"imagine if I didn't do the CCF because it was work?"... thats a horrifying thought! Because of YOU I read Bessel Van Der Kolk, and Pete Walker, Started a meetup group to read and talk about CPTSD, which brought others who introduced me to Adult Children of Alcoholics, which brought me to breath work which really helps me with this crazy inner child stuff, which brought me to reading No Bad Parts by Dick Schwartz, which is helping me to learn to calm my triggers and learn to be a adult at 56. Omg YOUR channel and excellent name for this channel is the one that started me healing last year...Notice I haven't said once I am seeing a expensive therapist? 'cuz I cant afford one ! so this channel is a life saver for me and some of your courses much more affordable!
I feel the exact same way. Validated and encouraged. Thank you Crappy Childhood Fairy. I was smiling at several points in the video saying, “That sounds very familiar….😥🤣🤷.”
I don't know how she did it, but my mom could pop out of bed at 4:30 or 5, and have her daily tasks done by 9 or so, then enjoy the rest of her day doing hobbies, visiting with her sisters, etc. Even when she worked, washed walls, folded laundry, etc, she did it singing, sipping a coffee, etc. I didn't inherit this from her, i drag around in my slippers for 2 or 3 hours, then still have all my tasks ahead of me, and *the dreading of them makes me tired* before i start.
I have family members like this. If it helps, look into low inertia in the morning. It is a natural cycle of energy thing, and is a relief to see we are just different, and how to stage ourselves for success.
"don't even label it as stress, label it as doing the things that are part of life. in the end the path of least resistance is to just do the things anyway"
I always wondered why I procrastinated. I get overwhelmed emotionally quite easily. I also feel like it won't be good enough. That's childhood wounding right there. Your videos are very inspiring, motivating & relatable.
I have a 'zero-to-sixty' mentality. I keep putting things off, which feels good at first, but then it starts to nag at me. I get to a point where I suddenly decide it has to be done right now, so I will stop what I'm doing (even if I am in bed at 3am trying to sleep) and start doing laundry or going jogging in the middle of the night. I go from "I don't want to do this now" to "I have to get this done right now." Recently I put off a problem with my bank for the whole day but decided I had to call customer service at 2:30 in the morning. I feel less weird after listening to this video.
I'm like this too. It's 4am here and I suddenly want to paint my toenails and finally try a bright red lipstick to see how it looks, and organise my clothes, but I can't because I have to go to bed. I think, for me anyway, at night I often feel less stressed because it's "relax" time. The day is over. There's no expectation to do anything. So I feel more free to WANT to actually do things. AND I just realised, it's 4am and I just said I "can't" do things because I have to go to bed. So because I know I CAN'T do anything, I'm somehow "safe" to WANT to do them. Because I know I won't really have to. I had all day to do these things. lol
My procrastination comes from lack of confidence. Whenever I did something creative in my childhood I rarely got positive acknowledgement. I believe the best thing you can do for anyone is to show that who they’re and what they do matters. So in that view, thank you for posting this video.
sometimes we limit the definition of family to two or three people, but our family is all of humanity and your creativity is a natural expression of the true you. So move on, move on, you have work to do and your gift to deliver :)
This is so relatable to me and now I can't accept any form of validation because I believe they're only saying it to get something from me making me instantly distrust that person 🙃
So excited to listen to this.. sometimes it feels like you’re the only person that truly gets the effect of childhood trauma on adult life. Thank you ❤️
You make videos that are helping transform my life for the better. I'm a 53 year man. Learning childhood PTSD was THE THING I could never figure out. Several therapists over those decades never helped. Made me worse in fact. "What the hell is wrong with me?!!!": my primary very destructive self talk for DECADES. Decades lost. But I figured it out!!!! Oh man I figured it out and now have to work on it the rest of my life. SIgh. Whew. Deep breath. Yours and many other YT videos about childhood CTPSD and NPD(how to handle the mean selfish a-holes in my life) and psychology are like a goldmine of knowledge for me. EUREKA! Shame we don't get an owners manual for how to use our minds properly. Small ACTIONS. A little bit every day. New habits. I let myself make mistakes. I got this. Thank you.
The Holy Bible is the best instructions booklet for Responsible, accountable PARENTS to teach their babies, children, offsprings, families HOW TO KNOW WHAT TO DO, about, how to behave, conduct their lives. The Holy Bible. Therapist learn by trials , tests, figuring out reactions, & Responses. Etc.
I spent all of Saturday catching up with jobs I hadnt kept up with recently. I paced myself but I got so much done and the best part was I stayed "in the moment" the whole time! No ruminating, no chasing away horrible thoughts-just steady working through my jobs. Unlike how I used to be I didnt rush or need everything to be perfect despite the hurry or give myself an unrealistic list of tasks. I have had a few days like this recently and they are so good for me. My brain loves the break from destructive , repetitve thoughts! Im hoping that with practice my brain will stop engaging in the negative rumination more and more
Catherine Wholey, yes, now I get it! When i retired I noticed I was spending/wasting alot of time with negative thoughts, bad memories and obsessing about what I should have done in some situations from the past. I think it's necessary to always have a project or a goal , and structure.
My emotional breakdown ended my productivity in my life, health & career. I'm now aware after therapy /realisation of CPTSD. It's been a very long road (I'm 55). I feel a strong, negative, forcefield around me which paralyses me getting back into work and society. I freeze and do everything to avoid it. I maintain every other aspect of my life, but my career/work life is terrifying. I haven't worked since my breakdown and so I don't know what I'm capable of anymore. I'm not that strong headed, tough, go getter anymore.
lol, honey I’m 60 and still do it! But I keep trying…. But it sure feels good when I get things done! I do good when I know someone is coming to my house…..🙄
@@anitanapp6759 haha that’s cute…yeah having company really lights a fire under our butts don’t it? I feel you. I’m also hard on myself too when I shouldn’t be. Hugs!
"The things you're putting off are the things that would make your life better". I heard that in a Jordan Peterson video and I always remind myself that when I am procrastinating on something.
An important topic, like all you cover. Several things come to mind: First: A friend pointed out that for some (traumatized) people, a task requiring a single “step” conventionally - for the trauma sufferer - might take a half dozen micro-steps. Not with paying bills, household tasks and other kind of “day-to-day” stuff, but with things that may be a little more involved. Studying for an exam, et cetera. Second: I strive to keep things as simple as possible, so as not to require a great deal of time and energy. As you mention in your piece, some have been in “fight or flight” since childhood, so additional stressors only exacerbate what can already be escalated and quite difficult (even if quite simple by nature). Third: For those in 12 Step Recovery, the slogan “(do) the next right thing” can be the Golden Rule. And so it has become for me: “What’s the next right thing”? Dishes? Shower? Bill paying? Rest? This helps frame things for me. My “life” has been so scattered, with so little continuity, even at age fifty-four, I often don’t really even know what to do. Crazy. Fourth: And yes, “... making something from nothing ...” This, too, can be demoralizing, really. I observe how my friends have created and live their lives, and I have been, until recently, “in the weeds”, or going in circles. It’s a lot, all of it, but you’re helping people change their lives, and, in micro-steps, many of us are doing so. Perhaps I’ll go cry for a minute before I take my next micro-step. Thank you, Anna. - Peter
This is me 5000%!! I used to be hyper focused and always doing when I was little: doing chores, getting projects done, working part time as well as several side jobs, etc. Then after a horrible breakup, being in a toxic workplace situation, and my mother raging at me, something in me switched off and my energies and drive tanked. I have ideas, I have things I want to do, I have projects that I want to start or have started...but it’s more comfortable to dive into nostalgia (ie: put on my headphones, turn up my music, read some manga or space out) I’ve wasted so much time and watched so many others succeed while I’m stuck in 2011...dazed and confused with a broken spirit.
I have to write my master thesis and it stresses the hell out of me and one reason for that is that I don't do it with all my heart. I was really enthusiastic when I got admitted at first but the master program proved to be really disappointing, and even though I have a very interesting topic I don't feel motivated enough, but time still marches on and I get stressed and when I get stressed, perfectionism and procrastination come at play which stresses me even more.
Yes, what holds us back? I procrastinate in a really productive way. I obsessively do things around the house rather than getting other things done that are of a higher priority. I write loads of to do lists and work through them but I need to learn how to get the bigger things done rather than the less important things done. I’m so pleased and impressed with your videos. And you speak so clearly.
I struggle with that as well.. I'll clean the entire house but I will not study at all that day, which is more important. I'm watching almost all her videos and this one really resonates..
Would you believe at the age of 77 I saw a different video of yours about procrastinating and I finally realized that all my life I had stuffed my childhood trauma way down deep and spent my life acting like a “good girl”. Finally I have admitted to a therapist and others what happened to me and feel so much freer. I’m beginning to get myself more organized, making lists and checking off the items as I actually DO them! Thank you so much!!
