Anything a parent gives to a child is a part of their parental _responsibilities_ which they chose to take on when they decided to have kids. It's not a favour to the child. It's giving the kid their Human Rights like food, shelter etc. That's the bare minimum a parent should do.
I had my child because it came to me in a premonition dream that I needed to have this child. Before that, I never thought of having a child. While I was pregnant many revelations happened. My son doesn't belong to me. I am here to love him and facilitate his journey. I never have felt that he owes me or will owe me anything. I have never tried to "mold" him into anything. Now that he's growing up and is becoming his own person he is my teacher in many ways. I am awed at his wisdom. I am honored to be his mother. Interestingly enough, I had another premonition that my son will have a daughter in the future and I am to play a huge role in her upbringing. We shall see. All these years I have been raising him I don't need a thank you. I love him. I want him to be himself. I think this is the closest to what I feel true love may be. I am so grateful for the love. Thank you Teal for sharing your video message. Love you.
Aside from the premonitions I feel the same regarding my children. I have 13 years between my two. Both are oops babies as infertility didn't allow planning. My eldest has been THE greatest teacher, and by mothering him I was able to witness issues with my mother. Challenge lies in his father being like my mother for where I was in my path at the time. Hopefully I've shown by example how to not hold on to that pain, but to accept, love, and flow. My youngest, a daughter, is teaching me in ways deeper to my child self, whom was sexually abused in her next year age, the ways I shut myself down to be "safe" within a thoroughly abusive home. These kids are my greatest gift, and they're free to be whom they are on whatever paths they seek for themselves. Just by being born and my undying love for them I've learned in so many ways how to love and accept myself. My oldest will soon leave home, and I'll help him to spread his wings in any way I can. My daughter has a fire I hope to never squelch, because she's a force this world needs.
Lucky you. And lucky him. I wish, I had such a dream, too. You must be a wonderful mother. Thank god, you are able to experience this! Much love to you
Exactly. They just sugarcoat it with the sacrifice bull. Thing about self sactifice is that you don't expect anything in return. If you do - it wasn't self sacrifice all along. All those parents bragging about their kids being ungrateful in their adult life.. Seems like the more they brag the more they show that their sacrifice wasn't really sacrifice, just their transactional bid aimed at forcing the kid to meet their needs.
Same. And it's worse, I've found, the more educated the person is. Not only do they reject the idea that people have kids to fulfill their own needs, they also then mount a big, well-articulated counter-argument and logicize you to death, as if a powerful presentation makes it true. It's what people would call "mansplaining," except in this case, it's not about one gender doing it, it's people who think having kids is their selfless contribution to humankind.
Same, people usually don't get it, or rather, don't want to get it. I think the issue is the indoctrinated value of needing to be altruistic. It's such social ideal that people would kill rather to admit they are not. As Teal suggested, true altruism comes naturally in being who realise the oneness (though even I myself have realised this intellectually, it's still nothing compared to really realising it in ones own being).
In rich countries, they often do it for more love, and company- and in poor countries, having a child is more of an investment for later- in this case, they have the child in the hope that they can take care of themselves when they are older. Either way, it’s ultimately a self-centered act.
Love it. I am unmarried and have no children. I finally decided to stick with that Lifestyle because I could not offer up a better life or connection to a partner or children. I couldn’t offer better than the abuse I am experiencing. That was best choice for me.
Hi. Just checking in on you after writing this comment. No matter the abuse you went through, it does not define you. You have SO MUCH to offer this world, so incredibly much. Never ever doubt that.
Wouldn't it have been wonderful if we had all been loved and valued for what we are rather than what we were expected to be? But that didn't happen. And we all grew up and projected our parents' expectations and our distorted ways of being out into the world. What could possibly go wrong?
Wow Is interesting how people have different upbringings.. I always was my own self and my parents supported and encouraged me that but perhaps my siblings don't feel the same way? Even though from my perspective they too received so much support.
What's odd is that my parents didn't put these expectations on me. I was always free to do my own thing and pursue my own interests. As long as I was safe and happy, that's all that mattered. My brother on the other hand, was very pressured to be the boy my dad saw in his imagination. He was forced to play sports that he didn't want to play, and have a certain look. He had no choice in things like what clothes to wear, what haircut to get. I could do what I wanted as long as it was acceptable (met the school dress code). Not to say my life wasn't messed up for other reasons. I was practically ignored by my mom.
Tried to bring this idea up with them when I was like 13, my mom was not open to it -- she was totally sure it was a selfless act. Made me realize how differently I was thinking
Vivien Phan That’s where my mother and I disconnect as well, it’s not about me “hating her”, or trying to “win the argument”. It’s about being honest about the issue, reflecting and making strides to understand each other. So we can have a better relationship.
@@candylove49 i hope you can build a stronger, better connection with your mother. In my opinion, your mother must have brought up in a society/time where obedience is the only form of love ( just like my parents lol) Therefore it's challenging to tell them to think differently but it's also something worth fighting for
I'm not afraid to say it. I want kids for myself. I do. BUT....because my mother was so terrible in meeting my emotional needs (she herself feels guilt and remorse for it), and the negative impact it had on me to the point where I have to COMPLETELY DETOX AND WASH my emotional body, I made a promise to myself that I will be the best parent possible FOR MY KIDS! If I can't be a good parent, then I will not have kids AT ALL! The cycle CHANGES OR ENDS WITH ME!
A few days ago I have re-integrated a part of me that I had to disown in order to survive in my family when I wash a little child. This part told me that a super lonely woman was asking for love and so I decided to be born on earth through her to show her how she could create love for herself... and this video validates what this part told me. My mom had me because she was super lonely and wanted someone to love her... I still act according to her programming, doing things just to make her validated and happy...but I think it’s about time I step up and align with my original purpose... Thank you Teal ❤️
I decided to work with kids instead of trying to have my own and it's great! I get my needs met, while helping to meet theirs, and then I get to go home and chill out at the end of the day! It's the best of both world in that sense (just try and ignore the poor pay and regular illness that comes with the job!) Honestly, the children really have helped me to heal emotionally, I get more love and appreciation from them just for being there than I've experienced at any other time in my life. And I think that's because I DON'T have rigid expectations of how they should be, I try to take them as they are. Everyone who's thinking of having kids should work with kids before they do. You will learn a lot about them and about yourself!
This is an excellent point you make. Many people decide to have children of their own without ever having spent any time with children prior. They don't understand the reality of what it's like to be with children all day long. They are having children based on an imagined, idealized conception of what it will be like. Similarly, there are people who aren't very good with children/children don't like them and they are aware of that on some level, and yet they have children anyway. Those people probably figure, "My own kids will be forced to stay with me - they won't have a choice".
It's the old old story of that favourite bit of BS the "We gave up the best years of our lives for you...." speech that parents fall back on when a child fails to reach an imagined educational, social, ideological or humanitarian standard; made significantly worse in situations where the parents had no ambition for themselves let alone anyone else. Further complications arise when the goal posts are moved continuously to emphasize the weaknesses of the child thereby destroying any existing confidence and the emerging adult is an exact replica of the parents. Resilient kids rebel and hopefully survive more or less intact, the weaker ones give in to pressure try to become the product of what their parents had in mind - or thought they had - and end up in therapy or drop out completely.
What you say is true, however not that last bit, it is completely natural for children to define their worth by the people closest to them (even if they are abusive) and end up replicating the behaviour of those people subconsciously, this is how prejudice is passed on. It is only when a child reaches a certain maturity (if they ever reach it) that they realise they can disagree with their upbringing/parental figures, and if they're brave enough, attend therapy, which is extremely difficult especially if you have been brought up to believe mental health issues are a myth, and therapy is for nutters. It is essential for recovery, and if anybody is reading this wondering if they should try it, it could really help you. Rebelling against your parents is often a sign of immaturity that most of us go through for a period, however if it persists to adulthood it leads to people having children so they can can give them all the things they didn't have as kids; another unwise reason to have kids, as they end up being spoilt, entitled and ungrateful. No one can say what the right reason is to have kids, but it should certainly not be as the result of what someone has done to you in your life. You will inevitably end up treating this child in a specific way because of it and they will grow up with a warped perspective of life based on your trauma.
My experience with therapy, was betrayal of trust, and inhibition to express ones true feelings, and thoughts. The foundation to even delve into the subject of child rearing is founded on the purpose and intent of giving birth to a child, once understood by a mother if, they can do it, reveals an even greater meaning. But that is reserved for the truly enlightened, as a gift from above. As Teal Swan, has shown.
