@@CrappyChildhoodFairy It really is! It's just really too bad that others aren't able to recognize this, esp when it's mental health workers. It's quite difficult finding professionals that actually have a good, solid understanding of just PTSD, nevermind C-PTSD. It wasn't until about a year ago when i finally started seeing a therapist that helped me see why i was suffering so much even with all the treatment I've gone through and it's been absolutely life changing. I still live with my abusive narcissistic mother but at least now that i understand her and her abuse and why she does what she does, it's not nearly as damaging because now i at least know it's never been my fault and Im perfect the way i am. And that really makes all the difference in helping me survive her abuse and toxicity until i can finally move out.
Research has discovered that children born to women who experienced a lot of emotional trauma during their pregnancy have more risk of defects in the visual cortex of their neonatal brains and so after being born their brain adapts to the environment in a different way than other children and so their learning style is often different that the norm in that it is not as dependent on the visual. Often that difference cannot be discerned by their teachers until they are diagnosed with a learning disability. Until then they are often being labelled disruptive, uncooperative, lazy, irresponsible or only as having an anxiety disorder in the classroom soon after failing to meet teacher expectations.
Most therapists are broken people themselves. I have actually found that many project their own unresolved issues onto the client in very subtle ways trying to sort their own childhoods. It’s a minefield. Don’t be afraid to ask the therapist directly from the get go whether they have processed their own childhood trauma. They might look at you shocked but a good therapist will not be afraid to answer this question honestly,
Yes true they probably would not fess up, however, most of us are empaths; so that means we would be able to pick up their internal reaction to the question. So go ahead and ask it. Then go with your gut to how they reacted.
Everyone is broken in their own way. The thing with counselors is if they allow their pain to better understand and be there for others or if they are just doing what you describe. I'm reminded of my pain doctor. He specialized in that area of medicine because of his own chronic pain problems. Had he not dealt with them he'd have never felt his calling to help others with their pain.
my trauma therapist has no childhood trauma. Therefore she is able to hear me and mirror care and concern the way my traumatised mother could not. In this way i am receiving a kind of permission to grow up or a reparenting foundation. I do not feel like i have to constantly prove my worth, rather that i am worthy no matter what i am feeling or struggling with.
I just became a subscriber. I'm 86 and the shadowy effects of CPSTD are still with me. A spiritual journey and a meditation practice has helped me far more than various therapists. I've been fine with lockdown because due to severe rheumatoid arthritis, I was already housebound. Also, I live in an area of poverty, and reaching out and helping people in real need, has lessened my occasional self-pity. Thank you. You are a gift.
What simply stated and powerful testimony. I'm thinking of people who write me and say: "I'm 45... is it too late for me?" Thank you for sharing inspiration and realism here. Very glad you are with us!
@S. Hurd I hope and pray I live to your age to reap the benefits of healing. Why I never thought about CPTSD before is beyond me. I just subscribed at 65. Nothing has ever resonated so well with how I have felt all my life!
Let me tell you what helped the most for me. It was EMDR. Six years of psychotherapy and about 6 mos of EMDR. Took me 25 years to find a therapist I was compatible with first. Good luck to you all out there. The only constant thing in my life has been Christ. My sense of identity, my hope and the crazy intestinal fortitude I always had is due to my relationship with Christ.
For anyone interested I'll tell you the biggest thing that worked to help me heal: a true and deep desire to heal. Wallowing in victimhood doesn't help, it exacerbates the situation. I had to find the point where I'd rather feel "right" than to have the attention I craved. Not trying to be harsh, but a lot of CPTSD sufferers fully or mostly define themselves by their suffering. After a while you realize you are victimizing yourself. It's at that point that you may realize that you can heal. You have to be able to be honest with yourself.
However, in Pete Walker's book on CPTSD he encourages you to accept that you have been a victim, particularly of emotional neglect from parents. In fact one of the techniques, Angering, encourages you to anger and vent about past injustices. People who are in denial about having been the victim of neglect and other things the yt algorithm won't allow me to mention, can't even move into this phase of recovery/healing.
One thing that I'm grateful for is having the hunger for wanting to know more, get answers and understand life and people, and when I haven't got it, I'll look for it until it makes sense. Knowledge is power. I've been doing most of my own healing from reading & watching different people sharing. It's like every one of them has one piece from the puzzle. It's struggling but some days you'll end up on your own. Internet and books are blessings
Totally agree with everything you just said... I love to cheer for people to LEARN, consume NEW food for your soul, get off your old kibble!... I often find myself telling pals - "Knowledge Is Power. Chow Down & Power Up!" Therapists are dandy, but some I feel I have overwhelmed NOT with my circumstances, so much as my frantic? drive to dissect and analyze. I have a sign hanging in my cabin says "Don't Look Back, You're Not Going That Way" while true we need to look, with Adult eyes, back at our paths to honour our journeys... we don't need to camp out in the dang album, forever flipping through old photos either... ❤
Alone "some days"? More like almost everyday. Married 25 years and we have never had much family involvement, even tho we have 7 kids, one has autism. Friends? Well, I go to a Church Moms group, but what is frustrating is we have a messy house and no one visits, frankly, it is overwhelming for me!
I've always found the greatest obstacle to moving on is a sense of grievance. Until you can put aside the need to hold a grievance (and the high moral ground that it implies), you won't move
My childhood looked wonderful and advantaged from the outside, which in some specific ways it was (so I’ve always felt that it’s unfair for me to have felt traumatized (for lack of a better word)) - but the term “chronic extreme stress” is exactly how I felt throughout my childhood (for specific reasons). I am finding these videos really helpful. Just to finally be able to articulate what I’ve been experiencing is comforting.
I have started the cleaning up my diet for the second time in life. Lost 90 pounds before by cutting the crap fake food. Started a basic 100 challenge to get my body back in shape. Day two and I feel great. Less carbs and sugar help a lot. Never realized my CPTSD was causing my issues with food.
I keep in mind while dealing with therapists that their only goal is to get the person back working. That is how they are judged in performance reviews and by insurance companies. I think that is how the Psy D's are trained these days. This is why there is a high suicide rate for veterans, because the therapist is not interested in the pain we feel, but are we back on duty or have we been able to hold a civilian job. I'm retired and I think, when I still had hope for help from these people, I noticed that THEY were the lost ones because my goals had nothing to do with getting back to work! They had no idea what to do! Thank you for these videos.
AMEN!!!! I always say, the mental health model in the USA is based on the idea that if you have not killed yourself (yet), the therapist is doing a great job, and the patient shouldn't expect anything more.
This is so true. So many professional mental health care workers are running on a system that's designed to feed you back into the capitalist machine. It's not about human growth or evolution or education or understanding, it's about making you a functional 9 to 5 worker again. And it's horrific.
Our society is so " do" oriented most have no concept of being.. being is what children learn first. I didn't. Therefore I've hid behind work all my life. Meditation is helping me learn to be, just to. Be. My value is not in what I can do.
Self care is a skill if you not praised and encouraged to eat and sleep and do things properly by parents and teachers we can pick up habits of neglect and self abuse eating cheap quick snacks rather than giving yourself lovely home cooked food
My therapist asked if I’d head about an eating disorder called orthorexia when I started talking about food. Eh… maybe I need to learn to relax my eating habits a bit. It’s just that you’re always getting praise for it so that’s why I just kept it up, I was doing a good thing 😕 apart from my occasional anxiety over bananas being the only fruit on offer when everyone else was having cake 👀
“Self-care” ideas can be distorted in dysfunctional families. Treating yourself with unhealthy food was taught as self-care in our home. Healthy eating was an obligation to be suffered, but an afternoon Snickers bar with a Dr Pepper? That was pampering! It took me a long time to recognize in myself that my cravings for junk food were directly tied to subconscious efforts to self harm. I still succumb, but it’s dramatically more measured.
Plants lean towards the sun to grow not the darkness. Alot of us are naturally great researchers. Ive found it helps to seek the information about cptsd and attachment styles from multiple channels (books, videos, groups, therapy, ect.)to really solidify the concepts. Not only is it illuminating, it's empowering knowing that we are in charge of this healing. The more you learn, the less you have to rely on validation from others to feel good which in turn improves your mood and habits. From there true self confidence emerges and all those connections we've wished and struggled for start to come naturally.
