Is This Your Family? - Toxic Parent Role Plays - Childhood Trauma
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 19 มิ.ย. 2024
- In this video we cover: toxic parents, npd, bpd, flying monkeys, cluster b, codependency, parenting, gaslighting, gaslight, child development, triggers, tools, therapy tools, conflict, self-regulation, toxic, toxic family systems, boundaries, truth, childhood trauma, inner child, inner child work, c-ptsd, ptsd, toxic parents, narcissistic abuse, healing, abusive parents, emotional abuse, childhood ptsd, repressed memories, hypervigilance, narcissistic parents, emotionally abusive parents, child abuse, narcissistic father, childhood emotional neglect, abuse, narcissistic mother, alcoholism, scapegoat, genogram, siblings, dissociation, trauma
Chapters:
0:00 Intro
2:05 Connect With Me
04:38 Narcissistic Mother
07:18 Covert Narcissistic Father
10:50 The Narc & Ownership
15:11 Codependent Mother
19:07 Malignant Narc Father
25:04 Coda Mother and Daughter
29:59 Flying Monkeys
34:50 Petulant Borderline Mother
38:53 Outro
Links to Full Videos:
Narcissistic Mother: • Narcissistic Mother - ...
Covert Narcissistic Father: • COVERT NARCISSISTIC FA...
The Narc & Ownership: • The Narcissistic Paren...
Codependent Mother: • Codependent Mother - R...
Malignant Narc Father: • Malignant Narcissist F...
Coda Mother and Daughter: • Codependent Mother and...
Flying Monkeys: • Narcissistic Mother - ...
Petulant Borderline Mother: • Petulant Borderline Mo...
Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings
➡️ linktr.ee/patrickteahan
MUSIC IS BY - Chris Haugen - Ibiza Dream
• Chris Haugen - Ibiza D...
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⚠️ Disclaimer
My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.
If you are, or someone you know, is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
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I saw a therapist once who told me I was too old to worry about my childhood and needed to focus on getting married. I’m so glad to have found you channel.
Yikes! Really hope you didn't stick with that sentiment 🤞 take care of you.
I was told by a therapist after being sexually abused that to recover I just needed to date. Then she was shocked I became attracted to a toxic guy.
Woah SMH awful
Think your therapist NEEDED therapy! My last one told me to forgive my mom, I'm 56 just realising what part sheplayed and how its ruined my life, and I feel enough pain anger and guilt I kicked her to the kerb!
The ad b4 this was y do I care so much about what ppl think of me? Y do I always get this crap? Bc I dont. Otherwise, id be way more of a social pleasant person. I'm sincere bc that makes me feel good about myself. Otherwise, I feel no need to actively try. Keep bugging someone w/ something, duh, they'll eventually bring it up. Same goes for the narcissism topics. Same goes for me not understanding y im supposed to be a slipknot fanatic & so on. I think I got everyone beat tho. A therapist once not only diagnosed me w/ ptsd, & prescribed me w/ Paxil, & then even called me outside the establishment to meet him up in his own personal space, the clinic has no records of that even happening. This person gave me drugs, told me I had a mental illness and that never happened? Bs!!!! The fact that I gave up on it b4 I got pregnant too. & low and behold, there's Paxil commercials telling me I could sue if I was pregnant
I really appreciated seeing the Malignant Narcissist Father show signs of financial abuse. The berating about getting a job, needing to get work, not being able to get a good job, shaming for still being on their insurance, then as soon as you mention trying to get off their insurance, or making and spending your own money, they go "now, now, let's not be hasty, let us pay for now so you can save up."
Poorly disguised grasp for control.
Yes, I related to this one too!
Ia your dad my dad?
my dad exactly. i have now gone no contact and he hasn’t tried to contact me because i destroyed his ego by doing so, the only messages he sent were about me being entitled and that he won’t pay for my phone bill anymore. he stopped paying for a month and surprise surprise started again, because he does and always has read all the texts i send and receive, he would never want to lose that especially now he’s lost me completely
Lesson learned: When being in therapy, never ever tell anyone about it, especially not your parents or relatives!
Yeah, I made that mistake…
Narcissistic mother, the flying monkeys and the borderline mother. My mother made everything about her and how she felt about things, I was" overly sensitive" so she usually advocated for anyone but me. She triangulated, talked to each sibling about the other and basically caused her family to implode at the end. She was extremely jealous and became petulant if we visited with our father in the other room. Silent treatments were commonplace, she was openly confrontational and punished you if she didn't get her way. These role playing videos are very helpful to make things clear for a victim of this sort of abuse, because I never thought it was abuse, it was just my reality.
This was my grandpa to the tee. Jackal and Hyde
Exactly my mother
Granma here too, she did it to my whole family, except she never praised anybody in the family, but others kids. I always got the "x y is so much loveing towards her granma"
I understand. I had the same family life and mother as you, then married a man for 33 years who was the same (as was his mother). I have 50 years to unravel, and Patrick has been a blessing! Good luck to you. There’s hope.
@@lauragadille3384 Yes, that is how I've described my parents, Jackel & Hyde
I was almost relieved when these weren't hitting home until codependent mother......the excuses, the rationalizing...
You know you come from extreme dysfunction when after watching these role plays and comparing them to your childhood or current family situation, you truly view them as very mild. In all honesty, I didn’t think they were that bad. 🙁 If this were an accurate example of any family interaction I’d ever had, I would consider myself lucky. I’ve felt very guilt for years because I feel no connection or bond with either my father or mother. The older my kids get, the more I realize how awful my childhood was. Thankfully, my kids and I have an absolutely wonderful relationship.