Teal. I hope you tweak the title so couples are drawn to watch this BEFORE they decide to have a child. Social pressures to have children is very hard to fight and commercialism pushes couples even further by making having kids look like one long vacation. Every couple thinking having a child should watch this!
Especially when having children not just one but having many children can actually complicates a romantic relationship between a couple and strain the relationship to the point of breaking. Statistically, over half of all marriages in America divorce because of finances and I'm willing to bet children are part of that financial picture.
I thought I was crazy and needed a therapist to discuss my childhood; but now that I have seen this video, dang... This brought up so many answers that have been kept from me. Thanks a bunch Teal 🙂🌈⚡
Most of therapists and expensive psychologists need to discuss their childhood too :-p Successfull psychoterapist manage successfully cover and hide his own childhood wound. This is only difference between successfull and unsuccessfull therapist. Teal is living nightmare of all psychotherapists :-)))
@@janbalaban5268 Teal and many of us. We hold the real knowledge of psychology. Childhood trauma will teach you things in ways that the best University Professor can only dream to find the right words to express. Sadly, feeling that deep pain and awareness makes it impossible for many of us to put it to a better use. For now at least.
My girlfriend and I have, for a long time talked about this very topic as we both felt our parents didn't have us for us but rather for themselves. We both have history of illness in the family so our plan is to, if we want to have a kid, is to adopt and give someone else to the life we haven't. (Not saying that's any less self driven)
I'm a single but if I want kids, I too adopt unless there's an accident. I want the reason to be warmth and love and being able to give guidance. But as Teal said, it's hard to take care of kids these days, so hard. I probably started my growth work too late, around 33, so... and am too lonely and unsocial still to make a full recovery. It ain't easy when most people you meet are interested in things you consider trivial and vice versa.
To bring up a kid the right way these days,need to be away from whole cities and live in the countryside to be away from social media mess and toxic society.
Family illnesses are nothing but "family karma". And i am not sure that you can bypass it by adoption (it's not easy to piss over universe laws :) . Only way is to solve this karma. (shadow work etc.) Than you can "override" your DNA too. And your family illnesses will no longer exist (but most of these illnesses are just result of uncouscious bad behavior)
My mother is extremely helpful, she wants to do everything for me (I'm an adult now)...But I've always felt this aura of suffocation in the relationship. I choose think it's something that I can resolve energetically though haven't yet. Once I kept telling her about my viewpoint that a child is an independent person, and saying "my child" is technically not true, in the sense that the parent does not possess the child. At this point my ever peaceful and mild mother almost jumped up saying "you'll be mine until I die". I can't forget that moment unfortunately, though it happened a few years ago.
We dont belong to nobody they have to understand that .We dont even belong to ourselves lol we belong whoever Created us and what matters is our Soul! We are already trapped in this avatar we dont need any beings telling us they own us where they dont !
@Andrea yup I heared that a lot . I left my family who lives in Germany because I fell in love with my husband who lives in America. My whole fam and my parents friends til this day talk bad about me because I left Germany for love . I'm happy with my husband and to be real I'm glad all my fam isn't close to me .I have more time for my marriage and less headache. They call me heartless for leaving them .sad ... women need to be stronger and accept everybody has their own lives and nobody owns anyone .. every human being has their own test that's it
Damn i hate to say this but i think you may have a similar problem to me. For a long time i let my mom rule my life and it made me hate her. It took me many years to figure out that she wasnt controling me but rather i was letting her controle me. Now i have a pretty good relationship with my mom because the second i leave her house i leave her opinion at the door aswell. She may not agree with my choices and she lets me feel it to sometimes but i can live with that a whole lot better then letting her controle me. The reason i finally got to this point was that someone had died and i realised that i wasnt going to wait for my mothers death to be able to live life the way i wanted to. Rather live life my way and have trouble dealing with my mom then live life her way and have trouble dealing with myself. Hope you find your answers and you own happieness. Good luck with everthing.
Same with me. But I'm the favourites child. Which some would like, but I hate it. I hate it when my mom talks to my the way like I'm the only son. My younger brother is usually omitted in everything. Decided to cut the ties with my family and be my own self and stop relying on the good relations with my parents. I am my own self and I don't depend on love
I am very grateful and happy that my parents decided to have children. I was lucky that both my parents enjoy interacting with children and are by nature very affectionate and warm. I feel that my parents wanted children because having children in the home made their lives more joyful. My brother and I had a happy childhood filled with love and positive attention. I may not have been asked if I wanted to come into this world, but I definitely felt embraced and valued for being me.
I fell the same! Grateful for my parents and allowing me to be myself. Loving me no matter what. First comment I read of someone that has a positive view without traumas.
Wow my own parents really Need to see this video !!! They had absolutely No idea what they were doing and they treated me Horribly !!! Absolutely Horribly !!!
I have thought these things about parents for most of my adult life but kept my mouth carefully shut.. I’m proud of being in my 50’s and childfree. I have done my part to help the planet by not creating more polluters and consumers, and I hope that more and more young people opt out of the default parent path.
Some self serving actions are helpful and some self serving actions are harmful. It's wonderful that Teal is trying so hard to show us the difference so we can create consciously as often as possible. As always Teal, thank you.
This is very true! My mom always talks about how much she sacrificed for me but then says “when I get old your going to take care of me right?” all the time which made me realize that was the reason for her even having kids in the first place.
I’ve always explained that I had my child for myself and never felt bad about that. I knew that by having a child I would experience a new kind of love, new personal growth and development in my own life. I also felt prepared to support him in his growth and development. He’s a beautiful 10 year old now.
I had children because I needed something to anchor me and motivate me towards life, love was an aspect of it but more instinctual than purposeful. However, as I grow as a mother my effort to love my children is becoming more purposeful. Sometimes I feel resentment to my role because I am exhausted and I don’t have “free time” to myself, but as long as I get good sleep and a hot shower I bounce back. My family is worth it.
Waaaay too many people wrongfully accusing her of being a cult. If putting out free, helpful youtube videos which explain your perspective is called being a cult, then literally every self help channel is a cult.
Everything is a cult of sorts - so a person is American or German or Danish or whatever - that is a cultural cult too... so quit whining about what group people decide to belong to.... the difference is that some ACTUALLY CHOOSE which groups they want to belong to - but most don't ...... they just decide to staunchly defend the ones they accidentally belong to
@@FrankJensen68 some cults are definitely worse than others though.. also it's so important how much room a person has to question the group/tribe/country/cult.
I remember when I was younger and my mom would compare me to other children, I used to tell her "I didn't ASK to be born" or "Why did you birth me?" Then she would get offended. My dad is aware he signed up for having a child and is aware of his job as a parent. Sometimes he treats me like I owe him something though just because he gives me lunch money. I'm staying positive about it tho
I too have been saying similar for years. People are so annoying with their selfish lies around why they want to have children. These same people usually always have money issues too. And I've always said that our children don't owe us anything - it's the other way around - we know how hard life can be and yet we inflict it on these other souls. I had one child and she was a "surprise" 😂 but I loved to bits once she arrived - she is 18 now. Her father is so unappreciative - too convoluted to go into here. I get annoyed when people say their children need to "move out of home" by a certain age - hey, they didn't sign up to this, you signed them up to this, they're your responsibility. And yet I'm super spiritual - I know that our soul decides it will come here - and I say also "if it didn't come here it would be zooming around elsewhere, and maybe that elsewhere is far better than here! - we still dragged them in!"
It's hardly even begun, little sister ❤ The sounds of your childhood will continue to reverberate in your mind as you grow and change as a person - for better or for worse, they keep rearing their heads. Hold on to your hat!
Many reasons: 1- Continue the lineage of the family 2- family pressure 3- Celebration of their love 4- Social Benefits 5- To fit in 6- To trap someone 7- Status The list is long! The question is why YOU want them...
Atem S. I have always felt intuitively that these reasons were not good enough to play god/ create a human being- and thus I decided not to. 38 now, no babies, by choice, and perfectly okay with that. It’s weird how deciding NOT to have kids makes you the odd ball.
@@Beccanator007 People do not like the one walking away from society's expectations! Also, having a child does not ''make'' you a God... An animal can have offsprings too! To each their reason! Am 38 and there's a part of me that does and a part that does not! Especially when you see how society is turning into, Am not really interested in leaving them in this mess! Having kids is the ultimate self sacrifice of self and society value that more than anything... Why, 'cause they did it and want you in the same boat as them!
