15 SIGNS YOU HAVE CPTSD (COMPLEX PTSD) | DR. KIM SAGE
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 พ.ค. 2023
- This video describes 15 of the most common signs of CPTSD.
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1. Living in a state of hyper vigilance
2. Isolating
3. Repetitive relational patterns
4. Chronic health issues
5. Chronic mental health issues
6. Dissociation
7. Depersonalization
8. Derealization
9. Perfectionism/ harsh inner critic
10. Toxic shame
11. Living in survival mode
12. Feeling unworthy
13. Emotional flashbacks
14. Hyper- controlling
15. Chronic distrust/ never feeling safe
Thank you ❤
Thank you!
Thank You
Wow
Thank you❤
Isolation has definitely been a coping mechanism I’ve used since childhood. I used to wander the farm fields, help myself to breakfast from the garden and climb the oil drum at the side of the house to be alone with a barn cat stuffed into my shirt.
🐈 meow
I recently realized that isolation has been my coping mechanism since childhood too. I used to think I was just an odd loner who would never fit in, but now I see how my isolation and dissociation have created additional hurt to myself and others. I’ve ruined so many relationships over the years with these “coping” behaviors. I’m so thankful to Dr. Sage, and others here on YT, for helping me learn and heal!
Candace, you sound like you would have been the perfect friend for me as a child. I was a "wanderer", forager child as well. Living in our own make-believe world where it didn't hurt. I'm 65 now and still kind of live there...
Oh YES! LIKE YOU & the others who've commented, I grew up then, on a farm. I hung out with the horses, cats and dogs! I took a flat head screw driver & hammer, and chiseled into the wood beams in our barns, "I Sheila, LOVE HORSES, CATS AND DOGS, MORE THAN PEOPLE"! I'd look at that in My older years and still could FEEL Why I had done it...I still can FEEL IT! Nobody will believe that I will still check out to be alone today! I'm known for being very social and was a very successful Sales rep! But I really related to you and the other people who responded to your statement! ❤
Wow! I used to walk the fields on our farm too- it’s amazing that so many of us coped this way
I really thought I was the only one who stayed up to unreasonably late hours (like 4 AM) just so I could have some peace and quiet in the house. Even the sounds of my family walking around and closing doors gets to me. I am someone that needs time alone to recharge and the sounds going on in the house make it very obvious I'm not alone. It's been several years since I truly had the house to myself for more than a couple hours and it has taken a huge toll on my mental health. I just have nowhere else to go or can't afford to.
That makes a lot of sense to me. I can't fully relax until everyone in the house is either gone or asleep. I'm too conscious of them being conscious of me, if that makes sense
@Leipziger Gnom Yessss that makes sense!
I totally relate to both of you! I've been a sahm(homeschooling, w narc husband) for 20 years since my teens and never getting a second alone is killing me(among other things). I feel like such a bad mom bc I want/need my kids to sleep in just so I can taste the silence at sunrise for a split second but I also know that if I don't get that time, I really will be a bad mom all day. I often just want to run away but unfortunately there's just nowhere to run😔
@Rachel Bee I don't think that makes you a bad Mom, that just makes you human with needs. It sounds like you could use a Mom vacation away from the husband and kids
I know you probably don't feel you want to or can't, but a walk in a park is wonderful.
You can survive this !!
I also understand l need my time alone and still do many decades after . X
CPTSD due to bullying is really something that should be talked about more often
Especially if your father was one of your bullies when you were a young child. Like me.
@@JustForFun-mt9og yeah that’s for sure not talked about enough either :(
As a person who suffered bullying from 3yo with it becoming relentless throughout the 5 years of high school, I agree. Other traumas such as sexual assault pale into insignificance in terms of long-term impact on me when compared to bullying.
The entire world probably has PTSD after the bullying to have. The vaccine.
I had two narcissistic parents, bullied at primary and high school, and sometimes at work. Now I have no friends, no family, never married no kids.
The Crappy Childhood Fairy channel is a dope woman who shows you how to heal from this. Shoutout to all of us taking responsibility for ourselves and trying to get better. You deserve it 💪💞
Yes! And Necrology unscripted! And others on u tube
Yes! I love listening to Dr. Sage and also the scenarios from writers with The Crappy Childhood Fairy! They are amazing women who have really helped me become much more self aware of my why... accepting it and rebuilding. I also love Sven from the Badass Counseling program he has created and his approach.
@@jennyferguson5583. Narc ology!😅
Yes, I love both these women - Dr Sage and The Crappy Childhood Fairy! I have had so many lightbulb moments watching them and so many moments hen I finally feel validated and like somebody has heard me. After spending several years trying to explain these things I feel to others only to be met with either blank stares or worse the whole “you’re just looking for excuses” response.
❤❤❤❤❤😊thank you!
I'm not a fan of a lot of psychologists just due to having very bad experiences in therapy for CPTSD, it actually made it worsen. But there needs to be more doctors like Kim, a lot of them only understand in theory what's wrong with the patient, but have never actually experienced it themselves, so they make critical life threatening mistakes. This is a very unique doctor, she should be highly regarded in my opinion.
The problem with trying to be myself in a relationships while healing from CPTSD is that 90% of my interpersonal personality is a response to trauma. I think most of us have that issue. The other 10% of me is made of solitary interests I've thought very deeply about for a long time. That is what I consider me. I have a wide range of interests but in most cases my knowledge of them is too deep to share in casual conversations. It would bore the other person. I start to tell someone what I believe on a topic and realize that my opinion comes from a year of reading related material and many hours of contemplation. For them it is just a passing topic. My life is my mind. I think that scanning also develops the intuition. I can feel when someone's mood changes and of course I think I did it. Relationships just aren't fun. Luckily I'm happy...and I don't long to be around others. I have quite a few talents to amuse myself with and enough things to learn to see me safely to the grave.
Gosh you could be writing about me! Just out of curiousity, do you know your enneagram type? I am an investigator and love living in my mind. My social anxiety, caused by childhood Cptsd has impacted every part of my life except for my alone time.
@@Yearofthetiger24026 No I don't. I think a big issue with tests is that I was trained to act in an extroverted manner in certain situations by my Narcissistic parent, but I'm basically an introvert. They punished me when I put on the wrong act so the situational questions often asked on these tests get conflicting answers. I have no problem lecturing to a large or small group. I was a professor. But ask me to hangout with a group of 2 or more people socially and I won't. On the Meyers Briggs scale I tend to score between multiple types. Because outward behavior is inconsistent so are the types. What is real and what is a learned behavior to certain situations?
Ditto
This is such a good summary , I'm the same !!
