the problem with the latter is asking someone a question and 5 minutes later they answer. my husband's family constantly does this and I just wanna tear my brains out 😂
Women will also struggle with it more because we learn subconsciously that people don't care about what we have to say, so we'll talk like we're less sure of ourselves
This is actually really encouraging because I am a slow processor. I feel like I need to respond right away, but this showed me how it can potentially make me seem more professional, confident and conscientious
Pausing before you speak absolutely shows confidence and professionalism. When we pause before we speak, we are showing people that we are someone who chooses their words with intention!
I wish I could get advice on how to explain my tourette’s in a professional setting. They are very mild but noticeable so I can’t just pretend they aren’t happening because people will think I’m doing it to be annoying, immature, or to draw attention to myself [which I try to avoid honestly].
So sorry you have to even explain it. Are there any channels or websites to help? Maybe you could try saying " I have some tics, so please ignore them".
I'm autistic and most of the time it's hard for me to talk, so I usually respond to someone with one sentence or few words. I think practicing speaking and sounding confident may help a little
The second one is very important if you speak with clients from Asian countries, especially China. If they ask you a question or want your input on any issue, it's considered disrespectful or dismissive if you respond right away. You have to wait for a few seconds before responding to show that you have actually considered their words and havs weighed the pros and cons of your response.
I feel like regardless of when you pause, if you treat it like a pause instead of trying to fill it you seem more sure of yourself. We all know we need pauses to speak well so why bother trying to fill them in as through we dont
I use all these, but in my grou of friends rarely anyone listen to me, I guess it depends on the ton of voice also, because statistically we all listen to the laudest of us, even if we don't want to
I'm confused about the first tip, she says the same thing both times, but their response was different? The correct way is to acknowledge what they said and then continue rather than just losing your place fumbling over restarting? Have to be careful about this one, because often when I try to do this I do completely lose my train of thought and/or go off on some tangent about what they said.
Do you have any tips on how to do this with adhd? 😭 anything that could help us formulate correct sentences without forgetting a word or two? I try to prep before interviews as much as possible because my brain just doesn’t work that fast and I can’t think that quick on my feet and formulate sentences that make sense to other people but also sound good on the spot because I often forget to say a word or two (brain thinks too fast or thinks of too many things, mouth is too slow to catch up, then I lose track of my thoughts because what I’m saying doesn’t match what I’m thinking so I just end up sounding stupid/ unprepared) this is causing me to lose so many job opportunities that I know I can do well but I just don’t know how to articulate things, I don’t know how to make words sound fancy and eloquent without sounding like a robot or getting a brain glitch out of nowhere
Whoever you are out there, the way that you talk its prefectly fine. the only no-noes when it comes to speech is dont scream at people dont threaten people dont comit hate crimes dont comit war crimes dont start a war dont be pasive agressive dont be actively agressive dont guilt trip people dont gaslit people lying for the sake of being cheeky is allowed and encouraged anywho, if you do none of the things above you are perfectly fine just the way you are
Whatever my brain and mouth want to spew out is how it goes😁. But fr I’m one of those people who says “what?” To everything then answers before the person repeats what I said what to. So lately when someone says something I just don’t say anything until my slow ass brain processes it and then I answer. It always feels like an awkward half a second but I guess it’s better than saying what
love your videos!! any chance you have advice on how to ask my boss (w/o panicking lol) to give me more clear directions? i worked until 1am tonight on a task that should have taken 30 mins bc i wasn't given a clear project outline and received vague answers to my clarifying questions 😅
Record yourself. Think of something mundane to pretend to talk to someone you're close to about The meal you had last night or a story from your last adventure. So keep that person in your mind like you're talking to them and Record yourself on your phone. Listen to the recording. Yes, it's going to hurt a bit. From then on, you'll hear the fillers, first as they come out, but soon in your mind before you say them. A day or 2 later, record again. This time, Self bleep them like they are cuss words. Just give that little pause like you uttered them, but don't. Practice that in real conversations and see how quickly it improves.
