Shame and Complex Trauma - Part 5/6
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ก.ย. 2024
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What triggers one's shame? When shame is triggered, how does it affect one's thinking, emotions and actions?
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something I love and apprieciate is that you separate thje christian and the 'scientific' part on your videos and I love that. Im an atheist, but I like that attitude so much that I always stay to the christian part and you know, I believe god loves me :)
Protestantism is false teaching . It’s not even a real church. When someone believes in God then he just speaks the truth regardless whether others like to hear this or not. He does not need to separate anything. And btw all modern science is rooted in occultism. The science world is run by freemasons who all worship the devil and practice rituals and jewWish kabbalah
If God loves you then He exists, right?
Praise God..this comment was worth watching the series
Whereby even non Christian we can learn a lot ❤
Same here bro ,also an atheist, I appreciate that he separates them so I know when to start skipping forward and sometimes I stay to hear what he has to say. I just wish the algorithm didn’t just show me his video by chance and after watching one it’s been bombarding me with Christian videos all over the place 😬
I realize Ive isolated myself so much, so my shame doesnt get triggered.
I used to do that in my teens and early 20's, but then I totally flipped at 26, then I was obsessive at being an overachiever, and making something of myself. Much better, as it helped me to build priceless foundations, but now it's time for me to overcome the shame I didn't know I was carrying.
@@joelsweeney4024 we have the exact opposite life! All the way up until my 30s I was the overachiever/perfectionist with a masters degree and a prestigious career but medicated my shame with pills/alcohol. Now off them, 2 accidents and a chronic illness later I'm having a difficult time coping with the shame unmedicated so I isolate. Didn't even realize shame was the issue until this video. Crazy.
@@shadowfax9177 I knew mine was co-dependence and trauma, but I had no idea it was shame. it really opens up my eyes. So I finally have an opportunity to make change!
What a gift you are to us who cannot afford therapy! Heartfelt thanks to you, friend💞
I've been having therapy for almost a year now and believe me, what this good man says and teaches created more impact on me than months of therapy. Therapy's really good and I stick to it to keep myself on track but mostly I change the subject when I feel uncomfortable, this man says everything I was afraid to hear and now I'm not afraid but eager to hear more from him knowing he describes me :)
I have a new addiction at it is to your channel. I read so many books, went to psychologist and never was able to understand human behavior and myself more than after watching your videos. I am so so so grateful. I am making a change and being a better human because of you.
I hear you! I have been to counselors off and on for YEARS and ALL of them were AMAZED that I already KNEW what my problems were, but they were unable to do anything but "cheer me on" and point me to a few self help books. Not "dissing" them (they did their best with the structure) but Tim is the one counselor I believe has been sent by the SUPREME counselor to help all of His children :)
I beleive so too!@torasacramento4905
YOU ARE LITERALLY SAVING LIVES WITH THIS MESSAGE TIM FLETCHER. YOU ARE TRULY A BLESSING
Yes anger response has become a bad habit. I try & tell myself ' Easy does it.' The world won't end if I make a mistake.
i been caught in a vicious circle of shame all my life. it's over
RIP ☹️
Sir, I don’t have words to thank you and the amount of relief and insight I have learned from your series. It has played a key role in my self healing. I am really grateful that I stumbled upon your content.
My mom didn't need the subtle signs, she just said "Shame on you" or "you should be ashamed". :D
Or “what’s wrong with you?!!”
I can’t believe how revealing this is. Every word. It was shame all along and I didn’t recognize it as such. People like Tim who explain it like this, so simple and with lists of examples so we -people who never learned to properly feel and name their emotions- can RECOGNIZE ourselves are even more important than the therapists we visit to heal it. No therapist ever told me anything about 90% of all that’s on this channel, and they were pretty good. They didn’t see all this. Thank you so much Tim, I keep listening to everything (even sometimes bits of the religious parts) and I still don’t even know who you are.
