I find that we can stand in the way of the Unfaithful “getting it.” Don’t let them blame or gaslight you anymore. Get help alone for your own pain and become stronger. Don’t keep giving the best of you even if it means you move out of the bedroom, stop cooking, etc. to show them you’ve got boundaries and are worthy of respect
There is no remorse on my husband's part either. No TRUE remorse. He will act like he is genuinely upset, crying, saying he takes full responsibility. But he isn't willing to do anything to make amends. I felt unloved and disrespected after I flooded this week. He got mad and turned on me. So I pulled back, sent him usptairs, and said we were separated...bc this pattern has happened so many times. When I was still trying to talk about how he treated me, he yelled and said "we are over right?? So I don't have to listen yo this anymore" 😢😢😢 If you are genuinely concerned and heartbroken for your spouses pain, it doesn't stop when you don't get your way. 😢 That is manipulation.
Thank you for this video Samuel. I swear AR knows exactly what we need when we need it. Today I needed this and hopefully my former UH will understand what I have been trying to say. I am 21 months from dday 1 at 18 months I was given the "real" disclosure (this was AFTER EMSO and at the year mark of MFL) unfortunately that wasn't the final disclosure i have had 2 more since then. He has changed his life in so many ways actually in basically almost in every way. He has done what I have asked since dday 1 (this is the only reason I am still fighting for us) except facing his truth. My hope is that at some point he realizes that he can not just put it in a box on the shelf and never open it again. He keeps saying he understands what the lies have done to our recovery but still holds back and says he is not that person anymore but he will not take responsibility for it until he is caught in the lie and even then still tries to manipulate. I can not get him to see that all the change in the world gets tainted when the lies continue. It makes me so sad, I love him with everything I have and I want to enjoy this renewed marriage we are trying to build but you can not build when the foundation has holes in it. Thank you Samuel for helping me feel at least today that I am not crazy .
Good episode! I'm going through this and the fact that I was safe with him and now I'm scared 😫😭. We've been together since we were in our teens. We've been married for 38 years. He broke the trust and respect for me. He's sorry, and he broke it off with the affair partner. It was for four months, right in our home town. We knew this person from years ago, but he met up with her again. So, now we're going to be in counseling with our Pastor and Leadership team. We're Born-again Christians, for about 30 years now. We're a little bit scared, but are willing to try to make it work. Please pray for us 🙏!
so glad you're getting help, but may i suggest outside expert help as well? you can find a ton of resources on our site that also operate from a faith based approach: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses
My unfaithful wife is doing all the right things. Phone access, tracking, communication, tells me everything she does, everything she's gonna do, where she's gonna go, surprise face time,.......anything and everything I need to feel safe. But I'm afraid I'm drifting from her. My feelings are changing. Idk what to do. I feel like I want to leave her and feel like I will eventually. I'm just so hurt angry and bitter. I don't feel like myself anymore and don't know how to be happy.
@@AL_FARID_23 5 kids. Dday was late August. 5 kids........I still can't believe how she could bring herself to do it. I can't believe we're here where we are at the moment.
Fantastic heartfelt video. I think this video is a must see for anyone who wishes to repair their relationship after their infidelity. Good work Samuel
I want so desperately to feel safe. I ask all the time. EG “Please don’t let me find out from the app if you go some place off grid”. But no. It happens all the time. I think all the time how there are so few things he can do to help fix anything. But he won’t even consistently do what he can. Yesterday he made an appointment with a bankruptcy attorney for this morning (for just him to go)!!! Said he was going to talk to me about it last night but I wasn’t in a good mood. So he told me today. And he doesn’t understand why anything I get “told” after it is happening just wrecks me. I’m so ready to quit. We are two years out. But my last HUGE DDay was less than a year ago. And there have been disclosures as early as three months ago. Sad. Tired. Hopeless. Your videos help me. But he listens then does the exact opposite. Like in James when he talks about the man who looks at his reflection then forgets.
