For those who who wants to know faster: 1) Love bombing 0:42 2) Subtle Coercion 1:40 3) Hyper sensitivity 2:41 4) They dislike your friends and family 3:15 5) Rushing into commitment 3:45 Thanks me later :)
@@Baraodojaguary sometimes it isn't necessarily narcissistic ...maybe someone hadn't Iike someone in a long time but when they do, they are chasing? Like u said, it is about intentions. 😀
These red flags are so important to notice even in a friendship. I wish I was more aware before I created relationships with a few people so thank you for spreading awareness 💛
@@ryanarthur5035 uh they're not just for fun friendships are are just relationships without romance you also need to put effort into them they're just as important
@@ryanarthur5035 friendships are important, and your support system if you're dealing with an abusive person. Which is why an abuser will discourage you from seeing your friends, talking to them, talking about the relationship with them. They want what they do behind closed doors to be kept secret, so they can do it a longer time. It's part of the isolation phase.
my dad proposed to my mom after being together for only 2 weeks😅 my mom of course refused but they kept dating and after 2 years of dating they got married… and are still happily married after 20 years. my dad said that he proposed to her so early because for the first time in his life he met someone that was everything he ever dreamed of a woman: independent, not a jealous freak, adventurous, caring, optimistic and said he liked her smiles so much and that she made him feel warm inside (more than he felt in his previous relationship that was 6 years long)🤔
@@latemporis5430 I think so too but it reminds me of the famous Max Planck quote. "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
I feel like the terminology of “jealous freak” is kind of insensitive towards those who do experience jealousy in a non-malicious way. Personally I tend to be a little jealous in my relationships sometimes because I’ve experienced being with partners in the past who’d spend most of their time with their friends and people I “didn’t have to worry about” (you can guess what happened there), but wouldn’t give me a whole lot of attention even if I tried to request it from them.
My ex husband matched 4/5 of those. Our first Christmas as a couple I was supposed to go on a cruise with my family and he threatened to break up with me, so I didn’t. He never trusted any of my friends even the female ones. I don’t tolerate that kind of behavior anymore. I’d rather be single than controlled
ADHD hyper fixation can seem like love bombing and anxious attachment can seem like hypersensitivity or could also be ADHD related rejection sensitivity. Also sometimes family is toxic so being at odds with the person's family depends on how healthy the relationship with the family is too
Thank you, these are the parts I was getting so worried about. I don't think I need to worry because it was a mutual thing but my girlfriend and I had definitely said "I love you" very early on so I got worried about that
I feel so bad because when I first started dating I was love bombing and forcing commitment and it was very wrong for me to do so. I realized my mistakes and really worked on myself to become a better person. I’ve grew a lot and dismissed a lot of my toxic behaviors. Tbh I’ve learned how to love myself and become a genuine happy person. Ever since I changed I realized the absolute terrible things I did to my past relationship partner and I still kinda feel like an asshole for doing the things I did. The past is in the past and I used it as a life lesson that I needed to be taught.
how did you stop love bombing? sorry but i think i’m doing it unintentionally to my current partner and i want to stop but don’t know exactly what to do
@@tooth3547 Honestly, I just had to learn through the pain of a heartbreak. But it's good that you realize that you're doing wrong. Best advice just know your worth and keep being a king. Let her love you instead of enforcing it
Here's another one: GUILT TRIPPING they act as if your boundaries are hurting them and that you don't trust them, if you point out that maybe they're talking too much to this person in a flirtatious way they'll make YOU the villain. Or act as if your boundaries mean that you don't love them as much. They'll guilt trip you into quieting you if you notice something is wrong or if they're flat our abusive saying stuff like: you're selfish, you haven't even thought about what I'M going through. I missed the bus today so I'm in a sour mood so you should tolerate me. I can't control myself sometimes, you should stand by my side to correct my behavior not judge me for it. They'll put you in problems so they can appear as your savior and blame you if you ask for anyone else's help or if you let new people into your life claiming that they're bad for you and they only want what's God for you. Trust me, this is coming from experience. The guy had just assaulted me and the guy I asked for help from made a witty comment so I laughed, he blamed me for laughing saying that I haven't laughed with him all day but am now with a "stranger who doesn't even love you" Please be safe and SPEAK UP. Even if it makes them sad or mad, because if they do, over you asking for your basic rights, then they're definitely abusive.
The fact that I could relate to everything you said killed me... I'm in the process of letting go, and what helped me a lot is realizing that there's always more out there, there's something better out there, honestly I feel like I've been sort of happier since we've distanced ourselves a little, part of me doesn't want to accept it and part of me knows that it is the way it is, in fact I've never actually told someone that I think about that, so I'm glad this is a safe space to vent, everyone is so supportive here🥲 so remember guys... treat everybody with respect, you don't know what that person may be going through...
@@ajm6109 I'm sorry you could relate to my experience but let me tell you something, I think the difficult part here is the "why didn't they love me? After all I did?" You keep believing that there's good in them because they showed it to you at first so you keep fighting and tolerating and sacrificing for that good part to rise again, but it was sadly never there. Ironically, part of why I stayed was that I was "waiting for my turn to be loved" because I knew I deserved it, I kept waiting because if anyone out there were to love it should've been him, I'd given him my time, I was his bank, therapist, doctor, parent and basically his mother. So if he didn't love after all that I'd offered, who would? Letting go can be difficult because you're not just letting go of the person, you're letting go of everything you'd given them, you keep giving more so you don't feel like you've wasted all of what you've given before for nothing until it drains you. You just need to know when to give up sometimes and leave battles that aren't for you to fight. I always had that (never give up) mentality so it was really difficult for me to fully accept that this was a loss for me, a loss of my strong, happy self and of course, everything that I'd sacrificed as if or meant nothing, so I deserved nothing in return. But after a long time with myself I realized that the longer I stay the more I was going to lose, the worse my depression would get, it drove me to commit suicide twice and his friend said: how dare you, you didn't think about what he'd feel if you actually died? You didn't think who'd be by his side? So I basically never mattered. You keep lying to yourself in order to believe their lies and dismissing their abuse as "they're just in a bad place now" but the truth is that you should never feel like you're fighting for your basic rights, or to be loved, or to explain your self when you were clear as daylight. It's hard to accept the loss, eventhough it's not your fault that you were fighting for someone who was fighting you because even realizing that it was their fault it is still your loss unfortunately, but accepting that loss and walking away is a victory, getting your old, happier self is a victory, feeling like you didn't waste a gem as yourself over such a horrible person is a victory. Don't worry, someone WILL love you with all your scars, flaws, past experiences and most importantly for all the good in you, which you may have started to believe that it no longer exists or at least isn't as big as your bad. The real fight here that you should take on is to undo all the brainwashing, because unfortunately, a lot of people don't recover from it and keep attracting more abusers just because they couldn't change their mentality. Please be strong for yourself, choose your battles carefully and know that a relationship should make you happier and more comfortable, not walk on eggshells. Hope this helped. please come back and vent some more if you ever feel like it.
You’re right. I think that when men abuse women it’s much more obvious as it tends to centre violence and control. Not saying that women never abuse their partners in the same way of course but it tends to be more subtle so most of the attention when it comes to abusive relationships is put on the male offenders. Thats my opinion anyways.
As a woman who has been abused several times my entire life I can say for certain that women and men are equally abusive women just tend to do it more phycologicly While men tend to do it more physically. (I wanted to put this because people migth comment saying it's not true but it it is)
i’ll admit, i did say “i love you” early on but it was before we were even together. the both of us had already confessed our love and it just felt right. now we’ve been dating for almost 6 months and things couldn’t be more peachy!
This video is making me look back at my last relationship, and I really looked past the warning signs of love bombing and rushing. My now ex-boyfriend and I became a couple on the same night as our first date. I had no time to think first. He was overly affectionate as well. I was trapped for 6 years with him, dealing with gaslighting, comparing my body to cosplay girls, and having my feelings brushed off. He would even bring in his family into our problems to paint me out as the villain.
I'm in this situation now, don't know how to get out of it. Really wish I'd realised sooner 😪 I'm glad you've managed to free yourself from that though! 😊
I'm glad others have this information now. As someone who has been in several very dangerous situations and bad relationships, this makes me feel happy. Hopefully this can help people new and experienced with relationships. A lot of these are very accurate, and made me realize some things about previous situations I actually hadn't realized. Good luck out there, everyone.
@@Psych2go I’m not so well with English but… When u are understanding one u will ask about explaintoins before any misunderstandings and I think it’s the first long term step to stay, briefly explanation
@@amra101 me and my partner are having some sorta conflict right now, and we're lacking of communication it's been 5days since we argue and rn he blocked me in every media i could reach him and it's kinda hard to reach him out since i can't message him. Am hoping for us to deal with this problem :
@@makulemon6064 I am sorry that you are dealing with relationship issues. The comments on here are true good communication and willingness to work together on solving issues is essential for a healthy relationship. Your partner should never put any barriers or limitations on you when it comes to communication. What they are doing to you is wrong and abusive (mentally and emotionally). The lack of ability to contact them makes you sad and I am sure left you feeling unloved and unwanted. Please take the way how you're being treated by your partner into consideration and take care of yourself.
I realized I have been love bombing and wanting to rush into things. I have no ill intentions when doing this other than idealizing the relationship but now I kinda understand why so many of my relationships have been short lived
You made this at the perfect time I haven’t watched the video entirely but im not dating anyone, but my sister just got broken up with her boyfriend. I notice almost all these signs in their relationship so far. Thank you.
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How does being a sensitive person make you unsuitable to relationships? Having incredibly abusive upbringings can shape someone to be that way and it's not anyone's fault. Also, what scale are we using to measure what is "overly sensitive"? Not everyone share the same idea of what constitutes as humor as opposed to being disrespectful?
Talking about the joke making you feel bad and you don't like it is a boundary. Yelling and getting pissed off, getting offensive without a resolution at the end, flipping the script to make you out to be the bad guy is a red flag. We all make mistakes and without compromise snd honesty, nothing will work.
If you get angry to the point that you don't even accept an apology and keep yelling on your partner then that's a problem. Everything else... It's hard to tell. Some people have higher tolerance to sensitive people and can handle more. Also some situations can be righfully trigering for that person and joking about that is not good. I would say: if your guts are telling you that this person is not for you then I would listen to them. Even if that person wasn't actually hipersensitive. Maybe they were toxic, and maybe they were ok but your relationship would be toxic.
Personally my now ex was hyper sensitive and a gaslighter, I could easily vouch for that being a horrible thing. Basically, he would get offended by my sheer presence if he didn't want it at that very specific moment and hadn't communicated it. And if I asked him something innocent like if he's done his daily quests in a game, he'd twist it and say I had some ulterior motive of asking and argue with me. There are hundreds of examples I could give from this particular person because I didn't realise it's something that was never going to get better... so being sensitive is fine, but getting offended by something like "bananas are yellow" for the sake of it isn't. He always twisted anything I said into what he wanted, always accused me of things and suspected me of meaning something different when I would innocently ask him about something. He also always made sure to guilt trip me and make me feel bad, and I wasn't entitled to my own opinions without resentment. "But you did x", "I NEVER....", "But YOU...", are phrases he'd commonly use because he took offense from anything and refused any responsibility for his feelings or actions. He slept with a girl, and turned it around to blame me for losing her as a friend (the girl willingly broke contact with him and apologized to me after I explained to her what was going on, it's a long story). And in general just blame, blame blame, twist twist twist and a lot of temper tantrums if I didn't agree with him about something. It seemed like he was trying to just "win" the conversation in some f'd up way. And he always, every day, reminded me of how I was limiting him from doing certain things because I wanted to spend time together, "I can't do anything I want anymore" as he liked to say, which I wasn't. Perhaps from sleeping with other girls since we were in an established relationship and that's crossing a very clear and common relationship boundary... but the rest of the limits he made up for himself and trapped himself. It almost seemed like he WANTED to be offended by anything I said and he shouted and screamed at me a lot over trivial things... And whenever I expressed I was upset because of his behavior, he made sure to imply he was more upset suddenly. It was EXHAUSTING. So I think that's what's being implied in the video?
@@Heartshackles Thank you for elaborating and sharing your experience. I hope you know that it was more of a reflection of his insecurities and pain much deeper than he would ever be willing to admit. No amount of psychological damage is an excuse to be unkind and inconsiderate, and closure isn't really a thing most of the time in life, but all we can do is try to be understanding/compassionate, with a reasonable amount of distance.
