Your comment is kinda old, I hope that you're well now. Anyhow, I just wanna let you know that I'm tired too, you're not alone. Let's get through it together!
I'm in the stage of "I just don't care anymore ". I go to work, come home and only do the things I have to. The remaining time I sit around feeling numb. I stopped having goals because the universe keeps pushing me down. It is absolutely exhausting.
I’ve spent the last 13 years just surviving. When my fiancé died, I had to focus on survival otherwise I would’ve gone insane from the grief. And I’m sick of it. I want to thrive again. I want to be excited when I wake up because I want to know what the day will bring. I want to notice the beauty of the day and be grateful that I’m alive. I want to go to bed thinking “Today was a good day.” But I don’t know how.
Iv been depressed as long as I can remember. I NEVER give up tho. I could be dead tomorrow. This guy has taught me things about my brain, like the freeze response and it actually helps. Im not being chased by a grizzly bear, my brain just things i am because i have so many stresses. Im trying to learn to control my brain. Its hardware basically. It can do anything. Good luck to you and don't give up. Much love from Colin in Wales UK 👍❤🙏
@@Thatqueenzo333it is a painful realization, I am alone completely alone.... my stepfather passed away last year who I was taking of. and now it's just me in this house that he rented and paid for that I can't afford anymore, and throwing money away in rent and it's definitely not worth it. Yet I have no help, my family will not help me pack up and move and it's not like I have a million things. I don't care if I leave a lot of things behind at this point. I just don't even know where to go from here, without a caring family that I was going to move close to, what is the point, after they've turned your back on you. I have 1 grandchild that doesn't even know who I am who will be five and another on the way. I want to be there for them, unsure of what to do though. This breaks my heart that my only child has turned his back on me. I was a single parent sacrifice so much and I don't regret it, but I never thought getting older in my life would look like this.
Life feels like I'm just going through the motions. I used to be youthful and full of enthusiasm. Those days are but a distant memory now. I'm consumed every day with the demands of my job and a desperate need to improve my physical health. At the end of the day, I'm tapped out and just want to crawl under the covers and sleep. Come to think of it, I feel that way 24/7, not just after a grueling work day. I go into work only to look forward to going to sleep later that night. There has to be more to life than just surviving every day and keeping myself from totally cracking up.
I recently lost both my parents in the spam of 12 months, both very traumatic passings. Not long before that my husband’s business took a big hit and I had to go out and find a job after 15 years at home raising kids. I will not even mention the thousands of other things I am having to deal right now. To make things worse the company I am working for ( extremely toxic place I am having to adjust to by the way) is now laying people off and I will have to shift into job hunt gear again out of nowhere…before all these things even happened I was barely making it. My depression and anxiety were on the verge of becoming out of control. Right now I am on automatic pilot. I am numb. Can’t even cry anymore. I am barely surviving..
I am so sorry for your losses - your ongoing situation really sounds awfully lot for any human to handle! And you are still managing it, despite the very real hardships, financially, mentally and also as a parent. I pray that the tide turns on you and you find a better workplace, more time to breath and that you can slowly process the grief.
One thing you're doing right is listening to these postings. I wish they had been available when I was young. Keep up the fight, you can do this. Also listening to a daily meditation is totally game changing, as is journaling (getting to the other side, downloading all of your concerns, anger, grief) then you feel much better. Keep looking for the inspiration, you can transcend this period and come out the other side stronger.
justMe, sending hugs.. being a human being is epically challenging.. my guess is though, you are waay more of a super delight-filled-with-might beautiful warrior’ess💖✨💖✨.. sending you hugs, knowing i totally get you, the struggle is so real, offering up my love..
This is so important to talk about. When I moved my elderly father in with me and my family, it became a two-year period of straight survival mode. I was always frustrated and putting myself down like ' why can't I just get my shit together??' but looking back now I can see I was doing the best I could at that time. Not being mean to yourself about times of "just" survival is really key!
Wish I could like this comment more than once. Yes, we all need to cut ourselves some slack and stop beating ourselves up! Sometimes we've got it together as much as it's gonna get together at that time/stage in our lives, and we need to give ourselves credit for that. ;)
@@DriftlessWarrior exactly! It makes me sad to look back. I was having a brutality difficult time, and I was just awful to myself. It made everything so much worse to go through and just lengthened how long it went on for.
@@elainebezak7158 I think society "programs" us to think that our best is never good enough, and also that if we don't get the results we want, that we "just weren't trying hard enough" and "need to try harder." Man, I hate those phrases! 😔🙄 I'll be spending the rest of my life constantly breaking that "programming," and it's very hard to do, but essential if we are to thrive!!! Wishing strength and success for us all!!
Please don’t apologize for your metaphors; they *really* help illuminate your message. It really helps me understand and relate it to my life’s situation. Thank you for alleviating some of the guilt.
I have no one, my family is turned their back on me because they don't understand. So I sit and do nothing and I'm stuck and I can't stay stuck because I need to move my rent is ridiculous but I can't get the energy to do it!
I have a similar position. Only I'm already in subsidized housing so there's nowhere to move to. I took a job two months ago and it's toxic, boss a very bad person but it pays the bills until he cans me. I'm 52 and so over it all.
I'm in the same situation as you. My family have moved on, they're busy raising their families. I get that, but no phone calls, no birthday cards, nothing.
I wish this Dr could be my 19 yr old son’s therapist. His adolesence was just like Dr. and he’s in a depressive episode right now. And so am I. You can only be as happy as your most unhappy child. It sucks and never ends.
When you’ve been into the abyss for multiple times, each day is worth nothing, absolutely nothing. It’s not why, or how you should proceed, it’s that you haven’t even the thought, the perception or will, that’s depression, that’s reality for those Trying to help themselves. Go get washed, dressed, meet up with family or friends, that’s already way too much to perceive yet alone want to do....
I'm autistic, so this really resonates with me. I had a severe burnout back in 2021, where I wasn't able to do anything else then lying in a dark room. Screw making/eating food; I literally didn't have the energy for it. Some days, I managed to cut up some vegetables and put them in the fridge so I could live on some meal-prepped tortilla stuff for a while. It was awful. I've dealt with chronic stress after that too, but it's never got that severe again. I think much of it is due to having strategies for how to deal with it, and, also, frankly: having better people around me who do not push me when I'm not in a place to be pushed. These days, sleep is a huge struggle for me. Writing this at 3am, ugh... but hey, went out, met some friends and had a fun time. I'm luckily in a position where I don't have that many external obligations per now, so I can "afford" to do a reset. So, I spend most of my time making sure my diet is on track and that I get my workouts in, and other than that I simply stay at home and read/watch movies. When I have the energy for it, I'll go out to events (like movie screenings, etc.), often by myself. I've learnt the hard way that the worst thing for me now would be to put a lot of pressure on myself and set grand goals of getting up at 5am every morning and falling asleep by 10pm. Sure, that's something to aim for later, but for now it's a matter of "slow and steady".
For the last 4 years I have been just surviving. I feel like I can't get my life together. It's frustrating, my friends are planning vacations and I can't go because that money is what I need to keep surviving. There are changes I want to make, but for now I am going to just keep hanging in there.
I am putting this out there because it might help someone. I have been in survival mode begore and it seemed like nothing was going my way. NDepression, lack of energy, withdrawn, etc. I began planting seeds and working in a small garden. Everytime i would do it i would feel better. Now i have a lot of plants and find a bit of joy nurturing them. If you can, try a garden. If thats too much for you now, fet one plant and nurture it. Seeing it grow will give you positive vibes. If you need an indoor plant, try a snake plant. They are easy to grow. I know it sounds corny, but it really does help with endorphins and digging in the dirt has been shown to help with depression. Good luck. ❤❤
I can't even grow dummy-proof herbs in my kitchen lol. No green thumb here! But I am happy for you that you have found something that makes you feel better. I have heard that gardening helps people with depression.
What i am finding difficult is that when after a few days of pure survival, i get a surplus day or two and start working on things and making simpliest plans: appointments, meetings with friends, doing excercise etc. only to drop them when my next darkness day envelops me. This is so disheartening. And now, when the next surplus day comes, i know that it will be ruined by next few days of survival mode and all my work will be ruined...
Or cause and effect reversed: Feel better, dare to make simple plans, simple plans turn into a massive cluster----, which actually causes a darkness day that wouldn't have happened i😧f I hadn't made the plans.
@@DriftlessWarriorlet me give you an example: i call up my friend and ask him to go for a walk day after tomorrow. And when such day comes, i can barely get out of bed or feed myself...what cluster? This is just that basic... i call and cancel our walk, which is even worst if i hadn't made such plans...
So isn't it the injunction to 'strive', even if it's completely internalised, that's a core problem? I know, now, that whenever I try to 'strive' there's going to be a backlash - but society wants it, and wants me to want it, and I'm really confused about who it is I'm supposed to be trying to please. I wonder if it's connected to the condition referred to as PDA (pathological demand avoidance - I think it's misnamed as thriving is a command while surviving is a demand).
Very important topic. Sometimes I feel awfully exhausted, once I slept 24 hours, it made me feel guilty, but I understand that my body cries for mercy. Our lives are much too much for me. A low intensity life is appropriate for me, therefore I don't envy rich people who don't know what to do more in order to spend the tons of money they have. We are simply different. It should be a place for everyone
Agreed. I think "rich" can be defined in many ways. If you understand when your body needs a ton of sleep, and you listen to it...if you are aware that a low intensity life is what works for you...then you are indeed rich. It's not about money, it's about quality. Older person speaking from experience. Enjoy your quiet life and peaceful downtime! :)
I feel like a big problem for me is not "not knowing what phase I'm in", but rather how much I can actually do in those phases. Right now I feel I'm in a complete shutdown most days. I'm already glad when I can get up at some point earlier in the day, shower every couple of days and sometimes go for walks. But I don't know if I should be setting higher goals, like actually going to work for example. And when I'm thriving, I tend to Set myself goals that are way too high. I tend to think I can do everything because now I'm at my full potential. Which then leads to me being very stressed and critizising myself a lot and ending up in survival Mode again. I really try to work on it but it's so hard
@@batintheattic7293 @elainebezak7158 The thing is, at least we are aware of it, so we can try to change something about it. I haven't been aware of that for a long time so I wasn't even able to realize it and try to act against it :) I wish you two the best!❤️
11 หลายเดือนก่อน +10
Maybe this is adjustable to mental health🤷♀️: to figure out how much I can do in the different (menstrual) phases I started to "journal" my to-do-list/planning of the day and by the end of the day I looked back and wrote down what/how much I was able to do. I've done that for over a year now and the planning and doing is starting to look pretty similar. With different "high" and "lows" during the month. Maybe it works if you put a note to it like "low battery" and "a lot of energy" so that with time you get the knowledge and experience what is realistic to expect from yourself in a certain phase.
