Healing from Infidelity: Are You or Your Partner Over Functioning?

On the road to recovery after infidelity or addiction, one or both partners can feel like they are over functioning to keep the relationship going. The over functioning party eventually feels massive frustration if not outright resentment and internal upheaval. Is this you? Are you the over functioning party? Maybe you're the under functioning party trying to make sense out of it all? There is hope for both of you today.
#infidelity #affairrecovery #affairs #betrayal #betrayaltrauma #affairrecovery #trauma #survivinginfidelity #addiction #trauma #unfaithful #betrayed

[@irishcicou9918]

Thanks Sam

[@wm7929]

This is a good message, I was the classic over-functioner. Her indifference to recovery work was just as hurtful, maybe more, as her adultery.

[@evandegenfelder4554]

I can relate to this. About a week after D-day, I furiously began searching, searching, searching for information about what had happening to my husband. I could not wrap my head around the fact (as I discovered) he had a 30+ year PMO habit that had actually gotten to the place that our very LIVES were on the edge of ruin. I have spent the last 100 days being the person to get the information, find the course work, procure books, learn about PIED and the brain damage that porn causes.
It has left me exhausted, sleepless, angry and resentful. HE has made a 180 deg turn around and I remain stuck--still furiously trying to fix everything.
I have realized one thing: I have come to realize that I very much feel if I forgive him or try to move on and get better MYSELF then I will be letting him 'off the hook'. That's crazy, but that' how I feel. I'm glad he's getting better, but I'm still stuck.

[@mostolaza74]

That is exactly where I am. I find myself purposely allowing triggers to keep me from forgetting the crap he’s done in order to not feel sympathy for him!!! It’s a vicious cycle the is not serving ME!!! Sorry you are here. Please work on you and put your needs first

[@teeryan19]

thank you for that affirmation overfunctioning and under functioning …great explanation I definitely over function a result from trauma and keeping myself alive and safe my entire life. Feeling like if I stop he stops and we are back to where we started is a terrifying place to be after so much work and progress. It’s easy to relax a little when things are going well and we all need that but also need to keep up the self awareness on both sides. Great video

[@samshealingpodcast]

thank you so much. i'm so sorry for the pain you've been through

[@GretchenNGould]

Interesting topic. I've been married and divorced twice. Both ex's cheated. I've been finding I'm over functioning in every aspect of my life even with family members and friends. I guess this is going to send me down a different rabbit hole. I want to heal. I want to be able to have more time to myself and start setting boundaries boundaries, that I can enforce.

[@samshealingpodcast]

hi there. it doesn't have to be a rabbit hole my friend. it can be something beautiful and healing oriented. trust me i know.

[@user-cl1zr3cg4k]

Hello Sam,
My name is Vince, 2024 is 40 years together with my wife, MaryLynn.
I am the underfuctioning betrayer, frozen by childhood trauma and desperately seeking guidance in reconciliation with my wife.
This is my first attempt to find professional support "on line", local counseling is limited with long waiting and skeptical of what is available.
Reaching for help.
Thank you,
Vince Williams

[@samshealingpodcast]

Hi Vince. Please email me at [e-mail] and we'll talk about next steps. So glad you reached out.

[@JanelleG0822]

Great advice 👍