So true. Once I had a name for my issues, I started learning about it. Therapy is more expensive than I can afford. And therapy at agencies is like a cattle drive. Private, they are taking in long term $. I started to be my own healing coordinator. It is still slow. But , in truth, it is my responsibility. . currently, I'm going to join the YMCA,( they have a day where joining fee is waived in Sept. ), as it is less per month than therapy. And will lead me to goals. Maybe friends.
You are so right about the therapy issue. In my decades searching for help I have seen many therapists. Some were very helpful. They gave me tools to help me help myself. Others were counterproductive. DBT was very helpful. Journaling, music, exercise, and a spiritual connection is what has gotten me through life.
OMG you are a GOD SEND! I just had a lie coach I gave up after 8 months. I visited maybe 4-5 therapists, and wanted to leave quickly after the first few sessions. I wasn't getting better, stuck in the past, negative, etc. Your the first person I saw that really could help one and empowering to know really simple techniques can help you heal.
Time, age, and experience helps. I've seen different therapists over the years. I've done different "recovery" programs - 12 step programs, ACA, AA, NA, read a lot of books, listened to some good audio books, taken many walks, yoga classes, meditation, diet, sleep, etc. It all helped.
Wow. I can't imagine what it must be like to put yourself out there because you genuinely want to help people. Only to be criticized and talked down to for not coming across how every single individual needs you to, for their own personal experiences. Your videos are part of what have helped me gain more understanding about my diagnosis as I'm navigating through my own healing. I appreciate you and what you are doing. Thank you ❤️
@@trudyfox938 Perhaps the brain is trying its best to give us a safe space to heal properly rather than constantly injuring an already damaged organ. Like how most bones hurt when they're broken, and you're more likely to protect it from further harm due to the pain.
@@trudyfox938 I believe it's because we do need to learn something from it. For me it was that in truth I could have disobeyed, made my choices regardless of what my father was saying or how he was reacting. I could have lied if necessary. I never did. Why? Because I always acted as if it was his business, that I owed him something. The big taboo of the almighty father. Still now at 66 I lean towards thinking it was not possible to do anything at the time but it was. I have to face that if I want to make my own choices now. I had to conquer that freedom from my pattern of thinking, and am still working on it.
I could never put my finger on it. Through your TH-cam videos, I discovered, not only myself , but my siblings are affiliated w/CPTSD, some more severe than others. I'm in the process of shadow work, follow your content and deeply into my spirituality. It seems to be working. Thank you 🙏🙏🙏🙏
In some odd way I feel this healing process can actually become an exciting adventure. Looking for new tools, learning new research, watching ourselves closely to find clues about our triggers can be an incredible journey. Especially when our past and present connects and we start to see real changes in our lives!
The only reason I would see a therapist is to get my CPTSD diagnosed and to understand which parts of my behaviour are caused by trauma. I have lived with the effects of trauma all my life so things that are normal to me turned out to be signs of CPTSD when I did some research. The healing I can do by myself.
You're absolutely right, no money in the world and no therapist or psychiatrist can heal you unless you do what is right FOR YOU . We need to stop searching for answers from other people about how they healed, YOU have everything it takes, to heal YOURSELF. Thank you for spreading this content, you're a wonderful person 🌹.
I love how much you give hope. I woke up today and did the fears and resentments exercise with meditation. I used to do it before without the meditation part. And today for the first time I felt something like neutrality and it lasted for a couple of hours. I was amazed by this. I went to therapists for years and years and yes I used to feel better after the sessions but then the symptoms kicked in again after some hours and it left me feeling dependent on them and hopeless. I knew deep within that I have to learn to apply that "therapy knowledge" to my day to day life and I am still figuring that out. So thank you so much for your videos and ideas. They give me hope.
I have had several therapists through years. All concentrated on what happened to me by others besides my parents neglect as very young age. What happened to me didn't harm me as much as knowing I had horribly neglectful parents. I watched a TH-cam video on parental alienation and it was ah ha moment. The ladies name is Webb that does podcast. I also watched video of educated psychologist that has you imagine everything that was lacking. Recreate the ideal parental situation in your brain. This act of recreation has helped me more than years of therapy. Its taken the sting out of what happened. I made decisions reactively to protect myself.. such as cutting contact with my parents. But my hurt toward them has really changed. I just don't have the hurt. I just see them as a lost cause. And the reactive actions I took as smart, not emotional. I register the disfunction on their part. Theres no reason to be mad anymore... because I don't want anything but joy in my life. I hope anyone that is suffering finds their peace
I am on vacation (staycation) this week. I was hoping to get things moved around to get my sewing area set up so I can quilt (which is joyful), but I have just been looking at the mess in my apartment and had so much mental, emotional inertia and fatigue that week after week, month after month it has not gotten done. I was hoping I would be able to suck it up and do it today. I discovered your channel, and have been taking care of my mental health all day. I believe I will be in better shape as the week progresses. Thank you SO MUCH!!
Having responsibility for everything in your own life, including the accidents and what others did to you is what healed me. I basically lost the victim mentality and the need to blame someone for my own life.
And for anyone who is like me, a grown woman who wants to do better but just can't seem to get away from the ones oppressing you, please message me. It's helpful to know that we are not alone in our struggle. Thank you Crappy childhood fairy for being open about your own trauma and what you have learned in order to help us heal. Believe me when I tell you we here are all called apart from the rest for a reason. Endured this pain for a bigger purpose. We have compassion and the ability to help so many find their purpose. Know that our ability to be open about our pain in a safe place is what we have all been needing. I believe this safe haven is a blessing and all because 1 person chose to take the risk of opening up and sharing what hurt her and what is helping her to heal the unseen wounds. Thank you for choosing to help for no other reason than to see others heal as you are.
My therapist actually helped me to get to the point that now I can make sense of, and work with your ideas constructively. Granted, this therapist is one of the especially excellent ones
Pete walker book is brilliant which you've recommended but so hard to process emotiinally as it lifts the vale and you see the mirror of a crappy childhood/adulthood family dynamic. Sinking with negative angry thoughts plus my own worst critic is now turning into crying and grief for self I hope this is healing me it's exhausting and real painful but knowing you are all here and I'm not alone with this pain gives me strength your part of my healing ❤️ circle.
The number of broken and wounded people I know who have a psychology degree is amazing! I'm sure they are attempting self healing in many cases but it has eluded them because they are repeating the same stuck behaviours. And yes, I've done it too! But I believe Anna is correct that we need to research beyond set curriculums and look for more relevant research and data. Myself, I also got closer to Jesus and prayed and cried and asked him to direct me. He is faithful 👑❤😊
Ahh, you are correct! We must begin somewhere! Almost 10 years ago, I grabbed onto EFT tapping because what I now know as complex childhood PTSD had caught up to me in my mid-50s. I went for it, learned the technique, tapped and tapped, clearing out the emotional content of every negative memory I could remember (and I have large memory black holes where no memories exist consciously) and slowly it cleared. I feel better now than I did when I was 20! I needed to find a technique that I felt safe doing, felt capable to do, and start to use it. EFT tapping has done its job. I no longer feel like a victim, my triggers are quieted, many of them completely gone, and I now get the childhood I never had! And I have written 5 EFT tapping books for others to use. I could finally think clearly to write! So, time to go now - I have a fun day planned and I will enjoy every single minute of it! Thank you for helping others.
I have drug addicts parents I don’t remember my childhood from 12 down I know from hearing from my brother he took care of me because our dad and step mom would be gone. And we never lived somewhere more than six months due to drug habits(meth). I only remember the trauma from 13 to now and let me tell you some shit has happened 😂.
My husband blames me for his triggering. He's divorcing me because he believes it's my fault. He is not proactive in seeking help for himself. He's now in therapy but got none since last August. I believe he's been dysregulated since then. It's the most painful thing I've ever gone through. It's like he's someone else.
I’m so grateful to have found a therapist who has helped me sort through everything. She asks helpful questions and makes suggestions when I feel like I’m at a dead end, but it’s always my choice.
