For every new discovery and thus trauma, the process begins again. I have to come up with a new understanding of the world. What this world is and how it works. It’s awful.
I have felt this quieting he describes when I receive answer to my questions... even when the answers themselves aren't great.... at least I have an answer.
This was Excellent!!! I am vacillating between stage 1 & 2. Thank you for helping us understand & putting words to the emotional state of a person experiencing betrayal trauma.
3.5 years after discovering my husband's affair. I'm in Stage 2. My husband had a secret second life with his married coworker, Maureen. They took 'business trips', dinners, and he'd drive 60 km out of his way to be with her in Salmon Arm, B.C. Yes, it ended but the pain for me goes on and on.
The “forced historical review” explanation has been so helpful. You have talked about in other videos that discovery of betrayal/sexual addiction creates this disruption to our memories/past perception of what we thought was true of the relationship using the image of throwing out the files of the past onto the floor and trying to reorganize those files to create order and understanding has helped me understand this process. It has also helped me explain to my unfaithful spouse why I engage in this and how disruptive new discovery is. Each time I learn something new or discover that he was untruthful in disclosure, put me right back at square one of having those files dumped out and needing to be re-organized. I wish more unfaithful spouses could understand the need to be fully honest and truthful with initial disclosure. This constant Historical review and revision is exhausting and disheartening.
Jake, excellent information. When you spoke of full disclosure and the relief after, what if he lied in the FD an failed the poly? No relief for me, just horrid confusion. Can you help me by sharing how I, and others like me, get relief or what to do with that deceit? Thank you.
thank you for all this information, and these ideas, and for your care and mission - you are really helping me and (you know this) this is very important work - God bless you (you are doing His work, you are an instrument of His love) People... don't understand what betrayal is "like" - particularly maybe how the first phase is, and your videos have helped me see that there is nothing wrong with me, that my devastation and collapse is not itself somehow sinful. This is a big help for me.
Thank you Jake. God bless you. My husband betrayed me with pornography and I trust nothing he says. So much made of this video made sense. I understand myself better. I’m thinking of leaving this marriage despite going to marriage counseling because he has no accountability and I’m sinking in sadness. Please pray for me😢
32 years of porn, 12 years prostitutes, affair, strpclubs.... Im drowning. Now after 7 months - no energy or strenght and my relationship with God is affected
@@youlandeerwee9740My husband was not protected from pornography as a child and was also exposed to his father's masturbation at an early age and his father going to prostitutes. I have known this recently - after a year of daily struggle for the truth, I know - through many, many D-Days - that my husband (we have been a couple for 30 years) is addicted to masturbation his entire life (above normal levels out!), massively addicted to Internet pornography for at least 25 years and also started going to prostitutes again and again 25 years ago. I am emotionally deeply wounded and exhausted to the bone. But the book “Your Brain on Porn” by Gary Wilson was vitally important for us to begin to understand the whole thing better. I can only strongly recommend that you and your husband read it thoroughly. Porn addiction is an addiction with incredible consequences. And unfortunately the damn sex industry has very loud voices, pornography and prostitution are so normalized, yet the social effects are destructive! In our home country, even prostitution is completely legalized and has been normalized and now socially accepted through decades of public relations, it just sucks! Hang in there, please get all the help you need! Your husband is definitely not a bad or weak person, but an addict. And you are not to blame for his addiction, you are not the trigger for it, you are not to blame! And you don't have to be ashamed of it! Neither does your husband! He is (and you too) one of the many millions of victims of the sex industry! But if he really wants it and if he consistently gets the right help, the effects will slowly, slowly but surely disappear, as I experience with my husband.
Thank you SO much for helping with and articulating this message! My spouse and I are recovering from infidelity (I'm the unfaithful unfortunately 😮💨) I'm not going to sugar coat the whole process, it's really tough!! None of that matters though because she's SO beautiful and she is SO worth the effort cause she's one of the biggest hearted human being's I've ever met and the love of my life 💕 and she's currently grieving hard.. I'm trying my best to understand everything that she's going through and sometimes we don't see eye to eye about the whole situation and it's extremely difficult to get on the right track sometimes,but at the end of the day it's COMPLETELY worth it ❤️ Thank you sir ☺️
Thanks so much for giving me so much more understanding of the 'betrayal' and the processes that I am currently slowly working my way through. I am having help from a very patient therapist.
Thank you Jake for your message. I've just found this while looking for help. My husband and I are just 3.5 months post discovery of his (30 year) PMO habit. It has devastated me, destabilized our marriage (39 years) is causing awful mental and emotional pain and anguish. (Who can keep such an enormous secret for so long??) I tried looking for a therapist, but I can't seem to find anyone reasonably close to us. We're near Salem, Oregon. If you know someone in our area please reach out to me. We desperately need help. On your comments about 'length of time' when speaking of relationships that are rocked by betrayal, I would say that the length of time the betrayal took, ie, 30 YEARS of lies and secrets does have some impact.
I was devastated to find out just today that my husband has been having an affair with my cousin, who I trusted with my heart. He moved in with her today. I love Jesus and am putting myself in His hands. I have never been more shocked in my life. My family has been turned upside down. Please pray for us all. Thank you for your video.
What song is playing at the end? Is this a marching band? I want to add this to my healing listening! Oh, btw, great information. I really appreciate your soothing voice as you share and teach. Thank you!
![Megan Thee Stallion - Neva Play (feat. RM) [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/TpYTyAaTRts/mqdefault.jpg)
For every new discovery and thus trauma, the process begins again. I have to come up with a new understanding of the world. What this world is and how it works. It’s awful.
I have felt this quieting he describes when I receive answer to my questions... even when the answers themselves aren't great.... at least I have an answer.