Debi Crouch is he getting help? Porn changes the brain 🧠 to that of an addict and it’s almost impossible to stop without help. New Life Ministries has a workshop called Everyman’s Battle and there are scholarships. Wonderful
There are so many things I want to write, but first of all THANK YOU, Samuel, for these videos. 6 days after Dday, with a baby on the way, a product of an IVF. We dreamed of having a family for 2 years, but toxic habits and unhealthy state of mind got us to where we are now. The videos have helped me a lot. I'm finally realizing that I can live my life as a happy person, with or without my spouse, but I choose to be with her and I commit to the recovery. She, as the unfaithful is also committed, with God's help, I see light at the end of the tunnel but also made peace with the fact that my life is not over if it does not work. I'm becoming a better human being.
He was showing that he was remorseful and very sorry for 18 months. He gave me transparency, access to his phone and computer anytime I want, as well. Then find out he was still cheating on me this whole 18 months. It was just a show even he said it wasn’t a show. I don’t know what to believe anymore because damages to our marriage & me, and lost of the trust & safety is too big and serious.
i'm so sorry. he needs the help of a true expert that can assess him professionally and design a program for his recovery. the ems weekend is my best suggestion for you both: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend
Thank you Samuel. I was hoping to do the EMS online after we each finished your individual courses. But a few months after the completion, I discovered he was still talking to her. She found out he was married and broke up with him now. I don’t know if it’s worth trying at this point.
What if you’re spouse has told the person she is the love of his life and he has no remorse or regret for what he has done when he had his affair with his ex wife and we have been married for 26 years
typically it comes from an objective third party, not the spouse. the problem is not always the betrayed, but the unfaithful. i would have them try the bootcamp on our site here: www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp then consider one of our online courses to help him see what he's done: www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing
What do I do if he doesn't get it though. In typically unfaithful behavior I was blamed for his betrayal and infidelity. Also his alcoholic binges. We never went for counceling. D day was over two years ago. He cheated repeatedly. He went on drinking binges and became extremely verbally and emotionally abusive. This is a long distance relationship (5 hours apart) I'm finding myself becoming more and more resentful and bitter. He is of the opinion and attitude that this is in the past. He's not doing it anymore and how long am I going to hold this against him. He doesn't understand that while it Makes it easier for him to put it behind him and say it's in the past. This is still very much part of my present. It has consumed me Emotionally. I've never been able to heal from this. I can't explain to him in words how much this has hurt me. I can't explain the devastation. He doesn't seem to understand. I am unable to trust him. I don't believe a single word that comes out of his mouth. The level of his deception and the extends to which he went to in his lies has shocked me to the core. Due to the distance and partly because of financial constraints counseling is almost impossible. But I don't think I can move on from this or even start healing before we get help. Its like I'm holding my breath waiting and praying for him to do or say something that might just make me feel better or give me hope that we can get through this. But I don't know that there's anything he can say that would make me feel any better. He insists he wants to be with me. That he wants to work this out. But we haven't worked on anything. His habit of sweeping things under the carpet and blocking has just made it worst. He doesn't want any consequences. I enabled that by forcing the two years after d day and continuing with the relationship. We continued being intimate. We carried on with everything with the "intent" to get help One day and sort it out. This has given way to everything coming back now with a vengeance in me. I surpressed it for so long. And now it's hit me like a ton of bricks and extra. We are lucky if we see each other once a month. I've practically besides for the odd message broken contact because I am just not able to deal with this any longer. As of yesterday I broke contact completely. I'm facing hundreds of triggers every day. I can't speak to him about it because he says it's in the past or would actually say something very inconsiderate and selfish that would just inflict so much more pain and make me loose my mind. I've come to a point that I feel it's better for. My own sanity to just not talk to him anymore. I'm not coping as it is. Him adding to that with his arrogance is not helping. I feel. Like it's over.