I so relate!! Your comment made me reevaluate my own expectations for myself. I’m going to try to do some things today without pushing myself too far or being too hard on myself. I figure, once I build habits near the habits I want to have, I’ll be closer to my goals. Thank you for helping me have this insight. ❤
At this point, I'm just happy that I can stay functional -- keeping my doctor's appointments, stay on track with my physical and sleep hygiene, getting things done punctually at work, etc.
It's amazing how much cognitive effort is involved in the supposedly simple task of showering, isn't it! Quite nice, for me, once I'm in it (if the water is hot and the pipes aren't complaining) but good grief is it difficult to initiate. I, almost, have to reverse into the bathroom now. Dr. Scott - please tell us how to make showering less of an ordeal. There must be some tricks to it. I have found that I am more likely to do it if I am already on the same floor, if the bathroom is 'ready to go' and if I'm failing at doing something else (like trying to get to sleep). Other things needing doing, just thinking about other things needing doing, and I'm going to stay grotty :) .
A hot shower at night has often been the only thing that has kept me from unraveling.. and then there's a Epson salt bath, man that makes the next day a whole lot better.
The problem is that when you have those short episodes of clarity they are too short to do anything meaningful, because any skill needs every day consistent attention, every type of learning needs more time than just a window of couple hours of clear head. You cannot start any project, you cannot continue any project, simply because just to get started or get back into takes all that time. I’m talking as software engineer, but I’m pretty sure this can be applied to other type of work.
I dont have goals anymore lots of hobbies but no ambition to do anything in life I have all the time in the world and I sit and waste it os not helping the situation so lost
I would like work that is somewhat meaningful. I saw a listing and had good pay and full benefits. Then I looked closer and to be hired you need $600 worth of courses that THEY created. So you pay for your specific, non-transferrable training or you could volunteer, pay $100 for your training, commit to shifts and hours out of your control and a requirement that your quality of work is equal to the paid staff who are getting $25/hour...but you're working for free. Eventually, they MIGHT put you in a paid position. But why would they if you are doing the same work for free? Seems more like MLM or pyramid scheme. I've truly given up finding meaningful work.
Perfect timing. Was just saying to myself, "I think I want a break from my efforts for self improvement and just get by for a while. An okay thing to do. Thanks
@@batintheattic7293 I know, right? One of many lies society pushes on us. I was about 52 years old when I realized it was okay to enjoy what I had and stop pushing for more "goals" when I didn't really want or need more and just wanted to enjoy what I had worked so hard to accomplish. Discussed this in therapy extensively. It was extremely hard to wrap my mind around!
I have been in survival mode for 7 years now. & having a very dysfunctional family w sisters/brother who don't really care doesn't help. There are 6 of us in my family, maybe 2 sisters care at the most. No one really understands or seems to care. My dogs and pets are my world, because I know they care.
Dr Eilers: Ty for specifying that pushing yourself too hard in depression can result in being bedridden. I’ve been pushing myself way too hard to do chores, responsibilities. I have had this happen to me in the past where I ended up bedridden & not able to care for myself therefore I was in the hospital for 3 weeks. A very scary time. Btw, your book will arrive on Saturday. I can’t wait to read it. Ty for your book & time & effort w/the new podcasts. I go back & watch past ones too. Much appreciated.
An avalanche of personally emotionally devastating experiences has seen me give up, several times. I often avoid people & keep to myself. I just have run out of desire to tell my tragedies to anyone who asks. Sometimes we are surrounded by those who harm, rather than help. This includes professional helpers, such as social workers. People find it easy to open their gob & say something harmful. When you have already been kicked to the ground metaphorically speaking, they stomp on you further. Often we learned to take the abuse from family...we are only human. A lot of us who end up with mental health labels have endured silently years of maltreatment, without fighting back. Either because they were bigger, or had more power over what happened to us. Verbal assault is still very much an assault !!!!!!
I've been looking for an answer about what is actually happening with my life right now. There were times when everything was very easy, right, and smooth. But since the pandemic, I feel like everything's going wrong. Everything's falling apart. Almost 4 years and nothing changes. In my 37, I keep watching my friends rising higher and higher, while I feel like a total failure compared to them. After watching this video, though, I finally understand that I am actually in a survival mode. That I keep building unrealistic goals while surviving is the only thing I should be focusing on right now. Maybe I'm not a failure after all; just someone who has to survive in certain period of times. Thank you so much, Dr. Scott. I've been subscribing a lot of mental health channels, but I find yours the most helpful of all. It helps me understand better and better.
This is my life right now 100%... Tons of past wins, SUPER WINS. Pursued a dream, working going to school, 7days a week, 12hours+ a day, 3 yrs straight. Was in SUPER THRIVE MODE, and I was happy But... SCORED(as I wanted) and Im grateful. Now, seems like everything I touch, crashes before it takes off and IDKY. 😔 Struggling to find a simple job. Energy and will, just not even there. Now... barely eat, dont watch tv, surviving is...really hard right now. Not cuz Im burnt out, per se, but moreso.. uninspired.
I think part of our ennui is terms like 'done' or 'accomplished' or 'achieved' as these are false representations of what actually happens. We've never 'done'. We've only 'done some more'. It's never ending. And, I think, the reality of the situation is harrowing - but there must be a way to live with it. Ozymandias - "I am Ozymandias, the king of kings, look on my works, ye mighty, and despair." and all that is left, of the monument, is the feet.
Thank you so very much for this much helpful video. It was really liberating to know that it’s okay to just survive (at times), you don’t always have to achieve and perform to your fullest in life. It helped me to put less pressure on myself moving forward. May God bless.
Thank you Dr. Scott - you have really helped me to have hope that mental health professionals can understand what it feels like. Sometimes in the process of getting help, it feels like we are mistreated as if others know what is best for us based on some general best practice or their opinion which differs from the person we spoke with the day before. Sometimes we don't have the strength to be an advocate for ourselves in that moment and feel violated after. What you are doing, and your book, has changed my mind - thank you for this gift of strength and hope for the future.
must do? i let go of the must dos, eating, washing, bills. i organized about 3/4 of the paperwork i need to do, mind you, i didn't Do it, i just organized a lot of it. 2 days ago, and it gutted me. thriving? my high energy thrive was spent helping family move, babysitting, being at the hospital for relatives. my energy, time and money, the best years of my life. now I'm spent. forever.
Can you please do a video on how to deal with dysthymia? Even after overcoming a few episodes of severe depression, this chronic low-grade depression keeps affecting my quality of life and it's really tiring. Although I'm having therapy, it's still confusing to navigate through dysthymia.
My only goal in life is to have peace of mind. That's the only thing that matters to me.. I just want a basic quiet boring peaceful life. I'm working towards it.
I feel hopeless they think I can just do the things, I can't, I know it will get better by my past episodes, but I know I need a mind set change, hence being here, with your metaphors 😊 Thank you for your pods, they are giving me hope. 😊
Loved your metaphor❤! Fisher woman myself. Soo got your message. Been in Survival mode for 15yrs. Many health issues. Past 10yrs stuck like quicksand. Used to do exactly what you said to do! Then, bad spiral Insomnia. Allowed my Psychiatrist to put me on Quetiapine 4 sleep. NO, not bipolar. Helped a little. But - it made me Not Care. Begged smtg else, NO! Raise dose. Then, since not bipolar, I didn't care that I didn't care!!! Quit cleaning, bathing, eating, quit life. Oh, nice side effect - it made all my teeth fall out! That was & is a horrid thing! Stolen a big joy - cooking & eating. Moral - NEVER ALLOW ANYONE TO THINK THEY KNOW WHAT YOU NEED WHEN YOUR GUT SAYS - HELL NO! This (whatever "this" is) Not for me! I didn't need a pill. I needed to get away from the 10,000 undone stuff - go to the beach for at least a week & recharge my mind, ❤ & soul. Reconnect with myself. Yet to get there, literally. Now, so sick, be a miracle if I could even make the 8hr trip. Hang on firm to your core intuitive nature, especially when a "higher" knowledge type has to convince you to do what they want!
Sometimes you're planting seeds. The work is hard and long, and at the end of the day you have nothing but a patch of dirt to show for it. And sometimes you're harvesting a huge crop and have enough left over to share with your entire community. Life really does go in phases, but if you don't do the thankless work of planting seeds, you'll never get a harvest of any kind. Took me til my 40s to realize that I can simply choose to enjoy the work and let come what may.
Every choice i make almost always induces a panic attack. Im taking classes online, and they started yesterday, and it already feels like I've made a massive miatake and wasted my money. I went to school in canda for a 12 month program, induces it was lowkey a scam. It seems like ever Decision ive made has ended up bad. It feels like ive fucked up my life permently and theres nothing i can do to get it back on track. I hate constantly feeling like a failure.
@animalshaverights127 bro I'm taking two classes too. I kinds have a job but I sorta relapsed into self harm this past week so my aunt who is who I work for said to take a week off .
I live in Canada. What program did you take? Beware of private colleges. Best to stick will accredited universities and check out their hiring rates for their grads for each program. Many universities will hire back their own grads for various administration jobs just to keep their post graduate employment numbers looking better.
