1) don't apologize for preferences 2) don't focus on impressing, focusing on connecting 3) don't overcompensate 4) don't need to fill the silence 5) don't control the situation - overthinking, preplanning
I think the trick with a lot of this stuff is the balancing act. You don't necessarily want to do these things, but you don't want to come off as complacent or seemingly uninterested/uninteresting either.
0:20 They don't apologize for preferences (2:02 Factor sponsor ad) 3:17 They don't focus on impressing, they focus on connecting 4:48 They don't overcompensate 5:33 They don't need to fill the silence 6:42 They don't try to control the situation
Own your interests and hobbies, fellas. Even aside from getting women to find you attractive, you will just feel much better about yourself because you love what you love. People constantly criticize my love for WWE, and I could care less.
Yes! And that will allow you to surround yourself with like minded people, and the ones who aren’t solid supportive folks will fade into the background. You don’t want everyone to like you. You want the right people to like you.
About how a confident man doesn't feel the need to fill the air with word, it reminds me of a quote by Plato that goes "a wise man speaks because he has something to say. A fool speaks because he has to say something".
This feels so contradictory as I'm the person who speaks when I have something to say. Or I only ask genuine questions I want answers to, but this is partially what leads to failure when speaking to women.
Honestly, I'm still working on my social and conversational skills so that's going to be some baby steps for sure. I'm glad to be part of groups that are share the same interests that I do like horror to action figures to movies and etc. And having conversations that are civil and what not so that we get their points of view on certain topics.
2) Connect vs. Impress. This might be the first time I've heard this comparison; I don't think it can be overstated. In my 40s now, and connection is such an integral component of all my relationships: romantic, personal, and professional. Point 2 cannot be fully accomplished without points 3 and 4. Well said.
I had to start out with a list of talking points or fun questions. I was creative when I had time to think, but not in the pressure of a moment. Eventually I was able to notice patterns, learned good conversation tips, and develop a flow that works for me. Coming from a background where it was difficult for me to talk, knowing what to talk about and noticing how those topics make someone feels gave me more confidence for natural conversations. Even your natural quirks can become charming if you learn to master what works for yourself.
Thanks for #5, I'm with a girl who is very generous and considerate to me through her gestures but often just talks about herself and said she's not all that good at thinking up questions on the spot, so besides encouraging her once in awhile to also ask questions I'm learning to be patient and allow the conversation to flow as it may
I prefer to sit with my date, not directly opposite to her, but having her to my left or right (on a square table). It's less confrontational and more comfortable.
I was thinking of doing that next time I have a ‘date’ with someone I’m in the friend zone with, and when she objects, say playfully that ‘We’re not on a date for goodness sake!’
Solid point. Yet I am more of a sit on the opposite of the table kind of guy. I like to see there reaction and gives me better overview of there language. Also I use the “drawn in” effect if things really go well.
@@JohnM... in the case of being friendzoned by a girl and you still feel attracted then you should tie it up and do things that bring you joy. Start learning a new skill go to the gym do martial arts, enjoy the proces and feel the growth eventually women will notice and flock to you.
Embracing silence...so true! Even in a marriage...being able to pause and acknowledge that two people have come to a minor conclusion/agreement and live in that moment for 3seconds is great.
Yep authenticity is one of the most important aspects I believe. I was following a women on instagram who was doing dating content. Was putting out some Ok content. But then she put out one saying that on the first few dates a man should take down any posters that might turn a women off her examples were star wars, video games etc. And even though I dont have any of these myself. It just didn't sit well with me. And doesn't really make any sense. And would mean starting the relationship off right from the start by diminishing yourself and pretending to be someone else. Which just doesn't make any sense to me. Far more power and confidence in being authentic and confident in yourself than trying to be someone else to impress a women. Needless to say after that I unfollowed. A lot of poor advice out there. Very glad I found you Courtney. Thank you for being such a authentic and mature voice in a sea of immaturity and superficiality 🙏✌️
I do the one where I take the time to listen to her and let her think instead of trying to fill the silence. I find it helps me get to know her better and we grow closer as a result
Here is one thing I will add to the list: confident people do NOT complain; they focus more on finding and trying out new solutions, as well as expanding self improvement. It's okay to acknowledge some insecurities and ponder about a few problem at times, but there's a lot more to life than just complaining and playing the victim card.
@@CourtneyRyan here's one more thought: confident people appreciate what they have and those who are part of their lives. I always remember the steps I took and the incredible people I met along the way to get where I am today, and I'm always ready to look forward to the next exciting moment in the journey!
Oh we complain, but it’s usually to our friends.. it’s how we grow. We won’t burden a girlfriend or wife with our issues, plus it’s extremely unattractive to them.
Connecting is a two way street. Yes, women love to talk about themselves and so asking questions about them makes them happy. As Courney correctly puts it, don't make it seem like interview questions. The questions should flow naturally out of the conversation you are having. That is, pay attention to what she says and how she answers a question. Wait patiently for her to finish and then ask a question that will delve deeper into something she mentioned. This will lead to deeper and more meaningful conversation, which will stimulate her mind more. That being said, pay close attention to the person you are with. If they aren't asking questions about you, then it is time to cut your losses. It shows either communications issues or the person just isn't that interested in you or you may have just been used for a foodie call. In any of those, the correct answer is to cut things short and not waste your time with this person.