Another thing to note, people who do this might not know they're doing this. It could be a subconscious thing or they don't understand what their actions mean. HOWEVER, it is still a red flag in this situation. I've dated 2 people with these red flags, people who probably didn't know what they were doing was toxic and somehow justified it to themselves, but they were both abusive. The second guy I dated was extremely abusive and had every single one of these red flags. Yet, if you pointed these things out to him and told him it was toxic, he would find a way to justify it and put you down for telling him. It doesn't matter if they think they're being nice or have some justification. A red flag is a red flag. Pay attention and drop them before you get hurt. *And always trust your gut.*
Uh... Nope. A red flag means PROBABLY bad. The whole point is to signal something is probably, bad. A bad habit and a red flag are different. Red flag means "maybe not bad, but likely a bad person" (correlation). Bad habits is actually bad. They are bad themselves and cause bad things. For example, adhd and autism lovers simply love bomb, that's how we are. We aren't toxic for being natural to each other. Love bombing for us and others isn't the same. And just because the other doesn't like it doesn't mean we shouldn't either, that's essentially repressing what is ourselves. It's not a problem between only us. Sometimes things are just incompatibilities. Also, it's important what you said "trust your gut" but the problem with that is, you should trust your intuition not your gut. Intuition doesn't have a feeling or emotionally feeling that accompanies it. Gut feelings (fear, insecurity, etc) do. I'm so glad I didn't trust my gut and kept to my intuition despite all the feelings. My bf and I are amazing together.
@@macaroni586 You make some very interesting points and I like that you make a difference between intuition and gut feelings. I said gut feeling, but I meant intuition, thank you for pointing that out to me. I think you also make an interesting point on the difference between red flags and bad habits. I think sometimes they are different, but sometimes the habit is a red flag. So it's something to pay attention to. I also like your input on how ADHD and autistic lovers act differently. It's something I didn't know, but is incredibly helpful to me. I still believe the things I said are valid, but you add a very interesting and useful perspective. Thank you. I wish you and your bf happiness.
I couldn't have said it better myself. My ex girlfriend doesn't understand what she was doing or why she was doing it. That lack of self awareness doesn't make it ok. She still paints me as the villain for breaking up with her, accusing me of having never loved her. She checked off every box in this video, and after 3 months of dating, I knew I needed to either get out or accept that this is the way it's going to be.
@@macaroni586 I've noticed lately that it's trendy to use autism and other mental disorders as justification for abusive behavior. I'm not saying that's the situation you're in. My brother and his partner both claim to be autistic and they are both physically and emotionally abusive and codependent. Just one example of how they manipulate each other is by threatening to commit suicide. The police have been called multiple times for domestic violence but they choose to stay together. The reason they accept this kind of behavior from each other is because they don't believe they deserve better.
The fact that I can accidentally do these sort of things actually scare me and I don't want to lose control of myself. Being pure in spirit means everything to me.
In my experience I am super loving and affectionate right off the bat- it’s my temperament. I fall in love fast and I say it early on- usually within the first couple of weeks.. because thats just my heart. I want to be clear that on this level of expression it is okay as it is not a manipulative tactic, but simply how deeply some folks feel!
Agree with this wholeheartedly. I said "I love you" to my ex 4 weeks into our relationship and waited to have sex until I said those words. It was my first relationship at 25 because I thought I found the one. She ended up pregnant and we decided not to keep the baby. Things seemed different afterwards with her and when she broke up with me I kind of had a feeling when she told me we needed to talk but I didn't want to believe it. In the end it was the best thing to happen because it shedded light on my personal issues that were masked by the honeymoon phase. She also seemed reluctant to share personal things with me while I on the hand, gave my heart to her fully. It's just the way I am.
@@gavinfarris7624 I have gotten years of therapy and been priased for being introspective and self aware. No single person is the same on this planet. Thank god. Love is free and so is happiness. My heart knows no bounds. I must follow the logical and rational path but I let my heart open expansively along the way and have cultivated some truly incredible relationships. I am greatful!
Love Bombing is a common trait for ADHD people, big difference is the ADHD person actually wants to know all the things about you because they're excited. Narcs Love bomb to gather information to manipulate you with later. Having my Terapist tell me this brought me so much comfort.
Oh man! I dodged a bullet there. Three seconds after starting to date my ex, he kept saying “when we get married” not “if we get married”. And holy love bombing. He never found anything wrong in me, which was odd, because I could see tons of stuff wrong with me as a partner.
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I was love bombed from a distance, I was living in Texas and I met up with the son of a family friend on a vacation back to Britain. He sent flowers every other day , called me frequently. I thought it was very sweet. I got back to Britain and he arrived at my parents home where I was staying on the first evening I got there. I was not expecting him to show up so soo.n. Wanted to see me every dat. Then he took me out for a picnic. While we were walking to the spot he had chosen he told me to lower my voice. I have a low pitched voice anyway so I looked at him in a puzzled way. "You been too long in America, you are too loud. That's not ladylike." I waited until we returned to my parent's place and told him I had never been told I was too loud and said I did not think this relationship would work for me. He was enraged when I told him that and said he was just trying to improve me. Later my Mother told me she was afraid he was controlling and was glad that I ended it.
Lol. I have the same thing happened with some tool I went to museum with. I spoke in a mostly normal voice, but on the soft side because of the venue, and he shushed me saying I was too loud. That same dummy asked me for another date. Hahaha. Poor guy. :-)
I wish I had seen this before! The love bombing part is really confusing because is disguised as love and generosity but it makes you feel indebted and people around you say stuff like “oh he’s so romantic, I wish I had that, why aren’t you happy?” And it’s a really lonely and frustrating feeling
I realized something while watching this. I personally am a bit vulnerable to love bombing, but part of the reason for that is because of my ADHD. A very common component of ADHD is hyperfixating, and in relationships, this can often present as wanting to know everything there is to know about someone once you've clicked. It doesn't have malintent, but you just want to spend a lot of time with someone, Find out what they care about(surface level and deep dreams) Meet the people that are important to them, talk often, go on adventures, etc etc. I know because I'm familiar with my own motives how much I care about these people which is why it's hard when the reverse turns out to not be true. But I realize from the outside, a lot of the signs I hear about "a quick beginning" and signs of affection and stuff... can be kinda indistinguishable from that ADHD hyperfixation, where you really care about someone and aren't trying to manipulate them. Are there some distinct ways to tell the difference? I know for 1, people who hyperfixate aren't generally trying to isolate you. Because they also want to meet your friends. But I wonder if there are more differences?
Thank you for taking the time to post your comment. It’s definitely something to think about and consider when evaluating a situation. And definitely one that I never thought of. It’s eye opening.
You're making excellent points! Dating someone with ADHD I was just wondering the same about lovebombing, but like you said, there's no controlling or gaslighting involved, they are just very intense!
My husband is ADHD. He has Rejection sensitivity too. After 5 year marrying him,he beat me to death because I don’t want to do what he was telling (irrational order like throw all my make up) It’s crazy loving with these people! At first it was soo good!!
@@annamaria1984 it sounds like you are very unhappy in your marriage. If he beat you to death he is probably unhappy too. Maybe it isn't meant to be. Just saying 🤷
These red flags are so important to know. I cannot stress this enough. I’ve been in a relationship with someone like this and it seriously took a toll on me. They love bombed me - especially in the middle of arguments e.g. “I love you BUT I don’t want you to wear that outfit because it’s too suggestive and I don’t want others looking at you” etc. They coerced me into doing things I didn’t want to do and had to know where I was 24/7. They were extremely sensitive to anything I said - I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around them all the time. Just stating my opinion was frowned upon, when it differed from theirs. You don’t like that one song I like? Okay, here are 16382 reasons why you are wrong and have a bad taste. Jokes were a very tricky topic, as they either felt disrespected by them or simply hated my humor. They hated my friends and family because they “were bad for me” and guilt-tripped me whenever I wanted to hang out with them. Glad that’s over.
On my last relationship, I had a gf who was love bombing. I personally thought it was a little to rushed as I thought before starting a serious relationship you should at least get to know a person for a good 3 to 6 months. Eventually a few weeks later I didn't give her the same amount of love bombing I was supposed to give her and got ghosted. At least I don't feel bad about it.
Love bombing and rushing are so hard to recognize when you're in a relationship, you doubt whether it's normal or not, especially if you're not a very experienced or confident person. Only now I realize what it was while thinking in retrospective (saying "I love you" after knowing me for 2 weeks, wanting to spend a night together after 1 month of dating...) There were other signs like : - Victimize himself when I set boudaries to make me feel bad - Words didn't match his actions ("i understand" and then insisting anyways) - I often though I missheard or missunderstood what he said, the details on his stories kept changing Things that made me think I was exaggerating: - He was very loving, always saying that he loved me and cared for me, lots of hugs and kisses - He was very patient and didn't hesitate to reassure me when I was feeling down - He was very caring and gentle, forehead kisses, warmed me when I was cold, little gestures like that I hope this helps someone.
Girl the same happened with me in the beginning of my relationship and it was very confusing.... Especially the part 'wanting to spend a night together after one month of dating ' I knew things were rushing but was constantly coerced and assured by saying everybody has their own pace . I did things for him I didn't want to , my boundaries were violated 😕😕 Loving bombing happened and when I didn't match that level of it...I was compared and told I didn't love him....I am 7 months into the relationship and it's not going well, I am going to end it today 😔😔 My mental health is unstable....
I recognized these from a guy that I had never met. He started out "love bombing" asking why I didn't call him when he wanted. I felt uncomfortable and soon was telling him that we aren't married, and he was pushing too hard. He got angry and broke off. I wasn't sad just relived. Other men have tried to do this as well.
If you ever find your self dating for a casual physical connection just be up front about not wanting anything more serious. Some guys will move on in search of a soul mate, but a lot of guys out there who don't feel ready for a high maintenance or long term relationship are open to something with no strings attached.
@@gavinfarris7624 I am looking for a serious connection, they just want sex, or someone the can control or manipulate. I am a woman with my own mind. Most men I meet do not understand me, treating me like I am stupid. That irritates me. 😤 I know a great many things but when a man act like I know nothing, that's when I just walk away. Another thing is you really can't have a relationship without a face to face meeting.
i needed this video a long time ago but yes you are 100% correct if they do take control of you it is so draining and confusing you are always confused until you are away from them and have time to think about why you are miserable you can get out. but it is soo hard to get out of if you have nothing showing you something is wrong. thank you for making this video. ❤
What is the love bombing is all from genuine love though? As someone with BPD, it’s never been about manipulation for me in past relationships. I was genuinely trying to give them the love I never felt
You completely described my husband. He is deceased due to health conditions. I feel like my life was spared even though I stayed married to him for 26 yrs.
Ah yes,it takes me back to such times when I was slightly younger,and still so naive,to not be aware of some of these signs until it was pointed out to me. Thanks for putting up these important red-flags. It’s always such a pain in every aspect to have your trust broken by someone you have come to trust yourself.
I really appreciate you making this video! If you are in a relationship and you witness some of these red flags, don’t ignore them! I know that’s easier said than done sometimes, but I know a woman who had many of these red flags in her dating relationship and she ignored them and as a result, has had a very difficult life in regards to her relationship, and it breaks my heart. YOU ARE WORTH TAKING CARE OF and you do not need to settle for any of this!! You are so loved and worthy of being loved and being treated kindly and with respect and honour. I know it can be hard, but even in the dark times, just remember that you are SO LOVED and you are worthy of being treated as such ❤️🥺
Found this video after dating a nice girl for about five weeks. I've been trying to take it more slowly than any girl I'd ever met before, and honestly it's the closest I've been to seeing myself in a long-term relationship. I'm glad I watched it because I do have the tendency to give a lot of praise and appreciation, and while it comes from a genuine place and I'm very specific with my compliments (for example I was impressed by how stocked her kitchen is), I've found that when I compliment her a little less, she compliments me a little more.
My ex had all five of these signs early in our relationship, the signs were always there, but I just chose to ignore them, never doing that again after the trauma I experienced.
In my current relationship we moved very fast actually. I've said "I love you" first (in the first two months) even though I knew that he felt that way before me. He is always showering me with compliments and we've met each others families before the 6 months mark. I didn't wanted him to meet my family in order to coerce him, and he is a really sweet guy that wants to express his feelings. He is very open and we communicate a lot about everything. I usually tell him where I am, because I think it is fair for the other one to know, especially if it means that one of us doesn't dine at home. So I believe that love bombing can be a red flag. I experimented this with some of my friends and I usually don't trust people who compliments me a lot. But I also believe that he is a genuine great guy and that he actually feels that way about me.
