Its been 1.5 years free. It gets better. The first thing I did was journal all the horrible things she did so Id remember why I left. The best thing you can do after is be single and get to know yourself. This will keep it from happening again.
Excellent answer!! In my case, narc went for a new supply who was desperate for love. New supply will be trapped forever. All I care is that I got out as quickly as I did. I obsessed for 2 years after - it's not easy to get over. But once you do, you feel so grateful to be free of the abuse.
Fact is, narcissists downgrade a lot, as they get older they can’t get as good quality supply. Fact is the new supply is often a downgrade and usually isn’t of high intelligence. Therefore it takes longer for them to figure out they are with an abusive person.
@Natasha Rose That makes sense and maybe isn’t the case for some Narcissists but likely fits for a lot of them. Good points and thanks for sharing them!
I was fooled by the narcissist for over 10 years! I'm so happy he finally discarded me, otherwise I might still be going through the motions of just trying to survive being blind to all of the of the cheating, the gaslighting, physical and emotional abuse!
10 years for me as well. 10 years I cant get back. 10 years of pain, lies, cheating, emotional, physical, spiritual, mental abuse. Ive been up all day watching these videos and I just cant believe Ive gone through this traumatic experience. Five months of no contact so far and Im still crying. I pray to My Father that this feeling goes away soon.💔
@@KeishaMs I am facing the experience you are going through,, I cry often while driving home from work daily ..I sometimes still drive by the areas that the Narc n I used to meet ...it hurt my heart n soul deeply knowing he/ the Narc has been seeing other woman while i was still seeing in our last stage , he cheat n cheat n lie n lie ... despite these dishonest behaviors , why I still miss him , miss us .... why couldn't I move on fast not to think about him , us ....why...i am so suffering daily ...
They probably learned new skills from the past relationship and realized what they did wrong with you, so they perfected their skills with you and amped up the charm with the new person.
I don't think Narcs ever think they did anything wrong. They don't ever take personal responsibility for all that they truly do "wrong". Even an amped up level of charm is unlikely to be the reason another relationship is lasting (somewhat longer) with new supply it's more likely, tragically for the next victim of the Narc that they are not aware of what is happening or what they are with and so the narcissist has a new supply to play with and torture for a while longer. I wouldn't give them too much credit for that. It speaks to how much we need to educate others, when we can, before they end up the next victim - the new supply and may not know anything about Narcs and their abuse.
Thank you so much for addressing this question. Survivors ask this question bc the betrayal wound” cuts so deep when they move on and act like they’ve found the love of their life after years of covertly abusing you.
3 years free, my marriage with the narcissist lasted 12 years because I bore all the weight of the abuse hoping for her to come to her senses and change, she didn’t. Anyone staying longer with the narcissist, either the narcissist has decided to completely hide the mask after getting a super rich supply, or the new supply blindly accept all the abuse and pain in the relationship.
I was with the ex-narc 2 yrs 🙄 the girl after me only lasted about 2 months..I was jealous and IMPRESSED that she wasn’t as naive as I was. If anyone beats my unwanted “record” I will have nothing but deep sympathy.
I felt there was something wrong from the start. He was too grandiose and felt that people were envious of him. I couldn’t understand that and tried to explain to him that life’s not like that. The way he was treating his children also confused me. We lasted less than 3 months. When he started doing the devaluation, when his mask started to crack, I knew I had to get out no matter how painful at first it was for me. Went no contact and after 2 weeks, he already paraded his new supply. I feel for her since she’s giving her too much adulation which I never did. I guess she will last longer.
I was one of those persons I knew the Narc for a total of 17 years was in a relationship for 10 finally got engaged and 6 months later got discarded for new supply whom I know and it's going to be a year in Oct and I still can't move forward I constantly have him in my mind and then I think of them how happy they are and it kills me this is the hardest thing to go through just this morning i woke up Missing him there was a time I didn't want to believe he was a Narcissist because he was very affectionate but he didn't respect me this whole thing is so hard to process I wish it would just all go away all my thoughts about them and missing him. I feel as if died to him he was with me one morning and like the next day was in her bed. It's hard to understand how a person can be in a relationship for so long just to be thrown like garbage.
I am facing the experience that you are going through...it is so much pain n suffering after they discarded us , after we found they are with their new supply while they were still with us ...yes ..dont know when we can totally forget abt them and move on with our life without missing them any more ..but I just don't know when that day would come that I don't need to think about him , don't need drive by the areas that we used to hang out with.... very suffering n painful in my current situation....
I’ve done no contact so successfully that I have no idea what the narc is doing. I was lucky that we didn’t have children. I was also fortunate that I figured it out and was able to research the subject thoroughly before I left, so I walked away and burned every bridge that connected us behind me.
