Imagine telling somebody, OH YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR LAST 20 BUCKS INSTEAD OF GIVING IT TO A HOMELESS PERSON? YOU'RE SO SELFISH FOR WANTING TO EAT. This is straight up just plain stupidity. Your stuff belongs to you, you don't have to give it away.
Is it even called selfishness if it's justified? Like I was called selfish for not wanting to share my snacks but after sharing, the thing that I knew would happen, did happen. All of it got ate and I didn't get a single thing. It's a bit annoying but that's the exact reason why I hide my food or label them, if I don't, I won't get anything I buy.
@Princess Aurora Starburn I think it's called selfish the instant you do something for yourself, instead of for someone else. but it's not always a bad thing. I might be completely wrong about it, but thats my take
@@Sailor-Khione Good observation. I thought about the same thing. It's kinda hard to decide. I'd say it's not, because selfishnes would mean that you don't want to help when you are able to without it negativly impacting you. Which in this case, it is.
@@Sailor-Khione The word “selfish” definitely has a bad rap because people almost exclusively use it to describe instances of harm or to shame others for doing or not doing things that could benefit others(even if it harms themselves), but all selfishness is is prioritizing your wants and/or needs over another’s. This doesn’t mean you do it all the time or that you do it in harmful ways. Every human is selfish, at least, occasionally.
There’s a mini update on the first story: OP is moving in with her grandmother on her dad’s side and spent a school day moving all of her stuff over. The twin’s friends apologized for calling OP selfish. While OP isn’t paying for the twin’s entire college experience, she is going to help out with books and with on campus living and the twins are on board with that. Finally, OP is going NC with her dad since he made his choice and OP doesn’t see that changing any time soon.
That's good, means the step siblings are aware that their parents are idiots. Odds are they made some big spiel about OP definitely giving everything and pulling out at the last seconds so I'm glad they at least can have a chance at a family relationship.
That a smart move. At least she won't be getting gaslighting from that selfish dad. It good to hear she was able to salvage her relationship with her step-sibling
Story 1: So it's okay for your step mom to call her stepdaughter a bitch in front of everyone, but you telling her to drop dead is evil? Your step sisters didn't ask for any of your money this is all your dad and sm trying to force it out of you. OP you might want to consider moving out soon if they're willing to go this far to get their hands on your money and house.
was thinking the same, i would say contact your aunt and move in there with her and your grandma (given that there is room for that). might be a bit inconvientent in some ways, but gtfo from the toxic storm that is your stepmom and dad... and definitely go no-contact. if you feel it's solely your sm, go no-contact until your dad can show you the divorce papers. (that's the approach i took with my father and sm since she's such a toxic control freak that i don't want anything to do with him until he's out of her grip.
@@alyssavanderklift9296 OP mentioned in a previous edit that she can’t bring herself to stay at the house at this time because it hurts her to see her grandmother in her current state.
The stepsisters may not have asked OP but they sure as hell whined to their friends when they found out OP wasn’t going to follow through with their mom’s lie
A lot of the stories are just mental, but nothing pisses me off most than hypocrisy. Stepmom calling her stepdaughter a b*tch in front of everyone, but you telling her to drop dead means you're evil? No f*cking way.
I don't understand why OP won't stay with Aunt and Grandma until college? She was living with Mom fulltime so the house works for her schooling, so I'm not sure why she moved out? Edit: Ah, read the above comment, that makes sense. But I think she needs to find someplace else or something. Stay with a friend, maybe?
Okay Everybody, let’s all say it together: YOU CAN NOT FORCE A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN STEP PARENTS OR SIBLINGS!!!! This will most likely have the exact opposite effect.
Yep. My mom met my stepfather online and out of nowhere, he was living with us. (I was 15 and my brother would have been 8.) We didn’t really have a choice, and after six months, they were married and we went off to live with my dad, because she wanted to move to another city. I never liked him and I resented the fact that I didn’t have a choice in the matter. (My brother went to visit her for a week or something once when he was about 12 and his first words off the plane were “I *fucking hate* Jean Louis.”) (Not changing his name because fuck him. Eat shit, Jean Louis.) She’s tried to force a relationship between my brother and I and our half sisters since they were born, which hasn’t done anything but put a deeper wedge between us. (She brought them uninvited to my brother’s wedding and they just sort of… sat in the corner and didn’t interact with anyone.) They’re around 20 now, and neither my brother or I have really interacted with them since his wedding five or six years ago. I consider my sister in law more of a sister than my mom’s other kids will ever be. TL;dr - My stepfather is a festering asshole and his kids mean nothing to me.
This kind of thing is flat out abuse ESPECIALLY if the step-parent in question is replacing a deceased bio parent. As someone whose parents are nearing 50 years together even I can see that. Expecting a child to be delighted when show up with a new mommy or daddy is unreasonable. Sometimes it works but it's the kid's choice.
Clearly doesn’t care about her siblings. My sister who is 18 is always babysitting and she knows better than to leave our brother with strangers. She’d just invite her friends (who are basically my mom’s adopted daughters) over and watch a movie while babysitting
@@nationalinstituteofcheese3012 your sister is better than the older sister in this story we just heard about I a twenty-year-old older brother and babysitting my brother who is very disabled and I have not left him but what this sister did can actually get her into juvie
The mother in the 3rd story was way generous. She even said that Polly's friends could come over to the house while she was babysitting and would get paid for it.
If I was a teenager and I was told "Invite your friends over while you watch your sister, btw I will pay you 18 an hour" I would have been on the phone immediately like "We are hanging out at my place, I'll pay for snacks and beer"
@@legomaple right! it sounds like such a cool hang out idea, she could've given the little sister some form of entertainment like a phone or ipad and just hangout with her friends in another room
Story 3: Polly was way out of line. OP doesn't force her to look after the younger ones all the time like other entitled parents, both baby sitters weren't responding and she was in a tight spot. She was even reasonable with Polly stating that her friends could come over as well instead of cancelling. They were lucky that the neighbours were nice and didn't call the cops for leaving a child with them. The chances of your neighbours being serial killers or predators isn't high but it's also not zero, Polly needs to be more aware of the dangers. Being 16 is not an excuse and 2 weeks is not enough of a punishment for her. NTA
I would say she's NTA for that specific scenario, but the fact that her kid is even thinking of pulling a stunt like that means that OP did not raise her child very well, especially evidenced by the weak two week grounding. She's TA for raising her child that way
@@codyjohnson6427 Op doesn't seen like that type. Her daughter is 16 she has a mind of her own some kids do the exact opposite of what their parents teach them, op isn't TA at all.
@@codyjohnson6427 don’t blame this on OP , she’s a single mother with no support system as well as raising 3 kids . Polly is lashing out . A child lashing out isn’t simply a reflection of a their parenting but rather the world around them .
As a 16 year old girl who has younger siblings I can say that yes, they annoy me. Yes, I'd much rather be with my friends than deal with them. But if my mother asked me to watch one of them because of an emergency I'd definitely do that. (Especially since the mother in the story offered to pay + offered to Polly that she could invite her friends over) Polly literally has no excuse.
Imagine getting mad that you don't get paid after abandoning your youngest sibling when you could have literally had some friends over and still got paid $18 an hour for having fun with friends and occasionally making sure your younger sibling is still breathing. What an absolute dimwit.
@@wmdkitty Again, Polly was being paid, this only happened because of an emergency as the babysitters were NOT responding even after a while (minutes or hours, doesn't matter, they simply weren't responding), Polly could even invite her friends over... Yet Polly preferred giving her younger sibling to a STRANGER without asking for a phone number or giving her mom's phone number, clearly disobeying her mom for all the bad reasons and going out with her friends (even while being told she could bring them over), and started throwing a hissy fit for being told to go get her and saying her mom is over reacting, like for all she knew they could've been child kidnappers or worse If you think Op's in the wrong even after all this then what kind of idiot are you ? /neg
Another thing to point out regarding the third story: OP makes it clear at the beginning that she has NOT forced her eldest daughter to take care of her siblings. She is a single mother and yet she pays for two babysitters to ensure that her eldest has the opportunity to be a kid and not a parent. She’s literally only had to take care of her siblings once! If anything OP may be too lenient and should at least have her eldest be involved in some of the responsibilities regarding her siblings (obviously not taking care of them by herself), but maybe it could give her some perspective regarding why her decision with her sister was so bad.
Yeah, maybe OP should be giving a bit more responsibility to the 16 yo. The idea that babysitting in an emergency is too much to ask? That kid is delusional. Risking your sister to hang out with your friends? OMG.
Story 2; The son didn't even meet step-mom until he was SIXTEEN, how insane are SM and Dad to expect him to see her as a mother after his own mother DIED.
We don't even know if the step-mom knew about it. Like OP said that they have started to talk more and he could've told her that he wasn't going to dance with her and explained his reasons, which she could've found acceptable.
@@lorilancaster5917The wife riled up the Dad and then left the son's wedding with him. Don't make excuses for her. She came in there all "It's me, who didnt raise you at all, and who drive you out of your Father's house after your Mother died (when you needed him most) or your dead Mom, and her sister! Choose! Right here on your wedding day or we're storming off in front of everyone!" That's peak emotional extortion right there.
He didn’t deny her a mother-son dance. He chose someone he viewed as a mother to dance with. I’m 16 and at that point, I’ve decided who my mother is and who my second mother is (my aunt). If my dad had another wife at this point, she wouldn’t be the woman who wiped my tears, gave me chocolate when I was sad, and helped me when I wanted to take my life.
@@avamasquerade all we have to go by is OPs story and in the story he reports that he saw his wife and asked her what’s on her mind. She told him that his son will dance with his aunt. No other details. As I’ve mentioned in other comments it would be great to have sons perspective
The last story has an update. OP was neglecting his relationship in a way that the fiancee found unacceptable and yes, there was a romantic sort of thing between OP and the friend.
Knew it. The whole story felt weird. Can't imagine myself in a position where I can't take care of a friend without sneaking around. Edit: where can i find it
It is odd the entire friend group is in the know but Nolan SPECIFICALLY asked that op not be told anything. If op is in the friend group, why exclude? Why the codeword?
But he’s also in Hilarious denial about it. The next update is gonna be like: “update: I married Nolan! We have sex every day and kiss all the time and say I love you to each other as well, but I’m not gay. I do t know why my girlfriend is being so paranoid… I’m not gay.
Dude. Polly would have been thrashed if she pulled that crap in our household growing up. What wild entitlement that child has. And she even expected payment afterwards??
Ikr if I had done that stunt with my parents I would have been sent to a school for troublesome she should be happy that her mother wanted to pay her i was always expected to help with the household unpaid because I was the oldest
@@shykorustotora beating her isn’t going to do shit, she needs a very strict punishment, not going out with friends, having to learn about what could happen to her sibling if the fever got badly, teaching her what could happen to her sibling that she just left on someone’s house. She needs to be scared because the options of what could have happened is scary. Hitting her is only going to make her be angrier at her mom.
I literally said to myself "ok so are her friends allowed to come over?" And OP literally said her friends were allowed to come over and she'd still pay her. OP is a good mom, daughter's grounding is deserved
@@yeahyeahyeah3724 Mark Narrations Covered that update a week or two ago i think? Yea, it came down to it that OP was Bisexual and saw his male best friend as his "life partner" (supposedly without anything sexual happening). Its one of those stories that involve a painting room (ref to another story about a husband inviting a "friend" to his house with a paint room and oooops, Husband was gay as hell and cheating on the wife with the male best friend). In this case again, the Fiancee was the "beard" for OP. The Finance was not crazy, OP simply had feelings for his "best friend" all along and was at minimum cheating on a emotional level.
@@benjiro8793 Thank you! I was so confused by this post so I kept on searching for his past comments lol. But yeah, I found one of his comments saying that when he first met Nolan at 15, he found an excuse to talk to the cool tall boy and invited him to his house. And he admitted that Nolan is "nice to look at". Which confirms it. But even with just the first post, there were already hints that they are more than just friends...
what made the stepmom even worse is that she practically guaranteed that op and her stepsisters relationship would be rocky at best due to the stepmom literally lying to her children about the money as a form of pressuring op into giving it to them. it sure speaks to the stepmoms character to basically weaponize her own children into getting what she wants from op
I bet you the stepmom wasn't even gonna give the twins the money. She was probably gonna do a "I'll hold on to it for you since you're not mature enough to handle your own finances" and then spend every last cent on herself. OR tell them OP didn't give her the money to scam more out of OP.
Story 3: honestly OP might be under-reacting. This was an emergency that require your son and stay overnight in the hospital, and your daughter potentially put her little sister in danger so she can go out. She didn't get their number or give them your number and had to be forced to go back to pick her sister up. Then when you get home she had the nerve to ask for payment and basically said she didn't care about either of her siblings. All while giving you a crap attitude. I would have grounded her for at least a month.
I feel like the mom needed to give the teenage daughter a serious talking to about WHY that was so dangerous and go into the dark, disturbing detail about what some "people" do to children
@@callanightshade8079 The downside to this method is some teenagers won't be phased because nothing actually happened. Hearing about bad things and actually experiencing or knowing someone who experienced them are very different. This is especially true if Polly has never experienced something really traumatic and therefore hasn't developed empathy for those possible scenarios. So, even if OP explains it to her, she might be a shithead teen who it just doesn't sink in for
Agreed, grounded for 2 weeks for dumping your sibling with a stranger in on the light side, like a harsher punishment is needed, like getting grounded for a month, taking away her phone, not allowed to make plans with friends, etc.
There was an update for that last story. BF definitely putting more time and attention into his relationship with his friend (and he ended up leaving his GF and said he had some sort of feelings for his friend, but very vague)
"(and he ended up leaving his GF and said he had some sort of feelings for his friend, but very vague)" There it is... I'm even okay with not giving the fiancee specific details. But sneaking off? Talking in code? That's a lot.
@@yeahyeahyeah3724 just because someone takes you in doesn't mean you're family, nor that you'll think they are such do you think there's some procedure in adoption where they shove in the emotional attachment to your adopted parents into you when they take you in lmao
Story Three: I really enjoyed how R/slash kept changing the age of the younger sister. Shes eight, then four, then eight again. She sure grows up fast. But i totally agree with the score you gave. Some really sick monster could have had that child dropped right at their door step. I could understand if it was a neighbour they knew for a long time, but the dude just moved in a month ago. NNTA
My aunt would drop her kids and my sisters off at her MIL. MIL would hand the kids off to BIL. BIL liked little girls, really, really liked little girls. One of my sisters and two of my cousins are still in therapy from his "liking" them.
Story 3: Man, what an idiot to just leave a 4 year old with someone she hardly knew and then brush aside any concerns. It's a good thing the neighbor was a nice person. Look, you just have to change plans sometimes
Yeah the older sister has clearly been allowed to be incredibly selfish. Mom needs to expect more of her. The idea of ditching your younger sibling with STRANGERS so you can hang out with your friends...? My mom would have killed me!