I don't understand why people lie to themselves about this, or think that there should be a grand reason for having a child. I have always been honest with myself, I want to have a child because I hate the idea of ending my lineage when I die, that and babies are cute.
I totally agree with you on this perspective and I have a two yr old and because of this perspective I am now able to move along my journey even better than before this video!! Thank you God the source Universe!! 💗for leading me to this amazing video!! ☮️
I am 34 and I don't have children. I am not ready to sacrifice my time , money and freedom yet or maybe i will never be ready and i am fine with that PERIOD🙌
So.much.truth 💥🤯 Helped me understand my relationship with my mother better, for sure. I’m childfree by choice, just never saw myself as a mother (except to animals) have other priorities in life, so married accordingly 💪🏼 My sister has 3 and that’s cool too, but somehow in my family’s eyes I’m still considered the “selfish one” 🤔
I’m so glad I found this video. It just further validates my decision not to have children in my lifetime and supports everything that I’ve thought about parents/parenthood all along. Thank you.
Teal I just want to thank you I'm not a parent but I came across your videos very recently and your videos have transformed my life completely so much it can not be explained in a message thank you I would really like to thank you personally one day
Just a few days ago I actually wrote my mother to thank her because I realised everything her and dad did for us 3 children (all grownups now). I suddenly put myself in my mum's shoes one night, imagining how she must have felt having her first child at 19 and my dad 21 all the way through our adulthood till now. They gave us so much (and still do) and sacrifice so many things, all the money they had was for sending us to a good school, allowed us to travel, do our hobbies, learn skills. I have no idea why they wanted to have us but they surely didn't rub it in our face that we owe them anything. Maybe to give us what they didn't receive as kids? Or maybe because back in those times that's what you do after you get married and was known to be a life of sacrifice.
Great video, as an addition to it, the greatest lie our parents ever communicate is that love is something we receive externally. With conditions of Worth, it's tragic that children grow up with the belief that recognition and validation is necessary from the parent and later in life from peers, partners etc. Such a barrier to self acceptance.
@@FinesseMuse please explain as yes I agree that within cultures there are different approaches to parenting that shape attachment styles of relating, but I would consider parental conditions of worth to be universal. Except in those that don't parent their child or are exceedingly non judgemental which I see as an aspiration rather than a reality, due to each party having relational needs.
Thank you so much! These were all the thoughts I had, when I had to decide, if I wanna keep my baby. I didn’t get it, because I was worrying I couldn’t give it all it needs. Now I see so many mothers, who got their children out of the reasons you mentioned and I get really mad. Cause in many cases I think I would have been a better mother 😔. What makes me really mad is, when mothers speak so proud about their pregnancy or motherhood, especially the ones, that know about my abortion. It sounds as if they feel as they were better women than others, because they are able to receive and get children. Or when they compare like: oh she and she still didn’t get pregnant, in my marriage it worked right away 🤮. I love the way you speak about it, Teal. I know women, who are absolutely no „mother-type“, but they have to have kids, no matter how often they need to try or lost some...and then they act as mothers only out of what they read in books, because they can’t think or feel for themselves as mothers. They can’t enjoy their motherhood, it’s like only work for them. It upsets me, that I didn’t trust in my abilities enough to keep my own one, when I see this. You are so smart. Why are there just so few of you on this planet.
I have said basically the same thing and people became angry and defensive. I say we have children to fill the void of non love. That is why so many lost teenagers have babies. They are looking for connection and believe they will receive unconditional love.
Wow, perfect timing! I raised my children (who are both now young adults) apart from my “tribe” (family of origin) by choice, and we are better off because of it.
Teal's words on this subject are a beautiful work of art (to me). I also have had all of these thoughts and that's why this resonates with me effortlessly and it speaks for me. I think it is very beautiful the way she speaks about this. I know there is so much ingrained in us in our DNA that goes against this outlook. I do think it shows us where we are in the world. Choose consciousness, whatever your choice. 🙏🌹❤️😃
I always dreamed of having children of my own & I was devastated when it didn't happen. I was consciously aware that my need and want for that experience was based on many of the things Teal mentioned. Thankfully, bc I was aware of "the why's" to my want, I was able to heal my wounds & accept peace when the dream wasn't realized 💖
This can go both ways. My parents did their best raising me and my siblings, but sometimes came up short. Now my adult siblings are blaming them for everything that goes wrong in their lives, even their own shortcomings. Parents are looking for perfect children, and children want perfect parents, but it’s just not practical. They took care of me until I was old enough to make my own decisions and control my own life circumstances. They may not have been perfect parents, but I don’t feel they owe me anything more than that.
I believe that a child deserves a parent that meets their needs. I think John Bowlby's concept of the "good enough" parent has been very harmful. Check out Daniel Mackler on TH-cam.
Thank you! I've been thinking this since my teen years and now brave enough to say it out loud now that I'm in my 40s. My relationship with my mother has been strained for the majority of my life. I've often felt like the whipping girl of my family group. Next time we have an argument she's getting this video in her inbox.
Some comments mentioned China, grown up in China and living in Australia now that allows me to see these 2 different cultures, and start to question the way I been brought up. Now I have my own child, I feel like that he came to this world to heal a lot of my childhood traumas, I owe him big time. Sometimes I still have confusions try to find balance between this 2 cultures, but hey I am still learning because parenting is lifelong journey.
What makes this video great? The introduction without any "disclaimers". 0:15 The quote, "To have a living breathing trophy to add to your existing success." 6:00 Recognizing that a child may not want to be the "mini-you" of a parent. 10:11. I don't regret having children even though it has been the most challenging thing I have ever done. I love my parents but why do some acquaintances feel the need to "become" the parent of another adult? Even the traditional view of God is that of a parent. Thank-you, Teal.
Teal teaches lessons the world needs to hear, understand, and integrate in order to heal and thrive. Unfortunately, most people don't have the strength and courage to even try to listen and understand...or they misunderstand/misinterpret it completely.
Definitely truth to this. I think the key is in becoming more conscious of this, while at the same time.. the reason we have children are multifaceted, both for ourselves, them and the perpetuation of life. I can relate to this, tho, I have often felt I was birthed because of the desires of others.
lol, in many cases it starts off by taking a dog. As soon as the kid comes, the dog becomes a burden (so sad for the animal), as soon as the second child comes, the first child becomes the burden and the one to behave and so on. A child more often seems to be an accessory, a content vehicle or a way to better a relationship. Love yourself fully before you take a child and be honest to yourself whether you are in the right place to actually go for one. It's not a product.
Some of us get pregnant and get pressure from family to keep it even though we have no desire to have children or be parents. It is a burden of obligation.
Great video. Never thought of parenting this way. Now I realize why I had a child. You make us see all the little things that we would never think of Teal. Thank you!
As a child I felt betrayed by my parents for telling me that Santa was real. To this day I don't think it's right to tell children such stories. Even Disney fairytales are not good for society.
Why there is a need to lie and make up stories for kids what isn't real .There are real enough stories to tell kids .I never understood why parents are such manipulative beings .We grow up forcing ourselves to unlearn what they teached us lol...
Lou Monte why? All of my brothers & sisters loved writing letters to Santa, leaving cookies for Santa and waking up in the morning to find what he left. That was a great & magical time for us. And little by little we realized the legend wasn’t real, but we never felt angry about it. Never felt our parents lied to us. We all felt our parents created something magical for us to enjoy and look forward to experiencing. I’m just curious as to why you feel betrayed.
Not long ago I dissected why I felt I wanted kids and found a few of those reasons to be on the list real provided and I was shocked. After I dealt with those reasonings I then realized not me now it doesn’t matter if I have kids or not, which was a conclusion I didn’t expect.
My mother always told me that she was the one to want children, so we are her responsibility, we don't owe her anything. Yesterday she told me she wanted to start giving blood plasma so we wouldn't have to pay for her finances when she retires. It was such a warm feeling. Still, I hope I will have the financial stability to be able to help her out or pay for her nursing home, because it's most likely that I will never move back to my hometown. I remember when I was a teenager me and my friends would talk about this topic with our closest teachers. They would say that people must take care of their parents in their old age. "The parents changed diapers for their kids, so the kids should change the diapers of their elderly parents" they said. One thing they didn't understand was exactly what Teal says: we didn't ask to be born, we didn't agree to any of this. I hope the newer generations will raise their kids with a better, more open mentality, with awareness.