You want to know what I just realized? My ex displayed three out of five of these traits and I managed to leave that relationship in one piece! God is good!
I'm watching this not for my partner but to track my own behavior. I did say I love u real fast tho (2weeks in) because I really do love her. The love bombing too, I meant what I say. If i say she looks pretty then I really meant it. I don't understand why do I have to hide my own feelings for something that is not harmful
Feels like I may have done some of these in one of my last relationships.. 1. Love bombing. I caught feelings for them quick even though they made the first move (asked to kiss me). Looking back though I do feel as if I was a bit obsessive with this person, by being with them often, and it drained them. Not sure if it is my fault entirely since they said nothing, but looking back it could have been that they didn't want to hurt my feelings. 2. Subtle coercion. I may have unintentionally done this because of miscommunication in some instances, and one I can think of is a time when she mentioned her friend said something I thought was a bit of a red flag. Her friend (who is lesbian) got drunk and told my girlfriend at the time that when they started working together, she shought that my gf was cute. I found that suspicious but didn't say anything, but it got stuck in my head and made me cautious after my gf told me about it. 3. Hypersensitivity. Mentioned above, her friend said something I found suspicious. Something that really ruined the relationship for me though is that one time my gf and I were hanging out, I found a red mark on her neck after she hung out with her lesbian friend. My gf claimed that she didn't remember what caused it to get there after spending time with her lesbian friend (both getting drunk). This pissed me off, am I in the wrong for that? 4. They dislike your friends or family. I felt comfortable with their family, but I had no clue who their friends were. At the start, I was fine with her friends. There was one time she wanted to hang out with a guy coworker to get coffee or something from what I can remember, and she asked if I was comfortable with that (looking back, I'm glad she asked: shows good communication in this instance), I initially wasn't sure who he was or what he looked like so I said I wasn't sure if I'd be comfortable with it. Her lesbian friend, I initially never took issue with her since she had a grilfriend at the time as well and thought things were fine as they were, but again knowing the story mentioned above, my trust in my gf's lesbian friend was in an iffy spot. I was cautious, I don't think I had any bad reason to feel the way I felt about her after what all happened above. 5. Rushing into commitment. Yeah I fell for them pretty quick I'll admit that, but doesn't that happen to a lot of people? I guess I don't understand how this is a red flag entirely? Like I get that people should get to know eachother more and more over time but what's wrong with sticking to dating just one person? I happed to do that and I really enjoyed the person's company, why would I start dating someone else? Maybe I'm misinterpreting what the video is trying to say but having some commitment early on isn't a red flag to me. Lack of commitment however should be communicated, and if it is not, that is a red flag to me. Am I wrong for thinking that?
Almost everybody has done these things mentioned in the video at some point in their past relationships. Just because these red flags can mean it could lead to a toxic relationship, doesn't mean that it has to. Your examples are very situational and people are all different. Your subtle coercion is more like a health dose of jealousy. Your hypersensitivity is more like being slightly more cautious and self protective. Your dislike for that lesbian friend can be somewhat justified because of events. It's when these things are done to an extreme and done in every relationship that one is a huge red flag. Don't overthink too much about whether you are a toxic person in relationships. I feel this video is way too shallow and might make certain people unsure about themselves and rather have a negative effect. If whoever is reading this is already overanalyzing themselves because of this video then you probably aren't a toxic, narcissistic person.
You should like a very nice person. Permit me to comment on your fifth point, (rushing into commitment) means: you just met a person and within a short time, you're engaged to them, making marriage plans, babies etc. Rushing to make major life decisions
Thank you SO MUCH for making this video. Sometimes when you're seeing someone, you're in lalaland and don't want to pay attention to red flags even though you sense something that's off about the person. I met someone a few months ago and we supposedly started off as friends, but he was rushing everything to the point where the 2nd day of us knowing each other, he was telling everyone that I was his doctor girlfriend, even though I was neither of them to him. He also introduced me to all of his family over video call even though I was not prepared or even ready for that. He called me several times during the day and texted me all the time, asking if i was okay or if i was hurt,even though I had just talked to him about me not being able to answer right away because i was busy. He wouldn't even let me eat in peace. He constantly told me he liked me and it was nerve wracking and intoxicating because i was starved for attention and love, so he took advantage of that. I didn't know the term, but he was love bombing me, and it was overwhelming to me. He made me cry, he lied about his height, he treated strangers like dirt, and i didn't feel comfortable because he didn't even let me walk by myself, on my own! He also tried to convince me to not wear my prosthetic because he wanted to see me without it, which made me kind of upset because i wear my prosthetic for a reason lol. He was very toxic and there were so many red flags. He also started talking about marriage and us having kids, not even a week after us meeting. He disrespect and disregarded my boundaries and waved them off as "boundaries", and talked about us having sex even though that wasn't something i wanted. It was a terrible experience and im glad I got help from my friends and family to get away from him. I blocked him everywhere and broke off contact, and I'm glad i did because i know i dodged a bullet. This video talks about so many useful things and I'm glad you guys are discussing it.
Honestly this made me cry. I've been beating myself up about leaving a guy bcs things started getting toxic. When we initially met he was going through a really bad phase, had lost his mom so I tried being there for him as a supportive friend. I did like him ngl but I wasn't looking for a relationship as I had recently started getting out of a depressive episode and had many important exams lined up that I wanted to direct all my energy towards. But he soon started getting too attached. He'd call and text me multiple times in a day and when I didn't pick up his calls or reply to his texts immediately he'd get really upset. I thought he just wants someone to talk to at this point so I stuck around. But it got worse, he'd keep calling me until I picked up, ask me who I was hanging out with, why I didn't answer his phone etc and all this even before we started dating. Almost a month into knowing each other and he proposed. I said no bcs I wasn't ready but he kept crying and said he didn't have anyone to call his own anymore and wanted to run away and shit. He even made me feel guilty for rejecting him. Forced me to say yes which I shouldn't have but I was soooo stupid. Always overlooked these red flags thinking he's just going through a bad phase plus he seemed like an amazing guy outside of all this like he'd cook for me, was a good listener, very caring. He was moving way too quick even told his cousins and friends about me. It's been hard but I feel relieved now. No more guilt which he always made me feel and I kept carrying that guilt even after the breakup. I used to think I should have given him another chance, that he was better than that and I was being mean leaving him breaking his heart. But I gotta prioritize my own mental health. Learnt it the hard way.
It reminds me of a recent situation which isn't over yet. A guy found me on a friendship app, which I was using to avoid romantic dates, and he would say he had fallen in love with me, that he had been waiting for someone like me for years. At first it was nice, but soon he started asking for my feelings and being hurt and crying bcs my answer was I didn't feel much yet. After 3 weeks he pushed me into saying I was his girlfriend or would block me forever, so afraid of losing him I said so. But the next day I was all anxious. Later it's been him suffering bcs I didn't accept to give him my love, me trying to help him but my words wouldn't work for him, he trying to teach me what to say, and a circle of my anxiety with his long texts and his suffering at every chance he gave me to love him back. I try not to feel guilty but wonder if I was mean to him, since he claims he was just offering love and doing what is best for both of us.
@@Eldamarth Be careful of speeches like this, where people say 'I'm doing the best for us' when they're actually doing what is best suited for them. If he was doing what was good for you too, he would at least consider your feelings (or the lack of them) for him and wouldn't force you into anything. All I really could understand was that he was doing it for himself 🤷🏻♀️ I have actually been there tho, until I finally stand up for myself and be clear I took my time. Well, in my case, I think (more like I hope) he wasn't an abuser, but the experience teached me I had to have more clear boundaries.
I'm glad you put yourself in 1st place, a relationship like that would only drain you endlessly. And you know what? When we give up ourselves and finally say 'yes' to them instead of saying 'no' we teach them to keep insisting knock on that door because, a few moments later, we'll open it for them, as if we're saying 'Please, try to convince one more time'. Don't give your power so easily to anyone like that, please 🥺 No relationship is worthy losing ourselves in the process. Wish you the best, hope you're safe!
It is so easy to miss all these red flags when you're blinded by affection. We gotta watch out for these, but also don't panic about looking for red flags. As they said, we have agency over our lives and therefore our lives don't deserve to be on the defensive 24/7
I have experienced some of these in my own relationship, but its for different reasons Ive known my boyfriend for 4 years now, and we were best friends before we ended up dating romantically So, when we did finally get together, love bombing was very prevalent but only because we already knew each other well and we already cared for and loved each other a lot prior to our relationship officially starting. Once we shared how we felt about each other and we started a romantic relationship, those feelings we had been holding in just came out in the form of love bombing. I met his family years before we dated and they practically consider me a part of the family because of how close we are and how close our families are as well. Sometimes these arent necessarily bad but it all depends on the situation and the people involved
This is actually very useful, I recently confessed to a guy via a letter and next time we meet up he’s gonna tell me his answer. In the case that it all works out, I will still keep these in mind. I bet there’s lots of people who are gonna benefit from this and maybe spot the red flags in their partners, so thank you 😊 Edit: He rejected me 😅 but we’re still great friends
How much each of you give and how little each of you take for granted, will determine the success of a relationship. 💙TH-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
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Great tips. For the less observant, looking at some basic market value facts can help. For example, Geo-max = Money-max = Fake love. Also, it's important to set boundaries. They aren't yours it's just your turn. Never make long-term commitments or let finance or gender roles play any role in any relationship. Peace.
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I’ve recently gotten out of a relationship with my ex and I’ve been studying our relationship on where we went wrong. I’ve realized that I was overwhelming her because our personalities were so different that I took some of the stuff she said like “ I love him” to a guy friend and I misinterpreted what she meant behind it and there were other occasions where there would be a guy that liked her and confessed his love to her. She denied him because she was talking to me but she didn’t stop being friends with him and I had to make myself come to terms with it which took a toll on me. I did everything I could to make our relationship work but she didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore because she said she lost feelings for me and said our relationship was forced. I had lost myself for a good month after that and it almost killed me
This sounds very similar to my relationship with my ex and how it ended around 3 months ago. It fucking hurts I know but you have to realise that relationships are hard and get worse when you start having to think of things to make it "work". When my relationship got to that point about a week before we broke up I already knew in my head it was over and everything started to become forced after that. Sounds like you really did dodge an emotional bullet bro and take some time to better yourself and everything will fall into place it always does.
I'm glad you are reflecting on the good and bad of the relationship, I do that after every relationship. And i try to do better the next time. When I was first getting involved, I was way too clingy with them, didn't allow them enough space to just be themselves, hang with their friends. I wanted them to spend every free moment with ME. It sounds to me like you were doing some of that, it comes from insecurity. And being jealous of her friends, also insecurity. Work on your own friend group, hobbies, self esteem so you are a complete person with or without a relationship. If You're seeing someone twice a week, and the rest of your week is spent with school, work, friends, family, hobbies, clubs etc, then if a relationship ends you don't lose your entire world. One of my therapist told me that I love more deeply than others, so it's really easy for me to make my world revolve around that other person. If they're abusive, they'll like that, but not if they're a regular person. It's too smothering for them. I learned to back off and give people space, and enjoy my time apart from them too. Each successive relationship lasted longer than the prior Ones, so I guess I got better at them.
subconciously, i did all these signs to my person. we part ways and it breaks me, but knowing these stuffs opened my eyes why she fell out of love on me and why i should stop hoping to get back things as they are.
I used to be very quick to rush into things and start committing early, but only after I realized my behavior and pushed back my advancements did I start to see the red flags in my relationship. Though fortunately my current partners red flags are only minor like snoring pretty loudly.
To the early squad!!! Guys I just want to say, be safe out there! So many strange things are happening. Take it one day at a time and always remember that you're here for a reason and not by chance 🤗😎😘😊
I had this happen to me. i decided to break it off and just be friends. thryve been silent around me now. a lot of these red flags came up. especially the wanting to move in right away. thank you for these videos. you're amazing oh and I never noticed the new format but I noticed our frirnd in the video growing up with us. very nice and I will watch for the new format too.
Love bombing is a loaded one especially when you talk about "sinister". If it's a mutual relationship even if it's relatively short in time pace, but it's such an emotionally connected and deep connection that you both feel, where it's a matter of both of your souls already ahead of you together, but just waiting for your verbal and physical selves to catch up... a disaster or a serious event that happens prematurely makes sense for one party to confess love, even if there was a mutual agreement - and even mutual admission or implication - that it was love.
