CLINICAL ANALYSIS Narcissistic Mother - Flying Monkeys - "Agents" Role Play
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 19 มิ.ย. 2024
- CLINICAL ANALYSIS Narcissistic Mother - Flying Monkeys - "Agents" Role-Play
Hi guys!
Here is my clinical analysis of the flying monkeys video.
I'm trying to convey several toxic family issues with this role play. One is tricky as we get caught up in the rivalry but we lose siblings in these dynamics. That's a huge source of grief in childhood trauma.
Another issues I'm trying to address is to become aware and educated of the weaponized shame that flying monkeys use against their victim.
And behind it all, she's not even in the video, is the narcissistic mother who
is using medical problems as leverage and supply.
This video includes: NPD, flying monkey's, trauma, empowerment, grief, process work, therapy, toxic siblings, childhood trauma, toxic mother, and psycho-education.
Chapters:
0:00 Intro
0:25 Flying Monkeys - "Agents"
9:36 Final Thoughts
9:47 Outro
Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings
➡️ linktr.ee/patrickteahan
⚠️ Disclaimer
My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.
If you are, or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255
I’m on the autism spectrum and go no contact with two narcissistic parents. These role play videos are especially helpful for me.
❤
Thank you. This one hit me more than all the others. I am the scapegoated daughter with two brothers, no sisters. I’ve always been ganged up on. Since going no contact with my mother, my family dynamic has gone from bad to worse. Now I’m the one who has “broken” the family and it’s all my fault because I won’t even talk to her and give her a chance to explain or tell her why I’m not talking to her. None of that is true. I tried in the past to no avail and I wrote a short email when I went no contact. They will always see me as the loser sister who can’t deal with life and is a mess. It’s the same narrative since I was a child. It’s never been true. It’s very painful to finally SEE this dynamic and know they really don’t care about me. They say they care while insulting and invalidating me and when I stand up for myself, they get defensive and nasty and call me rude and say what I’m doing is crazy and act like I’m the one who needs help. They condescendingly say they’re praying for me. I’m never given an ounce of empathy unless they’re trying to get me to do something but as soon as I say no, it’s back to the nastiness. I know now not to be vulnerable with them. They’re past the point of no return and my father has now become abusive also. He’s like a less sophisticated version of my mother’s abuse.
That was long but basically, I heavily related to this and it was very helpful. Thank you.
Blueshoes915
Don’t stop now.
It took me 60 years.
“Look at everything we did for you, including going without”, rings in my ears still.
I’m no contact with both of them, They are 85/86 and flying monkey sister who screamed a voice mail, “I’m never going to speak to you again!” Yet she showed up at my daughter’s wedding like, nothing ever happened.
I screamed BULL SHIT.
NOW...... it’s okay for you to talk to me? I don’t think so!
It’s been four years of her silent treatment
and was loving it.
There will be a funeral coming in the near future of one of those older bullies, probably dad and 99.9% of me wants to stay away.
Because I will call out the elephant in the room.
Like you are doing.. good for you!
@@koolbeans8292 Thank you for sharing. This made me cry. I think it’s amazing we ever figure it out and leave. Weird how they always act as if nothing ever happened, it can be confusing and infuriating. I’m so glad you got out. I question whether or not I will go to my mother’s funeral when the time comes. I guess all we can do is gauge it on if it would be beneficial to us or not.
I’m sorry you have to deal with this but you are an inspiration to me. Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot. 💕
@@koolbeans8292 that's an issue... What happens when someone goes to the hospital, there's a wedding or a funeral?... I am unofficially going no contact since 4 months, but I dread finding out I'd have to attend any of these... Seems to me it is better to change phone number and cut all ties... It's just that in this way you basically cut yourself off from all family members because they won't be able to understand things hard choices like not attending these kind of events...
blueshoes915
You’re welcome.
AND you are absolutely correct with
the statement, gauge the way YOU feel.
If the thought of going bothers you then that is a real emotional scar!
I don’t want to reopen mine. I won’t be going to be sitting in the front row supporting her. That WON’T happen. I sat out her golden child, my oldest sister, flying monkey’s funeral last October.
