CPTSD Blinds You to Signs They Are TAKING From You But Don't Care
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 ต.ค. 2024
- 🔴 Order My New Book, RE-REGULATED: bit.ly/4dRI8Sj
Do You Have CPTSD? Take the QUIZ: bit.ly/3GhE65z
FREE COURSE: *The Daily Practice*: bit.ly/3X1BrE0
Website: bit.ly/3CxgkRY
***
Something beautiful about people is that we are designed to delight in others - to connect and bond with them, and sometimes, to fall in love and give our whole heart. CPTSD can distort that natural process of finding someone to love, and mislead you into attaching to people who cannot love you back. If you have trauma-driven boundary problems, they are happy enough to take advantage and leave when they are done. In this video I respond to a letter from a man who feels ripped off and heartbroken, but is ready to learn how to change his dating pattern so that he can find real love.
The Signs of Limerence: FREE PDF Download: bit.ly/3PbqblT
***
🟢 Letters: Want to submit a question for me to answer in a video?
Keep it short, not too explicit, relevant for this audience.
bit.ly/3VVxqjm
🟢 Become a Member!
Access ALL my courses, webinars, group coaching & online community
bit.ly/3Zfx9dN
🟢 Take My Online course: Healing Childhood PTSD
bit.ly/3k6gQQH
🟢 How I Recently Lost 27 Pounds: ble.life/V9fe9O
🟢 Change Trauma-Driven Dating Patterns
Online course: Dating & Relationships for People with CPTSD
bit.ly/3IBbrv7
🟢 Learn to Heal Dysregulation
Online course: Dysregulation Bootcamp
bit.ly/3ZpjGAh
🟢 Heal Isolation and Build Better Relationships
Online course: Connection Bootcamp
bit.ly/3iuUEPz
🟢 Coaching Programs & LIVE Calls with Anna
🔹 NEW Coaching Program for DATING: Apply Now: bit.ly/3Qjdozs
🔹 8-Week Coaching Intensive for Healing CPTSD Symptoms: bit.ly/3wjVVjg
🔹 Join LIVE Webinars with My Team and Me: bit.ly/3ifhJ8U
🟢 PARTNERS/RECOMMENDED PRODUCTS
(I receive commissions on referrals & recommend services I know and trust)
🔹 Is Carb Sensitivity Sabotaging Your Energy and Weight? Take the Quiz:
ble.life/V9fe9O
🔹 NEED ONLINE THERAPY? BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist:
betterhelp.com...
🔹 Try MUSE Headband to Calm Your Mind: choosemuse.com...
No matter what video I watch, I always walk away with an elevated feeling. The feeling you leave with after spending time with a true friend. Thank you for your teachings!
We're so happy to hear that :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Yay Steven that you clarified what you were feeling, blocked her and then consulted the crappy childhood fairy. It seems to me, you’re doing well.
I would have done the same thing!!
This channel has removed the scales from my eyes and my interactions with people are now 'clearer'.
same!! ♥
I'm so glad! -Calista@TeamFairy
Each of you videos gives me another "tidbit of truth" that helps me "put Humpty Dumpty back together again" thank you. My childhood experience was similar to yours. Mom beautiful nurse who denied me medical care, was nice to everyone but me. All I ever wanted to know was "whatever did I do to you to make you treat me this way?" It baffled me my entire life. I got my heart broken badly but I haven't given up hope! Thanks for writing in today Stephen, you can find love, you are lovable, your story helps others heal too. Bless you
I like the idea of the scheduled, slow dating and getting to know a new dating partner without the rush. There's no urgency. Slow things down and let the relationship build organically, without the false narrative of tricks your mind plays.