I really love your videos and they have helped me a lot with my autism, but I really dont understand this one. Could you possibly make one explaining each a little bit more?
Me being a bilingual person okay so I need to slow down when I talk in English because when I talk in Spanish it all flows out and in English we’ll you know .
This during a breakup: Wrong: "Look, i-it's not you it's me, I can't do this anymore! " Correct: "Unfortunately due to extenuating circumstances I am forced to decline your invitation for a further romantic relationship."
No I don't got that. I don't even understand what the first one was about. My stomach did somersaults thinking about answering at questions in a work context. No I don't got this one
lame, doing pause does not guarantee nothing, I knew using those finger pointing at the beginning this was going to be a pathetic exercise, like wtf, we are seeing the screen already cringe gen-z
Fun fact! Fillers are SUPER important and can reflect a higher level of intelligence depending on the context. Different fillers also serve slightly different purposes! Many people associate fillers such as 'um' or 'like' as a sign of low confidence or low intelligence, but that is not the case! By saying 'um..' you are a.) signifying to the other person that you have not yet finished the point you were making and b.) affording yourself the opportunity to be more thoughtful and accurate with your words. The word 'like' can serve a different purpose. By using the word 'like' qe are able to paraphrase or use our own descriptors for certain things. If you were to say 'I got to work at 9am' but you actually got to work at 9.13 am, it would be less accurate than saying 'I got to work at like 9am'. Of course, in this example is doesnt really matter whether you got to work at 9 or 9.13am, but in a different context, the inclusion of the word 'like' could have a huge impact! So, never let anyone berate you for saying 'um' or 'like' or any other filler words. Because chances are, you are displaying a higher level of intelligence than someone who just spits out their words in a continuous stream without taking the time to consider it!
More often than not, however, both "um", and "like" used as filler words are signs of a poorer vocabulary and a lower agency with language. Not to mention the stylistic impact they have on how you're perceived (and, realistically, how you probably are if you often use the two). So, while they have their use in everyday conversation, you're better off steering clear of them than listening to _fun facts_ like the ones above. No one ever sounds, like, more clever or, like, you know, well read, by, ummm, talking like this. Take your time if you need to, but do it with pauses instead.
@Oleg_K. Yeah, I was thinking how I'm more likely to say about or around a time. The example isn't very helpful. There's a wider variety of words that can be used I'm place of most placeholders. Also just pausing is not a bad thing, if you need to you can make a seperate sound or expression to show you are thinking. I feel like a good rule of thumb is if you wouldn't type out the pause filler then you should avoid saying it. I type like at the beginning of sentences alot of but it's bc theyre examples.
its not abt the intelligence you can be really smart but if you cant instill confidence in others of your intelligence ie with the way you speak you might have a harder time getting across to them
... I never realised... But I just normally speak like that. And not on purpose. Like not to sound more posh or charismatic. Thats just the way I talk. I didn't even know I HAD a way I talked. No wonder people say what they say about me. Holy shit.
I try to practice using more academic language and better grammar in my texting/writing It’s not a good way to practice using different filler words though, because the way we do that out loud is so different
I’m in HR and I usually do the exact opposite, I try to use as little complicated words as possible, I try to use common fillers but not many to keep the focus on what I’m saying. I’ve found that it makes people relax more and they can show their full potential ✨
Sometimes it’s better to be quieter and speak much more slowly. Take pauses to make informed balanced responses. The world is always talking over one another
Ok, so, uh, um, um, what was I saying? Anyway.. uh, I had a thought. Would you like to hear it? Oh really? How lovely... thank you! You want to hear it! So, like, it goes like this.. basically, this happened ages ago, but like, it's so mad.
They sound like a firm of undertakers "confident and charismatic" like getting "requistion for a personality". Hello "I am bubbly" personality because that is what the ad said "I find sports keep me confident and the pounds off as well". "I like to be perky, and have always wanted world peace". "I have always admired Japanese culture and enjoy making tea". "I find regular tea makes you confident and charismatic". Working environment no I have no problem with companies called "Coffee Mints and Garry's Attic" Well Garry attic working is OK as my last line manager said I was an Air head. I can stay confident and calm under pressure as I just imagine and this is a true female perspective that she would "just imaged strangling his head under water".