I’m honestly surprised by Polly’s reaction in the third story. If I had someone paying me hourly to invite my friends over and all I had to do was keep an 8 year old out of trouble while it was happening, I would take that offer yesterday XD
That girl is getting payed almost 8 times what I'm getting at work, and she only has to babysit her sister? And she can have her friends over??? AND SHE DECLINED THAT???
The last story had an update. Dude more or less admitted he was in a platonic relationship with his friend, that he wasn't ready to prioritize anyone over his friend, and that his friend fulfills all the requirements he wants in a relationship. Fiancee and OP broke it off fairly amicably all things considered because OP hadn't really realized that's where his friendship had headed until he was called out on reddit and fiancee was extremely understanding. Hoping all three of them find what they want in life, and fiancee understanding what was going on actually seemed to be a major relief for her. OP was dumb and blind, but learned. Fiancee did nothing wrong, but was always going to be second fiddle. I think people in general need to understand the platonic soulmate thing better so this kind of stuff doesn't end up accidentally happening again. Knowing the possibility is there would cause a lot less heartache than getting into a romantic relationship just because that's what done while neglecting to notice you have a partner already because it's atypical.
I don't understand this situation, I see nothing wrong with it? Like, the fiancee doesn't have the right to know about Nolan's trauma so talking about it as the "Nolan situation" is not weird at all to me. And if I had a partner and knew every once in a while, they go and hang out with their friend in the middle of the night on our porch, where I can see them if I wish, I'd be fine with it. Am I missing something here? What even is a platonic relationship in this scenario, what does it involve? If anyone has the patience to explain, I'd be very thankful.
@@mikimodiq8263 There's a difference between a platonic soulmate and a platonic relationship, but in this case OP is putting his friend at the top of his priorities and the way it all reads makes it seem like they are platonic soulmates, were you really really really really care about someone and want to put them at the top of your priorities kinda like a romantic relationship but without the romantic feelings, I know this because I had a platonic soulmate before. I don't see anything wrong with this ethier, if I was OP's finance I wouldn't be worried, in my opinion OP did nothing wrong.
Okay, but you do understand that soulmates are not a real thing. Sure, there's scientific research that proves some people are more compatible than other people. But as far as like soulmates, not a thing. That's not how it works. You can fall in love and you can love that person for the rest of your life. For sure. In fact, it's been a lot of great research into long couples and the human brain. But soulmate. That there's one person on this planet that you're meant to be with. That's not how that works. That's a Disney fairy tale. And anybody who tells you different is probably trying to tell you some kind of junk like twin flames.
i feel its possible to have a platonic relationship/soulmate and also romantic relationship, for some people anyways. personally im poly. but my best friend isnt, and she is married, but we are very close and have known each other for over half our lives. she has a son who calls me his titi (gender neutral version of tio/tia) and i am considered family. we dont currently live in the same state but i visit twice a year, and we talk as much as we can. her husband knows we have an extremely close bond and hes cool with it, me and him get along. i have a few partners and they also understand i have that bond with my best friend. and honestly my best friend is my fav person to talk to, we both understand each other better than anyone else, and we dont drain each others energy like most people drain our energy (x i feel so so lucky to have her in my life and get to experience having such a close platonic bond with someone ~
Story 3: Considering the 16 year old is getting paid and was allowed to have her friends over, she had no excuse to drop the 8 year old off at the neighbours. What if the neighbours were psychopaths? Or p*dos?
@@_.WildMoonChild I babysat for a family friend at the age of 16. I don't remember being this reckless with the kids. One choked on a chip on my watch (She's fine), but I would never abandon them with the neighbours
@Penguin-Schlupp Studio Right. I was babysitting at 12. I couldn't even imagine. She is honestly lucky that her mom doesn't push that burden on her, like a lot of parents do. So, to have to cancel your plans due to an emergency, should have been a non-issue.
Not only did Polly hand her sister off to a complete stranger, but she also passed absolutely zero contact info. She didn't give them a phone# to call if there was an emergency with the sister, she didn't get THEIR phone# so she could call them in an emergency, she just didn't care. Also, the way OP asked "Oh, did you just have your friends come over?" makes it sound like OP would have been fine with it if she'd had her friends come over to hang out instead. And she wants them to pay her? For what? Abandoning her sister with complete strangers? She's 16 years old. She needs to learn that her actions have consequences.
Honestly, I'm getting "Spending time with family is so uncool and lame, I rather hang out with my high school friends and do cool things with them than to help out my lame family" type of vibes from Polly which you commonly see in any movie and show involving teenagers.
As a 17 year old and an older sister who loves my younger sister: I was resisting the urge to throw punches at Polly in the 3rd story. God, I can't believe she was behaving like that!
@@JoshuaGJusticeok, but thats also their sibling, like what would have had to happen for it to be reasonable to not care about their sibling's wellbeing. Theyd have to be either really stupid or really heartless to think "leaving a child with an adult they dont know and have no way to contact" is a good idea
Story 1: Mom left everything to OP and it’s her choice to use her inheritance how she sees fit. End of discussion. The fact that she’s taking care of her aunt and grandmother- while her father, step-mom and siblings hound her for cash without the SLIGHTEST bit of remorse or respect for OP’s situation- especially as a minor, speaks volumes. I’m sure OP, her aunt and grandmother are working with lawyers or something to help protect assets. At this point, I’d move in with them, at least until college. Story 3: Daughter: “Little sis is fine, I left her at the neighbors. No, I don’t know their name. Why would I have their number? What do you MEAN I’m grounded?! -DO I AT LEAST GET PAID?” Not even the slightest hint of concern for her brother in the ER either. That’s cold.
Unfortunately OP doesn’t feel comfortable staying at the house at this time. She stayed there over a weekend once to try it but couldn’t bring herself to see her grandmother in her current state
and what makes the stepmom of story 1 even worse is that she basically ensured whatever relationship op had with the stepsiblings was destroyed by lying to her kids about the money and trying to weaponize them to get op to cough up money. that right there speaks to the stepmoms character
Story 1: Keeping YOUR property and/or money and using it as you see fit is NOT a selfish act. Expecting someone else to give you their property and/or money and gaslighting them if they don’t IS selfish. Add on the fact that this is a parent pulling this stunt on their own child, and it evolves into pathetic territory.
The second story: I find it funny that OP talked about tradition but refuse to realize that tradition can be changed and who someone considers a mother can be subjective. OP needs to realize that maybe his son and his wife is not going to have a mother/son relationship and the only relationship he may have with her is either as an "acquaintance" or on a "friendly" basis for OP's sake.
Very odd that OP says himself they never had a mother-son relationship. Then goes on the get made because his son didn't treat step=mother as a mother at his wedding.
@@fdm2155 It is. The whole story is just odd to me and I am curious to know if maybe OP has left out some details. They way it sounds, he might be trying to force a relationship and that is going to end up in disaster.
It’s all about appearances over his son’s feelings. Since he’s given the appearance of an unsupportive father, I see son going very low or very no contact. OP will likely hear about any grandchildren through relatives
@@lorilancaster5917 Must be about appearances. I'm amazed the OP would have even expected a mother-son dance with his wife given her and his son's history.
@@Fallenfromgrace1990 Agree. There is certainly some unfilled backstory. I'm guessing the son moved out because OP tried to force the son to accept Natalie as his 'mother.'
That daughter in the 3rd story was really taking her mother for granted. She's the older sister, and as an older sister myself, I can't imagine doing that to my younger siblings. How can she be so uncaring to a child that hasn't wronged her?
Despite being called Homo Sapiens, we're not Homo Sapient... Humans have VERY different mindsets. These include extremely narcissistic, psychopatchic and just straight up entitled and disgusting mindsets. Some humans either just don't care, or actively enjoy creating havoc! Some humans just want to HURT others! These humans will never even consider the fact if they've been wronged in the first place, and/or according to their mindsets, they won't even consider it wrong! Some people are so hateful, they actively believe that EVERYONE is just as hateful and vile as them, and that attacking and hurting each other is normal! While altruism is just wrong to them!
Cause she didn’t care about her family at all and was likely hoping that the neighbours were the terrible kind of people so she wouldn’t have to worry about her sister anymore
For the third story: I've had RSV before, just recently too, and it's scary. I woke up one day to a fever of 104 and could barely see straight, it was right after my momma had broken her ankle and she couldn't drive, so she called my other sister (who's 5 years older) to take me to the hospital cuz my momma couldn't drive. My sister came immediately to help me, that's what you're supposed to do. If any of my siblings need help I'd drop whatever I could to help them, I love my siblings and the thought of brushing them off during an emergency to go party with friends makes my stomach churn
In the friend over fiancé scenario, I'd have to say if Nolan needs that much of OP's time, and cannot allow OP's fiancé to know the details, then Nolan needs far more help than OP can ever provide, and needs to be in intense treatment. By being a sounding board for Nolan wherever and whenever, OP risks Nolan's live and recovery and will destroy his engagement.
I’ve heard the Nolan story before and I agree that we’re missing something. I’m also weirded out by the code thing. I get respecting your friend’s privacy but apparently it’s so private that he and his friends talk about it in front of his fiancé?
Yeah, honestly, it doesn't sound like the guy should be getting married to this woman. Simply put, it doesn't sound like he respects her. He calls her a busy-body and doesn't trust her with sensitive information. It just doesn't sound like a good start to a marriage where communication and trust is key. Also, if anyone is giving red flags it's OP. Everything he's said about his fiancé seems pretty normal.
@@pikapat321 what I remember off the top of my head, OP and his fiancee got engaged 4 months into dating cause of a joke, OP has left his fiancee multiple to go see his friend, OP said he didn't really think he loved his fiance, people kept telling him to just date his friend, and those were just in comments in comments the first post. in the update OP broke it off with his fiancee, fiancee said she still wanted to friends (in a way he believed but no else did), OP moved in with his friend to support him better, and OP said something about finding his real partner in life. OP never specified who his "real partner" and would reply with 😉 when people asked if he was dating his friend. Also ALL of his comments were VERY aggressive. Honestly it's worth looking it up
Yeah that third story made me mad. As rSlash said usually he rags on parents who force their kids to babysit. However with this case OP are completely justified. First of all it was an emergency. Secondly you offered to pay her a great rate. Lastly you said she could have her friends over there. Not only does the daughter drop the child off with the neighbor but then she also gets mad that OP wouldn't pay her! It's like seriously?! The fact she thinks she deserves any money at all is just crazy! Grounding and maybe even a letter of apology to the neighbor is definitely the proper move. OP NTA.
Yeah, usually it's the parent in the wrong with these stories, But op had no other choice! Her son needed to be hospitalized and did her best in a serious situation that needed to be taken care of quickly. And why did the daughter expected to be paid for not doing her job? If they knew the neighbors, maybe they could've asked but they didn't know them, for all the oldest knew they could've been pedos.
she is 16... and since her mother can arrive in 2hrs... she should ask her mother first rather than forcing 16yo.. i guarantee you she wont ever wanted babysit their siblings any longer..
@@putrapratama-sq8hu probably for the best. This has shown that, despite being 16, she is not responsible enough to take care of her siblings when needed. This was an emergency and OP did everything right. It's one thing to not want to babysit. It's another when they not only drop off their siblings with a neighbor they didn't really know but then still expected to be paid for babysitting.
Love how the dad literally mentions that his son NEVER saw his wife as a mother but still expected his son to dance with her as his mother. That's not his mom!
Or rather stereotypically teenager who rather hangs out with friends and do cool things than to spend time with lame and boring family type of mean, like this type of thing is what you very commonly see in any movie or show which has teenagers.
First Story, NTA: OP's mom left all of this stuff for OP! Jan, OP's dad, the twins, or anyone else is NOT entitled to the house or anything OP has. Also, OP is far from obligated to share anything with these people. The fact that Jan was telling her daughters all these false promises behind OP's back is insane. Comment: I agree 100% Second Story, YTA: OP seems to want to force Jordan into accepting his wife as his mother. No, thats not how this thing works; just because OP married Natalie doesn’t automatically mean Jordan has to see her as a mother or mother figure. In fact, it makes more sense for his aunt to be more of a mother to him because he spent a large part of his life with her and grew up further in her household. OP ruined Jordan's day for his own selfish reasons Third Story, NTA: What Polly did was insanely irresponsible, reckless, and dangerous. Not saying the neighbors would so anything horrible but god forbid they had malicious intentions with her sister, she didn’t even get contact information?! 2 weeks is light in my opinion, at least a month would’ve be a more fitting time limit Fourth Story, YTA: Wow OP, don’t be suprised when she calls off that engagement and wedding. Its obvious that she isn’t a priority to OP nor wants to include her in anything.
Last story; I'm basically in Nolan's position. I have pre-existing mental health issues, and I lost my Dad in 2017, my Mom last year. I would never ask my friends to be so secretive or weird about my loss, I think there's more going on that OP isn't telling us.
For the last story, one of the missing puzzle pieces honestly is wtf happened to Nolan. Sure, it may be his business, but he’s making it OP’s problem. The ONLY defense I have for OP in this case is the fact that the late night visits are only a few times a month, but even that is a tad bit too frequent. While sure, his fiancé should/could be a bit more understanding, I do understand her frustrations and annoyance by the whole situation, especially considering the fact that it’s negatively impacting her and OP’s relationship. Should OP and Nolan feel obligated to tell her? No, but some boundaries should be set in place, because this seems to be taking a toll on OP more than he realizes. His fiancé is just the first one to point it out.
Story 3. Had my child pulled that stunt being grounded would have been the least of her worries. That "not my problem" would have opened up the Gates of Hell on that child.
Story 3: Emergency Situation, sincere apology ahead of time, and offer to pay her as well. Polly just... doesn't care for her on family? Not even the literal 4 year old? I wonder if Polly's friends knew... and how they would/did react to knowing.
Not sure someone pointed this out, but the OP in the first story made an update. She moved in with her grandma (dad’s side). The twins talked to their friends and said friends apologized to OP. OP is going NC with her dad because he chose his wife over his own flesh and blood.
I remember the update to the last story from another video I listened to and the fiancé deserves so much better, op is a gross emotional cheater. He ends up being with the best friend and leaving the fiancé. I hope she finds someone 100 times better than him.
3rd story, Rslash you’re missing another huge point, Polly also wanted op to still pay her for abandoning her sister and not watching her. And she didn’t even have to drop her plans, op literally told her to invite her friend while she watched Cassie. Polly is a supreme butthole
Yeah, I never knew the stereotypical "I never want to spend time with my lame and boring family, I rather hang out with my cool friends and do cool things with them" teen had even existed in our world, this is something you thought only exists in movies and shows.