The more a Person Loves Themself first They are in a position to help another in a more meaningful , and responsible way. I have yet to have a Girl friend who did not take this the wrong way.
I have believed this from the get go. We didn’t have children until we were married 25 years and not because we couldn’t. I was 42 and my late husband was 49. We ended up with twins without fertility treatment. The twins turned out great but in the end my husband was very uncomfortable about handling them. I felt alone raising them. He wasn’t bad but distant from our son but close to our daughter. Luckily it all turned out okay and they are fun and great adults now. I do have to say 12 years of therapy helped.
Both my parents have expressed the idea that they are owed things from us. They both have always been very transactional, and they both expect us to place their needs ahead of ours on the basis of owing them for time, money, or effort spent durring childhood. "Is this the thanks I get for x, y, and z?" "Thanks" is clearly defined as strict obedience and ultimately the impossible task of transforming your thoughts, needs, and desires, into a carbon copy of theirs. When I express my true thoughts, needs, desires, hopes, dreams, or ambitions, I can always expect to be invalidated in some form or another that always boils down to the inescapable answer, I need to take, or should have taken, their direction every step of the way. Also that I'm not worthy of a quiet ear, or a helping hand, until I'm ready to admit they have always been right about everything and never had a selfish motive in their lives. I've always wanted to have children, and I've never much questioned why, I suppose I want to find someone who needs love, but who has no tainted ideas about love, who will not use your love as a weapon against you.... for like ten years anyway, LOL.
All of my three children were born into this world as a surprise. I've got two sons ages 12 & 10 and a 4 year old daughter. What I have learned as a father is that they learn by observation. Always treat them with respect and sincerity, apologise to them when you f up. Help them identify their feelings and always let them understand that what they feel is absolutely natural and that life needs happiness and sadness. Polarities of Yin and Yang are what makes this life percect. Never force anything, after all they are a manifestation of the universe and need to bloom aa natural as a flower.
This strange sense of loyalty creates much limitation. It’s like a hidden vow to put others before self and you end up taking on others burdens. I guess this is part of a wider soul contract to help you establish your own boundaries and personal connection with source which will create freedom.
My mom had me because she wanted a friend. She got someone who amplifies her own sense of loneliness instead. I invalidate her just because of who I am. She also won't admit it but she resents me. Everytime I bring up parents not liking their children she gets extremely triggered and denies that it is a reality. She has never committed to anything in her life except family, due to her religion she felt it was her duty to have kids, and I forced her to do that. She wanted to have a career and I made that impossible for her. I've had to go back into the womb during the completion process to heal rejection and abandonment my mother projected on me in the womb.
thank YOU TEAL SWAN for the WISE ADVICE❤️❤️❤️WE are GRATEFUL for YOUR DEMONSTRATION & the EMBODIMENT of SERVICE TO OTHERS😭😭😭 Please HELP spread HER demonstration, WE would SHARE😇😇😇if WE CHOOSE:) LOVE TO YOU & YOURS ALWAYS, KNOW THIS🙏🙏🙏
Thank you for this video; very timely for me. I’m peeling away another layer of the Mom disapproval of me (she’s been dead for 5 years) being so different from her, even though I look so much like her. She couldn’t handle how “weird” I was. 2 of her motivations for having kids was to have mini-mes that she could control completely, and who would take care of her when she was old. I’m coming more and more into my “weirdness,” my own personal values and ways of being in the world. I was born in 1958, and I’m sure my mother also felt the societal pressure to be validated as a real woman by having kids.
I have the same story as you do, besides living mother. I believe that parents who wish for a convenient doll attract the most opposite: alive, free-spirited and otherworldly children. My friends also share the same pain. The family members would die for me to live conventionally or exceptionally but in the “socially successful” way. I just figured we matched to teach each other about freedom of expression, genuine love, acceptance, and other crucial values
@@alesyaomelchenko6164 that’s an interesting idea. 🤔 I didn’t rebel directly against my mother, but I also couldn’t conform to her image of me. I’m still growing into being more and more myself, now 7 years after my mother died. I hope you are free, or at least freeing yourself, to be your whole, true self, not the person your parents want you to be.
I wanna have a child one day to show somebody unconditional love without return that I never got to do with my mind. It’s selfish. But I wanna make a human stable. I want them to feel the freeness I’ve never felt.
Well, my parents had me due to a failure in protection and no possibility of abortion - and then my brother to try to better the relationship - which never succeeded.... But it should be obvious that everybody have children because of biological survival instinct, societal standards, and simply because that is "what one is supposed to do"...
Iv'e Heard that having a lot of Children they can help Bury you when you pass on...And being a Property for Example..Naming a Son after you... It can also be your Son doing what you Did job wise...I did not Name my son after me..Cause I wanted him to be his Own Man..
My mother gave me the name Vera because her own mother has this name. Her mother (my grandmother) wasn't there for my mom, so my mom gave me the name Vera because she wanted me to be there for her. Basicly she used me. I don't have contact with her anymore.
@@veraivakic Sorry to hear that.My dad's father was in a town where there was a civil war back home,so I did not get to see much of my dad's parents.Though,by chance my good friend at primary school,his father was an MP England and was able to get my Grandfather to fly to the UK and was able to see me a few days,then went to see my cousins.That was the only time I saw him.
@@GoldKingsMan so what you try to say is that your dad gave you the name of his dad because your dad missed his that around him? So your dad also 'used'you, right?
"Your child owes you nothing for anything you have done for them. I mean nothing" 😭Thank YOU
“Your child owes you NOTHING”, those are the sweetest words any child want to hear.
The "after all I've done for" lecture. What have you done for me? Shamed and guilted me for breathing.
Narcissism
100% true... ii can relate.
I must admit that parents made some really good things for me. It is not "thank you for nothing". But remaining 90% were as you said. And that's sad.
Anything a parent gives to a child is a part of their parental _responsibilities_ which they chose to take on when they decided to have kids. It's not a favour to the child. It's giving the kid their Human Rights like food, shelter etc. That's the bare minimum a parent should do.
😂literally!!🤦🏾♀️
I had my child because it came to me in a premonition dream that I needed to have this child. Before that, I never thought of having a child. While I was pregnant many revelations happened. My son doesn't belong to me. I am here to love him and facilitate his journey. I never have felt that he owes me or will owe me anything. I have never tried to "mold" him into anything. Now that he's growing up and is becoming his own person he is my teacher in many ways. I am awed at his wisdom. I am honored to be his mother. Interestingly enough, I had another premonition that my son will have a daughter in the future and I am to play a huge role in her upbringing. We shall see.
All these years I have been raising him I don't need a thank you. I love him. I want him to be himself. I think this is the closest to what I feel true love may be. I am so grateful for the love. Thank you Teal for sharing your video message. Love you.
Jude Karmen Giarratano this comment made me emotional, so glad there are parents like you out there.
Correct.
Beautiful😌🙏🏽
Aside from the premonitions I feel the same regarding my children. I have 13 years between my two. Both are oops babies as infertility didn't allow planning. My eldest has been THE greatest teacher, and by mothering him I was able to witness issues with my mother. Challenge lies in his father being like my mother for where I was in my path at the time. Hopefully I've shown by example how to not hold on to that pain, but to accept, love, and flow. My youngest, a daughter, is teaching me in ways deeper to my child self, whom was sexually abused in her next year age, the ways I shut myself down to be "safe" within a thoroughly abusive home.
These kids are my greatest gift, and they're free to be whom they are on whatever paths they seek for themselves. Just by being born and my undying love for them I've learned in so many ways how to love and accept myself.
My oldest will soon leave home, and I'll help him to spread his wings in any way I can. My daughter has a fire I hope to never squelch, because she's a force this world needs.
Lucky you. And lucky him. I wish, I had such a dream, too.
You must be a wonderful mother. Thank god, you are able to experience this! Much love to you
True, the ones who claim they're so self sacrificing are the most selfish liars on the planet.
Exactly. They just sugarcoat it with the sacrifice bull. Thing about self sactifice is that you don't expect anything in return. If you do - it wasn't self sacrifice all along. All those parents bragging about their kids being ungrateful in their adult life.. Seems like the more they brag the more they show that their sacrifice wasn't really sacrifice, just their transactional bid aimed at forcing the kid to meet their needs.
Like my Dad lol
369 Rising oh yes. Finally someone has called them out.
Sounds like my parents lol they're selfish and never cared about me. words means nothing
@@IbarraAlejandro The silence when I enter the room is deafening.