I have a heavy Indian accent. People say that an accent makes you a less effective communicator . Can you help or advise me on neutralising the same ?? ( Accent )
But wouldn’t ‘however’ and ‘you see’ essentially mean the same thing in the context for the last one? Is it really best to use them both, back to back like that?
Interesting. I’m awkward as heck but people seem to like me at work and I’m interviews. It always kind of confused me, but this sheds some light on why. I guess I just lucked out in my speaking habits!
I'm sorry Erin, I cannot endorse the pause as a man. People already upset with you will not find pausing before any answer confident. In fact they start to believe you know nothing because you do not have answers immediately.
Really? That's silly. All of the people I listen to do that, and they're professional speakers. Pausing is a good thing to do. It's better to pause before saying something or when you're trying to find a word but can't. You can also do it when you're in the middle of your thoughts, and your mind is trying to catch up with your voice, as long as you keep it to a minimum. For example, when you want to cut out words such as 'like', or 'um', or any sort of filler words, pausing is a good way to help. Or when you want to stop stuttering when you speak. Pausing can help with that as well as taking your time to speak. Maybe what you're talking about is HOW you speak. You see, when speaking, if you want to sound confident, not pausing isn't gonna help, and even so there's a lot more to it. Speaking over yourself and stuttering isn't gonna make you sound confident either. Confidence in your voice has to do with your tone, breathing, pronunciation, and ability to annunciate of you words. Some vocal exercises and light warm ups every morning, as well as drinking plenty of water, should do the trick. And lastly, stop worrying about what others think. Man, woman, in order to find more confidence in your voice, you shouldn't care what others think when it comes to how you speak. I am a woman, but I'm also soft spoken and my speech is very slurred, so I don't sound confident at times. But I've been pacing myself and doing vocal warmups and already found the confidence in my voice in at least 3 months. I sound more confident when doing speeches in college. I don't know if this helps, but just push on. 👍🏿
For daily career + life advice: instagram.com/AdviceWithErin ❤
the problem with the latter is asking someone a question and 5 minutes later they answer. my husband's family constantly does this and I just wanna tear my brains out 😂
I am the type of person to take a while to respond :p
I was taught to use “uh” and “um” though but now I overuse them. There’s just no winning!
My family will just keep talking 😂
😂😂😂😂😂
they pause and answer after 5 mins or they do something ignoring you then answer?
I was insecure about how I speak in conversations but you showed my way of talking as the *positive* way. 🥺 You have just made my day so much better.
My adhd makes the last one really difficult, but it also is really effective. The difference in attention from others is like night and day
Same! Every other word I say is either "er" or"um"😅
@@chiaracabalafr. I can’t speak without having a mild mental breakdown with every other word 😅
Women will also struggle with it more because we learn subconsciously that people don't care about what we have to say, so we'll talk like we're less sure of ourselves
@@joeylovesmeni thought i just sucked massively 😭
This is a really difficult one. Definitely worth practicing!
This is actually really encouraging because I am a slow processor. I feel like I need to respond right away, but this showed me how it can potentially make me seem more professional, confident and conscientious
Pausing before you speak absolutely shows confidence and professionalism. When we pause before we speak, we are showing people that we are someone who chooses their words with intention!
Great tips! I struggle with pausing before speaking
At this point I'm just liking your videos before even watching the whole thing cause i know you'll have useful, valuable advice! Thank you ❤
Glad to hear it!
I wish I could get advice on how to explain my tourette’s in a professional setting. They are very mild but noticeable so I can’t just pretend they aren’t happening because people will think I’m doing it to be annoying, immature, or to draw attention to myself [which I try to avoid honestly].
So sorry you have to even explain it. Are there any channels or websites to help? Maybe you could try saying " I have some tics, so please ignore them".