💙 here here, and good on you for not continuing the cycle of trauma and abuse and misery
I very much relate to your comment. I don’t wish to undermined anyone’s experience, because abuse is abuse. And it’s both generous and enlightening for Patrick to go through such lengths to highlight the many variations of family dysfunction. But, I can verify that, unfortunately for many, these role-played scenarios would actually have been quite welcome. I even found myself longing for the concern and interest Patrick depicted in the parents he role-played. Nevertheless, this video helped me realize how very extreme the abuse I experienced was. So thank you, Patrick, for illuminating that. This is all said with much love and compassion for *all* victims of abuse, whom I hope are on a healing journey. Again, I hope I haven’t devalued anyone’s experience. Just offering another perspective.Wishing everyone peace. 🙏
Same here, had the same thought, even the scenario where the NPD mom would even ask me about any problem I might had or call me "honey" it's unconceivable.
I think that’s the point of the vids - these are subtle indications of narc/bpd/co-d family dynamics. I’m kinda laugh-crying at these vids, coz my interactions might be similar in subject matter but dial up the screaming to 100 and the guilt to a 1000. Oh and add a heap of horrible insults flying every which way.
@@theManishMuse all of the above!
Geeez this is like listening to my mother when I told her about my abusive husband. “Maybe it’s just the time of the month for you Rachel and why are you trying to ruin the vacation”
Thats not right. So sorry for what you've been through
Add the table slamming with a fist to the narcissist father. A favorite tactic meant to intimidate and cause anxiety levels to spike.
That worked on me 😐
Yep my dad loved slamming things around and stomping around the house.
The first time my father used physical aggression on me I nearly broke his hand, haven't been bothered by him since 😊
or slamming the wall/any near object w/ the fist as well 😅
@@tomgorey9294 whenever i did that, they would just hit harder lol. it was 2 fully grown adults beating a lil 80 lb kid so i didn't stand a chance 😂.
The Petulant Mother one, at the end was (unfortunately) very relatable. Everything from the
- excessive praise -> extreme hate and insulting
- going from calm to screaming & crying in a moment
- complaining about/hating the father and then trying to insult the child by saying they are similar to the father
- the cryptic threats like "I may not be around anymore" to make the child constantly worried, uneasey, guilty
To read your description, it sounds like my mom, but the example didn't sound like her.
And the praise in that example wasn't real praise ... It was just amunition to make them feel bad or to throw a pitty party
The petulant mother one sounded so much like my grandma (from my mom's side). My mom also does some of it but in a smaller scale.
@@ColorMeConfused29 same here
Omg my mother is exactly like the covert narcissistic father! AND the narcissistic mother! It's like hearing her word for word. Uncanny. And I've just been thinking recently that she wasn't that bad and maybe I'm a bad daughter for cutting her off. Amazing the power of denial.
I understand your plight…I can register with denial, yet, I still hold my ground… Now I can…
I didn’t use to be this way…
I stated in 2022 I would treat ppl the way they treat me…I am holding my ground and not allowing these ppl to cross my boundary lines anymore…I am proud of myself…
@@brownbutterfly9753 I'm proud of you, mirroring their behaviours,no matter the magnitude of them is totally fine and a valid defense mechanism to unknowing abusers
@@tomgorey9294...I agree...
Thank you...🌸
Yes! Me too! Wow 😱 Even the very beginning of the conversation where he says “ya, I know, we’ve been really busy with……”. My mother almost always answered the phone like that, she’s so busy doing whatever that she couldn’t possibly have time for my trivial needs.🙄
The narcissistic mother dialogue sent chills down my back because it was basically an exact duplicate of a Convo my mom and I had. Down to her telling me that her telling us to stay quiet about our home life never happened
yes, being sat down and instructed to stay silent. sucks.
At 15:00 oh my God, my mum called and screamed at my psychologist because I started addressing her emotionally abusive behaviour and symptoms of (untreated) BPD. I got a job and moved out soom after and she treats it like we broke up because of how parentified I was. She actively tries to make me jealous by telling me how great her life is now but complains about how I'm too busy for her. It's so incredibly toxic, I'm glad me and my younger sibling got out
I had to pause around that time too i relate so much to everything you said my mom never did anything with me or anyone I swear most of my life I thought she didn’t even have any friends because I never saw them but once I moved out she’s suddenly busy everyday and doing new things and basically trying to make me feel bad for leaving her …and she would deny that too
"You've always been so sensitive" is their ultimate put down comment
Wow this is wildly triggering but educational, even a bit hilarious knowing how relatable it is
Ikr! I can even imagine my brother in the brothers place
I'm just waiting for the inevitable day when Patrick shows up in a wig when doing the narcissistic mother characters =P
The codependent mom, narc dad, and flying monkeys all ring true. Denial, blame shifting, and planting seeds of self doubt are patterns that run rampant in my family. Know your role and play along...
Wow the narcissistic father was 110% accurate. Down to every detail. The self-righteousness, the anti-therapy stance, trying to pick a career for you (especially doctor/lawyer/corporate). Even the financial manipulation and being a business owner. Very cathartic to see this interaction labeled for the toxic abuse that it is. And having a codependent mom co-sign this behavior just compounds the misery. Thank you for this video
Thank you so much for this! 💗 When I was a kid I always thought it wasn't that bad because my parents weren't alcoholics or physically abusive.
My abusive mom is in assisted living now. I have seen her more in the last few weeks than I have in many years. So glad I have done a lot to heal in therapy before I had to deal with this life change. Thank gods she can afford assisted living because if she had to move in with me I might not do so well. Thanks for this video.
Why are you visiting her? What did she do to earn your presence there? My mom is falling apart and my thought process is "you didnt take care of me as a kid, you don't get taken care of as an adult"
She had a legal requirement to ensure your survival, you have no legal obligation in return. It just doesn't make sense. Not trying to criticize or anything. Just confused
@@kevinbissinger money money money
@@lizabear7014 Good luck. I hope you don't have to wait long. Suffering sucks.