I am finishing a live in flip house and listing next week. Every task feels like it weighs 100 pounds. I paused this video to paint a wall. QUESTION: Why does CPTSD get worse with age? In my 20s, I earned 3 college degrees. Now at 59, I am on disability for 3 diagnosis, and life is hard. I am creative and still get things done, but it takes more effort and time than normal people.
Thank you for posting your comment. I am wondering the same thing about myself. I got so much done in my 20s and 30s and getting myself collected and tasks completed seems harder two decades later.
I think adding on physical infirmities to an already stressed self makes everything just that much harder. With atrial fibrillation, l've been spending 22 plus hours on the couch/day for if l overdo anything my heart goes back into arrhythmia and eventually l need a cardioversion (shock to my heart)... all the while awaiting a needed procedure. In the meantime, l've forgiven myself for imposed limitations, and have also realised that being "productive" is a pressure society places on us as a measure of our value. And it is not.
Luann, I have a friend in same situation. I think he lived two lifetimes by age 40 and then hit the wall. He is 58 this year, on LTD and lives in chaos. Im trying to get him hooked on this channel. Like you said, everything is hard.....this video really resonates.
I can't believe how insightful you are.Very few counselors are this bright, getting down to nitty, gritty, neurotic behaviors. Your right,so demoralizing when you can't keep up.I wish we all had you as a counselor.Even late in the game,there is beauty in hope😔🙏❣️
I’ve never heard anything more accurate 😭 Only 5 minutes in, but I already feel “understood”, which lets me know I’m not broken and can actually change! This video gives me hope. Thank you 🤍
This is exactly what I'm facing right now! It's something I've been aware of for a long time, and I've stayed stuck in thinking, anxiety, and dysregulation. I, too, have had a dream of starting something for myself, and create instead of just react, for almost two decades! Now, I've been doing a lot of trauma work and finally see that life is never going to be free of all the challenges. What I'm learning is that I can deal with them and now I want to go a step further and initiate! It's comforting and inspiring to hear from you I'm not alone in this desire and this paralysis, that I'm finally getting out of. As a Zen teacher said this week: sometime you have to do the last thing you wanted to do! (So as to not fall into that pattern of eternal procrastination).
I think that there is fear also- not just the, “ hard”. We want so much to get it right! We know, especially when it’s purposeful work, spiritual work, deep and healing work, that there is importance to being on point and making it matter. Therefore we can pressure ourselves to be perfect . There is an excitement underneath it, and that energy of how I want to get it right, scares me. Waiting until I am perfect means I can never do it. Or take a step. I think management of my emotions- even positive and exciting emotions- can help me take steps. “ I hear music. I get up and dance. I fall. I hear music . I get up...” Happiness is When what I say, think and do Are in perfect harmony.. I pray each person who is reading this , takes one step forward in the direction God is leading you! ❤️
So uplifting! I've been frozen for many years...it really is so hard to do...I even googled 'how not to be lazy. I've been told 'be more like a missile, slowly gaining momentum rather that a rocket, which starts out fast and fizzles out. Blessings.
I always thought that if I don’t have a job, “ that forces me to do stuff”, than I’m completely useless bc the more I sit down the more I get stuck and my anxiety, sadness, depression, hopelessness goes higher… it’s so hard to get back on track and I feel that I’m wasting my life!
You can play a game with your mind: say to yourself that there is an inner self who is your boss and tells you "to do stuff". She tells you to do the dishes, for example. Then, she tells you to do the laundry etc etc. She gives you specific chores to do, every day, in specific hours. Then, she asks you to finish a course, or to read a book as part of your job description that you are doing for her. I mean, she wants you to do personal development as well as chores. Make sure she is specific with instructions and time frames. It's a game I play and I'm finding out that it's working. At the end of the day, my inner "boss" is so proud of me! 😊
This is beautiful. So eloquent, so poignant. You are so human (relate-able) and I admire how gentle you are with yourself. Everything you say resonates and motivates. Thank you!
Regarding doing and being - I went to Insight Seminars back in the 1980's and they said that finding the balance could be called the Frank Sinatra method: Do be do be doooo... :)
Spent the vast majority of last year in “given up” mode and can confirm that nothing good comes out of that. The wheels keep turning and life will continue to happen. I met some amazing people and had great opportunities pass me by because I wasn’t up to speed with them. It’s no fun to watch life pass you by because of inaction. I owe it to myself to TRY to live a rich life
I'm so glad you started your channel....watching your clips and doing the daily practice is slowly changing my life...I'm beginning to see (at age 70) that it's possible to live in the world without it feeling like a battleground or a place laced with landmines🙏
It's almost like TCCF has a camera in my home! Brushing my teeth every day really resonated. I really need to clean my room but I hate hanging up clothes so I just have a bunch of laundry baskets with clothes in them but tonight after work I'm taking ACTION!
Having multiple medical conditions makes doing anything a massive effort that you just don’t feel you have the energy to even begin and feel overwhelmed.
This is me!! I am a pathetic procrastinator. I live out of my laundry basket. Items will find their way from one basket to the other so one is always clean clothes and the other dirty. I hate that I do this! Do I have a clean bra? That means dumping the basket out on the bed. I find a joy in quilting. I have not been able to do it because of procrastination keeping me from getting things cleared out so I can set up my sewing area. I wanted to make a baby quilt for a coworker. Her shower came and went, and now baby Molly is here. I told her what I was doing, but it would probably not get done before the baby was born. It took some pressure off when she said she is still working on a needlepoint that was going to be in her nephew's nursery, and he is six now. I have told myself so many times that if I take a few days off it will all get put in order. I have taken a few days off several times. As an unrelated item....I love your glasses!! They are really cute on you.
"The world is waiting for you...small, consistent actions." Doing and being are both important. Great point! Thank you for this video, and for the relatability of sharing your own real-life examples. I've been so interested this year in the topic of procrastinating, self-sabotage, getting in one's own way, having trouble doing steps even if they're self-care we are yes to. Why part of us is yes and part of us no. Internal Family Systems has been helpful about this too. Small wins is one of the #1 things that helps me. I work with my life coach on those all the time and want to support my life coach clients in that. There's an image I LOVE for this (wish I could post an image here): someone at the top of a ladder with tiny rungs. Next to them is a ladder with huge rungs and that person is stuck at the bottom reaching up cause the rungs are too far apart (aka not baby enough of steps).
I have been sharing your videos with my Inner Child Healing group participants. As they’re actively working on healing each stage of development, these videos make them aware of how their wounded inner child is showing up and effecting their lives on so many levels. I test each participant at the beginning and end of a 12 week course, they are scored in four major categories of their life, it is amazing how much they improve at the end!
You put into words exactly how I feel. I want to do things and some things I love... it's hard. So I procrastinate. I do it all the time! I get that feeling too of wanting to nap or do something relaxing when I need, should, or want to do something. But as you said, it's depressing because I end up months or years later and I'm still in the same place... stuck, because I didn't do what I should or even wanted to do.
You gentle soul, thank you for explaining calmy and patiently... i think this is what a lot of ppl with cptsd need... someone kind... we are so harsh on ourselves
Everything you said is true. And it made me realize something. Due to growing up in an abusive home, I watched people barely surviving on every level: spiritual, financial, social, emotional, etc. There were so many times when they did the bare minimum to work and put food on the table but even then, there were still not enough resources. I've realized that I grew up watching my family doing the bare minimum in life or not even trying to do the bare minimum. They had the worst jobs (they hated their jobs) and not enough money to support us, plus their relationship was shitty from the beginning (a narcissist with a slightly less narcissistic person is a recipe for disaster) so they had nothing going on for them. Now, as I am trying to build a creative career and make my business work, I always find myself procrastinating and, what's worse is that I used to let procrastination push me into losing the apartments I lived in and accumulating debt. It makes sense why everything in life is so hard for me. Feels like I'm climbing a mountain each time I do something new or get into a new relationship (which is rare nowadays anyway due to C-PTSD). But, I'm gonna try to take more action tomorrow and see how it feels. It won't be worse than what I have today. Thx.
It is so hard for me to get moving. I used to have more energy but since I've started Trauma Therapy (somatic) it has become harder. I never noticed how much fear I've been carrying. Have been pushing myself to get out and face some places and people that are triggers for the pain I hold. I'm getting better, I understand myself better than I have for years so I'm hoping this too shall pass. Thanks for making these wonderful video's, they really help because I feel understood and supported.