Anenette Appel I’m so sorry. Could it be he’s addicted? Check out Dr Doug Weiss’s TH-cam Page or Patrick Carnes. Addiction makes people immature, narcissistic, and self
Anenette Appel start going to a christian church, find The Lord, he will bring u through this. u can't do it alone. I'm so sorry for what u r going through.
Question... If my wife had an emotional affair thru internet with her ex bf and I was wrong to catfish her and make a fake "exbf" account to msg her and proposition sex. Her reply was "text me at #### it's SAFER". YES, I KNOW NOW OVER YOUR VIDEOS THAT WHAT I DID WAS WROOONG buuuut.... She still replied. She told me he (me) was msging her & showed me her phone but the "text me it's safer" replies she had deleted. Anyways, my point is this. I tested her to see if she would stay loyal. She didn't. Buuuut I AM NOT HOLDING THIS AGAINST HER CUS I UNDERSTAND NOW WHAT I DID WAS BAD FOR HER RECOVERY. please help us?? How do I recover and trust her again after this incident??? Pls reply.
i would get expert help as soon as possible. i would ask her to do the bootcamp here: www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp then i would ask her to do one of the online courses with you asap: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses/online-courses
they are not safe my friend. it's a huge red flag and shows they are probably feeling resentment and anger towards you and feel justified in their affair.
I find that we can stand in the way of the Unfaithful “getting it.” Don’t let them blame or gaslight you anymore. Get help alone for your own pain and become stronger. Don’t keep giving the best of you even if it means you move out of the bedroom, stop cooking, etc. to show them you’ve got boundaries and are worthy of respect
👏👏👏
Displaying remorse with humility, patience, kindness, consistency, willingness and providing safety. What a concept!
No shit, I know this comment is old. But it’s like these people that lie and cheat are sometimes revolutionizing basic human emotions.
"When they feel safe.. you're doing something right." Touché
There is no remorse on my husband's part either. No TRUE remorse. He will act like he is genuinely upset, crying, saying he takes full responsibility. But he isn't willing to do anything to make amends. I felt unloved and disrespected after I flooded this week. He got mad and turned on me. So I pulled back, sent him usptairs, and said we were separated...bc this pattern has happened so many times. When I was still trying to talk about how he treated me, he yelled and said "we are over right?? So I don't have to listen yo this anymore" 😢😢😢 If you are genuinely concerned and heartbroken for your spouses pain, it doesn't stop when you don't get your way. 😢 That is manipulation.
Thank you for this video Samuel. I swear AR knows exactly what we need when we need it. Today I needed this and hopefully my former UH will understand what I have been trying to say. I am 21 months from dday 1 at 18 months I was given the "real" disclosure (this was AFTER EMSO and at the year mark of MFL) unfortunately that wasn't the final disclosure i have had 2 more since then. He has changed his life in so many ways actually in basically almost in every way. He has done what I have asked since dday 1 (this is the only reason I am still fighting for us) except facing his truth. My hope is that at some point he realizes that he can not just put it in a box on the shelf and never open it again. He keeps saying he understands what the lies have done to our recovery but still holds back and says he is not that person anymore but he will not take responsibility for it until he is caught in the lie and even then still tries to manipulate. I can not get him to see that all the change in the world gets tainted when the lies continue. It makes me so sad, I love him with everything I have and I want to enjoy this renewed marriage we are trying to build but you can not build when the foundation has holes in it. Thank you Samuel for helping me feel at least today that I am not crazy .
honored to help in any way I can.
Good episode! I'm going through this and the fact that I was safe with him and now I'm scared 😫😭. We've been together since we were in our teens. We've been married for 38 years. He broke the trust and respect for me. He's sorry, and he broke it off with the affair partner. It was for four months, right in our home town. We knew this person from years ago, but he met up with her again. So, now we're going to be in counseling with our Pastor and Leadership team. We're Born-again Christians, for about 30 years now. We're a little bit scared, but are willing to try to make it work. Please pray for us 🙏!
so glad you're getting help, but may i suggest outside expert help as well? you can find a ton of resources on our site that also operate from a faith based approach: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses
My unfaithful wife is doing all the right things. Phone access, tracking, communication, tells me everything she does, everything she's gonna do, where she's gonna go, surprise face time,.......anything and everything I need to feel safe. But I'm afraid I'm drifting from her. My feelings are changing. Idk what to do. I feel like I want to leave her and feel like I will eventually. I'm just so hurt angry and bitter. I don't feel like myself anymore and don't know how to be happy.