I totally can relate to the “spiritual healer” parent and the difference between public image and private realities. It has taken me decades to begin to heal the layers of dysfunction. But I am grateful for my faith, my determination to be whole, and resources such as this channel.💕
Thanks for sharing this, I'm so glad you're a part of our community! -Calista@TeamFairy
~Yes, my mother is supportive of everybody in her church, but somehow gets annoyed with me when i have a problem~
i think i have been both of these people :( more often steven, but.. if i could offer some insight into the "vampire" behavior - i think i had a similar habit of getting super involved with someone and then running at the first sign of it getting serious and involving feelings. and it is because i too have cptsd!
i think, at least how it was for me, was that at first - it feels so amazing to get all the love and attention i was denied in childhood. someone is interested in me. someone listens to me. someone touches my skin. i got swept up in it. but the more i saw the person, the more i saw them... as a person. and i would start to feel like a trapped animal.
i would get more and more terrified that i would hurt them, i think it's because i didn't know how to communicate that i needed space without hurting their feelings? i am definitely a people pleaser, and i would become horrified ant worried that the people pleasing might be the only reason i am in this situation. do i really like them? i can't tell.. and i didn't have the knowledge to ask myself if i just liked the attention. it was a perspective i hadn't been introduced to at all.
maybe i was freaking out about how much more of myself i would be giving away constantly? idk. but i would begin to panic inside, 24/7. and it would start to seem much better to hurt them now and release them from my insanity rather than "give it a shot" and end up wasting a decade, in the end hurting them far, far more. idk if i would call it "heartless". i absolutely would call it thoughtless. anyway i am so glad i found this channel because i will never be that person again.
This is me! It’s like asking for a cup of water and then jumping off the cliff because someone actually gave you it
Yes I know what you mean. Me too. And I will never be that woman ever again. I have also been "Stephen" but I guess I also overlooked red flags, became to clingy, or settled for what I could get due to low self worth.. I now know however, that I am worthy of love, just like anyone else. And Anna has helped me alot with this topic too. I feel like I understand myself and my past behaviours now. And I have forgiven myself, and learned to love and accept myself. Thank you Fairy Godmother Anna ❤
I think it makes sense. I am not someone who has done this with anyone, i have had ppl behave like this to me, however i don't feel dislike towards the person in this story because i can understand it. If someone is showing signs of being attached to me too soon, like this story happened over a couple of weeks, then i will feel uncomfortable and before i can even consider if i like them i have more a fear of hurting them. People can usually tell if the other person is too attached. I think not seeing someone constantly too soon and not oversharing as we tend to do is so important. Esp sharing our trauma, if they respond with acceptance and compassion, it makes us bond in a way that feels undoable
Thank you for sharing this, I think many members of our community can relate. I'm so glad you're here :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
@@designbylake
Super post. Thank you for sharing that
For someone like me, with bpd it is possible to truly feel VERY strongly for someone and then split. I can't explain splitting other than to say it is the most uncomfortable feeling, and you have to get away from that person at all costs. It may be that she suffers from bpd, which comes from trauma as well.
Hmm, the woman also admitted that she has CPTSD and stated she relationship jumps; so she has trauma too, but it feels like she is getting demonized even though she stated what was up. They both have trauma and i have empathy for both. This is called Wound Mates and almost all of us here have experienced this kind of relationship. And these relationships are most definitely teachers for us, if we have enough awareness.
I'm on the Avoidant side, so i actually have understanding why people seem to detach once a relationship gets more intimate and you start to feel like the other person "wants something from you" and that feels like a recipe for disregulation to an Avoidant. My point is that both are experiencing trauma and so instead of making her seem "bad" it can be looked at from more of an observant viewpoint.
I like the way you defined the red flag process. This has always been one of my biggest downfalls; I bypass or override the red flags. It isn't that I don't see them. I think many people with CPTSD and BPD type of issues are extremely intuitive to bullshit and red flags. The problem is that we offer ourselves up as human sacrifices.
Attachment styles. She: Dismissive Avoidant. He: Anxious Preoccupied. Run, run run from dismissive avoidants. Forever keep them in your rearview mirror. Do a deep dive on attachment styles. In addition, and as always, Anna is spot on
Well anxious preoccupieds are a nuisance. So nobody wins.
Both Avoidants and Anxious types can have stable relationships with Secures. The problem is they're often attracted to eachother and they don't usually work together as a couple as they keep triggering eachother.
Love how everyone demonises DAs, even if they are seeking help to change.
This video hits hard on me. For the last 6 years has been so lame to me romantically. So, I decided to give up.
Oh my gosh-- this was my relationship in almost perfect summary that stretched across 4 months. I'm 30 days from the sudden break-up and still sad.
Yeah. She wanted to meet in person because that's where his attraction to her is most intense, thus most accessible to her voracious ego. My childhood CPTSD had me started on that "vampire" path. In my youth it was the only way I knew to fill my own void, along with alcohol.
