Hello Astrid, I want to share with you that my daughter (25yrs old) does as you do. But she practices yoga to calm and centre herself. It is a mechanism, not a solution. But you know that. I also want to share with you that it is now so extremely hard for me to think back to my dark times that any advice I might conjure would be useless. Dark times come. And, although you may not believe it now, dark times may pass. You are much loved and admired. This world will be a much better place with our Astrid in it!
+Gardening at Douentza Thank you, Rachel! Wow, I didn't know your daughter and I were the same age! I really enjoy yoga but I'm so bad at time management that I never make my way down to any (free) classes through my university! But man I really love yoga, too. I know this time will pass and my heart will heal, but it will just take so much waiting and working in the near future. I am holding my head as high as I can and doing the things that I know will promote my health. Thanks for your nice message, it means a lot to me.
This video spoke so much to me. When you said "I have to run, my brain is sick" it felt like my heart broke in a million pieces. I am sooo happy that you have found ways to cope. Very insightful video, thank you. :)
+ElenEmerald Well I've had about ten years to learn. It's about time I had some tricks up my sleeve!! I just ran again this morning. And I guess that is just going to be a thing I do now. It makes me feel so great.
I don't have clinical depression but am highly anxious and get stressed easily. My way of coping is definitely excercise, even walking helps and now it's part of my life. I feel for you, good luck with everything.
You are so brave for uploading this video! I know what you are feeling, I've gone through a lot of what you are talking about and so many people close to me as well. Keep doing what makes you feel better, it's so important and cathartic when you find what works. Thank you so much and big (virtual) hug!
Thank you for being so honest about yourself and what you're going through. I can totally understand you, get breakdowns every now and then, being suspected having Asperger's. When I really don't know what to do with myself I take my camera and go outside, taking pictures of animals at the lake or such stuff. Such a relieve just to walk around, feeling the fresh air and seeing the levity of the animals, that transmits a lightheartedness to myself. Keep up what you're doing and no matter what kind of lies your head tells you - you're awesome!
+Syn Svart And thanks for sharing about yourself, too! I'm pretty pissed this week because I have suddenly injured my foot!! (So soon, what kind of bullshit is this??) But it is healing and I am going to get back running as soon as possible. I'm glad you can walk outside and relax with photography. I see many beautiful flowers on my runs, and lately the Columbines are in bloom everywhere and they are stunning.
Nah, that sucks with your foot, hope you get well soon and get back to your running schedule! Yeah, flowers are also a good thing to take pics of, I have a lot in the garden (yes, not only my windowsills are crowded!) and pretty much wildlife and nature around, despite living in a big city, quite suburban here. Take care, too! There will be better days for both of us again, that's for sure. :)
Thank you for posting this. I needed to hear this bad. It's courageous of you to share this, but it's given me a little bit of hope knowing I'm not the only one who feels like that.
thanks for stepping out and making this video . Took lots of courage . Acceptance is huge. That was big for my anxiety. Knowing its ok and finding the right thing to bring use back to a safe and happy place. stay strong
+Bret Furgason Yeah, I am trying not to resent my own brain for the struggles I have, and instead I'm learning to work with the cards I was dealt. It's better this way. Good luck with your anxiety, too!
YES, you're not alon and YES, it does help. As a teenager I also had some self esteem issues. I absolutely hated the way I looked. Even looking at myself in the mirror or in a picture was annoying to me. Then I decided I've had enough and started working out. Now I can say I'm a totally different person and that my self esteem issues are under control.
cat videos... also good for depression... mental health and sometimes just dealing with other people can suck heavily. keep up the fight, keep being awesome! and keep doing aces videos.
Thank you so much, Im glad you have shared this, I have been running to clear my depression for quite a few years and it really helps, wanted to reach out see others that are getting the benefits too, happy running xx
It's called a 'snap-out shock' and the good thing is that you 'knew' you had to do it. Remember next time - you have to do it. Remember to let people around know it too - then they can help. Inside that 'tiny little lady' is a fighter who knows the score. I have an 'issue' at the moment that eats away at me most of the time but so far, I beat it down because I'm aware of how I might be if I don't. And for this 'issue' I need to be the strong one. I had a 'pact' with a friend a long time ago that is relevant. If you get so depressed that you just can't go on IT MUST BE SOMEONE'S FAULT and that very thought will pull you through because anger overrides until such time as you gain control once more. Make sure those around you don't confuse depression with being a bit pissed off at the moment - there's a BIG difference. Knowing the problem is most of the battle. My special thing? - a walk in the forest where no-one else goes - It's a space just for me. Run for life ? You run girl!
Thanks for sharing this, Astrid. I have got some students who suffer from depression and the best I can do is to listen to them, but running, exercising is excellent advice to help them cope with depression.
By my opinion you did something really brave by uploading this video. Thank you for that. You may not know but you just helped someone to get out of really dark place.
Oh, Astrid. If i could articulate myself when I'm depressed, these are the words I would say. For me, it was swimming, but now my brain tells me I'm too fat to put on a suit and cap in public and swim laps. Bleh... Thank you for posting publicly about this. The rest of us feel less alone each time a brave voice speaks out. Fuck stigma, dude, and fuck depression.
Thanks for sharing that. I've notice that exercise helps with depression too or just getting out of the house. Sometimes I really have to make myself get up and go do something and I know the feeling of that negative part of the brain telling you lies. I know depression is something that will always kind of be apart of how my brain works so I try to be a few steps ahead, of course that's always a battle in itself. At least we're not suffering alone even though sometimes it does feel that way. We must keep kicking ass ;)
❤️💚💜💛💙 Thank you so much for sharing this, Astrid. I am happy you found a coping strategy to help pull you through the rough times. I love your honesty and vulnerability, in not only this video, but in your others as well. Your words ring true to so many people, which make so many not feel so alone. Reading through these comments gives me lots of warm fuzzies. You have created such a giant love bubble all around you, all by simply being you. Thank you. It is so important to talk about depression. By posting this video, you may have given strength to someone who really needed to reach out. You may have given someone the courage they needed to talk to even one person about their depression, which may in turn, have saved their life. Just recently, a good friend of mine lost his battle with depression. Maybe if this world talked more openly about depression and other MH issues, then the people suffering from them could feel comfortable getting the help they need; it would help them understand exactly what their body is doing, and how to cope with it. Thank you again for the video. You are a beautifully awesome human. This world would benefit greatly with more people like you in it. ❤️
+laila landers Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your friend. That's awful. Sending lots of love and hugs because It's always hard to say goodbye to someone you care so much about. Thanks for your nice words as well.
I smiled watching this video because it made me feel empowered. Thank you for these insights and methods that you use to give depression the middle figer. You do make me loved and understood, even though you are thousands of miles away. I'm like you, my depression/anxiety is a constant demon lurking behind me, just waiting to pounce but I, too, have learned effective methods of self defense. I know I'll be ok and my husband is amazing and supportive, but it's still scary shit to deal with. Depression isn't a reason to gain sympathy, it just makes us better at kicking ass. I'm here fighting with you in spirit :) Many blessings and peace be with you! -A fellow warrior and orchid fiend (by the way, semi-hydroponic rocks and I owe it to you....and Ray's articles!)
+Elisha Gibson It's a big, fat, powerful middle finger, too! I've been lifting weights with it so it's hella buffer. I'm glad you have support and I am glad you know how to kick that thing's ass, too. Stay wonderful and awesome, and know there is always a healthy way out of those ugly times. I know it. :) hug hug hug
Glad you are going to be okay Astrid and you know your triggers and what it takes to get better...so many don't..glad you are spreading your message and maybe someone going through this will hear this and learn to cope and get better...thanks for being so open with all of us
+TD Moore Thanks for your nice comment! I've had about 10 years to learn myself when it comes to mental health and wellness, so I've had time to develop my strategies! :)
Good way to be...you are an Angel..I use to be a mental health therapist for children and families for 20 years so i know how difficult it is for those suffering with MI to own their shit and cope with it...so major KUDOS to you!
This makes so much sense , Exercise would increase blood flow and oxygen to our brain. I will try this.thanks so much and ur so brave to share it ,your cool !
Definitely been there, so badly at one point that my collection suffered an 80% loss from neglect. On the upside, I was left with a small collection of nearly unkillable plants. It was to a point where orchids and having a thriving collection became the representation of what my life couldn't be. Sounds like you know yourself, how to diffuse, and how to own it. Well done.
+Orchid Voodoo SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST! Yeah I just dessicated several of my phals so I put them out on the "free" table in my building. Someone snapped them up quickly and will hopefully give them a better home than I did for the recent past.
Fight those demons, girl! That's what they are. The energy you put forth is what you will sow and what you will reap. I learned a long time ago that I was all I really had. And I had to hold it together for ME. Without being verbose, that is my best advice. You can do it. Keep running. Give your self what it needs.
Hey Astrid, Thank you for sharing your story. I have suffered from Major Depression and Anxiety for as long as I could remember. I was diagnosed with Agoraphoba with panic disorder at 14. The worst time in my life was when I was 17 and I dropped out of high school and didn't leave my house for 5 YEARS. O.o My therapist at the time suggested I get a dog because I needed something thing to love me. With a dog, of course, one major thing is you have to walk them or they will literally tear the house apart. So I walked and walked and suddenly my safe zones got bigger and soon I got my GED and I am getting my degree in Psychology. I am still almost entirely dependent on my dog to get me out of bed and function most days but walking has greatly increased my world.
+wolfstardoberman wow, thats fucking amazing!!! good for you that you found a way out. that is something to be so proud of. i wish you the best in your academics and mental health as you move toward a brighter future. xoxo
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I hope that one day I can be strong enough to share my mental issues I've been suffering from since I was six years old. You are amazing.
+Growing Barefoot Well, if you do, I know that some people out there will see it and find comfort knowing they're not alone. And if sharing isn't the right thing for you, that's okay, too! Sending hugs!
I totally hear you on this. Depression was something I really struggled with throughout my teen yrs. Eventually I ended up taking prozac and that got me to a balanced place where I was able to think clearly. It's something I watched my mother struggle with my whole life. Especially after each baby she had, I have 4 younger siblings. Over the years it's cropped up once or twice but it's never really gotten to me the way it did when I was younger; At least not for any real length of time. I think watching my mom go through it and seeing her almost OD one Easter weekend was for me an awakening. I basically resolved to never let myself get to that point again and decided that if I ever felt the shadow creeping over me that I would seek help before I didn't want help. Self talk was a big part of it for me (and still is). It takes a long, concious effort to remind yourself to not tell yourself that you're shit. That was really hard to do but I found it was key. Pushing the negative self talk out with force and awareness. I love what you said about running, the physical activity and just pushing yourself to get up and do SOMETHING. It really does help. Thanks for this video, it's important to discuss these issues out in the open. For what it's worth I think you're fantastic(from what I can tell from your vids) You're gorgeous, intelligent, and witty. You're stronger than this dark cloud
+Jenjiyo phriendjiyo Wow thanks for the kind words! Your story sounds a little like mine - I had to be on lexapro as a teen to get back on my feet, then afterward it was only shorter-duration episodes. And for me, I know I can manage without medications, which is lucky. But knowing the potential exists in my head for those dark emotionsis always scary to think about. My mom also suffers with depression though not substance abuse issues. I'm happy that you found ways to help yourself out. It's really hard. Thank you for sharing as well!
+Astrid Yeah, I found I only needed to take the prescription for a short duration maybe 3-5 months? And from there I was able to do it on my own. With mom though she wasn't super bad for abusing substances outside of wine. The problem was the prescription she was taking for her depression at the time didn't jive with the alcohol and a small doctor condoned, perfectly legal makeshift pharmacy. (I take serious issue with our widely accepted prescription drug culture). Mom comes from a generation where people are used to blindly trusting their doctors... So her near OD was no accident. She's leaps and bounds better now. Though she still has her moments. Again, thanks for sharing. Takes some serious cajones.
Gosh, what a tough thing. I also have issues with our medication culture. I saw a psychiatrist for a while as a teen, and rather than talking to me and providing me therapy, he just kept offering me a new pill at every appointment. Ughhhhhhh Also, fun fact: I have a jackalope tattoo. Nice icon.
+Astrid Oh, awesome! I've been contemplating getting a jackalope tattoo or Wubalope as I so lovingly refer to them as, cause reasons. But I've promised myself no more tattoos until I first deal with one I've got that is NOT the hotness. Wheels are in motion for that BUT if you are a fan of the jackalope then you probably already are familiar with Chiara Bautista( I'm in love). This 2.bp.blogspot.com/-LQEplhVIDZ4/VTO53064OQI/AAAAAAAAA6A/loTyo2rB0xU/s1600/Chiara_Bautista_beautifulbizarre-15-1024x769.jpg is my current desktop. Cheers!
I am NOT familiar but omg that is some art that scratches the exact right spot for me omg. You should know Caitlin Hackett - her art is super neat and similar but a different flavor. I am so stoked to have my real grown up job soon so I can afford real nice tattoos
hi astrid, can you pls do more of these "running-depression" video, because I am battling depression and I just love to watch them. They're motivational for me.
Thank you for sharing, I think this will help me understand some of what's happening with my granddaughter who just turned 16 yesterday. Best wishes and keep running. PS she is seeing a specialist and is on the track and golf teams and she also swims.
+Jean Andrews Wish her a happy birthday from me! And tell her that it gets better. I was doing so badly at 16. Failing all my classes, sleeping all the time, and just stuck in darkness. But things got better. It sounds like she's getting lots of help and that you and her other family love her a lot. That's the best thing for her, and now she has to do the rest of the work. I know she can.
I think you're brave to talk about this and I'm really glad that you know about how natural endorphin release can be helpful. Also, sort of unrelated, but kind of not...when I meditated, I got this massive whooshing fuckedupedness and when I was done, I felt like I had just gotten out of acupuncture. (I seriously should not drive after that because it makes me feel totally inebriated). I think all of that is endorphin release, but meditation can also help sort out thoughts and calm my mind and help me destress. So...if in case their is a time when you can't get out of bed and there is no one to help you, all you have to do be able to do is breathe and think. However, I only get regular depression and don't have major depressive episodes, so I don't know if that would work for that, but had to toss it out just in case.
Thank you for sharing your story. I went from looking up IUD stories to this. I feel better about my newly placed IUD because of you lol and I don't feel so alone in my battle with depression.
Aww, thanks so much for sharing this! I am always really happy when people tell me that my sharing about my life and problems makes them feel less alone. I am still on an up and down fight with depression now, but I run as much as I can and just keep going. Good luck, and I hope your IUD serves you well. :)
+Li Lis Bootique Get on that exercise game. It won't make you perfect but it takes the edge off of anxiety and depression SO MUCH. It fucks me up how good it is. Good luck with whatever you choose. I challenge you to go for a nice walk - as soon as you read this!! Double dare you!
Thanks for sharing, Astrid. You're brave, and you will always find the motivation within yourself to fight this or any other hard thing that life puts in your way. It was interesting to hear it, and it made sense to me, and it made me understand something I experienced myself, though not at such a difficult level as you. Sports are really helpful, and well, it's a whole chemical process in the brain, that exercises put to motion and make us feel good. It's always worth it. I'm glad you're feeling better.
+Orchids & a Dutchy I'm feeling better and I am starting a new morning running habit that I hope will be lifelong (as long as my knees and hips can take it). I hope to get back to lifting weights at some point, too, because that's even better! Thanks for listening to me and always writing such lovely comments to me.
girl... thank you for this video... i go through bad depression as well... it's bad... and anxiety attacks... a couple of times, i've had my kids in the car with me while i'm having a terrible anxiety attack... imagine knowing that the kids are in your back seat, but you don't know what you're doing... you're scared to pull over or drive home.. you just drive listening to all of this terrible shit in your head... when i'm depressed, my kids keep me from sleeping all day... or worst... plants and orchids are what keep me happy... i'm going through some rough times with my family, and i can have some time digging a hole, or mixing soil, i'm great... actually... i started my own plants youtube channel... right now i'm doing orchids because i'm so into them... but it's called gumbii grows, and i'll go through all of my plants with it one day... i also notice that all of my plants die when i'm depressed... i have lost entire gardens when someone in my family dies, or i feel alone... i'm a single father of 3 awesome kids... but this disease is one terrible monster to cope with... i love you astrid, you're my favorite youtuber... keep it real, and be safe girl...
+gumbii garcia I definitely neglected the shit out of some plants while I was depressed lately and the poor things are so wilty. I hope you find ways to minimize your anxiety and depression. It must be really hard when you are caring for your children.
+Astrid it is hard! they are a reason to fight MH issues like hell. but it's so hard to protect them from seeing that. run like anxiety is chasing you.
Depression is a tough one There is no fighting it It takes a tough person to work through it Work and perseverance And love for oneself and others Love of life Love of love And a great supporting person who understands and loves you through it I am one of millions Sobbing against my husband “I feel so Broken, I sob” We are stronger than we sometimes think Do whatever helps Run Scream Garden Sing Do what you love What you need Keep on running girl ❤️🌻🐝🌱 Michigan Garden Girl
Love you 💚 thanks for this awesome message, sometimes just seeing people talk about feeling good can help. It was definitely one of those mornings for me...
+Veronica Cat'due Yeah, and my sadness is brought on by a similar situation to what brought yours on. It's really hard. And really ugly. But with fierce brows and mad determination, we will both make it past the sad times and stay healthy for ourselves and our loved ones.
+Astrid I'm so sorry to hear that, but yeah as you know I understand. Sunnier days in the future, just keep truckin and runnin. And having fierce brows.
Hi Astrid funny enough I started collecting and growing orchids as it gives me some relief from debilitating depression. You might as well made this video about me. Depression sucks. I am fighting it and sometimes I win and sometimes it takesme down. But as long as I dont give up, all will be well. Sending my love
Orchids are good friends to have during depression. They keep growing and growing, even when I neglect them. They help me remember to be resilient. Even after my neglect of my plants, they had put out new growths and roots and they were fighting hard. It made me almost cry, because they were so kind and strong for me while I could not be. :)
OMGosh, I have been depressed since I can remember, and it's even worse now, I have been on SO many drugs, and now I take Celexa. I lost my husband of 33 years in 2008 but in 2001 we were in an accident in which I broke my neck that went undiagnosed as a "sprained" neck, long story short, I have titanium and crap in my neck and on the back of my head. It seriously changed me and the way I relate to people. NO BODY understands me. I can't even understand me. I forget things I say, I forget things people tell me, I react badly, I do NOT cope well, and I go for periods of darkness then I step out into the light. I let my house go, then I clean it up and feel better. My reality is so different than other peoples. So I keep to myself and my family. THANK GOD for my grown up kids and my grandchildren who keep me loving. I am so sorry you had to have it. I don't feel SORRY for you but I relate to you! You can get through it too. I am 62 and I am still going so YOU can have a long life and be happy through MUCH of it anyway, in spite of it all. YOU are a survivor!! God bless your heart ! Love, Robin
+Miss Robin Martz Wow Robin, sounds like you've been through hell and back. It's a testament to the human spirit that we survive and push through such horrible stuff. Sending you love and hugs and I am glad to hear that you have the love of your family to help you.
Thank you Astrid! I love your name! And YOU are beautiful and smart I am getting to LOVE Orchids!! I had to give the new Orchid to my Mom for Mothers day, but I am going to get one for myself! Hang in there, girl! I can see that you are a strong woman and you'll be fine! I struggled with anxiety something AWFUL and if it weren't for the Celexa I take, I just couldn't stand it. Thank God for DRUGS!!! LOL!! I wish you ALL the best and HUGS and love too! :)
+Joseph Bonadia It's my new religion, too. I can't stop or I'm gonna get reckt. So reckttttttttttt. I'm glad you're sharing this with other people, too!
lol. I love those little internal conversations we have with ourselves. "you have to run" "but i'm busy just laying here" "GET UP!" have had similar... currently struggling to get some music finished up due to the anoying 'whats the point' 'they don't really like your music' 'the more you try to make this work the bigger a failure its going to be' stupid brain/brain chemistry...
+Jessica Pink ASMR It's hard when making art! But I think when you just stick to it and finish a piece, good or bad, just the fact that it is finished is an accomplishment, and the mental labor and physical labor you put into it will pay you back tenfold by making your next work greater and stronger. Not everything you do will be golden and not everything you do will be shitty, but you're creating and that is amazing! Not everyone has the drive or capacity to create, and you need to keep going, girlie! Best wishes to you in your work!! And those conversations with ourselves... even if I have to poop or something, my body is like, "Hey guess what it's poopin' time" and I'm like, "No, body, I am playing a video game shut up." And body is like, "Nah girl you can get up or you can shit yourself so PICK ONE." ...."OKAY FINE I WILL GET UP UGHHHHH I HATE YOU!" XD
Astrid, when you look back at all those science and chemistry courses you took, and that you are coming to the end of it all, you have to know that YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL! I know, I did all that stuff too many years ago to count, took courses over and over because I couldn't handle it all, but I did it. And I had a good career in science for more than 40 years. You have to look at all the comments below and realize that we all love you, kiddo. And that's the greatest thing there is, people who truly care about each other. When you hurt, we all hurt. When you laugh, we all laugh right along with you. And when you show us your beautiful plants, we all get that, too. (Hah....even the peasant phalaenopsis too...) Keep on truckin' lady, we got your back.
+Paul Hoffman, Sr I know, and I'm not worried about school. It's some family stuff going on right now. But don't tell that to my depression- it's just yelling out all the insults across the board lmao! I know I'll have a good career- and I already have a job lined up for the fall. It'll be okay! And thank you so much for your words of encouragement, Scientist Sr!
O ASTRID ...last time u shared a bit of your depression I shared too... a few weeks ago I had a episode ...n I fixed it...its not easy to talk about it but everyone has there way of helping themselves n u found yours...I will start walking again I already bought my new tennis iam going to go buy a stationary bike this week to help since I cant leave house do to job....anyway I want to thank you again for sharing....xoxo your buddy from calif...TAKE CARE..:)"
+Irma Navarro It sounds like you know how to help yourself out, Irma! A stationary bike is such a great idea, too. Haha If I had a stationary bike, I would put my computer or TV in front and watch my favorite shows...
Girl I love how your like trying to show how where you sleeping 😜 so cute. Very expressive. Cute! (No offense) I been trough depression also and I know what you mean when sleeping helps. Sending good vibes.
+Anna Pevi The problem then was that I was awake, but the depression that happened to me made it impossible to do anything. Thanks for the good vibes, Anna.
+Catharina Bezuidenhout Yaaasssss! Just go outside and do it. Right now. When you read this comment, promise me you'll at least put on some music and dance in your house for ten minutes, or go out and run! I am challenging you, Catharina!!
Well, you've brought a few out of the woodwork - I presume you're back on top now? Bottom line is : you do not get to choose the hand that you are dealt but you do get to choose how you play the cards. A 'cards' laugh for you 'cos' we ALL NEED A LAUGH sometimes. In one of our (UK) famous sitcoms, there is a game of poker. One guy has 4 kings and the other guy has not shown his cards. The blind hand bets everything - car, jewelry, money, furniture - the lot. The bet is called. The guy lays down his 4 kings and the other guy says he has 2 pair - what - you bet all that lot - everything you have on 2 pair??? Yes, I have a pair of aces and I have another pair of aces!
+Roger Frampton lol I know nothing about cards XD But that's so true. I'm choosing how I handle the cards I was dealt. And honestly sometimes I get soooooo self-loathing "Why is my brain broken, why do I have ADHD and anxiety/depression, what bullshit!" and I really hate myself for those things. Then I just sigh and realize I shouldn't think that way because I'm the only person who is truly with me for life, and I better have a nicer attitude or it's going to be a shit ride. :P
the worst thing people can do when depressed is use it as an excuse to get into alcoholism or drugs, i don't know if you're religious or not but a simple prayer always helps.
+von volts (1) I am not religious. (2) Depression isn't an "excuse" to get into alcoholism and drugs. Many people turn to drugs because it is a tool they use to feel better because either nothing works better for them or they don't know any better ways. I would never criticize someone for slipping into addiction because it is not just some simple black and white choice.
+Janet Sema Girl THANK YOU because I did it myself and it makes me feel fyne as fuq. And I'll be okay. I'm sharing so others can hear they have ways to be better, too!
Thankyou so much , i have depression because my parent didnt care about me for a long time , even i tell my parent to help me as i have been bully for 2 years , but they dont care , they tell me that they give me money so that is ok.
+Bryant Chan Oh I am really sorry. That is some bullshit. I think you need to find other resources to help you - maybe a professor, counselor, pastor, friend, or... basically anyone! There are lots of people in the world who will love you and treat you with kindness, even if your parents don't. hug hug hug.
+Bryant Chan i'm so sorry man.. i grew up like that as well... my mother died and my dad was a workaholic... all he would do is give us money and buy things for us... but we had no parents... it's hard, but it didn't affect me as bad as i thought it would... my dad had mental issues... he's a mild schizophrenic... so he thought we were all liars and out to get him in trouble or something... the only thing that it did affect me in is that i'm attracted to older men... like my dad's age... and no, it didn't make me gay... LOL>.. it just made me want to be with an older man... replaced my dad... weird... i still went to college and i'm an known artist... be friendly to everyone, don't anyone bring you down bryant... you are a lot stronger than you know... we humans are amazing creatures... we all have a purpose and can amount to great things... work hard and find some awesome friends... if a friend makes you feel sad or hated, you aren't friends... choose wisely... peace and love my friend...
Omg ! You should totally pick up your balls off the ground . Because it takes balls to come and post your flaws for all to see . Your a brave cookie ! But I understand and feel you . I too was diagnosed with depression and obsessive-compulsive behavior this February after I had my first anxiety attack after I had a job interview and I did not get the job . My my parents always told me that if I went off to University and graduated I will be successful and I so I did I graduated bachelors in inter-design and with a bachelors in vocal music education and vocal performance and also was the only person in my graduating class that graduated in with a music program would to four foreign languages. Also done a lot of internships and I worked full time and went to school full time that's the only way I could afford my education . I did my every thing I was told to get my slice of the American dream . Yet I am currently unemployed and I ask myself why am I not good enough is it my person ?
Or maybe is the way I look . Find myself dissecting everything about myself and my being . And to top it all off my partner hates my orchids and plants . To be honest I trim to watching you and your videos and Danny's Miss orchid Girl and Brads Greenhouse and Maria Young and so on to pull me out of my depression and kinda live through all of your videos . So thank you for everything . Keep up the great work . Much Love !!
+Ellofez Damn that is some rough stuff when you work so hard and don't get a good payoff for it. It's nice to know that you sing - I sang in choirs as a child and have lost some of my range now that I'm out of practice but singing always makes me happy. And don't listen to those brain lies. And also, if your partner doesn't like your orchids, find a new one. Pfffffftttttt. But hey, we're gonna be alright in the end. Life can't be shitty to you forever. Make life your bitch.
Hello.I know that moments.I have been there.One day i found an angel in my life..He told me to change the diet,and avoid sugar and many others I eat mostly organic.I am much better.You can look many information in youtube about anxiety and diet.For me it is the best medicine i had.I devote my life to help people change the diet if thay want. I hope it helps . Thank you
Yeah, a diet full of candy and soda is a big reason I was very depressed in high school. As long as you eat more plants, more balanced diet, and drink lots of water, you'll be a lot healthier overall! :)
Cruel to be kind. I've fought depression since I was a teenager. After a few years with my bf I finally realized that I was making his life a misery. One needs to be healthy to have a healthy relationship. He was always supportive but bc I love him I let him go to work on myself. He's in a healthy relationship now and as much as it hurt I know it was for the best. I continue to fight this disease. Be strong
+Andy Marshall I don't think that you should send people things like that. That is pretty rude, in my opinion. Why would you tell a depressed person who already thinks she is a pile of shit that "Oh, by the way you will probably also ruin your relationship and make your partner miserable." Like, why? Who do you think you are? That was so inappropriate and unnecessary. Did you listen to me? Do you know I've been depressed off and on for TEN YEARS? Do you not think I know how to care for myself? If you had listened to me talk in this video, you would know that I've learned many ways to handle my depression and anxiety, which were present long before any of my relationships. Do you know that I was with someone with severe depression for 5 years and I had to read MANY articles like that before I made the painful decision to leave him because he was actually abusive to me? No. You don't. You clearly didn't watch this, because I talked about my boyfriend helping me and called him Ben, not Eugene. Eugene and I broke up in January. Do you also tell people with cancer how they should treat their illness? Do you tell your fat friends to go on a diet because you're concerned for their health and family? Would you suggest that someone with chronic pain just do some stretches and get over it? Good god, this was just super inappropriate, Andy. Don't assume you know what is really going on in someone's life, and don't send such horrible messages like this to people who are struggling. ESPECIALLY when you haven't listened to them talk first. EDIT: I am re-reading this and realize it is pretty harsh. I hope that it doesn't offend you, but it reflects how I feel about this type of comment. Think before you tell people with health problems your suggestions - they have probably heard everything 1000 times and have considered it many times before you popped along. Please think harder before you tell a sick person how they should go about their lives.
+Archies Orchids Then you need to run more, Archie!! Run until you forget that you're running! I am just starting back at running, so I get to enjoy the "noob gains" in my running pace and the duration I can run. My mom was a long distance runner and I can tell it's in my genes, too.
LOL oh man Chris, you don't fuck around, do you? Don't worry - the cool thing about my depression is that it makes me so unmotivated to do anything and - well killing yourself is SUCH AN EFFORT. But in all seriousness, I'm here to stick around for good. Until I'm old and wrinkly and have a million orchids.
Umm....I'm hoping I'll have a million orchids one day ( we all do ) lol. yeah I agree its to much of an effort to kill your self!!! I think the most effort I put into ANYTHING is watering a vanda everyday!! and did ALL of your peasant orchids bloom???? ps: kick that depression in the ARSE lol!!
hi friend I know what you mean thank you for sharing I will be praying for you and for me we all need help God bless you in Jesus Christ name we can get better each day only the Lord Jesus cab help us all when life gets really hard his always there to help us have a great day hope to see you at the orchid show this Saturday.
+maria amaya Hey Maria, are you the same Maria I met at the show? It was so nice to see you and I mentioned you in my new video showing the orchids I got from the show! It was so fun to see you and your daughter, and I hope we can see each other again. You should come to the Portland Orchid Society show! We have one tonight (april 19) and every month on the 4th Tuesday. It would be nice to see you again!
I've been there. I need to run more too. and the lies! I have to remind myself of things that are right and true like Alice and wonderland. you speak my life. the men who love us rock! he is my light.
+Astrid argh. but my kneesssss ache...I ran last night at my kids baseball practice. I will go out tonight when hubs home to watch the kids. thanks for the dare.
![[UNCUT] “บอสณวัฒน์” ลากไส้!! ใครหนุนหลัง "แม่ตั๊ก ป๋าเบียร์" I คนดังนั่งเคลียร์ I 30 ก.ย. 67](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/QlD7mU2KKRk/mqdefault.jpg)
Hello Astrid, I want to share with you that my daughter (25yrs old) does as you do. But she practices yoga to calm and centre herself. It is a mechanism, not a solution. But you know that.
I also want to share with you that it is now so extremely hard for me to think back to my dark times that any advice I might conjure would be useless. Dark times come. And, although you may not believe it now, dark times may pass.
You are much loved and admired. This world will be a much better place with our Astrid in it!
+Gardening at Douentza Thank you, Rachel! Wow, I didn't know your daughter and I were the same age! I really enjoy yoga but I'm so bad at time management that I never make my way down to any (free) classes through my university! But man I really love yoga, too.
I know this time will pass and my heart will heal, but it will just take so much waiting and working in the near future. I am holding my head as high as I can and doing the things that I know will promote my health. Thanks for your nice message, it means a lot to me.
This video spoke so much to me. When you said "I have to run, my brain is sick" it felt like my heart broke in a million pieces. I am sooo happy that you have found ways to cope. Very insightful video, thank you. :)
+ElenEmerald Well I've had about ten years to learn. It's about time I had some tricks up my sleeve!! I just ran again this morning. And I guess that is just going to be a thing I do now. It makes me feel so great.
I don't have clinical depression but am highly anxious and get stressed easily. My way of coping is definitely excercise, even walking helps and now it's part of my life. I feel for you, good luck with everything.
You are so brave for uploading this video! I know what you are feeling, I've gone through a lot of what you are talking about and so many people close to me as well. Keep doing what makes you feel better, it's so important and cathartic when you find what works. Thank you so much and big (virtual) hug!
Thank you for being so honest about yourself and what you're going through. I can totally understand you, get breakdowns every now and then, being suspected having Asperger's. When I really don't know what to do with myself I take my camera and go outside, taking pictures of animals at the lake or such stuff. Such a relieve just to walk around, feeling the fresh air and seeing the levity of the animals, that transmits a lightheartedness to myself. Keep up what you're doing and no matter what kind of lies your head tells you - you're awesome!
+Syn Svart And thanks for sharing about yourself, too!
I'm pretty pissed this week because I have suddenly injured my foot!! (So soon, what kind of bullshit is this??) But it is healing and I am going to get back running as soon as possible. I'm glad you can walk outside and relax with photography. I see many beautiful flowers on my runs, and lately the Columbines are in bloom everywhere and they are stunning.
Nah, that sucks with your foot, hope you get well soon and get back to your running schedule! Yeah, flowers are also a good thing to take pics of, I have a lot in the garden (yes, not only my windowsills are crowded!) and pretty much wildlife and nature around, despite living in a big city, quite suburban here. Take care, too! There will be better days for both of us again, that's for sure. :)
I so am glad you found a way to RUN away from it. You DESERVE a lot and you are not ALONE.
+KONSTANTINA CHATZINIKOLAOU Sending love your way!!
Thanks so much for your nice comments!
Thank you for posting this. I needed to hear this bad. It's courageous of you to share this, but it's given me a little bit of hope knowing I'm not the only one who feels like that.
Good luck, Kevin. Try to be good to yourself and understanding of your own issues. Be forgiving and loving to yourself!
thanks for stepping out and making this video . Took lots of courage . Acceptance is huge. That was big for my anxiety. Knowing its ok and finding the right thing to bring use back to a safe and happy place. stay strong
+Bret Furgason Yeah, I am trying not to resent my own brain for the struggles I have, and instead I'm learning to work with the cards I was dealt. It's better this way. Good luck with your anxiety, too!
YES, you're not alon and YES, it does help. As a teenager I also had some self esteem issues. I absolutely hated the way I looked. Even looking at myself in the mirror or in a picture was annoying to me. Then I decided I've had enough and started working out. Now I can say I'm a totally different person and that my self esteem issues are under control.
cat videos... also good for depression...
mental health and sometimes just dealing with other people can suck heavily.
keep up the fight, keep being awesome! and keep doing aces videos.
Thank you so much, Im glad you have shared this, I have been running to clear my depression for quite a few years and it really helps, wanted to reach out see others that are getting the benefits too, happy running xx
It's called a 'snap-out shock' and the good thing is that you 'knew' you had to do it. Remember next time - you have to do it. Remember to let people around know it too - then they can help. Inside that 'tiny little lady' is a fighter who knows the score. I have an 'issue' at the moment that eats away at me most of the time but so far, I beat it down because I'm aware of how I might be if I don't. And for this 'issue' I need to be the strong one. I had a 'pact' with a friend a long time ago that is relevant. If you get so depressed that you just can't go on IT MUST BE SOMEONE'S FAULT and that very thought will pull you through because anger overrides until such time as you gain control once more. Make sure those around you don't confuse depression with being a bit pissed off at the moment - there's a BIG difference. Knowing the problem is most of the battle. My special thing? - a walk in the forest where no-one else goes - It's a space just for me. Run for life ? You run girl!
dude, you fucking rock. you are so brave to speak out, for all of us in a way. thank you for this video.
Thanks for sharing this, Astrid. I have got some students who suffer from depression and the best I can do is to listen to them, but running, exercising is excellent advice to help them cope with depression.
By my opinion you did something really brave by uploading this video. Thank you for that. You may not know but you just helped someone to get out of really dark place.
+Cveti Ivanova Hugs, I send all my best wishes to you!
Oh, Astrid. If i could articulate myself when I'm depressed, these are the words I would say.
For me, it was swimming, but now my brain tells me I'm too fat to put on a suit and cap in public and swim laps. Bleh...
Thank you for posting publicly about this. The rest of us feel less alone each time a brave voice speaks out. Fuck stigma, dude, and fuck depression.
Thanks for sharing that. I've notice that exercise helps with depression too or just getting out of the house. Sometimes I really have to make myself get up and go do something and I know the feeling of that negative part of the brain telling you lies. I know depression is something that will always kind of be apart of how my brain works so I try to be a few steps ahead, of course that's always a battle in itself. At least we're not suffering alone even though sometimes it does feel that way. We must keep kicking ass ;)
+Rosanna Rodarte I enjoy kicking ass when I get around to it. I'm getting ready to run again today. :) Let's kick ass together!! *fist bump*
❤️💚💜💛💙
Thank you so much for sharing this, Astrid. I am happy you found a coping strategy to help pull you through the rough times. I love your honesty and vulnerability, in not only this video, but in your others as well. Your words ring true to so many people, which make so many not feel so alone. Reading through these comments gives me lots of warm fuzzies. You have created such a giant love bubble all around you, all by simply being you. Thank you. It is so important to talk about depression. By posting this video, you may have given strength to someone who really needed to reach out. You may have given someone the courage they needed to talk to even one person about their depression, which may in turn, have saved their life.
Just recently, a good friend of mine lost his battle with depression. Maybe if this world talked more openly about depression and other MH issues, then the people suffering from them could feel comfortable getting the help they need; it would help them understand exactly what their body is doing, and how to cope with it.
Thank you again for the video. You are a beautifully awesome human. This world would benefit greatly with more people like you in it. ❤️
+laila landers Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your friend. That's awful. Sending lots of love and hugs because It's always hard to say goodbye to someone you care so much about. Thanks for your nice words as well.
I smiled watching this video because it made me feel empowered. Thank you for these insights and methods that you use to give depression the middle figer. You do make me loved and understood, even though you are thousands of miles away. I'm like you, my depression/anxiety is a constant demon lurking behind me, just waiting to pounce but I, too, have learned effective methods of self defense. I know I'll be ok and my husband is amazing and supportive, but it's still scary shit to deal with. Depression isn't a reason to gain sympathy, it just makes us better at kicking ass.
I'm here fighting with you in spirit :)
Many blessings and peace be with you!
-A fellow warrior and orchid fiend (by the way, semi-hydroponic rocks and I owe it to you....and Ray's articles!)
+Elisha Gibson It's a big, fat, powerful middle finger, too! I've been lifting weights with it so it's hella buffer.
I'm glad you have support and I am glad you know how to kick that thing's ass, too. Stay wonderful and awesome, and know there is always a healthy way out of those ugly times. I know it. :) hug hug hug
Glad you are going to be okay Astrid and you know your triggers and what it takes to get better...so many don't..glad you are spreading your message and maybe someone going through this will hear this and learn to cope and get better...thanks for being so open with all of us
+TD Moore Thanks for your nice comment! I've had about 10 years to learn myself when it comes to mental health and wellness, so I've had time to develop my strategies! :)
+Astrid And that's the most important point in dealing with mental health. Finding your own way to deal with it.
That's why I share my strategies because I want others to see if my tools can go in their tool box.
Good way to be...you are an Angel..I use to be a mental health therapist for children and families for 20 years so i know how difficult it is for those suffering with MI to own their shit and cope with it...so major KUDOS to you!
Wow, those are some major Kudos coming from you! Thank you!!
I feel ya, working out helped me greatly while I was depressed. Take care of yourself!
This makes so much sense , Exercise would increase blood flow and oxygen to our brain. I will try this.thanks so much and ur so brave to share it ,your cool !
Definitely been there, so badly at one point that my collection suffered an 80% loss from neglect. On the upside, I was left with a small collection of nearly unkillable plants. It was to a point where orchids and having a thriving collection became the representation of what my life couldn't be. Sounds like you know yourself, how to diffuse, and how to own it. Well done.
+Orchid Voodoo SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST! Yeah I just dessicated several of my phals so I put them out on the "free" table in my building. Someone snapped them up quickly and will hopefully give them a better home than I did for the recent past.
Fight those demons, girl! That's what they are. The energy you put forth is what you will sow and what you will reap. I learned a long time ago that I was all I really had. And I had to hold it together for ME.
Without being verbose, that is my best advice. You can do it. Keep running. Give your self what it needs.
Hey Astrid, Thank you for sharing your story. I have suffered from Major Depression and Anxiety for as long as I could remember. I was diagnosed with Agoraphoba with panic disorder at 14. The worst time in my life was when I was 17 and I dropped out of high school and didn't leave my house for 5 YEARS. O.o My therapist at the time suggested I get a dog because I needed something thing to love me. With a dog, of course, one major thing is you have to walk them or they will literally tear the house apart. So I walked and walked and suddenly my safe zones got bigger and soon I got my GED and I am getting my degree in Psychology. I am still almost entirely dependent on my dog to get me out of bed and function most days but walking has greatly increased my world.
+wolfstardoberman wow, thats fucking amazing!!! good for you that you found a way out. that is something to be so proud of. i wish you the best in your academics and mental health as you move toward a brighter future. xoxo
And you as well. :)
Thanks for that video, running and cycling has helped me a lot more than any medication or therapy.
It's so true!! I think medication and therapy are great tools, but even if you decide to use those tools, you should still get exercise! :)
Thank for sharing, this is exactly how my depression manifests itself. That's why I keep myself so mechanically busy.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I hope that one day I can be strong enough to share my mental issues I've been suffering from since I was six years old. You are amazing.
+Growing Barefoot Well, if you do, I know that some people out there will see it and find comfort knowing they're not alone. And if sharing isn't the right thing for you, that's okay, too! Sending hugs!
I totally hear you on this. Depression was something I really struggled with throughout my teen yrs. Eventually I ended up taking prozac and that got me to a balanced place where I was able to think clearly. It's something I watched my mother struggle with my whole life. Especially after each baby she had, I have 4 younger siblings. Over the years it's cropped up once or twice but it's never really gotten to me the way it did when I was younger; At least not for any real length of time. I think watching my mom go through it and seeing her almost OD one Easter weekend was for me an awakening. I basically resolved to never let myself get to that point again and decided that if I ever felt the shadow creeping over me that I would seek help before I didn't want help. Self talk was a big part of it for me (and still is). It takes a long, concious effort to remind yourself to not tell yourself that you're shit. That was really hard to do but I found it was key. Pushing the negative self talk out with force and awareness. I love what you said about running, the physical activity and just pushing yourself to get up and do SOMETHING. It really does help. Thanks for this video, it's important to discuss these issues out in the open. For what it's worth I think you're fantastic(from what I can tell from your vids) You're gorgeous, intelligent,
and witty. You're stronger than this dark cloud
+Jenjiyo phriendjiyo Wow thanks for the kind words! Your story sounds a little like mine - I had to be on lexapro as a teen to get back on my feet, then afterward it was only shorter-duration episodes. And for me, I know I can manage without medications, which is lucky. But knowing the potential exists in my head for those dark emotionsis always scary to think about. My mom also suffers with depression though not substance abuse issues.
I'm happy that you found ways to help yourself out. It's really hard. Thank you for sharing as well!
+Astrid Yeah, I found I only needed to take the prescription for a short duration maybe 3-5 months? And from there I was able to do it on my own. With mom though she wasn't super bad for abusing substances outside of wine. The problem was the prescription she was taking for her depression at the time didn't jive with the alcohol and a small doctor condoned, perfectly legal makeshift pharmacy. (I take serious issue with our widely accepted prescription drug culture). Mom comes from a generation where people are used to blindly trusting their doctors... So her near OD was no accident. She's leaps and bounds better now. Though she still has her moments. Again, thanks for sharing. Takes some serious cajones.
Gosh, what a tough thing. I also have issues with our medication culture. I saw a psychiatrist for a while as a teen, and rather than talking to me and providing me therapy, he just kept offering me a new pill at every appointment. Ughhhhhhh
Also, fun fact: I have a jackalope tattoo. Nice icon.
+Astrid Oh, awesome! I've been contemplating getting a jackalope tattoo or Wubalope as I so lovingly refer to them as, cause reasons. But I've promised myself no more tattoos until I first deal with one I've got that is NOT the hotness. Wheels are in motion for that BUT if you are a fan of the jackalope then you probably already are familiar with Chiara Bautista( I'm in love). This 2.bp.blogspot.com/-LQEplhVIDZ4/VTO53064OQI/AAAAAAAAA6A/loTyo2rB0xU/s1600/Chiara_Bautista_beautifulbizarre-15-1024x769.jpg is my current desktop. Cheers!
I am NOT familiar but omg that is some art that scratches the exact right spot for me omg. You should know Caitlin Hackett - her art is super neat and similar but a different flavor.
I am so stoked to have my real grown up job soon so I can afford real nice tattoos
hi astrid, can you pls do more of these "running-depression" video, because I am battling depression and I just love to watch them. They're motivational for me.
Thank you for sharing, I think this will help me understand some of what's happening with my granddaughter who just turned 16 yesterday. Best wishes and keep running. PS she is seeing a specialist and is on the track and golf teams and she also swims.
+Jean Andrews Wish her a happy birthday from me! And tell her that it gets better. I was doing so badly at 16. Failing all my classes, sleeping all the time, and just stuck in darkness. But things got better. It sounds like she's getting lots of help and that you and her other family love her a lot. That's the best thing for her, and now she has to do the rest of the work. I know she can.
love ya Astrid, glad you are talking about it.
I think you're brave to talk about this and I'm really glad that you know about how natural endorphin release can be helpful. Also, sort of unrelated, but kind of not...when I meditated, I got this massive whooshing fuckedupedness and when I was done, I felt like I had just gotten out of acupuncture. (I seriously should not drive after that because it makes me feel totally inebriated). I think all of that is endorphin release, but meditation can also help sort out thoughts and calm my mind and help me destress. So...if in case their is a time when you can't get out of bed and there is no one to help you, all you have to do be able to do is breathe and think. However, I only get regular depression and don't have major depressive episodes, so I don't know if that would work for that, but had to toss it out just in case.
Thank you for sharing your story. I went from looking up IUD stories to this. I feel better about my newly placed IUD because of you lol and I don't feel so alone in my battle with depression.
Aww, thanks so much for sharing this! I am always really happy when people tell me that my sharing about my life and problems makes them feel less alone. I am still on an up and down fight with depression now, but I run as much as I can and just keep going. Good luck, and I hope your IUD serves you well. :)
+Astrid No thank you! :) Just keep running! 🖒
Astrid I love you ❤ thank you so much for this video I too suffer terribly with anxiety and depression you have inspired me xxx
+Li Lis Bootique Get on that exercise game. It won't make you perfect but it takes the edge off of anxiety and depression SO MUCH. It fucks me up how good it is. Good luck with whatever you choose. I challenge you to go for a nice walk - as soon as you read this!! Double dare you!
Thanks for sharing, Astrid. You're brave, and you will always find the motivation within yourself to fight this or any other hard thing that life puts in your way. It was interesting to hear it, and it made sense to me, and it made me understand something I experienced myself, though not at such a difficult level as you. Sports are really helpful, and well, it's a whole chemical process in the brain, that exercises put to motion and make us feel good. It's always worth it. I'm glad you're feeling better.
+Orchids & a Dutchy I'm feeling better and I am starting a new morning running habit that I hope will be lifelong (as long as my knees and hips can take it). I hope to get back to lifting weights at some point, too, because that's even better! Thanks for listening to me and always writing such lovely comments to me.
girl... thank you for this video... i go through bad depression as well... it's bad... and anxiety attacks... a couple of times, i've had my kids in the car with me while i'm having a terrible anxiety attack... imagine knowing that the kids are in your back seat, but you don't know what you're doing... you're scared to pull over or drive home.. you just drive listening to all of this terrible shit in your head... when i'm depressed, my kids keep me from sleeping all day... or worst...
plants and orchids are what keep me happy... i'm going through some rough times with my family, and i can have some time digging a hole, or mixing soil, i'm great... actually... i started my own plants youtube channel... right now i'm doing orchids because i'm so into them... but it's called gumbii grows, and i'll go through all of my plants with it one day... i also notice that all of my plants die when i'm depressed... i have lost entire gardens when someone in my family dies, or i feel alone... i'm a single father of 3 awesome kids... but this disease is one terrible monster to cope with...
i love you astrid, you're my favorite youtuber... keep it real, and be safe girl...
+gumbii garcia I definitely neglected the shit out of some plants while I was depressed lately and the poor things are so wilty. I hope you find ways to minimize your anxiety and depression. It must be really hard when you are caring for your children.
+Astrid it is hard! they are a reason to fight MH issues like hell. but it's so hard to protect them from seeing that. run like anxiety is chasing you.
hope you will be fine because you find the right entrance ! love your videos thank you again! xxx
Depression is a tough one
There is no fighting it
It takes a tough person to work through it
Work and perseverance
And love for oneself and others
Love of life
Love of love
And a great supporting person who understands and loves you through it
I am one of millions
Sobbing against my husband
“I feel so Broken, I sob”
We are stronger than we sometimes think
Do whatever helps
Run
Scream
Garden
Sing
Do what you love
What you need
Keep on running girl
❤️🌻🐝🌱
Michigan Garden Girl
Love you 💚 thanks for this awesome message, sometimes just seeing people talk about feeling good can help. It was definitely one of those mornings for me...
+Veronica Cat'due Yeah, and my sadness is brought on by a similar situation to what brought yours on. It's really hard. And really ugly. But with fierce brows and mad determination, we will both make it past the sad times and stay healthy for ourselves and our loved ones.
+Astrid I'm so sorry to hear that, but yeah as you know I understand. Sunnier days in the future, just keep truckin and runnin. And having fierce brows.
Thank you for making this video. Lots of love xx
Hi Astrid funny enough I started collecting and growing orchids as it gives me some relief from debilitating depression. You might as well made this video about me. Depression sucks. I am fighting it and sometimes I win and sometimes it takesme down. But as long as I dont give up, all will be well. Sending my love
Orchids are good friends to have during depression. They keep growing and growing, even when I neglect them. They help me remember to be resilient. Even after my neglect of my plants, they had put out new growths and roots and they were fighting hard. It made me almost cry, because they were so kind and strong for me while I could not be. :)
OMGosh, I have been depressed since I can remember, and it's even worse now, I have been on SO many drugs, and now I take Celexa. I lost my husband of 33 years in 2008 but in 2001 we were in an accident in which I broke my neck that went undiagnosed as a "sprained" neck, long story short, I have titanium and crap in my neck and on the back of my head. It seriously changed me and the way I relate to people. NO BODY understands me. I can't even understand me. I forget things I say, I forget things people tell me, I react badly, I do NOT cope well, and I go for periods of darkness then I step out into the light. I let my house go, then I clean it up and feel better. My reality is so different than other peoples. So I keep to myself and my family. THANK GOD for my grown up kids and my grandchildren who keep me loving. I am so sorry you had to have it. I don't feel SORRY for you but I relate to you! You can get through it too. I am 62 and I am still going so YOU can have a long life and be happy through MUCH of it anyway, in spite of it all. YOU are a survivor!! God bless your heart ! Love, Robin
+Miss Robin Martz Wow Robin, sounds like you've been through hell and back. It's a testament to the human spirit that we survive and push through such horrible stuff. Sending you love and hugs and I am glad to hear that you have the love of your family to help you.
Thank you Astrid! I love your name! And YOU are beautiful and smart I am getting to LOVE Orchids!! I had to give the new Orchid to my Mom for Mothers day, but I am going to get one for myself! Hang in there, girl! I can see that you are a strong woman and you'll be fine! I struggled with anxiety something AWFUL and if it weren't for the Celexa I take, I just couldn't stand it. Thank God for DRUGS!!! LOL!! I wish you ALL the best and HUGS and love too! :)
I do the same thing. thankyou for saying it on here. I have been preaching this. running and exercise is my religion . keep on keepn on.
+Joseph Bonadia It's my new religion, too. I can't stop or I'm gonna get reckt. So reckttttttttttt.
I'm glad you're sharing this with other people, too!
Everything you said is perfect. Thanks so much for posting Xx
+psychedellion Thank you for commenting, bbgirl
Wow, relatable.
I hope your doing well six years later
P.S. Your funny af
Very brave an admirable! You are not alone!
Thanks, Gina!
Astrid, THANK YOU for this ❤️❤️❤️❤️
lol. I love those little internal conversations we have with ourselves.
"you have to run" "but i'm busy just laying here" "GET UP!"
have had similar... currently struggling to get some music finished up due to the anoying 'whats the point' 'they don't really like your music' 'the more you try to make this work the bigger a failure its going to be'
stupid brain/brain chemistry...
+Jessica Pink ASMR It's hard when making art! But I think when you just stick to it and finish a piece, good or bad, just the fact that it is finished is an accomplishment, and the mental labor and physical labor you put into it will pay you back tenfold by making your next work greater and stronger. Not everything you do will be golden and not everything you do will be shitty, but you're creating and that is amazing! Not everyone has the drive or capacity to create, and you need to keep going, girlie! Best wishes to you in your work!!
And those conversations with ourselves... even if I have to poop or something, my body is like, "Hey guess what it's poopin' time" and I'm like, "No, body, I am playing a video game shut up." And body is like, "Nah girl you can get up or you can shit yourself so PICK ONE."
...."OKAY FINE I WILL GET UP UGHHHHH I HATE YOU!" XD
lol... stupid bodies/brains... =)
also many thanks =)
Astrid, when you look back at all those science and chemistry courses you took, and that you are coming to the end of it all, you have to know that YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL! I know, I did all that stuff too many years ago to count, took courses over and over because I couldn't handle it all, but I did it. And I had a good career in science for more than 40 years. You have to look at all the comments below and realize that we all love you, kiddo. And that's the greatest thing there is, people who truly care about each other. When you hurt, we all hurt. When you laugh, we all laugh right along with you. And when you show us your beautiful plants, we all get that, too. (Hah....even the peasant phalaenopsis too...) Keep on truckin' lady, we got your back.
+Paul Hoffman, Sr I know, and I'm not worried about school. It's some family stuff going on right now. But don't tell that to my depression- it's just yelling out all the insults across the board lmao! I know I'll have a good career- and I already have a job lined up for the fall. It'll be okay!
And thank you so much for your words of encouragement, Scientist Sr!
O ASTRID ...last time u shared a bit of your depression I shared too... a few weeks ago I had a episode ...n I fixed it...its not easy to talk about it but everyone has there way of helping themselves n u found yours...I will start walking again I already bought my new tennis iam going to go buy a stationary bike this week to help since I cant leave house do to job....anyway I want to thank you again for sharing....xoxo your buddy from calif...TAKE CARE..:)"
+Irma Navarro It sounds like you know how to help yourself out, Irma! A stationary bike is such a great idea, too. Haha If I had a stationary bike, I would put my computer or TV in front and watch my favorite shows...
Thank you for this video, Astrid.
I am proud of you! 💖
Thanks For Video I Can Totally Relate To How You Feel.....I Battle Through Everyday With This It Ain't Easy
Beautiful video.! Thanx for sharing👌
your a very smart young lady with a great big heart,we need you and love you.
+Rachel Bensabat Thanks so much!
love you! 😊well done mate! that exactly happened with me! run run run from this shit depression! life is beartyfull and interesting! xxx
Ty for this video it came right on time ❤️
Thank you 😢
SAD lights are also a godsend!
+Terrariums and Tea Lol I am glad they help you, but it's becoming spring and nearing summer here - the light isn't my issue! :P
Girl I love how your like trying to show how where you sleeping 😜 so cute. Very expressive. Cute! (No offense) I been trough depression also and I know what you mean when sleeping helps. Sending good vibes.
+Anna Pevi The problem then was that I was awake, but the depression that happened to me made it impossible to do anything. Thanks for the good vibes, Anna.
I need to get back to running too.... for me .... and for the people that loves me.
+Catharina Bezuidenhout Yaaasssss! Just go outside and do it. Right now. When you read this comment, promise me you'll at least put on some music and dance in your house for ten minutes, or go out and run! I am challenging you, Catharina!!
+Astrid I just got back from a nice 5k walk! Thank you.
Well, you've brought a few out of the woodwork - I presume you're back on top now? Bottom line is : you do not get to choose the hand that you are dealt but you do get to choose how you play the cards. A 'cards' laugh for you 'cos' we ALL NEED A LAUGH sometimes. In one of our (UK) famous sitcoms, there is a game of poker. One guy has 4 kings and the other guy has not shown his cards. The blind hand bets everything - car, jewelry, money, furniture - the lot. The bet is called. The guy lays down his 4 kings and the other guy says he has 2 pair - what - you bet all that lot - everything you have on 2 pair??? Yes, I have a pair of aces and I have another pair of aces!
+Roger Frampton lol I know nothing about cards XD
But that's so true. I'm choosing how I handle the cards I was dealt. And honestly sometimes I get soooooo self-loathing "Why is my brain broken, why do I have ADHD and anxiety/depression, what bullshit!" and I really hate myself for those things. Then I just sigh and realize I shouldn't think that way because I'm the only person who is truly with me for life, and I better have a nicer attitude or it's going to be a shit ride. :P
You 'go girl' - and what a line "I'm the only person who is truly with me for life". That should be on a poster!
the worst thing people can do when depressed is use it as an excuse to get into alcoholism or drugs, i don't know if you're religious or not but a simple prayer always helps.
+von volts (1) I am not religious. (2) Depression isn't an "excuse" to get into alcoholism and drugs. Many people turn to drugs because it is a tool they use to feel better because either nothing works better for them or they don't know any better ways. I would never criticize someone for slipping into addiction because it is not just some simple black and white choice.
that's scary (about depression)...
By the way, I will make a french manicure!! It looks SOOO GOOD on you!! :)) Stay healthy ;)
+Janet Sema Girl THANK YOU because I did it myself and it makes me feel fyne as fuq.
And I'll be okay. I'm sharing so others can hear they have ways to be better, too!
Thankyou so much , i have depression because my parent didnt care about me for a long time , even i tell my parent to help me as i have been bully for 2 years , but they dont care , they tell me that they give me money so that is ok.
+Bryant Chan Oh I am really sorry. That is some bullshit. I think you need to find other resources to help you - maybe a professor, counselor, pastor, friend, or... basically anyone! There are lots of people in the world who will love you and treat you with kindness, even if your parents don't. hug hug hug.
+Bryant Chan i'm so sorry man.. i grew up like that as well... my mother died and my dad was a workaholic... all he would do is give us money and buy things for us... but we had no parents... it's hard, but it didn't affect me as bad as i thought it would... my dad had mental issues... he's a mild schizophrenic... so he thought we were all liars and out to get him in trouble or something... the only thing that it did affect me in is that i'm attracted to older men... like my dad's age... and no, it didn't make me gay... LOL>.. it just made me want to be with an older man... replaced my dad... weird...
i still went to college and i'm an known artist... be friendly to everyone, don't anyone bring you down bryant... you are a lot stronger than you know... we humans are amazing creatures... we all have a purpose and can amount to great things... work hard and find some awesome friends... if a friend makes you feel sad or hated, you aren't friends... choose wisely... peace and love my friend...
Lets hope you'll be fine!!
those problem,like paranoid?
I am sure you helped many people, and if you ever need someone to talk with message me.
+Michael Brodzik Thanks for the support! :)
Kesha power lol. Whatever works!
Omg ! You should totally pick up your balls off the ground . Because it takes balls to come and post your flaws for all to see . Your a brave cookie ! But I understand and feel you . I too was diagnosed with depression and obsessive-compulsive behavior this February after I had my first anxiety attack after I had a job interview and I did not get the job . My my parents always told me that if I went off to University and graduated I will be successful and I so I did I graduated bachelors in inter-design and with a bachelors in vocal music education and vocal performance and also was the only person in my graduating class that graduated in with a music program would to four foreign languages. Also done a lot of internships and I worked full time and went to school full time that's the only way I could afford my education . I did my every thing I was told to get my slice of the American dream . Yet I am currently unemployed and I ask myself why am I not good enough is it my person ?
Or maybe is the way I look . Find myself dissecting everything about myself and my being . And to top it all off my partner hates my orchids and plants . To be honest I trim to watching you and your videos and Danny's Miss orchid Girl and Brads Greenhouse and Maria Young and so on to pull me out of my depression and kinda live through all of your videos . So thank you for everything . Keep up the great work . Much Love !!
+Ellofez Damn that is some rough stuff when you work so hard and don't get a good payoff for it. It's nice to know that you sing - I sang in choirs as a child and have lost some of my range now that I'm out of practice but singing always makes me happy.
And don't listen to those brain lies. And also, if your partner doesn't like your orchids, find a new one. Pfffffftttttt.
But hey, we're gonna be alright in the end. Life can't be shitty to you forever. Make life your bitch.
+Astrid thanks for sure lol thank you for being brave for all of us . Life is our bitch ! Lol
Im actually kinda worried not gonna lie!
Hello.I know that moments.I have been there.One day i found an angel in my life..He told me to change the diet,and avoid sugar and many others I eat mostly organic.I am much better.You can look many information in youtube about anxiety and diet.For me it is the best medicine i had.I devote my life to help people change the diet if thay want. I hope it helps .
Thank you
Yeah, a diet full of candy and soda is a big reason I was very depressed in high school. As long as you eat more plants, more balanced diet, and drink lots of water, you'll be a lot healthier overall! :)
i love your spech :)
Hey Astrid. Is there anyway we ( The youtube community) help you?
+Foozil Yeah, just be good to yourselves!
+Astrid Sure!
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Hi Astrid, check out this article for Eugene's sake: www.healthline.com/health/depression/relationships
Cruel to be kind. I've fought depression since I was a teenager. After a few years with my bf I finally realized that I was making his life a misery. One needs to be healthy to have a healthy relationship. He was always supportive but bc I love him I let him go to work on myself. He's in a healthy relationship now and as much as it hurt I know it was for the best. I continue to fight this disease. Be strong
+Andy Marshall I don't think that you should send people things like that. That is pretty rude, in my opinion. Why would you tell a depressed person who already thinks she is a pile of shit that "Oh, by the way you will probably also ruin your relationship and make your partner miserable."
Like, why? Who do you think you are? That was so inappropriate and unnecessary. Did you listen to me? Do you know I've been depressed off and on for TEN YEARS? Do you not think I know how to care for myself? If you had listened to me talk in this video, you would know that I've learned many ways to handle my depression and anxiety, which were present long before any of my relationships.
Do you know that I was with someone with severe depression for 5 years and I had to read MANY articles like that before I made the painful decision to leave him because he was actually abusive to me? No. You don't.
You clearly didn't watch this, because I talked about my boyfriend helping me and called him Ben, not Eugene. Eugene and I broke up in January.
Do you also tell people with cancer how they should treat their illness? Do you tell your fat friends to go on a diet because you're concerned for their health and family? Would you suggest that someone with chronic pain just do some stretches and get over it? Good god, this was just super inappropriate, Andy.
Don't assume you know what is really going on in someone's life, and don't send such horrible messages like this to people who are struggling. ESPECIALLY when you haven't listened to them talk first.
EDIT: I am re-reading this and realize it is pretty harsh. I hope that it doesn't offend you, but it reflects how I feel about this type of comment. Think before you tell people with health problems your suggestions - they have probably heard everything 1000 times and have considered it many times before you popped along. Please think harder before you tell a sick person how they should go about their lives.
your dreads?!
+cody Bachschmid are gone?!
Running makes me depressed tbh
+Archies Orchids Then you need to run more, Archie!! Run until you forget that you're running! I am just starting back at running, so I get to enjoy the "noob gains" in my running pace and the duration I can run. My mom was a long distance runner and I can tell it's in my genes, too.
RUN FORREST RUUUNNNN!!!!! lol
+Chris Roberts AMEN
LOL oh man Chris, you don't fuck around, do you? Don't worry - the cool thing about my depression is that it makes me so unmotivated to do anything and - well killing yourself is SUCH AN EFFORT.
But in all seriousness, I'm here to stick around for good. Until I'm old and wrinkly and have a million orchids.
Umm....I'm hoping I'll have a million orchids one day ( we all do ) lol. yeah I agree its to much of an effort to kill your self!!! I think the most effort I put into ANYTHING is watering a vanda everyday!! and did ALL of your peasant orchids bloom????
ps: kick that depression in the ARSE lol!!
hope it doesn't give you HALF spots again.....lazy orchid!!!!! oh and how is your phrag doing???
👍🏼🙂
hi friend I know what you mean thank you for sharing I will be praying for you and for me we all need help God bless you in Jesus Christ name we can get better each day only the Lord Jesus cab help us all when life gets really hard his always there to help us have a great day hope to see you at the orchid show this Saturday.
+maria amaya Hey, thank you so much for your kind words and offering of prayer. I can't wait for that show! :)
+maria amaya Hey Maria, are you the same Maria I met at the show? It was so nice to see you and I mentioned you in my new video showing the orchids I got from the show! It was so fun to see you and your daughter, and I hope we can see each other again. You should come to the Portland Orchid Society show! We have one tonight (april 19) and every month on the 4th Tuesday. It would be nice to see you again!
I've been there. I need to run more too. and the lies! I have to remind myself of things that are right and true like Alice and wonderland. you speak my life. the men who love us rock! he is my light.
+Jashlyn Girard Okay you need to go out as soon as you read this comment. Go for a run. I challenge you! I dare youuuuu!
+Astrid argh. but my kneesssss ache...I ran last night at my kids baseball practice. I will go out tonight when hubs home to watch the kids. thanks for the dare.
:)