@l.5832 i went to a place called the Vancouver institution of media arts. They claim to have a 98% hiring rate 6 months after, but I've graduated for 8, and no one in my class has gotten a job and only 2 from the class before us. The admistaration lied a lot about the institution and classes. They lied about what exactly you would be getting out of the class, claiming it to be a degree when it was really only a diploma. They lied about class sizes, which, to be fair, the teaching staff was also uniformed that they decided to double the numbers of students in class. So they were very understaffed for the class. We could go 2 weeks without seeing an instructor. It was just a whole mess.
@@parisheidi3119 I'm sorry but not surprised. Unless they are an accredited university, they cannot grant degrees in Canada. Unfortunately many colleges, institutes and even universities survive on the higher tuition paid by foreign students (non-Canadian). The federal government is trying to clamp down on this. I really feel like education has become a bit of a pyramid scheme in recent years. That is just my opinion.
This is very helpful and relevant to me. I am going through treatment for anxiety and depression life long. It's a constant battle and hearing your talks has been one of the elements that has contributed to treading water and swimming.
I can truly relate.... especially with my declining health and living somewhere I don't want to be...praying I can find affordable housing where I feel at ease ..that I can enjoy before my health declines any further..
Buy Dr. Scott's book. When I am having a bad day I read his book. I have not finished it yet because I have re read multiple chapters because they help me get through the day ALOT. When I read it, I'm like "Holy shit! This is exactly how I feel." I have found the chapters to help motivate me, I guess the right word is. Since I have purchased the book, I wake up, make my coffee and read or re read a chapter. I have felt alot of feels reading it, but as a person who has constantly supresses my emotions, it helps me get those emotions out. Thank you, Dr. Scott ❤
We have made the book part of our morning set-the-tone-for-the-day routine. We recently made the happy discovery that since hubby is an auditory learner and I am a visual learner, we both get the most out of it if I read the book and he listens. Kind of like an in-person podcast. We do a chapter right after we finish a meditation session. Seems to help our brains better absorb the ideas in the book. :)
Do you two have the ideal sequence? See, my book reading usually happens before I go to sleep. Is it better to start with reading 'For When Everything Is Burning'? Do you feel like you're able to function better by reading some at the onset of your days? And what happens that's different to how it would be otherwise? I've just ordered a copy. Very few people are willing or able to give me permission to regenerate but Dr. Scott is definitely one of them. Edit: 'FWEIB' is the one I've ordered - is this the one you're talking about? There may be others.
Wow, this described me perfectly right now, and it was simultaneously validating and inspiring. To use my own metaphor, I often say that I'm not even treading water some days, merely survival floating. The economy is poor in my profession right now, and I have four senior rescue pets who are keeping me kind of stuck in a frustrating place and lifestyle. And I have succumbed to pressure to do more during this period because we're told everyone is having it all, we're not working hard enough, blah blah. This was really, really helpful in planning my year moving forward. I can have ambitious goals that I work on in little increments when I have time/energy, so long as my foundation is strong, and I can be more aware of when I'm being overly ambitious and might lose that muskie entirely. Thank you! 💜
After watching, I guess I haven't totally been in survival mode all these years. That makes me feel better. I understand about not using that surplus time wisely. I'm trying to do the foundational work to keep stable during the survival mode times. I've done three nights so far, of the victory journal and flexibility/stretching stuff. I do feel better with that. Thanks again, Dr. Scott. 😊
Thank you for this, Dr Scott. I feel like my entire life has been stuck in survival mode. I can barely recall a time I wasn't crawling on my hands and knees and dragging myself around to do anything. I've been in a serious depressive state since the holidays, and it's not getting any better. I'm going to therapy regularly and try to spend time with friends and take time for myself, but my body is so drained that I can't do much else to function. Getting really tired of this. I don't expect four decades of abuse and neglect to disappear quickly, but I had hoped for a little break in the misery as I started trying to heal nearly three years ago. I knew when I finally confronted the pain that it wouldn't go away without a fight, but I did not expect to be in such a deeper hole now than I was when everything fell apart. This stinks. Thank you again for your sage advice.
Thanks so much for the video; it was great!! It definitely all made sense; I liked the fishing metaphor. It took me a long time to realize I was setting goals that were way too ambitious and setting myself up for failure. The smaller goals for things like bathing and getting out of bed by a certain time tend to seem like "not enough" to my brain. Other times, the second I feel okayish, I go WAY too hard and burn myself out. I just do too much. I've been in survival mode for a long time and at this point I'm way too scared to leave but I'm still going to therapy so I guess I'll just have to see what comes of that. That being said there have been very few times where I was truly able to flourish and thrive. I was able to explore certain things like jobs and hobbies but they didn't last long. So I've definitely been stuck in a cycle that not only fuels itself but works as a self-fulfilling prophecy and offers a lot of evidence to my fears of continuing to try and move forward in this thing called "recovery".
So glad I found your videos this morning as I am what you talk about. I am sure you get this all the time but would love a one on one with you. I am 65 and just feel why try to fix me now. I would just love to be at peace with myself before I pass. I once seen a guy at the age of 20 but he got arrested for molesting two of his patience so I stopped going. One big issue I have is it goes through my head is just end it but this has gone through my head every day even as a kid. I have done good by pushing it away every day but it gets tiring but every day is a win. Maybe one day I will find peace, but I don't think so.
Made sense. I'm so glad I found your channel. I've just climbed out of a pit and teetering on the edge and know that unless I start using the solid ground to move forward I'll fall back in. But the pit got somewhat comfortable and didn't take anything out of me (other than taking everything out of me) so I'm struggling for momentum to head out into the open. This conglomerate of metaphors really helped. I need to not waste that little bit of gas and gently touch the pedal and start to move forward. I'm going to go fold a pile of laundry and spend 20min in messy spare room and 20 min in messy basement and that will be enough for today other than surviving. Thanks!
Oh to regain some feeling of triumph when messy is made tidy (for a while)! Wouldn't that be wonderful.. I remember that feeling. Done it too many times, now, though.
Video was really helpful. I am in survival mode for a long time now. My body just doesn't allow me to push for something big, to aim high. If I try, I get severely punished. I have not woken up in the morning and felt energetic EVER. I am always tired. Always looking for an opportunity to take a break. Tried everything, did every test possible. But nothing comes out. It is not a life I value anymore. It is just being alive, not living.
I am falling apart for more,than 30 years,but now i am 62 years,and i climb slowly up all alone,by remove the toxic people from my life,but i have no fun more in life,like i used too
I cannot express how grateful I am for you and this channel! I've been in therapy for almost a year while simultaneously in active burn out from my employment and experiencing severe emotional dysregulation on top of other diagnoses (anxiety, CPTSD, depression, ADD & a Chiari malformation). I've been asking all the right questions, but not getting any answers. I just want to understand what's happening in my brain so I can calm my nervous system and thrive again. So grateful for your channel. You've literally saved my life as i struggle a great deal with the " ending it all thoughts" almost every day. Thank You 🙏
One of my favorite song lyrics is "I can be thankful to be alive, but I despise this life / In all my years, at best, I've I only learned just to survive". That really is how it feels sometimes.
You so get it! I so appreciated hearing how you described the last 10 years of my life...I did come to realize recently that some things are just out of my control, and things are unfolding/have their own timeline. Just trying to identify and honor what I need moment to moment to get through this period of collapse of my former life.
Thank you so very much for this video!!! Not only is it helping me through things. Hut helping realize and think more realistic . Allowing me to revert my depression into recovery and repair
Thankyou ❤❤❤ as those positivity people make me feel terrible or a negative person for doing what need to do to get through because thats all I can do sometimes
Yes. Loving and looking after yourself at the worst times means saying no to anything beyond survival mode and not second guessing yourself. Be proud you know it's time to take care of yourself. Then later if that excess energy happens or you feel alive to challenges beyond surviving, you probably wont even hesitate about saying yes because you are already thinking and feeling yes before whoevers asking has finished asking.... Thats my interpretation of your speech sir. Im currently in survival mode because of big illness flare up so this video very useful and reassuring to hear right now. Thankyou 👍👍👍
1/31/24 - You got my attention Between the strive and the survive I identify with these two words I can feel when I thrive I can feel when I survive In between these two I vacillate Hypo and down depress sad I do recognize birth circumstance environment etc attribute to one's welbeing-welfare I do work at balance / counterbalance To Live-life to maintain a sense of accomplishment self worth peace I recognize my self awareness to Embrace bring together my mind-thoughts projection Inner / outer Esoteric Exoteric Great good and Great harm And I see my thriving for what it is And I see my surviving for what it is So yes I fail and yes I find accomplishment Also, I include a regiment of physical exercise 1hr - 2hr 6days Also, I eat healthy and I do feed the beast junk-foods So it is willingness to work to find that balance / counter balance In between the rain drops and my live-life Ty for your insightfullness
I just wish really depressed people could move into a community together, where we can be each other’s neighbors, and where we could emotionally support each other to keep going
I cant vbegin to explain how I got where I am. Short synopsis- alcoholic parents, violent dad, toxic shame foster family, highly sensitive personality, married a covert narcissist for 30 years, ended with me being publicly humiliated and no family (or severely dysfunctional that is) support. Isolated . Covid and moved (since 2017) about 8 times with about 10 jobs fired from about 4 of them. Getting steadily disregulated more and more. My anxiety since Covid has been tripled. I have no money to get help and I’ve lost myself. The survival mode is stuck and I’m tired and exhausted. The failures never stop. I do not know what to do. People are very selfish and uncaring too. I don’t want a handout just help to get some stability and calm in my life. I need to belong and be in a safe place emotionally, financially. I’m 61 and I’m going to lose my job probably and I’ve been applying to every place I feel I could do the work. No one wants to hire me and I’m fixing to be living in my car. I’m so scared and tired of trying.
