He did really well. My dad was of the generation where men didn't talk about feelings. He'd only open up when he was blackout drunk and God damn was it sad to watch. A lifetime of suppression pouring out of of a tortured soul was like watching the hoover dam collapse. Dave is a cerebral and introspective guy and an old dog who can still learn life's new tricks. I loved this session.
Excellent use of time. Thank you for this, this one is special. I want more focus on males as a male and this is just great. As someone with experience and knowledge in this area, please appreciate yourself for having done this because it absolutely goes above and beyond what most humans are capable of doing. Helping families, in my opinion, helps more positive outcomes in the individual, family and as an complex extension, society. I am a big fan of Jordan Peterson - not as someone from the alt-right or int. dark web, but as someone who came across him in my search for a character that posses such individual talent and life experience, like a clinical psychologist of the prestige of Dr Peterson; and listen to him/her to help understand what we can do within out limitations as human beings, personally, species wide, in my own family and to help others (a possible future clinician, you can see my name I keep trying to get into computing but I've learned far more in the scope of psychology, philosophy and politics in the past 10 years than my course of study - which as my name also states, I can't stick it and its due to emotional problems limiting my potential in the field of academia and take my place in society as a responsible adult). Your series of videos, while some are dealing with issues I'm less considering specialising in, that have content like this are extremely timely and valuable to individuals, families, relationships and society, and by an extension of that the future possibilities for morally valued goals like reducing poverty worldwide and economic disaster planning, the role of technological complexity in accelerating parabolically and use of statistics to plan our future more than the balance has shifted over to ideologies and modern social culture exploding through social media that could have insanely positive results and devastating tragedy, which is why we should plan for both and decide which one is better to focus on at the time based on the fields of evolutionary psychology, biological determinists, statisticians balanced with efficient accuracy and careful consideration with what social goals we are currently involved in presently that could also have immensely powerful effects on everyone, but also horrible disasters. Thanks for this one Dr K.
@Donald Trump thanks for the reply. I used all sorts of paragraphs and editing that didn't work not sure why but I'll try fixing it. There are 3/4 sentences per paragraph which is about right. The second and last paragraph is not up to standard. Following your own advise you may say "Please re-edit your comment so its easier to read and understand." You are a condescending passive-aggressive wank. Shove it.
the ability to communicate complex thinking processes and emotions is something I'm trying to work on. I apologise for cursing but I won't delete it, for reasons.
4_times_college_dropout _trying_to_be_a_Programmer gotta say, you are coming across as a condescending overtly-aggressive wank. People will literally stop listening to me because I take too long to say something. Using shorter sentences to get your point across is actually a fantastic communication skill, and you should definitely try to achieve this. It’s something I’ve been working on for years
@@thatdudeghosty6817I like to think of it as they feel a different thing when experiencing love like a duty to them kinda. So "imma make sure everything is always in line so nobody can be in a bad place" usually leads to missing stuff but who can catch 100%
Dave, You made me realize that i created a false image of my dad and helped me begin the process of tearing that image down to start a conversation with him. It's probably normal, but growing up its easy to just categorize your parents in a certain way and if no communication occurs, then it just solidifies over time. You start to think your parents are some otherworldly beings and that it's impossible to even communicate with them. But, in reality, they are people too with problems and are continually changing as well, and knowing that fact makes me feel a lot more comfortable opening that type of communication up with my dad, and it gives me hope. When you said someone needs to break the ice first really resonated with me and empowers me to start. Thank you Dave for demystifying the 'father' figure. Thank you Dr. K and Zach for allowing this to happen.
@@BrownOpsLeak Just an update: had a 5 hour long conversation with my dad talking about emotions and problems for the first time in over 20 years. I can't even explain how it feels for me to let that out, and i'm sure for my dad as well. We never hug EVER and we hugged for like a good 2-3 minutes. This is one HUGE step in the journey to recovery. I just want to thank this channel and Dr.K and Dave and Zach once again! Thank you!
Faizan Aslam I’m so happy for you! Just keep in mind there will be moments where you feel like your dad may be going back to his old habits. Don’t give up and keep thinking rationally and not succumbing to the idea that your dad is some “fake figure”. Having a father as a father but also as a friend is one of the best relationships you can have.
I found it interesting that both Zack and Dave were under the impression that the other person was not really able to deal with Carson, or place oneself in Carson's shoes. Zack thinks by treating Carson as a normal person and becoming a friend of Carson's he managed to develop a better relationship with him, and that his parents missed the mark by only imposing rules and structure. On the other hand Dave thought that Zack did not really know how the current situation is with Carson due to Zack being away to college, and should try to become more friends with Carson in order to understand him better. I think both of them said this in good faith; it is so interesting how people's views on the same social dynamics can be so subjective. Also, even though Dave might be a bit sturdy (remembers me of my own dad), he loves his son very very much...
That was my take away on this. seems like the entire conversation was going to build up that that topic. and then the session was over and this was never resolved... i mean hopefully Dr K has opened the lined of conversation between the dad and son and then they can talk about it together.
This one hit me hard. Dad wasn’t around growing up. Listened to it on Spotify and had to come watch the video for the emotions. I do want to note that it’s sad that dave can’t say the words “I’m sorry” or “I feel bad that” because he lacks that emotional vocabulary. He would rather describe it in circles. And I think a point about carson that could’ve been made by the end was that the better their relationship gets, I think they’ll all work better to take care of and understand the brother.
@@CycleOfJudges Too late to rely on your parents for change, but never too late to break your own patterns. The patterns implemented in your brain from interacting with your parents, that is. Watching the streams has actually made me realize how terrible my family dynamic was. Trying to undo some of the damage as well.
All the love to big name streamers... but thank you, Dr. K, for looping back in "normal gamers" and their lives. Even if you don't have a family situation similar to this, it's very valuable and relatable. And much love to this family to being willing to be so open on the internet.
100%! He was clearly very sceptical and uncomfortable, but he ended up really opening up to his son and starting to bond again. Not to mention that he apparently ROCKS managing a huge challenge without giving himself enough credit.
its so sad seeing how much dad regrets not building a close connection with his son. He is so scared that he is not a good dad that he has a hard time showing weakness, which only makes him be mpre controlling and angry which in turn scares away his son. He loves you so much, but has such a hard time not being able to be vulnerable and closd with you. That's why he wishes he could've spend more time with you, so he can build a relationship.
This was powerful. I think a lot of us saw our own fathers in Dave, so to hear him open up was an experience many have never gotten from their own father. I assume Zack will watch the VOD and be able to see the powerful moment between Dr. K and Dave that ended up being challenging for Dave to recreate when face-to-face with his son.
This caught me off-guard. I was expecting Zack to be the one that understands everything better, but it turns out Dave was the one being more open to showing emotions and understanding each other.
Young people (like me) tend to be a little arrogant and overestimate what we can do compared to older people. The older you are the higher the skill ceiling is. So to a 20 something what they think is impressive is what a 45 year old laughs fondly about while remembering.
@danielcox7629 that's not fair to the young person tho, imagine being proud of something and then someone else says it's nothing and laughs, all that shows is a sign of insecurity from them
@@danielcox7629 I think this is a little inaccurate way of looking at things, or one that may be problematic in certain situations. Some people do not achieve much in the vast majority of their life so when they start working on it, the beginner stuff is also impressive. I guess it is impressive but older people had way more opportunity to work on stuff so the bar for living up to their potential is just higher.
praise this man's existence , i honestly feel like youtube dramas should sort out their problems by talking to this guy instead of posting 40 minute expose videos trying to end someone else's career
Amazing, amazing stream. Listening to dad's perspective made me emotional. Reminded me that life isn't just black & white, good guy or bad guy. And that every person has a story to tell.
I got emotional as well because the dad at that moment couldn´t get around his emotion anymore. It was beautiful to me. I think the dad is an amazing guy. Someone who wants to be the best but his defense mechanism gives him a hard time.
True! From what I've seen though he seems to tear up just by the way he is in resonance with his discussion partners so much, it can happen with any topic really
This is priceless. Watching a tough dad dare to open up like that and confront his feelings was immense. Little bit disapointed about how Zach reacted to his dad's regrets, they took a lot of effort to surface like that. I hope they can build a true father-son relationship in the future. It resonates so much with me, thank you Dr. K for creating this space, it is truly invaluable.
He wasn't looking at him, so he didn't see how his dad was reacting. His dad shows a lot of telling microexpressions so Zach needed to pay more attention. I cringed aswell when the son was like "eh I don't know...", god he's worse at communicating than the dad.
@@JLydecka On one hand I felt like it was borderline disrespectful, but on the other hand, when my dad told me the same thing right before I went to a youth clinic to deal with my issues. That he regrets and wishes he had been more assertive in trying to reconnect after my parents divorced was pretty emotional to me. I had sort of just accepted that he probably doesn't really care anymore. And I myself feel basically disgusted at myself for making the decision not to go to my dad's house anymore because I didn't like the rules there. Such a valuable relationship damaged over not liking his rules...
@@JLydecka Yeah, it is annoying to watch. Then again, he learned it from his father. He's young so he might think he's better than his dad and knows more than him about emotions, but the structure built by his dad and family life shows in these moments, where he's exactly like his father.
It is sad, but I understand where he's coming from. Zach said earlier that he's not even sure if he wants to create a relationship with his father. I think his main goal of the session was to create peace in the house, not know his father. Having a grandfather who was *very* similar to the dad, I get that feeling that it's too late. I don't know him, he doesn't know me, and what he did over the years has pushed me so far away that by the time he opened up and said he wanted to get closer to us, I had no interest. I'm glad he's doing better for himself, but I'm happier with him growing without me. I'm getting similar vibes from Zack.
