the father is very frugal, could be to the point of being extreme frugal, and stubborn, so the wife was forced to find other ways to support the family. I know this family which the father was extremely frugal, too cheap to even buy enough food for the family, he was definitely thinking "long term", but at the expense of his family's well being, his wife and kid were always on the skinny side(at the time I thought that's the way they were). Many yrs later I heard he got cancer and passed away in his 50's. Few yrs later I saw a pic of his wife and kid, they both gained weight and looked so much healthier than before. So in this case, I think it's definitely the father's fault, even though he fits the definition of thinking "long term". There's never a clear right or wrong in a family. Abuse comes in all kinds of forms
And they're both not working together to manage the household finances. Lack of communication and collaboration. The mom has $700k in her 401k and the dad only has $250k in stocks?
Funny the way how John jumped to asking if the mother was alright and safe assuming the father was the problem…when it turned out it was the mother who’s the problem.
Nope, Dave talked about the caller helping her mom with courage to bring it up to the husband. He said, "if he's abusive". The call changes in real time based on the information they're given. They handled the call fine.
@dr_pinna543 No, they didn't. The call should have been along the lines of telling the mom to come clean with the husband, sell all the garbage she bought, and the mom getting a full tome job or a 2nd part time job to pay it off.
I am so tired of people not picking sides because they don't want to "meddle in their marriage". By covering up for mom's deception YOU HAVE CHOSEN A SIDE.
@@clarifyingquestionshe trusted her with the finances, she abused that and went absurdly high into debt. Even his daughter said dad is frugal so he likely didn’t see much if any of that cc balance. Likely lies about garage sales or goodwill. Seems like they had separate retirements and mom has much more for a reason (either income higher or she would spend all his income and save hers)
@@socketyellow3 HUH - trust - finances is a WE hon not like cleaning a toilet and mowing the lawn. did he never look at a bank statement, make investment decisions, budget input ie how should WE spend OUR money, retirement decisions . What are you talking about he trusted her with finances. You mean he sat their like a toddler while she along made decisions. Well that was dumb considering like millions of Americans she is in consumer debt. You must be American - a culture without a mirror and always finding someone else to blame, the spouse, the ex, my kids, his kids, my parents, the schools, the government, the right, the left omg - do you Americans ever look in the mirror. smh
Why is Ramsey's first option always to blame the husband instead of the overspending wife? Why ASSUME he's abusive with no proof when the daughter is telling you the mom is hiding debt from the father? She's willing to lie to her husband and attempt to recruit the daughter on her side, all to just avoid accountability. Do better Dave...
Wow. They jump to him being possibly abusive rather than the wife being abusive. She keeps secrets and is engaged in financial infidelity hundreds of thousands of dollars worth. Just wow.
How do you spend $127k on credit cards and the other spouse not know? Thats a lot of crap coming into the house, vacations etc, unless she’s gambling it away.
Finding ways to trash the husband. The dad separated finances to protect the assets he entered the marriage. If that husband pays off the house he's screwed his retirement. She's hiding debt that's financial infidelity that's a divorce able offense if a man did it.
If they kept their finances separated, the wife did not commit financial infidelity by running up this debt as long as she had her own income and was paying on the debt herself. The entire purpose of separation of finances is to give you the freedom to make financial decisions on your own, of course you need to be able to handle whatever messes you make as well. The problem occurs when you have to go to your spouse to help bail you out because of the financial decisions you made.
how do you know it's not the father who was being extreme frugal and didn't want to spend any $$ on supporting the family, so the mother had to find other ways to feed everyone? obviously the father thinks the stock is his, not theirs, so what else did he think is his not his family's that he's too cheap to pay for?
Mom sounds very manipulative with her daughter. Mom probably has been that way the daughter’s entire life so the daughter doesn’t notice the manipulation.
That mom is massively manipulative and triangulating the daughter in this family relationship. Terrible parenting, then the daughter feels like the parent....
My narcissist mother did the same thing to me immediately after I graduated from college. My narcissist mother used me as a child to take care of her. I had to attend therapy to stop being my mother’s problem solver and full time housekeeper and gardener.
*The amazing skills of real estate are that it help keep the family, aid financial support, and can serve as a retirement tool when retired. It's passive income which rewards hard work and patience*
My parents are like this, and they are in their 70s now. In her shoes, I'd remove myself from the situation. Focus on living your own life and finding peace. Nothing is going to change your parents, unless they want to change themselves. And get a counselor and protect your own mental health!
Codependents Anonymous helps a lot with daughters who’ve been roped into parent’s marital and financial drama. Mother probably has been making the daughter her little soldier the daughter’s entire life. Even in ways the daughter doesn’t realize.
They really started in on the dad without any information pointing to him being a bad guy in this. All the caller said was he'd have to be the one to sell the stock/give permission for it to be sold b/c it's in his name and the caller was unsure about fixing the debt in one fell swoop without a behavior change. She never said her dad was approached and refused to sell or claimed the money from the future sale was only for him.
