The Double-Edge of Beauty | Explored Through Malèna
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 31 ก.ค. 2024
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Essay transcript: open.substack.com/pub/finalgi...
SOURCES
Being and Nothingness (1943), Jean-Paul Satre
The Second Sex (1949), Simone de Beauvoir
Ways of Seeing (1972), John Berger
Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema (1975), Laura Mulvey
A Woman’s Beauty (1975), Susan Sontag
Visual and Other Pleasures (1989), Laura Mulvey
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(credit: Steven Vondran)
I think the part that makes me the saddest is the way the other women treat her. We can all relate to how uncomfortable the male gaze can feel, but instead of having other women to support her, they see her only as competition (for a "prize" she does not even want).
Exactly thanks for articulating
Yeah they assume she wants to take their husbands and ostracize her for that. Damn, can't beautiful women just have real friends...?
I think both are equally bad because the male gaze is the result of how women treat her.
@@mccod035 Um, you have that backwards amigo. Women like that hate beautiful women because of how men value beauty.
@@Nopenopenope6969but how is that the women's fault?
It’s so ironic that a lot of ‘femininity coaching’ posts use the shot of Malena with the cigarette and men rushing to light it, as some kind of feminine ideal to strive for. I suppose they haven’t seen the movie itself and only use it bc it looks cool.
One of the saddest scenes for me. She looks like she has given up
@@mateafilipova8292Yeah, at first, I sort of brought into the "coolness" of the image. It is just a reallg good looking shot and she looks absolutely stunning.
But then you look at her eyes and realize that she looks absolutely horrified that her plan is working. Yes, she needs the money, but she didn't think it would happen like this
But that is the goal. If men are wrapped around your finger you can make them do your bidding and put you further ahead before they realize what you are doing
@@kadejamckinzie3 But she isn't in control, that's the thing. She's in a speeding car that is going to wreck and she knows it
@@kadejamckinzie3that mentality is super detrimental to women. Most men will not handle being toyed with like that all too well. It could lead to dangerous and/or deadly retaliation from horrible people. It’s horrible women can’t just exist in peace. Whether viewed as conventionally attractive or not, there’s more to life than being desired. I can only hope society gets better.
Malena's eyes remain filled with profound sadness throughout the film. She never smiles, not even once, but is always tense, fearful, and completely alone. That is simply heartbreaking.
It’s because she’s never accepted for who she truly is because no one cares to know who she is. They fear her because they see beauty as power, and they don’t think they have the same power. Beauty is not power, it just makes you noticeable and being noticeable around the wrong people at the wrong time is not a good thing.
@@katherinawarren1523Looks in general are seen as power for both males and females. Just like the hottest girl is supposedly stealing the guy, the hot guy does the same thing by stealing the girl from other guys.
I was your 600th like ❤
@@MJ-py7dm Thank you!)) 🌸
How old is this video? 6:07 Friday 10th NOVEMBER 2023
If this movie were from Malèna’s perspective, it would have been a drama/tragedy/horror. Especially with how volatile the behavior of the town switched towards her when her husband was gone versus when he was present. And the actual audacity for the people of the town to act as if nothing happened when they returned. Truly frightening.
Imagine the pov shots of all the leering men and how they loom over her, and the vicious faces of the women. Truly horrific.
Somehow, I see similarity between Malena and Atonement : both has narrator/pov character who are underage and trying to process adult and real life issues. Although Atonement is ore devastating due to the consequences of pov character's action. I don't know if I can forgive her.
@@Geospasmicdunno if other women feel like puking when men watch her, but I can't help it
I played that part 😂
"Dogville" directed by Lars von Trier is the exact movie you are talking about. It is about power imbalance, male gaze and women hostility from victim point of view. Recommend 100%
being lusted over is the worst feeling ever and i wish other women knew that, they feel jealousy over something that is so degrading, nasty and dangerous
objectively this is true but i feel like we need to be more nuanced about understanding why exactly other women may not mind and even wish for that attention...i feel like it's mostly because a lot of people make it out to be a "rite of passage" and "proof" that someone is attractive (even though it can happen to anyone), and because of that it can lead to some women wishing for that attention i feel
@@valerieeirelav7515pick me girls
"Unattractive" women and girls get harassed and assaulted all the time. It's not about looks, it's about opportunity and power.
@@valerieeirelav7515 true! we as human beings crave acceptance, and some girls going though puberty may exactly feel that. i've heard stories of some people feeling worthless because they didn't get catcalled and were ignored all the time. that's how bad it is.
The worst feeling ever? Drama queen
The one thing I think this review lacks is that Malena's husband is an exemplary man, unsullied by pretentiousness of "the gaze". He's the embodiment of all the reasons why she chose him to marry and why she loved him resiliently, whereas other men could only dream of being in his position - in their eyes, having Malena all to themselves. He's the only man in the town who empathised with her and took her for fellow human being. Learning she prostituted herself, he was distraught how she had to come to this, and became adamant to find her. And watching this man and how he sticks by her, is a wake up call for our pov boy, who learns to actually talk to Malena without daydreaming of "watching" her.
Either that, or, pessimistically, having legally her husband back, she's back to safety of social category of Madonna, but I personally prefer the idea that the boy has learnt what he needed to.
I too love her husband. He is attached to the inner malena.
Men are the gatekeepers of commitment. Women are the gatekeepers of sex... thought you might want to know the reality of the dating shit circus
Yesss💖 thank you for adding this!
I don't think he could have stayed with her after all that if he just loved the Madonna her.
The boy does learn a lot from all this. His narrations eventually become more thoughtful and deeper as the movie progresses. And given that whatever he says is actually a letter to her husband, maybe he had that duration to think over everything
The ending of this movie is painful. Those women smiling at her and saying good morning like they didn’t beat ts out of her is so sick. They too felt entitled.
Yes it's creepy and disgusting
😫😫😫😫
How many women still react like this...
The ending made me sick to my stomach
I guess they just realized that it wasn't her fault after all. Towards the end one said, "Why can't they just live her alone?"
And another gave her a cloth for free and insisting that she takes it out of guilt.
It’s interesting how towards the end when Malena is walking with her husband the very same people are kind towards her. Showcasing that she has a man and is not a hooker. The general perception is that a married woman is virtuous by default and will neither ‘steal’ a man or men will be automatically be careful. Society has always looked at women as property to be encroached upon. It’s deeply disturbing.
Its disturbing to me because the men are the power holders, abusers, and rule makers, while she just has to take it. She exists and in hostility towards her very humanity, which the men and, due to the power imbalance, the women too-- use to dehumanize, based in the thinnest of excuses, skin.
"Society has always looked at women as property..."
It's incredible how absurdly unaware some commenters can be. Literally in the sentence just prior to that you wrote that women have a fear a beautiful woman might steal their husbands. Yeah you put steal in quotes, but whether you dismiss their concerns or not, the mindset is still there. Now how exactly would a person "steal" another, if they weren't considered property/possessions to begin with? And while we're on the subject, what do you think was "society's" attitude towards the agency and independence of Malena's husband, who was you know at WAR? Do you think they really cared if he wanted to be drafted or not? And on the slight chance he wasn't drafted, he still didn't control his destiny; he didn't create the war, he couldn't end it, he couldn't at the drop of a dime just abandon his post and go home to be with his wife instead.
I know, I know, "the patriarchy hurts men too", or some other waffle.
It's funny because yes! I used to get so much male attention prior to getting married. Being married has not saved me thought, I have had 5 male friendships ruined because all of them saw me as a piece of meat the entire time. Honestly I'm beginning to think all men are the same and starting to hate them.. I hope that's not the case, but this experiences really destroy your morale. I can't even imagine being as beautiful as Malena.
Truly crazy!
You say society like its a person or a living being, society doesn't mean anything? Do you mean men?
Men see women as property? I dont think thats true, because if the prince see snowhite as property then snowhite sees the prince as an atm, isn't it? Snowhite wont be marrying the prince if he was a stable boy and the prince3 wont marry her if she wasnt beautiful. If we start thinking like this then i think we have lost our humanity and what made us us
Women see women as property? That doesnt make sense as that wojld mean they see themselves as property
As a girl who was sexualized at a very young age and was back stabbed multiple times by guys who I thought were my friends, this film breaks my heart. The way she is only seen as an object, how the women in town are jealous of her, how she was literally disowned by her own father from rumors that were not true. It raises an important topic.
My guy “friends” in high school got ahold of my nudes and sent them around the school 😢 I have no male friends now because I can’t trust them anymore
It's important. I wonder if those not being treated like this will care. Only those of us who experience this know and understand... It's certainly heartbreaking.
@@VintageSims i'm so sorry you went through that :( it's horrible men are just horrible.
@@goldenhourssthis side of many men is unbearable， don’t you know any good man? I had a fantastic father: my hero, still A man. Don’t you know any good ma: a father, a brother, a grandfather, a teacher, a friend? I don’t know just bad men and i don’t want to paint all of them with the same brush as I don’t want men to generalize about women.
i need to see the film but so far I relate to this and your comment
I grew up in Paris. The transition from childhood to teenager/young woman included this jarring shift in behavior you described. As a girl I was very lively, amicable and polite. Perhaps naively so. But then, as I got a little older, I learned through various negative experiences that I was better off looking aloof or hostile. You can only afford to be sprightly when you’ve lost some of that raw appeal of youth, and even then…
The men want pretty, friendly women to look at all day ; but they create their own scarcity of such beauty by being pigs about it.
No. They only want u to be friendly to them. LMAO If at work they would like u to be friendly but then personally they think u want them if u look at them for more than two seconds or smile too much lol One guy that I actually worked around told me that I seemed too available by being friendly lol I was wondering if he knew it was part of my job lol & if I stopped being friendly that included to him too lol
Seriously! Being friendly to the wrong people got me stalked, harassed and abused.
its funny i got the most attention from women when i never looked at them, not in an avoidant way, just minding my business. i got a few experiences and a few FBs, then i started to want women, do things with them that other woman encouraged me to do. the more i want them the more they slip through my fingers, like water.
when i was inexperienced and sprightly (new word cool niiice) women just came to me, or they would think im gay. now that im 30 people have different expectations.
women loved my younger niave self, when i add it to experiences like Malena and yours, just interesting to reflect.
i enjoyed reading your experiences.
@@suzannaaurora2250 😆
@@budlongave.productions1900 mmhmm I just cut all my hair off today after I broke up w/ my bf lmfao...just in case...cos he already cut up my scarf...😆 so I look like a man now and he can easily transition to finding another 'girl' whom wears make up....and im gonna start wearing guy clothes again so guys can ignore me so I can actually get my work done...
I think the women changed their tune at the end of the film due to various reasons but not because they felt any guilt or remorse. I think that in reducing her value, by debasing her, she had become less of a threat and also she was no longer alone. She had someone to protect her. Their "courtesy" is fake as they are just cowardly bullies. They thought he had been killed which is what made her easy prey as they thought the risked nothing since he wouldn't be returning to defend, protect or get justice for her. Given that her father was a teacher (a very important role in small communities like that especially during that era when few people were educated) her husband was most likely someone who had similar social standing and, therefore, the other women probably became suddenly courteous in an attempt to either avoid some sort of retribution or to curry favour with Malena's husband who most likely had a position of importance in the community.