Hearing Zack describe his dad I was half expecting someone to question if Dave was just undiagnosed with some level of autism as well. But Dave allowed himself to feel and be educated in understanding his own feelings, it all came down to something that many many of us struggle with is EQ and specifically emotional vocabulary and understanding that there's no shame in feeling an emotion.
@HelicopterShark I'm glad that someone else felt this. I am a diagnosed (at 31) AuDHD dad and I have many of the same fears that his dad has/had. I am also prior service, an engineer, and it is only through several years of therapy that I've started unpeeling my childhood trauma and even learned that what I have been experiencing my entire life was not normal. I was masking without even knowing it. I resonated with Dave in his emotions and fears because on some level I have a hard time connecting with my sons. For me as an autistic, I desire authenticity. I just want people to be real and say what they mean and mean what they say. As a father, however, I recognize that my kids are just that, kids. Dave described it as happy go lucky. That's something I missed out on as a kid (adopted at 9 so you can put the pieces together) and something I try to preserve for them as a provider. I don't want to burden my kids with my emotions, but I want them to recognize that it is okay to have their own and talk through them with me. The thing that helped me communicate is actually teaching my kids to communicate because I have done a ton of research to grow in my own understanding. It was definitely not something that comes natural, but if you put in the work it is possible.
@@chrischickering1959 I feel that... Though my Dad doesn't send me patronizing texts, it's just so hard to have a genuine conversation with him where we can both express what we're feeling and if it ever goes that way he pushes back and the convo goes into some useless small talk. It is really hard to get through the 'tough guy' image he has but I don't blame him for it
My Dad even had the same response when I spoke with him about it of "Well you never asked either", made me flinch a little to hear it here. Fair point, but maybe Dr. K could have helped him understand how scary it is for a child to question their non-emotional, distant and composed parent on issues where you feel they like to keep private. I only noticed in my mid twenties that the conclusion I have drawn from that experience was sorta a general "we don't ask question ppl on their backstories" as I never did it even with my friends
I've just recently dropped all contact with my father. It's really hard for both of us, cause he does shit and probably regrets it while no one's watching. But he won't admit it, so he'll never change. For the last two years there's been a couple of good moments (like everyone was smiling, joking and the overall atmosphere wasn't tense), however, there also were moments when I was scared that he'll beat me up. I don't know if I hate him or feel compassionate. He tries to reconnect like none of this fucked up violence didn't happen and he's a good guy now.
Hearing the Dad's story about lost time really help me realize something. You can do everything right in your life but things could still go wrong and you may not know why
What an absolute rollercoaster of emotions. Me going from siding with one and judging the other, doing a 180, just to realize how my own perception chaped the story before seeing the full picture. At the end i am sitting here having to face things about myself I wasn't expecting at all and being surprisingling okay with that. Guess I got hit by that AOE heal pretty hard and I am really greatful for that! My upmost respect for everyone involved! Thank you very much for this!
I’m not going to watch this because for once I actually watched live on twitch (and the vod for the minutes I missed). I wanted to say how much I appreciated this “interview”, it felt like a return to form in some ways, and these streams with non-streamers seem to consistently have the most impact/relevance to me. Thank you all
Niko Bates talking to “”””regular”””” people, I feel, uncovers more of the core issues that effect a lot of the community. For example familial issues, lack of motivation, financial instability, disfunctionality, hopelessness etc.
Yeah I was getting tired of streamers too. Sure, I know they’re people but they all have the same issues I would expect from hermits talking to screens lol.
@@ToriKo_ I understand what you feel about that but I think its a necessary "evil" (for lack of better term, it's not evil) in order to increase exposure. You could argue its for the sake of income or whatever, but in the end this work is very important and impactful. By talking to streamers he increases his chances by more than tenfold of reaching someone in the audience who really needs the help. I think if you look at those streams in a lot more general sense you'll find there's a lot of takeaways for yourself as well, you just need to apply the principles and scenarios to other things as he often talks about very encompassing subjects or solutions. They're rarely hyper specific.
I will say as somebody with autism, this made me want to go hug my brother and apologize for everything he's had to put up with. When Zac talked about just trying to eat while his brother and dad were exploding next to him, it hit a little close to home.
I never had a real connection with my father in terms of communication and I always categorized him in a certain way that to me it was impossible to talk to him regarding many things, and I kept blaming him for mistakes he did in the past and growing resentment. When he got cancer i was still holding my pride and never talked and apologized, and when he died my whole world came crushing down. Blessed those who still have their parents, I hope you guys can forgive them if theyve done anything bad to you, spend time with them, talk, go out, things like that. Appreciate your family
But he doesnt know how to sit with negative emotions and weathee the storm with him. Solutions and trying to make someone feel better arent the same as empathy. But he's learning how the negative emotions can be okay especially if you dont have to go through them alone.
that dad was a champ. he had the feelings and he extensively thought about them, he was just missing the language and the guidance on how to express it. and no blame to the son.. he had the language but he just hasnt had as much time to reflect on his feelings to deal with this new input from his dad on the spot.. i think this relationship will get better from here on out
Finally back to the roots of this channel, this was very powerful to watch and also made me realize although I know some, I dont know alot about my dads childhood/young years as well. This stream is a great example as well of how detrimental it is that our society (more like the history of mankind) have created this false assumption that men should not express emotions/feelings because it symbolizes weakness. As we can see with Dave it creates a wall, a protecting mechanism that has hindered him from connecting with his son so that when we finally dig deep for those emotions it hurts like hell. And when we finally reach down there, we find out its either too late or that like Dave says; "lost time that cannot be regained". If Zack or Dave is reading this I want to say thank you for being so brave to put yourselfs forward like this and know that because of this stream you have helped other people too.
I'd really like to see someone with autism on your stream Dr K. We're largely alienated from society, and it would be really cool to see our community represented here. The gaming community is filled with autistic people, likely a lot of them don't even know it.
When Dave brought up Zach being isolated with his gaming, I was waiting for Dr. K to connect that to Dave (and his wife's) feelings of isolation with regard to caring for Carson/an autistic child. Parents feeling disconnected from friends and family because people are not able to relate to them is a familiar feeling to a lot of us gamers. I know I can sometimes feel isolated and alone, I'm sure a lot of people can. As a life-long gamer I sometimes feel disconnected from people my age (30s). This was an interesting watch. My father was not in my life so it was fascinating to hear Dave focus so much on a specific age range when talking about the time he lost. I'm glad Zach reminded him that he's still young and there is plenty of time to reconnect. I was very close to my Mom but somewhere along the way I became isolated. I need to work on that.
dr k, i don’t comment on videos at all but i wanted to say thank you and don’t stop what you do, what you said in the beginning about people having the “same” types of issues is so true. i truly believe what you have been doing helps people and it has helped me greatly to understand some of the roots i couldn’t find.
honeestly this has been one of the most growth providing streams . thank you dr.k and thank you dave and zach its helped me to seek counsel with may dad i really want to bridge that void
I'm genuinely wishing the best for their whole family. Dave sounds like he has a great heart and somewhere along the way, or something that messed with his wiring, he never learned how to share the heart with his son. My very best to them all
Thank you Zach and Dave for opening up on stream, I hope you'll continue to learn more about each other as much as learn more about yourselves through this
I really like how Dr. K handled Zach's dad Dave. I felt initially like I wanted to push my emotional understanding on him, only to realize that he is at a different level. Developing emotions is like growing a plant. Don't expect it to produce ripe fruit after just one watering. It instead seems to take going back to it a few times to deepen one's understanding emotionally about a situation and processing it, like how a plant has a process for growth and "success", developing new branches of understanding along the way.
Pufff, what a session. This is definitely one I would love to see a progress report on. I can honestly say I cried a bunch through out the video. Always learning along the road. Thanks Dr.K !!!
The dad was such a dad. He genuinly made me crack up watching the livestream. What a sweetheart. He was so befuddled when trying to explain his emotions.
2:04:04 Dave, that was HUGE. I am 33 years old dad. My son is 2 and second son is on the way. This talk was huge for me. As a father and raised without dad it is a another lesson. Maybe not a big realisation - because I was thinking about that a lot - but hearing that from experienced man. Huge. Thank you.
This was actually great. Dave, the dad, is great, just need some adjustments and I believe it will be much better for them. The will is strong with these ones.
I resonated so much with Zack. Even though I don't have siblings with any kind of illness, almost all his answers and concerns were the same as mine,specially being underestimated by his parents about getting the solutions to certain problems
That was hell lot of an experience to be in. I'm a bit sorry about the idea that they seemed to be very much interested in continuing the process, but were cut and ended that discussion. I hope they managed to continue the communication behind the scenes. 🙏
What an amazing job of Dr K!!!! He is truly amazing to get people to open up and make them feel safe and inspired 🌷💖 Thank you once again for letting us see that in life it's never to late to connect with each other.