I'm very sensitive too and actually 'feel' others pain and fear. I've had two full-fledged 'break-down's'. I can pick up on it in a busy store. I am soooooo sorry you're going through this. It sounds horrendous and terrifying. I had two full-fledged "break-downs". I should have been hospitalized but the situation called for me to survive. I was never quite the same again. I, too, have been in a dark abyss and saw no way out. I wanted to "end it" but something kept holding me back. The absolute best I could muster up was putting one foot in front of the other. You had written this 6 months ago and today I'm thinking of you and wondering where you're at now. This is a good forum - it helps. I didn't have this when I was in absolute dark hell not that long ago. That stays pretty fresh in your mind - you NEVER want to go there again. Please, let us , and me, know how you're doing now. I care. We care.
I spent 13 years in dysfunctional grief when I lost my brother in a car accident. Long story short, when I finally was able to genuinely grateful that I even had him to grow up with and genuinely grateful that I had him for as long as I did.... only then was I able to accept this great personal loss and get back fully on with life. He has been dead now, longer than he lived. Still think of him but it brings a smile to my face and my eyes instead of that sharp stab of pain. Hope this helps you in some way. Life is full of loss, learning how to accept it and go on is the goal...and your fiance and my brother would want us to go on with life with an inner peace and happiness so that we can enjoy the life we have left.❤😢❤
I've been in survival mode for way too many years between burnout and health crisises with close loved ones. It's a rare day when I have energy at the end of a day. But I needed to hear your message. It made so much sense. Not sure when I'm going to pull out of this burnout/rut enough to build, but your wisdom rings true.
You nailed it doc. That explanation sums up almost perfectly how my life has evolved. I thought it was just me. But hearing you explain it like you did, gives me some comfort. I have to work with what I have. Thanks for the channel.👍
Dr. Scott, please don't stop using your metaphors. I completely understand your comparisons. Your videos have really help me to stay motivated and focused.
Definitely one of your greatest videos! Being a legit Fisherman, I was literally hooked on the storyline. Unfortunately, I am know exactly what SURVIVAL MODE is all about right now.
I like your videos and you are a great help for so many people. So what do I do, when my survival mode periods last months to years, but my good periods can be maybe one or two days long? It´s not enough time to build something that lasts or actually helps on the long run. Yes I know start small and move from there, but I don´t have any feeling that I´m moving somwhere.
I appreciate this video so much. I put a ton of pressure on myself to pull myself up, and push through, and "get over it," and stop making excuses and just do the thing, etc...Because that's what society expects of us, therefore that's what I expect of myself. These are not good motivators to say the least. They are more like psychological slingshots. I have been dealing with more than my fair share of adversity lately, so I probably should give myself a little more slack. But the tough part is figuring out when it's time to tighten the slack and move out of survival mode. It's easy to get stuck there indefinitely.
Hi Dr Scott. Thank you for another great, helpful video. I am definitely in survival mode - nothing left to give! I know my own limitations and can push myself to get things done but when others make demands from me, I get overwhelmed as I just can't accommodate their needs anymore. It's frustrating. I'm so tired and worn out.
We luv your metaphors too,Scott. Omigosh, i remember the weather extremes of Iowa. The extended coldsnaps and the severe weather in Spring/early summer. We used to run the hills after storms bcuz the air was so fresh. Last 2 days have been like moving thru molasses. May be overtraining and still adjusting to intermittent fasting. Drinkimg coffee less frequently.but the days I do, I overdo it and then I pay in terms of eating wrong, sleep bla blah Aye,yi yi..its progress not perfection. Great discussion, Scott. Thx
Once you mentioned the muskies you definitely got my attention. I live in Wisconsin and it was my childhood dream to catch a muskie - and now that I'm 38 it's something I'm actively hoping to do sometime soon. (and as someone who struggles with severe anxiety caused by OCD and the accompanying depressive episodes, I appreciate your videos a great deal 🙏)
Really glad I discovered your channel Dr Eilers. I've found your videos to be very clear, non-judgmental, and they really help lift the veil of depression/anxiety with explanations, advice, and yes, the use of metaphors ;) Thank you for your valuable time and expertise.
You have pretty much given up so much of your time to the betterment of all of us here. Trying to thrive brings fear of failure, sometimes (at least for me), but you just get it, all the time. I consider you my doctor, actually. I love metaphors as well, and yours add so much imagery which I appreciate. Sorry to ramble. Tonight I will dream of muskies! Thank you from Ruth xx
I feel as if I am in survival mode constantly, I am divorced and my son is getting to off to college. Yet listening to you it feels so right, trying to do it!!!
This is a great topic I go through this all the time 10 Steps forward then 10 steps back. I have cPTSD AND I FUNCTION THEN I JUST TRY TO SURVIVE I GET DEBILITATED!!! I live with people who don’t understand and are so toxic !!! This is so helpful but can you do a video on how to set BOUNDARIES WHILE DEALING WITH THIS SITUATION IT IS AWEFUL AND SETS ME BACK MORE
I am a huge fan of metaphors and use them quite a bit myself both in and out of psychology-related settings. Sometimes it's the only way I can explain what I'm feeling to a therapist or friend. So please, keep them coming!!! This video and the last one were the most useful yet of all the excellent content you have made. The biggest takeaway I got was to use the precious (and extremely rare in my case) surplus time/energy to work on building *foundations*. I've had a lifelong tendency to shoot for the stars if I have even a tiny bit of surplus, and then I wonder why I got crushed yet again. Reinforcing the basics makes a TON more sense. I am beyond sick of playing the Sisyphus role. Time to park the boulder at the bottom of the hill and start slowly chiseling it into a sculpture (as my brain spontaneously spits out yet another metaphor LOL!). From now on, if I have extra gas in my tank,I'm going to double down when I can on the fixes you discussed in your last video, instead of mashing the accelerator to the floor with new, unrealistically ambitious projects and then catastrophically burning out worse than I was before. I don't need to be adding goals. I need to be refining them. Thanks for the "light bulb moment"!!! Have a great day and enjoy the "heat wave" (I'm in Iowa also, 2 hours north of you). :D
Thank you for your videos Dr Scott. One of my top goals in my trauma therapy is to learn how to stop living in survival mode and learn how to thrive. Thank you for being my online therapist in between sessions. You are very helpful.
I really loved this video! Again - so relatable! I‘ve been in survival mode most of my adult life. 20 years ago I took on a job that doesn’t really suit in terms of stress level. But all these years I never really had the feeling that my head was sticking out of the water far enough to have a clear view of what other options I might have. Not to mention the constant lack of energy to persue other things and the fear of ending up in an unemployment situation if a job change goes wrong.
I love the Muskie metaphor. It makes complete sense and I’ve been arriving at understanding that more and more in my life, avoiding self blame when I take time out to rest. But I’m learning more it serves me well and prepares me for when I do get to reel it in 😊
Having PTSD and an abusive marine Corp father, my life became all about perfection which is both exhausting and debilitating and it took me many years to understand that sometimes that's all I really can do is stay alive. It sometimes lasts a long time but I have been able to accomplish things during more - thriving - times. But I congratulate myself on 2 major things: over 25 plus years of therapy I have changed the course of life for my own daughter but even more so, I've had the ability to see my grandchildren absolutely thrive in the most normal and loving way! My ex husband and I remained friends to accomplish this. Yes, there are some bad months or even years but I look to those grandchildren and know we helped break the cycle
I am tired of just surviving.
Your comment is kinda old, I hope that you're well now.
Anyhow, I just wanna let you know that I'm tired too, you're not alone. Let's get through it together!
or people assuming that basic survival is 'good enough' for you.
I hear you. It can be rough.
So, you are set just right to move into life. Even for the first time. Choose life-- every second....
I'm in the stage of "I just don't care anymore ". I go to work, come home and only do the things I have to. The remaining time I sit around feeling numb. I stopped having goals because the universe keeps pushing me down. It is absolutely exhausting.
Same
It’s exhausting. I feel the same.
Me too. Every time I try to move forward, life just kicks me in the head again.
Totally know the feeling ❤
At least you can feel numb! How do I get there? I’m in excruciating emotional pain every day :(
I’ve spent the last 13 years just surviving.
When my fiancé died, I had to focus on survival otherwise I would’ve gone insane from the grief. And I’m sick of it.
I want to thrive again.
I want to be excited when I wake up because I want to know what the day will bring.
I want to notice the beauty of the day and be grateful that I’m alive.
I want to go to bed thinking “Today was a good day.”
But I don’t know how.
From a 62 year old. You are wise beyond your years.
We are 62 and 58, and think the same thing! :)
Add a 69 year old , because I feel the same way 💕
But, when that is life for years, you have no life.
I feel you
We need help to figure out how to start living again!
Agreed. A very painful realization
Iv been depressed as long as I can remember. I NEVER give up tho. I could be dead tomorrow. This guy has taught me things about my brain, like the freeze response and it actually helps. Im not being chased by a grizzly bear, my brain just things i am because i have so many stresses. Im trying to learn to control my brain. Its hardware basically. It can do anything. Good luck to you and don't give up. Much love from Colin in Wales UK 👍❤🙏
@@Thatqueenzo333it is a painful realization, I am alone completely alone.... my stepfather passed away last year who I was taking of. and now it's just me in this house that he rented and paid for that I can't afford anymore, and throwing money away in rent and it's definitely not worth it. Yet I have no help, my family will not help me pack up and move and it's not like I have a million things. I don't care if I leave a lot of things behind at this point. I just don't even know where to go from here, without a caring family that I was going to move close to, what is the point, after they've turned your back on you. I have 1 grandchild that doesn't even know who I am who will be five and another on the way. I want to be there for them, unsure of what to do though. This breaks my heart that my only child has turned his back on me. I was a single parent sacrifice so much and I don't regret it, but I never thought getting older in my life would look like this.
When I have a good day I start projects that I end up not finishing because survival mode takes over again. Good days don't last.
