BINGO. This falling in love stuff is fantasy. It really is shallow infatuation. Feels good for the moment because "he or she fulfills my idea of what the perfect person is like!" NO human will ever live up to that unrealistic standard. It does not exist. It has no staying power because reality sets in when you see what they really are like. REAL love takes time to develop between 2 individuals who are willing to learn and grow in their relationship with each other, while struggling with each others' imperfections. That hard work leads to something of real substance. Ever see a couple that at first appearance makes you wonder- how could THEY be a good match? Take a deeper look. Notice how well they get along? They found it! They could very well have what you are still yearning for. They have built a loving lasting relationship built on respect, and of course, Love!
They nailed it. Anyone that comes on too strong; all enthusiastic, talkative, wide-eyed, passionate, etc. Those are the main ones you should tread lightly with. As fast and hard as they will come onto to you, they will be just as fast to hop right off and move onto the next. I've seen so many people go through it. This is why I have to first know that the other person is comfortable during "boring" moments -- whether a romantic partner or simply friends (male or female ) -- There's no such thing as longevity and genuine connection with dopamine junkies.
"We are attracted to a person who has a trauma similar to ours," said a trauma-trained psychotherapist. "The false feeling of connection, love and intimacy ... the chemistry is explosive" - Lewis is talking about a trauma-bonded relationship.
yes, too many psychotherapists speak on love but they are speaking about trauma bonds and trauma bonded relationships. and oh my gawwwwd, there have been more than one therapist that has scoffed at me in session when I talk about love and compatibility when they speak on trauma bonds. I'm like, um, stop projecting! you already told me about your personal experience to relate to me but i aint you
Like, in my relationship with my husband I had VERY little trauma in comparison to him. His childhood was a literal nightmare....& boy do I see it now. Things are a lot better, but I still see issues. However, at this point he says that he’s willing to go through getting some help to navigate his childhood trauma in order to help heal our kids & our relationship.
@@angelaunderwood7660 I empathize with your situation and hope you and your family are on the journey to navigate your husband's childhood trauma together. There is a model called,Trauma Informed Relational Model (TIRM) developed and practiced by the Trauma Recovery Institute in Dublin. It's based on the premise that the intimate partner relationship is the therapy where each partner heals within in the relationship and they grow together. And there is also IMAGO Relationship therapy which is designed to help conflict within relationships so they become opportunities for healing and growth.
I’m not disagreeing with anything she’s saying; she’s a relationship expert, I’m not. But it’s not surprising so many people are opting to just remain single. Dating and relationships are exhausting these days, there’s so many rules and it’s overly complicated. It just doesn’t feel worth it anymore.
I'd say people are different too, they don't value relationship the same as before. There are so many options now that choosing to be committed on a long term or finding someone who is looking for a long term commitment is very hard.
The problem is some people drive us really insane and it's not healthy for us to be with them. Once u are alone u can achieve peace. Men and women should learn to be alone and don't blame others just enjoy Ur own company
I love the single life as relationships usually develop into superficial episodes for insecure people who can't bare to be on their own. Quiet, solitude to an extent and freedom to do what I want, when I want and if I want is very liberating. Selfish.... not sure but it's a nice way to be.
Totally NOT selfish. I feel the same way you do. However, there are times, I miss the closeness, the private jokes, laughing with a significant other and the hand holding.
It’s also important to not swing to the other extreme of dating “boring” people. I see the narrative is shifting to this now and it’s equally undesirable. Those with trauma doubt themselves and need to cultivate a relationship with self first. Thing is, some people ARE boring, because they are blocked and not in touch with their own vitality. It takes time to know the difference.
❤ it hello fellow meanie walking by faith not sight, and all of us lovers here, the net has broken my fall and cradled me til I could gather strength so Thank You beautiful people xxx
Everything comes back to an even exchange of respect. The respect I have for myself and the respect I give my partner. A great test I always use is if the relationship is easy to the point that I keep asking myself “where are the problems?” then odds are she is worth investing in.
I think a huge factor here is how your partner expresses themselves to you. If they speak like she does in this interview, eg. "oh babe I haven't heard from you" then it's far easier to respond positively. If, on the other hand, they say "where have you been?! Why haven't you called me?!" it's far more likely they will get a bad response. The tone and choice of words makes a huge huge difference.
You are absolutely spot on. Wanted to hold on to her last point, I remembered I had the conversation with "him" and he mentioned my manner of approach. I'd have to work on my manner of approach and hopefully there would be changes. 🤞
Yeah. I was dating someone. She hit me with the “I’ll let you know” and another excuse twice so I just stopped reaching out. Then two months of silence and a voice note, “you only think of me when I text you.” Which was bullshit. During the two months of silence I realized I was carrying all the effort. If she had just said something more neutral I probably would’ve given it another chance.
You're definitely speaking a lot of truths to note down in case I get to be in a relationship again. Relationships if done right are the best thing ever. I'm glad you do this type of work because it will build healthier societies consistent of healthy relationships. Look forward to more content like this and thank you very much
I like that saying Grow in Love rather than Fall in Love at least it planned if you grow. Here's one never get involved with anyone who can't communicate effectively especially those who are unwilling or uncappable of communicating with you as far as the difficult conversations. Someone who is there for you through thick and thin no matter what the tough times & the easy times
As a woman I enjoy this lady's knowledge. I think the relationship is not about looks always, because after time the person who feels infatuation realizes that he/she needs something more than charisma, looks and lifestyle (lifestyle of sports hobbies, habits )......the reason is that his/her soul is craving also the connection of spiritual value,....The physical attraction and charisma may last a few months but the spiritual connection may last many years. For example, there is something very spiritual about laughter, smile, joy, and kindness. These values are not based on physical looks or materialism. You may meet hundreds of good-looking people with interesting lifestyles and charisma. But you realize there is something missing. That it's not about having more things, but about the consistency of lifestyle and having a true spiritual connection. Your soul will feel most happy if you meet also a spiritual connection, someone who makes you laugh every day or enjoys spending time in nature, or going camping, going to concerts or meeting communities of nice people etc.
“If the person you meet is boring, that’s a good thing. If it feels magical and explosive, it’s often a bad sign. Or you should ask why that explosive chemistry is occurring” what a deep thought
This resonated with me more than I can express. I had a tough childhood. All my life I've been attracted to these women that strike a spark for me. I've only recently come to understand that that spark is a real red flag.
This is such an important point! People with childhood trauma are more likely to get into sex work. They didn’t learn healthy boundaries between themselves and others and lack a sense of worthiness, so it’s easier for them to turn to selling their bodies, doing drugs, etc.
This is true. I had an incredibly chaotic, violent and incestual family. I would have easy fallen into this trap but when I gave my life to Christ, the trauma was healed.
Exactly so true about the traumatic childhood. Stop being ok to be the punching bag and be the Savior. And you can never save ppl who doesn’t want to save themselves.
Nothing in life is perfect but, you know when your suppose to be with someone. I'm sure alot of ppl have childhood wounds. I think you have to look and see how serious it is and if you can deal with it. Communication is the key and level of maturity. Red flags are important to look at. When someone keeps sabotage the relationship time to leave.
I’m so glad i found this woman she is so amazing and awesome because of her I understand myself and the things I need to work on with in my own life I am so grateful for her experience and content
"if you haven't acknowledged the impact" the the key....... if you haven't been truthful about it. No matter how bad, if you work with it, be truthful about it, you will be fine
She’s right. In my own relationship I had anger rage and ptsd from my militant childhood (I’m using my therapist’s language when describing my childhood) and my partner did NOT deserve any of my rage/anger. I reached a breaking point during Covid lockdowns (2020-2021) had to seek help from a therapist and thank goodness she was a good one and 1-2 years later I’m not seeing her anymore and I’m working on controlling my emotions. My relationship with my partner is stronger than ever because he also recognizes my efforts to get better and become a better human to myself and everyone around me. Anyways you can’t rely on your partner to “fix you” , it’s YOUR responsibility 💕💕
Also thank goodness my place of work offers 80% coverage for psychotherapy otherwise I could NEVER afford her care. I can’t believe our government (I’m from Canada) doesn’t offer more preventive care..mental health is JUST as important if not MORE important than physical health. But yes I understand my privilege when it comes to getting therapy 🥺
Thank you so much for the priceless advises you are giving ❤. I have been searching for real objective views on modern relationships and could not find any of the answers. You are opening my eyes ❤. Thank you
Not necessarily … I tried to play it safe and going with the steadfast, boring guy … marrying for friendship, compatibility/similar intelligence and interests, and he ended up having a whole secret life of addiction. So I gave up chemistry for stability and he ended up not being stable - farthest thing from it. Life is crazy and people change and shift, especially when you are meeting and dating people when you are young. There are years of development and life circumstances that go into forming a person’s daily decisions to make healthy choices and be grounded in reality. All of the “red flags” at the start of my relationship were no different than other friends’ boyfriends - now spouses- bc it was college! There is no sure way to determine who will turn out what way… so yes, don’t run to passion and chaos-but don’t settle for boring either bc you might just get screwed by that, too.
Interesting that you say that. I did it back to back men that I had amazing chemistry with. The first normal/boring guy I dated end up having a secret side life too. The boring normal guy he presented to me was not the real him. I am very wary of so-called boring people now. I actually prefer to deal with the wild ones because at least you know what you’re dealing with because everything’s on the table.
I just recently discovered this Sadia channel. I must say it is very educational and provides much needed enlightenment! ...Thx so much, grateful! much appreciated! ;)
After listening to her advice and red flags, unfortunately, I think my wife and I suffer from all three issues. I’m so disappointed with the way our marriage makes feel now. I’m receiving therapy and so is she but we are separated and feel a sense of doom. I hope I can move forward as this is really difficult. I cannot believe that after all these years worth of efforts, we find ourselves fighting all the time and resenting each other. Marriage has been the most difficult proposition I have ever faced.
I have the same situation with my marriage. Best wishes and May God give us the strength to make it through. I know how this feels. What I am learning most of all is to trust Jesus and walk by faith and not by sight. Tell Him what we desire and then wait upon the Lord.
I understand what you going through and how you feel I going through that as well but my husband don't want therapy and when I ask questions he is telling me mind my own business he even put a lock on his phone
I have determined it's not exactly always like this, but she is accurate about the typical or average person. Their childhood is the biggest default rudder in their lives' closest relationships. The only way away from that is confronting it. There are various ways of doing that. Some work better than others. Half of the success is identifying what works best for oneself. Ignoring it never seems to work well. FYI. 😅
00:46 I was the opposite. I had so much trauma and a poor example of love. I fantasized the relationship and love would save me and make me whole. The cycle of people pleasing and endless pursuit of love began very early. Not all are afraid of love with trauma.
This is definitely not a Psychologist I would ever go to see. I watched a lot of her videos, and I think she has a lot of biased based on her own childhood experience. It’s extremely hard to treat patients when you yourself can’t separate that from your practice. A second point I would like to make in is in every relationship with a person is a chance for a learning experience. Relationships are learning experiences for us as humans. Even having children is a learning experience, a teacher said person to grow up and it also teaches them about themselves. So, even though someone had a bad childhood, it doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be out dating. It’s a good way to learn about yourself through another person, as long as that person isn’t a narcissist. Also, I’ve seen others that have had very good childhood and they are as messed up as someone that didn’t have a bad childhood. Sometimes it’s not just about the nurture, but also the nature. I’m going to also point out the fact that she is not a trauma therapist. She is a relationship expert with a masters in psychology. How can you give advice to people in relationships if you haven’t had experience with learning about how to do trauma therapy considering a lot of issues in relationships come from, as you stated, childhood trauma. It’s almost nearly impossible. you might, as will just be a sociologist. Now I understand why people listen to her because some of her stuff does make sense. However, I have noticed a lot of it is people pleasing advice. She’s a gorgeous woman who would not listen to her, that’s not a sarcastic dig at her. It’s an actual compliment. I know how to chew up the meat and spit out the bones, so that is why I listen to her because there are some things that doesn’t make sense that comes out of her mouth. I saw her interview with Andrew Tate. That was a great interview. She was very attracted to him. In fact, that’s what made me start watching her videos to begin with. Andrew Tate is a narcissist , if she’s giving relationship advice to women, on how to deal with a man, and that man is a narcissist the advice that she is giving is going to make the situation worse.
Because she is beautiful, I keep staring and b4 I know it, the video ends. I usually skip in videos coz I'm impatient but I always finish her videos😂❤❤❤ How eloquent! I hope you are happy. People who tend to help people usually have no one to help them in return. This mom is always cheering u on luv❤❤.
We all have childhood trauma and issues. We just need to pick which ones we can deal with in a partner. I'm single so I have found the ones I can deal with. :)
Now that I know better, I have come to the conclusion that relationships are exhausting and stressful. To be drained emotionally and spiritually is not what I want for my life. It takes a tow on your soul.
So true !!!!! I should have watched Sadia’s video Before wasting 2 years of my Life with a borderline woman (unfortunately she had a chaotic childhood!!)
Amazing video, thank you. You seem like a very nice woman and especially young women need role models like you. I certainly wished I heard that advice when I was younger.
I agree with her , my father was in the Army and all he thought of me as an orderly to follow his orders of which he was very demanding, never go tired, controlling, rigid man . he hated Army to the core. So no point in discussing with him anything and I stopped talking to him as an 8yr old. It has no effect on him -. that was his love for me
I hade an 80 years old neigbour, she was taking about her dad exactly the same way, not only her but all the siblings & mum and close relatives were suffering the same way with her fathers army like disipline..
I have noticed that adults who come from broken homes have a bad attitude towards marriage. For me, with women who came from broken homes, it never worked out.
Focus on the relationship with yourself first. We’ve all had ‘traumas’ big or small. Lots of us have Mum or Dad issues too. Jung has some great ideas about the Anima and Animus which I, and clients, have found particularly helpful. We can’t go looking for Mr or Miss Right when we’re not ‘right’ ourselves
The part about core beliefs is so right. I have never dated or even ATTEMPTED because I've always believed I was unworthy of love. I've been single my whole life. How does one change their core beliefs when it's sooooo strong
My SP is one with trauma from childhood. Because he did not have his father and his mother was overly narcissistic and not loving enough. Whereas he saw me as being narcissistic. When I'm so not because I craved attention from him. And he wasn't willing to give me all the attention. Because he taught me that the only attention I need is within myself. Having another person in a relationship, mirror things within yourself is one of the most beautiful, challenging things you can possibly go through. It's all a part of growing as an individual and remember. Whenever you're in separation from someone, you are healing. Healing alone is a beautiful aspect of being a soul experiencing this human form.❤😊 God bless everyone in good luck on your journey.💓💗🌌🙏
When you meet someone new beware the early on stage will be filled with dreamy bubble of love and romance for the most part. You can choose to go with flow but prepare to slow it down to some serious questions, you may even trigger situations to get the authenticity of the individual. But hold on peeps, you can only go d’y his path if you had worked on yourself, if you are lucky to meet one who had worked on his ego, self worth and trauma, you are going to feel the “heathy” in the connection.
But they may not show any signs of a dysfunctional life, not until you marry them - nonverbal communication is revealed more easily than what we may say. Know what to look for in the person, and learn.
1. If they haven't acknowledged childhood trauma, you'll be the punching bag due to our embedded core self-belief. 2. Boundaries or self-sabotage? 3. Cooperation or competition?
"Man is free, yet everywhere he's in chains." (Rousseau) It is SO SO true!! All of these "rules", "lists", "how-to's"---these things do nothing but stifle creative possibilities!! Life is a GIFT--be FREE!! Get rid of the "mind-forged manacles." (Blake)
Like you always say you don't mince your words. It hurts but it works. My friend's dad once said, " A friend tells you what you want to hear, a true friend tells you what you don't want to hear". You are our true friend, thank you.
Each and Everyone must hv the ability to recognize them selves first. Be in tuned, aware of your own words, expressions and own behavior. Very alert with your own personality and the outcome it may display. Be better earlier.before engaging with others. It's the inner vibration and beliefs which sets your profile. Think tuning a musical instrument before you want to play music w someone.
I would love to be able to afford to get 1 on 1 sessions with you. I’ve been looking for a therapist and tried a few but never felt like I got the help I really truly needed. It’s hard for people from little to no money and state insurance to actually find a good psychiatrist or therapist. I guess only the rich deserve to actually get the help they need.
I agree. I was raised in a home of 2 alcoholic parents. My father was worse. My mother was a functioning alcoholic. Weekends were horrible. I never saw much love, only fighting. I got married and thats all we did was fight, never a loving moment. My husband's father was abusive, so my husband abused me and our son, which resulted in a tragic ending i cant even say, so yes please get to know your potential partner's childhood. It will definitely have an affect on your future with them.
I agree my ex lost his Dad young and the love in his house changed as everyone got lost in their own grief and he had to grow up fast, he has never fully committed to any relationship other than the one he has with the bottle/can 🍺🥃
That's exaclty what i've been throught my relationships with daddy issues girls, raised by single mothers. As I have some childhood problems too, besides my parents always stayed together, I feel some high conection with this type of people, everything starts as a dream and ends like a nightmare. The chemistry at the beginning is unreal, my last one we got bonded pretty quicky, second day she was already with me and my family,
In underdeveloped countries where 80 to 90% people have traumetic childhood. So I think its best for both partners to talk about it without judgements and find solutions by involving a therapist as well. To not marry is not a solution may be. Love means to heal and grow togather.
She’s absolutely lovely and very tolerant of him constantly speaking over her ❤ todays society normalizes this rude American behavior. I almost got halfway through this important topic but I don’t want to listen to her battle to speak on her podcast. Good luck 😊💪🏼🕊️
That’s why you should ‘grow’ in love rather than ‘fall’ in love
Like semi arranged marriages
Well said
Smart
You do make a good point
BINGO.
This falling in love stuff is fantasy.
It really is shallow infatuation.
Feels good for the moment because "he or she fulfills my idea of what the perfect person is like!"
NO human will ever live up to that unrealistic standard. It does not exist. It has no staying power because reality sets in when you see what they really are like.
REAL love takes time to develop between 2 individuals who are willing to learn and grow in their relationship with each other, while struggling with each others' imperfections.
That hard work leads to something of real substance.
Ever see a couple that at first appearance makes you wonder- how could THEY be a good match?
Take a deeper look. Notice how well they get along?
They found it! They could very well have what you are still yearning for. They have built a loving lasting relationship built on respect, and of course,
Love!
If you love someone, act like it. Best relationship advice out there.
Key word - ACT 💯
Exactly....
simple and effective. If other person doesn't reciprocate then recognize and move on.
That's 💯 !!!!
Do that these days and most modern women will treat you like shit.
"Hurting them should be hurting you" that is golden advice!
“Boundaries simply teach the person how to love you…learn to effectively communicate them…”
They nailed it. Anyone that comes on too strong; all enthusiastic, talkative, wide-eyed, passionate, etc. Those are the main ones you should tread lightly with. As fast and hard as they will come onto to you, they will be just as fast to hop right off and move onto the next. I've seen so many people go through it. This is why I have to first know that the other person is comfortable during "boring" moments -- whether a romantic partner or simply friends (male or female ) -- There's no such thing as longevity and genuine connection with dopamine junkies.
Yessss
It's called love bombing.
Dopamine junkies! lol, Perfectly described
Basically, a vast majority of men in their twenties
You are wise
Funny how Sadia always lands up interviewing the interviewer without them realizing it
😂
hard wired training in psychology
FRFR❤
😂😂😂
I agree 👍
Yes, I agree with her 💯! If you hurt someone in the relationship, it should be hurting you. Golden advice!
"Hurting them should be hurting you." 💯
"We are attracted to a person who has a trauma similar to ours," said a trauma-trained psychotherapist. "The false feeling of connection, love and intimacy ... the chemistry is explosive" - Lewis is talking about a trauma-bonded relationship.
yes, too many psychotherapists speak on love but they are speaking about trauma bonds and trauma bonded relationships. and oh my gawwwwd, there have been more than one therapist that has scoffed at me in session when I talk about love and compatibility when they speak on trauma bonds. I'm like, um, stop projecting! you already told me about your personal experience to relate to me but i aint you
Like, in my relationship with my husband I had VERY little trauma in comparison to him. His childhood was a literal nightmare....& boy do I see it now. Things are a lot better, but I still see issues. However, at this point he says that he’s willing to go through getting some help to navigate his childhood trauma in order to help heal our kids & our relationship.
@@angelaunderwood7660 I empathize with your situation and hope you and your family are on the journey to navigate your husband's childhood trauma together. There is a model called,Trauma Informed Relational Model (TIRM) developed and practiced by the Trauma Recovery Institute in Dublin. It's based on the premise that the intimate partner relationship is the therapy where each partner heals within in the relationship and they grow together. And there is also IMAGO Relationship therapy which is designed to help conflict within relationships so they become opportunities for healing and growth.
Good luck I pray he values what he is blessed to have enough to follow thru and make promises true. ❤Actions not words x
@@angelaunderwood7660 Gotta appreciate when a man has been through all that and can admit it and still be willing to try fix it; that's true love
I’m not disagreeing with anything she’s saying; she’s a relationship expert, I’m not. But it’s not surprising so many people are opting to just remain single. Dating and relationships are exhausting these days, there’s so many rules and it’s overly complicated. It just doesn’t feel worth it anymore.
I wish I didn't have to say I agree with ya but I totally do. I have more consistent happiness when I'm single lately.
I hear you. I've been mostly dating with more platonic relationships just for the reason you said.
dating and relationships are exhausting because they require emotional responsibility & self accountability, for a healthy relationship at least
I'd say people are different too, they don't value relationship the same as before. There are so many options now that choosing to be committed on a long term or finding someone who is looking for a long term commitment is very hard.
The problem is some people drive us really insane and it's not healthy for us to be with them. Once u are alone u can achieve peace. Men and women should learn to be alone and don't blame others just enjoy Ur own company
I love the single life as relationships usually develop into superficial episodes for insecure people who can't bare to be on their own. Quiet, solitude to an extent and freedom to do what I want, when I want and if I want is very liberating. Selfish.... not sure but it's a nice way to be.
I’m with you on that one.
Agree: No drama!
Totally NOT selfish. I feel the same way you do. However, there are times, I miss the closeness, the private jokes, laughing with a significant other and the hand holding.
@JRA73 that sounds very sensible and measured to me
It’s also important to not swing to the other extreme of dating “boring” people. I see the narrative is shifting to this now and it’s equally undesirable. Those with trauma doubt themselves and need to cultivate a relationship with self first. Thing is, some people ARE boring, because they are blocked and not in touch with their own vitality. It takes time to know the difference.
True. I think 'boring' was meant to convey a 'non-drama' relationship.
@@utualanI agree, low limited drama
Agree.
I agree. I’ll pass on men who want to sit on the couch all day if that’s what they mean. It was peaceful in a sense but extremely boring.
❤ it hello fellow meanie walking by faith not sight, and all of us lovers here, the net has broken my fall and cradled me til I could gather strength so Thank You beautiful people xxx
Everything comes back to an even exchange of respect. The respect I have for myself and the respect I give my partner. A great test I always use is if the relationship is easy to the point that I keep asking myself “where are the problems?” then odds are she is worth investing in.
I think a huge factor here is how your partner expresses themselves to you. If they speak like she does in this interview, eg. "oh babe I haven't heard from you" then it's far easier to respond positively. If, on the other hand, they say "where have you been?! Why haven't you called me?!" it's far more likely they will get a bad response. The tone and choice of words makes a huge huge difference.
You are absolutely spot on. Wanted to hold on to her last point, I remembered I had the conversation with "him" and he mentioned my manner of approach. I'd have to work on my manner of approach and hopefully there would be changes. 🤞
No, WHERE have you been makes a difference. The truth doesn’t mind to be questioned.
Yeah. I was dating someone. She hit me with the “I’ll let you know” and another excuse twice so I just stopped reaching out. Then two months of silence and a voice note, “you only think of me when I text you.” Which was bullshit. During the two months of silence I realized I was carrying all the effort.
If she had just said something more neutral I probably would’ve given it another chance.
You're definitely speaking a lot of truths to note down in case I get to be in a relationship again. Relationships if done right are the best thing ever. I'm glad you do this type of work because it will build healthier societies consistent of healthy relationships. Look forward to more content like this and thank you very much
I like that saying Grow in Love rather than Fall in Love at least it planned if you grow.
Here's one never get involved with anyone who can't communicate effectively especially those who are unwilling or uncappable of communicating with you as far as the difficult conversations. Someone who is there for you through thick and thin no matter what the tough times & the easy times
You illuminate the darkness with the knowledge you so freely share with the world. Thank you Sadia, it’s really helping😘💜🥹🙏🏻🌏✌🏻🖤
Very true, every man that I dated that had a bad childhood treated me like trash.
I noticed this too 😵💫
I'm perfect and the people I meet are problematic. 😜
@@De-tw7by Looks like you can't see anything rationally
As a man, I noticed the same pattern with young women.
😩😏
As a woman I enjoy this lady's knowledge. I think the relationship is not about looks always, because after time the person who feels infatuation realizes that he/she needs something more than charisma, looks and lifestyle (lifestyle of sports hobbies, habits )......the reason is that his/her soul is craving also the connection of spiritual value,....The physical attraction and charisma may last a few months but the spiritual connection may last many years. For example, there is something very spiritual about laughter, smile, joy, and kindness. These values are not based on physical looks or materialism. You may meet hundreds of good-looking people with interesting lifestyles and charisma. But you realize there is something missing. That it's not about having more things, but about the consistency of lifestyle and having a true spiritual connection. Your soul will feel most happy if you meet also a spiritual connection, someone who makes you laugh every day or enjoys spending time in nature, or going camping, going to concerts or meeting communities of nice people etc.
Beautifully said ❤
I love spending time outside in nature...well said alaaa
“If the person you meet is boring, that’s a good thing. If it feels magical and explosive, it’s often a bad sign. Or you should ask why that explosive chemistry is occurring” what a deep thought
not always the case thats the problem
This resonated with me more than I can express. I had a tough childhood. All my life I've been attracted to these women that strike a spark for me. I've only recently come to understand that that spark is a real red flag.
i tried for 24 years but when i felt more alone with her than without her I knew it was time for me to move on.
This is such an important point! People with childhood trauma are more likely to get into sex work. They didn’t learn healthy boundaries between themselves and others and lack a sense of worthiness, so it’s easier for them to turn to selling their bodies, doing drugs, etc.
This is true. I had an incredibly chaotic, violent and incestual family. I would have easy fallen into this trap but when I gave my life to Christ, the trauma was healed.
Exactly so true about the traumatic childhood. Stop being ok to be the punching bag and be the Savior. And you can never save ppl who doesn’t want to save themselves.
This was exactly what I needed to hear, not necessarily what I wanted to hear.
I so appreciate your manner in delivering difficult wisdom, Sadia. 🙏
1. Be aware of their childhood
2. Communicate Boundaries or Self sabotage
3. Competition or cooperation
🙌💖🙏
Nothing in life is perfect but, you know when your suppose to be with someone. I'm sure alot of ppl have childhood wounds. I think you have to look and see how serious it is and if you can deal with it. Communication is the key and level of maturity. Red flags are important to look at. When someone keeps sabotage the relationship time to leave.
Hey Sads, love your content. Look at your attachment style, then you can fix your trauma even from childhood. Therapy and the willingness to change. ❤
You defined boundaries so well!
I’m so glad i found this woman she is so amazing and awesome because of her I understand myself and the things I need to work on with in my own life I am so grateful for her experience and content
"if you haven't acknowledged the impact" the the key....... if you haven't been truthful about it. No matter how bad, if you work with it, be truthful about it, you will be fine
She’s a very strong communicator. Lovely to listen to. I’m learning lots. Thank you.
She’s right. In my own relationship I had anger rage and ptsd from my militant childhood (I’m using my therapist’s language when describing my childhood) and my partner did NOT deserve any of my rage/anger. I reached a breaking point during Covid lockdowns (2020-2021) had to seek help from a therapist and thank goodness she was a good one and 1-2 years later I’m not seeing her anymore and I’m working on controlling my emotions. My relationship with my partner is stronger than ever because he also recognizes my efforts to get better and become a better human to myself and everyone around me.
Anyways you can’t rely on your partner to “fix you” , it’s YOUR responsibility 💕💕
Also thank goodness my place of work offers 80% coverage for psychotherapy otherwise I could NEVER afford her care. I can’t believe our government (I’m from Canada) doesn’t offer more preventive care..mental health is JUST as important if not MORE important than physical health. But yes I understand my privilege when it comes to getting therapy 🥺
Thank you so much for the priceless advises you are giving ❤. I have been searching for real objective views on modern relationships and could not find any of the answers. You are opening my eyes ❤. Thank you
Not necessarily … I tried to play it safe and going with the steadfast, boring guy … marrying for friendship, compatibility/similar intelligence and interests, and he ended up having a whole secret life of addiction. So I gave up chemistry for stability and he ended up not being stable - farthest thing from it. Life is crazy and people change and shift, especially when you are meeting and dating people when you are young. There are years of development and life circumstances that go into forming a person’s daily decisions to make healthy choices and be grounded in reality. All of the “red flags” at the start of my relationship were no different than other friends’ boyfriends - now spouses- bc it was college! There is no sure way to determine who will turn out what way… so yes, don’t run to passion and chaos-but don’t settle for boring either bc you might just get screwed by that, too.
Interesting that you say that. I did it back to back men that I had amazing chemistry with. The first normal/boring guy I dated end up having a secret side life too. The boring normal guy he presented to me was not the real him. I am very wary of so-called boring people now. I actually prefer to deal with the wild ones because at least you know what you’re dealing with because everything’s on the table.
Same! Paid a big price for the safe boring one with lukewarm chemistry
Recreating chaos outside the marriage union, she literally said it.
I just recently discovered this Sadia channel. I must say it is very educational and provides much needed enlightenment! ...Thx so much, grateful! much appreciated! ;)
She’s very good
After listening to her advice and red flags, unfortunately, I think my wife and I suffer from all three issues. I’m so disappointed with the way our marriage makes feel now. I’m receiving therapy and so is she but we are separated and feel a sense of doom. I hope I can move forward as this is really difficult. I cannot believe that after all these years worth of efforts, we find ourselves fighting all the time and resenting each other. Marriage has been the most difficult proposition I have ever faced.
I hope you two make it.❤
I have the same situation with my marriage. Best wishes and May God give us the strength to make it through. I know how this feels.
What I am learning most of all is to trust Jesus and walk by faith and not by sight. Tell Him what we desire and then wait upon the Lord.
💞🤞
@@WeAreStrongwithJesus I love this comment. You’re golden. Thank you for being there for others!
I understand what you going through and how you feel I going through that as well but my husband don't want therapy and when I ask questions he is telling me mind my own business he even put a lock on his phone
Sadia has such a clear and affirmative communication style. It’s both disarming and informative at the same time! What a great skill!
Right On!!
I have determined it's not exactly always like this, but she is accurate about the typical or average person. Their childhood is the biggest default rudder in their lives' closest relationships. The only way away from that is confronting it. There are various ways of doing that. Some work better than others. Half of the success is identifying what works best for oneself. Ignoring it never seems to work well. FYI. 😅
00:46 I was the opposite. I had so much trauma and a poor example of love. I fantasized the relationship and love would save me and make me whole. The cycle of people pleasing and endless pursuit of love began very early. Not all are afraid of love with trauma.
Brilliant.. relationship help done right .. so clear and good.. I mean we all just wanna get on and be good in love and everything
This is definitely not a Psychologist I would ever go to see. I watched a lot of her videos, and I think she has a lot of biased based on her own childhood experience. It’s extremely hard to treat patients when you yourself can’t separate that from your practice. A second point I would like to make in is in every relationship with a person is a chance for a learning experience. Relationships are learning experiences for us as humans. Even having children is a learning experience, a teacher said person to grow up and it also teaches them about themselves. So, even though someone had a bad childhood, it doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be out dating. It’s a good way to learn about yourself through another person, as long as that person isn’t a narcissist. Also, I’ve seen others that have had very good childhood and they are as messed up as someone that didn’t have a bad childhood. Sometimes it’s not just about the nurture, but also the nature. I’m going to also point out the fact that she is not a trauma therapist. She is a relationship expert with a masters in psychology. How can you give advice to people in relationships if you haven’t had experience with learning about how to do trauma therapy considering a lot of issues in relationships come from, as you stated, childhood trauma. It’s almost nearly impossible. you might, as will just be a sociologist. Now I understand why people listen to her because some of her stuff does make sense. However, I have noticed a lot of it is people pleasing advice. She’s a gorgeous woman who would not listen to her, that’s not a sarcastic dig at her. It’s an actual compliment. I know how to chew up the meat and spit out the bones, so that is why I listen to her because there are some things that doesn’t make sense that comes out of her mouth. I saw her interview with Andrew Tate. That was a great interview. She was very attracted to him. In fact, that’s what made me start watching her videos to begin with. Andrew Tate is a narcissist , if she’s giving relationship advice to women, on how to deal with a man, and that man is a narcissist the advice that she is giving is going to make the situation worse.
I agree. With all of it. And Andrew tate? Why would she give an interview with him... he's horrible to women..
Because she is beautiful, I keep staring and b4 I know it, the video ends. I usually skip in videos coz I'm impatient but I always finish her videos😂❤❤❤ How eloquent! I hope you are happy. People who tend to help people usually have no one to help them in return. This mom is always cheering u on luv❤❤.
We all have childhood trauma and issues. We just need to pick which ones we can deal with in a partner. I'm single so I have found the ones I can deal with. :)
A large amount of the dating population is undateable.
Few are taking care of themselves. Most just want relationships without doing the work
Now that I know better, I have come to the conclusion that relationships are exhausting and stressful.
To be drained emotionally and spiritually is not what I want for my life. It takes a tow on your soul.
My childhood was terrible , grew up around cheating and abuse. I've never been able to have a relationship with a man.
Fearful Avoidant attachment style.
I love how you educate people about life
So true !!!!! I should have watched Sadia’s video Before wasting 2 years of my Life with a borderline woman (unfortunately she had a chaotic childhood!!)
Very good points. Thanks, Dr Sadia.
Thank you, Sadia I've had a change of perspective.
Such a wise and well spoken woman!
Great summarize video with a good title. Thanks so much 🙏🌺🙏🌺
Beautiful sadia,tnx for ur insight
Amazing video, thank you. You seem like a very nice woman and especially young women need role models like you. I certainly wished I heard that advice when I was younger.
I agree with her , my father was in the Army and all he thought of me as an orderly to follow his orders of which he was very demanding, never go tired, controlling, rigid man . he hated Army to the core. So no point in discussing with him anything and I stopped talking to him as an 8yr old. It has no effect on him -. that was his love for me
I hade an 80 years old neigbour, she was taking about her dad exactly the same way, not only her but all the siblings & mum and close relatives were suffering the same way with her fathers army like disipline..
Childhood trauma is a leading cause of adults feeling unloveable. Childhood abuse in particular leaves children with a damaged view of themselves.
🥺
Your a beauty…..I’m glad I don’t dismiss you.
Because your intelligent and down to earth.
Rare
I have noticed that adults who come from broken homes have a bad attitude towards marriage. For me, with women who came from broken homes, it never worked out.
I love that sometimes she reveals her own red ♥️ flags ❤ high value women. Once you understand human behaviour more deeply.
Focus on the relationship with yourself first. We’ve all had ‘traumas’ big or small. Lots of us have Mum or Dad issues too. Jung has some great ideas about the Anima and Animus which I, and clients, have found particularly helpful.
We can’t go looking for Mr or Miss Right when we’re not ‘right’ ourselves
This lady knows her stuff. Even though she's easy on the eyes, i could listen to her all day.
The part about core beliefs is so right. I have never dated or even ATTEMPTED because I've always believed I was unworthy of love. I've been single my whole life. How does one change their core beliefs when it's sooooo strong
Thank you for sharing this, great insight.
Spot on as always sister!
My SP is one with trauma from childhood. Because he did not have his father and his mother was overly narcissistic and not loving enough. Whereas he saw me as being narcissistic. When I'm so not because I craved attention from him. And he wasn't willing to give me all the attention. Because he taught me that the only attention I need is within myself. Having another person in a relationship, mirror things within yourself is one of the most beautiful, challenging things you can possibly go through. It's all a part of growing as an individual and remember. Whenever you're in separation from someone, you are healing. Healing alone is a beautiful aspect of being a soul experiencing this human form.❤😊 God bless everyone in good luck on your journey.💓💗🌌🙏
Nailed it 👉🏽 Prioritizing eachothers well-being.
How r u
When you meet someone new beware the early on stage will be filled with dreamy bubble of love and romance for the most part. You can choose to go with flow but prepare to slow it down to some serious questions, you may even trigger situations to get the authenticity of the individual.
But hold on peeps, you can only go d’y his path if you had worked on yourself, if you are lucky to meet one who had worked on his ego, self worth and trauma, you are going to feel the “heathy” in the connection.
So don’t marry anyone got it
Lol
exactly
But they may not show any signs of a dysfunctional life, not until you marry them - nonverbal communication is revealed more easily than what we may say. Know what to look for in the person, and learn.
@@rudolphferdinand3634 i think no matter what everyone takes s leap of faith(to an extwnt) with marriage-
A narcissist will say “My childhood and family upbringing were PERFECT” or the other extreme “My childhood was the WORST ever.” Stay away from them.
1. If they haven't acknowledged childhood trauma, you'll be the punching bag due to our embedded core self-belief.
2. Boundaries or self-sabotage?
3. Cooperation or competition?
Right on Sadia. Great.
I like the way she expresses her answer.....n it makes a lot of sense.....
"Man is free, yet everywhere he's in chains." (Rousseau) It is SO SO true!! All of these "rules", "lists", "how-to's"---these things do nothing but stifle creative possibilities!! Life is a GIFT--be FREE!! Get rid of the "mind-forged manacles." (Blake)
Like you always say you don't mince your words. It hurts but it works. My friend's dad once said, " A friend tells you what you want to hear, a true friend tells you what you don't want to hear". You are our true friend, thank you.
1. Beware of childhood trauma
2. Do they communicate boundaries
3. Competition or cooperation
🙌💖🙏
But about 70% of us come from some level of dysfunctional families.
Each and Everyone must hv the ability to recognize them selves first. Be in tuned, aware of your own words, expressions and own behavior. Very alert with your own personality and the outcome it may display. Be better earlier.before engaging with others. It's the inner vibration and beliefs which sets your profile. Think tuning a musical instrument before you want to play music w someone.
I would love to be able to afford to get 1 on 1 sessions with you. I’ve been looking for a therapist and tried a few but never felt like I got the help I really truly needed. It’s hard for people from little to no money and state insurance to actually find a good psychiatrist or therapist. I guess only the rich deserve to actually get the help they need.
Thanks Mom & Dad!
3 Red Flags
1) (Unsolved) childhood trauma
2) Not setting clear boundaries or voicing them
3) Competition over cooperation
Thank you. I hate how they don’t list it and force you to watch it all.
@@erko78 yes but I do enjoy the explanation behind it tho
Thanks
Sadia please write a book❤ i love your intelligence and your aura overall.
Boundaries vs. Self sabotage portion seems worth further thought and dialogue.
Wow, you are so beautiful and intelligent. I wish more women were like you, I appreciate your work
I agree. I was raised in a home of 2 alcoholic parents. My father was worse. My mother was a functioning alcoholic. Weekends were horrible. I never saw much love, only fighting. I got married and thats all we did was fight, never a loving moment. My husband's father was abusive, so my husband abused me and our son, which resulted in a tragic ending i cant even say, so yes please get to know your potential partner's childhood. It will definitely have an affect on your future with them.
I love Lewis ❤. He is the best and nice content Dra
Such a articulate smart lady !
Her work is amazzzzzzingggggggg
So true ,I was sabotaging for years even that I was in healing process but takes years if had many traumas
I agree my ex lost his Dad young and the love in his house changed as everyone got lost in their own grief and he had to grow up fast, he has never fully committed to any relationship other than the one he has with the bottle/can 🍺🥃
Thank you for this.
🔥🔥🔥 Sadia is fire on all levels!
My X brought drama....BIG TIME!! She's now my X
Good one on good boundary-setting
I love the boundaries example. Great video and collab. ❤
How r u
Know thyself... that's what everyone should be striving for.
That's exaclty what i've been throught my relationships with daddy issues girls, raised by single mothers. As I have some childhood problems too, besides my parents always stayed together, I feel some high conection with this type of people, everything starts as a dream and ends like a nightmare. The chemistry at the beginning is unreal, my last one we got bonded pretty quicky, second day she was already with me and my family,
In underdeveloped countries where 80 to 90% people have traumetic childhood.
So I think its best for both partners to talk about it without judgements and find solutions by involving a therapist as well.
To not marry is not a solution may be. Love means to heal and grow togather.
She’s absolutely lovely and very tolerant of him constantly speaking over her ❤ todays society normalizes this rude American behavior. I almost got halfway through this important topic but I don’t want to listen to her battle to speak on her podcast.
Good luck 😊💪🏼🕊️
Amazing Sadia behan 🌹