+Psych2go *Thanks for the list o' red flags for emerging relations:* 0:47 Lovebombing, viz., pseudoamorous bombardment 1:40 Subtle coercion 2:40 Hypersensitivity 3:12 Aversion to family and/or friend circle 3:46 Premature rush into committment
I would have needed this video 1 and a half years earlier cause that was where my last unhealthy relationship started. He showed many of the behaviors you talked about. Especially the 'love bombing' was something he did in the beginning a lot. Now I'm glad that relationship is over and I'm better now
I'm guilty of love bombing, I didn't even realize what I was doing, I was just so head over heels for her, this video came to me at the right time, and I'm going to do my best to keep myself in check
That hypersensitivity mention had me surprised but I realized the attitude is the true problem I used to be constantly triggered by dialogue, mainly due to various kinds of assault in my life. I rarely think that the person who said something that affected me- meant to affect me and nowadays I reach out by expressing what my feelings are and the thought process behind them. Which has strikingly enlightened people, especially ones who are trying to have more understanding of their loved ones If I believed people intentionally made me feel how they did; I wouldn't be able to trust nor communicate with anyone and I'd probably be very hateful. Sure- I've had moments of that in childhood while struggling but I didn't want them to last and I more so hated the idea of making others feel low
I want to thank you for making this video and the reason why is because I've been having terrible luck with females in my life. At first I didn't know why they always broke up with me but now I know why, I was rushing into commitment and also love bombing without noticing plus I didn't know I was giving red flags. I've been watching your videos for a while and I really appreciate you posting these very helpful lessons, I will take my time to learn from my mistakes and become a better man. Thank you very much.
I know this can be a weird thing to ask but, I've noticed the bad things I do and how much I hurt others and I don't know how to change, could you do a video on how to be a better person, please??
Thanks for the reminder. I may have been trying to be those red flags though. But I am trying to control myself to not to act out those red flags just because I felt the need to be anxiously attached to a person. Appreciate this sharing on the perspective of the receiving side of a person.
@@Psych2go keep reminding myself and self realising should do it. I will share my needs with my partner instead of acting out in a bad way. Learn about anxious attachment from Jessica Baum helps alot.
I went through this. Never again. Love bombing, pressuring me into commitment from the get go. It was a toxic relationship, my partner was narcissistic and manipulated me many times so I couldn't cut away. Finally I became free, and I realize hoy many things were wrong. Naturalized many awful behaviors that I shouldn't have naturalized.
Wow. A couple of days ago, a guy I recently started seeing took it as a personal attack when I said that he was blind to his own privilege. It was literally an inconsequential statement, but it seems to have completely destroyed our relationship. Which is probably for the best. Thanks for making this video, y'all.
@@CundaliniWantsHisHandBack you should have heard what he said. Was definitely more offensive than pointing out the fact that he was blind to his own privilege. It's true. He was. Ignorance is not attractive.
I had all of these red flags in my previous relationship. I knew it wasn't right to stick around but every time I tried to leave, he gaslit and manipulated me into staying somehow and sometimes out of sympathy for him and his overestimated depth of our only 1-2 months long relationship. Thank you for this video, hoping no one has to go through what I did because getting out of something with a narc isn't easy.
I've experienced all of this with my boyfriend and fully believe he has narcissistic personality disorder, but still want him...Even knowing its likely trauma bond, I keep fighting for him and wanting to be with him.
this just made me realize how great my relationship is, because my last relationship was like the one showed on the video, my new partner is nothing like this, green flag, finally 💚
I'm guilty of the first and, to a smaller extent, the second point. I came across this video a couple of weeks ago and it hit me like a truck. I had no idea what I was putting her through and I sure as hell was not doing any of it intentionally. I immediately tuned down the love bombing considerably and gave her space. But it was too late; our relationship was already doomed because I was trying to move things faster than natural and she felt pressured. We broke up today and she pointed that out as one of the main reasons. I wish I'd seen this video earlier... But anyway, it helped me a lot and I now know what I need to do in my next relationship to keep something like this from happening again. Thank you, Psych2Go. I hope this video saves someone else's relationship.
You are one of the few people onhere i know of that dedicates their chanel to phycology. Thank you for spreading awareness. (Also ur animations r awesome)
This would have been helpful a couple years ago, my ex literally had of all of these and the things she would say was so out of pocket I had to get someone to help me out and get away from her.
The hyper sensitivity is a big one for me. I dealt with every single one of these signs before, but the hyper sensitivity one still affects me even tho I'm with someone new. I'm so used to my partner (specifically talking about my "ex") take whatever I said as a personal attack, like I was hating them. I'm hesitant in some cases to make little jokes, make little comments, say an opinion, say a concern, or be serious with them. In a way, it was like I couldn't be myself or express myself and my concerns without making them upset. I had to walk on eggshells all the time and be very aware on what I say and how I say it. They'd twist what I said, making it seem like I had ill-intent. They'd purposely misunderstand me every single time I said something that they deemed wrong, which gave me a lot of anxiety. Even though my bf says he wouldn't do anything like that, I'm still hesitant to say certain things. I guess I'll have to just take the dive and see what happens. Anxiety shouldn't stop me
i had no idea that saying “i love you” was a too early was a bad thing. she always responds back with an “i love you too”. we live a a couple of states away and eventually i’d like to ask her out, but now this just feels a little off putting. i have no bad intentions, we just really get together well.
I've experienced it and I can say I've learned my lession yes being single rn isn't bad but it teaches you to look out for red flags if your ever ready again.
Me and my girlfriend both jumped into love really quick. I think people who are afraid of the quickness are better off never loving at all because they're always going to hold back how they feel so they don't get hurt. The point of life is to love and live, not to avoid hurt at all costs.
i guess u generalize ur understanding of life and love ...some people have trauma in their lives...they can only get into a relationship only after considerably healing themselves...and healing takes many years ..
Just broke up in an online relationship and everything said in this video happened. I still don't know if it was all my fault or if she just manipulated me from the beginning tho.
I am sadly guilty of love bombing and rushing into commitment. I met a girl I liked very much, she seemed to like me as well, and I hadn't had a girlfriend before, so I hate to say it, but I was a little desperate. I showed her I liked her way too much after only talking for a few days, not even dating yet. I had no ill intentions with it, nor would I consider myself controlling or a bad and needy partner, but I was a little desperate. She pulled away right away and I understand her. Still crushed my heart though.
Needed this 7 months ago. Out of that relationship now, but she did all these. I broke it off after she suddenly went cold and didnt change no matter how many times I brought up that it hurt me to feel unappreciated and unloved.
I don't usually comment, but I have to say I wish I saw this video 5 years ago, when my first (and toxic) relationship started. I also wish that everyone watch this video and learn from it. These signs feel obvious to me now. It's so important it should be taught at schools. People can die from this. And the worst thing is that you try to leave these toxic people, to go away, and they won't let you. They manipulate you to stay. I tried to left him so many times and I couldn't. You know what worked? I suggested to open the relationship and he fell in love with another person. That worked. Insane world we live in.
I feel like it's always good to tell your partner where you're going or who you're going with and for how long just from a safety perspective. It doesn't have to be your partner specifically, a family member or a friend are good enough too. Just a simple 'hey I'm going out with this person I'll be back by this time' is important in my opinion and if you will come home late for some reason, you should notify them too. What is going over the line is when your partner gets obviously overcontrolling and gets mad when you aren't home at 19:00 like you promised but were 10 minutes late and other things that point out a controlling behavior.
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When me and my girlfriend broke up, the guy she met was showing these same red flags, as well as getting her pregnant within the first month or two, but thank God she didn't, even if she felt denial about him, I knew a narcissist when I see one
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thank you for this, I think I may have love bombed somone without realizing it. I have only been in one relationship and I got over excited. I went to fast and I think I scared her off, thank you for showing me this. I'm not gonna do anything like this anymore, il be more slow and go at there pace.
The hypersensitivity is an iffy one for me especially bc I have depression. My ex would make jokes that make slight jabs at me. One of the biggest ones was that I was laughing at a scholarship college board kept prompting for me that revolved around Hispanic people. Although I technically have a Hispanic heritage from my fathers side, he was never there so I spent most of my life knowing my moms side of the family which was all white (My skin color is white as well). So I was laughing at that a bit (I hope I’m not offending anyone 😅). But rather than just laughing, he turned to me and said I’d have better luck looking into mentally handicapped scholarships. (I’m a grade below him but I’m generally book smarter. I can be naive irl) I was really hurt by this. Is this my bad or his?
You’re not wrong to feel upset by these “jokes” at all, especially if he knows or should know that they’d hurt you. I also have an ex who’d make offensive jokes and he’d try to make me feel like crap for being upset by saying that I “can’t take a joke”. Being sensitive is okay, I think the video just didn’t clarify that a warning sign would be if someone had a huge overreaction and got strangely defensive over something passive and harmless that was said, which I believe is what they meant.
@@gavinfarris7624 if I ever brought up any problem I had or how something hurt my feelings then he would be hurt. I’m the type of person to put the person I’m with before myself (past toxic relationships taught me to but I’m trying to work on it) so I would constantly push down my own feelings to comfort him even tho he wouldn’t even apologize. He would just shut down
Hm. I’m newly in a relationship with my best friend of many years. If I saw these traits in myself, and I REALLY don’t believe I’m trying to manipulate them and I really love this person, what should I do? I don’t want to be toxic. I love them, dearly and I want nothing more than to have a happy life with them.
How do you feel about this new writing format?
What did you use to animate
Ahhh I love it! :)
@@neqqkokat.flyhightweek5457 girl it’s been 10 seconds since the video got posted
I love it!
i always find you very helpful Psych2Go
For those who who wants to know faster:
1) Love bombing 0:42
2) Subtle Coercion 1:40
3) Hyper sensitivity 2:41
4) They dislike your friends and family 3:15
5) Rushing into commitment 3:45
Thanks me later :)
Thank you
Thanks
Thank you now.
@@Baraodojaguary sometimes it isn't necessarily narcissistic ...maybe someone hadn't Iike someone in a long time but when they do, they are chasing? Like u said, it is about intentions. 😀
@@Baraodojaguary you def have time. I am 36 and I just found a guy whose 38...even then neither of us are rushing. We are both trauma survivors. 👍
These red flags are so important to notice even in a friendship. I wish I was more aware before I created relationships with a few people so thank you for spreading awareness 💛
For sure! Did you want to share this video?
Lol you take friendships way too seriously unlike relationships friendships are for fun calm down
Ya!
@@ryanarthur5035 uh they're not just for fun friendships are are just relationships without romance you also need to put effort into them they're just as important
@@ryanarthur5035 friendships are important, and your support system if you're dealing with an abusive person. Which is why an abuser will discourage you from seeing your friends, talking to them, talking about the relationship with them. They want what they do behind closed doors to be kept secret, so they can do it a longer time. It's part of the isolation phase.
my dad proposed to my mom after being together for only 2 weeks😅
my mom of course refused but they kept dating and after 2 years of dating they got married… and are still happily married after 20 years.
my dad said that he proposed to her so early because for the first time in his life he met someone that was everything he ever dreamed of a woman: independent, not a jealous freak, adventurous, caring, optimistic and said he liked her smiles so much and that she made him feel warm inside (more than he felt in his previous relationship that was 6 years long)🤔
i guess everyone lives their romantic lives differently
See this is why glossing over love bombing can be dangerous. Some people know from the start. What is the difference between the two?
I think they mean red flags that you should be cautious of, but doesn't mean anyone who does these things are abusive
@@latemporis5430 I think so too but it reminds me of the famous Max Planck quote. "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
I feel like the terminology of “jealous freak” is kind of insensitive towards those who do experience jealousy in a non-malicious way. Personally I tend to be a little jealous in my relationships sometimes because I’ve experienced being with partners in the past who’d spend most of their time with their friends and people I “didn’t have to worry about” (you can guess what happened there), but wouldn’t give me a whole lot of attention even if I tried to request it from them.
No 1. Love Bombing
No 2.subtle coercion
No 3. Hyper sensitivity
No 4. Dislikes your family
No 5. Rushing into commitment
Thank you!!
Dislikes family/friends*
How did I miss all 5??!!
