I just quit my job lmao and went home.i found your video talking about opening a book and finding a message , so i did that and i found money that i forgot i put there! That made my day and you just posted a video 🤣
I loved this, i am that type of person who takes everything personal. My mom told me to always be unconditional with the people that i love, and i grew up feeling ALWAYS that people used me. Im learning now, at 34, that everything in life needs to be balanced.
The fact that you felt you deserved more means you wanted something in return which means your love was waning from the lack of receiving from your partner. Why would you expect more from that person? Because you were going off the conditions of a transaction. There's no unconditional love as far as I'm concerned.
This was my story too! I was taught so many religious beliefs that have very little to do with reality. Relearning has been a beautiful journey, and Teal Swan has accelerated my progress!
People are using you if you feel used. It has more to do with your level of confidence and how you approach situations. If you’re always giving then people will take. The majority of the time that is not love and it surely isn’t unconditional. It’s purely transactional with a level of tolerance. You have to realize that you have been conditioned to behave in a particular way from a young age that also translates into how you love yourself. Unconditional love is only possible when the love you have for yourself is also unconditional. The love you have for others can only be a reflection of the love you have for yourself. In the end unconditional love is entirely possible and achievable. You just have to understand that everyone around you loves differently. To expect everything to be purely transactional is ridiculous and you are forgetting and disallowing yourself the ability to acknowledge every time you have truly loved and wanted nothing in return. It’s a limitation on the mind and you start to place conditions on yourself for your own self love. What you need to learn is that you can’t love people who are making you feel used because your always cautious around them. You’re always analyzing and limiting yourself or trying too hard to get the attention you want. It becomes a transaction that eats away at you. Sometimes the best transaction you can make is saying goodbye. It’s so hard to say goodbye to bad thoughts about ourselves, bad habits we don’t like, emotional baggage. So saying goodbye to people is just as hard.
Regarding unconditional love....I heard a good nugget...don't! Bc it allows people to walk on u. So require some standard or some condition. It stuck w me
Teal, you should create a personality test that helps people find out what they have to offer in a relationship, and what they're not willing to give. It could help many of us to decide more consciously who we will engage with or not
I absolutely agree with this. When I worked in behavioral health with children, we were told that for every one negative consequence the kids needed eight positive reinforcements so as not to be demotivated or lose trust in staff. I think this applies to all relationships to keep them from “going into the red,” so to speak.
Yes, actually. I think the Gottmans discovered that it's one of the gold standards of a good romantic relationship. Looks like it works pretty much everywhere 😊
I absolutely agree with this . I believe that we are always co-creation with others. Especially when you start to unconditionally love yourself , you start to see more that every single connection we are in , is an opportunity for an energy exchange. The Truth is that when we are in connection with someone, we in a way are in connection with ourselves , and I believe it's so important to honour OURSELVES and the OTHER as much as possible when you're in connection with someone . This DOESN'T mean that you have to CONNECT with EVERY SINGLE person, in FACT quite the opposite. You're ALLOWED to have PREFERENCES , and not RESONATE with certain individuals depending on what YOU personally want . This doesn't mean to come from JUDGMENT or RESISTANCE, but FROM that place of unconditional love, to honour both parties and see that everything is an energy exchange. Great video Teal ! Much Love 🙏
Finally. I’ve found the best description of how I’ve always viewed relationships, entered into them and exited them. Love without acknowledging the transaction is doomed. Unfortunately, the need for sex is about as far as most people go into the concept of relationships being transactional. Not me. I want more. Sex, sure, but so much more. It’s a wonderful thing to have known this for most, if not all of my life. Thank you, Teal.
@Michael Turnbull I totally agree with you. I've always found how limited are human transactions when focusing on sex mostly. To me, it is a poor transaction because they are so many other things we can exchange with each other !
I like to use 'fair exchange' instead of 'transactional', or 'equal exchange'. It's not the same as exchanging the same things, values or virtues because if it were the case, everybody would be alone (in relationships with themselves) but we are in relationships with people who have something we don't have but we want and we have something they don't have and want.
Ding ding ding! "Stay with me no matter how I act, no matter if I dont want you to work or pay Bill's, never ever question me, never ever tell me no because that's unconditional love. Unconditional love just let's you do anything you want and stays." Aaaagggghhhh!!! Theres my trigger dearest one. I can not stand that mentality. It's why I cling to your video about how unconditional acceptance is not unconditional love! This leads to abuse and narcissistim!
I understand what you’re saying. I just don’t feel I can meet this. When I love someone (really love someone), I love what they love, because they love it. I want to make their needs as important or more than my own. And, while I can see how this next part may concede that relationships are fundamentally transactional, I can definitely love someone and then not end up with them because they didn’t return my love. A person can only go so far… be pushed so far. As I said to the person I thought was the love of my life: ‘I want to do the things you want; I need to help you get your needs met; that’s what I mean when I say I love you.’ A relationship is transactional, but love is not. So relationships based on love are not fundamentally transactional… and I would argue that if they are, then that’s not really love. I guess at the end of the day, I couldn’t make it work with her because she didn’t love me back. I’ve never really loved anyone before her… I’m 42… is that sad? I feel a void where there was once light.
quite frankly its abusive to want someone to stay with you no matter if their needs are met or not (and often this is acted out in specifically not meeting that person's needs and then you get them to stay anyway despite starving them and so the person thinks "i won! this person really loves me no matter what!"(no matter how little i give them) which very much ends up abusive
If your needs aren't met, you make this known so the other party can learn and grow to meet them better in the future. People aren't all knowing, we should strive to be better partners every day. It is abuse to believe your partner should read your mind, but of course if the other party doesnt want to grow then the situation is as you describe.