Yeah, I know my mom would just attack my husband and my life if she lived with me. She does to my sister that she currently lives with(as well as verbally attack her children)
I'm never taking my mom into my home. I want my children to not be abused, and a peaceful life with my husband. She'd never let that happen if she had a say in it.
“We don’t want you to do it just for us, ok?” Made me laugh out loud.
@Patrick this is a bit of a personal request, but I'm sure a lot of other people may feel the same, but I would love to see role plays between the narcissist and the non-black sheep, such as the flying monkeys and half-safes.
The reason I ask is because I always wondered what kinds of things my narcissist parent says to other people to make them go cold with me or feel like they have to make a binary choice to either support me or the narcissist. Family Reunions would always get awkward when I was on "bad terms" with the narcissist, so if you could role play it so I could understand the kinds of discussions that happen, how they manage to reel in other people (especially those not codependent on the toxic relationship), that would be very appreciated!
such a great idea!
Yes because I realise now I was/am a half-safe.
I don't know why but it really is so easy to second guess. Even having a pretty high ace score, which you think would make it less complicated, I still spend so much time and unnecessary energy (and I know it's unnecessary but it's like I can't help it) wondering if it was really that bad or finding all the evidence I can that things were fine or good enough or that I'm just "playing the victim," even though I'm mostly only even really getting into it in therapy (annnnd in the comments here...haha). Just today I was looking at pictures of myself as a kid and thinking, see look, I seem perfectly happy there and there, so how bad can it have really been? I think for me, it's a bit of a "moral shame" thing, where I just feel like I'm ungrateful or entitled or contentious or spitting on the hand that fed me, so to speak, if I go there. I think it's also hard because both of my parents went through a lot and were in a very difficult situation, so I want to feel like I'm being fair to them, and I really do care about that. But I'm also... struggling in my life, and wanting to be a good enough mom and a good enough spouse, and wanting my kids to be safe and nurtured and heard. So yeah, I keep coming back to it, and these videos help a lot.
i noticed recently that my family's smiles in every single picture never reached the eyes. everyone was posing for the picture, just like how we posed as a good family in public.
Your family systems and ways of responding are so important to recognize. He uses an extremely broad definition of narcissism and trauma here that is more likely to lead to anger rather than healing or resolution. Once you identify any patterns in your family you can respond to life as a conscious adult rather than a reactionary inner child. I hope that made sense.
It takes time and it's an uphill battle to stop the self doubt self blame and guilt. Stick with it and I combine channels dr ramani common ego dr Les Carter and Patrick helps me with the bigger picture that we were children they were adults they were responsible not just for toys food and clothes and shelter but us as human beings. We are looking to heal and be better in ourselves ✌
I feel exactly the same. It’s hard because once you get into this questioning everything it’s a friggin rabbit hole.
I was super triggered by the Narcissistic Father. It sounds like so many conversations I have with my father
The one that stuck out the most was the Petulant Borderline mother, a long with a bit of the narcissistic mother. It's been a battle but I've walked away (again) recently. But she always finds a way to contact me again. The idealization and devalue phases were always so tough growing up. How was I the angel child and the devil child not long after, same for my siblings. And as I got older I noticed other things, like the " after everything I've done for you" guilt trips. And then buying lots of things for you because that's how she showed love. And as we got older she started ignoring us more and the internet became her new life. She made friends and enemies there and she was always fighting with someone that she was right. And if you ever dare tell her we were ignored a lot.... she'll deny it left it right. If we didn't obey mom we were disobeying God. It was tough.
But a wise person told me "It is better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome wife (mother)"
My mother became enraged when I told her I talked about her with my therapist. I would never share any of this kind of information with my family. I keep it light nothing about my personal life at all. That is what my friends and husband are for.
The narcissist father and insurance situation was literally my conversation when I had a cancer scare….
You know you watch this channel a lot when Patrick uploads a role play compilation and you have already seen all of the scenarios. LOL. Thanks Patrick, I really appreciate your hard work!!
Amen!
🤣🤣🤣 lol I thought I was the only one!!
I'm guilty lol
My father is the malignant narc. He was always very present. Overly, I think. He supported me financially too. But because of that he has always had very ambitious expecations on me. He has seen me as the perfect daughter since the day I was born and whenever I do something he remotely doesn't approve of or I fail something he cares about, he looses his mind. He swears at me, blackmails me, he reminds me how much better he knows because he is older and has money, and I don't because I'm young and naive. He can be very affectionate, but just a slip and it's like you've been a disappointment from the very beginning. Whenever I even insinuate I have a mental health problem he gets mad because he thinks I'm saying it for him to feel guilty and remind him of his mistakes (mistakes he didn't make, he says). He says mean things and heartless insults to me in the heat of the discussion and when you try to address them later he just pretends you're taking him out of context or you just misunderstood him. I can't say I don't love him, I do, but till this day feel so small when he gets angry.
The narcissistic mother conversation about therapy and an abusive ex-boyfriend resonated way too well with me... ALL of the events of that conversation happened to me, including "Dennis" moving in immediately after her divorce with dad... then of course her being codependent on "Dennis", always forgiving his abusive tendencies despite being a felon and a drug addict because he has a "good heart" and "he's not perfect"
I was like "well none of these sound like any conversation we've had recently" but that would probably be because I make a point of only seeing my parents once every few months and never discussing anything about my life in any significant depth.