I am just in such sad awe at how many of us have suffered so much at the hands of these soulless, heartless monsters. I figured out who/what mine was about 2 years into it, after the first major discard. I very foolishly gave him a "second chance" that lasted another 2 or so years, but then I started to realize I was getting very little out of it all that could be considered "good." He was likely grooming the one he's "with" now long before I made it clear I was getting tired of the way thing were. I am in the painful process now of trying to stop the obsessive thoughts about how "happy" they might be, and what they may or may not be doing together, etc. A big part of that has been to go cold turkey on looking at his social media, and hers. I have lapses in my willpower at times, but I always regret it SO much that I am able to go longer and longer in between, and hopefully the last time I looked was indeed the last time. It's total BS anyway --- a fake person cannot have a real loving relationship. Of course, even though I know that 101% intellectually, emotionally ... because of the cognitive dissonance ... it's too easy to forget that sometimes and buy into the BS he's putting out there (knowingly) and that she's putting out there (because she doesn't yet know any better). It will all end in tears, though ... just as every other "relationshit"/transaction" he's had. I so look forward to the day when I've truly disconnected myself from the pain and all of his garbage and lies, and have moved on to future real happiness again. Good luck to each of you out there who is also suffering similarly. We've got this!! Light and love ....
I sincerely hope you don't think of him anymore. Those people are never ever happy. That's the only truth. Their only joy is to see others miserable, all the rest is an act. The narc I was dealing with was writing a blog with his "love" aka victim, talking about their lives, stupid as they were. All the while he was calling me to get more supply. So... Move on. They are literally nothing. Worthless. May you live a glorious life. Hugs.
I was clueless , was with her for 22 years . We had a child that’s why I stayed though . I truly believe that in me . There were red flags everywhere now that I see .. I found out in my later years . Thank you for this info .. bless u
The narc is love bombing longer with the long relationship because the new target is sustaining something very very important to the narcissist. For me I was a huge support to our business. Once we shut down the biz the mask slipped fast.
Some victims have more usefullness at the end we are all just objects and appliances to them. Some of us are better supply or have more to offer so last longer...at the end its all the same. Be thankfull if you were short term supply as it means you were less invested and delt with a shorter period of games and abuse. You served a shorter sentance be thankfull.
Painfully, so true. I hope that you or anyone else being a victim of a narcissist and being more useful in that way you mean, will choose to stop allowing yourself to give or be supply. It is true that the shorter the exposure/targeting/abuse of a narcissist the better people can heal a little quicker in many instances. I'm sorry to hear what you have gone through and I sure hope you are not still going through that - you deserve so much more and you matter, like for real I mean, as SO much more than a Narc's supply - that is that Narcs "responsibility" which they never get, but I hope you get your responsibility is to get away (if you haven't) stay away if you have and start stopping the thoughts of what the narc thought of you and how abuse is so natural to them - you never deserved that!
@@survivingBPDbreakup thank you. My gut always told me something was wrong and they were emotionaly not typical. I ignored many red flags but have been set free (some call it "the discard" but the truth is you are given the keys to your freedom) and thankfully I have taken that as an oppurtunity to detach learn grow and move on as a stronger smarter person. I hope others going thru similar situations will head the advice to detach heal and go back to enjoying life narc free.
I think back of all the times I wished to be freed from the relationship with the Narc; when it finally happened…I doubted myself. BUT NOW The new supply thinks they “struck gold!” I can’t help to feel jealous, I admit; but I keep thinking of the pain I was in…and stay grateful I’m no longer the supply.
I hear you. It was not a compliment. It was also likely much more gaslighting and supply-taking (on his part) than how much he learned. Narcissists are way to protective to be able to learn much. And, he was trying to blame you, likely, by saying that in a way that was not a compliment but more gaslighting of you. Some believe narcissists can "learn so much" like how to better victimize others etc. Not really. They are always scheming to extract supply out of people as object extensions of themselves. Another way to think about it, might be, he was just trying to get into your head and being what narcissists are - they are not insightful, they are insecure, and they don't learn much of anything. When a narc moves to new supply, it's not as much any learned "skill" on their part that a relationship might (often won't) last longer - it tragically speaks to the person who has been ensnared and may well be experiencing this for the first time. That makes a "relationship" last longer because the next victim is less aware.
This video is very helpful, and so true my ex narcissists boyfriend told me (I'm formal supply) that it's easy for him to keep new supply in the blind, and he will always have her in the blind. The new supply is not smart at all, but better her than me (good luck new supply).
I was married to Narc for 18 years. I knew from the start what he was however, I didn’t really understand it at first. I knew something was off. Now, I’ve been on limited contact(we have kids) but I definitely grey rock him when and if I see or talk to him. Haven’t seen him since last year in June and I haven’t talked to him since February of this year. Although I have my hard days, I finally feel free. I’m finally living for myself. I’m reaching my goals and I’m more at peace and happier. It doesn’t matter how long people stay with these people, they are never going to change. Not even if the have a new supply. They will fall back to their old ways. I almost feel sorry for the new girl. He has admitted to my son and I that he doesn’t love her and the only reason he is living with her now is because he had no other choice. He can’t afford to be on his own cause he’s a loser.
Amy Ashakova There is not such thing as "strong enough" to change a narcissist (or anyone else but self for that matter). You are a very strong person, I hope you use your strength in a very kind, self-loving compassionate way.
@@survivingBPDbreakup I guess I meant that I insisted that he was himself with me and refused to buy into his pretence. So when he left me, he told people he didn't like himself with me. With a new supply he obviously likes himself and I've never seen him to be this delusional with me. I feel like his new image is half me half her, if such thing is possible. It's a spiritual image too. 🤦♀️
@@survivingBPDbreakup Anyway, I went no contact about 2 weeks ago and been watching nice videos like yours on TH-cam since then. I feel happier everyday, although I've been through a lot. Thank you for your reply and your videos. ♥️
I was the new supply and his longest relationship. He even married me and had kids with me. Why? Because I was insecure. My self esteem was most likely lower than the other people. I was also a co-depended and 23 when he was 34.