Therapists Ive seen have broken the surface level, but never much further that that. I learnt about attachment theory, and that I had to learn to be more confident, but it was the how, and the depth of WHY I was the way I was that this has revealed to me. Tim Fletcher is truly a blessing, something Ive prayed to God for very intently.
your resources have been so good to me. Im in therapy and im working on it, but for the rough weeks, i come back here in between therapy sessions as a way to keep myself aware, and prompt me to write about it and not just go into avoidance
and as a non-christian, i appreciate so much that you separated it as a thing post-lecture. I feel actually freer to enjoy the christian segment and follow it with a nice sense of curiosity without fear of it being like a pushed agenda, since everything is so clear and well adressed. Thank you not only for these talks but also for the thoughtful way you went about them
If shame was a liquid I would be soaked in it. That is how "shame based" I am. 😢😢😢
It get less shameful and became courage soon. Keep healing, accepting and letting go.
But it's a win that you are recognizing it all❤
Same
Ive always felt shame for making mistakes and disappointing my parents, so i hid that from them and carried the shame. They did not know how to acknowledge my mistakes without dismissing them and over time its made me feel abandoned and that im unlovable to them and every one. Ive coped with porn and alcohol to escape from feeling inadequate to others.
And this can also go to a ‘self-defense’ mode of “I will do it All myself” - do everything - because ‘needing help’ means I am weak or incapable.. and then Shame
Also using Please or Thank You illicit shame .. again because of self-perceived ‘weakness’
Why do no therapists in my area understand this?!!
Therapists are really narcissists who get paid for it.
They have unresolved shame?
Paycheck maybe?
i have a therapist who understands this. not everyone is shame afflicted though.
@@9000ck well what makes you say the latter part of your statement?
I'm struggling terribly and this helped me quite a bit. 😮😮😮😮
❤❤❤
Glad to hear that sister. Keep it up! I feel the same way.
little 8 year old Miriam saved her own people by being such a good bigger sister!!
Thank you so much for the highly detailed, relatable and free information about such an overlooked and dangerous topic!
I can't believe this is not viewed more, this series is incredible. It feels like this is the primary issue of our times (though maybe I'm just projecting ...)
I agree. This 6-week serie is key stone of so my problems people are facing.
Due to the painful events of the past two months, shame really showed up like an unexpected tsunami. It started 2 months ago with a harsh criticism after I really went all out to serve others on a retreat weekend. It started a surprisingly painful emotional response. This was shortly followed by a negative job situation which really made me look stupid. This was then followed by a serious false allegation from my Landlord. I have not been the same since. I've been successfully in recovery for 2 and a half years. I've actually had panic attacks and even complete meltdowns which seemed. Be be a thing of the past. I even started hitting myself out of exasperation. I came very close to drinking put if desperation. My recovery has been seriously compromised, but in spite of it all, I'm still trying in spite of it all. I still feel demoralized, and dehumanized
What a legend. Wonderful explanations using examples to show the way the brain adapts and with humour too. Makes me feel embraced as part of a special society lol!
Thank you so much for this series. It is beyond helpful. I started this one feeling pretty low. The hope you speak especially the the end - of being of service to God in whatever the Divine chooses to use me - has left me much less depressed and more hopeful. I have already done so much work and walked through so much Darkness. I am trusting Source to carry me. I choose Trust. Thank you again 🙏🏼💫
Tim you are incredible, I am moved beyond words, at your insight, no modern day psychologist, therapist, compares.
Appreciate all the biblical illustrations...most of all the hope for shame based people....like myself.Thankyou
I've been isolating for 5 years with a few days off. I'm suicidal I stay that way and I try not to talk about it. The guilt about telling anyone i Care about what I'm thinking makes it worse.
How are you?
@@carolburnette2019 thank u for asking. I am seeking God and being delivered and I have been out of bed and feeling much relief. I have sought out a womens ministry called mountain movers and they are helping me. I recommend them to anyone who feels they are being oppressed in the way that I was.