I'm wondering if there's one of these that are specifically from a fundamentalist religious perspective? I think part of why these resonate less with me is also that every single one of these discussions - therapy, family problems, my problems - would involve some variation of "well, if you'd just let God take care of it" "If you prayed more/properly this wouldn't be happening" "Of course you're having problems since I never see you at church anymore" "You surround yourself with such devilish people and hobbies, don't you understand how hard that is for us?" "I just wish you'd live the life God intended for you" etc etc
Same here. It is never good to discuss anything personal, worries, concerns or problems. It always ends badly. Once - after days of consideration- I asked my mother to fill an ADHD test for me when I was a child (because I don’t remember my childhood) then she asked me what it was for. When I told her, she sent me a text with at least 10 cry-laughing emojis that it cannot be true and what a stupid idea that was. From anecdotal references I know that many of the criteria for ADHD would be met but she just brushed it off like I’m a lunatic. Made me think if she was insulted that I for a moment thoughs SHE, the queen of the universe could have given birth to a child with developmental disabilities.
I wonder why have a relationship so significant as parent/child if all you’re going to talk about is weather. I don’t think so.
My narcissistic mother blamed me when I told her my narc ex husband was abusive. She accused me of lying and took his side. The betrayal was so sad.
This is the reason why I have relationship problems my whole life. My Mother was my first betrayal and is the reason why I have toxic people in my life who have abused me.
I had the same experience. But with help you can thrive & have peace. I’ve cut ties with all my narcs and it’s like a new life
I was diagnosed with cptsd a couple months back but it’s always hard to find where I fall in these videos. Mainly bc I don’t talk with my parents. A conversation can last about 3 minutes, they don’t ask how I’m doing, if I go to them with a problem the answer is always “you’ll get over it soon.” I live on the other side of the world from them, but they never call. When they do, it’s very brief and quick. It really feels like I never existed in their lives.
It was the same for me.
i can relate.
I live in the same house as my mother I haven’t spoken to her for more than 3 minutes if it’s not due to an altercation with her golden child my brother. I’ve recently been admitted to the hospital due to failure of my diaphragm from all the emotional abuse I endure , she didn’t even ask how it went. If she has to tell me something she does it by text everything else she goes silent.
That is so amazing of you to offer support to Ukrainians. Respect. xx
I agree. And let me tell you how members of my family reacted that “with the good people also many criminals migrated and they don’t have to pay for anything, not for medical treatments, accommodation, food and we - the taxpayers have to pay for it”. This is not only one or two but MULTIPLE members of my family. I always hoped that one day someone would tell me I was adopted because my family is terrible. :(
As expected, a lot of these hit home. What I didn't expect is how angry and agitated some of these made me just by listening to this stuff.
I would appreciate something on borderline fathers - they express it differently than mothers but it’s just as abusive
Today I accidentally triggered my mom’s cluster b response. Thanks to this channel, I was able to remain calm and not get caught up in it. Thank you for role modeling how to be empowered during these situations so I didn’t fall into her circular talk traps.
Covert Narcissistic Father is my mother. Narasisstic Father is my father, the exact same conversation. "They just want your money" Belittling my career. Exactly! Forcing me to get a job.
And the Oscar goes to! I'm so glad this is helping people but I was also blown away by the performance
🎭 👏🏾
I know right? All the roles play videos show a real gift for acting.
🏆🏆🥇
That narc mom convo got me. It hurts when you tell your family someone is hurting you and they don’t care
The Covert Narcissistic Father sigh was sooooooo stressful for me!
Yes, I was shamed so hard for psych care. My family saw screeenshots and gossip about therapy the last decade. I moved 1000+ miles away from ... these very talks.
I think the day I told my Narc father that I was getting therapy was the day I got the permanent role of scapegoat of the family.
I love your intro. It's so calming. I would love to have a longer video of just the song. It'd be good to relax and meditate to.
Ohh, thank you so much.
I heavily resonated with the Flying Agents and the Codependent mother scenario but mostly the Flying Agents (and some sprinkles of the others). Specifically because the most recent thing that happened to me led to my siblings especially my older sister to ridicule me for being a horrible daughter. I was bombarded with phone calls and everything. It made me realize just how terrible I've been feeling. It was the most traumatic event that helped me recognize that I had childhood trauma. Thank you for such informational videos!! It feels good to be validate and equip with information that I can use to help myself understand what I went through.
I relate with codependent mother, narcissistic father, and flying monkeys. For narcissistic parents, the scenario I felt was missing is arguing why their needs are more important, and how they've always had it worse. I dealt with those two with my family for years before I decided to cut contact. The scenario with flying monkeys I see more often is "you need to forgive them because they're family".
So true, "you need to forgive them or just suck it up because they are family, and/or they are old now."
You should get in to script writing, Patrick. You're good at it! I almost laughed out loud when I realised my own mother could have spoken whole paragraphs of the 'co-dependent mother' section word-for-word. She's pretty self-aware these days, but she has serious, what I call, 'Pollyanna' attacks (Dr. Ramani's term), i.e. criticizing family members like my dad and my uncle, my brother, then piously and naively defending them when I do it, to the point of denying long-standing and long-accepted character traits. I've been lately branded 'bitter', 'unforgiving' and 'awful' for not yet visiting my brother's newborn baby, albeit I did send some lovely gifts and a card round when she was born 3 weeks ago. This is the same brother who has systematically ignored and excluded me from his life for the past 20 years, and who generally doesn't show up for any of us in a crisis, despite receiving support through his own many and various from us, as and when needed. He's now 'changed', apparently, and I'm a big bitch for not rushing round there to express jubilation over the birth of the child. What she doesn't realise is that, rightly or wrongly, I actually feel more excluded than ever - like he's in a new club of which I'm not a member. I'm not in a good place mentally, my physical health is at an all time low, and I'd find it very hard to be in his presence right now, much less fake-coo over his baby. Of course I want to meet my niece, but the truth is I'm hurting, partly because of how he's treated me over the years (an issue that's been coming to a head recently), and my own childlessness (by circumstance rather than choice). I don't actually feel that i owe him very much at all, and yet by dint of my simple inaction where the baby's concerned, I can see I'm well on my way to coming out of things as villain of the peace - my traditional role. It strikes me as gaslighting tactics when my mum, knowing my grievances to be valid and, feeling regularly upset by my bro's poor or indifferent behaviour herself, tries to guilt-trip me in to believing that he and his wife have suddenly 'changed' and transmogrified in to Mary and Joseph since the birth of the baby (Jesus?). Sorry for going on at length, but I'm full of anger, confusion and pain atm, and there's no one to tell.