I love Anna I want to make that clear, but I prefer the responses that have more nuance. While listening to this i did not find the woman to be unlikable or an evil vampire or a narcissist as people are saying in comments but unhealed. Her mistake is being too vulnerable with someone too soon (the same thing he did/he initiated upon first meeting), spending too much time with him too soon (the same thing he did) and being too honest about her past mistakes so that we can now vilify her. She dated him 2 weeks then rejected him (didn't actually ghost him) instead of getting into a relationship and breaking his heart and to me that sounds like progress. Am i insane? 2 weeks genuinely isn't a long time. I haven't done this to anyone in fact im the one who was limerent all year so im not projecting.
ANYWAy the writer sounds like a sweet person and i wish him all the best in his healing! I know EXACTLY how you are feeling! The thoughts are becoming less and less for me over time too but they just come back every now and then. Gotta maintain that distance and find what we got from that relationship somewhere else as much as possible i think. Maybe connecting more deeply with a trusted friend would help as it sounds like u have a solid friend group!
This. I’ll go out on a limb and say behind a lot of the comments, not all but still too many, lies a misogynistic attitude.
Of course most people are going to side with the letter writers, but I’ve noticed that way too often it’s perceived in terms of black and white thinking, only half the story - and forgetting that the other person (or people) involved is/are human, too, regardless of their sex.
This is my life over and over😢
And mine
Mine too ❤
Me too ❤
We aren’t alone ❤
Ya
X2
00:00 🤔 Childhood trauma can distort relationships, leading to attachments with those who can't reciprocate love, causing pain and confusion.
01:12 🚪 Growing up in a chaotic household with emotionally neglectful parents can create conflicting emotions, making it hard to recognize abuse.
02:46 💔 Long-term relationships can suffer due to untreated mental health issues and influence from family, impacting personal growth and happiness.
04:21 😞 Low self-confidence can lead to self-doubt in relationships, making it challenging to assess genuine interest from others.
06:26 🚩 Overlooking red flags and rushing into a relationship can lead to emotional distress, especially when there are clear signs of emotional unavailability or fear of commitment.
08:46 🛑 Recognizing when a relationship is causing emotional turmoil and learning to prioritize personal well-being over maintaining a connection.
10:27 🙅 Setting boundaries and choosing to step away from toxic relationships, even if offered friendship, to prioritize self-healing.
11:22 🤯 Impact of a brief but intense relationship can sometimes outweigh the effects of a longer-term relationship, triggering deeper emotional distress.
12:15 🦸♂ Self-reflection and healing from childhood trauma can enable healthier relationship choices and emotional self-protection.
16:09 🎯 Structured dating and understanding personal attachment patterns can prevent rushing into relationships, offering a more balanced approach to emotional involvement.
18:31 🚗 Healing from trauma involves setting emotional guardrails, seeking support from peers on similar journeys, and prioritizing self-care and personal growth.
21:20 💔 Understanding that not everyone plays by the same relationship rules; finding someone who appreciates your approach is key to a great future.
21:48 🧠 Obsessing over someone after a breakup might not necessarily be limerence yet; it's natural but not fully addictive. Limerence involves irrational fixation, continuous thoughts, and idealization.
22:17 📑 Providing a free PDF on the signs of limerence to help individuals recognize and assess their emotional state, especially if they're slipping into obsessive behaviors like constantly checking someone's social media.
Wowza. Good work. Thank you. Love Anna's work and this community.
❤👍🙏
Thank you. You are great to provide this for us. Good job ❣️
your hair looks particularly amazing this video! and that coral red is STUNNING on you 🥰 great video as always!
Was just told by a guy I’d been seeing casually that he’s having a hard time connecting with women…so, basically “I’m not connecting with you, so don’t expect anything from me”. We had had sex during his most recent visit, I doted on him, we cuddled, I rubbed his back and encouraged him to just relax and take it easy. He didn’t seem to be interested in going out and doing anything with me, instead figuring out when to meet back up with his brother or just getting back home, which is 2 hours away. I had asked him some questions about his feelings and he teared up when I asked if he’d been hurt before. I know that he has abandonment issues from his absent biological father. I believe he’s dealt with this by becoming a people pleaser, hyper sexual and emotionally unavailable. Of course as an ACOA all of the above for me is like a moth to the flame.