Life feels like I'm just going through the motions. I used to be youthful and full of enthusiasm. Those days are but a distant memory now. I'm consumed every day with the demands of my job and a desperate need to improve my physical health. At the end of the day, I'm tapped out and just want to crawl under the covers and sleep. Come to think of it, I feel that way 24/7, not just after a grueling work day. I go into work only to look forward to going to sleep later that night. There has to be more to life than just surviving every day and keeping myself from totally cracking up.
You are not alone. I am walking beside you.
I look at everybody else’s life, and they seem fine… Mine is always falling apart.
Don't be deceived, most people are desperate
I recently lost both my parents in the spam of 12 months, both very traumatic passings. Not long before that my husband’s business took a big hit and I had to go out and find a job after 15 years at home raising kids. I will not even mention the thousands of other things I am having to deal right now. To make things worse the company I am working for ( extremely toxic place I am having to adjust to by the way) is now laying people off and I will have to shift into job hunt gear again out of nowhere…before all these things even happened I was barely making it. My depression and anxiety were on the verge of becoming out of control. Right now I am on automatic pilot. I am numb. Can’t even cry anymore. I am barely surviving..
I am so sorry for your losses - your ongoing situation really sounds awfully lot for any human to handle! And you are still managing it, despite the very real hardships, financially, mentally and also as a parent. I pray that the tide turns on you and you find a better workplace, more time to breath and that you can slowly process the grief.
@@Sesso20 I appreciate your kindness 🙏🏻
One thing you're doing right is listening to these postings. I wish they had been available when I was young. Keep up the fight, you can do this. Also listening to a daily meditation is totally game changing, as is journaling (getting to the other side, downloading all of your concerns, anger, grief) then you feel much better. Keep looking for the inspiration, you can transcend this period and come out the other side stronger.
justMe, sending hugs.. being a human being is epically challenging.. my guess is though, you are waay more of a super delight-filled-with-might beautiful warrior’ess💖✨💖✨.. sending you hugs, knowing i totally get you, the struggle is so real, offering up my love..
@@lesleyM84 Thank you so much for this. It means a lot to me ❤️
This is so important to talk about. When I moved my elderly father in with me and my family, it became a two-year period of straight survival mode. I was always frustrated and putting myself down like ' why can't I just get my shit together??' but looking back now I can see I was doing the best I could at that time. Not being mean to yourself about times of "just" survival is really key!
Wish I could like this comment more than once. Yes, we all need to cut ourselves some slack and stop beating ourselves up! Sometimes we've got it together as much as it's gonna get together at that time/stage in our lives, and we need to give ourselves credit for that. ;)
@@DriftlessWarrior exactly! It makes me sad to look back. I was having a brutality difficult time, and I was just awful to myself. It made everything so much worse to go through and just lengthened how long it went on for.
Same here. I’m so hard on myself even when I’m doing the best I can I think it’s not good enough. 💕
@@elainebezak7158 I think society "programs" us to think that our best is never good enough, and also that if we don't get the results we want, that we "just weren't trying hard enough" and "need to try harder." Man, I hate those phrases! 😔🙄 I'll be spending the rest of my life constantly breaking that "programming," and it's very hard to do, but essential if we are to thrive!!! Wishing strength and success for us all!!
So true. It may take the rest of our lives to get there, but thriving is our goal, with compassion, and self kindness. Important to keep in mind. 💕
I feel like such a failure in survival mode. I know that’s a cognitive loop I get stuck in. This is so helpful!
Please don’t apologize for your metaphors; they *really* help illuminate your message. It really helps me understand and relate it to my life’s situation. Thank you for alleviating some of the guilt.
Exactly! I love the metaphors.
I love the metaphors too, they are so helpful
I have no one, my family is turned their back on me because they don't understand. So I sit and do nothing and I'm stuck and I can't stay stuck because I need to move my rent is ridiculous but I can't get the energy to do it!
You have yourself , be your own best mate x
I'm in the exact same boat. It can be terrifying at times!
I have a similar position. Only I'm already in subsidized housing so there's nowhere to move to. I took a job two months ago and it's toxic, boss a very bad person but it pays the bills until he cans me. I'm 52 and so over it all.
It's terrible when you feel stuck and trapped
I'm in the same situation as you. My family have moved on, they're busy raising their families. I get that, but no phone calls, no birthday cards, nothing.
I hang on to every word this man says....
Yeah, his wisdom is next level.
He's giving me the advise Im always giving to others.
Its great to RECEIVE good wisdom, vs always giving it out.
You are amazing Dr Scott. Someone who understands. I am always on survival mode. Not sure how much more I can take.
Same
I feel I am in the same place
Me too
I'm in the same boat
Wow, look at all of this in the same situation !
I wish this Dr could be my 19 yr old son’s therapist. His adolesence was just like Dr. and he’s in a depressive episode right now. And so am I. You can only be as happy as your most unhappy child. It sucks and never ends.
When you’ve been into the abyss for multiple times, each day is worth nothing, absolutely nothing. It’s not why, or how you should proceed, it’s that you haven’t even the thought, the perception or will, that’s depression, that’s reality for those Trying to help themselves. Go get washed, dressed, meet up with family or friends, that’s already way too much to perceive yet alone want to do....
I'm autistic, so this really resonates with me. I had a severe burnout back in 2021, where I wasn't able to do anything else then lying in a dark room. Screw making/eating food; I literally didn't have the energy for it. Some days, I managed to cut up some vegetables and put them in the fridge so I could live on some meal-prepped tortilla stuff for a while. It was awful. I've dealt with chronic stress after that too, but it's never got that severe again. I think much of it is due to having strategies for how to deal with it, and, also, frankly: having better people around me who do not push me when I'm not in a place to be pushed.
These days, sleep is a huge struggle for me. Writing this at 3am, ugh... but hey, went out, met some friends and had a fun time. I'm luckily in a position where I don't have that many external obligations per now, so I can "afford" to do a reset. So, I spend most of my time making sure my diet is on track and that I get my workouts in, and other than that I simply stay at home and read/watch movies. When I have the energy for it, I'll go out to events (like movie screenings, etc.), often by myself. I've learnt the hard way that the worst thing for me now would be to put a lot of pressure on myself and set grand goals of getting up at 5am every morning and falling asleep by 10pm. Sure, that's something to aim for later, but for now it's a matter of "slow and steady".
This is why I need to be alone. Having someone try to tell me what to do and when to do it, steels that precious resource of times when I can rebuild
For the last 4 years I have been just surviving. I feel like I can't get my life together. It's frustrating, my friends are planning vacations and I can't go because that money is what I need to keep surviving. There are changes I want to make, but for now I am going to just keep hanging in there.
I am putting this out there because it might help someone. I have been in survival mode begore and it seemed like nothing was going my way. NDepression, lack of energy, withdrawn, etc. I began planting seeds and working in a small garden. Everytime i would do it i would feel better. Now i have a lot of plants and find a bit of joy nurturing them. If you can, try a garden. If thats too much for you now, fet one plant and nurture it. Seeing it grow will give you positive vibes. If you need an indoor plant, try a snake plant. They are easy to grow. I know it sounds corny, but it really does help with endorphins and digging in the dirt has been shown to help with depression. Good luck. ❤❤
I can't even grow dummy-proof herbs in my kitchen lol. No green thumb here! But I am happy for you that you have found something that makes you feel better. I have heard that gardening helps people with depression.
What i am finding difficult is that when after a few days of pure survival, i get a surplus day or two and start working on things and making simpliest plans: appointments, meetings with friends, doing excercise etc. only to drop them when my next darkness day envelops me. This is so disheartening. And now, when the next surplus day comes, i know that it will be ruined by next few days of survival mode and all my work will be ruined...
Or cause and effect reversed: Feel better, dare to make simple plans, simple plans turn into a massive cluster----, which actually causes a darkness day that wouldn't have happened i😧f I hadn't made the plans.
@@DriftlessWarriorlet me give you an example: i call up my friend and ask him to go for a walk day after tomorrow. And when such day comes, i can barely get out of bed or feed myself...what cluster? This is just that basic... i call and cancel our walk, which is even worst if i hadn't made such plans...
So isn't it the injunction to 'strive', even if it's completely internalised, that's a core problem? I know, now, that whenever I try to 'strive' there's going to be a backlash - but society wants it, and wants me to want it, and I'm really confused about who it is I'm supposed to be trying to please. I wonder if it's connected to the condition referred to as PDA (pathological demand avoidance - I think it's misnamed as thriving is a command while surviving is a demand).
I tell myself 3 steps forward ,2 steps backward, is still a step ahead !
Very important topic. Sometimes I feel awfully exhausted, once I slept 24 hours, it made me feel guilty, but I understand that my body cries for mercy. Our lives are much too much for me. A low intensity life is appropriate for me, therefore I don't envy rich people who don't know what to do more in order to spend the tons of money they have. We are simply different. It should be a place for everyone
Agreed. I think "rich" can be defined in many ways. If you understand when your body needs a ton of sleep, and you listen to it...if you are aware that a low intensity life is what works for you...then you are indeed rich. It's not about money, it's about quality. Older person speaking from experience. Enjoy your quiet life and peaceful downtime! :)
I feel like a big problem for me is not "not knowing what phase I'm in", but rather how much I can actually do in those phases. Right now I feel I'm in a complete shutdown most days. I'm already glad when I can get up at some point earlier in the day, shower every couple of days and sometimes go for walks. But I don't know if I should be setting higher goals, like actually going to work for example. And when I'm thriving, I tend to Set myself goals that are way too high. I tend to think I can do everything because now I'm at my full potential. Which then leads to me being very stressed and critizising myself a lot and ending up in survival Mode again. I really try to work on it but it's so hard
Same here. I feel exactly the same. Best to you 💕
Me too. There's an almost instantaneous snap back from any attempt at thriving.