This is correct. Other than a few red flags that I was not trained to pick up on, my ex husband was otherwise wonderful for years until his lies and unethical behaviour and inability to deal with problems because apparent. After I unmasked him his true personality came out. He has turned out to be the most soulless, vicious person I have ever met and is doing his best to destroy my life with no conscience whatsoever. I can't believe I ever loved him. He holds up the new supply as SO much better than me, I feel bad for her because she has no idea what she is getting, but I'm sure he is being the perfect boyfriend now as he was with me so I can't blame her.
It'd beyond devastating. And the court system lets them get away with this type of financial/slander/emotional and soul murder. These ate not humans but pure evil.
The longer the relationship is with a narcissist, the higher the chance that the other person is also a Narc. They only seem to last with people as fucked up as they are. Good people flee.
Could be but generally speaking there’s really no evidence to support that. Opinions can vary but I believe that statements seeking to define or simply give some opinion as to whether a longer-lasting Narc relationship is two Narcs. There’s no one-size-fits-all know truth there. What about a lot of decent people that for various reasons may be in longer relationships with a Narc do they deserve to be stereotyped as Narc? I don’t think so.
Case in point Trump and his wife, Epstein and his long time partner. Sorry, but I completely believe that they only way it works long term with a truly narcissistic person, is if you adapt narcissistic traits yourself. Otherwise, who could stand it for more than a couple years?
Thank you so much for this🥺🙏🏼❤️ it’s been a long journey as I try to heal. I’m reading a lot of the comments of people bashing there ex narc(mine was BPD/narc) and the new supply. I think it comes from a place of hurt. Maybe I’ll feel validated if they end up discarded too, but in reality, we all lose when we fall for these types of people. Constantly reminding myself to put all those thoughts and energy into healing myself. Thank you so much🥺🙏🏼
Narc and the New Supply are getting married in January 2020. Her 3rd marriage. His 4th. I hope they find great joy in trying to navigate that disaster. LOL!!! Better you than me!
So the narc and his new supply DIDNT get married afterall. He is probably afraid to get married because then she will want half of his house 1/2 of his income 1/2 of his business.
For me, when my ex got a new boyfriend I did not care whether her new boyfriend was being treated better than me. Your main concern should be about your relationship, were you happy yes or no? If you were not happy why do you care whether they are treating their new partner better?
I do believe thats true, they do get more fine tuned and crafty as they move from supply to supply. But on the same token, i believe as the bridges burn and they sneak away, word finally gets out amongst the flying monkeys, that this narcy is no good, and they may turn against her/him and to stear clear of this person. Inevitably they have knowwhere to hide.This may be the final nail in the coffin.
@Naz Kash Yes. They perpetually target people with weak ego and other boundaries and in some cases people don’t have boundaries. Also, the longer their subsequent relationships may last has also to do with others, often, who don’t yet know about NPD.
Thank you su much. I asked me that so long. When I heard and also see on my own, that the narcissist get even worst when he or she get older - I still asking me self how its work.
They just get clever with each supply they gain with manipulation projection and gaslighting especially ifs the new supply is emotionally low mentally low ect they are easiest targets they don’t have to put in the work
There is no one way or moment that you or anyone else can just stop obsessing. There are ways to begin to diminish a little at a time how much your thinking about the ex and the other woman. Distracting yourself by staying busy is one way. Trying "thought stopping" is another technique. Using the mindful describe an object technique is also helpful - these and other practices, however, take doing them over and over again, and in the beginning, they will take your thoughts away from the ex etc for seconds or a couple minutes at a time. It takes finding the technique that will help you to change the way you are thinking , along with time, but not time alone, obsessively about the ex etc. Working with someone, talking, having help to work on learning or re-learning how to shift your focus is also very helpful for people increasing their pain and suffering (not your fault) worse because of the impact of this abuse that continues to be focused on. The working to shift your focus has to come before you are going to be able to stop this obsessive thinking.
I feel for you. I remember it being like I was in a fog, made out of pain. Every time you begin thinking about him, remind yourself he's not worth/doesn't deserve your thoughts, attention, concern or especially passion. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy. So is the problem really that you hate him, or that you still love him and are still stuck in the comprise phase of mourning? All that crazy making confusion from the narc trained your mind, thus central nervous system to neither fight nor flight, but to freeze in a state of learned helplessness, which caused dependence. If you're having an emotional flashback/panick attack/obsession, let yourself feel what you need to while simultaneously asking yourself "How should I have been treated/loved?" Then give all that patience, love and empathy to yourself. Say to yourself out loud all day every day "I AM ENOUGH!" Appreciate yourself! Contemplate that your memories are real, but they're not reality. Right now is reality and you can chose to hold your own heart sacred (that's YOUR job). You can start with that piece of happiness that's attached to your will. That's God's failsafe for us. Instead of doing things TO BE happy, do what you do out of the tiny spark of happiness YOU ALREADY HAVE and it will grow to an inferno, eventually. You never had control over who he chose to be, you can only have control over who you choose to be. Imagine someday being a person filled with a fulfilling joy, peace and love that doesn't depend on outside circumstances. Go ahead and feel like that right now, like you're already there. Practice that over and over again until you go longer and longer feeling like that. As far as thinking about him over and over again, you have to stop that your own self. No one can reach in your brain and do it for you. You just need to realize that YOU CAN!
