional attachment is not realistic. That is why ethical polyamory shuns these unrealistic and over controlling boundaries that try to dictate the emotions of other people.
Story 3: I think that he could just be confused in general. I don't think it has anything to do with being aromantic at all, as he still does love his wife. I think the problem could be twofold. One - She said she wasnt looking for a serious relationship with anyone - meaning that his feelings towards her would never cause a relationship so having a platonic bond is fine with him, not fine with his wife. Two - He may have internalized the rules as no romantic involvement of any kind and not any emotional. Everything he did WAS very emotional but could be something that a good friend would do for someone he deeply cares about. It doesn't have to be romantic for it to be the case. Wife sees this and is justifiably jealous and thinks that he's in it romantically when he doesn't see it that way. That being said, all that goes out of the window when he makes the update. I think he's still justifying to himself that his interest in this woman is purely platonic (at this point most definitely cope) and that the "stronger than love" feeling is just one of those things that you don't get from a relationship (not true.) I don't think the gift itself would make him wrong, but he clearly has some sort of feelings for her, feelings stronger than he has with his wife that makes him wrong. (whether thats platonic or nonplatonic doesn't matter, its still weird.) It could still maybe work out? But if he genuinely believes that he doesnt have feelings and she doesnt have feelings that she's unaware of and can keep things friendly, no sleeping around, then MAYBE. Dont know if he'd want that, though.
In regards to story 5. If i were the sister id bluntly say its my body and my choice, i would tell them i could get a late term abortion and leave them to find a surrogate that they could pay for if they wanted to keep attacking me (obviously dont go through with the abortion because LT ones are illegal)
I'm in the camp that story 3 it was wrong for her to pressure him into an open relationship. Its one of those things where both partners need to be enthusiastic for it to work. Yes, OP broke the rules, but he was thrust into a situation that he wasnt prepared for. His emotions were all over the place and he is confused about the state of his relationship. I agree that they probably shouldve broken it off, but saying its all on him is making me uneasy. Also, not an incel. Im a 25 year old woman in a happy relationship lol
Was it ever stated that she "pressured" him though? He is an adult (does not act like one but anyways) and it was his place to communicate with her if there were any issues. I bet she never even knew he was not into that in the first place.
I don't think it's good to make assumptions and fill in information. OP said he was a little hurt when it was brought up, but that he agreed to it. He never makes any mentions of being pressured into this. It is all on him in this case. OP is a fully grown adult, he agreed to this situation, he broke the rules of what he agreed to. He is an asshole for doing that.
A lot of partners cave to opening up a relationship thinking it's the way to save it... However, it doesn't sound like they did enough research (poly usually entails more than just sex anyway) if he is basically monogamous at his core he's going to seek connection whether he meant to or not... Opening up a marriage needs to be both partners being mature and an enthusiastic consensus... Not just one finally being "cool with it"
The husband with the dead wife, is grieving sure. And maybe 'seeking solace' in the dead wife's sister's vagina. Maybe there are some therapy terms that apply, but grieving overall. I don't like it, but I can understand it a bit. So wtf is the sister thinking? Cuz she is the one that takes this to a creepy level. I miss my sister so I f her husband... is not a normal type of reaction to my way of thinking. Did she secretly like the husband before? Was she super jealous of her sister's happy marriage and family? Was she jealous that she was a mom? I question all sorts of motives for the twin. And none of them make doing her dead twin's husband okay. How creepy would it be for a kid to have grown up with aunt/stepmom for the next 8 years, to suddenly realize that dad just jumped on her because she had her dead mom's face. Not to mention the timing question that literally everyone else in both families and acquaintances will be wondering about. If not actually gossiping about. Counting the months between the dead wife's funeral and the next baby's birth... There is a whole lot of creepy going on. Nobody gets a pass.
Story 4: Historically, it was very common for a sibling to marry their deceased siblings widow/er. They know/are integrated in the family, and are well prepared to step in and fill ther void. It makes sense, brcause grief bonds people. Widow/ers also marry best friends. As long as they love each other and they aren't in some sort of denial of the very real loss, I don't see a problem. Good job Shaun Sean Shawn ???
Except OP IS in denial here. "She's so much like my wife that when I'm with her, I'm able to forget what happened" that's not a healthy way to deal with this and he's using this relationship to pretend his wife isn't actually dead.
Story #3: my guy has either never been in love before OR he's forgotten how it feels and now that he has an honest to goodness equal adult relationship with someone he's totally perplexed. Shaun, you're right in that the guy might be AROMANTIC, though we don't have details in this story or inside his brain to really explore that idea further. Aromantic people don't feel romantic feelings towards other genders/people or feel them in only limited capacity. It's a spectrum. But for an aro-person the significance of a gift that looks romantic to others might be lost, since they are not doing the gift giving out of romantic love. Aros do date and marry and all that, just like asexuals do. They just don't experience romantic attraction the way alloromantic (allo- is a prefix denoting someone who is opposite to asexual/aromantic) people do. If you want some light reading, I'd recommend the wiki entry to "split attraction model". The notion that sexual and romantic attractions are not one and the same mostly comes up when discussing aces and aros, but it's useful in understanding all kinds of love and attraction. We love a lot of things in different ways, just as we experience sexual attraction in a lot of different ways.
That was something that struck me in the update: OP's language around experiencing something with new partner unlike anything they had ever experienced before. It almost made me think of a QPR (queer-platonic relationship). To be fair, I have never been in one/seen one personally, so I could be reading too much into that or unfamiliar with how a QPR would work in reality, but a QPR was where my mind first went based on OP's comment.
@@prairieartemis Totally could be! A lot of people come to their own queerness later in life because it just hasn't occurred to them that they way they are experiencing concepts like "love" or "lust" is not how most other people do. I'm middle aged and boy howdy the new things life keeps throwing at you just never stop :D
My nephew is 10 n he does his own laundry N he does dishes n takes out the garbage It's good to show kids at a young age to do chores because they get shown what it will be like to live on their own
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that dress is actually a perfect wedding guest dress
I am not someone who wears dresses but even I can tell that is totally appropriate.