People pleasing makes people seem insignificant and irrelevant. That’s why they don’t like it. But acceptance is two fold. You shouldn’t have to tip toe around people. They never grow while at the same time boxing you in. People know what they do. And it’s unfortunate that not everyone can shine their light or be who they are
Thank you for addressing confidence as a matter of technique and strategy, rather than of attitude. Confidence, I have come to realize, is not a character trait but a behavior that's often taught to people with desirable social attributes and discouraged in others. It's something you do, rather than something you are, and the playing field isn't very level.
Glad you mentioned the not apologizing nor downplaying your preferences. I am nearing 60 years of age, and I still play video games. I set aside one day a week for my game playing. It is my down time and alone time. IMHO, it is like watching a movie, except you control the main character's actions and choices.
This video is appreciated. One of the largest issues that i feel exists right now between men and women is a lack of what makes a man or woman valuable. Granted that these concepts are subjective, but that should be above and beyond what is a baseline of a quality partner. For men, there will always be the pull towards dating or pursuing attractive women. Not saying that you shouldnt pursue women, just that the pursuit should be of other traits that happen to come in a nice package, not pursuit of that "perfect" package (Mikayla Demaiter) that may or may not have the traits that are good in a partner. I would imagine that women have a similar pull towards finding men that have "strength". Strength that has value, is not strength of body. It is strength of mind and will that may or may not come in that 6ft+, 6 pack abs package that you have been sold as being hot. So many things i see online and hear from women, are how they "deserve" that perfect package, without ever wondering or questioning if that is the best for the individual. This is probably one of the first things i have seen, that is an attempt to tell and show women what a truly strong man should behave like. It is extremely necessary, so as always (or at least 50% of the time) thank you Courtney.
Damn, that was a SUPER-smooth transition into the sponsor commercial! Extremely well done! My compliments. I think it was the smoothest transition that I've ever seen. Same tone of voice. Same camera angle and lighting and clothing and spoken rhythm. Very, very well done!
Over apologising is a common triat, I believe. I mean, I also used to do that, what I felt at that moment was, probably it`s the way to be humble. But, yeah time passing I getting more concern about myself and honestly speaking, I really like my company
My inner Michigander was screaming in frustration when you were talking about saying sorry 😂 That’s part of the Midwestern vocabulary, we don’t view it as an actual apology, more an acknowledgment of your time being utilized by us.
Spot on. Young dudes, just be yourself. Reach out to people, men and women, with confidence. Be polite, be respectful, and be direct in asking for their help/opinion/advice/a meeting, etc. As for getting and keeping a women’s attention, ask about her thoughts on [pick a topic], and then listen. Smile and kindly say, “that’s very thought. That’s interesting. I see where you are coming from, tell me more.” If you don’t make a connection, let her know, and ask if she would like to be friends. Smile when you say it and be kind. Trust me, the universe will align in your favor. Lastly, pursue your dreams, develop yourself by aiming for personal mastery (which is a lifetime pursuit). Spend time with yourself, alone, with your hobbies and interest.
1. What if you don't have many topics that interest you to ask her opinion on? 2. If "pursuing your dreams" and "aiming for personal mastery" is a lifetime pursuit, then why does it matter that you do this first before finding a partner?
@@frankkennedy6388 on 1. You need to be interesting for people to be interested in you. Beginning with your males friends, your family. The fact that you follow Courtney and have asked me two great questions, makes you interesting. You seek to learn something new. Use what you learned from her post today, and the comments shared, as a conversation topic. You already have an opinion On #2 the pursuit of personal mastery is the second most important thing to do to live a life of purpose and meaning. The first is to serve others first, to help those who can help themselves. Go read Greenleaf, who coined the “Servant Leadership.” Go learn about the historical figure, Jesus of Nazareth. Jesus was the OG of serving others first. Finding a wife, or husband, isn’t the ultimate goal in this life. Yet we are more likely as men, to find the right woman who wants to be a mother, a builder of a loving home, one who will want to follow her husband, if we as men, serve a purpose bigger than self
It goes to show how important it is to be yourself on a date. If I don’t fit a woman’s definition of what a “perfect man” is, I don’t care because it’ll be her loss, not mine!
Always appreciate confidence tips, and your vulnerability, too, which, somewhat counterintuitively, demonstrates confidence (the security with yourself that you touch on). Also love the top you have on! The fit/style and color gives off a confident vibe. 🎉 It’s very fitting (pun much intended) for this video. Good healthy sponsor, too! 🥘 😊
Hey, pretty girl. ❤ From a female perspective...I hate to say it, but as someone who recently returned to dating, most guys break four out of these five rules on average. But still, I gotta say...about the "need to fill silence" thing. I had dinner with a guy recently, and at one point, we both stopped talking and he just smiled at me. I'm not used to silence, so I asked him, "Are you OK"? He looked at me and said something like, "Yes I'm fine. I'm just sitting here enjoying the view." I melllllteddddd when he said that. So guys, follow that rule and you'll win points with us ladies!