No need to apologize. Your story resonated with me alot. Thank you for sharing. I need to share and your story has given me the strength to do so soon. Hugs xo
@@giselekashul Thank you! Means a lot just now. Hopefully, when what we feel and say match, even at the risk of making waves, we become more at peace with ourselves. Best of luck. x
Hi. So sorry you're at a low. Being the outsider sucks. Tbh though, it's worthwhile just accepting the label. Because youll never be able to 'be right for doing wrong'.Radical acceptance.
Also, doesn't sound like your mother is really on your side. Scrambling to be on the side that gets her the maximum attention/reward , depending what's going on.
An information diet boundary seems a good idea ? She may be triangulating/stirring the pot.
Good luck !
My mom wasn't as bad as these, but I cannot believe that people have parents that act like this! I'm bewildered.
I'm at a point where I feel like my "family trauma" is just a dream because there's so much good and I love them all and I just want us to be whole...but then I realize I can't be so dismissive of it because I want kids of my own one day and it'll only recycle the trauma if I don't heal it. Then comes the fear of if I'll ever be a great mum because the child in me is still such a child, I wonder how I'll care for another without burning out and turning into everything I tried not to be.
Are you trying to put in a bunch of hard work to make sure you can be a good parent? If so, as long as you keep that attitude you'll do great
@@kevinbissinger I am but one thing I've noticed since I started this recovery is it's almost like it never ends. I've been at it for years, had therapy last year, had major breakthrough, lived a little, and I'm back in therapy again. I am exhausted.
@@ethereal946 If it helps at all, the people who aren't putting in constant work are the ones who quickly turn into dogshit people/parents. There's a reason the happiest looking people in public tend to be people with crippling depression in secret. Robin Williams being a perfect example. Life sucks and is bullshit hard. Pretending like it isn't will kill you or your relationships.
@@kevinbissinger thank you❤️
@@kevinbissinger "...dogshit people/parents" You made me laugh out loud!!! Thank you for your honesty!
i’m going through so much right now and it feels like my parents don’t care even if I know they do, i don’t understand this one memory that’s coming back to me and there’s many blank spaces. And there’s so many things that correlate in my life which make me believe i possibly am grieving from trauma of some sort. i’m so confused and so scared.
I relate so much to what you wrote... Going through this is so intense and sad. I went through a similar time; difficult situation in the past 2 years that i thought my parents would support me. And they started questioning my reality... It was the straw that broke the camel's back. I felt alone and not loved...but it was actually what i felt all my childhood, i just forgot. Like you said, i can't remember it very well, memory fog. I decided to go No Contact to protect myself. I went through grief (with help from a therapist) and now I feel content ! I'm still feel sad and angry sometimes but i don't hide these emotions anymore. I embrace that because they reinforce why i did it, and make me feel more alive ! I really wish you all the best on your way to recovery. Take care.
@@jefpfl thank you sm it really is intense and I honestly feel so terrified and confused right now but I know I have to work through it with someone because I know my mental health has declined a lot. I think it’s almost like I kinda knew my parents caused all of this anxiety i’ve had my whole life but I never wanted to except it because they’re my parents, and I just want to figure it all out so bad.
Not all parents care like they should. If they care you will feel cared for on some level, because it will show in their actions, their words, and their attitude towards you. What would you describe their attitude towards you as?
@@KD-ou2np well i’ll give you an example of today… i was sitting in the car telling my mom about how I felt as if I had some different forms of trauma and she completely invalidated it and said that there was no way I could have any trauma if I don’t remember some things…
Oh my gosh! I have started to progress from feeling like crap after watching these - because they brought up a lot of buried feelings and memories, to today where I started to laugh out loud at how ridiculous these people sound! That friends, is progress. : )
Partick, you do a fantastic job normalizing these pathological behaviors. Thank you so much for creating these videos. And as a fellow Massachusetts person (north of Boston!) I like your accent and funny references. Thank you, thank you! I can see my family's reactions and comments really word for word here, and today it makes me laugh. Yeah !
Come on...we all know everyone loves these role plays for your performances 🤩
Was looking into this subject out of concern for a friend. Then the very first conversation sounded like verbatim many conversations I've had with my mom with minimal differences. It's quite startling to say the least.
The narcissistic mother conversation is an almost verbatim back and forth that I had with my mother when I broke up with my ex for being homophobic. Like every beat of the conversation. Wow.
Me and Shirley ( gave birth to me) would Never get as far as any of these scenarios in such a calm way, she'd be screaming at me for bringing up the past in about 2 seconds.
Ohh boy. Petulant borderline mother. When we were “good” we were grossly codependent. Codependent parents. Father covert and not so covert narcissist. Definitely carrying codependent traits over into my marriage. Help!
I recognized all, but what stood out, "everything is your fault", and 'I'm such a victim'! Total gaslighting BS! So glad to be done and away from all the toxics.
My own mother told me to pray when I disclosed to her that I was being physically assaulted, almost on a daily basis by my ex-boyfriend. That there was nothing that she could do even though her and her husband have several properties that I could have lived in to get away from the abuse, thank you for your videos and thank you for your courage to tell your story.#R76
True for me fo sho. I knew something was wrong with my family but I didn’t seem to be able identify exactly what it was.
I was in Al-Anon and that helped a little bit but it wasn’t potent enough. I tried ACA and that was better especially listening to the stories members told in meetings.