For the last story, the fiancee and OP broke up. Most of the redditors sided with the fiancee because her situation is understandable and some criticised Nolan for being so dependant on his friends and questioned whether or not he's actually effected or if he's putting up an act for other people's time. Some questioned if OP and Nolan had an emotional affair.
And then after all the edits it was more like the fiancée was the affair partner he was physically cheating on Nolan with. I feel like OP is just a very dishonest person especially when he’s still lying to himself.
@@sophietremblay3795Mental health issues doesn't let you opt out of being an adult. If an adult loses a parent and over a year later they can't function without intruding on the lives of their friends, they should be institutionalised
@@jellyriq So you let your best friend go a traumatic event to all on his own because that upset your fiance? you maybe a great, but not that great of a friend, Nolan go to OP because OP is the best friend, also when OP go out to meet Nolan is near to his house and can convince Nolan to go back to his own house, if he are having an affair with Nolan why send Nolan back to his own house?
Imagine being PAID to take care of your sibling AND hav your friends over and your to self centered because it wasn’t forced or expected of you when your family is always sick. Polly needs a reality check
Story 3 - NTA This was an emergency. Also if the kid had Covid, doesn’t that mean Polly could have had it and spread it to her friends while leaving her sister to strangers, who could have not only gotten covid but also had no babysit experience. Also not leaving them Op’s contact info. Polly would have been grounded for a month with absolutely no phone or games.
I think the Nolan Situation... the girlfriend doesn't have a right to know what Nolan's problem is, but the OP should be a little more communicative about what is going on. Nolan needs support or whatever it is. It's pretty close to a No Asshole situation other than the lacking communication.
As far as I know there was an update where OP basically says Nolan will always be his number one person, so he breaks the engagement with the girlfriend. Although I agree that the gf isn't entitled to know what happened, you'd be paranoid too if your partner regarded his friend more than you (his fiancée)
As things stand, it's impossible for OP to communicate if he can't even talk about the situation clearly. If he does, he breaks the trust of the friend. If he doesn't, he is actively damaging the trust his gf can blindly muster each time. Honestly, i think OP needs to find a middle ground, talk to the friend, explain how the gf needs some clarification. The situation has been going on for 1.5 years, that's a really long time, OP should have already found a solution between his friend and gf tbh. He instead seems to be expecting unconditional blind trust from gf no matter what he does, however long he does it. If this was some short term thing, sure he can keep the gf out of it, but for 1.5 years? Leaving in the middle of the night twice a month? Yea, he should have found a solution long ago...
@@N0xiety Seems like it’s too late for that because there was an update where OP broke it off with his fiancé because he realized that Nolan will always be his number 1.
I agree .. also, the fiancee puts him in a difficult situation regarding communication. If he'd wake her up to tell her "I'm going to support my friend" .. well she already complains the phone calls disturb her sleep. When he doesn't wake her up, she complains about having a moment of fright when not finding him next to her (which I totally get btw). I think the main problem is the secrecy and it's on Nolan to resolve it - not that he's at fault, I totally get not wanting to share personal things with essentially strangers .. but .. there's also consequences. Assuming, he's not totally inexperienced in relationships, he should be able to understand that he's effectively affecting his friend's life - and not because of the fiance's negative reaction, but simply because it's not normal to ring people out of bed at night and taking up so much of their time and attention, especially when they have a partner in a committed relationship and whatnot. I rly think that if he's gonna stay this emotionally dependent on his friend's support, he owes his fiancee some kind of explanation. That explanation doesn't have to be the things he wants to keep secret from her, but I'm sure, if he tried he could find words or friendly gestures to make her stop seeing him as a threat / disturbance to the relationship.
The girl knows the only thing she needs to know. Nolan lost a parent and had a mental crisis. It takes YEARS not months to get over that if ever and OP is being a good friend. A lot of assumptions were made about this story like Nolan only coming to OPs at night when he might go to the other friends also.
Well, bf leaves in the middle of the night, twice a month, which has been going on for 1.5 years, without letting gf know any details, or why he is doing whatever he is doing. Idk, 1.5 years is quite a long time, it wouldn't be that strange to get suspicious or annoyed with the situation when being left in the dark, so while it might not be ok for her to force herself into it, just the same, is it really ok for her to be left in the dark for 1.5 years of this being going on and somehow expected to be understanding? I believe a solution should have been found by OP long ago if he wants to keep both his relationships, but it doesn't seem like he wants to find a solution, he just wants gf to unconditionally accept the situation as is for however long it takes...
@-BR- N0xiety Frankly, yes. It's not OP's position to decide whether or not to tell her the details, which, at least to me, seems to be the issue she's taking with the situation.
@@N0xiety He doesn't leave 2x a month in the middle of the night like he's just off to let his freak flag fly in some secret fk parade, he sits on the front porch with his grieving friend. It sounds like the gf has some attention seeking issues and would exploit the friend's tragedy for said attention, gossiping to everyone and whatnot (OP even admitted she was a notorious "busybody") Regardless, if I felt like I couldn't trust my partner to not exploit or blab someone else's deeply personal business, I'd just leave them. But I have a fairly low tolerance for bullsht anyway.
@@flazzorb Yea, it's not on OP to decide whether or not to tell her, but OP is in a position to talk with both parties and find a solution. 1.5 years is a long time for this situation to go on as it has, and OP seems to have chosen to just ignore one of his relationships over the other. He has decided that a solution isn't needed, the gf should just accept this situation as is while being mostly left in the dark, for however long it takes, she should just be unconditionally understanding, without really being allowed to understand the situation. I don't think OP will be able to keep both relationships the way he is handling it, this situation has already gone on for 1.5 years and i feel it has finally come to a boiling point. He just didn't want to find a solution, and well, it seems to me that OP has chosen which relationship he would rather keep anyways...
Story 4: the Nolan story has a ton of updates and it's clear to everyone BUT OP that OP has deeper feelings for Nolan. It's like he refuses to see it. It's crazy
Idk about the emotions there. There’s probably none apart from friendship and loyalty to that friendship. Reddit users shouldn’t insist on this because maybe is not the case, and OP would end up discarding all arguments, even the valid ones. What is clear is that OP doesn’t comprehend his fiancée’s feelings. She deserves an explanation to her doubts and not be silenced every time she feels insecure.
I don’t think he doesn’t recognize he has deep feelings for his friend. People just have trouble understanding that deep feelings doesn’t mean romance.
Story 3 I don’t blame op for grounding her daughter she needed to take her to emergency because of the rsv he could have died and the only thing Polly said is « i shouldn’t drop my plans” she is so selfish and inconsiderate 0/5 op 3/5 daughter
Update on the friend's trauma story: The fiance and OP ultimately split up. It turned out that Nolan had given OP POA (power of attorney) and hadn't told the fiance. The fiance and OP had been in a "engaged" state of their relationship for all but two months of their relationship (2yrs). It was also revealed that Nolan is a childhood friend and has been in Op's life longer than the fiance so when he told that to the fiance they ultimately broke up. It was amicable and they're having a moving out party between OP and Fiance to "enjoy their friendship". TBH The whole thing is just so sketchy. I understand prioritizing your friend that is grieving, but not including your life partner in those major decisions Is insanity.
I understand the fiancé definitely, she feels left out of major decisions, but when it comes to someone’s mental health that always has to come first, no matter who it is.
especially the line at the end. "nolan asked me not to tell anything specifically to her". if it was about power of attorney and all that, i can imagine a very close childhood friend not trusting someone i'D only been engaged with for a month or two. at the same time... it feels wrong to the fiancée, imo. they deliberately crossed her out entirely, letting her live with the imagination that literally anything could be going on. i personally would have huge issues with it myself.
OP got engaged at 2 months into the relationship?! Yeah, that, coupled with another comment here saying that OP admitted to having vague feelings for Nolan, makes a whole bunch of very rainbow-colored alarms go off for me. Like OP was maybe forced into this marriage by his parent’s expectations or something. And the amicable separation makes me think she knew or suspected and just needed more out of the relationship.
@@toothless3835hold on I think they might be right. OP said they were in an engaged status for all BUT two months of their 2 year relationship… I think they got engaged after two months 😬
I feel that in story 4, you glossed over the fact that OP said that she’s a busy body. Sounds like she’s nosy and more mad that she can’t have the entire story vs feeling uncomfortable. If she’s a busy body, she’s probably a gossip and tells everyone everything. If this is the case, I can get why the friend doesn’t want her to know and why OP keeps her out of the loop.
Bear in mind that this is what op is telling us …we don’t know if she’s just a caring and concerned fiancé. There’s some details that it seems like he is not telling us
Friend over Fiance: If the fiance knows Nolan lost a parent, had a MHC, and needs someone to talk to sometimes, what else does she feel she need to know? Is having ever minute detail of the man's trauma going to dispel the thought that he is cheating or something? As far as being gone, I think OP could leave a note on his bedside table "Down stairs talking to Nolan. Be back as soon as I can." The whole code thing I think might be OP overstating by not wanting to omit it. I think bottom-line is that OP needs to do a better job allying his fiance's concerns but remain strong that Nolan's personal matters are not for consumption unless Nolan says he can share. Maybe have Nolan talk to her, even if not about his situation. You are right tho, feels like there is more to this situation.
The kid in story 1 is being GOOD selfish, the kid in story three is being BAD selfish. There’s a major difference! Showing up for your family in an emergency is literally the point. The new neighbors could have been unfit in so many ways, maybe that’s something a 16 year old doesn’t understand yet.
Found this comment on the last story, and I really hve to agree: Add in OPs comment about the timeline of the relationship and it’s so much worse. They’ve been together only 2 years and he proposed a month before Nolan’s parent died. And apparently Nolan hasn’t even let her get to know him through small talk or anything, she’s been very excluded from anything to do with Nolan. So from her perspective; You meet this guy and you two REALLY hit it off. True love at first sight and all that shit. You’re only together for 5 months, and he proposes! Woah! Maybe a little scary to jump straight into it like this, but you love him so you’re so excited! Of course you want to spend the rest of your life with him! He has a group of friends who for the most part seem fine with you. But there’s this one guy, Nolan, who just completely ices you out. Doesn’t even seem okay with you asking how work has been. No big deal though… Not all our partners friends are gonna love us, right? You’re all adults and can handle someone not liking you. You live together so it can be a little awkward when he comes over to visit your fiancé, but you pull on your big girl pants and deal with it because you love and trust your fiancé so much. But then a month later, you hear that Nolan’s parent died. Now, whenever you walk into the room when the group is over, they all shush each other and talk in hushed voices. The only thing you ever really hear is them vaguely referring to “the Nolan situation.” Your fiancé starts taking calls in separate rooms. It seems weird to you because he usually just answers his phone and talks wherever he is…. But, no, you trust him! He says he’s not up to anything so bite down that weird feeling you’re getting and ignore it. Then in the middle of the night, you wake up to your partner getting a phone call while he was in bed with you. He tries to sneak out of bed without waking you up, but doesn’t realize that the ringer already woke you. You tell yourself it’s nothing. You tell yourself you trust him. You go back to sleep. But then a few weeks later, it happens again. This time you can’t seem to fall asleep. All you can think about is the friend group all side eyeing you when you come in the room and shushing each other. You start to worry a little. So you walk out of your room to check on your partner, but you also don’t want to seem like you’re crazy so you make it look like you’re going to the bathroom. He’s outside, comforting Nolan. You sigh a little sigh of relief because you know Nolan’s parent died recently. So you tell yourself that’s all it is and you go back to bed. However, it’s still going on 6 months later. Secret phone calls on the regular, group all hush when she enters the room, “the Nolan situation” is referenced many times, and your partner is still sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night every couple of weeks. So you finally ask your partner for some info… And he refuses. He says it’s not his secret to share. … But hang on. You already know his parent died. So it’s not like that’s a secret. If “the Nolan situation” isn’t about his parent having died then what on earth is it? You ask around a little… Everyone is tight lipped. You’re being iced out. You ask Nolan how he’s doing, and he refuses to even engage in a conversation with you. Your partner takes another call in secret and there’s this nagging in your brain that makes you want to know what the hell this situation is. Another 6 months go by, and it’s all still happening. You feel like you’re going crazy. No one will tell you what the fuck is going on or why your fiancé keeps sneaking out in the middle of the night. Yet another 6 months go by and you start to lose it a little. You tell your fiancé that this has to stop. A small part of you is still trying to tell yourself that you have no reason not to trust your fiancé, so you try to draw the line at the night time visits. At least this could cut down your anxiety at night because you know it’s not going to happen anymore. Then maybe you can sleep better and maybe the better sleep will clear your head. But your fiancé just tells you that you’re lying, his phone calls definitely aren’t waking you up. So you finally snap. Your anxiety has just been building and building and building for the last year and a half. You tried to tell yourself that you trust him, but once you actually confront him with the direct impact this is having on your sleep he tries to gaslight you by saying it’s not even waking you up? You already know his parent is dead. But “the Nolan situation” isn’t your partners secret to tell. But your partner will keep sneaking around and the whole friend group will keep icing you out. And to top it all off, your fiancé will tell you you’re lying when you tell him what this is doing to you? So you do it. You confront it head on and ask Nolan what the hell is going on! I have anxiety just writing that out… I can’t even imagine how anxiety inducing it’s been to live through that.
The teen in the third story needs to take a crash course on how common and easy it is to kidnap kids. If something DID happen with the neighbor it is horrifically normal for kids to hide the abuse from their loved ones, especially when their trusted adult is stressing over a sick family member. Polly did something incredibly dangerous and is mad that for two weeks she’s grounded. She risked her family lifelong trauma to hang out with friends who were welcome into her own freaking home. Hopefully, the neighbor was actually kind and spineless enough (not to be insulting) to not call cps and keep the kid safe without ulterior motives. If Polly were my kid she’d be doing waaaaay more to understand what she did wrong and why she’s not the center of the universe. That story got me so ANGRY.
As someone who lost her mom at 17 I definitely agree that OP has every right to have put her father and step monsters in their place. Her mom did not leave that house for her ex and his new family she left it for HER daughter and the adults in that situation know that. For step monster to fix her mouth to call OP out of her name, a 17 year old girl, she is getting exactly what she is asked for. She's lucky that the women in OPs family didn't smack the mess out of her.
That girl should be grounded for a month. Not allowed out with those friends again, and forced to babysit for six months in any emergency without pay. That’s a punishment that’s not taking advantage of your child. For those of you who say “oh that’s so mean” that Neighbor could’ve been a pedophile or a murderer. And those of you who say crap like that more than likely don’t have kids. Or have infants who have no real world idea of how scary it is to have a child.
Third story: NTA Is an emergency, her brother was sick and the first thing she does is drop him with a complete stranger and leave no contact. I hope that hang out with her friends was worth and that OP dropped her daughter a good reality slap by grounding her for a year.
