Hey everyone - thanks so much for watching this amazing conversation. Thank you to SK-II for making this episode possible! If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out SK-II's amazing docu-series #Timelines with Katie Couric (th-cam.com/video/isfY58KGNtk/w-d-xo.html) that addresses pressures women face all around the world. Love you all - thanks for watching and supporting!
Jubilee you did not include a sample of Hispanics or Arabs. Their perspectives are important as well. I didn't watch the video all the way through because of the lack of inclusion.
@Jose Tafoya They can’t include someone of every single race. Inclusion is great but that doesn’t mean forcing in every single person with a difference in sexuality/race/gender etc... People have many different perspectives and I know for a fact he main thing that influences my perspective is not the color of my skin.
Also! Jubilee, do “can fathers and sons see eye to eye?” If love to see the perspective of fathers vs. sons and the pressures they face in society as men.
@@jadecanney9791 I’ve heard of mothers that regretted having their kids years after giving birth. I’ve also heard of mothers that say it to their children’s faces that they are a “mistake” and if you know how terrible these things affect those children, you’d literally weep for them That’s why it’s best to have children only if you want to and if you don’t want, it’s totally fine if you decide not to have kids.
@@jadecanney9791 Tell that to all the kids in the foster and adoption system. Not all of them are there because their parents kicked the bucket. Also, mothers abuse their children too, I don’t think that really represents wanting your kid.
@@jadecanney9791 Some people have kids and do regret it, even if they love them if they could go back they'd not redo it, this is something people have actually said, for some having children destroys their lives
No it's both because you both grow together as parent and child adding to each others lives and taking care of each other.......once done properly anyway. Having kids is more than just feeding them just like how you were & are a person and not just a mouth to feed.
Really lets you know how much of a selfish decision it is for a lot of people. "Let me bring this non-existent person into the world for my own personal pleasure."
Rahman Cyrus But if you are only having one for an experience like how she phrased it. If you don’t feel ready or don’t want them then you shouldn’t have one just for the experience
Yeah someone should have pointed this out to Annemarie. No-one is saying they're inherently bad, the issue is when they're constricting. If you love being a housewife that's great, but it shouldn't be expected of you.
Additionally I think to live by traditional gender roles you don’t have to do everything to a T. You can live traditionally but it doesn’t have to be tradition always. I think couples should make whatever changes to gender roles as they see fit. It’s about what’s practical and what works for them.
I thought I was the only one who noticed it, but generally parents are not funny to their kids even comedians it's not often their children find them funny.
That's just how parents are lmao I'm just like that with my dad, there's a point where you know exactly what they're going to say and it stops beinh funny
“You need to have one child to at least experience it” That’s not a good argument. That’s how most of these babies are abandoned,abused,and unloved. Babies arent a test.
Yeah children aren’t like sky diving, or zip lining, or horse back riding, or driving, or traveling, or riding your bike, or even going to college. They are a permanent thing and once you have them they are a life that depends on you and it’s your job to love them and care for them and make them feel safe and loved and you have to defend them with your life and they are not just some temporary thing that you can do and then when you get tired or bored return them. I can’t believe she said that!
Is something wrong with that?? Like it is better at that age... you don't get any younger by the day... you'll be older and won't have energy to truly play with your kid.. a female and a male lose some of their fertility with every year..
@@tomotomi2182 You completely missed the point here chief. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with having a child at that age. I'm simply pointing out the hypocrisy of this woman's statement. She can know exactly what she wants at 23/24 by getting married and having a child, but a 25 year old not wanting kids is "too young to know what they want". It's beyond hypocritical. Women's life plans are generally only seen as valid if they involve marriage and children. If it doesn't, then the mentality is always "they will change their minds, they are too young to truly know what they want". Which is ridiculous.
@@tomotomi2182 they aren't saying it's wrong to have kids at 24. They are pointing out the hypocrisy in the white ladies views. How can you tell someone they don't know what they want because of their age when you KNEW what you wanted when you were EVEN younger
my parents are always like "when i was 22 i was already married" yeah because you two didnt use a condom and made my oldest sibling because youre dumbasses
Exactly lmao That shouldn’t be the reason you have kids, and it’s kind of toxic if you do. The kid can end up unhappy, especially if the parents only had the kid to “experience it” and not because they wanted a family.
@John Crocker Lol no... cis people are the ones trying to convince trans men and women that they're "not real men" or "not real women". Trans people aren't the ones telling cis people that their genders aren't real. It's literally the opposite.
The mentality of having children so someone could take care of you when your older is like treating them as an investment and basically planning to make yourself a burden for your children
@@IL_Bgentyl you see nothing wrong with having kids just so you can secure your life when you're old, treating them like livestock, essentially? Real nice. I'm Asian too, and I have the basic decency to understand that kids owe NOTHING to their parents. NOTHING. You chose to have kids? It's your responsibility to raise them. You don't get to ask for favours in return for doing something YOU signed up for. I feel really sorry for your child/children, dude.
@@caesarzeppeli3994 I'd rather have nobody to care for me when I'm old than regret having a kid, make them feel unwanted and give them lifelong trauma, as simple as that. The point of children is to raise a wonderful human being, not to invest in an actual person so you can use them later on. I have other goals in life and kids aren't a part of any of them. I don't want my life disrupted by a kid I don't want only to disrupt an innocent kid's mental health and ruin their life. Parenthood isn't for everyone. If more people understood this basic concept, people like me wouldn't be tr*umatized because of ab*sive immature parents.
@@sleepyash00 I mean she only said she hoped she'd get married before 30 but I'm sure she meant well, like she said she didn't know Cas felt pressure before that
@@sleepyash00 i mean everyone have a wish for a great future for their loved ones, and its not bad to at least share that with your child. Her mom just want her to have a great life and experience life. And it's equally awesome that the mom supports and listens to her daughter even if it means backing off.
@@sleepyash00 - She made it a point to say she *hoped*! There's nothing wrong with wanting something different for her daughter. She's obviously trying her best to be supportive of her daughter, despite having a different perspective and working with a cultural divide. As a daughter of a more traditional Korean mother, that earns my respect. I grew up hearing the typical "you need to get married and have kids to support you in your old age" shpiel, but I always knew that my mom would love and respect me even if I didn't.
YES......I am a first child to my family and after having me they blamed and hated me for the things they couldn't accomplish. I was emotionally hurt and still struggle with the blaming myself for the state my mom end up with and severe mental illness. No kid is an experiment. I am doing well in my education and want to adopt kids in the future with my best friend. We live together and aren't interested in any type of relationship. I hope all things work out and we raise our kids free of emotional baggage
@@karawilliams5555 :) ♡.... and I agree, no one should but a lot of people do that is why we should be committed before giving birth to babies or even adopting one.
@@valaritas5997 that is such an interesting story, I never thought of adopting kids as friends, you are an amazing and unique person and I wish you the best of luck in life!
I'll give an exception. I feel bad for my parents to be disappointed just in general, but I will not be scared if I have to stand my ground with courage. After all, we're different generations, it's only normal for us to have different perspectives, values and ideals. I respect their personal opinion, but no one can live for me but myself. I will always be the only one responsible for my actions, so I have to make decisions on my own.
It’s not smart to do what she was wanting at that age, just because she could want a kid when she gets older and then she no longer can. That’s a serious thing and to get rid of it at such a young age is wild. Women don’t have to have a kid but most have that urge to have a child because it is a natural thing.
Purg there are women that are 100% sure they want kids, as there are women that are 100% sure they don’t want kids. With birth control being a pain in the ass, how is getting their tubes tied not a smart decision, when you absolutely don’t want to have kids? I know where you are coming from, but how is having kids at that age a smarter decision?
That actually is interesting to me. I know a lot a lot of mothers parents fathers and children in the midwest where I live, at the age of 18 you need to be out of the house independent and on your own. It's a blessing that I'm still allowed to be in this house that I'm in. My mom could have kicked me out a long time ago would she is legally able to do yes, because I am over 18 and an adult legally. That's a scary realization that I had learned when I found out that legally, she did not have to take care of me anymore. So that took some gustel out of me and the things that I wanted to be.
ikr it’s not like if you don’t like being a parent you can just get rid of the kid. I think you should think twice before having a kid, being a parent will change your life in so many ways
I don't think she meant it quite like that. I mean obviously she raised 5 children, made some huge sacrifices for them, and apparently did a great job from the looks of her daughter in this video and the other one she discussed a little bit. I don't think she's minimizing the level of commitment it takes for a woman to be a mother. I think she's saying childbirth and motherhood is one of the heights of the female experience. Which it is if that's what a person wants. To be able to make that sacrifice of your time, your body, your priorities, the amount of love a mother has for her children is one that I don't think can be eclipsed by any other human connection. She wants that for her daughter. My mother wants that for me. And it can be hard for them to understand this generation of women who have more options and more freedom to say no to motherhood.
The problem is not even the marriage. I think most daughters have grown up seeing toxic marriages and how patriarchy makes marriages a gender thing instead of a partnership.
I completely agree. My parents divorced when I was really little and that influenced my perception on marriage and relationships in general, even at an early age. Although my parents were very caring towards me, I didn’t grow up in a nuclear family so it can be difficult to imagine myself married with my own kids
I agree with you, and that’s made me feel bad about marriage. But now as a strong independent woman, I have a different opinion about marriage. I think we can overcome toxic marriages by avoiding them, so the person should be sure about his/her partner. Also, the worst thing about toxic marriages is being with the wrong person and not getting divorced !
Anne Marie should not feel apologetic for her life. This is the whole point: you do what works for you. But don’t impose what works for you on someone else’s life.
Luna Lovegood I mean, at 25 you really don’t know whether you want kids or not. She really wants her tubes tied so that she could have sex without worrying about pregnancy. But she doesn’t understand that the whole act of sex is to have child...
@@cookie1271 the other act of sex if for enjoyment for both parties, so she she doesnt want a kid she could ya know fearlessly enjoy her partner's company
Cookie Cookie I think she understands that if you want a child, the easiest way to do it is to have sex. But if AnneMarie made the extremely life shaping choice to have a kid at 24, than why should she belittle Afrika for tying her tubes at 26? It just seems like flawed, biased logic.
@@zoekleinschmit2966 its not the easiest way its the way u meant to have kid animels do it to what kid are that live on after you die they are also their own person in a way u live on
It really frustrates me when people associate being a mother with carrying a child. There are other options to being a mother besides experiencing pregnancy. Also, a child is a choice. Not a requirement.
Yeah one thing is being a mother, a kind caring figure that supports you no matter what and will guide you through life like a good parent, and the other is being pregnant for 9months
I agree, but I don't think there's anything wrong with what that woman said about gender roles - I mean she obviously had a positive experience with it and our opinions are based on our experiences so
Can you imagine, how beautiful it could be for me to form a relationship with a child that is not my blood? I changed that child's life. Thats why i find more beauty in adopting but i truly dont want children either. I am young but truly i feel like my children wont understand the hardships of what ive been through to keep that child happy, but the other children could have an idea of what life is like.
I love how the Asian mom was able to reflect and hear that her daughter said she has put pressure on her daughter and she apologized for it and said in the future she is an open book and will be there for questions or to just hear her out and support what she wants. I love how this opened her view on her daughters life and feelings and noticed where she may have added extra pressure and that she can now think more about that in the future. That was nice
My dad doesn’t because he works overnight while my mom works in the day so she cooks, but my dad does know how to make dinner cooking should be for everyone
i wish I knew how to cook my parents taught my sisters to cook, when my sister was my age she was making food for me and I don't even know how to boil an egg
I just wanted to add that if Afrika does change her mind and wants to have kids she can always adopt 🤷🏽♀️ you dont have to physically birth kids to be a mother
I was literally so annoyed and i was yelling this to the screen. If u do wanna have a baby bc u want to experience to be pregnant, then u are selfish Bc that’s a life commitment. Likee ugh im so annoyed.
No but there is something different when a child comes from your womb there’s no denying that . But motherhood is still the same. It’s just pregnancy itself is an experience vs just adopting a child, if you understand my point .
@@TheMsLollidella That's the thing; many people don't want to go through being pregnant. For me personally, the idea having a living thing inside me disgusts me. And then all the pain for getting it out, the risk of dying for it? Not worth it when there already are so many children who need to be adopted.