Thank you for all you do. Could you give a talk on adult narcisstic children. I have a son who had a history of severe trauma,unknown to me when it was going on at a young age. I know profound damage was done to him. For years he's had addiction/mental health problems. Ive suffered enormous financial, verbal and mental abuse. Never experienced such pain. Ex was diagnosed with asp. Very devastating.
What about a long-term supply ,of years?like their permanent base ,surely over years and years they must know ,especially when narssist goes missing many times
Some people will accept totally fraudulent relationships. Some have such a fear of divorce or believe they are to stay no matter how toxic or abusive it is...others are also toxic and two feed off of each other....it could be they stay together for the conveyance it provides..a home, a car, finances, appearances. It could be the narcissist is losing their ability to charm people like when then were younger...
I grew up with an overt Dad and a covert Mom and 7 siblings that were cluster B. I knew I wasn't a punching bag, but I didn't understand what I grew up in psychologically. I grew up the lost child AND scapegoat (I was trained to believe everything really is all my fault and there was no escape...perfect narc bait) Her behavior WAS my "normal." Towards the end, she made the mistake of accusing me of gasslighting her. I didn't even know what that meant. When I looked up a video on it, I said WAIT A MINUTE, that sounds like what she does to ME. Then she accused me of being a narcissist and I didn't know what that was either. When I watched a video on that, I thought she went to school for it. More videos started popping into my TH-cam channel and I watched a few. I began observing her, then I checked her emails to find out, much to my dismay that she was a serial cheater, Satan worshipper, trying out for porn, a child pornographer, pedophile, and murderer all while playing the wholesome Christian wife and homeschooling mother. She's the best actress in the world. I didn't know anything until 3 days before it ended in her assaulting me, which she all but got a medal for doing from the judge (also a narcopath woman). She whipped our computer clean the morning before the assault and called from her phone when she got out of jail and downloaded 14 viruses that made it so any html code looked at would also erase itself, all while some computer geeks were checking the hard drive. She also knows 8 different languages and writes fluently in 7 of them so she could work the dark net , also to my surprise. Sometimes it's what level narcissist you're dealing with and also what you came from that keeps you blind to everything. I'm also the same person when no one is looking, so I thought she was like that too. Classic projection. They also mimic you when you first meet to the point of finishing your sentances.
SAVE TRUMP Might be a case of nobody else will have them but also they must somehow, so far, be successfully using each other or the other person hasn't caught on yet. Often Narcissists do find rich supply in those with BPD.
I was the pathetic creature that thought the sun shone out of his ass for so long.....20 years....and now hes has moved on and the lovelight is shining from her and I don't envy her 20 years with him as they are both in their 50s
He was with his ex for 8 years and she looks very strong and independent. I only lasted a few months because he kept seeing her. His ex would stalk my social media and make it obvious what she was doing so I don't know who is to blame. Was she just not able to let go of him? Was she very weak? Even though he left her she couldn't rest until we were broken up. After we broke up they seemed to have blocked each other. Maybe they were both narcissistic so that's why their relationship was longer lasting?
That may or may not be true. It's not that they are all exactly the same. It can also, sadly, be that the new supply has no idea what they are dealing with and that they may take longer to figure it out.
Supply is attention, a Narc gaslighting, triangulating, manipulating, always lying, and from a false self inner abyss seeking to suck your emotions out of you and often sadistically enjoying others pain and/or angry reactions. Supply is the currency Narcs need to keep adding fuel - grandiose and entitled to keep afloat their fantasy-driven delusions of grandeur and “self aggrandizement” in what is all over-compensating for all they truly lack.
Its been 1.5 years free. It gets better. The first thing I did was journal all the horrible things she did so Id remember why I left. The best thing you can do after is be single and get to know yourself. This will keep it from happening again.
Never knew I was with a narc until the relationship was over... this makes sense
Excellent answer!! In my case, narc went for a new supply who was desperate for love. New supply will be trapped forever. All I care is that I got out as quickly as I did.
I obsessed for 2 years after - it's not easy to get over. But once you do, you feel so grateful to be free of the abuse.
Fact is, narcissists downgrade a lot, as they get older they can’t get as good quality supply. Fact is the new supply is often a downgrade and usually isn’t of high intelligence. Therefore it takes longer for them to figure out they are with an abusive person.
@Natasha Rose That makes sense and maybe isn’t the case for some Narcissists but likely fits for a lot of them. Good points and thanks for sharing them!
I was fooled by the narcissist for over 10 years! I'm so happy he finally discarded me, otherwise I might still be going through the motions of just trying to survive being blind to all of the of the cheating, the gaslighting, physical and emotional abuse!
10 years for me as well. 10 years I cant get back. 10 years of pain, lies, cheating, emotional, physical, spiritual, mental abuse. Ive been up all day watching these videos and I just cant believe Ive gone through this traumatic experience. Five months of no contact so far and Im still crying. I pray to My Father that this feeling goes away soon.💔
@@KeishaMs I am facing the experience you are going through,, I cry often while driving home from work daily ..I sometimes still drive by the areas that the Narc n I used to meet ...it hurt my heart n soul deeply knowing he/ the Narc has been seeing other woman while i was still seeing in our last stage , he cheat n cheat n lie n lie ...
despite these dishonest behaviors , why I still miss him , miss us .... why couldn't I move on fast not to think about him , us ....why...i am so suffering daily ...