Just one thing for Mackenzie. My mother made me her partner in crime with her debt. She started asking me to make her minimum payments for her. I had to tell her no and became the person to tell my father about her debt. My father took my mom’s credit cards from her and paid off the debt. Mom didn’t get her credit cards back and kept his eyes on her and his credit reports so that she didn’t open anymore. That’s what should happen to your mother.
I would theorize that the reason the dad separated his retirement savings from her is because she is financially incompetent. Had he not done that, they would have had no retirement savings at all.
The husband should keep the stocks in his name. His wife cannot be trusted with money so the husband shouldn't pay off his wife's debt. Let her pay it off herself. I consider the wife abusive and not the husband.
Absolutely. The wife can't be trusted with access to the stocks. The only reason she dragged her daughter to a financial advisor was to search for a way to sell the stocks without the husband knowing. Thank goodness that she can't get to the stocks
@@macpduff2119 The older you get, the harder it is to change them. Have you ever tried to change someone? I have, it's very difficult and most of time, they'll go back to their bad habits again.
@@jeremiahsmith450 Unnecessarily? It's a direct question to get a lot of information. He likely counsels a lot of people that describe a situation where it is obviously not safe.
John is playing wannabe therapist all the time, then making wild assumptions and hoping they’re right. Tries to be deep and philosophical, and focuses so much on the subtext that he misses the big picture. “Does your dad treat you like you’re 12?” Did she say anything that would lead him to think that? He’s stabbing in the dark. How many times has he asked people “when are you going to stop putting this on yourself/blaming yourself etc” and the caller is just sits there in pause because it comes out of left field. He throws out assumptions as leading questions to then give support, instead of asking probing questions and giving support based on the answer. Dave and Jade are the only hosts I like because they actually listen to the caller and give appropriate responses. John just doesn’t do it for me, feels fake
My mother had to hide money from my father who drank alcoholically. She had to build her own retirement separate from him. He built up some money but she basically had to pay for almost everything in their retirement. It explains why she never told us much about it. She didn't want to put the kids in the middle of their issues.
They didn't, they said it was possible as they were trying to figure out the mom was apprehensive about talking to the dad about finances. The daughter likely wouldn't say upfront that the dad is abusive. If they say that out loud, the daughter can correct them. She didn't say anything after John said, "if he's abusive".
Not only did mom put the daughter "in an uncomfortable position", she also added the manipulative control mechanism of fear that her dad will be suicidal when he finds out. That's a hush ransom!
The daughter says the mother's retirement is 10x the size of her father's. Why doesn't the mother cash out part of her retirement to pay of the secret debt she created? Not sure why they are talking about selling the "father's" stocks. It sounded like the mother is the one identifying separate ownership, not the father.
She's running up credit card debt behind the husband's back. She's not allowed to touch his retirement because she's too busy buying expensive clothes and shoes and other shit geared to make acquaintances jealous of her. Not being concerned with others' being jealous of me is insanely freeing.
I feel like they do need to hear "either you plan together or you separate" because just both of them staying on their own tracks and hoping the other person won't be an inconvenience They don't need to combine finances, they need to have counselling. She's creating a bigger and bigger issue by getting more debt. He's created a bigger and bigger issue by not looking after his mental health. They've created a bigger and bigger issue by not being partners - he doesn't want to be involved in bills? tough shit mate.
Seems like an outflow issue. How did they blow through their cash out and already have 127k in CC debt? If that is how they spend, they will make it about two years in retirement on $600k.
Paying off the debt won't solve the problem, at the beginning of the call the daughter said she was afraid her mother would rack up credit card debt all over again. Would love to have heard what she is blowing money on.
@@NrthrnKnght File a legal separation agreement, first. She could take the "poison pill" ie. add $500K more debt and the husband would get half of the new debt.
Depending on what state you are in, your wife could declare bankruptcy and it wouldn’t affect you at all. That’s one of the many, many, many reasons to keep your finances separated.
I know Dave doesn't like this sort of solution, but they should retire the credit card debt and car loans (Interesting situation if they have no car debt) using assets on hand. THEN without digging into retirement/stocks, both get to keep working until the house is paid off. Argument for Pete's approach: That house debt is cheap and they need a path that maximizes post-debt assets. Argument for Dave's approach: Keeping the house debt going while holding risk assets is the higher risk approach especially if we face a significant economic downturn where the house ends up in jeopardy, hence get that house paid off even though some growth assets will disappear. If I was on Dave's payroll, I would give this advice and feel good about it. The big problem here of course, as addressed, is the partitioning of the marriage. As a single guy, there is complete communication about finances and strategy in my household.
No John , the mother is not having an affair . He is uninvolved because he didn’t want to be and they agreed . That’s not the same thing . And furthermore everyone in the situation is safe .
If they have separated finances, which it sounds like they do, then the credit card debt would be the mom’s mess to clean up and not the dad’s. The main bills are paid and that’s all he’s worried about. He may not want to sell stocks in his retirement to pay those cards off because the cards will get maxed out again pretty fast. And I wouldn’t blame him for that one bit.