People always suggest adoption like it is the easiest thing to do. It really isn't. Whilst I 100% encourage people to adopt if they wish to, I do not want to delude people that it's an easy decision to make. Having a child at all is not an easy decision to make, for various reasons. I'm just tired of hearing people adopt thinking it will be easy, and then returning that child. So heartbreaking.
Having children is the BIGGEST commitment you will ever make! Children affect your health, happiness, finances, freedom, your dreams, every aspect of your life. I find it shocking we collectively have this enormous pressure to fit the "ideal mother" stereotype. I'm so encouraged that women and girls are pushing back on this narrative. Of course, have children if you are passionate about it, but women without children are just as valid, just as amazing and just as capable of living a fulfilling life.
Typical point of view of a US citizens know with most selfish society, without value. A child doesn t "affect" dreams, freedom neither finance or health, it s the way you take your role as parents that will do it, if you love your child and are able to raise him/her/them I don t see how it can be awful. You américains are the reflection of this decadence that affect the new generations in the west.
when will people understand that not everyone is parent material. not everyone is fit to be a parent. having a child is not just an experience. you are bringing a person, a whole and different person, into this world. you have so much impact on someone else’s life. you having a child has so much more affect on that child than you and your partner. so many people get so fucked up because their parents should not have had kids.
White Sky I don’t think it has nothing to do with being prepared but about thinking really well what responsibilities come with being a parent and bringing another life to this world. We are thinking it more carefully what a child bring to us.
@@Italsik it's not that people are ignorant. It's people literally do not want to experience parenthood. Like me. I like kids I don't want them for myself though. I don't want the responsibility of taking care of a kid. Not that I couldn't learn how to. I just don't want to. I'm not parent material because I'm not willing to make those sacrifices.
White Sky i agree with some of what your saying, back in my high school years there was a class were they teach you the basis of taking care of a baby and let you take a robot baby to experience parenthood.. sadly that class was removed for whatever reason. And yes some who don’t expect to have a child can learn form experience that way or ask for any relative who has kids for advice and I totally agree with that. But even then there are people who don’t change, like abusive or strict parents. There are crime cases of parents killing there own children. Some parents just give up parenting their own child I believe that some people can become good parents, but not all will be the perfect parent material
I wish my mom could've read this comment before getting pregnant with me and my sister. I'm not saying I'm not thankful for her giving birth to us. It's just she gave us up. She shipped us off somewhere she *"thought"* was better for us, because, she went there when she was 14 (my age now)... But those years sucked so bad. And the one chance she got to get us back, she didn't. She blamed the people who SAVED my sister & I. ha! She isn't in our lives anymore, because she couldn't own up to her own faults. It's sad that I can't have my mother in my life because of the things she did. And she will not blame them for taking us into their lives... they didn't have to but they did.
I remember once when I was around 8 or 9 years old, I used to take arabic class with one of my mom's friends. After the class, they were gossiping (like all people do lol) about their friends' daughter. She was in medical school, a really smart woman, very accomplished, yet the only thing my mother and my teacher were talking about was the fact that she was 30 and wasn't married. Not that she was an amazing person, had a kind demeanor, was almost out of medical school. It was that it was such a shame that she was too old to get married. I remember thinking that sounded so weird, and even at such a young age, that was implanted into my head. I still remember it 5-6 years later and it kind of still annoys me that people think that way. I'm not saying it's wrong to get married, I'm saying it's wrong to define a person based on their marriage status or something like that. Update on the woman though, she graduated medical school with high honors, has a great job, isn't married, and is living an amazing life :D
Lol I remember overhearing my mother and Algerian grandfather talking on the phone about how tragic it was that I was single and i was only 23 at the time. Arab grandparents are the worst when it comes to that stuff lol
This is the same for me, except it's with my cousin brother. It's never about how happy he is single or whether he has a successful job but always about how he's not even dating yet.
It’s okay being a housewife as long as that is what you and your partner want. Feminism is having the opportunity to choose the life you want to live, not a tool with which to mold a woman’s life to fit the modern world.
@@lauren.r29 Feminism is equality between the sexes as defined by women. Which isnt really equality at all. Equal according to who? Feminists? Who deciedes on what kind of "equal" society we will have? Feminists think they should of course and they always have a new theory as to why that should be the case. So feminism is not about a mutually beneficial equality reached by consensues between the sexes but is about womens version of equality which suits them coming to pass. Which isnt really equality at all. And clearly if women have more of a say in that it does raise the opinion of women above that of men. But keep on with the simplistic definitions Im sure Im sure they appeal to women who are already biased to agree and who arent capable of thinking any deeper.
"do i owe her a grandchild? Because of all she's done for me?" no. you don't owe her anything for simply being a mother to you, and doing what she should because she's the one who brought you into the world. you don't owe anyone anything \
If your parents were. Or abusive,then just remember your mother carried you inside of her,loved you,nurtured you and your father probably broke his back to provide for you the best things in life,nothing you do in this life can ever pay back the sacrifices your parents made,you cam never pay the, back,be grateful for the things you have in life
@@mio8765 except parents should give a reason for the child to want to respect and love them, it’s a two way street. the parents asked for the child the child never asked for any of this; You can’t expect them to owe parents anything, of course unless your parents are abusive/awful parents you SHOULD respect them and love them; but also in most cases of a child never loving their parents it is because of cases of abuse/bad parents
This is such a disgusting mindset. I get it if your parents were abusive or something of that sort, but if they put a roof over your head, food on your plate, clothes on your back, or if they tried their hardest to do so and do what is best for their kids, you shouldn’t feel you need to give your parents grandchildren, but you should have the mindset that you owe your parents the world and then some.
@@aclstudios It is despite the propoganda racists spread. Much of Africa is wonderful with amazing people, I would know as someone who has lived there. Your unnecessary comment says more about you.
My mom had her tubes tied. She never wanted a child of her own. She was a foster parent. I was a foster child who came into her care and she fell in love with me and adopted me. If she had not gotten her tubes tied, she would have never been my mom. I'm so grateful to have had her for my mother. Goes to show that if you get your tubes tied, but later want children there are other options than giving birth. EDIT: Thank you everyone for your kind words! My mother was a fantastic woman with a lot of heart and humor. She's no longer with us, but she taught me a lot about what it means to be strong, selfless, and true to yourself.
@@zombieat Sure as hell was more of a mom to me than my birth mother ever was! She will always be my mom. She's the one who raised me, gave me love, and was always there for me when I needed her. Go try your trolling somewhere else.
That white mom literally said that you need to have a child just to experience it but I don't think she realizes that you have to commit your entire life to that child even if you never even wanted it.
@@EatWaterForTheWin I was just saying w the mom that’s has the pink shirt on, she doesn’t really have any sence in the fact she said “you just have to experience motherhood” you can’t just walk away from it.
Exactly. It kinda seems like she’s not really a mom lol. Or her children are just angels. I think you should have kids if you truly want kids and you have the time and money for them, because they’re a huge commitment. Plus, some people don’t have the money or time for kids. That can lead to children being mistreated, left alone for long periods of time, not having a home or food, etc.
@Alex Dighton the point is that that mother made a huge life decision at a younger age than the daughter did. So devaluing her choice based on age is ignorant.
I just find it ironic that the mum's were there saying they had babies and got married at 23/24 but when their daughter says they don't want to get married or have babies, their response is 'but what do you know when you're so young' how patronising is that?
Even if you get your tubes tied and regret your decision at 40 years old... then adopt! So many children need a mother right now, and are waiting to be adopted.
@Loki Animations umm what? If an adoptive parent is abusive they'd still be abusive even with their own biological child. Your comment is irrelevant here.
Loki Animations Hello again, troll. Amazing how you always add unnecessary negative information and sweeping generalizations that only hurt the very people you are using as a prop in your trolling. Sad.
My mom got married (was forced and emotionally blackmailed because my grand father's health was declining and HE wanted to see her married before dying) to my father who she NEVER SAW before, he was 27 at the time!! I was born the next year! And they ask me why I have so much hate for this marriage culture
Heiwot Aklilu I’d love to see that. There are so many reasons women give up their children. My birthmom loved me and could have kept me but my birth father wasn’t a good influence on me. She and I still have a relationship still which I’m glad about.
I currently live with my adoptive mom. I’m much closer with my adoptive mom but I stay in contact and see how things are going with my birth mom and half brother. دنووشهة مًٰــصٰـــلٰاويٰــةة
Heiwot Aklilu OH MY GOSH!!!! You Have no idea how much this resonates... I have two moms, my actual mom (met her at 33) I’m now 35! My two moms do NOT see eye to eye it’s crazy.
Agreed. I’d very much like to see divorced fathers talking to their sons about the risks of marriage and losing property because of court bias. That would be a very intriguing and somewhat heartbreaking conversation.
I do not think that the housewife in the pink shirt should be ashamed about her family dynamics. Every family is different and if that works for her and makes her happy, then that is totally fine. She sounded ashamed that she lets him take care of all the financial stuff but if that's something she's not great at, its okay to leave that to him. Taking care of the home and doing chores etc is also a very difficult task. Feminism is not only about women being incharge but being happy and comfortable in the roles they want to play be it breadwinner or housewife. she does not seem like she feels oppressed by it so there's nothing to be ashamed off.
I agree. Feminism was/is about allowing women new opportunities, not forcing them into an entirely new role if they don’t want it. If you want to be a CEO who runs the company with an iron fist, good on you, if you want to stay home, clean, and be taken care of, that’s great too.
Agree 1000%.... women shouldn't be shamed for managing their homes and family.....Instead of "Stay-At-Home-Mom/Wife", they should be called an "Overseer of Domestic Affairs"! ... She's an ODA - RESPECT!
Agreed, it’s all about not pushing your views on other people, and respecting other people’s choices - if she feels it’s right for her but respects that it’s not right for everyone then there’s no problem
Nowadays, there is such a stigma about being a SAHM. I am one, and our family functions very much like hers with a few exceptions. My husband takes care of all the financial stuff. I feel shame sometimes because of that. Not that I'm not capable, but that I'm viewed as less because I'm ok with him. I feel there is also a stigma (in some circles) of moms who go to work instead of staying home, too. We are all different and have different needs.
I don't agree with a lot of Annemarie's opinions, but I appreciate the kindness she approaches it with. It worked for her and that's wonderful - the challenge is, when your marriage fails (which is statistically very likely) and you are not in control of your finances, all of a sudden you can end up with nothing, if your husband was the sole provider.
I do not owe anyone a child just because of what I have between my legs. I am a woman and not having a child or not getting married doesn't make me any less of one.
i have literally never wanted children, i have been saying it since i was an actual child myself. i've tried to get my tubes tied since i was 25 but, you know i "might change my mind" 🙄 i'm 42 now and they still won't let me so...yay. Still get asked when i'll have kids all the time.
Moms, not everyone can have kids. We are more than our reproductive parts. Saying “becoming a mom is the most fulfilling role a woman can be” (our anything similar to that statement) makes those who are childless not by choice feel so insignificant. Women need to feel like they are enough just being who ever they are meant to be, whether they have offspring or not.
Grim Wills more dangerous the other way, i feel. it is infinitely worse to bring a child in this world and regret it. my mother decided she wanted children until she was 35 and i know she regrets it. she hates her life, everyone in my family hates their lives and each other consequentially.
I mean I think it is an experience but just like not everyone wants to go skydiving, not everyone wants to have children. But...your mind can also change so tying tubes is a really big decision and yes there are other options but I’m sure it’s not the same feeling as carrying the baby(s) yourself
I think it is because tubal ligation contrary to a vasectomy for men is pretty much irreversible for one. You can always change your mind about sky diving, but not about carrying your own child after that procedure. I can imagine that a lot of mother’s (especially those who felt so called to this purpose in a way) who gave birth themselves had quite the profound experience through this rite of passage and being the carrier and channel of that life that probably only they can truly understand. And then if you have that experience that was mind shifting maybe in so many ways it can make someone sad it will no longer be possible for some else in that way. And also sometimes it happens that for a moment the me/ you separation isn’t felt strongly and somebody else’s decision can make it feel like it affects your own. That’s my thoughts anyway.
@@alinas.3433 Exactly like 25 is the best time to choose where you want your life to go, you've already gotten a taste on how adult life is and had good timing to map out how you want the rest of your life to go.