I sent No condolences, no cards, no phone calls.
Her and my twin sister silent-treatmented me for the last 5 years for their parents reasons.
Now she’s gone. You would think that the other flying monkey, my twin, would have softened a bit after her 14-year-old boy shot himself and her older boy became a crackhead for 12 years and destroyed his and everybody else’s life.
Live YOUR life.
And anybody who questions you about it, dump them too.
@@koolbeans8292 I can relate too so much here. i have minimized much contact with fam. my bro and sis older, made no attempt to find out why i cut off so deeply. i took two years mostly no contact.. tried some therapy and healing again. my parents are too old and i struggle with guilt. tried a visit yesterday to see them and see the bday gift i sent them. By the time visit finished, my head was swirling, it ends up feeling like im swirling up in a whirl wind. Then i just start acting super silly to shift the serious talk of politics or whatever going on. Then my mom said, your sister says hi!. and i say oh yeah, i have called her in the past and texted, to no avail she does not respond and then will run to my mom and say how hurt she is i do not reach out😵😥💔.. this was a ramble to say i am pretty scared to have to be ready to attend the funerals in future. Parents health declining quickly. Not sure if extended fam can behave, or glare at me during sad occasions such as a funeral. Wondered if i just should not go. What a horrible place for any of us to be. My heart truly goes out to all here that struggle with any toxic fam stuff. Life is challenging enough and then we have this heaped on top of it too💔
"Why did you do xyz thing?"
*gives a reason*
"Excuses!" wha- huh? I had that happen to me a lot as a kid. It always aggravated me so much and I never did figure out what made a response an answer versus an excuse.
An answer is a logical explanation (or at least emotionnally logical)
An excuse is to present the situation in a way that is favorable to you, despite being untrue. An excuse diguises itself as an answer but when you analyze it you quickly understands it makes no sense.
Example: somebody you know was diagnosed diabetes yet eats a ton of sugar every day. You ask him/her: why do you do this to yourself? Why don't you stop binge eating shit that isn't good for you?
-> Ex of rational, logical answer: I see the purpose of life as enjoying it the most. It doesn't matter how long I live but how satisfied I am at every moment of my life. I love eating those things, and I prefer dying earlier than being in a world where I can't enjoy life the way I want, 'cause that would be like hell for me!
-> Ex of an emotionnally logical answer: I know it's bad for my health. But it's too good, once I see those muffins I can't help but eating them. It's like I'm addicted to suger!
-> Excuse: I don't eat unhealthy! You know that sugar is good for you, diabetes or not. I'm not even eating that much! Just one muffin once every week. Come on! I'm way more responsible than most people without diabetes!
Analyses:
-> rational answer: while you can disagree to the values of the person, you can see that the logic coming from their ideal
-> emotionally rational answer: you see that the logic behind the behavior is emotional, and you can understand why this strong emotion would result in the behavior
-> Excuse: the statement is distorted, the person tries to makes themselves look healthy and good (and you as a bad shamer) and the statement doesn't serve any other purpose than that. You don't understand why they're eating all this sugar because they deny it. When they claim that they are more responsible than healther, the statement is in complete contradiction with the reality.
I'm going to give birth in a few weeks. My sister can't have children and she's a grandiose narcissist. I have never had more gaslighting and manipulation thrown at me that in the past week. She sent me a message that was a novel and if I counted how many times she said "I" and "me" it was well over 30 times.
When she found out I was pregnant she screamed "that's not fair!. I bet it's going to be a boy!"
And it is, and unfortunately I don't believe she will ever meet him.
Thank you for the videos they help me maintain my sanity when dealing with my father or sister.
God bless. My sister did this at my wedding. And when I had family’s only girl baby. It’s painful. I’m sorry 💕
Son and father figure if they have to put up with mom , he does too. Hope people learn by this. Get off the phone. I am so sorry you see it that way but I really have to go. Byeeeeeee!! Brother, "You're selfish." Daughter, "I have important commitments, and so glad you are so selfless and willing to help, keep up the good work."