Always a good insight from Anna. 🌺🦋🌸🎄
Public perception - "Oh, she's so charismatic." When she's really a 'happy" drunk. All the crazy things that strangers in the public sphere say to us need to be forgiven and often forgotten. Also, "friends with benefits' is a vampire-like strategy. Beware.
Yes. That empty, opportunistic FWB thing is a crock.
I would say I had a similar experience with somebody I met online, it was a guy and not a woman and I also met him online. To me it all screams emotionally unavailable woman, possibly even a narcissist. Does not matter how much therapy she got and how vulnerable she might be with you, she seems messed up beyond repair. She might have said she wanted a possible romantic relationship to hook you in but in the reality friends with benefits was all what she could offer to you. To me it seems like she was still looking around and possibly trying to explore her options. I am not ready for a relationship means that they are looking only for a casual, no strings attached relationship and your clue to get the hell out of there
Rewired.... I never knew. Doctor told me people that smoked before the brain being fully developed about 26yo rewire the neurons differently from those that didn't smoke.
Seen my psychiatrist (MD dude) on Monday told him I learned about rewired smokers. So I said to him I think I'm rewired because of childhood abuse. I was 45yo when I learned what a switch is and those dozens of scars on my back is from a switch.
He said yes that's why you can go days without speaking to anyone. He also said yes its not in the DSM yet but I agree with CPTSD. It's extremely complicated and when I told my psychologist about CPTSD she gave me a blank stare and didn't respond.
He said some psychologist are and some not on the front lines of these things. He said I'll get you in another program for that. We can't rewire you, can't fix it because the brain is permanently wired that way so we will help you live the best life with it.
Remember you can't rewire it's in the neurons of how you are wired. It's ok to be the way you are. Be that survivor not the victim.
Way to keep seeking an answer
"neural plasticity"
That's part of what this channel is about.
It’s complicated. I don’t believe it’s totally impossible to heal from PTSD, but it will still be hard work and everyone’s mileage will certainly vary.
I can relate to this quite a bit. It's interesting to read some of the comments and see that some are saying he's not ideal because he didn't initiate while others are saying he was aggressively pursuing her and she just wasn't interested. It's tough to be a guy and have these problems, some people want to assume you're to blame no matter what. Also, just because you announce you are doing something bad, like using someone, doesn't mean it's OK. If you "aren't ready for a relationship", then don't go on any dates or spend time with any new people, especially not people who might be interested in a relationship with you, it's that simple. What do you think is happening when you spend time and share all this deep emotional stuff with another person?
Hey 'Stephen', I am so sorry for your experience. Grief is hard. Sending love. I hope Annie's talk is helping you.
All the very best to you mate .
Thanks for sharing these kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy
This dentist lady sounds like she gets off pretending to be a man's fantasy for the ego stroke of it. And, yes, a total energy vampire who feeds on men trusting her and telling her their deepest most vulnerable wounds. She is aware that her beauty makes most men happy to open up to her and she fully toys with them for her amusement. Unfortunately, it seems the guy who wrote this letter was simply narcissistic supply for this dentist lady. She fed off of his emotional vulnerability. Also, she totally left that umbrella behind on purpose and accompanied him to get that tattoo so he would be tortured by these little reminders of her. Mind games.
she also trusted him and shared her deepest vulnerable wounds btw. I think the internet has a bad habit of reading into everything as though everyone is a manipulative narcissist.This is a relationship of 2 weeks.
@@mesCheerios
Agree. But some can sense easy prey quickly, pounce fast, and cause a lot of emotional harm in a brief period.
I wouldn't be so sure. She's damaged, too.
@@mesCheerios that's if what she told him was even true. For all we know, she could have told him a pack of lies just so he would open up to her. Or... maybe she really did open up to him and regretted being so vulnerable, which caused her to eventually withdraw.
A mom misspelled and mispronouncing Anna. That sounds more than intentional, one of the easiest names😂😢
My name is also really simple, yet other family members still misspell it even after I’ve tried pointing it out. If people I haven’t known five minutes can get it right, so can they!
My parents actively ignore me and abandon me.