90% of my personality is a response to trauma 🤯
I identify with ALL of that
Thank you Dr Kim. I am in my 60s now, I have had lifelong cPTSD, and finally I have a good trauma-informed therapist. A couple of things that I don't hear being talked about are people with cPTSD NOT having children because of chaotic and traumatising childhoods. That is me. I decided in my teens that I was never going to have children. I felt that I had no idea how to be a parent. A second point that is not often mentioned is the prevalence of addiction and substance abuse among people with cPTSD. I have also had a long and problematic "relationship" with alcohol. I now understand that drinking was a maladaptive way to try to soothe myself. I'm sober now, but it took a long time for me to make the connection between my cPTSD symptoms and using alcohol for relief.
Recovery and healing are hard, but I'm in a much better place now. than I was a few years ago.
Thanks for all that you do. ❣ P.S. I love your cat! 😽
If you go back to a younger time with your present knowledge about your CPTSD, would you want to have kids? I’m 40 years old, by far no marriage no kids, because I didn’t have a good childhood time, and I’ve always thought my children will suffer the same way.
What I’ve learned is we are not our parent so the outcome and results of raising kids is completely different. My kids have everything I didn’t. That’s just saying they have a mom and dad that support them, care and love them very much. If I do nothing else in this life but destroy the generational narcissism in our family then in my mind I will have succeeded.
@@k.f.9875 I wanted children. But bc I am in a toxic relationship for many years, I believe my body rejected having a child. The stress alone can really impact me. I am trying to release patterns from my Mom and this person. I find building a support system is the hardest. I now have tardive dyskinesia from being on antidepressants. So that adds to the isolation.
I too decided not to have kids... and I have 2 of them. (I thought I would adopt children who were already "stuck" here! But ... I had the shocks of my life and two teens now! So now my goal is to do everything different than was done w me. So they will likely have DIFFERENT problems, but at least not the same ones I battle. ❤
For me, it was never getting married. As an adolescent, I used to tell my friends that I wanted the wedding but not the marriage. My parents were narcs, I thought that marriage would slowly kill me.
It’s so true. As a child I did not show any sign of being neglected, isolated and not cared for. I just felt I did not fit anywhere. Being ignored = rejected
i remember being threatened to be kicked out (from the age of around 8) by my narc mother and being the target of my fathers alcohol fueled moods. Because of this I used to run away frequently. I used to love the feeling of the dark quiet streets imagining a whole new life for myself somehow. Often I would walk by a happy sounding house and have tears in my eyes wishing I could be part of that family
you have a nice name
I hope you write a book
💔🙏🏾🤗
Yes--I get it. I used to go on service calls to homes for my company,and around the time of Thanksgiving and the holidays,I would hear families interacting with their relatives and all the happy chatter,smell the turkey cooking,and all of that.Then go home to the fighting and screaming.
Anyone else had a mother growing up who ruined holidays. Set up others (me) to make it look like “it “( whatever made up crap she could point to) had reached an intolerable state, and used these moments take away promises, earned rewards, or stop the celebrations? I still remember her setting me up with taking away a huge earned reward and announcing with that crazy smile on her face, “ we have a problem..” meaning I was the problem. My response. Whatever it was- was going to get me into furhter trouble. Cut off, cut out of the family. And me- “ no, there’s no problem…” finally learning in my 40’s the game! Finally!!!!! It was never a real opportunity, only control. Only pretend that she will give to take away later, future fake, all more pain. 😢
I have most of these symptoms. I grew up having no memory of large blocks of time, I am hyper vigilant and startle very easily. I never truly feel safe. I have had two relationships both of which were abusive. I’m 76 and healthy, I go to a gym and am learning how to put myself first. I wish I had this information as a younger person, but I have it now and am trying to do some self care.
Isolation…. Hmmm… I always called it circling my wagons. I pull away to ‘deal’ with something. Get strong enough to get back out there and try again. Nice to know I’m not alone. Thank you for your honesty and openness. Seeing you courageously showing us your own vulnerability is truly inspiring.
CDavis, EXACTLY!!
Circling the wagons is a great analogy, I always called it going within.
I do that to and shut down
Love that analogy, circling the wagons!
If I was alone I was safe, wasn't going to get screamed at or slapped.
If I hear people moving around, I tense up a little.
i find myself being so lonely, but being so so scared of opening up. and the few times i've found someone I feel is special and gets me, more often than not- they solidify my fears by leaving my life. i am giving my kids a stable, loving foundation, but my God i've been so tourtured the older I get- trying to hold it all together and carry the baggage.
I am right there with you.
❤
I feel like I'm always slapping myself together with duct tape and going onward.
That sigh about 7 minutes in sent chills down my spine. My mother has been gone for 4 years thank goodness, but I don’t know that I’ll ever overcome my deeply ingrained fear of her.
I hated that sigh. The sigh Mother gave.
Never around Dad though. Just towards my sister and I. Bitch
I can relate. My mother is shorter than me and an old woman now, but she still feels two stories tall in my mind. This might seem like too much for some, but something that helped me manage my fear of my father before he died was vividly imagining beating him up and calling him out. I'm not a violent person and tend towards the freeze response, so it was very healing for me and my inner child to experience standing up for myself that way---even if only mentally.
Thank you for making me realize I should do some version of this with my mom! Good wishes to you. : - )
I get this! For me, it's not so much that I'm still afraid of my abusive parent (for me, father), per se; it's more like, how could the generalized fear go away? It's so pervasive you don't even always realize it's there. He died fairly suddenly from aggressive brain cancer, and I actually went through a period of being intensely afraid of death. I wonder what *that's* about...
Mine’s been gone since 2000. I’m still afraid of her…
My father passed almost a decade ago. I'm 6'3" and he was 5' 10" and 130lbs soaking wet. I'm still terrified of him.
cPTSD runs so deeply to my core that I have dysautonomia (autonomic dysfunction). My body has been in such an intense “fight or flight” state for 38 years that it has literally damaged my nerves.
Your videos help me feel sane, normal, worthy and important. Thank you 🙏🏻
Did I manifest as fibromyalgia? It did for me and I wouldn’t wish this on the most evil man in this country.
Same here. 😢
My daughter developed misophonia at 13
Which puts her into daily probably hourly fight or flight, and she developed dysautonomia a few years later definitely related very sad
@@Yinyara I’m so sorry! It’s a terrible disease. I hope you can find relief on most days.