I definitely agree with the first part, especially because of the scene of them humiliating her in the street. Ugh 😖 They tore her down, and now that she's at their "level", she can actually
be treated like a human being. It's awful ☹
@@superquasigalaxygamer6297 I grew up in Italy and have also spent half of my adult life there. The film was written and directed by an Italian (Giuseppe Tornatore) so he tells the tale from an Italian viewpoint. The second part (about having someone to protect her/currying favour with her husband) is how Italian society works even still today at least to a certain degree and in some areas more than others. A woman on her own (especially if beautiful) without a man to protect her will get preyed upon in all sorts of ways. The nasty letter the townspeople sent Malena's dad was done in order to isolate her from him so that she would have no man to protect her. Back then women had limited/no opportunities to provide for themselves (even today Italy has the lowest % of women in the workforce than other western European countries) and, especially during the war, were forced into prostitution. There's quite a history in Italy around such topics. Bringing shame on the family name: honour killings were tolerated until 1981 and were not uncommon in places like Sicily (where this story of Malena takes place). Any male in the family would be within his right to kill a promiscuous female relative: that her dad merely shunned her was an act of "kindness" on his part. The towns people wanted to ruin her. If the men couldn't have her then they'd have preferred her to be dead and if she survived, but left without anyone to protect her, she'd be easy prey. For them in was a win/win situation. However, they didn't count on her husband returning and being compassionate and understanding. There are various layers to this film that you can only understand if you know the history and culture of Italy.
Frankly this is why I don't like my own sex. They seem more prone to petty and spiteful behavior in general. Not like men in general are better but I got more help from my guy friends than my fellow female peers. How it manifests itself IS very different depending on the country and culture, but it still exists everywhere, and whenever it happens I feel so disappointed and disgusted at my own sex. It has technically gotten better as female peers has gotten a glow up and became more like a kpop star while I stay fat, but things are easier that way honestly.
@@msk-qp6fn In very sexist countries like Italy women have a lot of internalised misogyny and not many positive female role models. It's a very disempowering culture for women who tend to tear down and disempower any woman who may seem (at least in their eyes) to have a slight advantage particularly when it involves beauty because in Italy you are told from a very early age that the only thing of value that you possess is physical beauty. You may have many other great qualities but they are worth nothing unless you are also attractive and this message is drummed into you constantly. I've also lived in the States and, while to a certain degree these messages are universal, there is no comparison in terms of the pressure to be attractive and the hatred you receive if you are very attractive/more attractive than average. In Italy it's the only asset that determines a woman's worth (besides motherhood). Italian men also have a very wandering eye and since women still depend heavily on men for their survival (Italy has the lowest % of women in the workforce in western Europe) the pressure is intense. These days it's a little better than it was in the past (as in the war period which is when Malena's story takes place) and some areas of Italy are slightly more modern than others but that's pretty much the scenario.
I think it's also interesting that women in the film mostly use slurs to describe her and by the end of the movie they call her by her husband's last name. It might be reaching but I think it's kinda poetic in a sense that the only time they perceive her as a human being is when she is seen as ''an extension'' of her husband which make them less jelaous of her
I have known a Malena, she was one of the most beautiful and pretty girls I have ever met in the world What she suffered was absolutely nightmarish, she was SA by her stepfather throughout her youth, and her mother lived in denial throughout her abuse, her mother was all the women in this movies: she starved her, beat her, and berated her by every breath. her family was poor and with her stepfather's alcoholism, she was later groomed and pimped out into the sex industry when she was just barely 18. They made her dependent on drugs and never gave her money but the money she did actually get went straight back to her abusive parents pocket. She managed to escape it all and tried to start a new life, except that she never had her Happy ending, she was again fooled into a relationship with an abusive man, he controlled everything she had and forced her to cut ties with everyone, so I was not able to contact her again. I hope whenever she is, please be happy.
😢
This is even more sad, somewhere my mind thinks okay this movie was in past and not true may be how harsh it is. But true stories makes me even more sad
i was not expecting those last few sentences, genuinely heartbreaking. i do not know the girl but i do hope all is well for her now
Она может уже быть мертва
:( This reminded me of my friend during high school. She's incredibly beautiful enough to attract all the attention on the street. And she was the smartest stduent. Just one top. More importantly she's one of the most decent persons. And she became a target of serious bullying at school. She was abused by her partriarchal family. She was blocked from going to the top univ. had to stay in hometown. Later she married early and left to the US, but she found out her hubby was an asshole. Divoced. Now she's enjoying her life with a good job, travelling around the world alone.
Good, talent female human beings are often dragged down.
Many insecure men want to believe good looking women get a good life for free. NO. I've seen the opposite cases too many times.
if this film focused on Malen's inner world it would become a horror film
Not really, the movie is too sexualised, exaggerated to take seriously when you really look at it, the director tries to gloss over his obvious interest in sexual immorality with the filmography of the film which I just find gets more shallower over time, her POV would really be pushing his creepy intention
YES!
You mean it isn't already?
@@alexandersmith4731have you ever been to Italy? I would say this is not exaggerated. I got similar treatment when I was young…. In Los Angeles in the 90s. Even in my late 30s, I got followed around and harassed whenever I had the nerve to walk instead of driving. It was downright scary. Much worse in France and Italy and other very religious countries.
@@alexandersmith4731🙄
I remember a story my mom told me once when she was in junior high. She was deemed as attractive by a lot of male peers and they were downright disgusting (catcalling, p3rverse language), which she didn't tolerate. But that wasn't even the worse part. Some girls at her school were JEALOUS that they weren't the ones being objectified. In fact, my mom was bullied by this one gangster girl because the guy at school liked my mom and not her (which my mom didn't even reciprocate feelings).
She continued to follow her, bully her, and just be downright awful. Until one day, my mom had enough and beat her up. She started scratching her face, pulling her hair out, and just went beast mode. She says that after she told my grandma why she did what she did, she supported her all the way. Later on, the bully got suspended for starting the fight and some time later was arrested for gang-related activities.
My mom went through a lot of sh*t from both men and women but I'm glad that never stopped her from finding a better life. She's shown her kids how to be tough and not tolerate any of that behavior. Talk back, fight back, and defend yourself.
Shout out to your mom she sounds awesome!🙌🏾
Internalized patriarchy really will have some women trying to fight other women for the scraps of men's "favor". You hate to see it.
@@Kay-kg6ny Thank you, she really is 😊. I also agree on your point there. Some girls need to get enlightened on the fact that they shouldn’t fight over leftovers. If they really love you, they would stay loyal and not start drama.
In my school one girl had her hair set on fire by a rival. Male gaze is nothing in comparison to malicious acts.
same thing happened to me...women are awful by my parents did a few things right...i just miss the days before puberty and played sports with the guys and it was just about sports...guys didn't backstack before puberty hit and they became werewolves...straight men 🤢🤮truly hate women i'm only attracted to androids now
@@julijakeit for real though
I feel like a nuance that's often missed in conversations about pretty privilege is that, while it DEFINITELY does exist I've noticed a distinction in it. Women who are pretty in a girl-next-door way are often given additional privileges by all people while women who are 'sexy' are often vilified by everyone. It's the Madonna-whore complex in action but the only difference is if a woman is 'deer pretty' or 'fox pretty' to use tiktok slang.
Girl next door type of women are still vilified and harassed. Men are obsessed with purity and innocence in a woman and they will often target the girl next door because they’re “easy” to them. Then of course you got the bitter jealous women making assumptions and spreading rumors about them.
Yeah - it's "pretty" versus "beautiful" - both are targets for predators, but "beautiful" is next level - all genders attack - true beauty is so rare it triggers all the insecurities in those who are already unwell
Personally feel monica is deer pretty and Megan fox is quite literally fox pretty. Am I off?? Even tho I prefer Monica's looks
@@Meta.Empress agree
@@catcat9582yeah - on point
I’ve been in all girls schools my whole life and I’ll say that the feeling of sisterhood was definitely there because we had no men to interrupt us from forming actual bonds - it’s important to raise women who are secure with themselves and do not seek validation from the male gaze
My sister went to an all girls school, her and her former classmates have such strong relationships with other women and it’s so beautiful to me! I almost went to that same school and I sometimes wonder how it would have changed my life, I kinda wish I could go back in time!
I didn’t go to an all girls’ school, but I once had a mostly female journalism class (there was literally only one guy lol) and that class quite literally changed me. Before that, I was sort of a pick me that just just wanted to fit in with “the guys”. I think I really needed that all female space because it was most comfortable I ever felt with being myself and my femininity.
Exactly!! I used to be insecure with the fact that I didn't have a boyfriend, when I was in uni because other girls my age would have one. Until I realised, my older sister and some other girls I met were in a similar position in me and made me feel accepted. That there was nothing wrong with that and that I should be gratefull for people that cared about me!!
@@missstranger7697 girl I didn’t have a boyfriend until I was 22
@@Audenim Facts!!!🎯
Renatto’s experience of hitting puberty and becoming aware of society’s treatment of women is fascinating to watch. We do keep propagating predatory behavior by modeling this awful behavior to young kids. It’s important to always teach boys and girls the importance of respect, maturity, putting others’ dignity and humanity above your personal feelings about them, positive or negative.
We need to teach boys to look at women as whole beings, to respect them and separate their sexual desires from reality, that women are not responsible to fulfill those desires.
I agree. Education involve both genders; girls and boys.
It's a jarring experience. As kids, we are taught by adults to be good, expecting them to be good too. And seeing how adults act the opposite of what they preached can be traumatic.
you forget that many women wants to be sexualize ,, so they expose their bodies for the mans attention ,, it's about sex ,
No, teach them to desire anyone all they want, just shut up about it.
@ImAKangwithnokingdom Please, don't be a hypocrite and judge a whole gender based on your own bias.
Seems many points were missed about Malena:
The movie takes place in Mussolini's Italy during WWII, very important
Malena being married and her husband's gone to war means she's alone, and without protection in the eyes of the men and women of the town.
She's a beautiful, devoted, faithful, loyal, religious, and virtuous wife and daughter, who lives in a house a bit apart from the town. She dresses beautifully and yet very modestly and being shy, and quiet brings the worse in her town folks. As a woman, and a Catholic she embodies an ideal that for many is almost impossible to attain, so instead she's attacked. First, her husband is erroneously reported as death, and she mourns him in the proper and expected way, wearing all black, covering herself even more and going to church with her dad more often, but her devotion and obvious grief doesn't inspire compassion, but rage. So her relationship with her father is viciously destroyed by lies and rumors about her virtue, and her chaste behavior. She tries to reach out to her dad in vain, but the reports to her dad comes from "good, honest" people, so he doesn't believe her until he dies.
Her dad's death is the final step, as she now completely alone, depressed, and in deep grief. The town is attacked, and occupied by the Germans and thus begins Malena's ostracism, and open mistreatment from the town's women who refuse to sell her any food, and convince and force the men not to sell her any food or provide her with any service. She's also raped by the town's lawyer who's one of her dad's friends and he's married, and who then claims Malena's a tramp. This sets up the stage for Malena's innocence being destroyed, bec she finally opens her eyes to the way the town sees her and she acts accordingly in order to survive, and at the time was getting involved with the high ranking Germans occupying the town as a means of survival and protection.
After the war, she's attacked and run down out of town, and her husband's returns and now, no one wants to tell him the truth about Malena's being alive, and all the malicious and grievous harm they caused her.
Only Renato's watching his grief and suffering, writes the man an anonymous letter, tells him the truth about what the town did to his wife, telling him where to find her. Of course, the man is outraged at the way his wife was abused, starved, and mistreated. Her alliance with the Germans was nothing to him bec Renato's letter explained it was her only way to survive.
Finally, Renato the young teen that silently gazes at and follows Malena is the only one who was able to see clearly the town's actions towards Malena. He doesn't judge her, and his infatuation and lust, and yes stalking of Malena is not an impediment for him to see the unfairness and injustice of the way Malena was treated by the town folks. He knew Malena was innocent of all the vicious lies and rumors, and that she was terribly abused by everyone in the town bec of her beauty and shy nature.