John might have a doctorate but Dave is very wise, his counsel is what's precious in this show, not his co hosts' knowledge, as evidenced by this episode.
Issue with the concept of, “If you don’t stick to the budget and pay down the debt and instead do XXXX to pay the debt off instead you will just run up the debt again” is that if you are likely going to run up the debt again, you will do it either way. Once that $2k credit card gets paid off, what stops someone from running it up again? Mindset. If you are determined to tackle the debt, your mindset won’t let you run up the debt again no matter what path you took to get it paid.
I think the husband might know about the finance situation and instead of acknowledging it out loud he laid claim to his stocks as untouchable rather than confronting the problem.
I think Married With Children got right when they said "Love and marriage, you can't have one without the other". The same could be said for couples about money and agreeing on things.
It get's really hard for me to take this content seriously when John goes to the "sHe'S iN dAnGeR!" angle nearly every time, and Dave keeps talking over the caller with his ridiculous comments. It's childish.
So she is someone who doesn't stick to budgets and could pile up credit card debt in secret and these guys think he should just combine all with her and hope she doesn't burn it all on a whim. If I was married with her I'd combine precisely nothing.
Dave Ramsey needs to realize that a man can have separate assets from his wife, including stocks, if those assets were acquired prior to marriage. However, Dave never asked when the stocks were acquired by the man. Dave just junped to the conclusion the stocks were not the man's sole property, but instead belonged to both of them (husband and wife). Not smart.
Honestly it sounds like the wife / mom has the majority of the assets in this scenario, Dad is a decade older and maybe married before (her retirement was $700k + according to daughter) - and the husband has ‘his’ which is those stocks - and he’s thus absolutely clinging on to them for dear life, and will be aware there’s a spending problem on one side. I understand the mentality, if he could bury them safe in the back yard, he would. This is his only life raft. Which is his fault for being in this position, frankly.. regardless of his wife’s spending.
I think we need to have more couple call ins (both spouses on the phone). Sure, more arguments and disruption on the call, but at least we’d start seeing other sides.
I want to know what the heck is the Mom buying that she racked up $125,000 in credit card debt? She seriously needs some intervention classes on budgeting especially now that she's getting older. I have a friend who is somewhat going through this after retiring 2 years ago and her husband retiring she still spends like they are working, he is trying hard to restrain her and stay in a budget. She just threw 90% of her clothes away because she's gaining weight and buy all new clothes. She gave away her furniture to a grand daughter to buy all new furniture ( they just bought their furniture within the last 2 years). I feel bad for her husband he tried to go back to work but they wouldn't take him back, he's in his 70's. Anna In Ohio
Mom sounds manipulative. Dad has checked out. Why is her daughter even involved? Dysfunctional and weird. It’s not the daughter’s job to take care of their relationship, because that’s the problem.
That’s what I love about older generations no separate accounts everything is joint. Where in this generation husband has his , wife is not included or wife has hers. Marriage is about unity togetherness but whom am I to say anything while whole entire generation thinks completely different from the old.
I just listened to a call the other day, where Dave told the woman to get a prenup bc she was worried about her fiancé to protect herself. Dave answered John are hypocrites in the most common simp ways.
Watching aside and letting things happen is making you as big part of the problem. It's marriage and you should be available to talk things through. If you can't, you should separate. You can't just watch and follow and say you did not have any part of it.
Shame on the caller's mom for putting the caller in this position. It shouldn't be a child's job to figure stuff like this out for a parent. Mom and Dad should go to counseling and (hopefully) get on the same page.
What the... They spend most of the call uncovering the fact that the caller's mom is being deceptive to her dad and to her, instead of the caller leading with that, and then they never even touch on the fact the mom, with $127K in credit card debt, likely has a serious spending addiction and will need professional help.
This smells fishy. My answer is to have a family meeting over coffee and daughter take the lead in bringing out the problems into the open. And then solutions. Responses could range from welcoming the meeting to being mad and walking out. I would not keep quiet. Possibility exists the Mom is strategically getting her husband out of her life for someone else. But the situation now for the daughter is between a rock and a hard place. Resolve it so you do not get the blame game in a year.
4:51 great now depending on the state you guy's advised her to do something thats going to get a normal dude red lagged. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 i hope he doesn't like guns because you ruined a whole family if he does
Wow, what an absolutely lousy thing to do to your husband this close to retirement and what a mixed up situation to put your daughter into. That woman needs to come clean to her husband. If the 24K of student loan debt was a parent loan for McKenzie's education then maybe McKenzie can help to whittle that down - if she can afford to.
This is a pet peeve with the Dave Ramsey show. When the woman is CLEARLY in the wrong, somehow, someway, they'll flip it to be the man's fault. Amazing. This is why a lot of women can't be accountable for anything due to men like Dave Ramsey and John whateverhis lastname is. Sickening.