They left me completely alone in a Nandos in a Foreign country without a Call or text anything just to get my sister (who’s a confrontational mentallly ill B word) into the Car. There were 4 people (1 baby and 1 driver). When i told the waitress that they left me she asked ‘are you serious?’ And i said in response ‘That’s kind of Heartbreaking’. I left the shop on my own and she still kept looking at me from inside making sure I didn’t get kidnapped or do anything to hurt myself. I still think about her everyday.
Secondly, they always tell me everything last minute. Today they were going to mall and right the very moment they were dressed up and ready to leave my dad asks me ‘Get ready, We’re going to the mall’ and I was completely taken aback. I didn’t know and he just told me they were going in 3 minutes in advance.
3rdly, I just don’t felt cared for and loved. I haven’t been hugged or kissed in months and I actively self sabotage. I’ve been urging my parents to do a School related activity but they’ve been putting it off and i’m afraid pretty soon it’ll be too late to do it. Yeah, so it’s the ‘small’ thing that annoy me.
I’m gonna be 18 in a few days and i’m a boy. I’m contemplating having a Mental breakdown when they get home but i’m also thinking ‘What’s the point? They still won’t get it and just see themselves in the right and make me out to be the villain’. I also know they’ll actively ignore me by ‘pretending’ to be on the Phone or too ‘busy’ to talk if I confronted them about this subject.
What can i do that doesn’t end with me cutting them out of my life forever even if they beg to be let back in? I’m a Middle child and have always felt unwanted in my family. I don’t mesh well with their personalities and have always felt I didn’t belong here.
If any parent reads this, PLEASE PLEASE take extra special care of your Middle kids. Don’t ignore or alienate them and let them know you love them. Especially if their personality isn’t similar to you or their siblings. I’ve nearly gone through with Sui**de 2 times, I’m pretty sure the 2nd one would’ve worked without a Doubt.
I know this will sounds trite, but you do have your whole life ahead of you. I’m not a middle child, but my parents denial of my younger sibling’s rather serious personality disorder meant that my life was partially sacrificed to this endeavor without me, realizing it growing up, but coming to awareness as you do.
It is natural to want your parents to love and support you and treat you fairly. I am several decades older than you and I have continued to try and try and try with my parents until they came a point where it became undeniable that these people just were not the best parents and/or didn’t know how to deal with the situation. For a long time, I managed by managing my expectations internally, and still being in touch with them, but certain further things that happened just made things even more extreme and older life and I just cannot be close to them. Now you are much younger and this is not something to conclude right away. However, you will find that you are stronger than you think. You have already gone through the worst of it, and you can gain agency over your life and turn it into a different direction and find your chosen family. I’m not gonna lie that it’s gonna be easy or straightforward, or won’t have ups and downs, but it’s certainly better than endlessly, expecting something from parents, who, for whatever reason aren’t able to provide it, or even worse, harming yourself for something that you did not cause you did not deserve.
@@asvegas777 I see your point, 17/18 seems unfairly young to have to face grieving not having the parents you wanted/deserved so my heart goes out to OP. I’m sorry you had to experience that, also, as I have, too.
Hugs to both of you.
Thank you Anna. Spot on as always! ❤
Half of the time im questioning or dont feel loved by a man who loves me very much. Hopefully i can get a grip of these tiny triggers and ptsd relapses because ive driven him crazy but he hasnt given up.on me yet.
We completely understand. You're in the right place now :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thats bad we let people in so quickly I have done it many times so be gentle with yourself. It takes what it take to heal. They are called growing pains for a reason. That sucks too. Anna does help so so much!
I watch youtube animal videos. Scary stories. Like to distract myself .
Life bless you Anna xx
"Stephen" you'll find the right one, you sound like a wonderful person❤
i am sort of similar to the girl in this case. a lot of girls and guys are STILL hooked onto me even though I "broke their hearts" as they say. ive been working on catching these kinds of obsessive people early on as to not let them get into that hooked state on me. i only slowly open up to keep them from getting trauma bonded to me. now i am attracting more reasonable people and building up friendships first before doing any romantic relationships(i dont have any friends yet, yes my avoidance is that bad) so please if you are attracted to my kind of people know that its going to be really hard especially if they're not actively working towards healing but if they are then listen to our boundaries and clear warnings we give. sometimes you will have to accept you cant help us. only we can help ourselves.