Husband's seeks his wife and return to town with her, because:
War is over, everything is destroyed hence no money to leave, and they have a house there, meaning a place to stay, aka physical safety.
The final scene, where the husband goes with his wife to the market as a mean to stablish that his wife is to be respected and treated well by everyone in town, and the town women being polite to Malena shows that folks don't respect beautiful women who are virtuous, and decent like her, but bec she's with her husband and she was "humbled" by the town, the now consider her one of them
I find this completely fu**Ed up on the Womens part that the only way they accepted her back in the " fold" is her humbling down to submission with her husband once more being Head of the Patriarch established once again to protect Malena. I know that it's how Society works but it's a messed up World set by Patriarchal Rules. I wish that it wasn't set up like this that Women tear each other down
Women also can be more horrible than men, blind jelousy is contagious
@@angellanabb3662 It's the same with body positivity. If you ever wondered why women that champion obesity as "beauty" but only if it concerns other women and never men this is exactly why. We women all know deep down that such extreme fat is ugly, that you can't get there in any other way that by eating yourself into it, how much it causes you to sweat, smell and feel tierd all the time, then there are the health problems. It's not wrong to be obese, but it's neither good nor beautiful, and the women who propagate it as such are fully aware of it. It's like with the male feminists having one after another scandals of abusing women and treating them like objects in private, the female advocates of body positivity do it for themselves only. They get to look virtuous and supportive while removing a good chunk of the female population from dating competition, as powerful rich men that most women fantasise about never have obese women with them, it's always decent looking to stunning and never anything less, therefore the less stunning women are out in the field the better for the ones that crave such attention. I know this is very cynical of me, and some of the body positivity supporters are probably just naive and misguided into thinking they are helping, but you'd be surprised how many of them actually detests fatness but praises it publicly precisely because of those reasons.
@@KhadiPlaysdo you know how many people that size WORKOUT AND BARELY EAT BUT HAVE THYROID PEOBLEMS OR AUTOIMMUNINE DISEASES AND INJURIES THAT CAuSED IT?! Idiot food isn't the only way!!!!
@@KhadiPlays. Excellent review….I totally agree with you and have surmised the same for years…….🤔👍
As a woman from India where patriarchy is intrinsic to society, I’ve been a victim of the perverted male gaze myself. It is the most dehumanising thing a woman can ever experience.
India is no where near as vulgar as western society, even Indian clothings are some of the most non sexual clothing for both men and women, western clothing are made keeping the male/female gaze in mind, Indian clothings are gendered but not sexual, they are quite decent.
one of my friends said the men over there “eat you with their eyes”
@@katemcquilkin9978ur friend is not wrong 💀
Same here
During my practice time as a therapist there were more little boys with disabilities than girls and I can understand the dehumanizing part a lot. The boys would quickly expect orders from me, but also touching my body inappropriately...
That's when I realised the "horror" of being seen as just a decoration for entertainment.
I remember being cat called in the streets and I screamed at the top of my lungs IM FOURTEEN ! every girl/woman/feminine person has been cat called, insulted for being too revealing or chastised for not being feminine enough.
I was 8 years old the first time, catcalled by a group of teens/young adults commenting on my legs, and I was terrified, mortified and confused. I was always assumed to be 5+ years older than I was, being very tall and having precocious puberty. I'm so worried about my daughter, who is beautiful, but tiny and slender & feel she is thus more vulnerable due to her tiny size. I have sadly had to explain to her about predators, about why she can't walk on the sidewalk alone because she'd be too easy to snatch. I'm thankful she has her very imposing big brother and myself to look out for her.
@@rawbabymamamy daughter is only 1 year old but I'm already scared of that. I won't let her wear a skirt or a dress without short bicycleshorts underneath (so she can climb etc.)
@rawbabymama Have you considered self defense classes?
“I know there will be men in mv comment section who lack critical thinking skills- allow me to clarify. No, I am not suggesting that men looking at or approaching women they are attracted to is inherently predatory. I myself look at admire and approach women I am attracted to regularly. Though when I do, I ensure that I am placing the comfort of said women above my own personal desires. There is a clear difference in energy when a man is looking at you versus when he is dissecting your body like meat. Men often place their own personal desires, expectations and fantasies above the comfort of these women- thus objectifying them. And that is where the problem lies.”
I got chills. You manage to put my feelings about complex feminist issues and feminine angst in a simple and startlingly honest way. You so perfectly summed up why it feels insulting every time men derail conversations about these issues with ridiculous statements about how “they can’t look at or approach a woman anymore without being perceived as creepy”. I’m so sick of the men who continually derail these important conversations and distract from these issues by making it all about them. I saved the quote.
Heaven forbid men feel like they are human and a part of society plagued by these issues, or themselves being hurt by these issues.
@@MegaMilenche #allmen
To be far though, many men will be considered creeps, not because they actually acted creepy but rather because they are bad at approaching women and were bad looking doing so…
If they want to stop being treated as potential threats, then the threat needs to stop existing. Nobody will treat a man poorly for talking to them if they weren’t afraid of the very real possibility that he’s going to assault or harass them. Don’t criticize the women; criticize the cultural men who forced women to adopt this posture.
I am ugly man who will always be considered a creep by women. That's why I always ignore them. Being single hurts a lot but at least nobody is saying 'you are a creep' to me. I know some attractive men who approach women but will never be called creep.
Truly compelling. As a beautiful woman , even at 50, I have two daughters that are beautiful and have warned and warned this truth and try to empower them not based on their beauty but the power of a strong sense of self. My mother brainwashed me that beauty is everything and it truly crippled me and caused anguish as I never felt beautiful within my soul. That is only brought by strength of knowledge with self and the world around you
You are so right!💖
God loves you 💕
The boyfriend bubble is so real. Being an unattended woman is so different to then being in public with a man. Once I had the privilege and comfort of being in that bubble it made being in public spaces alone hurt that much more. Having an experience with the freedom from men’s attention and then going back to it feels even more dehumanizing. Like a slow boil, a cool down, and then you’re thrown back into the boiling water with no warm up.
This is so true 😢 That initial adjustment period to no longer being protected or feeling carefree in public is absolutely brutal and very stress inducing. Men don’t have to endure that aspect of a breakup.
@@Alba-pc6bz Same here...
frrr just the other day a guy dropped me off at the train station. i walked a few meters to the station and boom "scuse me, girl what's your name"
This but with my younger brother. He’s in his late teens now, but he is HUGE. 185cm (6ft) and he’s very broad. When I’m out and about with him it feels like a totally different world than being on my own. We live in London too so it’s doubly so
@@ramieal-hazar2438 men can't relate you say? Care to explain that?
I've spent my whole life hiding behind baggy clothes and glasses. When I went to college and decided to dress up and get contacts the harassment got so bad. Men felt entitled to my attention and women saw me as competition. Now I only dress up when I go out with my husband. People always want to talk about "pretty privileged" but no one wants to talk about how it paints a target on your back
It’s both a privilege and a curse. It all depends. But when it is curse it’s so bad.
It’s amazing how many women hate you for being beautiful and how many women would kill to look like you.
@@Saffron-sugaryou talk like you are in an exclusive club, looking down on all the ugly jealous women. It's gross the way so many women on here are talking.
so true
Same.I got shamed for being pretty bc of jealous woman in my family. Now I have a fear of dressing up and being accepted
Worst thing about being objectified and harassed by men is that if you tell other women about it, they say: "that doesn't happen to me" and laugh at you, implying you must have done something wrong to deserve it when we, women, know it's a power and control issue, is not about being pretty and we all suffer disrespect in some degree. Men like triangulation and making us think of women as rivals. That's how patriarchy wins and women lose, generation after generation.
Or other women never believe you. And when you tell them they act like you’re full of yourself
@@Mz.inpluto
Envy is so common you don't need to be gorgeous in order to suffer it. If we are talking about narcissistic women that's a different perspective; if they get to be envied that boost their egos and they won't admit they have suffered harassment since they will be the ones harassing other women; making the victims feel guilty.
In Malena, all women in the village hate her, they almost lynched her and why would they want to be in her skin? It doesn't make sense if you rule out the ego factor.
I mean I agree; they don't believe you or they do believe you're too full of yourself but deep down, they know is true although they won't admit it since they enjoy seeing the victims suffering.
horrible, horrible. some women grow up with these traditional beliefs and the times i've been told not to dress a certain way because i was seducing men .. like what? i can't even make a ponytail in public without having problems? it's horrible, how the patriarchy has downgraded us women in nothing more than beautiful commodities and turned us against each other.
Men like triangulation? What kind of bs is that?
I find it very strange. If you ask any woman they were harresed. Probably they found it normal as it is so embedded in society. I would no doubt either it was said by the most beautiful woman ever, an average beauty woman, or as some would say an ugly woman. While it may be an advantage to be pretty, being high above the beauty standard can be a course
A very interesting video essay! The sad thing is that a lot of what happened in the movie MAY seem exaggerated and absurd, but is actually something that girls have to face every single day. When you mentioned a story about you hanging out with your friends and suddenly being approached by a man, I couldn't help but think of many similar situations that happened to me and many girls I know. It's a terrible world to live in as a woman and it is sad that not much can be done about it.
And it really happened to women in history
Not all girls, men don't notice ugly.
@@mirianakovachevic748 And vice versa. Women don't notice ugly Men (ugly inside or outside).
@@cobra8888 Do pretty men complain about attention from opposite sex the way women do it in this comment section ?
@@mirianakovachevic748 Pretty Men? No. However, I am talking about ugly Men. They are not getting the attention from women the same way ugly women don’t get attention from Men.
To be honest looking “normal” and ordinary where you live is basically one of the best things in life. Being too pretty as woman opens up a world of harassment and being conventionally “ugly” is just as hard. Being able to blend in is really an advantage especially if you want to be left alone. So whenever I hear other women say they want to look better I always think, are they doing it for themselves or for others? I know youthful beauty doesn’t last and we’d want to enhance as much as we can with the years we have left but nothing is wrong with being natural/ordinary/common (definitely less stress for sure).
Yes and being average doesn't make you unappreciable you always can be seen as beautiful it all depend on the eyes of the beholder.
being ugly is hard for men. much harder bcos women are actively cruel to ugly men. men just dont care about ugly women. and by pretty women youre talking about next to naked women lathered in makeup. yeah huge struggle there. so sad. such a mystery
@@ftftyffghfvghfcht6701 woman are most likely to date someone they're not even attracted to while men on the other hand......
I always say that to be average is to actually have a chance to live in peace. You’re not threatening (beautiful) or offensive (ugly) and that is a huge advantage.
@ftftyffghfvghfcht6701 To say men "don't care about ugly women" is false. If you are to simply look online proof covers the internet of average or "ugly" women simply existing and being criticized, berated, and joked at simply because of their looks. And if you argue that it's just online, that's simply untrue as well. As an ugly women you can become the butt of jokes. It is not uncommon for women to tell stories of men "asking them out" as their friends snicker and laugh in the background, hearing a mean joke made at the expense of their looks, or having men straight up comment on a women's body without her permission.
Not to say this degrades men's struggles as women and other men can be just as cruel to ugly men, but using men's struggle to downplay the experiences women go through is unnecessary and distasteful.
Lastly, even now in your comment shows the proof of women being purely objects in yours and others mind, suggesting beautiful women are "next to naked lathered in makeup." A clear unnecessary and objectification of women.
Women are not allowed to simply exist, to be ugly is to be degraded and laughed upon and to be pretty is to he degraded and preyed upon and to imply this is not the case is simply untrue.
the worst part is when the man is obviously intoxicated or psychologically unstable, and you have to walk a fine line of turning someone down nicely but firmly so they don't end up bothering you any further or start calling you a derogatory name, then they get angry and it's worse. I have perfected that walk of being able to look through and ignore people and still feeling safe is an impossibility.