I’ve been telling people this for YEARS now! Yes, my opinion does not make me popular AT ALL. 😂
Likewise here! 😅😅😅
people attack me for it 😂
Same. And it's worse, I've found, the more educated the person is. Not only do they reject the idea that people have kids to fulfill their own needs, they also then mount a big, well-articulated counter-argument and logicize you to death, as if a powerful presentation makes it true. It's what people would call "mansplaining," except in this case, it's not about one gender doing it, it's people who think having kids is their selfless contribution to humankind.
Same, people usually don't get it, or rather, don't want to get it. I think the issue is the indoctrinated value of needing to be altruistic. It's such social ideal that people would kill rather to admit they are not. As Teal suggested, true altruism comes naturally in being who realise the oneness (though even I myself have realised this intellectually, it's still nothing compared to really realising it in ones own being).
The truth might not make you a lot of friends but it'll make you the right friends
In rich countries, they often do it for more love, and company- and in poor countries, having a child is more of an investment for later- in this case, they have the child in the hope that they can take care of themselves when they are older. Either way, it’s ultimately a self-centered act.
Very true
Rich countries too
So on point
Love it. I am unmarried and have no children. I finally decided to stick with that Lifestyle because I could not offer up a better life or connection to a partner or children. I couldn’t offer better than the abuse I am experiencing. That was best choice for me.
Hi. Just checking in on you after writing this comment. No matter the abuse you went through, it does not define you. You have SO MUCH to offer this world, so incredibly much. Never ever doubt that.
Same for me. Except with my partner i can but with a child, no way.
Wouldn't it have been wonderful if we had all been loved and valued for what we are rather than what we were expected to be? But that didn't happen. And we all grew up and projected our parents' expectations and our distorted ways of being out into the world. What could possibly go wrong?
Wow! Well said...😌🙏🏽
Wow Is interesting how people have different upbringings.. I always was my own self and my parents supported and encouraged me that but perhaps my siblings don't feel the same way? Even though from my perspective they too received so much support.
What's odd is that my parents didn't put these expectations on me. I was always free to do my own thing and pursue my own interests. As long as I was safe and happy, that's all that mattered. My brother on the other hand, was very pressured to be the boy my dad saw in his imagination. He was forced to play sports that he didn't want to play, and have a certain look. He had no choice in things like what clothes to wear, what haircut to get. I could do what I wanted as long as it was acceptable (met the school dress code). Not to say my life wasn't messed up for other reasons. I was practically ignored by my mom.
Some TH-camrs make product-unboxing videos.
Teal here makes truth-unveiling videos!
Tried to bring this idea up with them when I was like 13, my mom was not open to it -- she was totally sure it was a selfless act. Made me realize how differently I was thinking
They don't wanna face their lies and their shadow, so simple! Because this will ruin totally the perception of themselves
The parent/child relationship is a two-way street. True maturity is reached when both respect each other and appreciate what each does for the other.
well... no wonder my parents yell at me for talking back and being naughty when all i did was trying to explain the situation to them
@Nóra Jánosi thank you. i've been trying to convince them that it's "US and THE PROBLEM" and not " me AGAINST them" but it's so hard ._.
Vivien Phan That’s where my mother and I disconnect as well, it’s not about me “hating her”, or trying to “win the argument”. It’s about being honest about the issue, reflecting and making strides to understand each other. So we can have a better relationship.
@@candylove49 i hope you can build a stronger, better connection with your mother. In my opinion, your mother must have brought up in a society/time where obedience is the only form of love ( just like my parents lol) Therefore it's challenging to tell them to think differently but it's also something worth fighting for
I love what you said about children never owing their parents for anything by virtue of the fact that they were born into that family. 🥰
Also if one believes in past lives then even more reason.
I'm not afraid to say it. I want kids for myself. I do. BUT....because my mother was so terrible in meeting my emotional needs (she herself feels guilt and remorse for it), and the negative impact it had on me to the point where I have to COMPLETELY DETOX AND WASH my emotional body, I made a promise to myself that I will be the best parent possible FOR MY KIDS! If I can't be a good parent, then I will not have kids AT ALL! The cycle CHANGES OR ENDS WITH ME!
A few days ago I have re-integrated a part of me that I had to disown in order to survive in my family when I wash a little child. This part told me that a super lonely woman was asking for love and so I decided to be born on earth through her to show her how she could create love for herself... and this video validates what this part told me. My mom had me because she was super lonely and wanted someone to love her... I still act according to her programming, doing things just to make her validated and happy...but I think it’s about time I step up and align with my original purpose... Thank you Teal ❤️
How blinded by Spirituality you are
Well done 🎉
This is me, too. Thank you, Teal.
Ciao cristianaa 😍 fantastica!
Dear Cristiana, same with me. My mom also used me because she forced me to be there for her and she made me depended of her.
I decided to work with kids instead of trying to have my own and it's great! I get my needs met, while helping to meet theirs, and then I get to go home and chill out at the end of the day! It's the best of both world in that sense (just try and ignore the poor pay and regular illness that comes with the job!) Honestly, the children really have helped me to heal emotionally, I get more love and appreciation from them just for being there than I've experienced at any other time in my life. And I think that's because I DON'T have rigid expectations of how they should be, I try to take them as they are. Everyone who's thinking of having kids should work with kids before they do. You will learn a lot about them and about yourself!
This is an excellent point you make. Many people decide to have children of their own without ever having spent any time with children prior. They don't understand the reality of what it's like to be with children all day long. They are having children based on an imagined, idealized conception of what it will be like. Similarly, there are people who aren't very good with children/children don't like them and they are aware of that on some level, and yet they have children anyway. Those people probably figure, "My own kids will be forced to stay with me - they won't have a choice".
It's the old old story of that favourite bit of BS the "We gave up the best years of our lives for you...." speech that parents fall back on when a child fails to reach an imagined educational, social, ideological or humanitarian standard; made significantly worse in situations where the parents had no ambition for themselves let alone anyone else. Further complications arise when the goal posts are moved continuously to emphasize the weaknesses of the child thereby destroying any existing confidence and the emerging adult is an exact replica of the parents. Resilient kids rebel and hopefully survive more or less intact, the weaker ones give in to pressure try to become the product of what their parents had in mind - or thought they had - and end up in therapy or drop out completely.
this stuff makes me so mad :(
What you say is true, however not that last bit, it is completely natural for children to define their worth by the people closest to them (even if they are abusive) and end up replicating the behaviour of those people subconsciously, this is how prejudice is passed on. It is only when a child reaches a certain maturity (if they ever reach it) that they realise they can disagree with their upbringing/parental figures, and if they're brave enough, attend therapy, which is extremely difficult especially if you have been brought up to believe mental health issues are a myth, and therapy is for nutters. It is essential for recovery, and if anybody is reading this wondering if they should try it, it could really help you. Rebelling against your parents is often a sign of immaturity that most of us go through for a period, however if it persists to adulthood it leads to people having children so they can can give them all the things they didn't have as kids; another unwise reason to have kids, as they end up being spoilt, entitled and ungrateful. No one can say what the right reason is to have kids, but it should certainly not be as the result of what someone has done to you in your life. You will inevitably end up treating this child in a specific way because of it and they will grow up with a warped perspective of life based on your trauma.
Almost agreed totally except with therapy and purpose of a child. Therapy sucks, and the purpose of a kids is misunderstood by most the population.
@@2successbeyond918 That's interesting, what's your experience of therapy been?
My experience with therapy, was betrayal of trust, and inhibition to express ones true feelings, and thoughts. The foundation to even delve into the subject of child rearing is founded on the purpose and intent of giving birth to a child, once understood by a mother if, they can do it, reveals an even greater meaning. But that is reserved for the truly enlightened, as a gift from above. As Teal Swan, has shown.
Teal. I hope you tweak the title so couples are drawn to watch this BEFORE they decide to have a child. Social pressures to have children is very hard to fight and commercialism pushes couples even further by making having kids look like one long vacation. Every couple thinking having a child should watch this!
Especially when having children not just one but having many children can actually complicates a romantic relationship between a couple and strain the relationship to the point of breaking.
Statistically, over half of all marriages in America divorce because of finances and I'm willing to bet children are part of that financial picture.
Good point!
I agree! I wish i could send this to my mom but i know she won't even click on it because the title is to much of a blow to her ego
@@beau4588 me too!
@@ramonablack3062 we're not alone Ramona💛⭐
This is quite obvious to me, fortunately.