Well, sadly the pure scale of evil in some dysfunctional families is hard to accept as real for many people who did not experience it. Sadly many people lack the imagination required to be compassionate in such a situation. Looking away is easier then taking action, especially if the amount of evil is intimidating. However, to heal as victim, you first need to get away from the causes of trauma. Also minimize triggering events if they inhibit your ability to relax and consequently heal. No professional will be able to help you heal you, if you are still in a situation that tears you apart. In case of abuse the abuser may feel no need to change if target victim is in therapy. He/She might even use the therapy for a smear to blame the problems on the mental health of the victim. First get away from abusers and triggering situations, then you can heal. Once you are sufficiently stable you can use behavioral training to handle triggering situations. The first kind of professional you need to help you are not of the healing professions, but people who can get you out of the danger zone, lawyers and police may be a good starting point.
Many well meaning people undermine those who have/are healing, not just uninformed professionals. Be discerning in your relationships to avoid being blindsided. Remember too that we project our ‘goodness’ onto others.
I've been in the field of medicine and mental health all my life. All this to say that I really appreciate your perception and knowledge, I thank you for your natural ability to share and convey deep truths that heal. Thank you
That is a very nice video and so absolutely true. I found a woman to work with who has a TH-cam channel - and in that channel she did years of videos where she was so honest about her own trauma and awakening that I knew a lot about her and her methods when I finally started to work with her (she calls herself a “mentor” since she doesn’t have the credential). She is very intuitive. And I come from it from a place of self-efficacy. My trauma release came so intensely in mid-2018 and I had to say no to the pressure to take anti-depressants from my own internal fear of the intensity of the experience and from pressure from “professionals” (psychiatrists and therapists). I developed a strong meditation practice - that is still hard to do but it so much benefits me as it requires unconditional acceptance of my internal state in order to do it. Thank you for your work.
I KNOW you were born into this world to help people heal. Your insight doesn't come from a textbook; it comes from within! You're absolutely 💯 an angel 😇 right here on earth 🌎 Many blessings beautiful soul ❤
True peace can only be attained by surrending all our pain to Our lord Jesus Christ. I tried everything for 30 years and one healing moment with Christ made me new. Never stop asking for Gods help. He will help.
Information is so powerful, including your videos. Once I began to research the nature of childhood trauma, it made sense to me. It allowed me to let go of self judgement, or even judgement of others who may have contributed to the original trauma. I feel that my heart has gone through a transformation and instead of the fury and shame I have felt so often in the past, I feel compassion for those of us whose lives are filtered through the lens of childhood trauma. Thanks for lighting the way.
Infornation is so powerful! As a girl I read self help articles and Dear Abby columns and I experienced this kind of compassion for my abuser before I reported him. Thank you so much for your videos Crappy Childhood Fairy! I love your tone and approach so much!
I can relate so much to this. Whenever my emotions get disregulated.and friendships wounded as a result the level of self hatred I feel is off the charts. I Of course this only worsens the very symptoms I am beating myself up over. Watching videos about the effects of childhood trauma helps me to give compassion to myself even when my behavior is sabotaging everything I love in life. It also increases my empathy and compassion for those hurting me because I truly think that they have no idea the pain they are triggering and their actions are coming from their own woundedness.
Therapy made me so much worse .I still to this day will never understand why and how making me relive my past was supposed to heal it. It brought shit again that ruined me twice.
I don’t have any sort of trauma, but I’m a writer, and my main character has CPTSD. These videos are very helpful! I don’t want to misrepresent anything and these videos really help me to understand both my character and the world around me.
Thank you so much for researching to depict it accurately! You will be a healing force in the world. We are normally so grossly misrepresented. It hurts us and it hurts the world. You are a hero.
@@elostio I’m not sure exactly. I knew that I wanted to have realistic consequences for the trauma that my character experienced. I knew that media often misrepresents and understated the effects of abuse in people. I think that it was really just the research that I did; I was fortunate enough to come across the right information.
I only discovered these videos yesterday but have already been blessed to know I am not the only one who struggles with this Thank you for your openness and the videos
I moved and changed therapist recently. I see more changes in 2 sessions with a new psychologist + psychiatrist than I did in two years with the same professional. He didn’t want to get me diagnoses and he overly focused on dealing with bipolar even outside of episodes. We never had time to do proper therapy or rather talked about every day likes and dislikes when we did. This new psychologist in particular is not afraid of telling me what’s going on and finding the real words for what happened to me. I’m at the beginning of the process of ptsd recovery after 2 years suffering from it heavily. I’m so glad I found her ❤️
My sister is stuck there now. Blaming my parents at 38 years old. Hope to die alcoholic. Im a few steps ahead but I need to take more action. It's up to me and me alone.
I am one of those who believe and see that I can heal but it’s come very late in life after many harmful “ healers”. My physical condition (EDS) is more and more difficult to manage but I still try to be the best I can, physically , mentally and emotionally.
hey anna i just wanted to say thank you for these videos. sometimes i think we forget our achievements and our impacts on others so i just wanted to remind you that you are helping me a lot. you are giving me more freedom. so thank you.
Thank you Anna for all your fabulous content, I'm well into my healing journey now. Recognizing I needed to heal, taking ownership of how I was behaving in the present moment and leading the process has been the making of the new and improved more conscious me. :)
Bingo. I've been to lots of therapists. I let myself go to the dogs years ago, but have had to saddle up again to heal. Sorting through what works for me, and your channel is a huge help 💚
I think the heart of my healing is allowing myself to experience a primary attachment, to then have needs met - experience being loved, and to grow from there. I work with someone around Attachment Disorder who essentially said, ‘you will struggle to grow and thrive beyond basic levels of survival if you don’t allow yourself to attach to another.’ Oof. Working at it, still a lot of shame to traipse through, sadly, and such an intense need to feel understood. Perhaps the need to feel understood also goes to no ‘mirroring’ early on, unmet needs, lack of acknowledgment and more. Outright severe neglect. I don’t know. Any insight, Anna? This stuff is crazy; at times, I simply cry. ❤️
You sound like you have a lot of good insight in yourself. If you've watched enough of my videos, you've probably figured out that I really don't worry about what caused our issues. I focus entirely on trying to overcome the problems as we experience them today. It starts with learning to stay regulated. From there you can focus on changing self-defeating behaviors. These are the two areas where you actually have some control (even though it's hard!). So that's my two cents.
You are a wonderful person and explain everything so perfect!!!! Just listening to you makes me feel like someone totally understands ( and of course you do) but nobody has ever been such a one on one relatable helper !! You are changing lives in dispair. God Bless you!! And I know HE will You are using yourself to better others. That’s what we are called to do. I had wonderful grandparents that” lived the life” and if I hadn’t had them, my home life with my mother would have ended very different. I appreciate that you said you believe in God. The Bible teaching and two people who lived every day for the Lord saved me! I’m a Christian, not always a good one, but the roots don’t die. I don’t do social media or comment on stuff, but YOU deserve and need to be told you are making a great difference. If I am learning, so are more!! THANK YOU from one in Texas. 😘
Okay: thank you for another learning video. I began my processing and connecting some of my triggers with behaviours I action and choose, to a specific time and place. Then I reviewed what I can do in the same situation next time. This was my first clear realisation. Since that, I have decided it might be more beneficial, to focus on what my triggers are. Write them down. Basically I am now left with an almost permanent stomach migraine, like an unshift-able lead brick in my stomach, filled with many different feelings. Like anxiety. Grief. Anger. Confusion. If there are others who know a way through that, I would welcome that. I am very close to God. That is, I give my heart wholly to Him. And tell Him ALL. I trust and believe in all that is Unseen. Faith being that way. But I think it is up to me to learn, how to manage, or let go or ?? This pain. Thank you for all your videos and the comments too.🌷
your voice and words are just so spot on - as a coach and recovered person from cptsd it means so much your encouraging words to all us working at healing - both practitioner and client :)) sending a massive hug your way
I have learned that babies who are not held can die simply because they need their parents to help regulate their brains and emotions. This is one of the main reasons I believe for the brain injury or lack of a certain area being developed. I only mention this so that we all can understand what we can't quite remember or put our finger on. Babies are not able to self sooth. Co sleeping is necessary for proper development. Even if your baby has its own crib beside the bed. As long as they can feel your touch and hear your voice they will relax. I not only helped my children with this, but also found healing from what I didn't have with my own mother or mother's mother. So remember that we have the final say when given advice. All I need is to not be afraid any longer of being punished for doing things my own way for what's best for me and my children
I LOVE the "Own It" yourself approach. Sick of hearing myself even in the vicinity of "The VictimHood" - who the hell wants to live there with all the Oscars anyhoo? Just found you tonight....Delighted! In the midst of leaving ANOTHER relationship WHILE awakening and fully realizing many of the sorts of things that lead to success preventer habits... (In between outbusrts of sobbing and deep resentment for the "inception point" that is) - So, I find myself at another cross roads / Re-Start... Ok, bring it, but can we STOP the cycles once n for all!!! I have told friends lately, All I'm missing is the flashing, neon, "Slow Learner Sign" I agree that hyper analyzing our pasts while intriguing from an autopsy point of view, is STILL the equivalent of staring at a dead horse, wondering why it's motionless..... How will we get the beast to RISE is what we REALLY NEED to figure out... seems this might be the place... 5 PLUS YEARS of deep diving and frolicking in the MISTS of Narcissism study has left me feeling like a cartoon character who was just slammed in the chops with a 2 x 4 - Stunned and with a great, sloppy stupefied look on me Bless you for sharing. Signed A recovering Narcoholic/Perfectionist/Chameleon
3:30 Even if one does take responsibility (or wake up one day and decide to take responsibility), it's still nice to have a confirmation that I or others are doing some of the things we're supposed to. Especially since life can happen and the people we are around can push us off track, it's good to know when and if we are back on track and doing what we need to for ourselves.
