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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ก.ย. 2019
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Hey everyone - thanks so much for watching this amazing conversation. Thank you to SK-II for making this episode possible! If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out SK-II's amazing docu-series #Timelines with Katie Couric (th-cam.com/video/isfY58KGNtk/w-d-xo.html) that addresses pressures women face all around the world. Love you all - thanks for watching and supporting!
Jubilee you did not include a sample of Hispanics or Arabs. Their perspectives are important as well. I didn't watch the video all the way through because of the lack of inclusion.
@Jose Tafoya
They can’t include someone of every single race. Inclusion is great but that doesn’t mean forcing in every single person with a difference in sexuality/race/gender etc... People have many different perspectives and I know for a fact he main thing that influences my perspective is not the color of my skin.
Also! Jubilee, do “can fathers and sons see eye to eye?” If love to see the perspective of fathers vs. sons and the pressures they face in society as men.
Jubilee you should do parents that are against spanking vs parents that are not
Jose Tafoya they had an Asian, black and white relationship, they can only have 3 different races? They have and will be in other videos
“Just have a child to experience it”
So do I get a refund? 😀
HAHAHHAHAAAAAA
I would have loved if my mom asked for a refund.
Exactly lmao
That shouldn’t be the reason you have kids, and it’s kind of toxic if you do. The kid can end up unhappy, especially if the parents only had the kid to “experience it” and not because they wanted a family.
just keep the receipt
That is called post-birth abortion.
Afrika's mom keeps making jokes and everyone but her daughter laughs lmao
I thought I was the only one who noticed it, but generally parents are not funny to their kids even comedians it's not often their children find them funny.
That's just how parents are lmao I'm just like that with my dad, there's a point where you know exactly what they're going to say and it stops beinh funny
If they tend to make the same type of jokes, it does become repetitive.
Lol.
blazedbutera I’m just like that with my mom, everybody thinks she’s hilarious
"What is a successful woman without a husband?
A successful woman."
Yes
Yes and thank you
Exactly
Periodt
@TeIt_O ??
"You're so young, what do you know about what you want at 25?"
*Got married at 23, had a child at 24*
Is something wrong with that?? Like it is better at that age... you don't get any younger by the day... you'll be older and won't have energy to truly play with your kid.. a female and a male lose some of their fertility with every year..
@@tomotomi2182 You completely missed the point here chief.
I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with having a child at that age. I'm simply pointing out the hypocrisy of this woman's statement. She can know exactly what she wants at 23/24 by getting married and having a child, but a 25 year old not wanting kids is "too young to know what they want". It's beyond hypocritical.
Women's life plans are generally only seen as valid if they involve marriage and children. If it doesn't, then the mentality is always "they will change their minds, they are too young to truly know what they want". Which is ridiculous.
@@tomotomi2182 they aren't saying it's wrong to have kids at 24. They are pointing out the hypocrisy in the white ladies views. How can you tell someone they don't know what they want because of their age when you KNEW what you wanted when you were EVEN younger
my parents are always like "when i was 22 i was already married" yeah because you two didnt use a condom and made my oldest sibling because youre dumbasses
It just goes to show that a 25 year old now is equal to a 13 year old then
Having a child isn't about your experience it's another life tf
No it's both because you both grow together as parent and child adding to each others lives and taking care of each other.......once done properly anyway. Having kids is more than just feeding them just like how you were & are a person and not just a mouth to feed.
Really lets you know how much of a selfish decision it is for a lot of people. "Let me bring this non-existent person into the world for my own personal pleasure."
@@onetwentyfour wtf
Rahman Cyrus
But if you are only having one for an experience like how she phrased it. If you don’t feel ready or don’t want them then you shouldn’t have one just for the experience
@@rdkdkf5032 People think that way, sadly
“What do you know at 25?”
-*gets married at 23*
lmao. you DEFINITELY know whether you want a kid or not at 25 and have your own freedom to choose
She’s still married so at least she knows something. If it was gonna come from anyone at least her
@@alinas.3433 Exactly like 25 is the best time to choose where you want your life to go, you've already gotten a taste on how adult life is and had good timing to map out how you want the rest of your life to go.
TEA 👏🏿
Ailyn Song actually the majority of women who don’t want to get married and have children in their twenties change their mind in their thirties
The mentality of having children so someone could take care of you when your older is like treating them as an investment and basically planning to make yourself a burden for your children
I really hate it
Well don’t date asians that’s huge in Asian culture but I see nothing wrong with it.
@@IL_Bgentyl you see nothing wrong with having kids just so you can secure your life when you're old, treating them like livestock, essentially? Real nice. I'm Asian too, and I have the basic decency to understand that kids owe NOTHING to their parents. NOTHING. You chose to have kids? It's your responsibility to raise them. You don't get to ask for favours in return for doing something YOU signed up for.
I feel really sorry for your child/children, dude.
@@JustAnotherLokiStan lmao have fun living miserable with no one to care for you when you're 80
@@caesarzeppeli3994 I'd rather have nobody to care for me when I'm old than regret having a kid, make them feel unwanted and give them lifelong trauma, as simple as that. The point of children is to raise a wonderful human being, not to invest in an actual person so you can use them later on. I have other goals in life and kids aren't a part of any of them. I don't want my life disrupted by a kid I don't want only to disrupt an innocent kid's mental health and ruin their life. Parenthood isn't for everyone. If more people understood this basic concept, people like me wouldn't be tr*umatized because of ab*sive immature parents.
"Are you scared to disappoint your parents?"