Dave gave decent advice on the balance sheet of a couple. And decent advice on relationship. But no advice on *unhealthy spendings* because combining finances *more* when the daughter thinks the debts will continue to happen is the big fckn issue.
The mother has clearly committed financial infidelity. Just how did the father become the problem?
Simpsy corp - because women can never be wrong
the father is very frugal, could be to the point of being extreme frugal, and stubborn, so the wife was forced to find other ways to support the family. I know this family which the father was extremely frugal, too cheap to even buy enough food for the family, he was definitely thinking "long term", but at the expense of his family's well being, his wife and kid were always on the skinny side(at the time I thought that's the way they were). Many yrs later I heard he got cancer and passed away in his 50's. Few yrs later I saw a pic of his wife and kid, they both gained weight and looked so much healthier than before. So in this case, I think it's definitely the father's fault, even though he fits the definition of thinking "long term". There's never a clear right or wrong in a family. Abuse comes in all kinds of forms
@@Jane-rh7tc no one is supporting family on cc
Frugality doesnt mean one is not supporting family, it means they hate spending money on bs
The caller clearly says "Mom is full of crap"
Show: Your Dad is bad. 😅
@@JustinCase780 He obviously doesn't trust his wife with money. (Perhaps with good reason.)
man, so frustrated to listen to Dave in this call. The dad is thinking long term and the mom is not thinking.
They're both American, which means they're both incapable of thinking.
And he is WRONG!
Yeeeah
And they're both not working together to manage the household finances. Lack of communication and collaboration. The mom has $700k in her 401k and the dad only has $250k in stocks?
Funny the way how John jumped to asking if the mother was alright and safe assuming the father was the problem…when it turned out it was the mother who’s the problem.
John annoys me. He’s always like that
Nope, Dave talked about the caller helping her mom with courage to bring it up to the husband. He said, "if he's abusive". The call changes in real time based on the information they're given. They handled the call fine.
@dr_pinna543 No, they didn't. The call should have been along the lines of telling the mom to come clean with the husband, sell all the garbage she bought, and the mom getting a full tome job or a 2nd part time job to pay it off.
That’s because the daughter stated that her mom was “scared”.
They spent most of the time bashing the man whilst it was the woman who was the problem
Yup and they don't even know what whole picture looks like.
It’s always the women
Caller: Mom has 127K in cc debt
John: "iS sHe iN dAnGeR?!"
Exactly. And Dave assuming the guy wouldn't be suicidal, how does he know that! What if he does take his life when he finds out...
@@HOLDXSTEEL Tell me you can't get a date without telling me you can't get a date.
Dr John always assumes the woman is being abused
His question may be, "Are you safe?"
Because he has a PHD in counselling. That's basically just left wing indoctrination by liberal women 😂
Yeah. But what if she isnt safe?
The data would tend to agree with him
Only because you lead people with the question... thats why false accusations are through the roof...@fortyseventhronin
I am so tired of people not picking sides because they don't want to "meddle in their marriage". By covering up for mom's deception YOU HAVE CHOSEN A SIDE.
Nope - this is a marriage ie a WE, so wake up Dad. So sad that their daughter is in this marriage. C'mon Dad!!!!! And Mom too!
The cover-up is worst than the crime.
@@clarifyingquestionshe trusted her with the finances, she abused that and went absurdly high into debt. Even his daughter said dad is frugal so he likely didn’t see much if any of that cc balance. Likely lies about garage sales or goodwill. Seems like they had separate retirements and mom has much more for a reason (either income higher or she would spend all his income and save hers)
@@socketyellow3 HUH - trust - finances is a WE hon not like cleaning a toilet and mowing the lawn. did he never look at a bank statement, make investment decisions, budget input ie how should WE spend OUR money, retirement decisions . What are you talking about he trusted her with finances. You mean he sat their like a toddler while she along made decisions. Well that was dumb considering like millions of Americans she is in consumer debt. You must be American - a culture without a mirror and always finding someone else to blame, the spouse, the ex, my kids, his kids, my parents, the schools, the government, the right, the left omg - do you Americans ever look in the mirror. smh
Scooby-Doo and the gang were the only ones that "meddled" in other people's business. 😂
Why is Ramsey's first option always to blame the husband instead of the overspending wife? Why ASSUME he's abusive with no proof when the daughter is telling you the mom is hiding debt from the father? She's willing to lie to her husband and attempt to recruit the daughter on her side, all to just avoid accountability. Do better Dave...
Right? The daughter just said she's racked up CC debt probably on name brand crap.
I think that Dave takes the “the man is the provider/head of household” view because of religion.
Wow. They jump to him being possibly abusive rather than the wife being abusive. She keeps secrets and is engaged in financial infidelity hundreds of thousands of dollars worth. Just wow.
Simpsy corp for a reason
happens 99% of the time, the hate for males in society is real. :)
The caller clearly spells out that her Mom is nuts. John always does this play.
It's pretty obvious that they're both abusive.
@@JustinCase780John is a liberal SIMP 😂
How do you spend $127k on credit cards and the other spouse not know? Thats a lot of crap coming into the house, vacations etc, unless she’s gambling it away.