@@moreintimacy2084 I agree. Definitely related!! I hope she can find things that bring her peace and relaxation 💕
I’ve developed CPTSD from my mother throughout my childhood, and it became worse after dealing with a narcissist ex whom I have young kids with and it’s such an odd feeling because I feel like I’m just existing on auto pilot everyday. I’ve always preferred to be alone and by myself. Life is so hard, and it’s difficult navigating through life dealing with trauma. Sigh
I am in my mid-60s, have been through the gamut of antidepressants, drugs for anxiety, etc., for decades. I have been in and out of therapy since I was in middle school. Only recently did I find a therapist who told me I have had PTSD since I was a child. Why this was a surprise to me, I don't know. I guess I thought PTSD was something for soldiers who went to war, not someone like me. So much of what I've been through makes sense now and I hope to heal. Having a label for what I've been through makes a huge difference. I wish I had known earlier.
Very true. I think even back when I was in therapy in like 2006-2007 there were very strict criteria for PTSD. I don't think CPTSD even existed, or at least I didn't know anything about it. PTSD I understood was only if you'd been to war, or a massive accident like a plane crash, or if you were a victim of rape.
However I heard my therapist mutter something about PTSD when he was writing his notes. He just wasn't able to diagnose me at all, as he said, that my case was too complex. But it might be he just didn't have proper tools yet back then. No idea when CPTSD was added to the diagnostic manuals.
My first traumatic event happened to me 48 years ago when I was 12 years old and I am still in that room. The abuse happened until I left home at 16 but my life has been hell since. I was diagnosed with cptsd in 2018 but still have never had any therapy or help. It's truly exhausting and scary.
Hi Dear. I've been on my healing journey for some years now. I was once that 12yo and my abuse was chronic too, it last way too many years. Please, do something for yourself. Your abuser(s) won't do it for you, your partner won't do it for you, your family won't do it for you either. You are the only one capable and responsible for your healing. You deserve to live a life that is not exhausting or scary all the time. If there's any money worth of spending, it's money towards therapy. Look it up for therapists specialized in abuse, and go full force on it, be intentional with your wellbeing. I pray that God heals you and gives you the tools to help you live a bette life! Sending love and peace!
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Does anyone know any good source to get them? I put so much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels, would love to give shrooms a try.
Yes, dr.sporesss
Dr.sporesss is the best, he's been my go to for anything psychedelics.
Yes he is. dr.sporesss
DMT was definitely the best trip I ever had. It was amazing!
I grew up in Europe. My grandfather was a WW2 vet with (in hindsight) severe PTSD. He was an Alcoholic, beat and abused my mother and grandmother. My mother in turn was a hot mess .Alcohol, rages, quick with her hand . My father, same mess, except single mother and also all kind of disfunction. He was more avoidant. My sister and I tried to do better with our Children, but I for one still dealt with a lot of the issues and wish I could have a do-over with my kids. Looking around my contemporaries a good chunk dealt with the same stuff in one form or another. I think, at least for my age group it's an epidemic.
It's never too late to be honest with your kids.
Tell them what you said here- it'll give them validation they need to heal and open the door to a future better relationship with them.
Jesus loves you!
Literally all of this. It makes me so deeply sad that cptsd and the formulations of narcissistic abuse are still wilfully or ignorantly not acknowledge by our institutions - health, mental health and most importantly legal systems. Definitely not here in the UK.
Sending much love to all of you. ❤
I’m afraid that’s likely because those institutions are almost exclusively led by narcissistic individuals, seemingly by design, and I think they’d like to keep it that way.
We are "all alone" but i read you , feel you,and know it. Can only give you a big warm hug Jane and burn a litlle candle, just for you. Kind regards from Holland. Karin
@@karinbernhardt8747 inderdaad! ❤ ook voor jou. Er is hier nog maar weinig bekend over. 😢 Sterkte.
@@imah6249 Dankjewel Imah. Wens voor jou ook een goed en gezond leven. ❤👍✌🍀🌼🤗 Karin. o ja, misschien kunnen slachtoffers hun huisarts wijzer maken. Dat is wat wij kunnen doen.
Yeah that’s cause these archons are imbedded in the legal system themselves. I thought about it too as to how if the legal system would only lift itself out of its incredibly stubborn and archaic way are looking at situations and interpreting evidence and realized that more often than not a lawyer would only be arguing for the judge/jury to see from a perspective where they themselves are only too biased in favor of the abuser. In other words you’d be essentially asking relief from the very abusers that most likely in some way shape or form perpetuate it themselves.
Hi Loves! I am re-making a few of my older videos, by updating them, adding a few things, and hopefully not talking 90 miles an hour! If there are some videos you love but I am just speed talking, please feel free to post below which ones you think would be great for me to update and remake...and slow down on...lol. Much love and healing to you all tonight and Coco makes a brief but stunned looking appearance at the end🤣💗💗
Toxic Hypervigilance and Silent Cptsd please.
Coco and her magical tail floof give me life! ❤
I have cPTSD, EUPD, GAD, SAD and Anankastic traits. I would love a video that gave tips for meaningful self help. There is no formal help here (UK) that doesn't involve accepting drugs, which I won't do - other than a never-ending wait list that leads to a watered down version of real help. Life is very lonely and pointless.
The popularity of these terms has made them socially meaningless, meanwhile this mode of living is indistinguishable from a normal conservative lifestyle. It simply seems to describe every working class person's life and attitude whom I consider to have an IQ over 100. Psychological treatment is an extreme luxury afforded only to those society values most and that knowledge bars any possibility of accepting treatment. I've been through childhood with alcoholics who were at work most of the time anyway but also "disappeared" into being drunk the moment they got home, endless bullying, being rejected from my dream job by a racist, being rejected unfairly to the tune of actually going hungry because I lost a competition to someone else who was in no financial danger, home invasion ending in a family murder and the subsequent fakery of a district attorney with no interest in or real leeway to try a black minor in California which is utterly obsessed with "racial justice" despite the fact he's a monster who keeps comitting more crimes in prison and has an IQ of perhaps 80. Oh, did I mention the forest fire? Because I was the only one who knew the forest fire 2 miles away could be here in under 20 seconds but allowed my mother to take over an hour to pack just accepting that we would probably die and if we didn't I didn't want to deal with my traumatized mother to the point I said nothing and just went "we should hurry haha", so of course nobody understands why I get so upset when the car doesn't work and we're potentially stuck in any location unable to drive away from the giant inescapable death force field that can eat any part of California any time it wants and is only getting worse.
There is zero possibility I will live a meaningful life or even escape the shadow of humiliation heaped onto me by my own society, literally to the point of it forgiving my father's blatant murderer because it values the murderer's life more than both mine and my father's put together. Because he's black. But, you voted Biden because you're a woman and will immediately find a way to excuse all of these injustices and continue the process of shutting me out of society for being a white male with the misfortune to be born in this utterly doomed communist polity that is literally trying to burn down my town because it would prefer that hill folk who vote wrong just not own property or literally die.