I thought I was crazy and needed a therapist to discuss my childhood; but now that I have seen this video, dang... This brought up so many answers that have been kept from me. Thanks a bunch Teal 🙂🌈⚡
@Friday We Are Awesome indeed, 🙏
Most of therapists and expensive psychologists need to discuss their childhood too :-p
Successfull psychoterapist manage successfully cover and hide his own childhood wound. This is only difference between successfull and unsuccessfull therapist.
Teal is living nightmare of all psychotherapists :-)))
@@janbalaban5268 Teal and many of us. We hold the real knowledge of psychology. Childhood trauma will teach you things in ways that the best University Professor can only dream to find the right words to express. Sadly, feeling that deep pain and awareness makes it impossible for many of us to put it to a better use. For now at least.
My girlfriend and I have, for a long time talked about this very topic as we both felt our parents didn't have us for us but rather for themselves. We both have history of illness in the family so our plan is to, if we want to have a kid, is to adopt and give someone else to the life we haven't. (Not saying that's any less self driven)
I'm a single but if I want kids, I too adopt unless there's an accident. I want the reason to be warmth and love and being able to give guidance. But as Teal said, it's hard to take care of kids these days, so hard. I probably started my growth work too late, around 33, so... and am too lonely and unsocial still to make a full recovery. It ain't easy when most people you meet are interested in things you consider trivial and vice versa.
i am happy to see intelligent ppl doing the right thing ! bless your heart !
To bring up a kid the right way these days,need to be away from whole cities and live in the countryside to be away from social media mess and toxic society.
Family illnesses are nothing but "family karma". And i am not sure that you can bypass it by adoption (it's not easy to piss over universe laws :) . Only way is to solve this karma. (shadow work etc.)
Than you can "override" your DNA too. And your family illnesses will no longer exist (but most of these illnesses are just result of uncouscious bad behavior)
Yes that's what I've always thought and said since a child, but it's hard for people to acknowledge that...
Oh it feels so good when such "hidden" truth is told! Thank you Teal, your courage is inspiring
My mother is extremely helpful, she wants to do everything for me (I'm an adult now)...But I've always felt this aura of suffocation in the relationship. I choose think it's something that I can resolve energetically though haven't yet. Once I kept telling her about my viewpoint that a child is an independent person, and saying "my child" is technically not true, in the sense that the parent does not possess the child. At this point my ever peaceful and mild mother almost jumped up saying "you'll be mine until I die". I can't forget that moment unfortunately, though it happened a few years ago.
Wow, that sounds a bit scary.
Andrea C that’s more benign than most other reasons. Having to be a living trophy is pretty annoying
We dont belong to nobody they have to understand that .We dont even belong to ourselves lol we belong whoever Created us and what matters is our Soul! We are already trapped in this avatar we dont need any beings telling us they own us where they dont !
@Andrea yup I heared that a lot . I left my family who lives in Germany because I fell in love with my husband who lives in America. My whole fam and my parents friends til this day talk bad about me because I left Germany for love . I'm happy with my husband and to be real I'm glad all my fam isn't close to me .I have more time for my marriage and less headache. They call me heartless for leaving them .sad ... women need to be stronger and accept everybody has their own lives and nobody owns anyone .. every human being has their own test that's it
Damn i hate to say this but i think you may have a similar problem to me. For a long time i let my mom rule my life and it made me hate her. It took me many years to figure out that she wasnt controling me but rather i was letting her controle me. Now i have a pretty good relationship with my mom because the second i leave her house i leave her opinion at the door aswell. She may not agree with my choices and she lets me feel it to sometimes but i can live with that a whole lot better then letting her controle me. The reason i finally got to this point was that someone had died and i realised that i wasnt going to wait for my mothers death to be able to live life the way i wanted to. Rather live life my way and have trouble dealing with my mom then live life her way and have trouble dealing with myself. Hope you find your answers and you own happieness. Good luck with everthing.
Is this why parents have favourites ? My boyfriends mom favours her daughter over him. And the special treatment is so sadly obvious.
Same with me. But I'm the favourites child. Which some would like, but I hate it. I hate it when my mom talks to my the way like I'm the only son. My younger brother is usually omitted in everything. Decided to cut the ties with my family and be my own self and stop relying on the good relations with my parents. I am my own self and I don't depend on love
The golden child
I am very grateful and happy that my parents decided to have children. I was lucky that both my parents enjoy interacting with children and are by nature very affectionate and warm. I feel that my parents wanted children because having children in the home made their lives more joyful. My brother and I had a happy childhood filled with love and positive attention. I may not have been asked if I wanted to come into this world, but I definitely felt embraced and valued for being me.
I fell the same! Grateful for my parents and allowing me to be myself. Loving me no matter what. First comment I read of someone that has a positive view without traumas.
Wow my own parents really Need to see this video !!! They had absolutely No idea what they were doing and they treated me Horribly !!! Absolutely Horribly !!!
I have thought these things about parents for most of my adult life but kept my mouth carefully shut..
I’m proud of being in my 50’s and childfree. I have done my part to help the planet by not creating more polluters and consumers, and I hope that more and more young people opt out of the default parent path.
Most people live in a dream like state so it shouldn't be surprising that they lie both to themselves and to their children
Oh my god, this is what I was telling everybody all the time! They thought I was insane
Whoever speaks the truth is always insane lmao . They dont realize how stupid they are ..
@@Divine-cx8qy for sure!
Some self serving actions are helpful and some self serving actions are harmful. It's wonderful that Teal is trying so hard to show us the difference so we can create consciously as often as possible. As always Teal, thank you.
This is very true! My mom always talks about how much she sacrificed for me but then says “when I get old your going to take care of me right?” all the time which made me realize that was the reason for her even having kids in the first place.
I’ve always explained that I had my child for myself and never felt bad about that. I knew that by having a child I would experience a new kind of love, new personal growth and development in my own life. I also felt prepared to support him in his growth and development. He’s a beautiful 10 year old now.
I had children because I needed something to anchor me and motivate me towards life, love was an aspect of it but more instinctual than purposeful. However, as I grow as a mother my effort to love my children is becoming more purposeful. Sometimes I feel resentment to my role because I am exhausted and I don’t have “free time” to myself, but as long as I get good sleep and a hot shower I bounce back. My family is worth it.
Waaaay too many people wrongfully accusing her of being a cult. If putting out free, helpful youtube videos which explain your perspective is called being a cult, then literally every self help channel is a cult.
Everything is a cult of sorts - so a person is American or German or Danish or whatever - that is a cultural cult too... so quit whining about what group people decide to belong to.... the difference is that some ACTUALLY CHOOSE which groups they want to belong to - but most don't ...... they just decide to staunchly defend the ones they accidentally belong to
@@FrankJensen68 some cults are definitely worse than others though.. also it's so important how much room a person has to question the group/tribe/country/cult.
Dory Fin yes, I’ve seen that to be true too.
@@MrSuperdrydrums you mean like the global warming cult... now asking for imprisonment of sceptics?
th-cam.com/video/_f3S_uefNfg/w-d-xo.html
I remember when I was younger and my mom would compare me to other children, I used to tell her "I didn't ASK to be born" or "Why did you birth me?" Then she would get offended. My dad is aware he signed up for having a child and is aware of his job as a parent. Sometimes he treats me like I owe him something though just because he gives me lunch money. I'm staying positive about it tho
Peace and love everyone❤️🙏🏽
I too have been saying similar for years. People are so annoying with their selfish lies around why they want to have children. These same people usually always have money issues too. And I've always said that our children don't owe us anything - it's the other way around - we know how hard life can be and yet we inflict it on these other souls.
I had one child and she was a "surprise" 😂 but I loved to bits once she arrived - she is 18 now. Her father is so unappreciative - too convoluted to go into here. I get annoyed when people say their children need to "move out of home" by a certain age - hey, they didn't sign up to this, you signed them up to this, they're your responsibility.
And yet I'm super spiritual - I know that our soul decides it will come here - and I say also "if it didn't come here it would be zooming around elsewhere, and maybe that elsewhere is far better than here! - we still dragged them in!"
I just turned 18 so this video came just in time for me to look back on my life growing up
It's hardly even begun, little sister ❤ The sounds of your childhood will continue to reverberate in your mind as you grow and change as a person - for better or for worse, they keep rearing their heads. Hold on to your hat!
Hullo!
I am so grateful I discovered you, Teal
The lies... and first they tell them to themselves ...