I believe being a confident man, like everything else in life, is not a mode or identity that we become. I think rather than push people into being conident men, could we accept that we are not always confident? And be okay with that. I think that also exudes a form of confidence. Men in courageous acts for example can be put into new situations where nobody is expected to be experienced or confident. I love these points, but I do think it puts added pressure for us men to fit into this 24/7. And in this video, confidence comes off like an "it" factor. I'd rather be in the present with someone than confident in all my actions.
I love opera. Most people don’t. I go to New York once or twice a year to go to the Met, and I love talking about my experiences. I don’t care about seeming weird.
On the first date, I find both people are nervous, especially in treading carefully with questions. However, confidence does show through how we conduct ourselves and the respect we give each other.
I do have the habit of first apologizing for absolutely nothing before I state my main objective. But there is a reason why I do that. The reason is that I have a natural strong voice. When people hear my voice for the very first time, they freeze in shock because I sound like 100 men speaking at the same time. Their heads begin to follow the sound waves my voice produces as it bounces off everything, like following the bouncing ball in rolling text. It’s actually comical to see people chasing where my voice travels, like a dog chasing its own tail. Anyway, me apologizing first is like when a nurse says, "This won't hurt," before she injects the needle. I'm very self-conscious about my voice.
@8:00, Whenever I have tried to script / rehearse things to say, it falls flat and I don't natural reactions or conversation flows. Much better to allow the conversation to flow naturally in a relaxed state. Maybe have a couple conversation starter questions or topics, maybe on cards in a game style.
These lessons in being confident are best learned at a younger age but even if your younger years are now behind you, you still must find it within yourself to strive to be a confident man. First for yourself and then if others benefit from your self confidence then count it as a bonus.
#1. I'm not apologetic about what my hobbies, lifestyle and/or prefrences are. But I do have a tendency to apologize whenever I make a mistake. #2. Maybe I do impress more than connect. I just want to avoid being on everyone's bad side. #3. I try not to overcompensate. #4. Well, I do sometimes pause in conversations. #5. Whoa! That I gotta work on.
Sorry to hear that man. You have my sympathies coming from another human on the other side of the world. Losing a parent is a very tough thing to go through. It will for sure test you. I hope you come out of it stronger and more resilient. Have faith in yourself and what lies ahead my friend. The world is a huge place full of hope and opportunities. Much love to you.
The only one of these I've really had any issue with is the longer silences. Even detectives use a long silence technique to make suspects nervous, so I think it's probably difficult to overcome for some.
01:24 saying sorry because of being tormented throught the years by others who said that sorry had to be said even though you didnt do anything or didnt feel like you were at fault or had to say sorry wich creates a involontary reaction to say im sorry and that chains straight into that xD wich is something a person cant do anything about.
*Confident guys stay relaxed, listen more, and let their actions speak. It’s a reminder that less is often more - especially around people you want to respect you!*
Unless they ask, I don’t say. If their mental doors are not open to the subject, then they won’t hear or possibly misunderstand you. Same works for parenting I would imagine. I only respond directly to the question asked without detail to avoid confusion.
So...during the silence, are we just supposed to awkwardly stare at each other? What are we supposed to do exactly in the silence? This point confuses me a bit.
Today's clown world has so many people over apologizing! My own boss (who happens to be female) even apologizes for asking me to do what I'm SUPPOSED to do on my job, at times, as if she's inconveniencing me, lol. Regarding your first point, I agree, but I have an outlier example of when you maybe shouldn't display your hobbies until she gets to know you better... I have an uncanny talent and love of creating adult humor parody songs, that have mortally offended some oversensitive women. One decided to stop dating me after a very good first dare, when we went to a karaoke bar on our second date, and I sang one to the audience. Now, had she gotten to know me for a month or two, I'm pretty sure she would have been able to see the forest for the trees and not held it against me
Confident people don’t need to lie, big or small. Own who you are. Own your life choices, mistakes and all. Confident folks can speak matter of fact about their life, not make excuses, not make up white lies, not hide behind a false photo online, etc. it’s so important for me to have a partner and even friends who are unapologetically themselves and can be open/honest about it.
Well said. Nobody is perfect and has it all figured out. It's better to own your faults along with your strengths when getting to know others. You want the person to like you for you, not the character you're trying to play.
A lot of wisdom from a young lady. i would agree with all of your points, except maybe for the one about filling silent moments in the conversation. you can have too much silence in a conversation. If there's too much silence, it's not really a conversation. (unless you're a mind reader.)
A past video here made me feel bad that fantasy football was one of my biggest hobbies because money is involved and it could be seen as gambling, however as I know I'm good at it this video convinced me to own one of my favorite hobbies.
I'm a private person and I hate talking about my interests. I'm not sure why, but I can't stand it when people ask me about what I like to do etc. I have interests and not embarrassed, I just don't want to talk about them. Whenever someone asks me what i've been up to, I always say "nothing". If they ask what I mean, I'll say "nothing I care to share". I also don't apologize very often, overcompensate or try to chase or impress women at all,. I wouldn't say i was confident though. Plus I do overthink social interactions a lot.