Did I mention the DA was a woman and stopped speaking to me entirely when I accused her of being a liberal? Which you're about to repeat for me so that I can burn you in effigy.
@@Suiseisexy That's a huge chip you choose to carry on your shoulders... I hope you find the help you so obviously need.
My blue eyed Ragdoll died a month ago. He’d been a wonderful companion for 16 years, and I miss him desperately. Coco’s face and eyes made me cry, both happy and sad tears. She’s beautiful!
I’m so sorry for your loss! Be kind and patient with yourself! Sending you much peace and light! 🙏
@@lolacookie453 Thank you -- I still look for him every time I walk in the door. I loved him so much!
Thank you. I am 83. I am just starting to understand myself and the relationship of my childhood to the way I view and behave in my world. Thank you. I will continue to watch and listen to your uncovering life's traumas.
I was molested by my father for years starting before I can remember. When it was discovered I was 10. He went to prison for a little while. My parents didn't divorce so I had to live in that situation. He stopped drinking and never molested me again, but my life, every aspect of it, unfortunately has been affected by the effects of the trauma. I was not put into therapy and I had to learn to process everything by myself while pretending I was ok and internalizing everything throughout my teenage years. My 20 year marriage was nice at first but the last 10 years was me trying to hold it together. Couple that with my overinflated sense of empathy and my life has been a lesson about learning to love myself enough to believe that I'm worthy to exist on this planet. I have attracted many narcissistic friendships and relationships because of my trauma and now it almost 44 I have finally learn to have proper boundaries in place. And it's a struggle everyday because when you go from being an extreme people pleaser to having boundaries it hurts because you don't really want people to be upset with you but you have to realize that not everybody has your best interest at heart. Thank you for your videos appreciate them. I never heard of c-ptsd until this year and it definitely fits me to a tee which sucks but it is what it is LOL at least there's help out there for people more readily available then in the past I'm really happy about that. Much more information about narcissist and empathic behaviors and how to get help for that. Thanks again
I am EVERY SINGLE one of those 15 signs of CPTSD and at 58 that blows my mind that I have lived with this for like 50 Years of my Life..ALL of those things you mentioned..I am Exhausted and NOWI know WHY!! Thank you So much for giving VOICE to my Trauma and its effects on my life!!!
I was diagnosed with cptsd a few months ago. It’s gone completely downhill. After my last therapy session I spiraled and I ended up having flashbacks for half of this month and I only came out of it a couple of days ago. I wasn’t aware it could get that bad. I’m terrified. I accomplished nothing those days. Thank you for these videos I’ve learned more from you than from anywhere else.
❤
Sometimes it’s best not to do talk therapy bc of flashbacks
What’s an alternative?
Hey! I've heard CBT based therapy can be quite harmful to those of us with CPTSD. Like you've experienced it can cause flashbacks and disassociative states. First, you need to make sure your therapist is trauma informed and understands PTSD and CPTSD. Next, you could benefit from EDMR based therapy as well body work therapy. The biggest thing is you need to find a therapist that knows about CPTSD and is trauma informed. Good
Luck and I hope this helps!
The constant flashbacks came to me nonstop a few years ago. It was hard to function or get anything done. Found an EMDR therapist and finally processed the large traumas. Made a huge difference for me. Look for a therapist who specializes in EMDR therapy, you want to make sure you are in the most capable hands while processing. It can be rough, uncomfortable but it will get better.
Wishing you the best!
I used to secret myself under my bed and read 300 page fiction books at age nine knowing my parents never imagined I was there. I loved it. A psychological and physical retreat. A pattern that continued through out my adulthood. Reading alone in my bed.
Ditto. I eventually got a job as a professional reader for film studios. Best job I ever had. Still read for a literary agent, but it's not the same as reading for film.
Finding this channel has been a giant blessing. I can’t afford therapy right now and you are truly helping me
Agree, even though I've talked to many therapists, NONE ever mentioned anything about CPTSD! Even after I told them about the vicious fighting my mom and stepdad did, it scared me to death, he would go on weekends benders with his paycheck and when he came home Sunday afternoon it was WW3! One year I missed almost every single Monday at school because I was physically ill and puking from their fighting! Once she took a bullwhip to him and cracked it on his legs where he had recently been shot and left for dead, all this stopped when my mom died of cancer at 41, then we just became ignored and no taken care of, when I tell a therapist about feeling claustrophobic and I have to flee certain situations 2 of them asked me if I was locked in a box as a child, WHAT! NO! Obviously its a metaphor for feeling trapped I guess with the fighting and then feeling of abandonment! Need a better therapist, one that understands CPTSD!
I’m 62 years old and this is absolutely 100% me!
I came across this today and I think this is 100% me!
@@gracemccraw3924 Me too!
Yes…..me too.
I scored an 8 on the ace quiz.
It helped me understand why it's so difficult for others to fathom my childhood. It's unfathomable...
What's surprising is, that information freed me.
Seeing proof made me feel like a
bad a**.
My life has been the polar opposite of what I was raised in. They never changed who I was inside and that's part of why I am public enemy number 1 still in their eyes .
I have been no contact for 29 years and never looked back.
🌈 💜 🌈
I scored an 8, too. I have issues, of course, or I wouldn't be watching this video. But given the extreme nature of my childhood, I'm doing pretty well, overall. I'm 66, it's taken a while.
I took the ACE test -- attached was findings from a study. 100% of people with my score or higher were put on mental health medication at least once in their life. And yep, I was. Sucks.
I wish I COULD take medication for it. My ACE score is 8....Freaked me out at first and then I thought...I've made it thru all the toughest stuff, I can do now without any of those people easily !!!!@@shartles_mcgee
No contact for almost nine years now….NO regrets, only freedom! 😊
Hi I’m 58 years old and been having the worst nightmares every night since my abusive father passed away last November. All the dreams feature not only my abusive parents but everyone else over the years since I was young that mistreated me.
I have a lot of these dreams too. Every night someone will appear who I struggled with for many years. Not sure what my subconscious wants me to do with it all but it keeps reminding me!
He's gone. It's safe to remember now, IMO.
I have been diagnosed with CPTSD, Major depression and Autism. It took me so long to realize the brutal abuse I endured and the splitting of my personality. Thank you Kim for talking about it. It always helps to hear other survivors point of view, it illuminates parts of myself and helps me so much.
I've only discovered that CPTSD is a "thing" this week, which blows my mind because I've been to so many doctors with so many symptoms of exactly this, and tried so many different types of therapy for so long. Annnd it turns out that a whole bunch of "characteristics" of mine I always thought were unique, innate, impossible for anyone to fully understand, and impossible to fully address are all explained by this. All of it. Amazing! Truly amazing.