Her getting her tubes tied doesn't mean she can't still have children. The fact that people keep forgetting about all of these children in the world with no homes, no families boggles my mind.
Yes!!! Adoption and surrogacy!! I hate it when people think the most acceptable way to have kids is through getting pregnant. Any kid whether adopted, birthed, or surrogate is your kid!
@@Ummkelechi They can still adopt!! And if your daughters don’t want kids it’s their choice and as a parent you should respect that. Not everyone wants to be a mother and that’s fine. It’s also ok to be a modern feminist. Not all feminists get their tubes tied.
The whole thing w getting your tubes tied and people being like “but what if you change your mind?!” If that happens then I’ll adopt. Hell I’d probably adopt even if I don’t get my tubes tied bc i 1) don’t want to go thru pregnancy and 2) my mother was adopted so i know how life changing it is for that child
Kaiitoka exactly, plus what if i DO have the child and regret it? No child should have to have a parent that is isn’t all in on being one, or think that their parent resents them
Kaitlyn I want to adopt when I grow up. There’s so many kids who deserve a loving home and I want to give them that. I don’t really want to get pregnant, but at the same time I feel guilty because I know my parents are going to want biological grandkids.
@@ilikelebronjames6426 that's so not true!! Do you know how bad that can make kids who are adopted feel when you say that? Being a family, loving someone has nothing to do with blood, "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." This means that that bonds, experience, is what makes family. Get rid of the stigma that blood is so much better, it's not and it's hurtful.
DataPug I feel as though that comment may be very hurtful to a lot of adoptive people. I know that they may not be blood related to you but being blood related to someone does not equal that you’ll love them more
having a kid is NOT for experience. that's a whole responsibility for life. saying "have a kid to experience" is like saying that you can throw the child away easily after you don't want it edit: i know having a kid is experience but what I'm saying is that it's much more than that and people should think about other things that come with being a parent other than just having a kid.
But you have to give birth. That’s what women are made to do. I think that there are just misconceptions regarding this as many people think that you can’t be as successful if you have a baby.
I'm a male and I do think all people have a responsibility to have kids or adopt to raise the next generation of humans. This likely needs to happen before people turn 40. This equally applies to gay couples, no sex bias here.
I think they're both crazy tbh. There is nothing important about removing hair, but there's also nothing beautiful about armpit hair. Just let people live without making it into a Deal.
i dont think it would be much of a debate unless they would talk about bodies in general (self esteem, body image, etc) otherwise the video wouldnt be very worthwhile
Huh. I'm in the middle. In some areas of my body, for example my lower legs and armpits, I prefer to be hairless. But I don't really mind having hair on my arms and upper legs.... and mind you, I'm hairy as heck. Look at my eyebrows.
I wouldn't want to get coffee with the woman in the pink sweater. She got emotional because the girl didn't want kids and was getting her tube tied. And she wanted her daughter to have at least one kid to just "experience it".
I completely agree. All their perspectives, especially the ones that are different from my own, feel they would be valuable. If nothing else, I would get to hear them talk about the thing that allowed them to live the best version of their life. And that's cool.
I do get the mom, cuz having children is being able to love someone more then yourself and I think that’s really special and I feel like that’s what she’s talking about. But I totally understand that not everyone wants to have kids and the stigma around women not having kids should change
My mom tells me not marry all the time. She tells me her childhood traumas,getting married at 18, and having 5 kids back to back at such a young age was the worst. My mom is not strict but she’s not loving at all. She’s more a friend then a mom. I came to also find out she didn’t want kids. She literally has 5 depressed kids in her hands.
I understand you,in my culture and many other cultures ,I have seen countless forced marriages done when the girls were just 14,15 per 16,and now they have four to five kids and just stuck in misery and depression,my mom too has five kids and she never had a choice in marriage,but she never told us that she regrets having,it was just expected for a girl to be married off ,she raised everyone with love and cared so much,she still cares a lot but she is depressed and suk ideal because of domestic abuse and she can just endure it
Wow I'm sorry to hear that. I'm the opposite. I'm married with 5 kids and I really want my daughters to get married. I tell them all the time. Please get married and have families of your own. I know it's their choice but I do tell them it's a hope for me to see them have their own families too. But I totally understand they have freewill to do whatever they want.
@@mw87675 why? No seriously why does it matter if they have families? That is YOUR dream. May or may *not* be theirs. They never asked to be here. You chose to put them here. Their life is their own and the only thing you should be “hoping” for is for them to be happy and healthy. Their shouldn’t be any “expectations” for their life considering they never even chose this in the first place!
“You should at least have one kid to have the experience” the women in pink irritates me, you should have a kid just to see what it’s like, if you don’t want kids don’t have them, the worst childhoods come from the ones where they weren’t truly wanted
Exactly what I was thinking. A child isn't an "experience " it's a human being and if you want to have a child you should be sure about it and really want it because as you said the worst childhoods came from the ones that weren't truly wanted. Not everyone is suited to be a parent. Also because you give birth to a child or you helped in the process of that child that doesn't automatically make you a parent. A parent is the one that doesn't just give birth or raises a child , it's the one that cares about the child's wellbeing and happiness, it's the one that loves and supports the child in whatever happens. I truly believe that not anyone can be called a parent and if you want to be called a parent you need to act like one not just say you are one(and that cames from personal experiences).
@@d.k.219 I agree because I was one of those children who neither parent wanted, but they had me and got married because of the pressures of my grandparents even though neither were suited for either parenthood or marraige. I won't go into details, but growing up was a truly horrible expiriance, and it is awful that children are seen as objects that everyone is required to have rather than an actual living being that deserves better than to grow up being neglected and told that they are a burden and a mistake. Most people may want children, or be pressured to have them, but NO ONE should have a child if they aren't prepared to give it the life it deserves. Or at least one that doesn't suck.
I don't believe she meant it that way, I saw it as more of like these women should be somewhat willing to experience the truly empowering time of carrying a child. Why else would so many women get emotional once their bump appears? It is a beautiful experience. I'm sure she didn't mean they should have a child just to have it, clearly she would want them to be ready for them, both financially and emotionally (If at all!) She's encouraging her own beliefs and likely is projecting and reflecting the moments she felt during her own pregnancy. 🥺
mari m I agree with you! It’s clear that the woman in pink was concerned about Afrika not experiencing something that she found to be an amazing experience. I highly doubt that she would want any child growing up in a household where they were neglected or treated poorly
Not gambling, not drinking, no drugs is the bare minimum? Lmao...how many people can you name that seriously fits that description? Obviously, "he doesn't womanize" is an expectation...but the others?
Yep. There's been plenty of books about women who have regretted having kids. It's a very interesting topic that I personally don't think is talked about enough
I think it's really smart that today's generation only has children if they are ready for it and really want it. Previous generations were pressured into it, even those who didn't actually want to start a family, that's why there are so many broken families. We might make less babies, but hopefully it'll result in a happier, better future for our children, because we make conscious decisions, not just do it because we have to.
I'm from finland, and actually this country is gona be in a big trouble like in 10 years or so, cos we don't have enough working people to support our elders or other people who can't work. I just hope that people from other countries move in here, cos otherwise there are too many people on the earth. But there are talks that our goverment tries to support people to make more babies. Only time will tell what happens to our country
I have known my whole life I want to have kids. I want to get pregnant and have them biologically, but because of health issues that might not be possible. I actually think I'd be fine never getting married, but even if I don't I want kids. In a marriage, using a donor, or adopting, I want kids. And no one in my entire life has ever asked, "Well, but are you sure?" Why is it that me being sure I want kids doesn't get questioned, but others being sure they don't want kids is constantly questioned. I've never been told, "Yeah, but what do you know at 19?" but people who don't want kids get told that all the time. It's just ridiculous.
It depends on if you come from a religious or a secularist point of view. From religion, it's fulfilling and one of the purest forms of love and is a calling. From a secularist point of view, species exist to reproduce. It's unnatural for organisms to desire to not reproduce. Not saying that everyone should become a parent, but those are the basic arguments for parenthood.
@@basketball9013 I understand the arguments for parenthood. My whole comment was about how I want to be a parent. That doesn't explain why people feel a need to questions someone's certainty about their life goals.
I’m sorry, I’m not trying to invalidate your experience because it is true that a lot of women get pressured into having kids. But it is also absolutely the case that a lot of women get pressured into a lifestyle that _discourages_ them from having kids as well, as the lady at 6:14 demonstrates. I also know that whenever I talk to my mom about wanting kids, she also questions me on that (you don’t have a career, do you know what that will that do to your body, just wait until you’re 30 etc), and I know it’s not because she’s malicious but because she wants what she thinks is best for me. We get questioned no matter what choice we make honestly, but I don’t think it’s fair to paint it as if the pressure is only one way, when a lot of women, myself included, have felt pressure in the opposite direction too.
And like, not having kids is reversible. Having kids is not reversible by any ethic means. Yet ppl tell women think over the reversible option more than they do the irreversible one.
I love my mum, but when it comes to gender and "womanly roles and traditions" I fall apart from her. I haven't come out to her as Non-binary yet and I NEVER want to have kids, it terrified me, I have a phobia of getting pregnant. I say to her I don't wanna have kids and it's always the same response "that's what I thought at your age but I changed my mind". I get angry and I feel guilty for not being the daughter she thinks I am
I admire how Afrika is strong in her decisions, her parents have done a great job exhibiting strength. I hate how people talk about tubal ligation as a permanent decision but fail to mention that so is parenting. Parenting is more of a risk because you can’t change your mind or else you cause trauma to yourself and another human being. I think people should stop imposing their opinions on others when it comes to bearing children. Do what’s right for you and support those you love.
@Harridira Sivagnanam Yeah but then you will have yo constantly think about birth control pills or condoms. And constantly buy them, whereas getting your tubes tied is a one time thing and then you are free.
Vivian West I’m pretty sure not every single women in the world thinks the same way. For example these moms. Like calm down there are also women that want children 🙄😑
13:17 When she said 'children do better when a mom is at home and she takes on that traditional role', I- That really struck a nerve because my dad was barely at home, he cheated multiple times, he wouldn't know how to talk to me, he barely knew me. at home it was just me and my mum, occasionally my sister because she had already moved out, and from the age of about 5 to 11 I could not speak to anyone of the male species because I just didn't know how -like I was awkward AF. All of my primary school teachers were female (excluding maybe 1 or 2 but you wouldn't catch me putting my hand up in that class) we all believed that the opposite gender had cooties so we didn't interact with them etc. So I am a strong believer that kids NEED to have contact with a member of another gender regularly to feel comfortable in everyday life whether that be a member of their family, a family friend or even a just a teacher because otherwise their not gonna know how to deal with a lot of social situations.
Though I do not agree with having kids and marriage being serious life decision, I do think that if one decides to have these they should be sure and ready for these. I think marriage, since divorce is so common, is just a type of living condition a person chose to live in, I dont think it should be a "serious life decision" because it sounds as if after divorce one cannot get marry again, no judgement btw this is just my opinion. And having kids is rather a responsibility one chose to carry, which is why I think if a person decides to have kids they should be ready and really sure about it because regretting it would be too late by the time, like considering capability of carrying a kid, finance, patience, etc.
There's a lot of negative connotation to "social media influencer" Because many of these "influencers" only have around 2,000 followers and many who do have a big following feel entitled and popular.
Kat Spratt if my daughter told me that I would also try to be soft about it to her because rebellious teens or adulteens will do the damn thing just to prove their point when you show you disagree
Pandore LDR ol bro or maybe she was actually a good mother and was actually supportive of whatever she wanted to do. Instead of what you said and faking it so she doesn’t rebel. And bruh shes 26 not a teen. Lol
@@pandoreldr4232 Yessss. Lol You're actually ready to be a parent, unlike all the philosophizers here (myself included). Respect + psychology right there
Pandore LDR, oooor you could just respect her decision. once you turn 18 (at least where i live) you’re an adult, and are allowed to do what YOU really wanna do
One of the biggest issues my mother and I had when I came out as a lesbian was that I would never carry her grandchildren. I was so upset, hurt and confused. I guess I understand where she's coming from as it's probably been one of her dreams for me, and I respect that, but it weighs so heavily on my shoulders. Even after 6 years of me being out (she's very accepting now and she's my number 1 supporter) I can't help feel extremely guilty for not following the life she wanted for me. This episode really helped me realize that I'm not alone, straight or not.