They probably learned new skills from the past relationship and realized what they did wrong with you, so they perfected their skills with you and amped up the charm with the new person.
I don't think Narcs ever think they did anything wrong. They don't ever take personal responsibility for all that they truly do "wrong". Even an amped up level of charm is unlikely to be the reason another relationship is lasting (somewhat longer) with new supply it's more likely, tragically for the next victim of the Narc that they are not aware of what is happening or what they are with and so the narcissist has a new supply to play with and torture for a while longer. I wouldn't give them too much credit for that. It speaks to how much we need to educate others, when we can, before they end up the next victim - the new supply and may not know anything about Narcs and their abuse.
Thank you so much for addressing this question. Survivors ask this question bc the betrayal wound” cuts so deep when they move on and act like they’ve found the love of their life after years of covertly abusing you.
3 years free, my marriage with the narcissist lasted 12 years because I bore all the weight of the abuse hoping for her to come to her senses and change, she didn’t. Anyone staying longer with the narcissist, either the narcissist has decided to completely hide the mask after getting a super rich supply, or the new supply blindly accept all the abuse and pain in the relationship.
I was with the ex-narc 2 yrs 🙄 the girl after me only lasted about 2 months..I was jealous and IMPRESSED that she wasn’t as naive as I was. If anyone beats my unwanted “record” I will have nothing but deep sympathy.
I felt there was something wrong from the start. He was too grandiose and felt that people were envious of him. I couldn’t understand that and tried to explain to him that life’s not like that. The way he was treating his children also confused me. We lasted less than 3 months. When he started doing the devaluation, when his mask started to crack, I knew I had to get out no matter how painful at first it was for me. Went no contact and after 2 weeks, he already paraded his new supply. I feel for her since she’s giving her too much adulation which I never did. I guess she will last longer.
I can answer that as a person married to a narc for 17 years. It means that the new supply will be miserable for even longer than the previous supply.
I was one of those persons I knew the Narc for a total of 17 years was in a relationship for 10 finally got engaged and 6 months later got discarded for new supply whom I know and it's going to be a year in Oct and I still can't move forward I constantly have him in my mind and then I think of them how happy they are and it kills me this is the hardest thing to go through just this morning i woke up Missing him there was a time I didn't want to believe he was a Narcissist because he was very affectionate but he didn't respect me this whole thing is so hard to process I wish it would just all go away all my thoughts about them and missing him. I feel as if died to him he was with me one morning and like the next day was in her bed. It's hard to understand how a person can be in a relationship for so long just to be thrown like garbage.
I am facing the experience that you are going through...it is so much pain n suffering after they discarded us , after we found they are with their new supply while they were still with us ...yes ..dont know when we can totally forget abt them and move on with our life without missing them any more ..but I just don't know when that day would come that I don't need to think about him , don't need drive by the areas that we used to hang out with.... very suffering n painful in my current situation....
I’ve done no contact so successfully that I have no idea what the narc is doing. I was lucky that we didn’t have children. I was also fortunate that I figured it out and was able to research the subject thoroughly before I left, so I walked away and burned every bridge that connected us behind me.
I am just in such sad awe at how many of us have suffered so much at the hands of these soulless, heartless monsters. I figured out who/what mine was about 2 years into it, after the first major discard. I very foolishly gave him a "second chance" that lasted another 2 or so years, but then I started to realize I was getting very little out of it all that could be considered "good." He was likely grooming the one he's "with" now long before I made it clear I was getting tired of the way thing were. I am in the painful process now of trying to stop the obsessive thoughts about how "happy" they might be, and what they may or may not be doing together, etc. A big part of that has been to go cold turkey on looking at his social media, and hers. I have lapses in my willpower at times, but I always regret it SO much that I am able to go longer and longer in between, and hopefully the last time I looked was indeed the last time. It's total BS anyway --- a fake person cannot have a real loving relationship. Of course, even though I know that 101% intellectually, emotionally ... because of the cognitive dissonance ... it's too easy to forget that sometimes and buy into the BS he's putting out there (knowingly) and that she's putting out there (because she doesn't yet know any better). It will all end in tears, though ... just as every other "relationshit"/transaction" he's had. I so look forward to the day when I've truly disconnected myself from the pain and all of his garbage and lies, and have moved on to future real happiness again. Good luck to each of you out there who is also suffering similarly. We've got this!! Light and love ....
I sincerely hope you don't think of him anymore. Those people are never ever happy. That's the only truth. Their only joy is to see others miserable, all the rest is an act. The narc I was dealing with was writing a blog with his "love" aka victim, talking about their lives, stupid as they were. All the while he was calling me to get more supply. So... Move on. They are literally nothing. Worthless.
May you live a glorious life. Hugs.
It means the new supply has weaker boundaries than you did.
+Jerry S Very good point!
I was clueless , was with her for 22 years . We had a child that’s why I stayed though . I truly believe that in me . There were red flags everywhere now that I see .. I found out in my later years . Thank you for this info .. bless u
I just hate tht i was a supply...smh....I had my kids and family around my narc
THE NEW SUPPLY CAN HAVE ALL THE CHAOS AND STRESS
I feel exactly the same way.
Remember he has to face God.