Slow it down. Best advice ever
Always on point
This really hits home!
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
What about giving yourself to someone who said you were their person but then they switched from kind sweet and loyal to mean spirited and talking to other women? Is that normal? I think I moved to fast and needed more time to get to know him. I thought we had a deep connection but I think I imagined it all.
I really helped him with his life issues. I feel like he was just getting as much attention and love from me while giving very little. Why is it so hard to see this crap beforehand?
I've experienced similar. For me it has been very important to remember boundaries and what is not acceptable at any time even months into a relationship and removing myself from men who do the switch. I'll admit it hasn't been easy. I must remind myself that my abandonment wound is what makes me feel the urge to crap fit and not the man. I sure hope that helps you some. Really decide what you personally find appropriate in relationships and remove yourself when that meal is not being served.
Thanks Anna, one of your best! 👍😊🙏
Oh, I hate that when outside people tell me what relationship I have with one of my parents, instead of just telling me what they have (gratitude, experience etc). I got 'thanks to your father, my child was born and is alive' way less than 'oh you are the youngest of 4, you bask in love of the whole family!' (no I did not). So I get this outside gaslighting, and it's argh.
Than that 2 weeks love, that's a bit too intense for a dysorganised attachment like me, but I don't see real malice there, looks like BPD. And since she didn't tell him she has it, she doesn't yet know, but she has noticed the pattern and told him about it; as they tend to do. I guess we just so easily dismiss stories people tell about themselves, but some of them are... maybe not true at the core, but self-fulfilling.
Fish hook of Doom 😂😂😂
He should find someone who adores him for a change.
WHY would you DATE/ call it a DATE with someone you’ve only just had a texting convo with??? Surely you would just meet and see if you actually WANT TO DATE THEM …?!?
Hi CCF team! Does Anna have a playlist here on YT geared towards career success? I am working towards a promotion next year and am worried I will self-sabotage. A lot of people will be counting on me and that is when I tend to go into flight/avoidant behaviors.
Here's a compilation on this topic: th-cam.com/video/noYCh_wDJ-c/w-d-xo.html
-Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you so much!
The thumbnail made me laugh outloud.
I have complex PTSD and didn’t realize about it till very recently. I’ve gone out three times with a girl and kissed her once and now she’s making me feel a little uncomfortable. I’m not sure if it’s me or her. I was looking for a relationship, but something weird now
I can understand not feeling good about yourself....
I don't know if anybody reading this comment is familiar with the channel Catfished, but I made the connection while watching this video that oh, THIS is how people end up sending thousands of dollars to romance scammers and stay in it for months or even years
How can I write you a letter? Not sure it's "read on your show worthy", nonetheless, I am tripping over myself b/t 2 men...both ex's. What am I doing?
Unfortunately, Anna isn't able to respond to all of the letters she receives, but we would love it if you wrote in! Here's a link: bit.ly/CCF_Letters -Calista@TeamFairy
This is why I avoid relationships as a whole...
A "real man" ??
14:14 Your own mom mispronouncing and mispelling your name???? Sheesh!!!
Sounds like he dated my ex
When women write you're all "I'm not gonna talk about him because he didn't write to me", but here you're all "she doesn't have a heart". 🙄
Most, not all, but *most* men who send in a letter to Anna are emotionally manipulative and it's highly triggering to hear them frame their victims as perpetrators. Their letters are classic examples of DARVO and I can't listen to them more than once, even though I watch most of Anna's videos twice!
It's so sad to see them appropriate the language of mental health to manipulate people and blame their victims. They're often very entitled and controlling, or highly dismissive and neglectful. They mostly seem like covert abusers/narcissists to me. :(
@@Analysis_Paralysis I'm a mature woman and I personally know women who do this to their men. They are not all victims but are predators. Borderline Personality Disordered women (some are histrionic) do exist. We know the label histrionic needs to be modernized to reflect the traits in a more non-misogynistic manner, however it doesn't negate the actual traits seen in some women. Steven sounds like he met up with a woman skilled at creating a trauma bond. They exist as well. Hearing his letter was helpful IMO.
@@Water_is_Sacred777 Yeah, she does sound like she has BPD, I thought that, too. She seems to enjoy messing with men and probably draws her self-worth from that, which would be a very "histrionic" thing to do. Yes, the HPD diagnosis should be named differently, and I know women like this exist.