*asian daughter slowly walks forward*
relatable
Who is not thats a good thing
Omg sooo true
VERY TRUE
Relatable to ANY Asian. At all.
I'll give an exception. I feel bad for my parents to be disappointed just in general, but I will not be scared if I have to stand my ground with courage. After all, we're different generations, it's only normal for us to have different perspectives, values and ideals. I respect their personal opinion, but no one can live for me but myself. I will always be the only one responsible for my actions, so I have to make decisions on my own.
Please don’t have a child to ‘just experience it.’ If the experience is bad, your stuck with that ‘experience’ for 18 more years, and maybe more.
I cant imagine anyone regretting having a child. Maybe the toddler years are hard but i just cant see anyone regretting becoming a mom.
@@jadecanney9791 some people don’t want the responsibility and kids are very time consuming.
@@jadecanney9791 I’ve heard of mothers that regretted having their kids years after giving birth. I’ve also heard of mothers that say it to their children’s faces that they are a “mistake” and if you know how terrible these things affect those children, you’d literally weep for them
That’s why it’s best to have children only if you want to and if you don’t want, it’s totally fine if you decide not to have kids.
@@jadecanney9791 Tell that to all the kids in the foster and adoption system. Not all of them are there because their parents kicked the bucket. Also, mothers abuse their children too, I don’t think that really represents wanting your kid.
@@jadecanney9791 Some people have kids and do regret it, even if they love them if they could go back they'd not redo it, this is something people have actually said, for some having children destroys their lives
I don’t know why this hasn’t been done yet. Husband vs. wife: views on marriage
I agree but not with like..... couples just people who don't know each other would be more interesting
People who don’t know each other and different backgrounds and religions...but married man and woman do lgbtq relationships in another video
I think it hasnt been done as i think if a husband starts talking bout marrage in a negative way he us going to get in trouble and vise versa
YESSS
divorce rates are already too high tho
The problem is not even the marriage. I think most daughters have grown up seeing toxic marriages and how patriarchy makes marriages a gender thing instead of a partnership.
I completely agree. My parents divorced when I was really little and that influenced my perception on marriage and relationships in general, even at an early age. Although my parents were very caring towards me, I didn’t grow up in a nuclear family so it can be difficult to imagine myself married with my own kids
Also side note, I love your username 👀
100% agreed
I agree with you, and that’s made me feel bad about marriage. But now as a strong independent woman, I have a different opinion about marriage. I think we can overcome toxic marriages by avoiding them, so the person should be sure about his/her partner. Also, the worst thing about toxic marriages is being with the wrong person and not getting divorced !
Exactly
I just wanted to add that if Afrika does change her mind and wants to have kids she can always adopt 🤷🏽♀️ you dont have to physically birth kids to be a mother
Fr
I was literally so annoyed and i was yelling this to the screen. If u do wanna have a baby bc u want to experience to be pregnant, then u are selfish Bc that’s a life commitment. Likee ugh im so annoyed.
No but there is something different when a child comes from your womb there’s no denying that . But motherhood is still the same. It’s just pregnancy itself is an experience vs just adopting a child, if you understand my point .
@@TheMsLollidella That's the thing; many people don't want to go through being pregnant. For me personally, the idea having a living thing inside me disgusts me. And then all the pain for getting it out, the risk of dying for it? Not worth it when there already are so many children who need to be adopted.
People always suggest adoption like it is the easiest thing to do. It really isn't. Whilst I 100% encourage people to adopt if they wish to, I do not want to delude people that it's an easy decision to make. Having a child at all is not an easy decision to make, for various reasons. I'm just tired of hearing people adopt thinking it will be easy, and then returning that child. So heartbreaking.
“You need to have a child to at least experience it.”
lol like children just despawn.
LyLA NeWmAN 😂
Basically the sole reason why people in my country marry.
Well for women they don't have all the time in the world to have a baby if they want to have one.
@@marshiemellow3232 you clearly missed her point.
Marshie Mellow In 3rd world countries they are not so busy and get pregnant all the time
"What do you know when you're 25" says the woman who got married at 23
@Alex Dighton the point is that that mother made a huge life decision at a younger age than the daughter did. So devaluing her choice based on age is ignorant.
@Alex Dighton wisdom is useless when the world around you changes.
quinniet ftw THAT PART
@Alex Dighton intelligence is in the head not in the age its a turkish proverb btw
@@kardelenkelek229 aa türk buldum
I love how the Asian mom was able to reflect and hear that her daughter said she has put pressure on her daughter and she apologized for it and said in the future she is an open book and will be there for questions or to just hear her out and support what she wants. I love how this opened her view on her daughters life and feelings and noticed where she may have added extra pressure and that she can now think more about that in the future. That was nice
Having children is the BIGGEST commitment you will ever make! Children affect your health, happiness, finances, freedom, your dreams, every aspect of your life. I find it shocking we collectively have this enormous pressure to fit the "ideal mother" stereotype. I'm so encouraged that women and girls are pushing back on this narrative. Of course, have children if you are passionate about it, but women without children are just as valid, just as amazing and just as capable of living a fulfilling life.
Typical point of view of a US citizens know with most selfish society, without value. A child doesn t "affect" dreams, freedom neither finance or health, it s the way you take your role as parents that will do it, if you love your child and are able to raise him/her/them I don t see how it can be awful.
You américains are the reflection of this decadence that affect the new generations in the west.
Period.
"have a child just to experience it"
what're you gonna do if you end up hating motherhood? return it? having a child is a choice, not a requirement
exactly
Whaaat mine came with a free refund
Ikr like wtf💀
"have a child just to experience it" is a huge no for me like???? Having a child shouldn't be a damn experiment whether you want them or not!