I have a question for you if you wouldn't mind
@@PeelosopherBananaCrates as long as the question is not what was I wearing.then ask me..
@@lilleyprescott2448 I forgot what I was going to ask. But ultimately it would've pertained to how I can better understand the perspective of someone I've approached. I'd rather not pretend to want to be their friend if my intentions are to "start relationship" doing so would blindside them under false pretenses. I have a very weird and creepy sense of humor, and I'm physically imposing(not on purpose, I just look mad with a neutral face and large stature) so I was wondering how you would feel if someone of similar description approached you to ask you out?
@@PeelosopherBananaCratesphysical appearances aren't my first thing I look for when I want to hang with someone. .but their political party is important. what party would you say your most aligned with?
@@lilleyprescott2448 Generally I wouldn't bring up politics, it's a very nuanced topic; and ultimately unimportant to me. I agree with some things from both, and disagree with some things from both.
I have people assume all the time that I get free drinks as well and I say the same thing. When you live your life like this, hardly anything is done out of actual kindness. Same with the male friendships. You make me want to start making my own videos on these things because they’re so impactful. Thank you so much for your work. It really means a lot to us going through the same things.
When you’re attractive, many men act like the scammers in Egypt who pretend that they’re being generous by offering photos on a camel, only to start it walking and demand money once you’re eight feet off the ground and scared they won’t let you down.
@@Kwahzutah 😂
@@Kwahzutah🤣🤣🤣 Beautiful women are irresistible! We all want a piece of them.
Same here. After a falling out with my ex-friend because I didn't like him back (after he started to guilt trip and manipulate me for it), I tried avoiding friendships with boys unless they're family members, not starting a friendship just because they are romantically interested in me, or if they like someone else.
@@suspiciousstar7547Yep. Or god forbid you actually entertain it and then they just keep treating you like a bro when you thought actual feelings were developing. Then you’re just stuck in a limbo where they finally got what they wanted, but it was only physical and they only lusted after you but didn’t see you as relationship material because “it would be weird” okay but the physical shit wasn’t?! It drives me mad.
Many men also just automatically assume we also aren’t relationship material because we’re pretty. The amount of times I’ve been asked “how do you not have a bf?” because I’m only seen as a sex object that’s why. Nobody thinks a pretty girl can be faithful or dependable. Just something that’s for the streets.
This is exactly what it is. I used to be young, slim, and beautiful. The world treated me HORRIBLY. People, male and female HATED me. Everyone wanted something from me. (as if i could give them anything. They think that somehow you are given everything, because you are beautiful.) Both men and women wanted to be seen with me, it was all about what others thought. No one cared who I was as a person. I wont bother listing the many experiences, as, it would take forever. Now, I'm old and fat, and I'm happier than I've ever been. I am finally allowed to exist as a real person, with people judging me on the basis of who I am as a person, rather than what I look like. BEAUTY IS A CURSE.
That’s sooo fucked up. I too was tall, slim, beautiful and young. I am still all those things besides slim. Now I have a fuller figure (I’m 27). I’ve been in a relationship since I was 25. And this is when my body has changed. Since then I’ve achieved my career dreams and other things and found I’ve recieved more respect. Females have been more jealous of my drive etc than beauty it seems. I also think it has to do with becoming more confident with age. But I was treated horrible in my prime
It isnt a curse per se, but it is a blessing with a huge caveat
Beauty is a blessing.
As a kissless 41 year old I assure you that your are so privileged that you actually think your privilege is a burden 😂
If you were fat and ugly your whole life you would be singing a different tune.
Manbod feminist who used to be fit and hot and I 100% agree. It is a hell to desirable. People.hate me no matter what I do. They feel happy when I struggle, they think I deserve nothing, if I am kind rhey think I am seceetly an asshole and faking it and if I am unkind, well, obviously that's a whole nightmare too. I try not to even talk to people anymore. And that, too, proves them right, so over all of it. And, yeah, women have it so much worse, I know it, it's a fucking hell. Fat and hapoy souds golden. Good for you. For real. Beauty privilege is a one use coin, it can only spent within a specific set of cultural wxpectatioms, one of which is allowing your identity construction to be completely outsourced, no interioeity achieves beauty privilege. Which is how all pricilege functions, actually. My male privilege has been totally recoked in the last five years of my life becuz I speak openly on the harms of patriarchy. Becuz I declsre.it illegitimate. Ok, big rant. Great video, thank you.
Beauty isn't a curse. It's men's lust for power & control and women's ignorance & jealousy - those are the curses.
"she is sought after but not respected" i think that statement just gave the perfect description as to why this movie scares me because I've seen this happening in real life as well, more disturbingly and unhinged in the internet. Unfortunately this not only applies to attractive women but attractive people in general
As a man this video essay was very enlightening about the dynamics between men and women. Men definitely become fool hearted and narcissistic when strong attraction to a woman of desire is introduced. This problem is not new, as it has basically been socialized into every culture, but with essays and perspectives such as these some men will learn to be better overtime. Thank you for a wonderful essay.
Thank you for taking the time to watch!!☺️
I feel like the type of guys who do this are not on the Venn diagram of dudes who read/watch essays…
As a less/unattractive woman, I find myself sometimes being jealous of other beautiful women. The attention they get, how they look good in everything, how people (from what I've witnessed) tend to be nicer to them, etc. I think it comes from (for lack of a better term) FOMO, or the fear of missing out. I've never walked through a crowd of people and turn everyone's heads or had people notice me wherever I go. I typically feel invisible when I'm in public and, I guess because I have 0 experience with that kind of attention, I sometimes wish that wasn't the case. I have pretty friends who complain about their experiences and how they're treated and sometimes I wonder how I would react in their situation. Truth is, I'd most likely hate it too. I guess I never considered just how objectified they must feel on a regular basis. I guess there are pros to being ugly.
Don't let these privileged people trick you. Might as well listen to wealthy people complain that everyone tries to get money from them.🙄
Heck, you yourself are proof that these women could avoid the attention if they stopped making themselves look pretty. Yet they don't.
As a 41 year old kissless virgin I cannot roll my eyes enough at women complaining about too much attention. 😂🤡
As a woman that grew up "ugly" and then became interesting\attractive as an adult, I understand perfectly the FOMO and the pain of not being able to experience some of the things that are horrid, but are considered a staple and a rite of passage for women. What I can tell you is that, and I have to remind myself this often too, the "kindness" and "being nice" of men is fake. And you know it's fake, you can see it in their eyes that is fake. You don't want more masks and fakery, because it only creates more smoke and space between you and the men and women and people that are truly worthy of your love and attention.
I used to play a game when I was an ugly teen: I observed every man and boy that approached me and my way more attractive friends, and studied their behaviors. If I could see the shift between how they talked and looked at my friends and how they did to me(most of them would literally pretend I wasn't there, not talk to me and not even look in my general direction, one guy once even refused to greet me once lol) I knew they were worthless and I would immediately tell it to my friends and they would always ditch the guys immediately.
Used the same technique when I met guys on my own and wanted to understand how and if they were superficial pigs, by simply showing them my pretty friends and observe their reaction.
This way I acquired the best male friend I ever had, and all my friends got good boyfriends. I have to navigate the lies and fakery now, because while the superficial pigs didn't bother to lie to me back then, they do now.
i'm an ugly ass woman too, though i've never really been jealous about other women's appearence bc i'm the kind of person who only thinks of myself ("boohoo i'm so ugly" instead of "they're so much prettier") and i've got some homo tendencies ngl
however, i can totally relate to the pains of not being anything more than your lesser existence. being an ugly woman is the worst shit ever. young women's only purpose for society is to be pretty, imagine failing at that, it's like you're ripped of your own person. + you're still gonna be sexualized no matter what but it's worse since you're double objectified. less than a man for being a woman, less than a woman for being unatractive.
I've been on both sides. As a teen/young adult, I would experience a lot of gross comments from older men, objectification, etc.
As a full adult after some weight gain, a pregnancy, and several years of acne breakouts that left hyperpigmentation spots on my face, things have changed a bit. I don't wear makeup or try to look "good" when I go out. I can look around and see men being disgusting towards young girls and attractive women.
It hurts my heart to see.
And it hurts my heart that I sometimes feel jealousy as well. Because I crave attention and praise.
But I will also say, unwanted attention from men can be downright terrifying. I've ran to my car after leaving a shop because a man walking behind me told me "why you running, I ain't scary" while shirtless and giving me a flirty smile (I wasn't running when he said that btw).
I can't explain why I was so terrified in that moment but I ran the fuck away.
Point is, both sides of the fence suck. But if I could pick one I'd stay on the side without male attention. It's better for my nervous system.
hey dear. first of all, dont degrade yourself like that. and second, trust me,catcalling has nothing to do with attractiveness and more to do with power. men, especially when they're in groups, will stare and catcall women because they know they can get away with saying anything and there's nothing you'll do about. a respectful man will approach u and attempt to talk to u without all the extraness. but men who catcall just do it cause they think of women as objects who are simply there to feed their eyes. they dont think of them as people. so trust me, its not flattering and very uncomfortable. because you're not being viewed as a person, but an object
As soon as I finished watching this, I went to do my laundry. Leaving the laundry room walking back to my apartment I hear a teenage boy say "Hey shorty bae" I didn't reply and just continued my walk. Then he says, "You're weird, you don't like men."
I just wanted to do my laundry. This was just a little rant; I love the way the video was put together as well as more people talking about how harmful the male gaze can affect us.
oh my gosh a guy tried to hit on you😯😯😯😯. so oppressed 😢
@@ftftyffghfvghfcht6701 what
@@ftftyffghfvghfcht6701cute comment ;) We all love going about our day and not being treated like people
I am certainly not oppressed, there are people who have had it far, far worse than me. The whole point of the comment is to rant and compliment the video. I was simply complaining about what happened. I wish you well today.
@@ftftyffghfvghfcht6701ur one of the arrogant men she was talking about🤭
Malena was at times disturbing . She thought her husband was killed in the war, but was not. She was not able to find work & sadly resorted to prostitution & then beaten by the women in the town. When her husband returns, the people act as if nothing happened & her father did nothing. People can be so cruel.
I remember being in highschool, and there was this one girl I didn't like. She was pretty and popular and something about how she succeeded in everything from sports to socialising to looks to grades pissed me off. I went to an all girls school so the dislike for her beauty wasn't so much that men wanted her and not me, since I barely saw guys, but more so that she had what I wanted. Looking back I was jealous, but it was also probably part of my bi awakening. I ran into her in the bathroom one day during classes, my period had come early and I was trying to wash the small smudge out if my skirt and pad my underwear with toilet paper so I could make it to break and go to my hostel for pads. She came out a cubicle, saw me, and then got some soap out the dispenser and helped me wash my skirt. The class period ended while we were in the bathroom so she walked with me to her class, gave me a pad our her school bag and then went on with her day. It's such a srupid small thing, girls did this for eachother all the time but it seriously rocked me to my core. I'd placed this girl on such a pedestal because she achieved all these ideals and in my eyes was capable in a way that I wasn't. In a way I could never be. I'd been a total asshole, even though I'd never done anything to her, because I'd classed her as some villian out of my own petty jealousy. Since then Ive hit puberty and grown and dressed better and could probably be classed as pretty. But I always go out of my way to be as kind as possible, even when someone makes that ugly twing of jealousy stir in my chest. I'm not perfect, I can't help compare myself to others and find myself lacking, but I know it's not their fault now.
Now you’re realize she’s a person not a object
Wonderful comment and heart warming introspection ❤ Hugs to you.