Thank God you are alive and free.
Writing down is valuable. It reinforces your new reality. The real. Cognitive dissonance be gone.
The narc is love bombing longer with the long relationship because the new target is sustaining something very very important to the narcissist. For me I was a huge support to our business. Once we shut down the biz the mask slipped fast.
Some victims have more usefullness at the end we are all just objects and appliances to them. Some of us are better supply or have more to offer so last longer...at the end its all the same. Be thankfull if you were short term supply as it means you were less invested and delt with a shorter period of games and abuse. You served a shorter sentance be thankfull.
Painfully, so true. I hope that you or anyone else being a victim of a narcissist and being more useful in that way you mean, will choose to stop allowing yourself to give or be supply. It is true that the shorter the exposure/targeting/abuse of a narcissist the better people can heal a little quicker in many instances. I'm sorry to hear what you have gone through and I sure hope you are not still going through that - you deserve so much more and you matter, like for real I mean, as SO much more than a Narc's supply - that is that Narcs "responsibility" which they never get, but I hope you get your responsibility is to get away (if you haven't) stay away if you have and start stopping the thoughts of what the narc thought of you and how abuse is so natural to them - you never deserved that!
@@survivingBPDbreakup thank you. My gut always told me something was wrong and they were emotionaly not typical. I ignored many red flags but have been set free (some call it "the discard" but the truth is you are given the keys to your freedom) and thankfully I have taken that as an oppurtunity to detach learn grow and move on as a stronger smarter person. I hope others going thru similar situations will head the advice to detach heal and go back to enjoying life narc free.
I think back of all the times I wished to be freed from the relationship with the Narc; when it finally happened…I doubted myself. BUT NOW The new supply thinks they “struck gold!” I can’t help to feel jealous, I admit; but I keep thinking of the pain I was in…and stay grateful I’m no longer the supply.
He said "I've learned a lot from you" towards the end. I didn't take it as a compliment.
I hear you. It was not a compliment. It was also likely much more gaslighting and supply-taking (on his part) than how much he learned. Narcissists are way to protective to be able to learn much. And, he was trying to blame you, likely, by saying that in a way that was not a compliment but more gaslighting of you. Some believe narcissists can "learn so much" like how to better victimize others etc. Not really. They are always scheming to extract supply out of people as object extensions of themselves. Another way to think about it, might be, he was just trying to get into your head and being what narcissists are - they are not insightful, they are insecure, and they don't learn much of anything. When a narc moves to new supply, it's not as much any learned "skill" on their part that a relationship might (often won't) last longer - it tragically speaks to the person who has been ensnared and may well be experiencing this for the first time. That makes a "relationship" last longer because the next victim is less aware.
This video is very helpful, and so true my ex narcissists boyfriend told me (I'm formal supply) that it's easy for him to keep new supply in the blind, and he will always have her in the blind. The new supply is not smart at all, but better her than me (good luck new supply).
I was married to Narc for 18 years. I knew from the start what he was however, I didn’t really understand it at first. I knew something was off. Now, I’ve been on limited contact(we have kids) but I definitely grey rock him when and if I see or talk to him. Haven’t seen him since last year in June and I haven’t talked to him since February of this year. Although I have my hard days, I finally feel free. I’m finally living for myself. I’m reaching my goals and I’m more at peace and happier. It doesn’t matter how long people stay with these people, they are never going to change. Not even if the have a new supply. They will fall back to their old ways. I almost feel sorry for the new girl. He has admitted to my son and I that he doesn’t love her and the only reason he is living with her now is because he had no other choice. He can’t afford to be on his own cause he’s a loser.
I was strong in trying to change him, since I thought it was possible, that he became super skilled in pretending better. Poor new supply.
Amy Ashakova There is not such thing as "strong enough" to change a narcissist (or anyone else but self for that matter). You are a very strong person, I hope you use your strength in a very kind, self-loving compassionate way.
@@survivingBPDbreakup I guess I meant that I insisted that he was himself with me and refused to buy into his pretence. So when he left me, he told people he didn't like himself with me. With a new supply he obviously likes himself and I've never seen him to be this delusional with me. I feel like his new image is half me half her, if such thing is possible. It's a spiritual image too. 🤦♀️
@@survivingBPDbreakup Anyway, I went no contact about 2 weeks ago and been watching nice videos like yours on TH-cam since then. I feel happier everyday, although I've been through a lot. Thank you for your reply and your videos. ♥️
You are a precious person.
Great lesson.
Deepest gratitude A. j.
I was the new supply and his longest relationship. He even married me and had kids with me. Why? Because I was insecure. My self esteem was most likely lower than the other people. I was also a co-depended and 23 when he was 34.
This is correct. Other than a few red flags that I was not trained to pick up on, my ex husband was otherwise wonderful for years until his lies and unethical behaviour and inability to deal with problems because apparent. After I unmasked him his true personality came out. He has turned out to be the most soulless, vicious person I have ever met and is doing his best to destroy my life with no conscience whatsoever. I can't believe I ever loved him. He holds up the new supply as SO much better than me, I feel bad for her because she has no idea what she is getting, but I'm sure he is being the perfect boyfriend now as he was with me so I can't blame her.
It'd beyond devastating. And the court system lets them get away with this type of financial/slander/emotional and soul murder.
These ate not humans but pure evil.