I would also say confident men do not describe or exagerate their weaknesses to get pity or consolation from others. A confident man knows his value despite his weaknesses, and he can acknowledge his weaknesses in a way that suggests he is improving himself.
Not base on video but facial care, guys this works I am 52 and been reading about this a lot, i have to admit i was a bit against this Walmart had theses on sale so I said why not Thayers Alcohol-free Unscented Witch Hazel Toner its around 12$ twice per day L’Oréal Paris Men Expert 24 HR twice per day and every night L’Oréal Paris Men Expert Daily Face Wash for Men it works been doing it for 2 months now and wow never though it would work.
The second part about “not focus on impressing” or seeking validation, is what 90% of men and women do on IG. A real confident man doesn’t need to get anyone’s approval or validation
I am much more comfortable being alone. This is often looked at as being confident when i can talk to literally anyone about anything. Dont try to impress anyone. It isnt until i figure out they are trying to flirt with me do i tell them i am not interested.
I am wondering, if I want to ask out a woman for coffee, does she need to show interest in me first? Or can I ask based on the fact we know each other through work or church? If I have to wait for her to show interest first, I'm going to be waiting for a while for a date ...
I remember a truly terrible date with a girl in college; I got annoyed with her silence so i just talked to entertain myself. i guess we had to find out we didn't really like each other.
I never cared about impressing nobody you either take me as i come or you leave me alone i dont care either way im not asking anyone for permission to exist!!
The compliment one is weird for me. I don’t fish for compliments at all, but sometimes I get awkward when someone gives me a compliment. I normally just give a compliment back.. idk, definitely something to work on
I'm guilty of the filling silence thing. And often when someone is trying to fill the silence they end up talking about themselves, not because they are bragging but because it's the easiest content to come up with.
I have appolgized when I felt I was wrong. The only problem was the ladies expected me to do it every time right or wrong. So I have stopped. I saw talk show about about dating, There was one woman who had guys fill out a ressume. I refuse tio do that. She turned down a date who was a lawyer two homes, two cars and a boat. If I was gay I would have married him. Over come silence I learn that the hard way. I ask a woman out. I thought it was my job to entertain. I asked question tried to hard to make conversation. It was like I was out with one of the walking dead. To do it different I should have taken her home after the dinner. I think guys shoul play it by ear. Start with a question about her or give a compliment. You look great. But back off see where she goes and feed off of her. If she makes no effort to continue with the conversation or answer any of your question move on don't waste your time.
I've been shamed more than enough growing up! I will no more apologize for my preferences, hobbies, or my feelings!! If you can't respect that, we're wasting our time!
6. don't badmouth other people, especially other women or ex-girlfriends 7. treat everyone around them with respect no what social status 8. are not afraid to be vulnerable
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Yes. ✓
1) don't apologize for preferences
2) don't focus on impressing, focusing on connecting
3) don't overcompensate
4) don't need to fill the silence
5) don't control the situation - overthinking, preplanning
👍
Thanks
Hey, this is exactly what Courtney said. You’re like a mind reader or something!
@@garypierce7380 😂
I think the trick with a lot of this stuff is the balancing act. You don't necessarily want to do these things, but you don't want to come off as complacent or seemingly uninterested/uninteresting either.
0:20 They don't apologize for preferences
(2:02 Factor sponsor ad)
3:17 They don't focus on impressing, they focus on connecting
4:48 They don't overcompensate
5:33 They don't need to fill the silence
6:42 They don't try to control the situation
My niNja
Not all heroes wear capes.
Own your interests and hobbies, fellas. Even aside from getting women to find you attractive, you will just feel much better about yourself because you love what you love. People constantly criticize my love for WWE, and I could care less.
Same bro, women criticize if you watch wrestling it's crazy 😂
Agreed!!
Exactly. Not everything is about women.
Yes! And that will allow you to surround yourself with like minded people, and the ones who aren’t solid supportive folks will fade into the background. You don’t want everyone to like you. You want the right people to like you.
Same. My love for WWE will never die.
About how a confident man doesn't feel the need to fill the air with word, it reminds me of a quote by Plato that goes "a wise man speaks because he has something to say. A fool speaks because he has to say something".
Amen!
Well, there's a lot a women that hardly speak a lot.. and it's not because they are wise...lol
But what if I have something to say and say something
This feels so contradictory as I'm the person who speaks when I have something to say. Or I only ask genuine questions I want answers to, but this is partially what leads to failure when speaking to women.
@@homiesenatep Then you're wise?
Honestly, I'm still working on my social and conversational skills so that's going to be some baby steps for sure. I'm glad to be part of groups that are share the same interests that I do like horror to action figures to movies and etc. And having conversations that are civil and what not so that we get their points of view on certain topics.
2) Connect vs. Impress. This might be the first time I've heard this comparison; I don't think it can be overstated.
In my 40s now, and connection is such an integral component of all my relationships: romantic, personal, and professional. Point 2 cannot be fully accomplished without points 3 and 4.
Well said.