i love this. it really resonates. there was a time when i believed i needed money or a therapist to start the work of change. after five years or so of that i got bored with the basic nature of the results. it’s not been easy to keep researching and finding the behaviors that make me cringe. but it’s helped so much already. thanks for these videos anna.
I'd love to do your programme. Just four weeks , then I'll sign up . I'm looking forward to it . I just found your videos . Tomorrow I see my first , for ten years victim of crime therapist . I'm trying so hard to get help but I feel like my journey is so slow . I can't wait to have a free mind and the anxiety eases a bit . Thank you for your beautiful DVD s . Love from Australia ❤️ Cheryl
I have been in therapy for years and have done both EDMR and dialectical behavior therapy in an attempt to treat my complex PTSD. I don't believe that I will ever get better because I refuse to discuss the abuse. I have hyper-vigilance, hyperactivity, impulsivity and rapid or pressured speech. I have little empathy, easily annoyed and triggered, and angry outbursts. I am prone to isolating and withdrawal. I'm also very good at my job, creative, quick witted,brutally honest And outspoken. I lack trust, have trouble with authority, lack fear and can be very confrontational if physically threatened or sense attempt to control. One of my issues is That therapy replaces my comfortable coping methods and allows emotions to seep in. I cannot handle sadness or fear and therefore I rely on my secondary emotion of anger or sarcastic humor and dismissiveness. I do not recognize myself when either taking medication or engaging in therapeutic methods to slow my thoughts and actions. I am terrified that I will become that person that I loathe. The one that allowed the abuse and cannot be trusted to recognize dysfunctional and toxic people. I repeat the same patterns over and over again
All of what you are explaining is convincing me that regardless of whether or not I can get hired on somewhere to get out of poverty I can still recover from CPTSD and I can find a way to succeed. Like maybe learning how to write fiction well late in life to earn a good enough living. Not as much of an income if writing for a living started much earlier. A lot more cathartic, satisfying and rewarding instead.
I'm so thankful of your videos, just recognizing things that you talk about is already helpful and lately writing things down is the one thing I can manage now. I'm really happy that I found you online.
It is all about feeling weak. All about power. Accept yourself, believe that you deserve to be great, and Empower yourself. By talking to other people and bitching about your life, you only get weaker, not stronger. If you show weakness, people will mess with you, it is evolutionary. So the only way out is to heal you yourself.
Hi Anna! I appreciate your videos so much!! I’m wondering if you have insights on two topics - 1. CPTSD and sleep?? Like being terrified to even be in bed!? And 2. CPTSD and breathing / being afraid to be in the body. I had a bodyworker tell me to breathe deeply recently and realized I was afraid that if I breathed too loudly I would be abused! Finding these two basic human functions to be triggering is really intense, but I can’t be the only one! Appreciate your insight!
Hi @cmscior, I am.a broken record when asked what to do about fear! My whole healing world is about getting free from fear and resentment. That's how I recovered and I teach the specific techniques in a free course. You'll find it at crappychildhoodfairy.com.
Yes I have both of these...avoid going to bed ..and it's very hard for me to enjoy any type of breathing tools as I feel if I breath I will completly unravel my self
I used to work out like crazy - I was a bit of a bodybuilder. That did not solve my problems. I performed on stage, was an actor, singer, am now an organist and pianist. Performing for a crowd does not help, either. And I'm so tired...
It's true about professional health care, many don't just don't know how to deal with us. Some have been helpful and won't even admit they're not helping. Most of the understanding comes from yourself and others who've been through the same. Only We understand the real gravity of our severe pains and difficulties, and the ones who've dealt with it the longest tend to know what works and what doesn't.
I know it's not a lot money, but I don't have the 200 usd the premium membership cost. I also have a deep mistrust of any help you must pay for, which I understand is silly, and part of of the messed up values I was raised with.
Wow I was just thinking how I’ve been around the block with the shrinks & Therapist it sucks half were transferring their bullshit, I must find one that can help. I’m more proactive, more knowledgeable and more ready and desperate!
I get triggered every day at work by a college. We work side by side Monday to Friday for 6 hours every day. I come home dysragulated, exhausted, emotional, feeling not good enough...I'm tired. I've had enough. I'm trying to heal from my childhood trauma while dealing with this. I feel hollow.
I really love that you keep describing C-PTSD as essentially a brain injury, i can't really put into words why but it's really resonating with me.
Yeah, life-changing fact.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy It really is! It's just really too bad that others aren't able to recognize this, esp when it's mental health workers. It's quite difficult finding professionals that actually have a good, solid understanding of just PTSD, nevermind C-PTSD. It wasn't until about a year ago when i finally started seeing a therapist that helped me see why i was suffering so much even with all the treatment I've gone through and it's been absolutely life changing. I still live with my abusive narcissistic mother but at least now that i understand her and her abuse and why she does what she does, it's not nearly as damaging because now i at least know it's never been my fault and Im perfect the way i am. And that really makes all the difference in helping me survive her abuse and toxicity until i can finally move out.
I have an mva brain injury and my recovery was/is slow because of my cptsd so yea it’s a physical injury.
Research has discovered that children born to women who experienced a lot of emotional trauma during their pregnancy have more risk of defects in the visual cortex of their neonatal brains and so after being born their brain adapts to the environment in a different way than other children and so their learning style is often different that the norm in that it is not as dependent on the visual. Often that difference cannot be discerned by their teachers until they are diagnosed with a learning disability. Until then they are often being labelled disruptive, uncooperative, lazy, irresponsible or only as having an anxiety disorder in the classroom soon after failing to meet teacher expectations.
When you realize things that are helping your estern i feel a tingeling in my my brain.
Most therapists are broken people themselves. I have actually found that many project their own unresolved issues onto the client in very subtle ways trying to sort their own childhoods. It’s a minefield. Don’t be afraid to ask the therapist directly from the get go whether they have processed their own childhood trauma. They might look at you shocked but a good therapist will not be afraid to answer this question honestly,
Brendan Coughlan yes I agree it is like a guilt thing we crave love and support so we become caregivers giving out love we want for ourselves we
Yes true they probably would not fess up, however, most of us are empaths; so that means we would be able to pick up their internal reaction to the question. So go ahead and ask it. Then go with your gut to how they reacted.
I don't think it's a mine field. I think that that communication is part of the process
Everyone is broken in their own way. The thing with counselors is if they allow their pain to better understand and be there for others or if they are just doing what you describe.
I'm reminded of my pain doctor. He specialized in that area of medicine because of his own chronic pain problems. Had he not dealt with them he'd have never felt his calling to help others with their pain.
my trauma therapist has no childhood trauma. Therefore she is able to hear me and mirror care and concern the way my traumatised mother could not. In this way i am receiving a kind of permission to grow up or a reparenting foundation. I do not feel like i have to constantly prove my worth, rather that i am worthy no matter what i am feeling or struggling with.
I just became a subscriber. I'm 86 and the shadowy effects of CPSTD are still with me. A spiritual journey and a meditation practice has helped me far more than various therapists.
I've been fine with lockdown because due to severe rheumatoid arthritis, I was already housebound.