Your voice is sooo amazing to hear ❤❤
First one very useful for people who tend to talk at you and not with you.
I would like to add to the conversation as well sometimes!
Could you give more about high quality filters?
Would love more videos on this! Examples in conversation and/or how to practice
You sound exactly the same to me either way
I'm autistic and most of the time it's hard for me to talk, so I usually respond to someone with one sentence or few words. I think practicing speaking and sounding confident may help a little
Number 3 is life-changing
The second one is very important if you speak with clients from Asian countries, especially China. If they ask you a question or want your input on any issue, it's considered disrespectful or dismissive if you respond right away. You have to wait for a few seconds before responding to show that you have actually considered their words and havs weighed the pros and cons of your response.
Truth be told, the last one makes the response seem somehow less human than if you were to hear at least one filler.
Using fillers in speech is entirely normal and doesn't make you low-class or dumb!! People who think it does are WRONG
I feel like regardless of when you pause, if you treat it like a pause instead of trying to fill it you seem more sure of yourself. We all know we need pauses to speak well so why bother trying to fill them in as through we dont
Your accent is so beautiful
When she started speaking about the painting i got alex vibes from modern family
I use all these, but in my grou of friends rarely anyone listen to me, I guess it depends on the ton of voice also, because statistically we all listen to the laudest of us, even if we don't want to
I agree with this wholeheartedly.
I'm confused about the first tip, she says the same thing both times, but their response was different? The correct way is to acknowledge what they said and then continue rather than just losing your place fumbling over restarting? Have to be careful about this one, because often when I try to do this I do completely lose my train of thought and/or go off on some tangent about what they said.
My social awkward butt could never
Do you have any tips on how to do this with adhd? 😭 anything that could help us formulate correct sentences without forgetting a word or two? I try to prep before interviews as much as possible because my brain just doesn’t work that fast and I can’t think that quick on my feet and formulate sentences that make sense to other people but also sound good on the spot because I often forget to say a word or two (brain thinks too fast or thinks of too many things, mouth is too slow to catch up, then I lose track of my thoughts because what I’m saying doesn’t match what I’m thinking so I just end up sounding stupid/ unprepared) this is causing me to lose so many job opportunities that I know I can do well but I just don’t know how to articulate things, I don’t know how to make words sound fancy and eloquent without sounding like a robot or getting a brain glitch out of nowhere
Whoever you are out there, the way that you talk its prefectly fine.
the only no-noes when it comes to speech is
dont scream at people
dont threaten people
dont comit hate crimes
dont comit war crimes
dont start a war
dont be pasive agressive
dont be actively agressive
dont guilt trip people
dont gaslit people
lying for the sake of being cheeky is allowed and encouraged
anywho, if you do none of the things above
you are perfectly fine just the way you are
omg you have big sister energy i love you ❤
Whatever my brain and mouth want to spew out is how it goes😁. But fr I’m one of those people who says “what?” To everything then answers before the person repeats what I said what to. So lately when someone says something I just don’t say anything until my slow ass brain processes it and then I answer. It always feels like an awkward half a second but I guess it’s better than saying what
love your videos!! any chance you have advice on how to ask my boss (w/o panicking lol) to give me more clear directions? i worked until 1am tonight on a task that should have taken 30 mins bc i wasn't given a clear project outline and received vague answers to my clarifying questions 😅
Oh my gawd me speaking when I have anxiety vs when I don't. How about no questions please I wasn't prepared for this pop quiz
Love your content
really helpful!
wow exacly what my colleague is doing! now I know why everyone's talking with her
Filler sounds are so ingrained in the way I talk, and it really shows up in interviews! How can I change this?
Record yourself.
Think of something mundane to pretend to talk to someone you're close to about
The meal you had last night or a story from your last adventure.
So keep that person in your mind like you're talking to them and Record yourself on your phone. Listen to the recording. Yes, it's going to hurt a bit.
From then on, you'll hear the fillers, first as they come out, but soon in your mind before you say them. A day or 2 later, record again. This time, Self bleep them like they are cuss words. Just give that little pause like you uttered them, but don't.