Autistic mother of autistic children here: DO NOT try to talk someone down mid-meltdown. This is like trying to reason with someone when they are mid panic attack. We are in peak fight/flight here and our ability to reason (i.e prefrontal cortex) is turned OFF. We’ve already escalated past the point of reasoning and just need to be safe. Having someone try to reason with us at that point is both incredibly frustrating and potentially further escalate our perception of danger. We learned this the hard way with our daughter. She was diagnosed first, then I got diagnosed in my late 30s because there is often a familial link and in my generation (and earlier), our behaviour gets categorised as having anger management issues and being a difficult child instead of having an entirely different brain set up trying to operate in an environment that doesn’t suit us. (Or in geek terms, a Mac application trying to run in Windows - we absolutely cannot function properly, we don’t even ‘speak the same language.) In case anyone else is finding it very difficult to help their neurodiverse loved ones who have meltdowns - the advice we got from our child psychologist and what we’ve also learned through experience is that you simply have to ride out the storm. Just as you wouldn’t try to steer the boat if you’re caught in the middle of a huge hurricane (coz it’s both helpless and potentially could cause more issues if your rudder snaps etc), you just need to try your best to keep all the passengers safe (this includes the Autistic person) and wait for the calm patch to do the steering. In practical terms - 1) prevention is always better than treatment, so learn the needs of the Autistic person and how you can best accommodate for that within your abilities and limits. It’s so common for Autistic people to get very dysregulated if our plans are suddenly disrupted - because we struggle with -transitions- (not coz we are unreasonable assholes). It feels like your brain is a bullet train and you’re on schedule to your next stop, but suddenly a truck drives into your path with a huge sign that says “you must stop what you’re doing and follow me now”. Even if we want to be able to do so, our expectation is at max speed and can’t be derailed suddenly without serious consequences. This could manifest as us internalising the damage (like the conductor suddenly engages the brakes but because of the speed, the friction that results causes the brakes to be completely shredded and everyone on board slams their faces into the chair in front of them). Sometimes it may be externalised and is usually seen as an angry outburst (conductor slams down on horn to tell the truck to move in order to avoid a collision). The best thing to have done is to try and plan better, so if you know something out of ordinary is coming up, give the Autistic person a heads up and just like you would with anyone else you love and respect - consider their needs and perspective and try and come to a mutual agreement on what the train timetable should be like on that day. Give the Autistic person time prior to adjust to the change of plan - and if your Autistic person also have ADHD like me and my kiddo, then you might need to give a reminder shortly prior to the event because we have working memory deficits. In other words, just as you would learn the needs of your pets or any other person and try to set everyone up for success, eg you wouldn’t plan a 10 hour drive and insist on no stops for toilet breaks… instead of trying to -fix- or -control- the Autistic person by challenging their legitimate needs (and there are tons of good videos on TH-cam as well as Autistic-affirming therapists in your area or online who can help you identify and understand what needs your loved one has vs what might be areas that you can help them work on to improve). So often I hear neurotypical folk put unrealistic and unreasonable expectations on us out of a lack of understanding of our brains and needs, then judge us for being difficult. Would you call someone with blindness as being rude for not noticing your new haircut? 2) when the situation has escalated to trigger a meltdown, focus on safety and calm. If you’ve ever been so distraught that you’re sobbing uncontrollably, or been in so much physical pain that you literally cannot notice anything else going on around you, or had a near death experience - then you may be able to imagine (or remember) what it’s like to have someone try to ‘talk you out of it’. That’s not to say that talking isn’t warranted in this entire situation - but not at that exact moment! If they are trying to hurt you, then create physical distance and/or barriers to protect yourself/someone else, if they are hurting themselves then as gently and safely as possible you should try to protect them by moving them or even creatively restraining them (not default to tying them down with rope etc, that just heightens their fear and distress, but if it’s a small child then you might be able to pick them up and hold them, if it’s someone physically bigger and you can’t do that, then you may need to remove objects they are using or can use to hurt themselves etc. Call an ambulance/local crisis mental health response team if necessary. Verbally reassure them that you are there to help and your goal is to keep everyone safe at this point. Ask them simple questions they can respond to with nodding or grunts “would you like me to stay near you right now?” “Do you want me to call your safe person/support worker/etc?” 3) Once the storm passes, and it always does, then try to talk about it in a way that seeks to understand and not to shame. “I can see how distressing the situation was for you and I want to try and help us handle it in a better way next time. Can you help me understand what lead to your feelings of distress?” “If a similar situation happens again in the future, how would you like me to approach it?”
I am crying with the dad. I missed those years with my father too and I can see how it’s affected my growth. I think I need to have a similar conversation with him
I hope he reads this, but as an older brother with aspergers, I really value his ability to talk about this with Dr. K. what was easy was treating him poorly when you were younger, what was hard was the life experience you built up to get to the point of changing that now I also find it incredibly ironic that the dad expresses inability to be understood, echoing likely what his autistic son feels as a result of how his family interacts with him. As someone who also struggles with a relationship with his dad. The father's behavior being a negative stressor for the family does not encourage his son to interact with him regularly. He is losing more time he can't get back. If the dad does not seek to change the behavior, the son can take that to mean that a relationship with his son is not of great importance to him. I agree with Dr. K that Dave should express that he does not feel this way as a way to reach out and begin to build that bond.
Dave is such an amazing dad, he and his family wasnt dealt the best cards, but he cares so deeply about his son and their relationship and seems ready to put a lot of effort into doing everything he can to grow together i really wish them the best, i think they will be ok, i see a lot of potential for their relationship and makes me really happy, dave is such a sweetheart. best of luck to them. it reminds me of my situation with my father i see him in dave he also cares a lot for me and my mother but he hasnt got the tools yet, but i see light for us too.
I gave thumbs up to some people today while I was taking a walk through the city and I have never seen more confusion in my life. Some completely did not understand me, others winked back or also gave thumbs up back! But honestly, it made me feel great and I hope that people that got a thumbs up from me became a bit happier in that moment!
@@DeuPKay why don't you try yourself and find out, I will not waste my time trying to prove myself to any one who just blatantly don't want to belive me or even give me a benefit of the doubt. Some people don't know how to react to such a sudden interaction and becomes completely confused by it, others it comes very naturally for an they react before they even understand what is happening.
Wow, this one hits me right in the feels. I can relate so much to the dynamics the father-son pair here have, for I haven't had the best relationship with my father, who doesn't much care about operating in the realm of emotions, the realm where all the beautiful stuff like vulnerability and connection and intimacy happens, and I want nothing more than to have a emotionally rich and deep relationship with him. I feel like I might have missed the boat, but the implications of that terrify me to my very core. The nuance, the nudges, the handling of emotionally raw moments, this was a treat to watch, and to use as a template.
Amazing stream. Despite having grown up without a father myself, I've had a lot to take away and digest from this. Dave is an incredible man and I hope the best for the whole family.
"But that's for us, that's not for them"; Dr. K., the respect that I hold for you after hearing that statement is immeasurable. The world needs more people like you. Genuinely.
I know nothing about my dad's childhood. His mom died when he was 12 and his dad was very isolated and ambitious, so I think a lot of his issues stem from there.
That's a very hard thing for the father to come on and talk and I'd like to praise that. I hope others like him in similar positions or in general find this video.
This is so beautiful. Thanks to everyone involved for creating g this, especially Dave and Zach for being so open and allowing the internet witness their inner lives and conflicts.
Honestly I can feel that anxiety in me building up just with Dave talking at the beginning. Thank you for humanizing Dave, and the figure he works hard to be.
a very very smart guy who just doesnt know enough about himself or introspection (through no fault of his own) and has ended up causing trauma for everyone involved. i love these videos man and every single one i watch gives me new insight i didnt have previously
I am really amazed by Dave. The way he expressed himself (while talking directly to Zach) was something I didn't expect, taking into consideration his comments about not being very good communicator and expressing himself was not his forte. He could have said "Parenting is hard", yet he chose to say "Being a parent is a really tough balancing act..." I felt bad for Dave being vulnerable and emotional, and Zach laughing at it (at 2:05:20). 😐
@mimiteas Yeah, I felt that same way. As an autistic that has learned how to express those emotions, I kept seeing the future downfall of Dave's feelings of vulnerability (the word he was describing without saying directly) and the fear he had of "being burned" coming to fruition. I think the important thing to recognize is that Zach has alot of those same tendencies. It's very interesting because Dave doesn't know the key words and tricky phrases, but he knows how to feel it. Zach knows more about how to describe it, but doesn't necessarily know how to feel it. "How are you feeling right now?" "Ï feel fine" What Zach was talking about was very raw and he was showing very little emotion. This tells me that he knows the words and has a better understanding, but doesn't know how to feel. That feeling is learned behavior that he didn't get taught. I didn't see someone laughing because what was happening was funny. I saw someone laughing because they were nervous/anxious in the presence of something they never expected and humor is his coping mechanism. Almost like an alarm is going off in his head because the conversation is taking a turn that makes him feel vulnerable. Dave seems like he wants to fix it and he going to learn those words and phrases he needs to communicate now that he recognizes the depth of his emotional naivety. I hope they can continue the growth as father/son because they complete each other in a way..
Laughter is how some people cope with extreme distress. I do this. When in the middle of an incredibly emotional and important conversation with my partner about a conflict, I get this overwhelming urge to laugh and have to literally bite my tongue or inside of my cheeks to suppress it. Sometimes it ends up with me smirking, but I didn’t think it was funny, it’s an involuntary reaction. Just our bodies trying to release excess nervous energy in some way.
Dave honestly gives us a rollercoaster here. At first I thought I really wouldn't like his stance, but at the end I fully understand him, and it's just amazing and beautiful.
I really hope Zack goes back and watches this again when he's ready... the emotion Dave had when telling Dr. K about lost time is something Zack really needs to hear and process. I know because I need to hear the same thing from my dad, but this video helped me understand why he doesn't just say it.... Dave is waiting to be asked and Zack is afraid to ask... same dynamic as my family. Even then there is always the barrier of interpretation; since they have preconceived ideas about each other from years of living together, it may be hard to really understand when the other person says they feel differently. I think once they can open up to each other and emotionally listen to each other, then they can have a more effective conversation about how to relate with Carson.