Thank you so much Teal Swan. This has come with impeccable timing when my sons mother decided to end our engagement. I was beating myself wondering and getting resentful towards her. Today I just realised I have to let her go because I now realised her needs and I am not willing to provide for those even though I love her... We are different people. Thanks Teal ❤
I’m glad I’m already at the conscious level of having understood this Information, but I kinda like to reaffirm my beliefs, and I like Teal’s perspective on things, always :) Heres are some important keys I got: Non conscious transactions = manipulation. The transactional part of a relationship is the valuing part! To love something or someone means you want for it to get its needs and wants met.
This feels to me like a natural continuation of your Masculine containment video, which I have now watched three times and forwarded to so many people. Once I as a man knows my containment valuel, I am more secure in what I have to offer and what I really want from a relationship. Thanks so much Teal. These videos have been exactly what I needed at this time. Sending love.
Why do we say in sickness and in health and for richer or for poorer if part of our conditions for the relationship requires wealth and health? Maybe that part of the vow shouldn’t be included
The only condition is to love each other and stand by each other. If there is no love then why marry and the condition of love isn't impure. If you want to be a monk then cool, but if you want normal relationship then this condition is important.
I just lost my best mate (hes walked away from me) because ive been going through a really (and I mean REALLY) bad time. I was so unconscious of his needs that he's either just had enough , or ive hurt him with what ive been considering doing to resolve it all. I guess awareness is key as it is with many things. Great teacher Teal , thank you for all you have done for so many.
This video was right on time especially for us who work in the mental health field. I'm having the hardest time teaching my clients about this concepts.
This is the best relationship advice anyone will ever hear! Teal peals all the layers of absurd conditioned crap off the relationship onion. She's bold and goes where no human dares to tread. This is a true spiritual teacher!
Exactly an answer to my question to the Divine earlier! It’s so painful to experience the realization that the person you love so deeply and saw a future with no longer meets your needs and they eventually realize their needs aren’t met either because of my evolved needs. 💔 the grieving is real. I mentally get this so much. Now holding space for my body and my heart to catch up. The chemical addiction to the emotions is real! 🙏🏾👑💖
I can’t believe how much I’m on the same frequency with you Teal! A few weeks ago I broke up with someone after a year of unfulfilled dating. He claimed that he was looking for love but he wasn’t taking any steps for it! I told him you’re like someone who says I want to be rich but he’s lazy and don’t do nothing ! I asked him whether you accept such a person as your business partner?!! (We’re both entrepreneurs)! He said but love is different ! I said love is exactly the same, even more delicate ! I broke up with him and although I really liked him, I convinced myself that I prevented a bad partnership! Actually I felt a little bad about myself...that why I compared our relationship with business ! But now hearing you...I’m proud of myself ! 😄
This speaks directly to my last relationship. My partner absolutely denies she has MASSIVE abandonment and daddy issues, coupled with that fact her mother broke her picker, I was used as an object to "try to figure out" what she wants. Listening to this today REALLY helped me see myself in the above situation, helping me see the mistakes I made, now I see it deeper without overinvesting. Transactional awareness is making sense now that love and value have been separated from permanence. Me not needing to meet someone's need(s) is a recent discovery, this video helped me see another layer and point of connection to change my belief and understanding. No regrets, I treasure the good times and growth I experienced with this soul being.🙏
Meet someone whose needs you can meet. Don’t enter a relationship with inauthenticity 18:00 be consciously transactional. Become aware of what that persons needs are and find the right configuration Energy exchange
Teal is always on point!! Only 1 thing I'd say is be careful with is being upfront about the transactional exchange, depending on the person. But I found this mentality to be soo helpful for my friendships. I literally have zero expectations, and just appreciate the value that they do bring to my life. This has allowed me to no longer be a resentful person, and to maintain healthy boundaries, where I am no longer being used by people. "BE CONSCIOUSLY TRANSACTIONAL IN ALL OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS. FIND THE RIGHT ENERGY EXCHANGE" 💯
Teal this is the video that’s going to explode a lot of eyes open! A lot of what you share here are bits and pieces I’ve heard mentioned throughout many of your other videos. I love that you made a comprehensive guide.
I love this. I actually came to understand this after my second marriage. LOL slow learner. But when my partner and I started the relationship I have now, we started it with working through a relationship seminar by Alison Armstrong. It made us talk about so many things that could be relationship Enders before either of us had any personal need to be right. The discussions that the seminar started for us made us work through so many things that we each got to express our thoughts and attitudes about a huge number of possible issues before they even came up. So now I live with my best friend and the love and respect grows daily. We have been together for 12 years and I can honestly say They have been the best years of my life so far. I expect it only to get better and better moving forward. I love the way Teal breaks things down and states it in a way that we might not have thought about it before but it always makes total sense to me.
The clarity allows for detachment and indeed separating one's personal needs and desires from the other entity. It helps to not take anything personally anymore. And you know when in your power to walk away or stay. Oddly empowering.
I always said marriage is a financial contract. People go into an agreement, usually without agreeing on a detailed plan for contingencies. When the "romance/love" has gone, then the only thing that can be measured is money/assets/kids. Modern relationships need to evolve with the times. people that are conscious know that relationships are transactional. When you discuss instead of arguing, that's a partnership and sometimes it can be professional negotiation, doesn't have to be manipulation but sometimes is viewed as that. A lot of people aren't honest with themselves though so it's hard for them to see this.
I like it here. I think I'll subscribe. This one relationship coach always says:Are you creating value in the other person? I finally understand what he meant.