Ikr you cant give the child back...
I like how Cassandra’s mom said she felt bad for pressuring her daughter.
then she proceeded to tell her to get married before 30 lol
@@sleepyash00 I mean she only said she hoped she'd get married before 30 but I'm sure she meant well, like she said she didn't know Cas felt pressure before that
@@sleepyash00 i mean everyone have a wish for a great future for their loved ones, and its not bad to at least share that with your child. Her mom just want her to have a great life and experience life. And it's equally awesome that the mom supports and listens to her daughter even if it means backing off.
hahah ruined the 666
@@sleepyash00 - She made it a point to say she *hoped*! There's nothing wrong with wanting something different for her daughter. She's obviously trying her best to be supportive of her daughter, despite having a different perspective and working with a cultural divide. As a daughter of a more traditional Korean mother, that earns my respect. I grew up hearing the typical "you need to get married and have kids to support you in your old age" shpiel, but I always knew that my mom would love and respect me even if I didn't.
Y'all just remember that NOT wanting to have children it's NOT selfish!
"do i owe her a grandchild? Because of all she's done for me?" no. you don't owe her anything for simply being a mother to you, and doing what she should because she's the one who brought you into the world. you don't owe anyone anything
\
If your parents were. Or abusive,then just remember your mother carried you inside of her,loved you,nurtured you and your father probably broke his back to provide for you the best things in life,nothing you do in this life can ever pay back the sacrifices your parents made,you cam never pay the, back,be grateful for the things you have in life
*if your parents were not abusive,I meant
@mio well said
@@mio8765 except parents should give a reason for the child to want to respect and love them, it’s a two way street. the parents asked for the child the child never asked for any of this; You can’t expect them to owe parents anything, of course unless your parents are abusive/awful parents you SHOULD respect them and love them; but also in most cases of a child never loving their parents it is because of cases of abuse/bad parents
This is such a disgusting mindset. I get it if your parents were abusive or something of that sort, but if they put a roof over your head, food on your plate, clothes on your back, or if they tried their hardest to do so and do what is best for their kids, you shouldn’t feel you need to give your parents grandchildren, but you should have the mindset that you owe your parents the world and then some.
“You need to have one child to at least experience it”
That’s not a good argument. That’s how most of these babies are abandoned,abused,and unloved.
Babies arent a test.
Exactly what I thought. You shouldn't get a dog "just to test it out" and definitely not a kid!!
This!!!
👏
Yeah children aren’t like sky diving, or zip lining, or horse back riding, or driving, or traveling, or riding your bike, or even going to college. They are a permanent thing and once you have them they are a life that depends on you and it’s your job to love them and care for them and make them feel safe and loved and you have to defend them with your life and they are not just some temporary thing that you can do and then when you get tired or bored return them. I can’t believe she said that!
Right, children aren’t that new exciting sounding restaurant in your city.
So, she thinks 25 is a perfect age to get married and have children but not to get her tubes tied
exactly, its a good age to decide to have children, but not a good age to decide not to have children... hmmmm
Because many people change their mind on not wanting to have children
@@CarterWills1 adoption is always an option in that case, it's not the end of world lol
Grim Wills more dangerous the other way, i feel. it is infinitely worse to bring a child in this world and regret it. my mother decided she wanted children until she was 35 and i know she regrets it. she hates her life, everyone in my family hates their lives and each other consequentially.
Grim Wills you should follow what you’ve always known
I remember once when I was around 8 or 9 years old, I used to take arabic class with one of my mom's friends. After the class, they were gossiping (like all people do lol) about their friends' daughter. She was in medical school, a really smart woman, very accomplished, yet the only thing my mother and my teacher were talking about was the fact that she was 30 and wasn't married. Not that she was an amazing person, had a kind demeanor, was almost out of medical school. It was that it was such a shame that she was too old to get married. I remember thinking that sounded so weird, and even at such a young age, that was implanted into my head. I still remember it 5-6 years later and it kind of still annoys me that people think that way. I'm not saying it's wrong to get married, I'm saying it's wrong to define a person based on their marriage status or something like that.
Update on the woman though, she graduated medical school with high honors, has a great job, isn't married, and is living an amazing life :D
Lol I remember overhearing my mother and Algerian grandfather talking on the phone about how tragic it was that I was single and i was only 23 at the time. Arab grandparents are the worst when it comes to that stuff lol
dayummm mashallah 😻😻😻
This is the same for me, except it's with my cousin brother. It's never about how happy he is single or whether he has a successful job but always about how he's not even dating yet.
@@cassandra3180 frr
Annemarie: What do you know at 25?
Also Annemarie: I got married at 23.
LOL
When your parents want you to get married at 25 but barely let u leave the house😂.
Thiiiis
And get all pissy about you talking to boys. Like how the hell am I gonna get married if you don’t let me talk to them⁉️
Tradition
As a Muslim girl I completely get it. 😒
One second they’re like abstain abstain abstain the next they’re like WhErE aRe My GrAnDkIdS?!
“I definitely believe in letting a man be a man, but he can cook too.”
What a Queen 👏🏻👑
@@luismaldonado4989 lmao FACTS
@@luismaldonado4989 Assuming things without knowing...🙄
Letting a man be a man is still upholding gendered stereotypes. There's really nothing praiseworthy about the follow up statement
@@baabaq9126 agree
Yeah but what is being a man
My mom got married (was forced and emotionally blackmailed because my grand father's health was declining and HE wanted to see her married before dying) to my father who she NEVER SAW before, he was 27 at the time!!