I can identify with a lot of this.
And I definitely grew up in a household with very little open expression of affection.
I am married, and have been for 30 years.
But my choice of careers,
solo OTR truck driver, and being extremely comfortable with it,
might say something about me.
You sound and feel like someone with knowledge and experience. I'm an older man with c-PTSD, my daughter tel me I' m also HSP. I love what you do, you have, for me, the right attitude (tone, voice, body language...). Most of the time, when I listen to psychs, the problems seems always to come from the parents. In my story, I've been abused from 8y to 12y, by a friend of the family, in the same period I was bullied in school. I never had therapy until my 50. All that to say : my problem where not my parents, but all other people, I was quite violent when people tried to touch me, I still don't like it, and I'm nearly 70. In my head, the danger is the society, who wasn't there to protect me when I was a child, but was there to bully me because I was "not normal". Sorry to be so long, the question for the psy is: I can heal, that is the message, but what does that mean? to become like the "other"? those who judge without knowing?
It does not mean changing who we are. Dr. Kim talks a lot early in the video about the state of the nervous system - healing is mainly about shifting our default state in the nervous system, spending more time in more relaxed, enjoyable states, and reducing the frequency, severity and duration of emotional pain in situations that are hard for us. It will help to change how we interpret a lot of the things we encounter in life, but the healing process involves, among other things, making the choices for ourselves what those new interpretations will be. There are generally a ton of options, at least from what I have personally seen so far.
I send you hereby protection from my heart, I see you, I hear you, I hold you, I protect you , I love you, Always and forever, in time, space and reality ❤💎❤
I was born in 1945. Growing up back then you had be tough to survive and if you were triggered by any little thing you were in for a really tough time. As a young boy growing up I was subjected to every kind of abuse one could endure. As I entered my adult years I had a difficult time relating to people but I managed to scrape by. Short version. Married and divorced twice. Three children, two who don't speak to me. Yes I was involved in two of my children's lives but walked out on my first child. Ironically she's the only one who speaks to me. I'm self isolated. My only close friend died recently. Thank you for your insights.
i also struggle with forgiving myself. i want so bad to be "good" without excuses for failure.
Oh I think you nailed me with this one. The worst part of it is I had no idea that marrying my ex would repeat the cycle and I feel awful that I had kids with him, one of which is really struggling with his mental health now and I don’t know if he’s going to be able to be alright. I feel very bad about that even though I do think my narcissistic ex was the biggest problem. The fact that I chose him put my future kids at risk down the road and now I’m dealing with the consequences of that.
Just be there for your kids.
As a parent you were part of the problem, but now its your choice to be part of the solution.
We can not change the past but be there now.
I wish you and your child the best possible healing!
You can come out of a narcissistic relationship and have CPTSD as well. You may pick a narcissist to date. My mother was HORRIBLY abused and she abused us. She was born in 1924 but she never really got help. We went to church our entire childhoods 3 times a week but there were so many screaming fights I ran away at 12. My father was a MARINE in WW2 and he had PTSD. He was less violent than my mom and they weren't alcoholic 😮😮😮😮😮
Similar here, avid every Sunday church goers. Mom would often be angry getting ready to go and then play the organ when we got there. Vietnam Vet dad with PTSD was less angry than she was and they didnt use alcohol or drugs.
I have been in isolation for eight months and therapy and staying grounded. I was so emotionally battered that I needed this time alone. It’s been a blessing I had this opportunity.
I’m finally at the place where I understand now that I need trauma therapy. Your comment gave me hope. Thank you. I hope you are hanging in there and cooing well.❤❤❤
I have these symptoms of cptsd. My childhood was very chaotic, death,divorce, marriages, neglect, basically custodial care, parents with addictions, suicides and abuses. I've recently learned about the existence of childhood trauma and I can see where my adult life has reflected it. It's both enlightening and kind of maddening. I have no children which is good but I feel out of the loop even though I'm grateful. This is a very helpful video thank you.
I found out recently that I have CPTSD. Now that there's a name for it after all these years. Most things you said resonates with me.
It was so difficult raising my child after my divorce. I know I have to break my walls down and let some people in.
Sometimes I tell people too much then think no, they might use what I said against me. Again being afraid telling too much to trust. My Pet's make my life of Happiness! Cats and dogs rock!!!
Yes, I have CPTSD. I was told by a friend that I have it about 10 years ago. When I understood what it was, I understood that I did have it. Then I went to a psychologist/psychiatrist, and it was confirmed. I wish I was better. I wish that life in my mind was calmer. 🕊️
So glad you showed us your kitty at the end, I just had to see her when I heard that adorable meow. ❤ watching this video was so eye opening but also refreshing because I’m starting to realize I’m not alone and the way I react to things isn’t just because I’m “broken” or “socially incompetent.” But because I lacked a safe and loving childhood, the term eggshell parents perfectly describes my existence in childhood. Always trying to make sure I don’t set one of my parents off. I was the “good” child because I was able to best read and predict my parents and knew how to please them. My siblings not so much..
All four of us grew up to have chronic illnesses-different ones, but chronic.
I have 11 of these symptoms and have come to understanding it started when I was removed from a abusive family life at 5 years old. Bounced in the foster care system for a year. Landed in a Christian family however reflecting I was already dealing with most of these symptoms already. Now after ending a 19 year marriage with some high in narcotic traits I started my journey in healing. However I’m still attracting emotional abuse people. I have strong boundaries so they don’t get into my life. However I’ve self isolated to protect myself until I can figure out why this is still happening Gods good He got me out of the marriage and has brought many of my false beliefs to the surface. Please pray for me
Praying for you now.
🙏🏼 lots of prayers sent your way!! God Bless! You got this!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
My prayers
Im 28, and I feel like you've hit every point I've been struggling with almost all my life.
In my last year of university, my health started to decline. I placed a lot of my worth in my education and success therein bc it felt (to me) that it was the only area my (separated) parents would show attention and encouragement.
Being good at school made me feel worthy. When it became apparent to my body that i didn't have a sense of direction for my life after graduating; i got hit with an auto-immune disease and heart issues, anxiety and depression.
I’m so happy that in the day in time we are living that a traumatized life and mental illness and other issues are now accepted and talked about. Talking and sharing helps rid the stigma and embarrassing moments we all use to have to deal with on top of our symptoms. It’s a good thing these days
I find it helpful to hear about your personal experiences intertwined with psychology information. It breaks down the barriers in my understanding the information you present. I enjoyed seeing the cameo appearance of Coco.
OMG. I witnessed so much physical violence between my father and my brothers I spent large portions of my childhood in freeze and/or fawn. I am so glad we have moved past fight or flight because those NEVER fit me. And today, when I face confrontation, I totally freeze!!! Or I fight and rage when finally pushed to my limit of tolerance.