I must say that I really admire how you hold and present yourself in these videos. You speak the definition of what a real and genuine women is.
I had to start out with a list of talking points or fun questions. I was creative when I had time to think, but not in the pressure of a moment. Eventually I was able to notice patterns, learned good conversation tips, and develop a flow that works for me. Coming from a background where it was difficult for me to talk, knowing what to talk about and noticing how those topics make someone feels gave me more confidence for natural conversations. Even your natural quirks can become charming if you learn to master what works for yourself.
Thanks for #5, I'm with a girl who is very generous and considerate to me through her gestures but often just talks about herself and said she's not all that good at thinking up questions on the spot, so besides encouraging her once in awhile to also ask questions I'm learning to be patient and allow the conversation to flow as it may
I prefer to sit with my date, not directly opposite to her, but having her to my left or right (on a square table). It's less confrontational and more comfortable.
I was thinking of doing that next time I have a ‘date’ with someone I’m in the friend zone with, and when she objects, say playfully that ‘We’re not on a date for goodness sake!’
@@JohnM...I would leave out the goodness sake part
Solid point. Yet I am more of a sit on the opposite of the table kind of guy. I like to see there reaction and gives me better overview of there language. Also I use the “drawn in” effect if things really go well.
@@Svn6twomm surely opposite there's no opportunity for (especially a friendzoned guy) touch (without it being obvious?)
@@JohnM... in the case of being friendzoned by a girl and you still feel attracted then you should tie it up and do things that bring you joy. Start learning a new skill go to the gym do martial arts, enjoy the proces and feel the growth eventually women will notice and flock to you.
Not feeling pressure to fill silence. Best thing I ever learned.
Embracing silence...so true! Even in a marriage...being able to pause and acknowledge that two people have come to a minor conclusion/agreement and live in that moment for 3seconds is great.
Yep authenticity is one of the most important aspects I believe. I was following a women on instagram who was doing dating content. Was putting out some Ok content. But then she put out one saying that on the first few dates a man should take down any posters that might turn a women off her examples were star wars, video games etc. And even though I dont have any of these myself. It just didn't sit well with me. And doesn't really make any sense. And would mean starting the relationship off right from the start by diminishing yourself and pretending to be someone else. Which just doesn't make any sense to me. Far more power and confidence in being authentic and confident in yourself than trying to be someone else to impress a women. Needless to say after that I unfollowed. A lot of poor advice out there. Very glad I found you Courtney. Thank you for being such a authentic and mature voice in a sea of immaturity and superficiality 🙏✌️
I do the one where I take the time to listen to her and let her think instead of trying to fill the silence. I find it helps me get to know her better and we grow closer as a result
Here is one thing I will add to the list: confident people do NOT complain; they focus more on finding and trying out new solutions, as well as expanding self improvement. It's okay to acknowledge some insecurities and ponder about a few problem at times, but there's a lot more to life than just complaining and playing the victim card.
Love this!
@@CourtneyRyan here's one more thought: confident people appreciate what they have and those who are part of their lives. I always remember the steps I took and the incredible people I met along the way to get where I am today, and I'm always ready to look forward to the next exciting moment in the journey!
Oh we complain, but it’s usually to our friends.. it’s how we grow. We won’t burden a girlfriend or wife with our issues, plus it’s extremely unattractive to them.
Connecting is a two way street. Yes, women love to talk about themselves and so asking questions about them makes them happy. As Courney correctly puts it, don't make it seem like interview questions. The questions should flow naturally out of the conversation you are having. That is, pay attention to what she says and how she answers a question. Wait patiently for her to finish and then ask a question that will delve deeper into something she mentioned. This will lead to deeper and more meaningful conversation, which will stimulate her mind more.
That being said, pay close attention to the person you are with. If they aren't asking questions about you, then it is time to cut your losses. It shows either communications issues or the person just isn't that interested in you or you may have just been used for a foodie call. In any of those, the correct answer is to cut things short and not waste your time with this person.
I think confident man don't need to please anyone on purpose ❤😂🎉,
People pleasing makes people seem insignificant and irrelevant. That’s why they don’t like it. But acceptance is two fold. You shouldn’t have to tip toe around people. They never grow while at the same time boxing you in. People know what they do. And it’s unfortunate that not everyone can shine their light or be who they are
Thank you for addressing confidence as a matter of technique and strategy, rather than of attitude. Confidence, I have come to realize, is not a character trait but a behavior that's often taught to people with desirable social attributes and discouraged in others. It's something you do, rather than something you are, and the playing field isn't very level.
I really enjoy your content and your straight delivery. Of course you’re lovely, but you’re also perceptive and concise in what you have to say.
Idk how a ran into your channel but THANK YOU for making content for us men.
Thanks for being here! 🥰
Great clarity all points well taken. It’s a learning process…Thank you and grateful for pointing it out.
Wishing you a wonderful Sunday, Courtney ❤
Glad you mentioned the not apologizing nor downplaying your preferences. I am nearing 60 years of age, and I still play video games. I set aside one day a week for my game playing. It is my down time and alone time. IMHO, it is like watching a movie, except you control the main character's actions and choices.