Gambling for sure.
It’s actually incredibly easy, especially over the term of a few years.
Dad didn’t noticed the Amazon boxes, new clothes, jewelry, or whatever else that woman was buying?
Some people don't pay any attention.@@indiaandrews6996
Finding ways to trash the husband. The dad separated finances to protect the assets he entered the marriage. If that husband pays off the house he's screwed his retirement. She's hiding debt that's financial infidelity that's a divorce able offense if a man did it.
Both parents get trashed, for different reasons.
@@beck943 We know the wife committed financial infidelity they assumed the husband was abusive not exactly equal.
The caller clearly shares that her Mom is a lying nut job. 😅
Dave is not the smartest or most honest guy around
If they kept their finances separated, the wife did not commit financial infidelity by running up this debt as long as she had her own income and was paying on the debt herself. The entire purpose of separation of finances is to give you the freedom to make financial decisions on your own, of course you need to be able to handle whatever messes you make as well. The problem occurs when you have to go to your spouse to help bail you out because of the financial decisions you made.
Dave blames the dad
Lady said mom has hidden cc debt.
Mom is the problem
they're both dysfunctional, not acting like a married couple.
Mom is full of crap per the caller.
John: She's in danger.
Exactly! Lol!
Dave- he’s a twerp
Always gaslighting Delony.
Baloney, the marriage killer 😂
The two things are not mutually exclusive
Wow that mother is a real piece of work! 😮 Shame on her for putting her sweet daughter in this position.
how do you know it's not the father who was being extreme frugal and didn't want to spend any $$ on supporting the family, so the mother had to find other ways to feed everyone? obviously the father thinks the stock is his, not theirs, so what else did he think is his not his family's that he's too cheap to pay for?
@@Jane-rh7tc I guess imaginationland is cool
Mom sounds very manipulative with her daughter. Mom probably has been that way the daughter’s entire life so the daughter doesn’t notice the manipulation.
Right 😬
That mom is massively manipulative and triangulating the daughter in this family relationship. Terrible parenting, then the daughter feels like the parent....
This hits the nail on the head 💯 narc dynamics at play
I would agree. They are jumping to so many conclusions without having all of the info.
My narcissist mother did the same thing to me immediately after I graduated from college.
My narcissist mother used me as a child to take care of her. I had to attend therapy to stop being my mother’s problem solver and full time housekeeper and gardener.
Facts….😬
*The amazing skills of real estate are that it help keep the family, aid financial support, and can serve as a retirement tool when retired. It's passive income which rewards hard work and patience*
It’s the same talk everywhere but no one is saying how to get started?
I work with a *Financial adviser;*
*Donald Nathan Scott.*
How do I reach him ;
You can reach him by searching this names 👇
My parents are like this, and they are in their 70s now. In her shoes, I'd remove myself from the situation. Focus on living your own life and finding peace. Nothing is going to change your parents, unless they want to change themselves. And get a counselor and protect your own mental health!
Codependents Anonymous helps a lot with daughters who’ve been roped into parent’s marital and financial drama. Mother probably has been making the daughter her little soldier the daughter’s entire life. Even in ways the daughter doesn’t realize.
They really started in on the dad without any information pointing to him being a bad guy in this.
All the caller said was he'd have to be the one to sell the stock/give permission for it to be sold b/c it's in his name and the caller was unsure about fixing the debt in one fell swoop without a behavior change. She never said her dad was approached and refused to sell or claimed the money from the future sale was only for him.
Correct . Disgusting the way they judged this man
They profit off of single parent homes so its in Ramseys interest to sow drama
I didn’t understand why she didn’t sell her stocks to pay the debt. Probably they have been in this situation before
@@mariavieira6438 yep, she seemed to have 3x in her 401k than the dad with his stocks.
Just one thing for Mackenzie. My mother made me her partner in crime with her debt. She started asking me to make her minimum payments for her. I had to tell her no and became the person to tell my father about her debt. My father took my mom’s credit cards from her and paid off the debt. Mom didn’t get her credit cards back and kept his eyes on her and his credit reports so that she didn’t open anymore. That’s what should happen to your mother.
127k in cc debt in crazy
She was probably swipe to the end
She has $700k to pay it off
It is. What did mom buy? Or is mom a gambler?
Father is a smart cookie keeping those investments far away from her
SO the wife is hiding debt. They still blame the husband.
Insane😊
They blame both.
@@dr_pinna543 They blamed him. And called him names.
Then when they found the truth. They still blamed him.
I would theorize that the reason the dad separated his retirement savings from her is because she is financially incompetent. Had he not done that, they would have had no retirement savings at all.
She has more retirement than he does. She's not 59 1/2 though, so his is more accessible.
I did this to prevent Co-mingling of funds, My retirement fund was sealed prior to marriage,
NO marital assets added after marriage.
Sole and separate
Indeed 😊
The minimum payments alone on that amount of credit card debt is staggering.
For real. Probably at least $2k a month.