Of course, it's only logical that the new supply isn't aware.
The longer the relationship is with a narcissist, the higher the chance that the other person is also a Narc. They only seem to last with people as fucked up as they are. Good people flee.
Could be but generally speaking there’s really no evidence to support that. Opinions can vary but I believe that statements seeking to define or simply give some opinion as to whether a longer-lasting Narc relationship is two Narcs. There’s no one-size-fits-all know truth there. What about a lot of decent people that for various reasons may be in longer relationships with a Narc do they deserve to be stereotyped as Narc? I don’t think so.
Case in point Trump and his wife, Epstein and his long time partner. Sorry, but I completely believe that they only way it works long term with a truly narcissistic person, is if you adapt narcissistic traits yourself. Otherwise, who could stand it for more than a couple years?
Thank you so much for this🥺🙏🏼❤️ it’s been a long journey as I try to heal. I’m reading a lot of the comments of people bashing there ex narc(mine was BPD/narc) and the new supply. I think it comes from a place of hurt. Maybe I’ll feel validated if they end up discarded too, but in reality, we all lose when we fall for these types of people. Constantly reminding myself to put all those thoughts and energy into healing myself. Thank you so much🥺🙏🏼
Narc and the New Supply are getting married in January 2020. Her 3rd marriage. His 4th.
I hope they find great joy in trying to navigate that disaster. LOL!!! Better you than me!
So the narc and his new supply DIDNT get married afterall. He is probably afraid to get married because then she will want half of his house 1/2 of his income 1/2 of his business.
For me, when my ex got a new boyfriend I did not care whether her new boyfriend was being treated better than me. Your main concern should be about your relationship, were you happy yes or no? If you were not happy why do you care whether they are treating their new partner better?
William James Well said!
Great message! I discarded the Narc 3 days ago. I needed to hear this.
Sorry to hear that! Glad this was helpful. Be kind to yourself.
Thank you for this video this has blessed me to move on & heal for the best is yet to come in my life.
Jaime Villa You are very welcome and glad it was so helpful to you. Moving on is what you so deserve. Take good care.
I do believe thats true, they do get more fine tuned and crafty as they move from supply to supply. But on the same token, i believe as the bridges burn and they sneak away, word finally gets out amongst the flying monkeys, that this narcy is no good, and they may turn against her/him and to stear clear of this person. Inevitably they have knowwhere to hide.This may be the final nail in the coffin.
That means new supply have weak boundaries
@Naz Kash Yes. They perpetually target people with weak ego and other boundaries and in some cases people don’t have boundaries. Also, the longer their subsequent relationships may last has also to do with others, often, who don’t yet know about NPD.
Thank you su much. I asked me that so long. When I heard and also see on my own, that the narcissist get even worst when he or she get older - I still asking me self how its work.
I was v young when I met my narc. It would have been easy for him to fool me. I forgive myself.
It is important to forgive oneself and keep working on healing to let go of what the narc did - how they hurt you.
thank yo so much! you are a lot of help😘
Thank you very much for this video! Just what I need to hear 5 months post split from my ex narc. You help so many, AJ!!! TY!!! :)
You are so welcome
Very helpful Thank you.
It means that the new supply is a weaker person more than likely. Narcs like weaker targets.You were too strong for them.
Narcs aren’t all that aware. Nor are they all the same.
I really needed to hear this today. Thank you!
+Hayley Lorenzo Glad you fund it & that it was helpful and good timing for you.
They just get clever with each supply they gain with manipulation projection and gaslighting especially ifs the new supply is emotionally low mentally low ect they are easiest targets they don’t have to put in the work
yes, my ex GF still has the mother of her child chasing her! he's definitely still under the spell
So they will cheat even more n be even more miserable
Thankyou. I will look into my cognitive dissonance as my feelings dont make sense given the horrible abuse l endured.
You come across as a very genuine person.
Thank you. I just do my best to help others
Thank you so much for your clear and helpful message.
Tell me how!!! How do I stop obsessing on him and this other woman.
There is no one way or moment that you or anyone else can just stop obsessing. There are ways to begin to diminish a little at a time how much your thinking about the ex and the other woman. Distracting yourself by staying busy is one way. Trying "thought stopping" is another technique. Using the mindful describe an object technique is also helpful - these and other practices, however, take doing them over and over again, and in the beginning, they will take your thoughts away from the ex etc for seconds or a couple minutes at a time. It takes finding the technique that will help you to change the way you are thinking , along with time, but not time alone, obsessively about the ex etc. Working with someone, talking, having help to work on learning or re-learning how to shift your focus is also very helpful for people increasing their pain and suffering (not your fault) worse because of the impact of this abuse that continues to be focused on. The working to shift your focus has to come before you are going to be able to stop this obsessive thinking.
I feel for you. I remember it being like I was in a fog, made out of pain. Every time you begin thinking about him, remind yourself he's not worth/doesn't deserve your thoughts, attention, concern or especially passion. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy. So is the problem really that you hate him, or that you still love him and are still stuck in the comprise phase of mourning? All that crazy making confusion from the narc trained your mind, thus central nervous system to neither fight nor flight, but to freeze in a state of learned helplessness, which caused dependence.
If you're having an emotional flashback/panick attack/obsession, let yourself feel what you need to while simultaneously asking yourself "How should I have been treated/loved?" Then give all that patience, love and empathy to yourself. Say to yourself out loud all day every day "I AM ENOUGH!" Appreciate yourself!