This video is appreciated. One of the largest issues that i feel exists right now between men and women is a lack of what makes a man or woman valuable. Granted that these concepts are subjective, but that should be above and beyond what is a baseline of a quality partner. For men, there will always be the pull towards dating or pursuing attractive women. Not saying that you shouldnt pursue women, just that the pursuit should be of other traits that happen to come in a nice package, not pursuit of that "perfect" package (Mikayla Demaiter) that may or may not have the traits that are good in a partner. I would imagine that women have a similar pull towards finding men that have "strength". Strength that has value, is not strength of body. It is strength of mind and will that may or may not come in that 6ft+, 6 pack abs package that you have been sold as being hot. So many things i see online and hear from women, are how they "deserve" that perfect package, without ever wondering or questioning if that is the best for the individual. This is probably one of the first things i have seen, that is an attempt to tell and show women what a truly strong man should behave like. It is extremely necessary, so as always (or at least 50% of the time) thank you Courtney.
Speaking of confidence I’ve been watching some of your old videos and wow has yours grown. Keep
It up Courtney!
Damn, that was a SUPER-smooth transition into the sponsor commercial! Extremely well done! My compliments. I think it was the smoothest transition that I've ever seen. Same tone of voice. Same camera angle and lighting and clothing and spoken rhythm. Very, very well done!
Taking after Paul Harvey
Over apologising is a common triat, I believe. I mean, I also used to do that, what I felt at that moment was, probably it`s the way to be humble. But, yeah time passing I getting more concern about myself and honestly speaking, I really like my company
My inner Michigander was screaming in frustration when you were talking about saying sorry 😂 That’s part of the Midwestern vocabulary, we don’t view it as an actual apology, more an acknowledgment of your time being utilized by us.
LOL I totally get it. I’m from Ohio so it’s something I tend to do as well
Not to mention the English! Sorry.
Spot on. Young dudes, just be yourself. Reach out to people, men and women, with confidence. Be polite, be respectful, and be direct in asking for their help/opinion/advice/a meeting, etc. As for getting and keeping a women’s attention, ask about her thoughts on [pick a topic], and then listen. Smile and kindly say, “that’s very thought. That’s interesting. I see where you are coming from, tell me more.” If you don’t make a connection, let her know, and ask if she would like to be friends. Smile when you say it and be kind. Trust me, the universe will align in your favor. Lastly, pursue your dreams, develop yourself by aiming for personal mastery (which is a lifetime pursuit). Spend time with yourself, alone, with your hobbies and interest.
1. What if you don't have many topics that interest you to ask her opinion on?
2. If "pursuing your dreams" and "aiming for personal mastery" is a lifetime pursuit, then why does it matter that you do this first before finding a partner?
@@frankkennedy6388 on 1. You need to be interesting for people to be interested in you. Beginning with your males friends, your family. The fact that you follow Courtney and have asked me two great questions, makes you interesting. You seek to learn something new. Use what you learned from her post today, and the comments shared, as a conversation topic. You already have an opinion
On #2 the pursuit of personal mastery is the second most important thing to do to live a life of purpose and meaning. The first is to serve others first, to help those who can help themselves. Go read Greenleaf, who coined the “Servant Leadership.” Go learn about the historical figure, Jesus of Nazareth. Jesus was the OG of serving others first. Finding a wife, or husband, isn’t the ultimate goal in this life. Yet we are more likely as men, to find the right woman who wants to be a mother, a builder of a loving home, one who will want to follow her husband, if we as men, serve a purpose bigger than self
It goes to show how important it is to be yourself on a date. If I don’t fit a woman’s definition of what a “perfect man” is, I don’t care because it’ll be her loss, not mine!
Always appreciate confidence tips, and your vulnerability, too, which, somewhat counterintuitively, demonstrates confidence (the security with yourself that you touch on).
Also love the top you have on! The fit/style and color gives off a confident vibe. 🎉 It’s very fitting (pun much intended) for this video.
Good healthy sponsor, too! 🥘 😊
Great video to watch over again, even though we know how to act, we still need to have reminders every so often.
Hey, pretty girl. ❤ From a female perspective...I hate to say it, but as someone who recently returned to dating, most guys break four out of these five rules on average. But still, I gotta say...about the "need to fill silence" thing. I had dinner with a guy recently, and at one point, we both stopped talking and he just smiled at me. I'm not used to silence, so I asked him, "Are you OK"? He looked at me and said something like, "Yes I'm fine. I'm just sitting here enjoying the view." I melllllteddddd when he said that. So guys, follow that rule and you'll win points with us ladies!
🫠 obsessed! Thanks so much for sharing!
"Thanks for your patience" is a less wimpy way of saying "Sorry."
I hate the statement “Thank you for your patience.” I’m actually not that patient.
Totally agree! Great video, thank you for sharing Courtney!
Every guy she described in this video need to grow a pair. Just be yourself, if that’s not good enough then see ya
With one word: They are authentic
I believe being a confident man, like everything else in life, is not a mode or identity that we become. I think rather than push people into being conident men, could we accept that we are not always confident? And be okay with that. I think that also exudes a form of confidence.
