ASK AMANDA #1: I’m 39 & Dying of Cancer. How Do I Help the Love of My Life?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ส.ค. 2024
- Hello my loves. This is a home-made video of me live-reading (and live-weeping) my new advice column: "Ask Amanda #1: I’m 39 and Dying of Cancer. How Do I Help the Love of My Life?" The original column, with beautiful artwork by Sarah Beetson, is here: amandapalmer.s...
For the foreseeable run of "Ask Amanda", which is being hosted over on Substack, I'll be making these little home-reading videos just for the paid subscribers (it's $5/month).
The next column up is "Ask Amanda #2, Envy and Survival in the time of Covid". I take six questions about how to deal lovingly with the anti-vaxxers in your life, how to deal with the dreaded comparison trap, and how to find balance when it all feels like it's falling apart.
You can subscribe for FREE to the column here, or become a paid subscriber to get this videos in your inbox every time I make them: amandapalmer.s...
Amanda, thank you for having the courage to chose this question & the capacity to answer it with love & compassion.
I couldn't listen til the end. I was bawling. My wife was diagnosed with Scleroderma in 2006. We left the Dr office thinking she wasn't going to live very long, a year, no more. Doctors try, but he didn't tell us that people with Scleroderma can live for decades. After yrs of helping her put on her socks because the skin on her body was tightening too much and she couldn't reach her feet anymore. Joint contractures in her hands, her fingers don't straighten anymore, tumoral calcinosis in her shoulder, and on her joints, hands are the worst. Please remember the person you love is the one who is there, and she, or he, as may be the case, has hopes and dreams for the future, your job is to give them something to look forward to, and not back.
you're so welcome. i love doing this. it is helping to make me feel less lonely over here. xxx
To be with him 4 the rest of your life n go on adventure with him n let him know how you feel in person cuz with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE N GOD CAN HEAL ALL SICKNESS N DISEASE N CANCERS, I CAN HELP YOU BEAT ANYTHING WITH GOD,ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE PHILLIPIANS 4:13, 2NDTIMOTHY1:7, Our Father who art in heaven Hallowed be thy name t h y Kingdom Come come t h y will be done on Earth as it is in heaven give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but Deliver Us from Evil for that is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever amen shalom you just gotta Believe in Us
I love you n will wait 4 u 2 come to me, ur King n kingdom
Trust ur heart n God n me
I am chronically ill, with a disease that is taking pieces of me away as every day passes. Death is a very real thing that is always closer than we want it to be, so this really hit me in a very real place. I worry so much about my soul mate and our children. I worry about how they will manage without me. It is so hard to be in that position and try to find some peace with it all. My thoughts and love go to Penny and Jason. ❤
much love to you and your family ❤️
thanks for sharing your story, your thoughts and feelings make the world feel a little smaller as it’s all something we have in common and will each face someday
again fellow piano enthusiast, wishing you and yours the best
Well, this left me speechless..
When my ex boyfriend passed away, I travelled to the other side of the country to be with a friend i hadn't seen for years, who knew us, who was always there in our on/off of a mess of a relationship, you put it so perfectly.. when the time comes we all need a Sam. I'm grateful I had one, I would've been so much more lost without her.
It's better to have loved completely even if one is dying at least let the other one know is your soulmate that wasn't in vain and it was real no matter how shorter fleeting it makes you feel you have to let the other one know and how you feel in person nobigdyl
I cried for Penny and Jason. Almost two years after this video being posted, I found it and fell into the story. About half way through, realizing Penny’s time could have very well come, I cried for her loss. I cried for his. I cried for the possible grief of their love having already been a healing wound. You made me a Sam. That is a powerful gift to give them, and the world, Amanda. Thank you for writing. Please don’t ever stop.
Your medicine is magic Amanda 💜
A sharp, wakening coffee on a dark, cold raining day - honestly, it's this is fucking refreshing.
You're an inspiration for someone trying to refind themselves after a time too long. 🌱
Hey everything you said about her.. I see in what you just wrote... Don't forget to see the beauty within yourself... You remind me of me 💜💜💜💜
Thank you Amanda. My 35 year old brother passed away suddenly back in May. You expressed everything I’ve felt and needed since his passing. I still finding my Sams. ❤️
There are no words….