It is. It's nice, nowhere close to the color white, is pretty without looking like a fancy wedding dress, AND fits their theme.
the way Lauren thought OP was trying to be vindictive via a dress representing medals.... that is such a weird thing to even think of LOL
That dress is ORANGE
love the videos. I just think it's weird to see these guys talking when the focus should be on the cats. I mean, who the hell is sean?
Story 2: She says she earns over $100 an hour and later says she works 14 days in a row, 13 hours a day. If she's two weeks on, two weeks off, she makes over $18k a month. Pay for the damn maid, who cares
In the last story, it seems they wanted to cut the relationship with OP since she would be the birth mom in their eyes, so they picked up a fight with her
The guy who’s sleeping with his dead wife’s twin sister…. Is so incredibly disturbing to me. He’s using her as a substitute wife… I also think it’s a disgrace to his wife’s memory.
yeah :/ i was also a lil disturbed at the twin wanting to be with their sister's partner...? icky to me, i get that everyone grieves and copes differently, but it seems REAL messy :S
Agreed, the major problem for both is they are not grieving they are substituting. This can't end well for either of them.
I’m polyamorous and I’d reach out from my f*ckn grave! Family is off limits even after my death.
“the majority of the comments are concerned about how this will affect my daughter” like???? no shit????? you literally replaced her mother with a fucking clone????????,,??? ccc?czvdvdhxudb?,,?????
Idk man if my sister passed away I wouldn’t dream of sleeping with her widower. That’s just insane.
i mean he's grieving, not really the definition of sane
@@zyouri121 grieving is an interesting reason to fall in bed with a twin sibling. Therapy would offer better coping mechanisms but hey, I guess that is just me.
@@tyraxtyra You're right, all i'm saying is that we can't expect traumatized and mentally unsound people to make the most moral or ethical decisions
@@zyouri121 I don't have to be mentally sound to not sleep with my brother-in-law, though. Like, I can understand that he misses his wife and his brain somehow tries coping by pushing what he feels for his late wife onto this other person who is "so much like" his late wife. But for the sil to not turn him down and remind him that she's not his late wife is... Very odd. Neither seem in their right minds, but she's caring for her late sister's children and then betrays her late sister like this. (this soon I do see it as betrayal -she's barely cold in her grave and you're sleeping with her husband?)
So for the open relationship story, I'd like to point out that not only is he breaking at least one of the rules he and his wife set up, he's also broken the only rule that he and the woman that he's sleeping with have. Which was that she didn't want anything serious. As much as he may try to deny it, he seems to have some pretty serious feelings for her.
I’m solo polyamorous. I’d like to just add that trying out new relationship styles can be as eye opening as they are messy. It seems like neither wife or OP did much research or regular check-ins/therapy to help give the tools to handle such a drastic change. 🤦🏾♀️
Wife only knew she wanted to keep emotional connection between the two of them but didn’t indicate how to do that. Most societies raise us with monogamous mindsets so OP did whatever felt good/normal. Then fell for his sex partner without realizing it. And then when considering their return to monogamy he realizes he’s actually polyamorous. This is good for him individually but probably bad for their marriage. Unless wifey is down with poly lifestyle in the end..
@@Taewills Yeah, it really doesn't feel like they discussed it much at all. They just had these particular set of boundaries, one of which ended up broken. I don't think OP or the wife are bad people. Just maybe their lifestyles don't suit one another since OP not only seems like he might be poly, but developed an emotional connection with the sex partner. I mean, that clearly became more than "just" sex for him.
If they wanted to swing, they should have agreed to that... Poly usually involves more than just sex... Especially, since the wife is "more successful" that means she can keep it casual...if he's only met one person and he was not into poly to begin with, of course he's going to behave like a monogamous person and form a relationship...
@@cynicalvixen9290 Swinging is different so I don’t know why you’re mentioning that bc no one in this story talked about having an interest in that activity.
@@Taewills I was just referring to the fact that they didn't want actual attachments to happen... Swinging would have been a better fit if it was just about spicy
The lady in story 2 making more in a day than I get in a paycheck. God the dream.
I think the reason for the “gold dress” is wild! Saying it’s equating the OP to being first prize or whatever is crazy. I think the bride is the only one who would see it that way and it’s because of her deep seated hatred for OP.
Third OPs wife sounds like her issue was with the amount of emotional effort he put into the gift.. which kinda makes it sound like he’s never done that for his wife?
During childbirth, nurses will kick out anyone the mother doesn’t want to be present in the room or are obviously a nuisance to her. So the sister and her husband in this case would be kicked out anyway.
Labor and childbirth are not pretty and you’re in your most vulnerable state. The only person I wanted near me was my husband. It needs to be someone who is your rock. OP’s sister ain’t it.
I cannot believe someone doing this really great thing for you, putting their life on the line, would do this. Honestly I wouldn't even sign the baby over.
@@rubthesleep I agree, I wouldn’t either
Story 1: First that dress is beautiful and perfectly appropriate for a wedding. Second, I'm getting serious abuser red flags from the bride in that story. One of the first things an abusive partner will do is try to isolate their partner from their friends. This lady manipulated and lie about OP to do just that. I really hope that guy sees the light and gets the hell out fast.
Haha, heard you mention about asexual being used wrong. In story 3 it was used incorrectly. You're thinking of aromantic, not asexual.
Asexual means a person who does not experiencesexual attraction (has nothing to do with whether or not the person has sex).
Aromantic means a person does not experience romantic attraction (but may still enter relationships).
But there's also a spectrum for each depending on the person. It's both a simple and complex topic and can definitely be a rabbit hole if you're not familiar with the terms. Mix ups happen a lot for those outside of the community because of it.