I can relate to this completely and having sibling relationships destroyed. I am not 100 percent sure that my mom has a streak of narcissism but she might as she bonded with my sisters and I was the outsider and I felt she was taking my sibling relationships away from me. But my oldest sister is narcissist like this. I recall having lost my job (a way to support myself) and my apartment (my living situation) at the same time. My youngest sister called like this because my oldest sister was emotional upset that I hadn't sent a gifts for her children, one who had been born recently. I did sent a loving card but that wasn't enough for my sister and she was very upset. My youngest sister called me and despite my no longer being employed and not having a place to live I was shamed into sending gifts I could not afford. I believe that I was not allowed to be a "self" and therefore developed Borderline Personality Disorder. I didn't even have a picture of myself in my own head. I have done a cut-off of the oldest sister for my mental health and peace of mind. The youngest sister I keep at a total distance---no social media, no texts, nothing. I have developed a one-on-one relationship with my 89-year-old mom but it is based on her recognizing me as a "self", too, not just on centering on my mom. I have no side chats about anyone in my family. I feel at peace and in balance. I have no spite, bitterness, or hatred-----anymore.
The best way to avoid narc argument is to avoid any kind of talk with them. Do whatever u like don't tell them ur next step
This is so interesting! My whole life I've referred to my adoptive dad as my adoptive mother's "flying monkey." I had no idea this was an actual thing. She was a narcissist and they were certainly codependent. Interesting how we know the truth of our dynamics in our deepest self.
Oh my god. As soon as I heard the « moms crying », I felt an instant drop in my stomach, and could instantly hear my sisters voice over the phone.
Thank you for the information and resources you share with us Mr. Patrick.
Sounds exactly like my sister in law, who decided her only role in life was to force my wife to reconcile with her mother by going on about how sad mom is. She's cut out now too and can't figure out why.
As usual, 100% Dead-on Role Play & Analyses - your Acting (ie) voice intonation and inflection & (non-verbal) body language, specifically 'facial expressions' etc were fabulous as in 'exact' / 'true to form' ~
Thank-you Patrick, BRAVO !!!
RATING 10/10 *'s
Sincerely, Social Worker Cindy
Wow. All these videos are giving me chills. I thought my family was freaking crazy or worse, that *I* was crazy.
My father is the narcissistic one, my mother and my 3 brothers are the flying monkeys (my mother is a bit narcissistic too). They put me through a witch hunt for years until I left the country and cut off all relationship with all of them six years ago. I know from other family members that they still paint me as this horrible, crazy, delusional, despotic daughter who abandoned them and tell lies about them abusing her, after ALL they did for her and HOW MUCH they always loved her and support her!!!!!
When I was still living with them and they began the “witch hunt” they even said to me one day “oh so we are 5 lunatics and you are the only sane one right?” - that sentence messed me up for YEARS.
I love these videos, these are so helpful. I've had lots of therapy and these are like booster shots
The selfish accusations was a great point. I remember well being mystified and confused, though thankfully not sufficiently so to really doubt myself too much, at being repeatedly berated as "selfish" for succeeding at what I was doing, for making my own choices, for expressing my own preferences, and even for having my own thoughts. It sounds ridiculous to say it now but it really was like that. I really liked your description of justifying and explaining as engaging in the bullshit drama rather than puncturing through it by recognising it for what it is. I let myself be drawn into giving explanations I didn't owe and that were never going to be heard anyway; I knew it and yet still engaged far too many times in the infantile power game of an infantile mind.
Glad you have chosen to use your powers for good rather than evil!
I use to be the "soldier" little did I know i was brainwash to the my mom's right hand with my sibblings trying to fix every problem she had, i'm in therapy and me and my siblings have an excellent relationship finaly have fun together and we pushed our parents out.
At least the daughter gets to speak. Although no one is listening.. In my family I just get shouted down, talked over until I give up.
That was really hard to watch. Cuz it’s exactly what happens. Really good video thank you!
Spot on!! 💯😆👏
These are so clever! What an amazing gift to all the young people who come from dyfunctional, toxic, and emotionally abusive families to have these resources available at their finger tips. I hope these videos find them before drugs and alcohol do.