I hope you are doing well. Hang in there we can do this. We're on the path to healing and pain is just normal to get to where we need to be. Sending you love and positive vibes ❤
Shame kills
22:59 golden
Tim Fletcher is such a wonderful person and teacher! Thank you so much!❤️
Wow this guy always cooking me 😂
For real. I feel so exposed and yet relieved I'm not actually a complete idiot.
Thank you so much. I am so thankful to God for this message and also to your mother Fletcher for being so an important person in your life. This message is healing to my life. May God continue to bless you.
Listening to this series is the first time I've ever understood why I struggled so much with my drinking and constant self destruction before. It hurts like hell, but I know that I am taking good steps every day... I see the shame constantly in my day now, but I also see the patterns and feel the responses raising their heads and do my best to not act upon them, instead choosing to act on the truth that I do have value.
I am going to spend time with my wife and friends tonight, and it might sound absurd to others but I am so f*ing proud of me for that. Thank you for these videos, thank you for helping us to understand our pain and grow from it. I wish that any one of my therapists, counsellors or psychologists had understood what you are revealing to me now... but I am grateful for the knowledge all the same.
Also, thank you for keeping the religious section separated, as an atheist I appreciate that you respect and acknowledge that it is not for everyone.
It crazy how shame drag you back to his game.
Wow! You are speaking to me. 😢thank u for this. Shame sums up a lot of what I feel everyday for the smallest things yes due To my upbringing with my dysfunctional family dynamic. I realize I can rewire my brain. I’m in tears because I’m so grateful for you that this isnt the way that I’m supposed to feel and it’s such an ugly feeling. I’m so thankful for you and your scientific approach and the Christian approach. I love it all❤
Thank you so much. It touches me deep inside! Little note: there is actually a bible text that says that Amram and Jochebed are the parents of Moses, ex 6:20.
Thank you, i read that chapter and verse, so glad you passed that on 🙏🏼
You're talking about emotional disregulation.... And if we grow up in chaos with no role models teaching us how to grow into our emotions, this is what happens; it is not our fault. Yet it is still our responsibility to heal or fix it.
Thank you, every word you say is validating. This is a safe space, you are protective 👍🏽
So sorry to hear about your mother. She sounded very humble. You are a great teacher and speaker and I'm sure she was very proud of you. Thank you for all these videos. They really make sense.
This is freakin' life-saving!!
Thank you so much for every video you share ❤️
I have been searching for this information all my life. No one have ever taught this to me and I am very grateful for this information.
Thank you for sharing your amazing competence! ❤️🙏
So many stuff bring shame for me. Even just a look, any kind of eye contact can bring shame
I’m in isolation mode. I rarely talk. It just felt like everything people said to me was an attack via their own shame. So I’m in a card game now, and I won’t say much as I feel I reveal the hand I’m dealt. I’m quick to analyze the attacks in my mind. Why people would attack me, what their own shame is. It feels lonely.
What a blessing this is!
im so blessed to hear this. i take it as a proof of Gods love...
Thank you for lectures. They are great 👍. But shame eventuality looks incurable. We only understand how it affects our lives, and that’s all. Nothing works. Especially if we know this is a deep belief, not an emotion. So sad and dead ended. 😢
You know this work Thanks for your touching explanations that clears feeling shame 🙋🏽♀️
Thanks a ton Dr Tim, Now I understand what psychologist is.
Every time I hear anything about helping myself out of my toxic Shame my immediate thought is... 'but who cares? ' that's how I know something's wrong
You care!!! 💞💗💞
Amazing lecture. Highly appreciate yr professional acumen.
Thats was great and absolutely beautiful how you spoke of your Mother.
Shalom.
Thank you. I found these talks so useful. God bless you.
I have so much shamre of my disability due to CPTSD..😓
I started with part 4. So far, amazing. Thank you for posting this here - I am hopeful for the future and “healing”. Sincerely
Lifetimes of possible time to spend time with you and your pricklee family may be in the best possible way.