@@derikbarbieri8753 same here
@@ploopybear definitely stay out of it
My ex husband matched 4/5 of those. Our first Christmas as a couple I was supposed to go on a cruise with my family and he threatened to break up with me, so I didn’t. He never trusted any of my friends even the female ones. I don’t tolerate that kind of behavior anymore. I’d rather be single than controlled
ADHD hyper fixation can seem like love bombing and anxious attachment can seem like hypersensitivity or could also be ADHD related rejection sensitivity. Also sometimes family is toxic so being at odds with the person's family depends on how healthy the relationship with the family is too
Exactly, lol
I have adhd too and I'm feeling bad with this
Wow you just explained me. Thanks
Thank you, these are the parts I was getting so worried about. I don't think I need to worry because it was a mutual thing but my girlfriend and I had definitely said "I love you" very early on so I got worried about that
Completely agree. It's not fair to say that ADHD behavior is sinister or implies harm
I feel so bad because when I first started dating I was love bombing and forcing commitment and it was very wrong for me to do so. I realized my mistakes and really worked on myself to become a better person. I’ve grew a lot and dismissed a lot of my toxic behaviors. Tbh I’ve learned how to love myself and become a genuine happy person. Ever since I changed I realized the absolute terrible things I did to my past relationship partner and I still kinda feel like an asshole for doing the things I did. The past is in the past and I used it as a life lesson that I needed to be taught.
I can relate. Keep your pimp hand strong.
@@gavinfarris7624 Dude. No.
how did you stop love bombing? sorry but i think i’m doing it unintentionally to my current partner and i want to stop but don’t know exactly what to do
@@tooth3547 Honestly, I just had to learn through the pain of a heartbreak. But it's good that you realize that you're doing wrong. Best advice just know your worth and keep being a king. Let her love you instead of enforcing it
Here's another one: GUILT TRIPPING
they act as if your boundaries are hurting them and that you don't trust them, if you point out that maybe they're talking too much to this person in a flirtatious way they'll make YOU the villain. Or act as if your boundaries mean that you don't love them as much. They'll guilt trip you into quieting you if you notice something is wrong or if they're flat our abusive saying stuff like: you're selfish, you haven't even thought about what I'M going through. I missed the bus today so I'm in a sour mood so you should tolerate me. I can't control myself sometimes, you should stand by my side to correct my behavior not judge me for it. They'll put you in problems so they can appear as your savior and blame you if you ask for anyone else's help or if you let new people into your life claiming that they're bad for you and they only want what's God for you. Trust me, this is coming from experience.
The guy had just assaulted me and the guy I asked for help from made a witty comment so I laughed, he blamed me for laughing saying that I haven't laughed with him all day but am now with a "stranger who doesn't even love you" Please be safe and SPEAK UP. Even if it makes them sad or mad, because if they do, over you asking for your basic rights, then they're definitely abusive.
That's toxic af thx for the advice
Take care of urself my dear 💕
The fact that I could relate to everything you said killed me... I'm in the process of letting go, and what helped me a lot is realizing that there's always more out there, there's something better out there, honestly I feel like I've been sort of happier since we've distanced ourselves a little, part of me doesn't want to accept it and part of me knows that it is the way it is, in fact I've never actually told someone that I think about that, so I'm glad this is a safe space to vent, everyone is so supportive here🥲 so remember guys... treat everybody with respect, you don't know what that person may be going through...
@@ajm6109 I'm sorry you could relate to my experience but let me tell you something, I think the difficult part here is the "why didn't they love me? After all I did?" You keep believing that there's good in them because they showed it to you at first so you keep fighting and tolerating and sacrificing for that good part to rise again, but it was sadly never there. Ironically, part of why I stayed was that I was "waiting for my turn to be loved" because I knew I deserved it, I kept waiting because if anyone out there were to love it should've been him, I'd given him my time, I was his bank, therapist, doctor, parent and basically his mother. So if he didn't love after all that I'd offered, who would? Letting go can be difficult because you're not just letting go of the person, you're letting go of everything you'd given them, you keep giving more so you don't feel like you've wasted all of what you've given before for nothing until it drains you. You just need to know when to give up sometimes and leave battles that aren't for you to fight. I always had that (never give up) mentality so it was really difficult for me to fully accept that this was a loss for me, a loss of my strong, happy self and of course, everything that I'd sacrificed as if or meant nothing, so I deserved nothing in return. But after a long time with myself I realized that the longer I stay the more I was going to lose, the worse my depression would get, it drove me to commit suicide twice and his friend said: how dare you, you didn't think about what he'd feel if you actually died? You didn't think who'd be by his side? So I basically never mattered. You keep lying to yourself in order to believe their lies and dismissing their abuse as "they're just in a bad place now" but the truth is that you should never feel like you're fighting for your basic rights, or to be loved, or to explain your self when you were clear as daylight. It's hard to accept the loss, eventhough it's not your fault that you were fighting for someone who was fighting you because even realizing that it was their fault it is still your loss unfortunately, but accepting that loss and walking away is a victory, getting your old, happier self is a victory, feeling like you didn't waste a gem as yourself over such a horrible person is a victory. Don't worry, someone WILL love you with all your scars, flaws, past experiences and most importantly for all the good in you, which you may have started to believe that it no longer exists or at least isn't as big as your bad. The real fight here that you should take on is to undo all the brainwashing, because unfortunately, a lot of people don't recover from it and keep attracting more abusers just because they couldn't change their mentality. Please be strong for yourself, choose your battles carefully and know that a relationship should make you happier and more comfortable, not walk on eggshells. Hope this helped. please come back and vent some more if you ever feel like it.
@@andromeda5966 that's the tip of the iceberg lol. You're most welcome 💗
Wow and Thanks! 😢Really feel like I'm going crazy or something but u just showed me im not. Thanks a million😉
*Unpopular opinion women can be the abuser more often than society wants you to believe
It should be a popular one
You’re right. I think that when men abuse women it’s much more obvious as it tends to centre violence and control. Not saying that women never abuse their partners in the same way of course but it tends to be more subtle so most of the attention when it comes to abusive relationships is put on the male offenders. Thats my opinion anyways.
As a woman who has been abused several times my entire life I can say for certain that women and men are equally abusive women just tend to do it more phycologicly
While men tend to do it more physically.
(I wanted to put this because people migth comment saying it's not true but it it is)
@@madisonowlgirl2002 Agreed.
Witnessing that with a few of my friends right now and I cannot say a word
i’ll admit, i did say “i love you” early on but it was before we were even together. the both of us had already confessed our love and it just felt right. now we’ve been dating for almost 6 months and things couldn’t be more peachy!
Congrats! What do you think was the secret to your happy relationship?
hehehehe, it's a secret
Communication!! That’s the key for everyone wanting to know
This video is making me look back at my last relationship, and I really looked past the warning signs of love bombing and rushing. My now ex-boyfriend and I became a couple on the same night as our first date. I had no time to think first. He was overly affectionate as well. I was trapped for 6 years with him, dealing with gaslighting, comparing my body to cosplay girls, and having my feelings brushed off. He would even bring in his family into our problems to paint me out as the villain.
Narcissist 101
Sounds like you were with a narcissist
I afraid to go to fast into a new relationship. I know my luck. I never had any.
I'm in this situation now, don't know how to get out of it. Really wish I'd realised sooner 😪
I'm glad you've managed to free yourself from that though! 😊
I'm glad others have this information now. As someone who has been in several very dangerous situations and bad relationships, this makes me feel happy. Hopefully this can help people new and experienced with relationships.
A lot of these are very accurate, and made me realize some things about previous situations I actually hadn't realized. Good luck out there, everyone.
Understanding, telling and fixing together are the best way to stay still in most relationships
Could you elaborate on each?
@@Psych2go I’m not so well with English but…
When u are understanding one u will ask about explaintoins before any misunderstandings and I think it’s the first long term step to stay, briefly explanation
@@amra101 true
@@amra101 me and my partner are having some sorta conflict right now, and we're lacking of communication it's been 5days since we argue and rn he blocked me in every media i could reach him and it's kinda hard to reach him out since i can't message him. Am hoping for us to deal with this problem :
@@makulemon6064 I am sorry that you are dealing with relationship issues. The comments on here are true good communication and willingness to work together on solving issues is essential for a healthy relationship. Your partner should never put any barriers or limitations on you when it comes to communication. What they are doing to you is wrong and abusive (mentally and emotionally). The lack of ability to contact them makes you sad and I am sure left you feeling unloved and unwanted. Please take the way how you're being treated by your partner into consideration and take care of yourself.
I realized I have been love bombing and wanting to rush into things. I have no ill intentions when doing this other than idealizing the relationship but now I kinda understand why so many of my relationships have been short lived
Love bombing is a problem
You made this at the perfect time I haven’t watched the video entirely but im not dating anyone, but my sister just got broken up with her boyfriend. I notice almost all these signs in their relationship so far. Thank you.
No worries! Hope she finds happiness with someone better!
@@Psych2go I do too! :)
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@@advicewisdom8477 im good, thanks. 😭
Claim your “here within an hour” ticket right here ❤️
Claimed.
Oh nvm they responded 😳
Claimed
Here within 2 minuets
Neat
How does being a sensitive person make you unsuitable to relationships? Having incredibly abusive upbringings can shape someone to be that way and it's not anyone's fault. Also, what scale are we using to measure what is "overly sensitive"? Not everyone share the same idea of what constitutes as humor as opposed to being disrespectful?
Talking about the joke making you feel bad and you don't like it is a boundary. Yelling and getting pissed off, getting offensive without a resolution at the end, flipping the script to make you out to be the bad guy is a red flag. We all make mistakes and without compromise snd honesty, nothing will work.
If you get angry to the point that you don't even accept an apology and keep yelling on your partner then that's a problem. Everything else... It's hard to tell. Some people have higher tolerance to sensitive people and can handle more. Also some situations can be righfully trigering for that person and joking about that is not good.
I would say: if your guts are telling you that this person is not for you then I would listen to them. Even if that person wasn't actually hipersensitive. Maybe they were toxic, and maybe they were ok but your relationship would be toxic.
Personally my now ex was hyper sensitive and a gaslighter, I could easily vouch for that being a horrible thing. Basically, he would get offended by my sheer presence if he didn't want it at that very specific moment and hadn't communicated it. And if I asked him something innocent like if he's done his daily quests in a game, he'd twist it and say I had some ulterior motive of asking and argue with me. There are hundreds of examples I could give from this particular person because I didn't realise it's something that was never going to get better... so being sensitive is fine, but getting offended by something like "bananas are yellow" for the sake of it isn't. He always twisted anything I said into what he wanted, always accused me of things and suspected me of meaning something different when I would innocently ask him about something. He also always made sure to guilt trip me and make me feel bad, and I wasn't entitled to my own opinions without resentment. "But you did x", "I NEVER....", "But YOU...", are phrases he'd commonly use because he took offense from anything and refused any responsibility for his feelings or actions. He slept with a girl, and turned it around to blame me for losing her as a friend (the girl willingly broke contact with him and apologized to me after I explained to her what was going on, it's a long story). And in general just blame, blame blame, twist twist twist and a lot of temper tantrums if I didn't agree with him about something. It seemed like he was trying to just "win" the conversation in some f'd up way. And he always, every day, reminded me of how I was limiting him from doing certain things because I wanted to spend time together, "I can't do anything I want anymore" as he liked to say, which I wasn't. Perhaps from sleeping with other girls since we were in an established relationship and that's crossing a very clear and common relationship boundary... but the rest of the limits he made up for himself and trapped himself. It almost seemed like he WANTED to be offended by anything I said and he shouted and screamed at me a lot over trivial things... And whenever I expressed I was upset because of his behavior, he made sure to imply he was more upset suddenly. It was EXHAUSTING. So I think that's what's being implied in the video?
@@Heartshackles Thank you for elaborating and sharing your experience. I hope you know that it was more of a reflection of his insecurities and pain much deeper than he would ever be willing to admit. No amount of psychological damage is an excuse to be unkind and inconsiderate, and closure isn't really a thing most of the time in life, but all we can do is try to be understanding/compassionate, with a reasonable amount of distance.
@@elizabethfisher1331 Right. People are deeply imperfect.
Another thing to note, people who do this might not know they're doing this. It could be a subconscious thing or they don't understand what their actions mean.
HOWEVER, it is still a red flag in this situation. I've dated 2 people with these red flags, people who probably didn't know what they were doing was toxic and somehow justified it to themselves, but they were both abusive. The second guy I dated was extremely abusive and had every single one of these red flags. Yet, if you pointed these things out to him and told him it was toxic, he would find a way to justify it and put you down for telling him.