Also, I live in an area of poverty, and reaching out and helping people in real need, has lessened my occasional self-pity.
Thank you. You are a gift.
What simply stated and powerful testimony. I'm thinking of people who write me and say: "I'm 45... is it too late for me?" Thank you for sharing inspiration and realism here. Very glad you are with us!
@S. Hurd I hope and pray I live to your age to reap the benefits of healing. Why I never thought about CPTSD before is beyond me. I just subscribed at 65. Nothing has ever resonated so well with how I have felt all my life!
Inspiring
Dear S. Hurd. Wow! You are an inspiration
Let me tell you what helped the most for me. It was EMDR. Six years of psychotherapy and about 6 mos of EMDR. Took me 25 years to find a therapist I was compatible with first. Good luck to you all out there. The only constant thing in my life has been Christ. My sense of identity, my hope and the crazy intestinal fortitude I always had is due to my relationship with Christ.
:)
For anyone interested I'll tell you the biggest thing that worked to help me heal: a true and deep desire to heal. Wallowing in victimhood doesn't help, it exacerbates the situation. I had to find the point where I'd rather feel "right" than to have the attention I craved. Not trying to be harsh, but a lot of CPTSD sufferers fully or mostly define themselves by their suffering. After a while you realize you are victimizing yourself. It's at that point that you may realize that you can heal. You have to be able to be honest with yourself.
However, in Pete Walker's book on CPTSD he encourages you to accept that you have been a victim, particularly of emotional neglect from parents. In fact one of the techniques, Angering, encourages you to anger and vent about past injustices. People who are in denial about having been the victim of neglect and other things the yt algorithm won't allow me to mention, can't even move into this phase of recovery/healing.
One thing that I'm grateful for is having the hunger for wanting to know more, get answers and understand life and people, and when I haven't got it, I'll look for it until it makes sense. Knowledge is power. I've been doing most of my own healing from reading & watching different people sharing. It's like every one of them has one piece from the puzzle. It's struggling but some days you'll end up on your own. Internet and books are blessings
I love your attitude!!!
Totally agree with everything you just said... I love to cheer for people to LEARN, consume NEW food for your soul, get off your old kibble!...
I often find myself telling pals - "Knowledge Is Power. Chow Down & Power Up!"
Therapists are dandy, but some I feel I have overwhelmed NOT with my circumstances, so much as my frantic? drive to dissect and analyze.
I have a sign hanging in my cabin says "Don't Look Back, You're Not Going That Way" while true we need to look, with Adult eyes, back at our paths to honour our journeys... we don't need to camp out in the dang album, forever flipping through old photos either... ❤
Thats a great strategy.
👍💖
Alone "some days"? More like almost everyday. Married 25 years and we have never had much family involvement, even tho we have 7 kids, one has autism. Friends? Well, I go to a Church Moms group, but what is frustrating is we have a messy house and no one visits, frankly, it is overwhelming for me!
I've always found the greatest obstacle to moving on is a sense of grievance. Until you can put aside the need to hold a grievance (and the high moral ground that it implies), you won't move
My childhood looked wonderful and advantaged from the outside, which in some specific ways it was (so I’ve always felt that it’s unfair for me to have felt traumatized (for lack of a better word)) - but the term “chronic extreme stress” is exactly how I felt throughout my childhood (for specific reasons). I am finding these videos really helpful. Just to finally be able to articulate what I’ve been experiencing is comforting.
I feel you on this
I have started the cleaning up my diet for the second time in life. Lost 90 pounds before by cutting the crap fake food. Started a basic 100 challenge to get my body back in shape. Day two and I feel great. Less carbs and sugar help a lot. Never realized my CPTSD was causing my issues with food.
I think I’ve used food to deal with things
I agree. I didn’t really start healing until I started to love and learn about myself despite therapy my entire life.
I keep in mind while dealing with therapists that their only goal is to get the person back working. That is how they are judged in performance reviews and by insurance companies. I think that is how the Psy D's are trained these days. This is why there is a high suicide rate for veterans, because the therapist is not interested in the pain we feel, but are we back on duty or have we been able to hold a civilian job. I'm retired and I think, when I still had hope for help from these people, I noticed that THEY were the lost ones because my goals had nothing to do with getting back to work! They had no idea what to do!
Thank you for these videos.
AMEN!!!! I always say, the mental health model in the USA is based on the idea that if you have not killed yourself (yet), the therapist is doing a great job, and the patient shouldn't expect anything more.
This is so true. So many professional mental health care workers are running on a system that's designed to feed you back into the capitalist machine. It's not about human growth or evolution or education or understanding, it's about making you a functional 9 to 5 worker again. And it's horrific.
Our society is so " do" oriented most have no concept of being.. being is what children learn first. I didn't. Therefore I've hid behind work all my life. Meditation is helping me learn to be, just to. Be. My value is not in what I can do.
@Fred Thanks for the thought provoking comment.
Self care is a skill if you not praised and encouraged to eat and sleep and do things properly by parents and teachers we can pick up habits of neglect and self abuse eating cheap quick snacks rather than giving yourself lovely home cooked food
Very good point! Thanks @Lauren_paterson
My therapist asked if I’d head about an eating disorder called orthorexia when I started talking about food. Eh… maybe I need to learn to relax my eating habits a bit. It’s just that you’re always getting praise for it so that’s why I just kept it up, I was doing a good thing 😕 apart from my occasional anxiety over bananas being the only fruit on offer when everyone else was having cake 👀
“Self-care” ideas can be distorted in dysfunctional families. Treating yourself with unhealthy food was taught as self-care in our home. Healthy eating was an obligation to be suffered, but an afternoon Snickers bar with a Dr Pepper? That was pampering! It took me a long time to recognize in myself that my cravings for junk food were directly tied to subconscious efforts to self harm. I still succumb, but it’s dramatically more measured.
Plants lean towards the sun to grow not the darkness. Alot of us are naturally great researchers. Ive found it helps to seek the information about cptsd and attachment styles from multiple channels (books, videos, groups, therapy, ect.)to really solidify the concepts. Not only is it illuminating, it's empowering knowing that we are in charge of this healing. The more you learn, the less you have to rely on validation from others to feel good which in turn improves your mood and habits. From there true self confidence emerges and all those connections we've wished and struggled for start to come naturally.
I'm on the verge of allowing myself to heal. I fear what healing looks like. The unknown. Thank you.
So true. Once I had a name for my issues, I started learning about it. Therapy is more expensive than I can afford. And therapy at agencies is like a cattle drive. Private, they are taking in long term $. I started to be my own healing coordinator. It is still slow. But , in truth, it is my responsibility. . currently, I'm going to join the YMCA,( they have a day where joining fee is waived in Sept. ), as it is less per month than therapy. And will lead me to goals. Maybe friends.
I love this term."healing coordinator." I love your attitude. This is really hopeful!
Its a great strategy as you say what you have going. Its very smart to join some type of community i become a buddist and i have thst community.
Went to the Y last night & the night before, & exercise is good therapy!! Hope you are doing well. :)
Now that i know i have cptsd i understand myself so much better. It is like a wieght taken off of me.
You are so right about the therapy issue. In my decades searching for help I have seen many therapists. Some were very helpful. They gave me tools to help me help myself. Others were counterproductive. DBT was very helpful. Journaling, music, exercise, and a spiritual connection is what has gotten me through life.
Such great info in all your vids...Loved when you said, “Don’t worry about the people who don’t get it. You get it.”
OMG you are a GOD SEND! I just had a lie coach I gave up after 8 months. I visited maybe 4-5 therapists, and wanted to leave quickly after the first few sessions. I wasn't getting better, stuck in the past, negative, etc. Your the first person I saw that really could help one and empowering to know really simple techniques can help you heal.
Time, age, and experience helps. I've seen different therapists over the years. I've done different "recovery" programs - 12 step programs, ACA, AA, NA, read a lot of books, listened to some good audio books, taken many walks, yoga classes, meditation, diet, sleep, etc. It all helped.
Wow. I can't imagine what it must be like to put yourself out there because you genuinely want to help people. Only to be criticized and talked down to for not coming across how every single individual needs you to, for their own personal experiences. Your videos are part of what have helped me gain more understanding about my diagnosis as I'm navigating through my own healing. I appreciate you and what you are doing. Thank you ❤️
Thank you. And thanks for noticing that piece of it. Your kind words make it worth it!