This is pure HELL,im 61 and i have many projects,but i struggle, my stomach feels like it's twisted, i hate it,and i have childhood PTSD as far back as 6 years old,stress is 24 hours a day of HELL,just waiting for my enternal clock to stop, and now i have issues with remembering oh yeah i forgot to pay that bill
So sorry you feel like this. My stomach also feels like that when I’m dis regulated. For me it’s the feeling of fear. Deep breathing helps me a lot. I hope you find some coping skills ❤️
Thank you so much, Anna, for sharing your story as you live it, I feel understood and accepted as you show how you accept yourself. About procrastination, I took a long time to find clarity within to do what I feel is sharing my gifts with the world and I've noticed that procrastination sometimes comes when I feel unsafe, the CPTSD sometimes brings this and I tend to do other things, but when I realize the pattern (it feels glorious, btw) I repeat to myself that I am safe where I am, that my house is safe, the place is safe and that I have time. It's like telling myself a new narrative and it has taken me to a place where I feel I am strong enough to embrace my life. It is funny that it took me two decades to realize that I am safe enough to have the life I have always wanted. Thank you SO much for creating this content, your videos have changed my life for the better in only a few weeks, I feel more joy, peace and safety than ever, I feel capable and I understand why I am. May the universe fill your life with the joy, peace and safety that I have found in your work. Much love to you!
Thank you. I wrote a list of my accomplishments for the day on a difficult day last week, just to encourage myself. Ordinary things, but great accomplishments as I wanted to nap all day. My list: I walked three miles, I took my supplements, I wrote a poem, I took bagels to my hub's workplace, I got RD a birthday lunch, I sat with our pups outside for an hour, I did laundry and put away. I have learned to rest all along so I don't become dysregulated or overwhelmed. It was exhausting, but I felt pleased and thankful that I could manage some activities that normally give me pleasure. I am distressed, though, that I am very apathetic .... no drive, no passion for anything. I don't know how to move toward finding meaning in my life, now. Maybe a few days of feeling accomplished will add up. I hope so. It is an empty, frustrating feeling to be "meh" all the time. xoxo
Wow, I needed this video today. I always wondered why it was so hard to take action. I have one class I need to finish and I have been procrastinating for weeks. It helps knowing I'm not alone. I will finish my last class this week, I will take action. Thank you!
I am in tears. This video is spot on. I suffer from cptsd, which is a relatively new term and diagnosis. My troubles began at age 8 in 1968 when a series of traumatic events began with the death of my grandmother who was my primary caregiver and only close connection. There was no research, no recognition of this condition or it's cause. Let alone the discovery that trauma causes neurological changes in the developing brain. If I had known I was not the one solitary individual who felt what I felt, that there was a reason for it, specific symptoms related to it, and ways to manage and cope with it, that I was not just a fuck up my life could have been so different. To recognize I had a condition, and wasn't the nothing, nobody who couldn't do anything right, and sabotaged every effort at success because I felt incompetent would have changed everything. At 62 I now understand the progression of my life's course and the reasons for it. I only recently was able to acknowledge, feel, and express my full anger towards my parents, who have both been deceased a long time now. It's so painful and confusing to love the people who are ignoring you, taking advantage of you, and expecting you to take care of crap they can't handle. (my brother's schizophrenia) again this is early 1970s and schizophrenia was still a mysterious and frightening disease. I'm so happy and relieved to find out that it's not my fault I am this way, am solitary and don't want to associate with people other than my daughter, who forgives my faults and past mistakes (huge ones).
That will stick with me "if i hadn't had the effort to create the crappy childhood fairy stuff". That's true. Your videos are life-changing. Thank you ❤
P A R A L Y S I S- Yes, that definitely describes it for me! I know why- I can think of the repeated incidents that precipitated the procrastination in my adult life, but that doesn’t seem to make it easier to get started. The other major problem is overwhelm- no matter what project I’m working on, I think I should be doing something else.
Thank you for being so transparent about your process, CCF!🧚🏻♂️. It is VERY motivating to see someone practically and specifically continue to tackle our issues, despite the setbacks.💪 I hope these videos and your community fills you the way your life's work does us!!! 💖 PS The Commitment aspect is very intriguing, look forward to hearing more!
I started playing this video in a terrible mood, feeling like 20 years of my life had passed me by and there was no hope. But while watching, I felt like Anna had been a fly on the wall during my whole childhood, and the present! I’m now inspired to make specific changes, and very optimistic. Thank you so much!!
Ugh, this is me. Has anyone practiced the 5 minute rule? Start what you are avoiding and do it for 5 minutes. Most of the time you can overcome the inertia and keep going
I'm trying to branch out and be more creative. I'm going to direct my friends music video and I got the idea green-lighted. Next step is the storyboard. What am I doing? Watching Netflix lol
I sought help for years and tears this explains what I have been coping with for 50 years… narcissistic mother bad enabler father same with brother I was scapegoat tormented living hell trying to dig my self out of it all
I feel like I can't depend on myself anymore. The more I work on something, or put myself forward, the more it seems like no good deed goes unpunished. Too many examples to share.
Thank you soooo much for this video Anna!!!! This is me to a T! Thankfully I'm getting there...haven't screwed up too bad( soooo thankful)!!! Little bits at a time help me and I try not to overthink because it makes me overwhelmed. ✌💜🌸
Anna, you have helped me so much with your work....I did not even know what I was suffering from for a long time. 75% of me wakes' every day tired and want to cry for my mum, but the problem is I was never close to my mum...my hormones have been out of wack. I do not have much respect for therapists of any kind, they are all self-serving and have big egos even when they never do anything for the big money they charge. Finding your channel has given me hope and more understanding of what I am going through. Thank you for being who you are and standing out, thank you for healing yourself, because I know I can do it too. God bless you, never stop reaching out to others. Susan
🙏 You are so right about all of this. I am one of those 'zero-to-100-then-crash' people. I have recently introduced a "Just One Thing" structure (if you can even call doing just one thing a "structure"!) to my day as even trying to do three or two things will end up causing me to scatter & vacillate & spin out and end up doing nothing... and then feeling bad about myself as a result. I used to be able to GSD - tho that so often lead to burnout. So i'm re-learning how to be functional in life without burning out, and healing C-PTSD is apparently part of that too... Thank you for your content, i'm so glad you did follow through on creating this channel & business for yourself. It's very helpful... 🙏 🌸
This was absolutely life changing for me; a month later, I'm still jumping into the mess and doing the hard things every day. Not all the hard things, but according to priorities. Such a welcome change. God bless you, Anna. +
Via my CPTSD symptoms/dysregulation I rebel against any and all forms of authority, I don't trust them and I'm surely not going to listen to them. On the contrary, I let you in and l listen to you. You have answers to issues that have held me back all of my life. You present yourself as standing beside me, as someone who knows and has worked through much of what holds me back in my life. My procrastination has really stunted my life. I paid for a years membership to CCF almost 2 months ago and have yet to use any of the courses/resources. I've attend some group mtgs/zooms and will do so today. I totally get it that you offer answers and ways forward. At 62 I have yet to clarify why I'm here, what my purpose is. I Thank God that you're here and are offering ways for me to move forward and live my life joyfully and fully empowered. Onward. Upward.
Thank you for this. I SO needed to hear your message on procrastination, it really resonated with me. I've been procrastinating on very similar things which has made me miserable. I know that my desired life is anxiously waiting for me to make it happen! 🙏🕊
I cause stress for myself. I also ruin things for myself. I can't have anything nice. I'll ruin it. I have a hard time providing a clean home for myself. When I ask myself, "Do I deserve it?" The answer, deep down, is, "No."
This video turned on a light for me - excited about this new connection to Cpsd and procrastination . I totally relate to the feeling you had before making the video and as a fine artist I face this often - thanks for shedding light on this topic.
What if you haven’t figured out what you want your life-job to be, after the kids have all left the nest and you’ve been a stay at home mom all those years? I haven’t developed other skill sets or have any creativity. I’ve lost all my motivation after being only mom or wife all these years and nothing else. I can’t imagine jumping into something because I don’t even know what I’d choose! I’m a grandma now and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up! I don’t want go back to school ( I hated school and got terrible grades so I feel as tho I couldn’t ever be successful in any kind of course of study, or finding a special purpose). I have withdrawn from most everything social in life lately and hardly do anything other than seeing my son and spend time with the grandkids. I feel like a miserable failure being stuck in this dilemma! How do I start looking for a special purpose this late in life?! I go into freeze mode just thinking about it!
This could be an interesting video topic, you can email hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com and get specific with a question. Just a little context is needed but no more than 2 paragraphs. Put 'Ask the Fairy' in subject line -Cara@TeamFairy
I understand!! Similar for me; however, I have discovered I can and am good at painting and writing. I finally wrote a book and stepped out with my sister’s encouragement to enter my art stuff to craft fairs; which this past weekend was my first major one. I was encouraged by reactions. I have, admittedly let some dreams go, but I am doing what I love to do, while keeping boundaries up with time and people. I pray you find your gifts and employ whatever they are. You’ll feel better and your family may be encouraged to do the same. I know I hate schedules. Worked a lot of retail throughout my life and now doing these things, lets me flex mine. I also give myself permission to lay some things aside when I need to, in order to create. God’s blessings to you!!