Exactly! People must be mature and conscious before having children
Many reasons:
1- Continue the lineage of the family
2- family pressure
3- Celebration of their love
4- Social Benefits
5- To fit in
6- To trap someone
7- Status
The list is long! The question is why YOU want them...
Atem S. I have always felt intuitively that these reasons were not good enough to play god/ create a human being- and thus I decided not to. 38 now, no babies, by choice, and perfectly okay with that. It’s weird how deciding NOT to have kids makes you the odd ball.
@@Beccanator007 People do not like the one walking away from society's expectations! Also, having a child does not ''make'' you a God... An animal can have offsprings too! To each their reason! Am 38 and there's a part of me that does and a part that does not! Especially when you see how society is turning into, Am not really interested in leaving them in this mess! Having kids is the ultimate self sacrifice of self and society value that more than anything... Why, 'cause they did it and want you in the same boat as them!
Whichever way,never leave the kids poor or dirt broke!
I don't understand why people lie to themselves about this, or think that there should be a grand reason for having a child. I have always been honest with myself, I want to have a child because I hate the idea of ending my lineage when I die, that and babies are cute.
@@Beccanator007 No, an eggless, childless, 40 year old roastie is par for the course nowadays. You are the norm.
I totally agree with you on this perspective and I have a two yr old and because of this perspective I am now able to move along my journey even better than before this video!! Thank you God the source Universe!! 💗for leading me to this amazing video!! ☮️
I’ve listened to 100+ hours of Teal. She is good at her art and she focuses and keeps focusing. This was a helpful episode
Teal, I have you to thank for waking me up.
I am 34 and I don't have children. I am not ready to sacrifice my time , money and freedom yet or maybe i will never be ready and i am fine with that PERIOD🙌
A lot of people have kids to have someone take care of them when they're old
So.much.truth 💥🤯 Helped me understand my relationship with my mother better, for sure. I’m childfree by choice, just never saw myself as a mother (except to animals) have other priorities in life, so married accordingly 💪🏼 My sister has 3 and that’s cool too, but somehow in my family’s eyes I’m still considered the “selfish one” 🤔
you are not the selfish one, your sister is because she had children for selfish reasons, like all ppl really...
For me it's only and forever will be to give unconditional love.
I’m so glad I found this video. It just further validates my decision not to have children in my lifetime and supports everything that I’ve thought about parents/parenthood all along. Thank you.
Oh God you're so right and I have told this to anyone I know.....plus: we don't need more people on this planet!!!
Everyone should listen to (and understand) this before having kids.
Teal I just want to thank you I'm not a parent but I came across your videos very recently and your videos have transformed my life completely so much it can not be explained in a message thank you I would really like to thank you personally one day
I LOVE THIS. I am accidentally pregnant 🤰 now and the reason I want to keep it you names it. Don’t wish this to back fire. Thanks for the guidance. ❤️
Good thing you are more aware now.
Did u have the a healthy baby?
Just a few days ago I actually wrote my mother to thank her because I realised everything her and dad did for us 3 children (all grownups now). I suddenly put myself in my mum's shoes one night, imagining how she must have felt having her first child at 19 and my dad 21 all the way through our adulthood till now. They gave us so much (and still do) and sacrifice so many things, all the money they had was for sending us to a good school, allowed us to travel, do our hobbies, learn skills. I have no idea why they wanted to have us but they surely didn't rub it in our face that we owe them anything. Maybe to give us what they didn't receive as kids? Or maybe because back in those times that's what you do after you get married and was known to be a life of sacrifice.
Great video, as an addition to it, the greatest lie our parents ever communicate is that love is something we receive externally. With conditions of Worth, it's tragic that children grow up with the belief that recognition and validation is necessary from the parent and later in life from peers, partners etc. Such a barrier to self acceptance.
I think that's also a cultural thing as well not so much a parenting thing but largely a cultural thing
@@FinesseMuse please explain as yes I agree that within cultures there are different approaches to parenting that shape attachment styles of relating, but I would consider parental conditions of worth to be universal. Except in those that don't parent their child or are exceedingly non judgemental which I see as an aspiration rather than a reality, due to each party having relational needs.
I serve myself and that is NOT selfish unless you believe my existence is to serve you !
Thank you so much! These were all the thoughts I had, when I had to decide, if I wanna keep my baby. I didn’t get it, because I was worrying I couldn’t give it all it needs. Now I see so many mothers, who got their children out of the reasons you mentioned and I get really mad. Cause in many cases I think I would have been a better mother 😔.
What makes me really mad is, when mothers speak so proud about their pregnancy or motherhood, especially the ones, that know about my abortion. It sounds as if they feel as they were better women than others, because they are able to receive and get children. Or when they compare like: oh she and she still didn’t get pregnant, in my marriage it worked right away 🤮.
I love the way you speak about it, Teal.
I know women, who are absolutely no „mother-type“, but they have to have kids, no matter how often they need to try or lost some...and then they act as mothers only out of what they read in books, because they can’t think or feel for themselves as mothers. They can’t enjoy their motherhood, it’s like only work for them. It upsets me, that I didn’t trust in my abilities enough to keep my own one, when I see this.
You are so smart. Why are there just so few of you on this planet.
I have said basically the same thing and people became angry and defensive. I say we have children to fill the void of non love. That is why so many lost teenagers have babies. They are looking for connection and believe they will receive unconditional love.
Wow, perfect timing! I raised my children (who are both now young adults) apart from my “tribe” (family of origin) by choice, and we are better off because of it.
I think those who can stomach teal’s posts are actually already being awakened.
Teal's words on this subject are a beautiful work of art (to me). I also have had all of these thoughts and that's why this resonates with me effortlessly and it speaks for me. I think it is very beautiful the way she speaks about this. I know there is so much ingrained in us in our DNA that goes against this outlook. I do think it shows us where we are in the world. Choose consciousness, whatever your choice. 🙏🌹❤️😃
Oh, my God...Thank you so much for telling the people ❤️
I always dreamed of having children of my own & I was devastated when it didn't happen. I was consciously aware that my need and want for that experience was based on many of the things Teal mentioned. Thankfully, bc I was aware of "the why's" to my want, I was able to heal my wounds & accept peace when the dream wasn't realized 💖
This can go both ways. My parents did their best raising me and my siblings, but sometimes came up short. Now my adult siblings are blaming them for everything that goes wrong in their lives, even their own shortcomings. Parents are looking for perfect children, and children want perfect parents, but it’s just not practical. They took care of me until I was old enough to make my own decisions and control my own life circumstances. They may not have been perfect parents, but I don’t feel they owe me anything more than that.
I believe that a child deserves a parent that meets their needs. I think John Bowlby's concept of the "good enough" parent has been very harmful. Check out Daniel Mackler on TH-cam.
Once again : the amazing Teal Swan. The whole world should watch this video.
Thank you! I've been thinking this since my teen years and now brave enough to say it out loud now that I'm in my 40s. My relationship with my mother has been strained for the majority of my life. I've often felt like the whipping girl of my family group. Next time we have an argument she's getting this video in her inbox.
Some comments mentioned China, grown up in China and living in Australia now that allows me to see these 2 different cultures, and start to question the way I been brought up.
Now I have my own child, I feel like that he came to this world to heal a lot of my childhood traumas, I owe him big time. Sometimes I still have confusions try to find balance between this 2 cultures, but hey I am still learning because parenting is lifelong journey.
I really want to hug you... Hug your body... hug your mind...hug your soul... Thank you for being!
What makes this video great? The introduction without any "disclaimers". 0:15 The quote, "To have a living breathing trophy to add to your existing success." 6:00 Recognizing that a child may not want to be the "mini-you" of a parent. 10:11. I don't regret having children even though it has been the most challenging thing I have ever done. I love my parents but why do some acquaintances feel the need to "become" the parent of another adult? Even the traditional view of God is that of a parent. Thank-you, Teal.
Teal teaches lessons the world needs to hear, understand, and integrate in order to heal and thrive. Unfortunately, most people don't have the strength and courage to even try to listen and understand...or they misunderstand/misinterpret it completely.
Definitely truth to this. I think the key is in becoming more conscious of this, while at the same time.. the reason we have children are multifaceted, both for ourselves, them and the perpetuation of life. I can relate to this, tho, I have often felt I was birthed because of the desires of others.
Well this is a nice uplifting video. You can almost touch the anger and hurt in her voice.