What did she do to have over $127K in credit card debt? Holy moly.
The mom is messing things up here....this is grounds for divorce once he finds out the truth.
The husband should keep the stocks in his name. His wife cannot be trusted with money so the husband shouldn't pay off his wife's debt. Let her pay it off herself. I consider the wife abusive and not the husband.
Absolutely. The wife can't be trusted with access to the stocks. The only reason she dragged her daughter to a financial advisor was to search for a way to sell the stocks without the husband knowing. Thank goodness that she can't get to the stocks
Dave and John jumped to conclusions in this one
John said, "IF he's abusive". The daughter didn't say anything to deny that.
They always do
They're old, their habits won't change. Once everything is in paid off, they'll be in the same spot in a few years.
The Mom is 19 years younger than her 59 yr old husband. Not old
@@macpduff2119 The older you get, the harder it is to change them. Have you ever tried to change someone? I have, it's very difficult and most of time, they'll go back to their bad habits again.
@mac she said 10 years younger not 19
This is their Game. Changing the rules close to the finish line is very hard!!!
He probably has hidden financial secrets, too.
I really hate how Dave basically completely glossed over $127,000 in credit card debt....
Dave needs to learn to listen to the callers and stop talking over them. Never did she say pay off the house
""" DAVE""" He never listen to the called""
Yeah he’s unnecessarily aggressive sometimes. Same with John asking people if they are safe unnecessarily 😆
@@jeremiahsmith450 Unnecessarily? It's a direct question to get a lot of information. He likely counsels a lot of people that describe a situation where it is obviously not safe.
They called him. It makes sense if he has questions and ignoring the extra crap he doesn't need to give the opinion 😂
I just don’t even understand how it’s even possible to spend $120k on credit cards.
$350, lunch with the girls
$1200, weekend with the out of State grandkids
$5K every 3 months on "visiting"
....
Tallk to your spouse about your finances, not your kid.
John is playing wannabe therapist all the time, then making wild assumptions and hoping they’re right. Tries to be deep and philosophical, and focuses so much on the subtext that he misses the big picture. “Does your dad treat you like you’re 12?” Did she say anything that would lead him to think that? He’s stabbing in the dark. How many times has he asked people “when are you going to stop putting this on yourself/blaming yourself etc” and the caller is just sits there in pause because it comes out of left field. He throws out assumptions as leading questions to then give support, instead of asking probing questions and giving support based on the answer. Dave and Jade are the only hosts I like because they actually listen to the caller and give appropriate responses. John just doesn’t do it for me, feels fake
Dave's gotta lay off the commentary WHILE the caller is trying to answer a question one of them asked.
They both do it. It's full pathetic. I hope they enjoy their screen.
Really annoys me when he comes out with these silly statements.
They've got minutes with a caller, I see nothing wrong with direction questions to get more information.
My mother had to hide money from my father who drank alcoholically. She had to build her own retirement separate from him. He built up some money but she basically had to pay for almost everything in their retirement.
It explains why she never told us much about it. She didn't want to put the kids in the middle of their issues.
Please stop talking over the caller and let them finish their sentence.
I agree. They ask the caller a question then Dave starts commenting over them nearly EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Yes!
As usual they just assume the dad is abusive and a bad guy 🙄
They didn't, they said it was possible as they were trying to figure out the mom was apprehensive about talking to the dad about finances. The daughter likely wouldn't say upfront that the dad is abusive. If they say that out loud, the daughter can correct them. She didn't say anything after John said, "if he's abusive".
How are you frugal, but not pay attention to your financial situation?
He can't pay attention to something she's hiding.
@@djpuplex Money goes up or down.
Dave taking a dump on this dude who actually has a retirement plan rather than the wife with the secret debt.
The wife has 3x the amount in her 401k than the dad has in stocks (his retirement). And she's younger. Both parents are dysfunctional.
Not only did mom put the daughter "in an uncomfortable position", she also added the manipulative control mechanism of fear that her dad will be suicidal when he finds out. That's a hush ransom!
It started wrong but at the end Dave understood who’s the real problem
Seems everyone tuned out when John mentioned the dad possibly being abusive.
I think part of the reason they're talking about managing dad is because they know mom is completely unreasonable
Call the fire department, holy smokes 127 CREDIT CARD DEBT! That is nonsense!!!
The daughter says the mother's retirement is 10x the size of her father's. Why doesn't the mother cash out part of her retirement to pay of the secret debt she created? Not sure why they are talking about selling the "father's" stocks. It sounded like the mother is the one identifying separate ownership, not the father.
Dave: its not HIS stocks its THEIR stocks
Also Dave: how much money is in HER retirement?
She's running up credit card debt behind the husband's back. She's not allowed to touch his retirement because she's too busy buying expensive clothes and shoes and other shit geared to make acquaintances jealous of her. Not being concerned with others' being jealous of me is insanely freeing.
I feel like they do need to hear "either you plan together or you separate" because just both of them staying on their own tracks and hoping the other person won't be an inconvenience
They don't need to combine finances, they need to have counselling.