I get the impression you have been a lovely mum and now grandma! Maybe there is your gifting also? Offering a hearing heart, a safe haven, and encouragement, etc to children... Would there be a need in your neighbourhood for parents to have a caretaker for their children...? It would mean the world to them... and maybe for you, too!!! I think you should honour what you do and are a bit more! ( I know that can be sometimes a struggle in itself). Best wishes, from Irene, the Netherlands.
@Crappy Childhood Fairy , it's very occasional of me to drop comment on any video, here I just felt compelled to. I literally had little tear drops listening to you since I had labelled myself as a procrastinator long back n have grinded and hated myself sooo hard for it. absolutely relate with each experience around the 5.49 th mark. It's wonderful how merely getting informed about the ways in which cptsd can manifest can also feel soo supportive and warm. totally loved this piece of information. Thank you! ❤️✨
So true for me as well! I put my creative work off because it's hard and I'm afraid I won't be able to do it, even though I've succeeded at the same tasks before repeatedly. What if, this time, I can't do it? I always know when I have a creative project brewing because my house becomes very clean & lots of side-projects get done.
I needed this video at this exact momentum time. Thank you so much for explaining this. I am really struggling with procrastination and have been since last year after feeling depressed from my father dying and being in lockdown. All of these feelings I know stem from childhood wounding and I have suspected if I have PTSD. I feel this is something I need therapy for and am going to look in to this. Thanks again ❤️
Procrastination creeped into my life slowly, I started doing less and less. It happened regularly that I washed clothes and hang them outside to dry. And I didn‘t get them for 3 days until it rained and the clothes were wet again. This made me cry. It got worse and worse, til I had full blown depression. Doing nothing, hating the day. Hating the night. I especially hate mornings.Then I somehow got out of this depression, and back to being this zombie. The only time I‘m doing something is to pretend that I‘m okay. I pretend everyday, and then I‘m proud that my family doesn‘t notice, because pretending is hard work for me… and pretending is important. If I don‘t pretend I have to deal with other peoples feelings on top of mine!
This is my favorite video of yours so far. Finally something that explains my blind spots in a way that isn't saying I'm just lazy. And I feel seriously inspired to do some stuff right now, got me out off the couch and already doing some things off my to-do list. Thank you 🙏❤
Your thoughts PLEASE, What is it when The procrastination has gotten so bad that you do absolutely nothing everyday. Just sit in a chair, with your cat on your lap, he twice and sleep, then go to bed for the night.
I feel you! I have days like that more than i can say. For me, if i push - and i mean push - it gets better. The first step is the hardest. It's the stress of lfe that makes us check out. You have to PUSH through that first step. This works for me. Blessings and love to you.
@@joannasunday it's so nice of you to care enough to send a message. I read somewhere that if all you do is start for 10 minutes ... Everyday, each day, it gets easier to move/ push forward. I have been breaking down everything that I do. Not just eating but opening the frig and deciding what to eat, then fixing it. Getting through eating. I guess what I started doing was turned it around and said rather than, all I've done is this i.e. EAT, . I started saying at least I ate today, I had to fix that, I took my dishes to the sink. And I just let go of persecuting myself for being in the state of mind. So yesterday was my first day in a month and a half, then I've been able to achieve some things. I don't think I could have gotten here without being there, and persecution, first. I think I had to give over feeling so bad, and wanting someone to rescue me. Sorry for the long note . Thank you again.
@@loriboufford6342 that's fantastic, Lori!! It sounds like you're practicing being in the moment. I will be taking your advice. Thanks for sharing yourself!
Used to be sooo motivated and did sooo much for many yrs. Yes, last 6 yrs procrastination has been such a roadblock. Retreating never works. One minute at a time taking action. Thank you!
Perfect description of how procrastination works for us. I've found I'm energized when I have a hired person here getting repairs done, then fall right back into doing very little again once that's over. There's an overwhelming amount of work to be done. I've decided my tactic will be to make smaller, more achievable short term daily lists for the really important things. That helps me avoid the demoralizing feeling that I can't get everything done, which makes me want to just give up.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing what you have been through so that I know that you truly DO understand. Thank you for encouraging change. Thank you for giving hope of healing! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!
This sounds so much like AD(H)D to me. How do you figure out if it's childhood trauma or ADHD? Does it even matter if the "symptoms" are so similar? Are they the same thing anyway?
this makes me emotional because you’re articulating all my challenges i haven’t been able to pinpoint, describe, put into words, in order to help myself.
I'm sorry the sadness is weighing so heavily. But you know what? You're watching TH-cam videos and that's a sign that somewhere inside, you yearn for happiness, and are willing to act on it. So I'm not giving up on you!
And now I am stuck. I have to keep this going, I can't let the terror take over. I have been hiding lately. I know what you are saying is the truth and I am having trouble facing it.
![[LIVE] MCHOICE & MINT AWARDS 2024 at TRUE ICON HALL, ICONSIAM](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/wMewUeT5nbY/mqdefault.jpg)
"imagine if I didn't do the CCF because it was work?"... thats a horrifying thought! Because of YOU I read Bessel Van Der Kolk, and Pete Walker, Started a meetup group to read and talk about CPTSD, which brought others who introduced me to Adult Children of Alcoholics, which brought me to breath work which really helps me with this crazy inner child stuff, which brought me to reading No Bad Parts by Dick Schwartz, which is helping me to learn to calm my triggers and learn to be a adult at 56. Omg YOUR channel and excellent name for this channel is the one that started me healing last year...Notice I haven't said once I am seeing a expensive therapist? 'cuz I cant afford one ! so this channel is a life saver for me and some of your courses much more affordable!
Such a great example of taking charge of your healing. Amazing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Amen!
Thanks for this ❤
I feel so validated and encouraged: I’m not lazy, just traumatized. I can work with that!
Way more palatable :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Me too!!! Crazy that I'm exactly normal for what I've been thru
I like your profile pic.
I feel the exact same way. Validated and encouraged. Thank you Crappy Childhood Fairy. I was smiling at several points in the video saying, “That sounds very familiar….😥🤣🤷.”
I don't know how she did it, but my mom could pop out of bed at 4:30 or 5, and have her daily tasks done by 9 or so, then enjoy the rest of her day doing hobbies, visiting with her sisters, etc. Even when she worked, washed walls, folded laundry, etc, she did it singing, sipping a coffee, etc. I didn't inherit this from her, i drag around in my slippers for 2 or 3 hours, then still have all my tasks ahead of me, and *the dreading of them makes me tired* before i start.
Yep, I feel tired before I even start!
I have family members like this. If it helps, look into low inertia in the morning. It is a natural cycle of energy thing, and is a relief to see we are just different, and how to stage ourselves for success.
Yep, same here. I feel you.
I understand
I feel your pain. My mom had boundless energy for days, unfortunately, I am a mope like my dad
"don't even label it as stress, label it as doing the things that are part of life. in the end the path of least resistance is to just do the things anyway"
Great suggestion!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I always wondered why I procrastinated. I get overwhelmed emotionally quite easily. I also feel like it won't be good enough. That's childhood wounding right there. Your videos are very inspiring, motivating & relatable.
Thanks for sharing!!
-Cara@TeamFairy
"It's not just the thing that you get done, it's the momentum that you build from just doing anything at all."
Yes, exactly :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I have a 'zero-to-sixty' mentality. I keep putting things off, which feels good at first, but then it starts to nag at me. I get to a point where I suddenly decide it has to be done right now, so I will stop what I'm doing (even if I am in bed at 3am trying to sleep) and start doing laundry or going jogging in the middle of the night. I go from "I don't want to do this now" to "I have to get this done right now." Recently I put off a problem with my bank for the whole day but decided I had to call customer service at 2:30 in the morning. I feel less weird after listening to this video.
Glad you are finding the needing relatedness :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I'm like this too. It's 4am here and I suddenly want to paint my toenails and finally try a bright red lipstick to see how it looks, and organise my clothes, but I can't because I have to go to bed.
I think, for me anyway, at night I often feel less stressed because it's "relax" time. The day is over. There's no expectation to do anything. So I feel more free to WANT to actually do things.
AND I just realised, it's 4am and I just said I "can't" do things because I have to go to bed. So because I know I CAN'T do anything, I'm somehow "safe" to WANT to do them. Because I know I won't really have to. I had all day to do these things. lol
@@ladybaabaa3294 I can relate.