I was born the next year!
And they ask me why I have so much hate for this marriage culture
I have seen may forced marriages too😢😓btw which culture do you come from?
Indian?
Same dude.. My mother was 19 and my dad was in his 30s ... I am glad she had the choice to had me when she was 22...
@@nailanoorein2086 judging from the name, she is desi
Her getting her tubes tied doesn't mean she can't still have children. The fact that people keep forgetting about all of these children in the world with no homes, no families boggles my mind.
Yes!!! Adoption and surrogacy!! I hate it when people think the most acceptable way to have kids is through getting pregnant. Any kid whether adopted, birthed, or surrogate is your kid!
She is too young to have her tubes tied. Very sad. I pray my daughters don’t grow to be modern feminists!! This is very sad to watch.
@@Ummkelechi They can still adopt!! And if your daughters don’t want kids it’s their choice and as a parent you should respect that. Not everyone wants to be a mother and that’s fine. It’s also ok to be a modern feminist. Not all feminists get their tubes tied.
@@Ummkelechi I pray your daughters will put you in a retirement home instead of taking care of you.
@@m.a.1111 what an evil prayer. I pray they will love and care for me as I have done for them. You must be single with no kids! I feel sorry for you!!
people be thinking about marriage while i can’t even get someone to love me
Same
Welp you have bts😂
Yeah same here. Also I see both ARMY and stays in this comment section and I’m honestly living for it
The fabulous Dodocorn same💀 I’m literally nobody’s type
Same. I get asked out a lot but by people I don't even know or have interest in. 😔✊🏻 sad truth
A kid isn’t an experience it’s a life commitment
YES......I am a first child to my family and after having me they blamed and hated me for the things they couldn't accomplish. I was emotionally hurt and still struggle with the blaming myself for the state my mom end up with and severe mental illness. No kid is an experiment. I am doing well in my education and want to adopt kids in the future with my best friend. We live together and aren't interested in any type of relationship. I hope all things work out and we raise our kids free of emotional baggage
@@valaritas5997 I'm sorry that happened to you. No one should have to experience this😕
@@karawilliams5555 :) ♡.... and I agree, no one should but a lot of people do that is why we should be committed before giving birth to babies or even adopting one.
YES.
@@valaritas5997 that is such an interesting story, I never thought of adopting kids as friends, you are an amazing and unique person and I wish you the best of luck in life!
You shouldn’t have a kid just for the sake of having a kid. It’s not an “experience” it’s a lifelong commitment.
I don't agree with a lot of Annemarie's opinions, but I appreciate the kindness she approaches it with. It worked for her and that's wonderful - the challenge is, when your marriage fails (which is statistically very likely) and you are not in control of your finances, all of a sudden you can end up with nothing, if your husband was the sole provider.
“Who has the right to tell somebody this is what real womanhood and manhood is” really hit me
Apparently the trans community.
John Crocker that’s their gender identity they are not forcing gender roles
@John Crocker
Lol no... cis people are the ones trying to convince trans men and women that they're "not real men" or "not real women". Trans people aren't the ones telling cis people that their genders aren't real. It's literally the opposite.
Ya her mom was pretty insightful
@@johncrocker8927 omg I laughed my ass off reading this 😂😂
6 college grads 1 secret dropout for an odd man out episode
Bird Sahakova that’s a sick fuckint idea
Even better you could do 6 ivy leave college grads and a drop out
That’s an awesome idea!
turtlepat
Not necessarily some people are relieved that they dropped out b/c college wasn’t for them
It depends on the person
Omagawd YASSSSSSSSSSSS
Unpopular opinion: *ALL* of these women seemed very lovely, and it would be cool if they went and got coffee, or something, afterwards.
I wouldn't want to get coffee with the woman in the pink sweater. She got emotional because the girl didn't want kids and was getting her tube tied. And she wanted her daughter to have at least one kid to just "experience it".
@@juli6952 That’s fine.
Probably not that unpopular
Except the lady in pink
I completely agree. All their perspectives, especially the ones that are different from my own, feel they would be valuable. If nothing else, I would get to hear them talk about the thing that allowed them to live the best version of their life. And that's cool.
Why do people think that having a child will always make you happy, it could make you opposite
Yep. There's been plenty of books about women who have regretted having kids. It's a very interesting topic that I personally don't think is talked about enough
@@Persephone69 yeah! It should be talked about more
When afrika's mum was saying that a man could cook, afrika looked so prouddd
My dad doesn’t because he works overnight while my mom works in the day so she cooks, but my dad does know how to make dinner cooking should be for everyone
Wait. Actual loving family???? What's thattttttt
Like she's so proud of her mum, she just listens for she already knew her mum is expected to speak volume ❤❤❤
i wish I knew how to cook my parents taught my sisters to cook, when my sister was my age she was making food for me and I don't even know how to boil an egg
Frrr I saw that
Anne Marie should not feel apologetic for her life. This is the whole point: you do what works for you. But don’t impose what works for you on someone else’s life.
She shouldn't feel apologetic for her life, but I think she was belittling Afrika when she said she wanted to get her tubes tied.
Luna Lovegood I mean, at 25 you really don’t know whether you want kids or not. She really wants her tubes tied so that she could have sex without worrying about pregnancy. But she doesn’t understand that the whole act of sex is to have child...
@@cookie1271 the other act of sex if for enjoyment for both parties, so she she doesnt want a kid she could ya know fearlessly enjoy her partner's company
Cookie Cookie I think she understands that if you want a child, the easiest way to do it is to have sex. But if AnneMarie made the extremely life shaping choice to have a kid at 24, than why should she belittle Afrika for tying her tubes at 26? It just seems like flawed, biased logic.