Wow, that was an incredible example of family therapy. I have to say, what an amazing family!! So impressed. It really helped me understand my dad a little better. We also have no emotional connection and never have, and it hurts me. I’m a 28 year old woman who’s not into gaming at all but loves psychology (and has needed it to survive). Thanks :)
Huge props to the father, I wish mine could be like him. My family thinks mental health issues are a joke and not a real thing. These guys could use a support group with others that have autistic family members.
I had the same problem with my dad, seriously its almost like we're living the same life. i had to move out otherwise i wouldn't have been able to take it any longer. big props to this guy, people don't realize how traumatizing that is
Im barely 6 minutes in and this is looking less like a casual video to watch and more and more like "what would you say to your teenage self?" This kid is living my childhood and i just want to give him a hug
I feel like my dad's cut from the same cloth. I cried hearing him open up, I've never seen a side beyond those guards with my own father. Incredibly helpful, this gives me a little hope again on that
2:14:25 I agree so much with this. My dad complaints about me gaming 24/7 and just says it's the same addiction as he had when he was an alcoholic. Whenever I say something that he doesn't agree with, he starts to call me stupid and shifts the blame that it's because of gaming. I literally don't know how to talk to him about it, since he doesn't understand games other than angry birds or popping bubbles on a phone. I'm also 22 years old, and another complaint that I get is "that I should grow up from gaming since it's for 10 year old kids". I've tried argueing that it's not about the age, but he just doesn't seem to want to listen and wants to feel that he is currently right. Honestly, don't really know what to say or do about it, other than ignore him on this topic.
How about us understanding that is it a tragedy for our parents to see us gaming for hours and hours escaping our feelings and even conversations. By now i finally understand why my dad was complaining about me spending so much time in front of the PC and playing games. I suppose many parents are understanding way more about what gaming is doing to us than we realize. Im obviously not saying games are inherently bad or everyone becomes addicted but spending excessive amounts of the day playing - wether you are 10 or 22 - is not beneficial to your development in many ways.
@@teiuq While I agree with you that it is not beneficial and doesn't help us that much, I still don't like how someone can just critique something like gaming, call it bad, and don't say an argument why it's bad. It doesn't matter if I just open up a game or been playing for few hours already, the argument is still the same "turn off the game, it's not good for you". It feels like the problem isin't even about how long you play the game, but playing in general is what makes you stupid. But hey, watching TV from 5 when you come back from work to 10 till you go to sleep is totally alright and not an addiction. Just understanding that gaming is not all healthy doesn't entitle you to make claims of what I should do with my life. The arguments I hear are usually "gaming is stupid, you should just stop" or "go socialize with people, there's a lot of them outside your age". To me it sounds equivelent of telling a smoker to "just stop smoking it's stupid dude" or "just stop stressing and you won't need to smoke bro, easy". My point is, if you don't take the issue of gaming seriously, then you can't expect me to take your advice seriously.
I was looking forward to watching this one, this was the most emotion-invoking session for me. I loved seeing from both of their perspectives. I think it is all too common for parents to not share their feelings with their children and seeing them open up to each other brought a tear to my eye. I'd love to see more 2-party sessions like this. Love ya, Dr. K :D
for msot of my life me and my dad had a terrible relationship, growing up he would do nothing but yell at me most of the time while at home, when we werent at home it was different and we usually had a good relationship so it was really weird. once i turned 18 i moved out to my aunts because i couldnt take the home life anymore. i started suffering from mental problems from an early age and he had no idea how to deal with it and pretty much ignored it even after almost being submitted to a mental hospital but convinced them i was ok and im not a threat to my self because i was so scared of going to one. there is so much and it took a lot and me and my dad are finally on good terms and he has a better understanding of the issues i face every day.
Interesting to see the entire family perspective on this issue. My older brother has persistent paranoia/delusions (I suspect he has undiagnosed schizophrenia based on his behavior and symptoms) and it's extremely difficult to live with, especially as I'm the target for his persecutory delusions. His condition negatively impacts our family, specifically him, myself, and my mother. We're trying to get him treatment but he doesn't think anything's wrong. It's so hard.
Just an amazing interview, probably the best out of all your work up until now. So much to learn from this and how we communicate to each other. Dr K you are a BEAST. Keep up the good work !
1. Way to go Dave for agreeing to this and for facing that fear he had. 2. Dr. K as one hell of a poker face and I would hate to play cards against him. 3. This sounds like a super hard situation. I have a nephew who is high functioning autistic and when his routine gets broken he gets angry. He has learned to overcome that. And I hope this family can learn to overcome it. ❤
That was an amazing conversation, you've surely helped Zack and Dave open many doors Dr. K. Thank you so much for sharing this conversation with us; it's given me many ideas of how I can begin to open dialogue with my own parents as well. I don't know if that will even be possible--it'll surely be hard, but seeing this was very important. Once again, Thank you.
I'm 38 now, and it took until my late 20s for my dad to come around to the point where we could talk as equals. I've been a late bloomer in everything, my younger brother's been ahead of me, and video games definitely did get in the way of some things before and after college. So my dad always saw them as an obstacle, keeping me from being happy. He told me once that he wished my computer would just break, and the way he said it, I could tell it was because he wanted more for me. Mid 20s, I started doing speedrunning and went to SGDQ four years in a row, and my dad drove me to the airport to go to one of those, and in the car said, "so, do you think you'll ever stop playing video games?" I just had to turn my head and laugh. But now, in my mid 30s I moved abroad, started a great new career, and he can see I'm happy and have moved forward, so he's much less worried about the games. In fact, as I'm now developing a game of my own, he's very excited to see how it turns out, and we talk all the time about my challenges developing it - he was a filmmaking student, so a lot of the disciplines are similar. I've had to create my own sound effects, and he can easily see how that's similar to foley work. I think parents largely consider games an obstacle to their kids' happiness. This is something the kids need to understand, as it means the parents genuinely care about them, but it's also something the parents need to see as an excess rather than a disease. Parents should be teaching moderation rather than abstinence from games; games aren't going anywhere, and if a kid is socializing and pursuing interests, it's fine if he spends some hours playing games - in fact, many parents spend evenings watching TV shows, and it's important to see the similarity in pastimes there. I certainly haven't stopped playing games, I just figured out on my own how to make room for other stuff.
the dad acted like Carson got in the way of Zack getting his emotional needs met I mean Carson is a handful I'm sure but I feel like they let him be the person that takes the fall for why the family has division
I gotta say, huge props to the dad for being willing to open up. It does seem like a whole new world to him.
He did really well. My dad was of the generation where men didn't talk about feelings. He'd only open up when he was blackout drunk and God damn was it sad to watch. A lifetime of suppression pouring out of of a tortured soul was like watching the hoover dam collapse. Dave is a cerebral and introspective guy and an old dog who can still learn life's new tricks. I loved this session.
Excellent use of time. Thank you for this, this one is special. I want more focus on males as a male and this is just great. As someone with experience and knowledge in this area, please appreciate yourself for having done this because it absolutely goes above and beyond what most humans are capable of doing.
Helping families, in my opinion, helps more positive outcomes in the individual, family and as an complex extension, society. I am a big fan of Jordan Peterson - not as someone from the alt-right or int. dark web, but as someone who came across him in my search for a character that posses such individual talent and life experience, like a clinical psychologist of the prestige of Dr Peterson; and listen to him/her to help understand what we can do within out limitations as human beings, personally, species wide, in my own family and to help others (a possible future clinician, you can see my name I keep trying to get into computing but I've learned far more in the scope of psychology, philosophy and politics in the past 10 years than my course of study - which as my name also states, I can't stick it and its due to emotional problems limiting my potential in the field of academia and take my place in society as a responsible adult).
Your series of videos, while some are dealing with issues I'm less considering specialising in, that have content like this are extremely timely and valuable to individuals, families, relationships and society, and by an extension of that the future possibilities for morally valued goals like reducing poverty worldwide and economic disaster planning, the role of technological complexity in accelerating parabolically and use of statistics to plan our future more than the balance has shifted over to ideologies and modern social culture exploding through social media that could have insanely positive results and devastating tragedy, which is why we should plan for both and decide which one is better to focus on at the time based on the fields of evolutionary psychology, biological determinists, statisticians balanced with efficient accuracy and careful consideration with what social goals we are currently involved in presently that could also have immensely powerful effects on everyone, but also horrible disasters.
Thanks for this one Dr K.
@Donald Trump thanks for the reply. I used all sorts of paragraphs and editing that didn't work not sure why but I'll try fixing it. There are 3/4 sentences per paragraph which is about right. The second and last paragraph is not up to standard.
Following your own advise you may say "Please re-edit your comment so its easier to read and understand."
You are a condescending passive-aggressive wank. Shove it.
the ability to communicate complex thinking processes and emotions is something I'm trying to work on. I apologise for cursing but I won't delete it, for reasons.
4_times_college_dropout _trying_to_be_a_Programmer gotta say, you are coming across as a condescending overtly-aggressive wank.
People will literally stop listening to me because I take too long to say something. Using shorter sentences to get your point across is actually a fantastic communication skill, and you should definitely try to achieve this. It’s something I’ve been working on for years
"Are ya winning, son?"
- "No, dad! I'm talking to a mental health professional."
He is winning then!
@@TheMrThe123 well said
win
“Are ya winning, dad?”
“No, son I’m talking to a mental health professional”
@@blisschris1229 also a win :)
It was fascinating seeing the dad come on and begin explaining his family situation as if he was doing a military briefing
I agree. But I do want to emphasize that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.
Reminds me of my dad
They care it's just shown in a less emotive way
@@thatdudeghosty6817I like to think of it as they feel a different thing when experiencing love like a duty to them kinda. So "imma make sure everything is always in line so nobody can be in a bad place" usually leads to missing stuff but who can catch 100%
Would you prefer he be an emotional mess?