@@ladybaabaa3294 OMG, that's me, too. You nailed it!
Yes. I’m exactly the same.
My procrastination comes from lack of confidence. Whenever I did something creative in my childhood I rarely got positive acknowledgement. I believe the best thing you can do for anyone is to show that who they’re and what they do matters.
So in that view, thank you for posting this video.
Thank you for your comment
-Cara@TeamFairy
sometimes we limit the definition of family to two or three people, but our family is all of humanity and your creativity is a natural expression of the true you. So move on, move on, you have work to do and your gift to deliver :)
Look
At marissa peer work her I
Am enough her book very simple she very good
This is so relatable to me and now I can't accept any form of validation because I believe they're only saying it to get something from me making me instantly distrust that person 🙃
So excited to listen to this.. sometimes it feels like you’re the only person that truly gets the effect of childhood trauma on adult life. Thank you ❤️
Well said!
Same!
Brilliant. Check out IFS, internal family systems. Life changing
Yes!!
Ditto, no body else understands
It's a struggle but when you get something done then it is an amazing feeling.
YES!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I don't feel anything when I finish something.
You make videos that are helping transform my life for the better. I'm a 53 year man. Learning childhood PTSD was THE THING I could never figure out. Several therapists over those decades never helped. Made me worse in fact. "What the hell is wrong with me?!!!": my primary very destructive self talk for DECADES. Decades lost. But I figured it out!!!! Oh man I figured it out and now have to work on it the rest of my life. SIgh. Whew. Deep breath. Yours and many other YT videos about childhood CTPSD and NPD(how to handle the mean selfish a-holes in my life) and psychology are like a goldmine of knowledge for me. EUREKA! Shame we don't get an owners manual for how to use our minds properly. Small ACTIONS. A little bit every day. New habits. I let myself make mistakes. I got this. Thank you.
Thank you! So glad you're here. Your handle has "uk" in it. If you're in the UK, come see me in London Aug. The live events are wonderful.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Oh I would but I'm in the USA. UK is just my nickname.Cheers.
The Holy Bible is the best instructions booklet for Responsible, accountable
PARENTS to teach their babies, children, offsprings, families HOW TO KNOW WHAT TO DO,
about, how to behave, conduct their lives. The Holy Bible. Therapist learn by trials , tests, figuring out reactions, & Responses. Etc.
I spent all of Saturday catching up with jobs I hadnt kept up with recently. I paced myself but I got so much done and the best part was I stayed "in the moment" the whole time! No ruminating, no chasing away horrible thoughts-just steady working through my jobs. Unlike how I used to be I didnt rush or need everything to be perfect despite the hurry or give myself an unrealistic list of tasks. I have had a few days like this recently and they are so good for me. My brain loves the break from destructive , repetitve thoughts! Im hoping that with practice my brain will stop engaging in the negative rumination more and more
Yes! "Right here, right now" is the opposite of dysregulation!
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I hadnt thought of it like that. Thank you
Catherine Wholey, yes, now I get it! When i retired I noticed I was spending/wasting alot of time with negative thoughts, bad memories and obsessing about what I should have done in some situations from the past. I think it's necessary to always have a project or a goal , and structure.
My emotional breakdown ended my productivity in my life, health & career. I'm now aware after therapy /realisation of CPTSD. It's been a very long road (I'm 55).
I feel a strong, negative, forcefield around me which paralyses me getting back into work and society. I freeze and do everything to avoid it. I maintain every other aspect of my life, but my career/work life is terrifying. I haven't worked since my breakdown and so I don't know what I'm capable of anymore. I'm not that strong headed, tough, go getter anymore.
Try the Daily Practice! bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
I am in a very similar situation. I see your comment is from a year ago. Has anything helped since then. Do you have any advice to give? Thank you.
I could do anything for 2 years. Then I got to quit. Now I'm retired & must be self-propelled.
Very tough.
I needed this. Tired of procrastinating on my goals and dreams. I’m already 48
lol, honey I’m 60 and still do it! But I keep trying…. But it sure feels good when I get things done! I do good when I know someone is coming to my house…..🙄
@@anitanapp6759 haha that’s cute…yeah having company really lights a fire under our butts don’t it? I feel you. I’m also hard on myself too when I shouldn’t be. Hugs!
Nah. You’re ONLY 48.
@@buttercxpdraws8101 Aw thank you. I feel old sometimes
It’s never too late for change
"This is life . I'm alive. This is part of my life"
Such a beautiful way to put It
There is no defibrillator for a broken heart.
Luv when people candidly honestly share their path, thank you for the gift.
Thank you so much for being here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
"The things you're putting off are the things that would make your life better". I heard that in a Jordan Peterson video and I always remind myself that when I am procrastinating on something.
@Ashley thanks for sharing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
An important topic, like all you cover.
Several things come to mind:
First: A friend pointed out that for some (traumatized) people, a task requiring a single “step” conventionally - for the trauma sufferer - might take a half dozen micro-steps. Not with paying bills, household tasks and other kind of “day-to-day” stuff, but with things that may be a little more involved. Studying for an exam, et cetera.
Second: I strive to keep things as simple as possible, so as not to require a great deal of time and energy. As you mention in your piece, some have been in “fight or flight” since childhood, so additional stressors only exacerbate what can already be escalated and quite difficult (even if quite simple by nature).
Third: For those in 12 Step Recovery, the slogan “(do) the next right thing” can be the Golden Rule. And so it has become for me: “What’s the next right thing”? Dishes? Shower? Bill paying? Rest?
This helps frame things for me. My “life” has been so scattered, with so little continuity, even at age fifty-four, I often
don’t really even know what to do. Crazy.
Fourth: And yes, “... making something from nothing ...” This, too, can be demoralizing, really. I observe how my friends have created and live their lives, and I have been, until recently, “in the weeds”, or going in circles.
It’s a lot, all of it, but you’re helping people change their lives, and, in micro-steps, many of us are doing so.
Perhaps I’ll go cry for a minute before I take my next micro-step.
Thank you, Anna.
- Peter
Sending you virtual hugs. I can relate.
molchmolchmolchmolch: Thank you so much, truly.
@@petestevens3970 🤗
@Peter_Stevens all great suggestions, thank you!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Crappy Childhood Fairy: Thank you (all) for what you’re doing for the many.
This is me 5000%!!
I used to be hyper focused and always doing when I was little: doing chores, getting projects done, working part time as well as several side jobs, etc. Then after a horrible breakup, being in a toxic workplace situation, and my mother raging at me, something in me switched off and my energies and drive tanked.
I have ideas, I have things I want to do, I have projects that I want to start or have started...but it’s more comfortable to dive into nostalgia (ie: put on my headphones, turn up my music, read some manga or space out)
I’ve wasted so much time and watched so many others succeed while I’m stuck in 2011...dazed and confused with a broken spirit.
I relate to that switch- highly encourage you to try out the Daily Practice courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/
-Cara@TeamFairy
Right there with you. We can get better! All the best to you.
I have to write my master thesis and it stresses the hell out of me and one reason for that is that I don't do it with all my heart. I was really enthusiastic when I got admitted at first but the master program proved to be really disappointing, and even though I have a very interesting topic I don't feel motivated enough, but time still marches on and I get stressed and when I get stressed, perfectionism and procrastination come at play which stresses me even more.
You can do it!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Awww
Yes, what holds us back? I procrastinate in a really productive way. I obsessively do things around the house rather than getting other things done that are of a higher priority. I write loads of to do lists and work through them but I need to learn how to get the bigger things done rather than the less important things done.
I’m so pleased and impressed with your videos. And you speak so clearly.
I struggle with that as well.. I'll clean the entire house but I will not study at all that day, which is more important. I'm watching almost all her videos and this one really resonates..
Would you believe at the age of 77 I saw a different video of yours about procrastinating and I finally realized that all my life I had stuffed my childhood trauma way down deep and spent my life acting like a “good girl”. Finally I have admitted to a therapist and others what happened to me and feel so much freer. I’m beginning to get myself more organized, making lists and checking off the items as I actually DO them! Thank you so much!!
Congratulations on your insights! So glad you're here.
Nika@TeamFairy
I am finishing a live in flip house and listing next week. Every task feels like it weighs 100 pounds. I paused this video to paint a wall. QUESTION: Why does CPTSD get worse with age? In my 20s, I earned 3 college degrees. Now at 59, I am on disability for 3 diagnosis, and life is hard. I am creative and still get things done, but it takes more effort and time than normal people.
Thank you for posting your comment. I am wondering the same thing about myself. I got so much done in my 20s and 30s and getting myself collected and tasks completed seems harder two decades later.
Great question!