Men in courageous acts for example can be put into new situations where nobody is expected to be experienced or confident.
I love these points, but I do think it puts added pressure for us men to fit into this 24/7. And in this video, confidence comes off like an "it" factor. I'd rather be in the present with someone than confident in all my actions.
Good stuff. Does boil down to genuine connection and understanding the other person
I love opera. Most people don’t. I go to New York once or twice a year to go to the Met, and I love talking about my experiences. I don’t care about seeming weird.
On the first date, I find both people are nervous, especially in treading carefully with questions. However, confidence does show through how we conduct ourselves and the respect we give each other.
Good pointers and reminders as always. Truly appreciate you
I do have the habit of first apologizing for absolutely nothing before I state my main objective. But there is a reason why I do that. The reason is that I have a natural strong voice. When people hear my voice for the very first time, they freeze in shock because I sound like 100 men speaking at the same time. Their heads begin to follow the sound waves my voice produces as it bounces off everything, like following the bouncing ball in rolling text. It’s actually comical to see people chasing where my voice travels, like a dog chasing its own tail. Anyway, me apologizing first is like when a nurse says, "This won't hurt," before she injects the needle. I'm very self-conscious about my voice.
⭐️ Absolutely!! My Principles are ALL I Have…
Damn! You were super slick with that Factor advertisement. Taking notes.
100%. These all relate to putting women on a pedestal. You do that, you’re doing yourself (and her attraction for you) a massive disservice
@8:00, Whenever I have tried to script / rehearse things to say, it falls flat and I don't natural reactions or conversation flows. Much better to allow the conversation to flow naturally in a relaxed state. Maybe have a couple conversation starter questions or topics, maybe on cards in a game style.
3:17. Man you were so good with words here.
These lessons in being confident are best learned at a younger age but even if your younger years are now behind you, you still must find it within yourself to strive to be a confident man. First for yourself and then if others benefit from your self confidence then count it as a bonus.
#1. I'm not apologetic about what my hobbies, lifestyle and/or prefrences are. But I do have a tendency to apologize whenever I make a mistake.
#2. Maybe I do impress more than connect. I just want to avoid being on everyone's bad side.
#3. I try not to overcompensate.
#4. Well, I do sometimes pause in conversations.
#5. Whoa! That I gotta work on.
I’d rather be on someone’s bad side than to waste effort and time to “impress” them 🤣
@@OneFreeMan17 fair enough
That was excellent Courtney. Thank you.
My dad died unexpectly this summer and I don't care anymore.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Hugs.
I'm sorry for your loss...
my deep condolences
Work through your pain and move on. Losing a parent is devastating and may lose motivation for life. But dont give up!
Sorry to hear that man. You have my sympathies coming from another human on the other side of the world. Losing a parent is a very tough thing to go through. It will for sure test you. I hope you come out of it stronger and more resilient. Have faith in yourself and what lies ahead my friend. The world is a huge place full of hope and opportunities. Much love to you.
The only one of these I've really had any issue with is the longer silences. Even detectives use a long silence technique to make suspects nervous, so I think it's probably difficult to overcome for some.
I was listening to another podcast recently and heard something I wish I had learned a long time ago:
Confidence is self-trust.
01:24 saying sorry because of being tormented throught the years by others who said that sorry had to be said even though you didnt do anything or didnt feel like you were at fault or had to say sorry wich creates a involontary reaction to say im sorry and that chains straight into that xD wich is something a person cant do anything about.
*Confident guys stay relaxed, listen more, and let their actions speak. It’s a reminder that less is often more - especially around people you want to respect you!*
Unless they ask, I don’t say. If their mental doors are not open to the subject, then they won’t hear or possibly misunderstand you. Same works for parenting I would imagine. I only respond directly to the question asked without detail to avoid confusion.
So...during the silence, are we just supposed to awkwardly stare at each other? What are we supposed to do exactly in the silence? This point confuses me a bit.
AMEN! Tell them Courtney!
Not apologising for who they are
Focusing on GENUINE connections …. Not impressing others
Totally agree 💯
That black top looks so great on you
Today's clown world has so many people over apologizing! My own boss (who happens to be female) even apologizes for asking me to do what I'm SUPPOSED to do on my job, at times, as if she's inconveniencing me, lol. Regarding your first point, I agree, but I have an outlier example of when you maybe shouldn't display your hobbies until she gets to know you better... I have an uncanny talent and love of creating adult humor parody songs, that have mortally offended some oversensitive women. One decided to stop dating me after a very good first dare, when we went to a karaoke bar on our second date, and I sang one to the audience. Now, had she gotten to know me for a month or two, I'm pretty sure she would have been able to see the forest for the trees and not held it against me
It's a joy to be around any man, who truly enjoys being himself.
this person just raised the bar for any women entering my life
Confident men know that they’re good at their abilities and they don’t need to tear somebody down to boost their own ego
Confident people don’t need to lie, big or small. Own who you are. Own your life choices, mistakes and all. Confident folks can speak matter of fact about their life, not make excuses, not make up white lies, not hide behind a false photo online, etc.
it’s so important for me to have a partner and even friends who are unapologetically themselves and can be open/honest about it.