"I think children do better when a mom is at home and she takes on that traditional role" I respect that that is her opinion and it's great that this works for her, but as someone who grew up with a working mom and stay-at-home dad i can 100% say that shaped a lot of who i am and what i value. Being able to see that men can be sensitive and caregivers just as much as women, and that women can be leaders in the workplace and provide most of the financial support for her family was really important for me to learn. Obviously these traits don't apply solely to stay-at-home dads or working moms (housewives can also be strong women and working dads can also be caring/giving) but this was how i saw them manifest in my own parents.
Me too my mom is the one who has the most stable income and my father has raised us as a stay home dad for 5 years and every other day each parent handles the cooking, and does an equal amount of chores no matter if my dad is working or not. It truly is unique to be raised this way because I know how strong I am.
I didn't want kids ever. I'm 40 now, married for 20 years. And guess what??? I *still* don't want any kids! There is no compromise between 0 and 1 kids.
When Annamarie started talking about her daughter being engaged, I teared up. I was so worried about disappointing people I actually went through it and was divorced soon after. I wish my parents had said something like that to me
@Alex Dighton"Gender steriotypes formed due to men and womens gereral desires." mmmmh, no. Nowadays, gender roles are just a remanant of religion. Which came from tribal societies. We don't live in tribes anymore. Humanity has secured food and succeeded in creating an environment where we no longer have to *survive*. So, we don't need gender roles anymore. "Men find happyness in providing for the family and women for care for the family." There are more than a few exepctions to your rule. Especially on the woman part. It's simply extremly disadvantagious for her. Gender roles don't work for anyone. The best is to let people make their own decisions.
I wish topics like these were treated the same as they are for men as they do for women. This idea that marriage and children only affects women seems odd to me.
Hey everyone - thanks so much for watching this amazing conversation. Thank you to SK-II for making this episode possible! If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out SK-II's amazing docu-series #Timelines with Katie Couric (th-cam.com/video/isfY58KGNtk/w-d-xo.html) that addresses pressures women face all around the world. Love you all - thanks for watching and supporting!
Jubilee you did not include a sample of Hispanics or Arabs. Their perspectives are important as well. I didn't watch the video all the way through because of the lack of inclusion.
@Jose Tafoya
They can’t include someone of every single race. Inclusion is great but that doesn’t mean forcing in every single person with a difference in sexuality/race/gender etc... People have many different perspectives and I know for a fact he main thing that influences my perspective is not the color of my skin.
Also! Jubilee, do “can fathers and sons see eye to eye?” If love to see the perspective of fathers vs. sons and the pressures they face in society as men.
Jubilee you should do parents that are against spanking vs parents that are not
Jose Tafoya they had an Asian, black and white relationship, they can only have 3 different races? They have and will be in other videos
Please don’t have a child to ‘just experience it.’ If the experience is bad, your stuck with that ‘experience’ for 18 more years, and maybe more.
I cant imagine anyone regretting having a child. Maybe the toddler years are hard but i just cant see anyone regretting becoming a mom.
@@jadecanney9791 some people don’t want the responsibility and kids are very time consuming.
@@jadecanney9791 I’ve heard of mothers that regretted having their kids years after giving birth. I’ve also heard of mothers that say it to their children’s faces that they are a “mistake” and if you know how terrible these things affect those children, you’d literally weep for them
That’s why it’s best to have children only if you want to and if you don’t want, it’s totally fine if you decide not to have kids.
@@jadecanney9791 Tell that to all the kids in the foster and adoption system. Not all of them are there because their parents kicked the bucket. Also, mothers abuse their children too, I don’t think that really represents wanting your kid.
@@jadecanney9791 Some people have kids and do regret it, even if they love them if they could go back they'd not redo it, this is something people have actually said, for some having children destroys their lives
Having a child isn't about your experience it's another life tf
No it's both because you both grow together as parent and child adding to each others lives and taking care of each other.......once done properly anyway. Having kids is more than just feeding them just like how you were & are a person and not just a mouth to feed.
Really lets you know how much of a selfish decision it is for a lot of people. "Let me bring this non-existent person into the world for my own personal pleasure."
@@onetwentyfour wtf
Rahman Cyrus
But if you are only having one for an experience like how she phrased it. If you don’t feel ready or don’t want them then you shouldn’t have one just for the experience
@@rdkdkf5032 People think that way, sadly
There is nothing wrong living by traditional gender roles. However, there is something wrong with forcing those roles.
YES
Yeah someone should have pointed this out to Annemarie. No-one is saying they're inherently bad, the issue is when they're constricting. If you love being a housewife that's great, but it shouldn't be expected of you.
Additionally I think to live by traditional gender roles you don’t have to do everything to a T. You can live traditionally but it doesn’t have to be tradition always. I think couples should make whatever changes to gender roles as they see fit. It’s about what’s practical and what works for them.
definitely
Thank you
"What is a successful woman without a husband?
A successful woman."
Yes
Yes and thank you
Exactly
Periodt
@TeIt_O ??
I don’t know why this hasn’t been done yet. Husband vs. wife: views on marriage
I agree but not with like..... couples just people who don't know each other would be more interesting
People who don’t know each other and different backgrounds and religions...but married man and woman do lgbtq relationships in another video
I think it hasnt been done as i think if a husband starts talking bout marrage in a negative way he us going to get in trouble and vise versa
YESSS
divorce rates are already too high tho
Afrika's mom keeps making jokes and everyone but her daughter laughs lmao
I thought I was the only one who noticed it, but generally parents are not funny to their kids even comedians it's not often their children find them funny.
That's just how parents are lmao I'm just like that with my dad, there's a point where you know exactly what they're going to say and it stops beinh funny
If they tend to make the same type of jokes, it does become repetitive.
Lol.
blazedbutera I’m just like that with my mom, everybody thinks she’s hilarious
“You need to have one child to at least experience it”
That’s not a good argument. That’s how most of these babies are abandoned,abused,and unloved.
Babies arent a test.
Exactly what I thought. You shouldn't get a dog "just to test it out" and definitely not a kid!!
This!!!
👏
Yeah children aren’t like sky diving, or zip lining, or horse back riding, or driving, or traveling, or riding your bike, or even going to college. They are a permanent thing and once you have them they are a life that depends on you and it’s your job to love them and care for them and make them feel safe and loved and you have to defend them with your life and they are not just some temporary thing that you can do and then when you get tired or bored return them. I can’t believe she said that!
Right, children aren’t that new exciting sounding restaurant in your city.
"You're so young, what do you know about what you want at 25?"
*Got married at 23, had a child at 24*
Is something wrong with that?? Like it is better at that age... you don't get any younger by the day... you'll be older and won't have energy to truly play with your kid.. a female and a male lose some of their fertility with every year..
@@tomotomi2182 You completely missed the point here chief.
I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with having a child at that age. I'm simply pointing out the hypocrisy of this woman's statement. She can know exactly what she wants at 23/24 by getting married and having a child, but a 25 year old not wanting kids is "too young to know what they want". It's beyond hypocritical.
Women's life plans are generally only seen as valid if they involve marriage and children. If it doesn't, then the mentality is always "they will change their minds, they are too young to truly know what they want". Which is ridiculous.
@@tomotomi2182 they aren't saying it's wrong to have kids at 24. They are pointing out the hypocrisy in the white ladies views. How can you tell someone they don't know what they want because of their age when you KNEW what you wanted when you were EVEN younger
my parents are always like "when i was 22 i was already married" yeah because you two didnt use a condom and made my oldest sibling because youre dumbasses
It just goes to show that a 25 year old now is equal to a 13 year old then
"have a child just to experience it"
what're you gonna do if you end up hating motherhood? return it? having a child is a choice, not a requirement
exactly
Whaaat mine came with a free refund
Ikr like wtf💀
"have a child just to experience it" is a huge no for me like???? Having a child shouldn't be a damn experiment whether you want them or not!
Ikr you cant give the child back...
“Just have a child to experience it”
So do I get a refund? 😀
HAHAHHAHAAAAAA
I would have loved if my mom asked for a refund.
Exactly lmao
That shouldn’t be the reason you have kids, and it’s kind of toxic if you do. The kid can end up unhappy, especially if the parents only had the kid to “experience it” and not because they wanted a family.
just keep the receipt
That is called post-birth abortion.
“Who has the right to tell somebody this is what real womanhood and manhood is” really hit me
Apparently the trans community.
John Crocker that’s their gender identity they are not forcing gender roles
@John Crocker
Lol no... cis people are the ones trying to convince trans men and women that they're "not real men" or "not real women". Trans people aren't the ones telling cis people that their genders aren't real. It's literally the opposite.
Ya her mom was pretty insightful
@@johncrocker8927 omg I laughed my ass off reading this 😂😂
The mentality of having children so someone could take care of you when your older is like treating them as an investment and basically planning to make yourself a burden for your children
I really hate it
Well don’t date asians that’s huge in Asian culture but I see nothing wrong with it.
@@IL_Bgentyl you see nothing wrong with having kids just so you can secure your life when you're old, treating them like livestock, essentially? Real nice. I'm Asian too, and I have the basic decency to understand that kids owe NOTHING to their parents. NOTHING. You chose to have kids? It's your responsibility to raise them. You don't get to ask for favours in return for doing something YOU signed up for.
I feel really sorry for your child/children, dude.
@@JustAnotherLokiStan lmao have fun living miserable with no one to care for you when you're 80
@@caesarzeppeli3994 I'd rather have nobody to care for me when I'm old than regret having a kid, make them feel unwanted and give them lifelong trauma, as simple as that. The point of children is to raise a wonderful human being, not to invest in an actual person so you can use them later on. I have other goals in life and kids aren't a part of any of them. I don't want my life disrupted by a kid I don't want only to disrupt an innocent kid's mental health and ruin their life. Parenthood isn't for everyone. If more people understood this basic concept, people like me wouldn't be tr*umatized because of ab*sive immature parents.
I like how Cassandra’s mom said she felt bad for pressuring her daughter.
then she proceeded to tell her to get married before 30 lol
@@sleepyash00 I mean she only said she hoped she'd get married before 30 but I'm sure she meant well, like she said she didn't know Cas felt pressure before that
@@sleepyash00 i mean everyone have a wish for a great future for their loved ones, and its not bad to at least share that with your child. Her mom just want her to have a great life and experience life. And it's equally awesome that the mom supports and listens to her daughter even if it means backing off.
hahah ruined the 666
@@sleepyash00 - She made it a point to say she *hoped*! There's nothing wrong with wanting something different for her daughter. She's obviously trying her best to be supportive of her daughter, despite having a different perspective and working with a cultural divide. As a daughter of a more traditional Korean mother, that earns my respect. I grew up hearing the typical "you need to get married and have kids to support you in your old age" shpiel, but I always knew that my mom would love and respect me even if I didn't.
Are we just gonna ignore how soothing Afrika's voice is
Luis Maldonado is everyone gonna ignore your live broadcasts? yes, we are. :)
Imagine her singing voice
And she has such a pretty name
i don't see a problem with it?
Ong idk who that is but yesss!!!
A kid isn’t an experience it’s a life commitment
YES......I am a first child to my family and after having me they blamed and hated me for the things they couldn't accomplish. I was emotionally hurt and still struggle with the blaming myself for the state my mom end up with and severe mental illness. No kid is an experiment. I am doing well in my education and want to adopt kids in the future with my best friend. We live together and aren't interested in any type of relationship. I hope all things work out and we raise our kids free of emotional baggage
@@valaritas5997 I'm sorry that happened to you. No one should have to experience this😕
@@karawilliams5555 :) ♡.... and I agree, no one should but a lot of people do that is why we should be committed before giving birth to babies or even adopting one.
YES.
@@valaritas5997 that is such an interesting story, I never thought of adopting kids as friends, you are an amazing and unique person and I wish you the best of luck in life!
"Are you scared to disappoint your parents?"
*asian daughter slowly walks forward*
relatable
Who is not thats a good thing
Omg sooo true
VERY TRUE
Relatable to ANY Asian. At all.