@Luann I'm so glad you're here, some with CPTSD don't feel the effects until later in life, and that can be really confusing.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I think adding on physical infirmities to an already stressed self makes everything just that much harder. With atrial fibrillation, l've been spending 22 plus hours on the couch/day for if l overdo anything my heart goes back into arrhythmia and eventually l need a cardioversion (shock to my heart)... all the while awaiting a needed procedure. In the meantime, l've forgiven myself for imposed limitations, and have also realised that being "productive" is a pressure society places on us as a measure of our value. And it is not.
Luann, I have a friend in same situation. I think he lived two lifetimes by age 40 and then hit the wall. He is 58 this year, on LTD and lives in chaos. Im trying to get him hooked on this channel. Like you said, everything is hard.....this video really resonates.
I can't believe how insightful you are.Very few counselors are this bright, getting down to nitty, gritty, neurotic behaviors. Your right,so demoralizing when you can't keep up.I wish we all had you as a counselor.Even late in the game,there is beauty in hope😔🙏❣️
I'm so glad you're here, there is so much hope on this channel and in Crappy Childhood Fairy Land :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
The work you put in shows and is very appreciated! Thanks!!
Thanks so much for commenting :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I’ve never heard anything more accurate 😭 Only 5 minutes in, but I already feel “understood”, which lets me know I’m not broken and can actually change! This video gives me hope. Thank you 🤍
She really gets it, as does this community, it is such a relief to be here. Best to you.
Same here🙏❤❤
Understanding makes such a difference
This is exactly what I'm facing right now! It's something I've been aware of for a long time, and I've stayed stuck in thinking, anxiety, and dysregulation. I, too, have had a dream of starting something for myself, and create instead of just react, for almost two decades! Now, I've been doing a lot of trauma work and finally see that life is never going to be free of all the challenges. What I'm learning is that I can deal with them and now I want to go a step further and initiate! It's comforting and inspiring to hear from you I'm not alone in this desire and this paralysis, that I'm finally getting out of. As a Zen teacher said this week: sometime you have to do the last thing you wanted to do! (So as to not fall into that pattern of eternal procrastination).
The last thing you wanted to do sounds like that famous book on the subject of procrastination...Eat That 🐸 Frog!
@SOZen08 Rooting for you, small steps :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I think that there is fear also- not just the, “ hard”.
We want so much to get it right! We know, especially when it’s purposeful work, spiritual work, deep and healing work, that there is importance to being on point and making it matter. Therefore we can pressure ourselves to be perfect .
There is an excitement underneath it, and that energy of how I want to get it right, scares me. Waiting until I am perfect means I can never do it. Or take a step.
I think management of my emotions- even positive and exciting emotions- can help me take steps.
“ I hear music.
I get up and dance.
I fall.
I hear music .
I get up...”
Happiness is
When what I say, think and do
Are in perfect harmony..
I pray each person who is reading this , takes one step forward in the direction God is leading you!
❤️
So uplifting! I've been frozen for many years...it really is so hard to do...I even googled 'how not to be lazy. I've been told 'be more like a missile, slowly gaining momentum rather that a rocket, which starts out fast and fizzles out. Blessings.
Thank you so much for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I always thought that if I don’t have a job, “ that forces me to do stuff”, than I’m completely useless bc the more I sit down the more I get stuck and my anxiety, sadness, depression, hopelessness goes higher… it’s so hard to get back on track and I feel that I’m wasting my life!
You can play a game with your mind: say to yourself that there is an inner self who is your boss and tells you "to do stuff". She tells you to do the dishes, for example. Then, she tells you to do the laundry etc etc. She gives you specific chores to do, every day, in specific hours. Then, she asks you to finish a course, or to read a book as part of your job description that you are doing for her. I mean, she wants you to do personal development as well as chores. Make sure she is specific with instructions and time frames. It's a game I play and I'm finding out that it's working. At the end of the day, my inner "boss" is so proud of me! 😊
This is beautiful. So eloquent, so poignant. You are so human (relate-able)
and I admire how gentle you are with yourself. Everything you say resonates and motivates. Thank you!
Thank you so much for supporting Anna's work :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Regarding doing and being - I went to Insight Seminars back in the 1980's and they said that finding the balance could be called the Frank Sinatra method: Do be do be doooo... :)
LOL!
That's so cute! 🤍
Thanks for lightening things up!
I procrastinated getting a job and starting my life for years... I am stuck in avoidance... I need to change. This video is helpful
Glad it is helpful!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Spent the vast majority of last year in “given up” mode and can confirm that nothing good comes out of that. The wheels keep turning and life will continue to happen. I met some amazing people and had great opportunities pass me by because I wasn’t up to speed with them. It’s no fun to watch life pass you by because of inaction. I owe it to myself to TRY to live a rich life
I'm so glad you started your channel....watching your clips and doing the daily practice is slowly changing my life...I'm beginning to see (at age 70) that it's possible to live in the world without it feeling like a battleground or a place laced with landmines🙏
I"m so glad!
-Cara@TeamFairy
It's almost like TCCF has a camera in my home! Brushing my teeth every day really resonated. I really need to clean my room but I hate hanging up clothes so I just have a bunch of laundry baskets with clothes in them but tonight after work I'm taking ACTION!
Yes! It feels so good to hang the clothes!
Having multiple medical conditions makes doing anything a massive effort that you just don’t feel you have the energy to even begin and feel overwhelmed.
Point taken :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
This is me!! I am a pathetic procrastinator. I live out of my laundry basket. Items will find their way from one basket to the other so one is always clean clothes and the other dirty. I hate that I do this! Do I have a clean bra? That means dumping the basket out on the bed.
I find a joy in quilting. I have not been able to do it because of procrastination keeping me from getting things cleared out so I can set up my sewing area. I wanted to make a baby quilt for a coworker. Her shower came and went, and now baby Molly is here. I told her what I was doing, but it would probably not get done before the baby was born. It took some pressure off when she said she is still working on a needlepoint that was going to be in her nephew's nursery, and he is six now.
I have told myself so many times that if I take a few days off it will all get put in order. I have taken a few days off several times.
As an unrelated item....I love your glasses!! They are really cute on you.
Thanks for putting yourself out there :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
"The world is waiting for you...small, consistent actions."
Doing and being are both important. Great point! Thank you for this video, and for the relatability of sharing your own real-life examples.
I've been so interested this year in the topic of procrastinating, self-sabotage, getting in one's own way, having trouble doing steps even if they're self-care we are yes to. Why part of us is yes and part of us no. Internal Family Systems has been helpful about this too.
Small wins is one of the #1 things that helps me. I work with my life coach on those all the time and want to support my life coach clients in that. There's an image I LOVE for this (wish I could post an image here): someone at the top of a ladder with tiny rungs. Next to them is a ladder with huge rungs and that person is stuck at the bottom reaching up cause the rungs are too far apart (aka not baby enough of steps).
Thanks for your comments!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I have been sharing your videos with my Inner Child Healing group participants. As they’re actively working on healing each stage of development, these videos make them aware of how their wounded inner child is showing up and effecting their lives on so many levels. I test each participant at the beginning and end of a 12 week course, they are scored in four major categories of their life, it is amazing how much they improve at the end!
You put into words exactly how I feel. I want to do things and some things I love... it's hard. So I procrastinate. I do it all the time! I get that feeling too of wanting to nap or do something relaxing when I need, should, or want to do something. But as you said, it's depressing because I end up months or years later and I'm still in the same place... stuck, because I didn't do what I should or even wanted to do.
I hope some of the suggestions help :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
You gentle soul, thank you for explaining calmy and patiently... i think this is what a lot of ppl with cptsd need... someone kind... we are so harsh on ourselves
Everything you said is true. And it made me realize something. Due to growing up in an abusive home, I watched people barely surviving on every level: spiritual, financial, social, emotional, etc. There were so many times when they did the bare minimum to work and put food on the table but even then, there were still not enough resources.
I've realized that I grew up watching my family doing the bare minimum in life or not even trying to do the bare minimum. They had the worst jobs (they hated their jobs) and not enough money to support us, plus their relationship was shitty from the beginning (a narcissist with a slightly less narcissistic person is a recipe for disaster) so they had nothing going on for them.
Now, as I am trying to build a creative career and make my business work, I always find myself procrastinating and, what's worse is that I used to let procrastination push me into losing the apartments I lived in and accumulating debt.
It makes sense why everything in life is so hard for me. Feels like I'm climbing a mountain each time I do something new or get into a new relationship (which is rare nowadays anyway due to C-PTSD). But, I'm gonna try to take more action tomorrow and see how it feels. It won't be worse than what I have today. Thx.
Great plan!