Dark Cloud I’m in the same boat with my unfaithful wife . Do you guys have any kids? How long since discovery?
@@AL_FARID_23 5 kids. Dday was late August. 5 kids........I still can't believe how she could bring herself to do it. I can't believe we're here where we are at the moment.
Fantastic heartfelt video. I think this video is a must see for anyone who wishes to repair their relationship after their infidelity. Good work Samuel
thank you so much my friend. means a ton.
U are saving lives thru these videos .... I want revenge in the worse way against my wife and her affair partner... Thank U
Thank you! This is exactly what I keep mentioning to him that he refuses to get and really listen to what I'm saying.
so glad it helped. thanks for the kind words.
Thank you Sam. I pray that my UW takes this to heart.
I hope this too!
Probably one of your best videos Samuel.
I want so desperately to feel safe. I ask all the time. EG “Please don’t let me find out from the app if you go some place off grid”. But no. It happens all the time. I think all the time how there are so few things he can do to help fix anything. But he won’t even consistently do what he can. Yesterday he made an appointment with a bankruptcy attorney for this morning (for just him to go)!!! Said he was going to talk to me about it last night but I wasn’t in a good mood. So he told me today. And he doesn’t understand why anything I get “told” after it is happening just wrecks me. I’m so ready to quit. We are two years out. But my last HUGE DDay was less than a year ago. And there have been disclosures as early as three months ago. Sad. Tired. Hopeless. Your videos help me. But he listens then does the exact opposite. Like in James when he talks about the man who looks at his reflection then forgets.
Debi Crouch is he getting help? Porn changes the brain 🧠 to that of an addict and it’s almost impossible to stop without help. New Life Ministries has a workshop called Everyman’s Battle and there are scholarships. Wonderful
I dont know whether to stay or move out from our marriage. Im tired if his betrayal and constantly lying.
There are so many things I want to write, but first of all THANK YOU, Samuel, for these videos. 6 days after Dday, with a baby on the way, a product of an IVF. We dreamed of having a family for 2 years, but toxic habits and unhealthy state of mind got us to where we are now. The videos have helped me a lot. I'm finally realizing that I can live my life as a happy person, with or without my spouse, but I choose to be with her and I commit to the recovery. She, as the unfaithful is also committed, with God's help, I see light at the end of the tunnel but also made peace with the fact that my life is not over if it does not work. I'm becoming a better human being.
OsoAnteojos
Good luck to you both.
Sounds a good basis to work from.
Minimize triggers... Why won't he get rid of all the gifts she gave him? They're still around. Makes me crazy.
he probably needs expert help from an objective third party to hear that, receive it and implement it.
Mine totally has no remorse. Feels it needs to just be over. :/
Sorry to hear
Mine moved out to be with her new man..not a care in the world for what she did to our family..she said she wanted to be happy.
Sorry to hear that. This is sad
He was showing that he was remorseful and very sorry for 18 months. He gave me transparency, access to his phone and computer anytime I want, as well.
Then find out he was still cheating on me this whole 18 months. It was just a show even he said it wasn’t a show.
I don’t know what to believe anymore because damages to our marriage & me, and lost of the trust & safety is too big and serious.
i'm so sorry. he needs the help of a true expert that can assess him professionally and design a program for his recovery. the ems weekend is my best suggestion for you both: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend
Thank you Samuel. I was hoping to do the EMS online after we each finished your individual courses. But a few months after the completion, I discovered he was still talking to her. She found out he was married and broke up with him now.
I don’t know if it’s worth trying at this point.
Good message, thanks!