In fact it was listening to other member’s stories that I realized that the main problem with my family was dad’s alcoholism. I heard stories just like mine and I finally realized that we had the same problems because my dad was an alcoholic like theirs. It’s such a relief to understand the truth!
You are awesome helping the people of Ukraine. My grandfather fled Ukraine as a young child after his family was raped and murdered along with his entire town (he witnessed it all). What’s interesting is I think his trauma from loosing everyone he ever knew and having to work almost right after coming to the USA that his trauma made my father such a horrible person. My grandfather was too nice, and I think he was afraid to discipline my father or tell him no. This parenting approach made my father very demanding, very selfish, very spoiled and ultimately become the narcissist that he is today.
That was my narc father always getting involved in our lives, trampling over everything, insulting everything, I learned to stop telling him things even had to protect where I live because there's no limits to his behavior.
Wow. That was triggering for me ! So many angles of toxic behavior !
Educational for sure, but wowzer ! It's like getting stuck on the "Toxic Tunnel" of my youth ! Live & in 3D GORE !!!
This is what it was like growing up. Toxicity 24/7/365. So many triggers.
Think I will take a long walk tonight.
The specific role play where the storyline is about having a stranger move in the house and how now the son is going through therapy to overcome all the trauma and such is SO DAMN CLOSE TO HOME for me. The mother's reaction was exactly like my mom's reaction to everything. When I tried to talk to her about it all after I started therapy her words were "Your therapist really made your mind against me, and I thought you were smart" just wow. It is like a textbook with them all, I guess
Listening to those conversations is so crazymaking. They are so absurd. LOL. 😂 But just laughing because now I see how absurd that is. I grew up in such a toxic family and never saw those toxic communication patterns. Nobody could make that up intentionally, but the toxic people all talk like this as if they grew up in the same household. Thank you so much! Great work! 😂😢😂❤
My most direct problem currently is my narcissistic big brother (let's call him Adam). Since our father was extremely abusive and neglectful, my brother was/is basically a half-father to me. But I also have a younger brother (let's call him "John") who was so extremely toxic to me throughout my life, I am trying to "distance" myself from him. I had told Adam many times before, that I would really really like not to ever talk about John again. I don't want to hear about him, I don't want to talk about him. I never shouted at Adam about it, I just stressed how important it is to me and begged him to just realize that the subject of John is off-limits when speaking to/around me.
Adam knows how important that is to me by now. He's known for years. But sometimes, he mentions John anyway and all the great things he's experiencing, without care of how it affects me. Sometimes I let it slide, even though my discomfort is obvious, but he doesn't apologize, and in fact continues until eventually I have to remind him patiently again not to talk about John to me (and I remind him that I asked him many times before).
Now about a week ago, I suddenly got extremely sick and I almost needed to be rushed to the ER. I called Adam for help, and he brought me medication. I took the medication and lay down to try to calm down and recover, and I wanted to tell him about some small thing I managed to accomplish and be proud of. As usual, he wasn't really listening, just reading something on his phone and laughed at something funny. Then he interrupted me, telling me about something John said that was apparently funny about his new boss at his great job. I tried to let it slide again, but it hurt me that even after all the times before I asked him not to do it, he even does it right when I'm extremely sick and unwell.
I thought about what to do about it, how to respond to it or not at all. In fact I thought about your videos. I decided, I should have the right to remind him that I don't like this. I asked him why did he have to bring John's name up again, after all the times I asked him not to, and especially now when I'm so unwell and in pain. He scoffed, chuckled dryly and said: "Oh wow, not even a thank you."
What a dreadful dynamic. You have done all you can, and I'm amazed that you were so polite after all those years. Maddening how people are so in denial about their own thrashing internal pain that they just can't help themselves but to hurt others. It is really none of my business, *but* I'd like to say that you don't owe anyone a thank you for being kind to you ... ill or not. Especially given the fact that he passive aggressively attacked you, while you were drawing attention to what was obvious, something you had previously addressed. If you can't tell, this is a familiar pattern for me as well. Familial and familiar. I feel for you!
This is familiar to me. I hope you find your peace 💜
@@rheanelken2918 I am so sorry that this is also familiar to you. How is your situation now? You can tell me if you want. I hope it's at least better, but I want to thank you deeply for your response (and I'm happy you made it your business =P ). At least here on this channel we an call hear and support each other. The real problem with the situation I described is that I know that the best thing to do is just distance myself from those who are toxic to me, live my own life away, except my circumstances don't allow me. I feel trapped, and I have to put up with my big brother's psychological torture, which he laces into his "favors." It's that sort of thing like "Well I do these things for you so you don't have anything to complain about" but that framing is used to funnel abuse through it. I'm trying, with what little strength I have, to crawl my way to any greater semblance of independence. Little by very little but I won't sit still.
@@RoxyKatGlass Thank you sincerely, and I'm sorry this is also familiar to you. I hope you're not still in that situation?
@@jaidev777 Ouch, that's so sticky and tricky. (All of the words ending in icky apparently.) I'm sorry, again, for this rotten situation you are in, and I'm glad my words didn't come off as mindless advising - it's a slippery slope and many speed down it! The last bit about the cloaked abuse, delivered within "a kind gesture" is even more relatable now. One particularly malignant and entirely destructive (covert to the max) sibling is the most smooth and clever at that kind of game. Imagine leveraging POWER from coming to the willful and voluntary aid of another human being - a sibling, no less! - and then flinging them - (who didn't ask, but needed help) into an abyss of psychological torment. If you can't tell, things are not great in that regard 😅. THANK YOU for asking 💙. You're right, these communities are lately validating and it's so necessary for those of us stuck, suffering silently (most of the time), in an isolated circumstance. Hang in there! ✊🏻
This really helped, because I can't stop thinking, that narcisstic/abusive parents have to be shouting insults at the child for it to "count" as that. And my mom tells me that she loves me so often, that I thought I couldn't relate to this but I saw my mom and me in quite a bit of this video especially the ownership and borderline mom parts. It also triggered reliving a memory, so now I'm reminded on how bad it actually was, although I still feel guilty writing this :/ but thank you Patrick, for giving me resources to open my eyes to it./gen
Yeah. They talk your ear off about their problems, then they tell you they love you and walk away while you're trying to tell them about yours, because you mistakenly thought that if you listened to them first, they'd eventually be satisfied and ready to listen to you. Ha. But on the way out the door, they always tell you lavishly how much they love you.