Wow, what Polly did was so wrong. Besides expecting to be paid to ditch her sibling with the neighbor, she didn't bother getting the neighbor's number nor give her mother's number to the neighbor. Sounds like on top of punishing her, OP needs to teach her how to be more responsible. I would think a 16 year old would have more common sense, but somehow Polly has none.
Story 3: NTA. What's the most concerning part of this is that Polly thought it was a good idea to drop her 4 y/o sister off at the neighbor's after being told by her mother she wasn't comfortable with them watching her. Not to mention she didn't even leave a phone number for the neighbor OR the mother. The neighbor has only been there for like a month or so, this could have gone seriously wrong so quickly. OP shouldn't have let her off with 2 weeks grounded, this was a seriously dangerous stunt her eldest pulled. She should have a serious talking to about emergencies being non-negotiable, and how badly this could have gone if the neighbor had been a bad person. I'm glad it ended okay, but dang the anxiety I got....
9:34 2 weeks?!? TWO WEEKS?!? SERIOUSLY?! UPSET OVER TWO WEEKS ON THIS?!? Oh my God maybe you're being too easy on your kids and need to get them in line better.
Story 3: NTA. I would be on the daughter’s side if op used her as free babysitter but the regular babysitter was unavailable and the backup babysitter was also unavailable. This was an emergency! Polly left her sister with complete strangers (their neighbors just moved in), didn’t give them op’s number and didn’t tell op.
As a 16 year old, I can fully say that I know people who would 100% hand off (or even just leave in the house) a child. OP seems like a good person and it’s sad to see how her daughter acted in an emergency.
Here's why u NEED to be careful nowadays: My cousin in the military married a military man. They r now divorced and he is in jail. He was a part of a ring of parents making/buying/selling child p*rnography. My second cousin (their daughter) had to look at hundreds of photos identifying herself and her friends.
Someone who I thought was a good friend (3 years older than me) had me send him "pictures" of myself from 15-22 by grooming, manipulating, gaslighting and pretending to love me. I didn't even realize what happened was illegal until years later in a therapy session. It was like someone ripped the blindfold off and when I realized it I broke down for days
I agree with the sentiment insofar as "replacing" a deceased parent is concerned. But I do think a respectful relationship should be encouraged, becoming friends perhaps, especially with older children that have clear memories of their deceased parent. But a lot is going to depend on an age difference from parent to step-parent and if there are any step-siblings involved.
16:50 16 yo is an age you know people are rash at. I'm giving step mom benefit of the doubt and say she wasn't toxic and the son was just closer to his aunt.
That last story is tricky, but I will admit I do feel for the fiancee. Ever since the day I got engaged to my wife, I always told people whenever they came to me and said "I need to tell you something, and you can't tell anyone," I would say "Is my fiancee/wife allowed to know? If no, then I am not your guy to talk to. You need to go to someone else, because I can't keep secrets from my wife." No one has ever disrespected me for it, but several times people would say they understand, and talk to someone else. That's my take on it.
Story One: NTA The Dad and StepMom are the EVIL ones here. They not only disrespected OP’s Mom’s passing by expecting to get a cut of the inheritance, but ALSO expected OP to basically be THEIR personal ATM piggy bank and give them the house FOR FREE. Their entitlement, greed and selfishness are absolutely disgusting, and so’s their disrespect and verbal abuse towards OP, the Dad and StepMom also got their family roped in and tried to manipulate OP! Thank god OP’s good family chewed their asses out and the twins are good!
I wouldn’t be surprised if Polly didn’t tell them or didn’t give the complete truth. OP bent over backwards for Polly in hopes she would help Cassie only for her to disregard everyone’s concerns
OP in the first story IS actually selfless. She lets her aunt use the house (without rent as I understand) so she could care for her grandma. This way more logical than giving it to the stepmom and dad and stepmom and dad selfish and extra AH-s to try and take it away from someone who's caring for an elderly, ill family member.
Story 3: I'm a big sibling as well to two siblings that are much younger than me. My parents never dumped the kids on me like some stories. They did ask if I could babysit from time to time and definitely asked for it in emergencies. I never asked for payment during those emergency times. And no matter what plans I had, I would never drop my siblings off with a stranger! That was so stupid of Polly and could have gone so wrong. I think she really needs to learn this fact. OP is NTA. I don't want to be too harsh on Polly, but it's a lesson she definitely needs to learn. I think 2 weeks is too light of a punishment
Story 3: I recall an AITA where two parents took one of their three children to the ER, forcing their older child to miss a day of work to babysit the younger child, and then when that child asked to be compensated for his time because he missed work, the parents refused. Those parents were the AH for refusing to compensate their oldest, especially when he had to miss work. Today's story was also an emergency, Polly was OP's last resort, and OP was not only willing to pay Polly even more, but she was even willing to allow Polly's friends to stay at the house while this was going on. What did Polly do? She dropped off her younger sister with the neighbor - a total stranger to OP and her family and didn't even give them OP's contact info. Polly and OP are very lucky that the youngest child wasn't harmed after that. OP is NTA.
Story 3: that mom was kind enough to offer to let Polly have her friends come over so she doesn’t have to miss out on time with them. Polly sounds like a brat to me
Story 2: Being only present in his life for a couple months doesn't really make OP's wife a mother. Jordan was with the aunt more. And yeah, it's his wedding, so it's he can do what he wants, not what OP wants
Also no Child is forced to see a stepmother as real mother nor have a good relation with her. So even if she basicly raised hin she could still be toxic ir just not get along. While an aunt might fill that motherly role by getting through to the kid . Its like whenever i read this type of stories its the parent trying to copy paste their realationship with a partner on their kids. As if the automaticly MUST see them as new parent.
@Trafalgar Water D. Law my mother passed away last year and my father is getting remarried in a few months. I have no particular relationship with his fiance, she makes him happy but she will never really be a mother to me [m,30] . If or when I get married, I'll likely ask one of my Aunts. Family is about history and love. I respect my soon to be step mother but there is no history.
Btw: the last story got updates, and he and the fiancé broke up, and now he’s like. Dedicating his life to Nolan, and “doesn’t have room for romantic relationships” and it VERY much sounds like he’s actually in love with Nolan
I think Polly require some kind of psychological evaluation. Even for teen, your brother being sick and saying "it's not my problem" is could be red flag for psychopath or sociopath tendencies. This level of lack of empathy doesn't seem like just comes from lack of discipline.
There's more to the last story!!! People were suspicious that OP wanted to build Nolan an art room and...well...OP is "confused" and basically confirms it! It's all tied to that same Reddit account across multiple updates and posts so easy to find!
On the story with nolan: through the whole thing I just kept imagining what would happen if my dad kept something like this from my mom or vice versa, and I couldn't. Do my parents have the healthiest relationship? No. But being open about important details like whatever op and Nolan have going on just feel like the basics yknow?
Story 3: I understand the irritation of having to cancel plans with friends, but dumping the youngest child into a stranger's home is so awful! The neighbors could've been murderers! Her friends literally could've come over, and she would've been paid even more to watch her sister! Yet she literally could've endangered her little sister's life just to spend time with friends she may not even hang out with in the future.
@@putrapratama-sq8huWho else was the mom supposed to ask? The husband that abandoned them and isn't in their lives? The relatives that are either in another state or dead? Random strangers that live next door that they've never talked to? The 16 year old literally could have had all of her friends over AND would've gotten paid for it too! If a few hours of being stuck at home with friends and getting paid for it means her brother doesn't die of a respiratory infection, I feel like that's a reasonable compromise for an unavoidable emergency, but personally, I don't know how other people feel about that sort of thing.
I agree with RSlash. So Polly only got 2 weeks grounding for a 16 yr old? There is far more to this story about how Polly even became so entitled and spoiled and self centered. This should have been months punishment . 3/5 for Polly for putting her sister in potential danger.
The first guy: most definitely the A hole. 2nd story: in a family, all members need to contribute to keep the family running. My mom worked 3-4 jobs. I (14-21yrs) watched my sister (1-8yrs) every Saturday night and after school some days so my mom could work. The pay I got was a roof over my head, clothes, food in my stomach, a greater appreciation of how hard my mom worked for us, and a loving, close relationship with my mom and sister.
And it only seemed like OP was the only one upset about it. Natalie commented but made no deal about it. If anything OPs actions made a bigger wedge between son and Natalie
What if someone flips out on something that happens at the wedding? Uninvited estranged relatives, outdoor wedding dealing with strangers trying to crash the wedding, creepy/drunk guest getting handsy, reckless/drunk idiots causing mayhem...
Yeah, my dad's wedding was eventful. It was the wedding to my sister God mother who he cheated on my mother w. She was also my mom's friend but she grew up w my dad. Anyhow at the wedding someone from her side grabbed my boobs bc she was drunk. I had JUST turned 18. I left bc everyone was drunk and getting rowdy. Outside the hotel I smoke a jay and started going up to my room. Met up w the drunk lady who grabbed me and she offered to smoke outside. I'd smoked w her before the wedding and she didn't seem as drunk. That and although I've had many men be creepy to me I never had a woman do it past joking. So I said yes and she said she forgot it in her room. At this point red flags were waving but not enough not to get free weed. I followed her in and she pushed me to sit on a bed and tried to give me a nip of alcohol. I do drink but I took a small sip, I opened it, and gave it to her as she downed it. She Gave up looking for weed and at on the other bed facing me. She started gushing ab how pretty I was, if I had a bf, or gf. I had just broken up w a abusive dude. She then started rubbing her leg on mine. As I was ab to sprint put her sister came in and brought us (I was trying to leave but the drunk woman grabbed my hand) to a party in the hotel. They said John (I thought it would be my dad's military friend uncle John and I would be able to escape) nope. Random ppl who were twice or three times my age shoved me in the far corner and tried to ply me with booze. I refused and sat there for a few minutes before irish goodbyeing. The drunk lady tried to follow me but I was practically running. I tell my cuz who I was sharing a room w that she shouldn't trust that lady and explain all above. She told me I had to tell my dad. I did so in the morning and he said bc his new wife is hurt (she broke her wrist like 4 days before and had surgery 2 days before the wedding) and loopy due to meds she wouldn't be doing anything. My brother drives me home and I tell.him and his wife what happened and they were weirded out but didn't seem concerned. However when I told my mom and sister they had the same reaction of me and my cousin and were very angry my dad did nothing. This is what caused my sister to cut my dad off after publicly shamming the drunk lady, my dad, and his new wife. Apparently this wasn't the first time my dad was told ab someone messing w his daughters and again pushed it off. The lady apologized after deleting my sister's post on her Facebook wall. My mom was livid and everything was very rough for the past year bc of it but I'm still in contact w my dad bc regardless of that he was always the parent that treated me better mentally wise.
@@marjoriejohnston4905 Usually men have an uncanny ability to coordinate their actions when something like this happens. The toughest of the attendees will deal with it as quietly as possible.
Story 1: NTA "You're selfish for not sharing the house!" But... OP is sharing the house, with OP's Aunt and Grandmother. Some people really think "selfish" just means "you won't give it to me."
Selfishness is justified when keeping your own things. Selfishness is unjustified when trying to take from others.
Imagine telling somebody, OH YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR LAST 20 BUCKS INSTEAD OF GIVING IT TO A HOMELESS PERSON? YOU'RE SO SELFISH FOR WANTING TO EAT.
This is straight up just plain stupidity. Your stuff belongs to you, you don't have to give it away.
Is it even called selfishness if it's justified?
Like I was called selfish for not wanting to share my snacks but after sharing, the thing that I knew would happen, did happen. All of it got ate and I didn't get a single thing. It's a bit annoying but that's the exact reason why I hide my food or label them, if I don't, I won't get anything I buy.
@Princess Aurora Starburn I think it's called selfish the instant you do something for yourself, instead of for someone else. but it's not always a bad thing. I might be completely wrong about it, but thats my take
@@Sailor-Khione Good observation. I thought about the same thing. It's kinda hard to decide.
I'd say it's not, because selfishnes would mean that you don't want to help when you are able to without it negativly impacting you. Which in this case, it is.
@@Sailor-Khione The word “selfish” definitely has a bad rap because people almost exclusively use it to describe instances of harm or to shame others for doing or not doing things that could benefit others(even if it harms themselves), but all selfishness is is prioritizing your wants and/or needs over another’s. This doesn’t mean you do it all the time or that you do it in harmful ways. Every human is selfish, at least, occasionally.
There’s a mini update on the first story:
OP is moving in with her grandmother on her dad’s side and spent a school day moving all of her stuff over. The twin’s friends apologized for calling OP selfish. While OP isn’t paying for the twin’s entire college experience, she is going to help out with books and with on campus living and the twins are on board with that. Finally, OP is going NC with her dad since he made his choice and OP doesn’t see that changing any time soon.
Thank you for sharing!
That's good, means the step siblings are aware that their parents are idiots. Odds are they made some big spiel about OP definitely giving everything and pulling out at the last seconds so I'm glad they at least can have a chance at a family relationship.
That a smart move. At least she won't be getting gaslighting from that selfish dad. It good to hear she was able to salvage her relationship with her step-sibling
Story 1: So it's okay for your step mom to call her stepdaughter a bitch in front of everyone, but you telling her to drop dead is evil? Your step sisters didn't ask for any of your money this is all your dad and sm trying to force it out of you. OP you might want to consider moving out soon if they're willing to go this far to get their hands on your money and house.
was thinking the same, i would say contact your aunt and move in there with her and your grandma (given that there is room for that). might be a bit inconvientent in some ways, but gtfo from the toxic storm that is your stepmom and dad... and definitely go no-contact. if you feel it's solely your sm, go no-contact until your dad can show you the divorce papers. (that's the approach i took with my father and sm since she's such a toxic control freak that i don't want anything to do with him until he's out of her grip.
@@alyssavanderklift9296 OP mentioned in a previous edit that she can’t bring herself to stay at the house at this time because it hurts her to see her grandmother in her current state.
The stepsisters may not have asked OP but they sure as hell whined to their friends when they found out OP wasn’t going to follow through with their mom’s lie
A lot of the stories are just mental, but nothing pisses me off most than hypocrisy. Stepmom calling her stepdaughter a b*tch in front of everyone, but you telling her to drop dead means you're evil? No f*cking way.
I don't understand why OP won't stay with Aunt and Grandma until college? She was living with Mom fulltime so the house works for her schooling, so I'm not sure why she moved out?
Edit: Ah, read the above comment, that makes sense. But I think she needs to find someplace else or something. Stay with a friend, maybe?
Okay Everybody, let’s all say it together:
YOU CAN NOT FORCE A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN STEP PARENTS OR SIBLINGS!!!!
This will most likely have the exact opposite effect.