I do the same when mentioning about family members being sick. It's generally bad to emotion bomb someone you're not familiar with.
Dave,
You made me realize that i created a false image of my dad and helped me begin the process of tearing that image down to start a conversation with him.
It's probably normal, but growing up its easy to just categorize your parents in a certain way and if no communication occurs, then it just solidifies over time. You start to think your parents are some otherworldly beings and that it's impossible to even communicate with them. But, in reality, they are people too with problems and are continually changing as well, and knowing that fact makes me feel a lot more comfortable opening that type of communication up with my dad, and it gives me hope.
When you said someone needs to break the ice first really resonated with me and empowers me to start. Thank you Dave for demystifying the 'father' figure.
Thank you Dr. K and Zach for allowing this to happen.
Good luck 🙏
"Thank you Dave for demystifying the 'father' figure" I totally agree with that sentence, that's the main thing I take from this video.
@@BrownOpsLeak Just an update: had a 5 hour long conversation with my dad talking about emotions and problems for the first time in over 20 years. I can't even explain how it feels for me to let that out, and i'm sure for my dad as well. We never hug EVER and we hugged for like a good 2-3 minutes.
This is one HUGE step in the journey to recovery.
I just want to thank this channel and Dr.K and Dave and Zach once again! Thank you!
Faizan Aslam I’m so happy for you! Just keep in mind there will be moments where you feel like your dad may be going back to his old habits. Don’t give up and keep thinking rationally and not succumbing to the idea that your dad is some “fake figure”. Having a father as a father but also as a friend is one of the best relationships you can have.
Faizan Aslam Hey man, reading this comment got me close to tears. Keep up the walk towards healing
I found it interesting that both Zack and Dave were under the impression that the other person was not really able to deal with Carson, or place oneself in Carson's shoes. Zack thinks by treating Carson as a normal person and becoming a friend of Carson's he managed to develop a better relationship with him, and that his parents missed the mark by only imposing rules and structure. On the other hand Dave thought that Zack did not really know how the current situation is with Carson due to Zack being away to college, and should try to become more friends with Carson in order to understand him better.
I think both of them said this in good faith; it is so interesting how people's views on the same social dynamics can be so subjective.
Also, even though Dave might be a bit sturdy (remembers me of my own dad), he loves his son very very much...
That was my take away on this. seems like the entire conversation was going to build up that that topic. and then the session was over and this was never resolved... i mean hopefully Dr K has opened the lined of conversation between the dad and son and then they can talk about it together.
Well put. It goes to show we do not really know anyone, we just have these images of them in our mind that are often more wrong then right
This one hit me hard. Dad wasn’t around growing up. Listened to it on Spotify and had to come watch the video for the emotions. I do want to note that it’s sad that dave can’t say the words “I’m sorry” or “I feel bad that” because he lacks that emotional vocabulary. He would rather describe it in circles. And I think a point about carson that could’ve been made by the end was that the better their relationship gets, I think they’ll all work better to take care of and understand the brother.
haven't started yet, but i gotta say what great parents to cooperate with such a thing. i wish mine were as open minded
Agreed. But its way to late for me. My life already shaped itself and you only get one lol
@@CycleOfJudges Too late to rely on your parents for change, but never too late to break your own patterns. The patterns implemented in your brain from interacting with your parents, that is. Watching the streams has actually made me realize how terrible my family dynamic was. Trying to undo some of the damage as well.
Same.
Maybe they are. Maybe you've just never asked them.
@@UndeadFleshgod i have been actively trying to get them into counseling or therapy of some sort for over a decade now
All the love to big name streamers... but thank you, Dr. K, for looping back in "normal gamers" and their lives. Even if you don't have a family situation similar to this, it's very valuable and relatable. And much love to this family to being willing to be so open on the internet.
Saw this live. Dave is a champ. Real MVP.
100%! He was clearly very sceptical and uncomfortable, but he ended up really opening up to his son and starting to bond again. Not to mention that he apparently ROCKS managing a huge challenge without giving himself enough credit.
its so sad seeing how much dad regrets not building a close connection with his son. He is so scared that he is not a good dad that he has a hard time showing weakness, which only makes him be mpre controlling and angry which in turn scares away his son.
He loves you so much, but has such a hard time not being able to be vulnerable and closd with you. That's why he wishes he could've spend more time with you, so he can build a relationship.
Spot on.
My dad in a nutshell 😂
Kind of like my dad too and my brother has schizophrenia
This may be a perspective I had not realized in my own life with my mom. I'll definitely think about this
This was powerful. I think a lot of us saw our own fathers in Dave, so to hear him open up was an experience many have never gotten from their own father. I assume Zack will watch the VOD and be able to see the powerful moment between Dr. K and Dave that ended up being challenging for Dave to recreate when face-to-face with his son.
This caught me off-guard. I was expecting Zack to be the one that understands everything better, but it turns out Dave was the one being more open to showing emotions and understanding each other.
Young people (like me) tend to be a little arrogant and overestimate what we can do compared to older people. The older you are the higher the skill ceiling is. So to a 20 something what they think is impressive is what a 45 year old laughs fondly about while remembering.
@@danielcox7629I guess
@danielcox7629 that's not fair to the young person tho, imagine being proud of something and then someone else says it's nothing and laughs, all that shows is a sign of insecurity from them
@@danielcox7629 I think this is a little inaccurate way of looking at things, or one that may be problematic in certain situations. Some people do not achieve much in the vast majority of their life so when they start working on it, the beginner stuff is also impressive.
I guess it is impressive but older people had way more opportunity to work on stuff so the bar for living up to their potential is just higher.
I totally agree that the father put forward much more effort and the son just responded with laughs and “I don’t remember”
praise this man's existence , i honestly feel like youtube dramas should sort out their problems by talking to this guy instead of posting 40 minute expose videos trying to end someone else's career
Haha no views for that
But then they make none of that sweet ad revenue.
@@shinyhydreigon7257 I thini Dr.K does not monetize anything from this channel. This video doesn't have any ads.
@@ramonce_yt rofl
@Jeff B these videos are not for educational purposes only.
Amazing, amazing stream. Listening to dad's perspective made me emotional. Reminded me that life isn't just black & white, good guy or bad guy. And that every person has a story to tell.
It's funny that you're saying that when your pfp is monochromatic lol
loving hearing both sides.
@@chemmaz Monochromatic images have grey.
Dr K cant hold back tears when it comes to dad issues ;-;
I listened to this audio only so I could not tell he was getting emotional as well. Where was he tearing up?
@@megalordcartman 1:33:00 somewhere around there
I got emotional as well because the dad at that moment couldn´t get around his emotion anymore. It was beautiful to me. I think the dad is an amazing guy. Someone who wants to be the best but his defense mechanism gives him a hard time.
True! From what I've seen though he seems to tear up just by the way he is in resonance with his discussion partners so much, it can happen with any topic really
This is priceless. Watching a tough dad dare to open up like that and confront his feelings was immense. Little bit disapointed about how Zach reacted to his dad's regrets, they took a lot of effort to surface like that. I hope they can build a true father-son relationship in the future. It resonates so much with me, thank you Dr. K for creating this space, it is truly invaluable.
Zak just needs a moment to process - those emotions had been in dad for long time - Zak was just experiencing them for the first time.
He wasn't looking at him, so he didn't see how his dad was reacting. His dad shows a lot of telling microexpressions so Zach needed to pay more attention. I cringed aswell when the son was like "eh I don't know...", god he's worse at communicating than the dad.
@@JLydecka On one hand I felt like it was borderline disrespectful, but on the other hand, when my dad told me the same thing right before I went to a youth clinic to deal with my issues. That he regrets and wishes he had been more assertive in trying to reconnect after my parents divorced was pretty emotional to me. I had sort of just accepted that he probably doesn't really care anymore. And I myself feel basically disgusted at myself for making the decision not to go to my dad's house anymore because I didn't like the rules there. Such a valuable relationship damaged over not liking his rules...
@@JLydecka
Yeah, it is annoying to watch. Then again, he learned it from his father. He's young so he might think he's better than his dad and knows more than him about emotions, but the structure built by his dad and family life shows in these moments, where he's exactly like his father.
It is sad, but I understand where he's coming from. Zach said earlier that he's not even sure if he wants to create a relationship with his father. I think his main goal of the session was to create peace in the house, not know his father.
Having a grandfather who was *very* similar to the dad, I get that feeling that it's too late. I don't know him, he doesn't know me, and what he did over the years has pushed me so far away that by the time he opened up and said he wanted to get closer to us, I had no interest. I'm glad he's doing better for himself, but I'm happier with him growing without me. I'm getting similar vibes from Zack.
Oh my gosh this one got me. When dad turns to his son and talks about what he imagined his family to look like. The tears are flowing 😭
Yep, year later and im bawling my head off
Hearing Zack describe his dad I was half expecting someone to question if Dave was just undiagnosed with some level of autism as well. But Dave allowed himself to feel and be educated in understanding his own feelings, it all came down to something that many many of us struggle with is EQ and specifically emotional vocabulary and understanding that there's no shame in feeling an emotion.
I was half expecting that too. And I think it can be both. Like an EQ thing and undiagnosed autism
Im autistic. We can have emotions and being emotionally intelligent too.
@HelicopterShark
I'm glad that someone else felt this. I am a diagnosed (at 31) AuDHD dad and I have many of the same fears that his dad has/had. I am also prior service, an engineer, and it is only through several years of therapy that I've started unpeeling my childhood trauma and even learned that what I have been experiencing my entire life was not normal. I was masking without even knowing it. I resonated with Dave in his emotions and fears because on some level I have a hard time connecting with my sons. For me as an autistic, I desire authenticity. I just want people to be real and say what they mean and mean what they say. As a father, however, I recognize that my kids are just that, kids.