Thank you 🙏🏽
You are amazing, thank you for enlightening myself and helping others in their life journey! 💞
These courses really helped. Thank you so much
Thank you... What you taught here is very valuable to me By teaching little gr 1 children I could spread the Gospel by hopefully, in a loving way, taught little ones about God. And they responded so heartwarming. They could read, write and do elementary maths when 1 had to let them go to the next grade. That was my purpuse.and made me happy
I love this guy so much right now. Thank you Tim!!
I've watched three of his teachings today
What about anger at the parent who induced all this shameful behavior through neglect? And what was the solution to the triggers? "Just do it anyways?" I should just keep feeling ashamed and put myself in situations where I feel shame and never resort to anger? Never resorting to anger is what has lead me to people please my whole life and not set any boundaries. So difficult to navigate this stuff and understand how I can change
Thanks, Tim, for all your wonderful messages. I've been listening to you for more than a year now. Just want to add that Moses' mother was Jochebed 😊
shame, shame, shame, all shames! evils mom, evils family members, everything leads to shame
Thank you. This information is life changing ❤❤❤❤
I have complex ptsd and i have a lot of anger .And isolation for many year
Prayers going your way, I am the same.
Why do i avoid pepole so much .And i have do that after many years of been so social .I chrasd and go 7 years psykolog and since a avoid awerithing ?
These talks are so very truly helpful! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Thank YOu
You're amazing. Thank you so much for sharing these valuable information and eye opening topics and the way you lecture is not boring at all❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
❤ Amazing so helpful
Great Videos Tim
HALLELUYAH
What if you deal with shame but don’t have drug addictions? Then what?
I'm sorry about your mom. 😢
Thank you!
Shame is not always positively correlated with low self-esteem. Sometimes shame is part of a pernicious game.
How about being used? Especially by romantic partners/interests?
Thank u so much it was great
Thank you.
This is amazing
Amazing how they have to put a trigger warning for atheists
First thank you for your great heart and mind.
I think also shame may trigger body sensation which is so hard.
Also sir I want to subscribe to your online program but I didn't understand what I should buy or how I can get all the modules.
What do I do if every single time I screw up people treat me like I didn’t do it perfectly therefore I’m worthless?
The standard that men are the providers is in the Bible. Children are the future who will become adults
That was beautiful ending, thank you
When it comes to obsessive or negative thoughts about oneself, that come from lies about us or shame inducing words, can ways of treating someone be included. for eg your family treated you like a slave or used you to fight against a relative or ex.
She came to me in the sleeping hours
And she sang to me in the moonlight:
"Where did you dance when you baffled our chance,
And when did the motley bells chime?"
I summoned a verse from a chorus of blame,
But it drowned in the ghost of her song.
He came to me in the sleeping hours
And he called to me in the moonlight:
"Why does the fold now weep to behold,
And how does it feel to be free?"
I tendered the words from the tears of the same,
But they dried as the dawn came upon.
They came to me in the sleeping hours
And they whispered to me in the moonlight:
"What did you reap when you floated the keep,
And whom did you trust with the key?"
I buried my head in a cushion of shame -
And I woke to find them all gone.
Who wrote this poem, please? It is very beautiful.
Has he done anything geared towards the people around us, to help them understsnd us better?
Check out his 8-part series on Complex Trauma
@@TimFletcher that wa the first series i started with. I found it extremely helpful, but getting someone else engaged is difficult. A lot of time to invest for "you". Make sense?
Have you watched the series on the 50 characteristics?
How can you possibly understand shame so well and then think religion is the cure for shame, rather than the cause of it?
Religion in it self is not the cure for shame. But Jesus Christ is. He has come to free from shame and guilt and not to put it on us. He has the ability and love and sensitivity to heal the deepest wounds of our heart and soul through trauma and rejection. Iam experiencing it myself right now and am so thankful.
Its about a personal relationship with him, not just a religion. The power of the cross, what Jesus Christ accomplished there. Guilt and shame ist not of God. I hope that you would reach out to him and experience it too.
Shame everywhere
Amram & Jochabed were Moses’ parents (Exodus 6:20)
Hernandez Michelle Thomas Barbara Miller Michael
Please worship the Most High Elohim.