Yep. My mom met my stepfather online and out of nowhere, he was living with us. (I was 15 and my brother would have been 8.) We didn’t really have a choice, and after six months, they were married and we went off to live with my dad, because she wanted to move to another city.
I never liked him and I resented the fact that I didn’t have a choice in the matter. (My brother went to visit her for a week or something once when he was about 12 and his first words off the plane were “I *fucking hate* Jean Louis.”) (Not changing his name because fuck him. Eat shit, Jean Louis.)
She’s tried to force a relationship between my brother and I and our half sisters since they were born, which hasn’t done anything but put a deeper wedge between us. (She brought them uninvited to my brother’s wedding and they just sort of… sat in the corner and didn’t interact with anyone.)
They’re around 20 now, and neither my brother or I have really interacted with them since his wedding five or six years ago. I consider my sister in law more of a sister than my mom’s other kids will ever be.
TL;dr - My stepfather is a festering asshole and his kids mean nothing to me.
All you need is a washing machine
This kind of thing is flat out abuse ESPECIALLY if the step-parent in question is replacing a deceased bio parent. As someone whose parents are nearing 50 years together even I can see that. Expecting a child to be delighted when show up with a new mommy or daddy is unreasonable. Sometimes it works but it's the kid's choice.
I swear the best step parent on Reddit so far is the hot blacksmith dad
@@vulpixle9659 😄 Oh yes!
Polly seems like the kind of teen to go "good I won't have to watch her now" if her younger sister got kidnapped
Clearly doesn’t care about her siblings. My sister who is 18 is always babysitting and she knows better than to leave our brother with strangers. She’d just invite her friends (who are basically my mom’s adopted daughters) over and watch a movie while babysitting
Yep. Seems like it.
@@nationalinstituteofcheese3012 your sister is better than the older sister in this story we just heard about I a twenty-year-old older brother and babysitting my brother who is very disabled and I have not left him but what this sister did can actually get her into juvie
Yep
Polly is the worst. I had to watch my 2 younger brothers many, many times for free.
The mother in the 3rd story was way generous. She even said that Polly's friends could come over to the house while she was babysitting and would get paid for it.
Maybe too generous, IDK I am not a parent
If I was a teenager and I was told "Invite your friends over while you watch your sister, btw I will pay you 18 an hour" I would have been on the phone immediately like "We are hanging out at my place, I'll pay for snacks and beer"
@@legomaple I would be faster than you if they just brought us dinner when either of them comes back lmao
This. OMG the parent literally did all she could. That is more than generous.
@@legomaple right! it sounds like such a cool hang out idea, she could've given the little sister some form of entertainment like a phone or ipad and just hangout with her friends in another room
Story 3: Polly was way out of line. OP doesn't force her to look after the younger ones all the time like other entitled parents, both baby sitters weren't responding and she was in a tight spot. She was even reasonable with Polly stating that her friends could come over as well instead of cancelling. They were lucky that the neighbours were nice and didn't call the cops for leaving a child with them.
The chances of your neighbours being serial killers or predators isn't high but it's also not zero, Polly needs to be more aware of the dangers. Being 16 is not an excuse and 2 weeks is not enough of a punishment for her. NTA
That brat needs an ass whooping asap!
I would say she's NTA for that specific scenario, but the fact that her kid is even thinking of pulling a stunt like that means that OP did not raise her child very well, especially evidenced by the weak two week grounding. She's TA for raising her child that way
@@codyjohnson6427 Op doesn't seen like that type. Her daughter is 16 she has a mind of her own some kids do the exact opposite of what their parents teach them, op isn't TA at all.
As a 16 year old, yes, this is absolutely not an excuse
We know better
That's just her being selfish, lazy and dumb
@@codyjohnson6427 don’t blame this on OP , she’s a single mother with no support system as well as raising 3 kids . Polly is lashing out . A child lashing out isn’t simply a reflection of a their parenting but rather the world around them .
As a 16 year old girl who has younger siblings I can say that yes, they annoy me. Yes, I'd much rather be with my friends than deal with them. But if my mother asked me to watch one of them because of an emergency I'd definitely do that. (Especially since the mother in the story offered to pay + offered to Polly that she could invite her friends over) Polly literally has no excuse.
16 yr old girl with little brother. Polly is a neglectful sister who can’t help her mom one time
Imagine getting mad that you don't get paid after abandoning your youngest sibling when you could have literally had some friends over and still got paid $18 an hour for having fun with friends and occasionally making sure your younger sibling is still breathing. What an absolute dimwit.
polly is a selfish brat who needs to learn how to care about others
I wouldn't. Not my kids, not my circus, not my responsibility. OP was TA for not finding ADULTS to watch the child.
@@wmdkitty Again, Polly was being paid, this only happened because of an emergency as the babysitters were NOT responding even after a while (minutes or hours, doesn't matter, they simply weren't responding), Polly could even invite her friends over...
Yet Polly preferred giving her younger sibling to a STRANGER without asking for a phone number or giving her mom's phone number, clearly disobeying her mom for all the bad reasons and going out with her friends (even while being told she could bring them over), and started throwing a hissy fit for being told to go get her and saying her mom is over reacting, like for all she knew they could've been child kidnappers or worse
If you think Op's in the wrong even after all this then what kind of idiot are you ? /neg
Another thing to point out regarding the third story: OP makes it clear at the beginning that she has NOT forced her eldest daughter to take care of her siblings. She is a single mother and yet she pays for two babysitters to ensure that her eldest has the opportunity to be a kid and not a parent. She’s literally only had to take care of her siblings once!
If anything OP may be too lenient and should at least have her eldest be involved in some of the responsibilities regarding her siblings (obviously not taking care of them by herself), but maybe it could give her some perspective regarding why her decision with her sister was so bad.
Yeah, maybe OP should be giving a bit more responsibility to the 16 yo. The idea that babysitting in an emergency is too much to ask? That kid is delusional. Risking your sister to hang out with your friends? OMG.
This! Along with grounding her for a month
The post didn’t specify if Polly does chores or drives. If not, it’s time to start doing chores. At least cook dinner once or twice a week
Story 2; The son didn't even meet step-mom until he was SIXTEEN, how insane are SM and Dad to expect him to see her as a mother after his own mother DIED.
And it sounds like this was pushed more by OP than his wife
We don't even know if the step-mom knew about it. Like OP said that they have started to talk more and he could've told her that he wasn't going to dance with her and explained his reasons, which she could've found acceptable.
@@lorilancaster5917The wife riled up the Dad and then left the son's wedding with him. Don't make excuses for her. She came in there all "It's me, who didnt raise you at all, and who drive you out of your Father's house after your Mother died (when you needed him most) or your dead Mom, and her sister! Choose! Right here on your wedding day or we're storming off in front of everyone!" That's peak emotional extortion right there.
He didn’t deny her a mother-son dance. He chose someone he viewed as a mother to dance with. I’m 16 and at that point, I’ve decided who my mother is and who my second mother is (my aunt). If my dad had another wife at this point, she wouldn’t be the woman who wiped my tears, gave me chocolate when I was sad, and helped me when I wanted to take my life.
@@avamasquerade all we have to go by is OPs story and in the story he reports that he saw his wife and asked her what’s on her mind. She told him that his son will dance with his aunt. No other details. As I’ve mentioned in other comments it would be great to have sons perspective
The last story has an update. OP was neglecting his relationship in a way that the fiancee found unacceptable and yes, there was a romantic sort of thing between OP and the friend.
Knew it. The whole story felt weird. Can't imagine myself in a position where I can't take care of a friend without sneaking around.
Edit: where can i find it
Wait whaaaaaat?
It is odd the entire friend group is in the know but Nolan SPECIFICALLY asked that op not be told anything. If op is in the friend group, why exclude? Why the codeword?
But he’s also in Hilarious denial about it. The next update is gonna be like: “update: I married Nolan! We have sex every day and kiss all the time and say I love you to each other as well, but I’m not gay. I do t know why my girlfriend is being so paranoid… I’m not gay.
Then I really don’t blame the girl.
Dude. Polly would have been thrashed if she pulled that crap in our household growing up. What wild entitlement that child has. And she even expected payment afterwards??
Same 🤣 Though I can't imagine being THAT selfish or thoughtless about my siblings
And the fact she said "That's not my problem" really set me off. Dude, that your goddamn sibling!
Ikr if I had done that stunt with my parents I would have been sent to a school for troublesome she should be happy that her mother wanted to pay her i was always expected to help with the household unpaid because I was the oldest
I don't agree with beating children as a punishment..... unless...
@@shykorustotora beating her isn’t going to do shit, she needs a very strict punishment, not going out with friends, having to learn about what could happen to her sibling if the fever got badly, teaching her what could happen to her sibling that she just left on someone’s house. She needs to be scared because the options of what could have happened is scary. Hitting her is only going to make her be angrier at her mom.
I literally said to myself "ok so are her friends allowed to come over?" And OP literally said her friends were allowed to come over and she'd still pay her. OP is a good mom, daughter's grounding is deserved
The last story, there was a huge update from op. He and his “friend/roommate/life partner/husband” are together happily now
Link
I also read the part where he said that Nolan was his life partner. But... husband? OP already deleted his account so I cant see his other comments
@@yeahyeahyeah3724 Mark Narrations Covered that update a week or two ago i think? Yea, it came down to it that OP was Bisexual and saw his male best friend as his "life partner" (supposedly without anything sexual happening).
Its one of those stories that involve a painting room (ref to another story about a husband inviting a "friend" to his house with a paint room and oooops, Husband was gay as hell and cheating on the wife with the male best friend).
In this case again, the Fiancee was the "beard" for OP. The Finance was not crazy, OP simply had feelings for his "best friend" all along and was at minimum cheating on a emotional level.
@@benjiro8793 Thank you! I was so confused by this post so I kept on searching for his past comments lol.
But yeah, I found one of his comments saying that when he first met Nolan at 15, he found an excuse to talk to the cool tall boy and invited him to his house. And he admitted that Nolan is "nice to look at". Which confirms it.
But even with just the first post, there were already hints that they are more than just friends...
Welcome to the art room
what made the stepmom even worse is that she practically guaranteed that op and her stepsisters relationship would be rocky at best due to the stepmom literally lying to her children about the money as a form of pressuring op into giving it to them. it sure speaks to the stepmoms character to basically weaponize her own children into getting what she wants from op
And making the situation public in hopes OP would be too embarrassed to reveal the truth. That backfired
I bet you the stepmom wasn't even gonna give the twins the money. She was probably gonna do a "I'll hold on to it for you since you're not mature enough to handle your own finances" and then spend every last cent on herself. OR tell them OP didn't give her the money to scam more out of OP.
Story 3: honestly OP might be under-reacting. This was an emergency that require your son and stay overnight in the hospital, and your daughter potentially put her little sister in danger so she can go out. She didn't get their number or give them your number and had to be forced to go back to pick her sister up. Then when you get home she had the nerve to ask for payment and basically said she didn't care about either of her siblings. All while giving you a crap attitude. I would have grounded her for at least a month.
I feel like the mom needed to give the teenage daughter a serious talking to about WHY that was so dangerous and go into the dark, disturbing detail about what some "people" do to children
Because sometimes that's the only thing you can do to get the point across. No filter
@@callanightshade8079 The downside to this method is some teenagers won't be phased because nothing actually happened. Hearing about bad things and actually experiencing or knowing someone who experienced them are very different. This is especially true if Polly has never experienced something really traumatic and therefore hasn't developed empathy for those possible scenarios.
So, even if OP explains it to her, she might be a shithead teen who it just doesn't sink in for
Grounding?! My parents would have kicked my ass if I did that. That girl is in serious need of corporal punishment.
Agreed, grounded for 2 weeks for dumping your sibling with a stranger in on the light side, like a harsher punishment is needed, like getting grounded for a month, taking away her phone, not allowed to make plans with friends, etc.
There was an update for that last story. BF definitely putting more time and attention into his relationship with his friend (and he ended up leaving his GF and said he had some sort of feelings for his friend, but very vague)
"(and he ended up leaving his GF and said he had some sort of feelings for his friend, but very vague)"
There it is...
I'm even okay with not giving the fiancee specific details. But sneaking off? Talking in code? That's a lot.
I knew it! They were at minimum having an emotional affair before this guy broke up with his fiance! All the stuff they were doing was shady
Waitttttttt I thought his parents adopted Nolan and his younger brother?!??!?!?
@@yeahyeahyeah3724 just because someone takes you in doesn't mean you're family, nor that you'll think they are such
do you think there's some procedure in adoption where they shove in the emotional attachment to your adopted parents into you when they take you in lmao
@@mzov_1724 gurl, that's a question. I was super confused at that time and that's why I'm genuinely asking....
Story Three: I really enjoyed how R/slash kept changing the age of the younger sister. Shes eight, then four, then eight again. She sure grows up fast. But i totally agree with the score you gave. Some really sick monster could have had that child dropped right at their door step. I could understand if it was a neighbour they knew for a long time, but the dude just moved in a month ago. NNTA
My aunt would drop her kids and my sisters off at her MIL. MIL would hand the kids off to BIL. BIL liked little girls, really, really liked little girls. One of my sisters and two of my cousins are still in therapy from his "liking" them.
@@asmith8692 OMG! Please tell me the creep is in prison
I’m 16 and I wouldn’t leave my brother (7) with strangers. I’d leave him with relatives if I really had to leave
@@audreynothepburn7663 dead. Does that work?
@@asmith8692 depends on how he died. If it was natural causes or an accident then I would be pissed.
Story 3: Man, what an idiot to just leave a 4 year old with someone she hardly knew and then brush aside any concerns. It's a good thing the neighbor was a nice person.
Look, you just have to change plans sometimes
Yeah the older sister has clearly been allowed to be incredibly selfish. Mom needs to expect more of her. The idea of ditching your younger sibling with STRANGERS so you can hang out with your friends...? My mom would have killed me!
Unless your the 16 year old in the story who apparently didn’t want to change their plans for any reason whatsoever
RSlash misspoke at the end- the girl is 8, but yeah, 100% this
@@fdm2155 then wanted to get paid for dropping them off smh
4?
I’m honestly surprised by Polly’s reaction in the third story. If I had someone paying me hourly to invite my friends over and all I had to do was keep an 8 year old out of trouble while it was happening, I would take that offer yesterday XD
That girl is getting payed almost 8 times what I'm getting at work, and she only has to babysit her sister? And she can have her friends over??? AND SHE DECLINED THAT???
The last story had an update. Dude more or less admitted he was in a platonic relationship with his friend, that he wasn't ready to prioritize anyone over his friend, and that his friend fulfills all the requirements he wants in a relationship. Fiancee and OP broke it off fairly amicably all things considered because OP hadn't really realized that's where his friendship had headed until he was called out on reddit and fiancee was extremely understanding. Hoping all three of them find what they want in life, and fiancee understanding what was going on actually seemed to be a major relief for her.