"You are designed to heal".👏
Truth!
So why does our brain keep track of past traumas to keep us safe from threats?
@@trudyfox938 Perhaps the brain is trying its best to give us a safe space to heal properly rather than constantly injuring an already damaged organ. Like how most bones hurt when they're broken, and you're more likely to protect it from further harm due to the pain.
Yes I was coming to highlight this as well. All these videos are priceless really, thank you so much Anna!
@@trudyfox938 I believe it's because we do need to learn something from it. For me it was that in truth I could have disobeyed, made my choices regardless of what my father was saying or how he was reacting. I could have lied if necessary. I never did. Why? Because I always acted as if it was his business, that I owed him something. The big taboo of the almighty father. Still now at 66 I lean towards thinking it was not possible to do anything at the time but it was. I have to face that if I want to make my own choices now. I had to conquer that freedom from my pattern of thinking, and am still working on it.
I could never put my finger on it. Through your TH-cam videos, I discovered, not only myself , but my siblings are affiliated w/CPTSD, some more severe than others. I'm in the process of shadow work, follow your content and deeply into my spirituality. It seems to be working. Thank you 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Wonderful. Please keep us all posted on your progress. Stories of successes, even little ones, are most welcome here!
In some odd way I feel this healing process can actually become an exciting adventure. Looking for new tools, learning new research, watching ourselves closely to find clues about our triggers can be an incredible journey. Especially when our past and present connects and we start to see real changes in our lives!
I feel exactly the same way :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
The only reason I would see a therapist is to get my CPTSD diagnosed and to understand which parts of my behaviour are caused by trauma. I have lived with the effects of trauma all my life so things that are normal to me turned out to be signs of CPTSD when I did some research. The healing I can do by myself.
:)
You're absolutely right, no money in the world and no therapist or psychiatrist can heal you unless you do what is right FOR YOU .
We need to stop searching for answers from other people about how they healed, YOU have everything it takes, to heal YOURSELF.
Thank you for spreading this content, you're a wonderful person 🌹.
I love how much you give hope. I woke up today and did the fears and resentments exercise with meditation. I used to do it before without the meditation part. And today for the first time I felt something like neutrality and it lasted for a couple of hours. I was amazed by this. I went to therapists for years and years and yes I used to feel better after the sessions but then the symptoms kicked in again after some hours and it left me feeling dependent on them and hopeless. I knew deep within that I have to learn to apply that "therapy knowledge" to my day to day life and I am still figuring that out. So thank you so much for your videos and ideas. They give me hope.
Thanks for his beautifully expressed account of what it's like. And thanks for the kindness!
I have had several therapists through years. All concentrated on what happened to me by others besides my parents neglect as very young age. What happened to me didn't harm me as much as knowing I had horribly neglectful parents. I watched a TH-cam video on parental alienation and it was ah ha moment. The ladies name is Webb that does podcast. I also watched video of educated psychologist that has you imagine everything that was lacking. Recreate the ideal parental situation in your brain. This act of recreation has helped me more than years of therapy. Its taken the sting out of what happened. I made decisions reactively to protect myself.. such as cutting contact with my parents. But my hurt toward them has really changed. I just don't have the hurt. I just see them as a lost cause. And the reactive actions I took as smart, not emotional. I register the disfunction on their part. Theres no reason to be mad anymore... because I don't want anything but joy in my life. I hope anyone that is suffering finds their peace
Therapy was not helping me. I just went and talked. This is making me open my eyes to helping myself. God bless you Anna.
Thank you @Rosemary. Glad you are finding your way to something more effective. You deserve it!
I am on vacation (staycation) this week. I was hoping to get things moved around to get my sewing area set up so I can quilt (which is joyful), but I have just been looking at the mess in my apartment and had so much mental, emotional inertia and fatigue that week after week, month after month it has not gotten done. I was hoping I would be able to suck it up and do it today. I discovered your channel, and have been taking care of my mental health all day. I believe I will be in better shape as the week progresses. Thank you SO MUCH!!
So glad you found us!
Having responsibility for everything in your own life, including the accidents and what others did to you is what healed me. I basically lost the victim mentality and the need to blame someone for my own life.
That's great work!
-Cara@TeamFairy
And for anyone who is like me, a grown woman who wants to do better but just can't seem to get away from the ones oppressing you, please message me. It's helpful to know that we are not alone in our struggle. Thank you Crappy childhood fairy for being open about your own trauma and what you have learned in order to help us heal. Believe me when I tell you we here are all called apart from the rest for a reason. Endured this pain for a bigger purpose. We have compassion and the ability to help so many find their purpose. Know that our ability to be open about our pain in a safe place is what we have all been needing. I believe this safe haven is a blessing and all because 1 person chose to take the risk of opening up and sharing what hurt her and what is helping her to heal the unseen wounds. Thank you for choosing to help for no other reason than to see others heal as you are.
My therapist actually helped me to get to the point that now I can make sense of, and work with your ideas constructively. Granted, this therapist is one of the especially excellent ones
Pete walker book is brilliant which you've recommended but so hard to process emotiinally as it lifts the vale and you see the mirror of a crappy childhood/adulthood family dynamic. Sinking with negative angry thoughts plus my own worst critic is now turning into crying and grief for self I hope this is healing me it's exhausting and real painful but knowing you are all here and I'm not alone with this pain gives me strength your part of my healing ❤️ circle.
So glad to hear that you feel supported here and so glad you ARE here :)
Ms Runkle, you work is helping so many, You are a angel from heaven. Words are inadequate to say thank u.
Thank you for these kind words, @Donna_Gibbs!
The number of broken and wounded people I know who have a psychology degree is amazing! I'm sure they are attempting self healing in many cases but it has eluded them because they are repeating the same stuck behaviours. And yes, I've done it too! But I believe Anna is correct that we need to research beyond set curriculums and look for more relevant research and data. Myself, I also got closer to Jesus and prayed and cried and asked him to direct me. He is faithful 👑❤😊
you have no idea how valuable a service you provide.......keep up the fantastic work. You may be saving lives
Ahh, you are correct! We must begin somewhere! Almost 10 years ago, I grabbed onto EFT tapping because what I now know as complex childhood PTSD had caught up to me in my mid-50s.
I went for it, learned the technique, tapped and tapped, clearing out the emotional content of every negative memory I could remember (and I have large memory black holes where no memories exist consciously) and slowly it cleared. I feel better now than I did when I was 20!
I needed to find a technique that I felt safe doing, felt capable to do, and start to use it. EFT tapping has done its job. I no longer feel like a victim, my triggers are quieted, many of them completely gone, and I now get the childhood I never had! And I have written 5 EFT tapping books for others to use. I could finally think clearly to write!
So, time to go now - I have a fun day planned and I will enjoy every single minute of it! Thank you for helping others.
Thank you for helping others too! What a great testament to the power of healing!
Yes I use fasta eft
I have drug addicts parents I don’t remember my childhood from 12 down I know from hearing from my brother he took care of me because our dad and step mom would be gone. And we never lived somewhere more than six months due to drug habits(meth). I only remember the trauma from 13 to now and let me tell you some shit has happened 😂.
@Alexandra Jones,I bet it happened! You came to the right place. Have you checked out the website? crappychildhoodfairy.com
Well done to you seeking help 😊
My husband blames me for his triggering. He's divorcing me because he believes it's my fault. He is not proactive in seeking help for himself. He's now in therapy but got none since last August. I believe he's been dysregulated since then. It's the most painful thing I've ever gone through. It's like he's someone else.
Very difficult to go through, make a point of getting support so you don't fall into a pattern of self-blame. Thanks for being here.
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thànks, I've been in therapy since he left. I've got a lot of hurt, anger, resentment over what he's put me through.
I’m so grateful to have found a therapist who has helped me sort through everything. She asks helpful questions and makes suggestions when I feel like I’m at a dead end, but it’s always my choice.
I want you to know how grateful I am for your videos. Thank you so much for all you do.
Thank you for this kind comment!