Hi! Part 2/7 and 3/7 from shame is exactly the same video. You post it 2 times the same video. Can you change the mistake? Is important for people.
Is really hard with ppl w Shame to be Shamed by this guy
4:47
♥️
... very very helpful ... thank u so much ... & may God bless u ... (-_'|
3 million israelites? around 1000 bc there had been 50 million people - on the whole world. Considering that the Israelites didn't straight up conquer egypt, egyptians must have been at least 6 million people?
999-trillion oceans of grief -
999-trillion oceans of rage -
999-trillion endless PTSD flashbacks -
I CAN NO LONGER BEAR THIS TORTURE
I'm dying on the inside
he raped my soul.
he gave me SEVERE PTSD.
SEVERE SEVERE SEVERE!!!
and now he's gone.
I blocked him.
I want to die.
how and when will I ever heal from the PTSD flashbacks?
nothing more horrific and debilitating and paralyzing
than the PTSD flashbacks.
the man I revered as my best friend,
betrayed and abandoned me,
and discarded me like garbage,
and replaced me with another.
this happened at the start of last year (2023),
we're now in 2024,
and I'm nowhere near healed.
I want to die.
I can no longer tolerate the pain.
the emotional pain is hell.
I hate my life.
I am tortured
and tormented
with every breath I take.
RAGE
RAGE
RAGE
I want to die
I want to die
I want to die
I can no longer bear the darkness
it consumes me;
suffocates me
I am drowning
oceans of tears
the man I revered as my best friend,
he raped me,
replaced me,
discarded me like last week's garbage...
ultimate betrayal!!
this grief and loneliness...
they rape me;
torture me;
on a soul level
my only prayer is for death
I'm in hell and I can't find escape
God has forsaken me
my whole life I've been tortured, bullied, abused, raped
all I do is suffer
my life is hell
SO NOW, IN HOPES TO HEAL,
AND TO CHANGE MY LIFE AROUND,
I LIVE BY THIS MODUS OPERANDI:
When there’s a disagreement,
when I need to say YES
or when I need to say NO,
when I need to state my needs,
and ask for them to be met...
When I need to create boundaries...
There's a possibility and a probability,
that someone will inevitably,
most likely,
be disappointed in me...
So I engage in every encounter,
interaction, and relationship...
In a way that ensures,
that the person disappointed in me...
NEVER
ends up being me!
I aim to never repress,
never suppress.
I aim to never lose a part of myself.
Radical honesty only:
100% of the time.
Always,
all ways.
Very intense GodHelpMe. I used to feel like you are now feeling. After 68 years it is getting slowly better. Love to you
Seek help, I feel it
I don’t normally continue with the Christian element, but was compelled to today, knowing growing up as a Catholic included shame. This was a wonderful addition to today’s talk on shame. Thank you so much. 🙏🏻🩵 nothing is ‘beneath’ me as I serve in God’s name.
AFFIRMATIVE PRAYER
1) I'm in love with myself and my life
2) I'm in love with being alive
3) I'm a magnet for: love, miracles, money, happiness, joy, prosperity, wealth
4) I have total and complete and permanent: FINANCIAL FREEDOM
5) Always and in all ways: I totally and completely and permanently surrender to Jesus
6) I thrive: in my career and in my relationships
7) I am a master alchemist
8) I am world-renowned in my area(s) of expertise
9) I magnetize my ideal and perfect clients to me: easily, constantly, consistently
10) my twin-flame and I are magnetized to each other, we belong together,
we are destined to be with one another
11) I am the epitome and the embodiment of perfect vibrant radiant health and wellbeing
I wonder how much my chronic shame contributes to my anger at Christianity. “Jesus died for your sins’. Talk about a shame trigger! The entire Old Testament triggers me; oops just had to erase a lengthy, unproductive rant. In my current state it all seems so patently unfair; a God who plays favorites and slaughters or commands or tolerates the slaughter of so many cities. And I, with my shame are supposed to TRUST this God, or be sentenced to eternal damnation?!?