It's fascinating how far you break this down. Wow.
The last time before 90% family cut off; My one sister said I hugged my oldest sister wrong, she was hurt for days, & I need to fix it. My mother said that my sister had a harder childhood, excusing it & keeping me the scapegoat/villain. My father won’t talk to me about it & the one time I brought it up so he had to respond he also excused there behaviour, keeping me in the same spot. I always felt crazy over these sorts of things. Gaslight crazy. I’m so glad to learn about this because it makes it easier for me to know cutting them off is necessary for my health. It is a gift, a hurtful but necessary gift. Thank you. ❤️
Excellent video! I have one suggestion. Since you are playing all three roles it would be helpful to see labels on the screen, by each character, like "brother", "sister", "father", to easily identify who's who. Thanks for these!!
Good information Patrick, thank you.
'The Daughter in this situation would NOT be insensitive to 'call out' the manipulation and not 'engage'. I agree but add, only within herself and perhaps with trustworthy people, not with the actual 'bullies'!
Another great one! Sorry to harp on about the acting - but when an actor stumbles over lines, it's no big deal (in fact it can sound more authentic) and recovery is key. Patrick recovers perfectly. His characters are absolutely authentic and real. It's so impressive. Anyway, I also couldn't help but wonder what type of toxic person is the Dad? He may be codependent, like the daughter. But clearly the daughter would probably never treat another person the way her father is treating her. He's toxic too, but is it narcissism? Or is he just abusive?
Love this. My golden child brother didn't get it. He wouldn't even watch this one if I sent it. Didn't believe the original 3 part role play. Good work on explaining this. I can now use the words codependent if I ever have to have contact with him again.... :) always a pleasure to learn with these videos
I was the golden child in my family. Then I had to move back in with my parents, as an adult. Got the full force of things. Holy hells! I had no idea, and it pains me to think how I contributed to her feeling like everything would be fine, if she just stopped acting out. At the time, I thought I was helping her by negotiating on her behalf with the parents, but I didn't get that I had taken the "good kid" slot, and she *couldn't* just do like I did and be a little adult, because I had already set the standard, and she wouldn't have gotten credit for it.
The trouble is, my sister was goaded into a magnified (and much more aggressive) version of my father. My parents have gotten better (they were never pathological), but there are times that I have considered cutting off my sister. And it hurts, because I understand how much she had to go through, now. I don't think I ever advocated for my parents' POV to her, but I definitely showed some codependent qualities. There was always this undercurrent of "Why can't you just do this the easy way?" when I was helping her - and she probably really needed someone safe who had the context to understand that she was *being set up to fail.* And I completely failed to see it.
My sister is sadly the most toxic person in my family, now. I have taken steps to repair things with my parents, but I cannot do anything to reach out to her. She would either attack me for not getting how much my parents love me or jump on the opportunity to scold me for being part of the toxicity, without any self-reflection or processing. I wish I could reach out and help. I wish your brother could be there for you. I feel for you, and I know it's not the same as hearing it from your own sibling, but as one golden child to a scapegoat - good on you, for getting out.
@@habituscraeftig thankyou
This is exactly how it goes down in my family, except both of my parents are narcissistic so it could be for whichever one I supposedly 'hurt'
Thank you! Very good example to view as 'the atmosphere of family members inside their toxic/shamed/guilt based codepent sytem'...when in the system, we are to close to ourselves to recognize the 'adapted false survival self' that remains in the SICK play. Appreciate your help!
“When the student is ready the teacher will appear. When the student is truly ready... The teacher will Disappear.”
― Tao Te Ching. Once again Patrick, you’re reading my mail! I guess it just goes to show how predictable these relationships are! I can’t thank you enough for all of your great information!
"Cheaply bonded" really spoke to me. I'm borrowing that.
This was excellent! Please keep these videos coming Patrick. I absolutely love it. Very helpful.
OMG…..this video is so true. Speechless. Thank you for doing it.