It doesn't matter if they think they're being nice or have some justification. A red flag is a red flag. Pay attention and drop them before you get hurt. *And always trust your gut.*
Uh... Nope. A red flag means PROBABLY bad. The whole point is to signal something is probably, bad.
A bad habit and a red flag are different. Red flag means "maybe not bad, but likely a bad person" (correlation).
Bad habits is actually bad. They are bad themselves and cause bad things.
For example, adhd and autism lovers simply love bomb, that's how we are. We aren't toxic for being natural to each other. Love bombing for us and others isn't the same. And just because the other doesn't like it doesn't mean we shouldn't either, that's essentially repressing what is ourselves. It's not a problem between only us. Sometimes things are just incompatibilities.
Also, it's important what you said "trust your gut" but the problem with that is, you should trust your intuition not your gut. Intuition doesn't have a feeling or emotionally feeling that accompanies it. Gut feelings (fear, insecurity, etc) do. I'm so glad I didn't trust my gut and kept to my intuition despite all the feelings. My bf and I are amazing together.
@@macaroni586 You make some very interesting points and I like that you make a difference between intuition and gut feelings. I said gut feeling, but I meant intuition, thank you for pointing that out to me.
I think you also make an interesting point on the difference between red flags and bad habits. I think sometimes they are different, but sometimes the habit is a red flag. So it's something to pay attention to.
I also like your input on how ADHD and autistic lovers act differently. It's something I didn't know, but is incredibly helpful to me.
I still believe the things I said are valid, but you add a very interesting and useful perspective.
Thank you. I wish you and your bf happiness.
I couldn't have said it better myself. My ex girlfriend doesn't understand what she was doing or why she was doing it. That lack of self awareness doesn't make it ok. She still paints me as the villain for breaking up with her, accusing me of having never loved her. She checked off every box in this video, and after 3 months of dating, I knew I needed to either get out or accept that this is the way it's going to be.
@@macaroni586 I've noticed lately that it's trendy to use autism and other mental disorders as justification for abusive behavior. I'm not saying that's the situation you're in. My brother and his partner both claim to be autistic and they are both physically and emotionally abusive and codependent. Just one example of how they manipulate each other is by threatening to commit suicide. The police have been called multiple times for domestic violence but they choose to stay together. The reason they accept this kind of behavior from each other is because they don't believe they deserve better.
The fact that I can accidentally do these sort of things actually scare me and I don't want to lose control of myself. Being pure in spirit means everything to me.
In my experience I am super loving and affectionate right off the bat- it’s my temperament. I fall in love fast and I say it early on- usually within the first couple of weeks.. because thats just my heart. I want to be clear that on this level of expression it is okay as it is not a manipulative tactic, but simply how deeply some folks feel!
Agree with this wholeheartedly. I said "I love you" to my ex 4 weeks into our relationship and waited to have sex until I said those words. It was my first relationship at 25 because I thought I found the one. She ended up pregnant and we decided not to keep the baby. Things seemed different afterwards with her and when she broke up with me I kind of had a feeling when she told me we needed to talk but I didn't want to believe it. In the end it was the best thing to happen because it shedded light on my personal issues that were masked by the honeymoon phase. She also seemed reluctant to share personal things with me while I on the hand, gave my heart to her fully. It's just the way I am.
Also should clarify that we worked together so I knew her for quite a while beforehand.
Get therapy. Tell your therapist what you told all of us crazy TH-cam viewers and listen carefully to what they have to say.
@@gavinfarris7624 I have gotten years of therapy and been priased for being introspective and self aware. No single person is the same on this planet. Thank god. Love is free and so is happiness. My heart knows no bounds. I must follow the logical and rational path but I let my heart open expansively along the way and have cultivated some truly incredible relationships. I am greatful!
Great. Are you married tho?
Love Bombing is a common trait for ADHD people, big difference is the ADHD person actually wants to know all the things about you because they're excited. Narcs Love bomb to gather information to manipulate you with later.
Having my Terapist tell me this brought me so much comfort.
Good to know, I hope I can figure the difference between narcissists and people with ADHD
Oh man! I dodged a bullet there. Three seconds after starting to date my ex, he kept saying “when we get married” not “if we get married”. And holy love bombing. He never found anything wrong in me, which was odd, because I could see tons of stuff wrong with me as a partner.
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I was love bombed from a distance, I was living in Texas and I met up with the son of a family friend on a vacation back to Britain. He sent flowers every other day , called me frequently. I thought it was very sweet. I got back to Britain and he arrived at my parents home where I was staying on the first evening I got there. I was not expecting him to show up so soo.n. Wanted to see me every dat. Then he took me out for a picnic. While we were walking to the spot he had chosen he told me to lower my voice. I have a low pitched voice anyway so I looked at him in a puzzled way. "You been too long in America, you are too loud. That's not ladylike." I waited until we returned to my parent's place and told him I had never been told I was too loud and said I did not think this relationship would work for me. He was enraged when I told him that and said he was just trying to improve me. Later my Mother told me she was afraid he was controlling and was glad that I ended it.
Lol. I have the same thing happened with some tool I went to museum with. I spoke in a mostly normal voice, but on the soft side because of the venue, and he shushed me saying I was too loud.
That same dummy asked me for another date. Hahaha. Poor guy. :-)
I wish I had seen this before! The love bombing part is really confusing because is disguised as love and generosity but it makes you feel indebted and people around you say stuff like “oh he’s so romantic, I wish I had that, why aren’t you happy?” And it’s a really lonely and frustrating feeling
I realized something while watching this. I personally am a bit vulnerable to love bombing, but part of the reason for that is because of my ADHD. A very common component of ADHD is hyperfixating, and in relationships, this can often present as wanting to know everything there is to know about someone once you've clicked. It doesn't have malintent, but you just want to spend a lot of time with someone, Find out what they care about(surface level and deep dreams) Meet the people that are important to them, talk often, go on adventures, etc etc. I know because I'm familiar with my own motives how much I care about these people which is why it's hard when the reverse turns out to not be true. But I realize from the outside, a lot of the signs I hear about "a quick beginning" and signs of affection and stuff... can be kinda indistinguishable from that ADHD hyperfixation, where you really care about someone and aren't trying to manipulate them. Are there some distinct ways to tell the difference? I know for 1, people who hyperfixate aren't generally trying to isolate you. Because they also want to meet your friends. But I wonder if there are more differences?
Thank you for taking the time to post your comment. It’s definitely something to think about and consider when evaluating a situation. And definitely one that I never thought of. It’s eye opening.
You're making excellent points! Dating someone with ADHD I was just wondering the same about lovebombing, but like you said, there's no controlling or gaslighting involved, they are just very intense!
My husband is ADHD. He has Rejection sensitivity too. After 5 year marrying him,he beat me to death because I don’t want to do what he was telling (irrational order like throw all my make up)
It’s crazy loving with these people! At first it was soo good!!
@@annamaria1984 I'm sorry to hear that, wish you all the best
@@annamaria1984 it sounds like you are very unhappy in your marriage. If he beat you to death he is probably unhappy too. Maybe it isn't meant to be. Just saying 🤷
These red flags are so important to know. I cannot stress this enough. I’ve been in a relationship with someone like this and it seriously took a toll on me. They love bombed me - especially in the middle of arguments e.g. “I love you BUT I don’t want you to wear that outfit because it’s too suggestive and I don’t want others looking at you” etc. They coerced me into doing things I didn’t want to do and had to know where I was 24/7. They were extremely sensitive to anything I said - I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around them all the time. Just stating my opinion was frowned upon, when it differed from theirs. You don’t like that one song I like? Okay, here are 16382 reasons why you are wrong and have a bad taste. Jokes were a very tricky topic, as they either felt disrespected by them or simply hated my humor. They hated my friends and family because they “were bad for me” and guilt-tripped me whenever I wanted to hang out with them. Glad that’s over.
On my last relationship, I had a gf who was love bombing. I personally thought it was a little to rushed as I thought before starting a serious relationship you should at least get to know a person for a good 3 to 6 months. Eventually a few weeks later I didn't give her the same amount of love bombing I was supposed to give her and got ghosted. At least I don't feel bad about it.
Sounds like both sides had different expectations! But glad you are out of something that could have been toxic.
I just dated her twin.. felt great while it lasted
Love bombing and rushing are so hard to recognize when you're in a relationship, you doubt whether it's normal or not, especially if you're not a very experienced or confident person. Only now I realize what it was while thinking in retrospective (saying "I love you" after knowing me for 2 weeks, wanting to spend a night together after 1 month of dating...)
There were other signs like :
- Victimize himself when I set boudaries to make me feel bad
- Words didn't match his actions ("i understand" and then insisting anyways)
- I often though I missheard or missunderstood what he said, the details on his stories kept changing
Things that made me think I was exaggerating:
- He was very loving, always saying that he loved me and cared for me, lots of hugs and kisses
- He was very patient and didn't hesitate to reassure me when I was feeling down
- He was very caring and gentle, forehead kisses, warmed me when I was cold, little gestures like that
I hope this helps someone.
Girl the same happened with me in the beginning of my relationship and it was very confusing.... Especially the part 'wanting to spend a night together after one month of dating ' I knew things were rushing but was constantly coerced and assured by saying everybody has their own pace . I did things for him I didn't want to , my boundaries were violated 😕😕 Loving bombing happened and when I didn't match that level of it...I was compared and told I didn't love him....I am 7 months into the relationship and it's not going well, I am going to end it today 😔😔 My mental health is unstable....
I recognized these from a guy that I had never met. He started out "love bombing" asking why I didn't call him when he wanted. I felt uncomfortable and soon was telling him that we aren't married, and he was pushing too hard. He got angry and broke off.
I wasn't sad just relived. Other men have tried to do this as well.
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@@thepowerofemotionalcompete4032 Thing is, I don't want a relationship now. I am happy alone.
If you ever find your self dating for a casual physical connection just be up front about not wanting anything more serious. Some guys will move on in search of a soul mate, but a lot of guys out there who don't feel ready for a high maintenance or long term relationship are open to something with no strings attached.
@@gavinfarris7624 I am looking for a serious connection, they just want sex, or someone the can control or manipulate.
I am a woman with my own mind. Most men I meet do not understand me, treating me like I am stupid. That irritates me. 😤 I know a great many things but when a man act like I know nothing, that's when I just walk away.
Another thing is you really can't have a relationship without a face to face meeting.
Thanks for everything you do for everyone. ❤️
Thank you for the support! :D
@@Psych2go happy to help
i needed this video a long time ago but yes you are 100% correct if they do take control of you it is so draining and confusing you are always confused until you are away from them and have time to think about why you are miserable you can get out. but it is soo hard to get out of if you have nothing showing you something is wrong. thank you for making this video. ❤
Glad that you could see things differently now! Sounds like you got out of a really toxic relationship and on your way to find something healthier.
What is the love bombing is all from genuine love though? As someone with BPD, it’s never been about manipulation for me in past relationships. I was genuinely trying to give them the love I never felt
You completely described my husband. He is deceased due to health conditions. I feel like my life was spared even though I stayed married to him for 26 yrs.
Ah yes,it takes me back to such times when I was slightly younger,and still so naive,to not be aware of some of these signs until it was pointed out to me.
Thanks for putting up these important red-flags.
It’s always such a pain in every aspect to have your trust broken by someone you have come to trust yourself.
I really appreciate you making this video! If you are in a relationship and you witness some of these red flags, don’t ignore them! I know that’s easier said than done sometimes, but I know a woman who had many of these red flags in her dating relationship and she ignored them and as a result, has had a very difficult life in regards to her relationship, and it breaks my heart. YOU ARE WORTH TAKING CARE OF and you do not need to settle for any of this!! You are so loved and worthy of being loved and being treated kindly and with respect and honour. I know it can be hard, but even in the dark times, just remember that you are SO LOVED and you are worthy of being treated as such ❤️🥺
Found this video after dating a nice girl for about five weeks. I've been trying to take it more slowly than any girl I'd ever met before, and honestly it's the closest I've been to seeing myself in a long-term relationship.
I'm glad I watched it because I do have the tendency to give a lot of praise and appreciation, and while it comes from a genuine place and I'm very specific with my compliments (for example I was impressed by how stocked her kitchen is), I've found that when I compliment her a little less, she compliments me a little more.
My ex had all five of these signs early in our relationship, the signs were always there, but I just chose to ignore them, never doing that again after the trauma I experienced.