What if you’re spouse has told the person she is the love of his life and he has no remorse or regret for what he has done when he had his affair with his ex wife and we have been married for 26 years
What a betrayed spouse can say to the unfaithful spouse so that the unfaithful spouse could start opening up to show the remorse?
typically it comes from an objective third party, not the spouse. the problem is not always the betrayed, but the unfaithful. i would have them try the bootcamp on our site here: www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp then consider one of our online courses to help him see what he's done: www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing
What do I do if he doesn't get it though. In typically unfaithful behavior I was blamed for his betrayal and infidelity. Also his alcoholic binges. We never went for counceling. D day was over two years ago. He cheated repeatedly. He went on drinking binges and became extremely verbally and emotionally abusive. This is a long distance relationship (5 hours apart) I'm finding myself becoming more and more resentful and bitter. He is of the opinion and attitude that this is in the past. He's not doing it anymore and how long am I going to hold this against him. He doesn't understand that while it Makes it easier for him to put it behind him and say it's in the past. This is still very much part of my present. It has consumed me Emotionally. I've never been able to heal from this. I can't explain to him in words how much this has hurt me. I can't explain the devastation. He doesn't seem to understand. I am unable to trust him. I don't believe a single word that comes out of his mouth. The level of his deception and the extends to which he went to in his lies has shocked me to the core. Due to the distance and partly because of financial constraints counseling is almost impossible. But I don't think I can move on from this or even start healing before we get help. Its like I'm holding my breath waiting and praying for him to do or say something that might just make me feel better or give me hope that we can get through this. But I don't know that there's anything he can say that would make me feel any better. He insists he wants to be with me. That he wants to work this out. But we haven't worked on anything. His habit of sweeping things under the carpet and blocking has just made it worst. He doesn't want any consequences. I enabled that by forcing the two years after d day and continuing with the relationship. We continued being intimate. We carried on with everything with the "intent" to get help One day and sort it out. This has given way to everything coming back now with a vengeance in me. I surpressed it for so long. And now it's hit me like a ton of bricks and extra. We are lucky if we see each other once a month. I've practically besides for the odd message broken contact because I am just not able to deal with this any longer. As of yesterday I broke contact completely. I'm facing hundreds of triggers every day. I can't speak to him about it because he says it's in the past or would actually say something very inconsiderate and selfish that would just inflict so much more pain and make me loose my mind. I've come to a point that I feel it's better for. My own sanity to just not talk to him anymore. I'm not coping as it is. Him adding to that with his arrogance is not helping. I feel. Like it's over.
Anenette Appel I’m so sorry. Could it be he’s addicted? Check out Dr Doug Weiss’s TH-cam Page or Patrick Carnes. Addiction makes people immature, narcissistic, and self
Anenette Appel start going to a christian church, find The Lord, he will bring u through this. u can't do it alone. I'm so sorry for what u r going through.
Question... If my wife had an emotional affair thru internet with her ex bf and I was wrong to catfish her and make a fake "exbf" account to msg her and proposition sex. Her reply was "text me at #### it's SAFER". YES, I KNOW NOW OVER YOUR VIDEOS THAT WHAT I DID WAS WROOONG buuuut.... She still replied. She told me he (me) was msging her & showed me her phone but the "text me it's safer" replies she had deleted. Anyways, my point is this. I tested her to see if she would stay loyal. She didn't. Buuuut I AM NOT HOLDING THIS AGAINST HER CUS I UNDERSTAND NOW WHAT I DID WAS BAD FOR HER RECOVERY. please help us?? How do I recover and trust her again after this incident??? Pls reply.
i would get expert help as soon as possible. i would ask her to do the bootcamp here: www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp then i would ask her to do one of the online courses with you asap: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses/online-courses
Hi Samuel, what if the unfaithful is not remorseful?
they are not safe my friend. it's a huge red flag and shows they are probably feeling resentment and anger towards you and feel justified in their affair.
15 years! Lol. Maybe I’ll get a deathbed apology.