Brilliant insight. Thanks for sharing. I can really relate to this roleplay.
I love your roleplays, make me laugh sometimes!
Man these are like daggers in my gut. I have to pace myself watching these. Excellent but potent... very useful too. Wow
This was very sad to me but real. I went no contact with my narcissistic mother and my golden siblings want nothing to do with me or my children. They are truly deluded about how our narc Mother abused us emotionally, physically and financially
She has ruined our lives. I hate narcissistic personality disordered people!!!
thank you ! thank you ! thank you !❤
I can recognize my father as the “flying monkey” for my mother. Dang!
Wow. unreal, sad and so accurate:(.❤️💔❤️
The beginning of the conversation. It's so familiar. With only difference it's my young brother with NPD and our father a healthy man.
It was a dad's birthday. He live in country, I was at work and cannot come to his home. And a phone call from my brother (he was there) and he started to point at e what a bad person I am. But there was two goals from him - to look like a righteous hero in eyes of a father and stepmother, and pile a cr*p on me. Fortunately, I know him very well and his insults doesn't get me.
Pure gold.
These analysis videos help me to see the dynamics clearly and recognize them in my past even though my family has more monkeys(of which I am sure I was one many times), more shifting roles, more people always being brought into or out of the fold strategically by my narcissistic parents and more ridiculous circumstances demanding our attention. I wonder if more perspective could be gleaned from a complex role play that isn’t based so much on a nuclear family structure. I can see how that would be hard to do as only one person though! Maybe I’ll try to apply your teachings as I watch an episode of Shameless lol
This is very good and enlightening.
This made me cry it’s so real
Very helpful watch and an all too familiar dynamic in my own family. It's especially interesting watching it vs being in it.
I feel sorry for anyone trying to put up with this toxic family relations, it's sadistic...😨
Wow this is awesome
Godspeed!
It hurts me really bad. But I thank you.
Great video.
When I was in sixth grade my mom got miscarriage. At that time when ever I used to do mischief or not get good grades she used to tell me "u r the reason for the miscarriage" . "Because of u I didn't care for myself" .She don't use this now. Now I'm 21 years old but she used this horrible sentence over and over again for 1year. Now I think through what trauma I had to go.😊this thing haunts me even now. Don't know if she's a narc but my dad is definitely
SPOT ON
This is my whole fucking life 😢
Oh i feel so related to this. This is like exactly the same conversation! Just small things the evidence the happened things different but it’s the same kind of and the same meaning each sentence and part. Wow.
I almost gave up myself beliefs until I saw this
Because they always act like they can see me inside and judge me I am always wrong
It's really mean that the mother would let her condition be used as the means to put others down, if she knew what was going on she should have stopped it.
This reminds me of religious people who use religion and specific religious characters, namely Jesus, to invoke guilt and shame in other people. "Jesus died for your sins"
As if Jesus knew how sinful i will be and preplanned the whole thing. I wonder how Jesus would feel about that statement if he was alive. Sad, i guess
A narcissist will use anything especially anything moralistic or religious in order to guilt trip you.
These people destroy the meaning of ethics, morals, high values, covenants and God Himself. She doesn't believe or submit to Jesus herself so that name she uses is nothing but a front. It is possible she will be one of those to be told when He returns "away from me, you who call me Lord but I never knew you!". Not wanting to push Jesus to you, but just letting you know I'm sorry she did this to you.
What is it when your narc mother says something to the extent ‘you’re a shitty parent yourself’ after I called her out on her bullshit and the chaotic alcoholic home I grew up in?
Deflection maybe
@@leahflower9924 thank you- yes a type of manipulation
If my Mom watched this, I bet she would interpret it a completely different way. She would probably see the daughter as a “bad” daughter.
It’s true to my situation as well. Quite sad.
My sister constantly makes abusive comments like this. I feel like a Nazi, by the time she's through with me. I have finally been able to learn to say no without ending up in the emergency with a panic attack. I have also learned that the only way I will get any valuable help is by leaving the situation. I got physical and mental abuse for stating that to them. So I feel people who are trying to help themselves should say nothing to the abusers. Don't learn the hard way, like me
I was always blamed for everything. I would always say oh yes. I am so powerful I can control what your tumor ends up being.