This does mess with my mind. At some point, we have all seen this unmasked, either by our own behavior or others behavior. Still, there's something unnerving about acknowledging it.
Beautiful video Teal, had to break up with my ex because I wasn't getting my needs met and we both were trying very hard to make it work but at the end the amount of effort it took to keep the boat from sinking was too much. Live and learn and stay positive yall.
Thanks for sharing! Didn’t really blow my mind personally.. maybe because I’ve been studying social skills extensively for the past 8+ years (example: Owen Cook’s & Julien Blanc’s content). However! Still a great reminder + a different angle, which I appreciate. May God keep on blessing you in every way Teal! 🙏🏼
Ever since I first became aware of this I thought to myself “I have nothing to give and not good enough and have no social capability so thats why people don’t value me”. But after watching this again I realized, that maybe it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with me and that I just have yet to find people that will value me. I guess I can say that for example if I didn’t live up to this person’s standards then maybe its because that person just wasn’t right for me. and so I need to find someone where we can both agree on each other’s way of life and being
This is why we parted ways yesterday. He wanted something I couldn’t provide neither could he meet my needs. We both care and love each other but our needs weren’t met. It is painful though because he loves me more than just a friend but is afraid of losing control. Either way. We needed to separate ways.
I’ve been honest with my Fiancé about this from day one, which he had a very hard time grasping. My relationship with him was based on compatibility and “transactional” (on the other hand he was head over heels in-lust)😊however, over time and because I was getting my needs met, I started to admire, highly respect and eventually started to fall inlove with him. Teal, you think I should send him this video? 😁
Wow! Perfect teaching. I am in a relationship with a Dismissive Avoidant. It is very difficult to know how you can provide a need because they are so very self reliant. But that is the transaction, not standing in their way, letting them have space and not contesting it but honoring with peace and appreciation. It is hard for him to provide my needs because I want connection & consistency but I am not afraid to keep asking. If he can't then you are correct, the relationship will end, unfortunately. You can not have a one sided transaction.
I’ve been telling people this for years lol so true every friendship is a transaction, sadly with my mindset and outlook on life from the experiences I have been through I’ve chose to have no “friends” because of this, it never seems worthwhile
It doesn't even have to be a crazy exchange for the transaction. I texted my girlfriend something sweet and thoughtful this morning and she replied "I hope you have a great day, I love you." To me I felt she didn't my simple need of acknowledging that I was being sweet. Sometimes, it's just that simple.
I really like that you have the transcription for this video. There is so much amazing, and helpful information, it allows me to revisit areas I need to hear again quickly and without tuning out other parts. You have helped changed my life, Teal. I am so grateful for your work and all you share so freely with the world. ❤️
Guys, how do you think: would Teal allow me to translate her videos into Russian? I think the information she gives is just precious and as many as possible people should listen to her. It's a pity Teal doesn't reply to comments, I don't know how to ask her.
My advice is, just do it! IF your videos get a lot of views and you eventually generate money with them send her 90% and keep 10% nobody is not going to accept Money is my guess . Even Teal haha. My guess is that it is in her best interest to spread this as far as possible. If you get big enough (views and money) she probably WILL answer to you no? Maybe then yours even find an agreement with her and do it officially and transactionally ;)
Tip: sleep well & wake up energized, then you can move forward. If you’re tired, your problems become heavy. With enough energy you can do anything. Look at the space shuttle’s fuel tank.
Thank you Teal, this is absolutely incredible, such clear and valuable advice in a world of utter confusion thank you thank you thank you I might have never had any hope to learn this if not for you
Woooaaah this is so unbelievably synchronistic with my life.. I was literally experiencing this exact conundrum in a romantic connection coming to a head because needs were not being met literally 3 hours before your video popped up
Truly excellent video. Really glad I came across this tonight, it cleared up a lot in my understanding and I see now how relationships ending isnt personal.
Thank you for this truth! I love your work and am so thankfull for all your videos! They are full of power and intention. I'm learning with the non aggressiv communication to interpret my needs, read books and did an online course to learn more strategies to communicate and fullfill them with a good way of communication and by myself. One good excersice was to repeat you are that need yourself: for example, you need to be accepted then keep repeating: I am accepted, I'm aceptance. I accept. And it works like magic if you give intention to it. Another good tipp is: Needs are always in the now never in the future.
around the 6:15 mark is good for me. Know thyself. Know what you want and what you have to offer. At the Rainbow gathering we used to have trading blankets where you had stuff out to offer for trade along with a list of things you are asking for. Pretty entrepreneurial. I just want someone to be minimally present in my life. I'm busy and obsessed with my own activities and I like quiet time alone in my sanctuary. I like for my interactions with people to be productive and for building my transactional network. I like gathering my resources and securing a diverse network that supports me. I do not want one person to give me a lot of my needs. One person is a gamble. No thanks.
The basis of ALL communication and thus relationships is transactional and serves to meet a need of some shape, form or fashion. As a communications major, this was litcherally the first thing that all of my classes have taught - from interpersonal to business levels.
I'm fully aware that all relationships are transactional, that's why I don't seek out certain relationships at certain times because I don't want to give in return to what that person may want to give.
I woke up this morning with exactly this concept in my mind, and thought, I never put it in that prospective. Then, bam! Here is your video in my face!! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha 🤣🤣🤣
When I think about some of the guys that dumped me, I see now their needs wouldn’t be met and clearly I wasn’t going to satisfy that. Not sure why we are so hurt in our 20’s. Now that I’m 41 I understand it.