This was Excellent!!! I am vacillating between stage 1 & 2.
Thank you for helping us understand & putting words to the emotional state of a person experiencing betrayal trauma.
3.5 years after discovering my husband's affair. I'm in Stage 2.
My husband had a secret second life with his married coworker, Maureen. They took 'business trips', dinners, and he'd drive 60 km out of his way to be with her in Salmon Arm, B.C. Yes, it ended but the pain for me goes on and on.
I want to know more. Great content.❤
The “forced historical review” explanation has been so helpful. You have talked about in other videos that discovery of betrayal/sexual addiction creates this disruption to our memories/past perception of what we thought was true of the relationship using the image of throwing out the files of the past onto the floor and trying to reorganize those files to create order and understanding has helped me understand this process. It has also helped me explain to my unfaithful spouse why I engage in this and how disruptive new discovery is. Each time I learn something new or discover that he was untruthful in disclosure, put me right back at square one of having those files dumped out and needing to be re-organized. I wish more unfaithful spouses could understand the need to be fully honest and truthful with initial disclosure. This constant Historical review and revision is exhausting and disheartening.
Jake, excellent information. When you spoke of full disclosure and the relief after, what if he lied in the FD an failed the poly? No relief for me, just horrid confusion. Can you help me by sharing how I, and others like me, get relief or what to do with that deceit? Thank you.
thank you for all this information, and these ideas, and for your care and mission - you are really helping me and (you know this) this is very important work - God bless you (you are doing His work, you are an instrument of His love)
People... don't understand what betrayal is "like" - particularly maybe how the first phase is, and your videos have helped me see that there is nothing wrong with me, that my devastation and collapse is not itself somehow sinful. This is a big help for me.
Thank you Jake. God bless you. My husband betrayed me with pornography and I trust nothing he says. So much made of this video made sense. I understand myself better. I’m thinking of leaving this marriage despite going to marriage counseling because he has no accountability and I’m sinking in sadness. Please pray for me😢
32 years of porn, 12 years prostitutes, affair, strpclubs.... Im drowning. Now after 7 months - no energy or strenght and my relationship with God is affected
@@youlandeerwee9740My husband was not protected from pornography as a child and was also exposed to his father's masturbation at an early age and his father going to prostitutes.
I have known this recently - after a year of daily struggle for the truth, I know - through many, many D-Days - that my husband (we have been a couple for 30 years) is addicted to masturbation his entire life (above normal levels out!), massively addicted to Internet pornography for at least 25 years and also started going to prostitutes again and again 25 years ago.
I am emotionally deeply wounded and exhausted to the bone.
But the book “Your Brain on Porn” by Gary Wilson was vitally important for us to begin to understand the whole thing better. I can only strongly recommend that you and your husband read it thoroughly.
Porn addiction is an addiction with incredible consequences.
And unfortunately the damn sex industry has very loud voices, pornography and prostitution are so normalized, yet the social effects are destructive!
In our home country, even prostitution is completely legalized and has been normalized and now socially accepted through decades of public relations, it just sucks!
Hang in there, please get all the help you need!
Your husband is definitely not a bad or weak person, but an addict.
And you are not to blame for his addiction, you are not the trigger for it, you are not to blame! And you don't have to be ashamed of it! Neither does your husband!
He is (and you too) one of the many millions of victims of the sex industry!
But if he really wants it and if he consistently gets the right help, the effects will slowly, slowly but surely disappear, as I experience with my husband.
Thank you! This was very helpful.
Thank you SO much for helping with and articulating this message! My spouse and I are recovering from infidelity (I'm the unfaithful unfortunately 😮💨) I'm not going to sugar coat the whole process, it's really tough!! None of that matters though because she's SO beautiful and she is SO worth the effort cause she's one of the biggest hearted human being's I've ever met and the love of my life 💕 and she's currently grieving hard.. I'm trying my best to understand everything that she's going through and sometimes we don't see eye to eye about the whole situation and it's extremely difficult to get on the right track sometimes,but at the end of the day it's COMPLETELY worth it ❤️ Thank you sir ☺️
Thanks so much for giving me so much more understanding of the 'betrayal' and the processes that I am currently slowly working my way through.
I am having help from a very patient therapist.
Thank you Jake for your message. I've just found this while looking for help. My husband and I are just 3.5 months post discovery of his (30 year) PMO habit. It has devastated me, destabilized our marriage (39 years) is causing awful mental and emotional pain and anguish. (Who can keep such an enormous secret for so long??) I tried looking for a therapist, but I can't seem to find anyone reasonably close to us. We're near Salem, Oregon. If you know someone in our area please reach out to me. We desperately need help.
On your comments about 'length of time' when speaking of relationships that are rocked by betrayal, I would say that the length of time the betrayal took, ie, 30 YEARS of lies and secrets does have some impact.
So helpful. Thank you, Jake.
Excellent!! Thank you SO much.
Yes, excellent advice. Thank you.
This was so fantastic !! Helps so much Thankyou I would like to know more abouttheAPSAT training if there is a link🙋🏻♀️
I was devastated to find out just today that my husband has been having an affair with my cousin, who I trusted with my heart. He moved in with her today. I love Jesus and am putting myself in His hands. I have never been more shocked in my life. My family has been turned upside down. Please pray for us all. Thank you for your video.
I'm so sorry!! How devastating. How are you doing now?
@@jennybrown4207I'm still learning how to cope. I'm in therapy and have a lot of family support. Thank you for asking. God Bless.
What song is playing at the end? Is this a marching band? I want to add this to my healing listening! Oh, btw, great information. I really appreciate your soothing voice as you share and teach. Thank you!
Will you be in South Africa anytime soon? I'm not coping