Practice that in real conversations and see how quickly it improves.
I really love your videos and they have helped me a lot with my autism, but I really dont understand this one. Could you possibly make one explaining each a little bit more?
If you were good at the first one, it’s almost criminally effective
Me being a bilingual person okay so I need to slow down when I talk in English because when I talk in Spanish it all flows out and in English we’ll you know .
🔥🔥🔥❤️
English teacher is here to teach 😊
Tone,tempo and pitch
I ate the whole lot of work on my phone go and have been trying hard work to work on my new phone today and now have any further feedback or comments
goshhhh I do all the wrong ones
welp I didn’t sound confident at all in my last interview 😢 i did most of these
oh dear
🐭
or, in other words, how to ✨mask✨
Marsha Brady. 2.0
Ergo, vis-a-vis, concordantly...
If I pause for even a second I get talked over. I get talked over while I'm still talking too 😑
Why does she sound like luna lovegood?
This during a breakup:
Wrong: "Look, i-it's not you it's me, I can't do this anymore! "
Correct: "Unfortunately due to extenuating circumstances I am forced to decline your invitation for a further romantic relationship."
lmao i can’t imagine being that “professional” in this kind of scenario
The gift of Gab, aka how to talk nonstop, and still say nothing
No I don't got that. I don't even understand what the first one was about. My stomach did somersaults thinking about answering at questions in a work context. No I don't got this one
I sound like a turtle
:3
This video is confusing
Too fast..
Say different things.
…and speak more slowly in a lower tone.
lame, doing pause does not guarantee nothing, I knew using those finger pointing at the beginning this was going to be a pathetic exercise, like wtf, we are seeing the screen already cringe gen-z
Fun fact! Fillers are SUPER important and can reflect a higher level of intelligence depending on the context. Different fillers also serve slightly different purposes! Many people associate fillers such as 'um' or 'like' as a sign of low confidence or low intelligence, but that is not the case! By saying 'um..' you are a.) signifying to the other person that you have not yet finished the point you were making and b.) affording yourself the opportunity to be more thoughtful and accurate with your words.
The word 'like' can serve a different purpose. By using the word 'like' qe are able to paraphrase or use our own descriptors for certain things. If you were to say 'I got to work at 9am' but you actually got to work at 9.13 am, it would be less accurate than saying 'I got to work at like 9am'. Of course, in this example is doesnt really matter whether you got to work at 9 or 9.13am, but in a different context, the inclusion of the word 'like' could have a huge impact!
So, never let anyone berate you for saying 'um' or 'like' or any other filler words. Because chances are, you are displaying a higher level of intelligence than someone who just spits out their words in a continuous stream without taking the time to consider it!
More often than not, however, both "um", and "like" used as filler words are signs of a poorer vocabulary and a lower agency with language. Not to mention the stylistic impact they have on how you're perceived (and, realistically, how you probably are if you often use the two). So, while they have their use in everyday conversation, you're better off steering clear of them than listening to _fun facts_ like the ones above.
No one ever sounds, like, more clever or, like, you know, well read, by, ummm, talking like this. Take your time if you need to, but do it with pauses instead.
@Oleg_K. Yeah, I was thinking how I'm more likely to say about or around a time. The example isn't very helpful.
There's a wider variety of words that can be used I'm place of most placeholders. Also just pausing is not a bad thing, if you need to you can make a seperate sound or expression to show you are thinking.
I feel like a good rule of thumb is if you wouldn't type out the pause filler then you should avoid saying it. I type like at the beginning of sentences alot of but it's bc theyre examples.
its not abt the intelligence you can be really smart but if you cant instill confidence in others of your intelligence ie with the way you speak you might have a harder time getting across to them
What about us dumb people? We don’t deserve work? My college degree is worthless
I have a high tolerance for “um” when someone is gathering their thoughts, but “like” is almost always overused. I’ve had to work hard on it myself!
Me trying to reach the 1000s word limit on my essay be like 💀🙏
... I never realised...