At the end of the day we’re all susceptible to dehumanising and resenting people who have things we may not have, be it physical looks, academic success, whatever it be. It’s only human. However being able to learn to not act or be malicious to those while being able to see them as human and treat them as such is what makes you a good person, better then most.
We’re all learning and should strive to be better, you have, proud of you ❤️
This story makes me so sad because of how real it is. I have known a Malena or two. I think all women have. To a small degree, I’ve been a Malena. I have a very beautiful older sister who is not only pretty but she’s shaped like Mrs Incredible. I’ve watched her dull herself down and wear oversized clothing because of how men AND women treat her. She makes self deprecating remarks to make other women feel more comfortable. It’s survival tactic she learned early in life. Thankfully my older brother is only a year younger than her and he was a protection for her. But she was still molested by an older man. I’m not as pretty and don’t have her figure but even I have experienced the objectification - being used by other girls as a lure for boys they wanted attention from. I was even set up by a girl I thought was my friend to be SA’d by a boy because she wanted popularity.
I had a skinny bur curvy figure for most of my teens and would dress in baggy mens clothes. As I got older and realised that didn't make me happy, I leant more into still dressing in a feminine way but as sexlessly as possible, always aiming to look plainer and plainer even if I wore funky earrings or whatever. I was trying to dull myself down and reduce the attention I was getting in public because it was exacerbating my social anxiety and I was sick of it. Unfortunately I might have overcorrected a bit, I think I am extremely plain now and that I can't really seem to feel beautiful anymore. The comments on the street haven't really stopped either, so it was all for nothing.
Sinead O'Connor kept her head shaved because that made her feel safer; she was beautiful even without hair.
Rest in peace.
what the-
i-
I'm so so sorry. That woman is a freaking monster. I...i have no words. This is horrifying.
damn what the fuck thanks for sharing. @papermario64 @lemonste
That last line oh my god ruthless and horrifying. I’m glad you are survived and are hopefully thriving because that’s a horrible thing to have done to you, all for a bit of extra attention that ultimate,y meant nothing.
From Malena’s Pov, this is so tragic. It’s terrifying and heartbreaking because it’s the reality that many women have to endure. Their bodies and agency are stripped away from leering eyes of predators. Listening to this made me cry man. This was dehumanizing, great video essay and my condolences to anyone who has ever experienced this
The sad truth about having a younger look (most people assume I’m 16 when I’m 20 years old) is that all the men that you like around your age don’t want you. In my personal experience they want someone who LOOKS their age. The men that strive after you are well into their 50s and have no shame. The unwelcome disgusting things that have been said to me as a waitress by men in their 50s-90s keeps me awake some nights. One commented that he thought I was 15 but continued to say I was the most beautiful woman and if he was younger…. 🤢. My self esteem is all over the place because while I’m desired by men who should be on watches in my opinion , I’m rejected constantly by men my age. I call this type of desirability the unlucky pretty or the preyed upon pretty.
Finally, someone I can relate to!!
Don’t forget the complete dismal from other woman, laughing us away about how we’ll be thankful for our youthful looks when we’re older. Yes, I don’t doubt that, but in regard to dating prospects (in your youth) it’s a horrible thing.
If someone who is older and went through the same experience is reading this and somehow made it out on the other side with an age-appropriate-husband in hand, please let us know. We need all the encouragement we can get. 😂
Sad thing is, i have experienced what you have. From 12-16 I got the worst Kind of attention from OLD men, I remember one time I was 13, waiting at the Bus stop alone it was a really hot summer day. I was wearing shorts, a man passed by in his car and yelled „those are the sexiest legs I have ever Seen“ I felt so violated and ashamed for a Long time.
Same. It feels good to know I’m not alone but at the same time I feel sorry for you.. I know exactly how it feels like…
Don’t tie your self esteem to what men think of you. What matters is how you feel, what you think of yourself.
I'm 37.. I remember a few years ago (I was 32) my husband and I went to the liquor store and they legit thought he was my guardian😂. I'm older than him (ok, only by a few months).
Looking back.. yes older men were always chasing me down. Like 17 to 25 years older than me..
I knew my husband since middle school but we never really talked/hung out. Wasn't until we were 28 he commented (joked) on one of my fb posts with a meme... we started talking then dating and now obviously we are married. Good luck to you all ❤ I should also say that I'm like 4'11.. sooooo looking younger (especially when I was in my 20s.. because I habitually looked like a teenager) really did suck. You're not taken seriously by your peers as a legitimate adult. Ok I get it I look like a child.. DONT TREAT ME LIKE A CHILD!
I’ve been doing the “milena walk” since I was a teenager, and there have been so many anxiety ridden moments, too many to count in what should have been a normal, simple short walk to my mailbox. I do enjoy being complimented and admired, but there is a way to do it politely and not make the woman feel uncomfortable and scared. Also, most women have (not all of course) never been a big fan of mine. Jealousy and rumors abound. Oh well, this is life.
I feel like Robert Greene’s ‘Laws of Power’ book is the perfect complement to this film because it talks a lot about power dynamics and how they affect how other treat us. For example his discussion on the consequences of withdrawing relates a lot to her isolated situation allowing her to be easier prey (not that she would have been welcomed if she tried to form social bonds with others).
I often find myself downplaying my attractiveness but I know for example beauty can be threatening to other women unfortunately. I can still be naive to the intentions of men at times. A guy told me never accept "free" things from men and he was also secretly lusting. It sucks to be reduced to "the fun girl" or an object. I live in a small town and it goes quite similar to the movie
the smaller the town, the smaller the mindset.
@@goldenhourssI totally agree. I am from a small town and now living in the city but I often come back since my family have a farm.
Never accepting free things from men is incredibly valuable life advice that I wish more girls were given.
I started get catcalled around the age of 12. I had to walk past a car garage everyday to get the school bus and would be leered and shouted at. It terrified me. I was bullied in school by girls who either thought I was after their boyfriends or thought that I thought I was full of myself. I’ve been sexually harassed on more occasions than I can count. Including once when I man literally put his hand up my skirt and grabbed me in between my legs in the middle of a crowded bar. I used to enjoy dressing up and experimenting with my hair and make up but I don’t bother anymore. I walk through the world more easily this way but there is also a small part inside me that worries about being thought of as ugly now. It’s ridiculous what we internalise as women.
That's not sexual harassment, it's assault. So sorry that happened to you.
so theres a list of things that would happen to a male. bullying by female students. you being semi naked and dolled up getting hit on. and then when you dont get dolled up you dont get hit on so now you worry about being ugly/ not having your ego stroked. yeah. very sad stuff lots of empathy
thanks for sharing, sorry that happened to you. hope things get beter.
The part about people thinking that you think you're all that is SO REAL. Literally projecting. I'm so sorry about what that guy did to you, and all the others. You're not ugly, you're beautiful ❤
When I was younger I thought being a girl was easy and fun but as an adult I realized the pain and suffering all of you go through (I’m a dude) thank you for making this video and making me understand. Beautifully done
I don't know why any boy or man would think being a girl or woman is easy...periods, childbirth, sexual harassment, everything
@@kathyalex778you’re right
@@kathyalex778 Aside from periods and childbirth, anything else can happen to men in equal measure, or worse.
@@MegaMilencheNot really. Have there ever been cases of men massraped by women during wars? Nope.
@@kathyalex778THIS!!!
This film is so realistic in terms of how men and women react to female beauty. I was raised in Italy and have lived half of my adult life there. I've also lived in the States and it's nowhere as intense there as it is in Italy. What struck me is how alone/lonely Malena is. I found this the most triggering part of the film.
I had similar experiences. I think there’s this perception that because Europe is more progressive towards women legally, it’s the same socially. Interesting. The U.S. actually feels safer in many ways.
@@STasugx It depends on the country. The Scandinavian countries are the most socially progressive towards women. Italy and Greece, on the other hand, are the western European countries where women have the fewest economic opportunities and political power and, therefore, are still very much reliant on men. As we know, when this type of imbalance exists, men get away with all sorts of things; they have a tendency to skew things in favour of their own gender and to keep women powerless. The general culture reflects this in terms of everyday attitudes and behaviour because men know they can and that they are unlikely to be held to account. Many women, not wanting to rock the boat lest they be seen as defying the patriarchal system and therefore risk becoming targets themselves, end up scapegoating other women.
@@anta3612I think partially excusing women who scapegoat other women as a means of self protection is letting them off a bit too easy. It denies the autonomy they have as moral beings. There is a choice there to be cruel or malicious to other women and they are making this choice freely, where other women are choosing not to be awful.
@@ramieal-hazar2438 It's a case of self preservation: target so as not to become a target. In some cases if you don't join in the bullying you risk becoming a target too. In some cases it's more a case of cowardice than malicious cruelty. That mob probably consisted of a combination of cowards as well as malicious people (the ringleaders: also cowards as they have a tendency to only target the vulnerable).
@@anta3612 this is totally excusing people’s wrong doing. Sorry, but you sound like a moral relativist with weak principles.
While listening to your anecdote about the guy that approached you while you were with your two friends i thought: Jesus, where does this girl live for that to happen?!?. And then i suddenly remembered how last year i was walking down the street on a Sunday morning and a guy literally crouched down, sniffed my crotch area and made a little moan-like sound. I have no idea if i supressed it or normalised it but it terrfied me. It happens everywhere, to all of us. This movie is very good at highlightning that. And so are you!
AS a man, I've had women kiss me on the mouth and grab my junk out of nowhere too. Some of them weren't even tipsy. The tipsy ones took it way to far.
@@lastsam9846 Men arent exempt from it, as women get too out of pocket as well. But the majority of the instances around the world are against women.
@@cynrez Most of it is against women indeed. But it's human nature. Inappropriate but does happen a lot.
@@lastsam9846 I'm so sorry that has happened to you. No one should be harrassed, ever.
@@lastsam9846Idk how you could watch this video and say that men go through anything close to what women go through. Yeah, some women do it. And I imagine it was very uncomfortable, but did you fear for your life? Were you AFRAID of telling her “no”? Did you consider defending yourself physically and not being strong enough to fight her off? Did you feel any real threat at all in her following you or touching you? Or was it simply weird and extremely uncomfortable? The harsh reality is, men have the power. Even when they are the victims of this behavior, they still have the physical and social power. Shove her once and she goes away. We shove, hit, mace, tase, call for help, and sometimes it’s still not enough. You will never understand until you’ve lived as a woman. No one thinks it’s “right” that someone did that to you. But you have to admit it’s just not the same, and saying “it happens to men too” on a video strictly about how debilitating this can be for women’s mental health and safety, it really seems like you’re trying to diminish how horrible this existence is. And that’s exactly what it is. It’s not “one time a girl did this”, it’s an EXISTENCE. Constantly. Not the same.
The movie Malena teaches me something as a woman. If you're an "ugly" woman, you got hated. If you're a conventionally beautiful woman, you got hated. You are traditionally passive women, you got hated. You are an independent woman type, you got hated. You are a childfree and don't want to marry type of woman, you got hated. You wanted to have a child and get married, you got hated. I can go on and on, but i guess there are some points where i felt like, being a women can sometimes become a curse. You are basically in the wrong, just by only being a woman.
being a guy, i dont understand any extent of any of the things girls experience. but i can relate to some of it, as a feminine looking guy. ive had experiences with old men oggling at me. especially when i was 10-16(now), they tend to try to touch me on my thighs and or undress me with their eyes or just straight up grope me.. i vividly remember being 9 and an older guy was inviting me to sleep with me. Although this really isnt comparable to what women face, i can relate and symphatize with their struglles
I'd say it's pretty comparable. To be feminized in society is to be threatened.