I recognize the 'transactional aspect' of my relationships and I admit to also taking offense (initially/ 10yrs ago) when I first recognized this. Since, I've begun to take into great consideration which elements, within my own, and/or another's, default construct which are mOst divergent/ in contrast/ different... for discovering what (if any ain't no thang) I &/or They have to offer (are with a surplus of), vs what I &/or They may actually benefit from experiencing more of. I look forward to the day when We all become more consciously transactional. Thank You, Teal.
I'm so thankful for this video today. I'm doing my best to focus on transactional relationships and improving how I communicate with others etc and needed a video today about how to be more consciously transactional 🥰
I love the video and it describes so much that went wrong with my last relationship. "Why can't you just agree with me!" Was aggresively thrown at me several times when I disagreed with untruths that were being spoken. I was asked to be dishonest in my relationship but one of my needs in a relationship is honesty, I don't trust people who are dishonest and coy with their opinions even when they would say it's just charitable agreeability, I don't like it. My ex was expecting me to meet her needs that I just agreed with her dishonestly because she couldnt handle the possibility of being wrong and aggresively expected me to move towards her want when I could see that this was simply not good for her and it was not considering my want to be honest. If she felt less entitled to get what she immediately wanted then she could have been more considerate and she could have said that perhaps instead I could imply she is wrong and change subject if it is too painful to her to consider that she is wrong, instead she didn't view it as transactional and instead demanded me change. Her aggresive entitlement guaranteed I didn't change and there was no willingness for growth or concious transactions or acceptence and no mention of the problem before being angry about it.
Hmm… do you need to want/need something in order to value it? I’m not so sure, and I think many meditators may not agree. Spontaneous appreciation is a beautiful thing, a sense of value arises in the moment (the only moment that ever is)- seeing a beautiful flower, reading a sad poem, hearing the sound of rain on the window- not based on desire or need. The qualities of a lover, a friend, a family member, a stranger, can be valued similarly, when we are not operating from lack or a calculating mind.
The most incredibly valuable relationship perspective that I have ever encountered , delivered with such amazing clarity! O, divine being, I cannot thank you enough! 🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I find your insight amazing Teal, thx for all you do. Each moment is eternal, one could view each interaction as an opportunity to create experience which lives forever outside of time. The laboratory of transmutation is the heart chakra.
Thank you.. i learn this idea from you and it just hit home.... I love your content, so realistic and useful.. it helped me become clear about my needs in my relationship and it's so liberating. Love and respect x
I just quit my job lmao and went home.i found your video talking about opening a book and finding a message , so i did that and i found money that i forgot i put there! That made my day and you just posted a video 🤣
@@charlottesometimes4 It's a workshop i found randomly on TikTok !
And wow teal's channel liked my comment i wish I can meet her one day i have a lot to say and ask 💖
Lol. Much love to you
What video was this on the book?
What a day!
18:26-19:07 A person wants to end a relationship with you has nothing to do with your value, but ‘their needs not being met’.
Thanks for watching.
Comments really appreciated.
Make a note to Robert Thompson regarding B~T~C/ETH investment ideas:::
Tell him I referred you to him 🚀🚀
Thank you.
I loved this, i am that type of person who takes everything personal. My mom told me to always be unconditional with the people that i love, and i grew up feeling ALWAYS that people used me. Im learning now, at 34, that everything in life needs to be balanced.
The fact that you felt you deserved more means you wanted something in return which means your love was waning from the lack of receiving from your partner. Why would you expect more from that person? Because you were going off the conditions of a transaction. There's no unconditional love as far as I'm concerned.
This was my story too! I was taught so many religious beliefs that have very little to do with reality. Relearning has been a beautiful journey, and Teal Swan has accelerated my progress!
People are using you if you feel used. It has more to do with your level of confidence and how you approach situations. If you’re always giving then people will take. The majority of the time that is not love and it surely isn’t unconditional. It’s purely transactional with a level of tolerance. You have to realize that you have been conditioned to behave in a particular way from a young age that also translates into how you love yourself. Unconditional love is only possible when the love you have for yourself is also unconditional. The love you have for others can only be a reflection of the love you have for yourself.
In the end unconditional love is entirely possible and achievable. You just have to understand that everyone around you loves differently. To expect everything to be purely transactional is ridiculous and you are forgetting and disallowing yourself the ability to acknowledge every time you have truly loved and wanted nothing in return. It’s a limitation on the mind and you start to place conditions on yourself for your own self love.
What you need to learn is that you can’t love people who are making you feel used because your always cautious around them. You’re always analyzing and limiting yourself or trying too hard to get the attention you want. It becomes a transaction that eats away at you.
Sometimes the best transaction you can make is saying goodbye. It’s so hard to say goodbye to bad thoughts about ourselves, bad habits we don’t like, emotional baggage. So saying goodbye to people is just as hard.
@@keithvowell9687 so true, same happened to me
Regarding unconditional love....I heard a good nugget...don't! Bc it allows people to walk on u. So require some standard or some condition. It stuck w me
Teal, you should create a personality test that helps people find out what they have to offer in a relationship, and what they're not willing to give. It could help many of us to decide more consciously who we will engage with or not
Brilliant suggestion...I totally agree.
Omg yes please!
I was just thinking that's why I can't find a job that I'm more happy with.
Idk what I want or what i have to offer
Id say take a Mbit tror, 16 personality i think its called. It goes deep and explains a lot...
love that
I absolutely agree with this. When I worked in behavioral health with children, we were told that for every one negative consequence the kids needed eight positive reinforcements so as not to be demotivated or lose trust in staff. I think this applies to all relationships to keep them from “going into the red,” so to speak.