@@batintheattic7293 @elainebezak7158 The thing is, at least we are aware of it, so we can try to change something about it. I haven't been aware of that for a long time so I wasn't even able to realize it and try to act against it :) I wish you two the best!❤️
Maybe this is adjustable to mental health🤷♀️:
to figure out how much I can do in the different (menstrual) phases I started to "journal" my to-do-list/planning of the day and by the end of the day I looked back and wrote down what/how much I was able to do. I've done that for over a year now and the planning and doing is starting to look pretty similar. With different "high" and "lows" during the month.
Maybe it works if you put a note to it like "low battery" and "a lot of energy" so that with time you get the knowledge and experience what is realistic to expect from yourself in a certain phase.
I so relate!! Your comment made me reevaluate my own expectations for myself. I’m going to try to do some things today without pushing myself too far or being too hard on myself. I figure, once I build habits near the habits I want to have, I’ll be closer to my goals. Thank you for helping me have this insight. ❤
At this point, I'm just happy that I can stay functional -- keeping my doctor's appointments, stay on track with my physical and sleep hygiene, getting things done punctually at work, etc.
I’ve been in survival mode for 35+ yrs. 🤷♀️ BUT I really connected w/ this’cast and I give you heartfelt thanks ❤️
i've been in survival mode for a couple of years now, the next time I have extra, my next level goal is to have a shower!
It's amazing how much cognitive effort is involved in the supposedly simple task of showering, isn't it! Quite nice, for me, once I'm in it (if the water is hot and the pipes aren't complaining) but good grief is it difficult to initiate. I, almost, have to reverse into the bathroom now.
Dr. Scott - please tell us how to make showering less of an ordeal. There must be some tricks to it. I have found that I am more likely to do it if I am already on the same floor, if the bathroom is 'ready to go' and if I'm failing at doing something else (like trying to get to sleep). Other things needing doing, just thinking about other things needing doing, and I'm going to stay grotty :) .
A hot shower at night has often been the only thing that has kept me from unraveling.. and then there's a Epson salt bath, man that makes the next day a whole lot better.
The problem is that when you have those short episodes of clarity they are too short to do anything meaningful, because any skill needs every day consistent attention, every type of learning needs more time than just a window of couple hours of clear head. You cannot start any project, you cannot continue any project, simply because just to get started or get back into takes all that time. I’m talking as software engineer, but I’m pretty sure this can be applied to other type of work.
I dont have goals anymore lots of hobbies but no ambition to do anything in life I have all the time in the world and I sit and waste it os not helping the situation so lost
I would like work that is somewhat meaningful. I saw a listing and had good pay and full benefits. Then I looked closer and to be hired you need $600 worth of courses that THEY created. So you pay for your specific, non-transferrable training or you could volunteer, pay $100 for your training, commit to shifts and hours out of your control and a requirement that your quality of work is equal to the paid staff who are getting $25/hour...but you're working for free. Eventually, they MIGHT put you in a paid position. But why would they if you are doing the same work for free? Seems more like MLM or pyramid scheme. I've truly given up finding meaningful work.
I hate my anxiety 24/7 and I hate myself for who I am
Perfect timing. Was just saying to myself, "I think I want a break from my efforts for self improvement and just get by for a while. An okay thing to do. Thanks
It's such a horrible problem, though. Always pushed to increase rather than find stability.
@@batintheattic7293 I know, right? One of many lies society pushes on us. I was about 52 years old when I realized it was okay to enjoy what I had and stop pushing for more "goals" when I didn't really want or need more and just wanted to enjoy what I had worked so hard to accomplish. Discussed this in therapy extensively. It was extremely hard to wrap my mind around!
I have been in survival mode for 7 years now. & having a very dysfunctional family w sisters/brother who don't really care doesn't help. There are 6 of us in my family, maybe 2 sisters care at the most. No one really understands or seems to care. My dogs and pets are my world, because I know they care.
Dr Eilers: Ty for specifying that pushing yourself too hard in depression can result in being bedridden. I’ve been pushing myself way too hard to do chores, responsibilities. I have had this happen to me in the past where I ended up bedridden & not able to care for myself therefore I was in the hospital for 3 weeks. A very scary time. Btw, your book will arrive on Saturday. I can’t wait to read it. Ty for your book & time & effort w/the new podcasts. I go back & watch past ones too. Much appreciated.
An avalanche of personally emotionally devastating experiences has seen me give up, several times. I often avoid people & keep to myself. I just have run out of desire to tell my tragedies to anyone who asks. Sometimes we are surrounded by those who harm, rather than help. This includes professional helpers, such as social workers. People find it easy to open their gob & say something harmful. When you have already been kicked to the ground metaphorically speaking, they stomp on you further. Often we learned to take the abuse from family...we are only human. A lot of us who end up with mental health labels have endured silently years of maltreatment, without fighting back. Either because they were bigger, or had more power over what happened to us. Verbal assault is still very much an assault !!!!!!
I've been looking for an answer about what is actually happening with my life right now. There were times when everything was very easy, right, and smooth. But since the pandemic, I feel like everything's going wrong. Everything's falling apart. Almost 4 years and nothing changes. In my 37, I keep watching my friends rising higher and higher, while I feel like a total failure compared to them.
After watching this video, though, I finally understand that I am actually in a survival mode. That I keep building unrealistic goals while surviving is the only thing I should be focusing on right now. Maybe I'm not a failure after all; just someone who has to survive in certain period of times.
Thank you so much, Dr. Scott. I've been subscribing a lot of mental health channels, but I find yours the most helpful of all. It helps me understand better and better.
This is my life right now 100%...
Tons of past wins, SUPER WINS.
Pursued a dream, working going to school, 7days a week, 12hours+ a day, 3 yrs straight.
Was in SUPER THRIVE MODE, and I was happy
But... SCORED(as I wanted) and Im grateful.
Now, seems like everything I touch, crashes before it takes off and IDKY. 😔
Struggling to find a simple job. Energy and will, just not even there.
Now... barely eat, dont watch tv, surviving is...really hard right now.
Not cuz Im burnt out, per se, but moreso.. uninspired.
I think part of our ennui is terms like 'done' or 'accomplished' or 'achieved' as these are false representations of what actually happens. We've never 'done'. We've only 'done some more'. It's never ending. And, I think, the reality of the situation is harrowing - but there must be a way to live with it. Ozymandias - "I am Ozymandias, the king of kings, look on my works, ye mighty, and despair." and all that is left, of the monument, is the feet.
Right there with you. I feel like I'm just treading water in the dark every single day & I'm exhausted.
Thank you so very much for this much helpful video. It was really liberating to know that it’s okay to just survive (at times), you don’t always have to achieve and perform to your fullest in life. It helped me to put less pressure on myself moving forward. May God bless.
Absolutely! So glad this landed for you ❤️
Thank you Dr. Scott - you have really helped me to have hope that mental health professionals can understand what it feels like. Sometimes in the process of getting help, it feels like we are mistreated as if others know what is best for us based on some general best practice or their opinion which differs from the person we spoke with the day before. Sometimes we don't have the strength to be an advocate for ourselves in that moment and feel violated after. What you are doing, and your book, has changed my mind - thank you for this gift of strength and hope for the future.
Me too x
must do? i let go of the must dos, eating, washing, bills.
i organized about 3/4 of the paperwork i need to do, mind you, i didn't Do it, i just organized a lot of it. 2 days ago, and it gutted me.
thriving? my high energy thrive was spent helping family move, babysitting, being at the hospital for relatives. my energy, time and money, the best years of my life. now I'm spent. forever.
Can you please do a video on how to deal with dysthymia? Even after overcoming a few episodes of severe depression, this chronic low-grade depression keeps affecting my quality of life and it's really tiring. Although I'm having therapy, it's still confusing to navigate through dysthymia.
And anhedonia, please
@@bradparker9664 he has I think 2 videos put out on anhedonia.
Yes, Anhedonia please, Dr Scott 💕
He has I think 3 videos on anhedonia on the channel you may want to check out.
@@ishyfished thank you so much
My only goal in life is to have peace of mind. That's the only thing that matters to me.. I just want a basic quiet boring peaceful life. I'm working towards it.
I want to give you a hug 🤗
I want to give you another 🤗
I feel hopeless they think I can just do the things, I can't, I know it will get better by my past episodes, but I know I need a mind set change, hence being here, with your metaphors 😊 Thank you for your pods, they are giving me hope. 😊
Loved your metaphor❤! Fisher woman myself. Soo got your message. Been in Survival mode for 15yrs. Many health issues. Past 10yrs stuck like quicksand. Used to do exactly what you said to do! Then, bad spiral Insomnia. Allowed my Psychiatrist to put me on Quetiapine 4 sleep. NO, not bipolar. Helped a little. But - it made me Not Care. Begged smtg else, NO! Raise dose. Then, since not bipolar, I didn't care that I didn't care!!! Quit cleaning, bathing, eating, quit life. Oh, nice side effect - it made all my teeth fall out! That was & is a horrid thing! Stolen a big joy - cooking & eating. Moral - NEVER ALLOW ANYONE TO THINK THEY KNOW WHAT YOU NEED WHEN YOUR GUT SAYS - HELL NO! This (whatever "this" is) Not for me! I didn't need a pill. I needed to get away from the 10,000 undone stuff - go to the beach for at least a week & recharge my mind, ❤ & soul. Reconnect with myself. Yet to get there, literally. Now, so sick, be a miracle if I could even make the 8hr trip. Hang on firm to your core intuitive nature, especially when a "higher" knowledge type has to convince you to do what they want!
I’m a research psychologist and I love this channel.
Sometimes you're planting seeds. The work is hard and long, and at the end of the day you have nothing but a patch of dirt to show for it. And sometimes you're harvesting a huge crop and have enough left over to share with your entire community. Life really does go in phases, but if you don't do the thankless work of planting seeds, you'll never get a harvest of any kind. Took me til my 40s to realize that I can simply choose to enjoy the work and let come what may.