She's creating a bigger and bigger issue by getting more debt.
He's created a bigger and bigger issue by not looking after his mental health.
They've created a bigger and bigger issue by not being partners - he doesn't want to be involved in bills? tough shit mate.
Mom would be sitting on the curb in MY household...
Seems like an outflow issue. How did they blow through their cash out and already have 127k in CC debt? If that is how they spend, they will make it about two years in retirement on $600k.
127k in credit cars debt omg thats like 2500$ a month coming out of thier retirement in interest charges wow
We need more information. I'm wondering if the dad kept the finances separate because he was tired of his wife draining their savings account.
I love the Dave Ramsey Show 🤍
No matter what the circumstances are: IT. IS. ALWAYS. THE. MAN’S. FAULT. with these two.
Paying off the debt won't solve the problem, at the beginning of the call the daughter said she was afraid her mother would rack up credit card debt all over again. Would love to have heard what she is blowing money on.
That woman did her husband wrong!
Yes, and the husband let it get this far.
Dave doesn’t listen! She said it’s credit cards, not the house that they are talking about paying off! He interrupted her SO many times!
I couldnt imagine finding out my spouse has 140k in debt. Id probably be less upset finding out about cheating
😂
I would drain the bank and flee
@@NrthrnKnght File a legal separation agreement, first.
She could take the "poison pill" ie. add $500K more debt
and the husband would get half of the new debt.
Depending on what state you are in, your wife could declare bankruptcy and it wouldn’t affect you at all. That’s one of the many, many, many reasons to keep your finances separated.
I felt it was very rude of Dave to talk over the caller so frequently.
Delony weakens the legitimacy of Ramsey Solutions.
I don't believe so. His own channel where he takes long calls like a therapy session helps a lot of people.
I know Dave doesn't like this sort of solution, but they should retire the credit card debt and car loans (Interesting situation if they have no car debt) using assets on hand. THEN without digging into retirement/stocks, both get to keep working until the house is paid off.
Argument for Pete's approach: That house debt is cheap and they need a path that maximizes post-debt assets.
Argument for Dave's approach: Keeping the house debt going while holding risk assets is the higher risk approach especially if we face a significant economic downturn where the house ends up in jeopardy, hence get that house paid off even though some growth assets will disappear. If I was on Dave's payroll, I would give this advice and feel good about it.
The big problem here of course, as addressed, is the partitioning of the marriage. As a single guy, there is complete communication about finances and strategy in my household.
They've done something good to deserve a daughter like her
Maybe not, great people can emerge from toxic households.
My parents are similar to this. They will never combine anything. Focusing on combining things is not a good answer for this situation.
I see why the dad is maintaining control of the stocks here...
Jeeze let the girl speak without interrupting & making assumptions
The father is trying to ensure there is actually some money available for retirement.
If they would combine finances, the mother has 3x the amount in her 401k. They could knock out the debt and combined they would still be ok.
No John , the mother is not having an affair . He is uninvolved because he didn’t want to be and they agreed . That’s not the same thing .
And furthermore everyone in the situation is safe .
The fact that they live in America proves they are not.
If they have separated finances, which it sounds like they do, then the credit card debt would be the mom’s mess to clean up and not the dad’s. The main bills are paid and that’s all he’s worried about. He may not want to sell stocks in his retirement to pay those cards off because the cards will get maxed out again pretty fast. And I wouldn’t blame him for that one bit.
Great show!!!! ❤❤❤
John might have a doctorate but Dave is very wise, his counsel is what's precious in this show, not his co hosts' knowledge, as evidenced by this episode.
John has 2 PHds but nothing about his work on Ramsey demonstrates that.
Issue with the concept of, “If you don’t stick to the budget and pay down the debt and instead do XXXX to pay the debt off instead you will just run up the debt again” is that if you are likely going to run up the debt again, you will do it either way. Once that $2k credit card gets paid off, what stops someone from running it up again? Mindset. If you are determined to tackle the debt, your mindset won’t let you run up the debt again no matter what path you took to get it paid.
I think the husband might know about the finance situation and instead of acknowledging it out loud he laid claim to his stocks as untouchable rather than confronting the problem.
I think Married With Children got right when they said "Love and marriage, you can't have one without the other". The same could be said for couples about money and agreeing on things.
It get's really hard for me to take this content seriously when John goes to the "sHe'S iN dAnGeR!" angle nearly every time, and Dave keeps talking over the caller with his ridiculous comments. It's childish.
So she is someone who doesn't stick to budgets and could pile up credit card debt in secret and these guys think he should just combine all with her and hope she doesn't burn it all on a whim. If I was married with her I'd combine precisely nothing.
Father: You got $10,000 in credit card debt.
Mom: No,we have $10,000 in debt.
Dave kept interrupting this poor girl
Dave Ramsey needs to realize that a man can have separate assets from his wife, including stocks, if those assets were acquired prior to marriage. However, Dave never asked when the stocks were acquired by the man. Dave just junped to the conclusion the stocks were not the man's sole property, but instead belonged to both of them (husband and wife). Not smart.