@@zoekleinschmit2966 its not the easiest way its the way u meant to have kid animels do it to what kid are that live on after you die they are also their own person in a way u live on
A reason I don’t want kids is I just look at my mom she seems so stressed all the time
My mom tells me not marry all the time. She tells me her childhood traumas,getting married at 18, and having 5 kids back to back at such a young age was the worst. My mom is not strict but she’s not loving at all. She’s more a friend then a mom. I came to also find out she didn’t want kids. She literally has 5 depressed kids in her hands.
I understand you,in my culture and many other cultures ,I have seen countless forced marriages done when the girls were just 14,15 per 16,and now they have four to five kids and just stuck in misery and depression,my mom too has five kids and she never had a choice in marriage,but she never told us that she regrets having,it was just expected for a girl to be married off ,she raised everyone with love and cared so much,she still cares a lot but she is depressed and suk ideal because of domestic abuse and she can just endure it
That’s entirely messed up
Wow I'm sorry to hear that. I'm the opposite. I'm married with 5 kids and I really want my daughters to get married. I tell them all the time. Please get married and have families of your own. I know it's their choice but I do tell them it's a hope for me to see them have their own families too. But I totally understand they have freewill to do whatever they want.
@@mw87675 why? No seriously why does it matter if they have families? That is YOUR dream. May or may *not* be theirs. They never asked to be here. You chose to put them here. Their life is their own and the only thing you should be “hoping” for is for them to be happy and healthy. Their shouldn’t be any “expectations” for their life considering they never even chose this in the first place!
That white mom literally said that you need to have a child just to experience it but I don't think she realizes that you have to commit your entire life to that child even if you never even wanted it.
Not much sence there😒
@@tinahuttner7280
And there isn’t much grammar in your sentence either 😌💅🏼
@@EatWaterForTheWin I was just saying w the mom that’s has the pink shirt on, she doesn’t really have any sence in the fact she said “you just have to experience motherhood” you can’t just walk away from it.
Exactly. It kinda seems like she’s not really a mom lol. Or her children are just angels. I think you should have kids if you truly want kids and you have the time and money for them, because they’re a huge commitment. Plus, some people don’t have the money or time for kids. That can lead to children being mistreated, left alone for long periods of time, not having a home or food, etc.
@@heyadora6207 ha you think that girl is staging on being her daughter? That’s really pathetic if she is😒
"he doesn't do drugs, he doesn't gamble, he doesn't drink, he doesn't womanize.."
the bear minimum to ask for in a partner 🤭
The bar is in hell
@@boredshrimp9425 lmaoooo
Not gambling, not drinking, no drugs is the bare minimum? Lmao...how many people can you name that seriously fits that description? Obviously, "he doesn't womanize" is an expectation...but the others?
'look for the - bare necessities, the simple bare necessities...' haha
@@moealhakani7005 how many men can you name that _do_ fit that description? 😳
The white mom saying that her daughter could have changed her mind in the middle of the wedding and she would’ve taken her to the care and the daughter wouldn’t have to face anything made me tear up:)
It would have been really interesting to have this with the daughters being LGBT.
I was thinking the same thing
@Jennifer Diaz yeah but a lot of parents have a lot of different opinions, so it would be more interesting to watch.
I’m glad they didn’t. That is really an issue with women these days.
Glad they didn't. Was nice to have a normal dynamic for once.
I think the expectations are different
"What do you know when you're 25." Yet half these women had kids and were married in their mid 20s....and yet THOSE were ok decisions?
It’s not smart to do what she was wanting at that age, just because she could want a kid when she gets older and then she no longer can. That’s a serious thing and to get rid of it at such a young age is wild. Women don’t have to have a kid but most have that urge to have a child because it is a natural thing.
Purg that’s not true, also when having a baby you can also not undo that decision
Shiobhan De Shields nothing I said was untrue dude
John Smith up until now I haven’t met a woman that regretted not having kids.
Purg there are women that are 100% sure they want kids, as there are women that are 100% sure they don’t want kids. With birth control being a pain in the ass, how is getting their tubes tied not a smart decision, when you absolutely don’t want to have kids?
I know where you are coming from, but how is having kids at that age a smarter decision?
some parents: have a child! you need to eXpErIeNcE it you know
also some parents: don't get tattoos! they are permanent, what if you regret them????
Tattoos: permanent, expensive, change your body
Parents:❌
Kids: permanent, expensive, change your body
Parents:✅
Tattoos arent permanent tho
Like you can go over a tattoo or put a child in adoption if you cant look after it well
Tattoo laser removal exists. It's just very expensive.
I think it’s more a thing of child birth is natural while tattoos aren’t.
I love my mum, but when it comes to gender and "womanly roles and traditions" I fall apart from her. I haven't come out to her as Non-binary yet and I NEVER want to have kids, it terrified me, I have a phobia of getting pregnant. I say to her I don't wanna have kids and it's always the same response "that's what I thought at your age but I changed my mind". I get angry and I feel guilty for not being the daughter she thinks I am
Please dont feel guilty of who you are 🧡
It's her fault for putting expeditions on you
13:17
When she said 'children do better when a mom is at home and she takes on that traditional role', I-
That really struck a nerve because my dad was barely at home, he cheated multiple times, he wouldn't know how to talk to me, he barely knew me. at home it was just me and my mum, occasionally my sister because she had already moved out, and from the age of about 5 to 11 I could not speak to anyone of the male species because I just didn't know how -like I was awkward AF. All of my primary school teachers were female (excluding maybe 1 or 2 but you wouldn't catch me putting my hand up in that class) we all believed that the opposite gender had cooties so we didn't interact with them etc.