Well, sadly the pure scale of evil in some dysfunctional families is hard to accept as real for many people who did not experience it. Sadly many people lack the imagination required to be compassionate in such a situation. Looking away is easier then taking action, especially if the amount of evil is intimidating. However, to heal as victim, you first need to get away from the causes of trauma. Also minimize triggering events if they inhibit your ability to relax and consequently heal. No professional will be able to help you heal you, if you are still in a situation that tears you apart. In case of abuse the abuser may feel no need to change if target victim is in therapy. He/She might even use the therapy for a smear to blame the problems on the mental health of the victim. First get away from abusers and triggering situations, then you can heal. Once you are sufficiently stable you can use behavioral training to handle triggering situations. The first kind of professional you need to help you are not of the healing professions, but people who can get you out of the danger zone, lawyers and police may be a good starting point.
Many well meaning people undermine those who have/are healing, not just uninformed professionals. Be discerning in your relationships to avoid being blindsided. Remember too that we project our ‘goodness’ onto others.
:)
I've been in the field of medicine and mental health all my life. All this to say that I really appreciate your perception and knowledge, I thank you for your natural ability to share and convey deep truths that heal. Thank you
Thank you so much!
-Cara@TeamFairy
That is a very nice video and so absolutely true. I found a woman to work with who has a TH-cam channel - and in that channel she did years of videos where she was so honest about her own trauma and awakening that I knew a lot about her and her methods when I finally started to work with her (she calls herself a “mentor” since she doesn’t have the credential). She is very intuitive. And I come from it from a place of self-efficacy. My trauma release came so intensely in mid-2018 and I had to say no to the pressure to take anti-depressants from my own internal fear of the intensity of the experience and from pressure from “professionals” (psychiatrists and therapists). I developed a strong meditation practice - that is still hard to do but it so much benefits me as it requires unconditional acceptance of my internal state in order to do it. Thank you for your work.
I KNOW you were born into this world to help people heal. Your insight doesn't come from a textbook; it comes from within! You're absolutely 💯 an angel 😇 right here on earth 🌎 Many blessings beautiful soul ❤
True peace can only be attained by surrending all our pain to Our lord Jesus Christ. I tried everything for 30 years and one healing moment with Christ made me new. Never stop asking for Gods help. He will help.
This is amazing ..never stop talking to him 🙏
Yes to being a leader! I hadn't realized that is what I was doing!
You are such a blessing Ann♥️🙏
Information is so powerful, including your videos. Once I began to research the nature of childhood trauma, it made sense to me. It allowed me to let go of self judgement, or even judgement of others who may have contributed to the original trauma. I feel that my heart has gone through a transformation and instead of the fury and shame I have felt so often in the past, I feel compassion for those of us whose lives are filtered through the lens of childhood trauma. Thanks for lighting the way.
Infornation is so powerful! As a girl I read self help articles and Dear Abby columns and I experienced this kind of compassion for my abuser before I reported him. Thank you so much for your videos Crappy Childhood Fairy! I love your tone and approach so much!
I can relate so much to this. Whenever my emotions get disregulated.and friendships wounded as a result the level of self hatred I feel is off the charts. I
Of course this only worsens the very symptoms I am beating myself up over. Watching videos about the effects of childhood trauma helps me to give compassion to myself even when my behavior is sabotaging everything I love in life. It also increases my empathy and compassion for those hurting me because I truly think that they have no idea the pain they are triggering and their actions are coming from their own woundedness.
Perfectly said
Therapy made me so much worse .I still to this day will never understand why and how making me relive my past was supposed to heal it.
It brought shit again that ruined me twice.
Yeah, that happened to me.
I don’t have any sort of trauma, but I’m a writer, and my main character has CPTSD. These videos are very helpful! I don’t want to misrepresent anything and these videos really help me to understand both my character and the world around me.
Interesting! Please keep us posted re: publication of your book!
as someone with cptsd I am glad that you noticed that this exists, how did you learn about it?
Thank you so much for researching to depict it accurately! You will be a healing force in the world. We are normally so grossly misrepresented. It hurts us and it hurts the world. You are a hero.
@@elostio I’m not sure exactly. I knew that I wanted to have realistic consequences for the trauma that my character experienced. I knew that media often misrepresents and understated the effects of abuse in people. I think that it was really just the research that I did; I was fortunate enough to come across the right information.
Wow! Thanks for all the feedback! I really appreciate the support. I’m glad that my effort to do this right is so meaningful to you. I’ll try my best!
I only discovered these videos yesterday but have already been blessed to know I am not the only one who struggles with this
Thank you for your openness and the videos
"Give yourself the role of leader." Such empowering words.
I moved and changed therapist recently. I see more changes in 2 sessions with a new psychologist + psychiatrist than I did in two years with the same professional. He didn’t want to get me diagnoses and he overly focused on dealing with bipolar even outside of episodes. We never had time to do proper therapy or rather talked about every day likes and dislikes when we did. This new psychologist in particular is not afraid of telling me what’s going on and finding the real words for what happened to me. I’m at the beginning of the process of ptsd recovery after 2 years suffering from it heavily. I’m so glad I found her ❤️
Yay!
My sister is stuck there now. Blaming my parents at 38 years old. Hope to die alcoholic. Im a few steps ahead but I need to take more action.
It's up to me and me alone.
I am one of those who believe and see that I can heal but it’s come very late in life after many harmful “ healers”. My physical condition (EDS) is more and more difficult to manage but I still try to be the best I can, physically , mentally and emotionally.
hey anna i just wanted to say thank you for these videos. sometimes i think we forget our achievements and our impacts on others so i just wanted to remind you that you are helping me a lot. you are giving me more freedom. so thank you.
You are so welcome
Thank you Anna for all your fabulous content, I'm well into my healing journey now. Recognizing I needed to heal, taking ownership of how I was behaving in the present moment and leading the process has been the making of the new and improved more conscious me. :)
wonderful!
Bingo. I've been to lots of therapists. I let myself go to the dogs years ago, but have had to saddle up again to heal. Sorting through what works for me, and your channel is a huge help 💚
You have no idea how much I needed to hear this ♥️
I agree! I have NEVER stopped. I am barely meetings and ability ability to keep fm Homelessness
I think the heart of my healing is allowing myself to experience a primary attachment, to then have needs met - experience being loved, and to grow from there.
I work with someone around Attachment Disorder who essentially said, ‘you will struggle to grow and thrive beyond basic levels of survival if you don’t allow yourself to attach to another.’
Oof.
Working at it, still a lot of shame to traipse through, sadly, and such an intense need to feel understood. Perhaps the need to feel understood also goes to no ‘mirroring’ early on, unmet needs, lack of acknowledgment and more. Outright severe neglect.
I don’t know.
Any insight, Anna?
This stuff is crazy; at times, I simply cry.
❤️
You sound like you have a lot of good insight in yourself. If you've watched enough of my videos, you've probably figured out that I really don't worry about what caused our issues. I focus entirely on trying to overcome the problems as we experience them today. It starts with learning to stay regulated. From there you can focus on changing self-defeating behaviors. These are the two areas where you actually have some control (even though it's hard!). So that's my two cents.
Crappy Childhood Fairy:
Thank you.
It feels like I’m working on this 24-7, but , as you say, slowly ... it does improve.
Do research and help myself now. Be the Leader for me.
You are a wonderful person and explain everything so perfect!!!! Just listening to you makes me feel like someone totally understands ( and of course you do) but nobody has ever been such a one on one relatable helper !! You are changing lives in dispair. God Bless you!! And I know HE will You are using yourself to better others. That’s what we are called to do. I had wonderful grandparents that” lived the life” and if I hadn’t had them, my home life with my mother would have ended very different. I appreciate that you said you believe in God. The Bible teaching and two people who lived every day for the Lord saved me! I’m a Christian, not always a good one, but the roots don’t die. I don’t do social media or comment on stuff, but YOU deserve and need to be told you are making a great difference. If I am learning, so are more!! THANK YOU from one in Texas. 😘
:)
Work is the key ^^
Work on youself, on your personnality, pake your healing journey
Okay: thank you for another learning video.
I began my processing and connecting some of my triggers with behaviours I action and choose, to a specific time and place.
Then I reviewed what I can do in the same situation next time.
This was my first clear realisation.
Since that, I have decided it might be more beneficial, to focus on what my triggers are. Write them down.
Basically I am now left with an almost permanent stomach migraine, like an unshift-able lead brick in my stomach, filled with many different feelings.
Like anxiety. Grief. Anger. Confusion.
If there are others who know a way through that, I would welcome that.