In my current relationship we moved very fast actually. I've said "I love you" first (in the first two months) even though I knew that he felt that way before me. He is always showering me with compliments and we've met each others families before the 6 months mark. I didn't wanted him to meet my family in order to coerce him, and he is a really sweet guy that wants to express his feelings. He is very open and we communicate a lot about everything. I usually tell him where I am, because I think it is fair for the other one to know, especially if it means that one of us doesn't dine at home.
So I believe that love bombing can be a red flag. I experimented this with some of my friends and I usually don't trust people who compliments me a lot. But I also believe that he is a genuine great guy and that he actually feels that way about me.
You want to know what I just realized? My ex displayed three out of five of these traits and I managed to leave that relationship in one piece! God is good!
I'm watching this not for my partner but to track my own behavior. I did say I love u real fast tho (2weeks in) because I really do love her. The love bombing too, I meant what I say. If i say she looks pretty then I really meant it. I don't understand why do I have to hide my own feelings for something that is not harmful
Feels like I may have done some of these in one of my last relationships..
1. Love bombing. I caught feelings for them quick even though they made the first move (asked to kiss me). Looking back though I do feel as if I was a bit obsessive with this person, by being with them often, and it drained them. Not sure if it is my fault entirely since they said nothing, but looking back it could have been that they didn't want to hurt my feelings.
2. Subtle coercion. I may have unintentionally done this because of miscommunication in some instances, and one I can think of is a time when she mentioned her friend said something I thought was a bit of a red flag. Her friend (who is lesbian) got drunk and told my girlfriend at the time that when they started working together, she shought that my gf was cute. I found that suspicious but didn't say anything, but it got stuck in my head and made me cautious after my gf told me about it.
3. Hypersensitivity. Mentioned above, her friend said something I found suspicious. Something that really ruined the relationship for me though is that one time my gf and I were hanging out, I found a red mark on her neck after she hung out with her lesbian friend. My gf claimed that she didn't remember what caused it to get there after spending time with her lesbian friend (both getting drunk). This pissed me off, am I in the wrong for that?
4. They dislike your friends or family. I felt comfortable with their family, but I had no clue who their friends were. At the start, I was fine with her friends. There was one time she wanted to hang out with a guy coworker to get coffee or something from what I can remember, and she asked if I was comfortable with that (looking back, I'm glad she asked: shows good communication in this instance), I initially wasn't sure who he was or what he looked like so I said I wasn't sure if I'd be comfortable with it. Her lesbian friend, I initially never took issue with her since she had a grilfriend at the time as well and thought things were fine as they were, but again knowing the story mentioned above, my trust in my gf's lesbian friend was in an iffy spot. I was cautious, I don't think I had any bad reason to feel the way I felt about her after what all happened above.
5. Rushing into commitment. Yeah I fell for them pretty quick I'll admit that, but doesn't that happen to a lot of people? I guess I don't understand how this is a red flag entirely? Like I get that people should get to know eachother more and more over time but what's wrong with sticking to dating just one person? I happed to do that and I really enjoyed the person's company, why would I start dating someone else? Maybe I'm misinterpreting what the video is trying to say but having some commitment early on isn't a red flag to me. Lack of commitment however should be communicated, and if it is not, that is a red flag to me. Am I wrong for thinking that?
@@ploopybear that... isn't really the point with that.
@@ploopybear yeah but that's not the point tho is it, it's about being faithful to your partner
(I said she isn't going to get pregnant)
Almost everybody has done these things mentioned in the video at some point in their past relationships. Just because these red flags can mean it could lead to a toxic relationship, doesn't mean that it has to. Your examples are very situational and people are all different. Your subtle coercion is more like a health dose of jealousy. Your hypersensitivity is more like being slightly more cautious and self protective. Your dislike for that lesbian friend can be somewhat justified because of events.
It's when these things are done to an extreme and done in every relationship that one is a huge red flag. Don't overthink too much about whether you are a toxic person in relationships. I feel this video is way too shallow and might make certain people unsure about themselves and rather have a negative effect. If whoever is reading this is already overanalyzing themselves because of this video then you probably aren't a toxic, narcissistic person.
You should like a very nice person.
Permit me to comment on your fifth point, (rushing into commitment) means: you just met a person and within a short time, you're engaged to them, making marriage plans, babies etc.
Rushing to make major life decisions
Thank you SO MUCH for making this video. Sometimes when you're seeing someone, you're in lalaland and don't want to pay attention to red flags even though you sense something that's off about the person. I met someone a few months ago and we supposedly started off as friends, but he was rushing everything to the point where the 2nd day of us knowing each other, he was telling everyone that I was his doctor girlfriend, even though I was neither of them to him. He also introduced me to all of his family over video call even though I was not prepared or even ready for that. He called me several times during the day and texted me all the time, asking if i was okay or if i was hurt,even though I had just talked to him about me not being able to answer right away because i was busy. He wouldn't even let me eat in peace. He constantly told me he liked me and it was nerve wracking and intoxicating because i was starved for attention and love, so he took advantage of that. I didn't know the term, but he was love bombing me, and it was overwhelming to me. He made me cry, he lied about his height, he treated strangers like dirt, and i didn't feel comfortable because he didn't even let me walk by myself, on my own! He also tried to convince me to not wear my prosthetic because he wanted to see me without it, which made me kind of upset because i wear my prosthetic for a reason lol. He was very toxic and there were so many red flags. He also started talking about marriage and us having kids, not even a week after us meeting. He disrespect and disregarded my boundaries and waved them off as "boundaries", and talked about us having sex even though that wasn't something i wanted. It was a terrible experience and im glad I got help from my friends and family to get away from him. I blocked him everywhere and broke off contact, and I'm glad i did because i know i dodged a bullet. This video talks about so many useful things and I'm glad you guys are discussing it.
This video was presented in my cafeteria in school! I learned so much from you over the past year. Thank you for making these videos ❤
Honestly this made me cry. I've been beating myself up about leaving a guy bcs things started getting toxic. When we initially met he was going through a really bad phase, had lost his mom so I tried being there for him as a supportive friend. I did like him ngl but I wasn't looking for a relationship as I had recently started getting out of a depressive episode and had many important exams lined up that I wanted to direct all my energy towards.
But he soon started getting too attached. He'd call and text me multiple times in a day and when I didn't pick up his calls or reply to his texts immediately he'd get really upset. I thought he just wants someone to talk to at this point so I stuck around. But it got worse, he'd keep calling me until I picked up, ask me who I was hanging out with, why I didn't answer his phone etc and all this even before we started dating.
Almost a month into knowing each other and he proposed. I said no bcs I wasn't ready but he kept crying and said he didn't have anyone to call his own anymore and wanted to run away and shit. He even made me feel guilty for rejecting him. Forced me to say yes which I shouldn't have but I was soooo stupid. Always overlooked these red flags thinking he's just going through a bad phase plus he seemed like an amazing guy outside of all this like he'd cook for me, was a good listener, very caring.
He was moving way too quick even told his cousins and friends about me.
It's been hard but I feel relieved now. No more guilt which he always made me feel and I kept carrying that guilt even after the breakup. I used to think I should have given him another chance, that he was better than that and I was being mean leaving him breaking his heart.
But I gotta prioritize my own mental health. Learnt it the hard way.
It reminds me of a recent situation which isn't over yet. A guy found me on a friendship app, which I was using to avoid romantic dates, and he would say he had fallen in love with me, that he had been waiting for someone like me for years. At first it was nice, but soon he started asking for my feelings and being hurt and crying bcs my answer was I didn't feel much yet. After 3 weeks he pushed me into saying I was his girlfriend or would block me forever, so afraid of losing him I said so. But the next day I was all anxious. Later it's been him suffering bcs I didn't accept to give him my love, me trying to help him but my words wouldn't work for him, he trying to teach me what to say, and a circle of my anxiety with his long texts and his suffering at every chance he gave me to love him back.
I try not to feel guilty but wonder if I was mean to him, since he claims he was just offering love and doing what is best for both of us.
@@Eldamarth Be careful of speeches like this, where people say 'I'm doing the best for us' when they're actually doing what is best suited for them. If he was doing what was good for you too, he would at least consider your feelings (or the lack of them) for him and wouldn't force you into anything.
All I really could understand was that he was doing it for himself 🤷🏻♀️
I have actually been there tho, until I finally stand up for myself and be clear I took my time.
Well, in my case, I think (more like I hope) he wasn't an abuser, but the experience teached me I had to have more clear boundaries.
I'm glad you put yourself in 1st place, a relationship like that would only drain you endlessly. And you know what? When we give up ourselves and finally say 'yes' to them instead of saying 'no' we teach them to keep insisting knock on that door because, a few moments later, we'll open it for them, as if we're saying 'Please, try to convince one more time'. Don't give your power so easily to anyone like that, please 🥺
No relationship is worthy losing ourselves in the process.
Wish you the best, hope you're safe!
@@lorranycarvalho9432 Thank you so much kind stranger, I really needed to hear this❤😢
It is so easy to miss all these red flags when you're blinded by affection. We gotta watch out for these, but also don't panic about looking for red flags. As they said, we have agency over our lives and therefore our lives don't deserve to be on the defensive 24/7
I have experienced some of these in my own relationship, but its for different reasons
Ive known my boyfriend for 4 years now, and we were best friends before we ended up dating romantically
So, when we did finally get together, love bombing was very prevalent but only because we already knew each other well and we already cared for and loved each other a lot prior to our relationship officially starting. Once we shared how we felt about each other and we started a romantic relationship, those feelings we had been holding in just came out in the form of love bombing. I met his family years before we dated and they practically consider me a part of the family because of how close we are and how close our families are as well.
Sometimes these arent necessarily bad but it all depends on the situation and the people involved
Yeah, I have a similar situation right now and it's exactly the same.
Where was this video 17 years ago, when I needed it so much? I survived, but barely with my sanity in tact.
This is actually very useful, I recently confessed to a guy via a letter and next time we meet up he’s gonna tell me his answer. In the case that it all works out, I will still keep these in mind.
I bet there’s lots of people who are gonna benefit from this and maybe spot the red flags in their partners, so thank you 😊
Edit: He rejected me 😅 but we’re still great friends
No one writes love letters anymore, so nice
its okay...keep moving on life...:)
How much each of you give and how little each of you take for granted, will determine the success of a relationship.
💙TH-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
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Great tips. For the less observant, looking at some basic market value facts can help. For example, Geo-max = Money-max = Fake love. Also, it's important to set boundaries. They aren't yours it's just your turn. Never make long-term commitments or let finance or gender roles play any role in any relationship. Peace.
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I’ve recently gotten out of a relationship with my ex and I’ve been studying our relationship on where we went wrong. I’ve realized that I was overwhelming her because our personalities were so different that I took some of the stuff she said like “ I love him” to a guy friend and I misinterpreted what she meant behind it and there were other occasions where there would be a guy that liked her and confessed his love to her. She denied him because she was talking to me but she didn’t stop being friends with him and I had to make myself come to terms with it which took a toll on me. I did everything I could to make our relationship work but she didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore because she said she lost feelings for me and said our relationship was forced. I had lost myself for a good month after that and it almost killed me
Ngl sounds like you dodged a bullet bro
This sounds very similar to my relationship with my ex and how it ended around 3 months ago. It fucking hurts I know but you have to realise that relationships are hard and get worse when you start having to think of things to make it "work". When my relationship got to that point about a week before we broke up I already knew in my head it was over and everything started to become forced after that. Sounds like you really did dodge an emotional bullet bro and take some time to better yourself and everything will fall into place it always does.
I'm glad you are reflecting on the good and bad of the relationship, I do that after every relationship. And i try to do better the next time. When I was first getting involved, I was way too clingy with them, didn't allow them enough space to just be themselves, hang with their friends. I wanted them to spend every free moment with ME. It sounds to me like you were doing some of that, it comes from insecurity. And being jealous of her friends, also insecurity. Work on your own friend group, hobbies, self esteem so you are a complete person with or without a relationship. If You're seeing someone twice a week, and the rest of your week is spent with school, work, friends, family, hobbies, clubs etc, then if a relationship ends you don't lose your entire world. One of my therapist told me that I love more deeply than others, so it's really easy for me to make my world revolve around that other person. If they're abusive, they'll like that, but not if they're a regular person. It's too smothering for them. I learned to back off and give people space, and enjoy my time apart from them too. Each successive relationship lasted longer than the prior Ones, so I guess I got better at them.
subconciously, i did all these signs to my person. we part ways and it breaks me, but knowing these stuffs opened my eyes why she fell out of love on me and why i should stop hoping to get back things as they are.