I sobbed with you, this touched me on such a deep level…
Thank you so much for being you, and showing up for all of us the way you do🙏🙏🙏💗💗💗💗💗
Amanda, this is probably the best video I’ve ever watched on TH-cam, and you’ve reminded the world that all of our broken hearts are invisibly stitched together somehow. Genuinely breathtaking. Me. We.
For the first time since hearing you were stuck there, I’m hearing the lyrics to that little New Zealand song you wrote the same day you performed it, that was on a live compilation “I wish I had more time to see your cliff sides and your blackened shores”. I guess that came true. Cheesy silver linings.
I love you, Amanda.
Your music has been a part of my life for years. Your openness and emotional honesty strike a chord in me because a lot of my life has involved wrapping up my emotions and shoving them deep inside.
My wife, Mary, died just before Thanksgiving in 2020 as a result of Covid infection. We had been married for just shy of 20 years, and much of our relationship in a sense had been defined by her chronic illness (lupus) and the associated complications. There was plenty of good stuff (including two great kids), but her illness was the so-called elephant in the room.
Your column made me realize that, in one sense, I didn't really have a "Sam". The friend groups of our early years had drifted apart as a result of the messiness that life can be, and -- at least for me -- had never really been replaced. The isolation imposed as a result of the pandemic made that lack even more pronounced. The past 14 months have been a whirlwind of navigating the waters of middle-aged single dadhood, and while I discovered a wonderful support system in one of my online communities, it's not quite the same as having "locals".
And, of course, I find it hard to ask. Because I don't want to intrude, or be a bother, or disrupt other people's lives. I think it's time to read your book again.
Your message is a critical one, Amanda, and from the bottom of my heart I thank you for continually reminding us of our shared humanity.
Sending you love from afar and hoping you can find someone to walk with you through this. Grief can be so lonely. 💜
I can't even tell you how important this video turned out to be for me, my brother and best friend died from heart failure three years ago. he was my person! My best friend my world. And grieving him I felt the exact same way Amanda! I would say this is the most important thing for someone to have to birth through the pains of loss, someone who understands how emensly important the person who has passed was to you. Amanda thank you for putting into words
30:00 i love this approach. Witnesses of your love.
37:17 “you can't control the dying, and neither can Jason, but you can control what the world around him might be shaped like when you go... shape that world into a place that can hold Jason a little more gently”
❤This is so beautiful. Thank You.
Beautiful, Amanda. I cried with you. I know this day is coming for me eventually with ones I love so much. I will be inconsolable. But I will let it happen … and know that the grief will be because I chose to love so thoroughly and fully. Thanks for the reminder that the grief is because of the power of the love. It’s worth it. Hugs
I lost count of how many people said "I don't know what to say" when my mother died. There is huge comfort just in understanding that the enormity of such loses are difficult to express.
Thank you for doing this. I was crying along with you. Sending love to you, Penny and Jason. ❤️
I know you've heard this many times Amanda. I've been a huge fan all the back from The Dresden Dolls and now. You've been the most positive, intelligent, talented, most beautiful influence and inspiration of my life. Thank you for everything you do. Much love from Atlanta, Ga.
So beautiful story full of compassion, greaf and releaf for me. Thank you very much 🤗
Thank you for sharing. I cried along with you throughout the video. The feelings of loss and grief are so strong. I also wish we could go back to wearing black while we grieve. It's so surreal to feel so sad while the world just continues to move on.
I lost my best friend, my friend soulmate in 2016. She died of complications from pneumonia before she turned 30. She had a severe physical disability that made her body have to fight ten times as hard as an able bodied person. I knew we wouldn't be alive forever together but i didn't think I'd lose her before we were 30. You are so right, Amanda: immense love means immense grief. Grief really is love that is redirected into ourselves because the other person isn't there anymore. That's why it hurts so much. And is so beautiful at the same time. So much love to you and to all the folks here. This is a cool community, which is rare these days.
Hi Amanda, first thing in the morning? No lippy? No makeup?
You still look gorgeous.