I was just triggered because one of the letters I recently listened to was by a man who was obsessed with his ex-wife and her new relationship and not wanting her to move on and be happy with someone else, and yet framing it as if he was the poor victim who wanted to "protect" his ex-wife from making a mistake by being in a new relationship. It's kind of messed up. We are all trying to figure out how to be safe and it's not helpful when people misuse psychology and mental health language to manipulate others. It's kind of really triggering and disappointing!
@@Analysis_Paralysis she doesn't sound like she did anything extreme? The plain facts of the story are she spent all her time with him and opened up too much and reacted in a way he liked when he opened up to her for 2 weeks. What am i missing here?
The woman in the video literally mentioned she had a pattern of doing this, making men fall in "love", then withdrawing. I don't see anything wrong
😢😢😢😢😢😢
I've been entangled with entitled and selfish men who I gave my all to, so I'm very familiar with this dynamic and I'm working on having better boundaries.
I have to say, though, that I'm seeing a pattern in entitled men sending in a letter and framing it as if they were robbed of something just because a woman they'd been aggressively pursuing wasn't interested in them. I don't know, but I see red flags in the letters of these men. Usually, people who have CPTSD blame *themselves* instead of the other person and they take on TOO MUCH responsibility, even feeling responsible for the actions of the other person, but these men don't seem to take any responsibility or be aware of other people's boundaries. They just seem angry that a woman didn't want them.
I don't know, it's just my impression. Lots of letters by men follow this pattern. Seems like covert abuse to me, but other viewers might offer their perspectives to this, if they want. I could be wrong.
We do know entitled, selfish or narcissistic men exist. I have known a few in my lifetime. I blame their formation and their biology for how they roll. I work hard to not hate them. I have forgiven them, not for them but for me. I work on myself for me, nobody else. Bitterness is destructive to my physical and emotional health. Contrary to modern trends, men are not the enemy IMO. They are also victims of childhood traumas and can find healing. I found shifting my perspective (which goes against the current gender war) has changed my life. It has given me hope. I do avoid them and know I can't fix an unhealed man. That's the key...Just my story.
@@Water_is_Sacred777 It's not "modern", we've given grace to men for c-e-n-t-u-r-i-e-s. Empathizing with them over and over and we still continue to do this, I myself have done it. Over and over.
The result was: I was harmed. No, they don't deserve our grace, if they can't give grace to others.
I was once where you are, I have moved on and I'm not ready to let anyone hurt me again. I give grace where grace is owed. But not to people who abuse it. THAT is HEALING to me. And that is what has changed MY life. Your path is different, but you're not entitled to call what you don't understand "bitterness".
I've never been a bitter person and a predator or a perpetrator won't manage to make me bitter either. I don't give anyone that much power.
You're not more evolved than others for choosing differently. Sorry, but bye!
@@Analysis_Paralysis Happy to know you have learned to avoid them. I'm just saying I learned not to hate them as well .That's the key. Peace out.
@@Water_is_Sacred777 Where do you take the word "hate" from?
"Being wary" and "hating" are two different things. Please, stop conflating/generalizing these two things. If I had "hate" in my heart, I'd be an abuser.
Stop implying people who have a completely different path are less evolved, that doesn't contribute to their healing. Peace out!
@@Analysis_Paralysis I was referring to myself. My story, no one else's.☮
Sounds he is a victim and she is the ultimate evil. He did not planned proper dates, both dumped all their issues on each other, doing tatooes.... agreed on all her conditions (time, place). Not taking ownership.... I am not sure Anna this is an "ideal man" . 🤷
Go straight to 16:50 to cut out the tedious letter/waffle. Viewers don't need to know all that (we all have our own different stories) - just get straight on with WHAT TO DO.
I totally disagree. Listening to the letter gives the full context into the situation and even makes the advice more applicable.
@@tg8418 I agree, context is important. I’m sure there’s another channel one could find which doesn’t go into that amount of detail instead of trying to change how an established TH-camr presents their content.
What she did was calculating. She trauma matched you purposely so she could get the high she needed, then moved on to traumatize someone else! That woman has SERIOUS problems!
Really like some of your videos, but after watching a lot and listening to the podcast it often feels like you’re talking specifically to women. Men are suffering too!