Is it possible to heal from CPTSD?
Or am I always going to be like this? I'm so tired of fighting, I feel broken. I keep fighting though, I'm not sure how i keep going everyday.
I found Dr Ramani also of great, great help. Healing takes the rest of your life, but with practice it becomes the norm.
Your pain is understandable. I've found that acceptance of the disease is a step towards learning to live with it. Distraction is also useful. To help me sleep, I listen to this sort of tonal health aid during sleep. It helps heal the most raw memories.
th-cam.com/video/O7ZFuhuyHKA/w-d-xo.html
Blessed Be Leah.
I understand, haha I am also trying to find a way to live with this and personally speaking, myself. Sending you much love and energy ❤
And may you find a place in your life that you can rest and recover to hopefully feel some ease in your daily life.
I think I have, at least mostly. Like the sigh she did in the video immediately sent me flashbacks. Other than that, I've started to trust people. I also don't feel constantly anxious anymore, and in general I feel happy and safe, not frightened of what will happen.
This is a result of therapy, creative writing, journaling, being involved with people, getting support, and now lately also realising I'm neurodivergent. I'm 47 already, so it's taken many years, I've built up new traumas, but also gotten positive experiences.
I need to show this video to all my loved ones. You put into words what my life is like on a daily bases.
What's the point? It only matters to you, other ppl don't actually care as much as you hope they do because it's not their problem. Harsh but true.
I've isolated from early childhood to present day, and it's so bad now that being around other humans is terrifying.. my animals are my world. I want to change because the anxiety is debilitating . I had a heart attack 7months ago and my fears worsened... Thank you for this video.
Me too. Your not alone.
I think I have the most severe case of this. My adrenaline is always going. I disassociate, it's like a fuse getting tripped and I'm out of it. I sink in my own thoughts. I've become happier there. I swear I'll be comatosed soon. Slowely leaving
I have always felt not good enough. I struggle with trying to be a perfectionist. I am always in survival mode. I have issues with flashbacks and try to push them away constantly.
Would love a video on tips and tricks on how to avoid repeating the cycle.
You covered so much that hit home.
I have lived my whole life in survival mode.
Generally unworthy. True.
Trust has been an issue in my life. Isolating is to protect myself.
If you are looking to treat symptoms of a mental health condition I'd recommend psychedelics.
started microdosing mushrooms in place of my prescriptions and the difference is night and day in my mental health and my anger i feel like ive become a better person best decision ive ever made wish it was more accessible to those that need
Psilocybin mushrooms saved me from years of uncontrollable depression, anxiety and illicit pill addiction. Imagine carrying heavy chains for over a decade and then all of a sudden that burden is gone, Believe it or not in a couple years they'll be all over for treatment of mental health related issues,
Been looking to try shrooms
how do you get yours ?
Doc.toddshrooms
How do I get him up please?
It took me a long time to recognize how deep my trauma River ran because like many people my coping mechanisms transformed into deeply-rooted personality traits. Coping mechanisms come in all shapes and sizes.
I grew up with instability I had no control over, so my primary coping mechanism became one of environmental control and risk analysis. Developing a contingency plan for everything relaxes me but takes a lot of mental energy I don’t always recognize. It’s not like an exit strategy but more like a bucket full of rain day plans.
My flavor of coping is productive and proactive, so it seems harmless.
Sublimation
Wow, I thought I was having a month long dissociative episode after having to spend my vacation with them/, but it sounds so much like your emotional flash back. How did I make the episode stop? Telling my boss that I was worried I had burn out, and totally falling apart and embarrassing mgmt. when you said flashbacks lift, it sparked
I got diagnosed with BPD but looking over the DSM-V criteria and it's subtypes, I'm not terribly convinced of that conclusion. I find myself much more aligned with C-PTSD. I'm with Bessel Van Der Kolk in that they are the same condition or at the very least, two sides of the same coin.
Unfortunately CPTSD is not mentioned in the DSM-V manual….
Doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist…😢😢😢😢😢
C-PTSD is like the metric system of mental health. Everybody recognizes it except for the Americans
BPD doesnt need to involve repetive trauma and are far more unstable in self concept and behaviour than Cptsd patients
@@valentina6429at least it's in icd-11
Happens a lot...
Very helpful insights! My 16 year old was severely abused by her mom and stepdad, so much so that I recently got full custody and a no contact / protection order. cPTSD still shackles her but her trauma-informed Therapist and my nurturing home /care is helping her heal. we're taking it one day at a time but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I see a day where she is no longer a prisoner to her traumas.
I'm reading books on cPTSD, such as The Body Keeps the Score, sought guidance of my own Family Therapist that also previously worked with children and teens that survived trauma.
Words cannot begin to describe the trauma I faced every day growing up with what I call now 'A mother from the other side of the mirror.' It helped pivot me into a marriage to a narcissist who also tormented me. His abuse was by omission. Denying me any intimacy and thereby implying no worth. Cheating and all the other things I was denied for 34 years. Yes 34 years. I finally got away and left the State. 6 weeks later he was abandoned by his 'chosen supply' she left with her kids Dad. I was gone, his lies had been exposed and he hurt himself for the last time. After his threw his wedding ring off the porch. Nothing says it's your fault like doing that. I had a complete mental breakdown. It fractured the hypervilgilence I was totally afflicted with. My house was always immaculate. (Now it looks like a dipsy dumpster. Trying recover enough to get it cleaned up. When I got home after he passed it looked like a barn... I have done a little, but not the old me. 7 year in I am finding my way back, alone.
I feel you. I've been there and still am. Trying to find my way out.
@@melrobbins5233 I send prayers up as I write! No one said it would be easy, but it is time for self love and putting yourself first. The sooner the better! God give you everything you need to get the hell out of there!
My Mother said 4:00am is the hour of depression, death thoughts, and despair. She was right!
I am 53 and just starting to heal from CPTSD. My husband doesn't understand it he lived in a completely different world than I did My mom was ultra controlling and even under her control even when I did good I still was hurt verbally every way I am surprised I made it out. I have a 31-year-old son who lived under that umbrella but now I have a seven and 9-year-old daughters. I want to keep them safe I never want to be like my mom. My son is proud of me last week he told me that I broke the cycle. He was afraid it would have to be him but he says I'm a really good mom. I'm crying right now. I get anxiety sometimes or I get upset because they say when I tell him to clean up the room I'm being mean and I'm like in my head my mom would beat me for accidentally dropping a fork in front of her. I'm trying to let it go but it takes time. I love watching your videos
I have most of these symptoms. Never considered they were rooted in the trauma of not ever feeling loved, in fact hated. Who I was and what I needed was mocked and ignored. I did marry a covert narcissist and have been Retraumatized for 22 years. I’ve done my best. Thank you for defining this.