100% Spot On
lol, in many cases it starts off by taking a dog. As soon as the kid comes, the dog becomes a burden (so sad for the animal), as soon as the second child comes, the first child becomes the burden and the one to behave and so on. A child more often seems to be an accessory, a content vehicle or a way to better a relationship. Love yourself fully before you take a child and be honest to yourself whether you are in the right place to actually go for one. It's not a product.
Some of us get pregnant and get pressure from family to keep it even though we have no desire to have children or be parents. It is a burden of obligation.
It is also a lesson in maturity and responsibility.
Great video. Never thought of parenting this way. Now I realize why I had a child. You make us see all the little things that we would never think of Teal. Thank you!
As a child I felt betrayed by my parents for telling me that Santa was real. To this day I don't think it's right to tell children such stories. Even Disney fairytales are not good for society.
Why there is a need to lie and make up stories for kids what isn't real .There are real enough stories to tell kids .I never understood why parents are such manipulative beings .We grow up forcing ourselves to unlearn what they teached us lol...
@@Divine-cx8qy Indeed.
cmon dont do drama.
I know what you mean actually
Lou Monte why? All of my brothers & sisters loved writing letters to Santa, leaving cookies for Santa and waking up in the morning to find what he left. That was a great & magical time for us. And little by little we realized the legend wasn’t real, but we never felt angry about it. Never felt our parents lied to us. We all felt our parents created something magical for us to enjoy and look forward to experiencing. I’m just curious as to why you feel betrayed.
Not long ago I dissected why I felt I wanted kids and found a few of those reasons to be on the list real provided and I was shocked. After I dealt with those reasonings I then realized not me now it doesn’t matter if I have kids or not, which was a conclusion I didn’t expect.
I'm going through this exactly today and for the past two days! You said exactly what I feel.
My mother always told me that she was the one to want children, so we are her responsibility, we don't owe her anything. Yesterday she told me she wanted to start giving blood plasma so we wouldn't have to pay for her finances when she retires. It was such a warm feeling. Still, I hope I will have the financial stability to be able to help her out or pay for her nursing home, because it's most likely that I will never move back to my hometown.
I remember when I was a teenager me and my friends would talk about this topic with our closest teachers. They would say that people must take care of their parents in their old age. "The parents changed diapers for their kids, so the kids should change the diapers of their elderly parents" they said. One thing they didn't understand was exactly what Teal says: we didn't ask to be born, we didn't agree to any of this. I hope the newer generations will raise their kids with a better, more open mentality, with awareness.
I will. And many of my generation will. And subsequent generations will as well.
The more a Person Loves Themself first They are in a position to help another in a more meaningful , and responsible way. I have yet to have a Girl friend who did not take this the wrong way.
Thank you 🙏
I have believed this from the get go. We didn’t have children until we were married 25 years and not because we couldn’t. I was 42 and my late husband was 49. We ended up with twins without fertility treatment. The twins turned out great but in the end my husband was very uncomfortable about handling them. I felt alone raising them. He wasn’t bad but distant from our son but close to our daughter. Luckily it all turned out okay and they are fun and great adults now. I do have to say 12 years of therapy helped.
Both my parents have expressed the idea that they are owed things from us. They both have always been very transactional, and they both expect us to place their needs ahead of ours on the basis of owing them for time, money, or effort spent durring childhood. "Is this the thanks I get for x, y, and z?" "Thanks" is clearly defined as strict obedience and ultimately the impossible task of transforming your thoughts, needs, and desires, into a carbon copy of theirs. When I express my true thoughts, needs, desires, hopes, dreams, or ambitions, I can always expect to be invalidated in some form or another that always boils down to the inescapable answer, I need to take, or should have taken, their direction every step of the way. Also that I'm not worthy of a quiet ear, or a helping hand, until I'm ready to admit they have always been right about everything and never had a selfish motive in their lives. I've always wanted to have children, and I've never much questioned why, I suppose I want to find someone who needs love, but who has no tainted ideas about love, who will not use your love as a weapon against you.... for like ten years anyway, LOL.
@Saskia Walsh Well said!!! Stay strong friend!
All of my three children were born into this world as a surprise. I've got two sons ages 12 & 10 and a 4 year old daughter. What I have learned as a father is that they learn by observation. Always treat them with respect and sincerity, apologise to them when you f up. Help them identify their feelings and always let them understand that what they feel is absolutely natural and that life needs happiness and sadness. Polarities of Yin and Yang are what makes this life percect. Never force anything, after all they are a manifestation of the universe and need to bloom aa natural as a flower.
This strange sense of loyalty creates much limitation. It’s like a hidden vow to put others before self and you end up taking on others burdens. I guess this is part of a wider soul contract to help you establish your own boundaries and personal connection with source which will create freedom.
Thank you this is the truth. If I could go back I wish I'd never been born. I've always had the sense I want to go back home.
watching this to justify why I don’t want to talk to my mother on Mother’s Day, and knowing she will shame me for not acknowledging her on this day.
My mom had me because she wanted a friend. She got someone who amplifies her own sense of loneliness instead. I invalidate her just because of who I am.
She also won't admit it but she resents me. Everytime I bring up parents not liking their children she gets extremely triggered and denies that it is a reality.
She has never committed to anything in her life except family, due to her religion she felt it was her duty to have kids, and I forced her to do that. She wanted to have a career and I made that impossible for her.
I've had to go back into the womb during the completion process to heal rejection and abandonment my mother projected on me in the womb.
Thank you for reminding me why I would never ever ever reproduce.
thank YOU TEAL SWAN for the WISE ADVICE❤️❤️❤️WE are GRATEFUL for YOUR DEMONSTRATION & the EMBODIMENT of SERVICE TO OTHERS😭😭😭
Please HELP spread HER demonstration, WE would SHARE😇😇😇if WE CHOOSE:) LOVE TO YOU & YOURS ALWAYS, KNOW THIS🙏🙏🙏
Thank you for this video; very timely for me. I’m peeling away another layer of the Mom disapproval of me (she’s been dead for 5 years) being so different from her, even though I look so much like her. She couldn’t handle how “weird” I was. 2 of her motivations for having kids was to have mini-mes that she could control completely, and who would take care of her when she was old. I’m coming more and more into my “weirdness,” my own personal values and ways of being in the world. I was born in 1958, and I’m sure my mother also felt the societal pressure to be validated as a real woman by having kids.
I have the same story as you do, besides living mother. I believe that parents who wish for a convenient doll attract the most opposite: alive, free-spirited and otherworldly children. My friends also share the same pain. The family members would die for me to live conventionally or exceptionally but in the “socially successful” way. I just figured we matched to teach each other about freedom of expression, genuine love, acceptance, and other crucial values
@@alesyaomelchenko6164 that’s an interesting idea. 🤔 I didn’t rebel directly against my mother, but I also couldn’t conform to her image of me. I’m still growing into being more and more myself, now 7 years after my mother died. I hope you are free, or at least freeing yourself, to be your whole, true self, not the person your parents want you to be.
I wanna have a child one day to show somebody unconditional love without return that I never got to do with my mind. It’s selfish. But I wanna make a human stable. I want them to feel the freeness I’ve never felt.
Teal Swan in my opinion is the most intelligent women in the internet I know.
Well, my parents had me due to a failure in protection and no possibility of abortion - and then my brother to try to better the relationship - which never succeeded.... But it should be obvious that everybody have children because of biological survival instinct, societal standards, and simply because that is "what one is supposed to do"...
For young women it's instinct and for men instinct. It's what humans do. No fault or motives to blame or excuse.
This is freedom. I don't owe them a thing. Well, my mother hates me and always said she didn't want to have me and kept me anyway so... and abused me.
Iv'e Heard that having a lot of Children they can help Bury you when you pass on...And being a Property for Example..Naming a Son after you... It can also be your Son doing what you Did job wise...I did not Name my son after me..Cause I wanted him to be his Own Man..
I was named after my dad’s father.
My mother gave me the name Vera because her own mother has this name. Her mother (my grandmother) wasn't there for my mom, so my mom gave me the name Vera because she wanted me to be there for her. Basicly she used me. I don't have contact with her anymore.
@@veraivakic Sorry to hear that.My dad's father was in a town where there was a civil war back home,so I did not get to see much of my dad's parents.Though,by chance my good friend at primary school,his father was an MP England and was able to get my Grandfather to fly to the UK and was able to see me a few days,then went to see my cousins.That was the only time I saw him.
@@GoldKingsMan so what you try to say is that your dad gave you the name of his dad because your dad missed his that around him? So your dad also 'used'you, right?
*missed his dad
My mom needs to see this, but I'm scared she'll just flip off lol