Yes, actually. I think the Gottmans discovered that it's one of the gold standards of a good romantic relationship. Looks like it works pretty much everywhere 😊
I absolutely agree with this . I believe that we are always co-creation with others. Especially when you start to unconditionally love yourself , you start to see more that every single connection we are in , is an opportunity for an energy exchange. The Truth is that when we are in connection with someone, we in a way are in connection with ourselves , and I believe it's so important to honour OURSELVES and the OTHER as much as possible when you're in connection with someone . This DOESN'T mean that you have to CONNECT with EVERY SINGLE person, in FACT quite the opposite. You're ALLOWED to have PREFERENCES , and not RESONATE with certain individuals depending on what YOU personally want . This doesn't mean to come from JUDGMENT or RESISTANCE, but FROM that place of unconditional love, to honour both parties and see that everything is an energy exchange. Great video Teal ! Much Love 🙏
Finally. I’ve found the best description of how I’ve always viewed relationships, entered into them and exited them. Love without acknowledging the transaction is doomed. Unfortunately, the need for sex is about as far as most people go into the concept of relationships being transactional. Not me. I want more. Sex, sure, but so much more. It’s a wonderful thing to have known this for most, if not all of my life. Thank you, Teal.
@Michael Turnbull I totally agree with you. I've always found how limited are human transactions when focusing on sex mostly. To me, it is a poor transaction because they are so many other things we can exchange with each other !
I like to use 'fair exchange' instead of 'transactional', or 'equal exchange'. It's not the same as exchanging the same things, values or virtues because if it were the case, everybody would be alone (in relationships with themselves) but we are in relationships with people who have something we don't have but we want and we have something they don't have and want.
After hearing the opening line I'm like: oooh this is going to be good! 😂😂😂
Ding ding ding! "Stay with me no matter how I act, no matter if I dont want you to work or pay Bill's, never ever question me, never ever tell me no because that's unconditional love. Unconditional love just let's you do anything you want and stays." Aaaagggghhhh!!! Theres my trigger dearest one. I can not stand that mentality. It's why I cling to your video about how unconditional acceptance is not unconditional love! This leads to abuse and narcissistim!
Incase You'd Rather Read About It Instead: tealswan.com/resources/articles/transactional/
Not the meditation videos but I’m loving those. More on how to get in touch with self, zen
Just a suggestion: You should include more hashtags on the psychology side, as comparatively more people search for those.
Interesting
I understand what you’re saying. I just don’t feel I can meet this. When I love someone (really love someone), I love what they love, because they love it. I want to make their needs as important or more than my own. And, while I can see how this next part may concede that relationships are fundamentally transactional, I can definitely love someone and then not end up with them because they didn’t return my love. A person can only go so far… be pushed so far.
As I said to the person I thought was the love of my life: ‘I want to do the things you want; I need to help you get your needs met; that’s what I mean when I say I love you.’
A relationship is transactional, but love is not. So relationships based on love are not fundamentally transactional… and I would argue that if they are, then that’s not really love.
I guess at the end of the day, I couldn’t make it work with her because she didn’t love me back. I’ve never really loved anyone before her… I’m 42… is that sad? I feel a void where there was once light.
Don't give up. If you ask the Lord to find the person who will love you and wait it may just happen.👍
Sounds like codependent
So you wanted and expected her to love you back she failed her end of the transaction. I'm sorry you are hurt and you went through that.
quite frankly its abusive to want someone to stay with you no matter if their needs are met or not (and often this is acted out in specifically not meeting that person's needs and then you get them to stay anyway despite starving them and so the person thinks "i won! this person really loves me no matter what!"(no matter how little i give them) which very much ends up abusive
If your needs aren't met, you make this known so the other party can learn and grow to meet them better in the future. People aren't all knowing, we should strive to be better partners every day.
It is abuse to believe your partner should read your mind, but of course if the other party doesnt want to grow then the situation is as you describe.
My mind is blown
@jon smith to me thats swinging the other way too hard and being despaired. i refuse to live my life that way
I'm grateful you have shared with us this brilliant truth 🙏
@jon smith bro thats the issue im hitting at. not everyone wants to 'discard'. thats all.
Thank you so much Teal Swan. This has come with impeccable timing when my sons mother decided to end our engagement. I was beating myself wondering and getting resentful towards her. Today I just realised I have to let her go because I now realised her needs and I am not willing to provide for those even though I love her... We are different people. Thanks Teal ❤
This is beautiful. I pray this realization helps you heal and ultimately find the person that is your vibrational match. 🙏🏽❤
Where was God distracted when they let you reproduce 🤢🤢🤢
I’m glad I’m already at the conscious level of having understood this Information, but I kinda like to reaffirm my beliefs, and I like Teal’s perspective on things, always :)
Heres are some important keys I got:
Non conscious transactions =
manipulation.
The transactional part of a relationship is the valuing part!
To love something or someone means you want for it to get its needs and wants met.
This feels to me like a natural continuation of your Masculine containment video, which I have now watched three times and forwarded to so many people. Once I as a man knows my containment valuel, I am more secure in what I have to offer and what I really want from a relationship. Thanks so much Teal. These videos have been exactly what I needed at this time. Sending love.
Marital vows are 100% transactional. You’re agreeing to terms when you “vow” to comply.
Interesting point of view
Why do we say in sickness and in health and for richer or for poorer if part of our conditions for the relationship requires wealth and health? Maybe that part of the vow shouldn’t be included
@@redbird-xu9sz among other things like love, honor and obey.
But you vow to love
The only condition is to love each other and stand by each other. If there is no love then why marry and the condition of love isn't impure. If you want to be a monk then cool, but if you want normal relationship then this condition is important.
The lies that parents tell - am argument for eugenics. Seriously, the trauma must stop.