I'll give an exception. I feel bad for my parents to be disappointed just in general, but I will not be scared if I have to stand my ground with courage. After all, we're different generations, it's only normal for us to have different perspectives, values and ideals. I respect their personal opinion, but no one can live for me but myself. I will always be the only one responsible for my actions, so I have to make decisions on my own.
some parents: have a child! you need to eXpErIeNcE it you know
also some parents: don't get tattoos! they are permanent, what if you regret them????
Tattoos: permanent, expensive, change your body
Parents:❌
Kids: permanent, expensive, change your body
Parents:✅
Tattoos arent permanent tho
Like you can go over a tattoo or put a child in adoption if you cant look after it well
Tattoo laser removal exists. It's just very expensive.
I think it’s more a thing of child birth is natural while tattoos aren’t.
"What do you know when you're 25." Yet half these women had kids and were married in their mid 20s....and yet THOSE were ok decisions?
It’s not smart to do what she was wanting at that age, just because she could want a kid when she gets older and then she no longer can. That’s a serious thing and to get rid of it at such a young age is wild. Women don’t have to have a kid but most have that urge to have a child because it is a natural thing.
Purg that’s not true, also when having a baby you can also not undo that decision
Shiobhan De Shields nothing I said was untrue dude
John Smith up until now I haven’t met a woman that regretted not having kids.
Purg there are women that are 100% sure they want kids, as there are women that are 100% sure they don’t want kids. With birth control being a pain in the ass, how is getting their tubes tied not a smart decision, when you absolutely don’t want to have kids?
I know where you are coming from, but how is having kids at that age a smarter decision?
Nobody should ever just have at least one child “to experience it”. Parenthood is a long-term commitment that completely changes your life.
They made it sound like it was another toy or something to do for the sake of it. Yikes....
That actually is interesting to me. I know a lot a lot of mothers parents fathers and children in the midwest where I live, at the age of 18 you need to be out of the house independent and on your own. It's a blessing that I'm still allowed to be in this house that I'm in. My mom could have kicked me out a long time ago would she is legally able to do yes, because I am over 18 and an adult legally. That's a scary realization that I had learned when I found out that legally, she did not have to take care of me anymore. So that took some gustel out of me and the things that I wanted to be.
Like she really said that so confidently wtf 👀
ikr it’s not like if you don’t like being a parent you can just get rid of the kid. I think you should think twice before having a kid, being a parent will change your life in so many ways
I don't think she meant it quite like that. I mean obviously she raised 5 children, made some huge sacrifices for them, and apparently did a great job from the looks of her daughter in this video and the other one she discussed a little bit.
I don't think she's minimizing the level of commitment it takes for a woman to be a mother. I think she's saying childbirth and motherhood is one of the heights of the female experience. Which it is if that's what a person wants. To be able to make that sacrifice of your time, your body, your priorities, the amount of love a mother has for her children is one that I don't think can be eclipsed by any other human connection.
She wants that for her daughter. My mother wants that for me. And it can be hard for them to understand this generation of women who have more options and more freedom to say no to motherhood.
The problem is not even the marriage. I think most daughters have grown up seeing toxic marriages and how patriarchy makes marriages a gender thing instead of a partnership.
I completely agree. My parents divorced when I was really little and that influenced my perception on marriage and relationships in general, even at an early age. Although my parents were very caring towards me, I didn’t grow up in a nuclear family so it can be difficult to imagine myself married with my own kids
Also side note, I love your username 👀
100% agreed
I agree with you, and that’s made me feel bad about marriage. But now as a strong independent woman, I have a different opinion about marriage. I think we can overcome toxic marriages by avoiding them, so the person should be sure about his/her partner. Also, the worst thing about toxic marriages is being with the wrong person and not getting divorced !
Exactly
Anne Marie should not feel apologetic for her life. This is the whole point: you do what works for you. But don’t impose what works for you on someone else’s life.
She shouldn't feel apologetic for her life, but I think she was belittling Afrika when she said she wanted to get her tubes tied.
Luna Lovegood I mean, at 25 you really don’t know whether you want kids or not. She really wants her tubes tied so that she could have sex without worrying about pregnancy. But she doesn’t understand that the whole act of sex is to have child...
@@cookie1271 the other act of sex if for enjoyment for both parties, so she she doesnt want a kid she could ya know fearlessly enjoy her partner's company
Cookie Cookie I think she understands that if you want a child, the easiest way to do it is to have sex. But if AnneMarie made the extremely life shaping choice to have a kid at 24, than why should she belittle Afrika for tying her tubes at 26? It just seems like flawed, biased logic.
@@zoekleinschmit2966 its not the easiest way its the way u meant to have kid animels do it to what kid are that live on after you die they are also their own person in a way u live on
It really frustrates me when people associate being a mother with carrying a child. There are other options to being a mother besides experiencing pregnancy. Also, a child is a choice. Not a requirement.
I absolutely agree.
I totally agree...
I strongly agree
Yeah one thing is being a mother, a kind caring figure that supports you no matter what and will guide you through life like a good parent, and the other is being pregnant for 9months
I agree, but I don't think there's anything wrong with what that woman said about gender roles - I mean she obviously had a positive experience with it and our opinions are based on our experiences so
I do not want children. I'm sick of being told I will change my mind. I'm 27. If I wanted kids I would adopt. There's too many children in homes.
ME- i’m literally a child (13) but i feel the exact same way
Can you imagine, how beautiful it could be for me to form a relationship with a child that is not my blood? I changed that child's life. Thats why i find more beauty in adopting but i truly dont want children either. I am young but truly i feel like my children wont understand the hardships of what ive been through to keep that child happy, but the other children could have an idea of what life is like.
Same. I'm 27 too and I want kids I just don't want to be pregnant! Adoption!
i'd rather have a cat then kid
What do u mean there’s too many children in homes lol
I love how the Asian mom was able to reflect and hear that her daughter said she has put pressure on her daughter and she apologized for it and said in the future she is an open book and will be there for questions or to just hear her out and support what she wants. I love how this opened her view on her daughters life and feelings and noticed where she may have added extra pressure and that she can now think more about that in the future. That was nice
When afrika's mum was saying that a man could cook, afrika looked so prouddd
My dad doesn’t because he works overnight while my mom works in the day so she cooks, but my dad does know how to make dinner cooking should be for everyone
Wait. Actual loving family???? What's thattttttt
Like she's so proud of her mum, she just listens for she already knew her mum is expected to speak volume ❤❤❤
i wish I knew how to cook my parents taught my sisters to cook, when my sister was my age she was making food for me and I don't even know how to boil an egg
Frrr I saw that
“You need to have a child to at least experience it.”
lol like children just despawn.
LyLA NeWmAN 😂
Basically the sole reason why people in my country marry.
Well for women they don't have all the time in the world to have a baby if they want to have one.
@@marshiemellow3232 you clearly missed her point.
Marshie Mellow In 3rd world countries they are not so busy and get pregnant all the time
“Just have a child to experience it” oh okay and if I don’t like it, do I just return it??
If you don't like it you commit a crime of killing it, duh
Lmao 😂
Where's the receipt..?
@Loki Animations yes because having children is the biggest contribution to society
Katy Samuel Borgen girl I cant stress this enough !!!!!
Loki Animations so because I don’t want a kid, I’m not contributing to society? Mhm interesting 🤔
I just wanted to add that if Afrika does change her mind and wants to have kids she can always adopt 🤷🏽♀️ you dont have to physically birth kids to be a mother
Fr
I was literally so annoyed and i was yelling this to the screen. If u do wanna have a baby bc u want to experience to be pregnant, then u are selfish Bc that’s a life commitment. Likee ugh im so annoyed.
No but there is something different when a child comes from your womb there’s no denying that . But motherhood is still the same. It’s just pregnancy itself is an experience vs just adopting a child, if you understand my point .
@@TheMsLollidella That's the thing; many people don't want to go through being pregnant. For me personally, the idea having a living thing inside me disgusts me. And then all the pain for getting it out, the risk of dying for it? Not worth it when there already are so many children who need to be adopted.
People always suggest adoption like it is the easiest thing to do. It really isn't. Whilst I 100% encourage people to adopt if they wish to, I do not want to delude people that it's an easy decision to make. Having a child at all is not an easy decision to make, for various reasons. I'm just tired of hearing people adopt thinking it will be easy, and then returning that child. So heartbreaking.
people be thinking about marriage while i can’t even get someone to love me
Same
Welp you have bts😂
Yeah same here. Also I see both ARMY and stays in this comment section and I’m honestly living for it
The fabulous Dodocorn same💀 I’m literally nobody’s type
Same. I get asked out a lot but by people I don't even know or have interest in. 😔✊🏻 sad truth
“I definitely believe in letting a man be a man, but he can cook too.”
What a Queen 👏🏻👑
@@luismaldonado4989 lmao FACTS
@@luismaldonado4989 Assuming things without knowing...🙄
Letting a man be a man is still upholding gendered stereotypes. There's really nothing praiseworthy about the follow up statement
@@baabaq9126 agree
Yeah but what is being a man
Not everyone is supposed to be a mom. And it’s okay.
But yet the ones that shouldn't be moms become moms.
@@prnst4r The worst thing ever i stg. Its so sad.
This is true...but yet many of those woman become mothers and shouldn't be.
Wittle Kitten a perfect example is jen cohn
HiByebtwn damn right
Having children is the BIGGEST commitment you will ever make! Children affect your health, happiness, finances, freedom, your dreams, every aspect of your life. I find it shocking we collectively have this enormous pressure to fit the "ideal mother" stereotype. I'm so encouraged that women and girls are pushing back on this narrative. Of course, have children if you are passionate about it, but women without children are just as valid, just as amazing and just as capable of living a fulfilling life.
Typical point of view of a US citizens know with most selfish society, without value. A child doesn t "affect" dreams, freedom neither finance or health, it s the way you take your role as parents that will do it, if you love your child and are able to raise him/her/them I don t see how it can be awful.
You américains are the reflection of this decadence that affect the new generations in the west.
Period.
Exact same episode, but men instead of women.
That'll be a short episode...
@DarthYuYevon Men
DarthYuYevon Women and men lol
@@enayam.n.6084 what? No. I straight up mean fathers vs sons.
@DarthYuYevon nor you
Marry whoever you want, whenever you want, IF you want. Simple.
Exactly girl👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
*assuming the other person feels the same. "Marry whoever you want" is a little depressing to read because they have to want it too
These people make things harder.
Agree with that. It's hard to find a good awesome human being
Calista Davis thankyou
when will people understand that not everyone is parent material. not everyone is fit to be a parent. having a child is not just an experience. you are bringing a person, a whole and different person, into this world. you have so much impact on someone else’s life. you having a child has so much more affect on that child than you and your partner. so many people get so fucked up because their parents should not have had kids.
White Sky I don’t think it has nothing to do with being prepared but about thinking really well what responsibilities come with being a parent and bringing another life to this world. We are thinking it more carefully what a child bring to us.
@@Italsik it's not that people are ignorant. It's people literally do not want to experience parenthood.
Like me. I like kids I don't want them for myself though. I don't want the responsibility of taking care of a kid. Not that I couldn't learn how to. I just don't want to.
I'm not parent material because I'm not willing to make those sacrifices.
White Sky i agree with some of what your saying, back in my high school years there was a class were they teach you the basis of taking care of a baby and let you take a robot baby to experience parenthood.. sadly that class was removed for whatever reason.
And yes some who don’t expect to have a child can learn form experience that way or ask for any relative who has kids for advice and I totally agree with that.
But even then there are people who don’t change, like abusive or strict parents. There are crime cases of parents killing there own children. Some parents just give up parenting their own child
I believe that some people can become good parents, but not all will be the perfect parent material
I wish my mom could've read this comment before getting pregnant with me and my sister. I'm not saying I'm not thankful for her giving birth to us. It's just she gave us up. She shipped us off somewhere she *"thought"* was better for us, because, she went there when she was 14 (my age now)... But those years sucked so bad. And the one chance she got to get us back, she didn't. She blamed the people who SAVED my sister & I. ha! She isn't in our lives anymore, because she couldn't own up to her own faults. It's sad that I can't have my mother in my life because of the things she did. And she will not blame them for taking us into their lives... they didn't have to but they did.
AMEN!!!!!! GLORY HALLELUJAH!!!! SO GLAD YOU SAID THAT!!!!