Story 3: Whatever I have with my partner is some word that keeps me from having to admit that I did anything wrong here.
😂😂😂 Why are men...just... Broooo
OP #3: *is emotionally invested in the partner* also OP #3: but there no emotions
Ah yes, another single mother that has a husband
Story 3: you guys were abolutely right about OP, it was very clear to me that he was in denial of his feelings. That commenter was just trying to blame the woman in the situation, which is typical
Especially since he’s like: it’s not an emotional relationship but if my wife asked me to end it I would leave her. But but but I love my wife more than anything and I’ll never leave her… unless I have to end this other relationship
lol
I don’t think comments were just trying to blame the woman, as stories with the genders swapped have the exact same “Well they opened it so what did they expect to happen” comments. However I 100% believe there is some truth to that line, if you’re not polyamorous then you cannot love more than one person the same way at the same time. So it’s never shocking to me when the person asked about opening the relationship eventually falls out of love with their original/asking partner and starts to feel more with the side partner. It quite literally bound to happen if you aren’t poly, no amount of rules will stop that, which is why monogamous people shouldn’t even try it. It’s always going to end messy.
@@BbiBbii how do you even know if you’re polyamorous or not if you don’t ever even think about it? She asked, he agreed. How was his wife to know that he wasn’t if he was so open to it?
If you’re not poly, and you don’t want to be, that’s fine. I’m monogamous and very happy with that. If my partner asked, I’d have to either end the relationship or not open it. I mean, why do people agree to things and then be like, well, YOU asked me to make a choice so now you’ll have to suffer because I wasn’t deceptive when I chose.
@@tabathaalshalhoub1653 I have no idea how to explain that, you just know. The same way you know if you’re straight or not. For example, I am monogamous and bisexual, though I would have zero clue how to tell you how I know that. I just know cause it feels right.
Now “how was his wife to know he wasn’t if he agreed to open it” I’ve noticed married people or in general anyone in love does stupid stuff for their partners & will absolutely TRY something if their partner tells them it’s something they need. I’ve been told for more people it can be pretty hard to leave someone. Note: also I’d hope if you’re married or been with someone for years you’d know basic stuff about them, everything about their sexuality included since we’re in 2024. Now the a question could be “Well he tried and fell for someone else so he should break it off?” Of course he wouldn’t want to close the relationship now that he has the connection with someone else, and lost some with this wife. The SECOND you ask a monogamous person to open the relationship you lose part of their love, respect, trust, etc. the relationship WILL NEVER be the same. Op saying at this point he’s leave his wife if she asked to close everything really proves that.
Now with this whole genre of Reddit story I notice nine times out of ten the partner asking to open the relationship already has someone in mind, meaning it was never about polyamory and more about getting technical permission to cheat, as poly will NEVER WORK if both people aren’t poly. That’s why the asking partner in these types of stories get little sympathy from me. Honestly there are very little situations where I would feel bad for the partner asking their monogamous partner to try polygamy, it’s rare to see someone ask PURELY for polygamy sake & not because they already have someone in mind. Which in my mind is shady. The only way polygamy works is if you’re honest about it from the absolute beginning stages of the relationship, you cannot wait years and randomly spring that question onto your unsuspecting partner as it can cause very obvious problems.
All that said I don’t like anyone in the story but I especially have no sympathy for the wife, as she was the asking party.
if you're not subscribed, and watching these guys didnt convince you. subscribe for the possibility of background cat content ❤😂
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I wonder if the guy in the open marriage has ever put that much effort into a gift for his own wife
Edit: deeper than love but not emotional?! Gtfo
First Story - that dress is absolutely fine. what is going on with the bride. I feel like the bride acted like that because she doesn't like OP already and is probably going to use this to fully push her out of Dan's life.
First Story - I feel bad for Dan who really is just caught in the middle of a really unfortunate situation. I think OP handled this perfectly and I hope OP can keep her friendship with Dan and that Dan and his wife can work on things.
Second Story - OPs husband is dumb in my humble opinion. OP and her family had a discussion and found a compromise that works for them.
Third Story - OP broke the rules that he and his wife made together for their open relationship to work. OP is in the wrong for that but feelings are strange things. OP should be honest with his wife and himself. OP needs to have a serious conversation with his wife because it's not fair for either of them to not be honest.
Fourth Story - get therapy OP please. this may be helping you cope but it may hurt you both in the end. there's such things as unhealthy coping mechanisms and this sounds like that. I can't imagine losing a spouse and the other parent of my child but this doesn't sound healthy. go to grief counseling, see a therapist, get the help you need.
Fifth Story - OPs comfort while giving birth is more important than the BIL's feelings. OP experienced a terrible trauma that she's STILL healing from. OPs sister is a *words I can't say on TH-cam* I can't imagine experiencing something like OP did and to have my sister disregard that for her husband's stupid feelings. OP should see her sister saying she'll stop talking to her as a blessing. OP needs to focus on her peace of mind and her healing process. OPs sister and the sister's husband are absolute devils.
1:02:10 This is why you ALWAYS need a written agreement that will hold up in court. Family or not.
For the second to last story, I think it’s not healthy. They’re both consenting adults but since she’s a twin sister he’s pretending that his wife is still alive. That’s not healthy or fair to her or his deceased wife
I think they both need grief counseling of some sort. I get they could see it as helping themselves then and now but long term will likely cause issues.
The husband in story 2 is definitely insecure about his wife being the breadwinner. Studies sadly show that in hetero marriages where the wife is the breadwinner, the husband still doesn’t do an equal share of housework and is more likely to cheat.
The first OP needs to tell her friend that his wife kicked her out.
Story 2: that husband just wants his wife to cater to him. He’s trying to make her his little house wife while also wanting her to do the same amount of work she already does.