Dave described it as happy go lucky. That's something I missed out on as a kid (adopted at 9 so you can put the pieces together) and something I try to preserve for them as a provider. I don't want to burden my kids with my emotions, but I want them to recognize that it is okay to have their own and talk through them with me. The thing that helped me communicate is actually teaching my kids to communicate because I have done a ton of research to grow in my own understanding. It was definitely not something that comes natural, but if you put in the work it is possible.
I think he feels the emotions and understands them as well just doesn’t feel like he should share them
Damn, the part with being close with my Mom and distant with my Dad is sooo relatable. I know nothing about him even though I'm 21
Yeah I'm in the same boat as you. I've also lost interest in trying to get to know my dad as we've become so distant.
My dad will send formal robotic patronizing texts and to him that's doing a great job parenting in his mind smh
@@chrischickering1959 I feel that... Though my Dad doesn't send me patronizing texts, it's just so hard to have a genuine conversation with him where we can both express what we're feeling and if it ever goes that way he pushes back and the convo goes into some useless small talk. It is really hard to get through the 'tough guy' image he has but I don't blame him for it
My Dad even had the same response when I spoke with him about it of "Well you never asked either", made me flinch a little to hear it here. Fair point, but maybe Dr. K could have helped him understand how scary it is for a child to question their non-emotional, distant and composed parent on issues where you feel they like to keep private. I only noticed in my mid twenties that the conclusion I have drawn from that experience was sorta a general "we don't ask question ppl on their backstories" as I never did it even with my friends
I've just recently dropped all contact with my father.
It's really hard for both of us, cause he does shit and probably regrets it while no one's watching. But he won't admit it, so he'll never change.
For the last two years there's been a couple of good moments (like everyone was smiling, joking and the overall atmosphere wasn't tense), however, there also were moments when I was scared that he'll beat me up.
I don't know if I hate him or feel compassionate. He tries to reconnect like none of this fucked up violence didn't happen and he's a good guy now.
Hearing the Dad's story about lost time really help me realize something. You can do everything right in your life but things could still go wrong and you may not know why
I got emotional when the father was describing what his family did for their son. Huge props to them for defying the odds.
Same, man..
What an absolute rollercoaster of emotions.
Me going from siding with one and judging the other, doing a 180, just to realize how my own perception chaped the story before seeing the full picture.
At the end i am sitting here having to face things about myself I wasn't expecting at all and being surprisingling okay with that.
Guess I got hit by that AOE heal pretty hard and I am really greatful for that!
My upmost respect for everyone involved!
Thank you very much for this!
This is so great
I’m not going to watch this because for once I actually watched live on twitch (and the vod for the minutes I missed). I wanted to say how much I appreciated this “interview”, it felt like a return to form in some ways, and these streams with non-streamers seem to consistently have the most impact/relevance to me. Thank you all
Tori Ko What do you mean by “return to form”? Has he been too much of a “doctor of the [twitch] stars” as of late?
Niko Bates talking to “”””regular”””” people, I feel, uncovers more of the core issues that effect a lot of the community. For example familial issues, lack of motivation, financial instability, disfunctionality, hopelessness etc.
Yeah I was getting tired of streamers too. Sure, I know they’re people but they all have the same issues I would expect from hermits talking to screens lol.
@@ToriKo_ I understand what you feel about that but I think its a necessary "evil" (for lack of better term, it's not evil) in order to increase exposure. You could argue its for the sake of income or whatever, but in the end this work is very important and impactful. By talking to streamers he increases his chances by more than tenfold of reaching someone in the audience who really needs the help.
I think if you look at those streams in a lot more general sense you'll find there's a lot of takeaways for yourself as well, you just need to apply the principles and scenarios to other things as he often talks about very encompassing subjects or solutions. They're rarely hyper specific.
I will say as somebody with autism, this made me want to go hug my brother and apologize for everything he's had to put up with. When Zac talked about just trying to eat while his brother and dad were exploding next to him, it hit a little close to home.
I never had a real connection with my father in terms of communication and I always categorized him in a certain way that to me it was impossible to talk to him regarding many things, and I kept blaming him for mistakes he did in the past and growing resentment. When he got cancer i was still holding my pride and never talked and apologized, and when he died my whole world came crushing down. Blessed those who still have their parents, I hope you guys can forgive them if theyve done anything bad to you, spend time with them, talk, go out, things like that. Appreciate your family
Easily top 3 streams you've done so far by the way, I saw this live and felt the need to comment here when I saw it on the homepage.
Same here man, watched live but still wanted to leave my appreciation here
Top 1 for me
My heart goes out to this family. Dave is the true MVP, all I see is a dad who loves his sons with all his heart
But he doesnt know how to sit with negative emotions and weathee the storm with him. Solutions and trying to make someone feel better arent the same as empathy. But he's learning how the negative emotions can be okay especially if you dont have to go through them alone.
that dad was a champ. he had the feelings and he extensively thought about them, he was just missing the language and the guidance on how to express it. and no blame to the son.. he had the language but he just hasnt had as much time to reflect on his feelings to deal with this new input from his dad on the spot.. i think this relationship will get better from here on out
59:30 Gave me chills. No matter what, the seed has been planted and accepted, he will change as he gets older.
These parents are so supportive I love it
Finally back to the roots of this channel, this was very powerful to watch and also made me realize although I know some, I dont know alot about my dads childhood/young years as well. This stream is a great example as well of how detrimental it is that our society (more like the history of mankind) have created this false assumption that men should not express emotions/feelings because it symbolizes weakness. As we can see with Dave it creates a wall, a protecting mechanism that has hindered him from connecting with his son so that when we finally dig deep for those emotions it hurts like hell. And when we finally reach down there, we find out its either too late or that like Dave says; "lost time that cannot be regained".
If Zack or Dave is reading this I want to say thank you for being so brave to put yourselfs forward like this and know that because of this stream you have helped other people too.
I'd really like to see someone with autism on your stream Dr K. We're largely alienated from society, and it would be really cool to see our community represented here. The gaming community is filled with autistic people, likely a lot of them don't even know it.
I hope it can happen one day too
I don't want to be disrespectful or mean, but when you said that many gamers are likely to not know they're autistic I couldn't help but laugh.
@@iSeeSoundsShow I understand, and I'm not offended. I didn't even realize howthat could sound lmao
@@TheSandurz20 I do my part of enlightening many gamers to their obvious disability, helping their lack of self-awarness
@@kubba007 that's not funny, please don't do that
When Dave brought up Zach being isolated with his gaming, I was waiting for Dr. K to connect that to Dave (and his wife's) feelings of isolation with regard to caring for Carson/an autistic child. Parents feeling disconnected from friends and family because people are not able to relate to them is a familiar feeling to a lot of us gamers. I know I can sometimes feel isolated and alone, I'm sure a lot of people can. As a life-long gamer I sometimes feel disconnected from people my age (30s).
This was an interesting watch. My father was not in my life so it was fascinating to hear Dave focus so much on a specific age range when talking about the time he lost. I'm glad Zach reminded him that he's still young and there is plenty of time to reconnect. I was very close to my Mom but somewhere along the way I became isolated. I need to work on that.
Dave: "and, it hurts"
My heart: damn
Time stamp plz
dr k, i don’t comment on videos at all but i wanted to say thank you and don’t stop what you do, what you said in the beginning about people having the “same” types of issues is so true. i truly believe what you have been doing helps people and it has helped me greatly to understand some of the roots i couldn’t find.
I appreciate you commenting
This AOE healing is scaling really well. I would go as far to say its straight OP! Love you Dr. K!
honeestly this has been one of the most growth providing streams . thank you dr.k and thank you dave and zach its helped me to seek counsel with may dad i really want to bridge that void
Y'all eat brisket?
This made me LOL so random!!
sometime
I read this comment just before that part and I still LOL'd so hard
I'm genuinely wishing the best for their whole family. Dave sounds like he has a great heart and somewhere along the way, or something that messed with his wiring, he never learned how to share the heart with his son. My very best to them all
Thank you Zach and Dave for opening up on stream, I hope you'll continue to learn more about each other as much as learn more about yourselves through this
I really like how Dr. K handled Zach's dad Dave. I felt initially like I wanted to push my emotional understanding on him, only to realize that he is at a different level.
Developing emotions is like growing a plant. Don't expect it to produce ripe fruit after just one watering. It instead seems to take going back to it a few times to deepen one's understanding emotionally about a situation and processing it, like how a plant has a process for growth and "success", developing new branches of understanding along the way.
You can really tell how structured the Dad is. The way he talks is facts and timelines. Cool to see.
Pufff, what a session. This is definitely one I would love to see a progress report on. I can honestly say I cried a bunch through out the video. Always learning along the road. Thanks Dr.K !!!
The dad was such a dad. He genuinly made me crack up watching the livestream. What a sweetheart. He was so befuddled when trying to explain his emotions.
2:04:04 Dave, that was HUGE. I am 33 years old dad. My son is 2 and second son is on the way. This talk was huge for me. As a father and raised without dad it is a another lesson. Maybe not a big realisation - because I was thinking about that a lot - but hearing that from experienced man. Huge. Thank you.
This was actually great. Dave, the dad, is great, just need some adjustments and I believe it will be much better for them. The will is strong with these ones.
Can't be overstated how big of a step Dad did that day. Nicely done
I resonated so much with Zack. Even though I don't have siblings with any kind of illness, almost all his answers and concerns were the same as mine,specially being underestimated by his parents about getting the solutions to certain problems
That was hell lot of an experience to be in. I'm a bit sorry about the idea that they seemed to be very much interested in continuing the process, but were cut and ended that discussion. I hope they managed to continue the communication behind the scenes. 🙏
What an amazing job of Dr K!!!!