OP was dumb and blind, but learned. Fiancee did nothing wrong, but was always going to be second fiddle.
I think people in general need to understand the platonic soulmate thing better so this kind of stuff doesn't end up accidentally happening again. Knowing the possibility is there would cause a lot less heartache than getting into a romantic relationship just because that's what done while neglecting to notice you have a partner already because it's atypical.
I don't understand this situation, I see nothing wrong with it? Like, the fiancee doesn't have the right to know about Nolan's trauma so talking about it as the "Nolan situation" is not weird at all to me. And if I had a partner and knew every once in a while, they go and hang out with their friend in the middle of the night on our porch, where I can see them if I wish, I'd be fine with it. Am I missing something here? What even is a platonic relationship in this scenario, what does it involve? If anyone has the patience to explain, I'd be very thankful.
@@mikimodiq8263
There's a difference between a platonic soulmate and a platonic relationship, but in this case OP is putting his friend at the top of his priorities and the way it all reads makes it seem like they are platonic soulmates, were you really really really really care about someone and want to put them at the top of your priorities kinda like a romantic relationship but without the romantic feelings, I know this because I had a platonic soulmate before. I don't see anything wrong with this ethier, if I was OP's finance I wouldn't be worried, in my opinion OP did nothing wrong.
@@itzmeeazriel2712 Ok, so the point is just structuring priorities, I get it. Thank you very much! 😊
Okay, but you do understand that soulmates are not a real thing. Sure, there's scientific research that proves some people are more compatible than other people. But as far as like soulmates, not a thing. That's not how it works. You can fall in love and you can love that person for the rest of your life. For sure. In fact, it's been a lot of great research into long couples and the human brain. But soulmate. That there's one person on this planet that you're meant to be with. That's not how that works. That's a Disney fairy tale. And anybody who tells you different is probably trying to tell you some kind of junk like twin flames.
i feel its possible to have a platonic relationship/soulmate and also romantic relationship, for some people anyways.
personally im poly. but my best friend isnt, and she is married, but we are very close and have known each other for over half our lives. she has a son who calls me his titi (gender neutral version of tio/tia) and i am considered family. we dont currently live in the same state but i visit twice a year, and we talk as much as we can. her husband knows we have an extremely close bond and hes cool with it, me and him get along. i have a few partners and they also understand i have that bond with my best friend.
and honestly my best friend is my fav person to talk to, we both understand each other better than anyone else, and we dont drain each others energy like most people drain our energy (x i feel so so lucky to have her in my life and get to experience having such a close platonic bond with someone ~
Story 3: Considering the 16 year old is getting paid and was allowed to have her friends over, she had no excuse to drop the 8 year old off at the neighbours. What if the neighbours were psychopaths? Or p*dos?
That was exactly my thought! Big yikes!!!
@@_.WildMoonChild I babysat for a family friend at the age of 16. I don't remember being this reckless with the kids. One choked on a chip on my watch (She's fine), but I would never abandon them with the neighbours
@Penguin-Schlupp Studio Right. I was babysitting at 12. I couldn't even imagine.
She is honestly lucky that her mom doesn't push that burden on her, like a lot of parents do. So, to have to cancel your plans due to an emergency, should have been a non-issue.
@@_.WildMoonChild That story should be on R/EntitledKids
but she was not paid?
Not only did Polly hand her sister off to a complete stranger, but she also passed absolutely zero contact info. She didn't give them a phone# to call if there was an emergency with the sister, she didn't get THEIR phone# so she could call them in an emergency, she just didn't care. Also, the way OP asked "Oh, did you just have your friends come over?" makes it sound like OP would have been fine with it if she'd had her friends come over to hang out instead. And she wants them to pay her? For what? Abandoning her sister with complete strangers? She's 16 years old. She needs to learn that her actions have consequences.
Apparently OP told Polly it would be fine to invite her friends over for a bit. Polly is just incredibly selfish and thoughtless.
The only bright spot in that story is that it looks like the neighbors may be good people. OP should invest some time in getting to know them.
Honestly, I'm getting "Spending time with family is so uncool and lame, I rather hang out with my high school friends and do cool things with them than to help out my lame family" type of vibes from Polly which you commonly see in any movie and show involving teenagers.
As a 17 year old and an older sister who loves my younger sister: I was resisting the urge to throw punches at Polly in the 3rd story. God, I can't believe she was behaving like that!
Story 3: the daughter was even given the option to bring her friends over, like wth is wrong with that reasonable option?
Or just canceling because my brother is hospitalized and I need to be with my younger sister? It's one day of hanging out with friends.
@@fdm2155 she's getting paid as well, so she's practically shooting herself in the foot here.
I think Polly has issues and may need therapy
She didn't feel like it? Not her kid, not her problem? Maybe her Mother isn't telling us the whole story? A million reasons.
@@JoshuaGJusticeok, but thats also their sibling, like what would have had to happen for it to be reasonable to not care about their sibling's wellbeing. Theyd have to be either really stupid or really heartless to think "leaving a child with an adult they dont know and have no way to contact" is a good idea
Story 1: Mom left everything to OP and it’s her choice to use her inheritance how she sees fit. End of discussion. The fact that she’s taking care of her aunt and grandmother- while her father, step-mom and siblings hound her for cash without the SLIGHTEST bit of remorse or respect for OP’s situation- especially as a minor, speaks volumes. I’m sure OP, her aunt and grandmother are working with lawyers or something to help protect assets. At this point, I’d move in with them, at least until college.
Story 3:
Daughter: “Little sis is fine, I left her at the neighbors. No, I don’t know their name. Why would I have their number? What do you MEAN I’m grounded?! -DO I AT LEAST GET PAID?”
Not even the slightest hint of concern for her brother in the ER either. That’s cold.
Unfortunately OP doesn’t feel comfortable staying at the house at this time. She stayed there over a weekend once to try it but couldn’t bring herself to see her grandmother in her current state
and what makes the stepmom of story 1 even worse is that she basically ensured whatever relationship op had with the stepsiblings was destroyed by lying to her kids about the money and trying to weaponize them to get op to cough up money. that right there speaks to the stepmoms character
Story 1: Keeping YOUR property and/or money and using it as you see fit is NOT a selfish act. Expecting someone else to give you their property and/or money and gaslighting them if they don’t IS selfish. Add on the fact that this is a parent pulling this stunt on their own child, and it evolves into pathetic territory.
The second story: I find it funny that OP talked about tradition but refuse to realize that tradition can be changed and who someone considers a mother can be subjective. OP needs to realize that maybe his son and his wife is not going to have a mother/son relationship and the only relationship he may have with her is either as an "acquaintance" or on a "friendly" basis for OP's sake.
Very odd that OP says himself they never had a mother-son relationship. Then goes on the get made because his son didn't treat step=mother as a mother at his wedding.
@@fdm2155 It is. The whole story is just odd to me and I am curious to know if maybe OP has left out some details. They way it sounds, he might be trying to force a relationship and that is going to end up in disaster.
It’s all about appearances over his son’s feelings. Since he’s given the appearance of an unsupportive father, I see son going very low or very no contact. OP will likely hear about any grandchildren through relatives
@@lorilancaster5917 Must be about appearances. I'm amazed the OP would have even expected a mother-son dance with his wife given her and his son's history.
@@Fallenfromgrace1990 Agree. There is certainly some unfilled backstory. I'm guessing the son moved out because OP tried to force the son to accept Natalie as his 'mother.'
That daughter in the 3rd story was really taking her mother for granted. She's the older sister, and as an older sister myself, I can't imagine doing that to my younger siblings. How can she be so uncaring to a child that hasn't wronged her?
Despite being called Homo Sapiens, we're not Homo Sapient...
Humans have VERY different mindsets.
These include extremely narcissistic, psychopatchic and just straight up entitled and disgusting mindsets.
Some humans either just don't care, or actively enjoy creating havoc!
Some humans just want to HURT others!
These humans will never even consider the fact if they've been wronged in the first place, and/or according to their mindsets, they won't even consider it wrong!
Some people are so hateful, they actively believe that EVERYONE is just as hateful and vile as them, and that attacking and hurting each other is normal! While altruism is just wrong to them!
Cause she didn’t care about her family at all and was likely hoping that the neighbours were the terrible kind of people so she wouldn’t have to worry about her sister anymore
For the third story: I've had RSV before, just recently too, and it's scary. I woke up one day to a fever of 104 and could barely see straight, it was right after my momma had broken her ankle and she couldn't drive, so she called my other sister (who's 5 years older) to take me to the hospital cuz my momma couldn't drive. My sister came immediately to help me, that's what you're supposed to do. If any of my siblings need help I'd drop whatever I could to help them, I love my siblings and the thought of brushing them off during an emergency to go party with friends makes my stomach churn
In the friend over fiancé scenario, I'd have to say if Nolan needs that much of OP's time, and cannot allow OP's fiancé to know the details, then Nolan needs far more help than OP can ever provide, and needs to be in intense treatment. By being a sounding board for Nolan wherever and whenever, OP risks Nolan's live and recovery and will destroy his engagement.
I’ve heard the Nolan story before and I agree that we’re missing something. I’m also weirded out by the code thing. I get respecting your friend’s privacy but apparently it’s so private that he and his friends talk about it in front of his fiancé?
The story had updates, tea is spilled EVERYWHERE
Yeah, honestly, it doesn't sound like the guy should be getting married to this woman. Simply put, it doesn't sound like he respects her. He calls her a busy-body and doesn't trust her with sensitive information. It just doesn't sound like a good start to a marriage where communication and trust is key.
Also, if anyone is giving red flags it's OP. Everything he's said about his fiancé seems pretty normal.
@@od222 I need details what happened in the update
@@pikapat321 what I remember off the top of my head, OP and his fiancee got engaged 4 months into dating cause of a joke, OP has left his fiancee multiple to go see his friend, OP said he didn't really think he loved his fiance, people kept telling him to just date his friend, and those were just in comments in comments the first post. in the update OP broke it off with his fiancee, fiancee said she still wanted to friends (in a way he believed but no else did), OP moved in with his friend to support him better, and OP said something about finding his real partner in life. OP never specified who his "real partner" and would reply with 😉 when people asked if he was dating his friend. Also ALL of his comments were VERY aggressive. Honestly it's worth looking it up
@@od222 is there a link somewhere?
Yeah that third story made me mad. As rSlash said usually he rags on parents who force their kids to babysit. However with this case OP are completely justified. First of all it was an emergency. Secondly you offered to pay her a great rate. Lastly you said she could have her friends over there. Not only does the daughter drop the child off with the neighbor but then she also gets mad that OP wouldn't pay her! It's like seriously?! The fact she thinks she deserves any money at all is just crazy! Grounding and maybe even a letter of apology to the neighbor is definitely the proper move. OP NTA.
Yeah, usually it's the parent in the wrong with these stories, But op had no other choice!
Her son needed to be hospitalized and did her best in a serious situation that needed to be taken care of quickly. And why did the daughter expected to be paid for not doing her job? If they knew the neighbors, maybe they could've asked but they didn't know them, for all the oldest knew they could've been pedos.
she is 16... and since her mother can arrive in 2hrs... she should ask her mother first rather than forcing 16yo.. i guarantee you she wont ever wanted babysit their siblings any longer..
@@putrapratama-sq8hu probably for the best. This has shown that, despite being 16, she is not responsible enough to take care of her siblings when needed. This was an emergency and OP did everything right. It's one thing to not want to babysit. It's another when they not only drop off their siblings with a neighbor they didn't really know but then still expected to be paid for babysitting.
Love how the dad literally mentions that his son NEVER saw his wife as a mother but still expected his son to dance with her as his mother. That's not his mom!
Damn I don't remember being that callous and irresponsible as Polly at 16. What she did was literally Disney villain evil.
Or rather stereotypically teenager who rather hangs out with friends and do cool things than to spend time with lame and boring family type of mean, like this type of thing is what you very commonly see in any movie or show which has teenagers.
First Story, NTA: OP's mom left all of this stuff for OP! Jan, OP's dad, the twins, or anyone else is NOT entitled to the house or anything OP has. Also, OP is far from obligated to share anything with these people. The fact that Jan was telling her daughters all these false promises behind OP's back is insane.
Comment: I agree 100%
Second Story, YTA: OP seems to want to force Jordan into accepting his wife as his mother. No, thats not how this thing works; just because OP married Natalie doesn’t automatically mean Jordan has to see her as a mother or mother figure. In fact, it makes more sense for his aunt to be more of a mother to him because he spent a large part of his life with her and grew up further in her household. OP ruined Jordan's day for his own selfish reasons
Third Story, NTA: What Polly did was insanely irresponsible, reckless, and dangerous. Not saying the neighbors would so anything horrible but god forbid they had malicious intentions with her sister, she didn’t even get contact information?! 2 weeks is light in my opinion, at least a month would’ve be a more fitting time limit
Fourth Story, YTA: Wow OP, don’t be suprised when she calls off that engagement and wedding. Its obvious that she isn’t a priority to OP nor wants to include her in anything.
Not to forget OP allows her aunt and grandma to live in the house to help them out, how on earth is that selfish?
Here before all edits
@@honoredtigeru are way late though lmao
@@chastitymarks2185facts
@@xKCAZxLEADERyeah I’m late this time sorry about that
Last story; I'm basically in Nolan's position. I have pre-existing mental health issues, and I lost my Dad in 2017, my Mom last year. I would never ask my friends to be so secretive or weird about my loss, I think there's more going on that OP isn't telling us.
confirmed, they are technically in an affair
For the last story, one of the missing puzzle pieces honestly is wtf happened to Nolan. Sure, it may be his business, but he’s making it OP’s problem. The ONLY defense I have for OP in this case is the fact that the late night visits are only a few times a month, but even that is a tad bit too frequent. While sure, his fiancé should/could be a bit more understanding, I do understand her frustrations and annoyance by the whole situation, especially considering the fact that it’s negatively impacting her and OP’s relationship. Should OP and Nolan feel obligated to tell her? No, but some boundaries should be set in place, because this seems to be taking a toll on OP more than he realizes. His fiancé is just the first one to point it out.
I am mystified as to why Polly thought she'd get paid after she DIDN'T DO THE THING HER MOM SAID SHE'D PAY HER TO DO. Absolutely absurd.
Story 3. Had my child pulled that stunt being grounded would have been the least of her worries. That "not my problem" would have opened up the Gates of Hell on that child.
Story 3: Emergency Situation, sincere apology ahead of time, and offer to pay her as well. Polly just... doesn't care for her on family? Not even the literal 4 year old? I wonder if Polly's friends knew... and how they would/did react to knowing.
Not sure someone pointed this out, but the OP in the first story made an update. She moved in with her grandma (dad’s side). The twins talked to their friends and said friends apologized to OP. OP is going NC with her dad because he chose his wife over his own flesh and blood.