Well said. Nobody is perfect and has it all figured out. It's better to own your faults along with your strengths when getting to know others. You want the person to like you for you, not the character you're trying to play.
I agree with the majority of your take on this Steph o Mac 💋
Thank god I live overseas and have to many women and no drama or your out on my book! Sorry , Ryan
Yeah the west is doomed.
A lot of wisdom from a young lady. i would agree with all of your points, except maybe for the one about filling silent moments in the conversation. you can have too much silence in a conversation. If there's too much silence, it's not really a conversation. (unless you're a mind reader.)
Thank you for sharing 😊
A past video here made me feel bad that fantasy football was one of my biggest hobbies because money is involved and it could be seen as gambling, however as I know I'm good at it this video convinced me to own one of my favorite hobbies.
Hey, Courtney and everyone.
I'm a private person and I hate talking about my interests. I'm not sure why, but I can't stand it when people ask me about what I like to do etc. I have interests and not embarrassed, I just don't want to talk about them. Whenever someone asks me what i've been up to, I always say "nothing". If they ask what I mean, I'll say "nothing I care to share".
I also don't apologize very often, overcompensate or try to chase or impress women at all,. I wouldn't say i was confident though. Plus I do overthink social interactions a lot.
Beautiful video. TY
I would also say confident men do not describe or exagerate their weaknesses to get pity or consolation from others. A confident man knows his value despite his weaknesses, and he can acknowledge his weaknesses in a way that suggests he is improving himself.
Courtney can you make a video about keeping a date romantic or returning it to romantic vibes if it’s turning platonic ? 😁
I have spent my entire life trying to master myself...
Apologies are rarely necessary, if ever...
Courtney I'm 40 and you just described every single reason why dating now is so much easier than it was when I was 27 lmao. Love it.
Sarcasm
right on thank you for helping (55)yrs old)
Not base on video but facial care, guys this works I am 52 and been reading about this a lot, i have to admit i was a bit against this Walmart had theses on sale so I said why not Thayers Alcohol-free Unscented Witch Hazel Toner its around 12$ twice per day L’Oréal Paris Men Expert 24 HR twice per day and every night L’Oréal Paris Men Expert Daily Face Wash for Men it works been doing it for 2 months now and wow never though it would work.
Great video, loved this one
The second part about “not focus on impressing” or seeking validation, is what 90% of men and women do on IG. A real confident man doesn’t need to get anyone’s approval or validation
I am much more comfortable being alone. This is often looked at as being confident when i can talk to literally anyone about anything. Dont try to impress anyone. It isnt until i figure out they are trying to flirt with me do i tell them i am not interested.
Spot on girl. Guys, it's true. + woman can see if you are insecure! Bad look!
I am wondering, if I want to ask out a woman for coffee, does she need to show interest in me first? Or can I ask based on the fact we know each other through work or church? If I have to wait for her to show interest first, I'm going to be waiting for a while for a date ...
I remember a truly terrible date with a girl in college; I got annoyed with her silence so i just talked to entertain myself. i guess we had to find out we didn't really like each other.
I never cared about impressing nobody you either take me as i come or you leave me alone i dont care either way im not asking anyone for permission to exist!!
I saw a dating show they told the guy not to tell the girl he’s into video games, tell her you are into model trains anything but video games
I wonder the degree the confidence aligns with superficially attractive attributes....someone who continually gets rejected wont be confident.
The compliment one is weird for me. I don’t fish for compliments at all, but sometimes I get awkward when someone gives me a compliment. I normally just give a compliment back.. idk, definitely something to work on
I'm guilty of the filling silence thing. And often when someone is trying to fill the silence they end up talking about themselves, not because they are bragging but because it's the easiest content to come up with.
For those who needed a confidence boost or refresh to start the week, this is your video! 👏
🥹🥰
No wife happy life stay strong brothers🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼
1 - I don’t particularly care about what people think of me. People who really know me know what kind of a person I am.
I have appolgized when I felt I was wrong. The only problem was the ladies expected me to do it every time right or wrong. So I have stopped. I saw talk show about about dating, There was one woman who had guys fill out a ressume. I refuse tio do that. She turned down a date who was a lawyer two homes, two cars and a boat. If I was gay I would have married him. Over come silence I learn that the hard way. I ask a woman out. I thought it was my job to entertain. I asked question tried to hard to make conversation. It was like I was out with one of the walking dead. To do it different I should have taken her home after the dinner. I think guys shoul play it by ear. Start with a question about her or give a compliment. You look great. But back off see where she goes and feed off of her. If she makes no effort to continue with the conversation or answer any of your question move on don't waste your time.
sounds good. too many people fall for poor behaviour masquerading as confidence.
I've been shamed more than enough growing up! I will no more apologize for my preferences, hobbies, or my feelings!! If you can't respect that, we're wasting our time!
6. don't badmouth other people, especially other women or ex-girlfriends
7. treat everyone around them with respect no what social status
8. are not afraid to be vulnerable
I ❤❤❤how confident YOU are Courtney 💪😍💪💪😘💪