"you got shitty little kids there" that was definitely so funny
Story 1, I feel like that new wife is just trying to make any and every excuse to try and distance her husband from OP. Being dramatic as hell to try and get the husband to drop OP.
Story 5 - I dont need anymore than the first 2 sentences - if you give the gift of surrogacy, which is also the sacrifice of your body - you get what you want in the delivery room (short of forcing someone else to be there against their will). If there is a trauma involved? So help me, no one should even ask twice, let along pushing on very clear boundaries. Literally, what more do they want? The entitlement is astounding. And they don't seem to truly appreciate what OP is going through for them. Also, it doen't sound like a good idea that those people are going to be parents.
All three of you are great, but Sean is THE MOST entertaining to listen, I'm sorry 😅 I love listening to Sean's reactions while I work, he says everything I think lol 😂
With the surrogate story, there is a lot of legal things to consider. What type of surrogate is she? Just a uterus is gestational. Egg plus uterus (sometimes called a traditional surrogate or a few other terms) Only egg is a donor. Also is the egg from op's sister? Which would make the intended mom the biological mom?
Another factor is the country that this takes place in. In the US, which state also plays a BIG role. Do all 3 adults live in the same state? Some states make surrogacy in any form illegal. Some states have it as partially legal. Some require the person with the uterus to be referred to as the birth mother regardless of genetics, and then make the bio parents actually adopt the baby with all of the normal legal adoption hoops. Which can take years.
Regardless, the person who is carrying the baby is a human. And a human in the hospital has the right to privacy regarding who is in the room. (My state took away my rights to my internal organ and choices I can make regarding it, but I still have a call over who sees my external genitalia during the traumatic process of childbirth... until the next law passes, that is)
Easy answer, if op intends to continue with the surrogacy as planned, just let the nurses know who op wants in the room. And who she does not want. If she changes her mind, she can kick her sister out. After the repeated confrontations and bullying tactics, I would change hospitals and not tell anyone when I went into labor. No one is automatically entitled to a vagina viewing. Gtfo.
Story 2. He is just trying to "put her back in her place/role" and his ego is probably hurt because she makes more money 🙄
Asexual - little to no sexual attraction
Aromantic - little to no romantic attraction
:)
Ngl….got a little distracted from the stories watching the cats lol ❤
I worked in weddings and event/bridal styling for 6 years, have done HUNDREDS of weddings. There is no universal rule about not wearing “gold” to an (American) wedding. Seeing her dress from attendance, the bride clearly has it out for OP, it’s not about her dress. That should’ve been perfectly socially acceptable.
At the start I was thinking maybe if its a really shiny GOLD gold or a dress with a lot of rhinestones or sequines (that catch the light and draws attention) or maybe it clashed with the color scheme (making her stand out). But no! It fits warm earthy tones perfectly fine and its not too bling-y. Bride absolutely has it out for OP.
Story 3: He's not wrong.
By all means, the wife has every right to be upset and hurt. That's her husband. The husband is either emotionally invested in the other relationship. My opinion, though, is that he's not wrong. She asked for the open relationship. She seems perfectly fine with the guys she's been with. She then realised that he was happier outside and she wanted all that from him They should've fixed it together without opening the relationship. E should be honest with her though about wanting the "more than lovers with his new lady. No one wins here
How is he not wrong? It seems like he’s using “she suggested it” to defer blame away from him. I can suggest eating takeout for dinner but that doesn’t mean it’s my fault when the delivery person brings the food and my husband wanted to cook dinner. HE AGREED. If he didn’t want an open relationship (and he absolutely does) then it was on him to say no. He can’t say “she wanted this and we agreed on rules and now she’s mad I broke the rules because she suggested it!”
If I ask to play monopoly and then get mad at my partner for cheating, how is it my fault for the cheating?! Because I wanted to play?!
Make it make sense.
I wonder if he’s pretending that it’s his wife if they’re identical. The only thing they’re doing is not processing the loss of wife/sister and developing feelings for each other by continuing. Then they end up missing each other too
Story 3 - sounds like OP went straight into an emotional relationship, not a physical one - which seems to be the opposite of the type of open relationship that they were aiming for. Or that OP's partner was aiming for anyway. They definitely didn't talk about it enough, but it also seems like OP broke the rules right out of the gate.
The cats fighting😂😂
Story 4 - Ok, sometimes there is loss and people come in to help - friends, family, etc. - and the two people involved grieve and move forward together, seeing each other as individuals and forming a new relationship not overshadowed by the person they lost. OP's situation is not that. This is a very unhealth situation, like 5 different powder kegs stacked on top of each other and at least one will explode and set off all the others.
Sean, the word you were looking for is "aromantic"
So with story 3: I THINK I get why the OP is lost. I only just figured out that I am AROMANTIC on top of asexual - but also I have a person in my life that, for all intents and purposes, I would consider my “soulmate” and whom I care for deeply. I DO NOT have romantic feelings for them, but instead they and I share a PLATONIC bond. Platonic love, as a concept, has become fairly misunderstood - the name comes from Plato who described a pure love between souls that was divorced from any kind of sexual or romantic desire. It’s not a way of describing people who are “just friends”, it’s a super deep connection that for people, and I think OP falls into this camp, sometimes is confusing because they can FEEL there’s no romance behind it but ALSO it’s not “just a friendship”
So, my guess? I may be wrong but I think OP may be Aro and has developed a platonic bond with the other partner. The fact that he says “it’s not love” and “there’s no emotional connection” suggests to me that maybe he’s checking in with himself that he’s not developing a ROMANCE, and because that isn’t what the bond is (it’s more likely platonic) he is completely lost and is also confusing everyone else. In any case the fact the bond is so deep to him that he would leave his wife speaks volumes… and I think the situation has definitely opened up everyone for a lot of potentially painful self reflection.
