Children Don't Need SELF-ESTEEM!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ส.ค. 2024
- Parenting "experts" have pushed the idea that children need self-esteem and that we are supposed to constantly tell them how wonderful they are in order to build it up. But, is self-esteem what they need or is it more about feeling good about themselves because they are serving others?
The Mommy Answer Lady tells about this in a short and to the point video about why self-esteem for the sake of self-esteem isn't beneficial at all.
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You are spot on. A positive self-concept is when our actions align with our values (or parental values that have been taught well).
A wonderful message outside the mainstream! So good to hear this perspective. I think too much fluffing up for no real reason only gives children a false sense of reality and what to expect in life. And then when they actually do something amazing, how do you convey it if they're being praised left and right all day long. Being a positive encouraging person by setting an example as a parent is powerful and requires few words. A smile, a high five, or knew you could do it after they accomplish something goes a long way. And being of service to others? Yeah, I'd love to see more videos about that. Subscribed!
It’s good to read your encouraging comments! Glad you subscribed 💕
Self esteem is vital for a child.This is not being "woke"
.If you don’t get the point, I can’t help you further. Thanks for the comment.
I’ve been curious about this topic! Thanks for the video!
Speaking from experience. A child with low self esteem is gonna turn into a teen with low self esteem, then turn into an adult with low self esteem.
Respectfully , I very strongly disagree !!
One's actions are not a representation of one's worth as a human being. You're not worthless if you've done the wrong thing , all of us do the wrong things to eventually learn and grow from these mistakes. As a matter of facts , psychologists say that low self esteem IS what leads to doing the wrong things even after knowing they're wrong !!
And self esteem isn't something "to have" or not , it's already in all of us. And it's either negative or positive , no in between.
"Happiness in life is about serving others rather than one's self" this is the core of every people's pleaser's problems in life. The illusion that you'll be happy when you see others happy because of something you did for them. And as a recovering people pleaser , I can tell you that it's made myself , and every person I know who shared the same problem , miserable.
I noticed that on your channel you so very often share your own mindset and ideas , rather than methods or facts backed up by science or studies on human behaviour and psychology. Please remember to acknowledge that in your videos , as people might misinterpert it as scientifically proven methods , and be shocked when the results are the exact opposite of "their children having a happy life".
First of all, I want to let you know that 'science' today is not actually science at all. For example, today, "scientists" have concluded that men can be women and women can be men just by thinking about it. They have also concluded that it is beneficial to chemically castrate children and surgically mutilate them in order to "help" them continue in the delusion that they are the opposite sex. That is the "science" today.
Also, a vaccine that does not keep you from getting an illness, spreading an illness, nor is it even likely to cause serious problems for the vast majority of people, is required to enter the White House right now unless you wear a mask... a mask which also doesn't stop the virus from spreading. All that is the "science" as I am typing this to you. And, I could go on with more examples of the lunacy of "science' today.
Psychology is not science in the first place. This has been a debate for as long as it has been considered so by some (the 1890s), and obviously you are on the side of believing that it is when there is no evidence. Ironic when science is supposed to depend on evidence, isn't it?
But, since you are convinced the "science" is what we should be looking at, I will at least give you some information that may help you. Serving others triggers the brain’s pleasure centers and releases endorphins, the body’s natural morphine. Giving, which includes volunteering, releases oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine.
If you were well studied in my methods, you would also see that this is not about people pleasing. It is about serving for the benefit of those around you and for yourself. Concentrating on others brings happiness and concentrating on one's self brings anxiety, depression and sorrow.
One's worth as a human being is not determined by one's actions, but one's feeling of worth is determined that way. That is what self-esteem is. What a person feels about their own worth and abilities. And, when you are concentrated on serving only yourself, you will not feel worthy down deep inside no matter how much you accomplish in that realm. When you serve others, you feel truly accomplished and truly happy.
Possibly you might find help by looking up the science of serving others, since that is your focus.
My channel IS about my own thoughts and ideas, experience and what works for parents and children. You know what? Just about every person's channel is about their own thoughts and ideas if they have one that is giving advice. Mine is backed up by 35 years of experience with my nine children and all the parents and children I have worked with over that time.
I'd rather listen to a person with that kind of experience than a person in a lab coat who thinks they know all about it because they have done experiments in a contrived environment and haven't raised a single child in their life. I know you are convinced that a person with a degree in psychology is somehow the bastion of all knowledge and wisdom. You are wrong.
That kind of thinking is why we can go into any store, restaurant or any other public place and within a few minutes, we will hear a child throwing a screaming fit while their exhausted and overwhelmed parents try desperately to stop them without a clue how to do so. And it is why our entire country was locked down for months on end, children are in a high state of depression and suicide has risen by leaps and bounds.
So, respectfully, I disagree with you. And, if you don't believe my methods or counsel is worthy of consideration due to the fact that I do not put "the science" above my experience, then I suggest you look elsewhere. Because that isn't going to change. But I do sincerely thank you for your comment.
Could you do a video on how to help kids sit at the dinner table? We have an 18 month old and I just don’t know what expectations to have. Right now we have him sit with us for 30 min and if we’re not finished dismiss him to play. During that 30 min we let him play with one toy like a car or play do. But I’m a first time mom and ya- don’t know what I should set my expectation to be or what’s appropriate. Does that make sense?
Anyways- love your very helpful videos. We worked on coming when called today and it’s been so helpful.
Sorry this question is totally unrelated to this video- just didn’t know how to ask you a question not connected to the comments section.
Thank you for the question. Have you visited my website? You can contact me there also. Www.mommyanswerlady.com
Remember you are forming habits with your child. Do you want him to expect to play with toys at the table? Probably not. That’s it teaching him what should be done while at the table and what shouldn’t be done.
Please allow me to ask for clarification.
Usually an 18 month old would still be in a high chair or at least a belted booster seat. What do you mean “help him sit at the dinner table”?
What behavior is he displaying now that needs to change and what are you doing in response?
@@MommyAnswerLady Thanks for your response. Didn’t know you had a website. Just getting fussy or asking to get down after he’s finished but not everyone is.
I feel like a time out would reward the behavior since he gets to come out but then ignoring the fussing doesn’t seem like a good plan either. Any suggestions? CTM I guess?
@@caitlynnmae2475
I think having him sit at the table for 30 minutes is not necessary unless he is eating. He’s only 18 months old.
Teach him to eat his food and then to ask to be excused. Even if you teach him to use sign language depending on his verbal skills.
There is no need to make mealtime a battle. Mealtime should be seen as a pleasant time with the family. Not a time of turmoil and dread.
If you need further help with mealtime, see the mealtime battles playlist on this channel. 😊
I’ll consider a video about teaching to be excused after meals. Thanks for the suggestion! Lmk how it goes.
@@MommyAnswerLady Thanks for your response, I really appreciate it.
Keep making videos! We all need your common sense approach in this day of parenting. Can’t express how much I appreciate your responses .
Respectfully, I think you are so misinformed here and this advice is quite harmful. Low self esteem is what drives so many behavioural, mental health issues and antisocial behaviours in both childhood and adulthood. People with good self esteem are much more likely to be good, kind and selfless humans. Yes we should be humble and yes we should serve others but whether people do or do not do that has nothing to do with their self esteem.
It has everything to do with their self-esteem. The way a person truly feels good about themselves is how they effect the world around them.
Focusing on oneself only causes anxiety and depression. Focusing on serving others and making the world around you a better place boosts a persons self perception in a very positive way.
And btw, this video doesn’t suggest low self esteem is desirable either. So, you may have misinterpreted the message.
Thanks for your comment.