@wavyFranive had straight men objectify me as a young boy. many gay kids and feminine boys (or those who could pass for that) have this experience with grown men regardless of sexuality. gay and bi men and boys know this behaviour very well
💔 .
💔 .
Not many 9 year old girls are invited by men the way that creep invited you. Men prefer younger, but not that young, he must have been very disturbed person.
I agree 100% with everything you said, but I just wanted to add how incredibly creepy it was to see a child actor being portrayed in such a sexual way for everyone to see. So so disturbing, poor kid 😭💀
I'm noticing from the subtitles that her full name is Maddalena, which is an equivalent to Magdalene. I wonder what the symbolism was of naming the character so closely to Mary Magdalene?
yes! it was an intentional decision made by the director
It's funny because Monica Bellucci plays Mary Magdalene in The Passion Of The Christ
@@gogogadgetgore oh! I didn't know that!
@@gogogadgetgorebut Mary Magdalene was never the adulteress in the Bible as popular belief amongst the people, The adulteress and Mary Magdalene were both totally different person
@@mandalorian3865 what does that have to do with my comment? I'm talking about an actress and the role she played.
I remember when Malena was set on the night TV program of a channel my parents and I like. I told them that it's a really good movie, but also had to give a warning that it will be a very uncomfortable watch because of the topic. Once the movie had ended, my parents were super silent, not in a "what did I just watch" way but more like "oh my god what a sad movie". It was a very interesting evening.
Edit: regarding her husband, he's Grade A quality man. When he learns about what she's gone through, he immediately goes to seek her in Messina and stays with her. The way people suddenly call her Signora Scordia once they come back is absolutely disgusting in its hypocrisy, but also a very simple and striking way to depict the way women are perceived as extensions of their husbands (especially in places such as post-WW2 Sicily). Nino Scordia is literally the only decent man in this town, and it says A LOT that he is the one Malena married. Renato saves himself only by having enough courage to at least tell him what his wife went through and where she went. But even then, he's not capable of doing it face to face.
Totally agree about the comments on Renato. It seemed like despite his learning, he’d likely end up like the other men in the town because his father already taught him that women are objects to use when he bought him a prostitute to fulfill his sex urges. He was a fascinating character be abuse it shows the inner workings of how men get to this viewpoint.
You are being to hard on Renato, he's literally a child.
@@ramieal-hazar2438 What the hell is wrong with you for you to demonize a child like that?
@@MegaMilenche What the hell is wrong with you? 💀💀💀🤣
@@lordghetsisofficial Nothing, I don't go around demonizing children just because they are male.
I lost a lot of weight in my late teens after growing up overweight/obese and became conventionally attractive, and the worst part about becoming conventionally attractive is the way everyone used to see me as the “sassy, fun fat girl”, except now that I’m not fat, I’m competition, people gossip about me, say I’m obnoxious, “don’t want me near their boyfriends” so I get excluded while everyone else is included, and if I ever try to vent they gaslight and sneer “if everyone’s the asshole, the asshole is you”.
This is coming from other women too, women who claim they’re feminists until it’s time to be nice to someone who makes them feel insecure.
Conventionally attractive women are meat for men, punching bags for other women, and we’re supposed to be grateful for it.
You forgot to mention that we are also used as vessels to have babies, or being in pain every month. And despite the pain, we can say nothing, otherwise people would call us overdramatic.😂😅
When they’re has been so much thousand-years of going through societal patriarchy. These patriarchy when it comes to men being entitled to our bodies. Men are so entitled to thinking they can touch our bodies. They’d think they are so stupid to think we are ready to give up our innocence *claim our virginity and chastity when it comes to using the fall of thinking being a virgin is associated with being a Madonna. While losing their virginity is the Seductress/Temptress Complex.
In when it comes to dealing with the Wh*re Complex of when it comes to society around many societies because of using them as *Slut-Shamed and when it comes to Objectified*. There seems to be a very misogynistic attitude and going through understanding that society still has a misogynistic tendency to bring down women.
There seems to be a tendency of going through the process of how we live in a sexist society. Many countries around the world are sexist towards the entitlement to her body. They’re is just so much miserable and miserably disgusting cruel rhetoric of women’s being in crucible whores.
This movie is really important because sometimes us (ugly girls) antagonize pretty women just like they also antagonized us. I am so sad to have lacked empathy for pretty women. It's true that they were mean to me because i wasn't highly valued by boys due to my appearance, and was therefore " a failed woman" but i hate myself for denying the problems they themselves were dealing with. I assumed that some girls were shallow but they were so down to earth and nice.
I've never been jealous of pretty, i've always been angry at how nicer people were to them. Even in my own family, people were praising my sister with her beauty while forgetting about me. My parents have still been mean to her because my mom thought that she was "vain" (my mom struggled with internalized mysoginy) and my father saw her as a threat (?) Luckily my parents improved their behaviour towards her, and I also grew up. I thought i was smart and she was pretty, but she actually was smart AND pretty. I lost all my good grades when I had depression and lost the last thing i felt proud of. Added to me being neurodivergent and ugly, i felt completely ridiculous next to her. I've hated myself for not being as great as her. I've rebuit myself up and grew as a person and stop comparing myself to people because everybody struggles.
Ugly or pretty, women are dehumanized and see each other as enemies when we should love and cherish each other.
Don't forget that by hating other girls or women, boys and men are all benefiting from it.
this movie is much sadder than i ever imagined. i’ve only seen clips set to lana del rey music.
This movie is a must see for both men and women. When I first saw it I felt innately connected with the character Melena. It’s a really awful feeling when ppl don’t see you but objectify you instead like your nothing. And even more awful when women don’t rally around you but seek revenge and rage towards you because they think you have something they don’t.
Your work is incredible. I'm a 42 year old husband and father of 3. Watching this video brought me to tears. All these year's I have been blinded by misogyny and patriarchal views. Lately, I've been profoundly struck by the undeniable reality of how women have been perceived, treated, marginalized, and hindered. It makes me sick to my stomach to know that I am a part of that truth. Your work, and this video in particular, really highlighted this for me. I needed something like this to begin to truly empathize. Please keep doing what you are doing. You are amazing.
Wow.. thank you for taking the time to write this kind comment, it means a lot to me. I really am grateful for the men who are able to watch my videos whilst keeping an open mind and not view them as a personal attack but rather see them for what they are which is a dissection of a system. Thank you for taking the time to listen with an open mind, I appreciate you:)
In my hometown I feel just like Melena, this is not a flex, it is really a curse. It is another level of loneliness.
Growing up I became extremely anxious and shy, when I walk in the street I cannot make eye contact with anybody, both women and men look at me and I don’t want to encounter their eyes. Making girl friends it’s basically impossible, most girls hate me and prejudge me, others envy me, and with the girls that are “as pretty as me” it always ends up in competition. Don’t even get me started on men.
A pretty woman will always be just that, a pretty face. People who want me around make me feel uncomfortable anyway, because their intentions are always obvious, the unwanted attention comes with a heavy responsibility; to please everyone and to act up what they fantasize about me. Be friendly, smile, give them hope. But not to much, because, faster than you expect, they will be pushing your boundaries. Most of the time, I never give them what they want, so I’m always satanized. Good thing is, sometimes I can get what I want by giving extremely little, (lol)
But ironically, that is also my biggest insecurity. My whole self esteem depends on my beauty, I am terrified of growing old or having a flaw. I am a slave to my own perception of beauty, or even worst, the perception of beauty of my partner. When in a relationship, my biggest fear is to be cheated on for not being pretty enough, and suddenly my beauty standard changes to whatever his beauty standard is. Turns out, I will never be enough, and my beauty may fade one day. And when that day comes, maybe I will be free
I’m really sorry for how you’re treated, you deserve to be treated like an actual person and to be respected for who you are. I used to be treated the same way too, but I became “uglier” and it’s not as bad now. Men are still disgusting. There’s no way to fully escape that. But I don’t feel watched all the time, and people only talk to me to actually talk to me instead of just to have an excuse to look at me. It’s nice. I actually like how I look more now, I used to be so insecure because I always felt watched and people always picked apart my body in conversation. Becoming “ugly” isn’t actually bad, pretty and ugly are made up ideas. They have no real meaning except what others give to them. In my experience becoming a little “uglier” in the eyes of others isn’t bad for someone who’s in your shoes, it makes things easier. Also I suggest that you remember who treats you badly or inappropriately now. And also who stops treating you nicely if you’re not considered pretty anymore one day. Even though it’s a relief when people begin to treat you better the best friends I have are still the few people who treated me normally when I was “pretty”. People who treat others based on how they look aren’t nice people, my friends don’t care how I look or how they look in comparison to me. They have always cared about me and treated me the same, when I was considered pretty, when I was considered ugly, and now that I’m in the middle. If anyone changes how they treat you because of your looks that’s their fault, not yours!
And you know it's funny how people love to defend men by saying "Not all men are bad"😂, therefore the majority of them actually sucks and is really BAD! Ahh the irony and hypocrisy...
@@EmL-kg5gnGood for you👍
Yes, because beautiful women are always objectified, they eventually lose their personality and become obsessed with their beauty
Beautiful women are more obsessed with their beauty than ordinary women (because they are abused for beauty, as if they are not worth anything if they are not beautiful) and can eventually lead to appearance dysmorphia. For example, K-pop idol Park Bom She ruined her beautiful face with plastic surgery
“She is sought after but not respected” that hits hard
Exactly that felt really deep.
To add a personal anecdote: I used to be objectively very pretty until a few years back, with all the positives and negatives that come with that. Now, after gaining quite a bit of weight and being a bit older, I feel SO much more safe in my surroundings. I still get looks and attention, but much less so. I now even feel disappointed when I lose a bit of weight, as it feels like losing safety. It's kind of even messing with my sense of taking care of my body for health reasons. I can't and don't want to stick to a fitness plan, even though it might be good for my health, as it would make my body desirable again. I've tried to look into this through therapy, but we haven't found a solution yet. It just goes to show how f****ed up all this is, that one would rather choose to be unhealthy than desirable.
Anyway, loved your analysis of the movie, great work 👍🏻
I have a similar experience but it is with my tattoos. When I didn't have them, I was pushed around a lot. After I got a few of them over time, people messed with me less. It's crazy how when we fit into the beauty standard, (often involuntarily) people mistreat you & make assumptions.
I'm surprised at how completely relaxed I feel being heavier and with my long hair white all around the crown. My face is lined about 10-15 years less than most my age (barely at all), but my weight & changed shape & hair, plus wearing no make up and dressing frumpy, give me that middle aged appearance and it is so very freeing. It's like being invisible. I no longer feel any pressure to be attractive at this stage of my life, having decided to be single forever (I'm most happy alone) and being into gardening now, having two children being enough for me there's just no desire to be desired. Freedom!
I’ve been bullied for no reason by a girl who loved to pick on women who had the boys attention in class. She even made one of the girls cry, she had an ugly soul and wanted to make the pretty girls look bad, the boys found it embarrassing because men can point out a jealous girl just as easy as I can... during high school i struggled with social anxiety because I didn’t yet understand why I was getting so much unwanted attention because my sister was a jealous girl too so I was used to being a target for abuse. She used to make the boys that she thought liked me throw basketballs in my face In hopes of ridiculing me or deforming my face.
I have been stared down so many times and I’ve been asked from someone’s porch to come inside for seggs when I was 15, I’ve been asked where I lived as a catcall, hit on by my lawyer, groomed, touch inappropriately, stalked multiple times, someone dry humped me in the 8th grade before and it still makes me sick. My mother wouldn’t let me go out much because she thinks I’m gonna be with boys, I couldn’t have a private relationship and my mom made fun of my body for being too skinny but I was the appropriate weight. She asks me who I’m dressing up for but I hate attention. It is like your an object. Your either a target or a desire/supply to someone. I don’t like to show my body either and yes I do sometimes like to be admired and say thank you and compliment someone back, but i only reply if it’s in a kind and generous way. It’s not hard to be more self aware and control yourself. We’re all human beings with souls.