I remember the update to the last story from another video I listened to and the fiancé deserves so much better, op is a gross emotional cheater. He ends up being with the best friend and leaving the fiancé. I hope she finds someone 100 times better than him.
3rd story, Rslash you’re missing another huge point, Polly also wanted op to still pay her for abandoning her sister and not watching her. And she didn’t even have to drop her plans, op literally told her to invite her friend while she watched Cassie. Polly is a supreme butthole
Yeah, I never knew the stereotypical "I never want to spend time with my lame and boring family, I rather hang out with my cool friends and do cool things with them" teen had even existed in our world, this is something you thought only exists in movies and shows.
For the last story, the fiancee and OP broke up. Most of the redditors sided with the fiancee because her situation is understandable and some criticised Nolan for being so dependant on his friends and questioned whether or not he's actually effected or if he's putting up an act for other people's time. Some questioned if OP and Nolan had an emotional affair.
Yes cheh for her his friend needs support from his friends to go through his trauma
Ugh redditors are doofus
And then after all the edits it was more like the fiancée was the affair partner he was physically cheating on Nolan with. I feel like OP is just a very dishonest person especially when he’s still lying to himself.
@@sophietremblay3795Mental health issues doesn't let you opt out of being an adult. If an adult loses a parent and over a year later they can't function without intruding on the lives of their friends, they should be institutionalised
@@jellyriq So you let your best friend go a traumatic event to all on his own because that upset your fiance? you maybe a great, but not that great of a friend, Nolan go to OP because OP is the best friend, also when OP go out to meet Nolan is near to his house and can convince Nolan to go back to his own house, if he are having an affair with Nolan why send Nolan back to his own house?
Story 3: I'm the oldest of 5 kids. I wouldn't leave my underage siblings with strangers for 5 minutes, let alone a whole night! 100% NTA!
There's an update to the last story: Op leaves his fiancée and is more than likely "building an art studio" for his "friend"
Imagine being PAID to take care of your sibling AND hav your friends over and your to self centered because it wasn’t forced or expected of you when your family is always sick. Polly needs a reality check
Story 3 - NTA
This was an emergency.
Also if the kid had Covid, doesn’t that mean Polly could have had it and spread it to her friends while leaving her sister to strangers, who could have not only gotten covid but also had no babysit experience.
Also not leaving them Op’s contact info.
Polly would have been grounded for a month with absolutely no phone or games.
@desperate need of scotch Which is only this severe this year due to COVID which weakens immune systems.
@@rollfaceonkeyboard Sure it does... -eye roll-
I think the Nolan Situation... the girlfriend doesn't have a right to know what Nolan's problem is, but the OP should be a little more communicative about what is going on. Nolan needs support or whatever it is. It's pretty close to a No Asshole situation other than the lacking communication.
As far as I know there was an update where OP basically says Nolan will always be his number one person, so he breaks the engagement with the girlfriend. Although I agree that the gf isn't entitled to know what happened, you'd be paranoid too if your partner regarded his friend more than you (his fiancée)
As things stand, it's impossible for OP to communicate if he can't even talk about the situation clearly. If he does, he breaks the trust of the friend. If he doesn't, he is actively damaging the trust his gf can blindly muster each time. Honestly, i think OP needs to find a middle ground, talk to the friend, explain how the gf needs some clarification. The situation has been going on for 1.5 years, that's a really long time, OP should have already found a solution between his friend and gf tbh. He instead seems to be expecting unconditional blind trust from gf no matter what he does, however long he does it. If this was some short term thing, sure he can keep the gf out of it, but for 1.5 years? Leaving in the middle of the night twice a month? Yea, he should have found a solution long ago...
@@N0xiety Seems like it’s too late for that because there was an update where OP broke it off with his fiancé because he realized that Nolan will always be his number 1.
I agree .. also, the fiancee puts him in a difficult situation regarding communication. If he'd wake her up to tell her "I'm going to support my friend" .. well she already complains the phone calls disturb her sleep. When he doesn't wake her up, she complains about having a moment of fright when not finding him next to her (which I totally get btw).
I think the main problem is the secrecy and it's on Nolan to resolve it - not that he's at fault, I totally get not wanting to share personal things with essentially strangers .. but .. there's also consequences. Assuming, he's not totally inexperienced in relationships, he should be able to understand that he's effectively affecting his friend's life - and not because of the fiance's negative reaction, but simply because it's not normal to ring people out of bed at night and taking up so much of their time and attention, especially when they have a partner in a committed relationship and whatnot. I rly think that if he's gonna stay this emotionally dependent on his friend's support, he owes his fiancee some kind of explanation.
That explanation doesn't have to be the things he wants to keep secret from her, but I'm sure, if he tried he could find words or friendly gestures to make her stop seeing him as a threat / disturbance to the relationship.
The girl knows the only thing she needs to know. Nolan lost a parent and had a mental crisis. It takes YEARS not months to get over that if ever and OP is being a good friend. A lot of assumptions were made about this story like Nolan only coming to OPs at night when he might go to the other friends also.
Good morning, all! Happy St. Patrick’s Day! ☘️
Its 4 pm
🍀
It's also my granddaughters birthday!!!
@@dimitarspasov5400 it's 6am! (Timezones exist)
Gm
Story 4: She knows the reason, just not the details. Discomfort is understandable but trying to force yourself into the situation isn't.
Well, bf leaves in the middle of the night, twice a month, which has been going on for 1.5 years, without letting gf know any details, or why he is doing whatever he is doing. Idk, 1.5 years is quite a long time, it wouldn't be that strange to get suspicious or annoyed with the situation when being left in the dark, so while it might not be ok for her to force herself into it, just the same, is it really ok for her to be left in the dark for 1.5 years of this being going on and somehow expected to be understanding?
I believe a solution should have been found by OP long ago if he wants to keep both his relationships, but it doesn't seem like he wants to find a solution, he just wants gf to unconditionally accept the situation as is for however long it takes...
@-BR- N0xiety Frankly, yes. It's not OP's position to decide whether or not to tell her the details, which, at least to me, seems to be the issue she's taking with the situation.
@@N0xiety He doesn't leave 2x a month in the middle of the night like he's just off to let his freak flag fly in some secret fk parade, he sits on the front porch with his grieving friend. It sounds like the gf has some attention seeking issues and would exploit the friend's tragedy for said attention, gossiping to everyone and whatnot (OP even admitted she was a notorious "busybody") Regardless, if I felt like I couldn't trust my partner to not exploit or blab someone else's deeply personal business, I'd just leave them. But I have a fairly low tolerance for bullsht anyway.
@@flazzorb Yea, it's not on OP to decide whether or not to tell her, but OP is in a position to talk with both parties and find a solution. 1.5 years is a long time for this situation to go on as it has, and OP seems to have chosen to just ignore one of his relationships over the other. He has decided that a solution isn't needed, the gf should just accept this situation as is while being mostly left in the dark, for however long it takes, she should just be unconditionally understanding, without really being allowed to understand the situation.
I don't think OP will be able to keep both relationships the way he is handling it, this situation has already gone on for 1.5 years and i feel it has finally come to a boiling point. He just didn't want to find a solution, and well, it seems to me that OP has chosen which relationship he would rather keep anyways...
Story 4: the Nolan story has a ton of updates and it's clear to everyone BUT OP that OP has deeper feelings for Nolan. It's like he refuses to see it. It's crazy
Idk about the emotions there. There’s probably none apart from friendship and loyalty to that friendship. Reddit users shouldn’t insist on this because maybe is not the case, and OP would end up discarding all arguments, even the valid ones.
What is clear is that OP doesn’t comprehend his fiancée’s feelings. She deserves an explanation to her doubts and not be silenced every time she feels insecure.
Can you send the link?
I don’t think he doesn’t recognize he has deep feelings for his friend. People just have trouble understanding that deep feelings doesn’t mean romance.
I read the whole thing. It's funny because OP straight-up admits in the comments that he's very fluid on matters of sexuality.
@@marianasimao8066 it's on BORU rn
Story 3 I don’t blame op for grounding her daughter she needed to take her to emergency because of the rsv he could have died and the only thing Polly said is « i shouldn’t drop my plans” she is so selfish and inconsiderate 0/5 op 3/5 daughter
Story 3: If Polly ever ends up in the hospital, Mom shouldn't show up. "Why are you mad at me? You can't expect me to drop my plans!"
Update on the friend's trauma story: The fiance and OP ultimately split up. It turned out that Nolan had given OP POA (power of attorney) and hadn't told the fiance. The fiance and OP had been in a "engaged" state of their relationship for all but two months of their relationship (2yrs). It was also revealed that Nolan is a childhood friend and has been in Op's life longer than the fiance so when he told that to the fiance they ultimately broke up. It was amicable and they're having a moving out party between OP and Fiance to "enjoy their friendship".
TBH The whole thing is just so sketchy. I understand prioritizing your friend that is grieving, but not including your life partner in those major decisions Is insanity.
I understand the fiancé definitely, she feels left out of major decisions, but when it comes to someone’s mental health that always has to come first, no matter who it is.
especially the line at the end. "nolan asked me not to tell anything specifically to her". if it was about power of attorney and all that, i can imagine a very close childhood friend not trusting someone i'D only been engaged with for a month or two. at the same time... it feels wrong to the fiancée, imo. they deliberately crossed her out entirely, letting her live with the imagination that literally anything could be going on. i personally would have huge issues with it myself.
OP got engaged at 2 months into the relationship?! Yeah, that, coupled with another comment here saying that OP admitted to having vague feelings for Nolan, makes a whole bunch of very rainbow-colored alarms go off for me. Like OP was maybe forced into this marriage by his parent’s expectations or something. And the amicable separation makes me think she knew or suspected and just needed more out of the relationship.
@@Tustin2121 I think you misunderstood. Their relationship was 2 years and they were engaged for 2months by the start of that update.
@@toothless3835hold on I think they might be right. OP said they were in an engaged status for all BUT two months of their 2 year relationship… I think they got engaged after two months 😬
I feel that in story 4, you glossed over the fact that OP said that she’s a busy body. Sounds like she’s nosy and more mad that she can’t have the entire story vs feeling uncomfortable. If she’s a busy body, she’s probably a gossip and tells everyone everything. If this is the case, I can get why the friend doesn’t want her to know and why OP keeps her out of the loop.
Bear in mind that this is what op is telling us …we don’t know if she’s just a caring and concerned fiancé. There’s some details that it seems like he is not telling us
16 is more than old enough to begin acting like an adult during an emergency.
Yep. I was that old when my dad had a stroke and I had to look after my 9 year old brother.
Friend over Fiance: If the fiance knows Nolan lost a parent, had a MHC, and needs someone to talk to sometimes, what else does she feel she need to know? Is having ever minute detail of the man's trauma going to dispel the thought that he is cheating or something? As far as being gone, I think OP could leave a note on his bedside table "Down stairs talking to Nolan. Be back as soon as I can." The whole code thing I think might be OP overstating by not wanting to omit it. I think bottom-line is that OP needs to do a better job allying his fiance's concerns but remain strong that Nolan's personal matters are not for consumption unless Nolan says he can share. Maybe have Nolan talk to her, even if not about his situation. You are right tho, feels like there is more to this situation.
The kid in story 1 is being GOOD selfish, the kid in story three is being BAD selfish. There’s a major difference! Showing up for your family in an emergency is literally the point. The new neighbors could have been unfit in so many ways, maybe that’s something a 16 year old doesn’t understand yet.
Found this comment on the last story, and I really hve to agree:
Add in OPs comment about the timeline of the relationship and it’s so much worse. They’ve been together only 2 years and he proposed a month before Nolan’s parent died. And apparently Nolan hasn’t even let her get to know him through small talk or anything, she’s been very excluded from anything to do with Nolan. So from her perspective;
You meet this guy and you two REALLY hit it off. True love at first sight and all that shit. You’re only together for 5 months, and he proposes! Woah! Maybe a little scary to jump straight into it like this, but you love him so you’re so excited! Of course you want to spend the rest of your life with him!
He has a group of friends who for the most part seem fine with you. But there’s this one guy, Nolan, who just completely ices you out. Doesn’t even seem okay with you asking how work has been. No big deal though… Not all our partners friends are gonna love us, right? You’re all adults and can handle someone not liking you. You live together so it can be a little awkward when he comes over to visit your fiancé, but you pull on your big girl pants and deal with it because you love and trust your fiancé so much.
But then a month later, you hear that Nolan’s parent died. Now, whenever you walk into the room when the group is over, they all shush each other and talk in hushed voices. The only thing you ever really hear is them vaguely referring to “the Nolan situation.”
Your fiancé starts taking calls in separate rooms. It seems weird to you because he usually just answers his phone and talks wherever he is…. But, no, you trust him! He says he’s not up to anything so bite down that weird feeling you’re getting and ignore it.
Then in the middle of the night, you wake up to your partner getting a phone call while he was in bed with you. He tries to sneak out of bed without waking you up, but doesn’t realize that the ringer already woke you. You tell yourself it’s nothing. You tell yourself you trust him. You go back to sleep.
But then a few weeks later, it happens again. This time you can’t seem to fall asleep. All you can think about is the friend group all side eyeing you when you come in the room and shushing each other. You start to worry a little. So you walk out of your room to check on your partner, but you also don’t want to seem like you’re crazy so you make it look like you’re going to the bathroom. He’s outside, comforting Nolan. You sigh a little sigh of relief because you know Nolan’s parent died recently. So you tell yourself that’s all it is and you go back to bed.
However, it’s still going on 6 months later. Secret phone calls on the regular, group all hush when she enters the room, “the Nolan situation” is referenced many times, and your partner is still sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night every couple of weeks. So you finally ask your partner for some info… And he refuses. He says it’s not his secret to share.
… But hang on. You already know his parent died. So it’s not like that’s a secret. If “the Nolan situation” isn’t about his parent having died then what on earth is it?
You ask around a little… Everyone is tight lipped. You’re being iced out. You ask Nolan how he’s doing, and he refuses to even engage in a conversation with you. Your partner takes another call in secret and there’s this nagging in your brain that makes you want to know what the hell this situation is.
Another 6 months go by, and it’s all still happening. You feel like you’re going crazy. No one will tell you what the fuck is going on or why your fiancé keeps sneaking out in the middle of the night.
Yet another 6 months go by and you start to lose it a little. You tell your fiancé that this has to stop. A small part of you is still trying to tell yourself that you have no reason not to trust your fiancé, so you try to draw the line at the night time visits. At least this could cut down your anxiety at night because you know it’s not going to happen anymore. Then maybe you can sleep better and maybe the better sleep will clear your head. But your fiancé just tells you that you’re lying, his phone calls definitely aren’t waking you up. So you finally snap.