Every choice i make almost always induces a panic attack. Im taking classes online, and they started yesterday, and it already feels like I've made a massive miatake and wasted my money. I went to school in canda for a 12 month program, induces it was lowkey a scam. It seems like ever Decision ive made has ended up bad. It feels like ive fucked up my life permently and theres nothing i can do to get it back on track.
I hate constantly feeling like a failure.
On the same boat here... been depressed and anxious for yrs. Im starting slow again by taking 2 classes in college since i don't have a job.
@animalshaverights127 bro I'm taking two classes too. I kinds have a job but I sorta relapsed into self harm this past week so my aunt who is who I work for said to take a week off .
I live in Canada. What program did you take? Beware of private colleges. Best to stick will accredited universities and check out their hiring rates for their grads for each program. Many universities will hire back their own grads for various administration jobs just to keep their post graduate employment numbers looking better.
@l.5832 i went to a place called the Vancouver institution of media arts. They claim to have a 98% hiring rate 6 months after, but I've graduated for 8, and no one in my class has gotten a job and only 2 from the class before us. The admistaration lied a lot about the institution and classes. They lied about what exactly you would be getting out of the class, claiming it to be a degree when it was really only a diploma. They lied about class sizes, which, to be fair, the teaching staff was also uniformed that they decided to double the numbers of students in class. So they were very understaffed for the class. We could go 2 weeks without seeing an instructor. It was just a whole mess.
@@parisheidi3119 I'm sorry but not surprised. Unless they are an accredited university, they cannot grant degrees in Canada. Unfortunately many colleges, institutes and even universities survive on the higher tuition paid by foreign students (non-Canadian). The federal government is trying to clamp down on this. I really feel like education has become a bit of a pyramid scheme in recent years. That is just my opinion.
This is very helpful and relevant to me. I am going through treatment for anxiety and depression life long. It's a constant battle and hearing your talks has been one of the elements that has contributed to treading water and swimming.
I can truly relate.... especially with my declining health and living somewhere I don't want to be...praying I can find affordable housing where I feel at ease ..that I can enjoy before my health declines any further..
Buy Dr. Scott's book. When I am having a bad day I read his book. I have not finished it yet because I have re read multiple chapters because they help me get through the day ALOT. When I read it, I'm like "Holy shit! This is exactly how I feel." I have found the chapters to help motivate me, I guess the right word is. Since I have purchased the book, I wake up, make my coffee and read or re read a chapter. I have felt alot of feels reading it, but as a person who has constantly supresses my emotions, it helps me get those emotions out. Thank you, Dr. Scott ❤
We have made the book part of our morning set-the-tone-for-the-day routine. We recently made the happy discovery that since hubby is an auditory learner and I am a visual learner, we both get the most out of it if I read the book and he listens. Kind of like an in-person podcast. We do a chapter right after we finish a meditation session. Seems to help our brains better absorb the ideas in the book. :)
Do you two have the ideal sequence? See, my book reading usually happens before I go to sleep. Is it better to start with reading 'For When Everything Is Burning'? Do you feel like you're able to function better by reading some at the onset of your days? And what happens that's different to how it would be otherwise? I've just ordered a copy. Very few people are willing or able to give me permission to regenerate but Dr. Scott is definitely one of them.
Edit: 'FWEIB' is the one I've ordered - is this the one you're talking about? There may be others.
Wow, this described me perfectly right now, and it was simultaneously validating and inspiring. To use my own metaphor, I often say that I'm not even treading water some days, merely survival floating. The economy is poor in my profession right now, and I have four senior rescue pets who are keeping me kind of stuck in a frustrating place and lifestyle. And I have succumbed to pressure to do more during this period because we're told everyone is having it all, we're not working hard enough, blah blah. This was really, really helpful in planning my year moving forward. I can have ambitious goals that I work on in little increments when I have time/energy, so long as my foundation is strong, and I can be more aware of when I'm being overly ambitious and might lose that muskie entirely. Thank you! 💜
I'll be looking forward to this. I'm curious about the phases. I feel like I've been in just survive mode for decades.😆 I'd love to be in thrive mode!
I hear you and I completely understand.
Me too. . Would feel so great to leave survive mode into thrive mode. 💕
After watching, I guess I haven't totally been in survival mode all these years. That makes me feel better. I understand about not using that surplus time wisely. I'm trying to do the foundational work to keep stable during the survival mode times. I've done three nights so far, of the victory journal and flexibility/stretching stuff. I do feel better with that. Thanks again, Dr. Scott. 😊
Me too! I hope you find some relief
@@davemathews5446 Thank you, you too, and everyone else.😊
Nobody has ever been as much help as this my whole life! A lifeline in shark infested waters. Thank you so much.She
Thank you for this, Dr Scott. I feel like my entire life has been stuck in survival mode. I can barely recall a time I wasn't crawling on my hands and knees and dragging myself around to do anything. I've been in a serious depressive state since the holidays, and it's not getting any better.
I'm going to therapy regularly and try to spend time with friends and take time for myself, but my body is so drained that I can't do much else to function.
Getting really tired of this. I don't expect four decades of abuse and neglect to disappear quickly, but I had hoped for a little break in the misery as I started trying to heal nearly three years ago. I knew when I finally confronted the pain that it wouldn't go away without a fight, but I did not expect to be in such a deeper hole now than I was when everything fell apart.
This stinks.
Thank you again for your sage advice.
Thanks so much for the video; it was great!!
It definitely all made sense; I liked the fishing metaphor. It took me a long time to realize I was setting goals that were way too ambitious and setting myself up for failure. The smaller goals for things like bathing and getting out of bed by a certain time tend to seem like "not enough" to my brain. Other times, the second I feel okayish, I go WAY too hard and burn myself out. I just do too much.
I've been in survival mode for a long time and at this point I'm way too scared to leave but I'm still going to therapy so I guess I'll just have to see what comes of that. That being said there have been very few times where I was truly able to flourish and thrive. I was able to explore certain things like jobs and hobbies but they didn't last long.
So I've definitely been stuck in a cycle that not only fuels itself but works as a self-fulfilling prophecy and offers a lot of evidence to my fears of continuing to try and move forward in this thing called "recovery".
So glad I found your videos this morning as I am what you talk about. I am sure you get this all the time but would love a one on one with you. I am 65 and just feel why try to fix me now. I would just love to be at peace with myself before I pass. I once seen a guy at the age of 20 but he got arrested for molesting two of his patience so I stopped going. One big issue I have is it goes through my head is just end it but this has gone through my head every day even as a kid. I have done good by pushing it away every day but it gets tiring but every day is a win. Maybe one day I will find peace, but I don't think so.
I'm 72 and know what you're saying. Please keep in touch. I care. We care.
That analogy made me feel less guilty for not being able to help around the house like I did last week.
Made sense. I'm so glad I found your channel. I've just climbed out of a pit and teetering on the edge and know that unless I start using the solid ground to move forward I'll fall back in. But the pit got somewhat comfortable and didn't take anything out of me (other than taking everything out of me) so I'm struggling for momentum to head out into the open. This conglomerate of metaphors really helped. I need to not waste that little bit of gas and gently touch the pedal and start to move forward. I'm going to go fold a pile of laundry and spend 20min in messy spare room and 20 min in messy basement and that will be enough for today other than surviving. Thanks!
Oh to regain some feeling of triumph when messy is made tidy (for a while)! Wouldn't that be wonderful.. I remember that feeling. Done it too many times, now, though.
Don't forget to congratulate yourself for every little thing you do! 😉👍
Video was really helpful. I am in survival mode for a long time now. My body just doesn't allow me to push for something big, to aim high. If I try, I get severely punished. I have not woken up in the morning and felt energetic EVER. I am always tired. Always looking for an opportunity to take a break. Tried everything, did every test possible. But nothing comes out.
It is not a life I value anymore. It is just being alive, not living.
I am falling apart for more,than 30 years,but now i am 62 years,and i climb slowly up all alone,by remove the toxic people from my life,but i have no fun more in life,like i used too
Dont ever stop using your metaphores!!!!!!...another crystal clear message got through...cornwall England
I cannot express how grateful I am for you and this channel! I've been in therapy for almost a year while simultaneously in active burn out from my employment and experiencing severe emotional dysregulation on top of other diagnoses (anxiety, CPTSD, depression, ADD & a Chiari malformation). I've been asking all the right questions, but not getting any answers. I just want to understand what's happening in my brain so I can calm my nervous system and thrive again. So grateful for your channel. You've literally saved my life as i struggle a great deal with the " ending it all thoughts" almost every day. Thank You 🙏
You speak directly to my soul and in a way telling me "it's okay". Thank you ❤
Jesus, this is me nailed. It’s what I’ve been saying for years. Thank you for understanding.
This video had me in tears. I really needed to hear this. Thank you 😊
One of my favorite song lyrics is "I can be thankful to be alive, but I despise this life / In all my years, at best, I've I only learned just to survive". That really is how it feels sometimes.
You so get it! I so appreciated hearing how you described the last 10 years of my life...I did come to realize recently that some things are just out of my control, and things are unfolding/have their own timeline. Just trying to identify and honor what I need moment to moment to get through this period of collapse of my former life.
Honestly just so freaking helpful! I am beyond grateful to have this explained in such a way that I get it, like really am able to internalize.
Thank you so very much for this video!!! Not only is it helping me through things. Hut helping realize and think more realistic . Allowing me to revert my depression into recovery and repair
This came just in time. Thanks man
Thankyou ❤❤❤ as those positivity people make me feel terrible or a negative person for doing what need to do to get through because thats all I can do sometimes
Yes. Loving and looking after yourself at the worst times means saying no to anything beyond survival mode and not second guessing yourself. Be proud you know it's time to take care of yourself. Then later if that excess energy happens or you feel alive to challenges beyond surviving, you probably wont even hesitate about saying yes because you are already thinking and feeling yes before whoevers asking has finished asking....