Also, to the guys: as an AroAce I very much appreciate you trying; I know you’re always looking to learn. It all comes with practice, and both of you already practice so much of what you take from listener’s feedback in every episode that it is genuinely heartwarming. Thank you so much❤
I thought the same that he can be aromantic heteresexual but he has/had romantic feelings for his wife, or maybe he wrote it like that but he simply can't see difference and bc "he loves his wife" he thinks that is what romantic feeling is 🤔 sooo... hard.
He could simply fall in platonic love, like you said, there is bond that bloomed but then why to say he would leave his wife when she would want to close marrige, bc platonic love could be without sex, it is strong connection it dosen't mean it was to be sexual too, can but it isn't nessesery... 🤔 (But then I'm sure wife wouldn't want this 'friendship' to still go do there would be problem).
I think the worst is that the another women wasen't looking for serious partner.
It looks like he isn't looking clearly at the situation he is in, and that he dosen't know himself...
@@magdalenagabrowska8169 Yeah, I think he was thinking more along the lines of “my wife won’t want me to see the person I have this bond with anymore” rather than him worrying about not being able to hook up with her anymore like you mentioned!
I definitely think you’re right too that he has no real idea what’s going on and he potentially crossed the line into a “serious relationship” with the other partner who didn’t want that. I personally am not sure about if that’s what happened here technically - because when people mention “serious relationships” they are usually talking about entering into a romantic commitment type of thing (I think?)… but this is potentially platonic plus sexual and so there isn’t an expectation for that partner to uphold the usual romantic ideals? It all depends on what she understood that phrase to mean I suppose, and if she was expecting to be able to disentangle from OP completely when need be. Because at this point it seems he wants her in his life still, even if not as a romantic partner, and that he would exit his commitment to his wife if it meant losing the partner.
It’s all very confusing and I hope they all can figure it out - especially since it sounds like we won’t be hearing from OP again : (
I think he and his wife can save the marriage if she’s open to allowing him to explore exactly what he wants & feels. I’m solo polyamorous and felt like I related to OP’s story a lot in terms of having one partner fulfilling the romantic/ sexual desires, while another is so deep it’s indescribable. I’m very curious now….
@@Taewills That is another great perspective. I don’t have that much knowledge on Polyamory, but I DO know that partners don’t need to have the exact same kind of relationship with each other, and that different partners can fill different niches for one another. It sounds like the OP DID have some fairly positive views while his wife explored (talking about it being flattering) and that the only reason divorce even crossed his mind was because someone brought up the possibility of him being asked to cut off the other partner - who seems to now hold a high degree of importance to him as well.
@@timburtonluver28 If they saw individual therapists as well as a sex therapist then I think they can move forward. Ofc they should stop everything they’re doing for some introspection, and guidance but it’s totally doable.
Can’t listen I just see kitties!
Mmmm. The polyamorous OP probably getting romantic feelings from just platonic feelings.
To me, having a rule that your partner can't hang out with the gender they're attracted to shows a lack of trust. It always gives me the vibe that either the partner can't be trusted (and at that point, just break up. A cheater will cheat, regardless of what rules you put in place) or the partner making the rule doesn't trust their partner to hang out with men/women without cheating.
With the fourth one, I don't think he's the asshole, but he's definitely not using healthy coping mechanisms. I think he needs to seek mental health help because he's using her as a replacement for his wife and the sister is fully aware of that from the sounds of things. Both need to find healthy coping mechanisms because this is not moving on, this is pretending his wife is still alive through the sister.
26:46 it sounds like he might not like that she makes more than him and may be feeling less "powerful" in the relationship.
For the twin thing... I originally heard about this kind of situation on an episode of the TV show The Irrational (crime show based on behavioural psychology and it's so good - highly recommend). There's actually something called s3xual beareavement that can happen during grief as a response to stress chemicals etc (gives comfort and closeness, body seeking oxytocin, only thing that feels good during depression, etc). As odd as it seems, it's actually really normal! It just isn't talked about very often. Not necessarily something that's always with someone related to the lost loved one, but isn't necessarily that surprising all things considered.
For the 3rd story I think what Sean (I think that’s how you spell it) meant was Aromantic not Asexual. As an AroAce person aromantic is when someone has little to no romantic interest in people. I do believe the op in the 3rd story isn’t aromatic though.
I'm the surrogate situation... The sister was wrong for not discussing the stipulation with her husband before they accepted this GIFT... And it is a selfless gift... Women die in childbirth every day, not to mention the changes to her body and emotions... The person giving birth should absolutely have all the say in the world in the conditions under which she delivers the baby... The selfishness of the sister and her fiance is insane... And let's talk about the 6 year engagement... Makes you wonder about the stability there
I have heard a version of the dress story and she's got a 6 pack blonde and tall.
The cats in the background! ❤❤❤
Story 3: If I was giving a verdict on Reddit, I'd say no one sucks here.
I get that he and his wife agreed not to get emotionally attached to partners outside their marriage, but also I don't think you REALLY can control that? Getting attached and developing feelings are extremely human things to do and I can't really bring myself to judge him for it.
The relationship between him and his wife was clearly not doing well and opening the marriage was just a wrong move to try and fix things. Like Josh said, they should've tried therapy first.
I think an open relationship can improve a relationship for some people, but it requires A LOT of communication and the "core" relationship to be on a healthy ground before bringing in other people.
i think he's the asshole because he developed feelings and didn't cut it off, knowing what he agreed to. it wasn't his fault for initially getting attached but it's completely on him for continuing the relationship, know he was only supposed to have sexual relations.
OP isn't the asshole for simply developing feelings. He's the asshole for not immediately telling his wife and breaking contact with her. Use a monogamous relationship, for example. You aren't the asshole for being into another person, but you'd be the asshole if you pursued a relationship with them. That's essentially what OP is doing. He's breaking his partner's trust and their agreement.
@@brett8259I agree he’s not an asshole at all bc he didn’t even realize his feelings until after his post 😅.