-Cara@TeamFairy
It is so hard for me to get moving. I used to have more energy but since I've started Trauma Therapy (somatic) it has become harder. I never noticed how much fear I've been carrying. Have been pushing myself to get out and face some places and people that are triggers for the pain I hold. I'm getting better, I understand myself better than I have for years so I'm hoping this too shall pass. Thanks for making these wonderful video's, they really help because I feel understood and supported.
This is pure HELL,im 61 and i have many projects,but i struggle, my stomach feels like it's twisted, i hate it,and i have childhood PTSD as far back as 6 years old,stress is 24 hours a day of HELL,just waiting for my enternal clock to stop, and now i have issues with remembering oh yeah i forgot to pay that bill
So sorry you feel like this. My stomach also feels like that when I’m dis regulated. For me it’s the feeling of fear. Deep breathing helps me a lot. I hope you find some coping skills ❤️
Time to try some new strategies, this is.a free mini course on Daily Practice bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
You are like our mom who understands us deeply ❤❤❤
Thank you so much, Anna, for sharing your story as you live it, I feel understood and accepted as you show how you accept yourself. About procrastination, I took a long time to find clarity within to do what I feel is sharing my gifts with the world and I've noticed that procrastination sometimes comes when I feel unsafe, the CPTSD sometimes brings this and I tend to do other things, but when I realize the pattern (it feels glorious, btw) I repeat to myself that I am safe where I am, that my house is safe, the place is safe and that I have time. It's like telling myself a new narrative and it has taken me to a place where I feel I am strong enough to embrace my life. It is funny that it took me two decades to realize that I am safe enough to have the life I have always wanted. Thank you SO much for creating this content, your videos have changed my life for the better in only a few weeks, I feel more joy, peace and safety than ever, I feel capable and I understand why I am. May the universe fill your life with the joy, peace and safety that I have found in your work. Much love to you!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and spreading the love :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you. I wrote a list of my accomplishments for the day on a difficult day last week, just to encourage myself. Ordinary things, but great accomplishments as I wanted to nap all day. My list: I walked three miles, I took my supplements, I wrote a poem, I took bagels to my hub's workplace, I got RD a birthday lunch, I sat with our pups outside for an hour, I did laundry and put away. I have learned to rest all along so I don't become dysregulated or overwhelmed. It was exhausting, but I felt pleased and thankful that I could manage some activities that normally give me pleasure. I am distressed, though, that I am very apathetic .... no drive, no passion for anything. I don't know how to move toward finding meaning in my life, now. Maybe a few days of feeling accomplished will add up. I hope so. It is an empty, frustrating feeling to be "meh" all the time. xoxo
Wow, that list encourages ME :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Wow, I needed this video today. I always wondered why it was so hard to take action. I have one class I need to finish and I have been procrastinating for weeks. It helps knowing I'm not alone. I will finish my last class this week, I will take action. Thank you!
Godspeed 🙏❤
@Rebecca_D you can do it!
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you!
@@gretatheotherone4686 Thank you!
I am in tears. This video is spot on. I suffer from cptsd, which is a relatively new term and diagnosis.
My troubles began at age 8 in 1968 when a series of traumatic events began with the death of my grandmother who was my primary caregiver and only close connection. There was no research, no recognition of this condition or it's cause. Let alone the discovery that trauma causes neurological changes in the developing brain.
If I had known I was not the one solitary individual who felt what I felt, that there was a reason for it, specific symptoms related to it, and ways to manage and cope with it, that I was not just a fuck up my life could have been so different. To recognize I had a condition, and wasn't the nothing, nobody who couldn't do anything right, and sabotaged every effort at success because I felt incompetent would have changed everything.
At 62 I now understand the progression of my life's course and the reasons for it.
I only recently was able to acknowledge, feel, and express my full anger towards my parents, who have both been deceased a long time now.
It's so painful and confusing to love the people who are ignoring you, taking advantage of you, and expecting you to take care of crap they can't handle. (my brother's schizophrenia) again this is early 1970s and schizophrenia was still a mysterious and frightening disease.
I'm so happy and relieved to find out that it's not my fault I am this way, am solitary and don't want to associate with people other than my daughter, who forgives my faults and past mistakes (huge ones).
That will stick with me "if i hadn't had the effort to create the crappy childhood fairy stuff". That's true. Your videos are life-changing. Thank you ❤
Thank YOU too :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
P A R A L Y S I S- Yes, that definitely describes it for me! I know why- I can think of the repeated incidents that precipitated the procrastination in my adult life, but that doesn’t seem to make it easier to get started. The other major problem is overwhelm- no matter what project I’m working on, I think I should be doing something else.
Thank you for being so transparent about your process, CCF!🧚🏻♂️. It is VERY motivating to see someone practically and specifically continue to tackle our issues, despite the setbacks.💪 I hope these videos and your community fills you the way your life's work does us!!! 💖
PS The Commitment aspect is very intriguing, look forward to hearing more!
Thanks for your feedback!
-Cara@TeamFairy
You understand. Everything your saying I have been through all my life & I am 73yrs old
I started playing this video in a terrible mood, feeling like 20 years of my life had passed me by and there was no hope. But while watching, I felt like Anna had been a fly on the wall during my whole childhood, and the present! I’m now inspired to make specific changes, and very optimistic. Thank you so much!!
You got this!
-Cara@TeamFairy
This "Crappy Childhood Fairy" series is the best video collection on CPTSD that have found. Many, many good ideas.
Wow, thanks!
Ugh, this is me. Has anyone practiced the 5 minute rule? Start what you are avoiding and do it for 5 minutes. Most of the time you can overcome the inertia and keep going
I'm trying to branch out and be more creative. I'm going to direct my friends music video and I got the idea green-lighted. Next step is the storyboard. What am I doing? Watching Netflix lol
I sought help for years and tears this explains what I have been coping with for 50 years… narcissistic mother bad enabler father same with brother I was scapegoat tormented living hell trying to dig my self out of it all
I feel like I can't depend on myself anymore. The more I work on something, or put myself forward, the more it seems like no good deed goes unpunished. Too many examples to share.
Thanks for being here
-Cara@TeamFairy
“I just keep taking action.” Thank you, CCF. ❤️
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you soooo much for this video Anna!!!! This is me to a T! Thankfully I'm getting there...haven't screwed up too bad( soooo thankful)!!! Little bits at a time help me and I try not to overthink because it makes me overwhelmed. ✌💜🌸
Glad it's helpful :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Anna, you have helped me so much with your work....I did not even know what I was suffering from for a long time. 75% of me wakes' every day tired and want to cry for my mum, but the problem is I was never close to my mum...my hormones have been out of wack. I do not have much respect for therapists of any kind, they are all self-serving and have big egos even when they never do anything for the big money they charge. Finding your channel has given me hope and more understanding of what I am going through. Thank you for being who you are and standing out, thank you for healing yourself, because I know I can do it too. God bless you, never stop reaching out to others. Susan
I needed to see this today. Thank you for your work and pushing past your block to create this channel. You've helped me so much ❤
I'm so glad!
-Cara@TeamFairy
🙏 You are so right about all of this. I am one of those 'zero-to-100-then-crash' people. I have recently introduced a "Just One Thing" structure (if you can even call doing just one thing a "structure"!) to my day as even trying to do three or two things will end up causing me to scatter & vacillate & spin out and end up doing nothing... and then feeling bad about myself as a result. I used to be able to GSD - tho that so often lead to burnout. So i'm re-learning how to be functional in life without burning out, and healing C-PTSD is apparently part of that too... Thank you for your content, i'm so glad you did follow through on creating this channel & business for yourself. It's very helpful... 🙏 🌸
Thanks for sharing about your experience on the topic!
-Cara@TeamFairy
This was absolutely life changing for me; a month later, I'm still jumping into the mess and doing the hard things every day. Not all the hard things, but according to priorities. Such a welcome change. God bless you, Anna. +
Thanks so much for supporting the channel!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Via my CPTSD symptoms/dysregulation I rebel against any and all forms of authority, I don't trust them and I'm surely not going to listen to them. On the contrary, I let you in and l listen to you. You have answers to issues that have held me back all of my life. You present yourself as standing beside me, as someone who knows and has worked through much of what holds me back in my life. My procrastination has really stunted my life. I paid for a years membership to CCF almost 2 months ago and have yet to use any of the courses/resources. I've attend some group mtgs/zooms and will do so today. I totally get it that you offer answers and ways forward. At 62 I have yet to clarify why I'm here, what my purpose is. I Thank God that you're here and are offering ways for me to move forward and live my life joyfully and fully empowered. Onward. Upward.
Thank you for this. I SO needed to hear your message on procrastination, it really resonated with me. I've been procrastinating on very similar things which has made me miserable. I know that my desired life is anxiously waiting for me to make it happen! 🙏🕊
So glad it resonated :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I cause stress for myself. I also ruin things for myself. I can't have anything nice. I'll ruin it. I have a hard time providing a clean home for myself. When I ask myself, "Do I deserve it?" The answer, deep down, is, "No."