Nice, I'm going to do this with all my relationships now. Very clear, and I don't think I was consciously ever doing it.
Do what specifically?
Thanks for saying this. It’s true, everything is an exchange of value
It's exhausting being consciously transactional in an unconsciously transactional world.
there is somethign to be said for giving without expecting
Underrated comment!!!
I 40% agree
It actually gives you the advantage as long as you communicate well:)
Teal, you always talk about these topics at the exact time that I need to hear them.
Yup she has a knack for that!!! ;) :)
I just lost my best mate (hes walked away from me) because ive been going through a really (and I mean REALLY) bad time. I was so unconscious of his needs that he's either just had enough , or ive hurt him with what ive been considering doing to resolve it all. I guess awareness is key as it is with many things. Great teacher Teal , thank you for all you have done for so many.
This video was right on time especially for us who work in the mental health field. I'm having the hardest time teaching my clients about this concepts.
What resistance or trouble are you noting? How to improve?
@@405OKCShiningOn often times it's the unconscious defense mechanisms how I help improve it is identifying problematic behavior patterns.
What issue is she talking about? It doesn’t make any sense at all to me
@@ADAMSIVES Having your needs met in a relationship.
This is the best relationship advice anyone will ever hear! Teal peals all the layers of absurd conditioned crap off the relationship onion. She's bold and goes where no human dares to tread. This is a true spiritual teacher!
Exactly an answer to my question to the Divine earlier! It’s so painful to experience the realization that the person you love so deeply and saw a future with no longer meets your needs and they eventually realize their needs aren’t met either because of my evolved needs. 💔 the grieving is real. I mentally get this so much. Now holding space for my body and my heart to catch up. The chemical addiction to the emotions is real! 🙏🏾👑💖
Can you give examples of needs?
I can’t believe how much I’m on the same frequency with you Teal! A few weeks ago I broke up with someone after a year of unfulfilled dating. He claimed that he was looking for love but he wasn’t taking any steps for it! I told him you’re like someone who says I want to be rich but he’s lazy and don’t do nothing ! I asked him whether you accept such a person as your business partner?!! (We’re both entrepreneurs)! He said but love is different ! I said love is exactly the same, even more delicate ! I broke up with him and although I really liked him, I convinced myself that I prevented a bad partnership!
Actually I felt a little bad about myself...that why I compared our relationship with business ! But now hearing you...I’m proud of myself ! 😄
This speaks directly to my last relationship. My partner absolutely denies she has MASSIVE abandonment and daddy issues, coupled with that fact her mother broke her picker, I was used as an object to "try to figure out" what she wants.
Listening to this today REALLY helped me see myself in the above situation, helping me see the mistakes I made, now I see it deeper without overinvesting. Transactional awareness is making sense now that love and value have been separated from permanence. Me not needing to meet someone's need(s) is a recent discovery, this video helped me see another layer and point of connection to change my belief and understanding.
No regrets, I treasure the good times and growth I experienced with this soul being.🙏
Meet someone whose needs you can meet. Don’t enter a relationship with inauthenticity
18:00 be consciously transactional. Become aware of what that persons needs are and find the right configuration
Energy exchange
Yes. Loving and valuing someone are very different. You have to do it within first. You teach others how to treat you.
Teal is always on point!! Only 1 thing I'd say is be careful with is being upfront about the transactional exchange, depending on the person. But I found this mentality to be soo helpful for my friendships. I literally have zero expectations, and just appreciate the value that they do bring to my life. This has allowed me to no longer be a resentful person, and to maintain healthy boundaries, where I am no longer being used by people. "BE CONSCIOUSLY TRANSACTIONAL IN ALL OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS. FIND THE RIGHT ENERGY EXCHANGE" 💯
Thanks for watching.
Comments really appreciated.
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This woman is pure gold
Well yeah, you gotta give to get. You won't stay with someone, if you aren't getting your needs & wants met to a certain degree of satisfaction
you're right, repeatedly I found my self suddenly feeling the need to take a deep breath.
Teal this is the video that’s going to explode a lot of eyes open! A lot of what you share here are bits and pieces I’ve heard mentioned throughout many of your other videos. I love that you made a comprehensive guide.
I love this. I actually came to understand this after my second marriage. LOL slow learner. But when my partner and I started the relationship I have now, we started it with working through a relationship seminar by Alison Armstrong. It made us talk about so many things that could be relationship Enders before either of us had any personal need to be right. The discussions that the seminar started for us made us work through so many things that we each got to express our thoughts and attitudes about a huge number of possible issues before they even came up. So now I live with my best friend and the love and respect grows daily. We have been together for 12 years and I can honestly say They have been the best years of my life so far. I expect it only to get better and better moving forward. I love the way Teal breaks things down and states it in a way that we might not have thought about it before but it always makes total sense to me.
You talked of this a few years ago. I so believe it. So true. Helped me to be honest and ask for what I want from friends and family.
I had to digest this for weeks before grasping it.
The clarity allows for detachment and indeed separating one's personal needs and desires from the other entity. It helps to not take anything personally anymore. And you know when in your power to walk away or stay. Oddly empowering.
I love this series of teachings on Relationships. It helps me immensely in real life as well as parts work 💟
I always said marriage is a financial contract. People go into an agreement, usually without agreeing on a detailed plan for contingencies. When the "romance/love" has gone, then the only thing that can be measured is money/assets/kids. Modern relationships need to evolve with the times. people that are conscious know that relationships are transactional. When you discuss instead of arguing, that's a partnership and sometimes it can be professional negotiation, doesn't have to be manipulation but sometimes is viewed as that. A lot of people aren't honest with themselves though so it's hard for them to see this.