So I am a strong believer that kids NEED to have contact with a member of another gender regularly to feel comfortable in everyday life whether that be a member of their family, a family friend or even a just a teacher because otherwise their not gonna know how to deal with a lot of social situations.
May I ask for your race? Black, White, Native, Asian??
In my opinion,children do the best when both the father and mother are responsible with their roles
Can we just appreciate how supportive Afrika's mom was when she knew her daughter wanted to tie her tubes
Kat Spratt if my daughter told me that I would also try to be soft about it to her because rebellious teens or adulteens will do the damn thing just to prove their point when you show you disagree
Pandore LDR ol bro or maybe she was actually a good mother and was actually supportive of whatever she wanted to do. Instead of what you said and faking it so she doesn’t rebel. And bruh shes 26 not a teen. Lol
@@pandoreldr4232 Yessss. Lol You're actually ready to be a parent, unlike all the philosophizers here (myself included). Respect + psychology right there
I wanna tie my tubes too tbh.
Pandore LDR, oooor you could just respect her decision. once you turn 18 (at least where i live) you’re an adult, and are allowed to do what YOU really wanna do
"What do you know when you're 25?"
"I'm 26."
Parenting 10/10
That was only 1 year off and umm shes not her parent........so your parenting 10/10 thing is incorrect.
she is not her parent
Why does she thinks she knows Afrika and her future thoughts when she doesn't even know her age tf
@@rahmancyrus65 because no one could tell that wasn’t her mom😭
my dad think im 14
Im 17...
One of the biggest issues my mother and I had when I came out as a lesbian was that I would never carry her grandchildren.
I was so upset, hurt and confused.
I guess I understand where she's coming from as it's probably been one of her dreams for me, and I respect that, but it weighs so heavily on my shoulders. Even after 6 years of me being out (she's very accepting now and she's my number 1 supporter) I can't help feel extremely guilty for not following the life she wanted for me.
This episode really helped me realize that I'm not alone, straight or not.
I loooove Cassandras mom she’s so down to earth. I wish I would just have like breakfast and conversation to pluck her wisdom. This has been the warmest Middle Ground I’ve watched thus far. I can feel all the love and passion in the room.
“Just have a child to experience it” oh okay and if I don’t like it, do I just return it??
If you don't like it you commit a crime of killing it, duh
Lmao 😂
Where's the receipt..?
@Loki Animations yes because having children is the biggest contribution to society
Katy Samuel Borgen girl I cant stress this enough !!!!!
Loki Animations so because I don’t want a kid, I’m not contributing to society? Mhm interesting 🤔
I do not want children. I'm sick of being told I will change my mind. I'm 27. If I wanted kids I would adopt. There's too many children in homes.
ME- i’m literally a child (13) but i feel the exact same way
Can you imagine, how beautiful it could be for me to form a relationship with a child that is not my blood? I changed that child's life. Thats why i find more beauty in adopting but i truly dont want children either. I am young but truly i feel like my children wont understand the hardships of what ive been through to keep that child happy, but the other children could have an idea of what life is like.
Same. I'm 27 too and I want kids I just don't want to be pregnant! Adoption!
i'd rather have a cat then kid
What do u mean there’s too many children in homes lol
When they say something along the lines of “you’ll be happy as well as fulfilled with a hubby and a kid” they’re actually talking about themselves. They’re the ones who will be happy and fulfilled thinking that they were right and that they accomplished what they were meant to do in a way.
But Imagine finding out that your mom never wanted to have you in the first place.
This selfish wish… shouldn’t be forced on others.
There are already enough kids in the world, why not adopt instead of adding to the number?
Plus, it’s hard to raise another human being.
The exchanges between all of them are my internal dialogue from time to time. Thanks Jubilee for raising this topic to discuss! I got the idea of how to start this kind of conversation with my parents.
“I got married at 23”
“What do you know at 25?”
Well they were raised back then to get a famiy and kids so..
Yeah but then you learn together and GROW together... I think if it works, then it works and it can be a really healthy marriage.
Yeah I caught the hypocrisy
it's not hypocrisy at all. getting married and getting ur tubes tied are completely different things.
Free Remi um, no. She said her mother tried hard to make her a super independent woman with a job and a degree
id rather regret not having children then regret having children.
Samd
Same!!!!
I do get the mom, cuz having children is being able to love someone more then yourself and I think that’s really special and I feel like that’s what she’s talking about. But I totally understand that not everyone wants to have kids and the stigma around women not having kids should change
Sameee
I've never seen a woman regretting not having children, but I've seen the opposite
"If you're married you're committed to working through life together." Or you could get divorced. I think that marriage doesn't make you anymore committed in a relationship than just dating. My parents had me when they were still dating. I don’t think they were any less committed than my best friends parents because they weren’t married.
When Annamarie started talking about her daughter being engaged, I teared up. I was so worried about disappointing people I actually went through it and was divorced soon after. I wish my parents had said something like that to me
it took me 21 minutes and 39 seconds to realize that chelsea and anemarie arent mother and daughter :|
Whatttttt???? Reallyyyyy?????
wait what??
They r
Sameee
It took me to reading this comment to realise the same
“Just have a child to experience it" Excuse me do you know where the baby return section is? I no longer want my child.
@Rusty Kinks LMAOAOOAOA
@Rusty Kinks NOT THE POUND 😭
@Rusty Kinks ik im late LMFAOOO
No longer want a child 😂😂 R.I.P that poor soul who found mother like you.