He is truly amazing to get people to open up and make them feel safe and inspired 🌷💖
Thank you once again for letting us see that in life it's never to late to connect with each other.
Bro Dave tried so hard 😭😭😭😭
Autistic mother of autistic children here: DO NOT try to talk someone down mid-meltdown. This is like trying to reason with someone when they are mid panic attack. We are in peak fight/flight here and our ability to reason (i.e prefrontal cortex) is turned OFF. We’ve already escalated past the point of reasoning and just need to be safe. Having someone try to reason with us at that point is both incredibly frustrating and potentially further escalate our perception of danger. We learned this the hard way with our daughter. She was diagnosed first, then I got diagnosed in my late 30s because there is often a familial link and in my generation (and earlier), our behaviour gets categorised as having anger management issues and being a difficult child instead of having an entirely different brain set up trying to operate in an environment that doesn’t suit us. (Or in geek terms, a Mac application trying to run in Windows - we absolutely cannot function properly, we don’t even ‘speak the same language.)
In case anyone else is finding it very difficult to help their neurodiverse loved ones who have meltdowns - the advice we got from our child psychologist and what we’ve also learned through experience is that you simply have to ride out the storm. Just as you wouldn’t try to steer the boat if you’re caught in the middle of a huge hurricane (coz it’s both helpless and potentially could cause more issues if your rudder snaps etc), you just need to try your best to keep all the passengers safe (this includes the Autistic person) and wait for the calm patch to do the steering. In practical terms - 1) prevention is always better than treatment, so learn the needs of the Autistic person and how you can best accommodate for that within your abilities and limits. It’s so common for Autistic people to get very dysregulated if our plans are suddenly disrupted - because we struggle with -transitions- (not coz we are unreasonable assholes). It feels like your brain is a bullet train and you’re on schedule to your next stop, but suddenly a truck drives into your path with a huge sign that says “you must stop what you’re doing and follow me now”. Even if we want to be able to do so, our expectation is at max speed and can’t be derailed suddenly without serious consequences. This could manifest as us internalising the damage (like the conductor suddenly engages the brakes but because of the speed, the friction that results causes the brakes to be completely shredded and everyone on board slams their faces into the chair in front of them). Sometimes it may be externalised and is usually seen as an angry outburst (conductor slams down on horn to tell the truck to move in order to avoid a collision). The best thing to have done is to try and plan better, so if you know something out of ordinary is coming up, give the Autistic person a heads up and just like you would with anyone else you love and respect - consider their needs and perspective and try and come to a mutual agreement on what the train timetable should be like on that day. Give the Autistic person time prior to adjust to the change of plan - and if your Autistic person also have ADHD like me and my kiddo, then you might need to give a reminder shortly prior to the event because we have working memory deficits.
In other words, just as you would learn the needs of your pets or any other person and try to set everyone up for success, eg you wouldn’t plan a 10 hour drive and insist on no stops for toilet breaks… instead of trying to -fix- or -control- the Autistic person by challenging their legitimate needs (and there are tons of good videos on TH-cam as well as Autistic-affirming therapists in your area or online who can help you identify and understand what needs your loved one has vs what might be areas that you can help them work on to improve). So often I hear neurotypical folk put unrealistic and unreasonable expectations on us out of a lack of understanding of our brains and needs, then judge us for being difficult. Would you call someone with blindness as being rude for not noticing your new haircut?
2) when the situation has escalated to trigger a meltdown, focus on safety and calm. If you’ve ever been so distraught that you’re sobbing uncontrollably, or been in so much physical pain that you literally cannot notice anything else going on around you, or had a near death experience - then you may be able to imagine (or remember) what it’s like to have someone try to ‘talk you out of it’. That’s not to say that talking isn’t warranted in this entire situation - but not at that exact moment! If they are trying to hurt you, then create physical distance and/or barriers to protect yourself/someone else, if they are hurting themselves then as gently and safely as possible you should try to protect them by moving them or even creatively restraining them (not default to tying them down with rope etc, that just heightens their fear and distress, but if it’s a small child then you might be able to pick them up and hold them, if it’s someone physically bigger and you can’t do that, then you may need to remove objects they are using or can use to hurt themselves etc. Call an ambulance/local crisis mental health response team if necessary. Verbally reassure them that you are there to help and your goal is to keep everyone safe at this point. Ask them simple questions they can respond to with nodding or grunts “would you like me to stay near you right now?” “Do you want me to call your safe person/support worker/etc?”
3) Once the storm passes, and it always does, then try to talk about it in a way that seeks to understand and not to shame. “I can see how distressing the situation was for you and I want to try and help us handle it in a better way next time. Can you help me understand what lead to your feelings of distress?” “If a similar situation happens again in the future, how would you like me to approach it?”
Thank you. It is long but really helpful.
I’m so glad Ive found this being 24 year old Father.
I am crying with the dad. I missed those years with my father too and I can see how it’s affected my growth. I think I need to have a similar conversation with him
I hope he reads this, but as an older brother with aspergers, I really value his ability to talk about this with Dr. K.
what was easy was treating him poorly when you were younger, what was hard was the life experience you built up to get to the point of changing that now
I also find it incredibly ironic that the dad expresses inability to be understood, echoing likely what his autistic son feels as a result of how his family interacts with him.
As someone who also struggles with a relationship with his dad. The father's behavior being a negative stressor for the family does not encourage his son to interact with him regularly. He is losing more time he can't get back.
If the dad does not seek to change the behavior, the son can take that to mean that a relationship with his son is not of great importance to him. I agree with Dr. K that Dave should express that he does not feel this way as a way to reach out and begin to build that bond.
Dave is such an amazing dad, he and his family wasnt dealt the best cards, but he cares so deeply about his son and their relationship and seems ready to put a lot of effort into doing everything he can to grow together i really wish them the best, i think they will be ok, i see a lot of potential for their relationship and makes me really happy, dave is such a sweetheart. best of luck to them. it reminds me of my situation with my father i see him in dave he also cares a lot for me and my mother but he hasnt got the tools yet, but i see light for us too.
I gave thumbs up to some people today while I was taking a walk through the city and I have never seen more confusion in my life. Some completely did not understand me, others winked back or also gave thumbs up back!
But honestly, it made me feel great and I hope that people that got a thumbs up from me became a bit happier in that moment!
lol no one winked back at you.
@@DeuPKay Honestly I had a dude that winked at me in the moment of confusion.
@@IllyaKaliyev what moment of confusion? He was confused you gave him a thumbs up? Lol whats the point in lying about this
@@DeuPKay why don't you try yourself and find out, I will not waste my time trying to prove myself to any one who just blatantly don't want to belive me or even give me a benefit of the doubt.
Some people don't know how to react to such a sudden interaction and becomes completely confused by it, others it comes very naturally for an they react before they even understand what is happening.
Watching this a year later and really helpful in post COVID19. More family sessions would be wonderful.
Dave is the man. I wish he was my dad
Wow, this one hits me right in the feels. I can relate so much to the dynamics the father-son pair here have, for I haven't had the best relationship with my father, who doesn't much care about operating in the realm of emotions, the realm where all the beautiful stuff like vulnerability and connection and intimacy happens, and I want nothing more than to have a emotionally rich and deep relationship with him. I feel like I might have missed the boat, but the implications of that terrify me to my very core. The nuance, the nudges, the handling of emotionally raw moments, this was a treat to watch, and to use as a template.
Amazing stream. Despite having grown up without a father myself, I've had a lot to take away and digest from this. Dave is an incredible man and I hope the best for the whole family.
@@blub-tf6rt My comment is 2 years old. I haven't a fucking notion what this stream was even about mate haha
I never comment on anything TH-cam related, but I gotta say I loved this stream and especially Dave! Best of luck to them
"But that's for us, that's not for them"; Dr. K., the respect that I hold for you after hearing that statement is immeasurable. The world needs more people like you. Genuinely.
Oh shit, I remember this guy. So glad to see him again ahah
What you do is great. Don't stop helping, please.
When Zach said he barely know anything about his dad's upbringing, i felt that
thats pretty normal tho
I always have talked to my parents about their upbringing, and mine. I thought that was normal tbh
I know nothing about my dad's childhood. His mom died when he was 12 and his dad was very isolated and ambitious, so I think a lot of his issues stem from there.
That's a very hard thing for the father to come on and talk and I'd like to praise that.
I hope others like him in similar positions or in general find this video.
This is so beautiful. Thanks to everyone involved for creating g this, especially Dave and Zach for being so open and allowing the internet witness their inner lives and conflicts.
Dave was such a champ. all the best for both of them, you can tell they really want something to happen, they just lack the vocabulary to work it out
Honestly I can feel that anxiety in me building up just with Dave talking at the beginning. Thank you for humanizing Dave, and the figure he works hard to be.
a very very smart guy who just doesnt know enough about himself or introspection (through no fault of his own) and has ended up causing trauma for everyone involved. i love these videos man and every single one i watch gives me new insight i didnt have previously
I am really amazed by Dave.
The way he expressed himself (while talking directly to Zach) was something I didn't expect, taking into consideration his comments about not being very good communicator and expressing himself was not his forte. He could have said "Parenting is hard", yet he chose to say "Being a parent is a really tough balancing act..."