It's about the ownership. Single women are vulnerable and unprotected. Like in the "Zorba the Greek" and the episode with the Widow. The point is - who will they choose? Beauty gives them the liberty. And if you want to stay single, independent and free... society doesn't know how to handle that.
Well said💯.
My heart aches for her ☹️
this film genuinely gutted me, i had to constantly take breaks and look away, i felt physically sick after watching it, its not a fantastical film, this is reality, unexaggerated and true, it genuinely killed me it made me not want to leave my room
I grew up in Argentina and because of the male gaze and the sexual harassment I used to dream of the day I would be old like over 60 ( that’s what I thought of old at the time ) now I’m 62 and living in the US and to my disappointment nothing has changed. Unless you dress like you’re wearing a tent men still act the same old way I used to dread in my youth . I guess some things never change :
I’m so sorry. And thank you for correcting my expectations, I had the same hope you had and I’m thankful to be warned in advance instead of having to just realise the hard way one day. It’s a much kinder way to have your hopes crushed
If that’s really you in your pfp, You are actually very pretty compared to most American women of the same age. I’d even say you’re like the top 10% of your age. No wonder you still get hit on
Strange. USA and leering and perving at their own women. We only hear western folk say this of certain eastern cultures. Oh well.
Totally relate to this as a woman on many levels. Men do not all understand boundaries whatsoever
They understand very well, just don't care due to the power dynamics at play.
@@skincarerainbow4950💯
Surely you don't live in the west where women have equal rights, and this happens 😮 I mean western nations say this about eastern cultures.
Haha, about a year ago at an auto mechanics shop (go figure) me and my family were stopping by. My older brother was in one car and me, my mom, and little brother were in the other - although my little brother was in the backseat and not very noticeable.
When we arrived, in front of us was a car with a man who, honestly, looked like a quintessential neck beard. Like sunburnt skin, wife beater tank top, greasy hair. But I didn’t want to judge him for what he looked like, so I waved and smiled while we waited for my brother. His hand immediately goes down his pants and he starts masturbating in front of us, in right outside his car.
But I guess the saddest part was that I wasn’t even really fazed by it, beyond my horror that he was doing it with my mother beside me. Like yeah, be a creep all you want with just me in the car - but with my mother there, her mouth gaping beside me, it added an extra layer of disgust and revulsion that awakened me to how desensitized I was to the unwanted male attention I received.
I doubt he would’ve done that had my brother been visible anywhere, _especially_ my intimidating older brother. I’d be curious what he would’ve done if my younger brother was more obviously positioned, as he has a very gentle demeanor and look (Do men respond to more “effeminate” types?)
Anyways, my older brother tried to pass it off as us being too sensitive, as he always does when confronted with threats to our safety/comfort. But it’s just interesting because when I’m on campus, I dress however I want and get, at most, a couple of compliments from other female students.
But when I’m with my family, they are my safety bubble to dress in my typical pastel, kawaii fashion. But the spaces we enter are a lot less safe than a college campus. I’ve been followed in a store, gawked at by older men, and have been invited into a man’s car at the ripe age of 18. Cars have literally slowed down to stare at me while passing by, and it never fails to amaze me how just entering different spaces places me in a vulnerable position. I’m very spacey (on account of DPDR) and even though I wear very eye catching outfits, I avoid eye contact and am pretty reserved, so I usually never notice the attention unless my family members point it out (which they always do). I’ve almost gaslit myself into believing it doesn’t matter what I wear in public, as I’m fully convinced I’m as invisible to other people as they are to me. But the truth is, I’m not. I’m _very_ visible, especially to predators who like younger women/girls as I look very young for my age (likely look underage to them). I’ve also noticed guys my age don’t really seem to be attracted to me, whereas older men flock to me like the creeps that they are, probably thinking I’m 15 or something.
It’s quite disconcerting, and even worse, has been the grounds for which I’ve given up on dating almost all together. I think the realization of how I’m perceived by others is depressing as hell, and makes me wish I could exist in female only spaces; where I’m usually taken for what I am, and not for who they want me to be. That’s not to say women don’t stereotype - but since I’m not sexy or mature or assertive, I’m not taken as a threat to anyone and can comfortably exist, even if invisibly. It’s nice (albeit a low bar to set for myself).
Your style sounds cool, shame people choose to be such twats.
wow tough. so you by your own admission wear 'very eye catching outfits'. the things you then encounter are catching peoples eyes. wow. mystery. theres also a bizarre comment about college campuses where you acknowledge the obv universally accepted correlation between wearing' eye catching outfits' and catching peoples eyes. you were even invited to a mans car as an adult. shock horror. you also encountered a lunatic, who you presume wouldve feared the physical threat of an adult man. you included this detail for.... some reason. but you cant quite figure out a solution to your oh so sad predicament. hmmm. no its impossible for you to have brought this on yourself by being naked in public, bcos feminism doesnt allow for that. and youre definitely not bitter based off of your admission that youre not 'sexy....'etc, bcos feminism also doesnt allow for that. ghee whizz. what an awful predicament you find yourself in. surely a naked man would NEVER be stared at in public. such a shame. oh well. what a mystery.
Saddest thing is I believe this completely. Good for you for deciding not to judge him right away.... but also, this is exactly why people end up loosing the faith. I'm sorry you went through this.
It’s very isolating to feel this way. You don’t want to give the men the wrong idea and you don’t want the women to be jealous of you either
This is gut-wrenching. I can't say I've been on the perpetrating side (male gaze) to *women* since I'm gay, but I can arrest to having done so with men in the past, and also fallen into the perceived or imagined 'women's role' (by men) with gay men as well, as Malèna was forced into (minus the prostitution). The entire concept is horrifying and also a consequence of patriarchy.
It's consequence of biology.
@@mirianakovachevic748Fetishization is not biological, it is the dehumanization of a group of people due to stereotypes, that lead to the objectification of those people.
@@gastounmanar9814 You think humans are not material, biological creatures ? Society is also based on biology of our species.
I recently watched a korean drama called Mask girl. I think it's interesting because it's shown the impact of beauty and lack of it. And how men treat women.
Hello, I am Korean. There are quite a few movies in Korea where ugly women are obsessed with beauty. But not a single movie expresses the shortcomings of beauty. Oh, there was a documentary about Sulli, a singer who recently took her own life because of people's jealousy. Sulli said she doesn't like being pretty
Well you can't change men or women...
This synopsis deeply resonated with me, I have never felt beautiful but other people have perceived me as such. In turn I have no female friends I get gossipped about constantly and have had male friends turn out to only want to sleep with me. Because of this theme in my life I stopped doing my hair or wearing makeup and make an effort to look very plain and just turn invosible. No one has made me feel human by treating me as such so I would rather just disappear.
I can totally relate❤ especially about the loneliness that comes with it
I am very sorry this happened to you. I also relate with the lonely part. If you can however, I would suggest you to go for therapy, like anyone else that advices you.
Try to find a purpose, like volunteering for a youth group or at a nursing home. Therapy is also a really great idea.
@@missstranger7697 why does she need therapy it's the cruel others that need it
First of all, I love your essays!
Second, this reminded me of a Brazilian song that explores these kinds of issues, too, “Geni e o zepelim”. It’s about a woman called Geni that the entire town deemed promiscuous and gossips that she sleeps with anyone. Then a n*zi came in a zeppelin and threatened to destroy the city, but showed interest in Geni. The entire city begged and complimented her and she finally agreed to sleep with him to save the town. The n*zi leaves and then, as soon as he goes away, the entire city is throwing stones at her again. She’s always gonna be wrong, no matter what she does.
Boule de Suif by Guy de Maupassant it is sadly an ugly part of human nature
I’ve seen girls treated like this. Though not to the degree of abuse that Malena went through with the SA and forced SW she’s subjected to. I know many women that are survivors. I’ve been preyed upon. The cruelty that the girls I heard toward a beautiful girl who isn’t interested in their “men” is the saddest thing ever.
Also I have had all my guy friends but one confess to having feelings for me. One even forced me into a relationship when I was young because he used the friendship as collateral. I wish I would’ve said “no” but I didn’t want to lose a friend. And it left me truly realizing that it’s nearly impossible for men and women to be friends. I mean the friends to lovers trope exists for a reason. And I do wish we could know Melenas thoughts more than just her perception by the villagers. Still this was a fantastic essay video. ❤
I have been sexually assaulted by many men I thought were friends with. I didn't understand the dirty way men looked at me. Then I realized that because I'm a woman, I can't automatically be sexually objectified and exist as a person to men I don't want. I feel so hopeless and have avoided men
@@user-ds1ed7kn9k I am so sorry and it is a hard truth to learn. I hope you’re finding healing from all this trauma you’ve endured and that you are doing well.
I've found this impossible to explain to men. One minute I was a kid being treated like every other kid, the next old men with oxygen tanks were telling me I should strip. You have no idea how terrifying, how humiliating, how de-personalizing and hurtful that whiplash is. They also can't understand how an inherent biological fear exists daily for someone who is routinely objectified by men 5 times stronger than her.
Thank you for making this video. I’ve been breaking down in therapy how sad I’ve been as an object for men and a target for other women. I felt so alone my entire life and it’s nice to see someone touch on this phenomenon.
sense of isolation
Man, I'm not going to lie, I feel exactly what she was going through. It's really lonely to be pretty. Men see you as an object, and women see you as a threat to their self-worth. I honestly think the real issue is that beauty is God-like. Humans crave the devine. They crave beauty. Men want the beauty all to themselves, and women think God, or the universe, favored the beautiful person and not them. They literally look at you like God must hate them, or he would have made them beautiful, too. It's definitely a self worth thing. Probably even for men, too, honestly, because a beautiful woman can be worn like a piece of jewelry. It gives them power and status, so it boosts their self-worth, too. I dunno, this video honestly made me really sad. I feel so alone sometimes. The men in my life have destroyed my reputation because I rejected them, and my best friend started rumors about me because she's afraid I'll sleep with her husband. He kept hinting that he wanted a 3-some, which made me really uncomfortable, and in a way, I get why she would be afraid of that, but still, I wouldn't do that. That piece of shit should have had more respect for the both of us. Even my own parents only saw my beauty. My father sexually abused me, and my narcissistic mother has done everything in her power to make sure I wouldn't succeed, because she is jealous of me. I've lost jobs because of jealous women. I've been called a whore by strangers walking by in the street. And, then you get told that you should feel lucky to be pretty, because of prettt privilege. I've never felt privileged. A free drink here or there, doesn't make up for a lifetime of abuse. The stress of my life caused me to get very seriously sick, too. Like, truly sick. I have an incurable autoimmune immune condition now, that might kill me. I was super healthy before. Stress is known to cause autoimmune diseases. I had cortisol pymping through my system since I was a child. I was literally being poisoned from all the stress. I'll never know life without excruciating pain. My beauty feels like it will kill me. Why people are envious of that is ridiculous to me. I have 2 things, though. My son, and my passion. I don't think I could keep going without those two things. It would be really nice if someone who wasn't my son actually gave a shit about me. It's not my child's job to be my emotional support system. He should be trying to figure himself out without having to worry about me. I mean, we are very close, so it's only natural for him to care, but it's a lot to put on a young adult. Unconditional love is awesome, but conditional love is nice, too. It keeps you in check and lets you know you're doing things right. My son loves me no matter what. I'm very grateful to have him still. I think I would have killed myself long ago if it wasn't for him. It would be nice if someone else saw worth in me also. You need a healthy balance of different kinds of love.