I’ve always had one question about narcissists and their cronys: how does one learn to use this toxic behavior? Do they just pick up on it from other people?
Parents teach them.
Bravó 👏
helpful!. This is really Hard stuff; I'm SO familiar with being 'guilted' into things....the I've Done EVERYTHING for You...and you Can't do this Small thing for ME?? line really triggers me....
Hi, Patrick. I don’t know if this situation is unique to me, but I’m wondering if maybe you could do a video on it. I’m struggling with a relationship with one of my siblings because they exhibit many of the same narcissistic tendencies of our mother. I am 25 now, and my sibling is 11 years older. It feels as though I am watching my childhood unfold again with her children in present day. Again the feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and being a passive bystander are consuming me. How do I navigate a relationship with this sibling? I want to be in my niece’s and nephew’s lives, but get extremely triggered into my own childhood trauma
Video idea: I find it interesting with the reactive acronym as well as how I perceived the concept of reacting prior to this video. I thought staying logically minded and explaining things was not a reaction but rather an emotional distanced approach to deal with the situation; however; I do see the lack of needing to explain anything at all. I think explaining would be normal in a healthy relationship out of consideration for the other person but in toxic situations, I see how it is a waste and simply stating the facts with empowerment is better. With that being said, I am interested in seeing a video that shows the nature of “codependency” development thats normative to occur from a toxic family environment specifically. Are there certain features that the codependency created from such an environment would display that would have similarities or differences to standardized codependency (as I understand it)? And techniques or strategies to correct the core beliefs of it and ultimately not be a codependent anymore in the sense directly linked to what is commonly occurring in the way it manifests when from toxic family situations…essentially, what I could self reflect on to see if I have tendencies I still need to work through or not.
Actually, thinking about it, I think the codependent element is choosing to explain rather than confront what is clearly not okay.
Because not saying anything about what is not okay is in turn, enabling it to continue.
As a single parent learning this is who my ex is as a parent to our children how do I support them so that these are not conversations they ever have to go through? Thankfully his time is limited so they deal with this on a very limited basis but as I watched this I imagined this being an exact convo between him and our now ten yr old daughter someday. Idk how to stop that?! Or if it’s even anything I can do?
I do JADE a lot and its so tiring and frustrating
Ho'oponoopono :
I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I thank you. I love you.
Ho'oponoopono. A renowned psychiatrist turned around the horrific conditions for both patients and staff of a hospital for the criminally insane without ever stepping foot into the facility.. He simply prayed these 4 sentences over each patients file for a time.
I think that is a pretty amazing and very beautiful story anyway.....You'd have to Google if you want to know more. Its Hawaiian. Ho'oponoopono.. A gaslightjng narcissist shared this beautiful story and concept with me. Its good to recignize the positive things in life snd in one-another. Just gotta make sure and don't go blind.
Thank you for these. I needed to see, I suppose. Bless u
Me and my sister basically.
What does it mean if my ex talked to me like this? She was like an agent... for herself...? … Is that just her displaying narc behavior? God it's going to make sense soon hopefully lol
This could be my family
Please do Narcissistic second wife, co dependant husband, where he's lost family and friends because of her controlling. Where he can't have a 🍻 or a puff and is stuck with a domineering empty nester, who doesn't like his car his house his clothes his haircut and nothing's good enough for her. Asking for a friend ☹️
The pattern of the vulnerable Narcissist getting others to do their bidding seems to be echoing through our society right now. If you don’t fall in line, they will berate you and try to guilt trip you, putting you on the defence. Replace “Mother” with any other person or group that is stuck in victim mode, with poor personal responsibility.
Ever notice it?
How I wish that this wasn’t familiar.
By Michael. Grow up. You can take care of mommy dearest for once. While there checking her for cancer,they can give her a lobotomy.
Sacrificial lamb
Is it healing when you just become a comedian and not swear so much
Thanks for no siblings. Ty parents for being better , she is rational sometimes.