I've been diagnosed with chronic PTSD from childhood. In my emotional flashbacks, I go into an intense anger. Is that fear but masked by anger? Hahaha I love seeing you of course and little miss. Cocoa
I think I have cptsd as well and also emotional flashbacks. I go into intense anger/rage and aggression (usually towards myself, or suppressing it, even though I want to break down the whole house lol). I - somewhat unfortunately - can control myself relatively well but I am sometimes physically shaking out of anger/overwhelm. It’s often when I do something wrong, especially physically like doing something with my hands, and that rage can (seemingly) go from 0 to 100 just like that. In this example, for me it usually connects to feeling incapable, not good enough, like a powerlessness, or on the other side of the coin an anger/sadness that ‘the world’ does not accept and respect me for who I am.
But I definitely see how it could come from fear too. Anger is the emotion that says “no more!” or “no further!” (physically or emotionally) so yeah it makes sense, depends on your childhood experience
I heard somewhere there's a theory that anger and rage in adulthood can relate to thwarted fight (from fight or flight response). Like you weren't able to have that response as a child so often that you repress it and it comes out later as this huge ball of anger or rage. All that flight trying to find and outlet. I really liked that explanation. Same theory said thwarted flight in childhood can feel like panic in adulthood. Totally relate to both of those. Maladaptive nervous system I guess.
@HCF wow... that makes so much sense. I grew up with a cruel guardian. I went into fight to protect my more vulnerable twin sister. She shut down. When I fought my guardian verbally she would crush me with narcissistic rage so this theory makes so much sense because eventually I'd not fight as much and I'd fight and then fawn.
@Second Floor I experience exactly the same things except my anger is directed outward but I think underneath it is self shaming. Like I'm angry because someone else made me feel worthless but it's my traumas that make me feel that way and the repeat event reminds my amygdala of my original abuse so all those stored feelings get spilled into me. I go into fight and then I want to just be alone away from everyone.
@@mendingmandy869 that sounds awful, I really feel for you. It's living with the ongoing neurological battles that makes me really angry too!
Oh man staying up late at night BC it is quite. I love quite at home.
Home is my cave, my safe haven, nobody can hurt me here. I LOVE being home….💕
Emotional flashbacks would explain SO MUCH. I’ve had so many shutdowns that I just could not figure out what the trigger was. It has become pretty demoralizing.
Hopefully with this knowledge I can give myself a bit more grace and begin to take some steps forward.
Thank you so much for this!!! I have complex PTSD from childhood that led to additional complex PTSD in adulthood. Now it is just crazy compounded. Other than chronic health issues, I suffer every single one of these!!!! Life can quickly feel overwhelming with the toxic shame and unworthiness. I isolate like crazy! I have to stay totally on top of my self care every. single. moment! But in reality I am a high thriver and honestly warrior because I am able to support other survivors in creating self-sustaining lives.
Dr. Kim, if you had not spent so much time (real time) in this state, you would have never er been so spot on in your explanations. I can not believe that you are the FIRST person who can draw out the words I do not have to convey to others. How on earth is this happening? By the Grace of God, is the only explanations. God bless and PLEASE keep sharing you have changed the way I view the help I have never found. Thank you a million times.
At 9 yrs old the only way to cope w my toxic environment was to self harm. Banging my head against the wall, using my hard heeled shoes on my head, was the only outlet available. Also, as an adult I have horrible 'flight' responses. Always on alert, easily over stimulated. Its hard on the people around me...I'm so glad that finally all of these symptoms are being acknowledged and named: CPTSD.
I am glad I found your channel. So much of what you talk about fits me perfectly 😢
Thank you so much for the confirmation of what I've experienced. It gives me reason to pause and give myself grace.
I appreciate your cPTSD related vids.
Although the foundation of that disease was in my childhood, the most crystalizing events occurred after 18 years old. Any Healing I achieve on my journey I use to help others. Thank you for All your efforts helping Us. Blessed Be
💞🙋
Working in the public school system has been eye opening. Most of the teachers look depressed and the kids are little (warriors) the mascot of the school 😢😢😢😢
Yes! Survival mode is THE worst. So hard to unlearn too. Praying for you all 🙏🙏🙏
I'm so glad that I have finally found the root of my ADHD, but I could tell that I had PTSD. First being diagnosed with bipolar. I now know that it's not as much as ADHD or ADD/ODD that I suffer from and have all my life I'm thirty-eight and today I am just finding out that there are people out here that can relate to my everyday living. Thank you so much for bringing this to light. I can't wait to find a way to rid myself of it. I seriously thought it was a family curse that had been passed down on us from generations ago. I now know that my family just suffers from the same thing, some are much worse off than myself. But I have always been the more happy-go-lucky, nothing bothered me type of person until I got in my mid-20s. I'm 38 now and don't leave the house. They say that our childhood will affect our adulthood.. that's what I'm relating to right now. THANK YOU! THERE IS A CURE AT THE END OF YOUR VIDEO. GOING TO FIND OUT NOW 😁 HAVE A BLESSED NIGHT AND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE..
arrrr .. hello Coco... I am recovering from severe narcissistic abuse .. by my family and my partners.
I have been married twice, both failures .. but i have also been diagnosed with ADHD and CPTSD ..
I am on a journey of, not only discovery, but also trying to understand how i have abused myself .. its not easy. .. thank you for helping me to understand me , and the lack of love i have for myself xx
Looking at the list of 15 symptoms, I currently or have had them. As a survivor of significant physical, mental/emotional abuse, it has limited my quality of life. I refuse to be a victim now, but I do have to acknowledge my history. Despite living in terror every day of my life since my earliest memory, as I got older (7/8) and the physical got significant. I was beaten with a wrench routinely, I still light up like a Christmas tree with x-rays. Everything this person is explaining is spot on.
I’ve noticed that a lot of videos talking about C-PTSD are very fast paced. For me, it becomes a lot harder to digest everything that’s internally coming up during the video.
Your video is refreshing because there aren’t jump cuts every 4 seconds and I’m able to digest everything you’re saying, thanks
I love a cup of Coco! 😻 thank you for your help on this platform.
Congrats on 100K, Dr Kim. Good for you. Well done!
Thank you so very much!It wouldn't happen without you.❤️❤️🙏🙏
Im 59. And a lot of peculiar things have been coming up for me…feelings I’ve squashed down for decades. Your videos help me to understand what’s happening, and why. What I don’t know, however, is What I can do about it?