I remember once when I was around 8 or 9 years old, I used to take arabic class with one of my mom's friends. After the class, they were gossiping (like all people do lol) about their friends' daughter. She was in medical school, a really smart woman, very accomplished, yet the only thing my mother and my teacher were talking about was the fact that she was 30 and wasn't married. Not that she was an amazing person, had a kind demeanor, was almost out of medical school. It was that it was such a shame that she was too old to get married. I remember thinking that sounded so weird, and even at such a young age, that was implanted into my head. I still remember it 5-6 years later and it kind of still annoys me that people think that way. I'm not saying it's wrong to get married, I'm saying it's wrong to define a person based on their marriage status or something like that.
Update on the woman though, she graduated medical school with high honors, has a great job, isn't married, and is living an amazing life :D
Lol I remember overhearing my mother and Algerian grandfather talking on the phone about how tragic it was that I was single and i was only 23 at the time. Arab grandparents are the worst when it comes to that stuff lol
dayummm mashallah 😻😻😻
This is the same for me, except it's with my cousin brother. It's never about how happy he is single or whether he has a successful job but always about how he's not even dating yet.
@@cassandra3180 frr
Motherhood should be an extension of being a woman, not the definition.
Jupiter Jones sooo true 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Well said. 🙌
I love this
So im not a father. But fatherhood should be an extension for me?
@FetoohGaming "The dream" for every women? No.
It’s okay being a housewife as long as that is what you and your partner want. Feminism is having the opportunity to choose the life you want to live, not a tool with which to mold a woman’s life to fit the modern world.
Modern feminism hates the traditional mother and wife.
Finally
Feminism is women being entitled to choose whatever they want and men having to provide it societally.
@@poocrayon4588 feminism is equality between the sexes. Men and Women being equal. It’s not raising men above women or raising women above men.
@@lauren.r29 Feminism is equality between the sexes as defined by women. Which isnt really equality at all.
Equal according to who? Feminists? Who deciedes on what kind of "equal" society we will have? Feminists think they should of course and they always have a new theory as to why that should be the case. So feminism is not about a mutually beneficial equality reached by consensues between the sexes but is about womens version of equality which suits them coming to pass. Which isnt really equality at all. And clearly if women have more of a say in that it does raise the opinion of women above that of men. But keep on with the simplistic definitions Im sure Im sure they appeal to women who are already biased to agree and who arent capable of thinking any deeper.
I’d love to see a middle ground on Working Moms vs Stay At Home Moms!
Aleah’s Life
LMueuuis m
I
YES
You know this would get heated lol
Both are hard work.
Yassss this is so good 👌🏽
"do i owe her a grandchild? Because of all she's done for me?" no. you don't owe her anything for simply being a mother to you, and doing what she should because she's the one who brought you into the world. you don't owe anyone anything
\
If your parents were. Or abusive,then just remember your mother carried you inside of her,loved you,nurtured you and your father probably broke his back to provide for you the best things in life,nothing you do in this life can ever pay back the sacrifices your parents made,you cam never pay the, back,be grateful for the things you have in life
*if your parents were not abusive,I meant
@mio well said
@@mio8765 except parents should give a reason for the child to want to respect and love them, it’s a two way street. the parents asked for the child the child never asked for any of this; You can’t expect them to owe parents anything, of course unless your parents are abusive/awful parents you SHOULD respect them and love them; but also in most cases of a child never loving their parents it is because of cases of abuse/bad parents
This is such a disgusting mindset. I get it if your parents were abusive or something of that sort, but if they put a roof over your head, food on your plate, clothes on your back, or if they tried their hardest to do so and do what is best for their kids, you shouldn’t feel you need to give your parents grandchildren, but you should have the mindset that you owe your parents the world and then some.
Am I the only one who likes how soft and soothing Afrika’s voice is?
Same !
I wish the real Africa was the same way.
@@aclstudios It is despite the propoganda racists spread. Much of Africa is wonderful with amazing people, I would know as someone who has lived there. Your unnecessary comment says more about you.
Gen D sameee
Yes and I also like her mom a lot as well
My mom had her tubes tied. She never wanted a child of her own. She was a foster parent. I was a foster child who came into her care and she fell in love with me and adopted me. If she had not gotten her tubes tied, she would have never been my mom. I'm so grateful to have had her for my mother. Goes to show that if you get your tubes tied, but later want children there are other options than giving birth.
EDIT: Thank you everyone for your kind words! My mother was a fantastic woman with a lot of heart and humor. She's no longer with us, but she taught me a lot about what it means to be strong, selfless, and true to yourself.
That's not your real mother though.
@@zombieat Yes that is her real mother and always will be. There is so much more to motherhood than blood relation to the children.
Monse Esparza a woman’s Fallopian tubes (that carry the eggs from the ovaries to the uterus) are cut and tied so she can’t get pregnant
@@zombieat Sure as hell was more of a mom to me than my birth mother ever was! She will always be my mom. She's the one who raised me, gave me love, and was always there for me when I needed her. Go try your trolling somewhere else.
That's such a lovely story 💜
That white mom literally said that you need to have a child just to experience it but I don't think she realizes that you have to commit your entire life to that child even if you never even wanted it.
Not much sence there😒
@@tinahuttner7280
And there isn’t much grammar in your sentence either 😌💅🏼
@@EatWaterForTheWin I was just saying w the mom that’s has the pink shirt on, she doesn’t really have any sence in the fact she said “you just have to experience motherhood” you can’t just walk away from it.
Exactly. It kinda seems like she’s not really a mom lol. Or her children are just angels. I think you should have kids if you truly want kids and you have the time and money for them, because they’re a huge commitment. Plus, some people don’t have the money or time for kids. That can lead to children being mistreated, left alone for long periods of time, not having a home or food, etc.
@@heyadora6207 ha you think that girl is staging on being her daughter? That’s really pathetic if she is😒
Y'all just remember that NOT wanting to have children it's NOT selfish!
"What do you know when you're 25" says the woman who got married at 23
@Alex Dighton the point is that that mother made a huge life decision at a younger age than the daughter did. So devaluing her choice based on age is ignorant.
@Alex Dighton wisdom is useless when the world around you changes.
quinniet ftw THAT PART
@Alex Dighton intelligence is in the head not in the age its a turkish proverb btw
@@kardelenkelek229 aa türk buldum
I just find it ironic that the mum's were there saying they had babies and got married at 23/24 but when their daughter says they don't want to get married or have babies, their response is 'but what do you know when you're so young' how patronising is that?
Imagine being 24 and wanting to have kids and someone says: are you sure? what do you know at 24? you can't change your mind after having kids.
well, the parents speak after hindsight. They now (as parents) know that it is important to have traditional family and have kids.
This isn't about marriage either, it's how us women has an expiration date to produce children. I think that's the other reason
What.... I hope you don’t force your kids to have a child
Being patronizing doesn't invalidate your point though. And getting married/having kids isn't the same as getting your tubes tied
Even if you get your tubes tied and regret your decision at 40 years old... then adopt! So many children need a mother right now, and are waiting to be adopted.
foreign swagger session 🙏🏾
@Loki Animations and I know plenty of family members who couldn't have kids and adopted and are AMAZING parents.
@Loki Animations umm what? If an adoptive parent is abusive they'd still be abusive even with their own biological child. Your comment is irrelevant here.
Loki Animations thank you adoption is not as great as it made out to be. Most foster kids don’t get into good homes. If they are, they are lucky
Loki Animations Hello again, troll. Amazing how you always add unnecessary negative information and sweeping generalizations that only hurt the very people you are using as a prop in your trolling. Sad.
My mom got married (was forced and emotionally blackmailed because my grand father's health was declining and HE wanted to see her married before dying) to my father who she NEVER SAW before, he was 27 at the time!!
I was born the next year!
And they ask me why I have so much hate for this marriage culture
I have seen may forced marriages too😢😓btw which culture do you come from?
Indian?
Same dude.. My mother was 19 and my dad was in his 30s ... I am glad she had the choice to had me when she was 22...
@@nailanoorein2086 judging from the name, she is desi
Can birth moms and adoptive parents see eye to eye?
Heiwot Aklilu I’d love to see that. There are so many reasons women give up their children. My birthmom loved me and could have kept me but my birth father wasn’t a good influence on me. She and I still have a relationship still which I’m glad about.
@@simplydarkness2363 yess
Psychotic Nature do you like ur birth mother or adopter mother more or the same? Whom do u live with?
I currently live with my adoptive mom. I’m much closer with my adoptive mom but I stay in contact and see how things are going with my birth mom and half brother. دنووشهة مًٰــصٰـــلٰاويٰــةة
Heiwot Aklilu OH MY GOSH!!!! You Have no idea how much this resonates... I have two moms, my actual mom (met her at 33) I’m now 35! My two moms do NOT see eye to eye it’s crazy.
A Father vs Son on this subject and gender roles would be amazing
Agreed. I’d very much like to see divorced fathers talking to their sons about the risks of marriage and losing property because of court bias. That would be a very intriguing and somewhat heartbreaking conversation.
@@stanfordfeynman2796 That would be nice, but I doubt it would happen though, hugely doubt it.
plEASE
YESSSSSSSSS
J.u.D. They should talk about why men teach boys not to cry
I do not think that the housewife in the pink shirt should be ashamed about her family dynamics. Every family is different and if that works for her and makes her happy, then that is totally fine. She sounded ashamed that she lets him take care of all the financial stuff but if that's something she's not great at, its okay to leave that to him. Taking care of the home and doing chores etc is also a very difficult task. Feminism is not only about women being incharge but being happy and comfortable in the roles they want to play be it breadwinner or housewife. she does not seem like she feels oppressed by it so there's nothing to be ashamed off.
Exactly! It's a good fit for some people. The only pushback should be if it's not what you want and you feel pressured by an overbearing person.
I agree. Feminism was/is about allowing women new opportunities, not forcing them into an entirely new role if they don’t want it. If you want to be a CEO who runs the company with an iron fist, good on you, if you want to stay home, clean, and be taken care of, that’s great too.
Agree 1000%.... women shouldn't be shamed for managing their homes and family.....Instead of "Stay-At-Home-Mom/Wife", they should be called an "Overseer of Domestic Affairs"! ... She's an ODA - RESPECT!
Agreed, it’s all about not pushing your views on other people, and respecting other people’s choices - if she feels it’s right for her but respects that it’s not right for everyone then there’s no problem
Nowadays, there is such a stigma about being a SAHM. I am one, and our family functions very much like hers with a few exceptions. My husband takes care of all the financial stuff. I feel shame sometimes because of that. Not that I'm not capable, but that I'm viewed as less because I'm ok with him.
I feel there is also a stigma (in some circles) of moms who go to work instead of staying home, too. We are all different and have different needs.
I don't agree with a lot of Annemarie's opinions, but I appreciate the kindness she approaches it with. It worked for her and that's wonderful - the challenge is, when your marriage fails (which is statistically very likely) and you are not in control of your finances, all of a sudden you can end up with nothing, if your husband was the sole provider.
I do not owe anyone a child just because of what I have between my legs. I am a woman and not having a child or not getting married doesn't make me any less of one.
Imma frame this
FACTS
I completely agree
yas gurl, peridot
i have literally never wanted children, i have been saying it since i was an actual child myself. i've tried to get my tubes tied since i was 25 but, you know i "might change my mind" 🙄 i'm 42 now and they still won't let me so...yay. Still get asked when i'll have kids all the time.
Moms, not everyone can have kids. We are more than our reproductive parts. Saying “becoming a mom is the most fulfilling role a woman can be” (our anything similar to that statement) makes those who are childless not by choice feel so insignificant. Women need to feel like they are enough just being who ever they are meant to be, whether they have offspring or not.
Yesss finalllyyyyy somebody understands what I am trying to say
This is beautiful and so true.
I wish i have the courage to say this to my traditional parents
@@rarebreednoel Just do it, they need to know and to hear you say that it's your body and your choice!!
@@maaike4 nah they'd probably have a heart attack if i said this lmao
So, she thinks 25 is a perfect age to get married and have children but not to get her tubes tied
exactly, its a good age to decide to have children, but not a good age to decide not to have children... hmmmm
Because many people change their mind on not wanting to have children
@@Silverswitch1 adoption is always an option in that case, it's not the end of world lol
Grim Wills more dangerous the other way, i feel. it is infinitely worse to bring a child in this world and regret it. my mother decided she wanted children until she was 35 and i know she regrets it. she hates her life, everyone in my family hates their lives and each other consequentially.