But I just normally speak like that. And not on purpose. Like not to sound more posh or charismatic. Thats just the way I talk. I didn't even know I HAD a way I talked. No wonder people say what they say about me. Holy shit.
I try to practice using more academic language and better grammar in my texting/writing
It’s not a good way to practice using different filler words though, because the way we do that out loud is so different
I’m in HR and I usually do the exact opposite, I try to use as little complicated words as possible, I try to use common fillers but not many to keep the focus on what I’m saying. I’ve found that it makes people relax more and they can show their full potential ✨
Sometimes it’s better to be quieter and speak much more slowly. Take pauses to make informed balanced responses.
The world is always talking over one another
I prefer impulsed
Ok, so, uh, um, um, what was I saying? Anyway.. uh, I had a thought. Would you like to hear it? Oh really? How lovely... thank you! You want to hear it! So, like, it goes like this.. basically, this happened ages ago, but like, it's so mad.
They sound like a firm of undertakers "confident and charismatic" like getting "requistion for a personality".
Hello "I am bubbly" personality because that is what the ad said "I find sports keep me confident and the pounds off as well". "I like to be perky, and have always wanted world peace". "I have always admired Japanese culture and enjoy making tea". "I find regular tea makes you confident and charismatic". Working environment no I have no problem with companies called "Coffee Mints and Garry's Attic" Well Garry attic working is OK as my last line manager said I was an Air head.
I can stay confident and calm under pressure as I just imagine and this is a true female perspective that she would "just imaged strangling his head under water".
Imma be honest I physically can’t sound professional I just end up sounding stuck up
I have a heavy Indian accent.
People say that an accent makes you a less effective communicator .
Can you help or advise me on neutralising the same ?? ( Accent )
But wouldn’t ‘however’ and ‘you see’ essentially mean the same thing in the context for the last one? Is it really best to use them both, back to back like that?
What do you think of the his painting?
I have derived nothing of value from this experience.
Yeah nothing says confidence like hesitation...wait a minute
Don’t use “right?” as a period!!! Say what you gotta say.
Thanks to your videos I aced my first interview and landed my first job!!!! 🎉
WOOHOO 🎉 proud of you!
Wtf is this
your voice sounds so sweeet
Thank you!
Go British! 😊
Erin I love u
Interesting. I’m awkward as heck but people seem to like me at work and I’m interviews. It always kind of confused me, but this sheds some light on why.
I guess I just lucked out in my speaking habits!
Excellent tips...and so easy! Love this.
This is exactly what I need
I'm sorry Erin, I cannot endorse the pause as a man. People already upset with you will not find pausing before any answer confident. In fact they start to believe you know nothing because you do not have answers immediately.
Really? That's silly. All of the people I listen to do that, and they're professional speakers. Pausing is a good thing to do. It's better to pause before saying something or when you're trying to find a word but can't. You can also do it when you're in the middle of your thoughts, and your mind is trying to catch up with your voice, as long as you keep it to a minimum. For example, when you want to cut out words such as 'like', or 'um', or any sort of filler words, pausing is a good way to help. Or when you want to stop stuttering when you speak. Pausing can help with that as well as taking your time to speak. Maybe what you're talking about is HOW you speak. You see, when speaking, if you want to sound confident, not pausing isn't gonna help, and even so there's a lot more to it. Speaking over yourself and stuttering isn't gonna make you sound confident either. Confidence in your voice has to do with your tone, breathing, pronunciation, and ability to annunciate of you words. Some vocal exercises and light warm ups every morning, as well as drinking plenty of water, should do the trick. And lastly, stop worrying about what others think. Man, woman, in order to find more confidence in your voice, you shouldn't care what others think when it comes to how you speak. I am a woman, but I'm also soft spoken and my speech is very slurred, so I don't sound confident at times. But I've been pacing myself and doing vocal warmups and already found the confidence in my voice in at least 3 months. I sound more confident when doing speeches in college. I don't know if this helps, but just push on. 👍🏿
🌟