I like it here. I think I'll subscribe. This one relationship coach always says:Are you creating value in the other person? I finally understand what he meant.
Thank you for being here for me to be able to learn more about the way that things will be able to be a good thing for the New beginnings
My psychiatrist made me schematic view of this same concept when I was hospitalised for the S-word. I needed this reminder. Thank you.
This came exactly when I needed it.
This does mess with my mind. At some point, we have all seen this unmasked, either by our own behavior or others behavior. Still, there's something unnerving about acknowledging it.
Beautiful video Teal, had to break up with my ex because I wasn't getting my needs met and we both were trying very hard to make it work but at the end the amount of effort it took to keep the boat from sinking was too much. Live and learn and stay positive yall.
Thanks for sharing! Didn’t really blow my mind personally.. maybe because I’ve been studying social skills extensively for the past 8+ years (example: Owen Cook’s & Julien Blanc’s content). However! Still a great reminder + a different angle, which I appreciate.
May God keep on blessing you in every way Teal! 🙏🏼
Ever since I first became aware of this I thought to myself “I have nothing to give and not good enough and have no social capability so thats why people don’t value me”. But after watching this again I realized, that maybe it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with me and that I just have yet to find people that will value me. I guess I can say that for example if I didn’t live up to this person’s standards then maybe its because that person just wasn’t right for me. and so I need to find someone where we can both agree on each other’s way of life and being
I really needed to hear this! Thank you so much Teal! You are no idea how much you are helping me! Love with all my heart!
This gave me so much clarity that no other video about relationship did. Thank you!
This is why we parted ways yesterday. He wanted something I couldn’t provide neither could he meet my needs. We both care and love each other but our needs weren’t met. It is painful though because he loves me more than just a friend but is afraid of losing control. Either way. We needed to separate ways.
Not triggered at all. Actually, relieved that finally someone is brave enough to speak the truth.
Thank you Teal🙏🙂
Comments really appreciated.
Make a note to Robert on B-T-C/ETH investment idea.
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Tell him I sent you to him
I’ve been honest with my Fiancé about this from day one, which he had a very hard time grasping. My relationship with him was based on compatibility and “transactional” (on the other hand he was head over heels in-lust)😊however, over time and because I was getting my needs met, I started to admire, highly respect and eventually started to fall inlove with him.
Teal, you think I should send him this video? 😁
Ysssssss do it it will benefit both of u
What were your needs?
Wow! Perfect teaching. I am in a relationship with a Dismissive Avoidant. It is very difficult to know how you can provide a need because they are so very self reliant. But that is the transaction, not standing in their way, letting them have space and not contesting it but honoring with peace and appreciation. It is hard for him to provide my needs because I want connection & consistency but I am not afraid to keep asking. If he can't then you are correct, the relationship will end, unfortunately. You can not have a one sided transaction.
Omg this is my relationship to the T 😢 so frustrating.
I’ve been telling people this for years lol so true every friendship is a transaction, sadly with my mindset and outlook on life from the experiences I have been through I’ve chose to have no “friends” because of this, it never seems worthwhile
Hahahaha, that's what happens when you met your needs yourself
I finally understand the concept of “Loving from the distance”.
Duh I’m so slow🙄
If only we were given basic instruction manuals to the most basic parts of life, like, in the first grade, and this was part of that.
This is the content I meditate on after smoking up and feeling curious about life
It doesn't even have to be a crazy exchange for the transaction. I texted my girlfriend something sweet and thoughtful this morning and she replied "I hope you have a great day, I love you." To me I felt she didn't my simple need of acknowledging that I was being sweet. Sometimes, it's just that simple.
this is something to watch on the first date. its so refreshing, finally somebody says these things.
I really like that you have the transcription for this video. There is so much amazing, and helpful information, it allows me to revisit areas I need to hear again quickly and without tuning out other parts. You have helped changed my life, Teal. I am so grateful for your work and all you share so freely with the world. ❤️
OMG, it all became so crystal clear now. Thank you so much, my resedue feelings towards my parents have completely evaporated! ❤
Thanks Teal been working on this for the past years with lots of success. Cause I want to love better and be loved better 😁❤️
If you knew the thought in my head the minute your video came up in my scroll. Synchronicity man.
Ayn Rand set me straight on this issue when I read Atlas Shrugged (and everything else she wrote) 37 years ago.
Every neurodivergent should watch this.
Guys, how do you think: would Teal allow me to translate her videos into Russian? I think the information she gives is just precious and as many as possible people should listen to her. It's a pity Teal doesn't reply to comments, I don't know how to ask her.
My advice is, just do it! IF your videos get a lot of views and you eventually generate money with them send her 90% and keep 10% nobody is not going to accept Money is my guess . Even Teal haha. My guess is that it is in her best interest to spread this as far as possible. If you get big enough (views and money) she probably WILL answer to you no? Maybe then yours even find an agreement with her and do it officially and transactionally ;)
Tip: sleep well & wake up energized, then you can move forward. If you’re tired, your problems become heavy.
With enough energy you can do anything. Look at the space shuttle’s fuel tank.
Right-o! My sleep is very fitful, and I know it really takes a toll on my energy levels, which makes everything more difficult.
I’ve been preaching this myself
Thank you Teal, this is absolutely incredible, such clear and valuable advice in a world of utter confusion thank you thank you thank you I might have never had any hope to learn this if not for you
Thank you for your wisdom. I was in the front row in Miami, your my mentor
Woooaaah this is so unbelievably synchronistic with my life.. I was literally experiencing this exact conundrum in a romantic connection coming to a head because needs were not being met literally 3 hours before your video popped up
@p¡nned by Teal swan reported. Gtfo teal's chat
I love it when people say but you can’t do that and I say but I’m doing it open your eyes
Oh this one is sooo good and delivered in perfect time, even after 2 years!