LMAOAOAOA 😭😭😭
Annemarie’s husband watching her say that her making dinner might change: 👁👄👁
That was such a cute video. I honestly loved the moms. You can see the selflessness in all of them.
Are we just gonna ignore how soothing Afrika's voice is
Luis Maldonado is everyone gonna ignore your live broadcasts? yes, we are. :)
I thought she spoke pretty low lol
Imagine her singing voice
And she has such a pretty name
i don't see a problem with it?
There is nothing wrong living by traditional gender roles. However, there is something wrong with forcing those roles.
YES
Yeah someone should have pointed this out to Annemarie. No-one is saying they're inherently bad, the issue is when they're constricting. If you love being a housewife that's great, but it shouldn't be expected of you.
Additionally I think to live by traditional gender roles you don’t have to do everything to a T. You can live traditionally but it doesn’t have to be tradition always. I think couples should make whatever changes to gender roles as they see fit. It’s about what’s practical and what works for them.
definitely
Thank you
Thank you for this great episode. As a widower whose kids lost their mom while they were young, it was very touching to watch. I wish more mothers were as loving and patient as those three are!
I love how respectful everyone is
"What do you know when you're 25?"
If that's the case why would you get married before 25??
Exactly!!
Yup!
“And I oop “
That's what she means
U can find love, u can divorce, but u cannot desterilize. U can never change the decision. What Is so difficult to understand?
Not everyone is supposed to be a mom. And it’s okay.
But yet the ones that shouldn't be moms become moms.
@@prnst4r The worst thing ever i stg. Its so sad.
This is true...but yet many of those woman become mothers and shouldn't be.
Wittle Kitten a perfect example is jen cohn
HiByebtwn damn right
This is without a doubt my favorite episode of middle ground because everyone could find something that they could agree with and overall they respected each other ❤️❤️
17:50 I might not agree with everything she said but she is an awesome mom. Made me tear up when she said that she would do anything to rescue her daughter.
yall be talking about marriage when I haven't even had my first kiss lmao
Brenda B same
Brenda B 😂😂😂😂
You are not alone
yeap, same
Don't rush it and regret it. Even though later on kissing doesn't seem like anything big, you'll never forget your first kiss.
“what do you know at 25” coming from the woman who got married at 23 lol
And had kids before just a little later. Making this kind of surgery literally is less risky than getting having children. Both are for life, but I argue that having children without knowing if you are ready could be a lot more catastrophic than getting surgery to not get pregnant.
i think this is exactly why she said that lol
FR
Your brain is fully developed at 25
@Censoring Free Speech -TH-cam it’s her body
its so beautiful to see all you women talking about your personal experiences on the topic.
I'm 22 and grateful that my parents do not put any pressure on me that way. I think I've expressed my repulsion towards this whole "build a family" concept that I think they would be honestly surprised if I change my mind. They know just how much I hate the idea of having a partner and children.
I just find it ironic that the mum's were there saying they had babies and got married at 23/24 but when their daughter says they don't want to get married or have babies, their response is 'but what do you know when you're so young' how patronising is that?
Imagine being 24 and wanting to have kids and someone says: are you sure? what do you know at 24? you can't change your mind after having kids.
well, the parents speak after hindsight. They now (as parents) know that it is important to have traditional family and have kids.
This isn't about marriage either, it's how us women has an expiration date to produce children. I think that's the other reason
What.... I hope you don’t force your kids to have a child
Being patronizing doesn't invalidate your point though. And getting married/having kids isn't the same as getting your tubes tied
My mom had her tubes tied. She never wanted a child of her own. She was a foster parent. I was a foster child who came into her care and she fell in love with me and adopted me. If she had not gotten her tubes tied, she would have never been my mom. I'm so grateful to have had her for my mother. Goes to show that if you get your tubes tied, but later want children there are other options than giving birth.
EDIT: Thank you everyone for your kind words! My mother was a fantastic woman with a lot of heart and humor. She's no longer with us, but she taught me a lot about what it means to be strong, selfless, and true to yourself.
That's not your real mother though.
@@zombieat Yes that is her real mother and always will be. There is so much more to motherhood than blood relation to the children.
Monse Esparza a woman’s Fallopian tubes (that carry the eggs from the ovaries to the uterus) are cut and tied so she can’t get pregnant
@@zombieat Sure as hell was more of a mom to me than my birth mother ever was! She will always be my mom. She's the one who raised me, gave me love, and was always there for me when I needed her. Go try your trolling somewhere else.
That's such a lovely story 💜
This was so insightful. I loved this episode. I can't wait till they make one for Dads vs Sons as it relates to super old school perspectives on marriage, livelihood, etc
I think that was one of the most wholesome episodes you guys have released 🥰
That’s the most flexible Asian mom I’ve ever seen. WOW.
Rarity
Ikr
My mom would act cool in front of other people but after that, I ain't got food for a week
@@mr5mirrors that's mad 😭😂🙈sorry I had to laugh 🙊😝🙉
Brian Abisdid not with that accent she’s not completely Americanized
Nobody should ever just have at least one child “to experience it”. Parenthood is a long-term commitment that completely changes your life.
They made it sound like it was another toy or something to do for the sake of it. Yikes....
That actually is interesting to me. I know a lot a lot of mothers parents fathers and children in the midwest where I live, at the age of 18 you need to be out of the house independent and on your own. It's a blessing that I'm still allowed to be in this house that I'm in. My mom could have kicked me out a long time ago would she is legally able to do yes, because I am over 18 and an adult legally. That's a scary realization that I had learned when I found out that legally, she did not have to take care of me anymore. So that took some gustel out of me and the things that I wanted to be.