Thats my interpretation of your speech sir. Im currently in survival mode because of big illness flare up so this video very useful and reassuring to hear right now. Thankyou 👍👍👍
1/31/24 - You got my attention
Between the strive and the survive
I identify with these two words
I can feel when I thrive
I can feel when I survive
In between these two I vacillate
Hypo and down depress sad
I do recognize birth circumstance environment etc attribute to one's welbeing-welfare
I do work at balance / counterbalance
To Live-life to maintain a sense of accomplishment self worth peace
I recognize my self awareness to
Embrace bring together my mind-thoughts projection
Inner / outer
Esoteric
Exoteric
Great good and Great harm
And I see my thriving for what it is
And I see my surviving for what it is
So yes I fail and yes I find accomplishment
Also, I include a regiment of physical exercise 1hr - 2hr 6days
Also, I eat healthy and I do feed the beast junk-foods
So it is willingness to work to find that balance / counter balance
In between the rain drops and my live-life
Ty for your insightfullness
I just wish really depressed people could move into a community together, where we can be each other’s neighbors, and where we could emotionally support each other to keep going
I cant vbegin to explain how I got where I am. Short synopsis- alcoholic parents, violent dad, toxic shame foster family, highly sensitive personality, married a covert narcissist for 30 years, ended with me being publicly humiliated and no family (or severely dysfunctional that is) support. Isolated . Covid and moved (since 2017) about 8 times with about 10 jobs fired from about 4 of them. Getting steadily disregulated more and more. My anxiety since Covid has been tripled.
I have no money to get help and I’ve lost myself. The survival mode is stuck and I’m tired and exhausted. The failures never stop.
I do not know what to do.
People are very selfish and uncaring too. I don’t want a handout just help to get some stability and calm in my life. I need to belong and be in a safe place emotionally, financially. I’m 61 and I’m going to lose my job probably and I’ve been applying to every place I feel I could do the work.
No one wants to hire me and I’m fixing to be living in my car.
I’m so scared and tired of trying.
I'm very sensitive too and actually 'feel' others pain and fear. I've had two full-fledged 'break-down's'. I can pick up on it in a busy store. I am soooooo sorry you're going through this. It sounds horrendous and terrifying. I had two full-fledged "break-downs". I should have been hospitalized but the situation called for me to survive. I was never quite the same again. I, too, have been in a dark abyss and saw no way out. I wanted to "end it" but something kept holding me back. The absolute best I could muster up was putting one foot in front of the other. You had written this 6 months ago and today I'm thinking of you and wondering where you're at now. This is a good forum - it helps. I didn't have this when I was in absolute dark hell not that long ago. That stays pretty fresh in your mind - you NEVER want to go there again. Please, let us , and me, know how you're doing now. I care. We care.
I’ve spent the last 13 years in survival mode since my fiancé died.
And I don’t want to be anymore. I want to live again.
I spent 13 years in dysfunctional grief when I lost my brother in a car accident. Long story short, when I finally was able to genuinely grateful that I even had him to grow up with and genuinely grateful that I had him for as long as I did.... only then was I able to accept this great personal loss and get back fully on with life. He has been dead now, longer than he lived. Still think of him but it brings a smile to my face and my eyes instead of that sharp stab of pain. Hope this helps you in some way. Life is full of loss, learning how to accept it and go on is the goal...and your fiance and my brother would want us to go on with life with an inner peace and happiness so that we can enjoy the life we have left.❤😢❤
I've been in survival mode for way too many years between burnout and health crisises with close loved ones. It's a rare day when I have energy at the end of a day.
But I needed to hear your message. It made so much sense. Not sure when I'm going to pull out of this burnout/rut enough to build, but your wisdom rings true.
Same here. I'm worn out.
I know the feeling. All too familiar 💕
You nailed it doc. That explanation sums up almost perfectly how my life has evolved. I thought it was just me. But hearing you explain it like you did, gives me some comfort. I have to work with what I have. Thanks for the channel.👍
I love your metaphors! They are so helpful.
Thank you, currently very ill, lost 45 lbs...sitting at another Dr office today...joy.
Dr. Scott, please don't stop using your metaphors. I completely understand your comparisons. Your videos have really help me to stay motivated and focused.
Right now just messaging you and saying you are spot on with your information is a big victory for me today!
Definitely one of your greatest videos! Being a legit Fisherman, I was literally hooked on the storyline. Unfortunately, I am know exactly what SURVIVAL MODE is all about right now.
I like your videos and you are a great help for so many people. So what do I do, when my survival mode periods last months to years, but my good periods can be maybe one or two days long? It´s not enough time to build something that lasts or actually helps on the long run. Yes I know start small and move from there, but I don´t have any feeling that I´m moving somwhere.
I appreciate this video so much. I put a ton of pressure on myself to pull myself up, and push through, and "get over it," and stop making excuses and just do the thing, etc...Because that's what society expects of us, therefore that's what I expect of myself. These are not good motivators to say the least. They are more like psychological slingshots. I have been dealing with more than my fair share of adversity lately, so I probably should give myself a little more slack. But the tough part is figuring out when it's time to tighten the slack and move out of survival mode. It's easy to get stuck there indefinitely.
Hi Dr Scott. Thank you for another great, helpful video. I am definitely in survival mode - nothing left to give! I know my own limitations and can push myself to get things done but when others make demands from me, I get overwhelmed as I just can't accommodate their needs anymore. It's frustrating. I'm so tired and worn out.
We luv your metaphors too,Scott. Omigosh, i remember the weather extremes of Iowa. The extended coldsnaps and the severe weather in Spring/early summer. We used to run the hills after storms bcuz the air was so fresh.
Last 2 days have been like moving thru molasses. May be overtraining and still adjusting to intermittent fasting. Drinkimg coffee less frequently.but the days I do, I overdo it and then I pay in terms of eating wrong, sleep bla blah
Aye,yi yi..its progress not perfection.
Great discussion, Scott. Thx
FINALLY ~ somebody who GETS it. Thank you so much (and also, I actually understand better with metaphors ^^)
I know, isn't he fabulous! X
Once you mentioned the muskies you definitely got my attention. I live in Wisconsin and it was my childhood dream to catch a muskie - and now that I'm 38 it's something I'm actively hoping to do sometime soon. (and as someone who struggles with severe anxiety caused by OCD and the accompanying depressive episodes, I appreciate your videos a great deal 🙏)
Really glad I discovered your channel Dr Eilers. I've found your videos to be very clear, non-judgmental, and they really help lift the veil of depression/anxiety with explanations, advice, and yes, the use of metaphors ;) Thank you for your valuable time and expertise.
You have pretty much given up so much of your time to the betterment of all of us here. Trying to thrive brings fear of failure, sometimes (at least for me), but you just get it, all the time. I consider you my doctor, actually. I love metaphors as well, and yours add so much imagery which I appreciate. Sorry to ramble. Tonight I will dream of muskies! Thank you from Ruth xx
I feel as if I am in survival mode constantly, I am divorced and my son is getting to off to college. Yet listening to you it feels so right, trying to do it!!!
This is a great topic I go through this all the time 10 Steps forward then 10 steps back. I have cPTSD AND I FUNCTION THEN I JUST TRY TO SURVIVE I GET DEBILITATED!!! I live with people who don’t understand and are so toxic !!! This is so helpful but can you do a video on how to set BOUNDARIES WHILE DEALING WITH THIS SITUATION IT IS AWEFUL
AND SETS ME BACK MORE
This is an important video. Your points are so true and rarely expressed.
I am a huge fan of metaphors and use them quite a bit myself both in and out of psychology-related settings. Sometimes it's the only way I can explain what I'm feeling to a therapist or friend. So please, keep them coming!!!
This video and the last one were the most useful yet of all the excellent content you have made. The biggest takeaway I got was to use the precious (and extremely rare in my case) surplus time/energy to work on building *foundations*. I've had a lifelong tendency to shoot for the stars if I have even a tiny bit of surplus, and then I wonder why I got crushed yet again. Reinforcing the basics makes a TON more sense. I am beyond sick of playing the Sisyphus role. Time to park the boulder at the bottom of the hill and start slowly chiseling it into a sculpture (as my brain spontaneously spits out yet another metaphor LOL!).
From now on, if I have extra gas in my tank,I'm going to double down when I can on the fixes you discussed in your last video, instead of mashing the accelerator to the floor with new, unrealistically ambitious projects and then catastrophically burning out worse than I was before. I don't need to be adding goals. I need to be refining them. Thanks for the "light bulb moment"!!! Have a great day and enjoy the "heat wave" (I'm in Iowa also, 2 hours north of you). :D
Thank you for your videos Dr Scott. One of my top goals in my trauma therapy is to learn how to stop living in survival mode and learn how to thrive. Thank you for being my online therapist in between sessions. You are very helpful.
I love your metaphors! I enjoy your words of wisdom. Thanks 😊
I really loved this video! Again - so relatable!
I‘ve been in survival mode most of my adult life. 20 years ago I took on a job that doesn’t really suit in terms of stress level. But all these years I never really had the feeling that my head was sticking out of the water far enough to have a clear view of what other options I might have. Not to mention the constant lack of energy to persue other things and the fear of ending up in an unemployment situation if a job change goes wrong.
Thank you Dr. Scott. I go through many depressive episodes. Usually , I just do the main things I have to do that day.
I love the Muskie metaphor. It makes complete sense and I’ve been arriving at understanding that more and more in my life, avoiding self blame when I take time out to rest. But I’m learning more it serves me well and prepares me for when I do get to reel it in 😊
Having PTSD and an abusive marine Corp father, my life became all about perfection which is both exhausting and debilitating and it took me many years to understand that sometimes that's all I really can do is stay alive. It sometimes lasts a long time but I have been able to accomplish things during more - thriving - times. But I congratulate myself on 2 major things: over 25 plus years of therapy I have changed the course of life for my own daughter but even more so, I've had the ability to see my grandchildren absolutely thrive in the most normal and loving way! My ex husband and I remained friends to accomplish this. Yes, there are some bad months or even years but I look to those grandchildren and know we helped break the cycle