Grim Wills you should follow what you’ve always known
You shouldn’t have a kid just for the sake of having a kid. It’s not an “experience” it’s a lifelong commitment.
I was surprised to see the mothers get so emotional over Afrika’s decision to get her tubes tied. Is there not adoption? Surrogacy? Foster care?
Can you be a surrogate if your tubes are tied? Btw I’m not one of those “go back to the kitchen” people, I’m just curious.
Carrie Fifty-Forty-Five I don’t think being a surrogate. I think they meant having a surrogate.
Same! I was really surprised at their reactions.
I mean I think it is an experience but just like not everyone wants to go skydiving, not everyone wants to have children. But...your mind can also change so tying tubes is a really big decision and yes there are other options but I’m sure it’s not the same feeling as carrying the baby(s) yourself
I think it is because tubal ligation contrary to a vasectomy for men is pretty much irreversible for one. You can always change your mind about sky diving, but not about carrying your own child after that procedure. I can imagine that a lot of mother’s (especially those who felt so called to this purpose in a way) who gave birth themselves had quite the profound experience through this rite of passage and being the carrier and channel of that life that probably only they can truly understand. And then if you have that experience that was mind shifting maybe in so many ways it can make someone sad it will no longer be possible for some else in that way. And also sometimes it happens that for a moment the me/ you separation isn’t felt strongly and somebody else’s decision can make it feel like it affects your own. That’s my thoughts anyway.
“What do you know at 25?”
-*gets married at 23*
lmao. you DEFINITELY know whether you want a kid or not at 25 and have your own freedom to choose
She’s still married so at least she knows something. If it was gonna come from anyone at least her
@@alinas.3433 Exactly like 25 is the best time to choose where you want your life to go, you've already gotten a taste on how adult life is and had good timing to map out how you want the rest of your life to go.
TEA 👏🏿
Ailyn Song actually the majority of women who don’t want to get married and have children in their twenties change their mind in their thirties
That’s the most flexible Asian mom I’ve ever seen. WOW.
Rarity
Ikr
My mom would act cool in front of other people but after that, I ain't got food for a week
@@mr5mirrors that's mad 😭😂🙈sorry I had to laugh 🙊😝🙉
Brian Abisdid not with that accent she’s not completely Americanized
Her getting her tubes tied doesn't mean she can't still have children. The fact that people keep forgetting about all of these children in the world with no homes, no families boggles my mind.
Yes!!! Adoption and surrogacy!! I hate it when people think the most acceptable way to have kids is through getting pregnant. Any kid whether adopted, birthed, or surrogate is your kid!
She is too young to have her tubes tied. Very sad. I pray my daughters don’t grow to be modern feminists!! This is very sad to watch.
@@Ummkelechi They can still adopt!! And if your daughters don’t want kids it’s their choice and as a parent you should respect that. Not everyone wants to be a mother and that’s fine. It’s also ok to be a modern feminist. Not all feminists get their tubes tied.
@@Ummkelechi I pray your daughters will put you in a retirement home instead of taking care of you.
@@m.a.1111 what an evil prayer. I pray they will love and care for me as I have done for them. You must be single with no kids! I feel sorry for you!!
When your parents want you to get married at 25 but barely let u leave the house😂.
Thiiiis
And get all pissy about you talking to boys. Like how the hell am I gonna get married if you don’t let me talk to them⁉️
Tradition
As a Muslim girl I completely get it. 😒
One second they’re like abstain abstain abstain the next they’re like WhErE aRe My GrAnDkIdS?!
The whole thing w getting your tubes tied and people being like “but what if you change your mind?!” If that happens then I’ll adopt. Hell I’d probably adopt even if I don’t get my tubes tied bc i 1) don’t want to go thru pregnancy and 2) my mother was adopted so i know how life changing it is for that child
Kaiitoka exactly, plus what if i DO have the child and regret it? No child should have to have a parent that is isn’t all in on being one, or think that their parent resents them
Adoption isn’t the same as having a child the is actually related to you
Kaitlyn
I want to adopt when I grow up. There’s so many kids who deserve a loving home and I want to give them that. I don’t really want to get pregnant, but at the same time I feel guilty because I know my parents are going to want biological grandkids.
@@ilikelebronjames6426 that's so not true!! Do you know how bad that can make kids who are adopted feel when you say that? Being a family, loving someone has nothing to do with blood, "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." This means that that bonds, experience, is what makes family. Get rid of the stigma that blood is so much better, it's not and it's hurtful.
DataPug I feel as though that comment may be very hurtful to a lot of adoptive people. I know that they may not be blood related to you but being blood related to someone does not equal that you’ll love them more
having a kid is NOT for experience. that's a whole responsibility for life. saying "have a kid to experience" is like saying that you can throw the child away easily after you don't want it
edit: i know having a kid is experience but what I'm saying is that it's much more than that and people should think about other things that come with being a parent other than just having a kid.
Sounds like when someone wants a dog lol
@@HaydeLoop pets are nice but I was talking about the lady telling the girl to have a baby for experience which isn't the best statement
Abortion
@@lilithm5167 I'm guessing you don't know what I mean by having a kid for experience.
Parenthood IS an experience
Annemarie: What do you know at 25?
Also Annemarie: I got married at 23.
LOL
We’re going to hear Afrika on the radio one day, wait and see.
We already have, Toto composed it
Bdum ch
@@lucastoft4948 Lmao
Technically we will hear what she wrote, not her 😂
@@lucastoft4948 😂😂😂
I hate the idea that you NEED to have a child. My life has meaning with or without child birthing/rearing.
But you have to give birth. That’s what women are made to do. I think that there are just misconceptions regarding this as many people think that you can’t be as successful if you have a baby.
Vivian West Women don’t HAVE to do anything. If a woman doesn’t want to child, no one has the right to force her to have one.
Vivian West I don’t want a child. You cant force something upon me based on my gender. These are plain stereotypes. Just stop.
Vivian West you wanna tell that to all the infertile women out there?
I'm a male and I do think all people have a responsibility to have kids or adopt to raise the next generation of humans. This likely needs to happen before people turn 40. This equally applies to gay couples, no sex bias here.
I think a “Body hair positive” women vs “women who believe hair removal is important” video would be really interesting!
Liv’s Makeup Channel YES!!
I think they're both crazy tbh. There is nothing important about removing hair, but there's also nothing beautiful about armpit hair.
Just let people live without making it into a Deal.
PriusRaj yes😂
i dont think it would be much of a debate unless they would talk about bodies in general (self esteem, body image, etc) otherwise the video wouldnt be very worthwhile
Huh. I'm in the middle. In some areas of my body, for example my lower legs and armpits, I prefer to be hairless. But I don't really mind having hair on my arms and upper legs.... and mind you, I'm hairy as heck. Look at my eyebrows.
Unpopular opinion: *ALL* of these women seemed very lovely, and it would be cool if they went and got coffee, or something, afterwards.
I wouldn't want to get coffee with the woman in the pink sweater. She got emotional because the girl didn't want kids and was getting her tube tied. And she wanted her daughter to have at least one kid to just "experience it".
@@juli6952 That’s fine.
Probably not that unpopular
Except the lady in pink
I completely agree. All their perspectives, especially the ones that are different from my own, feel they would be valuable. If nothing else, I would get to hear them talk about the thing that allowed them to live the best version of their life. And that's cool.
it took me 21 minutes and 39 seconds to realize that chelsea and anemarie arent mother and daughter :|
Whatttttt???? Reallyyyyy?????
wait what??
They r
Sameee
It took me to reading this comment to realise the same
Afrika’a voice is so beautiful and calming. I’m obsessed.
Yesss I was looking for this I would listen to a podcast with her voice.
Right. Her and her mom's voice is very soothing
It really is.
It really is...
fr though i’ve been tryna find her music 💀
id rather regret not having children then regret having children.
Samd
Same!!!!
I do get the mom, cuz having children is being able to love someone more then yourself and I think that’s really special and I feel like that’s what she’s talking about. But I totally understand that not everyone wants to have kids and the stigma around women not having kids should change
Sameee
I've never seen a woman regretting not having children, but I've seen the opposite
My mom tells me not marry all the time. She tells me her childhood traumas,getting married at 18, and having 5 kids back to back at such a young age was the worst. My mom is not strict but she’s not loving at all. She’s more a friend then a mom. I came to also find out she didn’t want kids. She literally has 5 depressed kids in her hands.
I understand you,in my culture and many other cultures ,I have seen countless forced marriages done when the girls were just 14,15 per 16,and now they have four to five kids and just stuck in misery and depression,my mom too has five kids and she never had a choice in marriage,but she never told us that she regrets having,it was just expected for a girl to be married off ,she raised everyone with love and cared so much,she still cares a lot but she is depressed and suk ideal because of domestic abuse and she can just endure it
That’s entirely messed up
Wow I'm sorry to hear that. I'm the opposite. I'm married with 5 kids and I really want my daughters to get married. I tell them all the time. Please get married and have families of your own. I know it's their choice but I do tell them it's a hope for me to see them have their own families too. But I totally understand they have freewill to do whatever they want.
@@mw87675 why? No seriously why does it matter if they have families? That is YOUR dream. May or may *not* be theirs. They never asked to be here. You chose to put them here. Their life is their own and the only thing you should be “hoping” for is for them to be happy and healthy. Their shouldn’t be any “expectations” for their life considering they never even chose this in the first place!
“You should at least have one kid to have the experience” the women in pink irritates me, you should have a kid just to see what it’s like, if you don’t want kids don’t have them, the worst childhoods come from the ones where they weren’t truly wanted
Exactly what I was thinking. A child isn't an "experience " it's a human being and if you want to have a child you should be sure about it and really want it because as you said the worst childhoods came from the ones that weren't truly wanted. Not everyone is suited to be a parent. Also because you give birth to a child or you helped in the process of that child that doesn't automatically make you a parent. A parent is the one that doesn't just give birth or raises a child , it's the one that cares about the child's wellbeing and happiness, it's the one that loves and supports the child in whatever happens. I truly believe that not anyone can be called a parent and if you want to be called a parent you need to act like one not just say you are one(and that cames from personal experiences).
@@d.k.219 I agree because I was one of those children who neither parent wanted, but they had me and got married because of the pressures of my grandparents even though neither were suited for either parenthood or marraige. I won't go into details, but growing up was a truly horrible expiriance, and it is awful that children are seen as objects that everyone is required to have rather than an actual living being that deserves better than to grow up being neglected and told that they are a burden and a mistake.
Most people may want children, or be pressured to have them, but NO ONE should have a child if they aren't prepared to give it the life it deserves. Or at least one that doesn't suck.
I don't believe she meant it that way, I saw it as more of like these women should be somewhat willing to experience the truly empowering time of carrying a child. Why else would so many women get emotional once their bump appears? It is a beautiful experience. I'm sure she didn't mean they should have a child just to have it, clearly she would want them to be ready for them, both financially and emotionally (If at all!) She's encouraging her own beliefs and likely is projecting and reflecting the moments she felt during her own pregnancy. 🥺
mari m I agree with you! It’s clear that the woman in pink was concerned about Afrika not experiencing something that she found to be an amazing experience. I highly doubt that she would want any child growing up in a household where they were neglected or treated poorly
like you can't do a 30 day trial run with a kid what is she saying'
Afrika’s voice should replace siri. Way to calm.
I agree
Wow! Thank you!! ☺️
Mhm
Yesss
Honestly
"he doesn't do drugs, he doesn't gamble, he doesn't drink, he doesn't womanize.."
the bear minimum to ask for in a partner 🤭
The bar is in hell
@@boredshrimp9425 lmaoooo
Not gambling, not drinking, no drugs is the bare minimum? Lmao...how many people can you name that seriously fits that description? Obviously, "he doesn't womanize" is an expectation...but the others?
'look for the - bare necessities, the simple bare necessities...' haha
@@moealhakani7005 how many men can you name that _do_ fit that description? 😳
Why do people think that having a child will always make you happy, it could make you opposite
Yep. There's been plenty of books about women who have regretted having kids. It's a very interesting topic that I personally don't think is talked about enough
@@19gOfchai yeah! It should be talked about more
I think it's really smart that today's generation only has children if they are ready for it and really want it. Previous generations were pressured into it, even those who didn't actually want to start a family, that's why there are so many broken families. We might make less babies, but hopefully it'll result in a happier, better future for our children, because we make conscious decisions, not just do it because we have to.