I have a very diverse family. I saw a bit of each in them in my life. Some even with my children and me. With so many "manipulation" tactics, I'll have to get broadly educated to learn how to protect myself and not promote it.
I was a bit surprised with the covert narcissist, didn't even recognize those tactics before watching this. I get so swept up in the spinning head they give me, I didn't see what they were doing.
Excellent role play samples! THANKS PATRICK!!!!
Patrick you are doing so much for wounded hearts in a wonderful way ❤
Teaching us to see our pain of wanting to please our family..Mother Father siblings whom can crush us from becoming ourselves.
Controlling financially , or a child alone in a Controlling or punishing 🤔 environment .
You are a successful surviver now helping others swim out of their miserable family environment.
Thankyou for sharing your information and experiences with us. XXX
Narc mother and ownership reminds me of my mother the most. Trying to talk to her about anything from my childhood she calls "giving her guilt trips" and everything is about her feelings. The covert father also sounds like my mother complaining about how life would be different for her if dad hadn't treated her badly when they divorced 25 years ago. And yeah, he was an asshole but my sister and I were the ones that had to live with him every other week and we managed to go on with life. The malignant narc father reminds me of him when I was a teenager and became depressed. "Oh please you're fine, let me tell you how the world works and I'll tell your teatcher/psychologist/social worker what your problem really is - your mother!" (he wasn't completely wrong about that)
I'm really happy to hear the efforts for other nations please reach out, there are pple working overtime to get help around the world.
Title: "is this your family? Toxic parent-"
Me: "yes"
you...you nail theses (thoses?) so much that you made me yell at my tv
Thank you so much for your videos. And thank you for helping the people in Ukraine as well ♥️👍😊
“A Phase!” I had to laugh. They’re going through A Phase! That is too funny. That was my Mother’s frequent go-to. Oh my!!
Your are so helpful and the videos make me laugh but so accurate ❤️
Okay, I've been listening to these for a week, more or less for amusement, but the one with the Narc Mother and Ownership made my heart start thumping and I broke out in a sweat. He is really good at playing that Mom, right down to the tone of voice and that "Oh, you're FINE..." bit....
Cripes. I’m a minute-twenty in and you’ve described my last 8 months.
I have to admit to been confused as to if I'm dealing with toxic dad and an enabling co-dependent mum or if my mum is actually playing the victium and in an odd way actually using my toxic dad so that us kids feel sorry for her. I find it hard to have any real relationship with either of them Either my dad talks AT me about jobs, Money, ,career, success with the kind of arrogant assumption that of course I could achieve anything if I work hard enough and not TO me about my actual problems and struggles. Normally this is done with a kind of smug ego boosting way and very self congratulary way where he clearly fails to consider anybody else's problems and is very dismissive and generally is very unobservant and ignorant of when I'm actually struggling and need help not lectures. Then there is mum, who makes all the consolidation stuff but continues to let him do this and us kids end up feeling sorry for her while she makes excuses and backs down as soon things look confrontational. I feel like I'm been played, that she actually wants the attention been a victim gets her and it gives her the green light to be abusive too, particularly when she can so critical particularly as far as appearances are concerned. She always is finding some kind of fault with my appearance and I'm kind of sick of it.
I am in the same hell just it’s my brother and not my father. I’m not sure if my mother is just playing the victim using me , gaslighting me, whenever he’s not there and she’s alone but also offering me to him whenever he feels enraged so she doesn’t get attacked. I’ve survived 3 almost deadly attacks by him but she’s still looking for excuses. I feel so alone it’s always 2 against 1.
Coda Mother and Daughter was really spot on for me. Its one thing to know that the behavior is unhealthy, but to see it played out is hits different. I'm really glad to have identified this behavior. Now I'm working on it and so is she.
Flying monkeys, codependent mother, possibly covert narcissist mother, narcissistic raging father. Every time I visit my mother starts a drama, crying with accusations, and my father is raging because he doesn't get enough attention worthy of 2y.o. child. How do I know this bunch...
My mother is definitely codependent, extremely hard core so. I was like, oh i had this conversation in the car like an hour ago, as i watched it. Except i tend to either give one word answers of agreement or say something incredibly snarky and if it crossed the line too far to where there might be an argument, I add on "I'm just teasing." I tend to push my families buttons. Esp my step dad who honestly just seems completely unaware of anyone around him but himself at all times, i think i maxed him out of his rages when i was a kid cause he doesnt really do it anymore, more so bickers, growls, gets visibly angry but not lashing out, then goes and pours in the corner. His pouting in the corner state is honestly something i try to trigger to happen because then hell leave me and everyone else alone. I don't really make these situations easy for myself, I guess. Not a good thing to be so snarky, it gets me in trouble. Keep thinking now that im back with them for two weeks that ill get sent to my room like a little kid even though im 22 now.
Wow, I appreciate everything that you do, Patrick, but this one really resonated with me. I don’t have money for insurance or therapy so your videos are my guideline to dealing with childhood trauma. Thank you from us little folks…. There aren’t words enough to say how much help you are to us 🥰
Having a narcissistic mother it feels like heavy healthy love when the borderline mother asked about the job and how she is. (Except the mood swings which come up during the video and made it shocking and able to see the abusive point here)
Thank You, these role plays clearly took a lot of time. Patrick Fucking Teahan!