I used to be very quick to rush into things and start committing early, but only after I realized my behavior and pushed back my advancements did I start to see the red flags in my relationship. Though fortunately my current partners red flags are only minor like snoring pretty loudly.
To the early squad!!! Guys I just want to say, be safe out there! So many strange things are happening. Take it one day at a time and always remember that you're here for a reason and not by chance 🤗😎😘😊
I only wish I saw this 11 years ago. My ex said "I love you" by the end of the week we just met.... and I fell for it.
I had this happen to me. i decided to break it off and just be friends. thryve been silent around me now. a lot of these red flags came up. especially the wanting to move in right away. thank you for these videos. you're amazing oh and I never noticed the new format but I noticed our frirnd in the video growing up with us. very nice and I will watch for the new format too.
Love bombing is a loaded one especially when you talk about "sinister". If it's a mutual relationship even if it's relatively short in time pace, but it's such an emotionally connected and deep connection that you both feel, where it's a matter of both of your souls already ahead of you together, but just waiting for your verbal and physical selves to catch up... a disaster or a serious event that happens prematurely makes sense for one party to confess love, even if there was a mutual agreement - and even mutual admission or implication - that it was love.
+Psych2go *Thanks for the list o' red flags for emerging relations:*
0:47 Lovebombing, viz., pseudoamorous bombardment
1:40 Subtle coercion
2:40 Hypersensitivity
3:12 Aversion to family and/or friend circle
3:46 Premature rush into committment
I would have needed this video 1 and a half years earlier cause that was where my last unhealthy relationship started. He showed many of the behaviors you talked about. Especially the 'love bombing' was something he did in the beginning a lot. Now I'm glad that relationship is over and I'm better now
I'm guilty of love bombing, I didn't even realize what I was doing, I was just so head over heels for her, this video came to me at the right time, and I'm going to do my best to keep myself in check
That hypersensitivity mention had me surprised but I realized the attitude is the true problem
I used to be constantly triggered by dialogue, mainly due to various kinds of assault in my life.
I rarely think that the person who said something that affected me- meant to affect me and nowadays I reach out by expressing what my feelings are and the thought process behind them. Which has strikingly enlightened people, especially ones who are trying to have more understanding of their loved ones
If I believed people intentionally made me feel how they did; I wouldn't be able to trust nor communicate with anyone and I'd probably be very hateful. Sure- I've had moments of that in childhood while struggling but I didn't want them to last and I more so hated the idea of making others feel low
I always love the dancing people at the end. It's cute =)
I'm very grateful for the awareness you provide, this saved me from harmful relationship.
Thanks 💓
I want to thank you for making this video and the reason why is because I've been having terrible luck with females in my life. At first I didn't know why they always broke up with me but now I know why, I was rushing into commitment and also love bombing without noticing plus I didn't know I was giving red flags. I've been watching your videos for a while and I really appreciate you posting these very helpful lessons, I will take my time to learn from my mistakes and become a better man. Thank you very much.
I know this can be a weird thing to ask but, I've noticed the bad things I do and how much I hurt others and I don't know how to change, could you do a video on how to be a better person, please??
Thanks for the reminder. I may have been trying to be those red flags though. But I am trying to control myself to not to act out those red flags just because I felt the need to be anxiously attached to a person. Appreciate this sharing on the perspective of the receiving side of a person.
Thanks for sharing and being honest about this :) What do you plan to do next after realizing this?
@@Psych2go keep reminding myself and self realising should do it. I will share my needs with my partner instead of acting out in a bad way. Learn about anxious attachment from Jessica Baum helps alot.
I went through this. Never again. Love bombing, pressuring me into commitment from the get go. It was a toxic relationship, my partner was narcissistic and manipulated me many times so I couldn't cut away. Finally I became free, and I realize hoy many things were wrong. Naturalized many awful behaviors that I shouldn't have naturalized.
Psych2go: Mental health has declined around the world
Also psych2go: this video
Mental health issues can come from bad relationships.
Wow. A couple of days ago, a guy I recently started seeing took it as a personal attack when I said that he was blind to his own privilege. It was literally an inconsequential statement, but it seems to have completely destroyed our relationship. Which is probably for the best. Thanks for making this video, y'all.
What you said was pretty offensive. Don't blame the guy for reacting like that.
@@CundaliniWantsHisHandBack you should have heard what he said. Was definitely more offensive than pointing out the fact that he was blind to his own privilege. It's true. He was. Ignorance is not attractive.
This came at a perfect time woah
I had all of these red flags in my previous relationship. I knew it wasn't right to stick around but every time I tried to leave, he gaslit and manipulated me into staying somehow and sometimes out of sympathy for him and his overestimated depth of our only 1-2 months long relationship. Thank you for this video, hoping no one has to go through what I did because getting out of something with a narc isn't easy.
I've experienced all of this with my boyfriend and fully believe he has narcissistic personality disorder, but still want him...Even knowing its likely trauma bond, I keep fighting for him and wanting to be with him.
I feel being alone is better then being in bad relationship.
You don’t have to watch out for anything if your avoiding having a relationship #ThinkMeme
this just made me realize how great my relationship is, because my last relationship was like the one showed on the video, my new partner is nothing like this, green flag, finally 💚
I'm guilty of the first and, to a smaller extent, the second point. I came across this video a couple of weeks ago and it hit me like a truck. I had no idea what I was putting her through and I sure as hell was not doing any of it intentionally.
I immediately tuned down the love bombing considerably and gave her space. But it was too late; our relationship was already doomed because I was trying to move things faster than natural and she felt pressured. We broke up today and she pointed that out as one of the main reasons. I wish I'd seen this video earlier... But anyway, it helped me a lot and I now know what I need to do in my next relationship to keep something like this from happening again. Thank you, Psych2Go. I hope this video saves someone else's relationship.
You are one of the few people onhere i know of that dedicates their chanel to phycology. Thank you for spreading awareness. (Also ur animations r awesome)
Aww thanks :) This means a lot. We hope our content helps!! Glad you like the animation!
Unfortunately I was in a relationship with a person who displayed most of these characteristics, one of the most draining, miserable times of my life
Rushing into commitment is so accurate. Thank you *Psych2Go*
NP :) Do you know anyone who display these signs?
@@Psych2go yes, a girl who is my friend in my classroom
This is so helpful
This would have been helpful a couple years ago, my ex literally had of all of these and the things she would say was so out of pocket I had to get someone to help me out and get away from her.
The hyper sensitivity is a big one for me. I dealt with every single one of these signs before, but the hyper sensitivity one still affects me even tho I'm with someone new. I'm so used to my partner (specifically talking about my "ex") take whatever I said as a personal attack, like I was hating them. I'm hesitant in some cases to make little jokes, make little comments, say an opinion, say a concern, or be serious with them. In a way, it was like I couldn't be myself or express myself and my concerns without making them upset. I had to walk on eggshells all the time and be very aware on what I say and how I say it. They'd twist what I said, making it seem like I had ill-intent. They'd purposely misunderstand me every single time I said something that they deemed wrong, which gave me a lot of anxiety.
Even though my bf says he wouldn't do anything like that, I'm still hesitant to say certain things. I guess I'll have to just take the dive and see what happens. Anxiety shouldn't stop me
i had no idea that saying “i love you” was a too early was a bad thing. she always responds back with an “i love you too”. we live a a couple of states away and eventually i’d like to ask her out, but now this just feels a little off putting. i have no bad intentions, we just really get together well.
I've experienced it and I can say I've learned my lession yes being single rn isn't bad but it teaches you to look out for red flags if your ever ready again.
Me and my girlfriend both jumped into love really quick. I think people who are afraid of the quickness are better off never loving at all because they're always going to hold back how they feel so they don't get hurt. The point of life is to love and live, not to avoid hurt at all costs.
Yeah tell that to people who have actually been burned.
i guess u generalize ur understanding of life and love ...some people have trauma in their lives...they can only get into a relationship only after considerably healing themselves...and healing takes many years ..
Just broke up in an online relationship and everything said in this video happened. I still don't know if it was all my fault or if she just manipulated me from the beginning tho.
I am sadly guilty of love bombing and rushing into commitment. I met a girl I liked very much, she seemed to like me as well, and I hadn't had a girlfriend before, so I hate to say it, but I was a little desperate. I showed her I liked her way too much after only talking for a few days, not even dating yet. I had no ill intentions with it, nor would I consider myself controlling or a bad and needy partner, but I was a little desperate. She pulled away right away and I understand her. Still crushed my heart though.
Needed this 7 months ago. Out of that relationship now, but she did all these. I broke it off after she suddenly went cold and didnt change no matter how many times I brought up that it hurt me to feel unappreciated and unloved.
I love this animator's work ☺ what a cute and inclusive representation with different skin colors and characters!
I never noticed that before.
Great content! Thanks for making these interesting videos.
Sorry for the late reply! Thank you so much for the donation, Darkflow. Your contribution goes back to our content.
I don't usually comment, but I have to say I wish I saw this video 5 years ago, when my first (and toxic) relationship started.
I also wish that everyone watch this video and learn from it. These signs feel obvious to me now. It's so important it should be taught at schools. People can die from this.
And the worst thing is that you try to leave these toxic people, to go away, and they won't let you. They manipulate you to stay. I tried to left him so many times and I couldn't. You know what worked? I suggested to open the relationship and he fell in love with another person. That worked.
Insane world we live in.
I feel like it's always good to tell your partner where you're going or who you're going with and for how long just from a safety perspective. It doesn't have to be your partner specifically, a family member or a friend are good enough too. Just a simple 'hey I'm going out with this person I'll be back by this time' is important in my opinion and if you will come home late for some reason, you should notify them too.
What is going over the line is when your partner gets obviously overcontrolling and gets mad when you aren't home at 19:00 like you promised but were 10 minutes late and other things that point out a controlling behavior.
Do “serious mental issues most people ignore (that need to be addressed)”
I like this idea!
That's a good topic. Let us send that over to someone to work on.
Thank you for making short and sweet videos that are TRULY meaningful! ❤️
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When me and my girlfriend broke up, the guy she met was showing these same red flags, as well as getting her pregnant within the first month or two, but thank God she didn't, even if she felt denial about him, I knew a narcissist when I see one
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Turning nasty for no reason is a good one, big warning sign there.
thank you for this, I think I may have love bombed somone without realizing it. I have only been in one relationship and I got over excited. I went to fast and I think I scared her off, thank you for showing me this. I'm not gonna do anything like this anymore, il be more slow and go at there pace.
Thanks for sharing!! :) We are glad this video helped
The hypersensitivity is an iffy one for me especially bc I have depression. My ex would make jokes that make slight jabs at me. One of the biggest ones was that I was laughing at a scholarship college board kept prompting for me that revolved around Hispanic people. Although I technically have a Hispanic heritage from my fathers side, he was never there so I spent most of my life knowing my moms side of the family which was all white (My skin color is white as well). So I was laughing at that a bit (I hope I’m not offending anyone 😅). But rather than just laughing, he turned to me and said I’d have better luck looking into mentally handicapped scholarships. (I’m a grade below him but I’m generally book smarter. I can be naive irl) I was really hurt by this. Is this my bad or his?
You’re not wrong to feel upset by these “jokes” at all, especially if he knows or should know that they’d hurt you. I also have an ex who’d make offensive jokes and he’d try to make me feel like crap for being upset by saying that I “can’t take a joke”.
Being sensitive is okay, I think the video just didn’t clarify that a warning sign would be if someone had a huge overreaction and got strangely defensive over something passive and harmless that was said, which I believe is what they meant.
If you calmly told him right away that the joke hurt your feelings, would he apologize on the spot, or double down/gaslight you?
That's not hypersensitivity, that's him being insensitive. You need to tell him that it hurt you. If he can't respect that, it's on him, not you.
Uh yeah his “joke” is horrible
@@gavinfarris7624 if I ever brought up any problem I had or how something hurt my feelings then he would be hurt. I’m the type of person to put the person I’m with before myself (past toxic relationships taught me to but I’m trying to work on it) so I would constantly push down my own feelings to comfort him even tho he wouldn’t even apologize. He would just shut down
Words were the most powerful tool. Simple and so often underestimated. They could heal. They could destroy.
Hm. I’m newly in a relationship with my best friend of many years. If I saw these traits in myself, and I REALLY don’t believe I’m trying to manipulate them and I really love this person, what should I do? I don’t want to be toxic. I love them, dearly and I want nothing more than to have a happy life with them.