Dave, would have you change the title of an owned house from
Unmarried man, sole and separate property
to
Community property
Honestly it sounds like the wife / mom has the majority of the assets in this scenario, Dad is a decade older and maybe married before (her retirement was $700k + according to daughter) - and the husband has ‘his’ which is those stocks - and he’s thus absolutely clinging on to them for dear life, and will be aware there’s a spending problem on one side. I understand the mentality, if he could bury them safe in the back yard, he would. This is his only life raft. Which is his fault for being in this position, frankly.. regardless of his wife’s spending.
This is a caller you never want to fight a war with. So indecisive 🙄
I need to help with my mom's financial retirement...
SELL THE CAR.
Beans and rice.
I think we need to have more couple call ins (both spouses on the phone). Sure, more arguments and disruption on the call, but at least we’d start seeing other sides.
Simpsy corp going from her being financial infidel to him being "abusive" out if nowhere
Picked a side a little too quick on this one
I want to know what the heck is the Mom buying that she racked up $125,000 in credit card debt? She seriously needs some intervention classes on budgeting especially now that she's getting older. I have a friend who is somewhat going through this after retiring 2 years ago and her husband retiring she still spends like they are working, he is trying hard to restrain her and stay in a budget. She just threw 90% of her clothes away because she's gaining weight and buy all new clothes. She gave away her furniture to a grand daughter to buy all new furniture ( they just bought their furniture within the last 2 years). I feel bad for her husband he tried to go back to work but they wouldn't take him back, he's in his 70's. Anna In Ohio
Mom sounds manipulative. Dad has checked out. Why is her daughter even involved? Dysfunctional and weird. It’s not the daughter’s job to take care of their relationship, because that’s the problem.
I love dave but this was frustrating listening too. Men get bashed so unfairly on this show man smh. The girl couldn’t even speak my God.
That’s what I love about older generations no separate accounts everything is joint. Where in this generation husband has his , wife is not included or wife has hers. Marriage is about unity togetherness but whom am I to say anything while whole entire generation thinks completely different from the old.
She said her Dad is over 59 lol
@@_CPerk I didn’t catch that lol 🫢
What is it with America and credit cards? Does anyone use them responsibly?
I just listened to a call the other day, where Dave told the woman to get a prenup bc she was worried about her fiancé to protect herself.
Dave answered John are hypocrites in the most common simp ways.
Correct . He’s even gone as far to say women get a bad deal in divorces .
If a man asked about a prenup Dave would scorch him
@@scratch57 💯
Watching aside and letting things happen is making you as big part of the problem. It's marriage and you should be available to talk things through. If you can't, you should separate. You can't just watch and follow and say you did not have any part of it.
Annnnnddddd..... The man was being extremely responsible with the money. Of course :)
Time to get rid of that Mom
Shame on the caller's mom for putting the caller in this position. It shouldn't be a child's job to figure stuff like this out for a parent. Mom and Dad should go to counseling and (hopefully) get on the same page.
If we be really generous and say she has a 10% interest rate on the CC debt, thats $1,058 in just interest! In reality its probably double that.
What the... They spend most of the call uncovering the fact that the caller's mom is being deceptive to her dad and to her, instead of the caller leading with that, and then they never even touch on the fact the mom, with $127K in credit card debt, likely has a serious spending addiction and will need professional help.
Man’s doing marriage and financial counseling
This smells fishy. My answer is to have a family meeting over coffee and daughter take the lead in bringing out the problems into the open. And then solutions. Responses could range from welcoming the meeting to being mad and walking out. I would not keep quiet. Possibility exists the Mom is strategically getting her husband out of her life for someone else. But the situation now for the daughter is between a rock and a hard place. Resolve it so you do not get the blame game in a year.
4:51 great now depending on the state you guy's advised her to do something thats going to get a normal dude red lagged. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 i hope he doesn't like guns because you ruined a whole family if he does
Who said anything about abuse? Is this dude a robot you pull on a string to talk?
Wow, what an absolutely lousy thing to do to your husband this close to retirement and what a mixed up situation to put your daughter into. That woman needs to come clean to her husband. If the 24K of student loan debt was a parent loan for McKenzie's education then maybe McKenzie can help to whittle that down - if she can afford to.
This is a pet peeve with the Dave Ramsey show. When the woman is CLEARLY in the wrong, somehow, someway, they'll flip it to be the man's fault. Amazing. This is why a lot of women can't be accountable for anything due to men like Dave Ramsey and John whateverhis lastname is. Sickening.
WOW these guys don’t listen to their callers ! They immediately bashes the MAN!
Just a question out of topic: Why the 4 big screens instead of a big poster/picture?
Dave gave decent advice on the balance sheet of a couple.
And decent advice on relationship.
But no advice on *unhealthy spendings* because combining finances *more* when the daughter thinks the debts will continue to happen is the big fckn issue.