Wow….I never realized my mom indeed was narcissistic…
The way the narc father in the role play starts off the phone call is exactly the way my father starts a phone call with me!
The petulant borderline mother by FAR is the most like my abusive mother but some of the narcissistic fathers, especially covert narcissist father, also resonates for how my mom is. Luckily my dad isn't anything like any of these people though. I love your role plays so much and had seen most of them already. This is a great compilation!
Same for me. My mom is a mix between BPD and covert narcissist. Fluctuating between threatening suicide at her lowest moments, and smugly putting me down and passive aggressively invalidating me when she’s feeling “more” stable.
@@naturefleur2062 Yes my mom (who died a couple of years ago) was 100% a covert narcissist AND someone struggling with BPD, and I only learned about the covert narcissist side of her and how it explains so much less than a year ago, after she was already dead! I'm still processing that part of it all. I've known for over 14 years though about how she had what could clearly be explained by Borderline Personality Disorder. My mom apparently attempted or threatened suicide back when she was in college, and she asked me when I was a teenager to remember what song she wanted played at her funeral, and seemed sorta passively suicidal all the time. When she died she left suicide notes but it's unclear if she actually killed herself, and most likely she died of a heart attack i nthe end. But she was struggling with a lot of untreated mental health struggles and the self-fulfilling BPD thing where she drove away her entire family from ever being in contact with her.
@@VioletEmerald my condolences to you. My mom is alive but I haven’t been in contact with her for a few years. It’s a terribly difficult thing to heal from, the traumas handed to those with parents with personality disorders, plus all the things a person wishes they had or missed bc of the dysfunctional parents inabilities. I’m grateful for the healing that’s happened for me and grateful for channels like this that continue to validate my experiences and even years later, help me identify the “whys” to do much “unexplainable” interactions over the years with these kinds of parents. Best wishes to you on your journey. 🌸
@@naturefleur2062 Thanks. :) Same to you.
i felt like my parents arent any of these , because they dont check off enough boxes , but some of the stuff said or done was a dead ringer . like the outbursts of anger out of nowhere , saying they dont remember events so they didnt happen , telling me i need to care about their pain and im making them feel like a bad parent when i want to have a conversation with them about what they did , and almost excusing bad actions and the not realizing they need to act to protect me as their child , from the other parent when those actions happen , or be able to reassure me that they wont keep happening .
and im always tempted to discount my experiences because they werent identifiably " as bad " but im growing out of that habit and realizing : theyre still bad . its still not okay . if you get yelled at , its not okay just because it isnt constant . if youre scared , it doesnt mean shit that youre not getting hit , youre still scared and that means something .
cw : mention of the topic of suicide , nobody got hurt its okay but it might be triggering
fuck i just realized : in my latest run in with my dad he said " i live for you and your sibling " and given the context i had to clarify with him : " youre not going to hurt yourself right ? no ? ok [ fucking ] good " . like : dont fucking say that , cuz ill be damned if the ideation doesnt fucking run in this family and thats not something to make statements about unless youre serious and you need a doctor and some depression meds . what the fuck ō_ō
i think it was just a throwaway statement to him but like : it made me stop what i was doing for sure .
i didnt respond that mad to him either , and i dont on an every day basis either or like : at all . but looking back on it ig i am kind of angry :/ which again i wont show to him , he doesnt deserve it but like : yeah
Codependent mother...I said to my mother about my narcissistic father, 'why does he have to be so nasty'...its just his way, she said.
So awful to hear when these are considered really mild compared to some of the crazy stuff that you can experience as a child... It's tragic.
Thank you for all your videos, they are a great help.
Wow. Just listening to this (07:18 Covert Narcissistic Father) brought tears to my eyes, made my breath catch in my chest, made me feel like throwing up. Whew
I am a recovering Codependent. So wild how I can see who I would've became if I didn't work on my healing.
The Enmeshment is just uncomfortable to watch.
#CodependentNoMore.
Only a seasoned combat veteran can know these things that only transpire behind closed doors......
It would be very helpful to put each segment into chapters. It’s a feature TH-cam has.
He has time stamps in the description which are pretty similar
Same situation happened to me with the narcissistic mother. I remember getting picked up after school one day (elementary), there was a white truck following us. I noticed and asked my mom who that was and she said that's my brother's dad and he's going to live with us now. (Not too long before this my mom sat my brother and I down telling us my dad who raised him wasnt actually his dad and that we were half- siblings.) He was a big guy with a microscopic fuse. He would throw things at me or at my door when he would be upset. I remember making myself cereal once and bc the bag was loud and he blew up at me. I saw him at my brother's graduation for the first time in like 10 years. (I was disassociating like crazy that day lol.) He apologized profusely to me for the past, but I have yet to get any apology from my mother. My father is also narcissistic. I really hope I'm a better parent to my future children.
Such a tough trigger. I wouldn’t dare to talk one word after they start to bullshit, cause I know once a conversation start, a catastrophe begin. Argument is how my parents connect, even they once said they won’t argue in front of my 5 yo sister, they did it anyway.
That codependent mother one, oof. Hits home big time.
Petulant borderline reminded me of my mother’s explosive upset tactics. The flying monkey reminded me of my dad sometimes, operating on her behalf to restore the “peace”. He also reminded me of the codependent who goes silent a lot. They can switch sometimes because he won’t listen to her. The narcissistic father was different but made me think of the “not good enough” dismissing of career from my Aunt who is very patriarchal.
These role plays are some of the most helpful and effective tools as a therapist. Thank you!!
My conversations with either parent lasted for a short time. Superficial, too.
Nothing like watching a compilation of home videos on TH-cam on a Wednesday afternoon
😄😄
hahhaha