Like she really said that so confidently wtf 👀
ikr it’s not like if you don’t like being a parent you can just get rid of the kid. I think you should think twice before having a kid, being a parent will change your life in so many ways
I don't think she meant it quite like that. I mean obviously she raised 5 children, made some huge sacrifices for them, and apparently did a great job from the looks of her daughter in this video and the other one she discussed a little bit.
I don't think she's minimizing the level of commitment it takes for a woman to be a mother. I think she's saying childbirth and motherhood is one of the heights of the female experience. Which it is if that's what a person wants. To be able to make that sacrifice of your time, your body, your priorities, the amount of love a mother has for her children is one that I don't think can be eclipsed by any other human connection.
She wants that for her daughter. My mother wants that for me. And it can be hard for them to understand this generation of women who have more options and more freedom to say no to motherhood.
I love this group hearing the conversation and I still enjoy how it ended
this video was so beautiful to me, especially when Chelsea said she felt like she owed her mother a grandchild because of all the sacrifices she made for her like you could really feel the love she had for her mother. just watching these women speak to each other and about other women in their life with such understanding and care and empathy was really beautiful, even the way they're looking at each other like this is one of my favorite middle ground videos
It took me so long to realise Chelsie wasn’t Anne Marie’s daughter.
Took me until the end of the video 😂😂😭
Wait what?? Who's her kid?
Wow. Most underrated comment. Lol
Mia Laurens Her kid isn’t in the video, neither is Chelsie’s mom!
I honestly thought they even looked related
It really frustrates me when people associate being a mother with carrying a child. There are other options to being a mother besides experiencing pregnancy. Also, a child is a choice. Not a requirement.
I absolutely agree.
I totally agree...
I strongly agree
Yeah one thing is being a mother, a kind caring figure that supports you no matter what and will guide you through life like a good parent, and the other is being pregnant for 9months
I agree, but I don't think there's anything wrong with what that woman said about gender roles - I mean she obviously had a positive experience with it and our opinions are based on our experiences so
This was adorable to watch, honestly. I could feel the strong love both the mothers and daughters have for each other. Wish the very best for both sides. ❤
i really enjoyed listening to jewel speak, she's so wise and grounded.
I’d love to see a middle ground on Working Moms vs Stay At Home Moms!
Aleah’s Life
LMueuuis m
I
YES
You know this would get heated lol
Both are hard work.
Yassss this is so good 👌🏽
Afrika’s voice should replace siri. Way to calm.
I agree
Wow! Thank you!! ☺️
Mhm
Yesss
Honestly
“What do you know at 25” coming from the people who had kids before that age. What did you know? And you were raising children? I think knowing exactly what you want for yourself is empowering.
I'm an unmarried 34yo Asian daughter (who is very sure about not wanting kids and very ambivalent about the concept of marriage), and I am crying buckets. Just, buckets. I think I need to have this same conversation with my mother. Thank you for this.
As an Asian also with catholic background, If i was you, my parents woulda told me to be a nun lol its stressful out here
Repeat after me, "My daughter's body is not my body".
so true
Facts
Absolutely correct
Testify!
word
“One child just to experience it” it’s as if she’s treating a child like sky diving or flying out of the country 🤨
lol dei wtf exactly!! like how r u gonna just have a kid to experience it. what happens if u decide u don't like it then what happens. if u really want to start a family then do it cuz u want to.not because u need to experience it.🙃
Omg EXACTLY! And if u decide that having a child is too much then what? Adoption? Not having a child is for sure better than giving it away... Child is not gonna be on this world for eg two years... This lady is crazy
Why else would you have a kid?
That's not what she meant. She meant it as an experience that women should all have, because she thinks it's so essential. I can tell she's a good mom. She didn't just give motherhood "a whirl". She committed because that's an experience worth commiting to! God you people.........
lol dei wtf It’s natural for women to want to have children and start a family. They’re often far more happy doing things of that nature than joining the workforce for decades
Having one kid "just to experience it" is a weird take. Take on this lifetime commitment just to satisfy curiosity??
For them kids are like a product.
All things considered, I would rather regret not having kids than regret having kids. Other reasons I don't want to have kids include:
1.Worries about overpopulation.
2.Worries about developing postpartum depression.
3.Worries about passing my heredity mental illness down to my kids.
4.The world's a scary place for kids.
5.I need to be able to take care of myself before I take care of anybody else.
6.I'm nineteen, there shouldn't be any rush or pressure.
Young lady, i too am 19 and i agree with your points, i wouldn't want my firstborn to end up with birth defects or severe autism
I think the fact that the divorce rate was so high among baby boomers is what discourages millenials from marriage.
I agree, and I think it’s very sad.
Because people get married for all the wrong reasons. It isn’t sad to not get married.
When I was little every wedding I went too I was like let’s see how long this lasts
yup
That is exactly why I'm scared of getting married
"Have one child just to experience it" stop. just stop.
@DIEGO AGUIRRE huh
@DIEGO AGUIRRE wdym lol? Experience to have a child so there must be a refund? 🙃
the point is, for many, having a child is on the top of list of joy. But if you hate kids, it is not for you.
Lol parents just raise kids to suffer
@@stephenc2481 u dont have to hate kids to not want kids, some people just have other goals
So heartwarming! Thankful for eye-opening conversations as these. I understand the mother's fears. As long as their choices are truly reflecting what they want AND not from fear.