Glad you are here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
This video turned on a light for me - excited about this new connection to Cpsd and procrastination . I totally relate to the feeling you had before making the video and as a fine artist I face this often - thanks for shedding light on this topic.
Glad it was helpful!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Honestly you are my favorite mental health account to follow. I’ve never felt so understood before, and almost every video you post is relatable
What if you haven’t figured out what you want your life-job to be, after the kids have all left the nest and you’ve been a stay at home mom all those years? I haven’t developed other skill sets or have any creativity. I’ve lost all my motivation after being only mom or wife all these years and nothing else. I can’t imagine jumping into something because I don’t even know what I’d choose! I’m a grandma now and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up! I don’t want go back to school ( I hated school and got terrible grades so I feel as tho I couldn’t ever be successful in any kind of course of study, or finding a special purpose). I have withdrawn from most everything social in life lately and hardly do anything other than seeing my son and spend time with the grandkids. I feel like a miserable failure being stuck in this dilemma! How do I start looking for a special purpose this late in life?! I go into freeze mode just thinking about it!
This could be an interesting video topic, you can email hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com and get specific with a question. Just a little context is needed but no more than 2 paragraphs. Put 'Ask the Fairy' in subject line
-Cara@TeamFairy
I understand!! Similar for me; however, I have discovered I can and am good at painting and writing. I finally wrote a book and stepped out with my sister’s encouragement to enter my art stuff to craft fairs; which this past weekend was my first major one. I was encouraged by reactions.
I have, admittedly let some dreams go, but I am doing what I love to do, while keeping boundaries up with time and people.
I pray you find your gifts and employ whatever they are. You’ll feel better and your family may be encouraged to do the same.
I know I hate schedules. Worked a lot of retail throughout my life and now doing these things, lets me flex mine. I also give myself permission to lay some things aside when I need to, in order to create.
God’s blessings to you!!
I get the impression you have been a lovely mum and now grandma! Maybe there is your gifting also?
Offering a hearing heart, a safe haven, and encouragement, etc to children...
Would there be a need in your neighbourhood for parents to have a caretaker for their children...?
It would mean the world to them... and maybe for you, too!!!
I think you should honour what you do and are a bit more! ( I know that can be sometimes a struggle in itself).
Best wishes, from Irene, the Netherlands.
@Crappy Childhood Fairy , it's very occasional of me to drop comment on any video, here I just felt compelled to. I literally had little tear drops listening to you since I had labelled myself as a procrastinator long back n have grinded and hated myself sooo hard for it. absolutely relate with each experience around the 5.49 th mark. It's wonderful how merely getting informed about the ways in which cptsd can manifest can also feel soo supportive and warm. totally loved this piece of information. Thank you! ❤️✨
So true for me as well! I put my creative work off because it's hard and I'm afraid I won't be able to do it, even though I've succeeded at the same tasks before repeatedly. What if, this time, I can't do it? I always know when I have a creative project brewing because my house becomes very clean & lots of side-projects get done.
Same! And then I do it :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Paralysis is such an apt word for this.
I needed this video at this exact momentum time. Thank you so much for explaining this. I am really struggling with procrastination and have been since last year after feeling depressed from my father dying and being in lockdown. All of these feelings I know stem from childhood wounding and I have suspected if I have PTSD. I feel this is something I need therapy for and am going to look in to this. Thanks again ❤️
So glad you're here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Procrastination creeped into my life slowly, I started doing less and less. It happened regularly that I washed clothes and hang them outside to dry. And I didn‘t get them for 3 days until it rained and the clothes were wet again. This made me cry. It got worse and worse, til I had full blown depression. Doing nothing, hating the day. Hating the night. I especially hate mornings.Then I somehow got out of this depression, and back to being this zombie. The only time I‘m doing something is to pretend that I‘m okay. I pretend everyday, and then I‘m proud that my family doesn‘t notice, because pretending is hard work for me… and pretending is important. If I don‘t pretend I have to deal with other peoples feelings on top of mine!
This is my favorite video of yours so far. Finally something that explains my blind spots in a way that isn't saying I'm just lazy. And I feel seriously inspired to do some stuff right now, got me out off the couch and already doing some things off my to-do list. Thank you 🙏❤
That's GREAT!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I give myself at least one task to do, make sure i dont let peptide addiction take over.
Balance , yes indeed !!
Indeed!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you sooooo much! 🎉you are making such a massive difference in my life, so blessed to find you. May you have more success every day ❤
Thank you! You too!
My god every word of ur makes sense. This is my condition rn
Your thoughts PLEASE, What is it when The procrastination has gotten so bad that you do absolutely nothing everyday. Just sit in a chair, with your cat on your lap, he twice and sleep, then go to bed for the night.
I feel you! I have days like that more than i can say.
For me, if i push - and i mean push - it gets better. The first step is the hardest.
It's the stress of lfe that makes us check out. You have to PUSH through that first step. This works for me. Blessings and love to you.
Perhaps speak to your doctor about anti-anxiety/ antidepressants for a short term re-brain training if it is this bad? Doesn’t have to be forever…
@@laraweasil thank you. I will do that. I think it's wonderful and very touching that you sent a reply
@@joannasunday it's so nice of you to care enough to send a message. I read somewhere that if all you do is start for 10 minutes ... Everyday, each day, it gets easier to move/ push forward. I have been breaking down everything that I do. Not just eating but opening the frig and deciding what to eat, then fixing it. Getting through eating.
I guess what I started doing was turned it around and said rather than, all I've done is this i.e. EAT, . I started saying at least I ate today, I had to fix that, I took my dishes to the sink. And I just let go of persecuting myself for being in the state of mind. So yesterday was my first day in a month and a half, then I've been able to achieve some things. I don't think I could have gotten here without being there, and persecution, first. I think I had to give over feeling so bad, and wanting someone to rescue me.
Sorry for the long note . Thank you again.
@@loriboufford6342 that's fantastic, Lori!!
It sounds like you're practicing being in the moment. I will be taking your advice. Thanks for sharing yourself!
Used to be sooo motivated and did sooo much for many yrs. Yes, last 6 yrs procrastination has been such a roadblock. Retreating never works. One minute at a time taking action. Thank you!
Thanks for sharing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I am watching this video because I am procrastinating
Ha ha other commenters say they "will watch it later"
-Cara@TeamFairy
Omg! You just described my entire life! It’s so depressing & I feel like such a loser. It’s embarrassing & I thought it was who I am as a person.
We all think that, but it's fear. Please take a look at this free course and learn how to get free! bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
You are such an inspiration! Thank you for sharing this one, I am in the process of stepping into my own power very very slowly
You can do it!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Perfect description of how procrastination works for us. I've found I'm energized when I have a hired person here getting repairs done, then fall right back into doing very little again once that's over. There's an overwhelming amount of work to be done. I've decided my tactic will be to make smaller, more achievable short term daily lists for the really important things. That helps me avoid the demoralizing feeling that I can't get everything done, which makes me want to just give up.
Great insight, thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy
I really love your perspective & personality! You are authentic, funny & of course inspiring!
Thank you for the "Fairy" support :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing what you have been through so that I know that you truly DO understand. Thank you for encouraging change. Thank you for giving hope of healing! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!
*saves video to watch later*
Hahaha
-Cara@TeamFairy
😆...😢
This woman knows me, but I can't remember where we met, but she knows me sooooo well.
Most of us relate to that feeling :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Another great video, Anna! Thank you for all that you do for us!
Thank you for being here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
"Making order out of chaos" - this is ALL so good. Thank you!
This sounds so much like AD(H)D to me. How do you figure out if it's childhood trauma or ADHD? Does it even matter if the "symptoms" are so similar? Are they the same thing anyway?
Some people think they are *often* the same thing, but not always. Treating symptoms, whatever the source, can be a good way to get some improvement!
this makes me emotional because you’re articulating all my challenges i haven’t been able to pinpoint, describe, put into words, in order to help myself.
I'm glad it's resonating for you
-Cara@TeamFairy
Pure truth.:)
Glad you thought so :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
you are so wholesome
I feel understood, thank you for the video. But to be honest, I've lost hope
I'm sorry the sadness is weighing so heavily. But you know what? You're watching TH-cam videos and that's a sign that somewhere inside, you yearn for happiness, and are willing to act on it. So I'm not giving up on you!
And now I am stuck. I have to keep this going, I can't let the terror take over. I have been hiding lately. I know what you are saying is the truth and I am having trouble facing it.
Maybe check out the free course, 'The Daily Practice' for more help :) bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
👍
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy