This women is a disgrace. She doesn't know the meaning of being a mother. He is better off without her. Don't trust them. Only when they were in need did they reach out. They are users.
Dude as soon as you Stop supporting them you'll be right back where you you were only broke. If you start you'll never be able to stop, remember, please the nights you went to sleep hungry, remember how he treated you, remember how hard it was to pick yourself up and get to where you are now DO you really want those days again they only apologized because you have your own now and they want it. YOUR MOTHER chose a man over you AND IS STILL CHOOSING HIM she's known you all your life but believed him, but still wants you to support him 30 years from now. Do you really want to be still supporting him?
Guess I am a vindictive AH as I would have told her, "I'm sorry ma'am but you must have the wrong number. My mother died 5 years ago." Then hung up and blocked the number.
Oh imma go "stop lying" every time they tell their woes. "We might become homeless" "stop lying" "I'm sorry for my jealousy" "stop lying" If you couldn't trust my words then, I won't trust yours now
Forget the mother, she forgot him until she needed him. He should just walk away and forget them like they forgot him, for several years and let them work their way out of poverty like open did after being thrown out with no support from his mother.
Only reached out to apologise when they needed something from you. If they hadn’t gave the apology and asked straight up, it would be a straight no. Possibly more manipulation
If OP had been in no position to help them financially, would they have groveled and apologized, anyways? At what point, exactly, during the 5 years of silence did the mother "see the light" about Mark? There's no way this is not a scheme (and no way a genuine attempt at reconciliation).
@@FlightofFancy622 most likely a manipulation tactic. If the consistent change was there without any mention of money then yes, but I imagine would still slightly guarded for a bit of self protection so not harmed again
@@xxSERENExx He stated he was living with his stepdad and mom for past 5 years, it was not specified if it was after their marriage (when he was 13) or when they met (when he was 12). So I got a bit confused but yeah the highschool part clarifies it.
Your mom is selfish and only cares about her self and her man only. and don’t really care about you sorry to say. But she don’t care what happens to you or you well being.
I would have told my mum to divorce Mark. I refuse to bail him out, either he is gone and never coming back, or they are on their own, like they both left him.
I am no therapist, but the way that your so-called “family” for treated you and how your mom believe that man even though you were suffering, I say that this you were either A: cut off with them and move on for your life forever or B: try to reconcile them, but with your own terms I made them tell the truth to your family. What they did wrong to you tell them all the struggles that you had to endure by your stepfather abuse and how hard you work for you’re OP I hope you learn that family isn’t always about blood. It’s about respect and love and care that you need it and your mother failed for that when she decided to believe your abusive stepfather over the truth.
@@FlightofFancy622 reconciled doesn’t mean that he should forgive his mother and stepfather, but to move on from the past and get some closure of why he must suffer. He doesn’t need to forgive or to forget the pass, but his road of healing it’s a long journey.
Need a part two for this post - how could the mom believe the hubby so much when he was the one with access to the accounts - and she’s more despicable because she realized what had happened and still didn’t reach out to her son - just left the matter to fester - sell your house , take the hit and get a smaller apt or room until things turn around - the part that hurt me the most is when he said if he paid rent he couldn’t eat / what mother sits through that statement- don’t give them any money - pay a bill if you want to and go low/ no contact
My guess: They were too proud at the beginning. When their downsizing still kept them in the red, leading to arguments regarding Mark's poor financial choices. At one point Mom is contemplating in seeking OP's help, Mark stopping her due to pride and bad blood between them. When mom pushed on for Mark's insistence in not seeking help, he finally told the truth. In my opinion, I could help the mom, but under strict condition that the money be handled only by mom. zero involvement by Mark AT ALL. Reconciliation can be done, minus Mark. If Mark insists that he wants reconciliation, that man should make statements regarding the lies and abuse he caused to OP, in person or through other media (FB, mail, etc.). no "Should we at least" or "This is too much" or "It's already in the past". I'll bet he's too proud to go through that.
No you shouldn’t even question it. It’s been five years and she only reached out to apologize because she needed money why are you even questioning it don’t help
Don’t help them. Protect yourself and the life you built. Despite your stepdad admitting he lied to your mother she still chooses to stay him him. She made her bed with that man, let her lie in it.
If the house is about to go in foreclosure, it’s pretty worthless as it stands. If I were him, I would either outright give them money with a written agreement that they would never contact him again. Or, I would agree to a loan to bail them out, but they would need to sell the house and otherwise liquidate their assets like cars, etc. I would also require them to sign a loan agreement with a strict payment plan and penalties.
@@lisathaviu1154 As if they would pay him a dime - these idiots can't pay the bank. Do you expect them to pay to a guy they stabbed in a back repeatedly?
@@lisathaviu1154 Why help them out? Let them deal with the mess themselves. Yea all that written agreement like you said. But do you honestly think they will pay you back? You will probably have to drag them to court and all that legal hassle. For what?
You died to her 5 years ago, treat her the same way and walk away, second option is to guarantee her safety and only hers, unless mark can get another job she will have a home with you but mark doesn't
So she found out the truth, found out her new husband was lying and caused the rift between her and her son, and yet she stayed with him? I would tell her, i'd ensure she would at least be comfortable, but under one condition, she had to divorce her husband and cut all ties with him. He deserves nothing, and she will only get support if she cuts out the cancer that caused her own child so much hardship.
Don't give them a penny, although she is your mom she didn't think that u were her son when she neglected u all those times when u told her about mark. And if they are both truly sorry then why would they only reach out to you when they needed something. Let them suffer like you did. Give them the cold shoulder like mark did. Tell them about all your struggles and how u have no obligation to help them.
She chose her side…and it was the wrong one. She doesn’t deserve forgiveness. OP should let the bank foreclose and evict his mom and Mark. Then buy the house and upgrade all of the locks.
Dont give them a dime. If your mother truly regretted her actions she would have reached out before. The only reason you heard from her is that she wants money from you. They can downsize. She didnt care when her 17 year old son didnt even have food to eat. She didnt care to give you a chance or listen to you and she doesn't care now she just needs money. Stay no contact. As for your stepfather he is a waste of space but your mother is worse.
Tell your mom that you will help her, but not Mark. She has to leave him and divorce him if she wants your help. Tell her to live with you and absolutely no contact with Mark ever again. That is the one condition and if she breaks it he will have her put on the street.
I agree that is a good idea. "Mark" obviously had picked the mother because she was already so completely isolated except the OP. It was beyond easy to gaslight her and abuse him. The fact "Mark" was the one who spent all of the money screams she needs to bet away from "Mark", and he got precisely what happened to him. I suspect that "Mark" was exposed for things he shouldn't have done on his job. He deserved to be a broken man.
Very good advice! I was searching for a good solution and felt stymied. But the advice here to cut Mark loose and help only his mom was great. I wish they hadn’t ended the story without resolution.
This is exactly what I was going to post, but I read your post. I was thinking this exact thing. The mother is a teacher, so she has a decent salary to support ONE person comfortably. The son could help her by getting her away from her horrible husband who obviously drained their bank accounts. She should leave her husband, move on with her son, pull herself together, save up some money, and find a small place close to her son. The son is still young and may start dating, get married, and start a family. He shouldn't let his mother live with him for too long, bcuz that wouldn't be fair to him. They should keep rebuilding their relationship & enjoying their lives without that tool who torn them apart years ago. Imo, his mother won't leave her POS husband no matter what he did.
OP should just told Mark and his mom. "So let me get this straight. So you had known that Mark was lying for years and you are still with him. My answer is nope. I do not see why I should help you in anyway especially Mark but mom you are a real piece of shit. You know that right? Since you know what Mark had done but you continue to stay with him afterwards. You always brush off all the abused Mark made me gone through. You come just for money and not to reconcile with me. The time to reconcile had long past since you first known the truth. You guys are nothing but strangers to me." Proceed to walk away.
His mother knew what was going on, and she let this man, harass, and bully and mistreat her son, and then she’d abandoned him, when he needed her most, she did absolutely nothing to protect her son, she a sorry excuse for a mother
This was a good STORY but a few things didn't add up. OP's mom went overseas for a job to help her career advancement, but later she was a school teacher. Why would she need to do that to be a teacher? OP could call his mother when his stepfather mistreated him before he left home/was kicked out, but he couldn't/didn't call her after he left/was kicked out. What he didn't think his stepdad wouldn't call her and spin the story in his favor? When his mother didn't do anything to help his situation at home and when she went away, why didn't he tell a school counselor when he left home (as a minor), or contact the local Child Protective Services? Then when his mom comes back home, she leaves him to fend for himself, he's A MINOR! 🤨
She was able to get him on the phone after 5 years just because she wanted money?! If I was him I’d let her wait for the same length of time she made him wait, then say I’m not going to give you anything without a legally signed agreement that covers everything in detail to the fullest extent of the law! If you don’t agree you’re not getting anything!
She always knew it was a lie & that op didn't steal the money. She knew he wasn't happy to be left with him but left anyway. When he told her there were problems, she told him to sort them out himself. When he explained his side of the story, she pretended not to believe it. But she knew. She could have kept a low contact relationship going to make sure her son was okay but didn't. Why? Because it was easier for her that way. Easier to placate her husband and throw out the son. If she had the normal love and affection of a mother, she would never have treated her son in this way, and she would never have gone crawling back for money.
I’d say I’d only help mom if she ditched the loser then when she did I’d string her along but never give her the money and use the excuse that your private investigator said she was still in contact with the stepdad because of course they are.
The mother had already started burning her bridges when she knew of Marks abuse on OP when he was young but did nothing about and had burned that bridge till ash when she believed Mark without any substantial evidence. Tbh the OP is better off ignoring his mom or giving her ultimatum based what he feels like should changed for the better
Need a part two for this post - how could the mom believe the Bobby so much when he was the one with access to the accounts - and she’s more despicable because she realized what had happened and still didn’t reach out to her son - just left the matter to fester - sell your house , take the hit and get a smaller apt or room until things turn around - the part that hurt me the most is when he said if he paid rent he couldn’t eat / what mother sits through that statement- don’t give them any money - pay a bill said you want and go low/ no contact
Oh my god. Ask your mother why she refused to reach out before (money is a good enough reason, then being sorry is too), ask why she isnt divorced, ask if she is happy with herseld, ask if her parents are proud of what she has done, ask if she thinks she has been a good mother (or why she didnt even try
OP a real mother puts her child/children first before everyone and anything. After I divorced my children’s father and at a later time married someone else. At first everything seemed great…until my children told me they were not happy and would rather live with their father than live with their stepdad I didn’t give it a second thought I divorced their stepdad. The way I see it is that it’s my job as a mom to make sure my children are loved, healthy, and happy. Once they became adults my life was mine to live. So what your mother did is unacceptable she should’ve believed you and gotten rid of him right then, especially when she witnessed stuff for herself. She knew and did nothing to make sure you were loved healthy and happy. She chose a man over her child. She doesn’t even deserve to be called mom. Just walked away and don’t look back. She let you (her child) suffer and go hungry. Karma has it’s way and it’s come to bite her.
I'd tell them you're going public and ask for money from their friends and family. Then offer to match what they raise up to, let's say, 2,500$. The ones who talk a big game will spoil the fundraising. The ones who distrust OP will not trust him with the money, so it won't be matched if they do give. When people give money and are apologetic, you can mend relationships with those people.
I would have agreed to give her money, but under one condition. If she kicks Mark to the curb and divorces him first. Mark wont be getting a penny from me if i was him.
How was he able to get an apartment as a minor? I mean... you literally need good credit, usually 3x the monthly income per monthly rent... first/last month plus security... Oh... and to not be a minor
I’m sorry, I would have lost it on both of them. As much as it would have hurt, I would have told them they are two peas in a pod, and meant for each other. And I don’t need a mom who believes a liar instead of knowing her own chid. I was also an only child with my mom My life was due to divorce, it wasn’t as tragic as this persons. Fortunately I never had to deal with anything like this. As for helping them….I don’t have a real answer, keep going through the pros and cons I guess. Hopefully you will find the right decision for you. Ultimately your friends and therapist are right. It has to be up to you.
Ok mum, you have figured out the truth and Dick admitted it, what do you intend to do about it now? Answer: carry on like it's not a big deal and only contact my son when I need something...... Run away on!
No No No! Your mother is wrong for taking his side and even after she found out the truth she still didn’t reach out to you until it benefited her and she needed money. I would never help either of them when your mother didn’t even help you at your worst time because of something her husband did. Walk away from that because the only reason she is talking to you is for money not because she wants a relationship with you because if that was the case then she would have done it years ago, plus this will never end and you will turn into their personal piggy bank and when you haven’t got anything left to give them they will throw you away again.
My mom chose my ex-husbands side (she also was a DV survivor) itd drove such a wedge id move to NY from NC she passed away a week before i was supposed to come back (we'd started mending things she knew she didn't have time i guess) ive hated my ex everyday since for taking my moms last two years from me we maybe mad at the time but we will regret hurting our moms
Tell her that she is no mother of your she is the wife of mark and there is no point in extending a olive branch to fix relationship no when she did even think twice before cutting you off Now I might sound like a psycho or whatever just keep an eye on their struggle it will give you pleasure of all time you struggle in a dingy apartment and part time job
Didn't she say to live up to what you did?!? Pay for your mistakes hell no let them pay for their mistakes and she knew he lied and didn't leave him n still let her son suffer and when he lost his job before the savings ran dry they could have sold the house and downsized so nope let them pay for their mistakes let them drown like they did him
I'm not an expert but I don't think a healthy relationship should start with one party giving the other party money or favours that they haven't earned, and it sounds to me as if they are manipulating you, I'm not sure if your mum is doing it on purpose but still I don’t think giving them the money will get you a healthy mother child relationship, I think it would give you more of a landlord type relationship. I would suggest saying something like 'I can't lend you money, but I am willing to work on mending our relationship if you are.' Remember that this is only my opinion and I don't know anyone in this situation. I hope the person who puts these on youtube actually sends the comments to OP.
Too bad I can’t give advice directly. Based on other people’s experiences I’d say forgive for your personal benefit. Do not forget or give aide at all. Go NC forever. They are adults when you were a child so they should have prepared themselves for the future better. A parent’s purpose is to give a good head start to their children to live independently and successfully. If not karma will get them.
I would not wanna reconnect with them they only came to him when they needed help they need to suffer how he did even mark and his own mom did not wanna be around them so fake they make their choice now it’s done 😮
If the OP does help, "Mark" should have to sign a document where he has to pay the OP back. He is "a whipped puppy" for now, but he very easily could go back to his old behavior.
I think op should take over the mortgage only if they change the deed to his name. This way he could assuage his conscience and can have something to show for it.
Give them a list of all the government help they can get. Give them the ability to help themselves. Don't worry about that house. It's filled with very bad memories, and the only thing it would be good for, is renting out. Let them have that tiny studio apartment you had, knowing that you lived in that little hole in the wall, and that you were lying awake at night, thinking about what you could have done that would make things better. Let them lie awake at night, thinking about what THEY could do to make things better. Let them know your struggles, your hardship. Giving them a monetary hand out won't help them. Let them see life through your eyes and experiences. Let them face the struggles head on. They can handle it. They're older than you. They claim to be wise, let them prove it. Why hasn't he been job hunting? If he got laid off, where are the unemployment benefits? They want to be leeches. Don't let them attach to you.
Whatever you do do not do it they're not sorry because what they did they don't want to make amends for the money and for you to bail them out. Say that you love me and wish him luck but unless she divorces Mark and openly / publicly says what they did was wrong and he admits it it's not worth your time.
Don't try to be the bigger person, because they probably will use this opening to take more money from you and use your conflicted emotions for their own benefit. "Understand" is diferent from "accept".
Someone can actually go from junior developer to team leader in a year. My son did exactly that by working hard and proving his self to the upper management. Just because you have never seen it doesn’t mean it’s never happened.
@@BeccaBullard8 the only way this happens is when its a startup and there is litteraly no one else to do it and no money to hire a real lead. But since you mentioned upper management I guess this is not. Actual work as a software engineer is nothing like being at school. It already takes a few months to get up to speed witht the product and codebase and then he performed better than litteraly anyone else on his team? I can tell you that the difference between a senior and junior is night and day and there is no way a junior can develop the required coding-, architectural- and leader skills in only a year.
Hell no don't help them what if they take more of your money it's like u said u may be well off now but who knows if mark might do the same thing again so N to the O NO!
*When his mother called after 5 YEARS of abandonment he should have said "although I didn't ask for this thank you for putting a smile on my face" & simply hung up & blocked her number. She literally abandoned her son.*
If they weren't facing foreclosure and financial ruin, would they have ever contacted him? Bailing out his mom and step-dad wouldn't guarantee that they won't be in the same position again. An unemployed stepdad and overworked mom isn't a great recipe for financial stability. They could very easily be in the same position again in six months or a year. If it's closure he wants, pay off their debt and tell them to never contact him again.
Comfort them and even forgive them. It costs you nothing. However, as you said, start ups are volatile. You cannot compromise your own well being for parents that should have had their act together long ago. I am a bit confused however. OP’s mother is a “teacher” and she went overseas to take a position that could “Ultimately” change the course of their lives? (paraphrasing here)
Obviously not the a-hole, but OP also has to acknowledge that his mother knew Mark was abusive towards him, but she was never going to leave him b/c of that. She knew Mark was lying, but she will always choose Mark over OP anytime. Nevertheless, OP needs to go no contact with her again b/c he’s not getting anything out of this relationship, while she’s getting plenty out of him. She’s getting financial support & her son (you know, the one she turned her back on years ago). Now that she & Mark needs something she going to milk the sh*t out of OP b/c she knows she could manipulate him. OP needs to not be sentimental & realize that his mother is just using him & so is Mark. People like to say it’s not easy to cut off relatives, but it really is. Idk, I’m just gonna give my honest opinion & say if OP helps the mother & “rebuilds” a relationship with her then he’s just a f*cking idiot at that point.
--- Why didn't Mom take OP to Europe with her? OP was a fool not to have called his mother what was going on when it was happening. Also the school councillor should have have reported Mark to Children's Services. I wouldn't give them a dime and OP should tell his Mother that she chose Mark so she can live with the consequences.
POV By not allowing her to show up by herself. She's has to be in an abusive relationship. For that reason, I would accept their apology and request to have lunch without Mark present. In a firm voice I would tell her if Mark shows up, there's no deal and I'm walking away. I would offer minimal amount.
America is a funny country how can a mother not know her son's personality and trust some guy blindly. Honestly, I don't think She ever truly felt sorry for what she did to her son. She made her son homeless bcuz he stole some money but she is still with the guy who manipulated her, lied to her, made her son homeless and ruined her relationship with him. She reached out only when she heard he was doing well and could help her financially. He was in the same situation as her but worse he can't even afford food, she never thought of him. Even if God asked me I will never help her
If I was the OP, the only way I would forgive the mom is if she was to divorce Mark, and go on a social campaign to all of her friends admitting she was wrong about her accusations and admitting she listened to a liar over her own son, and then sell the family home because she can use the money to buy a small apartment like the OP with the money from the home sale and live like he did, by herself, alone thinking about all she had done to him. Live like that for 5 years, and then maybe they can have a familiar relationship again.
Overall op should keep his distance and go LC,as for offering financial aid it would be better if op payed the bills directly instead of giving money to his mom and stepdad. This way it would avoid the munching on their part.
So him being 16 he never opened his mouth about the situation that was going on to the in depth of more or less this man was abusing me mentally because I don't hear anything physically going on. Classic man wasn't your father so why would you try to appease people that don't give two f**** about you I never understood you people when it comes to that they don't care about you why in the f*** would you care about their feelings? And I don't want to hear I didn't want to make my mother have to choose or unhappy because more than likely your mother didn't care for you if she kept you in this situation and took the side of her husband's. I cannot stand when people keep using those I cannot stand when people keep using those excuses that somebody was manipulating them. Mark was not manipulating his mother she was too desperate and wanted to have somebody in her life throw on the side the relationship of her and her son. So just like all you other people that keep saying that somebody manipulated me you're a bunch of grown ass people this is not no children you're adults you weren't manipulated you chose to believe these people that was a choice not a force.
“I’m totally in the POSITION to help, but I’m not gonna” You licked YOUR CHILD out of the house and cut him out of your lives. Keep on with that energy
Nope!! Protect yourself and your money that is something you earned through your hard work and dedication. Sever all ties with them and don’t give them any money their financial debts aren’t your problem. Your mother has to live with that guilt for the rest of your life.
Your mom knew right away that all of it was a lie she abandoned you and you're able to survive and make it to adulthood without ending up in prison or on drugs or homeless😢 she doesn't need your help because she didn't want to help you!
It is OP's choice to make, but all I can say is that if it were me in that situation, I would honor myself and my feelings and tell the ex-parents, because that is what they really are, that I refuse to help them. You cannot come back from certain things; believing the words of an abuser over your own victimized child is my personal line. Furthermore, I would tell them never to contact me again. Cruel? Maybe. But what the ex-parents did was also cruel. ALSO! OP's mom figured out the truth long before she reached out, and ONLY got in contact when she NEEDED something from him! That's not how you act toward someone with whom you want to make things right. THAT is NOT how you treat someone you claim to love! Acta non verba! Deeds, not words! Her deeds are not those of a penitent person.
I'm going to placate to the mom's position at a verying degree for why she hadn't contacted Op after finding out. Maybe she felt that it was inappropriate at first and didn't want to burden Op. But the facts remain, she is a hopless excuse for a parent. Op should do put himself first before helping trash and if he choose to reconcile with his mother, it would need to be on his terms with a tightrope space of a chance. It's okay to reconnect, but it would have to start at a safe distance.
Inexcusable behaviour! And to wait until they're financially in distress to reach out as opposed to when they realized they were in the wrong! I wouldn't provide financial support, but perhaps, would offer to pay for some form of financial advice and ask around about potential employment for Mark. I wouldn't put a dime in their hands. They got themselves into the problem, they must get themselves out.
No, I don't think he should help them because they didn't help him whatsoever even if the stepfather was jealous. The mom forgot that that was her son. And even though psychology tells us people's personalities are by the the age of 5 years old, I learn people don't change. People can't change. All they could do is alter it how they are viewed by people. They will always be that person. They will just slowly let it out over time and then look at you like. But then you know this who I was. So no, I don't think you should open up your door for them. Maybe help your mom out get her a small place but Mark will always be troubled
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SHE FIGURED OUT THE TRUTH AND NEVER EVEN BOTHERED TO CALL HER SON ABOUT IT
worse, she's still with te guy even.
Don’t help them after finding out the truth she didn’t come for you what a crap mother they just want your money
Exactly wdym over the years… 😭
Ikr
I would NEVER ALLOW ANYONE TALK TO OR TREAT MY CHILD LIKE THAT. HUSBAND OR NOOOOT
This women is a disgrace. She doesn't know the meaning of being a mother. He is better off without her. Don't trust them. Only when they were in need did they reach out. They are users.
My face would be like this if I was in his possession being accused of stealing money from my stepfather which I don't have one:😐🤨😑😶🥱😤👁👄👁😒🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨
She should be so ashamed of herself as a mother
Your mom loving Mark more than you cost you your relationship with your mom because she didn't have to believe him over you. Husband or not
Dude as soon as you Stop supporting them you'll be right back where you you were only broke. If you start you'll never be able to stop, remember, please the nights you went to sleep hungry, remember how he treated you, remember how hard it was to pick yourself up and get to where you are now DO you really want those days again they only apologized because you have your own now and they want it. YOUR MOTHER chose a man over you AND IS STILL CHOOSING HIM she's known you all your life but believed him, but still wants you to support him 30 years from now. Do you really want to be still supporting him?
Guess I am a vindictive AH as I would have told her, "I'm sorry ma'am but you must have the wrong number. My mother died 5 years ago." Then hung up and blocked the number.
This line goes hard
Oh imma go "stop lying" every time they tell their woes.
"We might become homeless" "stop lying"
"I'm sorry for my jealousy" "stop lying"
If you couldn't trust my words then, I won't trust yours now
Agreed i olso told my mother the same
Perfect response
i would have waited for the meeting, then said, to Mark, "you, fker, go wait in the car, i need to talk to my mom"
Forget the mother, she forgot him until she needed him. He should just walk away and forget them like they forgot him, for several years and let them work their way out of poverty like open did after being thrown out with no support from his mother.
Only reached out to apologise when they needed something from you. If they hadn’t gave the apology and asked straight up, it would be a straight no. Possibly more manipulation
He really needs to ask them how many years it would have taken to reach out and admit wrongdoing if they _weren't_ in any financial trouble.
If OP had been in no position to help them financially, would they have groveled and apologized, anyways? At what point, exactly, during the 5 years of silence did the mother "see the light" about Mark? There's no way this is not a scheme (and no way a genuine attempt at reconciliation).
And, she brought the pos that caused all of it with her to meet op. Insult to injury.
@@FlightofFancy622 most likely a manipulation tactic. If the consistent change was there without any mention of money then yes, but I imagine would still slightly guarded for a bit of self protection so not harmed again
If you dont wanna accept a kid that isn't yours how about... NOT MARRYING SOMEONE THAT HAS KIDS?!
just a suggestion.
Tell mark to file a fucking police report if he has so much evidence.
Mark effectively kicked a minor from his home, which is illegal, so OP could technically get him arrested
@@xxSERENExx He was not a minor at the time, I believe
"Mark" picked the perfect victim. The mother and the OP were already quite isolated, so it was very easy to gaslight her and abuse him.
@@PushkarMaheshwari007 he was still going to high school
@@xxSERENExx He stated he was living with his stepdad and mom for past 5 years, it was not specified if it was after their marriage (when he was 13) or when they met (when he was 12). So I got a bit confused but yeah the highschool part clarifies it.
She only came to you because she needs help, don’t do it. She burned that bridge long ago, she’s not your mother.
Your mom is selfish and only cares about her self and her man only. and don’t really care about you sorry to say. But she don’t care what happens to you or you well being.
I would have told my mum to divorce Mark. I refuse to bail him out, either he is gone and never coming back, or they are on their own, like they both left him.
th-cam.com/users/shortslVQqgOunlhY?si=xM2XfN9Hz5zKi3Bv
I told my mother i donth have a mother she died 5 years ago don't call me anymore 🤗
I am no therapist, but the way that your so-called “family” for treated you and how your mom believe that man even though you were suffering, I say that this you were either A: cut off with them and move on for your life forever or B: try to reconcile them, but with your own terms I made them tell the truth to your family. What they did wrong to you tell them all the struggles that you had to endure by your stepfather abuse and how hard you work for you’re OP I hope you learn that family isn’t always about blood. It’s about respect and love and care that you need it and your mother failed for that when she decided to believe your abusive stepfather over the truth.
Don't think you should trust your mom. They will drain you out and leave you high and dry. Don't give any money
@@FlightofFancy622
RUN
@@FlightofFancy622 reconciled doesn’t mean that he should forgive his mother and stepfather, but to move on from the past and get some closure of why he must suffer. He doesn’t need to forgive or to forget the pass, but his road of healing it’s a long journey.
Need a part two for this post - how could the mom believe the hubby so much when he was the one with access to the accounts - and she’s more despicable because she realized what had happened and still didn’t reach out to her son - just left the matter to fester - sell your house , take the hit and get a smaller apt or room until things turn around - the part that hurt me the most is when he said if he paid rent he couldn’t eat / what mother sits through that statement- don’t give them any money - pay a bill if you want to and go low/ no contact
My guess: They were too proud at the beginning. When their downsizing still kept them in the red, leading to arguments regarding Mark's poor financial choices. At one point Mom is contemplating in seeking OP's help, Mark stopping her due to pride and bad blood between them. When mom pushed on for Mark's insistence in not seeking help, he finally told the truth.
In my opinion, I could help the mom, but under strict condition that the money be handled only by mom. zero involvement by Mark AT ALL.
Reconciliation can be done, minus Mark. If Mark insists that he wants reconciliation, that man should make statements regarding the lies and abuse he caused to OP, in person or through other media (FB, mail, etc.). no "Should we at least" or "This is too much" or "It's already in the past". I'll bet he's too proud to go through that.
You think he should support mark?
No you shouldn’t even question it. It’s been five years and she only reached out to apologize because she needed money why are you even questioning it don’t help
Don’t help them. Protect yourself and the life you built. Despite your stepdad admitting he lied to your mother she still chooses to stay him him. She made her bed with that man, let her lie in it.
Have them put the house in your name. It will be yours.
If the house is about to go in foreclosure, it’s pretty worthless as it stands. If I were him, I would either outright give them money with a written agreement that they would never contact him again. Or, I would agree to a loan to bail them out, but they would need to sell the house and otherwise liquidate their assets like cars, etc. I would also require them to sign a loan agreement with a strict payment plan and penalties.
@@lisathaviu1154 As if they would pay him a dime - these idiots can't pay the bank. Do you expect them to pay to a guy they stabbed in a back repeatedly?
@@lisathaviu1154 Why help them out? Let them deal with the mess themselves. Yea all that written agreement like you said. But do you honestly think they will pay you back? You will probably have to drag them to court and all that legal hassle. For what?
You died to her 5 years ago, treat her the same way and walk away, second option is to guarantee her safety and only hers, unless mark can get another job she will have a home with you but mark doesn't
So she found out the truth, found out her new husband was lying and caused the rift between her and her son, and yet she stayed with him?
I would tell her, i'd ensure she would at least be comfortable, but under one condition, she had to divorce her husband and cut all ties with him. He deserves nothing, and she will only get support if she cuts out the cancer that caused her own child so much hardship.
She is worse because OP is her biological child. He should run and stay no contact. She doesn't love him just wants to use him.
Don't give them a penny, although she is your mom she didn't think that u were her son when she neglected u all those times when u told her about mark. And if they are both truly sorry then why would they only reach out to you when they needed something. Let them suffer like you did. Give them the cold shoulder like mark did. Tell them about all your struggles and how u have no obligation to help them.
She chose her side…and it was the wrong one. She doesn’t deserve forgiveness. OP should let the bank foreclose and evict his mom and Mark. Then buy the house and upgrade all of the locks.
Stepdad wasn’t interested in “working things out.”
Dont give them a dime. If your mother truly regretted her actions she would have reached out before. The only reason you heard from her is that she wants money from you. They can downsize. She didnt care when her 17 year old son didnt even have food to eat. She didnt care to give you a chance or listen to you and she doesn't care now she just needs money. Stay no contact. As for your stepfather he is a waste of space but your mother is worse.
Tell your mom that you will help her, but not Mark. She has to leave him and divorce him if she wants your help. Tell her to live with you and absolutely no contact with Mark ever again. That is the one condition and if she breaks it he will have her put on the street.
This OP
I agree that is a good idea. "Mark" obviously had picked the mother because she was already so completely isolated except the OP. It was beyond easy to gaslight her and abuse him. The fact "Mark" was the one who spent all of the money screams she needs to bet away from "Mark", and he got precisely what happened to him. I suspect that "Mark" was exposed for things he shouldn't have done on his job. He deserved to be a broken man.
That's what I said after all she is his mother but no way would I help him she'd have to leave him entirely
Very good advice! I was searching for a good solution and felt stymied. But the advice here to cut Mark loose and help only his mom was great. I wish they hadn’t ended the story without resolution.
This is exactly what I was going to post, but I read your post. I was thinking this exact thing. The mother is a teacher, so she has a decent salary to support ONE person comfortably. The son could help her by getting her away from her horrible husband who obviously drained their bank accounts. She should leave her husband, move on with her son, pull herself together, save up some money, and find a small place close to her son. The son is still young and may start dating, get married, and start a family. He shouldn't let his mother live with him for too long, bcuz that wouldn't be fair to him. They should keep rebuilding their relationship & enjoying their lives without that tool who torn them apart years ago.
Imo, his mother won't leave her POS husband no matter what he did.
OP should just told Mark and his mom.
"So let me get this straight. So you had known that Mark was lying for years and you are still with him. My answer is nope. I do not see why I should help you in anyway especially Mark but mom you are a real piece of shit. You know that right? Since you know what Mark had done but you continue to stay with him afterwards. You always brush off all the abused Mark made me gone through. You come just for money and not to reconcile with me. The time to reconcile had long past since you first known the truth. You guys are nothing but strangers to me."
Proceed to walk away.
His mother knew what was going on, and she let this man, harass, and bully and mistreat her son, and then she’d abandoned him, when he needed her most,
she did absolutely nothing to protect her son, she a sorry excuse for a mother
NTA: Should have called CPS
This was a good STORY but a few things didn't add up.
OP's mom went overseas for a job to help her career advancement, but later she was a school teacher. Why would she need to do that to be a teacher?
OP could call his mother when his stepfather mistreated him before he left home/was kicked out, but he couldn't/didn't call her after he left/was kicked out. What he didn't think his stepdad wouldn't call her and spin the story in his favor?
When his mother didn't do anything to help his situation at home and when she went away, why didn't he tell a school counselor when he left home (as a minor), or contact the local Child Protective Services? Then when his mom comes back home, she leaves him to fend for himself, he's A MINOR! 🤨
Manipulation is a real thing. Tell them no and watch all the names you get called. Sad situation but don’t help them.
DONT GIVE THEM A CENT
Imagine not believing your kid over a step dad.
She was able to get him on the phone after 5 years just because she wanted money?! If I was him I’d let her wait for the same length of time she made him wait, then say I’m not going to give you anything without a legally signed agreement that covers everything in detail to the fullest extent of the law! If you don’t agree you’re not getting anything!
She always knew it was a lie & that op didn't steal the money. She knew he wasn't happy to be left with him but left anyway. When he told her there were problems, she told him to sort them out himself. When he explained his side of the story, she pretended not to believe it. But she knew. She could have kept a low contact relationship going to make sure her son was okay but didn't. Why? Because it was easier for her that way. Easier to placate her husband and throw out the son. If she had the normal love and affection of a mother, she would never have treated her son in this way, and she would never have gone crawling back for money.
I’d say I’d only help mom if she ditched the loser then when she did I’d string her along but never give her the money and use the excuse that your private investigator said she was still in contact with the stepdad because of course they are.
th-cam.com/users/shortslVQqgOunlhY?si=xM2XfN9Hz5zKi3Bv
The mother had already started burning her bridges when she knew of Marks abuse on OP when he was young but did nothing about and had burned that bridge till ash when she believed Mark without any substantial evidence. Tbh the OP is better off ignoring his mom or giving her ultimatum based what he feels like should changed for the better
Need a part two for this post - how could the mom believe the Bobby so much when he was the one with access to the accounts - and she’s more despicable because she realized what had happened and still didn’t reach out to her son - just left the matter to fester - sell your house , take the hit and get a smaller apt or room until things turn around - the part that hurt me the most is when he said if he paid rent he couldn’t eat / what mother sits through that statement- don’t give them any money - pay a bill said you want and go low/ no contact
The proverb, “Revenge is a dish best served cold” comes to mind.
Oh my god. Ask your mother why she refused to reach out before (money is a good enough reason, then being sorry is too), ask why she isnt divorced, ask if she is happy with herseld, ask if her parents are proud of what she has done, ask if she thinks she has been a good mother (or why she didnt even try
I also reeeeeeally want another update
Honey, I have a motto. Care about people only as much as they care about you. Simple as that. This will give you an answer.
They said be wary of strangers but what they neglected to warn of is the snake that lives in the belly of the dove.
OP a real mother puts her child/children first before everyone and anything. After I divorced my children’s father and at a later time married someone else. At first everything seemed great…until my children told me they were not happy and would rather live with their father than live with their stepdad I didn’t give it a second thought I divorced their stepdad. The way I see it is that it’s my job as a mom to make sure my children are loved, healthy, and happy. Once they became adults my life was mine to live.
So what your mother did is unacceptable she should’ve believed you and gotten rid of him right then, especially when she witnessed stuff for herself. She knew and did nothing to make sure you were loved healthy and happy. She chose a man over her child. She doesn’t even deserve to be called mom.
Just walked away and don’t look back. She let you (her child) suffer and go hungry. Karma has it’s way and it’s come to bite her.
I'd tell them you're going public and ask for money from their friends and family. Then offer to match what they raise up to, let's say, 2,500$.
The ones who talk a big game will spoil the fundraising.
The ones who distrust OP will not trust him with the money, so it won't be matched if they do give.
When people give money and are apologetic, you can mend relationships with those people.
I would have agreed to give her money, but under one condition. If she kicks Mark to the curb and divorces him first. Mark wont be getting a penny from me if i was him.
The only thing I’d off to pay for is the mothers divorce lawyer
Anyone else seething in their seats RN?!?!?
tell them to get a divorce, sell the house, split the proceeds, then he can take care of his mom only
How was he able to get an apartment as a minor? I mean... you literally need good credit, usually 3x the monthly income per monthly rent... first/last month plus security...
Oh... and to not be a minor
I’m sorry, I would have lost it on both of them. As much as it would have hurt, I would have told them they are two peas in a pod, and meant for each other. And I don’t need a mom who believes a liar instead of knowing her own chid. I was also an only child with my mom My life was due to divorce, it wasn’t as tragic as this persons. Fortunately I never had to deal with anything like this. As for helping them….I don’t have a real answer, keep going through the pros and cons I guess. Hopefully you will find the right decision for you. Ultimately your friends and therapist are right. It has to be up to you.
I hope you recorded the conversation Op
Wth is wrong with them
their brain
no matter how right you are, you still wrong in the eyes of someone who hates you
Ok mum, you have figured out the truth and Dick admitted it, what do you intend to do about it now? Answer: carry on like it's not a big deal and only contact my son when I need something...... Run away on!
You have your own life to lead. 😢
No No No! Your mother is wrong for taking his side and even after she found out the truth she still didn’t reach out to you until it benefited her and she needed money. I would never help either of them when your mother didn’t even help you at your worst time because of something her husband did. Walk away from that because the only reason she is talking to you is for money not because she wants a relationship with you because if that was the case then she would have done it years ago, plus this will never end and you will turn into their personal piggy bank and when you haven’t got anything left to give them they will throw you away again.
My mom chose my ex-husbands side (she also was a DV survivor) itd drove such a wedge id move to NY from NC she passed away a week before i was supposed to come back (we'd started mending things she knew she didn't have time i guess) ive hated my ex everyday since for taking my moms last two years from me we maybe mad at the time but we will regret hurting our moms
Tell Mark to take a hike and help your mom
If OP choose to help them, he needs to pay any bills directly and not give them any money.
Tell her that she is no mother of your she is the wife of mark and there is no point in extending a olive branch to fix relationship no when she did even think twice before cutting you off
Now I might sound like a psycho or whatever just keep an eye on their struggle it will give you pleasure of all time you struggle in a dingy apartment and part time job
Didn't she say to live up to what you did?!? Pay for your mistakes hell no let them pay for their mistakes and she knew he lied and didn't leave him n still let her son suffer and when he lost his job before the savings ran dry they could have sold the house and downsized so nope let them pay for their mistakes let them drown like they did him
I'm not an expert but I don't think a healthy relationship should start with one party giving the other party money or favours that they haven't earned, and it sounds to me as if they are manipulating you, I'm not sure if your mum is doing it on purpose but still I don’t think giving them the money will get you a healthy mother child relationship, I think it would give you more of a landlord type relationship.
I would suggest saying something like 'I can't lend you money, but I am willing to work on mending our relationship if you are.'
Remember that this is only my opinion and I don't know anyone in this situation.
I hope the person who puts these on youtube actually sends the comments to OP.
Interesting how she's apologized now that there's no one else to go to and not when she found out Mark lied.
Too bad I can’t give advice directly. Based on other people’s experiences I’d say forgive for your personal benefit. Do not forget or give aide at all. Go NC forever. They are adults when you were a child so they should have prepared themselves for the future better.
A parent’s purpose is to give a good head start to their children to live independently and successfully. If not karma will get them.
Mom is constantly choosing Mark over OP, so OP should choose himself over them
I would not wanna reconnect with them they only came to him when they needed help they need to suffer how he did even mark and his own mom did not wanna be around them so fake they make their choice now it’s done 😮
If the OP does help, "Mark" should have to sign a document where he has to pay the OP back. He is "a whipped puppy" for now, but he very easily could go back to his old behavior.
I think op should take over the mortgage only if they change the deed to his name. This way he could assuage his conscience and can have something to show for it.
WHY DID IT END LIKE THAT 😭😭😭
"What we did to you was unforgivable."
Exactly. Dueces✌️
Give them a list of all the government help they can get. Give them the ability to help themselves. Don't worry about that house. It's filled with very bad memories, and the only thing it would be good for, is renting out. Let them have that tiny studio apartment you had, knowing that you lived in that little hole in the wall, and that you were lying awake at night, thinking about what you could have done that would make things better. Let them lie awake at night, thinking about what THEY could do to make things better. Let them know your struggles, your hardship. Giving them a monetary hand out won't help them. Let them see life through your eyes and experiences. Let them face the struggles head on. They can handle it. They're older than you. They claim to be wise, let them prove it. Why hasn't he been job hunting? If he got laid off, where are the unemployment benefits? They want to be leeches. Don't let them attach to you.
Hate that i wasted my time since there is no ending update.
fr
Whatever you do do not do it they're not sorry because what they did they don't want to make amends for the money and for you to bail them out. Say that you love me and wish him luck but unless she divorces Mark and openly / publicly says what they did was wrong and he admits it it's not worth your time.
Don't try to be the bigger person, because they probably will use this opening to take more money from you and use your conflicted emotions for their own benefit. "Understand" is diferent from "accept".
the fact that he went from junior developer to team lead in a year proves to me that this story is the biggest pile of made up shit ive ever seen lol
The overuse of adjectives didn't tell you that? Lmao.
both are right but guess its possible, but we know these aren't real stories but hands down amazing to cure boredom
Someone can actually go from junior developer to team leader in a year. My son did exactly that by working hard and proving his self to the upper management. Just because you have never seen it doesn’t mean it’s never happened.
@@BeccaBullard8 the only way this happens is when its a startup and there is litteraly no one else to do it and no money to hire a real lead. But since you mentioned upper management I guess this is not.
Actual work as a software engineer is nothing like being at school. It already takes a few months to get up to speed witht the product and codebase and then he performed better than litteraly anyone else on his team?
I can tell you that the difference between a senior and junior is night and day and there is no way a junior can develop the required coding-, architectural- and leader skills in only a year.
Hell no don't help them what if they take more of your money it's like u said u may be well off now but who knows if mark might do the same thing again so N to the O NO!
*When his mother called after 5 YEARS of abandonment he should have said "although I didn't ask for this thank you for putting a smile on my face" & simply hung up & blocked her number. She literally abandoned her son.*
If they weren't facing foreclosure and financial ruin, would they have ever contacted him? Bailing out his mom and step-dad wouldn't guarantee that they won't be in the same position again. An unemployed stepdad and overworked mom isn't a great recipe for financial stability. They could very easily be in the same position again in six months or a year. If it's closure he wants, pay off their debt and tell them to never contact him again.
Easy.... Tell her "you can live with me, if you divorce this thing!" Done... Let's see that determination 😂
Comfort them and even forgive them. It costs you nothing. However, as you said, start ups are volatile. You cannot compromise your own well being for parents that should have had their act together long ago. I am a bit confused however. OP’s mother is a “teacher” and she went overseas to take a position that could “Ultimately” change the course of their lives? (paraphrasing here)
Obviously not the a-hole, but OP also has to acknowledge that his mother knew Mark was abusive towards him, but she was never going to leave him b/c of that. She knew Mark was lying, but she will always choose Mark over OP anytime. Nevertheless, OP needs to go no contact with her again b/c he’s not getting anything out of this relationship, while she’s getting plenty out of him. She’s getting financial support & her son (you know, the one she turned her back on years ago). Now that she & Mark needs something she going to milk the sh*t out of OP b/c she knows she could manipulate him. OP needs to not be sentimental & realize that his mother is just using him & so is Mark. People like to say it’s not easy to cut off relatives, but it really is. Idk, I’m just gonna give my honest opinion & say if OP helps the mother & “rebuilds” a relationship with her then he’s just a f*cking idiot at that point.
--- Why didn't Mom take OP to Europe with her? OP was a fool not to have called his mother what was going on when it was happening. Also the school councillor should have have reported Mark to Children's Services. I wouldn't give them a dime and OP should tell his Mother that she chose Mark so she can live with the consequences.
POV By not allowing her to show up by herself. She's has to be in an abusive relationship. For that reason, I would accept their apology and request to have lunch without Mark present. In a firm voice I would tell her if Mark shows up, there's no deal and I'm walking away. I would offer minimal amount.
I do not like stories that leave you hanging. I need an ending, otherwise I feel like I wasted my time.
America is a funny country how can a mother not know her son's personality and trust some guy blindly. Honestly, I don't think She ever truly felt sorry for what she did to her son. She made her son homeless bcuz he stole some money but she is still with the guy who manipulated her, lied to her, made her son homeless and ruined her relationship with him. She reached out only when she heard he was doing well and could help her financially. He was in the same situation as her but worse he can't even afford food, she never thought of him. Even if God asked me I will never help her
It's not just America
Buy the house and rent it to them.
If I was the OP, the only way I would forgive the mom is if she was to divorce Mark, and go on a social campaign to all of her friends admitting she was wrong about her accusations and admitting she listened to a liar over her own son, and then sell the family home because she can use the money to buy a small apartment like the OP with the money from the home sale and live like he did, by herself, alone thinking about all she had done to him. Live like that for 5 years, and then maybe they can have a familiar relationship again.
So NOW after she KNOWS what really happened, and she is still with him. Doesn't sound like she's really sorry.
They have to sell their house and find somewhere else to live. OP does have to worry about his future. He mustn't jeopardize his life for them.
Overall op should keep his distance and go LC,as for offering financial aid it would be better if op payed the bills directly instead of giving money to his mom and stepdad.
This way it would avoid the munching on their part.
What is the actual title of the Reddit story? Is there an update?
So him being 16 he never opened his mouth about the situation that was going on to the in depth of more or less this man was abusing me mentally because I don't hear anything physically going on.
Classic man wasn't your father so why would you try to appease people that don't give two f**** about you I never understood you people when it comes to that they don't care about you why in the f*** would you care about their feelings?
And I don't want to hear I didn't want to make my mother have to choose or unhappy because more than likely your mother didn't care for you if she kept you in this situation and took the side of her husband's.
I cannot stand when people keep using those I cannot stand when people keep using those excuses that somebody was manipulating them. Mark was not manipulating his mother she was too desperate and wanted to have somebody in her life throw on the side the relationship of her and her son. So just like all you other people that keep saying that somebody manipulated me you're a bunch of grown ass people this is not no children you're adults you weren't manipulated you chose to believe these people that was a choice not a force.
His mother better hope I never meet up with her. And that stepdad is just evil.
“I’m totally in the POSITION to help, but I’m not gonna”
You licked YOUR CHILD out of the house and cut him out of your lives. Keep on with that energy
Nope!! Protect yourself and your money that is something you earned through your hard work and dedication. Sever all ties with them and don’t give them any money their financial debts aren’t your problem. Your mother has to live with that guilt for the rest of your life.
Can someone send link of this reddit post ?
Even if she knew the truth, no matter what she would always choose her husband over her son
Your mom knew right away that all of it was a lie she abandoned you and you're able to survive and make it to adulthood without ending up in prison or on drugs or homeless😢 she doesn't need your help because she didn't want to help you!
It is OP's choice to make, but all I can say is that if it were me in that situation, I would honor myself and my feelings and tell the ex-parents, because that is what they really are, that I refuse to help them. You cannot come back from certain things; believing the words of an abuser over your own victimized child is my personal line. Furthermore, I would tell them never to contact me again. Cruel? Maybe. But what the ex-parents did was also cruel.
ALSO! OP's mom figured out the truth long before she reached out, and ONLY got in contact when she NEEDED something from him! That's not how you act toward someone with whom you want to make things right. THAT is NOT how you treat someone you claim to love! Acta non verba! Deeds, not words! Her deeds are not those of a penitent person.
I'm going to placate to the mom's position at a verying degree for why she hadn't contacted Op after finding out. Maybe she felt that it was inappropriate at first and didn't want to burden Op. But the facts remain, she is a hopless excuse for a parent. Op should do put himself first before helping trash and if he choose to reconcile with his mother, it would need to be on his terms with a tightrope space of a chance. It's okay to reconnect, but it would have to start at a safe distance.
Um, you can't make a 16 year old pay rent. Fake story.
I did. I get that it's not a legal requirement at that age but it happens.
Inexcusable behaviour!
And to wait until they're financially in distress to reach out as opposed to when they realized they were in the wrong!
I wouldn't provide financial support, but perhaps, would offer to pay for some form of financial advice and ask around about potential employment for Mark.
I wouldn't put a dime in their hands.
They got themselves into the problem, they must get themselves out.
No, I don't think he should help them because they didn't help him whatsoever even if the stepfather was jealous. The mom forgot that that was her son. And even though psychology tells us people's personalities are by the the age of 5 years old, I learn people don't change. People can't change. All they could do is alter it how they are viewed by people. They will always be that person. They will just slowly let it out over time and then look at you like. But then you know this who I was. So no, I don't think you should open up your door for them. Maybe help your mom out get her a small place but Mark will always be troubled
Fake story but entertaining