Thanx for this
Truly excellent video. Really glad I came across this tonight, it cleared up a lot in my understanding and I see now how relationships ending isnt personal.
Thank you for this truth!
I love your work and am so thankfull for all your videos! They are full of power and intention.
I'm learning with the non aggressiv communication to interpret my needs, read books and did an online course to learn more strategies to communicate and fullfill them with a good way of communication and by myself. One good excersice was to repeat you are that need yourself: for example, you need to be accepted then keep repeating: I am accepted, I'm aceptance. I accept.
And it works like magic if you give intention to it.
Another good tipp is: Needs are always in the now never in the future.
Everything will be much easier once we learn how to communicate heart to heart and mind to mind without speaking a word.
around the 6:15 mark is good for me. Know thyself. Know what you want and what you have to offer.
At the Rainbow gathering we used to have trading blankets where you had stuff out to offer for trade along with a list of things you are asking for. Pretty entrepreneurial.
I just want someone to be minimally present in my life. I'm busy and obsessed with my own activities and I like quiet time alone in my sanctuary. I like for my interactions with people to be productive and for building my transactional network. I like gathering my resources and securing a diverse network that supports me. I do not want one person to give me a lot of my needs. One person is a gamble. No thanks.
The basis of ALL communication and thus relationships is transactional and serves to meet a need of some shape, form or fashion. As a communications major, this was litcherally the first thing that all of my classes have taught - from interpersonal to business levels.
I'm fully aware that all relationships are transactional, that's why I don't seek out certain relationships at certain times because I don't want to give in return to what that person may want to give.
I woke up this morning with exactly this concept in my mind, and thought, I never put it in that prospective. Then, bam! Here is your video in my face!! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha 🤣🤣🤣
When I think about some of the guys that dumped me, I see now their needs wouldn’t be met and clearly I wasn’t going to satisfy that. Not sure why we are so hurt in our 20’s. Now that I’m 41 I understand it.
Honestly....this didn't upset me at all. This video feels like a huge relief, thank you.
Thanks i was meditating a lot about, what are mi needs or the other person... Now you make up mi mind more clear
I recognize the 'transactional aspect' of my relationships and I admit to also taking offense (initially/ 10yrs ago) when I first recognized this.
Since, I've begun to take into great consideration which elements, within my own, and/or another's, default construct which are mOst divergent/ in contrast/ different... for discovering what (if any ain't no thang) I &/or They have to offer (are with a surplus of), vs what I &/or They may actually benefit from experiencing more of.
I look forward to the day when We all become more consciously transactional.
Thank You, Teal.
Blowing my damn mind with the most honest and unfiltered truth. Once again
Thank u teal! This came just in time!
I'm so thankful for this video today. I'm doing my best to focus on transactional relationships and improving how I communicate with others etc and needed a video today about how to be more consciously transactional 🥰
I love the video and it describes so much that went wrong with my last relationship. "Why can't you just agree with me!" Was aggresively thrown at me several times when I disagreed with untruths that were being spoken. I was asked to be dishonest in my relationship but one of my needs in a relationship is honesty, I don't trust people who are dishonest and coy with their opinions even when they would say it's just charitable agreeability, I don't like it. My ex was expecting me to meet her needs that I just agreed with her dishonestly because she couldnt handle the possibility of being wrong and aggresively expected me to move towards her want when I could see that this was simply not good for her and it was not considering my want to be honest. If she felt less entitled to get what she immediately wanted then she could have been more considerate and she could have said that perhaps instead I could imply she is wrong and change subject if it is too painful to her to consider that she is wrong, instead she didn't view it as transactional and instead demanded me change. Her aggresive entitlement guaranteed I didn't change and there was no willingness for growth or concious transactions or acceptence and no mention of the problem before being angry about it.
Wow! Fantastic clarity....relationships cut to the core! Thanks Teal.. .
Teal, my only current therapist. And reading books by Osho. It's all I need right now
Hmm… do you need to want/need something in order to value it? I’m not so sure, and I think many meditators may not agree. Spontaneous appreciation is a beautiful thing, a sense of value arises in the moment (the only moment that ever is)- seeing a beautiful flower, reading a sad poem, hearing the sound of rain on the window- not based on desire or need. The qualities of a lover, a friend, a family member, a stranger, can be valued similarly, when we are not operating from lack or a calculating mind.
The most incredibly valuable relationship perspective that I have ever encountered , delivered with such amazing clarity!
O, divine being, I cannot thank you enough! 🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thanks for watching.
Comments really appreciated.
Make a note to Robert Thompson regarding B~T~C/ETH investment ideas:::
+①②①③④③②⑤Ⓞ②⑥
Tell him I sent you to him
This is the reason I indulge my selfish nature to all of creation. Since everything is mine, I seek to cultivate everything to its ultimate potential.
Hmm, this is fascinating.
What do you feel when you perceive something as yours?
What does something that’s ‘yours’ mean to you?
@@dulceruiz9880 It means I'm daddy, and we are doing this as a family.
Wow, Genius. I am going to have to watch this over a few more times to take it in
I find your insight amazing Teal, thx for all you do. Each moment is eternal, one could view each interaction as an opportunity to create experience which lives forever outside of time. The laboratory of transmutation is the heart chakra.
Thank you.. i learn this idea from you and it just hit home.... I love your content, so realistic and useful.. it helped me become clear about my needs in my relationship and it's so liberating. Love and respect x