Contemplate that your memories are real, but they're not reality. Right now is reality and you can chose to hold your own heart sacred (that's YOUR job). You can start with that piece of happiness that's attached to your will. That's God's failsafe for us. Instead of doing things TO BE happy, do what you do out of the tiny spark of happiness YOU ALREADY HAVE and it will grow to an inferno, eventually.
You never had control over who he chose to be, you can only have control over who you choose to be. Imagine someday being a person filled with a fulfilling joy, peace and love that doesn't depend on outside circumstances. Go ahead and feel like that right now, like you're already there. Practice that over and over again until you go longer and longer feeling like that.
As far as thinking about him over and over again, you have to stop that your own self. No one can reach in your brain and do it for you. You just need to realize that YOU CAN!
Where you been girl .I was just thinking about you .Good to see you
I think I've pretty much been around as they say. Here about the same as not :)
🖒🖒🖒🖒👍👍👍👍❤❤❤
thank you so much for making this got us .. I certainly feel a bit better after listening to your TH-cam..
Gg Lin You are very welcome and glad you found a video or more of mine to be helpful.
Yup! right on the nail.
Thank you for all you do.
Could you give a talk on adult narcisstic children.
I have a son who had a history of severe trauma,unknown to me when it was going on at a young age.
I know profound damage was done to him. For years he's had addiction/mental health problems.
Ive suffered enormous financial, verbal and mental abuse. Never experienced such pain.
Ex was diagnosed with asp.
Very devastating.
Thank you great information.
Glad it was helpful!
Love you AJ be well
Thank you Kirk. I hope all is well with you too.
Exactly right.
What about a long-term supply ,of years?like their permanent base ,surely over years and years they must know ,especially when narssist goes missing many times
Some people will accept totally fraudulent relationships. Some have such a fear of divorce or believe they are to stay no matter how toxic or abusive it is...others are also toxic and two feed off of each other....it could be they stay together for the conveyance it provides..a home, a car, finances, appearances. It could be the narcissist is losing their ability to charm people like when then were younger...
I grew up with an overt Dad and a covert Mom and 7 siblings that were cluster B. I knew I wasn't a punching bag, but I didn't understand what I grew up in psychologically. I grew up the lost child AND scapegoat (I was trained to believe everything really is all my fault and there was no escape...perfect narc bait) Her behavior WAS my "normal." Towards the end, she made the mistake of accusing me of gasslighting her. I didn't even know what that meant. When I looked up a video on it, I said WAIT A MINUTE, that sounds like what she does to ME. Then she accused me of being a narcissist and I didn't know what that was either. When I watched a video on that, I thought she went to school for it. More videos started popping into my TH-cam channel and I watched a few. I began observing her, then I checked her emails to find out, much to my dismay that she was a serial cheater, Satan worshipper, trying out for porn, a child pornographer, pedophile, and murderer all while playing the wholesome Christian wife and homeschooling mother. She's the best actress in the world. I didn't know anything until 3 days before it ended in her assaulting me, which she all but got a medal for doing from the judge (also a narcopath woman). She whipped our computer clean the morning before the assault and called from her phone when she got out of jail and downloaded 14 viruses that made it so any html code looked at would also erase itself, all while some computer geeks were checking the hard drive. She also knows 8 different languages and writes fluently in 7 of them so she could work the dark net , also to my surprise.
Sometimes it's what level narcissist you're dealing with and also what you came from that keeps you blind to everything. I'm also the same person when no one is looking, so I thought she was like that too. Classic projection. They also mimic you when you first meet to the point of finishing your sentances.
The narc and new supply are going strong. Nobody else will have them.
SAVE TRUMP Might be a case of nobody else will have them but also they must somehow, so far, be successfully using each other or the other person hasn't caught on yet. Often Narcissists do find rich supply in those with BPD.
God bless you.
Thanks too you .
I was the pathetic creature that thought the sun shone out of his ass for so long.....20 years....and now hes has moved on and the lovelight is shining from her and I don't envy her 20 years with him as they are both in their 50s
He was with his ex for 8 years and she looks very strong and independent. I only lasted a few months because he kept seeing her. His ex would stalk my social media and make it obvious what she was doing so I don't know who is to blame. Was she just not able to let go of him? Was she very weak? Even though he left her she couldn't rest until we were broken up. After we broke up they seemed to have blocked each other. Maybe they were both narcissistic so that's why their relationship was longer lasting?
Probably, his ex doesn’t know that he’s a narcissist.
manipulative love fake bombing gets better w each victim
That may or may not be true. It's not that they are all exactly the same. It can also, sadly, be that the new supply has no idea what they are dealing with and that they may take longer to figure it out.
I'm really confused about cognitive dissonance. I just don't know if my x was a narc or not. He lied, alot! He admitted to sex addiction
thank u,i need to here this..he leave me,this Christmas.(;_;)
But what exactly is supply?
Supply is attention, a Narc gaslighting, triangulating, manipulating, always lying, and from a false self inner abyss seeking to suck your emotions out of you and often sadistically enjoying others pain and/or angry reactions. Supply is the currency Narcs need to keep adding fuel - grandiose and entitled to keep afloat their fantasy-driven delusions of grandeur and “self aggrandizement” in what is all over-compensating for all they truly lack.