@Danijel Mornarić Excellent argument.
They really trying to make females have kids now
@Danijel Mornarić What a great argument, could you please expand just a tad more?
I'm from finland, and actually this country is gona be in a big trouble like in 10 years or so, cos we don't have enough working people to support our elders or other people who can't work. I just hope that people from other countries move in here, cos otherwise there are too many people on the earth. But there are talks that our goverment tries to support people to make more babies. Only time will tell what happens to our country
@Danijel Mornarić i agree with you
I have known my whole life I want to have kids. I want to get pregnant and have them biologically, but because of health issues that might not be possible. I actually think I'd be fine never getting married, but even if I don't I want kids. In a marriage, using a donor, or adopting, I want kids. And no one in my entire life has ever asked, "Well, but are you sure?" Why is it that me being sure I want kids doesn't get questioned, but others being sure they don't want kids is constantly questioned. I've never been told, "Yeah, but what do you know at 19?" but people who don't want kids get told that all the time. It's just ridiculous.
Hailey Terry exactly!!
It depends on if you come from a religious or a secularist point of view. From religion, it's fulfilling and one of the purest forms of love and is a calling. From a secularist point of view, species exist to reproduce. It's unnatural for organisms to desire to not reproduce. Not saying that everyone should become a parent, but those are the basic arguments for parenthood.
@@basketball9013 I understand the arguments for parenthood. My whole comment was about how I want to be a parent. That doesn't explain why people feel a need to questions someone's certainty about their life goals.
I’m sorry, I’m not trying to invalidate your experience because it is true that a lot of women get pressured into having kids. But it is also absolutely the case that a lot of women get pressured into a lifestyle that _discourages_ them from having kids as well, as the lady at 6:14 demonstrates. I also know that whenever I talk to my mom about wanting kids, she also questions me on that (you don’t have a career, do you know what that will that do to your body, just wait until you’re 30 etc), and I know it’s not because she’s malicious but because she wants what she thinks is best for me. We get questioned no matter what choice we make honestly, but I don’t think it’s fair to paint it as if the pressure is only one way, when a lot of women, myself included, have felt pressure in the opposite direction too.
And like, not having kids is reversible. Having kids is not reversible by any ethic means. Yet ppl tell women think over the reversible option more than they do the irreversible one.
6 college grads 1 secret dropout for an odd man out episode
Bird Sahakova that’s a sick fuckint idea
Even better you could do 6 ivy leave college grads and a drop out
That’s an awesome idea!
turtlepat
Not necessarily some people are relieved that they dropped out b/c college wasn’t for them
It depends on the person
Omagawd YASSSSSSSSSSSS
I love my mum, but when it comes to gender and "womanly roles and traditions" I fall apart from her. I haven't come out to her as Non-binary yet and I NEVER want to have kids, it terrified me, I have a phobia of getting pregnant. I say to her I don't wanna have kids and it's always the same response "that's what I thought at your age but I changed my mind". I get angry and I feel guilty for not being the daughter she thinks I am
Please dont feel guilty of who you are 🧡
It's her fault for putting expeditions on you
“Just have a child to experience it" Excuse me do you know where the baby return section is? I no longer want my child.
@Rusty Kinks LMAOAOOAOA
@Rusty Kinks NOT THE POUND 😭
@Rusty Kinks ik im late LMFAOOO
No longer want a child 😂😂 R.I.P that poor soul who found mother like you.
LMAOAOAOA 😭😭😭
"What do you know when you're 25?"
"I'm 26."
Parenting 10/10
That was only 1 year off and umm shes not her parent........so your parenting 10/10 thing is incorrect.
she is not her parent
Why does she thinks she knows Afrika and her future thoughts when she doesn't even know her age tf
@@rahmancyrus65 because no one could tell that wasn’t her mom😭
my dad think im 14
Im 17...
"What do you know when you're 25?"
If that's the case why would you get married before 25??
Exactly!!
Yup!
“And I oop “
That's what she means
U can find love, u can divorce, but u cannot desterilize. U can never change the decision. What Is so difficult to understand?
It would have been really interesting to have this with the daughters being LGBT.
I was thinking the same thing
@Jennifer Diaz yeah but a lot of parents have a lot of different opinions, so it would be more interesting to watch.
I’m glad they didn’t. That is really an issue with women these days.
Glad they didn't. Was nice to have a normal dynamic for once.
I think the expectations are different
I admire how Afrika is strong in her decisions, her parents have done a great job exhibiting strength. I hate how people talk about tubal ligation as a permanent decision but fail to mention that so is parenting. Parenting is more of a risk because you can’t change your mind or else you cause trauma to yourself and another human being. I think people should stop imposing their opinions on others when it comes to bearing children. Do what’s right for you and support those you love.
So well said 🙌🏿
Thank you once you have a child it becomes permanent you can never change your mind you have to deal with what is
@Harridira Sivagnanam Yeah but then you will have yo constantly think about birth control pills or condoms. And constantly buy them, whereas getting your tubes tied is a one time thing and then you are free.
Shuan H. and THATS on period
@Harridira Sivagnanam birth control and condoms don't always work so it's better safe than sorry.
why do all these moms think that being a mom is part of being a woman? It's a choice not a requirement
Generational expectations
Omg ikr 😑
@@caovuonglam not every woman has to give birth dumbass not every woman even can plus there's tons of kids in the foster care and adoption centers
Vivian West I’m pretty sure not every single women in the world thinks the same way. For example these moms. Like calm down there are also women that want children 🙄😑
Vivian West if you force people who don’t want kids to have kids you’re just gonna have a bunch of abandoned, sad children running around.
“I got married at 23”
“What do you know at 25?”
Well they were raised back then to get a famiy and kids so..
Yeah but then you learn together and GROW together... I think if it works, then it works and it can be a really healthy marriage.
Yeah I caught the hypocrisy
it's not hypocrisy at all. getting married and getting ur tubes tied are completely different things.
Free Remi um, no. She said her mother tried hard to make her a super independent woman with a job and a degree
13:17
When she said 'children do better when a mom is at home and she takes on that traditional role', I-
That really struck a nerve because my dad was barely at home, he cheated multiple times, he wouldn't know how to talk to me, he barely knew me. at home it was just me and my mum, occasionally my sister because she had already moved out, and from the age of about 5 to 11 I could not speak to anyone of the male species because I just didn't know how -like I was awkward AF. All of my primary school teachers were female (excluding maybe 1 or 2 but you wouldn't catch me putting my hand up in that class) we all believed that the opposite gender had cooties so we didn't interact with them etc.
So I am a strong believer that kids NEED to have contact with a member of another gender regularly to feel comfortable in everyday life whether that be a member of their family, a family friend or even a just a teacher because otherwise their not gonna know how to deal with a lot of social situations.
May I ask for your race? Black, White, Native, Asian??
In my opinion,children do the best when both the father and mother are responsible with their roles
No one should be pressured into marriage or kids. Those are serious life decisions and you need to be sure and ready.
Though I do not agree with having kids and marriage being serious life decision, I do think that if one decides to have these they should be sure and ready for these. I think marriage, since divorce is so common, is just a type of living condition a person chose to live in, I dont think it should be a "serious life decision" because it sounds as if after divorce one cannot get marry again, no judgement btw this is just my opinion. And having kids is rather a responsibility one chose to carry, which is why I think if a person decides to have kids they should be ready and really sure about it because regretting it would be too late by the time, like considering capability of carrying a kid, finance, patience, etc.
Am I the only one who hates the term social media "influencer"?
Katelyn claire same it’s so annoying
Well what would you call it
@@kaylamarshall8093 maybe a social media guide or specialist?
There's a lot of negative connotation to "social media influencer"
Because many of these "influencers" only have around 2,000 followers and many who do have a big following feel entitled and popular.
I wouldn't mind it if they included how many followers they have so you know if they actually have a following
Can we just appreciate how supportive Afrika's mom was when she knew her daughter wanted to tie her tubes
Kat Spratt if my daughter told me that I would also try to be soft about it to her because rebellious teens or adulteens will do the damn thing just to prove their point when you show you disagree
Pandore LDR ol bro or maybe she was actually a good mother and was actually supportive of whatever she wanted to do. Instead of what you said and faking it so she doesn’t rebel. And bruh shes 26 not a teen. Lol
@@pandoreldr4232 Yessss. Lol You're actually ready to be a parent, unlike all the philosophizers here (myself included). Respect + psychology right there
I wanna tie my tubes too tbh.
Pandore LDR, oooor you could just respect her decision. once you turn 18 (at least where i live) you’re an adult, and are allowed to do what YOU really wanna do
One of the biggest issues my mother and I had when I came out as a lesbian was that I would never carry her grandchildren.
I was so upset, hurt and confused.
I guess I understand where she's coming from as it's probably been one of her dreams for me, and I respect that, but it weighs so heavily on my shoulders. Even after 6 years of me being out (she's very accepting now and she's my number 1 supporter) I can't help feel extremely guilty for not following the life she wanted for me.
This episode really helped me realize that I'm not alone, straight or not.
"I think children do better when a mom is at home and she takes on that traditional role" I respect that that is her opinion and it's great that this works for her, but as someone who grew up with a working mom and stay-at-home dad i can 100% say that shaped a lot of who i am and what i value. Being able to see that men can be sensitive and caregivers just as much as women, and that women can be leaders in the workplace and provide most of the financial support for her family was really important for me to learn. Obviously these traits don't apply solely to stay-at-home dads or working moms (housewives can also be strong women and working dads can also be caring/giving) but this was how i saw them manifest in my own parents.
Me too my mom is the one who has the most stable income and my father has raised us as a stay home dad for 5 years and every other day each parent handles the cooking, and does an equal amount of chores no matter if my dad is working or not. It truly is unique to be raised this way because I know how strong I am.
I loved your comment.
exactly i was raised by my single dad my whole life
love to hear that 🦋
i relate to your comment so much. i love this
I didn't want kids ever. I'm 40 now, married for 20 years. And guess what??? I *still* don't want any kids! There is no compromise between 0 and 1 kids.
You dropped this 👑
Good for you! Don't let society force gender roles on you! You're doing good, lass! :D
I’m sorry you dropped this 👑
Not everybody is like that though, a lot of people just change their mind.
You're an icon
I think the fact that the divorce rate was so high among baby boomers is what discourages millenials from marriage.
I agree, and I think it’s very sad.
Because people get married for all the wrong reasons. It isn’t sad to not get married.
When I was little every wedding I went too I was like let’s see how long this lasts
yup
That is exactly why I'm scared of getting married
When Annamarie started talking about her daughter being engaged, I teared up. I was so worried about disappointing people I actually went through it and was divorced soon after. I wish my parents had said something like that to me
Afrika looks so proud of her mom while she’s talking about how she took her kids with her to finish her master’s degree ☺️
No, marriage is not necessary. Our lives our rules.
Besides there is other options then marriage like civil partnership and stuff. Which all comes down to individual choice.
exactly, you don’t need to get married
@SAMURAI 武士 wtf where did propaganda come from?
@SAMURAI 武士 ok boomer
@Alex Dighton"Gender steriotypes formed due to men and womens gereral desires."
mmmmh, no. Nowadays, gender roles are just a remanant of religion. Which came from tribal societies.
We don't live in tribes anymore. Humanity has secured food and succeeded in creating an environment where we no longer have to *survive*. So, we don't need gender roles anymore.
"Men find happyness in providing for the family and women for care for the family."
There are more than a few exepctions to your rule. Especially on the woman part. It's simply extremly disadvantagious for her.
Gender roles don't work for anyone. The best is to let people make their own decisions.
I’d like to see this with the sexes flipped.
Fathers vs Sons
Mothers vs Sons
Fathers vs Daughters
Do it with marriage and also with careers.
PockASqueeno exactly .. responses would look different
Yes this would be great
Yesss the genders fliped
I wish topics like these were treated the same as they are for men as they do for women.
This idea that marriage and children only affects women seems odd to me.
Fathers daughters one will be a good one