I felt bad for Dave being vulnerable and emotional, and Zach laughing at it (at 2:05:20). 😐
@mimiteas
Yeah, I felt that same way. As an autistic that has learned how to express those emotions, I kept seeing the future downfall of Dave's feelings of vulnerability (the word he was describing without saying directly) and the fear he had of "being burned" coming to fruition. I think the important thing to recognize is that Zach has alot of those same tendencies. It's very interesting because Dave doesn't know the key words and tricky phrases, but he knows how to feel it. Zach knows more about how to describe it, but doesn't necessarily know how to feel it. "How are you feeling right now?" "Ï feel fine"
What Zach was talking about was very raw and he was showing very little emotion. This tells me that he knows the words and has a better understanding, but doesn't know how to feel. That feeling is learned behavior that he didn't get taught. I didn't see someone laughing because what was happening was funny. I saw someone laughing because they were nervous/anxious in the presence of something they never expected and humor is his coping mechanism. Almost like an alarm is going off in his head because the conversation is taking a turn that makes him feel vulnerable. Dave seems like he wants to fix it and he going to learn those words and phrases he needs to communicate now that he recognizes the depth of his emotional naivety. I hope they can continue the growth as father/son because they complete each other in a way..
Laughter is how some people cope with extreme distress. I do this. When in the middle of an incredibly emotional and important conversation with my partner about a conflict, I get this overwhelming urge to laugh and have to literally bite my tongue or inside of my cheeks to suppress it. Sometimes it ends up with me smirking, but I didn’t think it was funny, it’s an involuntary reaction. Just our bodies trying to release excess nervous energy in some way.
Dave honestly gives us a rollercoaster here. At first I thought I really wouldn't like his stance, but at the end I fully understand him, and it's just amazing and beautiful.
I really hope Zack goes back and watches this again when he's ready... the emotion Dave had when telling Dr. K about lost time is something Zack really needs to hear and process. I know because I need to hear the same thing from my dad, but this video helped me understand why he doesn't just say it.... Dave is waiting to be asked and Zack is afraid to ask... same dynamic as my family. Even then there is always the barrier of interpretation; since they have preconceived ideas about each other from years of living together, it may be hard to really understand when the other person says they feel differently. I think once they can open up to each other and emotionally listen to each other, then they can have a more effective conversation about how to relate with Carson.
the goss is so raw
also, even from the beginning can we talk about how much the son was downplaying his own growth. good for him keep climbing!!!
His dad is so mature and great, it takes courage to be open to talk and vulnerable at the same time.
Wow, that was an incredible example of family therapy. I have to say, what an amazing family!! So impressed. It really helped me understand my dad a little better. We also have no emotional connection and never have, and it hurts me. I’m a 28 year old woman who’s not into gaming at all but loves psychology (and has needed it to survive). Thanks :)
Huge props to the father, I wish mine could be like him. My family thinks mental health issues are a joke and not a real thing.
These guys could use a support group with others that have autistic family members.
I had the same problem with my dad, seriously its almost like we're living the same life. i had to move out otherwise i wouldn't have been able to take it any longer. big props to this guy, people don't realize how traumatizing that is
I relate to this comment so much....
Im barely 6 minutes in and this is looking less like a casual video to watch and more and more like "what would you say to your teenage self?" This kid is living my childhood and i just want to give him a hug
I feel like my dad's cut from the same cloth. I cried hearing him open up, I've never seen a side beyond those guards with my own father. Incredibly helpful, this gives me a little hope again on that
Props to all of them! Dr K is the best thing that happened to the internet.
Huge respect for the son and father for their participation in that talk. Once again it was incredebly insightful!
2:14:25 I agree so much with this. My dad complaints about me gaming 24/7 and just says it's the same addiction as he had when he was an alcoholic. Whenever I say something that he doesn't agree with, he starts to call me stupid and shifts the blame that it's because of gaming. I literally don't know how to talk to him about it, since he doesn't understand games other than angry birds or popping bubbles on a phone. I'm also 22 years old, and another complaint that I get is "that I should grow up from gaming since it's for 10 year old kids". I've tried argueing that it's not about the age, but he just doesn't seem to want to listen and wants to feel that he is currently right. Honestly, don't really know what to say or do about it, other than ignore him on this topic.
How about us understanding that is it a tragedy for our parents to see us gaming for hours and hours escaping our feelings and even conversations.
By now i finally understand why my dad was complaining about me spending so much time in front of the PC and playing games.
I suppose many parents are understanding way more about what gaming is doing to us than we realize.
Im obviously not saying games are inherently bad or everyone becomes addicted but spending excessive amounts of the day playing - wether you are 10 or 22 - is not beneficial to your development in many ways.
hello mr 22 yearold. Says another 22 yearold
@@teiuq While I agree with you that it is not beneficial and doesn't help us that much, I still don't like how someone can just critique something like gaming, call it bad, and don't say an argument why it's bad. It doesn't matter if I just open up a game or been playing for few hours already, the argument is still the same "turn off the game, it's not good for you". It feels like the problem isin't even about how long you play the game, but playing in general is what makes you stupid. But hey, watching TV from 5 when you come back from work to 10 till you go to sleep is totally alright and not an addiction. Just understanding that gaming is not all healthy doesn't entitle you to make claims of what I should do with my life. The arguments I hear are usually "gaming is stupid, you should just stop" or "go socialize with people, there's a lot of them outside your age". To me it sounds equivelent of telling a smoker to "just stop smoking it's stupid dude" or "just stop stressing and you won't need to smoke bro, easy". My point is, if you don't take the issue of gaming seriously, then you can't expect me to take your advice seriously.
I was looking forward to watching this one, this was the most emotion-invoking session for me. I loved seeing from both of their perspectives. I think it is all too common for parents to not share their feelings with their children and seeing them open up to each other brought a tear to my eye. I'd love to see more 2-party sessions like this. Love ya, Dr. K :D
His parents are already better than mine just on the basis that they agreed to do this
for msot of my life me and my dad had a terrible relationship, growing up he would do nothing but yell at me most of the time while at home, when we werent at home it was different and we usually had a good relationship so it was really weird. once i turned 18 i moved out to my aunts because i couldnt take the home life anymore. i started suffering from mental problems from an early age and he had no idea how to deal with it and pretty much ignored it even after almost being submitted to a mental hospital but convinced them i was ok and im not a threat to my self because i was so scared of going to one. there is so much and it took a lot and me and my dad are finally on good terms and he has a better understanding of the issues i face every day.
Interesting to see the entire family perspective on this issue. My older brother has persistent paranoia/delusions (I suspect he has undiagnosed schizophrenia based on his behavior and symptoms) and it's extremely difficult to live with, especially as I'm the target for his persecutory delusions. His condition negatively impacts our family, specifically him, myself, and my mother. We're trying to get him treatment but he doesn't think anything's wrong. It's so hard.
Petition for Dr. K to put his episodes up as podcasts so we can listen to them on other platforms day 1
They are already
Hello There where? thank you ☺️
Most of them are on spotify
Beautiful, powerful interview. I cracked up crying in the end
Just an amazing interview, probably the best out of all your work up until now. So much to learn from this and how we communicate to each other. Dr K you are a BEAST. Keep up the good work !
1. Way to go Dave for agreeing to this and for facing that fear he had.
2. Dr. K as one hell of a poker face and I would hate to play cards against him.
3. This sounds like a super hard situation. I have a nephew who is high functioning autistic and when his routine gets broken he gets angry. He has learned to overcome that. And I hope this family can learn to overcome it. ❤
2:15:25 that smile is one who have released some good emotions
It’s such a good break down that the words ‘break’ and ‘down’ broke down with the actual breakdown
That was an amazing conversation, you've surely helped Zack and Dave open many doors Dr. K. Thank you so much for sharing this conversation with us; it's given me many ideas of how I can begin to open dialogue with my own parents as well. I don't know if that will even be possible--it'll surely be hard, but seeing this was very important. Once again, Thank you.
I'm 38 now, and it took until my late 20s for my dad to come around to the point where we could talk as equals. I've been a late bloomer in everything, my younger brother's been ahead of me, and video games definitely did get in the way of some things before and after college. So my dad always saw them as an obstacle, keeping me from being happy. He told me once that he wished my computer would just break, and the way he said it, I could tell it was because he wanted more for me.
Mid 20s, I started doing speedrunning and went to SGDQ four years in a row, and my dad drove me to the airport to go to one of those, and in the car said, "so, do you think you'll ever stop playing video games?" I just had to turn my head and laugh. But now, in my mid 30s I moved abroad, started a great new career, and he can see I'm happy and have moved forward, so he's much less worried about the games. In fact, as I'm now developing a game of my own, he's very excited to see how it turns out, and we talk all the time about my challenges developing it - he was a filmmaking student, so a lot of the disciplines are similar. I've had to create my own sound effects, and he can easily see how that's similar to foley work.
I think parents largely consider games an obstacle to their kids' happiness. This is something the kids need to understand, as it means the parents genuinely care about them, but it's also something the parents need to see as an excess rather than a disease. Parents should be teaching moderation rather than abstinence from games; games aren't going anywhere, and if a kid is socializing and pursuing interests, it's fine if he spends some hours playing games - in fact, many parents spend evenings watching TV shows, and it's important to see the similarity in pastimes there. I certainly haven't stopped playing games, I just figured out on my own how to make room for other stuff.
i think kids play games to escape their abusive and neglectful parents. it's a form of meditation. that's why i used it.
the dad acted like Carson got in the way of Zack getting his emotional needs met I mean Carson is a handful I'm sure but I feel like they let him be the person that takes the fall for why the family has division
Super proud of dave he really did a good job being open and exploring things
I love how Dr.K helps people open up. I want to get this good at conversation
Dave is a legend, props to both of you for doing this
It kind of made me understand my dad more. Extremely interesting video.
I appreciate this! Thank you Dave and Zac!