Monogamous love is indoctrinated into most modern societies worldwide. OP was just doing what felt good without any direction as to how to do ethical non-monogamy. There were boundaries, sure. But not a lot of communication/research/ therapy (sex or otherwise) outside of that.
I think it’s a good thing he realized that he’s actually polyamorous and can (does) love multiple people simultaneously. Unfortunately it sounds like his wife is better at compartmentalization & only wanted sexual connections outside of their marriage.
Was it on rocky ground though? They said it was just to dabble to spice it up, not to save the marriage.
For the poly story, I feel like if you start dabbling in poly you need to make room for the possibility of emotional connections forming. To demand that that *not* happen is like telling someone who is fostering kittens for the first time to not get too attached. It’s extremely difficult to do and many simply can’t without some feelings developing. I can believe the husband has an emotional connection to the third person because when you start getting to know someone, you start caring for them as a friend. I also believe the third when she says she doesn’t want a serious relationship. OP is trying to make the third feel valued in a way she likely hasn’t before and it is commendable in a vacuum. Quite honestly it was naive of the husband and wife to open up their relationship and not expect one or the other to care deeply for a partner. It doesn’t negate the feelings the OP has for his wife and kid.
This is why I as a poly person don't have rules like that. Rules are no family and no people who abused the other in the past. I also don't experience jealousy which helps. Though both my partners do mildly but we always talking abe communicating. Being non monogamous involves way more communication.
I went to a wedding where the grooms 84 year old grandma was his "best man" and it was the cutest shit EVER she wore a lil matching tux to all the groomsmen and walked the flower girl down ON HER WALKER🤣🤣🤣 non traditional is fine that whole situation lacks communication WILDLY
Story 4: It's f-ed up if they get married and have kids bcs essentially the 3 yo daughter will be both a cousin and a sister (sorry, don't know how the expression goes, English is not my mother tongue)
Around 36:50
Its odd to me that when people open up a marriage .....
One of the two people get hooked on the plus people they choose?...
Its a bit difficult to pin point to me, YES I know the wife opened up relationship. ....and there IS a rule saying "dont get emotionally attatchedor try to" but like...
She has sex a with a lot of men and he looks for a few women, mm....idk
They agreed no emotion but also i dont get personally how you can pick a favorite frick buddy and not get attatched
He broke rules sure
But I feel like theres a lot missing context wise
OR
The rules should have been more specific
Also yes dude is kind of slow for not realizing thats an "emotional " relationship ... getting to know someone enough to get a special gift.
It kind of annoys me though when dumb strsght people open up their relaionship then dont expect this to happen smh. If the roles were reversed i feel people would be quicker to judge
But its hilsriously ironic to me husband was hesitant then when he was convinced to do so he found someone he likes better
With story #2. The thing that really gets me, is the fact the husband and the kids are home making messes during the time she is working. If they were doing their part, as they should since she isn't contributing to the mess, it should be clean and a maid is not needed. But when she is home, she gets to choose if she wants to clean or hire someone to do it for her. She makes enough money. They are comfortable and not struggling in the least. If they were struggling financially, then he might have an argument. Regardless, the house is getting cleaned. Like others have said, he probably feels emasculated. That's a him problem and he should seek some therapy so he can realize this issue and learn from it, because it seems besides this issue they are happy.
that ao dai pronunciation is actually perfect
Story 1 - I doubt there is anything OP could have worn that would have avoided that confrontation. Even if she wore a potato sack, she would have gotten yelled at for not looking nice enough at their wedding.
I dont think partners need to be friends (or even like) each others friends. But it is a legit issue if they outright hate and act on that hate against a close friend. Friendships are important relationships too, is the partner really 'the one' if they are driving away true friendships? I think not. It's skirting close to a compatibility issue imo, not as big a deal as different financial goals or kids/no kids, but heading into that territory.
The fact that Dan thought she would change and accept his bestie is a girl after marriage is wild on his part...if there's an issue on something that big, marriage usually makes them double down after they think you are stuck
I think 3 people wore gold to my wedding actually 😂 they all looked lovely I guess it depends on the dress because a normal gold dress bride is crazy but if it looks like a gold wedding dress i get it😂
I’m gonna get eaten up for this but I find it so weird to say certain colors at weddings are not appropriate. In my opinion, wearing red to a wedding isn’t a bad thing… it’s not white. And in story #1 that is an orange dress like what is wrong with that? I don’t know man but as long as people don’t wear white I think any other color is fine. It is just stupid to think certain colors are inappropriate (other than white) lol
I would love love love to see you guys do some bridezilla stories! I think that your reactions would be so entertaining to see, especially to some of the nuttier stories, they make the gold dress story look like a walk in the park!
Story 4 it seems more like he’s using his dead wife’s TWIN SISTER as a replacement wife since she looks exactly the same.
Sister giving her sis a kid-
Last story
Wow at the ridiculous thing she only asled no men be in the room, asks for no money ,
If the sister giving birth told the hospital no men in my room i think they too would honor it and keep him out especially if it stressed her out and the baby
Its insane how controlled the one sis is going back on her word and letting him yell at her pregnant sis like that then agree
Why TF this dude been hiding such glorious hair under the damn hats all the time?!?!😱😅 😉
story 1: that is not a wedding dress, lmao. wifey is jealous
Story 2: not only he is not paying, but still wants to cut this but he has the audacity to say that his wife-op will clean when the cleaning lady didn't come to the house... and op is manipulative? Jesus
50:40
I say the guys fucked up for having swx with his wifes twin sister....
Yes its consensual sure. HOWEVER
BOTH of them were having grief sex, they were both vonerable, and he had kids with her sister who passed so it feels kind of incest ish due to the fact shes his kids aunt, if they had more kids that would be complicated and not like they probably remebered to use protection in that "heat of the moment".
**ALSO**
🚩 saying he uses sex with his sister in law /his kids aunt to not kill himself while he has a young daughter to take care of is HUGE RED FLAG BEHAVIOR ! This is codepending on someone else to replace your grief with doses of serotonin he gets from sex. 🚩
Its not like he said he realized he had siblings for both sisters and just fell for her too which id still ve iffy on with the relations thing but dude literally said himself "it helps him forget what happened"
Hes replacing his wife with her in my opinion to not face his guilt.
Sure thats a lot of sudden guilt to deal with but he needs to book emergency therapy or call a suicide hotline if he is having these feelings not seeking out the vagina of the sister of who you were married to.....
Think about it, "just because you can doesnt mean you should "
Also the fact they are hiding the reltionship shows they dont want it to stop but know others would probably be against it .
Revound grieving sex is a thing , and im sad to even hear that guy is going through it but he needs a therpaist to talk to.
Awwww Sienna!!!! It's so awesome to see her!
i love when im able to make these!!
It is called aromantic what you tried to say (not having romantic connections in relationships) not asexual (not feeling sexual needs), but person aromantic would be like that to all partners - to wife too (and I wrote all this very basic, there is all areas of grey and full spectrum to look at ), so yeah he simply wasen't seeing that he formed bond with this girl, witch is sad for few reasons, but most important he said She didn't want relationship, maybe he is in this partnership with him bc he is married and have family, maybe it makes for her it safe... But he w dosen't see this all one that he let his emotions go, two he and his wife are not in good place, three the girl-partner dosen't want more (at least that was said)...
I need to be a pipe fitter because her overtime PERWEEK is $3,750. If pipe fitters are hourly and if she's doing 13 hour days...
5 (days) x 13 (hours)= 65
65 - 40 = 25
25 x 150 (overtime rate)= $3,750.
40 x 100 (regular rate)= $4,000.
$7,750 a W E E K.
Her flipping overtime amount is $15,000 per month... so she's bringing home nearly $31,000 a M O N T H. Hell, I'd have the lawn taken care of, the maid, and a cook.
With the story of the husband grieving with his wife’s twin. That’s sooo complicated. In the short run, I’m sure feels better than the grief but in the long run..probably super unhealthy. Especially if they were identical twins. For you & your kid. And in my opinion not worth the crap it will stir up once you start feeling better. But sounds like both sides know why they’re falling into bed together & they are 2 grown adults.Sooo….🤷🏻♀
As for the last story. They DEFINITELY should have made & signed a contract 1st. Cuz even without being family, that kind of thing can get messy. But this girl is doing this HUGE favor for you! She is taking 9months out of her life to give you something you couldn’t have without her. She is growing a whole human life for you & putting herself & her body thru not only carrying this baby but then labor to help you out! And without compensation! And her ONLY request is to not have your husband in the room as she is pushing out an entire human is completely reasonable & letting you get off easy! Even without the completely valid reason she has for it! Aaaand she let you know this & you agreed to it even BEFORE she got pregnant!! And I understand wanting to be there for the actual birth of your kid. But these are special circumstances & it was her ONLY request for doing this MASSIVE thing for you! You should be kissing her feet & going out of your way to make her feel as safe & comfortable as possible! Thankfully (& hopefully a nurse or someone will let her know) I believe the medical staff, regardless of the fact that they are the parents, will kick them out of the room if the sister (surrogate) doesn’t want them in the room. I mean, why put more stress on the woman who is bringing life into this world FOR YOU!? ug! Makes me so mad🤦🏻♀🤬
Asexual means little or no sexual attraction, I think what John meant was aromantic which means there is little to no romantic attraction
Where’s John??
I think he is on holiday or a vacation? They mentioned it a few episodes back, maybe last one or the one before 😊
Ohh okay thank you 😊
Hey I don’t know if you’ll read this… but as an explanation:
Asexuality- an umbrella term for people who don’t feel sexual attraction. Like imagine someone you aren’t sexually attracted to- its like that, but for every person. It has nothing to do with romantic attraction or relationships. It’s actually a misconception that no asexual person wants sex though, it’s a scale. It goes from sex favorable (people who might have sex just because they like the feeling/like the emotinal intamcy with their partner/don’t mind it. But can’t feel sexual attraction themselves) to sex repulsed (people who do not want to have sex at all and who may even feel disgusted at the idea of doing it. Not to be confused with people who hold purtian ideas of sex, personally I fall somewhat in this category, but I think people can do whatever as long as its the and doesn’t involve me.). There’s also the grey area of sex neutral which is anything inbetween.
The thing you are mistaking as being asexual is aromanticism , which is lack of romantic attraction. That also falls on a similar scale to asexuality. It’s a common mistake, so not your fault, but they are completely separate idenitys. It’s common for people to be both Aro and Ace (often shortened to Aroace), but you can be one and not the other. There are plenty of happy Ace people in romantic relationships, and Aro people who have sex lives or platonoic life partners (this type of relationship isn’t actually only an Aro thing but it’s called a Queer Platonic relationship, or QPR, and is basically a non-romantic relationship that goes over the boundaries of normal ‘friendship’ stuff. Friends who get married for example!)
Again, not your fault for not knowing, but I thought you might like to know the proper terminology- or at least be corrected. Love the podcast :)
*as long as they consent
Sorry typo
I'm obsessed with the cats! Soooo precious 💞
It's weird to call it child labour....right?
Suburbicon not shrinking
As a person with over 10 years of polyamory experience, that is absolutely not polyamory. Yall were correct to call out that seeing someone for a year and expecting to have Zero emotional attachment is not realistic.
That is why ethical polyamory shuns these unrealistic and over controlling boundaries that try to dictate the emotions of other people.
Commenting for algorithm 🎉
Every open relationship problem. Tsk
pls make some cute girly pop type merch 🙏
Story 3: I think that he could just be confused in general. I don't think it has anything to do with being aromantic at all, as he still does love his wife. I think the problem could be twofold.
One - She said she wasnt looking for a serious relationship with anyone - meaning that his feelings towards her would never cause a relationship so having a platonic bond is fine with him, not fine with his wife.
Two - He may have internalized the rules as no romantic involvement of any kind and not any emotional. Everything he did WAS very emotional but could be something that a good friend would do for someone he deeply cares about. It doesn't have to be romantic for it to be the case. Wife sees this and is justifiably jealous and thinks that he's in it romantically when he doesn't see it that way.
That being said, all that goes out of the window when he makes the update. I think he's still justifying to himself that his interest in this woman is purely platonic (at this point most definitely cope) and that the "stronger than love" feeling is just one of those things that you don't get from a relationship (not true.)
I don't think the gift itself would make him wrong, but he clearly has some sort of feelings for her, feelings stronger than he has with his wife that makes him wrong. (whether thats platonic or nonplatonic doesn't matter, its still weird.) It could still maybe work out? But if he genuinely believes that he doesnt have feelings and she doesnt have feelings that she's unaware of and can keep things friendly, no sleeping around, then MAYBE. Dont know if he'd want that, though.
In regards to story 5. If i were the sister id bluntly say its my body and my choice, i would tell them i could get a late term abortion and leave them to find a surrogate that they could pay for if they wanted to keep attacking me (obviously dont go through with the abortion because LT ones are illegal)
I'm in the camp that story 3 it was wrong for her to pressure him into an open relationship. Its one of those things where both partners need to be enthusiastic for it to work. Yes, OP broke the rules, but he was thrust into a situation that he wasnt prepared for. His emotions were all over the place and he is confused about the state of his relationship. I agree that they probably shouldve broken it off, but saying its all on him is making me uneasy. Also, not an incel. Im a 25 year old woman in a happy relationship lol
It's not all on him, but getting that gift was a dumb move for sure.
Was it ever stated that she "pressured" him though? He is an adult (does not act like one but anyways) and it was his place to communicate with her if there were any issues. I bet she never even knew he was not into that in the first place.
I don't think it's good to make assumptions and fill in information. OP said he was a little hurt when it was brought up, but that he agreed to it. He never makes any mentions of being pressured into this. It is all on him in this case. OP is a fully grown adult, he agreed to this situation, he broke the rules of what he agreed to. He is an asshole for doing that.
A lot of partners cave to opening up a relationship thinking it's the way to save it... However, it doesn't sound like they did enough research (poly usually entails more than just sex anyway) if he is basically monogamous at his core he's going to seek connection whether he meant to or not... Opening up a marriage needs to be both partners being mature and an enthusiastic consensus... Not just one finally being "cool with it"
@your_eve
Yes. He said she brought it up, and he was scared if he said no, he'd lose the relationship with her. That's a power imbalance.
The husband with the dead wife, is grieving sure. And maybe 'seeking solace' in the dead wife's sister's vagina. Maybe there are some therapy terms that apply, but grieving overall. I don't like it, but I can understand it a bit.
So wtf is the sister thinking? Cuz she is the one that takes this to a creepy level. I miss my sister so I f her husband... is not a normal type of reaction to my way of thinking.
Did she secretly like the husband before? Was she super jealous of her sister's happy marriage and family? Was she jealous that she was a mom? I question all sorts of motives for the twin. And none of them make doing her dead twin's husband okay.
How creepy would it be for a kid to have grown up with aunt/stepmom for the next 8 years, to suddenly realize that dad just jumped on her because she had her dead mom's face. Not to mention the timing question that literally everyone else in both families and acquaintances will be wondering about. If not actually gossiping about. Counting the months between the dead wife's funeral and the next baby's birth...
There is a whole lot of creepy going on. Nobody gets a pass.
Story 4: Historically, it was very common for a sibling to marry their deceased siblings widow/er. They know/are integrated in the family, and are well prepared to step in and fill ther void. It makes sense, brcause grief bonds people. Widow/ers also marry best friends.
As long as they love each other and they aren't in some sort of denial of the very real loss, I don't see a problem.
Good job Shaun Sean Shawn ???
Except OP IS in denial here. "She's so much like my wife that when I'm with her, I'm able to forget what happened" that's not a healthy way to deal with this and he's using this relationship to pretend his wife isn't actually dead.
Story #3: my guy has either never been in love before OR he's forgotten how it feels and now that he has an honest to goodness equal adult relationship with someone he's totally perplexed.
Shaun, you're right in that the guy might be AROMANTIC, though we don't have details in this story or inside his brain to really explore that idea further. Aromantic people don't feel romantic feelings towards other genders/people or feel them in only limited capacity. It's a spectrum. But for an aro-person the significance of a gift that looks romantic to others might be lost, since they are not doing the gift giving out of romantic love. Aros do date and marry and all that, just like asexuals do. They just don't experience romantic attraction the way alloromantic (allo- is a prefix denoting someone who is opposite to asexual/aromantic) people do. If you want some light reading, I'd recommend the wiki entry to "split attraction model". The notion that sexual and romantic attractions are not one and the same mostly comes up when discussing aces and aros, but it's useful in understanding all kinds of love and attraction. We love a lot of things in different ways, just as we experience sexual attraction in a lot of different ways.
That was something that struck me in the update: OP's language around experiencing something with new partner unlike anything they had ever experienced before. It almost made me think of a QPR (queer-platonic relationship). To be fair, I have never been in one/seen one personally, so I could be reading too much into that or unfamiliar with how a QPR would work in reality, but a QPR was where my mind first went based on OP's comment.
@@prairieartemis Totally could be! A lot of people come to their own queerness later in life because it just hasn't occurred to them that they way they are experiencing concepts like "love" or "lust" is not how most other people do. I'm middle aged and boy howdy the new things life keeps throwing at you just never stop :D
My nephew is 10 n he does his own laundry
N he does dishes n takes out the garbage
It's good to show kids at a young age to do chores because they get shown what it will be like to live on their own