I’m so sorry and I hope and pray that some things are better for you now, if not all we can do is take it day by day, I wish I knew you so I could be there for you. My dad was narcissistic so I can relate to that and molested by my step brother.
I experienced the same thing as you. I was so obsessed with my beauty, whether it be a woman or a man, that I abused me badly and ended up seriously hurting myself. I lost all my beauty. And I was so obsessed with my beauty that I broke even more
I don't believe in God, but I think on the other hand, God loved us so much that he gave us the blessing of beauty and sent it to the human world, but he misses us so much that he accelerates death. There is a saying in the East that a beautiful woman's life is so hard that she dies early
@@user-ds1ed7kn9k That's really beautiful. I mean, sad, but beautiful somehow.
I'm not going to lie. this hit hard. this hit to my core and part of the reason i ended up in therapy. Not because I think im so beautiful but because of how men degrade women. There are so many levels to this. this really hit me at the core of my heart
It feels so sickening realizing that the only reason that the town women at the end of the movie were talking to Malena normally was because they beat her and didn’t feel threatened by her anymore after what they put her through.
The truth is, every time the women in town see a broken Melanie, they feel superior because it feels like an accomplishment. Broken Melanie is just their spoils for the women in town, and when they accept their greetings, they feel like their violence has been justified
It's actually worse. They only talk normally to her, because her husband survived and came back to her.
Wow! I’m so glad your video was just recommended. Never heard of the film but definitely brought me to tears as so many of us go through this.
I want my boyfriend to see me as beautiful but I want everyone else to not notice me. This movie does such a good job of exemplifying all of the downsides to being perceived as attractive.
This is why I never fell for the “sisterhood”. I’ve been backstabbed so many times by other women in my youth, trying to compete with me, trying to steal my boyfriends, you name it.
Same, honestly before i got to college the vast majority of times it was the girls and women who backstabbed me. Constantly experiencing this made me have trust issues especially towards my own sex.
And it's so frustrating that the same women will call you "pick me girl" for not wanting to socialize with women anymore because of the trauma. When you are constantly looked down upon, criticize by the way you dress and the way you present yourself, you would not want to socialize with any women anymore. The worst part is, you can't be friends with men either, cause even though at first, you will think that they finally see you as equal, you will gradually realize that they just cover lust with this friendship facade. It's actually truly frustrating.
@@v3rych3rryb0mbExactly. It’s incredibly lonely and I feel it only gets worse as time goes by (until we finally enter our later years I guess). Once you get into your 30s and 40s is often when martial strain on relationships is nearing its peak and so women see you almost as an even bigger threat than when you’re all young and unmarried in your 20s. It’s truly awful.
It’s such a natural desire to want close friends who have our best interest at heart and it has been completely heart breaking that I can’t find any because of this stigma.
That is a gross generalization of women. SOME women are threatened by other women’s attractiveness, others aren’t. We literally make up 50% of the population, you can’t just label an entire group based on your own subjective experiences. Plus, if you’re not friends with women who are you friends with? Men? I feel like that’s a worse fate.
@@booklover69 A person who says you shouldn't generalize women goes on to say being friends with men is worse fate than being hated by women? Of course.
As the film progresses and the people in the village see Malèna as more of a threat/more attainable, she gradually starts incorporating more and more black into her outfits. So interesting.
To all the comments about melana’s clothes and makeup:
Women should have the freedom to dress nice, or sexy. The time for shaming and blaming women for wanting to look their best is over.
Do I question why clothes that show more skin and amplify sexuality are only sold to women? Yes. But I’m fucking sick of hearing people excuse fucked up behavior by sickos because a woman dressed a certain way. Abusers feel entitled to abuse. End of fucking story.
It’s possible that is just wasn’t safe for Melana to dress nice because she was surrounded by sickos, but holding HER accountable for the way she dresses instead of the town for their abuse is saying women don’t deserve that freedom of dressing beautiful and sexy, that they should make themselves small. That instead of the world changing and becoming a safer place, women should keep their heads down.
Added point:
Melana was more intelligent, confident and evolved than the rest of the community. I think that’s also what made people hate her or feel obsessed with her.
@emptyshogun6194missed the point so badly
@@silvergustnah u did
There was nothing sexy about her clothes. Women who dress that way are never seen as sexy, in fact, if her face was ugly, then it wouldn't be sexy at all. An ugly woman wearing lingerie is still seen as sexy, but these clothes are ones that women wear to the office or to church. Nothing tight, no cleavage, no flashy colours. No harsh makeup, red lipsticks etc. like there's actually nothing sexual about her dressing, she's just pretty and has a good figure
@@emixxixx3001 No she didn't. She's right. Abusers run rampant because of complicit people like you who would rather treat symptoms than remove the cancer. Most people who are SA'd are wearing regular, modest, and sometimes even sloppy clothes. An art exhibit displaying the clothes of victims had CHILD & INFANT onesies and I believe even a pet toy or something. We shouldn't compromise for the vermin of society. That's what makes a society fall.
Melena is just a fashionista
This film essay brought me to tears! I just casually was skimming through videos to see what to watch as I drink my morning tea. I wasn't expecting to have such an overwhelming sense of clarity about situations i never contemplated over! Experiences I internally try to sweep away quickly! But as I continued watching, it was like I was recalling every moment of my life from a child to adulthood that was subjected towards the male gaze and how my community/family/friends/co-workers reacted towards me through this.
Thank you for making this video, it has been a catalyst towards dissecting and analysing the deep rooted pain I have been hiding!
that was so beautifully put into words and i honestly cried so much during this video, what an astonishing video/ essay
I really like how you put it, and I agree, I find it hard to see women's beauty as a form of power when it only comes if a certain transaction by the men who desire you is met
Yes, and I don’t know why we assume those kinds of men are honest. As if they wouldn’t take advantage of someone’s desperation and then refuse to give their end of the deal, whatever it is
i watch a lot of video essays but yours are truly my favourites!! i may be biased because you seem to always make videos about topics i am VERY interested in, but every video is so well written and incredibly analysed
keep up the amazing work
Very insightful video! I had been best of friends with a guy for over 5 years. A few months ago he decided to confess he'd had feelings for me all these years, my heart sank at that moment. I had never felt so disgusted, he was like a brother to me, I used to think I was so lucky of finally having a good friend that genuinely wanted my friendship and not something else. I used to believe men and women could be friends but now I no longer do.
yikes... this video cut me to the core... so much of the experiences of Melena i didn't realize that i my self had experienced. tho, i chose to make myself ugly. to withdraw from life. i was often sick and didnt go to school. i didn't do much to my hair, didn't wear alot of makeup. i wore big clothes and hunched alot. was quiet and avoided social situations as much as i could..... now, i'm wondering if i 'made' myself sick in order to avoid the things that i was experiencing. i hated the world back then. hated highschool. hated people. most of the boys i'd met who i thought were my friends were not.. and it took me a long time to learn that they were never really my friends. i learned early in life that you couldn't smile and be nice to guys without dealing with unwanted advances and situations, and that hurt my heart so badly. I loved loving other humans. being nice for the pure sake of being nice. what a horrible world that i was living in that my kindness was perverted into something that could be dangerous to me.. i've been working thru alot of my own traumas and limiting beliefs in the last few years, but this brought to light things that i had no idea still lived so deeply inside me. things i that i had a vague awareness were there, but were never totally illuminated. until this video essay. i only recently realized that my inner voice was a male (and i'll have 40 years behind me in January 2024). always telling me how i should look. that part in the beginning where you spoke of the constant 'performance' that women are taught to live in, where we constantly see ourselves from the male gaze.. hit hard... that movie was horrible. and i've only seen what you showed here. tragic to say the very least, but a common experience for SO many women (and sometimes men) over human history... i dunno that i could ever have stood by and let another woman be treated like this....... they should show this video in highschool or college and have the kids have discussions about it.... at any rate, all of this trauma aside, this was a VERY well-done essay and i am optimistic that times are changing. the younger generations that are coming into this world are so different. and i'm choosing to believe that they will not accept the same primitive mindset that our ancestors did. thank you for creating this. Sending 💖
to be honest, atleast from my point of view, while watching this movie i couldn't help but be reminded of women like britney spears and marilyn monroe, just in terms of their iconography and how they were/are both treated somewhat similarly to how malena is in the film (especially symbolically). heavily objectified, other women projecting their most vicious thoughts onto them in another form of dehumanization, and having a hand in their downfall + more.
just came to mind. this film was definitely thought-provoking
Me too. They also had Madonna like images at one time
Malena reminds me of Megan from 'The Girl on the Train' in that she is both envied and hated by the women around her. They are both overly sexualised and, as a result, abused by the men around them. We also don't get a lot of an inner dialogue from Megan in the same way as Malena with regards to the men around them (though we do get some of her thoughts on her life, from her pov). I'd love for a deep dive on 'The Girl on the Train' and the portrayal of women in abusive relationships; the expectation and desire for motherhood and the idea of a 'perfect victim'. Given that the movie shows three women, all of them victims of abusive men, all of them portrayed differently, all of them connected. I think that would be interesting :)
This was an enlightening video essay…I truly did not see this perspective until this eloquent video essay. As a man, I feel I understand more about women as a result of this video…thank you.
WOW, i absolutely love your analysis and this is one of my most favorite movies!
Note that when her father shuns her she starts losing more respect from her community and when he dies there is a total loss of it. It speaks volumes about how women are looked at and treated when there is not a male figure looking out for them.
This video made me shed tears. If I could give you ten likes, I would. Beautiful analysis. Keep up the good work.
A brilliant breakdown. This should be required viewing in every middle/high school. With required dissertations. Period.
I've really learned through coworkers that boundaries are everything. Don't get me wrong, special treatment can be nice. But having your boundaries crossed regularly isn't easy, because you're human, not an object of mere flattery, or jealousy. Some people you need more boundaries around and you need to be there for just you
I personally find being lusted over intriguing when wanted. It becomes horrid when not wanted like a woman just handling her business especially when not dressed up at all...and yet, a man still feels entitled to not her attention with pure intention but only her beauty and body. I've been confused many times when a man was attracted to me as my body. I wasn't aware of the body shape I had and it still surprises me to see that I can't wear the same things a more "acceptable" frame could wear or else the guilt of being too sexy is tossed upon me. My mom and I always bare our feelings to eachother about how women in our family and ouside our family act toward us just because we are breathing while the men compliment our looks. I feel Malena.
Amazing video, I love your channel. I have to say I also agree the way they decided to film this movie is very effective.
Ma’am thank you for this! I’ve never seen this movie but I absolutely LOVE your analysis. Great work!
Thank you so much!!🥹💖
Same
This is so upsetting how much I relate to this. So sad when her father changed the locks 💔 hate that she is disrespected and hated like this without her doing anything 😭
I agree I think the film wouldn't have had the same affect. by forcing the viewers to only be able to see her the way men see her we are forced to see just how dehumanizing it is :(
im glad this video popped up for me. i was so mad earlier bc a man at my job has been entitled enough to ask for my work to use himself. i have been trying to think of kindness so ive shared my notes multiple times. but today i tried standing up for myself by showing i was clearly annoyed and didn’t want to share anymore. we have something important coming up tomorrow so he started begging, even though through our entire 10 hour shift he did nothing to try and prepare himself for tomorrow. trying to make me feel bad. this video made me realize why i was so upset by the interaction bc i couldn’t put my feelings into words. i was annoyed because he felt entitled to something he has no right to have, and because his desire for ease was more important than the hard work ive been putting in. or how i was clearly annoyed. it didnt matter to him so he started to pout. thanks for the video, life is unfair but at least knowledge feels good.