I am very close to God.
That is, I give my heart wholly to Him. And tell Him ALL.
I trust and believe in all that is Unseen. Faith being that way.
But I think it is up to me to learn, how to manage, or let go or ??
This pain.
Thank you for all your videos and the comments too.🌷
Great work!
-Cara@TeamFairy
This is great. Positive, helpful and hopeful. Thank you!!!
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
your voice and words are just so spot on - as a coach and recovered person from cptsd it means so much your encouraging words to all us working at healing - both practitioner and client :)) sending a massive hug your way
Thank you so much!
I have learned that babies who are not held can die simply because they need their parents to help regulate their brains and emotions. This is one of the main reasons I believe for the brain injury or lack of a certain area being developed. I only mention this so that we all can understand what we can't quite remember or put our finger on. Babies are not able to self sooth. Co sleeping is necessary for proper development. Even if your baby has its own crib beside the bed. As long as they can feel your touch and hear your voice they will relax. I not only helped my children with this, but also found healing from what I didn't have with my own mother or mother's mother. So remember that we have the final say when given advice. All I need is to not be afraid any longer of being punished for doing things my own way for what's best for me and my children
I LOVE the "Own It" yourself approach. Sick of hearing myself even in the vicinity of "The VictimHood" - who the hell wants to live there with all the Oscars anyhoo?
Just found you tonight....Delighted!
In the midst of leaving ANOTHER relationship WHILE awakening and fully realizing many of the sorts of things that lead to success preventer habits... (In between outbusrts of sobbing and deep resentment for the "inception point" that is) -
So, I find myself at another cross roads / Re-Start...
Ok, bring it, but can we STOP the cycles once n for all!!! I have told friends lately, All I'm missing is the flashing, neon, "Slow Learner Sign"
I agree that hyper analyzing our pasts while intriguing from an autopsy point of view, is STILL the equivalent of staring at a dead horse, wondering why it's motionless..... How will we get the beast to RISE is what we REALLY NEED to figure out... seems this might be the place... 5 PLUS YEARS of deep diving and frolicking in the MISTS of Narcissism study has left me feeling like a cartoon character who was just slammed in the chops with a 2 x 4 - Stunned and with a great, sloppy stupefied look on me
Bless you for sharing. Signed A recovering Narcoholic/Perfectionist/Chameleon
You're officially one of my favorite lighthouses :)))
That's so sweet :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
3:30 Even if one does take responsibility (or wake up one day and decide to take responsibility), it's still nice to have a confirmation that I or others are doing some of the things we're supposed to. Especially since life can happen and the people we are around can push us off track, it's good to know when and if we are back on track and doing what we need to for ourselves.
Incredible video!!!! So small, but so meaningful!!!!! Thank you so much!!!!!💟
Glad you enjoyed it!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy 💟🌹💖💕
❤️”heal like a trampled blade of grass”
i love this. it really resonates. there was a time when i believed i needed money or a therapist to start the work of change. after five years or so of that i got bored with the basic nature of the results.
it’s not been easy to keep researching and finding the behaviors that make me cringe. but it’s helped so much already.
thanks for these videos anna.
I'd love to do your programme. Just four weeks , then I'll sign up .
I'm looking forward to it .
I just found your videos .
Tomorrow I see my first , for ten years victim of crime therapist .
I'm trying so hard to get help but I feel like my journey is so slow .
I can't wait to have a free mind and the anxiety eases a bit .
Thank you for your beautiful DVD s .
Love from Australia ❤️
Cheryl
I look forward to meeting you!
Well said " what its NOT!" VS. What it could be! 👏👏👏
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I have been in therapy for years and have done both EDMR and dialectical behavior therapy in an attempt to treat my complex PTSD. I don't believe that I will ever get better because I refuse to discuss the abuse. I have hyper-vigilance, hyperactivity, impulsivity and rapid or pressured speech. I have little empathy, easily annoyed and triggered, and angry outbursts. I am prone to isolating and withdrawal. I'm also very good at my job, creative, quick witted,brutally honest And outspoken. I lack trust, have trouble with authority, lack fear and can be very confrontational if physically threatened or sense attempt to control. One of my issues is That therapy replaces my comfortable coping methods and allows emotions to seep in. I cannot handle sadness or fear and therefore I rely on my secondary emotion of anger or sarcastic humor and dismissiveness. I do not recognize myself when either taking medication or engaging in therapeutic methods to slow my thoughts and actions. I am terrified that I will become that person that I loathe. The one that allowed the abuse and cannot be trusted to recognize dysfunctional and toxic people. I repeat the same patterns over and over again
All of what you are explaining is convincing me that regardless of whether or not I can get hired on somewhere to get out of poverty I can still recover from CPTSD and I can find a way to succeed. Like maybe learning how to write fiction well late in life to earn a good enough living. Not as much of an income if writing for a living started much earlier. A lot more cathartic, satisfying and rewarding instead.
I'm so thankful of your videos, just recognizing things that you talk about is already helpful and lately writing things down is the one thing I can manage now. I'm really happy that I found you online.
I think anna as long as you can tell the truth ..everything will be ok
It is all about feeling weak. All about power. Accept yourself, believe that you deserve to be great, and Empower yourself. By talking to other people and bitching about your life, you only get weaker, not stronger. If you show weakness, people will mess with you, it is evolutionary. So the only way out is to heal you yourself.
:)
Hi Anna! I appreciate your videos so much!! I’m wondering if you have insights on two topics - 1. CPTSD and sleep?? Like being terrified to even be in bed!? And 2. CPTSD and breathing / being afraid to be in the body. I had a bodyworker tell me to breathe deeply recently and realized I was afraid that if I breathed too loudly I would be abused! Finding these two basic human functions to be triggering is really intense, but I can’t be the only one! Appreciate your insight!
Hi @cmscior, I am.a broken record when asked what to do about fear! My whole healing world is about getting free from fear and resentment. That's how I recovered and I teach the specific techniques in a free course. You'll find it at crappychildhoodfairy.com.
Yes I have both of these...avoid going to bed ..and it's very hard for me to enjoy any type of breathing tools as I feel if I breath I will completly unravel my self
Thank you, Anna. This is so helpful.
Thank you, this is so resonating in me 💖
Thanks so much :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you for this simple and easy-to-understand explation! 🙏
From my experience many therapists were traumatized in their childhoods, became NPD/BPD and use therapy sessions to covertly abuse their clients
I used to work out like crazy - I was a bit of a bodybuilder. That did not solve my problems. I performed on stage, was an actor, singer, am now an organist and pianist. Performing for a crowd does not help, either. And I'm so tired...
Does the beach doing nothing help?
@@jesseward568 The crowd that gathers distracts me from my meditations...
I enoy your explanations, ... bravo ....keep doing it.
Thanks! 😃
Yes and amen. Self responsibility is key, thank you 🙏
It's true about professional health care, many don't just don't know how to deal with us. Some have been helpful and won't even admit they're not helping. Most of the understanding comes from yourself and others who've been through the same. Only We understand the real gravity of our severe pains and difficulties, and the ones who've dealt with it the longest tend to know what works and what doesn't.
I know it's not a lot money, but I don't have the 200 usd the premium membership cost. I also have a deep mistrust of any help you must pay for, which I understand is silly, and part of of the messed up values I was raised with.
This woman is spot on
Thank you!
Wow I was just thinking how I’ve been around the block with the shrinks & Therapist it sucks half were transferring their bullshit, I must find one that can help. I’m more proactive, more knowledgeable and more ready and desperate!
Good luck! Keep in mind we have coaching available at www.crappychildhood.com but we are not therapists :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I get triggered every day at work by a college. We work side by side Monday to Friday for 6 hours every day. I come home dysragulated, exhausted, emotional, feeling not good enough...I'm tired. I've had enough. I'm trying to heal from my childhood trauma while dealing with this. I feel hollow.
... 🙏❤️🌹...God bless you our dear lady Anna...
Same to you!
Thank you for this channel it has been really helpful
Happy to hear that!
Thank you Anna 🙏. it takes imagination to lead this healing 🌷.
Thank you -- that's a really kind (and observant) comment!
Thank you!
I get enough sleep and I focus on feeling better instead of oblygt focusing on the next chore.
:)
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I had a kbt therapist Liselotte she was very Open to other methods she probably would appreciate you.
Both can be good.