Just understanding that it's the past
It is confusing to realize late in life that something isn't right . I would like to know why it took so long to get to realize it. Are school and work so time consuming that we push down what is inside? Or is it that so much info is out there now that addresses the subject and helps us see what happened to us? Or is it the cumulation of failures in life that make us realize something is wrong? I think part of the answer in my case is that for a very long time I assumed I was born defective along with some bad luck. It took a long time to realize that my childhood was quite messed up. Or maybe the stresses accumulated until something gave inside and made me wake up and look for an answer. I really feel like I lived in a very unaware state for a long time.
Beautiful cat, and thanks for describing my life exactly! 🤦♀Great video!
I definitely have two of the one's you mentioned (and more). I never knew that there was something called highway hypnosis..but I get a feeling when I'm driving on a freeway that I am moving over into the next lane without turning my steering wheel..and especially when I'm next to a tractor trailer...so now that I'm in my late 60's I totally avoid highways..or freeways as I get extreme anxiety and panicky. The other one you said about staying up REALLY REALLY late because this is the only time I feel very calm and the outside energy does not affect me. Although I do feel extra lonely during this staying up so late into the wee hours of the morning time..and I feel even more afraid about my future. I had a very hard childhood which included abandonment by my biological mother (later was rescued and raised by my great aunt and then Godparents)...but I understand it was not intentional on my biological mother's part but due to substance abuse and her being mistreated in the 30's by her white mother not wanting her...and her not knowing her black father. We did become very close and connected before she died of lung cancer at age 55... she was a beautiful soul. My story gets very deep. But I'm very glad to have found your channel and also the Crappy Childhood Fairy's channel as I'm finally understanding why I am as I am...finally at this late stage in my life..I've never had any therapy. So thank you (both) for sharing..caring and educating us all. BTW..I love love your kitty...she's just gorgeous. I also have a kitty and love them all...they help regulate us for sure with their calmness and the so many more wonderful attributes they possess.
Coco is so beautiful! Thank you for these videos. I have been in isolation for quite some time. I still go to work but when I’m done it’s straight to my room or to my sun room away from everybody. I’m bad about self diagnosis but this and quiet bpd were not what I wanted to believe was what is wrong with me. It does help me understand more of what triggers me and saddens me to see what I have passed on to my children. That brings me into a spiral of emotions. Nonetheless I am doing my best to make adjustments and that’s what matters. Thank you again not your videos.
Thank you! I’m 62 and finally I have been diagnosed with childhood CPTSD
Coco is beautiful!
And matches your decor 😀
Yes. Fight or flight , freeze, fawn, submit all my life. I didnt have a parent attachment. I was placed in my 7 year old sisters room. She mothered me. My mother was never there and my father was abusive on every level. I tried all my life trying to build a relationship with my mother. It always ended up in big fights and hurtful words. 💔 Now im an isolator. Im in a shut down state. Yes. I inadvertently picked partners that put me in the same state. Now i have chronic pains. Adverse feelings and its effects are like poison to the body.
Thank you for this Kim. I have struggled for years with chronic mental health and autoimmune disorders, to the point where I am now registered disabled and oxygen dependent. I have every single one of those symptoms and it has sadly taken the recent loss of my mum (my best friend and only 'safe' person) to really try and understand why I have 'failed' so badly at life. I am now on a waiting list for specialist DV trauma counselling and look forward to being a little more able to participate in my own life. ❤
EMDR has helped me a lot .. 🙏🏼God Bless🙏🏼
I am incredibly grateful that I have found your channel. I can tell that you have been through a very difficult journey, and your courage to face that and to share with people on here is so admirable. Your words and insight, along with your own personal experiences are hugely insightful and helpful. I thank you!
My mother was orphaned by 9 years of age. She was fostered until she left at 17. There was an ever-present and inescapable void in her which she filled with alcoholism along with my dad. They divorced when I was still a young child. My mother discovered her freedom after the divorce freed her, and underneath resented being saddled with having to “raise” me. After all, she was still parenting herself, and didn’t have the time or resources to pull double-duty. I myself have no dependencies on alcohol or drugs; even so, very similar dynamics have played out between me and my daughter over the years (she’ll be 17 next month). The contrast between my mother and I is that I have always been very aware of my weaknesses and shortcomings as a mother. As you have said, though - it is always the ‘how’ that has tripped me up as a parent. My daughter is very different from me in my estimation…but I know for a fact that if my mother were alive today she would say we are twins. And many around my mom and I who were well aware of our lifelong struggle against each other said the same about us, though we both denied it completely. I’m so sad at knowing I’ve doubtlessly set my daughter up for cptsd and isolation. It’s incredible how great a divide this has put between us and the heart full of love I have for her. She told me she’s never having children.
The only analogy I can make about how cptsd has contaminated our lives is that it’s like a bully to the subconscious that never goes away or stops.
My other baby girl is 4-year-old Myla; my super fluffy Tortoiseshell. She’s my foster fail rescue at 2 weeks old when her Mama was hit by a car. My first go at hand feeding. Your Coco is very beautiful. I can see how much she loves you.
Wow! This is me. I grew up in a toxic household. My step dad was physically abusive towards my mom and my younger brother. Mostly verbally abusive to my brother. The police were at our house many nights and my Mom and us kids would have to leave and sleep at a neighbors or go 45 minutes away to my Grandpas house in the middle of the night. My step dad was an alcoholic and still is. Thankfully my Mom and he divorced! Him and my Mom had one child together and then there was me the oldest and my middle brother. We had the same Dad. Once I grew into an adult I always found the worst men. Always alcoholic. My second husband was the love of my life I thought but it turned out he was worse than any of them. He died suddenly 4 years ago. I found him already gone In our dining room. I am a outgoing kind caring friendly funny person who spends almost my time alone now. It’s definitely safer and more peaceful. I don’t plan on ever being in a relationship again. I’m 53 and content to be alone. I just want to find out why I put myself through all that. The guilt I feel over not giving myself a better life hurts so deep. I just want to forgive myself. Thank you for this video. It really helped me understand at least why I’m this way.
I am new to your channel and just love your messages and Coco too! Thank you for the close-up of her. I was able to hear her purr and see her beautiful blue eyes.❣️
Thanks for your calming and comforting voice.
Wow, yes i love the night time because its quiet and its the only time i feel truly at peace .
Thank you so much for this video! 😢
I literally made a list of your CPTSD - 13 boxes and had to check off every one 😮…. I’m struggling in my 51 year relationship with my husband of 47 years and it’s exhausting. I realized for the first time in my life that I need someone to take care of me 😢
It’s frightening
Thank you Kim. You've presented this in such an easy to understand manner. You have described my childhood and most of my adulthood to a T.