Your anxiety has just been building and building and building for the last year and a half. You tried to tell yourself that you trust him, but once you actually confront him with the direct impact this is having on your sleep he tries to gaslight you by saying it’s not even waking you up?
You already know his parent is dead. But “the Nolan situation” isn’t your partners secret to tell. But your partner will keep sneaking around and the whole friend group will keep icing you out. And to top it all off, your fiancé will tell you you’re lying when you tell him what this is doing to you? So you do it. You confront it head on and ask Nolan what the hell is going on!
I have anxiety just writing that out… I can’t even imagine how anxiety inducing it’s been to live through that.
Anyone else listen to his videos while doing other stuff around the house?
Hell yeah
Im planning my family's spring holiday rn 😂😂😂
I usually listen while drinking tea in the morning
I do it while cleaning my house
I listen to his videos while I work (I work from home).
The teen in the third story needs to take a crash course on how common and easy it is to kidnap kids. If something DID happen with the neighbor it is horrifically normal for kids to hide the abuse from their loved ones, especially when their trusted adult is stressing over a sick family member. Polly did something incredibly dangerous and is mad that for two weeks she’s grounded. She risked her family lifelong trauma to hang out with friends who were welcome into her own freaking home. Hopefully, the neighbor was actually kind and spineless enough (not to be insulting) to not call cps and keep the kid safe without ulterior motives. If Polly were my kid she’d be doing waaaaay more to understand what she did wrong and why she’s not the center of the universe. That story got me so ANGRY.
As someone who lost her mom at 17 I definitely agree that OP has every right to have put her father and step monsters in their place. Her mom did not leave that house for her ex and his new family she left it for HER daughter and the adults in that situation know that. For step monster to fix her mouth to call OP out of her name, a 17 year old girl, she is getting exactly what she is asked for. She's lucky that the women in OPs family didn't smack the mess out of her.
That girl should be grounded for a month. Not allowed out with those friends again, and forced to babysit for six months in any emergency without pay. That’s a punishment that’s not taking advantage of your child. For those of you who say “oh that’s so mean” that Neighbor could’ve been a pedophile or a murderer. And those of you who say crap like that more than likely don’t have kids. Or have infants who have no real world idea of how scary it is to have a child.
Third story: NTA Is an emergency, her brother was sick and the first thing she does is drop him with a complete stranger and leave no contact. I hope that hang out with her friends was worth and that OP dropped her daughter a good reality slap by grounding her for a year.
Wow, what Polly did was so wrong. Besides expecting to be paid to ditch her sibling with the neighbor, she didn't bother getting the neighbor's number nor give her mother's number to the neighbor. Sounds like on top of punishing her, OP needs to teach her how to be more responsible. I would think a 16 year old would have more common sense, but somehow Polly has none.
Story 3: NTA. What's the most concerning part of this is that Polly thought it was a good idea to drop her 4 y/o sister off at the neighbor's after being told by her mother she wasn't comfortable with them watching her. Not to mention she didn't even leave a phone number for the neighbor OR the mother. The neighbor has only been there for like a month or so, this could have gone seriously wrong so quickly. OP shouldn't have let her off with 2 weeks grounded, this was a seriously dangerous stunt her eldest pulled. She should have a serious talking to about emergencies being non-negotiable, and how badly this could have gone if the neighbor had been a bad person. I'm glad it ended okay, but dang the anxiety I got....
9:34 2 weeks?!? TWO WEEKS?!? SERIOUSLY?! UPSET OVER TWO WEEKS ON THIS?!? Oh my God maybe you're being too easy on your kids and need to get them in line better.
Story 3: NTA. I would be on the daughter’s side if op used her as free babysitter but the regular babysitter was unavailable and the backup babysitter was also unavailable. This was an emergency! Polly left her sister with complete strangers (their neighbors just moved in), didn’t give them op’s number and didn’t tell op.
Story 3: I am so happy that OP wasn’t like all the other parents we hear about in these types of stories
As a 16 year old, I can fully say that I know people who would 100% hand off (or even just leave in the house) a child. OP seems like a good person and it’s sad to see how her daughter acted in an emergency.
Here's why u NEED to be careful nowadays:
My cousin in the military married a military man. They r now divorced and he is in jail. He was a part of a ring of parents making/buying/selling child p*rnography. My second cousin (their daughter) had to look at hundreds of photos identifying herself and her friends.
Someone who I thought was a good friend (3 years older than me) had me send him "pictures" of myself from 15-22 by grooming, manipulating, gaslighting and pretending to love me. I didn't even realize what happened was illegal until years later in a therapy session.
It was like someone ripped the blindfold off and when I realized it I broke down for days
Whoa whoa whoa hold up... That last story... Op won't tell his girl the situation but he'll tell reddit?! Mmmm
I hate parents that try to force their kids to have a parent relationship with the new spouse.
I agree with the sentiment insofar as "replacing" a deceased parent is concerned. But I do think a respectful relationship should be encouraged, becoming friends perhaps, especially with older children that have clear memories of their deceased parent. But a lot is going to depend on an age difference from parent to step-parent and if there are any step-siblings involved.
16:50 16 yo is an age you know people are rash at. I'm giving step mom benefit of the doubt and say she wasn't toxic and the son was just closer to his aunt.
That last story is tricky, but I will admit I do feel for the fiancee. Ever since the day I got engaged to my wife, I always told people whenever they came to me and said "I need to tell you something, and you can't tell anyone," I would say "Is my fiancee/wife allowed to know? If no, then I am not your guy to talk to. You need to go to someone else, because I can't keep secrets from my wife." No one has ever disrespected me for it, but several times people would say they understand, and talk to someone else. That's my take on it.
11:23 adding on to this: without so much as to give the stranger her mom’s phone number or get the stranger’s phone number.
Story One: NTA
The Dad and StepMom are the EVIL ones here.
They not only disrespected OP’s Mom’s passing by expecting to get a cut of the inheritance, but ALSO expected OP to basically be THEIR personal ATM piggy bank and give them the house FOR FREE.
Their entitlement, greed and selfishness are absolutely disgusting, and so’s their disrespect and verbal abuse towards OP, the Dad and StepMom also got their family roped in and tried to manipulate OP!
Thank god OP’s good family chewed their asses out and the twins are good!
The next time Polly is sick? "Sorry, not my problem, since clearly you're so adult."
As a 16 year old I am absolutely pissed at the kid in the 3rd story and if any of the friends knew I’m pissed at them too
I wouldn’t be surprised if Polly didn’t tell them or didn’t give the complete truth. OP bent over backwards for Polly in hopes she would help Cassie only for her to disregard everyone’s concerns
OP in the first story IS actually selfless. She lets her aunt use the house (without rent as I understand) so she could care for her grandma. This way more logical than giving it to the stepmom and dad and stepmom and dad selfish and extra AH-s to try and take it away from someone who's caring for an elderly, ill family member.
Story 1: NTA, Ops mom strictly left everything to Op no one else, if they’re going to complain about it than that’s on them.
Story 3: I'm a big sibling as well to two siblings that are much younger than me. My parents never dumped the kids on me like some stories. They did ask if I could babysit from time to time and definitely asked for it in emergencies. I never asked for payment during those emergency times. And no matter what plans I had, I would never drop my siblings off with a stranger! That was so stupid of Polly and could have gone so wrong. I think she really needs to learn this fact. OP is NTA. I don't want to be too harsh on Polly, but it's a lesson she definitely needs to learn. I think 2 weeks is too light of a punishment
Story 3: I recall an AITA where two parents took one of their three children to the ER, forcing their older child to miss a day of work to babysit the younger child, and then when that child asked to be compensated for his time because he missed work, the parents refused. Those parents were the AH for refusing to compensate their oldest, especially when he had to miss work. Today's story was also an emergency, Polly was OP's last resort, and OP was not only willing to pay Polly even more, but she was even willing to allow Polly's friends to stay at the house while this was going on. What did Polly do? She dropped off her younger sister with the neighbor - a total stranger to OP and her family and didn't even give them OP's contact info. Polly and OP are very lucky that the youngest child wasn't harmed after that. OP is NTA.
Story 3: that mom was kind enough to offer to let Polly have her friends come over so she doesn’t have to miss out on time with them. Polly sounds like a brat to me
Story 2: Being only present in his life for a couple months doesn't really make OP's wife a mother. Jordan was with the aunt more.
And yeah, it's his wedding, so it's he can do what he wants, not what OP wants
Exactly, Natalie is Jordan's father's wife. Not his mother.
Exactly op is a doofus he ruined his relationship with his son by having a tantrum
Also no Child is forced to see a stepmother as real mother nor have a good relation with her.
So even if she basicly raised hin she could still be toxic ir just not get along. While an aunt might fill that motherly role by getting through to the kid .
Its like whenever i read this type of stories its the parent trying to copy paste their realationship with a partner on their kids. As if the automaticly MUST see them as new parent.
@Trafalgar Water D. Law my mother passed away last year and my father is getting remarried in a few months. I have no particular relationship with his fiance, she makes him happy but she will never really be a mother to me [m,30] .
If or when I get married, I'll likely ask one of my Aunts. Family is about history and love. I respect my soon to be step mother but there is no history.
Btw: the last story got updates, and he and the fiancé broke up, and now he’s like. Dedicating his life to Nolan, and “doesn’t have room for romantic relationships” and it VERY much sounds like he’s actually in love with Nolan
I think Polly require some kind of psychological evaluation. Even for teen, your brother being sick and saying "it's not my problem" is could be red flag for psychopath or sociopath tendencies. This level of lack of empathy doesn't seem like just comes from lack of discipline.
There's more to the last story!!! People were suspicious that OP wanted to build Nolan an art room and...well...OP is "confused" and basically confirms it! It's all tied to that same Reddit account across multiple updates and posts so easy to find!
All too quickly these step parents forget their place
On the story with nolan: through the whole thing I just kept imagining what would happen if my dad kept something like this from my mom or vice versa, and I couldn't. Do my parents have the healthiest relationship? No. But being open about important details like whatever op and Nolan have going on just feel like the basics yknow?
Story 3: I understand the irritation of having to cancel plans with friends, but dumping the youngest child into a stranger's home is so awful! The neighbors could've been murderers! Her friends literally could've come over, and she would've been paid even more to watch her sister! Yet she literally could've endangered her little sister's life just to spend time with friends she may not even hang out with in the future.
she is 16... and since her mother can arrive in 2hrs... she should ask her mother rather than forcing 16yo..
@@putrapratama-sq8huWho else was the mom supposed to ask? The husband that abandoned them and isn't in their lives? The relatives that are either in another state or dead? Random strangers that live next door that they've never talked to? The 16 year old literally could have had all of her friends over AND would've gotten paid for it too! If a few hours of being stuck at home with friends and getting paid for it means her brother doesn't die of a respiratory infection, I feel like that's a reasonable compromise for an unavoidable emergency, but personally, I don't know how other people feel about that sort of thing.
The way OP called his fianceé "the definition of a busybody" felt kind of icky. It felt almost... contemptuous.
I agree with RSlash. So Polly only got 2 weeks grounding for a 16 yr old? There is far more to this story about how Polly even became so entitled and spoiled and self centered. This should have been months punishment . 3/5 for Polly for putting her sister in potential danger.
The first guy: most definitely the A hole. 2nd story: in a family, all members need to contribute to keep the family running. My mom worked 3-4 jobs. I (14-21yrs) watched my sister (1-8yrs) every Saturday night and after school some days so my mom could work. The pay I got was a roof over my head, clothes, food in my stomach, a greater appreciation of how hard my mom worked for us, and a loving, close relationship with my mom and sister.
I think you're automatically an arse if you flip out at a wedding. You can be justified, you may not be, but it is not the day to flip.
least one can do is just leaving quietly
And it only seemed like OP was the only one upset about it. Natalie commented but made no deal about it. If anything OPs actions made a bigger wedge between son and Natalie
What if someone flips out on something that happens at the wedding? Uninvited estranged relatives, outdoor wedding dealing with strangers trying to crash the wedding, creepy/drunk guest getting handsy, reckless/drunk idiots causing mayhem...
Yeah, my dad's wedding was eventful. It was the wedding to my sister God mother who he cheated on my mother w. She was also my mom's friend but she grew up w my dad. Anyhow at the wedding someone from her side grabbed my boobs bc she was drunk. I had JUST turned 18. I left bc everyone was drunk and getting rowdy. Outside the hotel I smoke a jay and started going up to my room. Met up w the drunk lady who grabbed me and she offered to smoke outside. I'd smoked w her before the wedding and she didn't seem as drunk. That and although I've had many men be creepy to me I never had a woman do it past joking. So I said yes and she said she forgot it in her room. At this point red flags were waving but not enough not to get free weed. I followed her in and she pushed me to sit on a bed and tried to give me a nip of alcohol. I do drink but I took a small sip, I opened it, and gave it to her as she downed it. She Gave up looking for weed and at on the other bed facing me. She started gushing ab how pretty I was, if I had a bf, or gf. I had just broken up w a abusive dude. She then started rubbing her leg on mine. As I was ab to sprint put her sister came in and brought us (I was trying to leave but the drunk woman grabbed my hand) to a party in the hotel. They said John (I thought it would be my dad's military friend uncle John and I would be able to escape) nope. Random ppl who were twice or three times my age shoved me in the far corner and tried to ply me with booze. I refused and sat there for a few minutes before irish goodbyeing. The drunk lady tried to follow me but I was practically running. I tell my cuz who I was sharing a room w that she shouldn't trust that lady and explain all above. She told me I had to tell my dad. I did so in the morning and he said bc his new wife is hurt (she broke her wrist like 4 days before and had surgery 2 days before the wedding) and loopy due to meds she wouldn't be doing anything. My brother drives me home and I tell.him and his wife what happened and they were weirded out but didn't seem concerned. However when I told my mom and sister they had the same reaction of me and my cousin and were very angry my dad did nothing. This is what caused my sister to cut my dad off after publicly shamming the drunk lady, my dad, and his new wife. Apparently this wasn't the first time my dad was told ab someone messing w his daughters and again pushed it off. The lady apologized after deleting my sister's post on her Facebook wall. My mom was livid and everything was very rough for the past year bc of it but I'm still in contact w my dad bc regardless of that he was always the parent that treated me better mentally wise.
@@marjoriejohnston4905 Usually men have an uncanny ability to coordinate their actions when something like this happens. The toughest of the attendees will deal with it as quietly as possible.
We would have been BEAT for handing a sibling off to someone WE DON’T KNOW.
She is LUCKY.
That Nolan Situation sounds like is going to turn into Nolan’s Art Room Situation
I love this reference 😂
Story 1: NTA
"You're selfish for not sharing the house!"
But... OP is sharing the house, with OP's Aunt and Grandmother.
Some people really think "selfish" just means "you won't give it to me."