Thank you for adding this to TH-cam! I'm so grateful to be able to watch.
You look real and raw and beautifully chaotic, Amanda! It's GOOD to see you! I cried so hard with this one... your answer was so beautiful it broke down some walls I didn't know I had built up. I guess with all the chaos of the last two years, I bricked up my emotions to just survive... to just be able to get through the days. Damn it... but thank you, Amanda. I needed these tears to flow. Sending love stat to Penny and Jason... I wish I had a romantic love like that, big sigh. I do have that with my daughter, if I ever lost her... it would profoundly change everything about me, about the world for me. I understand all of Jason's emotions and fear when I relate it to my child. Wishing him many Sams! Amanda, I love you!!
How badly i wished i could go through this screen and just hug you. You are such a force. Truly. Lucky fucks we are to have lived on this rock with you. 💓
I know you made this 2 years ago. I found this today. I really needed this today.
My father died last June. After a year and a half long battle with cancer. One that I was by his side for virtually every step of. He wasn't just my father. We had a family business and I worked by his side for over 20 years. We were very close and he was my best friend, except for my wife. I'm not doing better lately. In part because so many other things are still upside down. But the grief and the pain, mixed with my existing depression and anxiety, has been particularly strong lately. The tears just seem to fall all by themselves sometimes and the aching pain can make movement feel impossible. I'm trying. Trying to find something solid enough that I can start to pull my weary body, mind, and heart out of the pit. While also not wanting the pain to go away. Because it is the damage left behind from losing him and sometimes it feels like the last thing I have to hold on to from him being alive. Even though I know that's not true.
I've loved your art for quite a while now, Amanda. And my respect for you has only grown over that time. Thank you for being the kind of person who would put out something like this. You're a good and kind person. And it means a lot.
You posted this on my birthday, so that sucks to hear from one of my favorite song artists. I’m really sorry this happened, and live your best life until you can’t anymore. Thank you for being a big part of my life. :)
Thank you for sharing Amanda! New Zealand looks amazing btw. 🖤
Amanda , in my opinion you are the most brilliant artist I have had the honor to listen to and learn about . Your albums and pieces will always have a home in my family's library, your songs will forever be stuck in my head, and your wisdom and love for your fans will be the stitches that fix the wound left on my heart when you leave this world. I hope in the after life or another life you will sing again and I will get to see you in concert. Much love
As with most of your content, I had no idea how much I needed to hear these words, Amanda. I'm ugly crying while I make dinner and I'm going to listen to The Art of Asking audiobook for the 5th time. Thank you for constantly reminding me to feel my feelings.
Hi Amanda, I ran across you on TH-cam. So it brought me here.
In my own grief story; I lost my beautiful 28 year old daughter Michelle ♡ I didn't even know how much I loved her until she was gone. I mean I knew I loved her but how powerful death was! This story of Penny and Jason had me sobbing also because I think once you've experienced loss personally it helps you be more sympathetic or compassionate toward others. Maybe in a place of where I can actually help someone else going through loss.
Amanda you write beautifully too and the way you word your words touched me also. While sobbing about Penny and Jason and You and Anthony I was also crying for Michelle or the loss of her. It's important to feel deeply because we felt deeply for these people. Michelle was a desire for me. I had two Sons but I felt someone was missing in my life. When I became pregnant my husband told me she was a girl. I was elated! So I'm back to missing her and it's hard and it's real. To Jason and Penny just love while you can. Enjoy every moment.
Michelle left us her beautiful girl. We have cared for her since she was one month. So she feels like our daughter now that she's 4. Sending love to all of you here ♡
i cried hearing you read :(
thanks amanda for sharing! wish you all the best.
The Sound Of Flapping Wings... And black i liner on a ukulele
who chooses the color of your clothes? I love wearing black even without grief. I have depression, so the color feels good on me. I feel more myself, like I can show that I'm not well with my choice of clothes.
I looove this. This was beautiful. I do have membership to your patreon but only the $1 one and I really really wish i could do the $5 monthly one. 5 dollars is NOTHING for ask amanda but im literally living between shelters and the sidewalk in cold ass massachusetts and i definitely can come up with $5 easy but its making sure i can get it into an account on the right dates & not have to use it before thats the hard part. But i am so grateful to be a part of your patreon amanda i love everything you do there!
I know this will probably get buried in all the comments but I feel this absolute urge to put this here. Its 27:06 into the video and I'm silently crying in my dining room sitting at my computer while my kids watch cartoons and my husband sleeps. It's easy to fall into the thought that no one truly cares about you and think about who will really know you or understand you after you die and I just have to say that the tiny glimpse of you and your life has made a tremendous impact on my own. Words cannot express the priviledge I feel to exist on this earth at the same time as you do. I don't mean this in a weird obsessed fan kind of way, because that's now how I feel at all. You are one of the most unapologetically human people I've ever seen. And when I die, I want the world to know the people that influenced me, but that's not necessary as long as you know the impact that you've had on my life. I hope this comment finds you and touches you in your heart as you've given me the courage and the strength to break free of the chains built of fear and guilt that we bind ourselves with made from others judgements and opinions. All that matters is love. And the love that you radiate has reached me all the way across the world. I hope that you are able to see your loved ones soon and keep shining like the star you are. That is all. Ahem. *unpause video*
Love to Penny and Jason
I think that's really powerful 💜💜💜 so proud of you. 💜💜💜
What a beautifully profound usage of the TH-cam platform. Bravo! This day, this life... it just feels better after having experienced this video.
Im 35, and I just got a cancer diagnosis, which is hard. I am so worried about my husband.
♥♥♥
Greeting from New Jersey!
Sending Love to Penny & Jason and the Sams of the World.
Long-Time Patreon Subscriber here.
Good to "see" you, Amanda.
Come Baaaaack to the US!!
Last time I saw Y'All was in NYC in 2019.
(I was in the seventh row for your Anthony Conversation.)
We Miss You.
I'm Verklempt.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Goddammit Amanda, I maybe late at watching this buy just know I'll forever love you as a musician and a human being. ❤
i love you Amanda. youre beautiful and wonderful. thank you for showing us your place. its beautiful too. youre amazing for doing this. its really sweet. keep being you.
Thank you Amanda, Almost feels as if you were talking about my situation the pass few years. Except I’m single and have no penny. Just trying not to be another cancer statistic. Because my father died at 41 of melanoma. I got diagnosed with a fungal infection in 2016 that could easily be cancer already because I let my choice of a job and my ignorance get the best of the pass two years. ❤️❤️❤️
I thought my meds had stopped me from crying... thank you for proving me wrong.
In case of the Jason's, that have high walls built and gravitate towards private grief. Me too. But, the stories will still come out all the same, it just takes a bit longer. I take solace in carrying these stories of my loved ones, and as long as I'm alive I'll tell them to those who care to listen. For example, there's something wonderful about explaining my uncles sense of humour. He once went to Italy, came back, told us to visit his for a night of authentic Italian cuisine and served us chocolate pizza and spaghetti ice cream. He was so serious about it, it was really fucking funny. It's been probably 13 years since chocolate pizza night, I'm well overdue trying it again. Perhaps I need to invite some friends over to try my Uncles authentic Italian recipes, "secret knowledge passed down a generation" 🤭
Amanda, thank you for this video. My mom passed away in December after fighting cancer for about 3 years. She dragged out her fight by choosing to go through chemical trials in hopes of at the very least providing more research to help future women faced with her position. This was the more painful for her, but she did it anyway for even the potential help it could provide to others. I did not know this until after she passed. My mother was my best friend. I may have moved out but I was always going back to see her every week and talking to her on the phone when in my own place. I’m trying to support my dad during his grief of losing the love of his life after over 30 years of marriage…after working so hard for setting up the perfect retirement for them… all to end up just being without her. I’m traumatized but regret nothing of my efforts to make sure my mother passed without feeling pain. Watching my mother die and take her last breathe has my heart in pieces but I’d do it again just to make her more comfortable and spare my dad of some of his pain. Our family is horribly damage but hearing this video and how accurate makes me feel some relief. This damage is normal. I don’t have to feel okay and it’s okay to grieve. I’m allowed to express my feelings and be heard. I will continue trying my best to be the supportive person I promised my mom I would be for my dad. I love you. Thank you.
lol, loved your camera stand... xD I do similar ones... :D ...thank you from Brasil!
You give the best hugs, literally and figuratively.
♥ to Penny, Jason and you...thank you for translating the most meaningful stuff of our lives in such a gloriously creative and beautiful way, and all the while, doing so with your unflinching honesty - always. "Thank you" is inadequate, but, it is all I have, except for my love and admiration - and I will send you Reiki, since it is a gift I can give. ♥
It's Shrink from Ars Electronica festival, so crazy things set to music.
cant believe im only seeing this now; love you, thanks so much
i've yet never had to deal with someone close to me dying. Yet, this is moving me a lot and i'm sad about both of your grief, Penny/Penny's husband and Amanda. ❤
What i do understand is the fear of grief. I am already scared when i think that one day, inevitably, i will go through that.
Your life is literally in my mind
EU NÃO ENTENDI NADA MAS EU TE AMO PERFEITA NUNCA ERROU
I love you so much, you big-hearted human!
I love your kitchen plants!!
I make the same sound when I drop my phone 📱 also I'm also 22 years old and born in Aotearoa. I must say I'm fascinated by your art and (not to sound creepy). I've been binge watching your content on youtube, your poems, etc. Honestly, you are so insightful and admire your ideas, views, and who you are as an artist. Very inspiring 👏
oh god, you talk about wearing lipstick ironically and I am reminded of Alanis Morissette. And then her participation on the Dogma movie. Love it
i am Sam, too 💜💜💜
you are such a wonderful human being!!!
same hat😳
You saved my life, thank u
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
❤️ thank you
I'm not really all that good at planning things. [I am 49 years old. I will be 50 soon. Amanda Palmer is a couple years younger than I am.]
I Love Your video.
❤ I love you.
Dear Amanda, I watched to the end. Your vids should come with a trigger warning, "Viewer tears ahead". Thank you.
For real
The parable of the second arrow
TY 4 U Amanda 🙏💞💫
Love ❤️ & light!
I'm a Sam now
Same, Violet. Have a good day :)
May we find a star, when all we feel is a black hole. ⭐
This is evocative af. Thank you 💜
Zoe keating
This was very good. What happened to Neil?
I cant believe this woman is the one who sang evelyn evelyn with jason
Omfg...so beautiful😭😭😭😭
I love you :((
Google (via TH-cam) vlogs could all be mostly ‘unedited’ like this, because influencers could be mostly unedited like this. If they wanted to. 🤷♂️
WHAT'S IRONIC LIPSTICK?
I never like wearing make up. The way I see it, it would be like hiding who I am. And especially lately I am hiding behind a mask. Not because of covid but because of my bad looking teeth that I have. U tend to smile with my teeth, but scared I would freak people out with my teeth. I am nice and caring, yet I scare people away. I am pretty looking on the outside without make up, so why no be natural. I am natual, just scared to show my smile🙁
Dang, i hope whoever needs to see this does!
😁❤❤
I love you
💖
💖💖💖
How are you 39 if you were born in 1976?
She's not 39. The person who wrote in is.
Oh man I would never wear lipstick ironically - GIVE ME THAT MAKE-UP!
Amanda, I have a question: Are you against sexual assault if the culprit is a female and the victim a male? How about when the culprit is a female and the victim is a female? Why sexual violence commited by women is never talked about?
Just saw you on Russel Brands pod cast
Is this an ama?
I love you Amanda but this isn’t really answering the question. It’s basically reading from your own documented experiences. These maybe cathartic to you but not sure how this helps the person dying right now. I may have missed something.
oh no :( sorry
❤👍😎✌💋👏
I mean...been wearing black for 29 years 🤷♀️❤️ the world needs goth kids aka death Dulas. As much the world needs birth dulas. I am very sorry for your loss. I know how that is. As a medium, for what it's worth, I promise you they're okay. that doesn't make it any better in the moment, but at the end of the day it's all right. ❤️
Im extremely good at curing cancer if you ever want me to cure it for you let me know.